I couldn’t believe it. It’s even still difficult for me to accept now.

I guess you simply would have to see Scott to see where I was coming from. Peppered hair. Square jaw. Broad shoulders. Always walked tall and with purpose. Looked healthy. Very healthy.  This was a man on a perpetual mission.  He had things to do continuously. Sometimes he’d get sidetracked and do other things, but he always kept his eye on what had to be done.

It was extremely clear that Scott enjoyed action. Activity.  The guy was in very good shape physically.  He spent his weekends serving as a football referee.  He certainly didn’t live the sedentary lifestyle. Yet sometimes it just happens: dead at 54 from a heart attack. It’s not always about physical fitness (although it certainly does help). Some people die after living a long life; others’ have their lives cut short sooner than expected.

Scott’s memorial service is going to be tomorrow during the business day.  We were told by our current management to check in with them if we wanted to go — to ensure that we have enough coverage at work. I won’t be going, however, so it’s really not a huge issue for me.

Come to think of it — I really wasn’t a huge fan of Scott’s in the workplace. I vaguely remember when he took over our department. He was a loose cannon with his words, trying to make an impact and often seeing the results backfire in his face. I think he was trying to scare people into submission when, several years back, he gave his “I don’t give a shit about morale” speech. To his credit, he changed his philosophy soon after.

This was a man who loved to talk. About himself and his own thoughts. If there was an opportunity to bring people together for a meeting where he could shine, he would do so.  And throw in his own personal anecdotes about how he had rubbed shoulders with the high level executives of our company on the golf course. Or how he had the foresight during the dot com bubble to buy stock in some of the faster climbing properties. I recall a training class I was orchestrating where he came in to say hello — and ended up monopolizing the opportunity to tell everyone about the misfortune he had, moving to a new, exclusive community and not having his DirecTV hooked up yet.

I know that he wanted to give the impression that he was buddy-buddy with his employees.  There were certain things he remembered, but he made sure to let us know that he remembered it. He made a big deal once about how he knew I wouldn’t be working on the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur.  He knew which co-workers loved the Cowboys so he could trash talk with them during football season. It turns out that one of his kids was born exactly a week after Av was; after some reminding he figured out that we had that in common.  He even solicited suggestions for Av’s birthday party (which were way out of our budget). I think he may have started to invite Av over for a playdate once, but he was sidetracked and started talking about his 57 inch HDTV instead.

But he did know me as an employee. Keep in mind that this was my boss’s boss. (And, for a while, my boss’s boss’s boss.) I had proven myself pretty early on that I could do my job exceptionally and be a go-to guy for special projects.  When I received a promotion a few years back, it was actually done via a phone conversation by his boss who works at a different location. But he wanted to be the one to tell me, so he called me into a meeting the next day to surprise me with it. It was a nice feeling.

Overall, I wasn’t so impressed with him as a manager. I’m sure that he had an incredible load of responsibilities on his plate — including people yelling at him from all different directions seven days a week. He would, in some cases, simply do his own yelling down the chain until something would get done. Sometimes he would get involved in an issue; sometimes not.  There was one recent issue that he and I worked together — on a conference call late on a Saturday night until 8:00am Sunday morning. Well, kind of. I was on the call the entire time as I was doing some diagnostic work around the clock. He turned in a few hours into it. I was the one who called to wake him up at 6:00 to rejoin the call. But the way he told it — it was quite the rough night for him.

But he did say thank you to me. And some of my co-workers.  Not everyone, though. He played favorites and non-favorites. He would poke fun at people light-heartedly just a little too long for it to be comfortable, but not quite long enough to make a strong case to HR. He would speak with absolute certainty about the future plans for our organization — and then change the story an hour later. He certainly had his place in the organization — one where he made things happen — but there were many other aspects of the job where we secretly hoped that we would slip under the radar so things would progress as they should without his interference.

I’ve had many supervisors in my employed years. Many of them have been mentors and guides. People to whom I’ve looked up and emulated. Some of whom I continue to share a relationship to this day.

Scott was not one of them.

Look — I’m sorry. There really isn’t much which I can say about the guy. I’ve come home from work angry because of things that he’s said or done. For work where credit wasn’t given as it should have been. For moves he made which simply wasted time and energy on my part or the part of co-workers.  I’m certainly not happy that he’s dead. Nor am I rejoicing that he’s no longer leading our organization.  But professionally for me, he didn’t fit the role of someone who took me under his wing. Or taught me how to advance in my career goals.

He is survived by a wife (whom I haven’t met), a young son (whom I haven’t met) and a young daughter (whom I haven’t met). It sounds like he was a man surrounded by a wonderful family and a wonderful community. At least I’d like to think so from the way he spoke of the people he held dear. I honestly hope that they will be there at the memorial service tomorrow, supporting his wife and kids through this difficult time for them.

I’d really like to believe that Scott was a stand-up guy. That the limited slice of what I saw of him wasn’t the full story. That it was the exception to the rule: a tarnished role for someone who, outside of this environment, could shine far more brightly.

Rest in peace, Scott. Peace, blessings and comfort to your family.

___

* Not his real name.

After a lot of thinking, it’s time for me to shift some gears as well. Which is why this will be my last Shiny’s Takeout post for quite a while.

When I started blogging several years ago, I felt it was the most amazing thing: I’m often better at writing than speaking conversationally, and I liked it when I received positive feedback and affirmation from a community of readers. My community has been nothing but wonderful — sharing aspects of their lives and thoughts through blogging itself. I’ve been lucky enough to meet some of you in person and develop some wonderful friendships.

Somewhere down the line, however, I started using my blogging as an escape from my own personal life and dealing with my own issues.   I had seen this pattern years before when the social community was IRC. Both platforms gave me a chance to shine. Both of them helped me feel validated when I felt I couldn’t validate myself.  But there was a dark side there: I was losing track of what I needed to be happy in my own personal life.

It’s been a lot easier to go online and read blogs and tweets and reply with my witty remarks or helpful information.  And for people to laugh at my jokes and make me feel good about myself. But it’s taken a toll: I’ve been working at a job where, every day, I sit down in front of two computers, spending a lot of that time extracurricularly following a specific community of people online. On my way home when I’m stuck in traffic, I’ll fire up Twitter on my phone and follow that same community. And when I’m home? I’m back on the computer spending time following people online.  This is great when done in moderation.  But I’ve no longer done this in moderation.

I weight a shade less than 300 pounds. I eat in front of the computer a lot of the time. This is far from healthy. I have high blood pressure, and my mother died at an early age.  Being so consumed with the online community is dangerous.

I have issues in my own life that I’ve been beginning to face (thanks to therapy and the advice of friends), yet the online world is becoming more and more of an escape for me and an obstacle for getting shit done. My productivity at work is down. My focus on my family and my marriage has taken a back seat to emotional investments in the online world. I think now, more than ever, I’m realizing  that I need to face the music and stop escaping to a better place where everybody knows my name.  I want to be a better person, a better husband, and a better father.

So I’m giving this blog a rest. I don’t know for how long, but will at least be long enough to  shift my gears. You’ll also find me absent from Twitter and from your blogs.  I wanted to put this out there instead of simply disappearing off the face of the blogosphere. I’m still here; I just need to stay unplugged until I can learn how to plug in in moderation.

If you’re reading this, it’s very likely that I’ve had some wonderful exchanges with you. You all are a very talented, empathetic and loving bunch of people. Please stay that way.  I do hope to return when I’ve learned more self-control. And I hope I find the same welcoming community as I’ve found before.

Have a good summer…

– S

Okay. More than “a bit.”

Direct YouTube Link

Just two quick notes:  All of this was done in good fun.  And was quite random and spur of the moment. Voices are impersonated. Nobody was meant to intentionally fall down.

Furthermore, I didn’t mention absolutely everyone — and I feel bad about it as I had some pretty wonderful times with you all. Please don’t take it as a sleight if you’re not mentioned (or not mentioned much). You all are truly great.

Aside from all of that? Yeah. This is how it all went down.

Apparently it’s the MySpace — a world where teens can make their own websites (hence, the name! MySpace!) and chat with other likeminded teens.  The local televised news has been telling me about it. As well as how I should be fearful of the Internet because I’m a parent. I mean, he’s not a teen yet, and his preferred websites are Disney and FunBrain and Poptropica, but apparently he’ll be in dangerous territory soon enough.

But that’s not what I had in mind about what happens to be all the rage. What I was thinking of was “literal music videos.”

Someone started the craze by watching A-ha’s “Take On Me” and seeing how original yet bizarre the video was. It follows a storyline (very loosely) which doesn’t have much to do with the lyrics. So — they overdubbed a version of the song explaining the literal visualizations of the music video.  It was quite unique.

Direct YouTube Link

A few others have come out, but the one I’ve found most recently which is quite wonderful is the literal video for Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

Direct YouTube Link

Just… brilliant. And there are so many others out there as well!

Anyway, I’m off on a great adventure for the weekend: I’ll be driving to Baltimore, boarding a plane for Louisville, and then driving another car to Lexington where apparently I’ll be driving to, of all places to a bowling alley. How bizarre is that?

ut I’ll be seeing many blogger friends — some of whom I’ve met in person and many of whom I haven’t quite yet. And that shall be the phenomenon of ConFab. (Or, if you prefer, ConFab, Baby.)

What is ConFab, Baby? Not quite sure — but it’s rather scary and intimidating if you heed the message in this official, yet not quite safe for work video:

Direct YouTube Link

Should be… interesting.

As a tribute to our wonderful hosts for the weekend, I wanted to do something special: something original yet not entirely felonious. And then I looked above at the first part of this post and realized what I should be doing — namely, a literal version of the ConFab, Baby video.

Which was far more difficult than I thought because the video pretty much literally follows the lyrics created by Fab and Turnbaby (with no apologies to Kid Rock).

So it was a challenge, but I think I followed through to an extent.  True, I don’t have subtitles (yet?) and the audio levels are quite distorted when I sing (along with myself, trying desperately to hit the high notes without touching myself too inappropriately).

Anyway — this is for you, Fab and Turnbaby. Thanks in advance for a lovely time. Literally.

Direct YouTube Link

See you all soon!

* A while back I posted a query on Facebook regarding an outdoor lamp I was trying to replace at the front of our home. The issue at hand was removing the old lamp: it had (likely) been installed when the house was built in the mid-1970s. And the screws holding the lamp in were more rusted and stripped than Joanna Kerns after shooting a made-for-TV movie on Lifetime.  I received some good advice for extracting the screw (Thanks to MetalMom and her husband!) — which worked to an extent. But the real problem was caulk. Stuffed inside the junction box. Which, when  you’re an immature oaf like I am, sounds really quite funny.

Anyway — after hacking through the mess of caulk, we were finally able to get the old lamp off and the new one installed. And re-caulked (snort).  So the new lamp is up and working! And it has a motion sensor! And a “dusk to dawn” mode! (Which disappointed me a bit; it apparently means that the light goes on automatically when it gets dark out. And has nothing to do with vampires and watching Salma Hayek dance with a snake.)  I’ll post pictures sometime soon…

* My kid is wonderful. Smart. Clever, even. But he doesn’t quite understand how jokes work. Some of the stuff that works (slightly) for him is material which he simply imitates from television.  He doesn’t understand those jokes, but he knows that they get laughs and he copies it with the proper inflection.  But when left to his own devices, he simply doesn’t know how to tell a joke. They often go a lot like this:

Him:  “Hey – want to hear a joke?”

Me: “Sure…”

Him: “I just finished that and now — Meeeshon Accomplished!”

Me  [ . . . ]

Yeah. It’s that random.  It almost makes me want to teach him to say “Ay, Dios Mio!” after each punchline so I know that the joke is over…

* Went to visit my Dad today. On the way back home, I got curious and decided to drive by the old house — the one where I grew up. And the one that, as of two months ago, no longer belongs to my dad.  I suppose I wanted to know if it was still there, still looked the same, had been converted into a convenience store  a la Grosse Pointe Blank, etc.

As I drove by, there was a minivan which had just pulled into the driveway. Out came a mom and a kid, probably about eight years old. She was carrying a violin case and was wearing a Hello Kitty backpack. I didn’t get any other details (I was driving the speed limit at the time) but it seems like this new family is making their own memories in their home. Which is a good thing. I wish ‘em the best.

* I’m impressed with Apple’s “Genius Bar” mode of technical support. The speaker on my iPhone was beginning to die. I wasn’t sure what to expect in terms of technical support — as I’ve read about the horrors of Geek Squad and other similar store-brand fix-it departments which have left customers feeling ripped-off and agitated.  Genius Bar, however, was different: First, I was able to pre-book an appointment to bring in my iPhone to a store location. That, in itself, helped to ensure that I wouldn’t be kept waiting. (And it probably helps to diffuse frustrated, waiting customers a bit as well).  I was helped almost immediately.  When the problem was seen and was unable to be fixed, I was simply provided with a new (or refurbished?) iPhone. One that was working. my service guarrantee would cover that one as well. Easy.  It made me realize that some models of customer service actually can work.

* Finally finished the remaining episodes of Prison Break. I had followed the show from day one and have felt that it was one of the better shows that has graced the airwaves over the past four years. I rolled my eyes a bit when they resurrected the character of Dr. Sara “Surprise! I’m not really dead!” Tancredi. But hey — they added Michael Rappaport as a main character, so I found it to be an acceptable suspension of reality.   They managed to tie everything up at the end in a neat little bow, but not without a whole lot of other unbelievable moments.  All in all — glad I watched, but more glad that it’s over.

* That’s all for now. I don’t use bullets for my posts, so I suppose I’ll save the last asterisk for me.

By now you’ve probably read one (or both) of the posts which recently posted on my blog.  If you haven’t, go ahead and scroll down a bit.  You’ll know which ones I’m talking about.

You’ll also notice that I’ve closed comments on both posts.  If anyone has anything to say, I’d like them to appear here rather than on one of the partisan posts.

You may be wondering why I would write two pieces about a highly controversial issue in this way — including some happy fun name-calling at the end.  It’s been an interesting week for me reading the news: while I do have my own views on abortion and reproductive rights, I felt inundated by such polarization on both sides of the proverbial aisle.  It made me realize (especially after my post from a few days ago where I expressed my own belief system) that I — and many of us — are quite moderate in our beliefs, not necessarily carrying the partisan membership card through thick and thin. And that’s okay.

One of my good friends from a recent blogging community happens to be pro-life. She’s also a lesbian. And Pagan. When she was volunteering as a peer-educator for the pro-life movement, she was amazed at the way she was shunned because of her diversity in different areas of her own personal identity. She felt that it was a stupid move to push her away — as there likely are many who share her beliefs on abortion who might not fit a perceived cookie-cutter version of the stereotype.

I’ve met gay Republicans. Muslim supporters of Israel.  Atheists who defend the Pledge of Allegiance.  Not everyone has to fit into a specific mold. I suppose it’s what makes us all individuals. A nation of individuals. (And yes — in typical Life of Brian fashion, I expect one of you to call out “I’m not!”)

So — please take the previous two blog entries in the context in which they were written. Both sides have a lot of good points. Both sides have their fringe whackjobs. And we have a lot more in common than many may think.

Let the Shiny-bashing begin!

Most of you have been very respectful regarding this issue. And I thank you for that.  I know that the topic of abortion is quite a passionate one, and it certainly takes some self-control to keep one’s own personal opinions out of the mix when such a tragedy has occurred.

But there are some of you who simply see this as a chance to further your agenda. And that just pisses me off.

First of all, there are a few of you — very few — who have the fucking gall to justify the killing of Dr. Tiller as a good thing. That it was simply the act of stopping a murderer who has killed so many and who was likely to kill again and again if not stopped by lethal force. Some of you are saying tha the alleged murderer simply acted as God had instructed, putting to death he who had murdered. Who the hell do you all think you are?  What gives the right of anyone to take the life of another?  Was the alleged killer’s life in danger at the time that he approached Tiller?  No. He shot an unarmed man. It was an assassination.  It doesn’t matter what his profession happened to be during the work week. There is no way that anyone should feel that this action was justifiable.

And there are some of you who are quick to condemn the shooting, but you seem to make sure to add “even though he himself has murdered thousands of babies himself.” Nice. Very classy.  Newsflash: did you know that Dr. Tiller is a human being? That he, too, is someone’s child? And someone’s parent? And grandparent? Did you know that, after losing family members in a tragic air crash in 1970, he adopted his nephew?  Yes — he performed abortions. Which many consider inexcusable. But this shooting also affects many more people than Dr. Tiller.

Real style points go to Bill O’Reilly for sending out his producer to accost Dr. Tiller’s widow a day after the shooting.  Balls of steel, Bill. Balls of steel. You must be proud.

And then there are those of you muttering about the irony that this took place at a church — condescendingly adding those implied air-quotes around the word church, as if there was a lack of godliness around an institution that would allow Tiller to worship with the community.  As sure as you very well may be that abortion is wrong in the eyes of God, this remains a very hot topic with a variety of viewpoints across the religious spectrum. Yes — it certainly is possible to have a healthy spiritual life while also supporting abortion rights in this country.

And if you’re one who is expressing fear of “retaliation”  from the abortion rights camp because of this shooting? Come on. Stop playing the victim here. Let’s face it: this is a setback. Something from which to recover.  But to think that there will be some sort of retaliation for the actions against Dr. Tiller simply turns this whole issue into a mockery.  That’s not the opposing team’s M.O. Some of you have even said that Supreme Court Nominee Sotomayor is a threat because her viewpoints on abortion may become reactive due to this shooting. Get real for a moment: Abortion is currently legal in this country. A so-called, new “activist judge” on the bench can’t and won’t change the status quo.  Stop making the shooting about your own cause and think of those directly affected.

Look — as I mentioned before, the overwhelming majority of you are playing it cool.  I appreciate that. It’s only a few of you who are spoiling it for everyone else.  But it’s those on the fringe who make us all look like total loons. Keep doing what you’re doing — making your voice heard on the issue. Just keep in mind that, as passionate as you are, there are those with other opinions just as passionate as you.  And as much as you think that they feel abortion is a throwaway decision, it certainly is a struggle that many women think about.

I think it’s wonderful that we live in a nation where people of all opinions can express themselves.  All I ask is that you do it with tact. Do it peacefully. Don’t shove pictures of aborted fetuses in people’s faces; that’s not going to convince them of anything new. Be vocal. But be classy.

Because if you don’t, you’re not any better than the enabling liberal kool-aid drinkers.

Most of you have been very respectful regarding this issue. And I thank you for that.  I know that the topic of abortion is quite a passionate one, and it certainly takes some self-control to keep one’s own personal opinions out of the mix when such a tragedy has occurred.

But there are some of you who simply see this as a chance to further your agenda. And that just pisses me off.

First of all, there are a few of you — very few — who have the fucking gall to take this senseless crime and pin it upon your own sleeve. As if this is something which specifically harmed you. Yes, abortion rights is an issue close to us all. But unless you are a family or friend of Dr. Tiller or a patient in his practice — his murder is not yours to own. He was a man — someone who stood for his own convictions, but a man with a family and a community. They are the ones in pain. They are the ones grieving here.  It’s certainly okay to be sad here, but this is not your loss. It’s theirs.

And there are many who are understandably outraged at the shooting, but some of you who are declaring this to be the beginning of a war — the rabid right attacking our way of life. I call bullshit.  Scott Roeder, the alleged shooter, is one guy. One guy. True, there are a handful of “one guys” out there who feel that this action was justifiable,  but they are, by far, the minority here. They are the fringe right. Meanwhile, the overwhelming majority of anti-abortion organizations have released statements making it abundantly clear that they condemn the murder of Dr. Tiller which took place. To think that the majority of those who oppose abortion rights actually agree with this killing is simply misguided at best.

There are even those who are pointing fingers at Bill O’Reilly — saying that his depiction of “Tiller the Baby Killer” repeatedly on his television show prompted Roeder to (allegedly) move forward with this murder. Roeder’s history with criminal actions and anti-abortion zealotry pre-dates even O’Reilly’s Inside Edition days.  Roeder’s actions were pre-meditated and pre-conceived without the assistance of a FOX News show.  And The O’Reilly Factor, although  a show in poor taste (what other show would have its producer accost Tiller’s widow the day after her husband’s murder?) it does not have the coercive power to make people kill.

Some of you have used this — and other displays of anti-abortion sentiment — as an excuse to bash Christianity and organized religion, stating that the roots of this hatred against those who support reproductive rights for women is fueled by church dogma. Yes, there are those who are fanatics in many religious offerings who preach hate. Howeverm as I must stress again, these are the fanatics. The Fundamentalists.  And certainly not the majority. If you’d rather not follow an organized religion, so be it. But rejecting others’ choice to practice spirituality through religious practice as unequivocally divisive and extremist is simply not seeing the full picture.  Not all who are anti-abortion are Christian. And certainly not all Christians are anti-abortion.

And if you’re one who is expressing fear of “retaliation”  from the anti-abortion camp because Dr. Tiller’s legacy, Women’s Health Care Services of Wichita, is re-opening despite the shooting? Come on.  Look — there have been demonstrations and picketing for a very long time. It often can get annoying and burdensome.  But there will be no “stepping up” of action here.  The horrible murder of Dr. Tiller was not a “call to action” of the entire movement to pick off more supporters.  Some of you may be crying out because one of the last practitioners of late-term abortions is no longer, endangering this legal (in Kansas, at least) procedure for those who choose it. Please keep in mind that it’s a tough choice for anyone and everyone. And that if there are physicians who decide to perform late-term abortions, they will.  The emphasis is “choice.”

Look — as I mentioned before, the overwhelming majority of you are playing it cool.  I appreciate that. It’s only a few of you who are spoiling it for everyone else.  But it’s those on the fringe who make us all look like total nutcases. Keep doing what you’re doing — making your voice heard on the issue. Just keep in mind that, as passionate as you are, there are those with other opinions just as passionate as you.  And as much as you think that they feel no concern for the rights of women to make their own choices, they, too, consist of women who are making their own choices.  And who are concerned about the rights of others. I’m not asking you to agree with them, but rather to listen to what they have to say.

I think it’s wonderful that we live in a nation where people of all opinions can express themselves.  All I ask is that you do it with tact. Do it peacefully. Don’t intimidate people with depictions of back-alley abortions performed with coathangers; that’s not going to convince them of anything new. Be vocal. But be classy.

Because if you don’t, you’re not any better than the single-minded, fundamentalist dittoheads.

A little less than a week ago, a good friend posted a “redux” of a previous post called “This I Believe.” It was part of a phenomenon publicized by NPR a few years back (with roots in the 1950s attributed to Edward R. Murrow) where celebrities wrote statements of their own core values and beliefs and shared them with the rest of the world.  I’ve been intrigued by the idea for quite a while now and have wondered what I would write in such a list.  Are there truly principles of faith to which I subscribe?  Are these simply crutches from my upbringing and education over the past few decades? Is that necessarily a bad thing? Will my list totally suck?

I was wondering what I would write today after I heard the news on the radio about the shooting death of Dr. George Tiller, a gynecologist who was notorious for his support and providing of late-term abortions.  He was gunned down at his place of worship this morning.  I also read many of the comments on Facebook, blogs and news articles from people so polarized on either side of the abortion rights debate that made everything seem like unfocused, blurry yelling.  I have my own opinions on abortion, but I felt that people seemed to move beyond the core values and started drunkenly brawling for a specific team rather than simply explain their stances.  Of course, this happens all the time in public discourse, especially on the internet. But it made me think: what are my values? For what do I stand?

Which is why I give you this list — a work in progress.

This I Believe.

• I believe that people are, on the most part, good. And kind — especially to strangers. Chances are that if you were stuck somewhere without a cel phone and needed to make a quick call home for some assistance — the first person you would run into would quickly lend you his/her own if asked. I believe it’s because we, inherently, want to help others — even those for whom there is no stake in our own lives.

• At the same time, I believe we discriminate too much when not in a crisis mode. It’s much easier for us to look the other way when there isn’t a single person crying for help — even if it’s an entire community looking for assistance.  And we find more reasons not to give money to the guy asking for handouts on the side of the road than reasons to do so.

• I believe in laughing at oneself. At one’s community. Gender. Race. Sexual orientation. Body shape. One’s insecurities may still be there, but I believe that making light of oneself can put things at ease when interacting with others.

• I believe in many manifestations and paths towards what I will call “holiness.”  To me, I think of holiness as something which is set apart to be the best that it can be. Some would call this being closer to God; I don’t disagree with this explanation but I would amend that it could also be closer to humanity as well.

• I believe in miracles and in science. And I don’t believe that there is a contradiction in believing in both. The notion that a single acorn may have the blueprint for a huge tree stored in it which looks nothing like an acorn impresses me.  Just in the same way we perceive a sunset turning all sorts of colors simply because the planet happens to be rotating at a specific time and place and the atmosphere happens to have the right amount of moisture and dust in the air. And don’t forget our own optical receptors and the way our neurological systems interpret it all. There may be a good scientific explanation for it all. That doesn’t make it less miraculous.

• I believe that the overwhelming majority of us inhabiting the world are looking for some sort of connection from day one. That connection, in itself, is drive enough for most: it’s people looking for love. It’s an innate drive to nest and start a family. It’s the way a cat just wants to have its head scratched at just the right moment.

• I believe that our most profound learning experiences are our own mistakes.

• I believe that labels are often quite limiting and judgmental of people.  When a headline labels someone as an “abortion doctor,”  it’s easy to forget that this person is also someone’s parent, someone’s child and someone’s partner. It’s easy to forget that this person has also helped families bring new life into this world.  I believe that a person is not his/her profession; being asked by someone “what do you do?” is simply an excuse to slap on a label.

• I believe that, politically and religiously, very few people live (and die) at the extremes. Most people congregate in a middle-of-the-road “live and let life” mentality. Most people are not willing to hurt or kill others for a cause, and even fewer are willing to die for that cause.  It’s the acts of very, very few people which spoil it for the rest of the population.

• I believe that nobody has the exact same belief system that I do.  Most people come close, but there are always a few details which will be wholly unique.

• I believe that my alignment with Judaism was a matter of location and circumstance; had I been born on the other side of the world I probably wouldn’t be Jewish. However, this doesn’t lessen my connection to Judaism whatsoever. I believe that my connection with Judaism is moreso one of a connection with a community and traditions which have evolved and continue to evolve.

• I believe that I’m not destined to eat shellfish or bacon because of my alignment with Judaism. I don’t believe that anything bad will happen to me if I chose to eat either of these delicacies.  I don’t even feel like I would let my community down if I chose to do so. It’s just something which I’ve chosen not to do for tradition’s sake. Sometimes things don’t make much more sense than that.

• I believe that some things simply won’t make much sense. And that’s okay.

• I believe that my belief system is not, in any way, static.  My beliefs have changed throughout the years and continue to do so now.  I would be surprised if they don’t shift around a bit in the future.  I believe that it is human nature to use life experiences to shape what one believes; as long as I’m still gathering those experiences I’ll spend a good amount of time fine-tuning.

• I believe that there is often a whole lot of room for forgiveness. Except for those times when there is not.

• I believe that I am hypocritical. Not totally; just a little bit. In fact, I believe everyone is just a little bit hypocritical.  But I honestly think that we try to keep that trait of our lives locked away. It’s certainly not something we’re proud of, and on the most part we try not to be.

• I believe that the Bible (however one wants to interpret that word) is divinely inspired but written by mankind.  Just because I don’t believe that it was written by God, however, doesn’t mean that I don’t find it to be holy. On the contrary — any literature with such a long history and tradition from which people have struggled to find meaning and a balanced way of life commands great respect and reverence.

• I believe that everything is open to interpretation.

• While some may believe that the progress of humanity will lead to our own demise, I believe in the power of humanity to thrive. However, this won’t occur until we learn to trust each other and ourselves rather than keep our guard up. I know — easier said than done. But I don’t think it’s as huge a leap as many do.

• I believe that we have more in common than what divides us.

I’ll stop here for now — and may add more (or simply revise) in the future.

Throwing up, however, was probably the best thing to happen to his digestive system at the time.  It’s nasty and gross, but sometimes it’s simply a necessity to purge “the bad stuff” from one’s system. He felt much better after it happened. (Until he threw up again. And then he felt better. Again.) No fever.  No lethargy.  We probably could have sent him to school today.  It’s a place where all of his friends are. It’s after a long weekend. And he looks forward to P.E. on Tuesdays.

But he didn’t go to school today. We adhered to school policy: since he threw up, he stays at home for at least a day. And he stays home until he has recovered.  This is certainly not the easy way out for us: I’m taking personal leave from school as I spend the day with him.  And it’s not like I can run errands while he recovers.  But hey – rules are rules. He stays home.

It was on my mind when I read this story in today’s Washington Post.  It’s a piece which appears every year in most newspapers — a light-hearted, feel-good story congratulating one or a few students who have gone through thirteen years from kindergarten through twelfth grade without being marked absent. Kind of like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off in reverse.

Don’t get me wrong — I think it’s a nice sentiment. And I’m all for people attending school as much as possible. But there was something in the article which made me wonder if some people take this a bit too far:

Austin, 18, thinks he knows the moment he decided nothing would keep him from school. It was about fifth grade, the night before a standardized test. “I was puking buckets, and my Mom asked, ‘Do you want to stay home?’ And I said, ‘No, I’ve got to go to school, I’ve got to take the test.’ ”

First and foremost:  there seems to be a natural inclination to associate vomit with “buckets.” So much so that I become nauseated by the word “buckets” alone. Why not move to a more classy word to describe the magnitude of scale of blowing chunks?  “I was spewing plastic souvenir beer cups” could be a suitable alternative.

But it’s the whole notion of someone really that sick — I mean puking buckets — deciding that school is more important than recovering from being sick which gives me a touch of indigestion.

Furthermore, it’s the parents of these kids who don’t step in and realize that letting their kids go to school under such circumstances would be irresponsible not only to their own offspring but also to the kids of other parents who stir up the bile into my esophagus.

I mean — puking buckets! What the hell are they thinking? Does one let her son go to school simply because he wants to? Because discouraging what is perceived as such a chore might send the wrong message to that kid?

I understand that I’m one of the fortunate parents out there who is lucky enough to have a job which allows me a limited amount of paid leave for sickness and doctors’ appointments for myself and members of my immediate family.  Not all parents have such a luxury available to them.  And I can only imagine that the decision to keep one’s kid home when s/he is sick is a tough one. That being said — I would only hope that the welfare of the child would come first when the case is cut and dry. If the kid has a fever? If the kid has been vomiting? That should be a no-brainer.

This doesn’t just apply to attendance at school. I work in very close quarters with my colleagues. When one of us is sick and comes to work if potentially affects everyone. Some of our management gets this and encourages us to stay home when we’re sick (again, taking advantage of our paid leave). But we have some management in place who all but harrass those who opt to take a sick day to recoup. Perhaps they think that the system is ripe for abuse and are trying to make sure that absenteeism doesn’t run rampant. But while they’re doing this, they’re discouraging the contagious from staying home — and promoting the passage of germs from one employee to another.

Is it commendable to have a perfect attendance record? Sure. But at what cost?