No related posts.

No related posts.

The Bible is very clear about the destiny of the devil.  Revelations 20:10 says “Then the devil, who had deceived them, was thrown into the fiery lake of burning sulfur…. There they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.”  Notice that before he was tossed into the lake of fire, the Bible says that the enemy had deceived “them”.  Who are them?  The world.  The devil is fully aware of his fate of doom, and consequently, he’s focused his attention on trying to take with him as many people as he can because he is a true hater.  He hates God with a passion, and since he cannot defeat God, he goes after God’s most prized possession – man.

What I am about to share with you is actually a research paper I had written 10 years ago, back in 1999.  The paper is titled, “The Origins of Halloween” and was put together as a result of a research I had conducted about this “holiday”.  As with many other children, I was told by my Grandma, who was an evangelist, that Halloween was a day for Satan and this festival was not glorifying God.  I had been cautioned to stay away from it, and even as a child I had strong convictions against Halloween after my Grandma explained this to me. 

A lot of times we as people tend to go along with the majority, asking little to no questions.  Many traditions, whether bad or good, often goes without being questioned on its origins or the real truth behind the tradition.  I believe the general consensus is that if you’re celebrating this day in the spirit of fun, then it’s fine.  But it’s not, especially in the eyes of God.  The Bible tells us repeatedly to disassociate with all things of darkness, and Halloween glamorize, commercialize and even exalts darkness.  Making matters worse is that we even have Christians who think that it’s OK to participate in the Day of the Dead or All Souls Day, as known to other cultures.  I know many years ago I tried to adopt this way of thinking during my years of rebellion and backsliding.  I will share my testimony with you as briefly as I can so you can go ahead and read the report.

About a year prior to writing this report (1998), I decided to throw my youngest son a Birthday Halloween party.  I thought it was fine because I was doing it in the spirit of fun, and I thought the kids would enjoy it especially since we’ve never had a Halloween party before.  I decided to go all out and it took me weeks to prepare for the party.  And I was totally stoked.  I had family coming into to town to be a part of the party.  I had these different costumes and accessories for myself, husband and kids.  However, in all of my preparation, I kept hearing this inner voice saying to me, “Don’t do this Naima.  You know you’re NOT to do this.”  This began once I decided to have the party and continued throughout the preparation process and onto the day of the party.  Each time I heard this, I’d conveniently brush it off because I was determined to have this party. 

I continued to plan and prepare for the party.  I purchased and made costumes for everyone and was shopping in all the party stores for props.  I even went as far as to go to a Botanica, a “religious” store, to purchase black candles, weird jewelry to go with my costume along with strange items to help set the mood for the party.  Looking back now I see how incredibly low I had sunk in sin; so low as to betray my God in such a blatantly rebellious and disrespectful way.  I am humbled and thankful for God’s mercy and grace!

The day before the event, as I was hanging up the cobwebs, I heard it again, “Naima, do not have this party” and had a strong sense that God did not want me to do this, but again, being rebellious at the time, I brushed it off and tried to forget about it.  I tried to minimize the severity of my sins and rationalize or rather rational-lies that I wasn’t really doing wrong since I was doing this in the spirit of just having a good time.  It’s amazing how we can rational-lies our wrongs. 

On the day of the party, a lot of odd things took place within my household.  First, my body was all of a sudden under the weather, but I was determined to push through it.  Another thing is that my house was in disarray and utter chaos.  This wasn’t the usual chaos that comes with planning a party or event.  There was adversity and confusion in the air.  My children and my nieces and nephews couldn’t seem to get along, which then brought tension between me and my sister.  Yet, I was still determined to have this party.  I focused on having everything set for that night and continued to resist the inner voice warning me against the party as well as the strong sense that I was doing something really wrong in the eyes of God.    

As the day went on I felt increasingly worst from what I thought to be a cold so right before the party I had several shots of vodka—straight!  By the time the party started, I was drunk but still somewhat functional.  The house was turned into a tomb of terror and we even had eerie music playing in the background, mixed in with regular music so that everyone could dance.  My husband and I were together at the time and we were dancing together along with everyone else.  Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, both children and adults.  And then it happened.  All of a sudden I went down for a split second and got right back up, having bumped into the edge of one of my living room sofas.  I’m not sure if my leg gave out momentarily or if I tripped, but either way, I went down; however, I got back up so quick that hardly anyone noticed.  When I got back up I felt the need to sit down for a while so I told my husband that I was going to sit down in our bedroom for a while, then I encouraged him to continue having fun.  I went into my bedroom and sat on the bed, thinking to myself I just need a few and I’ll be fine.  I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, I am sweating really badly”, but I think I was too drunk to even wipe my face. 

My husband decided to go into the kitchen to get himself something to drink but something within him told him to go check on me.  When he opened the door he looked at me in shock and said, “Goodness, Babe, you’re bleeding!”  I was like, “Really?”  I had a gaping hole right above my right eye and didn’t even know it, and the perfuse sweating I was experiencing was actually blood running down my face.  My husband tried to control the bleeding then he called my father-in-law and we all rode to the hospital.  Once I reached the hospital and laid on the gurney, I passed out; then woke up at the time they were finished.  My husband assured me that they did a good job in stitching me and that he was with me the whole time.  I don’t think the reality of it all hit me yet.  I requested he help me off the gurney so I could go to the bathroom.  After using the bathroom and as I was washing my hands, I had seen where they had stitched me.  I stopped what I was doing and stood gazing in the mirror, still heavily intoxicated, saying aloud to myself, “I have stitches on my face.”  I repeated this several times.  Reality finally set in.  My mouth hit the floor and I was just surprised to see my face, and the fact that my skin tone is somewhat light made the black stitches stand out.  I felt like Frankenstein.  I know that’s a little melodramatic but back then that’s how I felt; as I was conceited and so incredibly vain.  Consequently, I was more concerned with how my face looked rather than grateful that I was even alive or saddened at the fact that I had greatly defied God—at least not initially.  Interestingly enough, though I was still very intoxicated, I knew without one shred of doubt that everything I experienced that day was a direct result of my disobedience and rebellion.  I then became remorseful and grateful that I was spared from what could’ve ended really badly.  Needless to say, I never tried doing that again.

That is my personal testimony.  I was so incredibly rebellious and self-centered back then and by the grace and mercy of God A LOT has changed since then.  I am NO longer the same person neither am I in that place.  Halleluiah!  The Bible says he who the Son sets free is free indeed (John 8:36); and Naima is free indeed.  I am completely sold out to Christ and my life is lived consecrated onto God.  I cannot express my gratitude to Christ for loving me and not letting me go.  I am happy to report that I am absolutely, hands down, crazy in love with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I am sure I may have ridiculers who would like to judge what I’ve just shared.  To them I encourage to read Luke 7:36-50, the story about the sinful woman who anointed Jesus feet with expensive perfume after cleansing His feet with her tears and hair.  The religious people judged Jesus for allowing such a sinful woman touch Him, and Jesus responds:

Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”

Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”

“That’s right,” Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet.  You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.”

Halleluiah! 

The Origins of Halloween

Introduction

Witches, Vampires, and bats are major icons of the holiday many love to celebrate. Like everything else, Halloween has origins, but because of tradition, many people have simply ignored questions about the peculiar day. Once learned, the origins of this greatly observed holiday may disturb a lot of people.

Origins

Halloween can be traced directly back to Samhain, the ancient Celtic harvest festival honoring the lord of the dead. The Celts, a tribal people who inhabited most of Western and Central Europe in the first millennium BC, practice a pagan religion know as Druidism. As Druids, they were well versed in astrology, magic, and the mysterious powers of the plants and animals. 

Samhain, now called Halloween, began at sundown on October 31 and extended into the following day. According to the Druids, the spirits of those who had died in the preceding year roamed the earth on Samhain evening. They lit bonfires and sacrificed fruits and vegetables, hoping to win the favor of the spirits of the deceased and to avoid their punishments. Along with the bonfires at sacred hilltop sites, they would perform rituals, often involving animal and human sacrifices, especially children, to honor Druid deities. On Samhain, it was believed by the Druids to be the day when the sun’s power waned, and the strength of the gods of darkness, winter, and the underworld grew great.

By the end of the 1^st century AD, the Holy Roman Empire had conquered most of the Celtic lands. In process of incorporating the Celts into their empire, the Romans adapted and absorbed some Celtic traditions as part of their own pagan and Catholic religious observances. In Britain, Romans blended local Samhain customs with their own pagan harvest festival honoring Pomona, goddess of fruit trees. Pure Celtic  influences lingered longer on the western fringes of Europe, especially in area that were never brought firmly under Roman control, such as Ireland, Scotland, and the Bretagne region people converted to Christianity during the early Middle Ages, a period that lasted from the 5^th to the 15^th century. The Roman Catholic Church often incorporated modified versions of the older religious traditions in order to win converts. For examples, Pope Gregory IV sought to replace Samhain with All Saints Day in 835. All Souls’ Day, closer in spirit to Samhain and modern Halloween, was first instituted at a French monastery in 998 and quickly spread throughout Europe. Folk observances liked to these Christian holidays, including Halloween, thus preserved many of the ancient Celtic customs associated with Samhain. Thought it was renamed from Samhain to All Saints’ Day to All Hallows’ Day to Halloween, it still holds association to its origin.

Closing Remarks

Please let it be known that none of the information given was from a personal perspective; but that all information was based on a variety of books and encyclopedias that can easily be obtained at your local library. The purpose of this article is to educate people about a holiday that holds dark origins—both then and now.

Sources:

• The Columbia Encyclopedia -5^th Edition
• The Encyclopedia Americana- International Edition –Vol. 13
• Man, Myth, and Magic- The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Mythology , Religion, and the Unknown – Vol. 3
• Holidays, Festivals, and Celebration of the World Dictionary -2^nd Edition- Edited by Helene Henderson and Sue Ellen Thompson
• The book of Festivals – Marguerite Ickis
• The Book of Holidays-J. Walker McSpadden
• Compton’s Encyclopedia- Volume 10
• Curious Customs- The Stories Behind 296 Popu8lar American Rituals – by Tad Tuleja
• Celtic Myths and Legends
• Early American Life – October 1 Charles Squire
• Celtic Sacred Landscapes by Nigel Pennick
• Microsoft Encarta Encyclodia992-v23 n5 p60
• Halloween’s Unholy Origins – by Julia Vitulio- Martin in Knight Ridder/ Tribune News

Service, Oct. 27, 1998 n300 p 1027k838

• Holiday Symbols 1998- Edited by Sue Ellen Thompson

Related posts:

1. Delivered from the Hurt of Abuse and the Scars of Sin

“YOU ARE THE CHRIST, THE SON OF THE LIVING GOD!”

1Thessalonians 1:5 – “For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance…”

This Is My Story…
I guess it all mainly began when my little grandma died, in 1970. (Wow! has it been that long ago?)
In looking back, I remember being very angry over her sudden death (mostly because I didn’t visit her more often and felt guilty), and after storming into her bedroom and shaking my fist at the crucifix she had on the wall, and then telling God, that she, of all people had better be in heaven, and if she – of all people – was not… (I then went on to use some plain foul language to tell Him what He could do with His heaven in no uncertain terms).

I hated “death” and felt helpless over the devastating losses it left behind. Therefore I hated God who I felt was the author of death and could take away whosoever He wanted whenever it suited Him. (I remember afterwards feeling some remorse and guilt knowing that I shouldn’t really have swore at and blamed God for her death.)

Then around 1972 or so, and still carrying two chips on my shoulders; mad at the world, poor, hurting and sick of life and what it held (”death”!), when one day a priest of my old catholic church called me in to tell me that I wasn’t attending church or paying enough and (to make a long story short – I hadn’t gone in a few years) went on to threaten me to attend and pay lots more, OR ELSE (whisper- the Big Casino: ‘excommunication’).

Perhaps he thought that by using his “power” as a priest over me that he would get me down on my knees begging, but instead it really fired up my hatred and rage against such an uncaring and insensative world, and he was directly in my line of fire!
Well I got done telling him; in very clear terms using four letter expletive deletes, what he could go and do with himself, his church and his God, and slammed the door behind me as hard as I could, I walked out, excommunicating myself.

I wouldn’t know until 1976 that what I had officially slammed the door on was a “dead” religious system based on merits, works, sacraments and self…
At the time I had not known of or ever been told of the singular importance of having to have and to know personally / first hand, the “Living Lord and Him crucified” by receiving a “living revelation” of Him – of Him in Person and full of grace and glory (Matthew 16:17-18). No one had ever told me about having to have and know inside for myself “Jesus Christ as my Personal Lord and Savior”!

So… that brings us to events in 1976…
I had hated my father with a passion – possibly to the point of murder! He was so set in his ways and we always argued. I did not fit into his mold! Everything I said was white (and mostly it was) but everything he said was black (just the opposite).

I was starved for his love and hungered for his approval, but I always believed that I felt that I had failed to measure up to the high imaginary standards and goals of perfection he had set and expected of me! And yet, I admit, that I wasn’t doing anything worthy of honoring thy father either.

(I realized later [see below] that it wasn’t so much him as it was me who caused the communication gap between us. I realized later that his expectations of me was no more than a normal father would expect of his son. But at the time I was still an unregenerated and hurting rebel at heart!)

Then one day while I was sitting in another room he began telling a story of his account of the depression to a friend of his in the kitchen. I was so sick of him I didn’t even want to hear his voice…nevertheless, I was listening (probably to find something I could use against him later on), when he began to tell his friend how poor he and his family of 10 kids were. “We were so poor”, he said, “that I had to wear the hand-me-down socks of my older brothers, and these had holes in both ends.” He called them his “holey baseball socks”, with half a laugh.

As he continued, he told his friend that while in school one day, the teacher told all the kids to take off their shoes and socks because a nurse came in to inspect their feet to see if they were healthy. My father; who was in the sixth grade at the time, protested. At first he refused to take off his shoes, but then the teacher made him take them off, against his will. That was when the other kids (who had better clothes than he did) saw his “holey socks”, laughed at and made fun of him.

My father ran out of school that day totally embarrased, and soon afterwards he never went back, probably because of embarrasment! (However, if it were me at the time and in that situation, I probably would have stayed and fought them all including the nurse!)

As he was telling the story, I looked up from the book I was pretending to read and saw how he was getting all teary eyed and choked up, and I came to see; almost 50 years later, how it had still deeply affected him.
“Hey it wasn’t your fault”, I said to myself.

Then it hit me as I found my heart actually going out to him: “WAIT A MINUTE”, my thoughts were now shouting.”WHOA BOY! OH NO YOU DON’T. I DON’T CARE WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM OR HOW HE FELT. HE’S THE SAME SELF-CENTERED, EGOTISTICAL KNOW-IT-ALL I’VE GOT NAILED TO THE WALL, AS UNCARING AND UNLOVING, AND THERE HE’LL REMAIN UNTIL HE DIES.
HE’LL NEVER CHANGE. HE’S HEARTLESS – CRUEL – TOTALLY WITHOUT LOVE AND AFFECTION. HE NEVER LISTENS TO ANYONE – ALWAYS CLAIMING HE’S RIGHT – I’M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM – NO ONE IS ABLE TO LIVE UP TO HIS EXPECTATIONS!

NO! I DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT THIS MAN HAS OR HAD SOME HUMAN FEELING IN HIM. IMPOSSIBLE! HE NEVER HAD BEFORE, SO WHY SHOULD HE HAVE ANY NOW. NO! I’VE GOT HIM PEGGED ALLRIGHT! HE DESERVES ALL MY CONTEMPT!”

“And yet”, said a wee small voice, “you see how that incident had deeply scarred him for the rest of his life!? You see how this man, who, as a small boy, was completely innocent, yet was so embarrased that when this happened it was on the same day that he put up a huge wall between himself and the outside world.

I saw how he built up that wall of “pretended toughness”, never again allowing himself to be in situations that would embarrass him in any way. With such a wall as that, no one could get through to him, and it’s amazing he ever married or had me. He rarely showed love or affection, at least not in the normal way I would have liked to have known it and had him hug me once in a while, because I believe he was stunted and was afraid to open up and give genuine affection and hugs and kisses once in a while… perhaps because then everyone would see him as the ’softie’ he really was behind that facade.”

(THAT is what every kid is starved for: ‘DISCIPLINE’ YES, BUT GIVEN WITH LOVE, GENUINE AFFECTION AND COMPASSION BEHIND IT!)

The more I thought about it the more I began to admit that maybe “I” was the one who was wrong — maybe “I” had him wrong all along — maybe it wasn’t him but “me” all along to blame for our falling out!

(”WOW!” This kind of admission was new and frightening to me, yet I could not shake it off. And the reason that I couldn’t was because the commandment of my not honoring thy father and thy mother suddenly became very clear to me and had nailed me right to that wall.)

This was a wee small voice in my head or somewhere showing me these things, and at first I really thought it was the devil. I had no idea it might be my conscience or God! But the voice kept speaking to me, and to my surprise: I kept on listening, until it finally broke through, and I knew right then and there that I needed to humble myself and admit that I was wrong about my Dad and my putting him on the wall like I had done and deeming him to be worthy of death.

Finally I came or was brought to a place (a place of seeing, of recognizing the whole scope) where I could finally admit that I was wrong. Not only wrong, but I was ‘Always Wrong’ to have nailed my dad to a cross judging and treating him so harshly, in thought, word and deed. This admission of my guilt had my head spinning, as I came to this ‘obvious’ conclusion! I was in shock!

This was the first time in a long, long time that I can remember that I had deep feelings towards my dad. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, put my arms around him, hold him close and just hug and comfort him. Although I never did (at that time) but his story of the “Holey Socks” had forever, in one sudden swoop, completely changed my attitude and understanding about him. I was stunned by the sudden turn of events!

It was shortly after this time, still feeling quite sensitive, when I was led one evening to pick up the Bible and read it. I don’t know where I began but I ended up in the Gospel of Matthew, and when I reached where Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, crying out to the Father, (Mathew 26:36-45) I stopped. I knew something was there but I didn’t know what. I kept reading it over and over again. I knew it was important for me to see it and to understand it.

Then, suddenly, it all began to unfold, like a butterfly spreading out it’s wings. I SAW it! MY God I SEE it! Now I know WHY Jesus is in an agony of his soul in the garden. “IT’S BECAUSE HE’S ABOUT TO DO THE FATHER’S WILL AND GO TO THE CROSS! AND THE REASON HE IS GOING THERE IS…IS…OH MY GOD…FOR ME?! HE’S DOING THIS FOR ME!?”

Now I see! Now I understand! My God, I am sitting in an amphitheater, and only feet away from me the scene in the book of Matthew 26 is being played out in magnificent splendor right before my very eyes. I cannot take it! I cannot take such love for me as I see here! Oh my God! The tears pouring out of my eyes and onto the pages of the Gospel of Matthew in no way blurr the view of Him who loves me with a love I cannot even comprehend, and who gave Himself to the cross for the likes of me…me??? Me of all people. I could not put down that Bible, and I cried so much and so long, that all I could do was thank Him over and over and over and over again.

It was very shortly after that that the Lord revealed Himself to me by making His presence known. It was as if the skies parted before my very eyes and He spoke clearly and directly to me, saying. “I am the Lord God the Almighty!”

I was trembling in fear yet overjoyed to tears at the same time because He had rolled back the clouds of darkness that had always separated us and made Himself known to me. “There is a God”! I said. “You are real! Oh my Lord and my God!” “Oh Lord, I told Him, “I love you now and want to do what you want me to do.” And the Lord spoke and said, “If you love Me, then keep my commandment and honor thy father.”

“Gulp”. I swallowed, “Oh Lord, tell me anything but that (Ephesians.6:2)! You know that! I’ll crawl to you on broken glass. Anything! It would be easier to be hit by a semi than to ask my father’s forgiveness for having hurt him all my life. Shouldn’t he be the one asking me for my forgiveness???” Then the clouds began to roll back in, and before they closed, the Lord’s parting words to me were, “If you love Me you’ll do it!”

For two days I trembled. Even my mom saw me shaking, and though I tried to explain the ‘war’ going on inside I knew she didn’t understand. (She has since died in August of 1998 of a terrible stroke and is deeply missed. She always set a fine example, and was such a wonderful mother and gracious lady that everyone loved her and we all felt special just to be around her. In many ways to me she was the complete opposite of my dad. As fine a loving mother and lady as there ever was.)

“IF” you love Me! That “IF” was a killer! Of course I loved Him!? Certainly I loved Him!? He first loved me, with a love beyond comprehention. “IF!” Yes I loved Him, but did I REALLY love Him by going and apologizing to my father and be reconciled to him as He wanted?

‘Finally’, I stood up knowing what I had to do. I know I loved Him enough to do what He said. I went over and put my arm around him, looked him square in the eye and said:
“Dad, I’m sorry for hurting you. I promise to NEVER hurt you again. Please forgive me!”

This was a complete surprise to him. A real shock! His jaw dropped to the floor, he began to choke up, and his eyes became wet like mine. I kissed him and walked into my bedroom, and as I had turned to go, he said, in a tiny choked up voice, “It’s about time you woke up, boy!”

In the bedroom the tears poured out, my head and hands were lifted to the heavens, and all I could do was affirm what my father had said, by replying, “Oh dad, how right you are!” The heavens rejoiced, and the angels sang, giving glory to God that, I, the chief of all hardheads and sinners who ever lived, had ‘finally’ repented of his sins (Lk 15:7, 10).

(Boy what a good place to end this!)
However, in order to understand what is about to shortly take place between me and my dad, we need to understand the “POWER” of sin that is present in and ruled over the “OLD” Adamic creature so long as “I” was still alive and in charge (”I promise to NEVER hurt you again”)…

Romans 7:17-24
17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

Paul came to undertand this dilemna and wrote about it in Romans. I did not. Remember how “I” had vowed to NEVER hurt my dad again? (and I meant it!) “I” was still alive, still thinking as a man being under the law, not realizing that the Power to Keep that vow was NOT “In me” but “In Christ”! It was still “me, myself and I” who was trying to live the Christian life – FOR God, of course!!! What I needed to find out is that “I” (the “I” in me, the “Old Creature”) didn’t have the kind of righteousness necessary to keep such a promise. “I” needed to be crucified and buried – to be put to death with Christ in order for Him to come alive IN me and live His life IN and through me.

In other words, I felt much like a hammer that kept pounding down my sin whenever it appeared, but it just kept popping back up so fast that I didn’t know what to do about it. I was still producing sin and alive to it and I didn’t know what to do, and I wanted to stay far away from my having to obey Him perfectly thus be put to death in order to live the Christian life the only way one could. I looked and looked for ways out of this dilemna, ever trying to do His will yet always preserving my own life.

So within a few months, believe it or not, I was back to “hating” my father all over again. Arrrgh! I found that in me I did not have what it takes, in order to love him the way that God said and live the Christian life. I was hurting him all over again, and I promised him that I never would, and really meant it when I said it. I didn’t know what to do about it!

This powerless condition that I saw myself in; not able to do as God had said, had bothered me more than anything had in my life. Satan’s thoughts were in me and seemed to make sense, as I even wanted to kill myself over being unable to keep God’s commandment. I couldn’t seem to stop sinning and didn’t know why… I didn’t know why. Raised as a “Roman Catholic” I was always taught that this “Power to do Good” was in “me”, and that God gave it to “me”, so it was all up to “me”.

I hated myself! I wasn’t doing the good I loved but the evil I loathed instead. I found myself to be powerless to stop sinning and was most wretched and miserable, just like in Romans 7. I didn’t know what to do short of killing myself or running away.

I thought I saw a way of escape, a way to get away from hurting my dad, away from the pounding of my conscience and even away from the voice of God for a while. So I gathered up a few thousand dollars and left for Florida to bet on the horses. I was a pretty good handicapper and I was intent on making a nice living and retiring off them. I left with the assurance that “I” couldn’t lose. I thought I could leave my worries far behind me.

However, shortly after I arrived at the race track I began to lose bets, sometimes in mysterious ways. Some of my bets would go lame in the lead just before the finish line, or get beat out by a 100-1 shot in a photo at the wire. Like clockwork my horses would find many mysterious ways to lose. I kept scratching my head as I kept on losing.

Well let me tell you, the more I lost the more determined to win I became!!! Soon I became ‘consumed’ in my work, spending upwards of 16 hours a day handicapping 9 or 10 races, which normally take no more 2 or 3 hours. My head was constantly buried in the racing form. I kept losing and losing. I was stunned. I couldn’t believe my streak of bad luck.

Then I realized what I kept myself from wanting to realize: “The Lord was taking a personal hand in this!” It was the only explanation that made sense. For I was never this bad, and managed to at least come close to breaking even, even in the worst of times.

Within a few months all I had left for betting the horses was maybe $50 (plus the money I needed to get home on). I had been in Florida just over two months and I was nearly broke. I couldn’t believe it. I still went to the track, trying to handicap and play only a few, of what I considered as the “premier” picks of the day. It didn’t matter, I still lost! It was becoming embarrasingly obvious that the Lord had other plans.

I had turned my back on Him because I felt He let me down. I figured that because He didn’t keep His word when I made up with my father, then why should I keep mine? (Who knew that I had believed the lie of “me” doing it, as Romans 7 said?) He knew I had turned my back on Him… and I knew that He knew it too.

Finally, down to my last $5 or $10 dollars of betting money, I went into a store to buy me some cheap food, and a little black kid, in dirty and torn clothes, came up to me and said, “Hey mister! Can I have 50 cents so I can buy some cookies? I’m hungry”!

The shortage of cash in my pocket and my only thinking of myself and my needs, almost caused me to brush him off. But as part of me thought, “Beat it kid, I need all the money I have”, another part thought, “Gee, he sure looks like he could use a bite to eat”. I went with the last part. Looking at the kid I said, “sure kid, here”.

In the same way I had also been “Holding Back” the Lord all of those months in Florida, keeping Him at a distance, keeping Him from telling me what I knew He wanted to tell me and what I knew I didn’t want to hear. I stepped outside after giving the kid the paltry 50 cents because the tears started to well up again. And as I headed to my run-down apartment the Lord began to show me something.

(At the time I did want to hear what the Lord wanted to tell me, but not until AFTER I made a killing off the horses and enough to retire on easy street for the rest of my life. THEN, I thought, I would follow Him… but it would under “MY” terms and conditions, being wrongly taught.)
(Hmmm…did I just hear Frank Sinatra in the background singing, “MY way”?)

It was time for me to face and hear the Truth. I did! That’s when the Light of God finally broke through, and I saw and even smelled this sinfully hopeless, wretched, evil, ugly, vile beast. The most foul creature I ever saw! (and it was!) I was stunned that God would even allow such a creature as this to be allowed to exist for one second without incurring His full wrath!

The moment I saw it I cried out to the Lord: “Lord! Kill it! Destroy it! How dare such a foul and putrid thing be allowed to live in your presence, before You, the holy and great Lord God the Almighty. This evil creature has no business being here in your holy presence. I abhor it. It reeks to high heaven! What are you waiting for? Destroy it and throw it into hell, Lord, where it belongs and 100% deserves to be. How dare this vile…”thing”, live before You, the Great and Holy God!!!”

“I” had spoken (and my words were based on the Truth I saw and heard, so I knew they carried weight)! The Lord saw, tasted and smelled what I had, for He was in the same Exposing Light I saw by! The depraved creature I testified against was so filthy and hopelessly rotten to the core that I knew the Lord would deal with this ‘thing’ as I asked Him to, and destroy it. For He is holy and cannot look upon such wickedness as this! I knew this absolutely!

Then, suddenly and without warning, this evil, and polluted creature slowly turned and faced me. SHOCK OF SHOCKS!!! I could not believe what I was seeing! Yet, in His All-Knowing Light, I had no choice but to believe. This vile and disgusting ‘thing’ had my name on it. My name! How did it come to have ‘MY’ name? Somehow the Lord had tricked me, much the same as Nathan the prophet got David to confessing what he’d do before he was told that, “You” are the man: 2 Samuel 12:5-7.

I could only stare in shock at this foul and loathesome creature in awe and utter amazement as I came to fully realize that this rotten to the core ‘thing’ I had utterly loathed, hated and detested above all was…me? me! “ME!!!???” The POWER of sin that I saw in me existed because “I” lived.

“Oh what a self righteous hypocrit; a white washed sepulcher, I saw that I was and am within! Oh, Woe is me, most wretched and miserable man that I was and totally without strength. In me, I clearly saw, was “no good thing”! Only evil.”
(The reality of it all struck me right between the eyes, harder than any physical sledge-hammer or freight-train ever could. (Job 42:5-6)

Suddenly realizing what I had said and Who it was I said it to, I fell on my knees and begged for mercy. I was in a state of “Full Realization” with total fear and trembling before Him, as I asked Him to please reconsider what I just said. “Oh Lord, please forgive me! Have mercy on me, Lord!”

He was the one who had shown me my ’self’ for what I was (Jn.16:8), and brought me low to this place: to the end of myself. He was the one who was all-powerful. Then He spoke. His words were cold and matter-of-fact: “You cannot serve both God and mammon! You’ll love the one and despise the other.”

(I knew Exactly what He meant, for I had one foot in the kingdom and one foot in the world, and I wanted to live and walk according to both. I also knew He was about to get up and close the door and chop off my kingdom foot forever. I learned right then and there that you cannot play God for a fool.)

“Chose you this day whom you will serve! Either Come To Me with both feet and turn your back on all else, OR walk away from Me now and forever…with no regrets and no remorse. Chose you now!” And that pretty much was it.

I was stunned! I expected chastizement or punishment, but this? He wasn’t kidding around! I knew He absolutely meant business! I was about to be “spewed out”! Well I sure didn’t have too far to look.
I was at the end of this road, where all things became clear. I was bruised and injured and sat facing the Truth. In this world my cupboards were bare, and in the next I reeked to high heaven. “What an awful mess!”

After gathering all my thoughts, I weighed and considered every angle as I searched for a way out of this dilemna, searching desperately for an easier, wider way into the Kingdom of God, wanting to keep and preserve my old, smelly, Adamic life with its power in the bargain. Although I looked and looked all over for an easier way into heaven, I found only the Narrow Gate which led to the Cross and my Death staring back at me. “Death!”

I sat down! After weighing all the costs I examined myself to see if I had what I knew (Love to God first) it would take and if I still retained some spark of love in my heart towards Him who loved me with a love that first blew me away. I knew what I had to do! I searched and found a teeny ember barely aglow for him in some dark corner of my heart, I began to blow on it.
As I blew on it I knew that I loved Him. My God, but how could I not love Him who first loved me? He knew that I loved Him… at least I thought He did… oh I prayed that He did.

Now here was my dilemna: Upon my recognition of what there was to see, I knew that if I decided to Come “All-The-Way” to Him (to plant both my feet in the Kingdom) it would spell “death” to the Old man (the Old Adamic/Sinful ME). “But HEY”, I thought to myself, “I’m the only ME I know!”

God knows “I” tried and tried (Romans 7:18-19), but I saw no other me than a dead me…”forever”! (That was a shocker, let me tell you.) Although I had looked and looked for another way, an easier way into the kingdom and preserve my life with its power while doing it, I could find no other way than through Christ, through the cross. I knew that if I turned away from Him then it’s death too; only it’s death to my New man, or the man I really never knew or had but was hoping to have one day; like Lazarus’ Martha, and receive the new me in the resurrection.

So there it was! “DEATH!” I was looking “DEATH” in the eye, either way! Death was all around me, and there was no escaping it! I said to myself: Some choice I have! Either way, I’ll die if I don’t and I die if I do! “Give me ‘faith’ Lord”, I cried out, “Oh Lord, I want to do what you want me to. Give me the faith to do as I must”!

That’s when He said to me, “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?” John 11:25-26
His personal word gave me the assurance I needed!

I remember reading in the Song of Songs how Love is stronger than Death… so strong is it, in fact, that no flood can quench it… a flame reaching to heaven itself. And all the while I’m reflecting on that verse I know that I really haven’t any choice …but one, the choice that was based on Love. Keeping my heart, eyes and ears focused upon Christ the other choice was no longer an option for me. No longer! I knew in my heart of hearts that I did love Him, and that I still did, and that to me He was worthy of every bit of me!

I began to lift my head and opened up my heart so that He could see that tiny glow, that teeny spark of Love that was lit (i.e. that He first put in there) for Him. I prayed that the Lord would know – ohh I prayed He would know that surely I do love Him and wanted to obey Him with all my heart by Coming to Him.

And in my spirit, or heart, or whatever, I began that long turn away from my old life and towards Him. All I saw and expected was death! Nothing more! But I knew that even death didn’t matter anymore! All that mattered was Him and doing His will! His will was also mine; “Not as I will, Father, but as Thou will.” All that was in me joined up to follow through completely on only one choice, and that was to Come to Him, lock, stock and barrel, laying it all down at His feet forever with no regrets, no remorse, and no strings or baggage attached.

I was the one who took that turn or step of no return in coming to Him with my heart wide open showing Him that I did love Him and would rather die right now under His feet than live another second without Him for the rest of my life. This I couldn’t bear.
This is the place (at the foot of the cross) where I found out that His Love is more powerful than sin and even stronger than death itself!

You see, God didn’t just come to forgive us our sins, so that we can go on sinning, but He came in order to make an entire New Man out of us with a whole New Heart – one that is born after the image of God!
(As I look back on it all now I can recognize that it was when I arrived at the foot of the cross that God took and had the old me crucified and buried with Christ in order for a Brand New me to become born through God’s magnificent Love. It was there that I realized that in me dwelt the power of sin and death, but in Him dwelt the power of righteousness and life.)

As I took that step of no return towards obeying Him completely was when that tiny spark of love for Him hidden in my heart suddenly took flight and became a flame… and the flame suddenly burst forth into a blazing inferno of love… for ‘me’ (John 14:23)! For “WHO?” For “ME?” “WHAT?” How could this be? Don’t be ridiculous! I died, remember?! All my love always was for “HIM”, not for “me”! What Love is this in return? I cannot take it, this is too full of joy! I am melting like butter! He is squeezing me to death! I’m going to burst at the seams!
It was at that moment that all things became… BRAND NEW (2 Cor.5:17)

No related posts.

I believe that you should follow the unction of the Holy Spirit. When I was a young mother, my highlight was to be able to go to the grocery store alone. I had my regular stores that I would go to, but one day I felt an unction or prompting to go to another store. (Earlier in my walk with the Lord, I would have probably not recognized it as an unction. But as I read the word and listened to godly men and women’s testimonies, I learned the Holy Spirit speaks to you.) I went to this store and I “ran” into a young lady that God had put on my heart. I was able to speak words of encouragement.
I have learned from experience that if you do not follow the prompting, no matter if it does not make sense to you; you will miss a divine appointment or face great disappointment. That is why I obeyed in giving to the ministry above. As you spend time fellowshipping with God, you will learn to recognize His promptings. Talk and listen to God… He is waiting for you!

John 16:13 (Amplified Bible)
But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the Truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the Truth (the whole, full Truth). For He will not speak His own message [on His own authority]; but He will tell whatever He hears [from the Father; He will give the message that has been given to Him], and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come [that will happen in the future].

No related posts.

My parents divorced when I was 3 years old, I never remember seeing my parents together. I lived with my mom untill I was 13 years old, when I was 13 my mom wanted to move out of town but she had signed some papers with my dad saying that she would never move me out of the county due to his visitation rights. So long story short, my mom packed up everybody but me, and moved away, leaving me with my porn addicted, alchoholic father who was still living with his parents. I felt so rejected I did not know what to do, I began to be severely depressed. After about 2 months of living with my father, he was placed in jail for looking at pornography on a pulic library computer, so I was left to live with my grandparents. I just could not figure out why my father would have taken that risk knowing that he could be taken away from me. I was hurt, and because I felt that there was no man in my life that loved me, homosexuality began to look like a really good decision. So at the age of 13 I had my first homosexual thought, and really enjoyed it. I remember slowly but surely becoming entrapped in the thoughts of my mind, untill my entire thought life had become a homosexual porn site, but when I tried to click the X at the top of the screen, nothing happened, so I just kept watching. Well my dad eventually got out of jail and married my stepmom who had a daughter. I went on to live with them, but things only got worse. My dad drove deep into alchohol, and porn. This time actually attempting to meet with the porn stars of the videos he loved, while I was put in 2nd place to them. I had to stand back and watch my father love pornography and alchohol more than me. While that computer got his upmost love and attention, I was left in the background only good enough to wash the dishes and do the chores around the house. When my mother found out that this was going on she allowed me to come and live with her again. When my mother found out about my homosexuality she set boundaries for me, telling me that I was not allowed to go to guys houses and stay the night, not allowed to be alone with a guy, etc…. Although she was doing this for my good, I became very rebellious and mean. So six months after moving in, my mom just could not take it anymore, and sent me packing back to my fathers house. By this time my redneck, homophobic father had found out about my sexuality and it was not good. There was more drinking, he would go through a gallon of rum every 3 or 4 days, and when I was’nt doing chores I was sitting in my room alone. He would ground me just for the sake of doing it, maybe the dishes were not done just right, or I walked in 5 minutes late from school. He wanted to punish me, not for those things, but because of my sexuality. This caused me to say “GOD WHERE ARE YOU, YOU MUST NOT LOVE ME, IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULD NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME, YOU WOULD TAKE THIS SEXUALITY OUT OF ME!” (God will never take sin out of you, you have to give it to him) And because of my anger towards God I not only dove deeper into my homosexual lifestyle, I began practicing witchcraft. I eventually attempted suicide, but thank God I failed in that attempt. But through all of this junk that I had going on in my life, God still reached out to me. My grandparents (my moms parents, not the ones you read about earlier) had been pastors for 33 years, and knew what I was going through, one day I recieved a call from them telling me that they loved me, and had been led by the Holy Spirit to allow me to come and live with them untill I graduated (this was at the end of my junior year) I immediately said YES!!! I was so excited that I was going to get out of my dad’s house, and stop living with him. I guess I just thought that because I was going to live with them that my homosexuality was just going to kind of drift away, but of course I was wrong. The day after I graduated my junior year, my grandma drove to my house to come and get me. I still remember to this day the excitement I had packing all my things into her car, and driving away from my cave of depression and anguish. That last year and a half that I lived with them, they did nothing but help me. I found it hard sometimes when they would constantly tell me that they loved me, because for the last 2 years of my life, I had not heard that hardly at all. They would say “Michael we are so proud of you” and I would say “thanks” not knowing how to react to such a love like this. But they persevered with me through all of my problems, through all of my rebellion. I made a decision to give up my disgusting lifestyle, but I just did not know how to do it. After I graduated High School, I worked full time to save up enough money to go to Texas Bible Institute, honestly going there I had no idea what I was getting into, I just knew that I wanted to get right with God. And I did. Jesus Christ became the X on the top of that porn site screen in my mind.  I learned that I could trade my sin for His righteousness. I learned that God was not mad at me, but He loved me unconditionally, regardless of my past. I am now 100% free from the bondage of Homosexuality and God is using me for great things. I have been called to the ministry of an evangelist and am now winning souls for Jesus. I also help any homosexual who has a desire to be free, to get free from there bondage. God has also healed my relationship with my father and mother. I love them both so much, and have forgiven them of all the things that hurt me in my past, and we have forgiven each other. My father is getting so much better and is growing closer to God, I continue to pray for Him, and my mother is an inspiration to my life, she loves God with all that is within her. If Jesus could use mud to heal a blind mans eyes, He can take me and use me for greatness. If you are reading this today understand that you are not set free for just you. You are set free for everybody else who needs freedom. Bondage is a choice, and Freedom is a choice, choose freedom.

Related posts:

1. Overcoming Homosexuality
2. Overcoming Masturbation
3. My Testimony

And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD.  Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years.

Up until the day I resigned, I was more Naima-dependent than God-dependent.  Like most people, I was dependent on my abilities to pay the bills, which usually consisted of working for a company.  I’m a single mom of 4 children, three of which live at home, and I am a homeowner.  I considered myself financially responsible and I enjoyed knowing that every now and again I could splurge on family vacations, shopping, etc.  I was far from rich, and like most adults today, I had acquired a lot of debt; however, I had an excellent payment history, and with some cards, I even paid the balances off monthly so that it didn’t accrue interest.  Overtime I had developed a somewhat comfortable lifestyle, and the more money I had saved in the bank, the more secure I felt.  However, ALL of this changed about 13-14 months ago.

When God led me out of my “Egypt” and into the wilderness, He didn’t tell me His plans neither did he tell me what would come next.  It was very similar to Genesis 12:1 where the LORD had said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.”  God did not provide me with an itinerary or schematics for the journey ahead.  All I knew were 3 things; I knew I was acting out of obedience, faith and love.  In retrospect I realize that is a powerful combination, but at the time, I was a basket case because I didn’t know why God would ask me to do something so extreme and life-changing.  Moreover, how was I going to take care of my family?

So here we are today.

Why did I title this entry Faith That Pays the Bills?

Over the last 13 or so months I realized that I heavily relied on having money, and the more of it I had, the more secure I felt.  But God does not need money to make things happen.  Before I proceed, let me make 2 things clear:

1)      I DO NOT suggest nor recommend that anyone decide to quit their jobs!  The only exception is if you know without doubt this was what God told you to do, which was my case.  My leaving was an act of obedience to something I knew God was telling me to do.

2)      I IN NO MEANS SUGGEST that we do not need money nor that we are not to earn it.  Money is necessity in life and that is a common fact.

Do understand that my testimony is one that may fall under the “miraculous”; as there is no way that I could do this in my own strength or outside of God’s grace.  And that is I am trying to make.

The one thing God did tell me prior to leaving is that He’d sustain me during the season of transition; however, He never said how He’d do it.  And in all honesty, that’s what had me stir crazy at times because He wouldn’t tell me the details of His plans, and I am the type of person who always likes to know things ahead of time.  There were times when I would have panic attacks because I didn’t know what was going to happen to me and my family and I would go to Him crying, “Lord, what am I suppose to do?”  When you’ve been one who always relied upon money and your ability to get it, going through something like this is indeed a soul-shocker.  I’d pray, I’d cry, I’d ask for simple instruction.  His response; trust Him and have faith.

A funny thing is that prior to all of this, I thought I was one with strong faith; however, this experience taught me that wasn’t true.  You see, it’s easy to say you trust the Lord when He’s doing everything you want and expect Him to do, but can you trust Him when He shuts off your money source?  Will you stand in faith while staring at ‘Final Notices’ and a $0 bank statement?  Will your answer still be yes if He flipped your world upside down and you had no clue as to what He was doing?

I’ve learned a valuable lesson through all of this and I told the Lord that I would tell everyone about what He’s done!  How is it that a household of 4 is being sustained?  Even during a time of famine?  There were even times when my then pregnant daughter had to live with me for a few months (making us a family of 5); however, we were all taken care of.  It’s hard to believe, I’m sure, but I’m reminded of Psalms 30:5 in which the Psalmist says that God’s favor lasts a lifetime.  The favor of God supersedes any resource man could ever have, and can open doors and opportunities that money cannot.  His favor can be what stands between life and death.  It was God’s favor that saved the children of Israel from the fury of Pharaoh and His army when they were camped by the Red Sea.  No amount of money could’ve caused the Red Sea to part as it did to allow the children of Israel to crossover on dry land.  Now that, my dear, is God’s favor.

Many men and women of God throughout the Bible knew about the power of God’s favor, which is why they often sought it.  Nehemiah sought God’s favor before going to speak to the King about rebuilding Jerusalem’s wall.  The psalmist in Psalms 106:4 says unto God, “Remember me, O LORD, with the favor You have toward Your people. Oh, visit me with Your salvation.”  Daniel had the favor of the Lord (Daniel 1:9) as with his friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (Daniel 3).  King Solomon, the wisest man of all times says in Proverbs 8:35-36, “For whoever finds me [Wisdom] finds life and draws forth and obtains favor from the Lord” (AMP); and again in Proverbs 3:3-4 says “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”  Joseph had the favor of God rested on his life (Genesis 39:2-4):

The LORD was with Joseph, and he was a successful man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian. And his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD made all he did to prosper in his hand. So Joseph found favor in his sight, and served him. Then he made him overseer of his house, and all that he had he put under his authority.

I can go on and on, but the Bible is the best place to learn more about God’s favor.  His favor protects, rescues, sustains, provides, and even causes increase; however, as with all other things in the Kingdom of God, it is your faith that releases the power of God in your life.  Having faith will cause unusual things to happen.  There is no way I can explain my current circumstances, and even if I could, it wouldn’t make much sense.  Faith never does.  Faith requires us to believe despite what our senses, what we can see, hear, touch, taste or smell, experience.  This is why the enemy invests so much time playing on our senses.  When God tells us something will happen, we receive this with gladness at that time; however, we forget that the enemy begins to work to get us to doubt God’s Word by manipulating what we can see, feel or touch.  The next thing we know, we are saying, “Will this really happen?  Did I hear wrong?”  Faith demands that you are not moved by your senses, and the enemy works very hard to make us focus on our senses; thereby causing fear and doubt to set in which usually leads to us abandoning our faith.

I’d love to say that the last time I ever had doubt was about a year, but that’s not true.  The last fit I had was a few days ago.  I’d go into morning prayer and receive strength from God through prayer, praise, reading Scriptures, and meditation.  Since I knew I couldn’t make it without faith, I began to do things to increase my faith such as studying God’s Word so that His Word could take root deep within my heart and mind.  I’d go through my day listening to Bible teachers like Dr. Charles Stanley and T.D. Jakes.  I’d have a Holy Ghost good time, growing in the Lord, studying His Word and learning more and more to trust Him.  Then the mailman would come….and in his hand is a wad of ‘notices’ and letters from collectors.  A few days ago it was a letter from my mortgage company, which sent me into a panic attack and led me right back to God to renew my strength.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve done this, especially during this process; however, I can say that overtime it started happening less frequent.  Now, instead of allowing fear and doubt to seize my mind, I reaffirm my faith by saying, “Lord, I trust You.”  I learned to verbalize my faith and not verbalize fear, and I aggressively pursue building my faith.  Again, it took a while to get to this point, but I am truly thankful that I serve a forbearing God.

Our faith is not optional but essential and absolutely critical; for without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).  Faith can cause blind men to see, the leprous to be cleaned, the sick to be healed, and even the dead to rise.  It’s an absolutely powerful force and it releases the supernatural power of God, such as His favor, in your life!

MY PRAYER FOR YOU

I pray that you stay in faith and that you allow God to take you from faith to faith and glory to glory.  I pray that you stand firm in your faith during the storms, and not be moved regardless of what you see, hear or feel.  I pray that each day that faith increases, as you meditate on the Word of God.  These things I pray in Jesus’ name, Amen!
eJournal Site: “Living Under God’s Favor” at  www.NaimaWilliams.com/blog

Related posts:

1. A Praise Report

When I was 14 and a freshman in high school I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. Osteosarcoma is a cancerous tumor located in the bones of a femur or other areas of the body. All my life I had trouble with my right leg but because I was growing doctors thought it was a growth spurt problem. Until one day I woke up and I couldn’t move my right leg – it was basically dead. I got rushed to the nearest hospital.

After a lot of x-rays, blood work, cat scans, MRI’s, bone scans and a biopsy of my right femur, I was told I had bone cancer and that there was a chance I could lose my leg.  I was so scared and angry I just didn’t know what to do.  I was in denial; I didn’t believe the doctors, my family or the nurses I just wanted to be alone. I was so scared.  You heard of people having cancer but you wouldn’t think it will happen to you.

Chemotherapy is no joke; it makes u really sick. I was always throwing up and lost my taste for food.  Every single hair on my body fell out including private areas.  I felt so naked there was a time where they had to feed me thru an I.V. because I lost my taste for food.  I lost so much weight; I went from 145lbs to 100lbs and that’s a lot of weight to lose in a short time.  I also had bumps in the back of my throat because of the chemo which made it hard to eat and drink. I had surgery on my right femur and they got all of the tumor out. Then I got bad news that the cancer spread to my lungs so I had to get two surgeries on my lungs -one on my right and one on the left (the doctors got everything out). I got scars from all the surgeries and some people think it’s cool and I’m like I don’t like it at all.  I’m just glad I am alive and I didn’t lose my leg.  I walk with a cane I am so happy I am alive during my battle with cancer I thought I wasn’t strong enough. I’m just glad I am done with cancer and I can live my life.

No related posts.

By: Shelia Holcomb

Before I begin my testimony I feel it is important to give you some information on my childhood, so you will be better able to understand some of the decisions I made in my life, however good or bad they may have been. But every decision I have made during my lifetime good or bad is what has brought me to where I am now and I am very thankful for the mountains and the valleys.

When I was born my mother was only fifteen years old and now years later and after I went through the process of forgiving her and working through many things, I am now able to look at her life through her eyes to try to better understand how she must have felt. Someone gave me this advice when I was really struggling with all of this, I was told that maybe I could forgive easier if I try to see her life through her eyes and not the eyes of a hurt child, “you know what?” it worked, I can understand her more clearly now. She was not mature enough to take care of herself much less a baby. So she would send me here and there to whomever would willing to take me at that particular time, most of the time it was my grandmother, several times throughout my life she would decide that she wanted me back and she would come and uproot me again. I never really knew any stability in my life [although my grandmother tried] and I always felt as if no one really loved me or wanted me.

Then at the age of nine she came and got me and took me away from my grandmother which, really at this point of my life, was the only mother I had ever known and I was very attached to her. Anyway, my mother came and took me to Illinois where she lived, by this time she had remarried and she had two more children by her new husband. He hated me and the only reason I could figure out was simply that I was not his child. Now this was not my fault, although I did blame myself for many years. He started just physically abusing me, but at the age of nine that changed, he raped me and this abuse went on until I was thirteen and I finally told my mother [even though he threatened me that if I ever told anyone he would kill me and my grandmother], she didn’t believe me either, actually no one believed me. Finally I just let it drop and I buried all of those feelings of anger and hate for years, that has now all been dealt with and forgiven and now it is all under the precious blood of Jesus, I have even forgiven him for what he did to me in the Lord’s strength not my own. Praise God! I told my mother that I wanted to go back to Memphis to live with my grandmother and she consented just because she felt I was causing so much trouble and she did not want to be bothered.

Now my grandmother was now also remarried and I resented him for taking her away from me too. You must remember I was only a child and I felt like she was all I had and now I had lost her too. I was very hateful to him and caused so many problems, he was very kind and loving to me but I just could not accept what he was offering to me. My grandmother finally after a long struggle went to the courts and told the judge that I was out of control and they just could not handle me any longer, so they removed me and placed me in a foster home, the home I went to was wonderful, but at that time I could not see things clearly, all I could see was that the only person who should love me had now turned her back on me as well, I just wanted my grandmother so, I ran away. The courts then really called my bluff, so as a ward of the State of Tennessee I was placed in a Catholic all girls reform school for three and a half years, even our pet Saint Bernard was female LOL. Now as I look back, I can honestly say it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. But at that time all I could see was that I was totally alone, unloved and unwanted in this great big world.

Now I will jump ahead some. In 1987 I lost my three children to their father [not in the courts he just merely took them and left the state without my knowledge or consent] and I totally lost it. I turned heavily to alcohol and eventually that turned into crack and cocaine. By this time I had lost everything including my dignity as I had turned to prostitution to support my drug habit. I was arrested several times on various charges, but I was never convicted and I never served any time, I know that God was taking care of me even back then in my sin, He saw what I would be one day in Him. I give GOD all the PRAISE, HONOR AND GLORY for all that I am today and all that I will be.

The drugs and my roaming had taken me too many places but on December 20, 1990 I came across a man that told me about Jesus and how He could deliver me and make my life an example to others. I had not eaten in a couple of days and he asked me if I was hungry, so he took me to a restaurant and bought me something to eat. The entire time he shared about Jesus Christ with me. He told me Christ could and would set me free if I was willing, and how He (Jesus), would give me a new life without all the pain and turmoil I was living in. Of course being a Christian does not eliminate us from pain, trials and tribulation but with Christ in our hearts He will give us the strength to overcome and withstand even in the worst times. I began sharing my life story with this man and he still said Jesus is the answer, and boy was he right. Right there I gave my heart to the Lord and I decided to live for Him and serve Him for the rest of my life.

I began singing at the age of five, but I had destroyed my voice through drug abuse, I just abused the gifts that God had given me. So I prayed and told the Lord that if He would heal and restore my voice I would use this gift for His glory for the rest of my life. Now, God has done exceedingly and abundantly above all that I could ask or think. The songs that I sing and others that I have written they are all His I am only an instrument holding the pen. It does not matter where you are, Christ will come to you and meet you if, you are willing to let your life go and let Him be God of and in your life.
I have had so many miracles in my Christian life as I am a walking miracle myself. But one of these miracles of a physical healing really stands out to me and I would like to share this with you as well. Around 2001 I was diagnosed with an incurable bowel condition, the doctors were not really sure what it was exactly, but they had come to the conclusion that with ulcers all through my body and many in my bowel system, they said they wanted to do surgery and remove a part of my bowel. My reply was that I wanted to get prayer for this and that I believed that God was going to heal me and I would not need the surgery at all. They went ahead and scheduled me for another scope the following week, just a few days after Christmas. Then on Christmas Eve I placed a long distance call to a minister friend of mine and asked him to pray for me, he said no problem but he would need to call me back in a few minutes. While waiting for him to call back I surrounded myself with God’s word and actually knelt on the Bible to show God that I believed His word and was claiming His promise of healing. When my friend called me back I knelt on the bible said, “Pray”. When he prayed for me the fire of God hit me and went through me, I had such a peace come over me. I went over to my bed and fell asleep (now Adam was put into a deep sleep in Genesis when God removed the rib to create woman) God did the same for me as I lay there sleeping He performed surgery on me to heal my body. I slept for seventeen hours and when I woke the bleeding had stopped and so had the pain, I knew without a doubt that I was healed by the precious hand of the Great Physician. I was on about $400.00 worth of medicine a month and I went into the kitchen and threw it all in the trash. I did go back for the scope when I was scheduled and the doctors were amazed there were no ulcers anywhere and I just praised God for His healing power.

I am now an ordained minister and I love and serve God with all that I have. I know God has called me into the ministry to help others overcome and learn and grow in Him. I am also now a southern gospel singer\songwriter. The Lord has blessed me and I will continue on this road He has placed me on for my desire is only to serve Him. I will travel anywhere I am invited to give my testimony or to sing or both. God is wonderful and it is to His glory that I am writing this, if one soul is reached in anyway then this is worth everything.

As far as my family and children I thought I would just share this information on my children as our family continues to grow. And this is how my relationship is now with my children and grandchildren.
My oldest daughter, Chrystina’h is married to Adam; they have three beautiful children, one boy Attisyn is 8, Charysma’h is 4 and Kaelyn is 2. They live in Ontario, Canada and I am now living in Canada very close to them and I am enjoying it very much.

My son is my middle child, Jackson he is divorced and living in Mississippi he has four children Benjamin 7, Raygen who is 5, Larissa is 3, and Rayne who is 2.

My youngest child, Karina’h is married to Josh, she two daughters Alissa 8, Jasmine 8, Alexis 7, they have a son Brayson who was born in May 2007 and we are very excited that they have a new addition Jayden born May 2009. They also live in Mississippi.

Again I cannot stress enough that this is for the glory of God that I am here and that my life is what it is today, for without Christ I am nothing, but through Him I am a joint heir with Jesus Christ. He is our Deliverer, Savior, Helper, and Healer and any problem we may have is never too great or to small for Him, we just have to take it to Him and leave it at His feet and in His care. I thank God with all my heart because I know without a doubt that His power is still healing, still saving and still delivering. He is good all the time. I have made my mistakes but His grace is sufficient. God loves us and if we truly repent and confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If I can help anyone out there, please contact me with the information provided below and I will do my best to help in anyway I can. If you have questions about loved ones who may be on drugs or other addictions I will try to answer your questions, if I do not know the answer I will do my best to find the answer for you. If you have loved ones that you need prayer for I will gladly join you in agreeing for that person for the Kingdom, just email me with the information so I can be in prayer daily for you and/or your family members and/or friends. Please always remember we are human and we will make mistakes but just confess to God those mistakes and get them under the blood of Jesus as soon as possible, God still loves us and He will help us in all of our situations. He will always come down to our level and help us to reach up to His level no matter what you call out His name for; He is there and WILL HELP YOU!

GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL. I GIVE FULL PERMISSION TO ANYONE WHO CAN USE THIS TESTIMONY TO COPY IT AND GIVE IT OUT OR TO SHARE IT PUBLICALLY, BUT PLEASE GIVE ALL THE GLORY AND PRAISE TO GOD. THANK YOU. I AM YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST JESUS.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 and he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

If any of you wish to contact me, please feel free to do with the following information:
Shelia Holcomb
hisgraceissufficientrev@live.com
http://www.runboard.com/bgodshandinmineministries

Related posts:

1. My Testimony
2. God’s Deliverance and Healing Power
3. Freedom Is a Choice

On New Years Eve, a friend and I attended a devilish celebration in hollywood california. Oh how good our flesh felt to be amongst these celebrity spirits of lust, alcohol, drugs, worldly music and temptation. We danced and pranced in the presence of the Devils spirit’s. His faithful servants gave us food, alcohol, gifts and the best chronic the doctor could prescribe.

As the party came to a close, my friend and I continued on to entice the hearts of men, with our walk, talk, seductive attire and behavior. I selfishly vowed to myself to be home by sunrise, only because it was uncomfortable to try and sleep while the sun was coming up.

How we laughed, smiled and glorified such a wonderful dark evening. As soon as we reached the car, the reality of driving home set in. All of a sudden, friend became more intoxicated then she had been all night. So driving than became my responsibility.

Gas, Coffee and a loud Sinful songs was all I thought I needed to get home safely. An extremely thick fog fell to the ground out of know where; making it nearly impossible to see 10 feet into my traveling future. I pushed the petal to the floor as I drove the hollywood freeway south bound, to the 10 eastward. The loud music wasn’t keeping my eyes from becoming extra heavy. Friend wasn’t awake to excite me about the journey of our night. The coffee just made me sleepy. I began to drift in and out of a conscience and unconscious alertness. I was so tiered, it seemed almost impossible to keep my eyes open.It wasn’t long before I was sleep behind the wheel of my car. Something scared me! Something shook me up! I opened my eyes and gasped for a deep breath of air. Jerked my steering wheel to the right to dodge an over turned car sitting belly up. That car seemed to just be sitting there waiting on our impact followed by explosion. There was no hazard light blinking, or flair lights going . Know one was even around, except a mighty God who kept his hand on a disobedient child. A Mighty God, who never sleeps nor slumbers.

That night friend and I were speared, only through the good grace and mercy of the Lord my God. Im here today as a living testament of God, his love & mercy is so real. I wish I could tell you; I went to church that Sunday and turned my life over completely, but it didn’t happen that way. However, ever time I read this testament or speak of it to someone else, I indeed know why I love My GOD !!! Where would I be if GOD decided to wonder out of my life, as I wondered away from him? How many hearts would I have hurt based on my disobedience and selfishness?

It was proposed to me , to asked GOD, “WHY DO I LOVE YOU LORD” ? It was surely advised to be prepared for a heavy vision or word from him. I thanked my Lucky stars that early morning. I went home happy that beat the sunrise and happy that I cheated death (So I thought). Up until the day I wrote this, did I realize I was cheating GOD and Myself, and the Devil was surly out to cheat me. What a revelation! It brought tears to my eyes. I found a knew wisdom & knowledge here at “LIFE WAY CHURCH”. Everyday I thank GOD for such a deliverance. GOD is worthy of all the praise and priority in my life. I encourage you to ask GOD to reveal why you should love him ? You’ll see life differently. It will never look and feel the same again !!!

PRAISE GOD

Adelene-Paige Henderson

New Member of LIFE WAY CHURCH

No related posts.