Whatever challenge you may face...

Other People’s Choices are not in Our Control

It is very upsetting and frustrating when someone makes a choice that we don't agree with. My Dad made choices that I didn't like or agree with. He made a decision to leave without saying goodbye and without talking to me about why he was leaving.

Unfortunately, I allowed the pain I felt from his choice, to eat away at me and my happiness. I began thinking that his leaving meant that I was unlovable and unacceptable as a person. I thought if he really cared about me he wouldn't have made the choice to leave without communicating what was going on.

After awhile I began to realize that neither my Dad’s choices nor the choices of others were in my control. I started to realize that I was a great person, that there was nothing wrong with me. We can’t make anyone do or be how we think that they SHOULD be. As much as we may see their 'potential' - if they don't see it - then that potential becomes wasted. 

A few years after my Dad had moved out, I had the opportunity to ask him why he left without saying anything. He said, 'I thought it would be easier on you.' 

I didn’t agree that it was easier on me, but since I wasn’t the one that was in control of his choice(s), all I could do was accept his decision and learn from it.

Sometimes we learn from people how we want to be and sometimes we learn how we don't want to be. From my Dad I learned how much pain not communicating thoughts and feelings causes. From this pain I chose to learn to communicate openly with people.

Perfect is...........

Amazing Slam poetry from Dana & Rochelle - grade 8 students at Sacred Heart CS in Wingham 

http://1017theone.ca/blogs/mornings/2015/03/perfect-is-grade-8-spoken-word-poetry/

You are a UPower SUPERHERO...

...when you choose to Respect Yourself, Others & Your Dreams!!

I Choose to be Determined

My Dad and I used to watch the Blue Jays play baseball on TV and every time I would think, ‘I really want to sing O Canada for the Toronto Blue Jays.’ One day I decided I had to put my dream into action. I remember looking up the phone number for the stadium where the Blue Jays played. I was so nervous dialing their number. It felt like I had hundreds of butterflies in my stomach. 

When I told the man on the phone that I was a singer and I wanted to sing for the Blue Jays, he responded with ‘No! Thanks for calling. Bye.’

I got off the phone and even though I felt sad I chose to stay determined. I called back and this time a different person answered. I told him I wanted to sing for the Blue Jays. He paused and answered with, ’No!’ This time before he could hang up the phone I asked, 'What would I have to do to sing for the Toronto Blue Jays?’ 

He said, ‘You’ll have to go to a recording studio, record yourself singing O Canada, get a picture of yourself taken, write down every place you have ever sung, put it in an envelope and mail it to this address and then we’ll see.’ 

WOW! That seemed like a lot of work but I chose to do it because I really wanted to sing ‘O Canada’ for the Toronto Blue Jays. 

I mailed the package and waited for a few months and then phoned again for the 3rd time.

This time the answer was YES!! I was so excited!

With my family, I went to the stadium where the Blue Jays played and sang ‘O Canada’ in front of thousands of fans.

Can you imagine if I had given up on that first or second no? I would have never heard YES!

When it comes to Respecting Yourself Others and Your Dreams it is worth the work because YOU are worth it!!

Forgiveness

‘Forgiveness is the key to the bars that imprison me.’ lyrics from Sara Westbrook song ‘Hearts Collide’

Forgiveness is something that seems very difficult to do. It is important to remember that forgiving someone isn’t saying what they did or said was right, it is saying that you are no longer willing to carry around the hurt, the pain, the anger. 

Do you know how much energy it takes through thoughts or actions to keep thinking about the person or situation? Your stomach is in knots, your heart is pounding, your head hurts. You are worked up on every level of your being.  You want to make sure they know you are not going to forgive them. You are going to show them. Perhaps by giving them the cold shoulder, by not talking to them or by talking about them to other people…letting the world know the kind of person they are.

You could be using that energy to focus on your life, to work on your dreams, to be completely in love with life. Instead you are using that negative energy on someone that may not even be aware that you are angry and, if they do know, they may not care. These situations/people are the bars that are keeping you prisoner. Forgiveness is the key that will release you from that prison. So set yourself free. Bring yourself healing.  You will be saying I am in control of me. I am choosing to move forward from this.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Try it!!!

Last week when I met my mum for lunch she handed me a folder and said, ‘Read this.’ I opened the folder and there it was – a collection of speeches, stories and poems I had written when I was younger. It’s always nice to take a ‘read’ down memory lane. In my ‘read’ I found a poem I wrote when I was 12. I can still remember writing it and then going to my Mum’s office to type it in good copy. When my mum read my poem, she loved it so much that she bought a beautiful black frame and hung it in our hallway.

Funny how a poem I wrote at 12 still resonates with me at 32.

Hope it does the same for you :)

Create a ‘Bubble’ of Self Respect and Self Worth

Q: Hi Sara, I have been doing pretty well lately, but I seriously do not know how to build the confidence to ignore hateful things said to me . My friend verbally attacked me tonight for really no reason. She pointed out my flaws and said RUDE things. I didn't fight back. Instead I made it more of a joke than taking her seriously. But inside it was really truly bothering me. How can I build that bubble around me, to ignore what others think?

A: I’m sorry to hear that your friend was rude to you. It’s not okay for someone to be disrespectful and call you hurtful names.

During my teen years and even after I was finished school, I knew I needed to find a way to stop taking disrespectful remarks and actions personally. I was becoming unhappy with who I was and with my physical appearance. I started to find myself worrying about what others thought of me all the time.

People will always have opinions – some good – some bad. Some that we will agree with – others we won’t. Even though we know all this, how do we go about not allowing those negative opinions to tear us down?

I love the saying, 'I'm rubber, your glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!'  There is some truth to this quote. I believe that what other people say and do says WAY more about them and their character than it will ever say about the person they are talking about.

When someone is disrespectful it says a lot about their character. When someone is respectful it also says a lot about their character. I have found that people who choose to put others down, are in pain themselves. However, it doesn't make it okay for people to hurt others because they are hurting.

There is another quote that I want to share with you - 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent' - Eleanor Roosevelt

People can say and do things to us, but we are the ones that have the final say in what we choose to believe about ourselves and our lives = UPower!

I wrote the song ‘Doesn’t Mean Much’ because I wanted to remind myself that I have the final say in what I choose to believe about my life and myself. People will have their opinions, but they don't mean anything until you say that they do. You have the final say in what you choose to believe about yourself regardless of others opinions.

‘So you think you’re great and I’m not. You think that you’ve got something and I’ve got nothing. Well that’s your opinion And it doesn’t mean much not ‘til I say it does.’ – lyrics from Doesn’t Mean Much

Here’s an exercise that really helps me create ‘my bubble of self respect’:

In order to help build confidence and self respect -  so that negative opinions that others may say don't become what you believe about yourself - write out the Wonderful things that you want to believe about You. I call these UPower thoughts.

Start your UPower thoughts with 'I CHOOSE'.

Examples:

I Choose to Accept myself just the way I am!

I Choose to Love the skin I am in!

I Choose to Love and Appreciate my style!

I Choose to Respect myself and others!

Put these UPower thoughts everywhere you can see them - your mirror, your locker, your binder, your sock drawer etc. Keep repeating them to yourself. This is something that I still do.

Anytime a negative thought/worry enters your brain replace it with your UPowering thought!

Even if you don't believe it right now - keep with it - keep choosing YOU! Keep repeating these new UPower thoughts over and over (I know I do). Make it a habit so that these UPower thoughts become your belief about yourself.

Reminding yourself that you are Important, Unique and Awesome, especially when you feel as though your Uniqueness is being challenged, is SO IMPORTANT. This will help you create your bubble of self respect and self worth!!

Choosing to love who you are is one of the best choices that you can make!!

'It is AWESOME when other people believe in us! But it is ESSENTIAL that we choose to believe in us!'

UPower it UP!!

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'.

Sara

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve. Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Definition UPower® 

We can’t always control the circumstances in our lives but we always have the Power to Choose our Choices - this is where our power lies. This is what I call our UPower.

My Son Kai’s Visit to Santa

Jolly, Friendly, Giving – all words that describe… Santa Claus. However most 2 year olds seeing Santa in the flesh would describe him in one word… SCARY! My son Kai is no exception.

He does however love the ‘idea’ of Santa. When he sees a photo or figurine of Santa Claus, he excitedly yells, ‘SANTA!’

Last Saturday our local garden center had live reindeer and photos with Santa & Mrs. Claus - sounds like a nice little outing. As we pile into the car I’m thinking about how  excited I am to see the elated look on little Kai’s face when he sees Santa in real life.

After a short drive we arrived - ready for a jolly time! Walking through the garden centre I sounded a bit like this, 'Kai you’re going to meet Santa! Yay!! It will be so much fun! ' I'm pumped up for the big event! But everything was about to change! As soon as Kai makes eye contact with jolly Old St. Nick an anxious feeling overtakes his small body. He quickly grabs my leg and tries to climb up into my arms like a baby koala. As we walk closer Kai’s grip tightens and he starts to whine, ‘No! No Santa! No SANTA!!’ The exact opposite reaction that he gave to the Santa figurines!

Luckily Kai’s Grandma stepped into action! She bent over and whispered in Santa’s ear the two things Kai loves – hockey and Thomas the Train. Santa started talking to Kai about his two passions and with a little guidance he made his way closer to the man with the white beard and red suit for a memory moment – his 2014 photo with Santa!

TIP:

When visiting Santa with your toddler prepping them by saying, ‘We are going to meet Santa. YAY!’ may not be enough encouragement to have them approach Santa. I suggest that as your toddler’s turn with Santa approaches whisper in his ear one or two things that your child loves. This commonality may be just what they need to walk towards Santa and feel comfortable getting a photo, even if they are only standing beside Jolly Old St. Nick!

Forgiveness is the key...

Make time for YOU

It is easy to become overwhelmed when you have a lot on your plate. Everyone has times in their life when it feels as though the world is speeding up and keeping up with it just seems impossible.

I find it easier to keep things in perspective when I take time for me. Making yourself important in your own life – making time for YOU – is crucial to feeling inner peace. 

Do some of your favorite things in order to keep calm and de-stress. 

A few of the things I do are: Journaling, Playing with my son Kai, Exercising, Crafts, Laughing, Breathing, Listening to Music, Seeing Friends & Family, Eating Healthy & Napping.

Determination, perseverance, dedication, resilience, working effectively, not being afraid of asking questions and believing in who you are and what you have to offer is so important - even when others may not believe in you. 

Stand UP for Respect

Feelings or Character?

'Each day you have a choice whether to allow your feelings or your character to control your choices.'

---

I Choose My Character (who I am, what I stand for)

Communication is the Key to Creating Great Relationships

Q: What do you do when you're in a situation with a person you considered to be your best friend one minute (and they thought the same way), and then shuts you out of their life the next and never wants to speak to you again? 

A: It is painful when someone that you believed was a true friend shuts you out and won’t give you a reason.

I can remember when one of my friends was upset with me and I couldn’t figure out why. When I asked the reason they responded with, ‘I’m not going to tell you. You should know.’ 

I thought, ‘If I knew I wouldn’t be asking.’

I found it very upsetting that we couldn’t just talk about it. I couldn’t fix or change what I didn’t know.

Unfortunately, we cannot make people listen to us to understand our perspective. They have to be willing to listen.

Here is something that you could choose to do. Write a letter communicating all of your thoughts and feelings using the words ‘I feel’ or ‘I think’. Using these words will help you express yourself without blaming the other person. You are only sharing your feelings - not blaming - about the situation.

Even if the other person does not read it you can feel good knowing that you did everything in your power to help mend your relationship. Letters are also great because they allow the other person to consider your point of view when they are ready. Sometimes people need time to think and reflect.

Communication is such a powerful tool when we use it correctly. It is sometimes easy to assume that everyone is on the same page and has the same ‘common sense’. I have found that some of us are not only ‘not on the same page’ but we are ‘reading different books!’ 

Since we all think differently it is so important to communicate when something is bothering us. Communication is the key to creating great relationships. 

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'

Sara

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Falling in Love

‘That we are two different people trying to combine our lives And at times it’s hard.’ - lyrics from my song ‘Come with Me Baby’

 Relationships of all kinds are a challenge. We want other people to behave and believe more like us. This belief happens more often when we fall in love. The minute love happens we start combining our values/ beliefs/life styles with the other persons.. We can be heard saying, “If only he/she would change, everything would be different.” Adjusting to each other is an ongoing challenge. Right from the get-go I think it is important that we choose a partner whose morals & values are in alignment with ours. After that our unique differences can enhance who we are. We can learn & grow from our partner’s strengths & weaknesses as they can from ours.

The way we choose to resolve our differences either brings us closer together or further apart. Differences are an important part of a relationship. How we deal with them is an even more important part.Using the 3 C’s...Communication, Compassion, Compromise...brings us closer.

When we choose a partner, we need to choose someone we want to experience the journey with. It' s not always about holding hands running into the sunset. It’s about reminding each other of who we are when we forget. It is about working on our common goals for the relationship everyday.

My Mum reminds me of the day I said to George, ‘We are going to be together forever. We need to reinvent our relationship every day.” To some that might seem like hard work, to me it is a fun, interesting challenge…always filled with surprises about myself and about George.

Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life, this is 'your choice'

Sara :)

I just want to be me

Q: This year I often feel like I can't speak my mind because people will make fun of me. I feel like I am two different people. One side of me is my 'school-self' and my other side is my 'home-self'.

A: I think that we can all relate to this.

I remember my 'school self' being different from my 'home self'. My 'school self' was more self conscious - worried about what others thought about me - wanting to be liked and accepted by everyone. I did have confident moments and many good times in school, but I seemed to have a little naggy voice in my head saying - 'What will they think? - Do they really like me?' 

Looking back, I can see that there were times when those self defeating thoughts stopped me from being totally free to Just be Me.

My 'homeself' felt and still does feel Free - a place where I allow myself to relax and be me. When I am home I don't worry about my clothes matching or what my hair looks like. I can choose to change into my pjs as soon as I step inside the door and I can choose to feel my true emotions in the comfort of my own room without worrying about feeling judged.

When you feel that you are not being who you really are, you are most likely worried about what other people are thinking about you. The true essence of who you are should not change from place to place. If, for example, you are someone who is respectful of yourself and of others, that needs to be noticable wherever you are regardless of what others may think of you.

Having a safe place where you feel comfortable to Just Be You and to feel whatever it is you are feeling, is very important. It helps us to stay balanced, to release and to re-energize.

In all honesty I still have moments when I worry about what other people think about me. But now I recognize those moments. 

That recognition now gives me choices:
· To allow those thoughts to hold me back from being me 
· To notice the thought and take a stand for who I am regardless of the opinions of others

If you feel as though you have to pretend to be someone or something that you are not in order to 'fit in', not only is it exhausting, but it's also frustrating. Your true friends will accept you for who you are.

Find that happy medium between your 'home self' and your 'school self'. Being true to You will be way more fulfilling than trying to be someone that you are not.

At the end of the day when you look in the mirror, I believe it is imperative that you can say ‘I am proud of who I was today.’

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life, this is 'your choice'

Sara

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.