The Sinns Of Attraction

Incentive and Emotions

2012-01-27T09:46:00.001-08:00

I watched the Freakonomics movie the other day and it got me thinking about incentives. But more than incentives it got me thinking about how in any situation in which you are trying to persuade someone there are incentives but also emotions.

An incentive is a reason, reward or benefit someone gets from taking an action or making a decision. An example of an incentive being used in pick-up is the idea of bottle service. If you have a table and bottles of alcohol women are incentivized to talk to you, or go back to your table by the idea of free alcohol and or being around guys with $$$

But with all due respect to Steven Levitt, the incentive model ignores emotions and how emotions can affect decision making.

If we were all rational like economists predict based on market models than all it would take to motivate any group of people would be the proper incentive. But as we even see in the Freakonomics sometimes incentives fall by the wayside.

In the movie there is a short part where they follow an attempt to incentivize high school freshmen into raising their grades by offering them a small amount of money around $50. They follow two kids one of whom does raise his grades the other falls prey to peer pressure.

The peer pressure in this case is the emotional incentive. In this kid's case, it's more important and valuable to hang out with his friends and skateboard then it is to get that $50. Now obviously if the incentive were higher, he may have been more diligent, but that makes an entirely different point about price point behaviors which is less interesting. The point here was that when faced with a financial incentive or an emotional incentive 50% of the kids went with the emotion. Which basically backs up one of my favorite things I say which is this:

ALL PEOPLE MAKE EMOTIONAL DECISIONS THEN USE LOGIC TO BACK THEM UP AFTER THE FACT!

So how does this relate to pick-up?

Pretty easily. Incentives do matter, so being able to demonstrate how awesome you are and how much a girl will benefit from being around you does matter. But it only matters as much not more than the emotion a girl gets from being around you. You can't just cover one side of the coin and hope to be successful.

Hope that helps,

JS

Why can't movers or cable companies be on time ever?

2012-01-25T10:10:00.000-08:00

I feel as though this is a pretty simple task.

You say you're going to show up between 1-6 (an outrageous 5 hour time window) then show up somewhere in that time window.

Don't call me to squeeze me in at 12:30 because I will be getting Subway and the whole thing will become a mess.

Also I'm sure I have written this before but ALL cable/internet service providers are the worst. There literally is not one good one and I have tried them all from Time Warner to DirectTV and even some company that only exists in Miami. They all suck. Balls.

This time in bad cable guy service we were told they were coming between 1-6 (note the standard time window) and that they would call us 30 mins before they got here.

We never got a call until they had already left because we weren't there. Why weren't we there? Because it was 12:00 and our appt time (which they gave us) wasn't til 1. Then to add insult to injury, they told us they couldn't reschedule us until next Monday.

Then I yelled and was a bad customer and we got cable installed yesterday, with only minor inconvenience/incompetence.

Which brings me to my final point I want to make to big corporations: Stop rewarding people for bad behavior. In most companies that deal with the public (cell phones, hotels, cable) the only way to get them to help you is to be an asshole and make a big fuss. When you do that you get rewarded with money off your cell phone bill, room upgrades or sooner appointments.

Am I the only one who thinks this is a fucked up system that basically guarantees an adversarial relationship with customers?

What's worse is that the reason companies do this is to save money and time. They want to spend as little time as possible on each customer under the assumption that most people will just go along with shitty stuff because it's easier than making a stink which ironically is how you get what you want.

Anyway i'm just venting now, but I do think there's some point to the idea that all customer service industries need to reform their policies and practices to make things better for people who don't make a big deal out of things.

JS

I'm Moving

2012-01-24T13:37:00.000-08:00

Yo,

I'm moving over the next couple of days so updates will be sporadic.

But next week I want to have a special theme week with assignments and stuff for you all for free.

So check back over the next few days to hear annoying moving stories when I periodically have internet.

Talk soon,

JS

The Dennis System

2012-01-20T10:10:00.000-08:00

The real way to pick up girls :)

And yes I am having Always Sunny withdrawal...

JS

FACT: Women Make you Stupid(er)

2012-01-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

Yo yo,

I was surfing the depths of the interweb yesterday and found a link to a pretty awesome article that confirms something I have been thinking for a long time.

The act of merely mentioning a woman's name makes men perform worse on standardized tests. That's right just the mere mention let alone real life interaction.

Is it any wonder cold approach can sometimes feel like the hardest thing on Earth? I think not.

The article as a whole is worth a read, and you can check it and the study out:

Here

Word.

JS

Microexpressions and pickup

2012-01-16T14:58:00.000-08:00

Hey there,

I have been a busy busy beaver and also a sick beaver but that's another story hence no blogging for a long time.

My bad.

In the meantime I have also been studying new things that affect game hooray!

The main thing has been the work of Dr Paul Ekman. Mostly focused on emotions and facial expressions. I highly recommend checking out his website Paulekman.com

though if you don't feel like doing that I will summarize everything and tell you how to apply it to game just because I am such a nice guy :) Or I just like to hear myself talk even if it's blog form your choice.

Dr Ekman studied a ton of different cultures including ones that had no access to the media and discovered that there are 7 different kinds of UNIVERSAL facial expressions. That means no matter who you are,you express anger, fear, surprise, disgust, sadness, happiness/enjoyment, and contempt.

SO that's the good news, the bad news is that most people don't recognize these well and that people can engage in facial deceit (GASP!!!) and conceal their intentions.

The other good news is the existence of what Dr Ekman calls "microexpressions" these are 1/25-1/5 of a second flashes of emotion that EVERYONE has that you can't conceal without extensive(like juillard trained actor type) training.

So what happens when you approach a woman is she's going to flash a microexpression. Now in a dark nightclub while sipping on some syzurp it's difficult to see these tiny flashes, but in Day game this is a game changer. With a little education, ( I recommend the SETT and METT programs (which I did both of and got score of 80% METT and 96% SETT on Ekman's site, or if you want to save some money the book "Unmasking the face" by Ekman and Dr Wallace Friedson is like $8 at any bookstore.) you can learn to identify these and know EXACTLY what the girl is feeling on most approaches. It's LITERALLY like reading her mind in the first 2-3 seconds.

So far since I've studied this stuff I've seen a micro flash on EVERY single approach I've done ranging from happy(Going out with her this week) to disgust (a blowout shockingly). But mostly girls are surprised (especially on direct when it's like 90%) which is great feedback to my advice that you need to take a step back and let the girl adjust when doing direct day game so go me!

Another place where microexpressions are super useful is in physical escalation. If you watch the girls face as you escalate, you will see a flash. This is almost freakishly consistent as well, and again gives you a great bit of information for calibration. And yes, for the record all of my escalations have gotten happy flashes.

So to summarize, Dr Ekman's work is really interesting and will help you with calibration no matter where you are. The most effective piece for pickup is microexpression which are most useful in opening (day game) and in escalating where reading the girls microexpression will give you an almost 100% accurate idea of what she is thinking.

Hope that helps,

JS- The king of content

The Sky is Not Falling Again: On The Possibility of A Game Movie

2012-01-11T09:49:00.000-08:00

The only Game movie that should get made is an in-depth look at all of Neil Strauss' various lies, embellishments and blowharding.

Instead it looks like MAYBE a movie will be made next year and already people are writing stupid posts about it and worrying that the world of talking to girls is coming to an end.

Fact: No one cares about the seduction community. The book did the rounds in 2005 and for a few months you might have had a girl or two ask about opinion openers other than that the result of all of Neil's publicity was nada.

Fact: LOTS of movies get bought and optioned and yet don't end up as major releases. Chances are (I know statistics and probabilities are hard for your brain) the movie won't even end up happening. I personally have a friend who wrote and sold a movie in 06 they have been trying to cast for 5 years and supposedly that is coming out this year.

Possible Fact: No one actually teaches the same shit from 2005 right??? I mean I know I don't and I'd be shocked if anyone other than Mystery was still teaching negs etc...

So seriously don't worry about it. Instead worry about getting out there and talking to women rather than finding ANY excuse under the sun not to which is what all of you talking about this movie are doing.

LOSERS.

JS

Reasonable VS Unreasonable Goals

2012-01-04T09:39:00.000-08:00

This is sort of a New Year's post, call it semi-New Yearish...

I go back and forth a lot between whether I think it's good for guys to set reasonable or unreasonable goals.

The basic discussion comes down to this:

With reasonable goals you are MUCH MUCH more likely to achieve and therefore feel better about yourself and improve your life.

With unreasonable goals you have a MUCH MUCH MUCH worse chance of achieving these goals, however they may help you to reach higher than you would have with more reasonable goals.

So what's a guy to do?

Personally I only set realistic goals at this point of my life. It's fun to sit around and think of all these amazing situations but IME you just end getting pissed off because you won't be able to achieve the goal easily and most people (myself included) don't have the perseverance necessary to keep going through failure after failure after failure.

So my final official take is this:

If you're going to set goals, be realistic. It is not relaistic to think you will go from NEVER talking to girls to getting 4 Same Night Lays a month in 3 months. It is not realistic to expect yourself to be trying to get laid during your first few approaches etc.

The more realistic your goals are the higher the chances that you will make actual progress towards them and improve your life. Unrealistic goals have another name I like to call them; fantasies.

JS

It's been awhile...

2012-01-03T10:25:00.000-08:00

I'm not dead.

Just been lazy and busy with other crap over the holidays.

But I'm back now and looking forward to doing a lot of posting 2012.

But first I need to go finish this week's Sexual Triggers video and work on a couple of other projects. And I should really go to the gym.

I'll post another re-visiting article sometime this week and content will return to normal starting tomor.

Hope everyone had a good NYE.

JS

On Demonstrating Value Part 2: It's Not a video game!

2011-12-19T15:27:00.000-08:00

So it seems like people didn't really get what I was trying to say with the post on demonstrating value from last week.

Shocking I know.

The point I was trying to make was that the idea of "Demonstrating value" is fundamentally wrong, because as I talked about last time, value is subjective. Also it's kinda hard to figure out what a girl values specifically without sounding like a therapist. So the idea of demonstrating value is off both as a term and as a part of the pick-up process. I'll sketch out what I believe (and my research supports) actually is happening later in this post.

This gets into today's post "game" doesn't work like a video game. There is no sequence of things that you can say or do that will get you laid in every situation. Unlike a video game there isn't ONLY 1 way to pass a level or achieve a goal. There are a huge variety of variables that are not present in a video game and rely on a real person with her own feelings, thoughts and agendas.

Such as:
The type of girl you're talking to
Her current mood
Her romantic status (Is she single, looking, taken,)
Her previous thoughts about guys who look like you
Her history with guys
Her age
and on and on...

Pickup is actually much more like the game roulette. The variables are almost infinite and luck plays a much bigger part than we are willing to acknowledge. This also leads us to the Gambler's Fallacy and how that effects the way pick-up advice is given.

The gamblers fallacy can be illustrated as follows. "Fabio" has a system for playing roulette. His "system"(bro) is to play red every time. He has lost 3 times in a row. When he loses he doubles his bet under the Gambler's fallacy that red should come up next time since it's been black 3 times in a row.

The reason this is false is because each roulette spin is independent of the last spin. On AVERAGE over a long enough time line or certain number of spins it will come up red or black about 50% of the time each. But that does NOT mean it's going to be red or black 50% of any given number set, like Fabio's 3 spins thus far. Each time the wheel is spun the chances of red or black coming up are around 50% no matter how many times a color has come up in a row.

Hopefully you're still following me, I know things like academic research are difficult to read when you're used to advice like "Be A MAN!" and "Make the ho say no!" but I digress.

Each approach is like a spin of a roulette wheel, just because the last 5 girls I talked to who looked like this girl were(or not) into me, does not GUARANTEE this girl is going to be into me, because EVERY girl is different. Like each individual roulette spin.

So some women are going to respond to a guy who's hard to get, while others will not bother. Other woman will want a guy to be really aggressive and interested in her. And so on and so forth.

So am I basically just telling you to give up and that there is no hope to systematically attract a woman?

Not exactly...

There is one thing that all people(men included) respond to, that's emotions.

All people make emotional decisions (Such as continuing a conversation, being alone with a guy they just met, giving out their number, going home with a guy) and then use logic (he's a writer, he's hot, it just happened, I felt a great connection, he's sexy, I was drunk) to explain them.

Emotional stimulation is what happens during the "attraction" phase. In fact if you can't get any of what I call "emotional fluidity" (the ability to influence her emotionally positive or negative) the conversation ends very quickly.

Hell even pissing a girl off is better than getting apathy (Which is often what you get with DHV stories don't lie)

Let's look at some of the given attraction tactics and see how they stimulate emotions:

Negs/Teasing- Causes frustration, want for validation,humor
Storytelling- Range of emotions usually positive and humorous
Role-playing- Range,
Cold Reads- Intrigue, curiosity,

There's more but I want to wrap this up before I get carpal tunnel syndrome.

Because there's an almost limitless range of emotions, the true skill of attraction comes from learning to get an EMOTIONAL response from the beginning. Sometimes this even means pissing a girl off when she's being all apathetic and shit.

Which is also coincidentally why I was once able to pick up a girl at the W in Dallas with the opening line " I hope a plane crashes into this patio and kills everyone." she was in a negative emotion and I realized it (subconsciously at the time) and adapted.

And also ya know what I've been teaching for the 3 years I've been on my own.

Boom, Lawyered.

JS- The king of content- You come at the king, you best not miss :)

"You Already Know What I'm About"- On Managing Expectations

2011-12-14T10:41:00.000-08:00

Yo,

Ever since the whole Kristen situation spiraled (Horribly) out of control, I have been more anti-commitment than ever (It is possible believe it or not).

I also figured out how to get laid A TON with minimal (Sometimes never) telling the girl you like her. I'm still trying to piece together everything I'm doing that's reproduceable (The whole me being emotionally dead thing is hard to mirror) and here's what I got. This stuff is not very nice, and it shouldn't be used with girls you're OPEN to having a relationship with but if you want to avoid drama, commitment, neediness and emotions while banging lots of chicks, here's some advice(I'm totally going to hell).

1. Qualify more for compliance than for compliments. When you REALLY don't want the girl to get attached (Or at least to get over it quickly) qualification goes back to being a Mystery Method style phase as opposed to actually looking for what you want in a girl. The more you give specific reasons you like her the harder it's going to be to keep her from catching feelings.

2. Be Busy. I actually am insanely busy with a Sinns of Attraction, a side business, kickboxing, friends and fucking other girls so that part wasn't hard. If you're not busy then you need to frame yourself as SUPER busy upfront to start to negate the demands on your time the girl will expect.

3. Lead with your "Not looking for a relationship" foot. I now start every date with an explanation of how AWESOME my single life is, and how much I like being single and am not looking for a relationship. Some girls will ACT like they're not into this idea, don't give up. Oftentimes PK (Post Kristen) I've been on dates where girls verbally disagreed with that yet slept with me anyway.

4. Don't talk every day. Go several days without contact on a regular basis. Don't establish a text pattern where she expects to hear from you every day or at a certain time. Don't return texts or calls too eagerly.

5. Treat her really nicely. Be super gentlemanly, pay for (almost) everything, open doors, make sure she cums etc... By combining being a good guy with being upfront about what you're looking for there is less for her to complain about both to you and her friends. It doesn't make you a good guy but maybe you'll get preferential seating in hell near Stalin :)

6. Be a cold soldier. Every now and then girls will test you, by saying "I miss you" trying to hangout every day, getting you to meet their friends (You know stuff girls do when they like you).. This is where the word "No" is your best friend. You were upfront, there is NO obligation for you to do any of this stuff.

7. Don't rub her face in the fact you're dating other women. Don't lie but don't tell the truth either. She needs to know you're dating other people. She doesn't need to know how many, their names or anything like that.

8. Cut Needy Chicks early. I met a girl at CVS who was smoking hot. The issue was she was BLOWING my phone up 3-4 times a day before we even went out. I had to let that one go knowing that the lay would not be worth the headache that accompanied it. If you're trying to be happily single, cut needy chicks off as soon as the neediness starts. ESPECIALLY if you haven't slept with them yet. It won't get better.

9. Man up and tell them it's over. At some point certain girls get annoying, or you get over it. Rather than just disappear, send a break-up text like

Hey, I'm not really sure how to say this, but I don't think we should see each other anymore. I think you're a really cool girl, but I just don't see this going anywhere and I think we should both move on. Sorry. Jon

And there you go a beginner's guide to keeping it moving. Which is what I do best.

JS-The King Of Content

Re-visiting Pick-Up Dogma Part 2: On Demonstrating value

2011-12-12T16:14:00.001-08:00

Hey There,

I want to pick back up with my Re-Visiting Pick-up dogma series. Last time we looked at being non-reactive and focused on the idea that having the RIGHT reaction is better than sitting there with no reaction.

Today I want to talk about that prickly Pick-up pear (try saying that 3 times fast) known as Demonstrating value.

The idea as taught back in the day by guys like Mystery went a little something like this:

You are a 5(no matter what you look like) and she is a 10(no matter what she thinks she is/the environment etc) so in order to get her interested, you need to simultaneously lower her value while raising your own.

This was done through the use of two tools: Negs and Demonstrations of value (DHV). Now I'm going to to be tackling Negs in their own separate post, so here we'll be focusing on the DHVs.

Back in the day the DHVs that were commonly taught were:

1. Pre-selection. The idea that demonstrating or verbalizing the idea that other women are attracted to you causes attraction. Verdict: True. Probably the best thing I got from Mystery (and it flies in the face of a lot of typical dating advice) is the idea that dropping a hot ex GF into conversation causes attraction and it does, though not as well as actual demonstration.
2. Leader of Men. The idea that being the leader of your group was inherently attractive. Also one of the lamest things you could possibly say to a woman " I'm a leader of men." Verdict: True in theory. It's a good piece of head nodding material as power is attractive. However it's hard to actually demonstrate this without seeming like you are OBVIOUSLY trying to impress the girl.
3. Protector of Loved Ones. Verdict: False. This is WAY more of a comfort thing. It's also one of those things that is difficult to use in field. It's not something you're going to just casually throw into the first few minutes without seemingly like you are qualifying yourself.

So there's no inherent problem with those other than them being kinda head nodding material, and being difficult to implement unless you naturally have good conversational skills and social intelligence which most students don't.

Now we need to move on to what the REAL problem with the whole DHV model really is; value is subjective. While there are things that are universally attractive to women, they also happen to be the things that most guys who find this stuff don't have going for them. These are things like money, looks, height, social status, etc... Outside of those things value is a subjective thing. What is valuable to a party girl at a club in LA is different from what is valuable to a professional girl out to dinner with her girlfriend at a trendy lounge in Seattle. Older women value certain things that younger women don't, and vice versa.

So the real challenge and skill of attraction is being able to figure out on the fly what this particular girl in front of you is going to value and then trying to demonstrate that. This also ties back into the whole idea that being non-reactive is bad because instead of being non-reactive we want to tailor our interaction to the girl we're talking to.

Which is why DHV routines are so hit or miss for students. Sometimes they work but other times they fall flat because you're using them at the wrong time with the wrong girl.

SO the key points to take from this article are:

There is no "value formula" that works every time. Instead value is subjective and is mostly based on the individual girl in front of you.

Therefore the MOST important part of attraction is being able to figure out WHAT the girl in front of you values and using that rather than a paint by numbers approach.

Hope that helps,

JS-The King Of Content

Maxxing Out Your Look

2011-12-09T14:21:00.001-08:00

Hey there,

So continuing on my theme of Maxxing Out(Here's where I'd insert a trademark :P)

I want to write briefly about what I think the first, easiest and best thing to max out is; your look.

It's really not hard to take yourself from less than attractive to attractive. 3s become 5s, 5s become 7s etc...

I firmly believe that ANY guy can max out his look within 6 months - 1 year unless he's HORRIFICALLY obese and has to spend years losing hundreds of excess pounds.

Again keep in mind that MOST guys are not going to max out at a 10 without plastic surgery, height implants, and a time machine. We're not aiming for perfection we're aiming for the best we can be. If you're bald you're not turning into Fabio. Sorry.

So what do we need to max out look wise:

1. Body. As a guy if you have nice looking arms, no muffin/top and a semi defined chest you're basically a 7 as long as you're not hideously deformed in the face. So if you're obviously out of shape and it's important to you to meet women get your ass in the gym. Or on a bike or into a karate class or whatever EXERCISE you like you 3-5 times a week. If you're too skinny lift weights and eat weight gainer.

2. Skin tone. Acne is a MEDICAL problem. Go to a DR if you have gross acne, don't try to cure it with cream from the mall. Also if you're really pale, get a tan. Even if you have to fake and bake it will give you a chance to meet girls who also go tanning.

3. Hair. If you're bald/balding go Bruce Willis. Don't try to hang on, don't comb it, don't have spikes that start in the middle of your head. Also if you have hair and it's going grey dye that shit if you want younger chicks, or shut up. Then get a real haircut not a $10 job from some chick who barely speaks english, spend $50 for something that can make you 2 pts better looking by itself.

4. Get a look. Girls should be able to stereotype you in 1-2 words by the way you dress. Rocker, Hip Hop guy, Nerd, Hipster, Jock, Prep. Pick a style and then dress that way rather than doing what 90% of guys do and throwing together hit that doesn't match and looks terrible. If you have to get some personal shopping done for you at Nordstrom's (it's free).

5. Accessories. Having a couple of accessories or things girls can talk to you about is always good. I have a tattoo, and a collection of funny t-shirts. You may have a watch or ring or necklace or shoes that starts conversation but get something. 1 thing not 97 like back in the day peacocking.

With those 5 areas you can max your look out usually in only a few months.

Word.

JS

Maximizing Yourself Out

2011-12-07T14:11:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been really inerested in the idea of a guy maxxing himself out or maximizing his lifestyle, skillset, and inner psych.

Most people are not going to max out with a supermodel, a Ferrari and a life of lounging on the beach, but it's a much better goal to aim for than the ones usually pushed on guys by the SUISC.

So how does one max out?

First you have to take an honest (and you'd be SHOCKED by how many guys lie to me while asking for help) look at where you are.

You start with the physical, are you worse looking than you could be? Then you look at your living situation, your job, friends, social life etc...

The point is it's a long process but it's the only way to see real long term change and to actually reach your potential.

Plus most guys (myself included) are nowhere near where they could be with a little effort.

JS

About Captain Jack

2011-12-05T09:35:00.000-08:00

Hey there,

I know I've been getting some ?s about CJ and you're all quite persistent so here goes:

CJ is cool, he's working really hard right now doing the marketing for a multimillion dollar company, that's going through a huge growth phase right now.

His website is down because of some mix up with the hosting company. So even though he still owns Betheseducer.com they won't restore his content. Sucks right?

Other than that he seems to be in good spirits and has been focusing on meditation and spirituality as well as cleaning up his health and stuff.

He didn't seem to be going out much the last time we talked which was probably a month or so ago.

So there ya go,

JS

This Blog Is For Guys Who Are Bad With Women

2011-12-01T14:29:00.000-08:00

I've been getting a rash of comments over the last few weeks giving super simplified advice as a juxtaposition to what I'm writing.

What these assclowns don't understand is that the advice "Just fuck her" is not particularly useful for the guys who read this blog.

Guys who read this blog generally are more hard cases (as I was and as EVERYONE who googles pickup advice etc is).

Sooo when you MR armchair pickup guru give advice that I'm sure works for you and your jabronie friends (as you must be so completely overwhelmed with pussy that you have time to comment on blogs designed to help you get laid more) it is annoying and frustrating for guys who are the actual target audience I'm writing to.

The guys I write this blog for need help and date ideas, and conversational topics and overviews of how to talk to women. Otherwise they wouldn't be coming here to read my 1100 and something post over the last 6 years. And those guys are the reason I still write this blog even when it seems as though I've exhausted every way to talk about pickup in writing...

If you want to brag about how awesome you are be a condescending prick, you can do it somewhere else as I will now be blocking those comments. All comments telling me I suck and should die of a horrible disease will still be allowed as those make me LOL.

Good talk,

JS

Good Date Spot-Theme Parks

2011-11-28T18:05:00.000-08:00

I went to Magic Mountain yesterday and it is a surprisingly good place to take a date(other than the glaring need for alcohol).

Most theme parks are btw $ 30-40 a person and can be fun for 4-6 hours easy. So it's not WAY more expensive than going out for a few drinks in a city like LA, NY or Vegas.

Plus it's a lot of fun, gets the heart going, and gives PLENTY of opportunity for built in conversation. I definitely am going to start taking more dates there.

Word.

JS

End Of The Year Already...

2011-11-21T10:48:00.000-08:00

Man every year goes by faster and faster...

Now is as good a time as ever to look back over your goals for dating over the last year and how close you came to achieving them.

And if you didn't it's a good time to start planning for next year, as nightlife will take a down turn after this Wed until New Year's Eve with the holiday/boyfriend season in full swing.

JS

The 1% fantasy and how it's ruining your life

2011-11-16T10:03:00.000-08:00

How many people do you think are actually millionaires in the US? Not millionaire on paper.

How many people are famous?

How many guys sleep with more than 1 new girl a week?

Hint it's a really low percentage of people...

Like 1% of 1% of the population.

The point is that any of these goals (which 90% of people reading this have in one form or another) are going to be REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to accomplish.

Is it possible?

Sure but 99% of you are not going to be willing to put in the time effort or energy needed to have a chance of success.

And 99% of the ones of you who do put in the time effort and energy are still NOT going to make it due to luck, health, bad breaks, or changes in priorities.

Now that I've suitably depressed you, let's talk about the good part of this news.

The good part is that NONE of you actually want these fantasies. What you want is the feeling that the fantasy would allow you to have.

You want to make 10 Million dollars? Why? What would change in your life if you had 10 mil right now? Besides the superficial, you'll probably find something like "I would be less stressed about security and able to focus on what I like doing."

You want to sleep with 100 girls? Why? What would that do for you? Would it make you feel cooler? Would it make you feel like a success with women. What would it do for you?

And more importantly when you ask yourself these questions, is there something you could be doing right now, that would give you the same or similar feelings?

Chances are there is, people don't do things for the surface reasons. People who want to be famous have their reasons for it usually having to do with needing to prove their value to people, people who want to sleep around a lot are looking for something as well. Even guys who want to get girlfriends are looking for some emotional fix....

So the solution is 2 fold:

1. Let go of the 1% of 1% fantasy. Just give it up, we are all the rule not the exception.

2. Figure out what you were actually trying to get emotionally from that 1% fantasy and see if there is a more realistic healthy and sustainable way to achieve it.

That is all.

JS

I'm Not Saving The World

2011-11-14T10:32:00.000-08:00

Hey there,

I was gone the last two weeks first to a positivity nazi conference where I was officially the most hated on man in the world, and then recovering for a week where I mostly over-ate and smoked a lot of pot.

But now I'm back, and I wanted to talk about something I've been thinking about since I heard another "guru" talking about how he was changing the world one guy at a time or some other such super lame oversimplification of what we do in the SUISC.

It's also at this point in the listening that I feel like yelling at the speaker like Mark Wahlberg in "The Departed"

" Do you know what we do here?"

" No you don't, if you knew what we do here we would not be good at our job. We would be pricks. You calling us pricks?"

But I digress.

I am not saving the world by teaching guys how to get better at sleeping with chicks.

You can use slippery slope logic or tell me all about the 1 guy who really needs this stuff or he's going to kill himself all you want.

The truth is still the truth. And the truth is it's kinda weird to teach guys how to pick up chicks. You can spin it all you want and engage in self deception to make yourself(the "guru") feel better about it the same way other guys who are good with gilrs justify cheating on their GFs. The human mind is amazingly good at convincing us that what we want to do is OK.

This is the truth:

This is NOT a Men's movement.

This is NOT making the world a better place.

This is NOT one day going to be taught in colleges.

This is not some secret knowledge that will change the world once made public.

You are NOT necessarily a better more whole person just because you can get laid consistently.

And NOT all men are interested in learning this stuff.

These are the facts, not some grand delusion I come up with to make myself feel better so I can go to sleep at night.

I know my stuff works and it does what I say it will do.

No more, no less.

If you want to learn how to get better at sleeping with girls I'm your guy.

If you want some sort of guru type who is going to take you by the hand and tell you about how great pickup is and how it's changing the world,and how you're special because you know about it, you should probably find someone else.

Just keeping it 100.

JS-The King Of Content

HappY Halloween!

2011-10-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

It's officially Halloween today!

I've had an awesome Halloween weekend but I just realized that we've been having a massive Halloween sale for our email list subscribers that I haven't shared with you blog readers... YET

It's a great deal with almost all of our products at a huge discount to help you get out there and meet the girl of your dreams TONIGHT.

Check it out Here:

SALE

Word

JS

Today In Fuck You: People who tell you how in love they are two weeks after they start dating.

2011-10-28T10:24:00.001-07:00

This is a particularly relevant topic here, as guys who teach pick up are the # 1 offenders of this particular brand of douchbaggery.

I HATE it when someone (guy, girl, whatever) goes on and on about how they're so in love with this new person they're dating, when they've only been dating a few weeks, and or are not yet in a serious BF/GF relationship.

Seriously you need to stop, before I lose my shit and start mocking you for being the naive and emotionally needy loser you are.

First of all, no one else cares! I don't give a shit. I mean of all the things in the world whether or not you're insanely happy with your new BF/GF whatever really doesn't matter. And I don't think I'm speaking for just me, when I say there are roughly 9,876,142 things I care about more than the status of your 2 week old relationship.

Secondly for whatever reasons ( Probably because I'm friends with community guys and players) the same guys who spend 74 hours yakkking my ear off about how in love they are, cheat on these same girls like a month later.

If you cheat on a girl you spent over an hour telling me you were in in love with, I should be allowed a free hour of wasting your time talking about the subject of my choice which will be "Chardee Mcdennis: The Game Of Games."

Lastly lest someone think this is some sort of rant against being in love or being happy in your relationship, it's not. I think it's fine to be in love and in a relationship. But that doesn't happen in 2 weeks. The same way they advise couples not to tell people they're pregnant for the first few months in case something happens. My problem is specifically with the people who spend an inordinate amount of time talking to others (namely me) about how they're sooo in love and happy in their relationship, when the relationship just started last Tuesday, or they are clearly not in a serious relationship and just want attention or something to talk about.

To those people I say : FUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

To everyone else have a great Halloween weekend.

JS

Re-Visiting Pick-up Dogma Part 1: Being non-reactive

2011-10-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to do a series for awhile, that looked at some of the most commonly expressed ideas in the Secret Underground Internet Seduction Community (SUISC) and held them up to a little bit more examination in 2011 as opposed to 2000-2005 when most of these ideas were espoused.

The first thing I wanted to talk about was the idea of being non-reactive.

The idea of being non-reactive is one of the most discussed ideas in the SUISC. With the majority of the advice advising one to "be non reactive no matter what!", "Imagine what Clint Eastwood would do." and one piece I recently saw even advised simply staring at the girl. It all adds up to a some good information mixed with a bunch of bad metaphors that make it seem like the average guy starting out, needs to aim to be some sort of emotionless robot of pickup.

Which obviously is not correct.

So let's delve a little deeper into what those wacky PUAs are really trying to get across.

First let's start with the name, "being non-reactive" is misleading. You're always going to be having a reaction in a social interaction, even if that reaction is simply to sit there and stare in silence(an option guaranteed to fail 100% of the time BTW). So the goal of "being non-reactive" in it's purest form is to sit there staring like a stone which obviously won't help you get girls.

Instead what you want to strive for is not showing a negative emotional reaction, when you're NERVOUS or things are going badly. The thinking here being that a girl is not a mind reader and if you don't show any signs that you're nervous or think it's going badly, she'll assume you're confident. The essence of "Fake it til you make it".

Here's the second problem, in most situations I read and listened to (and it was a lot Daddy likes research) the advice of "be non-reactive" was being given in situations(real or hypothetical) where an approach was ALREADY going bad. You'll rarely hear someone be told to "be unreactive" when the girl is eating up everything you're doing. This re-affirms my point that the advice of being "non-reactive" is only relevant in situations where things are already not going well.

So instead of saying "be non-reactive" we could say always act like things are normal, especially when it's not going well. Which is much more accurate and easy to understand advice.

My last problem with the idea of being unreactive comes back to the idea that EVERYTHING is a reaction. If we accept that everything is a reaction, then the best gameplan for getting a girl is not to "be unreactive" but instead to have the best possible reaction for the specific girl in the specific situation.

This is because as we all know all girls are different and each one has specific preferences. The more you can tailor your seduction (or personality if you're a sociopath) to her individual preferences, the more successful you will be.

Hopefully that explains why the idea of being "non-reactive" sounds great in theory but in practice falls more than a little short of being good advice.

JS-The King of content

Goal Hijacking

2011-10-24T11:09:00.001-07:00

Hey there,

Short post today on the topic of goal hijacking.

What is goal hijacking?

Goal hijacking is what happens when a person sets a goal whether it's to lose weight, make more money or get better with the opposite sex. Then this person shares his/her goal with a group of like minded individuals at a seminar, a mastermind group or an internet message board, and then their goal gets literally hijacked by another goal they hadn't thought about before.

A common example I've seen looks like this: a guy wants to get a girlfriend so he'll be less lonely and have more sex. Then he starts googling "How To Get A Girlfriend" or " Get better with girls" and the like and finds all these products that sound amazing!!! Or he get on the message boards and reads (Often fake) Lay Reports by these guys that sound like something written to Letter To Penthouse (Also fake).

All of a sudden, getting a girlfriend doesn't sound so great anymore.

Goal hijacking happens A LOT. Especially when you haven't fully fleshed out what you want to get out of a given goal.

When it comes to goal setting, there are two parts: The goal itself and the benefits you are going to get from achieving that goal.

To use the weight loss example, if you lose 20LBS, you're not only going to reach your goal, but you're going to get increased health benefits, you're going to look younger and more attractive and you're going to be happier and more confident in the way you look.

The weight loss is the goal, the rest are the benefits of achieving that goal. So when it comes to picking a goal for meeting women, we want to pick a goal that we not only want, but will get us the benefits we're looking for as well. Then we want to stick to it and focus only on that goal until we achieve it.

Otherwise we stand the risk of being the victim of goal hijacking.

Hope that helps,

JS-The King Of Content

The Counter Productives

2011-10-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday!

The weeks are really flying by as we get to the end of the year huh?

Today I wanted to talk about a new concept I've been teaching my Private Coaching students over the last few months.

I call it The Counter Productives: The concept is this, every guy has things he does that are counter productive to their success with women. This could be anything from rationalizing you don't have the time, to thinking a girl is too hot to be interested in you before you approach her.

If you can figure out the things you do that are counter productive, rather than focusing on trying to do the right thing, you can just remove the counter productive behavior and by default you should do the right thing by process of elimination.

Here are some common examples of counter productive behaviors I've seen:

Hovering- if you stop hovering, you either approach or don't approach right away thus making a much better first impression.

Not making enough time to go out- Instead of making reasons you can't go out, look for ways to go out within your schedule. Something as simple as going to the mall for an hr after work can markedly improve your results.

Making excuses not to approach- Either approach or don't but one of the worst mistakes guys make is getting into the habit of looking for every excuse not to approach. There will always be a reason not to approach if you look hard enough. The guys who get better either approach or don't but they don't waste time making excuses as to why they're not approaching.

Worrying about what type of girl she is before you approach her- This is a prime example of what I like to call "mind reading" except unfortunately for us, none of us can actually read a girl's mind. I'm reminded of this time and time again when a girl will have an accent or be from out of town or have a personality completely the opposite of what I would have guessed before I approached her.You NEVER actually know what a girl is like until you approach her. Good or bad.

The beauty of using counter productives is it's a much easier way to improve your game. For a lot of guys remembering to do something is MUCH more difficult than remembering NOT to do something. Also because a lot of us are unaware of our own counter productive behavior, once it's pointed out you'll notice yourself doing it almost automatically and once you notice it, you can begin to stop it.

Try this out yourself, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the results.

JS-The King Of Content