…but come on! Who can resist the charms of the original Hairy Haggis?

Thompson writes that “track is the rare sport where success comes to the scrawniest, and it has helped thousands of dorks at thousands of high schools.”

I was pretty scrawny in high school – still am, truth be told – but Thompson edges just past what might be the reason running is the popular choice of athletic endeavor – its accessibility.

Just about every other sport has requirements, whether they be venue, equipment, specialized knowledge, additional people and/or physical stature. Running these days doesn’t even require shoes.

Most of us would feel uncomfortable showing up at a neighborhood 3-on-3 basketball tournament, but we have no qualms lining up behind (far behind) Ryan Hall and Kara Goucher at a major marathon. I’ll venture a guess that there is less individual performance anxiety at a road race than at any other organized sport.

I mean this in the most positive way possible – maybe we run because we’re sports misfits. We’ve joined the gang of other misfits who are too short, too thin, too fat, too ill-equipped to pass the gatekeepers of other sports. You can tell people, “I’m a runner” in a way you could never say, “I’m a hockey goalie.”

And despite the fact that almost none of us will ever win a race, there is still a significant level of athletic accomplishment every time you go out there. You might be slow compared with other runners, but you’re better at a legitimate athletic achievement than Michael Jordan, Justin Verlander, Serena Williams and Tiger Woods – even sprinter Tyson Gay, who once said, “To be out there running without stopping for two to five hours is just crazy to me.”

I’m reminded of Bill Murray’s motivational speech from the movie Stripes:

It requires using a Nike + account, but otherwise you just need to run an awful lot. This video explains (English subtitles):

The Patrick Cudahy Race for the Bacon takes place June 14 at the Wisconsin State Fair Park in West Allis. The race is a combined 5k and 10k but who cares about that? The important thing is that each runner receives a free entry to the Bacon Bash - a “sizzling bacon-themed party” with beer, music and “several delicious bacon treats,” including Bayou Pasta Salad with Chopped Bacon. Not as alluring as Bayou Bacon Salad with Chopped Bacon, but still.

I suggest you suit up appropriately, with bacon shoes…

…bacon socks…

…bacon shorts…

…bacon shirt…

…bacon fingernails…

…and the ever-popular bacon sports bra.

The inscription on the mascara reads, “They’re real!”

There will be makeovers and goodies for spectators along the way.

This is a great idea, as long as they don’t invite Katy Perry and her giant lipstick.

The Brazilians liked it:

Even the Inebriates liked it:

Don’t be left out! Here’s a helpful instructional video:

Apparently this is called the para para dance. Not to be confused with the pata pata dance, though they share some similarities.