1) Turks and Caicos

2) San Juan, Puerto Rico

3) St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands

4) Half Moon Cay, Bahamas

5) Walt Disney World

It pays to marry the owner of Island Getaways Travel.

Apparently, rumors are flying across the InterTubes that Taneish Simpson (aka “Lava” from the VH1 reality series For the Love of Ray J) is pregnant with the child of world record sprinter Usain Bolt.

The undying international search for photos of Ms. Simpson invariably leads them to this Running Is Funny post, where I posted the news (?) of LavaBolt’s relationship.

So, because I have no pride, scruples or standards, I’ve placed another photo of Lava to accompany this story. Here’s a shout-out to you, Croatia and Turkey!

There were arrayed the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man. The number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands.

Behind me, someone spoke, and I turned to see the voice that spoke with me.

His head and his hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were as a flame of fire; and his feet like unto fine brass, as though they burned in a furnace, and his voice as the sound of many waters.

He said unto me, “Razz causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to run the distance of the Beast. Here is wisdom: Let him that hath understanding count the distance of the Beast, for it is the number of six hundred threescore and six.”

He continued, “If any man fail to complete the distance of the Beast, he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone, and have no rest day or night.”

The trumpets of heaven sounded, and the race commenced.

Mile 1 – 9:08

I began last, though I said unto the runners of the earth to beware: “I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee.”

Mile 2 – 8:48

I came upon the hindmost group, and they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions. And they had breastplates like breastplates of iron, and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots with many horses running to battle.

And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stingers in their tails; and their power was to hurt men five months.

Mile 3 – 8:38

Though they were swift of foot, I swept pass them, and they shall bewail and lament when they shall see the smoke of their burning.

One woe is past; and behold, there come two more woes hereafter.

Mile 4 – 8:37

Then past the next slowest racers I ran. The first being was like a lion, and the second being like a calf, and the third being had the face of a man, and the fourth being was like a flying eagle. And each of the four living beings had six wings about him, and they were full of eyes within; and they rested not day and night.

Mile 5 – 8:35

As I overtook them they gnawed their tongues from pain. They were scorched with great heat, and they blasphemed the name of God.

Mile 6 – 8:39

The second woe is past: and behold, the third woe cometh quickly.

I swept into the lead. I was weary, and I looked behind, and behold, a pale horse, and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.

Mile 6.66 – 5:25 (8:13 pace)

And lo! I recalled the Word: “Hold fast that which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.”

They could not overtake me, and they blasphemed because of their pains and their sores, and repented not of their deeds.

Finish: 57:54 (8:42 pace)

And the Beast was taken, and cast alive into a lake of fire, burning with brimstone.

I heard the voice of harpers harping with their harps.

And I saw, as it were, a sea of glass mingled with fire, and them that had gotten the victory over the beast standing on the sea of glass and having the harps of God, along with the merchandise of gold, and silver, and precious stones, and of pearls; and fine linen, and purple, and silk, and scarlet; all scented wood, all manner of vessels of ivory and most precious wood, and of brass, and iron, and marble; and cinnamon, and perfumes, and ointments, and frankincense, and wine, and oil, and fine flour, and wheat; and cattle, and sheep, and horses, and chariots; and slaves, and the souls of men.

And the voice from heaven said unto me: “Write the things which thou hast seen. Write, for these words are true and faithful.”

1) Beer. The thought of drinking beer at 9 a.m. is enough to make me hurl, but I’ve done it several times after half-marathons and it is always blissful.

2) Minestrone soup. Particularly when accompanied by the beer.

3) Pancakes. I would eat pancakes during a race if someone would set up a special aid station. But I guess you have to do ultras for that kind of service.

4) Doughnuts. I wouldn’t, however, eat doughnuts during a race.

5) Naked Juice. All the fruit I crave without the bothersome peeling and chewing.

One in ten joggers said that they have sex at least once a day and three per cent of joggers said they have sex twice a day.

Amongst non-runners one in four (25 per cent) said they had sex once a month or less.

The survey, which questioned 1,000 runners and 1,000 non-runners, also found that one in ten male runners confessed to thinking about sex while exercising.

In comparison, only five per cent of woman said they think about sex while running and almost half spend their time thinking about how the exercise is benefitting them.

The poll, carried out for healthcare charity Sue Ryder Care, also found that a quarter of joggers admitted going running to help them flirt with the opposite sex in a trend branded ‘flunning’.

More than a third said they have managed to strike up a conversation with someone of the opposite sex while running.

The survey sponsor said there are almost 600,000 “flunners” in the UK and ”It’s a great opportunity for single runners to get out there and find their lovematch.”

I’m Single-Task Bob. The only thing I can think about while running is running. I’m guessing those who flirt while running aren’t very good at either. And will my man card be revoked if I suggest you just let the poor women run? If I catch you flunning with my wife I will flun you up, big time.

I did learn, however, that three percent of joggers are lying.