Running Is Funny

Course of the Force: Olympic Torch Run for Decidedly Non-Olympians

Mike — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:26:20 +0000

Most of us will never run in the Olympics, nor will we ever carry the Olympic torch. And it appears a sizable segment of the population is locked in the basement playing World of Warcraft or wondering what Joss Whedon is up to. No matter! Now, thanks to Course of the Force, you can combine the hyper-athletic with the less-than-athletic by running a quarter-mile of the distance between Santa Monica and San Diego carrying a lightsaber, finishing up at the world-famous Comic-Con. Here’s how:

It isn’t cheap – $500 for the privilege – but proceeds benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Costumes are highly encouraged, so if you decide to do this, I expect photos and a full race report. But if you don’t think running and Star Wars go together, perhaps this will change your mind:

Doughnut Challenge for Lightweights

Mike — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 18:40:47 +0000

We all know about the Krispy Kreme Challenge, which now requires a five-mile run and consumption of a dozen doughnuts. I’d have a better chance of completing an IronMan wearing a suit of armor, but I’ve only just learned that in my local area we have a doughnut run for food race weaklings like myself.

It’s called the Donut Dash 4-4-4-4 and it’s scaled down a bit. Two mile run, four doughnuts, and two miles back. If you’re still squeamish, you can eat six doughnut holes instead. Proceeds benefit the Child Life Program at Sutter Children’s Center.

Despite my deep love for doughnuts and all forms of fried dough, normally I would avoid this like the plague. But isn’t it incumbent upon me as the creator of a funny running web site to participate and report back to you, dear readers?

Now that I’ve mentioned it, stay tuned to these pages while I work on ways to weasel out of it.

Asparagus Pee Is Warmer Than Rain

Mike — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:37:21 +0000

Running Is Funny has previously highlighted the awesome race reports of Patrick Fawcett. His latest edition, from the Snowman Shuffle 4-Miler in Louisville, featured these observations:

3:55 a.m. – I have been stretching now for nearly 7 ½ hours. I am nothing more than pudding, cased in a bag of pasty skin.

7:30 a.m. – Before I leave, I catch a final glimpse of my 11 year-old former running partner. She briefly opens her eyes and mutters, “Try not to have a stroke, dad.”

8:20 a.m. – Further proving that I have no idea how to talk to a woman, I quickly run out of reasonable topics to discuss and I begin telling Katy about the time I cried my eyes out while watching Philadelphia, and then stood up and accused everyone in the room of being monsters for not crying as well.

8:57 a.m. – Rain is cold. And wet, too. The positive is that I can now pee myself with impunity. The negative is that the likelihood of nipple chaffing has gone up exponentially. The latter is of particular concern as I have twice been named, “Supplest Nipples” by Areola Aficionado Quarterly.

9:28 a.m. – I have conquered the hill without expelling any additional bodily fluids (it’s cold and asparagus pee is warmer than rain).

9:30 a.m. – For the record, I’m still running sub-10 minute miles. Suck it, Susan G. Komen Foundation.

No Digging Required in Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon

Mike — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:41:25 +0000

With the new Fox TV series Alcatraz igniting interest in that old island prison, there should be additional incentive to get in on the action of the Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon, set for June 10.

The race does begin with a 1.5 mile swim from Alcatraz, but is a traditional triathlon otherwise. That’s too bad, because an event modeled on this novelty T-shirt would be much more fun.

Tunnelling would be a cool addition and make the subsequent swim even more challenging. Having everyone compete in prison-issue striped pajamas would be pretty awesome, too.

Hmmm… maybe we could throw in a “hide and seek” element at the end as well.

Mr. Quiggly’s Super Bowl Race

Mike — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 19:12:34 +0000

We’re already past the point where Super Bowl commercials are as much of a draw as the game itself. Now we’re getting teasers for TV ads before the game. Skechers already released its running-related Super Bowl ad featuring Mr. Quiggly.

You’ll notice he started slow and ran a negative split.

Damned If You Do and Jailed If You Don’t

Mike — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:33:31 +0000

The Daily Illini warns us that “Jogging in shorts can be risky in winter weather.”

But the good people in the upscale neighborhoods of Columbia, South Carolina, aren’t too crazy about the alternative.

Registering for Chicago? Mullet Over

Mike — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:57:17 +0000

Sure it’s the first day to register for the Chicago Marathon, but who needs all those crowds of posers? The line is much shorter to register for a race with our kind of people – the Mullet Haul in Charleston, South Carolina.

The Mullet Haul consists of five- and ten-mile trail races in which mullets are not required, but highly encouraged. Not only can you compete for an age group award, but for the top spot on Rate My Mullet! (Competition, as you can see for yourself, is fierce.)

Don’t delay. Bring the whole family!