Roz' Corner

Resolutions ~ Bah! Humbug!

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 17:44:00 +0000

Yep – I don’t believe in resolutions in the beginning of a year. It usually turns out to be a set up for failure. Do you ever wonder why?

Resolutions are usually filled with good intentions that are fueled by the emotion of guilt. People look back and all they see is what they did not accomplish. They become determined to change their world and accomplish the unaccomplished with new gusto until the first major challenge arises or life’s curve balls come into play.

Why do resolutions not work? The answer is easy. There was no plan or the plan laid out was unrealistic. It’s easy to say – I’m going to (fill in the blank) this year but what’s your plan? And if you do have a plan – is it realistic?

Study up on the area you want to change or jump into.
Let’s use losing weight as an example. Many flock to foods that are pre-made and get tired of it after a while. Some turn to the magic pill and blow up past their prior weight once they get off them. It is crazy to be on the mission to lose weight and not learn about the food groups you love and how they impact your body in particular. What you think may be healthy (like a salad with regular dressing and breaded chicken) may be as unhealthy as eating a cheeseburger everyday. When you get to know the foods you like and how they work for or against your body, you learn to make adjustments along the way.

Small Adjustments
If you love junk food, like me, you just can’t keep it in the house…unless you have the will power of steel. I don’t know about you but I’m not there yet. It’s really painful when you cut out all junk. It just doesn’t work. What is a gal to do when the unsatisfied chocolate cravings make the evil twin overpower her? Substitute. Find a healthy alternative. What does that mean? You continue to search and experiment until you find the yummy stuff that helps curves or satisfy those or any of your cravings for your favorite foods.

Be Realistic
Don’t look at a VS model. Those poor girls are usually teens that are starving themselves. Most of us have carried babies and our hips will NEVER be the same. Age and gravity makes changes that surgery can temporarily solve but here’s my take on it – at this point in life why should you care? You’ve earned every wrinkle, sag and curve. But if you’re like most women and me, I do not like them at all. Realistically I know I can’t change the course of what time will do to my body. However, one thing I know for sure. I want to be healthy. I want to live long, accomplish lots of things and not just see my grandbabies – I want to experience them. I would love for my body to look like a model (again). Ain’t gonna happen.

Continuous Journey
The weight journey is ongoing. It never ends. When you learn to eat healthy, it becomes part of who you are. You learn to adjust continually and look out for new opportunities that come in the form of recipes, restaurants, trying new foods, exercising and changing up the routine so boredom or discouragement doesn’t set in.

Knowledge isn’t Enough
Don’t just learn about it. Here is where a lot of us fall off the boat. We learn enough to get discouraged and walk away. It sounds too hard or impossible. How do you eat a huge elephant? You devour it one bite at a time. Do something, do a little adjustment whenever you can. This week cut down your soda intake. Perhaps you can remove it altogether. Next week cut the 5 spoons of sugar into your coffee and bring it down to 4. Now you’re on week 2 and you have removed soda and cut down one sugar!

Hooray for Me
Say yay me for the small adjustments you’ve accomplished and don’t get asphyxiated with the big picture. Learn to pat yourself on the back more often. It’s not a bad thing to do. We get so hung up on constantly pointing out the negative, we don’t realize the great strides we make.

If you make a mistake, forgive yourself and try again. If something you’re doing is not working, chuck it up as a lesson learned, and try something new.

By now you’re saying, hey Roz this sounds like a resolution to me. Nah – this is just a way of life. New beginnings should happen whenever not just in the beginning of a new year.

Make change your lifestyle. Make walking in your destiny a reality. Make your life the masterpiece-gift you give back to God.

Don’t get hung up with resolutions. Say bah humbug with me and just LIVE!

Reach Out

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 10:41:00 +0000

I sit here in front of the computer and debate whether to write this or not. Perhaps it's because people do not like to hear the realities of this season.

The season that brings the greatest joy, the investment of family and friendship also ushers in moments of despair and loneliness for many. This knowledge weighs heavy in my heart and I question whether I can make a difference, whether all of us who are so blessed, can make a difference.

It doesn't take much to reach out. It doesn't take much to tell that someone who may be alone or who has struggled with depression that there's room at a party, that they're invited, that they are missed...that they mean something.

It doesn't take much to extend forgiveness or ask for the same even when you are the offended one. Pride is what holds us back and keeps us imprisoned all the while providing the justification we hold on to so dearly...and for what?...the satisfaction of being right?

I look back still with guilt of the could have - should have. I know that guilt doesn't come from God but during this season, I can't help but wonder...what if? You see she was supposed to be my girl but I did not reach out. She didn't want us in her life...at least that is what I thought based on my perception of her behavior. However, inside there was that little girl that screamed for attention, that screamed for help in that young woman's body and none of us heard her…or did we?

What if I had placed my pride to the side? What if I looked for her anyway? What if I showed more compassion and love? What if I remembered her story and therefore had become more understanding of her behavior? The what ifs drown me at times.

Where is the fine line where you release someone - to their own actions - to God? When is it right or wrong to do that? Is it wrong to give up on someone when there's nothing else you can do?

Her spiral down a destructive path was her choice, but what if I had reached out anyway? Would it have made a difference? I don't know. She was angry at the world. She felt beaten and completely defeated.
Over the years I've seen my Desi in the eyes of others; in the heart break of those gals who have given up on the inside.

In this season I am reminded of how I lost her and my heart shatters into a million pieces once again...then I'm reminded of Romans 8:28. All things work together for good. The loss of Desi was one of the most devastating experiences I ever had but it changed my life. I learned from it and channeled my grief into something positive.

I learned to reach out.

Yesterday Pastor Olsteen taught about giving people some slack, especially when the conduct of others is not agreeable to us. He explained that we all have a story. A person's story is based on how they grow up, the experiences they've gone through, etc. We have a tendency of comparison to ourselves and when people don't meet our standards, we become inclined to dismiss them because they're not like us. This comes in the form of criticism or judgment but we don't know their story.

The flip side is that some of us do know the story and just become tired of the same destructive behavior. I wish he had spoken about that. Perhaps he would just tell me – ‘well Roz love them anyway. You don’t need to be influenced or accept their bad behavior but you can still love them’.

Reach out anyway. Say hello when you can. Take any opportunity to say I love you. Don’t delay to say I forgive you or please forgive me. Put pride aside – it’s just pride. Reach out.

The Gift of Family

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 13:31:00 +0000

Family – you know those people…the ones that live with you and drive you nuts at times. They are the ones that know how to push your buttons and get you off kilter. They are also the ones that will love you forever.

Vacations are good but vacations with family are great. It’s a time to make memories and remember why you love them despite all their quarks. Rich and I always approach vacation as an investment instead of an expense. The returns are immeasurable. As our family has reached the point of expansion (boyfriends that may become husbands), I look across the table as we all sit down to eat and I observe the constant I love the most, laughter.

Funny thing is that even if the boys don’t marry my girls (too soon for my little one) they have become family and will always remain special in my heart. I think sometimes we look as family as just our own – our blood, but family goes beyond that. It gets solidified with connection and the investment of time.

The holidays are a joyful time for us even with the losses and changes that occur because of life. We’ve learned to laugh despite of the tears, to love deeper because life is short and hold on to those who are precious to us in the now. But isn’t that what it’s all about?

Perhaps it’s just my getting older (yes I admit it) that continues to change my perspective and my outlook. I try my best to focus on the positive, speak that way, live that way and have the constant reminder of the gift of family. At one point I thought I was losing the girls as they transitioned into the college years and adulthood, but I soon realized that the dynamics of the relationship was what changed…I didn’t lose my babies.

Now is the time to value the gift of family…now. In this month of celebration where we come together to share a table and gifts, now is the time to make amends, now is the time to remind how much someone you cherish is loved and now is the time embrace life with all of its blessings. Life has so much to offer – don’t miss out on the daily blessings that include the gift of family.

The Cost of Obedience

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 13:02:00 +0000

Ever since all of us were kids, we didn't particularly like the word obedience. As a matter of fact, I bet most of us became rebels during our teen years. As we became older, we saw the importance of that word, especially for those of us with kids. Life came full circle and we saw how vital it is to embrace obedience.

Obedience keeps us within the realm of safety. When we place rules in our children's lives, the purpose is to keep them safe, away from harm. When society imposes laws, the goal is to maintain order among the many. When we as individuals are compliant to any rules that any authority gives us, it contributes to the success of that establishment.

Yet for some reason, we rebel and get satisfaction from it. We broke curfew when we were younger. We drive way above the speed limit because it's fun not to get caught. We don't put shopping carts back in their station because we're too lazy to walk a few extra steps. We don't apologize when we feel we are right and would rather continue to ruin a long-term relationship. We would rather continue to do what is wrong because it brings us temporary happiness.

We avoid the cost of obedience at all cost. Yes, obedience has a cost but some people believe that sacrifice covers the cost of obedience. King Saul find out the hard way. God gave him specific instructions, he disobeyed and then tried to make up for it by offering a sacrifice. The problem was God wasn't impressed. What does that have to do with us today?

God expects us to be the salt of the world and in order to do that you have to become more like God. People want to continue to do their own thing and don't get me wrong, God encourages us to do our own thing as long as it's not going against what his word says. So, if you're doing is contrary to the bible, there is no sacrifice that will cover the cost of your disobedience. The once a year time of being good during the beginning of the year or Easter does not cover the cost. The once a week visit to church will not cut it.

Obedience comes with a cost but here is what a lot of us forget. Cost means that it has value. This means that the harder the requirement for obedience from you, the higher the value. There is value before the eyes of God when you obey. He can't help but reward that.

What areas in your life do you need to bring under obedience? Don't delay. Remember obedience is much more valuable than sacrifice.

The Bounce Back

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 13:01:00 +0000

After the October 2011 snow storm, I noticed that my youngest tree was completely covered and weighed down beyond recognition. I thought to myself, that tree will never survive. As the day grew warmer, to my amazement, the tree began to straighten herself out and her branches began to go back to their original position. By the end of the day, only one branch looked like it was damaged. However, within a few days, that young tree proved me wrong yet again and she was back to normal as if nothing had occurred.

I began to wonder about the things in life that had bent me out of shape but how I had recovered. Although it took me a little bit to straighten out completely, I eventually did. Sometimes I have gals ask me, how did you get through and quite honestly I answer I didn't. God got me through. There are just certain things you cannot do by yourself -- at least I've learned that I don't want to get through them by myself.

Let’s be real, the weight of life will always be present and it's during those moments where you have to decide to trust God and let it go. You will never achieve that until you spend time with him, and once you do, you will discover that God's goodness is always readily available to you.

If you're feeling like that tree, take heart, the snow will eventually melt.

I believe that the tree's roots were strong, but I also believe that she became stronger because she survived such a harsh storm even though she was in her Fall Season. (That's another great lesson in itself.)

You're probably thinking, of course she survived, she was young and I'm no spring chicken.

The youth portrayed here is the drive that should remain within our relationship with God. Have you ever observed a new Christian? They seek after God full force, are open to hear from him and get really excited each time they do.

My youngest tree is about 12 years old now. She's weathered many storms here in the Northeast but she still stands beautifully. I believe you can do the same.

The Life Psalm

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 12:59:00 +0000

For a few weeks now, I've been listening to Jason Upton and I find that his music puts me in a quiet place where I have a chance to reflect. He also has a way of ushering you into God's presence.

One of my favorite songs is Psalm 23. Unfortunately when that Psalm is mentioned, many people automatically think of funerals. However, that Psalm was never written with death in mind. I believe it was written with life in mind.

King David is one of the bible characters I love because he was real.He talked about how he failed royally time and again but got back up, repented countless times but never lost sight of God entirely. He continually came to God and laid his heart bare before him - the good, the bad and the ugly.

One of the greatest parts of Psalm 23 is where it says surely goodness and mercy will follow me. When you understand that, get it locked in inside of you - deep inside of you - it's hard not to expect good in your life each and everyday despite of what's going on around you. He understood the goodness of God becaue he spent a lot of time with God. He also understood God's mercy and King David did a lot of things in his life that required mercy. The wonderful thing about goodness and mercy is that when it is deep setted inside of you, it becomes an overflow to others.

What are you expecting? If you're expecting bad, that's exactly what you will receive and if you're skimpy on mercy, that is what will be returned to you. I choose to believe in the Life Psalm message of goodness and mercy. I invite you to do the same.

Shut It

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:28:00 +0000

We often hear, we are our own worst enemies. Do you think that it is true?

One of the things that my husband has been telling me lately is "don't talk about it - jut do it". He explained that there are times that we want to do things that we're passionate about but we talk ourselves out of it before we even start. That is how many dreams never become reality and how talents are wasted. We live through life frustrated because we never end up doing what we love. We often think we're not good enough; wonder who would listen; wonder who would read it if we wrote it. The list goes on and on.

It's that internal dialogue that gets us into a pickle, gets us discouraged and stops us from doing what we love best.

In the Midwest people are known for saying 'shut it' instead of our Northeast 'shut up'. As rude as both those terms may sound to some, perhaps it is time we apply it whenever our internal dialogue want to discourage us from pursuing our dreams.

What is it that you keep putting off because you think you can't? Shut it - and just do it.

Finding the Good in Bad Times

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 12:06:00 +0000

There is no doubt that the October storm of 2011 became a challenge to many including myself. No power in cold weather is hard to fare. As the hours became days, people began to get weary, frustration and bad attitudes began to set in. It's hard to sit in a cold house after a while. It starts to grate on your nerves especially when you have small children.

Even with all the negative floating around, what I found incredibly encouraging were the amount of people I talked to that remained positive. There was a definite pattern that they all had in common - they found the good during this particular bad time.

They spoke about how fortunate they were not to lose their house.
If they did have a damaged house, they spoke about how grateful they were that they had a warm place to stay.
For those that were house hopping, they spoke about how blessed they were to have friends that would give them a warm place to stay or shower.

Their circumstance was the same as countless others, but the difference was that they found the good, focused on it and spoke about it constantly. This helped them find a happy spot during a cold - tough time.

Finding the good in bad times...a hot approach toward coldness in an already cold world.

Just Like Mary

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 11:25:00 +0000

New Season of Bloom

Often times we don’t feel very blessed. As a matter of fact, we don’t feel blessed at all. We don’t see the blessing of waking up each morning to get our kids ready or family out the door. We don’t see the blessing in having to cook and clean. We don’t see the blessing of having to go to work. We just don’t see it because we’re focused on the routine of getting through yet another day.

But did it ever occur to you to really think about how blessed you are.

When you look at Luke chapter 1 verse 28 – it says that an angel came to Mary and he said to her “Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!”

Notice the exclamation point at the end. It was an excited statement. We’re used to a solemn announcement but it wasn’t. It was done with a loud and excited delivery.
Jesus was deposited in Mary. There was excitement about how favored she was – highly favored - and how blessed she was.

Did you know that you’re just like Mary – in God’s eyes? You have Jesus in you – the Holy Spirit of the living God inside of you.

Just like Mary you are favored – highly favored and blessed among women.

Wow can you get that? Do you get that?

Mary was considered the most favored woman in the history of the human race…and for some reason we think she continues to be the only one. We can’t see that we are as blessed because it has been ingrained in our minds that she is the untouchable-holy woman.

So here’s a question to all you doubters. What made the difference when God chose Mary?

It was not the announcement. It was her willingness to accept Jesus into her life despite of who she was, how she was viewed in society, what family she came from, etc. etc. etc.

You are highly favored and blessed among women because the same Jesus that lived in Mary lives in you.

Full Bloom in Roz' Garden

Don’t forget that…ever.

Cool of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 17:40:00 +0000

There’s something very peaceful about waking up to steady rainfall, window opened with a soft, cool breeze. It soothes the entry of the day. Eyes closed, the mind begins to wander, imagine and remember.

One thing that stands out in my mind are the countless walks I had with my dad as a young girl. Being the oldest, I was his buddy. If you know my dad, he LOVES to talk…and walk. Although we couldn’t afford to take expensive vacations, he made it a point to take us to all the places NY had to offer tourists. He took full advantage and made our trips adventurous, fun and of course educational. My dad’s trade of heart is teacher.

In my late teen years, my dad used to miss our walks and would leave me notes on the table that I would see some mornings asking that I spend time with him. Those notes became very important to me.

Those memories help me understand what it must have felt like being in the garden of Eden. Here it is in the cool of the day, in this case it was the end of the day, and God seeks out Adam and Eve for their walk. They all look forward to this time together because they want to tell each out about all that has transpired hours before. I can imagine that the conversation may have resembled one that may happen at dinner table.

Do you know what I saw today???

You know, Adam brought up this really great point…

What were you thinking when you created that thing?!

Everyone in that intimate party looked forward to each other’s company. I can even imagine Eve slipping her arm into God’s – as she walked with him and shared her heart. Why not? Didn’t he himself say that we are his children? I did it with my dad, still do when I walk and talk with him…why wouldn’t Eve?

It’s the cool of the day (in my neck of the woods) and my imagination has taken me into the place that reminded me how way cool it is that the God of the universe wants to spend time with me. That’s all he ever wanted. It was never about my do’s and don’ts or what I could do to earn his love. It was always about his just wanting to talk and walk with me, arm in arm.

I Want to Be Immune!

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 17:57:00 +0000

You’ve seen it in every supermarket. You know what I’m talking about. It goes like this. Toddler wants something, gets denied and the fuss begins. Some toddlers will bypass the fuss and just throw themselves on the floor and will display a fit that will embarrass most parents.

Yeup that was me…I admit it. A few weeks ago I must have resembled one of those toddlers and let’s just say I’m glad God is not Puerto Rican.

So here I am just laying it out to God. I’m really peeved because my husband had a heart attack. As the weekend progressed my anger became a toddler fit. I think God got more than an earful to be honest with you. It went from ‘why did you let this happen’ to ‘I don’t have time for another interruption’.

I remember during that time thinking, I want to be immune. There is no reason why we should go through problems or illness. I’m supposed to be special, your favorite….what’s up with that. Now I really wasn’t saying that out of conceit. It’s just that I’ve been conditioned to believe that I am special to God. It’s just how it is at least for me.

God is so gracious. He knew that eventually I would shut it, would listen and get it. I needed to get a grip. Life is too short for drawn out tantrums. Yours may not be the kicking and screaming kind. Perhaps you’re just holding your breath and turning a nice shade of blue. Each of us deals differently with life’s blows. It’s the reaction that will set the stage for the quality of your time here.

Here are some things that I knew but didn’t want to hear during my toddler fit.

1. You and I are not immune to anything on this earth; nada, zero, zip. Somehow we forget that there is evil in this world whose goal is to take us out.

2. All things work together for good. I don’t care how bad it is, God will always step in and will bring good out of any situation. It’s been my experience that the worst tragedy in life has brought the sweetest mending.

3. If you don’t get anything else straight in your head, get this one thing in case you didn’t get my first point. God does not bring illness or death. Everything negative is as a result of sin. It freaks me out when people say oh God took him. The last time I checked, the only person who was taken went in a chariot straight on up to heaven and he bypassed – yes waved as he passed the very shocked demon of death.

4. God is on his throne and he is in control. Some of you don’t get and this is why you live so frustrated. As long as God is on the throne of ‘your’ heart, he remains in control of ‘your’ situation.

5. If God is in control of the situation, no matter how bad it gets, it will – it has to turn out alright at the end. This will give you peace, no matter what the outcome is. You will always be rescued.

6. Here’s the big question…so why do bad things happen to good people? Go back to point one. You can sit and get lost in this question for the rest of your life…or…you can decide to make the rest of your life the best it can be by adjusting your attitude and expectation. Expect good even in the worst of circumstance.

7. Here’s a reminder. This journey here on earth is just a short stint. We are eternal beings. What drives the enemy insane is that he knows that…so…he throws in the misery factor in too in the meantime. If you want to fight right, be happy.

The one thing that stood out the most is that God allows adversity because it will always make you grow. It will put you in a place where you are more sensitive to receive, learn, acknowledge and understand. It stretches and challenges you to become a better you and to depend on God just a bit more. Note I didn’t say God brings it – he allows it – and if he allows it, he has much trust that you can get through it.

The going through sucks quite frankly but the growth will always be invaluable. I still want to be immune but that’s okay because one day I will be…and that reminder always puts a smile on my face.

~~~
By the way check out our upcoming women's conference in September!

Don't Miss Out on the Blessing

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 10:13:00 +0000

We take for granted being blessed. In bible times, they understood the importance of blessings. The giver and the receiver took it very seriously. In my Hispanic culture, it has dwindled and it is only enforced for the most part with the elders of the family. Each child is required to ask for a blessing upon greeting and parting time.

A blessing should not be limited in our minds to those small occasions. There are opportunities to bless and to receive. I find it’s easier to give than to receive. Perhaps it’s because of the joy of being the imparter and seeing the impact. However, when you do not let another person bless you, it steals the joy of their giving and an opportunity for them to be further blessed. You see blessings have a ripple affect. It doesn’t remain with the giver or the receiver. The impact continues to roll because we get motivated to continue to bless others. Indirectly or directly the blessing is never limited to one individual. There are actions and words that can inspire and can continue to roll into the broader realm of unlimited time. Think of the wonderful things a teacher may have done; a parent or a friend.

Perhaps a mindset shift is in order. These few reminders will help us to balance and become a better receiver (and yes this includes me!).

1. Accept Help. We have the mentality that to receive help is a sign of weakness. Love or friendship can be expressed in different ways. When someone asks to help you, they are also saying you’re important; I want to be there for you and love on you.

2. Accept Compliments. How many of us are guilty of hearing a nice compliment with a ready rebuttal? Instead of coming back with ‘you must be mistaken’ or with ‘no I’m not’, how about the words ‘Thank you’. It will put a smile on both your faces and even lighten up your step for a few moments.

3. Accept Advice. There may be a lot of unwanted advice out there, but there are a lot of good ones that come your way from those who love you most and are truthful, even when it hurts. You know who they are in your life.

4. Accept the ‘God Bless You’. We take those words for granted and have no idea how powerful those words are in our lives. They care enough to want the very best for you when they speak those words.

5. Accept and relish the investment of others in you. When people take the time out to look for you and spend time with you, acknowledge the value of family and friendship. Not everyone has that experience.

6. Accept the gift. How often have we gotten into a tug of war in a store line with a family or friend when they wanted to pay for something; or in a small match because someone who couldn’t afford to buy you something did? The reaction from the giver was probably that of sadness or hurt. (Hmmmm…something to think about.)

7. Accept the celebration. People take a lot of time and effort to celebrate you because of a great accomplishment or milestone. Don’t get all weird. Enjoy the celebration, the time with others, throw the false modesty out the window and have fun.

8. Accept the ‘I love you’. Here’s where a few of us get all squirrely. I admit I’m guilty of this because I was taught the words ‘I love you’ are powerful and should not be said lightly. This sentiment is not shared by all who say it. People can at times say it because for that moment in time you impacted them so deeply that they gushed with that feeling and expressed it. Here’s what we forget. There are different levels of love but they all can be genuine for that moment in time – in most cases. You should be able to discern the difference between liars who want something vs. folks who states it from the heart.

I bet you didn’t realize that things we think as common are actually blessing in our lives. Today, make a conscientious decision of being an accepter and not just a giver. Remember, you bless others by accepting blessings well.

But I Love You

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 11:35:00 +0000

I feel really bad I haven’t spent enough time with you lately.
           But I love you…

I just can’t keep my head straight. There are so many things going on.
           But I love you…

Yea but it’s just that I don’t exactly do what I’m supposed to do all the time.
          But I love you…

You don’t understand. I just can’t be perfect. I have messed up a lot lately.
         But I love you…

I don’t get it. I’ve been angry with you lately. I’ve even questioned who you are.
         But I love you…

I pause in my misery of wanting to deserve…to earn your acceptance.
         But I love you…

How can you love me?
         Because…Just Because….

The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with loving kindness.  ~ Jeremiah 31:3

Become a Squash

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 16:11:00 +0000

Do you know that you can feel lonely in a crowded room or home full of people? Many think that being alone and loneliness is the same thing. You can be alone and content, but loneliness is a depressing feeling of being alone – feeling like you have no one.

The reality is that we all have someone or many people in our lives but choose to focus on the negative feelings that we nurture throughout the year and especially during the holidays. This season can be very tough for those who’ve experienced loss. We usually ache for those loved ones and can asphyxiate on them and forget about those we have here and now.

A few years ago, we lost one of my uncles first thing on Christmas Eve. Although it was a painful experience for all of us (he was the first patriarch to go on my dad’s side) our extended family found a reason to laugh, love and, most importantly, reach out to each other.

I think that’s the first key to squashing loneliness – reaching out. Become a squash and reach out. (You never thought anyone would ask you to become a vegetable for Christmas ha!)

All of us reach out to others throughout the year and more so during this time. Sometimes we have to give a bigger nudge to the family and friends that are blue during this season. Sometimes the extra ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’ or ‘I’m going to beat your butt if you don’t visit’ is medicine for that person’s loneliness.

The second key, is to become a squash, even if you’re the one who has lost recently. The best medicine for a hurting heart is to reach out and let others love on you. The first inclination when we hurt is to isolate. God didn’t create us to be alone and lonely. He sent billions of people to bug the heck out of you so you can feel like you belong.

You see, feeling lonely is a dwelling choice. Many times we feel that way because we dwell on what we lost; we dwell on what we don’t have; we dwell on past offenses and don’t want to forgive or accept forgiveness; and we like to dwell in our pity party of poor me.

Here’s the deal. We are so blessed – all of us…even the poorest of us because the value of life is not about the tangible we can give or receive.

As we continue to enjoy this beautiful Christmas season, let’s not forget those who are family that became friends, and those who are friends that became family. Share yourself as far and wide as you can because you may be the heart that touches another profoundly. Christmas is a spillage of God’s love and we celebrate it to its fullness when we do the same.

Let’s make the effort to minimize the loneliness of Christmas, and be that beacon of love.

Dream BIG

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 12:47:00 +0000

What would you ask if you knew that Jesus was going to sit by you as you lay to sleep at night? I thought about that the other night and the answer that gushed out immediately was – “I would ask for forgiveness”. Perhaps the thought of his perfection overwhelmed me and all I could think of was all of my shortcomings.

What would you ask next, was the question I heard in my heart quite clearly and my answer surprised even me. “I would ask what I could do for him”. The reply to my second question was amazing and only two words, “Dream BIG”.

I dreamt about those words off and on that entire night.

We attend a church where we have a pastor who knows how to dream BIG. That’s all he does. I can’t remember a time he doesn’t do anything on a small scale. He also does everything in excellence. That has been an inspiration to countless of us and it’s no doubt why some of us think the same way when we venture out into our own deep, unchartered-waters.

It’s not bad to dream BIG, but there are a few who think that way. Perhaps it’s because they look at what they can bring to the table instead of what God can. Maybe they had a failure in their past that has crippled them to progress towards their future. It could be that they’ve been told otherwise their entire lives.

But what if – what if Jesus’ purpose for doing all that he did, for laying his life, was meant to give us everything we could possibly imagine? If so, wouldn’t you, the scared, stuck one want to take advantage of all life had to offer?

Dreams pave the way to reality only when the dreamer allows something bigger than themselves to overwhelm them into its grasp. It consumes their being until they have to surrender to it and follow its leading. It doesn’t matter how big it is because there is always that reassurance that God is there – and – since God is the giver of BIG dreams, the walking out of it will always be under his guidance even when we can’t see what’s going on behind the scenes in that unseen realm.

Dream BIG echoes in my mind and with each passing moment, I am excited about the possibilities but most importantly what realities we’ll experience very soon. Life is about looking and experiencing forward. We can choose to live in greatness, just as God intended, or we can continue to live and fear and miss out on the beauty of life. I’d rather fail trying than wonder what if.

It’s my sincere prayer that you continue to move forward, even if you’re going through a rough spot. Remember that God is with you, no matter what. Don’t stop to dream BIG and don’t let life’s bumps deter you from doing what you’ve been called to be and do.

Dream BIG…

Right or Left

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 12:41:00 +0000

One day, after I pulled my heart back up from my feet, I asked my hubs how he learned to swerve the car so gracefully in and out of lanes like he does. He explained that when police officers learn defensive driving, they actually have an instructor who stands at a certain point of the course who lifts up their arm at the very last minute towards the left or the right. Now mind you, the driver in training is going 60 mph. Of course you know what my next question was – did any of those instructors ever get hit or killed? His answer was they better not!

Of course I began to wonder how many times (and couldn’t shake it off) does God tells us to swerve into the right or left to avoid a collision and we miss it because we were going too fast, didn’t know how to maneuver defensively against the enemy AND were just so distracted that we didn’t look for his direction.

Life was never meant to be lived in a continual fast pace. We miss out the joy of family and friends, the intensity of relationships and the warmth of love that goes with it. Fast-paced lives become numb to their surrounding. They are deaf to the needs of others, especially to those who need them most.

Those who continue to lie to themselves and convince themselves that they can do it all, lose out on the most precious part of themselves – the reason why they are here.

I crave for a successful life. Many define that as what you live in, what car you drive, where you vacation, etc. Success, some say, is based on the person...but...what is success to you? How do you define success? Who maneuvers your left and right in life so that you continue to gauge your success via accomplishments, triumphs, achievements or whatever it may be to you?

Success to me is when my husband says he can’t wait until we cruise in May; when my daughter said she is happy to be home; when my mom and dad say they miss me; when my sister says I’m her best friend; when my brother shares his heart; when one of my closest friends says thank you after a wicked year; when a parishioner asks can you pray with me; when a stranger thanks me for an article that touched their lives.

All those things are considered a success to me because it reminds me of how blessed I am, but it goes further than that.

Successes are the times that I know I did what is right. It’s when I did something that was thankless. It often means that I’m invisible and no one knows. It’s when I do those things that are only known to Father God, and I don’t mind that because my goal is to hear him say you did good! (I always remember the movie Bruce Almighty and makes me chuckle.)

I believe success is measured the wrong way often times because we’re so hung up on the here and now and constantly forget the eternal. It doesn’t mean you become overly spiritual. It means you depend on the eternal so that you can make it in the here and now. That left and right sign is always in front of us. We just have to hone in, become sensitive to the guidance of the spirit of God.

Right or Left – race you to the end!

While I'm Waiting

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 13:35:00 +0000

There are times that songs just swirl in my head. Some times for days. Some times for weeks on end and when that happens I really pay attention. This go round the song is While I'm Waiting by John Waller.
When he wrote it he said it took him all about 10 minutes. It later became the focal song for the 2008 movie called Fire Proof but the power of the song still resonates today…at least in my life.

We all go through periods where we need to wait. We wait for a job offer. We wait to see if a wayward child turns around. We wait for a broken marriage to mend. We wait for a result on a biopsy. We wait and wonder what life will be. We understand that our lives can change in a split second.

The hardest part for anyone today is to wait because we’ve been conditioned to get everything right away. We’re a fast paced society and so when answers from God are on the slow side that tends to freak us out especially when things are down to the wire or worst our life is at stake. As the song repeated itself over and over again and I felt the compulsion to listen, it uncovered many truths in my life that I wanted to share. This is for those of you who are in wait mode. Don’t feel alone. I’m there with you in my own wait.

Wait on the Lord
When I was younger – a lot younger, I used to think that all you had to do was pray and just wait for God to do something. I kept that in mind when things got ugly in my marriage and got frustrated when nothing happened. It really messed with my faith. What I discovered was that God heard me long ago but was waiting on me to take some action. Faith without action is dead. I tied up God’s hands for a few years because I didn’t adjust certain behaviors of my own and accepted certain behaviors I shouldn’t have (as an example).

Being Hopeful
So here’s the deal you can’t just pray and not be hopeful. Hope is not just wishing – it’s expecting. I remember one time Joel Olsteen said to live with the expectation of good things every single day. We lose sight of that when our lives become chaotic or dread fills our hearts. We often forget that we serve the God of the universe. Hmmm so if he created the gazillion stars ya think he can take care of my (fill in the blanks). My pastor has been doing an awesome series about hope and one of the things he said resounded loudly with me. He said God’s no means that he has a better yes in mind.

Although It’s Painful
Being hopeful during pain is the toughest thing to do but it’s a choice. It’s always a choice. People that survive illnesses and tragedies often do because they make every effort to focus on the positive and for many they put their trust in God. Trust doesn’t come over night. Like in any relationship, it takes time to cultivate, but when you do, you know who you can depend on. There are some people I trust with my life and I know they got my back but my reality is that I’ve become so dependent on God that I would feel extremely lost if he were not the lover of my soul, the companion of my heart and my most trusted Lord and friend. My greatest comfort through pain is him.

Patience
I laugh when people pray for patience. I stay away from that prayer. Patience requires a situation where patience can be molded, enhanced – stttrreetttccheed. Oh heck no!

It’s hard to be patient when you need a resolution now but if you remind yourself of the trust factor then it helps – at least for a little while until you have to remind yourself again. (Just being real.)

Move Ahead Bold and Confident
It’s hard to forge ahead bold and confident but then again why shouldn’t we? What’s the point in living a miserable life when just a part of it is haywire and the rest is good? Ok that part may affect our lives but it doesn’t need to paralyze us. We often forget how blessed we are. I give the gals I counsel a certain exercise. Write the things you’re thankful for. It’ll help your perception of things and will help you move forward. Always move forward no matter what. You may not be able to move in certain areas but move in the others. Don’t quit!

Serve
To serve God means to have relationship with him. People often freak out because they don’t want to give up certain things. Here’s the reality of it, the things you sometimes hold on to so dearly to, are the things that are probably adding to your hurt because you’re not dealing with the real issue. Most vices are escape goats to relieve or detach you from the unhappiness you feel. God won’t force you to let go of anything because he won’t impose his will on you. His greatest desire above all else is to be part of your life, especially while you’re waiting.

Worship
This word is so broad but for some reason folks think it’s only when you sing or praise God. Nope, it goes way beyond that. I have a friend who is currently painting his parents living room. This is an expression of worship because he’s honoring his parents. There are countless women who get up in the wee hours of the morning to pack up their kid’s lunches and get their clothes ready for daycare or school. Their worship is in tending their family. Whenever we are obedient to things that need to be done, we worship.

Don’t Faint
We often think of to faint as passing out but in this case it means don’t lose courage. Don’t wimp out. Don’t give up on your fight. FIGHT! Fight the right way. Fight for your kids, your marriage, your sanity…whatever it may be FIGHT. Don’t just war with your words and don’t just war with your causes in certain areas; war on your knees too. We often forget we’re spiritual beings and let the enemy walk all over us. If you think there are no demons out there, you’re sadly mistaken and what’s worse is that they’re here to take you out and you’re letting them.

Be Peaceful
Peace eludes us at times but it’s a choice. The bible says we should seek peace. This means you do all you can to maintain peace even if it means saying I’m sorry, forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it or choosing not to think about something negative. Yes it’s hard but it’s not impossible. We like to beat ourselves up way too much and we just have to quit it. You can’t take back certain things and it is what it is. Move on and let it go. Forgive yourself.

It’s also important to discover the peace of God – it surpasses all understanding. I’ve been peaceful in the worst of times – the most horrid of times. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. It comes with relationship. Relationship + Trust = Peace

Run the Race
Whatever it is you’re supposed to do in this world, whatever ripple effect you are cut out to do whether your circle is your home or the world, do it well. Don’t let the interruptions in life – big or small – cause you to lose sight of why you’re here. If you‘re gifted to sing – sing. If you’re gifted to write – write. If you are an encourager go out and touch as many lives as you can. If you have the gift of being a good friend – continue to do so. You’re gift makes a difference. Slide out of this world screaming what a rush and with the confidence that when asked by God what did you accomplish you’ll have the story to tell that will continue to put a smile on his face.

Book Review: The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 17:52:00 +0000

For those who have lost a child due to a tragedy or have a child that is currently fighting for their life, this will be a tough read in the beginning. It is about a boy named Alex that was in a car accident at the age of 6 and becomes a quadriplegic. Once he regains conscientiousness and the ability to communicate, he tells his parents of his experience which includes his visit to heaven.

Kevin Malarkey, the boy's father, is very transparent. Throughout the book, he shares with the reader his deepest fears and his shortcomings, including spiritual. In chapter 5 he expresses it with raw emotion - something I admired because not many of us would admit this. "My son couldn't function in the physical world, but it was difficult for me to function in the spiritual world. Who had the greater disability?"

Mr. Malarkey even shared the struggle that all marriages face during the hardships and changes that come with these types of tragedies. It was refreshing to hear a Christian brother share his heart and keep it real.

There is very limited information on Alex' account of heaven but enough for the reader to have a glimpse of our home and most importantly, God's love towards Alex, his family and us all. Some readers may have a tough time with Alex' decision to be obedient in his limited sharing, but it shows that spiritual maturity is not based on age. His greatest concern was to keep it about him - God - and not him - Alex.

The stories about angels were fascinating and will probably challenge the beliefs of many readers. However, for those of you who know that angels are real, his accounts will bring a smile to your face and a tear to the eye.

One thing is for certain, Alex has gone through a life-changing experience and that change has impacted his circle of influence which has grown wider with time and will continue to do so with this book.

I do look forward to the continuation of this story where Alex walks again. However, the reader should be aware that this book is more about this family's struggle then Alex accounts about heaven. It's a good ministerial book for families that are struggling with similar situations.

Slow Down

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Every morning, Skye, my Yorkie and I take a short walk. It should only take about 10 to 15 minutes but somehow he figures out how to prolong it. As he walks along, he does of course his territorial business but without fail, he does things that make me stop and observe. He will smell the flowers; he will sit and admire the sky or he will pull back if I rush him. He's quite a character. (This is Skye at 2 months.)

It's vacation time for me and to be honest it was thrusted on me. I was going to wait until October or November but it was time and I knew it and my family could see it plainly. So I've been whisked away by daughter number 2 to the land where dreams come true and of course with the slow down comes the motivation to write. It's not surprising but it discourages me at times because I want to do more of that. I'm sure you can relate. Perhaps there is more of something you would like to do. Perhaps it's a dream/goal you want to make a reality but can't just yet because your life is going a little too fast.

This morning I woke up to the title slow down and of course I remembered Skye. My 2 year old pup who makes me stop before a busy day begins and helps me appreciate God's wonderful creation. I live in a beautiful valley in New York and wake up to mountains and green - lots of green - flowers during the spring and summer, magnificent foilage during the fall and a white carpet during winter months. Our nights display an array of stars that can often take your breath away and ''wow" often escapes your lips. I am grateful for the beautiful place I live at and try to remind myself to thank God more often.

As I slow down and rest, I become aware of what it brings to my life and I begin to cherish even more what I have, and desire more what I want to accomplish. The pressures of work fall off and away and I remember how pleasurable it is, how much fulfillment it gives me to do what I love most. Spend time with any member of my family, sleep in, eat (ha ha), read, write and best of all hear God. I talk to him alot. I probably talk his ear off at times but forget to listen at times.

People often wonder why I smile all the time, even when life is chaotic. I often answer I can't help it, I'm so blessed. I've been through some real tough situations and the one constant has been my faithful companion, the Holy Spirit. When you have an experience or experiences where God has been real and faithful, there's no persuading that God isn't. And when there's no persuading that God isn't, it makes what the bible say real. So when the bible and it's promises become real, you can't help but smile and just be content in all circumstances because no matter what, it'll all work out. It always does and for the good.

Slow down is good. It gives you more appreciation for what you have verses what you don't have. It opens up your mind to possibilities. It gives you the energy to plan for new ventures. It refreshes your body, mind and soul. It gives your spirit gal or guy some time to really reconnect and reminds you, once again, that this earthly time is just a pause.

Slow down shouldn't only be during vacation times. I've learned, with some difficulty I might add, to slow down over the past two years. I say no often. Weigh my schedule heavily. Keep my family time as high priority and constantly ask the question, is this going to stress me. I am learning to be more organized and all of this was as a result of a major slow down. Even with all this, the grand slow down of vacation is much needed from time to time and I've learned that one or two day vacation days don't cut it.

I welcome my slow down. Rest was one of God's commands many of us ignore. I like rest. It puts me in a better mood (yes I have bad, funky days too) and aligns my perspective.

As I continue to slow down, I pray that you can too. It doesn't mean you have to go away from the place you live but it does mean you have to go away from the life you live at times. I do the latter often. When I shut down work, I shut it down and don't think about it especially during weekends. If I do think, I tend to talk and my hubs reminds me to shut it down. If there's a problem, I try to shut it down by giving it to God. If I think about it, I tend to talk about it and God reminds me that I gave it to him. The process of slow down goes hand-in-hand with shut down. The more you slow down your life, the more consistent the shut down becomes.

We live in a busy, non-stop, over-stimulated world, but we can choose which activity to participate in. Slow down sounds good, doesn't it? I can attest to that. I wish you all could meet me at the pool later today. Jealous? Good - it's an indicator that you need to slow down.

Sometimes We Need Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 01:02:00 +0000

In my search for movies, I usually look for something that will inspire me. The other day, I had the pleasure of watching the story of Mother Teresa. This sweet, little woman was a giant among giants in her time hands down. I had a lot of takeaways but wanted to share a few.

There’s Knowing and ‘KNOWING’

There is a difference between knowing God and ‘knowing’ God. We all know who the President of the United States is but we don’t ‘know’ him. Most of us can’t walk into the White House, kick off our shoes and have dinner with him. People know of God because they’ve heard many stories of him, but they don’t ‘know’ God intimately because they’ve never formed relationship. It’s easy to dismiss God when you haven’t made an effort to prove or disprove.

Mother Teresa KNEW God. Although it’s a known fact that nuns take vows and are considered married to Jesus, we miss the point of such dedication. We think that it’s solely for nuns and get hung up with looking at the religion and forget it’s all about relationship.

The Constant Talk

Throughout the movie, the girl would drop to her knees at a drop of a hat to pray. She must have prayed at least 50 times within the 2+ hours! Most could accept that because she’s a NUN. If a regular Christian would do that, they would be considered a loon fanatic. But here is what she discovered, that most never do. The constant talk towards heaven opened up a world for her that is available to everyone but only revealed to few.

We often think of prayer as a one way conversation when it is not. God is real and constantly speaks back. Why in the world would you pray to a God who wouldn't answer back? Unfortunately many people have the wrong story about God and don’t make the effort to find out the truth.

(By the way, God is not interested in the posture of your body when you talk to him. He’s more interested in the posture of your heart. You see relationship, whenever you desire one that’s intimate, comes from the heart. What this means is that you can talk to him anytime throughout the day without any kneeling and any scripting because he wants and craves your conversation.)

It’s All About Love

Naturally when you talk to someone constantly that you want relationship with, you just eventually love them. It’s part of the intimate relationship dynamics. The beauty of discovering God’s love is that it spills over to others.

Mother Teresa loved God and loved people but a lot of us fail miserably with the second one. Too many Christians are all about talk. She showed God’s love by her actions. Even when she was hurting, she understood her hurt would work itself out when she helped others through their pain.

Our playing field may not be India or the world, but we all know of people who are in need. We should be looking for opportunities to step in and love on them.

The Power of One

Many would say Mother Teresa’s calling is not mine. I do not have her destiny…but you do. We all have something we should be accomplishing in our lifetime. We were not put here to take up space and God makes no exception. We are all called to greatness and excellence. Our sphere of influence may not be as large as Mother Teresa’s at the moment, but it doesn’t mean we don’t have that potential.

What amazed me was how she started out as one person with one vision and how over the years it became contagious throughout the world. Her calling was simple - to help people in need…that was it.

Keeping it Simple

We often think that to accomplish something memorable, it has to be big and elaborate. Mother Teresa loved simplicity and she achieved all of her objectives because of it.

She started her dream with absolutely nothing tangible…NOTHING. She had no money, no location…not even a team to help her but that didn’t deter her. She began laying groundwork with what she did possess; her love for people and her talent for persistence and stubbornness. She wouldn’t quit and was relentless and made sure that all of the dreams that God had deposited into her heart came to pass.

The Faith Factor

When we board a plane, our expectation is that that we will reach our destination even though we don’t know the pilot personally. We don’t know if he has the right credentials. We don’t know if he’s in training (perhaps his first flight). We don’t know whether he’s sober or getting over the effects of sleeping meds from the night before, etc, BUT we have faith this man we DON’T KNOW will get us there.

You exercise faith every day for many things, but when it comes to God it eludes you. Ever wonder why you waiver with your faith in God or your faith for what God can do? Sometimes I think it’s because we’re scared of what he’ll do. It freaks us out to know he may just answer a little too greatly, beyond a shadow of a doubt, supernaturally and unexplainably. It’s easier to expect he won’t answer.

Over and over again, I witnessed throughout the movie answered prayers. I was amazed and Mother Teresa was not because it was her expectations. God would give her a MASSIVE dream and she would move forward, fully confident that if he wanted it done, he would provide…period, end of story.

It looks like an easy concept but it isn’t. There are those of us who know the turmoil that one goes through when you’re going from point A to point Z before that HUGE dream comes to pass. I think that she minimized the turmoil because she often reminded others and herself that the timing factor was not hers to dictate and she learned the art of patience and waiting.

Sometimes we all need a moment of inspiration.

There’s so much more that can be said about this incredible woman, but the fact is, she was incredible because she lived what she believed. She believed she was a representative of a God who loves and lived it out loud, unashamed and unapologetically. Her inspiration was the people around her in need. It kept her going.

Where is your inspiration? I believe inspiration is always around us but I think it serves a greater purpose when we live to inspire others.

Romans 11:29 For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.

Emotional Me...Emotional You

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 16:43:00 +0000

In the quagmire of emotions, I often found myself trying to find the balance that is considered right and acceptable. The dos and don’ts always floated in my head.
• Don’t cry too much. You’ll come across as unstable and weak.
• Woman you never cry. You come across so cold.
• Woman you feel too much. You have to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve.
• Let him do all of the work. Don’t show so much love.
• You’re too sensitive. You need to become (fill in the blank).

All those outside voices required an apology and acknowledgement of what I needed to be or become.

But eventually I had to step back and look at me, emotional me, and I had to quiet out all the other voices. When I did, I began to realize that there was a season for all sorts of emotions. It came with the life happens that occur from time to time, like the stress of being a mom with young children; the pain of losing someone dear; the regret of wrong choices; the anxiety of too many changes occurring simultaneously; the risk of diving into the unknown; the betrayal of a friend; the burden of holding on or letting go; or the challenge of starting over (to name a few).

Emotional me discovered that tears were not necessarily a sign of weakness but often a display of love, happiness and yes hurt and pain. But to feel meant I was alive and not dead to my senses. It meant I was living and not existing. It meant that I recognized there were areas to heal and that acknowledgement is the first step towards it.

Emotional me recognizes that at times the feelings of the blues is my body telling me to slow down or stop so that I can nurture the inner girl. It forced me to seek and uncover where I lack. Perhaps I’m working too many hours, facing a hurtful situation, not treating the body right or having a hormone shift and in dire need of chocolate.

Emotional me assures me that whatever pain that afflicts me is temporary. She reminds of times past and urges me to find a friend when the cloud of blues lingers on a bit too long.

Emotional me coax me to apologize after an irritable moment and encourages me to choose future dialog that will build instead of tear down (internally and externally).

Emotional me is the chick that tricks me many times into believing I should dress beautifully and escorts me happily into the shoe store to buy pair number 75. Ah yes she reminds me to buy or gives hubs a little something so that he doesn’t freak out on the latest purchase.

Emotional me, emotional you… Too often we chuck valid emotions as being too emotional. We beat ourselves up, drive ourselves crazy and sometimes become more emotional because of it. We feel we’re not allowed, so we become more depressed and become more emotional and it becomes a vicious cycle.

To acknowledge emotional you is to embrace the essence of who you are as a woman. It doesn’t provide an excuse to reign as a woman gone wild but offers the acceptance that you love deeper; you’re wired to nurture, are built in with 6th sense intuition and have tear ducts that activate at a drop of a hat.

When you understand that about yourself, you begin to learn, as with everything else in life, that there’s a need for balance. Don’t ignore, belittle, or get exasperated with emotional you. Find out what she’s trying to tell you…LISTEN.

The Do Over

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 10:35:00 +0000

Kids learn pretty quickly when they start to approach school age the significance of the do over. This usually happens when a parent or an adult figure points out that something was done incorrectly. Sometimes a child triumphs during the do over and sometimes they experience disappointments. What was brought into adulthood by that child was dependent on the harshness of those figures in their younger years, especially during the disappointments.

Those past adult voices are the ones that either encourage us or haunt us. You and I know them well because they creep up from time to time without much effort. They either cheer you on or relentlessly knock you down. Often they’re thought of as our inner dialogue but in reality they’re the byproduct of the voices of the past that infiltrated and adapted to sound like your own. As individuals, we’re supposed to constantly renew the mind…our thoughts and inner dialogue. Some learn to master that in a positive manner, while others have accepted and believed that a do over is not in scope for their lives. They’re just beaten.

I believe that the do over is available to anybody. Some of you may be shaking your head in a very negative manner and perhaps saying not for me. You have probably failed time and again to get out of situations and circumstances that seem beyond your control. You feel stuck, trapped and hopeless. Some of you may even feel like you deserve to be where you’re at because you’re guilt ridden and imprisoned by your past choices. The do over is not an option. You must live your punishment for the rest of your days…or so you think.

A lot of the sadness in this world can be contributed to the lost of hope for a do over. It’s something that is felt as undeserved although it’s an equal opportunity offer to all. The possibility of the do over entices many but few run into the cradle of its arms. Are you wondering why?

The do over is avoided by many because it always beckons one to action – the action of change. It doesn’t encourage doing the same thing the same way to produce the same results. It propels you to do something different to achieve positive results. It pushes you to think outside of the box, cheers you on into the unknown and gives you the courage to shut out the familiar voices. Once there’s momentum, deep down inside you know that you’re headed in the right direction. You accept that you can’t undo the past but you also know that you can create a better future.

It will challenge you to make the tough choice to let go of people who hinder you and will introduce you to others who have discovered the secret of the do over. The do over will put you in a place where you get tired of listening to the voices that tell you that you can’t. In its place you will crave for the voices that will root for you even when the mistake was of your own making.

The do over will always cost you. It will take you out of your comfort zone. It will turn your life upside down. It will make you cry, feel unsure during the journey and will probably stress you out until you have a sure footing again. However, even in the midst of all of that, it will remind you that it’s not the bravest that wins, but the persistent one that gets the prize because the focus is on the desired outcome, not the going through.

So today if you’re faced with the challenge of the do over, don’t get discouraged. It’s a great thing when we’re presented the chance to do it again, a new way.

I confess I don’t like the do over at times, okay a lot of the times…but the experience of past do over wins hands down and I know that in the end it’s all worth it.

I dedicate this to all of you who are in the do over stage. Don’t lose hope. You will not fail! Failure is defined by those who do not try.

For the rest of you, stop living a substandard life, stop blaming yourself, others, the past and God. Take responsibility, buck up and move forward. It’s time.

The opportunity for a do over is here and now. Go for it!

(I love you J – this one is for you.)

The Wait Challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 16:13:00 +0000

I had experienced some abnormalities for about 6 weeks, and after several calls decided it was time to go to another doctor for a second opinion. Within a few days, I had an appointment. The exam revealed that I had four times the amount of uterine lining and a biopsy was required. The biopsy was to be done to rule out or confirm cancer and the appointment was made for the next office day. The doctor was moving fast and it couldn’t have come at a worst time. An article and a book review were due, I was my boss’ in charge as she was on vacation, and I was scheduled to speak at my mother’s church. It all converged and needless to say, I was a bit overwhelmed.

Over the past few months, I decided to invest more time in certain friendships and I was grateful that I did because I needed support. I only told the gals that I knew would be positive. The last thing I needed was for someone to go blow by blow with the what-ifs. I wanted and needed to hear that everything was going to be okay.

I felt the overwhelming need to be covered by my pastor in prayer. For some it’s the norm as they depend on that. For me, it was out of the ordinary. I always feel that God hears me so I’m a big girl and can go speak to him myself if I need anything. But this time, it was very different. I had an urgent sense and tugging inside that told me I need the covering of his prayers. I couldn’t meet him before the biopsy. So went right after – no dragged right after. The biopsy turned out to be a pretty painful experience. They do that type of procedure without any anesthesia and while in there, decided to take down some of the lining. The uterus contracts during that type of procedure and a woman experiences some labor pain. I remembered why I did not want to have any more children.

When we reached my pastor’s house, he gave me a big hug and reassured me that all was going to be okay. I explained what was happening and told them I was more freaked out about talking at my mom’s church than the results. He and his awesome wife (I have to write about her someday soon – she inspires me) prayed over me. My pastor made what I call a whiplash prayer. It’s those types of prayers that make you whip your neck around and say ‘no you didn’t’. My husband does those too. Those types of prayers are not disrespectful. They’re just totally bold. I walked out of there with peace because I realized at that point that the covering I wanted was more for the speaking part than the healing.

I had asked the doctor not to give me the results that same week because I wanted a clear head for my Sunday message. It felt so good to be at my childhood church and I saw so many people that meant so much to me. The message went well and I got prayed over by the current pastor at the church once again, this time I didn’t have to ask. We stopped at City Island for shrimps on the way home and to be honest, I was content. The day went really well.

The next morning the dread crept up and I knew that the doctor would call with the results. The battle was on with the good angel on one shoulder and the evil one on the other. The good one would say, ‘you’re okay…you have way too much to do’. The evil one would say, ‘great…now you’re going to have to battle this and you have way too much to do’. I wanted it over and done with so I called the office. They told me the doctor would call soon. As time moved forward, I started to feel physically sick and yelled at myself for allowing it. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust God. I did and do but had gone through a couple of rough patches with my health 6 months prior. I must have told God 3,000 times that morning that I didn’t have time for another interruption.

The call finally came in from the doctor and he paused. That pause sucks. Your mind is fast and all sorts of things go through it in those small pauses. I wanted to scream spit it out man. The results came back normal. The sense of relief was an understatement. I thanked God, called back my pastor because he was way ahead of me and had called earlier asking about the results, and updated all of my family and friends that stood by me with the good news.

I then stopped myself and prayed for all of those that didn’t get good news. I realized once again how totally blessed I am in every area of my life.

I’ve learned a few things during this small crisis and wanted to share with you…

1. I am my greatest medical advocate. When something doesn’t feel right I need to take the care of myself seriously even if that means seeing another doctor.

2. The investments of relationships are vital and necessary. God didn’t put us on this earth to go it alone.

3. It’s important to have the covering and blessing of your pastor when stepping out and doing new things or things you haven’t done in a long time like speak at a Sunday service.

4. None of us are immune to fear; that includes me. But when faced with the test, it’s good to know that God is ALWAYS present, and no matter what, He’s in control. He’ll work it out for good.

5. There are those who received the bad news and results that need our prayers. It doesn’t matter if we don’t know them.

Even before this happened, I’ve always been grateful for the life I’ve been given and the awesome opportunities that are presented to me each and every day. It’s my hope that you will embrace life with a grateful and expectant heart for what is and what is to come.

Are You The Woman of Your Dreams?

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 15:06:00 +0000

See SOAR Magazine Article... go check it out at http://ht.ly/1IAey/

Do the Lowe's Date

noreply@blogger.com (Writer) — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 12:16:00 +0000

Many women I know want or expect their dates with their husband to be a candle-lit dinner at a restaurant with small, round, white-clothed tables, soft music playing in the background and dimmed lights.

Although that's an ideal Hollywood picture setting, it's unrealistic for everyday dates. This is the hang up of quite a few women. If it's not all out, it's not a real, romantic date.

What I've learned over the years is that a date is a "mindset" and not just the "place". When you shift the mindset to what a date is, it actually nurtures the relationship.

What is the correct mind shift?

Each time my husband asks me to go somewhere with him without the kids, he is actually saying, I want to spend time with you. Here is where even I didn't get it in the past.

When Rich used to ask me to go to Lowe's, the first things that ran through my mind was...

1. Lowe's! Why would I want to go to a home improvement place?!

2. Of all places to ask me to, why a home improvement place?

3. Fun...this is what he considers fun?

4. You would think he would take me to a movie or dinner or something.

5. Grumble, Grumble, Grumble

Sounds familiar?

Togetherness

Okay here's what I've learned. When you first began to date, you were accommodating and flexible and went anywhere with that darling man because you just wanted to spend time with him. It didn't matter that you didn't like the place or activity, what was important to you was that you were together.

Women grow out of that mindset, for some insane reason (after marriage and especially after children).

Romance doesn't define togetherness. Togetherness is what ushers in romance. Doing things together is what deepens the relationship. So when you shift the focus to what he really wants (spending time with you), your attitude changes in the home improvement store.

When you're attitude improves (at the home improvement store), you begin to hear what he likes, dislikes, wants to buy and are pleasantly surprised that he is interested in your opinions. He may even start to ask you what you would like fixed or updated in the house! You get your wish list done without nagging, you are a happy woman, you want to love on him (don't forget sex is part of that too), he is thrilled with the loving and will invite you out to more diverse places, including that Hollywood-setting restaurant.

Ladies men are not complicated. If your husband asks, say yes. Do the Lowe's date, and do it happily.