Robot Holocaust

Bikini Beach (1964)

2012-01-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

Directed by William Asher
Written by William Asher, Leo Townsend and Robert Dillon
IMDB

Frankie Avalon is in competition with a British rock star, Potato Bug (Frankie Avalon), over Annette Funicello. A local newspaper man is writing editorials about the "beach bums" and trying to prove that an ape is as smart as they. A local biker gang is trying to join forces with the journalist. Don Rickles owns a restaurant and a drag strip, and sometimes the beach bums race cars against Potato Bug.
A super silly movie. Pure cheese all the way. If you enjoy camp then you pretty much would have to enjoy this movie. There's even a woman who can send people flying with a shake of her ass. Lots of stupid fun.

7/10

Jackass 3 (2010)

2012-01-28T09:31:00.000-08:00

Directed by Jeff Tremaine
Written by Preston Lacey
IMDB

There's something beyond people hitting each other that makes "Jackass" funny. I think it's that you like the guys enough to not want to see them die, but not enough to not want to see them hurt themselves/each other. The violence is, at times, very cartoony, and purposefully so. Johnny Knoxville once said that they take some of their ideas from Looney Tunes.
The film is well made. A non-stop barrage of people doing ridiculous shit. It's never in good taste. Obviously, there will be a certain level of person who will not like this. Maybe they will just flat out refuse to let themselves enjoy it, maybe they really do not enjoy it. I couldn't stop laughing.
I won't go into any detailed discussion of any particular stunts. There's too many, really. Plus, part of the fun sometimes is the reveal of what is happening or about to happen. This movie is very worth watching.

9/10

Ladies and Gentleman, The Fabulous Stains (1982)

2012-01-26T22:38:00.000-08:00

Directed by Lou Adler
Written by Nancy Dowd
IMDB

This movie is exactly what "The Runaways" should have been. "The Runaways" is one of the worst films I have ever seen. Awful. This was really great, though.
Two sisters and their cousin form a punk band and join a tour of an washed-up aging glam rock band and a more seasoned punk band with a twat band leader. The lead singer, Corinne, hits a nerve with people with a cool look. It catches on and as they become increasingly famous, the leader of the other punk band becomes jealous.
A really fun movie with some pretty good music. It shows how image is more important than talent, although I did like the songs by The Fabulous Stains. Totally worth a watch.

7.5/10

Trancers (1985)

2012-01-26T22:29:00.000-08:00

Directed by Charles Band
Written by Danny Bilson and Paul De Meo
IMDB

Jack Deth is sent back from the future to fight trancers, possessed people in a zombie-like state brought on by Whistler, his arch-enemy. Whistler is in the year 1985 for some reason. Deth teams up with a pretty punk rock girl (played by Helen Hunt!).
This was a really cool movie. It was dark, but totally silly and campy. Plus, Helen Hunt is hot and has colored streaks in her hair. How could you pass that up? In fact, during this movie I got an erection from looking at pictures of 48 year old Helen Hunt.
I totally recommend watching this. It's a really good time as long as you are into campy, goofy sci-fi movies. Lots of fun. Straight up awful poster.

8/10

Godzilla Raids Again (1955)

2012-01-26T09:14:00.000-08:00

Directed by Motoyoshi Oda
Written by Shigeaki Hidaka, Shigeru Kayama and Takeo Murata
IMDB

Unfortunately, I watched the English dubbed version, which I have just found out is butchered and re-edited. What I saw was fucking horrible. It was hard to follow and they called Godzilla "Gigantis" the whole time. What the fuck is that? Really terrible.

4/10

My Name is Nobody (1973)

2012-01-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

Directed by Tonino Valerii
Written by Ernesto Gastaldi
IMDB

This is a parody of the western genre. Nobody is faster than Jack Beauregard. A man named Nobody, that is. While it might seem like a one joke premise, and in ways it is, it really is more of a regular western movie with some levity.
Nobody is bent on making Beauregard into a hero and he wants him to stand alone against the 150 member of the Wild Bunch. He does everything in his power to make it happen. There is a little bit of time in the middle where the film meanders a tab, but it is at least to build up how good of a shot Nobody is.
I used to watch this film as a child. The scene where Nobody holds a gun to the balls of a guy who is giving him a shave was one of my favorites. Henry Fonda is great as the aging hero of the west. Terrence Hill is good, although it seems like he mainly got the part because he sort of looks like Clint Eastwood. Great soundtrack. Worth a watch.

7/10

How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

2012-01-24T21:16:00.000-08:00

Directed by Dean DeBlois and Chris Sanders
Written by William Davies, Dean DeBlois and Chris Sanders
IMDB

A viking boy is too small to fight dragons, bu he wants to. Then he takes down a very dangerous dragon, but can't kill it. Then he doesn't want to fight dragons, he wants to friend them.
This was an okay animated film. It wasn't as good as I expected, honestly. My brother had told me that it was especially good, but I didn't see it. It was fine. Better than "Bolt" and "Rango," but not especially amazing. It looked really nice, though. The end was kind of fun.

6.5/10

The Muppets (2011)

2012-01-24T21:03:00.000-08:00

Directed by James Bobin
Written by Jason Segel and Nicholas Stoller
IMDB

I saw this a couple months ago when it was in the theater and forgot to write up a review for it due to a busy holiday. I highly enjoyed this film.
Walter, a Muppet, and his brother, the human Jason Segel, set off to take a tour of The Muppet studios. Also, Jason Segel's girlfriend is with them on a supposed romantic vacation. When they get there, they find that the studio is in ruins and the Muppets have disbanded. Now they set out to recollect the Muppets and get the studio back into shape.
A very fun and nostalgic movie. The theater we were in had some children and mostly adults. The adults seemed to love it and the children seemed bored. They didn't even seem to enjoy the "Toy Story" short that played before the movie, which was absolutely hilarious. My wife had a smile plastered across her face for the duration of the film.

9/10

Blue Hawaii (1961)

2012-01-24T10:24:00.000-08:00

Directed by Norman Taurog
Written by Hal Kanter
IMDB

Elvis plays Chad Gates, a man freshly home from the ARMY. His parents want him to start working at their pineapple farm, but he wants to be his own man. His girlfriend gets him a job as a tour guide, but things go awry and then they start their own tour guide company. Plus, you know, he sings a lot of songs.
All right, I'll be honest: I am an Elvis fan. I like his music and I like the soundtrack to this film a lot. The movie itself is absurdly goofy. At times the plot definitely takes a backseat to Elvis singing songs, which I have no real problem with. It's pretty funny. This movie is pure cheese. I had a good time watching it.

7/10

Rango (2011)

2012-01-22T21:43:00.000-08:00

Directed by Gore Verbinski
Written by John Logan
IMDB

A pet lizard falls off a truck while in the desert. He acts tough to the townspeople (various animals) and becomes their sheriff. Now he must have figure out why there's no water. Plus, western gunfights.
Eh, I was really let down by this movie overall. It looks amazing. Maybe one of the best looking cartoons I've seen. Sadly, the story and its humor didn't live up to my expectations. Unlike "Kung Fu Panda," it didn't play off of the tropes. It was entertaining and not as bad as "Bolt," but it wasn't too much better.

6/10

Bolt (2008)

2012-01-20T23:10:00.000-08:00

Directed by Byron Howard and Chris Williams
Written by Byron Howard and Chris Williams
IMDB

There's a TV show called "Bolt" about a dog with super powers saving his owner, Penny, every week. They make sure the dog doesn't know it is a TV show. Yeah, it is very stupid. The dog accidentally gets shipped to New York from L.A. Now he must find his way back to L.A. with the help of a cat named Mittens.
This movie sucked. I was cool with it being a movie about a dog with super powers, but once it was revealed that it was a TV show and became an animated rehash of "Milo & Otis" I completely checked out. I had to watch this movie in three chunks. It wasn't completely miserable to watch, but it lacked the charm of much of my favorite animated movies. This movie is strictly for children, and probably girl children at that.

6/10

Tangled (2010)

2012-01-20T23:04:00.000-08:00

Directed by Nathan Greno and Byron Howard
Written by Dan Fogelman
IMDB

An animated musical retelling of the Rapunzel fairy tale. The plot: An witch captures the princess because she has magical hair that can keep her young. If one cuts the hair it loses its magical powers. A thieve happens upon the tower in which she's kept and takes her on an adventure to see lamps that are lit every year on her birthday (by her real parents in hopes she will come back).
I really enjoyed this movie. The songs were fine, the animation was superb and it was all-around fun. Even your favorite comedian Paul F. Tompkins is in it. Definitely worth watching, especially with a kid, which is not how I watched it.

8.5/10

Toy Story 2 (1999)

2012-01-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

Directed by John Lasseter, Ash Brannon andLee Unkrich
Written by Andrew Stanton, Rita Hsiao, Doug Chamberlin and Chris Webb
IMDB

Woody is stolen by Al, a collector of toys and owner of a toy store. The toy gang must rescue Woody. Meanwhile, Woody is hanging out with Stinky Pete, Bullseye and Jessie the Yodeling Cowgirl, getting ready to be sold to a Japanese museum.
I used to hold this movie higher than the original--and it is funnier--but upon a rewatching, it is not quite as good. It doesn't have the sense of adventure that the original and the third installments have. Don't get me wrong, this is still a great film, but it's the lesser of the trilogy.

8/10

Toy Story (1995)

2012-01-20T22:36:00.000-08:00

Directed by John Lasseter
Written by Joss Whedon, Andrew Stanton, Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow
IMDB

Toys come to life when their owner, Andy, is not around. Woody, the most beloved toy, becomes jealous of the new favorite toy, Buzz Lightyear. When Woody accidentally knocks Buzz out of the window, he sets out on a large-scale rescue mission and must return before Andy's family moves.
One of the all-time great animated films. It's funny, looks excellent (even 16 years later) and has real heart, which is especially worth noting considering it is a movie about toys coming to life.

10/10

Haywire (2012)

2012-01-20T22:24:00.000-08:00

Directed by Steven Soderbergh
Written by Lem Dobbs
IMDB

MMA superstar Gina Carano stars in this slick action movie as a government agent caught up in an assassination plot. Much of the plot leading up to the climax is told in a flashback while riding with a hostage type, although he doesn't seem too unwilling to be there.
This was a really fun action movie and it was actually good. The action scenes have no music in them, which gives it a very interesting dynamic. The flashback montages have a jazzy-esque music playing during them, which is great. I was expecting bro-metal that usually accompanies these types of films, and thankfully that was not the case.
Gina Carano is really good in this. I wouldn't expect her to ever show up in a non-action movie, but she is likely to become a pretty successful action star. This movie is similar to a Steven Segal film, but it is expertly directed by Soderbergh. Totally worth a watch.

8/10

Winter's Bone (2010)

2011-11-16T19:49:00.001-08:00

Directed by Debra Granik
Written by Debra Granik and Anne Rosellini
IMDB

A 17-year-old girl goes looking for her missing father when she finds out that the put their house up for collateral for his bail. She is pretty sure her father is dead, and she must prove it in order to keep the police from taking her house. She spends much of the movie interviewing a grusome group of meth addled characters.
This movie is a neo noir, I'd say. The 17-year-old girl is the detective and the movie is pretty gritty. The people in this film mostly look like methed up white trash.
I really loved this flick. It is entertaining and engrossing. Jennifer Lawrence was fantastic, and the supporting cast of character actors (or maybe real life meth heads? I don't really know) were also great.
This review is not very good, but I want to get it out of the way so I can watch a movie and don't forget to do this one.

9.5/10

Little Children (2006)

2011-11-15T20:24:00.001-08:00

Directed by Todd Field
Written by Todd Field and Tom Perrotta
IMDB

Kate Winslet and her child are hanging out at a park with some other moms and their children. A man (Patrick Wilson) who the moms fantasize over shows up with his son. Kate Winslet goes over to talk to him and, as the man is about to leave, says they could freak the moms out by hugging. As they're hugging, she says they could really freak them out and they kiss. That kiss sparks something for both of them and soon they enter into an affair. Meanwhile, a local pervert has just been released from prison. He had exposed himself to some children. The community is freaked out by him, even going as far as to hang up posters with his photo on it around town.
I really enjoyed this film. The romance aspect was good, the pervert part was fine, but sort on nonsensical at times. The performances from Patrick Wilson and Kate Winslet were great and Jackie Earle Haley was also pretty good. Worth a viewing and pretty memorable.

8.5/10

Martin & Orloff (2002)

2011-11-13T19:26:00.001-08:00

Directed by Lawrence Blume
Written by Matt Walsh, Ian Roberts and Katie Roberts
IMDB

Martin designs mascot costumes for food companies. He recently attempted suicide, and now is seeing a psychologist, Dr. Orloff. Orloff is an eccentric and takes Martin everywhere with him (softball game, double date, dinner theater).
While the description makes this sound like an art house film, keep this in mind: it was co-written by Matt Walsh and Ian Roberts (two of the founders of The Upright Citizen Brigade theater). This movie does come across like an elongated episode of the UCB show that aired for three seasons on Comedy Central. It is not as outright funny as that show, but it is still pretty funny.
I would absolutely recommend this film if you are a UCB fan. I am and I enjoyed it. It wasn't amazing, but it was fine and had some really funny moments. H. Jon Benjamin is pretty funny in this and there are quite a few cameos by some famous people (Tina Fey, Andy Richter, Amy Poehler, David Cross). The climax of the movie is pretty funny and makes the movie come across sort of like a Harold.

6.5/10

In Time (2011)

2011-11-13T19:17:00.001-08:00

Directed by Andrew Niccol
Written by Andrew Niccol
IMDB

Justin Timberlake co-stars with Amanda Seyfried in this dystopian time-based thriller. What the movie lacks in good perfomances it makes up in spades with time-based puns.
The premise: on your 25th birthday, a clock on your arm activates and counts down your last year. The economy is based upon time. You can get more time through work and trade. Timberlake is given a century's worth of time from a guy who is sick of being alive. Now the authorities (time keepers) are after him. He kidnaps Amanda Seyfried (the daughter of a wealthy time merchant or some shit). Seyfried and Timberlake partner up--and fuck--to rob time banks and give the time to the poor.
The movie is very stupid, but also pretty entertaining. It uses the word "time" more than "Pulp Fiction" uses "fuck." Like I said above, there are a lot of time-based puns. I'm fine with that, but I would be hard-pressed to call it "good."
I wouldn't necessarily recommend this film, but I wouldn't dissuade naybody from seeing it or make fun of them for liking it. My wife and my dad liked it. My father paid for us to see it, which is the only way I would have ever seen it. It was a good time, though.

6.5/10

Mansfield Park (1999)

2011-10-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

Directed by Patricia Rozema
Written by Patricia Rozema
IMDB

Adapted from a Jane Austen novel. A teenaged girl is made to leave her family in order to become educated at her aunt's home (Mansfield Park). There she tries to keep to herself and find romance while hating the idea of slavery. Or something like that. Mostly the romance part.
I have an affinity for Jane Austen films and period pieces of that era in general. I guess I just enjoy high society from that era, I have no idea. It makes no sense to me. I just find it charming, I guess.
This film is directed by a woman, which is somewhat rare. I couldn't imagine anybody could have done a better job with the material. The film is romantic, but not in the same in the way that one from the 1930s or 40s is.
It's an okay movie. It's made very well, the story is fine and there's a few quirky moments of the main character reading a letter or telling a piece of a story to the camera. The main actress is beautiful and that definitely didn't hurt my enjoyment of the piece.
I enjoyed the film, but I would not recommend it because I would be embarrassed to do so.

7/10

Julia (2008)

2011-10-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

Directed by Erick Zonca
Written by Erick Zonca and Aude Py
IMDB

Tilda Swinton plays the titular character. Julia is a desperate alcoholic who has just lost her job. She meets a mentally unstable neighbor at an AA meeting and soon gets talked into helping her kidnap her son. She decides to double cross her neighbor and hold the child ransom, the child's grandfather is rich. When she heads to Mexico with the kid things get really out of control.
Tilda Swinton was fantastic in this pretty good film. Even if you can't get into the subject matter and unlikable characters of this film, it is impossible not to be in love with Swinton's performance. She is amazing.
I really enjoyed this film. It is a bit long at 2 and a half hours, but it is worth the time. This is a top-notch crime film. I thought it was going to be a full-on character study and was pleasantly surprised that it was not. I would definitely recommend this film.

8/10

If Looks Could Kill (1991)

2011-10-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

Directed by William Dear
Written by Darren Star
IMDB

A high school student is missing a foreign language credit and does not graduate. He must make up the credit in summer school, the caveat being the French teacher is taking the French club to France. He joins them, but is mistaken for a CIA agent with the same name. Mind you, not the same looks, just the same name. Who knows why the movie is titled so.
A silly, stupid and somewhat fun romp. Richard Grieco is okay as the lead. He is clearly about 25 in this role as an 18 year old, but that's fine. It's pure early 90s goofiness.
This is nothing more than a James Bond spoof with a silly plot. It has some moments and laughs--though they're pretty embarrassing. I would not recommend watching this, but I made my wife watch it with me anyway. I had seen this film a few times when I was a kid. I found it enjoyable enough back then and still do.

6/10

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (1967)

2011-10-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

Directed by David Swift
Written by David Swift
IMDB

A young window washin' fellow buys a book on "How to Succeed in Business" and begins to rapidly climb the corporate ladder. He must juggle his hunger for success with his budding relationship with Rosemary, a secretary.
A fun and campy musical. The songs are not all that good, in my opinion. They're sort of awkward. The movie part is so fun, though. The songs are so bad that it ruins the good movie part of the film. It just kind of takes up space every here and there. There aren't even that many songs.

7.5/10

The Thing (1982)

2011-10-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

Directed by John Carpenter
Written by Bill Lancaster
IMDB

John Carpenter presents this icy sci-fi/horror film. An American research base in Antarctica finds a dog running outside. They bring it in and soon find out that it is being inhabited by an alien that can replicate its host.
A very gross and excellent horror film. I am not a fan of the original Halloween film (sorry), but this flick was excellent. The monster/alien is super disgusting. My wife and our friend Sara were freaking out during the movie, which made it so much more fun. Sara can really get engrossed in a movie (even Marmaduke!), so watching stuff with her is always fun.
This is a perfect Halloween film. It's on Netflix streaming. What are you assholes waiting for?

8/10

Red State (2011)

2011-10-19T23:26:00.000-07:00

Directed by Kevin Smith
Written by Kevin Smith
IMDB

Kevin Smith's independently made horror film managed to surprise me. For starters, it is actually somewhat scary/creepy. The film is about a group of fundamental Christians who kill homosexuals and the like. Secondly it is actually very well made.
I have been critical of Kevin Smith's directing style at times. "Cop Out" was a complete mess. I really did not expect Kevin Smith to be able to pull off a movie like "Red State." He did an amazing job. This movie is going to be popular. If it had gotten a theatrical wide-release it might have been Smith's biggest hit to date.
Kevin Smith has made some great films, don't get me wrong ("Clerks," "Clerks 2," and "Dogma"). He has also made some kind of shitty ones ("Cop Out," "Mallrats" and "Jersey Girl"). I wasn't sure where this film was going to fit into his filmography. I'd say that it might be second to "Clerks" overall. I enjoy some of his silly comedies over "Red State," but I'm a comedy kind of guy.
The performances in "Red State" are completely top-notch. Michael Parks is amazing as the preacher of the hate-mongering church. He deserves a nomination for something for his performance.
This film is streaming exclusively on Netflix right now. It's nearing Halloween. Watch this film.

8.5/10