I made an announcement a few weeks ago that my new book, Lost Days, would include the first three chapters of The Land of the Dead; Book Four of the Oz Chronicles.  Some of you who downloaded the free PDF of Lost Days may have been wondering where the sample chapters were. I devilishly only included them with the paperback version.  I’m sneaky like that.  I just felt it was only fair to give the people who pay for the book a little something extra.  If you don’t care about the Book Four sample pages , you can download the PDF here: Lost Days – Free PDF Version

If you want the sample pages, you can purchase the book here: Lost Days Paperback Version (only $8.99)

The best part of this video is how cool and unaffected the stays through the entire “mauling.”  BTW – I realize I missed “Freaky Search Friday.”  Things were crazy with the book release.  I may do a special edition tomorrow.

Read a book! Win a laptop computer!

First things first, an important rule to follow:

PLEASE, DO NOT post the answer to the qualifying question on Facebook or any other public forum, including, but not limited to blogs, messageboards, other social media sites, etc. And don’t send out a mass email to friends and family with the answer. They always make their way back to me, and it makes things very awkward.

And now for the qualifying question:

What is the name of the Bigfoot that injures Owen?

Obviously, you will have to have read the book in order to know the answer, and that is the point of the contest.  You are welcome to purchase the book by clicking here, Lost Days.   But purchasing the book is not necessary.  I would never make you purchase the book.  That would be a real jerky thing to do.  You can download the PDF for free by clicking here, Lost Days – Free PDF Version

Here are the rest of the rules:

1. You must be a member of the Lost Days Facebook group in order to be eligible to enter the contest.

2. Lost Days Facebook group members must provide the correct answer to the qualifying question to be officially entered in the drawing.

3. There are no limits to the number of times Lost Days Facebook group members can attempt to correctly answer the qualifying question.

4. Spread the word bonus – If you provide the correct answer to the qualifying question, you can earn extra entries for each member that joins the Lost Days Facebook group based on your referral.

5. You must provide the correct answer to the qualifying question by January 4.

6. A video of the drawing will be posted on the Lost Days Facebook group on January 10.

7. The answer to the qualifying question can be found in both the Lost Days book and on the author’s blog under the Lost Days category page. The link to the category page is as follows: http://rwridley.wordpress.com/category/lost-days-book/ . While no purchase is necessary, the book will be available on Amazon by late November/early December.

8. PLEASE DO NOT post the answer to the qualifying question on Facebook or any other public forum, including, but not limited to blogs, messageboards, other social media sites, etc. And don’t send out a mass email to friends and family with the answer. They always make their way back to me, and it makes things very awkward.

9. Send the answer to lostdays@rwridley.com with the subject line “I know the answer.” The subject line is very important because it helps me streamline the process, so please remember to use it.

10. The qualifying question is… What is the name of the Bigfoot that injures Owen?

11. Second Drawing: The second laptop will be for the top 10 people with the most Spread the Word Bonus Points. What are Spread the Word Bonus Points? Simple, whenever someone joins the Lost Days Facebook Group and leaves a comment saying “I’m a fan because (your name) sent me.” You get a Spread the Word Bonus Point (provided you answer the qualifying question correctly). To give everyone ample time to get the word out, I am holding the second drawing on January 17. BTW – You can start spreading the word now.

Read a book! Win a laptop computer!

…Will be posted on Friday.  Sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you.  I just wanted to give you a heads up.  Actually, I did mean to tease you.  Don’t hate me.  If you’re confused, and don’t know what I’m talking about, click here to get up to speed.

I’m actually too tired to post.  I am literally asleep while I’m typing this.  I am what they call “dog-tired.”  Instead of leaving you with that empty feeling inside that one gets from seeing a blog that hasn’t been properly populated with clever and/or insightful musings, I give you this gift of knowledge.  Ever wonder what the origins of the phrase “dog-tired” is?  Wonder no more! 

Dog tired is an old English phrase usually hyphenated to dog-tired. An adjectival phrase meaning to be physically exhausted, it derives from an old tale of Alfred the Great who used to send his sons out with his extensive kennels of hunting dogs. Whichever of his sons, be it Athelbrod or Edwin, were able to catch more of the hounds would gain their father’s right hand side at the dinner table that evening. These chases would leave them ‘dog-tired’ yet merry at their victory. The tradition was continued for a few generations but is not noted in literature after Bede’s Ecclesiastical History of the English People.  (From Wiktionary)

You’re welcome!

Any Rob Zombie fans out there?  His song Meet the Creeper received a mention in my new book, Lost Days.  Why?  Because I needed something… creepy.

Read a book! Win a laptop computer!

This is the 38^th installment of my new book (launch is this week) Lost Days.  I hope you’ve been reading carefully because the answer to the qualifying question is in one of the previous posts. Qualifying question for what?  For your chance to win a free laptop computer.   Click here to read the rules for the drawing.  Basically, you  read Lost Days for a chance to win a laptop!  If you don’t want to read the free online version, it will be available for sale on Amazon this week!.  Good luck.

I didn’t sleep a wink after Grover and I turned the lights off and settled in for the night.  My brain fought with itself all night.  I went from thinking the pictures were real to knowing they had to be fake and back again over and over until all my thoughts felt like racecars speeding around in my head.  It was maddening.  No matter what I did, I couldn’t shut it off. 

I gave up trying to sleep about two in the morning.  I sat up and watched Uncle Crew’s FROG from my window.  He didn’t go out probably because three guys had broken into his room a couple of nights before.  He was waiting for them to come back.  They wouldn’t.  Even I knew that.  They hadn’t found what they were looking for, and there was no reason to risk getting caught looking in the same place twice. 

J-Rob stepped out on the stoop at the top of the stairs a couple of times and smoked a cigarette.  I drifted back to our conversation on the porch.  I played every word over along with every motion he made.  He had a lot of nervous ticks.  Comes with being crazy I guess, but there was one that seemed out of place.  A few times he would pat the pocket of his coat, the pocket that had the jump drive in it.  Then it hit me.  He meant for me to find that jump drive.  He wanted me to see the pictures. 

The natural question followed, “Why?”  I thought about putting on some shoes and running outside to ask him, but I knew he would deny it. 

His face glowed orange each time he took a drag from his cigarette.  If he saw me watching him, he never let on.  I didn’t know much about him, but I knew he loved my uncle like a soldier loves his commander or a boy loves a hero. If I had to guess why he gave me the jump drive, it was so I could help.  He would never betray Uncle Crew by asking me outright, but if I volunteered, then he was off the hook.

I quickly ditched that idea.  How could I possibly help?  I was a kid, a test-taker still trying to make my way through Homer’s Iliad and the quadratic formula.  I couldn’t help myself through high school, how could I help them… with whatever it is they were doing.

I tried one more time to lay back down in bed and fall asleep, but this time all I thought about was Joyner.  I hated myself for believing that he could actually be interested in me.  What a jerk I was.  I felt like a complete and total fool.  The horror slowly engulfed me as I realized that I would have to see him at school. 

I gave up trying to sleep and quietly left the room.  I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I just wandered through the house aimlessly until I reached the living room.  I didn’t turn on the lights, choosing instead to sit on the couch in the dark.  The pale light of a half moon shined through the window.  I sat and listened to the sounds of the early morning.  The house settled causing barely audible pops and the wind outside whirled.  It was amazing to hear nothing make so much noise.  I heard a floorboard creek and almost let it pass without a thought.  It suddenly dawned on me that floorboards don’t creek on their own.  I became stiff.  Another creek.  Something out of the corner of my eye moved.  I turned and saw a dark figure swaying by the fireplace.  I screamed.  The figure jumped and sprinted past me.  I was screaming with more intensity as I realized that it was a real live person hiding in my grandparents’ living room.  The man jerked the front door open and disappeared into the darkness just as granddaddy and mom came rushing down the stairs. 

“What the hell…” granddaddy started to say, but stopped when he saw the front door wide open.

“Honey,” mom said running to my side. 

I was a blubbering mess.

Granddaddy eased up to the door and peered outside.  He shut it when he realized no one was there. 

“What happened?” mom asked sitting next to me and allowing me to bury my face into her shoulder.

“A man,” I said as I sobbed.

“Man?” Granddaddy said.  “In the house?”

I nodded pointing over to the fireplace.  “He was over there.”

I heard the kitchen door open.  Uncle Crew and J-Rob barreled into the room. 

“What’s going on?” Uncle Crew asked.

“Heard some wild screaming,” J-Rob added.

Granddaddy looked at me with more concern than I have ever seen in an adult.  “Hayley said she saw a man in the house.  Front door was open when I came down the stairs.”

J-Rob didn’t hesitate.  He ran to the door and opened it.  Growling like a wildman, he jumped out onto the front porch in an attack posture.  If I hadn’t been scared to tears, I would have been laughing.  He stepped back inside.  “Nothing.  I’d say he’s halfway to Peoria by now.”

“What did he look like?” Uncle Crew asked.

I shook my head, and attempted to say that I didn’t know, but all I could manage was a series of squeaks.

“We should call the police,” mom said stroking my hair trying to calm me down.

Granddaddy grimaced.  “Police have been out here enough.”

“But a man was in your house, daddy,” mom said sternly.

“I know,” granddaddy said, “And they’ll ask questions, none of which Hayley’s going to be able to answer because she didn’t get a good look at him.  It’ll rouse the neighbors and just bring us attention I’d just as soon avoid.”

“Daddy, call the police,” mom demanded.

Nana Taffy came down the stairs holding Grover’s hand.  “What happened?” she asked.

Granddaddy rubbed his grizzled face.  “A lot of excitement.  No one’s hurt…”

“A man broke into the house and daddy refuses to call the police,” mom said.

“A man?” Nana Taffy said pulling Grover in close.  “Oh my.  Why would he do that?”

“Who knows?  Probably a drunk got lost on his way home,” granddaddy said.

“A drunk?…” You could hear the outrage in mom’s voice.  “It could have been a burglar or rapist or serial killer for all we know.”

“Connie!” Nana Taffy shouted as she covered Grover’s ears.

“It was me,” Uncle Crew said.

I looked up at him astonished.

“What do you mean, it was you?” granddaddy asked.  “You were in the house?”

“No,” Uncle Crew said.  “They’re after me.”

“And me,” J-Rob added.

Granddaddy dropped his shoulders and shook his head.  “No one’s after you boys.”

“No,” I said.  “It’s true.  Someone is after them.”

“Enders,” J-Rob said.

Granddaddy started to shuffle toward the stairs to go back to bed.  “Sun will be up in a couple of hours.  We should try to get some sleep before it’s too late…”

“They broke into my room the other night,” Uncle Crew said.  He hesitated before he continued.  “Hayley saw them.”

All eyes turned to me.  “There were three of them.”  I cast my head down feeling ashamed now for not telling them sooner.

“You saw them from your room?” mom asked.

“No,” I looked to see if Uncle Crew would step in and save me, explain what I was doing, how I was able to see the three men, but he simply nodded.  “I went up to Uncle Crew’s room after he and J-Rob left the other night…”

“Why would you do that?” Granddaddy asked.

“Sh… she had her reasons,” Uncle Crew said trying to suppress a nervous facial tick.  “We’ve talked about it.”

I didn’t know if he was trying to save me or keep the subject of the camera from coming up.  “They broke into the FROG while I was there… I mean I wasn’t exactly in the room when they came exactly.  I was hiding in the tree right outside the back window.  I couldn’t see any of them.”  I considered telling them about Joyner, but quickly changed my mind when J-Rob spoke again.

“Gotta be Enders,” he said.

Granddaddy turned to him and asked in a strained voice, “What’s an Ender?”

“Assassins,” J-Rob said.  Uncle Crew squirmed.  “Of sorts,” he continued.  “They work for developers, the timber industry, oil companies, any outfit trying to get their hands on government land.”

“This isn’t the time, J-Rob,” granddaddy said.

“Tell ‘em, Crew,” J-Rob pleaded.

Uncle Crew had a look in his eyes like someone was pointing a gun at his head.  “They… they clear vulnerable protected lands from endangered and at risk wildlife.”

“You mean like Bald Eagles?” mom asked.

“No,” Uncle Crew said with slightly more confidence.  “Lower profile endangered species. Animals that don’t get a lot of attention except from a few animal rights groups.”

“And by vulnerable protected lands,” Nana Taffy said.  “You mean what?”

“I mean those government-owned, protected lands they’re considering selling to pay down the federal debt.  The Enders eliminate any evidence of endangered species from those areas and the developers make their case that there’s no reason to keep the land under protected status.”

“Why do you call them Enders?” Grover asked.

“Because,” J-Rob said, “they end entire species just to make a stinking dollar.”

“And this has to do with Bigfoot?” mom asked.

“No,” I said.  “Owls.”

She looked at me ready to ask how I knew, but I didn’t give her a chance.

“That’s what Elizabeth Starling was doing in Little Grand Canyon.  She was collecting evidence that an endangered species of owl used that area as its habitat.”

“They don’t just end animals,” J-Rob said sounding disturbed.

Mom jumped up.  “Daddy did you hear that.  The men who killed Elizabeth Starling were in this house.  You have to call the police.”

Granddaddy considered her demand.  “I’ve heard a lot of things here tonight.  Not a lot of which I put much stock in.”

Nana Taffy said sternly, “Hank Stanton you pick up that phone and call the police.  The neighbors be damned.  I promise you that if I have to do it myself, you will not soon live it down, do you hear me?”

He grumbled and marched past everyone and headed for the kitchen to make the last phone call he ever wanted to make.

I know Halloween is over.  What you fail to understand is that we are under the constant threat of zombie attack.  These Night of the Living Dead posts could very well save your life.  You’re welcome!

Skull-boy included for purposes of scale

While I just got Stephen King’s newest book, Under the Dome, and I haven’t had a chance to read it, I am ready to give my early review.  It’s gigantic!  My arms are sore from lifting it.   I think you should be required to register it as a lethal weapon because if I could muster up the strength to throw it at someone, it would kill them instantly.  Are you hearing me?  I’m saying it’s big.  It has it’s own gravitational pull.  Ginormous.

"I was nude once. It was 1984 and my pants caught on fire..."

The freak is in the house, awe-oh!  The freak is in the house, awe-oh!  Sorry, got carried away.  Here they are, a little later in the evening than usual, but I made it. These are the freaky and funny search terms people used to find my blog.  How these queries brought them to my blog, I don’t know, but one should never question the power of the freaky search term.  Enjoy and keep the freak flag flying, people.  I need you.    

10. how tall jeff Goldblum – He big tall.

9. Jay Cutler suck 5 – Five?  He sucks 17.  As in, he’s thrown 17 interceptions in 9 games.  How many interceptions has Kyle Orton thrown? 

8. “jay cutler” sucks – Only if you expect him to win.  Otherwise, he’s the greatest quarterback who ever lived in his own mind. 

7. real live ghost caught on tape – Note to beginning ghost hunters, you’ll never find a real “live” ghost.  Try looking for the dead ones.

6. day of the dead tattoos – Now this is a tattoo I would consider getting… but not on my face.

5. star tattoos for girls – Could a star tattoo really be gender specific?  What makes one star tattoo more girly than another?

4. worst face tattoo – The worst face tattoo is called a face tattoo.

3. nasty puppies – Cute, loveable puppies are so last year

 2. dog with toupee – Dogs with toupees came up a couple of times last week.  I guess Hair Club for Dogs finally opened for business

And the number 1 freakiest search term used to find my blog is:

1. skip holtz, nude – Oh… ah… no…  You can’t really want to see… I mean I don’t even think Skip Holtz wants to see Skip Holtz nude…. Wait, I’m feeling a little dizzy…. Let me get some fresh air…. Oops… I think I… Yep, I stabbed a pencil in my eye to try and rid myself of the horrible image of Skip Holtz nude.  Thank you for that, interwebs.