Rich Wallace's Blog

Change Brings Opportunity

Rich Wallace — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 22:15:00 GMT

One of our greatest fears as humans is "change" in just about any facet of our daily living. What we consider to be the normal operating procedures of our day-to-day simply become a matter of habit and we soon adapt to what we feel is comforting. Unfortunately, this is also what stems our bad habits and that comfort supersedes any thoughts of combating these habits as it may take too much effort, shift the balance of our routines or force us into a change in our lives that we have perceived in our own minds that we're not ready for.

Since we are creatures of habit, we prefer the stability of sameness and expected routines. Lately, however, I have been working on my own consciousness and realized that I'm not really even comfortable with my routines, I'm just extremely bored and have been looking for new challenges and wanting to push myself even harder to find the correct path to my life passion. Sure, I've been a software developer and database guy for the past fifteen years, but there's really no variety in this career as if software breaks, it's a data issue. If it's a data issue, someone used the software wrong. No real challenge there as it's a pretty static world in information technology. More importantly, this line of work does not truly fit into my my personal mission statement or the vision I had laid out for myself so I've realized that the more I put into it, the further I step away from what really makes me happy.

Inherently, we stick with what we know, or follow in the footsteps of those which we admire and that have walked a similar path. In many cases, although we're "good" at something, that doesn't necessarily mean it is something we have a passion for. For example, I'm good with computers and technical jargon but my passion in nowhere close to fitting my current career. My wife is really good at playing poker, but her passion lies in caring for animals so it begs the question, if we dig deep enough and find that what we are good at doesn't make us as happy as possible and touch our own goals and desires, why should we stick with them so intently?

If you've never read, "Who Moved My Cheese?", pick it up and give it a once over as it covers the fear of change on two different angles pretty well. When I first read it the book, I simply stopped being afraid of change as there are more opportunities made available once you accept change in your life. When I first started this website, my fear of change was pretty simple; I'm putting myself out there and sharing my thoughts with people that I have never met and will probably never have the pleasure of meeting. Human nature keeps us unique and I know that my personal opinions, no matter the topic, will upset or offend someone else and based on my own passions, that's the last thing I want to do but...it's going to happen so I accept the feasibility of it and use it to battle against that fear of making such a change.

Change can be a scary thing, but if you only focus on the negatives, you will never open up and see the many opportunities that change can bring into your life as well.

Jumping Your Hurdles

Rich Wallace — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 19:15:00 GMT

Making changes in your own personal life as far as life enhancement goes, would seem to be an easy task. We sometimes cross paths with those that have found their own ways to make these changes and witness the power that this opportunity has had in their world. We see people that have come up with amazing ideas and capitalized on them, others have built businesses from the ground up and have made a secure future for themselves and their family. Others, we watch them go through a long struggle either to just keep their heads above water, or even more painful, they try extremely hard to make some beneficial changes, but seem to trip themselves up over something that they may feel is out of their influence.

In my own experiences, I have met many different kinds of people and have been able to take away some good life tips from researching and just paying attention to how different people are and how they surround themselves with influences and concerns. We are all provided with an inventory of life tools on which we are able to dig into and use at our own discretion and how we see fit. One of these tools that is openly available but rarely used, is choice.

With just about any challenge we are presented with, we are offered the ability to make a choice on how we are going to tackle that challenge. The scary part about choice is that we sometimes over-analyze our own perceived outcome of the choices we consider. When we do this, however, our judgment is automatically clouded with too many "what-ifs" or "buts" and we may end up passing up on making a beneficial choice that although seems risky, may offer immediate positive effects in our lives.

The truth of the matter is this, we create our own hurdles. We set ourselves up for failure too many times and when we finally meet that hurdle, we put the brakes on and either walk off the track or ask, "Who put this *thing* in my way??". Well, we did, our own conscious likes to play mind games with us and more often than not, we let our mind win and shut ourselves down to finding the path of enhancement. Other times, we surround ourselves with others that will place new hurdles in our own way, and in order to appease those relationships, we succumb to whatever it is they are willing to put down in front of us. This mental programming is evident in the ages of children and it simply tags along with us right into adulthood. Imagine children at play on a playground, running around playing tag or any other game that requires "rules". If you're ever noticed one of those children thinking outside of the box and creating some new innovative way to play the game, what do the other kids do? Rather than embracing the creativity and inventive thinking, they rest will stop, put their hands on their hips and yell out, "You can't do that!!! That's not how you play the game!!!"

See how we are automatically trained to be average right off the bat? When this happens to those that have the creative genius that truly can make the world a different place, we lose out on some potentially awesome benefits for all of us. We are a social people and we sometimes sacrifice our own opportunities to keep our company happy and we don't want to hurt the feelings of those that may indeed be hurdles in our own paths. When I wrote about letting go of bad relationships, these connections qualify for a possible meeting with the chopping block when we feel we may be held back by such people.

More common however, is the fact that we limit ourselves by training our minds that we are only as good as what we offer today. If you have a "job" that you are being paid a salary for and you realize that the work you are doing is only making you miserable, why stay in that line of work? If you are really good at the work you are doing and you may feel underpaid, again, why stay in a position within a company that is not paying you your true worth? Each and every one of us brings a unique value to the world, if you're met with those that are willing to minimize your worth for any number of reasons, don't cut yourself short, rather...accept that the other person simply hasn't found their own worth or may have a bit of jealousy that you've found yours and live your life for you and you alone. If you're the kid on the playground coming up with new ways to play an old game and told you can't do that, find new friends and show them your new game.

What is Your Easiest 'Thing' to Avoid?

Rich Wallace — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 21:39:00 GMT

For me, there are a few answers that come to mind when I read this question...

Confrontation
Yard work
Social situations
Current events
Politics
Many more....

But the one that really rings true once I open my mind up to some deeper thinking, is always the same...myself.

With how busy people are these days, it becomes all too easy to move around some items that are on the priority list as to just get by. Some of us have demanding work hours and projects, we have families and friends that vie for our attention and there are the typical day-to-day tasks that need to be tended to somewhere along the line within the same 24 hours we all get in a single day. Most of us know exactly what we should be doing where our life compass is aimed at for the most part, but when it comes to to evaluate the to-do lists, we may have bumped another task that we try to set aside just for ourselves. Maybe your 'Me Time' is at happy hour after work, it could be a brisk walk at lunchtime, or a full workout session at the gym. I bet there have been more times that you'd like to admit that you've bumped these special times to accommodate for something, or someone else and have really accomplished nothing to better yourself in the process.

'Me Time', is rarely defined as a priority in our lists unless you count the early morning long waits in line at your local Starbuck's or your third staff meeting of the day at the office. Yes, your family and friends need you, too...but if they want to offer a little appreciation in return, they should be willing to accept that you need time to recharge before taking care of them sometimes. We're not all blessed with the mechanical genes of the Energizer Bunny, but even he has his own room to go to once in awhile, be it on the International Space Station or the Millwood Powerplant.

Why Do We Argue? (Part One)

Rich Wallace — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 20:36:00 GMT

The peacemaker in me hates confrontation and arguments with a passion that cannot be described in words. If I don't believe in something, unless personally challenged, I simply refuse to participate in a conversation with others on the subject in question and keep my mouth shut and will simply listen. Sure, I have strong beliefs, but I would rather keep it under wraps than open a can of worms that could potentially hurt the feelings of another because they don't see eye to eye with me on a particular issue. I've seen friendships and relationships built on many attributes crash and burn over the disagreement of a single topic. Which begs the question, if we are entitled to our own opinions, why question or argue somebody that does not share the same opinion?

There are too many cases where an argument can go terribly wrong and strike the nerve of a participant that may cause irreparable damage to their emotional bank account. I know I've made a remark or two in my lifetime that wasn't well received and again, this adds to the desire to stay away from any type of combative or fierce conversation as it's painful to me if I hurt someone else. However, much like the requirement to actually speak, there are times when an argument is a requirement in order to have a successful conversation with another person. Wouldn't you know it, I've found some time and desire to share on how to clean up your arsenal a bit when it comes time to jump into an argument.

Why Argue in the First Place?
Arguments are fights are not the same thing, although the subject of arguments has a bad reputation aligned with it as it is sometimes compared to a fight. How many times have you seen the situation on TV where a couple is in a heated fight, battling it out with intensity and the cute child comes out rubbing his/her eyes and asks, "What are you fighting about?". The response from a parent, "We're not fighting, we're arguing or talking loudly." (Queue the unmistakable laugh tracks). When an argument is entered into, it will only be successful if the participants have an out, or know that there are no ill feelings toward each other regardless of which path the argument takes. Here are some solid identifiers of what makes an argument a "good" argument:

Offer an understanding of your position and to also learn the position of the other participant
Assists the participants in sharing other views and ideas that may not have been identified previously
Offers the participants ample and balanced time to present perspectives
Does not include personal attacks or insults

Typically, the main reason we argue, is to "get what we want". This may hold true for the majority of the arguments we find ourselves involved in, but another reason why we would choose to take our discussion to the next level is to really get involved and learn more about the person we're arguing with, be it a spouse, friend, family member or co-worker. Sometimes, a good argument will tend to show the true colors of people and we can learn a great deal about each other by letting it all out.

What IS an Argument, Really?
Most would assume that an argument is automatically a disagreement. According to philosophical history, the definition of an argument is, "A claim, based on reasons." Nice, quick and simple, right? Not so much...an argument, as stated earlier, can be seen as a negative or fierce conversation if taken to the wrong side of the tracks. Most cases, an argument spawns over a disagreement of perspective and opinions of two or more people and if handled correctly, can be healthy for all involved. in other cases, an argument can pop up even if both parties actually agree on the subject at hand, but want to pursue deeper understanding of another perspective.

Now keep in mind, arguing may not always offer anything remotely close to a win-win condition, or even a win-lose...sometimes, you'll find out that the entire session was all lose-lose, especially if both participants hold their beliefs very strongly and refuse to budge to other perspectives.

Effective Arguing
Yes, there are some skills to be learned if you expect to be able to be "good" at arguing your claims. Some simply go off of their string belief or stance of a topic, but sometimes that simply isn't enough to "get what we want" from participating in the argument in the first place.

Understand your OWN reasons for arguing: Fully know, understand and be passionate about your own reasons for arguing your claim. You must have enough confidence in yourself and your reasons to provide you with a fighting chance of reaching your desired outcome. Sure, you will meet up with a die-hard or two that will, (no matter what your reasons are or how confident you are in them) refute anything and everything you present, but take the experience for what it's worth. Get some exercise in for you arguing skills and have a little fun to see how many feathers you can ruffle up. Maybe it will give you some ideas to take back to the drawing board and re-evaluate your own positions.
Know when to "Exit...stage left, even!!": Many arguments will be successful and may persuade your 'opponent' to see your claims and reasons under your own light, congratulations. Many other times, however, the argument will go on and on and your entire base of claim may be pushed to completely other topic that you have no stake in and need to make the decision to bow out of the argument.

Defensive Arguing
This is not necessarily condoning the act of becoming harsh or abrasive during an argument if you are being pushed to a corner, however, much like driving a car, you must be defensive in your approach when dealing with manipulation or overall bad claims. Know that most people simply want to win...it's doesn't matter what their reason or cause, but winning is the only way out for them. A great quote comes to mind on this situation, "If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."

First and Foremost, LISTEN! Part of arguing, includes listening, which is a basic attribute of communication. Oddly enough, you can use this to your advantage as most arguments tend to be seen as a fierce conversation where both participants talk...at the same time or over each other throwing out new claims and ammunition. If you stop and listen to the other person, you may knock them off guard a bit as you're not allowing yourself to drop to such a level. It may also persuade them to relax a bit and if you play your cards right, this compassion may significantly sway the environment toward your direction. Of course, understanding their perspective and reasons are good as well, so either way, you win something out of listening more.
Know Your Topic: It is not very productive to argue about something that you simply don't know enough about to bring enough reason to the table. It's not enough to have a general opinion on something to stake a claim on a subject that you may not have some real experience on, or passionately believe in. Consider the other participant's beliefs and expect that they have a consistent and accurate argument within them before you step into the ring against them and end up not having enough ammo to last more than a few minutes,
Keep Calm: This can be difficult for those that shy way from fierce conversations or confrontation, but the ability to keep calm and relax during an argument is critical in keeping the manner of the situation productive. First off, if you're sweating profusely, shaking and tripping over your own words, how can you expect another person to truly buy into your argument? This goes hand-in-hand with the first point, and that is to listen, listen and listen. A key strategy is to listen enough to really pay attention to understand your co-arguer, but also to listen for inaccuracies and use them to your advantage.

Part two, coming soon!

Conversational No-No's

Rich Wallace — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:03:00 GMT

What Not to Say About Someone's Appearance

Don’t say: “You look tired.”
Why: It implies she doesn’t look good.
Instead say: “Is everything OK?” We often blurt the “tired” comment when we get the sense that the other person feels out of sorts. So just ask.

Don’t say: “Wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight!”
Why: To a newly trim person, it might give the impression that she used to look unattractive.
Instead say: “You look fantastic.” And leave it at that. If you’re curious about how she got so svelte, add, “What’s your secret?”

Don’t say: “You look good for your age.”
Why: Anything with a caveat like this is rude. It's saying, "You look great―compared with other old people. It's amazing you have all your own teeth."
Instead say: “You look great.”

Don’t say: “I could never wear that.”
Why: It can be misunderstood as a criticism. (“I could never wear that because it’s so ugly.”)
Instead say: “You look so good in skinny jeans.” If you slip, say something like “I could never wear that…because I wasn’t blessed with your long legs.” Follow these tips to shop smart for your own body type.

Expert advice from Clinton Kelly, cohost of the TLC show, What Not to Wear.

What Not to Say in the Workplace

Don’t say: “That’s not my job.”
Why: If your superior asks you to do something, it is your job.
Instead say: “I’m not sure that should be my priority right now.” Then have a conversation with your boss about your responsibilities. In the past year, the rules of the workplace have changed. Learn how to shine at work in the new economy.

Don’t say: “This might sound stupid, but…”
Why: Never undermine your ideas by prefacing your remarks with wishy-washy language.
Instead say: What’s on your mind. It reinforces your credibility to present your ideas with confidence.

Don’t say: “I don’t have time to talk to you.”
Why: It’s plain rude, in person or on the phone.
Instead say: “I’m just finishing something up right now. Can I come by when I’m done?” Graciously explain why you can’t talk now, and suggest catching up at an appointed time later. Let phone calls go to voice mail until you can give callers your undivided attention.

Expert advice from Suzanne Bates, president and chief executive officer of Bates Communications, an executive-training firm in Wellesley, Massachusetts, and author of Speak Like a CEO.

Source Article Here

Challenging Myself

Rich Wallace — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 17:46:00 GMT

For those that are not following me on Facebook, I have opened myself up to some new opportunities in my own personal life on how to better myself as a person, friend, father and most importantly, my role as a husband. My recent journey has taken me down some scary paths, but so far, they have all been beneficial in that 'pleasurable pain' type of effect on an emotional level. I've taken some criticism from those close to me and have also beaten my self up quite a bit on what areas in my own life need some improving or tweaking.

My latest challenge stems from a long history of dealing with a sense of self-worth or value to the rest of the world and how I have convinced myself in the past that I really don't have that much to offer others. With that self proclamation over my own head, I developed a new fear of individuality and attempted to hide my own uniqueness. After some deep soul searching, and some verbal smacks upside the head from friends and family members, it was time to take control of the fear and finally put it to rest as I may not be one of the story tellers, or center of attention specialists that people are drawn to, but I do have some experiences in life that many others have not had to deal with, or haven't dealt with....yet.

With the recent release of my newest on-line endeavor, http://thebipolarspouse.com, I offer a look into my own experiences of being married to a bipolar spouse and the roles I play in assisting my wife, kids and I in the constant struggles and challenges brought into our lives due to bipolar disorder. After doing as much research as I have tackled already, it's obvious that this subject matter is well documented by several mental health facilities and organizations and there are also many people out there that are affected by this disorder that have their own blogs, twitter accounts or other means of sharing their own experiences. Although I am not looking to provide...shall we say, competition against these sites rather, I am looking to add to the informational stream with my own offerings from being one whom supports an individual dealing with the disorder. I will never truly know what it is like to experience the constant internal struggles that bipolar disorder brings to a person, but I can offer some assistance to those looking from the outside in and how to cope with the struggles and difficulty on how to support a loved one with bipolar disorder.

This does come to present several challenges for me as my own fear of identity still pops up and begs the following questions:

What gives me the right to play a the role of an authority related to a mental illness I personally do not have?
Out of the many others that live with a bipolar spouse or family member, what makes my offerings so special?
Why should anybody heed advice from me while there are so many other sources out there?

Here, in-lies the challenges I bring to myself and have attempted to best answer my own questions accordingly:

My wife and I have continuously battled and learned as much as we can from her bipolar disorder. In most cases, I am able to play the role of the 'logical thinker' when her cycles push her away from her ability to grasp reality and make rational decisions. While by her side, I can watch and learn from her and gain a deeper understanding of what the disorder is doing to such a person.
Many people simply choose to 'ignore' or disconnect themselves from their role as a bipolar supporter when placed in the position. This is not a knock against others, but this role is not an easy role to play and one of my desires in my life has always been to help others. My goal is to offer a sympathetic beacon to those that may not have the information I have been able to gather from my own experiences.
Not to say that the next person does not carry this quality, but I am as genuine as it comes. My wife has given me full support and permission to share as much information as I see necessary to get my message out to the people that truly wish to gain that knowledge. Unlike some blogs I've come across, I am constantly linked to my wife via email, IM and our phones as to monitor her moods and emotions. When I come home from work, I am next to her for the entire evening if she needs me or has an attack which has given me a direct view into the mind of a bipolar individual that I am willing to turn around and share for those looking to obtain a similar level of understanding.

In a nutshell, and as I've mentioned before, I'm a natural helper. My goal is to please as many people as possible and offer as much help as I can to enhance the lives of as many people that are willing to let me do so. However, what I need to keep in mind is that I cannot please everybody...my information is subjective as my personal experiences are based on my unique situation and opinions. This does not take away from my value as I am not out to hurt anybody even if I am wrong or my ways of strategy execution are different from another's, I'm only trying to help those that are asking for it.

Embrace Your Imperfections

Rich Wallace — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 18:58:00 GMT

In some of my past experiences with the software development world, the underbelly of the industry held some of the largest egos known to mankind. One of the most widely shared 'motivational' statements I've heard is, "When at first you don't succeed, immediately remove all evidence that you even tried." Not exactly the best way to maintain one's integrity as a professional, eh? OK, some have said it to be funny, but the software development world is VERY competitive and it's appalling to know that this phase rings true to some.

Pointed out in some of my recent posts, I've dealt with depression for a number of years and possessing the habit of over-analyzing challenges, it's obvious that I am far from being shameless and all powerful myself. I've reached a point in my life where I can now freely and openly share these downsides in my personal life because I've learned that it does indeed help me deal with it at a deeper level emotionally and it may also offer others the motivation they may need when it comes to dealing with their own challenges. Besides, if I'm looking to obtain a steady flow of readers, why hide the reality of who I am and offer a misdirected view when I can much easier be honest to not only myself but with you as well?

For me anyway, one of the most powerful ways to learn more about myself is to relive what I've already gone through. This helps me rekindle the emotions and expectations of what I went through and also reminds me of the results of the choices I made and where I ended up in life after making said choices. A perfect example of this is fairly evident in my post about jealousy and how I simply went back to how I felt about something several years ago and put it through another debate based on where I am today. If we are not constantly questioning ourselves and our beliefs, how are we to grow and understand our own abilities?

While driving along your own path of life, keep your eyes on the road ahead but always remember to give a glance back in the rear-view mirrors every couple of miles or so.

Ugliness of Abandonment

Rich Wallace — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 18:11:00 GMT

Being the social butterflies that we humans are, there stands to be a fear held by us all that cannot be ignored, no matter how independent or strong we like to present ourselves to others. The fact of the matter is that we are not meant to be alone, whether that relates to maintaining relationships with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors or any other people we have in our lives. Our minds are wired to share with other like-minded people and find some common ground, or others may enjoy the not-so-common ground approach and prey on weak-minded individuals...either way, the embedded desire to avoid loneliness still remains.

First and foremost, I do not condone or agree with the recent events I am about to refer to, but the point made is still pretty solid on my beliefs on relationships. Case in point, the recent story about George Sodini and the shootings at a Pittsburgh LA Fitness, to me anyway, spotlights the importance of putting forth the effort in developing and maintaining healthy relationships. Again, I'm not giving the man any sympathy, but I can see why he allowed himself to live in such isolation and blame the rest of the world for his own shortcomings and inability to love and accept love from others.

Not everybody is blessed with the skills, or gifts to be a social magnet. You know the ones I'm talking about...they walk into a room and their mere presence emits a glow of confidence that attracts almost everybody to them and they also have the ability to connect with and find common ground with anybody they come in contact with. I am not one of those people, but I know several of them and it's almost surreal to watch them in action, especially knowing that they are not 'trying' to be who they are. I personally feel good for these people because they know how to maintain relationships better than most of us and will more than likely never have to worry about being alone...again, all without putting in any extra effort to live is such a way.

Others, are caring people and stick with their known environment and rarely stick their necks out to meet new people and start new relationships but feel comfortable enough to feel safe in knowing that they will not be alone either and have a handful of those that will always be there for them when needed. This seems to be the majority of society, especially now that we have become a society of secrecy and have many reservations of sharing too much information from fear of dark souls, being hurt emotionally or just being overly cautious in some cases.

Finally, and this is a group that I have personal experience with more than the rest, are the individuals living in constant fear of loneliness, rejection and abandonment. Not only have I lived this way for some time myself, but I have been close to others that have lived this way and have experience in playing the role of 'The Rock of Strength'' for some when they needed someone to be there when nobody else was around. The ultimate fear for these folks truly is being abandoned as they possess such a low level of self-esteem due to either their past or many other reasons, and when they finally do connect with a few other individuals, they unknowingly attach themselves and feel a sense of comfort that they are not used to, but know that it feels good to not be alone. For these poor souls, if they ever experience abandonment from an individual that they have truly cared for, it's a very disheartening and disturbing situation. The amount of confusion, anger, pain, sadness and self guilt is suffocating and leaves the individual in a downward spiral of further depression.

Regardless of the 'type' of individual you are, there is always going to be discomfort and concern if someone you care about as a friend suddenly decides that the relationship is no longer working for them and they slip away into the abyss. If (and I'm just as guilty and have no problem admitting that I'm not perfect) you are the one wishing to walk away from the relationship, keep the other party's emotions in mind and please try to perform the break away tactfully and respectful. You may not know how that person is going to take it, but you also may not be aware of what the degree of pain it will cause someone if you simply disappear when you do not give a good reason for doing so.

Depression Sucks

Rich Wallace — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 12:45:00 GMT

Change is not easy, and I was reminded of that ugly truth this past weekend while working though some of my own inner demons. It's a harsh reality to comprehend when you work so hard at enhancing your own life path and you end up being sabotaged not by some outside force, but by your own weaknesses that have not been addressed yet.

I felt I was doing really well with digging in and finding out who I am, as to be honest, I lost myself a long time ago and was tired of looking in the mirror only to have a blank stare meet mine followed by nothing but confusion and frustration. My goals are simple:

Drop the anger and let it fade away where it belongs
Discover my true inner self
Enhance my own well-being and let that radiate to those around me
Make a conscious effort to create and experience peace in my own life

Sure, they don't sound easy, but if every goal was easy in our lives, we'd never challenge ourselves and grow to where we really want to.

I know that I've suffered from some depression ever since my mother passed, and truth be told, you never really do get over the loss of a loved one, especially a parent so depression moved into the penthouse and made itself known at the worst possible times in my life. In a previous post about Letting Go of Bad Relationships, I mentioned the case where others will instinctively try to sabotage our own search for peace and although I didn't mention it there, it's proof positive here and even our 'old selves' will try to latch onto the past and try to prevent us from going forward. So it's not uncommon to have a bad relationship with ourselves, which maybe can't be left behind, but needs to be worked on, constantly.

Letting Go of Bad Relationships

Rich Wallace — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 23:21:00 GMT

I've always been one for appreciating how important it is to have relationships in our lives. Although I'll be the first person to admit that I haven't nurtured my own friendships and family relationships to the best of my ability, I still have a deep rooted awareness that we are not meant to be alone are love should be openly shared among those that are willing to accept it and share it in return.

Although I know I am not alone in this way of thinking, I have come to realize and witness some relationships that have gone on for a number of years, when a bump in the road is hit that may not be well received by a participant in that relationship, it offers a true test of where that relationship should go in the immediate or near future. Regardless of how important a single relationship in our lives may seem, when the test is presented and we have our results of that test, it sometimes becomes blatantly obvious that the relationship is not as strong and important as we had perceived. In my post about jealousy, it is all too easy for people to let this ugly emotion take over and let it rule over what could have been a great friendship, and eventually, the love and appreciation is strangled and finally left for dead in the relationship.

In other cases, and what I have experienced first hand is that when we are ready to make positive changes in our lives, some of the people around us appear to either be threatened by this, or are not willing to let go of our former selves and wish to hold us back into their own comfort zone. If we reach a point in our lives where we desire to 'let go' of those negative feelings about past events, we may become hindered by those that cannot or chose not to understand our own desires and when that happens, we are offered a new challenge to either allow ourselves to be held back, or break through and narrow the distance between us and our goals.

Most times, we want to help our friends and bring them along in our newfound joy and goals to better ourselves, but people are either not ready for change or are afraid of change in such a way where they will either only come along kicking and screaming, or choose to attack us if we are only trying to reach a better place in our own lives. At that point, it sometimes becomes plain as day, that the relationship is doomed and instead of us allowing it to bring us back, it's time to let it go and shift all focus onto the next chapter. The death of a relationship may be as symbolic as the death of a friend or family member, but if the negativity is simply becoming too overwhelming, the time has come to search for greener pastures.