Retail-Sucks

Retail Hell (a short story)

Scribe2012 — 2012-05-17T09:58:14-04:00

I recently self-published a collection of short stories on Smashwords.com. One of the stories is about a woman who dies and goes to Hell, but can earn her way to Heaven--if she works retail. The following is an excerpt from that story, called "Retail Hell." If you like what you read, go to Smashwords.com and look for "Served Cold: Tales of Revenge and Redemption." Make sure the adult filter is turned off--my stories have naughty language!

It was hard thinking about that last day; the text argument I’d had with my husband about what we were going to have for supper that night. I was furiously replying when I heard a car horn and then a crash, then darkness. And the next thing I knew, I was chatting with Satan. Here I was, in a crummy apartment, looking over paperwork and wondering how my first day would be on the job as a retail worker. Everything had been arranged. I wouldn’t have to interview, I was just supposed to show up at Ascend, a nice department store I’d shopped at several times. Come to think of it, I spent many an afternoon at the fragrance counter, asking if I could combine certain items, instead of buying the pre-packaged gift boxes. I also remember asking for lots of samples. The memories floated back in a disquieting way. The day I insisted I get a discount on the very last Donna Karan gift set because the box had a dent in it. The night I asked them to send over a gift bag from their Indianapolis store because I’d bought $200 worth of Ralph Lauren fragrances and they’d run out of the free gifts. Indianapolis was two hours away. There were numerous other departments and items I’d wanted discounts on, extras of, or needed to special order. How hard was this going to be? As it turns out, much, much harder than I thought.

* * *

Ascend was located at Grunwald Square, Three River’s biggest indoor shopping mall. Stillwood Pointe was the other mall. It was on the southwest side of town, and each store exited into a courtyard where you were exposed to the elements. My mother claimed the place would go out of business in two years, because the climate wasn’t exactly suited to shopping places like this. However, it was still going strong. It was much closer to my house than Grunwald Square, but part of dealing with Hell is that frequently, nothing ever goes your way. Think of a day when nothing went right. That’s what Hell is like. You’ll live across town from your work, if working is part of what you need to do in order to get into Heaven. If you’re used to having a nice car, like I am, you’ll end up with a rusting, filthy Geo Metro. It’s easy to get depressed, but I knew my situation would be temporary. How long it would last, I didn’t know. I wanted to get to Heaven though. My husband Bill would eventually get there, and so would my babies Trevor and Maddy. At least I hoped they would.

I had a few days before I started work. I was allowed to get familiar with being back on Earth again, and realizing that even if I saw old family and friends, talking to them would be pointless. I was a stranger to them. They wouldn’t know who I was. What Satan didn’t tell me is how hard it would be to not say anything. You never get that last chance to say goodbye, and to see loved ones again, and tell them you’re sorry about that argument, you’re sorry you didn’t call them back, well, it’s Hell. It’s torture. I know that now.

Getting back to Earth was weird. I had time to recover from the plastic surgery. My upturned nose was now a prominent beak. My cheekbones were gone. After a last briefing by Satan, I went to bed and the dreams that I had were really strange. It was almost as if I were between two worlds; I was alive and somehow not alive. I woke up in my pre-assigned one bedroom apartment, feeling like I was on a bizarre vacation. I was still me on the inside, but I couldn’t really call up any of my friends or family, because to them, I was dead. At first, I thought it would be weird that I would just show up and start working, but apparently I was on the schedule. Yes, I was a new employee, but running the register seemed somewhat familiar; I later realized that Satan gave me just enough information to make me look stupid. When I confronted him about it later, he explained that was standard retail training: you’re shown how to do something once, and that’s it. Somehow, I woke up knowing where I had to go and where I had to be at a certain time.

At Ascend, I was in the women’s fragrance department. At first it was part time, which I thought would be okay. Then, I met Tammy. She looked like Rachel from Friends. In another life, we would have been friends, making snide remarks about how the fat housewives had let themselves go. I had been a slender, stay-at-home mom, with plenty of time to work out, since I had not only a home gym but a gym membership. On what I’d be earning from Ascend, I’d have to resort to using canned goods as free weights. But now I was a fat housewife. Well, just fat. I wasn’t anyone’s wife. Tammy gave me one of those contemptuous looks. I understood. When I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time since I’d died, the plastic surgery and extra weight made me unrecognizable. I cried. I did a lot of crying on my way to Heaven. Inside my head, I was the same, but everything else was different. I was no longer Cassandra Blake. I was Laverne Parkins. And being on Earth again was weird; the colors, the light were distorted somehow. Everything seemed … faded somehow. Bleached. And the sunlight was too bright.

I hadn’t worked in a long time, since before I was married, and I’d forgotten about the stupid crap that goes on between co-workers, bosses and departments. In my other life, if something was wrong, it could be made right. If someone annoyed me, I moved away from them or had someone else deal with them. And I wasn’t used to be ordered around by twenty-something twits. I never realized how bitchy they were.

“Laverne, you’ll need to do the cleaning. Shelly didn’t do it last night. Be sure to do everything,” said Tammy. Crap. Cleaning was a drudge job. Plus, being preoccupied with cleaning meant that I’d miss out on commissions. We got a low hourly wage to begin with, and at least they gave us that, but the commissions were terrible; two percent at the most. One of my best friends in college had worked in an East Coast location of Ascend, and it seemed to me she got a higher percentage than two percent. But things change, I guess.

I made my way to the cleaning closet. Ascend made everything hard. Instead of keeping cleaning supplies at the cash register, we had to “check out” the cleaning supplies. Since it was first thing in the morning, I had to go and get them. Housekeeping also called us if we had them for more than four hours. The reason they called was because they never had enough cleaning supplies. And it seems the cleaning fluids were watered down. I checked out a bottle of window cleaner and a roll of paper towels, which looked like recycled brown wrapping paper. I set to work removing everything from the glass shelves and proceeded to spray and wipe, spray and wipe. Meanwhile, Tammy just stood there at the counter and talked to her friend Tasha from the M.A.C. counter. I frequently noted that Tammy made me clean whenever she was there, thereby hogging all the sales for herself. I was starting on my second shelf when a woman interrupted me.

“Can you find a fragrance for me? I know it’s made by Ralph Lauren, but I don’t see it.” “Uh, okay. Do you know what the name of it is?” “Centari? Salami? Something like that. It kinda smelled like flowers, and I remember buying it twenty years ago.” “Twenty years ago?” “Yeah. So do you have it?”

“Ma’am, I don’t even know what the name of it is, and—“ “I told you it smells like flowers! It’s either called ‘Centari’ or ‘Salami!’” Can’t you look it up?”

The one thing I didn’t realize about working retail is how people expect you to know everything. Fragrances from twenty years ago. Limited edition scents that can’t be had because they’re limited edition and it’s not 1995 anymore. “No, I can’t look it up. I don’t have the kind of database that allows me to look up floral scents.” “Could you call a manager? I really need to find this scent.” I picked up a phone. Who would I call? The fragrance department seemed like it didn’t have a manager, although that didn’t make sense. I put the phone back down. Summoning my courage, I asked Tammy. I didn’t like her. She was a twenty-something bitch and of course, I was an overweight forty-something. So I didn’t matter. “Tammy, would you happen to know about a floral scent that Ralph Lauren made about twenty years ago?” “Safari. We don’t carry it anymore, but you can get it online,” she sneered. “Um, ma’am, was it called ‘Safari?’” “Yes! That was it!”

“I thought you said it was called ‘Centari.’ Or ‘Salami.’”

The woman looked at me. “Whatever. Can you get it?”

“No, but you can go online and get it.”

The woman stormed off.

Another woman approached the counter wanting free samples without having bought anything.

“Ma’am, we’re not allowed to give out samples unless you purchase something.”

“Are you serious? Do you know how much I spend in this store? And you’re saying you can’t give me samples?”

At that point, Tammy practically shoved me out of the way and dove underneath the counter and picked up not one, but a handful of samples, put them in an Ascend bag and handed it to the woman. “Here you go,” she said, in a voice that could give you diabetes. The woman thanked her and left. What the fuck? We were told specifically not to give out samples unless people bought fragrances.

“I thought you said—“

“Customer service is priority! She spends thousands of dollars in this store each year. She’s entitled to a few samples.”

“But I thought you said only one sample per customer. And that they had to buy something.”

“Some people we have to break the rules for.”

I guess Tammy should know. Of the part timers in the store, she led the way in terms of sales. But I could never figure out why. She seemed mean. She was mean to me, but I guess she was nicer to the customers. And the customers were kings and queens. I never realized that working retail meant that you might not get breaks (even though you were supposed to) and you usually didn’t get your lunches on time either. If a customer couldn’t decide on a fragrance, you couldn’t just leave her even though you were scheduled to go to lunch a half hour ago and your stomach sounded like the MGM lion in Dolby 5.1 Surround Sound. And too bad if a customer held you hostage for twenty minutes or so if your bladder was about to burst. As a customer, I could go to the bathroom anytime. As a retail clerk, I realized I couldn’t.
I also learned a few other things when it came to working at Ascend (eventually, I started referring to it as Ass-End). First off, we didn’t have lockers. I was a bit shocked when I brought a light sweater to work and finding it warm in the department, realized I didn’t have any place to put it. Or so I thought.

“Just shove it under here,” said Tammy, grabbing it and stuffing it under the counter, right next to the trash can. I viewed trash cans as something you put, well, trash in, and to put an article of clothing right beside it was inviting disaster. “You can put your purse down here too.”

“Uh…okay,” I said, putting my Satan-provided purse (purchased at Wal-mart, he said proudly, before handing it to me) beside my sweater. I hoped the drink container perched atop the almost overflowing trash can wouldn’t spill out and drench everything.

As time went on, I encountered rude people, dumb people, and people who wanted the impossible. Some older woman imperiously told me that maybe I should spend a little more time getting trained on the cash register when she bought two fragrances, then added a third, then wanted the first one taken off and a different size of the first added on. I was trying to keep everything straight and void the one she didn’t want, then had to void the second one when it wasn’t the correct size. Then, she wanted to use a discount coupon, but got mad when she discovered she couldn’t use it on fragrances. So she stormed out. And I’d already rung up the sale.

“Next time,” grumbled Tammy as she put the key in the cash register and punched the buttons to remove the sale, “you need to tell people at the beginning that cubans can’t be used on fragrances.”

“Cubans?” “Yeah, Cubans. They can’t be used on fragrances.” “Oh! You mean coupons,” I said “No one told me the coupons couldn’t be used on perfume.”
Tammy gave me her best icy stare. “They told you that in training.”             “No, they didn’t. I tried to take notes, but I couldn’t remember anything about not being able to use coupons. They told us so much so quickly—“
“They told you, you probably just forgot,” said Tammy.

“I think I have a pretty good memory, and I don’t remember anything about not using coupons on fragrances.”

“Well, women your age tend to forget stuff. Just make sure to remember it for next time…that is if your hot flashes don’t distract you too much.”             With this, Tammy looked at her co-worker, Fiona, and they both giggled and left. “Breaktime for me,” she said as she walked away. “Worktime for you.”
“And fuck you too,” I said under my breath. “Twenty-something twit,” I added.

Here's where to purchase my ebook!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/140164

How Many Do We Really Need?

Anonymous — 2012-05-08T23:54:44-04:00

I have no problem with my current co workers. But I have survived so many others. My question is, why are they forcing us to have 3 associates when 2 are just fine? The one 3rd key we had got fired for stealing. The one manager we had retired, but she did nothing & blamed us for everything. One kid was too busy with school, so he was non existant. The other was lazy & couldn't catch on quick enough. The one woman was too busy trying to pick up every male customer we had. With a new worker, they don't give us more hours. We just have to divide the ones we have. So you take a rookie & give them the time the experiened people could use to get stuff done. FD wants hard workers, but doesn't give us the time to do so.

What NOT To Do When You're A Customer (Video)

JSP — 2012-05-01T20:13:42-04:00

Hey guys

So a while ago I posted on here a link to a video I made called 'Why Working in Retail Sucks!' Due to its largely positive response I made another one titled:

'What NOT To Do When You're A Customer'.

Basically a comedic instructional video on everything customers should NOT do in a store. Here's the link!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9kGXSwGiuo

Only goes for a few minuets so I hope you'll have the time to watch it and have a giggle at the patheticness of so many customers that we serve. Every. Damn. Shift.

Enjoy everyone! :)

Stop Beating Me! I'm Down!

Anonymous — 2012-04-26T22:57:37-04:00

FD started to employ this new thing where on every receipt there is a number you can call for a $500 prize. No one ever wins. The true power of this is so people can rate the store they were just at. At the end of every month, we get the score & it's posted by our exit. I took this survey & some customers have it out for us. I might be biased but there's no way our score should be this low. Yet, FD will listen to anything told to them by customers. Customers aren't always right, their money is. We get written up for stuff we didn't do, just because a customer calls corporate & makes crap up. People complain the prices aren't marked when they clearly are. "This sign's says blah blah" but they don't read the whole thing. We get people giving their 2 cents on how this job is so easy, like they would know anything. Most of these opinions are from housewives who never had to work with the general public. Or from retirees who got to stop working. Must be nice for them. When we get a customer score under a certain percent, they yell at our manager & continue to diminish our pay. Nothing is on the floor, shelfs are stocked as possible, we greet everyone, help every customer & trying to keep the aisles clean. Yet, they still aren't happy.

Participate in an educational research study

Anonymous — 2012-04-05T09:39:46-04:00

Greetings, Please read the below notice inviting you to participate in an educational research study. Thank you for your time!

This notice is to invite you to participate in a study examining employee perceptions of a relationship between job satisfaction, training methods and applications, and company attrition rates. The survey is being conducted as a part of a research project for a student’s doctoral studies at the University of Phoenix. The survey should take no longer than 15 to 20 minutes to complete. Survey questions were developed by outside sources and compiled by the student researcher. The survey will be administered by the student researcher as a requirement to complete the dissertation process as partial fulfillment of the researcher’s completion of a Doctoral degree in Business Administration from University of Phoenix. The final results of the study will be made available to all participants. No individual responses will be published or shared.

Participation in this survey is voluntary but greatly appreciated. Should you decide to withdraw from the survey you may exit at any time. If you have any questions at any time regarding the survey please contact the student researcher at:

Heather Ponsano

707-733-0132

Hponsano.research@gmail.com

Should you decide to participate please click the following link to begin:
http://edu.surveygizmo.com/s3/754809/HPonsano

The longest 7 years of my entire life

beefgoddess — 2012-04-02T22:24:01-04:00

I've been in the retail business for far too long. I made the enormous mistake of sidling into a retail job with a large corporation right out the gate. I have moved around to different stores, but have remained in retail. I worked at a department store for almost 3 years, and I dreaded working my lousy 5 hour week. Not necessarily because of the customer (because customer service involves dealing with difficult people), but the management was just absolutely horrid. There was one man who worked as an assistant manager who did his work, helped store associates get their job done by lending a hand and didn't complain about it! Go figure! Every other manager would bark orders at you and expect you to kiss their butt, knowing perfectly well that you needed the stupid job. The worst manager actually had the audacity of saying my attitude kept me from succeeding (I simply told her I would try my best). Seriously??

The newest job is probably the most stressful, despite the slower paced environment. There's minimal sales people in this little store. The employees, and even the store manager are relatively genial. However, we are expected to meet a sales goal and if we don't (despite the economy and the drop in sales because the holiday season is over) we aren't "working to our fullest potential." We have to sell warranties, which are often very difficult to sell to people (an additional cost? Really? A $39.99 warranty for an item that costs $101.00?). Not to mention we have to badger customers for their personal information for each sale regardless of the amount or form of tender. We get into trouble for not getting everything into the system.

The worst possible thing is that we get mystery shopped, which is essentially a way for corporate to sabotage their lowest-rung employees. You have to welcome yourself, say your name, ask for the customer's, talk about the warranty, and the financing options BEFORE you open the case to show jewelry, and you have to use a jewelry pad AND polishing cloth. If you don't say the right thing to these mystery shoppers, they will give you a withering review, and email it to corporate. Regional manager will knock you down a few pegs for your "poor performance" and then you have to kiss major butt for doing the company so wrong.

Seriously, I have the same sales pitch for each customer. I think I just encountered a major witch of a mystery shopper.

Walgreens: I'll NEVER spend a penny!

Anonymous — 2012-03-05T16:03:57-04:00

Hi. I'm a pharmaceutical sales representative (seasoned, over 10 years in the industry).

I'm launching a new product and part of my job is to introduce myself to the Pharmacists, introduce my new drug, provide the clinical benefits and features for patients, plus drop off savings coupons for customers.

Walgreens has a corporate policy of "NOT ALLOWING PHARMACEUTICAL REPRESENTATIVES IN THEIR STORES".

Most of the time, and in most cities, Walgreens Pharmacists are polite and generally are polite and respectful.

In Douglas, GA, I walked to the pharmacy & introduced myself to the Pharmacy tech that was standing by the register. She said and I quote: "We're not supposed to talk to pharma reps".

I asked her why -- are we Ogres? She didn't respond; I guess she didn't think my comment was funny. I left her savings coupons for their patients.

What corporate Walgreens doesn't realize is that I spend hundreds of dollars each year in prescriptions, greeting cards, vitamins, OTC items, etc.

I will NEVER EVER spend another PENNY in ANY WALGREENS. If you have a spouse, family member or if you know of anyone that is in the Pharmaceutical Sales Industry, please DO NOT SHOP AT WALGREENS!

Sincerely,

An ex-Walgreens Shopper

All Sales Final Rant

Anonymous — 2012-02-27T20:47:01-04:00

Covering for a neighboring department. Customer comes up wanting to buy an item that has a NO RETURN POLICY. Customer then tells me the wrong item and pays. Customer then finds he got the wrong item and wants a return on an item that has a no return policy. B.S. ensues.

Customer: Do you have "item A"

Me: We do, it’s... (Cut off)

Customer: How much is it.

Me: Its $. $$

Customer: I take one and one blah blah.

I get "item "A" and blah blah and put them in front of the customer while I log in, I then ring him up, and he pays. [Maybe 2-3 mins total that the Items set in front of him before the "point of no return"]

Customer: [Looking in the Bag and takes out "Item A"] Oh... I didn’t want these.

Me : Looked at the item thinking I made a mistake, but Item is right]

Customer: I wanted "item B"

Me: You said "item A"

Customer: No, I meant "Item B"(Admitted he told me the wrong thing)

Me: [Thinking WTF, you said "A"] I'll ask the manager if you can return the Item, since you never left the register [huge mistake on my part]. [Call the Manager and they tell me no returns] They said we can’t take it back.

Customer: [Talking to his S/O who just walked up asking "What’s wrong?"] He gave me the wrong thing. (So, when you find out there no returns your story changes?)

Me: [Thinking WTFx10]

Customer and S/O: We need to talk to a manager. [Talking amongst each other: He gave me the wrong thing and I never left... They should give me a refund

Me: [Thinking WTFx100 at full internal Rage. No the {expletive}I didn’t. I gave you the {expletive} you asked for. You asked for the wrong thing.]

I have to go back to my department to help another customer. While I'm gone the manager gives him a refund. Later that day the manager tells me that “I sold the wrong item, next time get the customer to personally confirm what they want." So I can only imagine the B.S. this customer told the manager while I was gone. At the end of it his mistake became my fault.

People will Lie

Anonymous — 2012-02-20T01:07:29-04:00

So I work for one of those big box retailers. Not going to say which one, but how our tender system operates we only accept certain credit cards as a form of credit and the rest of the cards must be processed as debit. Now I don't see why people don't understand this concept because when you use a card as debit you have to know your pin number whether you like it or not. The customer wanted to use it as credit which was impossible because we only accept certain credit cards and theirs didn't work as credit. They claimed that their significant other used it and didn't need a pin number and I told them that was impossible because the store can only accept it as debit. They said F$%$ this place and took off leaving a rebate check that they were planning on using. A few hours later they sent an email to corporate that my store manager showed me. The customers wrote that they had a frustrating experience at the store because we refused payment because the customers would not show ID because it said see ID on the back of their card. Not only were they rude to me and my co workers but they also lied to my corporate office trying to get me into trouble. I'm sick and tired of customers abusing retail workers just for following corporate policy and getting angry because things don't go their way. We retail workers suffer alot with having to deal with not only customers, but our managers and the people at the corporate office who think that we did something horribly wrong because we abided by corporate policy that they set and that there was nothing we could do for the customer at the store level. People lie to get what they want and instead of corporate trying to hear my side of the story they just go along with whatever the customer says. Being the business that they are they should focus more on their employees not only with pay and benefits but assistance in how to make the company better through implementing ideas on policies and procedures from store level associates that way both the stores and corporate offices can be on the same page with business operations.

Standing Up For A Waitress

Anonymous — 2012-02-13T08:55:21-04:00

My friend and I frequent a restaurant in our town known as the "Ale House". This particular night we were seated behind a table of con artists. Our waitress was taking their order while I was looking through the menu. This dark haired woman sitting right behind me could not decide what she wanted, so she came over to us. As the waitress was asking my friend and I what we wanted to drink, the woman freaked completely out. "Are you serious?," She snapped. "You're just going to walk away while I'm deciding what I WANT?" The waitress looked quite a bit side swiped. She finishes with us and walks back over to the woman and her family. The woman proceeds to damn near order the most expensive items on the menu. Every single item on that plate had to be prepared and cooked a very specific way. This woman talked to the waitress like she was a two bit servant.

This order took thirty minutes due to the her demanding the waitress repeat the orders back to her to make sure they were right. The waitress walked back over to us apologizing for the wait. A few minutes later she brought us our drinks and took our food orders. As she walked passed the table, the son of the woman threw a plastic straw that he had folded into points directly at her. It was intended to harm her, but it didn't fly in the direction he intended. It bounced off the back of my head! I turned around and looked into this grown ass man's face. He looked like he was in his late forties, and just scowled at me when I dared to turn around. He didn't apologize. The waitress stood up to him. "Are you kidding me?" She shouted, as she scolded him for acting like a child. The mother snapped. She tossed out curse words and demanded the Manager. While the waitress went to get him, she turned around and apologized to me for her son's actions. "Can you believe this shitty service??," She laughs. "Where do they hire these losers? The garbage can??" The Manager came out and apologized profusely. What a coward. This little man did not stand up for his employee at all. When the woman demanded another server, the waitress was quickly dismissed. This manager than personally went back and served the woman her expensive food. The table pilled up with lobster and steak. She carefully poured over the orders to make sure they were perfect. Two plates were sent back for not having enough green beans, or the steak was not thick enough. For her troubles, the Manager came out with a receipt and told her should would only have to pay for ten percent of her meal. The woman threw a fit. She screamed that not only did she get the worst service, the food was well below her standards. The Manager, shaking in his boots like a five year old quickly wrote off her entire meal for free. The add insult to injury, the waitress had this man go to the back and bring out boxes. She demanded him pack the food (that sucked?) into the boxes a very specific way. He completely obliged. The family then stood and walked out of the restaurant, but not before proclaiming: "I'm never coming back to this shit hole again."

Our waitress came out of the back to ask us if we needed anything. I could tell she had been crying, and she put on a brave face. I asked her for her Manager. I could see her slump. She expected the worst. The coward came out from the kitchen and I proceeded to tell him that I more than appreciated the service I got. I said: "Our waitress was nothing but a complete sweetheart. The assholes behind us did nothing but rip her apart." I told him about the straw incident, and how she stood up for me. This is when my friend stepped in. "I work at IHOP," My friend informs the Manager. "I recognize that woman. She came in before. She wound up walking out with free food as well." I looked at the Manager and added. "That family bets on the fact that customer service will give them whatever they want. This is what they do. I've seen then around. They try to get as much free service as they can get. Looks like they got you."

The Manager's ego, if he had any in the first place, just vanished. Because of my words, he walked back and apologized to the Waitress. She was so happy with us returning the favor for standing up for her, that she came out and thanked us. The Manager was so embarrassed that he went and fixed the bill. Not only did he charge the woman for the service in full, he slipped a gratuity on there as well. I gave him my phone number in case the woman came in to fight it. There were quite a few witnesses, and I would be willing to testify. Oh, and that waitress got a twenty dollar tip from both my friend and I before we left.

I don't think break means what you think it means

KurtWilde — 2012-02-02T15:36:39-04:00

I writing this to get something off my chest and to defend all the nameless retail workers out there.

If you work in a retail environment that is segmented into departments, I'm sure you've heard this before, "I don't take breaks. Do you see me take breaks? When do I take a break?" I've seen it happen time and again and just needed to express my weariness with it somehow. Department managers, yes, you do take breaks.

I've work at the clerk level for seven years and was recently promoted to an assistant department manager position, I was transferred to a new location to train, become familiar with and learn the roles of this position. I like my department manager enough, he's a good guy and has the back of everyone working for him.

As a clerk was milling about coming back from break he remarked, "People just love their breaks." To which I respond "I can't blame them."

Now, this manager and I got into a discussion, rather philosophical and amicable, about the nature of breaks, whether breaks are needed in this particular slow location, and how non-management employees go about breaks.

"I don't take breaks. Do you see me take breaks? When do I take a break?" If you have to tell me you don't take breaks, most likely you're taking a lot of breaks. I know enough about the job and have for awhile to observe that when you leave the department and when you aren't helping customer, which you rarely do, it isn't because you're engrossed in some other responsibility of the job.

You've had me take over the responsibilities of ordering product to sell and filling out invoice forms for the main office. That is the bulk of job responsibilities for the day besides customers.

So, since all told you're gone from the department for four out of eight hours, I have to wonder how you do not feel that isn't a break.

Shooting the shit with other employees in the store isn't work, as is talking to employees on the phone at other locations about none work related issues.

If this situation is relateable, take some solace in that fact that your plight of management not understanding you taking a break isn't going an noticed. An assistant, hopefully future manager, manager notices and I vow that to forget.

"You don't smile enough!"

Anonymous — 2012-01-17T23:06:53-04:00

I used to work in JcPenney's "catalog" department for a while, during seasonal this year. Right from the start, I was coached that I 'didn't smile enough'. I had been to two coachings and was not feeling well. They complained I didn't smile enough and I sighed a lot. The sigh sound was from a respiratory infection, later, the doctor said I had walking pneumonia.

One day, a nice older lady came in to pick up her order. She found the same item in store in a different color at a better price, and had a $10 off coupon.

So, I did what my manager told me to do, I gave her a discount on the order and the new set of blankets. It totaled in discounts to $20, but it didn't say she couldn't use it twice, and my manager said it was okay. When she was signing for her package that she picked up, she accused me of trying to get her to buy the item twice. I calmly explained and showed her that all she was doing was signing for the package, and that I had applied the discount to her card so she wouldn't be paying anymore, she'd be getting money back.

After a few misunderstandings and her getting surly, she understood and practically walked out skipping! I was happy that was over. The second I got a chance to start sorting my media when customer flow died down, my manager approached me. She walked with me to the training room and tried to make happy small talk, and I smiled back at her.

When I got into the training room, her and my trainer sat me down and said we'd have to "part ways" a fancy word for YOU'RE FIRED! They said

"Well, Kathleen, you didn't smile enough! And that sigh is off putting to customers."

I told her I was sick and that I was trying hard, I also explained they said they would transfer me to another department if I didn't do well in catalog. They denied it and I cried. I kept telling myself internally that I didn't want their shitty job anyway.

They walked me out to the computer and forced me to resign while I quietly cried, in front of everyone. It was humiliating. And THEN, they made me take a post-firing questionnaire, which was even more pathetic.

When I'd bundled up my stuff, I was heading out the door where the customer service 'awards' were posted. For those who don't know, they are for when a customer ranks you high on an online survey. Well, needless to say, there were three there for me. Which brought my total to four in three weeks, not bad for my first job. I bit my lip and walked out. No one said sorry, or bye, or anything. They knew I was fired.

The worst part was that I had to wait outside in the snow because I didn't have a car, and my ride wouldn't get me for another few hours. I had to beg my mother to pick me up, who had just kicked me out. I cried the whole way home.

To add insult to injury, they made me pick up my check the next day and none of the people who fired me were to be seen. The payroll lady wished me luck "out there" and I wished her luck in "JCP Hell", she said she'd need all the luck she could get.

JCP isn't what they say they are. I thought it would be a good experience, but really, it was just an insane amount of BS for next to nothing in return.

Perhaps losing the job wasn't so bad after all, it didn't pay enough. I couldn't get enough hours, and the management never taught me anything. People there were rude, snotty, and downright back stabbing. Maybe I'm easily offended, but at least it's over.

I have finally decided I'm tired of crappy jobs, I want a real career. So I took the leap to apply to veterinary technician school (a very nice one), and go work in dog grooming t pay the bills. I may be, as I like to call it, 'scrubbin' dog butts', but at least I'm not kissin' management's butt.

I can't wait to start a new career that I will actually enjoy - working with animals. I hope everyone in retail who hates it and wants to go back to school takes the leap. I may be hungry and a little bitter right now, but the future is bright. I start school in September, and I've already gotten a few books for classes with saved up money. I plan to graduate at the top of my class. Here's to hoping.

A "misunderstanding"

Anonymous — 2012-01-02T18:38:45-04:00

I work as a florist in a flower shop, and although I love being able to make floral arrangements and do creative things, I also have to sell a bunch of random junk, and deal with stupid customers. Most people really are nice, but of course as in any retail job it's inevitable you're going to deal with assholes. I just wish I could find a way to not let it bother me, because it really pisses me off!

Anyway. Since Christmas is over, we have our Christmas stuff on sale. We have a big sign that says "holiday merchandise 40% off" and lots of people have been coming in. Fine, that's good.

A woman came in today and was poking around. I made eye contact with her and smiled, saying "Hi, how are you?" She said fine, and held up a plain white candle and asked "is this part of the sale?" I shook my head and said "No, it's not unfortunately" she asked what is, then, and I told her it was all the holiday stuff, like ornaments and other Christmas nicknack things (to me it is obvious what is Christmas and what is just normal merchandise, but I don't blame her for asking, it was a fair question) She then asked if there was a section of just Christmas sale stuff and I said "not really, it's all kind of all over the store." She said ok, and continued to walk around. She was really taking her sweet time looking at stuff, but I stood at the register occasionally looking over at her to see if she had any more questions (the store is pretty small) She goes into the corner where we have a sale section of random, non Christmas things for 50% off. She looks around a bit (there's really nothing great there, no one is buying any of that junk) and then finally comes back to the register empty handed. I ask if she had any questions and she says
"No. But I think we've had a misunderstanding. I want to go over what you said to me."

I was like wtf? but said "ok.."

She was like "I asked you if that candle was on sale and you said No"

I said "yeah, it's not part of the Christmas merchandise"

She said "and then I asked you if there was a section for Christmas sale items and you said "not really"

I was like "yeah...everything is kind of spread out all over" and made some motions at all our stuff.

She lets out this big sigh and is like "But clearly you have a sale section back there" motioning to our 50% non Christmas junk we've had in the store for 10,000.

I was like "yes, those are our other sale items, but the Christmas sale stuff is all over the store, for 40% off"

She was like "I asked if there was a sale section and you said NOT REALLY." and then she says again in this bitchy mimicy tone "NOT REALLY!"

Totally baffled I'm like..."yeah...we don't really have all the Christmas stuff in one section...it's all over the store...that section back there are non Christmas items, that are on sale for 50% off...but I thought you just wanted to know about the Christmas stuff...sorry, I didn't realize what you meant."

She's then like "I'm just saying, since you're a sales person, you should have told me your sale section was back there, instead of telling me "not really" when I asked about it.

Wanting more than anything to punch her in her stupid fat face I told her I was sorry, that we misunderstood eachother and while I'm talking again under her breath she goes "not really". What a bitch!!!

I'm like "really, I didn't mean to offend you...or anything...um..." and then out of no where she tells me she sells art and wants to know if she can set up a meeting with someone at the store in hopes of selling her art there. We don't really do that shit anyway, but why would she be such a difficult bitch if she was also wanting us to sell her stupid art. How about, NO????

But of course I have to continue to be nice and I give her my boss's card, and who knows if she just wants her card to call and complain about me. This woman clearly had no place to go and for whatever reason felt like nit picking something a sales person said to death and acting like I did her some huge injustice because I didn't point her to the one shelf where we have 10 things on sale, that is clearly visible anyway in our tiny store. UGH!

Bipolar old man.

Anonymous — 2011-12-26T21:33:07-04:00

I work at a business depot and I really enjoy the production part of my job, the customer service part can get stressful.

We sell stamps where I work and we always have to order them in. An old man comes in with a stamp in a size we do not carry any longer, he was a pretty nice person so it wasn't too bad dealing with him. He asks to get a different size ink pad ordered in since the one he got was one size too big, I take all his information and the stamp size and tell him I will try and order a new one in. I ask one of my associates that is higher up than me about how to order this thing in, and they didn't know since the size isn't available anymore. So I ask three more of my more knowledgeable co workers and all of them tell me the same thing. Unfortunately due to the nature of the problem this mans order had not been taken care of for nearly a month almost. So I finally decide to phone the customer and get more information about the stamp to which this conversation occurs:

Me: "I need to gather more information about your stamp size because it is difficult finding a match"

Old fart: "WHAT? THERE ISN'T ANYTHING I CAN GIVE YOU! ITS A STAMP! ITS BEEN NEARLY A MONTH ALREADY!"

(He didn't call or even remember about his order until I phoned)

Me: "I understand sir, is there anything written on the stamp?"

Old bat:"NO YOU DON'T KNOW THE INFORMATION!?"

Me: "I'm very sorry sir I cannot find your size in our information"

Old windbag: "YOU SHOULD KNOW! THE GIRL WHO TOOK MY ORDER (which was me) SHOULD BE FIRED!"

Me: "um......Why? It's not her fault"

Old jerk: "I'M COMING IN TO TALK TO A MANAGER! I'M GOING TO GET HER FIRED!!!"

At this point he hung up and I was frightened for my job which I needed badly, So I try and call the actual manufacturers of the product and finally find the replacement pad product number and I fill out the form and send it out.

I try to phone the customer back in hourly intervals and then give up. Then I phone later in the night to which he answers:

Me: "Hello Mr.*** We have sent out a form for your ink pad and it will be arriving in a few days for pick up"

Old Sh*t: "THIS HAS TAKEN FOREVER! I'M COMING IN RIGHT NOW TO PICK IT UP!"

Me: "No sir the pad will not be arriving for a few days, we will phone you to come pick it up"

Old bastard: "I HAVE BEEN CALLED FIVE TIMES TODAY AND NO MESSAGES WERE LEFT THAT IS SO RUDE! I'M COMING RIGHT NOW TO TALK TO A MANAGER!!!"

And he hung up, yeah sure not leaving messages is SO rude... But hanging up on someone is very polite. Why didn't he pick up his phone then if he knows he had been called five times?

The gem of the story is that when he did come in He was the sweetest person, he was not angered at all.

This just goes to show how messed up some customers really are.

Who actually gets mad about an 11 dollar ink pad that you aren't paying for? He didn't even care about it till he was called.

"I want to speak to a REAL manager, not the assistant!"

Anonymous — 2011-12-25T23:25:41-04:00

A few years ago I was working in a retail store/chain that deals specifically in luggage and bags (mostly backpacks during the back to school insanity). Anyway, this idiot customer comes in, and he's pissed because the CHEAP store-brand bag he bought his son six months ago happens to have ripped. Actually, the bottom looked like the little bastard had dragged it on the floor, as kids are often likely to do, and so it was TRASHED. And the customer wanted a new one. For free.

Our policy was three months for damaged merchandise, and we would only do an exchange for the same item or one of equal value. But we didn't know the value, because he DIDN'T HAVE THE RECEIPT. Not a big deal if he paid with debit or credit, but of course there was no record of the purchase because he paid in cash.

So I'm calmly trying to explain our return policy, and being as diplomatic as possible (I offered him the choice of exchanging for another bag of the same brand) and he wasn't cooperating. He says "you should stand by your product, and if it breaks, no matter the length of time, you should replace it." I had to bite my tongue because 1) the brand is shit; not my fault 2) In what universe does stuff get replaced just because it broke past the exchange date? and 3) I'm not even supposed to do anything; I was doing him a favor!

So I tell him that I'm sorry, but that's the best I can do.

Then the words we all hate come out of his mouth. "I want to talk to a manager". I kindly tell him I'm the assistant manager (which is pretty much the same fucking thing, except I get paid less and get the shittier hours) and he snaps back "I meant a REAL manager!"

I'm not sure if he was saying that based on the fact that I looked far younger than my 24 years, or if he was just that ignorant of the fact that when the manager is off, the assistant manager IS the acting manager, with just as much authority, but either way, I so wished I could have punched him.

Selling shoes to smelly ladies, Not ok.

Anonymous — 2011-12-11T22:47:54-04:00

Ok, so I know it's winter and a lot of women don't get pedicures during this time of year but... really, seriously, how hard is it to wash your feet, shave and lotion your legs before exposing those disgusting things to the outside world?

Today was horrible. I kept getting customers that prefaced the removal of their shoes and socks with, "now I need a pedi, don't look". When in actuality, looking was the least of my problems the smell that emerged from one woman's feet lead me to "go to the back and see if we still have your size in this fabulous style too" which actually meant, "Get some air before I'm knocked out by the funk you are hiding between your toes."

Yes, Uggs are "so warm you don't need socks" but for the love of man put something on your sweaty feet. It's like they are in an oven of funk just brewing and waiting for some poor salesperson i.e., me to get down, take a whiff and die. Sadly, after all these years, I fear that's how I'm gonna go on to glory.

Lord & Taylor's -- are all retail stores like this?

CocoHazelnut — 2011-12-07T22:33:50-04:00

I must say I was in for a shock when I started my holiday job at the Burlington Mall's Lord and Taylor's this season. I lasted four days, and not because of the customers, but because of the management and the break policy-- or, should I say, the lack of a break policy.
I was surprised that L&T doesn't care if its associates know what they're doing. I received minimal training and had to basically learn everything as I attempted to do it or by asking other associates, who, of course, were usually busy. The customers just assume you know what you're doing, but, of course, why wouldn't they? And it's a little bit humiliating when you have no idea how to help them.
I mean, I know retail isn't rocket science, but there are so many little things I wasn't told, like the code to the storeroom, how to unlock expensive merchandise w/o making the alarm go off, how to transfer calls, how to order merchandise not in store, whether getting it from another store or from the Internet. It was all trial and error. The floor manager was completely hands-off so she was never available to help. Once I called her and she took so long to come by, the customer ended up leaving. Considering that so many new employees start during the holiday season, which is such a big moneymaker, you'd think L&T would want to make sure their employees know what they're doing. Who knows how many sales are lost due to the lack of training?

To Err Is Human, or: The Price Is Wrong

Dirge-NYS — 2011-11-27T22:04:34-04:00

Dear Madam,

I am sorry that the price for your item on my register does not match that of the price tag due to your item not being in its correct place.

In spite of how hard my coworkers and I strive to make sure our store's items are in their proper locations, we cannot prevent this from happening 100% of the time. There are only so many of us working per shift, and security cameras can only monitor so much floor space. If the price tag is out of date or if the price itself is completely wrong due to computer error, we will gladly sell you the item at the lower price. However, when I escort you to the aisle and show you that the item was simply moved, the price given by the item's UPC is what I will sell by. This is non-negotiable.

You see, the store I work for is under no obligation, legal or otherwise, to sell your item at a different price if it is anywhere other than its "home" spot. In common law, price tags and an item's location on the shelf are not set in stone: they are what is known as "invitations to treat" (an offer to entertain an offer).

In other words, just because some dipshit took an item off the shelf and threw it somewhere else at random, does not mean we have to sell that item at whatever price tag it happens to be near. Also, we cannot be held accountable for what you thought an item's price was due to poor eyesight or incompetence. This is to help prevent theft and/or fraud, of which I have my suspicions of you committing at this point.

But what I have to say doesn't really matter in the end. You'll get your item at the lower price anyway, because my manager is a spineless bitch who can't alpha up and grow a pair when confronted with any kind of disagreement. You will go home spoiled and happy, oblivious to the fact that you have just become yet another part of the source behind our rapidly increasing yearly losses: promoting bad customer behavior and reinforcing shoplifting and fraud.

Yours truly,
Dirge-NYS

JCPenney Home Office is a Terrible Place to Work

Anonymous — 2011-11-14T22:08:35-04:00

They're always laying off people, there is no job security here. They just laid off a whole bunch of nice people in advertising last week. Some of these people had worked there for more than 15 years. JCPenney is also very youth based and discriminates against anyone over 50. Don't ever plan on working until you are 65 here, they will find and excuse and boot you out long before that. They don't like older people. Their benefits have always been lousy, the health insurance is pathetically inadequate. There is talk that they are outsourcing creative and other departments to India, so it's obvious they don't want to do business with Americans. They have absolutely NO regard for their employees, all they care about is how much money the corporate executives net. They dumped their catalogs, thinking everyone shops on line. What they didn't realize is that people like to browse through the catalogs before ordering on line. This caused their profits to plummet, obviously, they don't think through their decisions. Trust me, you DO NOT want to work here.

And you thought you had bad customers....

Anonymous — 2011-11-08T00:26:12-04:00

During a busy canadian weekend ( our store is near the border) our fitting rooms were completely busy hour after hour. we kept up on recovery and garbage the best we could....
at the end of the day me and some associates were gathering trash from the rooms when i picked up the garbage bag...it felt heavy for some reason......
turns out one of my so called customers had decided to urinate into the garbage can!! they mustve had an entire soda or water before cause it was A LOT!! WHO DOES THAT!!!

two days later... someone vomitted up pizza all over the floor, it splattered onto hanging product...and guess who was the lucky SOB who discovered it????...AGAIN WHO DOES THAT??? whoever it was just up and left without saying a word!!

they do these gross disgusting things and cant mention it to an associate??? just up and leave??? WTF!!

Gloomingdale's

Anonymous — 2011-11-05T01:27:14-04:00

I've been working at a Bloomingdale's store for several years now. I've been horrified to consistently find it to be an utterly degrading place to work, where full-time employees do not have paid sick time (but it's "frowned upon" to "call out"), and managers from most every department consistently feel free to berate employees (with or without actual cause) on the sales floor. This regularly takes place in front of both co-workers and customers.

If you don't take your break by a certain time, they forbid you from taking it at all. If there's not enough coverage on the sales floor, you are forbidden from going to the bathroom.

Now, there's a fun new scheduling system which allegedly lets you "have more control over your schedule" and "take ownership" of it. This system offers you absolutely NO guarantees that you will get your preferred days off when you set up your availability for the system. Any days you mark yourself "unavailable" (these are days off WITHOUT pay) are totally subject to a manager's approval. Whereas you used to be able to make your own schedule when scoring high enough on your performance review, that perk exists no longer. Now, the reward is 2 more unavailable days!!! That's right, two more unpaid days off, which you won't necessarily get anyway unless your manager decides to approve them.

Everyone at Gloomie's is miserable, and hates being there. Our store manager is a narcissistic jerk who wants the world of us, and gives back nothing in return. He just got done holding these stupid round table meetings asking employees their reactions to the employee survey that we all took last June. Of course, no one feels safe answering honestly. Moreover, these meetings are meaningless, as no change whatsoever will come from them. After all, this is Federated Group, and all that matters is that the stock prices are high and the quarterly reports make the shareholders happy. Anything that stands in the way of maximizing profits is of no interest to management.

The latest insult from management is the Smile Campaign. Anyone walking through the store can clearly see that the employees are miserable working there, having no better options in this economy. I am constantly amazed by the number of grossly overqualified, underemployed people there are in our building. Anyway...everyone's miserable. Management has been walking around with little yellow foam happy face balls, shooting them at employees to make them SMILE! Can you think of anything more insulting? You treat us like totally replaceable human resources, rather than like valued employees. What else would we be other that miserable?

We have doctor's notes mandating that some of us have chairs to sit in. Those notes as disregarded. There are employees who have blown the roof off of your sales numbers in certain lines. Do we get the days off that we need? Of course not!

I hate Gloomie's so much it isn't even funny. Sadly, it has gotten to the point where I find myself getting bitter and hostile all the time. I guess I've had enough of watching managers berate my coworkers, and of being called a moron by the Ladies Who Lunch shopping here.

The coworkers are some of the kindest, sweetest people in the world. But management and the customers? You can have 'em!

I Hate Working Retail. So I Made A Short Film About It!

JSP — 2011-10-30T22:11:11-04:00

So I’ve worked in retail for 5 years as a way to support myself whilst I complete my film degree at university. Needless to say I have had a ridiculous number of ignorant, needy, crazy customers to deal with. As a result, I made a short, comedic video of my retail experiences titled “Why Working In Retail Sucks!” It only goes for 4 minutes and can be found on YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ReU9ucRzU4 From the infamous “Must be free” line to the many examples of why customers are NOT always right, I think you might find it quite enjoyable and possibly even therapeutic to watch. It definitely was for me to make! I hope this will make you feel better after a long, mind numbing day working retail (especially the end of the skit!) because a lot of customers are just plain crazy. Enjoy!

When exchanging something go to that department

Anonymous — 2011-10-19T22:10:56-04:00

As I work at the customer service desk, I know that I get the worst of the worst of customers who are trying to rip off the store or who are just angry about something. Most of the time I am able to follow policy and not give them what they want (he he). Once in a while though you get customers who are just pissed when they come in about something and there is nothing that you can do to make them happy no matter what you or the manager try.

I had a customer return two boxes of dishes that her mother just got the day before because there were some broken dishes. She wanted to exchange them. If you wanted to exchange them you should have gone to the Home department where they are located not the customer service desk. She asks if we have more, I told her she would have to go look and bring them back. She goes and grabs two boxes of the dishes and proceeds to pull the boxes apart to check if some of the dishes are broken. She is muttering about how an associate could have helped her carry the dishes at which I bit my tongue. If she would have gone to the Home dept instead of customer service they would have been able to help her because they have hand trucks and are alot closer to the merchandise and know where it is. She had to walk thru that department to get to me. I stand in a box most of the day and answer the phone I don't know what we have for stock out there. At this point I am about ready to call the manager-on-duty to help with her because I do not get paid enough to deal with people like her.

Unfortunately, both boxes had something broken. She then mutters that she just wants a refund, and then leaves to go grab two more boxes of dishes off the stand which thankfully were not broken. At this point she is muttering about the incompetence of our associates about putting out broken dishes to sell on the floor and that we should inspect all of the dishes before we put them out. Does she not realize the amount of dishes that we sell and the minuscule percentage of them that come back broken? It would literally take hours to pull these boxes apart to check the dishes inside and to get everything put back in. I just smiled and bit my tongue some more.

At this point she has pulled the boxes apart as much as she can and tells me that she cannot get out the dinner plates in the bottom but if they are broken she is going to be back to get a refund and an apology for having wasted her time and money. I just smile and wish her a good day. The kicker is she had two women come in with her who could have helped her carry the dishes but they were both standing behind her like bumps on a log talking. They helped her carry the broken dishes in and the new ones out but are otherwise just there to watch?

After she left she called into the store and wanted to talk to a manager. After the manager hung up the phone I asked her if that was my broken dish lady calling in to complain. She said yes and at that point the assistant manager that was standing behind me and my coworker piped up and said that that customer was nasty and rude to me and that I had not done a thing wrong. I was told not to worry about it and that if she called into complain later, they would basically listen and let her blow off steam, otherwise nothing would be done about it. What we got out of this is that if she had been nice about it I would have helped her carry the dishes but since she was so nasty from the get go you can go and get your own stuff and deal with it. Go to the department to do exchanges and leave your nasty attitude at the door. My coworker I did have a nice chuckle about this lady and hoped that the dishes that she had taken home were broken to so that she had to come back into the store again. And this time a manager will be dealing with her and her attitude.

How to Amuse Yourself Whilst Working Retail

Anonymous — 2011-10-18T17:00:43-04:00

Working retail sucks. If you didn't agree with that statement, you most likely would not be reading the content of this website. You agree that working a retail job is one of the most tedious, pointless, and life-sucking experiences you could ever force yourself to endure.

This is especially holds true if, like myself, you work on the sales floor, where your only real functions are to clean up lazy customers' messes and to repeat the same, meaningless line hundreds of times a day in order to make a "connection" with every customer (or "guests" as we call them where I work) that enters the store. After a year and half of spewing out, "Hi, do you need help finding anything today," to every "guest" with a false sense of sincerity, I decided I needed to change things up a bit in order to cease the urge I was beginning to feel to strangle myself with my name tag.

So, I decided to amuse myself whilst doing my job, as they way overemphasize interacting with the "guests" where I work, citing bogus studies that by their very nature could've never even been conducted, which state that doing so will aid in loss prevention. But anyway, I digress; back to what I did to ease the tedium. In high school I had a chemistry teacher who would make the most obvious and just plain odd comments to students and even other teachers. Things like, "Ya reading a book, there, huh? Yeah....ya read a lota books?" Or "Eh, looks like the atomic mass of carbon is 12. That's like the age of Emily's boyfriend, right?"

So I started to employ this same conversational tactic with customers. Obviously I couldn't say something as out there as the latter comment, but I would go up to people and say in my teacher's deadpan manner, "Eh, ya lookin at a t-shirt there?" and the customer would awkwardly say "yes..." and would reply with "yeah...yeah, ya like any of them?" and they'd say "I don't know, I'm just looking around," and I'd say, "Yeah...we gotta lota stuff in this store, ya know." Or when someone asked me about a fan that sprays water and I showed them where it was, and they asked if it came with batteries, I replied with "Batteries? Yeah, it's got batteries. It'd be kind of a rip off it it didn't, ya know?"

So, that's how I figured out I could amuse myself while working on the mind-numing sales floor. It's not anything too radical, but I have fun with it. Keep in mind that everything has to be said in a monotonous, emotionless voice in order to be funny.

Why is this not done? It would put many of us out of our misery.

belarusMouse — 2011-10-13T12:32:13-04:00

I work at a discount store that is affiliated with 2 other stores: The one I work at is mostly clothing with some domestics items and shoes, another affiliate is mostly domestics items, and another is mostly clothing and jewelry. I will not say the name except that it starts with M and ends with S.

Needless to say, I hate customers and the repetitive shit they all do - bellowing "ARE YOU OPEN?!?!?" when I'm standing there unoccupied at my register, saying "REMEMBER TO REMOVE THE SENSORS" (they're called EAS tags and bitch I was taught this during my training day, I know what to do), "IS THIS ON SALE?!?!" when the price is clearly shown on the tag, leaving their carts in the aisle for me to clean up after them, and dumping their unwanted shit around the register area which usually displays candles, stationery items, and headphones.

Now - can't stores install signs that politely but clearly tell customers what not to do, to make the lives of employees a little easier? Such as "Please do not leave unwanted items here - the cashier will be happy to take them off your hands" or "Please leave carts with others near exit"?

My DREAM sign would say "1. Please don't dump your shit here, employees are not your slaves. 2. Please don't leave your carts here for employees to put back for you, we are not your bitches. 3. Employees are told to take off EAS tags, please don't tell them how to do their job. 4. If the cashier is standing by the register doing nothing then they are open. Please do not scream our most loathed phrase - you already know what the answer is. 5. The price is clearly stated on the price tag. There are no secret discounts." Of course these are all too damn rude but they would make my life so much better.

So: I'd like to know two things. Why don't stores do this? AND What would your dream sign say?

This Week in Retail

Heazie — 2011-10-11T15:47:12-04:00

Here is a link to my YouTube page. I have 3 videos so far, and I will continue as long as I am able. Look up Heazie's "This Week in Retail #2" and "This Week in Retail #3" if you want more "joyous" retail stories.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!

http://youtu.be/5RjOruMp4Mo

No, I DON'T Know Who You Are

eusuchian — 2011-10-04T21:25:43-04:00

Well, it finally happened...my store is closing, and we only had eight days notice. (No, it's not because of the economy, or e-readers, it's the greedy plaza owner, who raised the rent to the point where the store couldn't possibly be profitable anymore. In an unrelated situation, there is another store opening about the same distance from my home, so I may still have a job. But that's not what this story is about.)

The day we found out we were closing, we received a batch of customer orders, so instead of receiving the totes normally and having the automated system notify customers their orders arrived, I figured I should call everyone myself and let them know they had to pick up their books by the 24th. I also had someone call all of the people who had orders waiting to be picked up. We made a lot of other calls, too -- some of our vendors, several of our regular customers, etc.

About the time we finished, I answered a phone call and had an exchange that went roughly like this:

Lady Caller: Someone called me earlier from this number and I would like to know what the call was about.

Me: That depends. Who are you?

Lady Caller: Well, if you called me, you should know.

Me: I've made a lot of calls today.

Lady Caller: Well, if you don't know who I am, you must have called the wrong number!

And then she hung up. I'm betting $50 this woman will be the one who complains that we never called her about her order before the store closed.

By the way, our customer service told us anyone who placed an order that didn't make it to the store before we closed will be contacted to arrange for free shipping.

What do I do?

fishingbuddy — 2011-09-26T21:23:19-04:00

I was with Family Dollar for a little over three years. I took the reigns of the store in the middle of September. The inventory for the store was the previous July. There was about nine weeks that I was liable for the inventory of the store. The store is on the worst part of town and even has bars on the windows. During the year that I was store manager, I terminated two associates for stealing. Everyday I did what corporate said not to do...run after the shoplifters....I would rather do that, catch them and retrieve my merchandise(I feel like i can say my because I was a shareholder of that company too.). My inventory was back in July and I didn't too well with inventory. Some big investors have bought stock in the company and decided they would go out to the field and take pictures of some horrible stores...Yes I agree clean them up(my store was always recovered, organized, and well stocked) There is all this pressure coming down from corporate to get the stores cleaned up, on top of the daily tasks that the store mgr has to complete everyday. This company pushes down all these daily tasks and they must be taken care of that day(which by the way....I did my job .....150%) And the biggest complaint i have with this company is how they snatch payroll away from us making the Managers and Assistant managers be in the stores by themselves at any given time of the day. My district manager came in on Friday and terminated me for bad inventory and violation of company policy. I did what all other managers do...I went to the bank and wasn't gone for more than 10 minutes and left my number for my service assistant run off my register. I know this is against company policy but I did it anyway. I'm not doing what any other manager has done in the past. There's a lot more that goes on to that I never said anything about...since I have worked in four stores since i have been with the company. I am still in shock. I can't believe it. I gave 100% everyday to make my store look as good as it did. I guess they used me to clean up three stores and then got mad because I can't catch the theives which dwell inside the stores. My store is in a bad neighborhood not to mention bars on the windows. Help

The $2 Incident

unorthodoxshepard — 2011-09-05T21:25:07-04:00

I've been working at a local Dollar General for about 3-4 months now. For my first official job, it hasn't been too bad. For the most part, I like cashiering. I'm not the best at stocking, but I'm getting there. But in my short time here, I've had quite a few bad customers. So far, this one has been the worst.

So these two elderly women come in. One of them has a bad hip and asks to use the phone (for what I don't know). Once she's done, she and her friend decide to go looking around. I have a shitload of stocking to do, but I decide to help out this woman the best I can. (At my Dollar General, there are only two people working at a time, so we stock in between customers. Naturally, we get very little done.) Her friend doesn't say a single word to me, but I'm used to that so I didn't think anything was wrong.

Anyways, after about a half-hour of shopping, the ladies come to be checked out. There is a FUCKLOAD of items. I groan silently to myself. I know this is going to be one of those 5 minute deals. Little did I know this was just the beginning.

As I start checking them out, the bad hip ladies friend finally decides to speak to me. She says, "If you rip her off like you did me, I'm going to be mad." I had no idea what she was talking about. I thought she was joking. So I let out a fake laugh and continue checking them out. "I don't know why you think it's funny." "Oh, I'm sorry, did I do something?" Apparently, she had been in a couple of days ago and I accidentally shorted her $2. I didn't remember her at all. Knowing her, she was probably one of those stupid bitches who doesn't say a single word to you and just makes the whole thing awkward. But she was PISSED because I shorted her 2 FUCKING DOLLARS! I shorted someone a $20 once and they weren't even 1/10th as mad as this woman was. So I give a couple apologies to her and tell her it won't happen again. She says, "It doesn't matter. You cost me $2!" Then her friend starts backing her up. For a brief second, I actually thought I was dreaming. Who the fuck would get this mad over $2? The $2 lady decides she's had enough of me "taking forever" to check out her 138 items, so she goes and sits in her car leaving me with the bad hip lady. She was also mad, but she was more mad with the situation than she was with me. But she was CAUSING the situation! She was one of those insanely annoying customers who watches MY computer like a hawk to make sure everything rings up "right". Newsflash: Whatever the cash register says, is the final price. End of fucking story. But of course she has to challenge every other fucking item. In addition, she wants me to double bad EVERY SINGLE THING! And I mean EVERYTHING! There was a bag full of makeup. The thing couldn't have weighed more than 5 ounces and she STILL wanted me to double bag it. I was surprised I had enough bags to accommodate all her shit. Meanwhile, a line that goes halfway around the fucking store is building up behind me. Fortunately, the customers didn't seem to annoyed. In fact, I think they kind of enjoyed the bizarre spectacle they were watching in front of them.

Finally, I'm finished. Because the lady had a bad hip, I had to put every single bag in her cart. There were 2 full carts of merchandise. I press Total and "of course" she challenges the final price. I call the manager over because I was just so fucking fed up with this. I have other fucking customers who have literally been waiting for over 20 minutes at least. The manager and I try to convince her the price is correct, but she just doesn't budge. Finally, she gives in. "Well, it's still not right, but these people have been waiting long enough, so I'm just going to pay it." Finally! But it STILL doesn't end there. Then the $2 lady comes in asking what's taking so long. I tell her we're just finishing up. I look her straight in the eye and tell her how so very sorry I am for shorting her 2 fucking dollars. Every fiber in me wanted to yell at this woman, and had it been any other situation than work, I would have. She starts chewing me out again, so I just reach into the cash register and give her $2. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have done that, but I needed these women out of my sight before I blew up. But it STILL doesn't end there. The $2 lady actually thanks me and it seems that the situation is finally over. But then the bad hip lady wants me to carry everything to her car and load it up! Luckily, the manager decides to help me out and starts ringing up customers. So, I walk these women to their car and help load everything up. Then the bad hip lady wants me to help her into her car. I have to lift up her fat legs and push them in. It was grotesque. But the bad hip lady thanks me and the two FINALLY drive off! Except it STILL doesn't end. When I walk back into the store, ready to explode at the first customer who asks me a stupid question, me and the manager see that she forgot one of her bags. Me and her just bust out laughing. It was one of the few good moments I had with that manager. Fortunately, the women have never come back, at least not while I've been on shift. The process from start to finish took about 40 minutes, the longest it has ever taken me to check out a customer. Every other customer I had that day was an absolute joy. Nothing else annoyed me that day. The "$2 Incident" is currently my worst customer experience. But I suspect that somewhere out there, in the great land of Customertopia, there are worse foes, more evil and rage-inducing than this one. I prepare every day to face them. And with the help of my charisma and the occasional threat of slitting their throat with my box cutter, I will vanquish them all.

Getting Even With Customers

Virgiltheguide — 2011-09-02T09:10:06-04:00

Ok, so everyone has had miserable customers who, contrary to the corporate catch phrase, are so horrifically wrong that they should be taken back to kindergarten to learn the basics of sharing, caring, and courtesy. So, when you are faced with horrible customers doing crappy things, please refer to these subtle strategies to show crappy customers how stupid and rude they are....

1. Cell Phone Talkers at the Register

    These customers really suck because they are exceedingly rude, and they slow the pace of check out. So, when I was faced with customers who refused to get off of their cell phones, I would do either of the following. The first strategy is so simple that it's ridiculous that it's not used more. Just talk louder, looking directly at the customer, with a smile. The point is to talk over their conversation. If they have the gall to say that their conversation is more important than this transaction, politely say that this is fine, and I will hold your purchase behind the register until you conclude your conversation. The other strategy is to outright wait for them to get off of the phone. Make something up like, "I apologize for waiting, but we are not permitted to ring a customer up who is on the phone." Just wait, wait, wait until the customer either puts two and two together, or says that the phone call is more important....then refer to strategy one again.

2. Customers Who Try to Use Photo Copied or Bogus Coupons

     The easiest way to stop this is to refuse any coupon that looks like it is bogus. Even better, get your manager involved, which would create a shoplifting situation, which is even better!! Seriously though, when it comes to customers trying to get something for nothing, you will be shocked at the lengths that they will go. The biggest culprit is the "one use per transaction" coupons that usually have a further stipulation that it is one use per day. Customers rage against this, and the simple strategy I used was to make them look stupid by reading the coupon's fine print right back to them, at the register, and in front of other customers. If they were particularly rude, I would take a highlighter and highlight the fine print stating the usage guidelines. If they ask to speak to a manager, be sure to explain the story to the manager BEFORE he/she gets to the register so that you can express your concerns and the customer's behavior.

3. Customers Who Throw Change or Credit Cards at You

    Usually, these customers are not doing this consciously; however, that does not make it right. Generally, when a customer threw a credit card, I would ring the transaction and toss the card back. If the customer complained, I simply stated that I misunderstood the way that they gave me their card as playful, and that I was simply returning the gesture. Of course apologize, but the point is made. When change is involved, if the customer handed the change to me nicely, I would ALWAYS hand the change back nicely. If they tossed it at me, I would place the change on the counter in front of their out stretched hand. It was always satisfying to watch their face cringe, and see them trying to get their fingernails under a pesky little penny.

4. Verbally Combative Customers

I was NEVER tolerant of being told off (unless it was deserved) by a smart ass little punk or rude adult. The easiest way to end these situations quickly is to apologize and get your manager, and make sure that the manager understands that the customer has been using cuss words on the floor etc. After the manager handles the situation, he/she will usually tell you that there is a store policy on refusing sales to verbally combative customers. SO, use this, and be a dick about it. Say thinks like, "Sir/M'am, I apologize that you are upset, but if you continue using this language I will be forced to deny you this sale. Further, if you continue with the threats, I will call security and have you escorted from the mall." By the way, this shouldn't be a threat.....follow through. ALL employees should know the numbers for mall/complex security or the police. Further, get to know your security guards, as you can really stick it to rude and abusive customers by making sure that security knows when they come into your store.
      Also, don't be afraid to ban a customer from your store. Even though it may just be words, the words "criminal trespassing" does go a long way to keep crappy customers out of your store.

5. Shoplifters

     If you are a part-timer, just make sure the manager knows the second you suspect something. If you are a manager, show the accused no mercy. Call the police, security, and if possible the parents. Make sure that a report is filed, and that you want to press charges. This is called marking your territory. It sends the message that your store is not to be trifled with, and anyone who does will be prosecuted.

In general, the customers are only half of the problem. Your manager, DM, or RM are equally rude and horrible people, but they know the tricks and maneuvers, so obviously don't use these tips on them. Understand that the sole goal of retail is to make money by seeing to it that you, the part-time associate, is miserable, which forces turnover. This keeps costs down, as there is no need to offer a meager .5 cent raise at the end of the fiscal year. Please keep in mind that these tips can backfire resulting in write-ups or termination, so use them at your own risk.

Toys r Sucks

Anonymous — 2011-08-17T00:15:55-04:00

Ok so working at Toys R Us has been plain hell. The co worker and some managers can be decent people but there have been soo many customers I want to slap. Cashiers get treated like shit. So many ridiculous mean pregnant women buying uneccisary baby shit and screaming brats with mothers buying them things. I've seen a couple other people post on here and I can totally agree that people who barely speak english are the worst. I think I'll just get a few of the awful stories I can even remember off my chest first.

So obviously when you print a coupon offline for something, if you print it more than once its really not going to change the fact you can only use it once. Well some asshole came up today and had printed three one time use coupons offline and told me he was going to do seperate transactions, I explained he would only be able to use the coupon once because it has special numbers on it. He said fine but just wanted to try it anyway, so I rang his first item and put his coupon on there. Then the second transaction and the screen comes up saying CPN ALREADY USED, I tell him this and he demands to speak to a manager, I nicely call a manager and he says he would have used the coupon on the second item had he known he could only use it one. I told him this! My manager politly says the coupon it says one time use only but she overides it anyway and he buys the item. I give him the receipt and tell him to have a nice day and he tells me I should have been more clear and basicley critiques my job for three minutes. I smile and say ok but seriously. He was so rude!

Another time the someone came up with a huge rockband thing and it had a huge spider lock on it. The lock must have gotten jammed because when I unlocked it the lock didnt come loose. I tried my best to get it off myself because I knew all the steps I was taking to get it off were the exact same as a manager would take, the guy was being very nice about it and trying to help but I guess the lady in line behind him was getting ancy and she rudely says "Shouldnt you call a manager or something?" I look at her and smile and call a manager. The manager then couldnt get it off either, what a shocker.

Today actually a pregnant lady and her mom came thru my line buying a diaper bag, I ask the woman if she would like it in a bag becuase it would be rude not to offer a bag to someone obviously, its like when you go the grocery store and they offer your milk in a bag. She looks at me and says "Are you kidding me? thats ridiculous, its a BAG, in a BAG why would I want that?" I smile at her and apologize and say you never know and she just stares at me. She leaves and I look at the other girl cashiering with me and realized I apologized for being courteus offering a bag and she was the rude one.

Some of our baby clothes have tags and it was close to close one day and a lady comes in without the door sensors beeping. She shops around for a little bit and finally comes to the registers and has this baby jacket that has a sensor on it and pulls it out of like a younkers bag. She was a lady about 55 and mexican I beileve. She comes to me and says she had recieved this baby jacket as a gift and someone forgot to take the tag off then be littled me about what an inconvience this was for her and that it couldnt be that hard to look for tags and what not. I ask her for the receipt and she reminds me it was a gift and starts getting even more pissed off, I took the tag off but then I realized she would have came in beeping if she walked in with it and that she was just a mean shoplifter who wouldnt be recieving a baby jacket as a gift when she was way to old to have one. She took advantage of me being exhausted and not wanting to deal with her. You cannot trust customers.

The stories go on and on, I reccomend never working at Toys R Us or Babies r us!

Listening To What Isn't Being Said

teverton — 2011-08-15T18:52:33-04:00

LISTENING TO WHAT ISN’T BEING SAID

The chasm between what is often uttered on a corporate level and what is actually meant is as cavernous as the stale air which has moved in and taken up permanent residence between the ears of most District Managers. The words you actually hear pursing your employer’s chapped lips are little more than the white noise acting as a Klingon cloaking device camouflaging the between-the-lines code you’re assumed to be too daft to crack. But not unlike most mediocrity masquerading as authenticity, what isn’t said is usually louder than most of the syllabic muck through which you’re required to wade during any given eight hour shift.

Here are a few of my favorites.

We Want To Know What You Think

Translation: We want you to tell us what we want to hear. If you want to be classified as a troublemaker and instantaneously rise to the top of the corporate shitlist, tell your bosses your actual opinion of your workplace environment when asked. Though the average employer will try to convince you that your opinion carries as much weight as Kim Kardashian’s panties, your boss wants to know what you really think about as much as you want to walk in on your parents having wild, greased-up animal sex. Being asked your opinion by your employer is mostly little more than an obligatory yardstick used by many mediocre middle managers to measure the degree to which you’re buying into the company crapline. The workplace minefield is littered with the corpses of unsuspecting minimum wage warriors who self-destructed on their own honesty, mistaking we value your opinion with we value your opinion. So if eating and paying your bills have any sort of priority in your life, the next time you’re asked what you think of your job tell your boss that the mere thought of going to work makes you fire orgasms out of your eye sockets. Then quietly go back to imagining yourself introducing a taser to his shriveled gonads. Or her wrinkled labia.

Our Employees Are Our Greatest Asset

Translation: We appreciate your letting us use you to make ourselves wealthier. Though you often treat me otherwise, I’m not another one of your commodities, you lice-encrusted odorburglar. We both know that your most valuable asset in the store is the overpriced drivel gathering dust on the shelves and that my value to you is contingent on how good I am at conning the suckers you refer to as customers into buying it. Without the merchandise to define us, I seriously doubt that you’d one day wake up with a sudden case of philanthropic fervor and decide the one thing missing in your life is paying me to stand around and jack myself off in the middle of an empty shopping mall cubicle. And if I’m such an invaluable piece in your lifestyle puzzle, why am I barely able to afford a steady diet of cardboard and paste on the pittance you call a wage? Shit, your dog eats better than I do, and probably more often. And you better hope this treasured asset of yours doesn’t get seriously sick any time soon, because that porous bandaid you call health insurance covers about as much as the missing g-strings on Larry Flynt’s latest centerfold skank parade.

Service Is Our Number One Priority

Translation: We’re paying you to sell shit. Period. Service is a necessary evil in the retail world, because the greedy fucks haven’t yet figured out a way to persuade customers to automatically choose the stuff with the best built-in profit margins on their own. Without the not-so-gentle nudging of their mostly underpaid army of coercion specialists, most retailers would wither and die on the vine of I didn’t screw you enough to stay in business. Your boss has the same kind of relationship with you that the unlucky slob who contracted crabs has with his pharmacist…They both need to pay someone they’d rather not for fucking someone they probably shouldn’t have. The corporate tit is seemingly swollen with just enough excess profit to allow you the luxury of a suck every couple of weeks to keep you nourished, but the taste it leaves in your mouth is pretty damn close to the unexpected olfactory greeting you get when walking into an unflushed public crapper. It may taste like you’re eating shit, but for some reason you keep reaching for the ketchup to convince yourself it ain’t so bad after all.

You Have Unlimited Opportunity For Advancement

Translation: Your success will be proportionate to your willingness and ability to kiss ass. The service industry in general is one big asskissapalooza, with a lot of unlucky ticket holders competing for the chance to smooch the mosh pit of corporate butt for the dubious opportunity to climb another rung on the way to the front row of subservience. There is never a shortage of ass that is craving the purse of career-climbing lips in the retail world. Customers want it. Bosses need it. Coworkers are appreciative of it. There’s always a line for a surgically-enhanced derriere collagen pucker, and you perpetually seem to be at the tail end of it. So reach for the stars. Be all you can be. Don’t settle for less. Climb the highest mountain. On your winning drive to the end zone, though, don’t forget to periodically high-five the poverty-wage warriors whose shoulders you’re riding on as you circle the corporate arena on your I’m just doing what I have to do to survive and don’t hold it against me victory lap.

Our Letting You Go Is Just Business, It Isn’t Personal

Translation: We’re transitioning you from a full-time employee to a full-time customer. Several years ago, I actually had some semi-significant snot-bloated cockface use this line on me as he was kicking me to the curb. What used to be his conscience had been replaced by a vibrating strap-on he used to fuck everyone else and eventually himself with after his rechargeable batteries wore out their overused welcome. But what he unintentionally taught me on my - and his - way out the door is this…If you ever think that you matter to your corporate employer as being more than a statistic to maintain profit margins, then you probably deserve the fucking you may not see coming. Your worth to your employer is relative to your ability to generate revenue. Your kid has a learning disability? Fuck you. Your wife has some kind of unidentifiable tumor? Blow me. You have the audacity to request two days off in a row to be with your family? Tickle my taint. Look here, boss - Your “letting me go” is nothing but personal, you genetically-challenged jizz machine. I happen to be in possession of this silly thing called a life, and it actually requires my attention outside of your periodic kindergarten-laden tantrums. So every now and then I may need a day off other than the one you required me to request six weeks in advance, and I apologize for any workplace disruption the unscheduled part of my existence may contribute. After all, my kid may get unexpectedly sick every now and then. My wife may get a breast tumor we hadn’t scheduled for. And my grandmother may die. For the third time this year.

Confused elderly customers

jadedassociate — 2011-08-11T12:52:53-04:00

It seems that every day I have a post-worthy story.

I get a phone call, and answer, as is my usual greeting, "hello, thanks for calling Penneys. how can i help you?"

I am answered by a very elderly woman, in a super-quiet voice, who *slowly* goes into great detail about how angry she is that a hard-tag was left on her jacket and she wants a discount because its an inconvenience, yadayadayada...

Then she tells me she wants to return it for a different size anyway (not sure why it is an inconvenience if she is coming in for a new one anyway...but whatever), but asks me to go check on the rack for an XXL instead of an XL. I ask her to describe the jacket, and she gives me a very vague description about a black jacket but she doesn't know the numbers or the name brand because she cant find her receipt (but lets me know everything she is finding as she looks through her wallet..."oh there is my Mastercard, my library card, a picture of my cat, theirs is some change....uggh i cant find the receipt..."

I try to do my best to find this jacket, but seeing that it is summer and we have maybe 10 jackets in stock (that do not match her description), I take her off hold and tell her I cant find it. I ask if maybe it is a hoodie instead of a jacket? She replies "yes, it has a hood." I ask if it is a jersey/cotton hoodie or a winter jacket. She says "yes, i said it has a hood."

So, now that I have a line of 10 people with no one around to help me ring, i call up other departments for reinforcements, and call my manager for help finding this thing.

My manager fares no better than I do, and after about 20 minutes of me quadruple-checking the entire sales floor and all 4 of our stock rooms, my manager decides to give it a shot.

She answers the phone, asks for the item's description, and the lady says "its a red wings hoodie, R-A-D W-I-N-G-S, in black and grey, there is a very vibrant grey hoodie in front of it on the rack, you cant miss it. its right to the left of where you have your jeans, where the jeans meet the clothes" she starts spitting off numbers and letters that are on the tag: "759927305027k2495-efw4o59u490248205"

there are so many things wrong with this description:
1. we do not sell detroit red wings merchandise, we are a store in buffalo, ny.
2. the name of the team is "red wings", not "RAD wings"
3. vibrant...grey???
4. the jean wall is just that...a wall. you cant make a left, you would run into a wall
5. apparently blue jeans are not clothes.
6. we are a clothing store. saying "its by the clothes" is futile.
7. ma'am, you sound like you are taking and failing a field sobriety test. our item numbers are a maximum of 12 NUMBERS long.

This entire phone call has now taken about 35 minutes, and we have gotten nowhere. After asking 10 times if she called the right store location and not another mall, she looks at her receipt and says "IT SAYS RIGHT HERE. SEARS, STORE NUMBER 4928, BUFFALO, NY''

my manager begins slamming her face on our counter as she explains "this is penneys."

the lady then says "well, you'd better connect me to sears. i only can find the number for sears, roebuck and co. i need to talk to sears, then."

no "thank you", no "sorry for calling the wrong store, even though you told me i was calling penneys when you first answered the phone", no nothing. she angrily hangs up when we explain we don't have the sears number, and we cannot transfer her to a store out of our phone directory.

I wish I could have spit on them...

ACS612 — 2011-08-07T15:21:45-04:00

I just found this page and I'm so glad I did. I work at a major craft/crap store and I luckily don't have a whole lot of rude customers, but yesterday I wanted to literally spit on these two stuck up snobby c*nts that I was so grateful to have come through my line. It started out normal enough, but when they didn't have tags on all of their products, I requested a price check. Then all of a sudden they started calling me rude, for what, I don't know, perhaps just not giving them the items... I said, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm not trying to be rude. One of them looks me square in the eye and called ME a f*cking b*tch! I said, "Excuse me?" to which she replied You heard me, and then asked to speak to my manager about my rudeness. I was nearly in tears, but I called my manager up. They told her I was being rude but couldn't tell my manger exactly what it was I was doing, so I was told to just smile. So, I finished the transaction, smiling and told them to have a great day and thanks for shopping with us, to which they yelled, F*ck you back to me. A few minutes later, my manager asked what had happened and I told her. THATS when she informed me that I could have refused service to them and that I could have asked them to leave. Really? Well, too little too late, but at least now I know I can refuse service when somebody begins to curse at me.
I really do hope those scumbags come back in so I can just tell them nope, I can't help you... and I don't think anything can...

How to Kill a Bookstore

eusuchian — 2011-08-03T08:43:32-04:00

With Borders going out of business, I thought it might be a good time to review the procedures for killing off a bookstore. Note that I’m not saying this is actually what killed off Borders – from what I’ve read around the Internet, the main factors were poor real estate deals, falling behind the technology curve (particularly with the Web, where they gave away their website to Amazon for several years, and being slow to get involved with e-readers), and poor management by executives who didn’t know the book business. But the following are things that make it hard for bookstores to remain profitable.

1. HIDE THE MERCHANDISE. You look through a book to see if you want it, then decide otherwise. Just drop it randomly in the store. If you take a diet book and leave it in the Sports section, it will stay there until someone reorganizes the Sports section or happens to notice it. This way, if a customer actually comes looking for the book, neither they nor the associates will be able to find it. Lost sale = lost money, not to mention lost time by the employee searching through the Diet section trying to find it. Another way to hide books is to place one faced out in front of a different book. I have had people do this right in front of me after I handed them the book. They invariably say, “I didn’t know where it went.” Really? At home do you put books behind other books on the shelf?

2. DESTROY THE MERCHANDISE. This is an obvious tactic. Bookstores today encourage browsing. Take advantage of this, and when you see a page that looks useful, just tear it out of the book. You could also write in the book or highlight passages you find interesting. This has the double advantage of not just costing the bookstore, but also pissing off the customer who buys the book only to find the damage as they’re reading. This is especially popular with newspapers, which brings us to…

3. LEAVE THE NEWSPAPERS IN A CONDITION THAT THEY AREN’T FIT FOR LINING A BIRDCAGE. Here’s a bit of information: It is impossible for bookstores to make money on newspapers. The profit on a newspaper is less than 10 cents. This means that if we sell every copy of every newspaper that we receive each morning, the time spent bringing them in from the delivery box and bringing them to the rack eats up more payroll than we make on the papers. But of course, we don’t sell every paper. Half the papers are rendered unsellable by people who read them fold them over, and scatter the sections all over the store. We can get credit for the copies we return, but not if they are destroyed or half missing. Plus we have to spend the time bringing yesterday’s copies back to the delivery box and trying to figure out which sections go to which paper.

4. USE THE BOOKSTORE TO RESEARCH YOUR THESIS/BUSINESS VENTURE/EXPEDITION. Sure, I have looked through books trying to find information. But I take one or two books and then put them back, even when I go to a competing bookstore. It’s simple respect, like my parents – who are not hyenas – taught me. No, if you want to close a bookstore, you have to work at it. Round up about 10, 20, maybe even 30 books. Then leave them in a gigantic stack in the caf�. Mix in parts of a newspaper for added effect. The key here is to gather up as many books as possible and buy nothing.

5. TREAT THE EMPLOYEES AS PERSONAL SHOPPERS. I am always happy to find books for customers, especially if they are actually considering buying them. But I can’t spend two hours helping you pick out a dozen books that you have no intention of buying.

6. USE THE BOOKSTORE AS A TOILET. No, that’s not sarcasm. On at least three different occasions, I have had to clean up feces from the floor. Not dog crap, but actual human solid waste. That’s not including the time I had to remove it from the urinal in the men’s room. And speaking of restrooms…

7. BRING MAGAZINES INTO THE MEN’S ROOM. Usually men’s magazines. Would YOU want to buy a magazine that had been on the floor of a public restroom? I’ve never done this myself, but my guess is that they are NOT reading the articles. We have to throw these out. But to account for it in the inventory, we have to mark it down in the computer. It is entered as “Known Theft.” But actually I’d rather you really did steal it. That way I wouldn’t have to handle your masturbation material.

8. COME UNPREPARED. This is stock material to bookstore veterans, but the standard joke (except it’s not a joke) is the customer who comes in looking for a book. They don’t know the title. They don’t know the author. They have, at best, a vague description of the book (it’s a spy novel). But they do remember one thing about it: It has a blue cover. OK, first of all, I can’t enter into my computer, “blue cover,” and even if I could, that would narrow it down to, oh, maybe 30,000 titles.

9. TREAT THE BOOKSTORE AS A LENDING LIBRARY. Bookstores make money by SELLING books. If you buy them, read them, and return them, the store makes no money. Eventually it will go out of business. Then you have no more books.

10. DEMAND DISCOUNTS FOR EVERYTHING. If you’re giving a gift, you want it to be perfect. But a book for yourself to read? Sure, that little crease on the corner of the cover will affect the words inside, making it impossible to get the benefit of the book. Demand a 50% discount, even though the store gets full credit by sending it back to the publisher.

11. HOLD THE BOOKSTORE ACCOUNTABLE FOR PUBLISHING DECISIONS. So, you enjoyed The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played with Fire? No doubt you’re eager to read the third book in the trilogy, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest. And you want it in paperback. But the book hasn’t been published in paperback yet. There isn’t even a release date set. This, of course, is the bookstore’s fault. By the way, that other book that just came out yesterday – it’s out in paperback now, right?

12. ON-SALE DATES ARE FOR SUCKERS. The publisher won’t allow the book to be sold until August 9, but you can make an exception for me, right? Just to clarify: if a bookstore violates a strict on-sale date, they can be fined by the publisher. Do you think that’s worth selling YOU the book early? In some cases, the publisher may even refuse to restock the book. So, when the last Harry Potter book went on sale, do you think you’re SO SPECIAL that it was worth not being able to sell any copies of the book ever again?

Of course the usual tactics always apply: theft, passing counterfeit bills, abuse of the staff, etc., but most of the methods above apply specifically to bookstores.

My Sorry Life

aeroplane23 — 2011-08-01T19:43:41-04:00

I've only worked at my current job around a month, but I can vividly remember the epic gems of customers I've had (the most horrible).

As cashiers we have to put up with a lot. People babbling on their cell phones while they come through your lane and ignoring your greeting, people snapping about how something's priced wrong though it's not your fault it rang up the way it did, people misusing coupons and then getting furious about it, people throwing their change on the counter for you to pick up, people who claim that "they have change" and take 5 minutes to get it out of their pocketbook...the list goes on. Here are a couple of my worst stories, for me to get off my chest, and for your reading enjoyment:

1. "You lost YOUR money"

So old woman, her husband and I guess her grandson come through my lane first time. Her husband and grandson are agreeable and nice enough, but I can just tell something's up with her when she snatches the shirt I was folding (something we're not required to do) and tells me she'll fold it (cuz I'm doing it a bit messily). Whatever. Rub it off. But, they come back. Forgot the vaseline. Her husband gives me a twenty, but she has change. Yes, the all-important change. As I'm accepting the 20, I notice she's putting the change on the conveyor belt, causing it to start moving, and causing the dime to slip underneath the end of the belt. She says harshly "you lost YOUR money. I told you you were going to lose it. YOU did it." Me meekly, "do you have another dime mam?" Witch: "No. I have a dollar which I'm NOT breaking." So, what do I do? I take the twenty and the change that did NOT fall under, and put it into the POS. And hand back her husband the dollars and the NINETY cents in change. He doesn't care.

2. "I no buy from you!"

Ah, foreign customers. Some of you are pleasant enough. Some of you cannot understand a word I say. Others, though...well I must say, the great majority of my worst customers cases (except for the above story), are foreign. Don't know why. So woman comes through my lane on her phone, which in my dinky mood already irritates me. Her cart is really far away, so I *toss* her bag in. She becomes irate and starts screaming at me in her broken English. "I am talking to my daughter's baby, very important!" If it's so important (talking to an infant), why are you doing it while shopping? "I come here to buy things, I am going to complain about you!" She continues yelling for 4 minutes then finally yells, "I no buy from you!" then grabs her bag, leaves her cart in the way of my other customers, and goes to complain to another cashier and the supervisor. Dumb bitch.

3. "Why would you ask that?"

Ah, another foreigner. Wielding a food stamps card. She is hard to understand, but telling me she wants separate orders. She doesn't say she has food stamps, I see it in her hand, but she doesn't say. I ask her what she wants separately, and she gestures. She gives me a gift card, and I'm unclear--does she want to pay for the non-food items with the gift card? When I ask to clarify, she becomes very rude. "WHY would you ask that? I can't pay for those with the food stamps" (uhm, you have a gift card too, so...). She hits her forehead, gesturing that I'm an idiot when she's the one who can barely string a sentence together, and also she's the one who is unaware you can ring up everything and the food stamps will cover the food and leave a remaining balance for the non applicable items. And yes, I was unsure what you wanted to use the GIFT card for. Bitch.

4. "I get a discount"

An african lady comes through the checklane with around 7 kids running around and crying. From the start she is noticeably rude, when she babbles something about the shoes being the wrong size but I can't understand. Neither can she. So I ask, do you want them? And she rolls her eyes and is like, "yeah" like I'm an idiot. Then she says she has a discount, because she's a "visitor". What kind of discount, I ask. How much? She shrugs. A discount--they give them to me everywhere I go. I call the manager. He is as baffled as me, then confirms that no, we don't give discounts to "visitors". (Why should you get a special discount if you're from a another country? wtf)

Later, I ask if she wants to save 5% by opening one of our store's CREDIT cards. She calls over the woman she's with. She asks if she will get the 5% now, I say yes, but try to tell them that it's a CREDIT card, which you must apply for, and you may not be accepted. But I can tell they can't understand half of what I'm saying. After she fills out her information, of course the computer says they can't approve her at this time, and that they need to confirm more information and it will take 7 days or so. (Obviously she doesn't have good credit, or something....who knows) I should have known, really. I tell her this, they don't seem to get it. The nasty woman says it's CASH, though I already know this.. Says to me nastily when she realizes she's not getting a discount, You TOLD me that I get 5%" I try to politely say that I said it was a credit card, so you have to apply. But if she's approved, she can certainly come back for her 5%. She angrily gives me her money. Then asks for five more of my plastic bags, all of which will most likely end up in a landfill soon enough.

Some people are so dumb. Who doesn't know that it's possible you will NOT be approved for a store credit card? I've learned now, do NOT offer the card to foreigners. I try not to prejudiced. But it's just the truth of the game.

(Somewhat) Honest Answers To Stupid Interview Questions

teverton — 2011-07-28T17:51:45-04:00

The only thing more enjoyable than interviewing for a job is a thorough prostate exam. That, or a good dose of chemotherapy. The joys of unemployment and job hunting are stressful and degrading enough by themselves, but when you are fortunate enough to actually score an interview, your reward is more often than not a series of mind-numbing irrelevant questions that have little or nothing to do with the job for which you are applying that are administered by some semi-conscious twat puddle reading from a corporate-generated standardized form authored by a borderline retard in some corporate home office three continents away.

Here are a few of my favorites. You’ll notice that none of these are in any way job-specific, relevant or worth the time you took to get a haircut, put on a tie, sniff the armpits of your one semi-clean shirt and show up fifteen minutes ahead of your scheduled interview for.

Why should we hire you?

Because I’m running out of recipes to accentuate my steady diet of ramen noodles. I also promise to never, ever come to work packing a semi-automatic assault rifle even though the abuse you’ll subject me to would probably warrant my periodically considering it. I just knocked-up the CEO’s daughter, but he doesn’t know it yet. I’ll stop writing crappy anonymous reviews about your mediocre company on Yelp.com. I’m running out of money for this meth stuff I like to buy occasionally. I’ve acquired these crazy fucking things called bills that I’m chained to which will require me to feign allegiance to whatever ridiculous bullshit you’ll require me to push onto the suckers you refer to as customers.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Off probation. Hopefully not still working at this dead-end piece of shit job for your dumb ass. In a different career as far away from this ridiculousness as I possibly can be. On a remote island snorting cocaine while getting hot oil deep tissue body rub-downs from hookers and downing mai tai’s after winning the lottery. Anywhere but in this same room breathing the same regurgitated oxygen as you. Let me consult my astrological chart and get back with you, you crotch-enamored taint-waxer.

What is your greatest weakness?

Other than looking at internet porn on the company computer and stealing as many office supplies as I can fit in my pockets? Let’s see…Single barrel bourbon, tits and the occasional Nestle Crunch come to mind. I also like to call in sick on Monday after my favorite NFL team loses and I’m ridiculously hungover. In addition, I have a tendency to hold periodic masturbation marathons in the employee restroom, stealth-fart during group discussions and then walk away, wipe my boogers underneath other people’s desks when they’re away at lunch and boycott deodorant. Or I could just give you the standard I’m a workaholic bullshit answer to your stupid fucking waste of my time question like everyone else does so we can move on to the next mystery of the universe you’re undoubtedly set to hurl my way.

If you were an animal/brand of tampon/someotherstupidfuckingthing, what would you be and why?

And if my grandmother had a cock she’d be my grandfather, you saliva-laden muff-diver. If I could wish to be anything at this moment, I’d opt to be a pigeon so I could randomly dive bomb your stupid ass with the same sort of nonsensical shit you’re shoveling at me in this interview. Sartre, Nietzsche and Kierkegaard struggled to comprehend and define the essence of who and why we are, and here you sit asking me to get all Freudian on your ass just so I can qualify to make minimum wage and deal with the assholes of the world who left their coupons at home. How about I wish for a time machine to take me back to the moment just before your conception where I ring the doorbell of your parents’ house, causing dear ol’ Dad to freak and pull out just before the money shot that spawned your uncreative ass? Then we’ll all be saved from enduring the stupidity you were apparently destined to propagate.

Do you work well as part of a team?

If by team you mean hanging out with coworkers until four in the morning drinking and drugging and talking shit about how the job and management can nuzzle our left nutsacks then yes, go team. If, on the other hand, by team you mean tolerating the same coworkers I just threw up with two hours ago who call in sick while I show up and am forced to do double the work while they sleep the booze off as management rides my ass about working harder and faster, then fuck the team. I’ll be returning the favor on their sorry asses the first chance I get. Which, knowing these jerkoffs, will be tomorrow.

How would your last manager describe you?

As the guy that scored him the best pot whenever he ran dry. I’m also the guy who came in even when hungover, as opposed to the majority of the other cretins I worked with who just blew the shift off altogether which compromised customer service by making the rest of us work twice as hard. I also traded the majority of my weekends and holidays - as is standard in the industry - for days off in the middle of the week, and seldom got two days off in a row. I’m the guy who sometimes ran out of money the day before payday and worked without having eaten for 24 hours, and I also walked the tightrope of hoping not to get too sick because I couldn’t afford the suck-ass insurance plan offered by the company. None of which my former manager will acknowledge if asked, but you’ll hopefully at least get the substitute he showed up on time for the most part and basically did what we paid him to do.

What interests you about our company?

I’m currently unemployed and you’re currently hiring. The capital you seem to regularly generate that allows you to write me a paycheck that won’t bounce every couple of weeks. It’s within walking distance of where I live. You’re still in business, and you seem to have a track record that suggests you’ll be staying that way into the foreseeable future. There hasn’t been anything in the news recently about your being a proponent of sweatshop labor and shipping the majority of your nickel and dime jobs overseas, though I suspect that’s merely because you haven’t discovered a way to benefit from that yet. None of my friends have warned me against applying here. Your CEO hasn’t been summoned to any congressional hearings regarding wage and labor abuses that I’m aware of. Yet.

Have you ever lied?

Fuck no. And I invite you to prove otherwise.

So new, so naive

ShatterMeWithHope — 2011-07-26T21:04:46-04:00

Hello all,
I'm very new to retail and the whole work experience in general. Quite sad that I search like a madperson for similar horror stories so shortly after starting. It's not even the company that sucks. I hear they take good care of their long term employees with benefits and stocks and such. The management is really nice, understanding, and all of the employees (continue) to help train me as I go in every day asking about something else I don't know. It's just the customers. I'm a wallflower by nature and this was the only job that gave me a chance and I've never had a job before so I took it. Things I've noticed in my little experience:

1) People are incredibly invasive. My third day on the job an old man asked me if I was anorexic. I couldn't believe someone would be so blunt about asking me if I had a mental disorder that kills people. Maybe it was because I asked him and his wife if they needed help finding anything to which they gave a dirty look like "Why are you bothering us?". Another similar one is "How many times do you get told 'you'll blow away in the wind?'", an indirect stealth invasion. "How old are you? You don't look old enough to work here".

2) If they are not invasive towards you, they share too much about themselves. There will be people who share their deepest and darkest problems with you which astounds me because I can't imagine throwing my problems on someone else like that. Especially someone I know can't relate to me. Frankly some people want to throw their own little pity party right there in the store. Then there are those who fish for compliments. They tell you all about the child they're expecting and the origin of all 3 of the names they are planning to give it so you will complement them, adding to the barrage of complements expectant parents already recieve simply for reproducing and creating customers of the future.

3) People think of cashiers as either highly superior beings of massive amounts of knowledge or they think of cashiers as utterly inferior. They ask for the location of the most uncommon item in the store and all of the pesky little details about it once you do find it. They ask you questions that could be answered by merely being observant. Could you tell me the price of this? (after the item was just picked off of the clearance shelf that says 99 cents). Or the stunner question (mind you I'm young and have never had a wrinkle before) "I've tried wrinkle product "x" and it hasn't worked for me, what product would you recommend?". Never having used a wrinkle cream I have no experience with said product and, as I'm new, no testimony to go off of. The customer also thinks they have the right to yell at the cashier when things don't go their way or argue incessantly over a price. Which brings me to my next point.

4) Price drives people out of their minds. I sympathise with the customers in my store alot of the time. I really do. Our store has a terrible cupon system. The price tags on shelves read "This item costs this amount when you use an instore cupon" or the best ones read "This item costs this amount after catalina cupon so it's like paying this amount". The instore cupons are only available next to the front register, the first place people go in a store is not to the front register, they look around first. Thus it falls on the employees to find the cupon for the item that the customer is purchasing because "the pricetag said it was $$$this amount" which just holds up the line when the problem could easily be solved by pricing the item as the sale without the use of a cupon in the first place! Almost everyone who purchases said item always gets a discount because they always question the price and the cashier always has to look up the price.

The catalina coupons are the best because you get the cupon after the purchase so the tags that read "it's like paying this amount" is complete bogus because the cupons can only be used on the next purchase. Who knows how much they'll spend on their next purchase. When the customers argue over a price that clearly rang up correctly and the customer still fights "because of the principal of the matter" that she is certain I must be mistaken is a big pet peeve of mine. "Ma'am, the tag clearly differentiates between 'individual price' and 'sale price' and you only bought 1 so you don't get the sale, if you bought 2 you would", "But then why is the tax so high?" "I can get my manager to answer that for you" (before I reach the phone) "If this costs this amount and the sales tax is this amount the state tax would have to be this amount" "Ma'am, you're calculating the price as if it were the sale price, I can have my manager explain it to you".

5) Con-artists. I got had by a con-artist recently. I could have avoided the situation if I had been thinking logically but I wasn't so I claim all fault for letting the situation occur. I only lost a miniscule amount of change and I was upfront wtih the manager so I hope my reputation isn't in complete shreds.

6) Ill people who touch things. I had an extremely ill customer who touched her face (where the infection was) and touched the products, handed me cash, and touched the debit machine with her bare hand. Maybe it's the germophobe in me but she was with another woman, she could have let the other woman handle everything for her instead of mindlessly exposing others to her pretty severe looking infection.

After experiencing these and other stressors that people who haven't worked in retail can't possibly imagine, my opinion on the virtues of humanity took a sharp nosedive. Society creates these monsters that don't know how to behave in stores, that don't have respect for their fellow human beings, that have a napoleonic complex of "I have little money so I will yell to make you scan cupons you're not supposed to and I will take control of the entire place while I'm here". Like my con-artist situation, the customers aren't completely to blame although they should take responsibility for letting their nastiness happen. Society creates a situation where people must do what they must to survive and save all of their pretty pennies and lie and cheat and steal in order to do so sometimes. Society emphasizes doing whatever it takes to get your way but, in retail, it is the cashier that takes the brunt of "doing whatever it takes".

There are some customers that don't suck. But the ones that do make me want to quit my job everyday because no one should have to bear humiliation and the wrath of an angry customer or the threat of being fired because someone thought they'd scam you for some extra money. Luckily I'm only at this job for a definite period of time, then school starts up again (unless I get fired first). So retail is going to suck majorly but I'm so thankful my parents put me through college so I'll never have to experience this hell again (hopefully). There really should be a national "Hug a Cashier Day" or something because I know that at any moment of the day every cashier is on the verge of a total meltdown.
Digital hugs to all of you guys!

Store is closed, stop coming in!

jadedassociate — 2011-07-25T08:31:14-04:00

So, this is a phenomenon that occurs, almost without fail, every night.

My manager makes not one, not two, but THREE announcements, beginning at 8:45, that our store will be closing in 15 minutes....10 minutes....5 minutes, and one final one that our store is now closed (9pm).

However, this seems not to matter much, as our customers routinely continue browsing and trying on our clothing for at least another 10 to 15 minutes. Once everyone is out of the store, say, around 9:15, I still have to count all four registers by myself, clean out all the fitting rooms, and carry everything back to the cash room. Keep in mind I only am ever scheduled until 9, but oh wait- I've only been there for 10 hours today, why not wait for some last minute asshole to buy their $1.97 shirts in bulk to send back to their home countries?

The worst thing is when we can't lock the doors since people are still shopping, so we tell customers who walk in late "Hello, ma'am/sir, sorry, but we are closed. We have been closed for 15 minutes" (or something to that extent). On more than several occasions I have gotten the reply of a rude "pfftt I know", and then they continue walking in and looking through the racks of merchandise!

On christmas eve, customers made me stay so late past my scheduled shift that I exceeded my maximun amount of hours worked without a lunch break and I actually got 30 minutes of pay docked from my paycheck because they assumed I had taken a lunch and just had forgotten to clock out for it.

***Love my job, hate the assholes!! ***

Walking Around With A Dick In Your Ear

teverton — 2011-07-18T21:05:20-04:00

Old joke time.

Retail Worker: Excuse me, do you realize you’re walking around with a dick in your ear?

Customer: What? I can’t hear you…I’m walking around with a dick in my ear!

Ah, the classics.

No customer deserves a swift punt in the groin or a face full of fist more than I’m Busy Talking On My Bluetooth Guy. This is the nutsack who passes you in the produce aisle and utters what sounds like I wish I could remember what size batteries my dildo takes while stroking a stalk of rhubarb. When you helpfully respond with something like I’ve been using the double-life quadruple super-plus extra-charged alkaline rocket triple A’s in my vibrator for about six months now and only have to change them twice a week, the customer sidesteps you while giving you the kind of look most people reserve for child molesters or other members of the clergy. While you stand there trying to figure out what it is you’ve just done wrong, the nutsack ogles the zucchini while declaring Well of course I slather it in olive oil, doesn’t everyone?
And it is then you see the hands-free phone protruding out of the nutsack’s ear like a mobile hemorrhoid on steroids while you’re left standing there with your dick in your hand feeling like the crazy homeless dude you passed on the street this morning who was carrying on a heated discussion with no one in particular, and seemed to be winning the argument in the process.

Look, I get it. You’re fucking important and it’s imperative that everyone around you receive a complimentary backstage pass to the minute details of how you remove the menstrual stains from your panties, how many payments you have left on your BMW and how many of your child’s poops are actually solid during the course of any given month. This is all amazingly riveting stuff as well as being the crumbs from your buffet of life which nourish the rest of us and provide us the strength to go on living our comparatively dull and uneventful lives.

But here’s a thought. How about when you enter an environment where other people are employed to engage you in conversation - such as department stores and restaurants - you temporarily forego the stunningly boring dissertation you’re carrying on with the hardened buttcrumb on the other end of your narcissistic two tin cans tied together with a piece of string long enough to show a little respect to the rest of us lowly peons who are actually trying to assist you? And when I approach you to ask you if you need assistance, I sure as hell don’t need you holding your finger up in the air at me so I’ll stay put while you finish pontificating into the ether on the merits of your pubic carpet matching the bleached drapes. I’m not a member of the paparazzi vying for the privilege of getting to bask in a rare moment of the periodic attention that you so generously dole out to us lesser mortals, you pompous pustule. The blow me line starts here, and you just happen to be the first one in it.

By the way, this crank yanker is the distant cousin of Snap Your Fingers In The Air At Me Guy, Whistle To Get My Attention Guy and Shout Hey You Across The Room At Me Guy, all of whom deserve their own luxury wings in the Go Fuck Yourself Hall Of Fame.

And that’s no joke.

She wanted a new model Xbox for free

WhyRetailBlows — 2011-07-12T17:52:27-04:00

So this lady comes in to a very popular video game store with a problem. She says her Xbox 360 arcade model that she purchased less than a year ago red ringed on her. Fortunately for her, she purchased the store's warranty so she could just come to the store and get another one free of charge. Unfortunately, they stopped making the old Arcade model and there was a very limited supply of the model she wanted to replace. We told her we could find a different store that still had her model for her and either have it shipped to us or she could pick it up there. She said that was ok and left peacefully. Sadly, that's not the end of the story.

The next day we get a call from corporate because a lady called and complained to customer service that employees were rude to her and denied her another Xbox. It turns out she thought she should be able to replace her old model Xbox 360 with the brand new quieter, wifi included 4GB Xbox 360.

The back and forth between this customer, customer service and our store went on for a few days. A couple days in, we actually got an older model shipped to our store from another and informed the customer she could pick it up. She eventually put up a fuss at a different store and the district manager just gave in and gave her the new model. So apparently if you want to upgrade your video game system, just lie about poor customer service and put up a huge stink and you'll get it.

http://twitter.com/#!/WhyRetailBlows

Thanks Jackass!

rrmro — 2011-07-11T19:00:00-04:00

I just recently got hired by Albertson's as a "Courtesy Clerk"(damn I hate Euphemisms) I needed a job after being out of it for awhile...

Anyway, one day I'm walking away from the register to find a price for something. I'm trying to catch up with a manager in the grocery section to ask him if he knows the price coming from the OPPOSITE direction of our path of travel comes another employee pushing a "U" cart? Those carts that looks like the thing a Bellboy uses? And this Manager/Jackass looks at the guy and proceeds to Knock a BOX off the big multi-leveled stack which comes down at an angle and hits me in the frakking arm!

Does the Jackass turn to even see if I got hurt or even just show me some
concern? No, Mr. "Frak face" just keeps on walking. What if I had been a customer? Damn, does this guy do this all the time? What's next? Throwing a jar of pickles to the store floor to see who will step on them?

How to get away with doing less in retail

allthelovely — 2011-07-06T21:25:32-04:00

Editor's Note from Alucard: While I disagree that one should intentionally sandbag at any job, this makes for a very entertaining read.

If you are just working retail as a temporary gig and don't foresee becoming a manager, here are a few wonder tips that helped me out. Why do more work than you have to?

Don't act as competent as you actually are.
ACT INCOMPETENT, BUT MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU'RE TRYING!

If you are just working retail as a temporary gig and don't foresee becoming a manager, here are a few wonder tips that helped me out. Why do more work than you have to?

Don't act as competent as you actually are. -Take longer when training -Ask the same question 3 or 4 times, maybe 5 if they are teaching you more than you think you should have to know for such little pay -AVOID MULTITASKING WHEN POSSIBLE bc too much multitasking makes you look extra capable and smart -Mess something up every once in a while.

I have worked 4 retail jobs and an employer won't fire you for being incompetent. SOMETIMES, they will just think you are slow. Most managers feel sorry for slow people. If management thinks you're trying your hardest to do the job and you aren't too incompetent, they will actually like you. They will like you and, best of all, they wont expect as much out of you as they do other, more competent, employees.

ACT INCOMPETENT, BUT MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU'RE TRYING!

I have always noticed that the idiots at my retail job are still treated well BUT expected to do less. Out of ignorance, they get away with more.

You come into a retail job super sharp, a fast learner and competent 99% of the time, then guess what? You will be the sucker who will learn the most and management will come to you more and overload you until your burnt out like black toast. I would understand doing this at a $20 an hour job, but at $8, what are you thinking?

Does anyone else agree with me or am I out to lunch?

Back in the saddle!

Alucard — 2011-07-06T00:12:02-04:00

So...I know we haven't been posting many stories as of late. No excuses...I've been slacking big time. I promise to start posting stories on a more regular basis. Retail-sucks.com, 9 years and going!

Wrong Price

whyy62 — 2011-07-05T23:14:19-04:00

I work in a fabric and craft store where 75 percent of my customers are women, a lot middle-aged to older. They are the main complainers in society I think, so we get a lot of rude customers. Well this one lady asked how much something was...I was just remembering a price at the top of my head that I thought it was. I said..."I think its $9.75." She said ok…and she had her fabric cut. It turned out to be a few dollars above the price I told her and she freaked out. I wasn't the one who cut her fabric for her so she was complaining to the other employee about the price who cut it for her. I overheard this and went somewhere to hide (pretending to do go backs). She finally hunted me down as I was walking away and said…"excuse me miss". I was thinking "oh god here it comes" in my head.

She said..."you told me the wrong price. Honey you caused me a whole lot of trouble. I want to speak to your manager." I apologized and told her she didn't have to buy it. Once a customer's fabric is cut, they bring it to the register to actually buy it. She didn’t have to buy it if she didn't like the price so I didn't understand why that stupid woman was complaining. I wasn't forcing her to buy it. Then she told my manager that she has worked in retail for 20 years and had never seen such badly trained employees. I really wanted to cut her head off for treating me like dirt, like she had never made a mistake before. Then after she bought the fabric she came up to me and said..."Sweetie you really need to learn how to do your job". I was so enraged...what a mean, miserable, overly dramatic woman to say the least. I have been working there for over a year. I know how to do my job but I still make mistakes like a HUMAN BEING. I hate customers. Woman are the worst complainers. Thrive on drama.

Returns

TooSmartforRetail — 2011-06-12T21:16:49-04:00

I now currently work for Blowe's. I'm not ready to lose my job, so I'll keep it pretty tame. Managers absolutely suck at that place. They don't bend over backwards for customers...they bend over forwards, so customers can absolutely screw our store over. Let's return a brand new boxed grill, give the full refund for it, and then when returns get inspected, ohhh how did we accept a 5 year old weathered, rusty, used grill and we gave the customer a full refund?? We just paid them $500 to get rid of their old grill! Or, let's hire 1 Security person is a total douche that screws around on his girlfriend with worthless cashiers. Gee..why is it so easy to steal from the store? Hey..here are the guys that stole power tools from us...let's secretly follow them around the store...but not do anything else...oooh threatening. Can someone loan our store a can of whoopass? Because it sure as hell needs it!

How Phones Work

eusuchian — 2011-05-05T06:40:29-04:00

One of the nice things of working at our store is that we're located right next to an office supply store. Need copies? Just run next door. Computer virus? I took my computer (my personal notebook, that is) over, let them fix it, and they even walked it over to me when it was done.

Yesterday I had to make a lot of copies for work, so I walk over to the store's copy center, where there is a woman trying to use the fax machine. As Copy Center Guy is taking my order, the woman says she's having a problem. Copy Center Guy says he'll be there as soon as he's done with this customer (me).

Since I have to fill out an order form, I suggest that he help the woman while I'm writing. Copy Center Guy goes to the fax machine and asks what's wrong, and she says:

"It keeps saying the line is busy."

So Copy Center Guy says, "Then it's busy." Meanwhile, I'm doing a facepalm and wondering if I really heard what I thought I heard.

The Real Reason Retail Sucks!!

Anonymous — 2011-04-15T06:53:42-04:00

I'm going to tell you the REAL reason why Retail Sucks...

I don't care what you do in retail, you are working much harder and longer for less pay than any other industry. I'm sorry but it's painfully true. Retail just SUCKS when it comes to pay. They will burn you out and milk you dry if you let them.

In retail you will notice right away that you cannot even SIT DOWN to do work that any normal person would sit down to do. In retail, they force you to stand for 10+ hours a day for some insane reason.

In Retail you are expected to work insane hours and you will very often be asked to work through your lunch break. If you "move up" in retail and become a supervisor or assistant manager then you will find yourself working 50+ hours a week on a regular basis and you'll also find that no matter how hard you work to get ahead on the workload, the workload will be adjusted higher so you'll never reach a resting point.

If you bust your butt and process 50 boxes of freight one day well you just set the new STANDARD they expect you to achieve each and every day after that new record you just set. You just shot yourself in the foot because NOW they will expect 55 boxes a day... If you should reach that level by some miracle, then they expect 60 boxes a day...

Let's say you get a busy day and your sales hit $8000 a day for the store setting a new sales level for that particular day of the year. Well, from now on they will expect $8800 on that day and failure to EXCEED this sales goal means you are NOT doing your job good enough...

You see where I'm going with this... No matter what you achieve, your just setting the bar higher and making your life harder and harder. Many smart retail employees realize that the Harder you work, the Harder you make your job.

I worked in retail for 7 years, even became a manager of my own store before I got smart and realized how I was being USED by the retail industry.

I found another job and my starting pay was much higher than any retail starting position. The workload at my new job is 1/10 the workload I had to do in retail and I can actually SIT DOWN at my job. Retail forces everyone to STAND all day for some insane reason. The biggest difference however is that I am now treated with RESPECT by my managers and even the customers who frequent our business.

All I can say is GET OUT OF RETAIL NOW because working retail is a black hole that will suck you in and the further in you go, the harder it will be to escape while you still have a chance at sanity.

Salisbury Steak Man

steaksaucemcgee — 2011-03-16T23:58:09-04:00

I worked at Walmart for a few months, generally as a stocker or a cashier. Normally, problems at the register are easy to deal with, and customers are not rude, but this one customer has become a legend to us. He came through one day with a cart loaded with frozen Salisbury Steak. It took nearly 10 minutes to ring it all up, and it totaled nearly 300 dollars. He tried using EBT to pay for it, but for some reason, his account was empty. He flew off the handle about how he "just put the money on it this morning" and "dammit I want my stuff" until he just took the cart and left it next to the ice storage. Almost all the frozen food spoiled because I couldn't deal with it right then, and nobody else nearby took the initiative to fix it.

Employee Punks A Customer

Anonymous — 2011-03-15T23:00:34-04:00

I'm a Receiver for a regional grocery chain. One day, a customer walked into my receiving backroom and started to dig through our beer inventory. I stopped unloading a truck and asked him if he needed help (my way of politely making people identify themselves, plus he didn't wear a vendor uniform). He ignored me the first time. I hopped off the forklift and got in his face, and asked if he was a vendor. He crazily replied, "I'm a U.S. marine!"

I acted nice again and said, "I'm sorry, but customers aren't allowed back here."

He said he needed to find a beer, and I repeated my statement again. When he refused to leave, I just told him, "You can't be back here. Only vendors are allowed." He pointed to the driver of the truck I was unloading and asked if he was a vendor, and I said yeah. Then I told him, "You have to leave now!"

The look on his face was priceless! He looked surprised and confused simultaneously. He looked a bit paralyzed, like he was shocked to be defeated. I offered to look for the beer for him just to get him to leave, and he finally did. I only spent half a minute looking for the beer, and when I went out to tell him, he disappeared. Oh well! Me and the vendors had a good laugh after that incident.