The Journey of My Heart

Two Boys and a Baby

2009-11-06T07:35:00.002-05:00

I am often asked how our boys are adjusting to us having Aster in our family. And I always say, "They are crazy about her! And she adores them, too."

It is one of the sweetest blessings to see them enjoying her so much!

Here are a few changes I've noticed and loved:

Joshua and Andrew used to call shotgun in the morning and fight over who gets to sit in the front seat on the way to school. Now they "call" who gets to sit next to Aster. And at dinner they usually sit on each side. Unless she's spewing food; then no one sits next to the princess.

They used to be distracted by snacks, phone calls and after school plans with friends. Now they are distracted by the coos and calls of their baby sister. Sometimes I'll find them playing with her in the living room when they are supposed to be working on homework or housework. But I understand; I can't get enough of her either!

They used to be all about themselves during our morning rush. Now they pitch in to help because we need them more than ever. Yesterday I asked and they kindly made my coffee, got Aster dressed and loaded the car so I could get myself and Aster fed and out the door on time.

Sometimes I overhear them talking about her and I can tell they're surprised by how much fun she is. Like yesterday on the way home from school they went back and forth: "Aster is so happy and sweet." "Yea, just think of what she'd be doing if she were still in the orphanage." "She'd be crying." "I'm glad she's with us."

Last night at dinner, they were reminding me of how sad I was when another adoption referral fell through last fall and how I cried because we didn't get to adopt two other little girls. And then Andrew pointed to Aster who was in my arms laughing and playing and said, "See mom, she was the one God had already picked out for our family."

A blog and a baby - can I have both?

2009-11-04T22:05:00.003-05:00

I've struggled almost daily with not being able to blog much since we got home from Ethiopia with Aster. Not because I don't love every minute with my new little girl. I'm seriously more crazy about her than I ever thought I could be this quickly! And not because I feel pressure to blog. But because I don't want to give up this part of me. I miss it.

I've tried again and again to write a post - in my head and on the page of my heart. But then that little bundle of sweetness decides to wake up, or make a messy diaper, or do something cute that totally distracts me.

And I am starting to feel like maybe all my adult conversation words have been deleted from my brain. I still have the basics like" yes" and "I don't know" and "when will you be home?" But the rest have been converted to cooing and sounding out "ma ma" and "da da" and "no, don't touch." Do you know if it's scientifically proven that sleep deprivation and an abundance of dirty diaper fumes affects the part of your brain that strings letters into words and words into sentences?

My days are not full of words anymore but sweet snapshots of the moments we have with our sweet girl. I can't tell you how many times I pull her close, right up into my face, and take a picture with the click of my heart.

I am praying for a new way of journeying to the heart of God with you in this new season of life with a baby. I want to get creative and have a plan. Maybe have certain topics I write about like Monday's for moms and participate in things like "Tuesdays Unwrapped" and other ideas that could give my currently unstructured blog/brain/life a little form.

In some ways, I feel like my blog is turning into a scrapbook and for some reason I am hesitant about that. Yet I want to capture the memories and stories of Aster and I don't have time to blog and scrapbook. Plus I just signed a book contract (yay!) and will need to reserve some creative thinking for this bigger-than-me assignment.

I know God's got a plan so I'm just asking Him to show me what it is. I thought you might have suggestions? Any thoughts on what you enjoy here? Topics you'd want to see covered? Do you get tired of seeing all these photos of Aster? Is that the dumbest question a mom can ask?

Since I'm challenged in the 'thinking' department these these days I was thinking you could brainstorm with me.

Hugs,

Friendships are the Flowers In Life's Garden

2009-10-26T07:00:00.008-04:00

I remember reading somewhere that we should plant the garden of our lives with the beautiful flowers of friendship. This bouquet reminds me of the gift of friendship and how important it has been during the past several months.

One of the things I've loved about the past two weeks since we brought Aster home has been getting to see many friends who have prayed for her! I've loving sharing with Aster some of the sweetest flowers in my life's garden. I wish I had photos of each friend that has stopped by to see us or who we've visited. Unfortunately I didn't capture them all on camera but if you were one of them and you have photos please email them to me. Here are a few that I did get:

The first day after we got home, Lysa and Hope came by with a big pot of Chicken Tortilla soup, Redneck surprise for dessert, along with lots of love and kisses! Holly brought us that beautiful bouquet of pink flowers above and her sweet smile. We had such a fun time visiting and getting Aster to giggle!

She things Aunt Lysa is pretty funny!

It was so sweet to see Hope holding Aster again after being the first one to hold our baby girl in Ethiopia the week after we had gotten our referral for Aster.

Holly and Aster playing acrobats. She loves to fall backwards.

My mom came by that night after work to meet Aster for the first time.
I love this photo!

Aster met her cousins Alex and Sara who came to visit the next weekend.

Sara loved playing with her new baby cousin!

Last week we made our first visit to the Proverbs 31 office.
Here are Wendy Pope and Teri Bucholtz lovin' on my sweet girl who is wearing her princess outfit that Micca gave to her. Can you see the crowns on her shirt and jeans?

Wendy's daughter Blair and Aster bonded immediately!

Ahh, isn't that the sweetest photo of two beautiful princesses?
Melissa Taylor and my girl!

Tracie Miles holding the little girl she'd been praying for for months!

Sweet Samantha just couldn't seem to get Teri to let her have a turn. I guess we'll have to go back again and have more play time in the P31 lobby.

Last night I was thinking about how all of my friends (including you!) and my beautiful flowers have really helped me the past two weeks. Both have brought encouragement, joy and laughter to the hard places of this new transition. It's been more thank wonderful to have Aster home but I'd be living in denial if I didn't admit it has been hard to get used to all the changes and balance all the needs.

Yet in the midst of trash cans overflowing with dirty diapers, crusty babyfood stuck to me and my counter tops, rice cereal flakes scattered across the kitchen, emails and calls unanswered, toys and laundry everywhere, days without a shower and sleepless nights - my beautiful bouquet of flowers has sat in the center of my kitchen and each day it catches my attention and brightens my outlook.

And just like those flowers, God has also provided friends who have prayed, sent notes, brought meals, left comments on Facebook or my blog and stopped by to meet Aster and keep me company. Both have helped me find peace in the chaos and joy in the clutter.

So today I'm thanking God for the friendships and the flowers He's provided to brighten my life's garden these days.

Welcome Home Aster!

2009-10-20T23:44:00.012-04:00

My wonderful girlfriends Sharon, Bev, Alli, Erin and Erika (all from my Bible study group at church) hosted a big homecoming/baby shower for Aster at our house this past Saturday. We were lavished with love and gifts, but the best gift of all was having so many friends stop by to meet Aster and celebrate our precious little girl with us!

My friends Heather and Sharon, and Sharon's daughter Morgan, made this beautiful banner with sparkles and all to welcome us home at the airport last weekend.

I just had to save it, so we decided to hang it up over our living room for the party. It's so pretty! I'm not sure when I'll take it down..maybe Christmas!

This is the first bow I put in her hair. She looked so special and pretty that day.

The whole time I opened gifts, I was surrounded by sweet girls who also served as personal assistants.

That is Alli and Erika to the right and then Pa Saw to the left. Pa Saw is Melissa and Mark's adopted daughter (also in this photo with their baby girl Marissa). Pa Saw and her sister Moo Nay (in the photo above this one) are Karen refugees from Thailand.

That is Aster's big-girl cousin, Sara! She drove in with her mom from Raleigh. She loved helping Aster discover her new lights and music learning walker.

I love how Aster is leaning over to see and listen to me. Isnt' that the cutest little outfit I am holding from my friend Jennifer!

My friend Alli's friend Laura, who I met an a nail salon, gave Aster her kid's almost new soft plush rocking snail. It is adorable! Thank you Laura.

Us girls in the kitchen chattin' it up! That's my beautiful friend Erika.

My sweet friend Erin feeding Aster with two sweety pies nearby, Madeline and Emma.

Here are Madeline and Emma's dad and mom, Jason and Sharon Epperly. They brought home their little boy, Jonas, from the Ukraine last February.

More fun toys!

And cute clothes!

Ahh, I love this one. What a cutie pie in that pink hat. I could eat that little fluff of cotton candy!

Micca Campbell, my surprise! She and her husband, Pat, drove 7.5 hours all the way from Nashville, TN for the party. She just had to meet Aster before she got too big to hold and snuggle. I was so happy to see her!

My very sneaky sweet friend, LeAnn Rice, coordinated the surprise! Here she is with Micca in Aster's room.

Aster's Room ~God's sweet gift to me and my little girl!
When we started our adoption process two years ago we prayed long and hard about moving. We loved our old house but we needed room from more. Right when the market was crashing God sold our house in 21 days and led us to this one. When we found the house we now live in (which was a model home), it was completely decorated with a beautiful princess room. Even the window treatments were here! My friend Pam loaned me that beautiful crib that looks like it was made for this room. All I added was the pink princess fluff!

What says girly more than pearls and diamond rings!? Here are my my sweet sisters-in-Christ, Megan and Erin, who happen to also be sisters with each other!

As I showed Aster's room to my friends, I shared with them how we are going stencil one of my favorite verses inside that diamond ring above the bed. It's going to say ~ "You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. Isaiah 62:3"

My friend Jodi is giving me the gift of painting Aster's dresser to match the crib. Won't that be so pretty? I love, love, love this room. Sometimes I just go up there and lay on one of the beds and pretend I'm the princess!

My sweet guys were a little overwhelmed with all the girl-ness going on downstairs. But we caught them watching and enjoying it all from a distance. They are such great big brothers!!

Coming Soon..

2009-10-20T12:59:00.005-04:00

Hi bloggy friends! I miss you! I have so much to tell you about our first week at home with Aster. I posted some updates on Twitter and shared some photos on Facebook last week. Hopefully you (my bloggy friends) have seen some of those in my new sidebar Twitter scroll gadget. That seems to be the new best way to stay connected between posts.

I knew having a baby would take a lot of time, but boy I don't think you can ever prepare for the kind of time it really takes. It's all so worth it and I love every minute I have with her. I just wish I could do ALL that I want to do. My goal is to get photos and updates posted before I go to bed tonight.

While you wait for me to come back you can hop here to Micca's blog to see some cute photos and read about her surprise visit to Charlotte to meet Aster at our Welcome Home Baby shower/party this past weekend.

Coming soon...more photos and memories!

Our Incredible Journey Home!

2009-10-12T15:23:00.029-04:00

Thank you so much for praying for our family as we traveled to bring our adopted baby girl home from Ethiopia! It was a very long trip and we are completely exhausted, but we're doing really well! It honestly could not have gone any better. Aster was an amazing little traveler!

The only bump along the way was that our flight from Frankfurt to Washington, DC was delayed so we missed our connecting flight to Charlotte, which meant an additional 4.5 hour layover. We ended not get home until after 12:30am Sunday morning. But Jesus was right there by our side keeping us company and helping us enjoy the incredible journey we had coming home. Here are are few fun memories:

Aster loved the airport with all the people, lights and sounds she'd never experienced. Here we are filling out customs paperwork and eating dinner at midnight before we get on the plane.

Getting ready to board Aster's first plane ride! Can't you tell she is so excited?

Playing with her big brothers on the plane.

She loves the sounds of plastic spoons beating on bowls, and the fact that Joshua's face turns purple when he puts it on his nose.
Sleeping in the bassinet in front of our seat. Sweeeet!

We found a great restaurant with a shopping center all around it at the Frankfurt airport. Eating, shopping, changing diapers, walking around, changing diapers and eating again. What else could we do to pass time in the airport for 6 hours?

"Okay, I'm done! Thanks for trying but peek-a-boo isn't even enough to entertain me anymore."

"See even daddy is ready for a nap."

"Me too! Thank you mommy for being my bed."

"What are Joshua and Andrew doing? Writing books? Why aren't they tired?"

"Oh now I see! When I wake up they go to sleep."

"Why is Daddy smiling so big? We just missed our flight and I am pooped!"

"Okay, well if you play with me maybe I'll smile, too."
"Oooh, I like this play pen mommy made for me!"

"Oh, it's not only a playpen but a baby bed, too. What's mommy doing in here?"

"Who are all these smiling and huggy people with balloons and welcome home signs? Shouldn't they be in bed? It's so late! I guess they are really excited that I am here!"

"Hmmm. Who is this? He's really snuggly! They say he's our pastor but I think we could be related!"

God has done a beautiful work in Aster's heart since we left Ethiopia and headed home. She is SO HAPPY and feeling so secure in our love. She is laughing and playing, making new sounds and being so cuddly! It has truly been a transformation before our very own eyes. She is already a display of HIS splendor, which is the promises God gave me for her life exactly two years ago today!

Heading Home

2009-10-09T15:29:00.005-04:00

This is the view outside our hotel room. I've looked at that tall unfinished cement building this week and wondered why it was never completed. I wonder also about those who live in the homes below and their unfinished dreams. It breaks my heart as we get ready to leave, knowing there are so many more who need our help. But for today, God has asked us to be part of one mother's dream to give her daughter a hope and future with a family who would love her and take care of her in a way she never could. I can't wait to tell you more about her story.

We are getting ready to leave for the airport now. Just in case you want to know where we'll be for the next 24-48 hours, here is our itenerary:

Saturday (Ethiopia)
Leave: Addis Ababa, Ethiopia @ 1:35am - 7 hour flight
Arrive: Frankfurt, Germany @ 7:35am - 6 hour layover
Leave: Frankfurt, Germany @ 1:15pm - 7 hour flight

Arrive: Wash-DC @ 3:45pm - go through customs

UPDATE: Leave: Wash-DC @ Charlotte at 9:50pm which puts us home by midnight we hope!
flight delayed getting here so we missed the flight to Charlotte at 5:05pm

Saturday (Charlotte)
Arrive: Charlotte @ 11:28pm (United 7261)

Andrew just asked if we could all pray together. It was so precious! Then when we were done he asked me to email and blog and facebook our friends to ask them to pray. I think he's a little anxious about this very long part of our journey to get home, and he's concerned Aster will be crying. Right now she is sound asleep and hopefully she will be for a while.

We'd all treasure your prayers. My biggest concern is our 6 hour layover (can't leave the airport because we don't have visas for Germany) so we are praying God will bless us with something really good that helps us pass the time - like sleep, a movie, good food.

This has been an amazing and faith stretching yet God revealing week. I can't wait to write and share with you all of the things God did and tell you about all of the people we met. We prayed we would see Jesus in Ethiopia and we definitely did!!!

Roll Back the Cameras - Monday thru Wednesday

2009-10-07T14:35:00.017-04:00

I was so hoping to post photos and share the happenings of each day in Ethiopia as they happened. But much to my dismay, that didn't happen. I am not exactly sure what happened but we think it was severe altitude sickness and a stomach bug. We've been really, really sick for the past two days. So let me go back and fill you in...

We checked out of our hotel Monday morning as planned. We had a rough start that day with Joshua and me feeling very nauseas and Andrew losing his breakfast 4 times (is that a good way to say it without being gross?). I updated our blog and facebook, asking friends to pray, and by 1pm we were doing much better.

We went to see Aster and took her to the doctor at the orphanage. He told us she has pneumonia and put her on an antibiotic. I was so glad we were there to make sure she got medicine. Then we took her with us to the guest house we had checked into that is near the orphanage. She was feeling a little better and we had a good day filled with lots of family bonding!

Here are some of my favorite memories:

Now what girl wouldn't love this much attention?

The sweet thing is that these photos are not posed. I walked in and saw our new daughter being adored by the three most important guys in her life - three Godly (young) menwho already love her so much.
Our original plan was to have Aster all day and let her sleep in her normal room that night with her nannies. But Joshua really wanted to keep her with us, so we did.

1am feeding - Daddy and his girl

I am so glad we had this night together. It was such a sweet gift from God. He knew what the next two days would hold. We started feeling sick on our stomachs again and on top of that, we didn't get any sleep Monday night due to an orchestra of barking dogs outside our window ALL night long. And I do mean, ALL NIGHT!

Tuesday morning we woke up very sick. I lost my breakfast and felt awful but we were scheduled to leave at 8:30 for our visit with Meseret, our Compassion child. I was determined not to let the enemy rob us or her of that. It was so important that we see her. I knew she was waiting for us, so we pushed through.

This is Meseret (far left) with her mom, brother, aunt, cousin and grandfather standing in front of the entrance to her home where they all live.

After our visit with Meseret, we went downhill fast. We knew we couldn't go back to the guest house because of the barking dogs and our desperate need for sleep. So our Compassion escort drove us to a hotel with air conditioning and sound proof windows. We were too sick to take care of Aster so we had to leave her at the orphanage.

It was so hard but as JJ wisely reminded us all, like they instruct you on an airplane when you are traveling with a child, you have to get your oxygen first before you can help your child. So we've been getting rest and trying to recuperate. We have been flat on our backs since yesterday at 5pm, other than a brief periodof semi-strength that got us to our Embassy appointment this morning to get Aster's visa.

We still can't eat much. We tried soup tonight but it didn't go well. So we're still living on bottled water and pinches of croissants. Hoping for some really good rest tonight and at least a little breakfast tomorrow. We are meeting with Aster's birthmother at 11am Ethiopia time (Thursday), which is about 3am at home. I know it will be very emotional but also very important.

Again, God's strength and grace will get us through. And then we pray and hope we'll be able to spend the day with our little girl!

Meeting Aster

2009-10-04T14:31:00.019-04:00

My baby girl and me!

Our meeting with Aster this morning got bumped to 3pm this afternoon. It was a day of anticipation and also much needed rest. We actually went back to bed after breakfast and slept until 2pm. It was just what we needed!

It's what Aster needed too. When we got to the orphanage we found out she had a fever and a really bad cough. Two of her caretakers said she had the flu. This was very concerning with all that we went through last week with Andrew getting so sick, but I knew God wasn't surprised. I was so thankful we were taking Tamiflu as a precaution, which meant we could hold her without concern if she coughed on us.

She was so lethargic and and warm. I kicked into "mommy" mode asking them what her temperature was. if she'd been seen by a doctor and if anyone had listened to her lungs. They tried hard to reassure me that she was ok but I didn't have peace about it until the nurse came in and took her temperature. It was 100.4 under her arm. Then they handed me a baby Tylenol suppository to insert in her little bottom, and that was my introduction to mommy 101!

Bless her heart, she was so sleepy and unhappy. Not exactly the best condition for a baby who is being bombarded by the love and affection of four people she's never seen who act like they've known her forever! She kept looking at us like we were crazy. But we didn't care; we just kept holding her and loving on her.
Aster took an afternoon nap while we went to get something to eat and then we took her for a walk around the compound as we toured the orphanage. She wasn't happy at all and eventually started crying so we took her back to the baby area. That is when she started reaching for her two nannies. It was so sweet to see how much she loved them and found comfort in their arms.

As much as that could hurt my feelings, it TOTALLY didn't! I was so thankful she had bonded with them and was having separation anxiety. That is such a healthy emotion for a child who is being adopted. That assures us that she is able to bond emotionally and not too long from now she will feel that way about us.

The only thing I was concerned about is that Aster would not smile. Not at all. Not for anyone. No matter what we tried of how hard the caretakers tried. It broke my heart and made me wonder if something is wrong. Even if there is, I know God is sovereign over that too.

Aster is ours. God chose us for her, and her for us. That is one thing I know for sure.

God knew what I was thinking and wondering in those quiet places in my heart and He gave me a quick glance into the possibility of her smile. Right before bedtime I was feeding her a bottle and she started crying. She was looking around the room for Amanish. I gave Aster to her and she started playing with her and making her smile. Such a gift to this momma's heart!!

We decided it was best for Aster to get to know us over time and let her transition into our family so she is spending the night at the orphanage. We will go back there first thing in the morning and spend the whole day with her there. I can't wait to watch God transform her hesitant heart into a heart of joy and security because she knows she belongs to us, and ultimately that will lead her to the Love she longs for because she belongs to HIM!

Update: Please pray. Andrew is sick on his stomach. Joshua and I are also very nauseous. It was a long night with not much sleep. Took tamiflu on empty stomachs so praying that is the cause. Headed to orphanage and checking into guest house there. May not have internet the rest of the week but we'll try. Hugs!!!

We Made It to Ethiopia!!

2009-10-03T15:02:00.007-04:00

We are here! A little exhausted but we made it. I can't believe I'm actually typing these words. We are in Ethiopia! We are in Africa!!

It was an amazing day of smooth travels. Only God and prayer could have paved the way for such an uneventful international trip that took almost 24 hours. The only little glitch we had was in Dulles when the Lufthansa service desk asked for our United flight baggage claim tickets and we didn't have them.

They were on our boarding pass stubs in the seat pocket of the plane we just got off. It created a little stir and a lot of stress. I decided to twitter a prayer request and pray God would help them follow us to Germany and Africa. When we got here tonight there they were, all of our bags, waiting for us!

I love seeing God in the details. Like how He provided our friend Angela to drive us to the airport and how patient she was with our delays and crazy morning. How He kept pressing on my heart to go to Target before we left to print photos of Aster and our family so I could create a photo album for her birth mom and Meseret to give them this week. How that put me behind getting ready this morning but it ended up not mattering because when we got to the airport, there were no lines at the ticket desk, at security or even at the restaurant we went to for lunch.

Now, I'm not gonna lie. It was stressful and very, very long. Just traveling with four people on three flights for almost 24 hours with pnly 3-4 hours of very interrupted sleep is enough to make anybody irritable. We tried our best to give each other lots of grace but we had a few opportunities to practice the power of apology. But other than our exhaustion, it was truly an amazing day!

Another huge blessing God provided was our lodging tonight and tomorrow night. We are staying at a nice hotel that is owned by a friend's family that we met through our friends Butch and Mandy. It is such a gift from God to be here. They have taken such good care of us from the time our feet stepped onto Ethiopian soil. We will get a good night's rest here and then go to see Aster in the morning at the orphanage which we believe is about 30 minutes away from here.

We just had dinner and now we're going to bed. It's 3pm in North Carolina but 10:00pm here. When we got here it was lunch time according to our bodies and dinner time according to Ethiopia's schedule so that worked out well. I have more photos to share but blogger is a little slow so I'll try to post them tomorrow.

Most important of all will be our first family photos with Aster. We can't wait to see and hold our little Ethioipian princess!

We're On Our Way!!!

2009-10-02T14:26:00.002-04:00

We are at the Charlotte airport getting ready to board our flight to Dulles in Washington, DC. Then we will get on another flight to Frankfurt, Germany. That flight is 7.5 hours. We'll be there for 2-3 hours and then get on another 7.5 hour flight to Addis in Ethiopia!!

Our whole itinerary is listed below on my Tuesday blog post so you can follow us along.

I'll post updates as much as I can. Thanks for taking this journey with us through your prayers and excitement. We have been SO incredibly blessed by each of you and all your notes.

One very excited soon-to-be Aster's mommy!

Praying, Believing and Trusting

2009-09-30T12:57:00.007-04:00

Thursday afternoon update: Andrew is fever-free!!! We are so thankful to Jesus for His healing and to you all for your prayers!! His temp was 98.8 at the Dr's office. Everything looked and sounded good, so they cleared him for take-off tomorrow. It was not strep so we're hoping to get Tamiflu for all of us to take for prevention. So excited I can't stand it. Now it's time to finish packing!

Thursday morning update: According to my ear scan thermometer Andrew has fever of 100 still so we're going to the Dr. at 12:15pm. Seems like every time my kids are sick and we go to the Dr. they don't have a fever when the nurse checks them. That is what I'm hoping for! He's in good spirits so we are believing God is healing him and we're packing today as though we're leaving for Ethiopia tomorrow.

Wednesday's Post
Andrew came home yesterday from school not feeling well. He ended up with 102.4 fever, cough, sore throat, aches. I took him to Urgent Care last night just before 8pm. As soon as I explained his symptoms they asked him to put on a mask.

Bless his heart! He teared up and told me later it's because he thought they'd take him to the hospital. I offered to wear one with him but he didn't want me to.

They did a flu test and a strepp test. Both were negative but much to my disappointment, the doctor was not ready to shout hooray with me. He was still very concerned and explained that the flu test is only 50% accurate. He was especially concerned when I told him about our trip to Ethiopia Friday.

He flat out said, "You cannot go to Africa if you have the flu and with what I am seeing, it's likely you are all going to get this."

Andrew looked at me with big, sad, tear-filled eyes. Quickly I explained to him and the doctor, "We have tons of people praying and we are going to take it one day at a time, do what we can and trust that God's going to take care of us."

The good news is that we all had flu shots along with our other immunizations for our trip to Africa. So, if it is the flu it may be short lived and we may not all get it. Also, the Dr. prescribed Tamiflu, an anti-viral medication.

While I was at Urgent Care I had twittered, updated my last post and FaceBooked about it and prayers were already in action. I dropped Andrew off at home around 8:45pm and when I got home from running around getting medicine and masks at 10pm, Andrew's fever had dropped to 100.5!

I know the flu is going around and almost everybody is being affected by this, but with our Ethiopia trip Friday this is really bad timing. From the beginning we have said we are all going. If Andrew has H1N1 flu, we have been exposed and do not want to end up quarantined in Ethiopia when we get there.

So, PLEASE FRIENDS PRAY for healing quick and that we all will not get whatever he's got. I'll post updates here, on Twitter and facebook throughout the day. This is all part of our journey and we are looking forward to seeing how God will work all these things together for good because we love Him and are called according to HIS purposes (Romans 8:28)!!!

Praying, believing and trusting the ONE who brought us this far!

My Heart is in Ethiopia and So is My Little Girl

2009-09-29T10:49:00.010-04:00

My heart has only one BIG thing to focus on this week - getting ready for Ethiopia and our little girl who waits for us there! We are just a few days away from our trip to Africa to meet Aster!! If you are new to my blog, you can click here, here and here to read more about our journey to adopt her.

This is Aster wearing an outfit we sent and holding a little elephant blankie we bought for her. In her left hand she's holding a soft photo album we sent with pictures of us - her forever family. So cute! I just want to kiss those toes!

We would treasure your prayers for our travel, meeting Aster and bonding with her over the time we'll be there next week, our Embassy appointments, the hopes and plans that we may get to meet Aster's birth mother and many, many details.

Our flights will be long and there are all kinds of things we are trying to plan for and bring. I just found out Sunday that we will be bringing a backpack filled with gifts to a little boy from his soon-to-be family in Indiana! I love that we get to be part of his story too.

We are also going to visit Compassion International and spend time with Meseret, our Compassion sponsored child, who also lives in Addis and attends the Compassion project there. We have sponsored Meseret for 13 years so we are very, very excited that we are going to get to meet and spend time with her, too! She is fifteen years old so we are also praying about a special gift to bring and give to her while we're there.

Here is our itinerary if you want to follow our journey in prayer as JJ, Joshua, Andrew and I travel to bring our little girl home. We can't wait to see our daughter/sister... it's been such a long time coming!

Friday, 10/2
Leave: Charlotte @ 2:46pm
Arrive: Wash-DC @ 4:10pm
Leave: Wash-DC @ 5:45pm

Saturday, 10/3
Arrive: Frankfurt, Germany @ 7:35am
Leave: Frankfurt, Germany @ 10:25am
Arrive: Addis Ababa, Ethiopia @ 6:20pm
Check into Hotel in Addis

Sunday, 10/4
- Meet Aster at the orphanage for the first time!!
- Rest and spend time together as a new family.

Monday, 10/5
- Love on and spend time with Aster
- Play with the kids at the orphanage
- Spend time in Addis

Tuesday, 10/6
- Travel to Debre Zeit (45km south of Addis) to spend the day with Meseret Fiseha - we have sponsored her for 14 years through Compassion International
- Spend more time with Aster

Wednesday, 10/7
- Appointment with US Embassy in Addis to complete Visa paperwork for Aster
- Time with Aster
- Sightseeing/shopping in Addis

Thursday, 10/8
- Meet and visit with Aster's birth mother in Addis (we hope)
- Spend time with Aster and the kids at the orphanage

Friday, 10/9
- Time with Aster
- Pick-up Aster's Visa paperwork
- Prepare for travel back to US

Saturday, 10/10
Leave: Addis Ababa, Ethiopia @ 1:35am
Arrive: Frankfurt, Germany @ 7:35am
Leave: Frankfurt, Germany @ 1:15pm
Arrive: Wash-DC @ 3:45pm
Leave: Wash-DC @ 5:05pm
Arrive: Charlotte @ 6:48pm (Lufthansa FLT 5534)

Thank you so much for your prayers, excitement and encouragement. I'll try to post again before we leave.

PRAYER REQUEST: Andrew came home from school today with 102.4 fever, cough, sore throat, aches. Please pray for him to get well and for us to stay well. THANKS!

He has done great things and I am filled with joy!

2009-09-26T20:41:00.013-04:00

The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3

THANK YOU FOR your prayers for me and the D6 Conference!! It was incredible and Jesus' name was lifted high! Over 1500 pastors, ministry leaders and parents were challenged, encouraged and equipped to strengthen the family and help other parents become the primary disciplers of their children.

The impact of this conference on the kingdom was huge! I sense it was also a big threat to the enemy as I consider the opposition I faced every time I prepared as the event drew near.

We attended several sessions and hung out in the P31 booth until lunch time on Thursday. I got to hear Angela Thomas and talk some with her and her manager, David, which was a treat! Although I planned to attend more sessions, I sensed God wanted me to go back to my room to rest, prepare and pray. So I took a nap and then soaked in His Word and His presence all day.

The fun continued downstairs at the Proverbs 31 booth where Susanne, Vern and Leah welcomed lots of visitors. Both days were packed with great music, laughter with Tim Hawkinds and great messages taught by Fred Stoeker, Dr. Richard Ross, John Trent, Jim Daly, Dave Ramsey, Kurt Bruner, George Barna, and the list goes on and on!

My keynote message was Friday at 11:30am. I was so thankful for a great night's rest Thursday especially when God woke me up 5am on Friday. Now you all know I am not a morning person! But this was a morning I will never forget!

As soon as I woke up, I sensed God leading me to go downstairs to the conference auditorium to pray. I knew it was locked but decided to go to the front desk and ask for permission to go in. I even carried the event program so I could prove I was a speaker not a thief. Much to my joy, the hotel/convention manager let me in without question.

I had not stood on stage yet nor had I taken it all in - all 1500+ chairs. But that morning God made a way for me to have the whole auditorium to myself! JJ and I walked the aisles and prayed over the room for 30 minutes and I could feel God's power and peace fill the room.

Then I stepped up on the stage and prayed over every inch of it, claiming it as Holy ground. I prayed for each person who would lead us in worship through music and the Word. I stood where I would speak and rehearsed some of my message with my audience of empty chairs. As I prayed and practiced God's message, any nervousness I was feeling, melted away.

JJ and I then went for a morning run and had breakfast. Afterwards, I went back to the room to read over and print out my message notes. My heart started racing with nervousness. It continued off and on up to the time of my session. Leah started texting close friends to pray and when I stepped onto the stage the Holy Spirit took over.

Every nervous butterfly flew away and God's peace, power and joy filled my heart. I had prayed that I would enjoy sharing my message, and I did! God was so sweet to give me the desires of my heart!

My favorite part was when they asked me to stay on stage and pray over the women in the audience. They had all of them stand up and I asked them to hold hands. Then I just listened to the Holy Spirit. Two friends, who don't even know each other had emailed me Psalm 81:10., "Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things" last Wednesday before I left.

And that is exactly what happened. I opened my mouth and God filled it. I could hear women crying as His love and grace washed over them. Then we asked the pastors and men to pray over the women next. As Leah later described, it sounded like Holy thunder throughout the room. It was POWERFUL!!! God's Spirit was profoundly present!!

I'm so thankful Proverbs 31 Ministries got to be there! We met hundreds of pastors and leaders and women and our booth was right outside the main doors between the D6 Ministry booths and Focus on the Family! I sense that God expanded our borders in ways that we may not ever know on this side of Heaven but I can't wait to see what lives He will impact as a result.

Being part of the D6 Conference was an incredible honor! But I have to admit it left me feeling a bit intimidated at times and nervous which was hard, but it also created an opportunity for complete dependence on God. I spent a year praying and and preparing but never imagined it would culminate during one of the most stretching seasons of my life.

Yet it was worth every drop of sweat and tears! The Kingdom is worth it. Families are worth it. Jesus is worth it!! My hope and prayer is that those who heard His message through me will be drawn to HIM in new and life-changing ways!

He has done great things and I am filled with joy!

The Not-So Glamorous but Oh-So Glorious Life

2009-09-23T23:01:00.006-04:00

Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, He had His eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living...Ephesians 1:12 (The Message)

I love that Jesus thought about us way before we even knew about Him. He had an eye on me and a purpose in the making when He was planning my life. Wow, to think that His plans for me and my days are designed with "glorious living."

Those are just some really cool thoughts! But tonight, as I read this verse, I laughed (and almost cried just a little)!! Jesus promised a glorious life not a glamorous life, and they are quite often very different.

Leah mentioned to me today how it's easy to look at speakers or authors and all the traveling they do and think that it would be so glamorous. We chuckled about how not-so-glamorous our day was going as we traveled to Dallas for the D6 conference.

Honestly, I thought Leah was going to fire me or beg me to relieve her of the misery before it was all over!

First, I was late getting to the airport. My bathroom clock battery is dying so it was 20mins behind. Hence, I was too! When I finally got there, Leah was parked and waiting in the lobby. I needed to check my bags before the cut-off time so Leah met me at curbside ticketing where I jumped out and she jumped into my van and drove off to find a parking space and shuttle bus.

I checked my bag and a big pull-up banner thingy we were taking with us for the P31 booth display at the D6 conference. Then I waited inside for Leah so we could go through security together.

A few minutes later, Leah called to say the daily parking lot was closed and she was going to have to drive waaay out to long term parking. Our flight was leaving in 35mins so I started saying panic prayers. Fifteen minutes later Leah met me and we darted towards security.

We scrambled to take off our shoes, unload our laptops, strip off our jackets, watches and remove our belts. They even made me take off my scarf. But no problems. I got through without incident. Then Leah walked through and all kinds of buzzers started sounding.

Her watch had set off the alarms so she needed to go back through and put it all in a small container. In the meantime, I'm taking her stuff off the conveyor belt, placing her shoes on the floor for her to jump into, putting her camera back in her purse, and holding her laptop since her computer bag hadn't come through.

As soon as she was cleared we started running. Picture me holding her laptop in one arm, a tote bag with a small printer hanging over my shoulder and rolling my computer bag down the corridor while she is shouting out to see if I have her laptop.

Of course, our gate was at the end of Concourse B so we had to sprint the whole way. We got there 5 mins before take off and I was shocked to see that the door was still opened. We both couldn't talk or breathe, and we were sweating! Such a sight to see two women gasping for air while trying to find their seats on row 29! Another story for another day but we ended up sitting in row 8.

Much to our delight, about 15 people boarded the plane after us so we weren't quiet as humiliated as we had been. All in all a good flight. Great conversation with my sweet friend and lots of catching up accomplished.

Two hours later we landed in Dallas. Found a bathroom and ordered lunch to-go at Varsity Grill. Made our way to baggage claim and waited. And waited. And waited.

Leah's suitcase arrived. The larger banner thingy arrived. My suitcase? Never arrived.

I visited the baggage services glassed-in office and filed a report. Then we met our wonderful D6 driver, Edwin, who took us to the hotel/convention center. We were greeted by an amazing team of D6 staff who got us checked in.

We set up our P31 booth. Visited with lots of nice people and hung out with Susanne Scheppmann for a couple of hours. Started getting tired. Stopped by hotel cafe to get a chicken wrap and yogurt parfait for dinner. Went up to the room.

Just as I was opening the door I told Leah and Susanne, "I can't wait to get into my jammies."

Once we got into the room, they got their stuff and headed over to another hotel since JJ is going to be staying here with me tomorrow night and this hotel is sold out. I was here alone and that is when it hit me. I have no jammies. I have no suitcase. I have no clothes for tomorrow. I have no toothbrush. Face wash. No hairdryer. Oh my.

I decided to call USAir to see how things are going. They said the suitcase arrived at DFW tonight and a courier picked it up to bring to Frisco, TX. But that was over 4 hours ago and I am really sleepy. So I am going to go to bed now. I guess I'll sleep in the shirt I wore today.

This is not the glamorous life, and my heart is beginning to wonder how this fits into the scheme of the "glorious" life as well. My heart is tempted to be sad and frazzled, but I know that I belong to Jesus. And that is why this is the glorious life. My prayer is that somehow He'll be glorified in it.

It helps me to remember that Jesus never had jammies. He didn't even have a pillow. He couldn't brush his teeth or flat iron his hair. But His Father always provided a place to rest and just what He needed when He needed it.

Tonight I am thankful for God's provision of a very comfortable bed and the promise that I will have what I need tomorrow. Thank goodness I don't speak until Friday!

So, now I lay me down to sleep holding onto a promise I know that He will keep! Because long before I first heard of HIM and got my hopes up, He had His eye on me and had designs on me for oh so glorious but not so glamorous living!

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now

2009-09-20T21:15:00.006-04:00

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. "
(Matthew 6:34, The Message)

My friend Melissa sent this verse to me a few weeks ago. I cannot even tell you how much I have come to depend on these words of encouragement and wisdom. As you may know, there have been a bunch of things my heart and mind have wanted to get worked up about...

A little girl in Africa who is waiting for her forever family.

Trying to remember what stage a 10 month old baby is at and what she might need when she gets home.

Searching online for a suggested list of baby items for said stage that I have no memory of so I won't feel so um, unprepared.

Registering for said items so friends can find an answer when they ask what I need and I look clueless.

There have also been many times recently when I've wondered what I should do that day or the next day, or a few days down the road. So many days I've questioned how I could get it all done in time or at the same time...

A gazillion details like shots, airline tickets, school work, pet care, house sitting, work deadlines, job tasks delegated, etc, that need to be taken care of before we travel to Ethiopia to get Aster.

Several dates on our fall calendar that needed major changes and decisions about canceling some big commitments we had made.

Getting all the details in place for carpools and meals and kids while JJ and I travel to the D6 conference in Dallas for a couple days this week.

And I've had lots of opportunities to depend on God to help me deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes like ...

Getting food poisoning last Sunday night and then getting 5 immunizations Monday afternoon.

Feeling nauseas almost all week and wondering if it wasn't food poisoning after all but possibly I was pregnant. (Yes, two friends suggest such a thing!)

Preparing to speak in front of 1500 pastors, youth leaders and parents with best-selling authors like Angela Thomas, George Barna, Jim Daly, John Trent and more, and wondering what God was thinking when He gave me this assignment.

Wondering why God timed the D6 conference during the week He knew we'd be making final preparations to go to Ethiopia.

When Melissa sent that verse, she included a sweet note telling me that "in the midst of our "Aster" celebration and new book blessings, she knows I may be a little anxious about how this is all going to work out. Aster. Speaking. Writing. Working. Life."

A little anxious? How about a lot anxious. There were days I had chest pains from all of it. I have to admit it was way too much for me to handle all at once. And in the midst of it all, Kim was hospitalized and died so quickly.

But before it got to that point, I had been crying out for God's help. And this verse was God's reply. "Renee, give your entire attention to what I am doing right now."

Each day I have learned to look in front of me for His "right now" and walk in it. I have not been able to get ahead of myself or ahead of my current circumstances because many times the answers weren't there yet. Now that was hard for me because I don't like it when life is so unpredictable but it was good for me, too.

I have learned to depend on God moment-by-monent in a way I don't think I ever have before. I have come to trust His unseen hand in unknown places. I have had to accept that I am in a season of many unknowns and that is exactly what God has planned.

In the midst of it all, I have found the courage to make hard choices that my heart didn't want to make. And I have discovered that confidence comes not in the absence of fear but in the face of it, when I walk towards what I am afraid of knowing God is waiting for me on the other side.

What color are your eyes today?

2009-09-17T10:02:00.006-04:00

Recently a friend gave me a compliment about my eyes being green and how they matched the shirt I was wearing. The funny thing is, my eyes aren't always green. My eyes are actually hazel, so they change colors depending on what I'm wearing. If I wear brown my eyes look brown, but if I wear green they look green.

I wish my clothes were the only things that turn my eyes green. Unfortunately, some days my eyes turn green with envy. The other day my friend bought new furniture and suddenly I wanted some too. Then a neighbor got a new SUV. Now my minivan with over 100K miles seems old fashioned, dented and dirty.

There are so many other areas where I struggle with comparison and envy. Wishing I was a better mom, more patient wife, more organized homemaker and better cook. Wishing I had the gifts I admire in others or the ability to handle life the way they do. This list goes on and on...

The Bibles tells me to guard my eyes from turning green with envy and it just so happens that what I'm wearing is actually part of it! God says we are to "clothe ourselves with humility and patience" (Colossians 3:12b).

When I wear humility, I give up my right to get more stuff. Humility helps me recognize God as the gracious provider of all things and enables me to celebrate others' blessings. When I put on patience, I position my heart to wait on God’s provision without doubting His love for me.

There is so much more I could share about this struggle, but I have a friend who has covered this topic much better than my brain has the capacity to do these days! And I'm not a bit envious. I love her giftedness and insights that challenge and encourage me.

So if you've ever struggled with eyes of envy, be sure to read my friend Lysa's P31 devotion today about how we want what others have. And then read her powerful blog post that really impacted my heart on this envy issue.

Be sure to leave a comment on her blog to qualify for her give-away, and if you have a minute share your thoughts below, I'd love to pray for you!

Alternate Routes and Unexpected Blessings

2009-09-10T04:49:00.000-04:00

Life took an alternate route today and my kids ended up not having school. Their little Christian school had to evacuate all the kids and staff yesterday when the A/C fan motor burned out and filled the building with smoke and fumes. Thankfully it happened at the end of the day and God protected them from any harm.

As much as I was really looking forward to my normal route - a day of getting things done while they were in school - I have to say that this alternate route lead to some big blessings.

First, I heard Andrew telling Joshua last night that he was so sad they weren't going to have have school today. He then went on to say that he loves his new school and all his new friends. That just made my night!

Also, this afternoon Joshua is part of a caravan of 45 students from his new school who are on a mountain adventure and white water rafting weekend at a Christian Retreat center. He has never gone away like this before and he was really looking forward to it. In fact, I didn't even get a good-bye hug because he just up and left me in the parking lot with the other moms. I know now that I should have grabbed that before we got there :-).

The neatest thing happened on the way to the school this afternoon which wouldn't have happened if they'd had school today. I had to take Joshua to the school later today instead of dropping him off in our normal morning rush and them just leaving after school. On our way we were talking about the trip and about the guys he was going with. Out of the blue he said, "I can't imagine any of them doing or saying anything that would upset me."

Now I know theses kids aren't perfect but to hear my son say that was huge after all that we have been through in sending him to a new school. Such a gift to me as I prepared to send him off with people he barely knows. But I can see why he feels that way. The students (and the teachers) have incredible hearts and have welcomed him in a way that truly reflects the unconditional love and acceptance of Christ.

Isn't it so "God" that in less than two weeks at his new school, which he really didn't want to go to, my 14 year-old son is piled in a van with six new friends and looking forward to a great weekend? Once again, my heart is so grateful for the way He lead our family into unknown places that have already brought unexpected blessings.

I feel the Holy Spirit reminding me today of the doubt and fear we felt when God called us to "do the hard thing" and make this big change. I want to remember what it took to get here because it reminds me that it is my relationship with Christ, the power of His promises and His Spirit working in me to transform my fear to faith, my doubt to courage. I want to look back and see where I was and remember where I end up each time I trust God's heart and follow His lead.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16 (NIV)

Making a Difference

2009-09-08T12:21:00.009-04:00

I'm sorry I have been missing from my blog for several days. I wanted so much to be able share here what I was going through in saying good-bye to Kim. But each day I just found myself collapsing in bed or on the couch when I got home. I felt pulled and needed in so many places.

I didn't want to just get through it. I wanted to make a difference and look back knowing that I had been fully present physically, emotionally and mentally with Jesus, with my kids and with Kim's family as we tried to process our heart break.

As time allows, I plan to write here about some of the things we went through and are learning.

For those of you who said you wished you could be here to hug me and comfort me, you were! I can't begin to describe the difference you made, the difference your prayers made in my life and in Kim's family's as well. I could literally feel God's strength and peace come over me in a tangible way.

People who talked to me on Sunday and Monday saw me on Tuesday and kept saying how much better I seemed to be doing. It was directly related to the timing of me sharing here, on Facebook and Twitter what was going on. Your words and prayers were truly God's arms around me.

Your prayers also made a difference and helped us discern God's plans and make some big decisions about our travel to Ethiopia. Although we hoped we could go in late September, with Kim being so sick and us not even having our shots yet, we knew we couldn't realistically get it all together that fast. So we'll be going to get Aster in the first part of October. More details on that this week.

That means JJ and I will be going to Dallas Sept 23-25th for the D6 conference to learn how we can make a difference in our kids lives, and in our church as we minister to families. We are excited that we'll get to meet some of you!!! And if you have not registered yet and want to go, I be sure to register today so you can get the late registration discount! Here are some details:

To make it even easier on those who have missed the early bird registration opportunities, the D6 team is offering a last minute promotion to save. In order to take advantage of this last time offer, simply register by Tuesday September 8th. While registering, use the discount code SEPTD6. Individuals will save $30, groups of 2 - 9 will save $25 per person and groups of 10+ will save $15 per person.Register now using the SEPTD6 discount code at D6conference.com!

I'll be back tomorrow to share some things God has really be teaching me about trusting Him (and not myself) to make all things possible! Especially those things that seem totally impossible to me!

Hugs,

Without Words

2009-08-31T13:35:00.003-04:00

I am without words today.

My friend Kim took the hand of Jesus and walked into eternity yesterday afternoon.

It was the saddest day of my life so far. Yet, I am forever thankful that God allowed me to be part of her life and her family.

Please pray for Mike and the kids, Jessica (12), Grace (7) and Matthew (4). Please lift up her mom Linda, her sisters Laura and MaryJo and her Brother David. They are so broken. Also Mike's family (Mike Sr., Ebbie, Celie, Kaylan) who loved her dearly and will be so needed to fill in the gaps in the days ahead.

Kim's mom wrote more last night on Kim's CaringBridge site. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kimwhisenant

When Life Feels Like A Seesaw

2009-08-26T22:02:00.004-04:00

This week has been filled with many ups and downs, kinda like a seesaw.

Up went my heart when I saw Kim on Monday and she looked so much better than I expected. Down went my heart when her mom called to say her lungs are filling with fluid. Up went my heart when we were assigned a travel date to Ethiopia. Down went my heart when I realized I'd have to miss the D6 conference. Up went my heart when we JJ told me there's another date option that gives us an extra week to get our shots, plane tickets and plans in place.

Up and down went the seesaw of my emotions, and then God reminded me of something I'd just read on the blog of my oh-so-wise friend and assistant, Leah. She said I could share it with you. I pray you'll be as encouraged as I was.

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Summer break ended this week. At 6:00 am Tuesday morning, my children tumbled out of bed, my husband got dressed to take them to the bus stop, and I stood in the kitchen making breakfast and packing lunches. Thinking about it makes me a little sad. The last three months have gone by so fast and, as I take time to reflect, the best words to describe our Summer break would be a wild seesaw ride.

When I think of the word seesaw, I imagine two children riding up and down while seated on opposite ends of a plank that is balanced in the middle. Webster's dictionary offers other definitions for seesaw:

1. an up and down, back and forth movement or procedure.

2. to keep changing one's decision, opinion, or attitude; to vacillate

Our family experienced "ups" this Summer that have been exciting, joy-filled, and left us with wonderful lasting memories. We've also had some "down" situations and circumstances that were extremely difficult and challenging, leaving us discouraged, fearful, and questioning God's plan for our lives. Here are just a few...

Up: Our nephew, David, decided to come live with us during his college break. He's been such a joy. Somehow he has this amazing way of keeping Brody and Carson from getting on each others' last nerve.

Down: Two days before school let out, I hurt myself playing tennis and tore a bunch of ligaments in my foot. I spent the first four weeks of our Summer break on complete bed rest, crutches, and visits to my physical therapist.

Up: Our oldest son, Brody, went on a mission trip with a city wide youth choir. While on tour, he had some incredible life changing experiences and spiritually grew closer in his relationship with God.

Down: My husband, Keith, didn't get that really big construction project he had worked so hard on. The potential client picked someone else which meant no income for us.... again.

Up: Our son, Carson, went on his very first away camp to Look Up Lodge. Although he was very hesitant about being away from us, he returned home with a huge smile on his face and said he wants to go back next year.

Down: A couple from California is interested in buying our home. I know this sounds like an "Up" but it's not really. This was our dream home and secretly I prayed we'd be able to stay here for many years. Our family has so many wonderful memories and te thought of leaving brings me to tears.

Up: My sister flew in to stay with me for a week. I was so excited and loved our time together.

Down: We had to cancel our family trip to Washington D.C. because I wouldn't be able to walk around on my injured foot. This decision left me with serious mommy guilt that I've had to work through.

Up: We rented a mountain cabin with friends and went to the Biltmore Estate. We had a fantastic time, relaxed with friends, and saved a LOT of money too.

Yes, it was a see-saw Summer for our family. We've gone back and forth on many big decisions that will drastically effect our future. We've been guilty of changing our opinion about people and things. We've had good and bad attitudes and vacillated multiple times on what direction we should go. But...God never changed His opinion about us and never vacillated in His plan for our future.

Something wonderful came out of this See-Saw Summer. Through all the Ups and Downs, I can honestly say that we did see the hand of God move in our lives this Summer. We have watched as He has orchestrated our circumstances for good. In the center of this crazy ride, we saw doors open and situations unfold which confirmed His love for us. God's daily provision guided us through some very rough waters.

Yes, it certainly has been a See-Saw Summer.

One that has brought our family closer together.

One that has strengthened our marriage.

One that has drawn us to a place of total dependence on God.

One that has lead us to the feet of Jesus where we have found rest, renewal, and strength.

One that our family will never forget.

Lord, who am I and what is my family that you would have brought us this far? 2 Samuel 7:18

Don't you just love that verse and what God showed Leah through the ups and downs of her summer? It helps me to "see" what God is doing and believe that one day I'll be able to tell others how I "saw" His faithfulness again and again.

Thanks Leah! And thanks for choosing the winner for me of last week's give-away for my "Beyond the Shadow of Doubt" message on DVD. Congratulations Monica!

Surrender

2009-08-24T23:16:00.007-04:00

This morning I woke up with a deep sense that my heart needed to do some surrendering. I couldn't sleep. My mind was busy processing my day, my week, my month, my new season of life. Things to think about. Decisions to make. Changes to process.

As much as I wanted to rest, I needed to run. As much as I wanted to run away, I needed to run into my sanctuary. A place of bittersweet surrender - a room without walls. A floor of hot pavement that winds through neighboring streets. Running is my physical response to my spiritual need, where I release my thoughts and plans; my concerns and commitments; my questions and answers to Jesus through the ache of my legs and the groans of my prayers.

Surrender~ when I empty my hands and my heart of all that I am carrying, all I want and need.

Why is surrender so hard? Is it because we're afraid to let go? Yet, why do we wrestle to hold onto, and fight for, what we cannot change or control?

Today, I had to let go. My prayer of surrender sounded something like this..."God, I can't do this thing you call my life. Why are you allowing so many things to happen all at once? I want to know when we are going to Ethiopia. Have you seen my schedule this fall Lord? Uh. Yes, I remember. I prayed about it and You arranged it this way. But a baby? A new school? A book? Speaking in far, far away places. Late night flights home. Trying to decide whether to take Aster.

It's too much for me to figure out. I need you to give me peace. I need your wisdom and direction. Some supernatural time management would be good. Getting all the things I want to get done so I have a jump start and will be ready when Aster gets home. I need you to show me what to do first and then next.

I know God. I need to surrender. So I'm gonna stop asking You for what I need and start remembering that "You" are already all that I am asking for. You are peace. You are wisdom and direction. You are time - my Alpha and Omega-the beginning and the end. You are the orderer of my day. You are my God. You are life. You are wise. You are completely in control.

And I trust You. I surrender all of me for all of You. Please make room in my day for all that You have planned."

Soon after, I noticed my heart felt free. By relinquishing my rights to manage my burdens and blessings, a load had been lifted. My hands had been raised. Palms open. Heart willing. Desperately needing to let go of what I cannot hold or handle on my own.

An hour after I got home, the phone rang. God answering my prayers, but not the way I hoped. I was so very glad I had spent the morning in surrender, because it prepared my heart for the way He was about to rearrange my thoughts, my emotions, my day and my perspective.

It was Linda, Kim's mom, calling. Some of you have prayed for Kim, leaving notes and promises after I posted about her battle with breast cancer this May. It's been two years since she was diagnosed with stage four. Kim, an adoring mom of 3, has been fighting and praying hard to win the battle.

In just a few hours I would be sitting beside my sweet friend Kim in the hospital looking into her beautiful blue eyes and wondering what she's thinking behind that tired smile.

The doctors told them this morning that they are out of options. High levels of ammonia in Kim's blood indicate her liver cannot function. Her spleen is inflamed and hoarding platelets, leaving her with a count of 4 as of this morning. She's been in the hospital since Friday. Hospice was called today. They are doing their best to grant Kim's wishes to be home by Wednesday.

After a meeting with JJ at our boys' new school, I headed to the hospital for the day. Things change so quickly in times like these. Suddenly I didn't care what I needed to do. As I drove to see my friend, my heart was overwhelmed with a whole new set of questions, burdens and needs.

Why God? School starts tomorrow. Her kids need her!! Why now? Michael's so scared. He needs her. Her mom is going through so much. They all need time to plan and think this through. It's not fair. Why are you allowing this? What do you want me to do?

Surrender.

Pour it all out again. Making room for what God has for me and for Kim right now. Remembering Who He is. Remembering the great I Am. The Alpha and Omega, Kim's beginning and end. Surrender.

And so here I am again. With a heavy heart. Carrying a load I cannot handle or hold. Trying to let go. Trying to remember. Trying to surrender.

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If you'd like to know more about Kim, see photos of her family or leave a note for her, her husband Michael, and their kids Jessica(12), Grace (7) and Matthew(4), please visit her Caring Bridge site at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kimwhisenant Please also pray for her mom and the rest of the family.

Also, I've asked Leah to choose a winner for my "Beyond the Shadow of Doubt" message on DVD, drawing and we'll be annoucing that on Wednesday.

A Planting of the Lord

2009-08-20T00:00:00.019-04:00

As I pulled the weeds away from the beautiful rose bush’s base, I noticed the root ball had four sections. I wondered if I should leave them together or divide and place each section at different posts across the fence...

I shared today in my P31 devotion that I re-planted each section of the rose bush so that it could become a display of pink glory across my whole split-rail fence. And God used that rose bush to prepare me for some re-planting He was about to do in my life.

Just like the uprooting of my rose bush, some of my life's leaves wilted, petals fell to the ground and a few of my branches produced more thorns than blossoms - at least for a while. God was pruning my ministry and my life, teaching me how to surrender my plans for His.

It was hard. But God was doing a new thing and allowing me to perceive it. (Is.43:19) That was five years ago and I can say without a doubt that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if He had not uprooted me and planted me in a new place, with new dreams.

It’s easy to doubt God, ourselves and our futures when our lives feel uprooted and our dreams fall apart. For years, I had allowed pain in my past to hinder me from trusting God with my future. I allowed insecurities and fears to keep me from living in the assurance of His promises and the confidence of His love.

The only way I could surrender my former soil was to get rooted in God's love. So I spent time with Jesus. He was all I had. Each time I wanted to cry or run, I took the broken pieces of my heart and my will and gave them to Him. I was honest with Him about how I felt. How disappointed I was. How mad I was. How hurt I was. How scared I was.

Each day I would ask Him to show me how to process my pain or my questions through His truth. How to rely on Him. How to embrace what He was doing so that I would become more like Him. I remember reading, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. "(Philippians 2:5-7)

As I asked Him to help me understand, I began to see How God could reveal more of Himself through me as I depended more on Him. Eventually those around me would enjoy the new blossoms that were produced through my surrender..

I read through the book of John, journaling each time I noticed Jesus laying down His comforts, His familiar places and people, His rights, His life - to bring glory to His Father. And each time I would let go a little more.

It taught me absolute dependence on God like I had never known and changed me from the inside out. I came to new place of trusting Him and experiencing His glory in my life and in my family. Even now we are living out the lesson of the rose bush as we make room for a new "planting of the Lord" in our lives. I invite you to read through my posts last week and see our little crown of beauty: a display of His glory revealed through a little girl who's becoming part of our story!

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What is God asking you to surrender? I'd love to know so I can pray for you! And if you'd like a chance to win a copy of my "Beyond the Shadow of Doubt" message on DVD, be sure to click on the word "comments" just below my name, then type in the white box. If you don't have a blog, just click anonymous. It'd be fun to know your first name, age and city (& email address so I can let you know if you win)!

The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.

2009-08-18T11:56:00.017-04:00

My heart is racing with excitement about everything God is doing, and at the same time God is slowing me down; making sure I wait on Him.

We got home from the beach late Saturday and there was a message on voice mail saying that our Adoption Agency will call this week with our travel date to Ethiopia to bring Aster home! We are so ready to know and go! But that phone call hasn't come, so we wait...

We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20

My literary agent called Monday to tell me Baker/Revell Books wants to offe me a contract on my book. Ya'll remember all that praying we did together about "this" baby?Remember the writing and re-writing, and how you kept encouraging me not to give up! God's answering our prayers the way we hoped! Two other publishers are considering it, too. I'm so thankful! But we don't know exactly how this will all unfold yet, so we wait...

And in the midst of all that is "wonderful" and dreams coming true, we've been processing a very hard decision. I haven't been able to post about it because it was too tender and we needed to know what we were doing since it involves our boys. But we weren't sure of God's direction yet, so we prayed and we waited...

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3

For the past few weeks we've sensed God might be leading us to take our boys out of public school and prayerfully walk towards applying for a small Christian school. Andrew is so happy! Joshua is not so happy. This is traumatic and very upsetting to him. He's wants to go back to middle school with all his friends.

His responses have made me cry. My momma-heart-emotions have kept me up at night. I've woken up many mornings feeling very sad about all these changes. I've feared it will make him rebel and pull away even more than he's doing as a normal 14 yr old. His reasons for wanting to stay have given me reason to doubt our decision and question if it's God's leading, so we waited...

"The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." Lamentations 3:24

School is starting in a week. We had to make a final decision by Sunday night. There was testing they had to do last week and placement that had to be decided this week by the new school. We were completing applications and needed to take our paperwork to the new school and request records from the old school on Monday. Joshua still had to complete a new student questionnaire, and I wasn't sure how that would go over.

Waiting...is the hardest part!

I woke up in such a bad mood Sunday because I don't want to be in this hard place. I want to be in a happy place, focused on my new baby and soon-to-be book. But all the blessings in the world don't matter when a mother's child is hurting. All the celebration and joy a baby and book can bring can't take away the pain of seeing my son so sad.

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

I cried Sunday morning. Driving to church, I begged God for clear direction that these are indeed His plans and not ours. I got there just in time to hear the sermon about our mission in life: to find our joy in Christ and not in anything else. The final point being that we are like John the Baptist, preparing the way for others to know Jesus and find life in Him as well.

God's peace sunk deep into my soul. Our role as parents is to prepare the way for our kids. The message confirmed why we feel called to send our children to this school. The school's goal is to bring learning to life and give kids a Biblical world view while leading them to find life in Christ.

God kept the confirmations coming all day Sunday. JJ and I spent more time praying and writing down what God had done to confirm His direction. We made our decision and took the next steps of faith and obedience. Now we'd watch to see if God would open the door for them to get a spot at the new school. Everything was in place.

Yesterday I got my first EVER official book offer!!! And right after that, I got an email explaining that the director of the new school is out of town and won't be able to review the applications we just turned in until next week. Their first day is Aug 31st. But guess when the first day of public school is? Next Tuesday Aug 25th. Guess we'll just keep waiting...

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5

PS.Thank you so much for your prayers and precious notes last week. I am saving them all for Aster!

She is Ours!!!

2009-08-14T11:16:00.002-04:00

"For since the world began, no ear has heard, and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him!" Isaiah 64:4

ASTER is officially OUR LITTLE GIRL!!

Yesterday we spent the whole day on the beach, enjoying the moment we were in and trusting God for all that He was accomplishing far, far away in Africa. Since Ethiopia is seven hours ahead of us, by the time we went to the beach it was the end of the day in Addis.

During our picnic lunch we got the call!!! Susan from A.A.I. called to tell us all of Aster's adoption paperwork was completely approved yesterday in court!!! She is ours! How sweet of God to have brought us to this place - not only spiritually but physically. That we were all together on a beach where we have made so many family memories was the perfect setting! We will never forget the day, the time and the place our lives changed forever. And there will be one more of those when we travel to get her - hopefully in late September or early October.

Aster came into our lives just over 2 months ago when we got a call on June 9th telling us that there was a baby girl who could be ours. This was a big shock since we had planned to adopt an older girl (4-8) or two. BUT GOD!!!

Here are photos of Aster we've been dying to share with you! God has done great things and we are filled with JOY!!!May 1, 2009 - The day Aster got to the orphanage. She was 6 months old and weighed only 8 lbs. She is so thin, so lethargic and very malnourished. We saw this frail child as evidence of a loving mother who couldn't bare to see her baby die. I can only imagine her sorrow as she searched for help and sacrificially found for her baby the love and care she needed, that she as a mother could not provide.

May 26, 2009 - Only 25 days after Aster came to the orphanage she weighed 14lbs! My doctor didn't believe at firs that this was the same child. But we were thrilled to see that she was already thriving. In just over three weeks she had almost doubled her weight.

June 25, 2009 - Hope TerKeurst holding Aster during a visit to the orphanage while she was on a 6-week missions trip to Ethiopia. It had only been 10 days since we accepted Aster's referral. To read more about Hope's visit click here.

July 11, 2009 -Isnt' she beautiful? There is another amazing God-story about how we got this photo. I'll share that one next week!

As you can see, our baby girl is doing so well - thriving in so many ways. Our favorite photo is the one at the top of this post where she is smiling so big. We've been told she is very sweet, calm, healthy and happy. Now what more could we ask for? (Although we did just find out she was treated for bronco pneumonia August 4th so please pray for her to be completely well and healed from that.)

Thank you friends for your prayers and your part in our little miracle. And THANK YOU my sweet Jesus for Your favor and grace. I am humbled by all that you have done, are doing and will do!