Help – what does a man mean when he says that he wants you to be his lover

Dr. Dar says:

The answer is It Depends because the answer could vary from man to man.  I had a boyfriend who called me that and he meant that he adored me and was only with me.  I also had another boyfriend who meant he wanted a purely sexual relationship with no strings attached.  I suggest you ask your man what he means by that and be ready to accept his response. Quite often we don’t want to ask the person directly because we may be afraid of the answer.  Heartache and investing too much time in a relationship can be avoided if we just ask the question and respond to the answer appropriately.

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When I ponder this important questions – why believe in a God?, I find myself not getting defensive but simply taking a deeper look at my connection to God and my Spirituality and the supporting reasons as to why. And it simply boils down to one answer, because I choose to.

So, is it an issue that the ad is being non-Christian or designed to attract those who are not associating with organized religious groups?

It is time that we all sit down and hear each other, what our beliefs are, accept each other, as GOD intended and not destroy or attack those who are in conflict with our own beliefs, and instead Love Unconditionally.

Originally posted 2008-11-15 18:44:09. Republished by Old Post Promoter

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Step1
You must get committed. If you really want your marriage to work, you’ve got to commit making your marriage better.  Now, I’m not saying that you must commit to changing your spouse.  After all, the only person you can change is yourself.  You must become committed to making your part of the marriage the best that it can be. You have to commit to doing your part.

Step2
Stop nagging.  Many marriages have problems because people criticize their spouses too much. They find fault in whatever there spouses do.  In return, their spouses just stop doing stuff.  If you want your spouse to do something, even if you’re not happy with the way your spouse is acting, you have to treat them with respect.  For instance, ask them to do something and then trust that they’ll do it; do not treat them like a child.  If it does not get done according to your time table, either do it yourself or simply don’t worry about it or give it time to get done.  Your spouse will never do things the way you want them done and when you want them done because they are not you.  So, chill out and allow them to be who they are and allow them to succeed.

Step3
Be more positive.  No one wants to be around a grumpy person all day. If you’re constantly criticizing and finding fault in your spouse, neither of you will feel better.  Instead you will just avoid each other. For instance, if your hubby buys you a goofy gift for your birthday, instead of getting all mean and negative, accept the gift with gratitude. He spent time buying something for you, even if the gifts benefit both of you.

Step4
Consider marital coaching; more often than not it helps to talk to a neutral third person who can see the patterns that play out in your relationship.  Take time to find one that both of you are comfortable with. If your spouse isn’t comfortable going,  at least have him have one conversation with the coach before he sticks to no.  With the counselor, you can work on improving yourself. Perhaps your spouse will change their mind, perhaps they won’t, the important thing is that you did something to save your marriage and can have some comfort in knowing that you really tried.

Step5
Bring The Romance Back.  Maybe you have put romance on a back burner; now is the time to bring it back. Some romantic ideas include making your spouse their favorite meal, leave little love notes in their pocket, call them or send them text messages during the day to tel them that you love and care about them (no matter what), encourage and support them.

Step6
Acknowledge the things they do. Start complimenting your spouse when they do something wonderful. Tell them that you appreciate them taking out the trash, comforting the baby in the middle of the night, whatever. Just acknowledge them and tell them how much you appreciate their help. You may find that they end up doing even more to please you.  And you may even find yourself receiving acknowledgment once you start modeling the behavior.

Step7
Apologize.  If you were wrong, admit it. Acknowledge that you made a mistake and ask your spouse to forgive you. Then, make sure that you don’t do whatever it is again.  And, if you are in the middle of an argument and both of you are defending your position to be right, take the higher road and just say sorry for the argument.  Whether you are right or wrong is irrelevant.  Move forward by apologizing and wait to resolve the decision that needs to be made when you are both in a peaceful and listening space again.

You can save your marriage.  You must make changes within yourself.  Get committed, stop nagging, be more positive, consider marital coaching, add romance back, acknowledge the things your spouse does, do not acknowledge things your spouse does not do or does not do the way you would do them , and apologize when you’re wrong. By doing these simple things,  you can help save your marriage and improve it over time.

Originally posted 2009-03-15 12:27:59. Republished by Old Post Promoter

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[A] Pornography is a fact of life. Women have a tough time with pornography for many reasons that include insecurity, jealousy, inferiority, self-esteem and worth. If your husband enjoys pornography, take a deeper look at understanding his need for pornography, spend some time with him understanding his need first before nay saying it. When you seek to understand it, then it draws you closer to him. Fighting or telling him no, drives you both apart and makes you both less attracted to each other.

Believe it or not there is a healthy and unhealthy relationship to pornography. Think of your favorite actor of the opposite sex. When watching an intimate scene with this actor and another actor, how do you feel? This is a form of pornography, it just exists in your mind.
A healthy relationship is one that enhances or supplements our life and relationships. An unhealthy relationship is one that is obsessive and is an addiction.

So, talk to your husband and seek to understand rather than reject. Understand with empathy before rejecting.

Take a look at your life, anytime you were told not to do something or someone vehemently opposed something you were doing…did it stop you? Human Behavior is to defend our position and to continue to do something when told it is wrong or when told that it is not agreed or acceptable…all you have to do is watch the news today to see evidence of this fact. So, if you resist it, you are pushing your husband to do it more. If you accept it, then you will see that it will happen less and less over time. Participate in it, support it, and understand it…collaborate on the need for porn and work together to see if it is a healthy or unhealthy issue not from your judgment of it, but simply from dialogue and understanding.

This is such a prolific issue that Time magazine wrote an article about it:
http://www.time.com/time/2004/sex/article/the_porn_factor_in_the_01a.html

Folks, the only reason that porn is viewed in private is because it is considered taboo in our society and spouses/partners take it personally or offensive. And this breeds anger, resentment, and drives the porn watcher to do it even more – this is where it has the potential to be unhealthy. It is a fact of life, it is out there, resisting it attracts it more, accepting it lovingly assists in healthy balance and relationships.

If this is a reason that marriages are broken or end, there is more going on than porn, porn is simply the one massive symptom that ended the relationship. Let’s get real!

Originally posted 2007-08-26 15:36:00. Republished by Old Post Promoter

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1. If your marriage is in crisis, don’t show your partner that you’re panicking. Showing desperation will make them feel suffocated and will push him or her even further away. You must try to keep calm and in control of your emotions.

2. Don’t beg or plead with your partner to get them to return. This just shows them what depths you will go to in order to win them back. You give away your power. You’ll then feel humiliated when they don’t respond to your pleas and feel your self esteem drop.

3. If they want space, give them space. Spend time doing those things that make you feel strong and good about yourself. Spend time with your family and your friends. Do things which increase your self-esteem.

4. If your partner is aggressive towards you, do not lash out in return. Be calm and in control and with this attitude, you will begin to feel this attitude.

5. Finally and most importantly, you must realize that you have a choice. Either react to the situation you’re in (by complaining about your marriage or allowing yourself to be flooded in negative emotions) or change your behavior! Don’t focus on trying to change your partner’s behavior but focus on changing yours. Ultimately, how you choose to respond to their behavior will decide how you feel so that you can regain your power.

Originally posted 2009-01-17 15:18:09. Republished by Old Post Promoter

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Are you at the top? Does that feel heavy when you ask yourself, what impact are you having on the culture, attitude, thoughts, mind, social influence, future behavior, etc. on others?

Legacy is about Materialism. Here are some examples:

• Leaving money to a nonprofit organization in my name
• Building a corporation to leave it to my children or grandchildren
• Having a large estate to leave to my family

Just look at the definition of legacy:
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) – Cite This Source

leg·a·cy /ˈlɛgəsi/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[leg-uh-see] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation noun, plural -cies.

1.	Law. a gift of property, esp. personal property, as money, by will; a bequest.

2.	anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor: the legacy of ancient Rome.

3.	an applicant to or student at a school that was attended by his or her parent.

4.	Obsolete. the office, function, or commission of a legate.

–adjective

5.	of or pertaining to old or outdated computer hardware, software, or data that, while still functional, does not work well with up-to-date systems.

---

[Origin: 1325–75; ME legacie office of a deputy or legate légātia. See legate, -acy]

—Synonyms 1, 2. inheritance. href=”href=”http://www.leavealegacyarkansas.org/index.html”>
href=”http://www.caph.gmu.edu/Legacy%20CD-ROM/contents/1legacy.html”>

___________________________________________________________________

This definition must be updated to the present time. For those of you who work in an organization, just pay attention to how managers in your organization have impacted the lives of their staff; how things that are said, how people are managed, how they are spoken to, the rules in the organization, the culture, the unspoken and unwritten rules, how people in teams treat each other…all of this and more has an impact on a person and how they are programmed going forward. For example, a child of 7 is told they are stupid by another child or worse yet by their parent or caretaker…this child may take on that they are stupid as a truth and then spend the rest of their life proving they are not stupid or it may show up in another way…the bottom line is that EVERYTHING has an impact on us and SHOWS up in our life one way or another. It plays out in our life. I see organizational cultures change people personally and professionally. Our brains are recording engines…we record everything…consciously, unconsciously, and subconsciously…then the recordings start playing…playing out in our life.

So, I ask you as you participate in organizations and in engagements with others, how accountable do you want to be for leaving a legacy that stunts people, hurts people, holds people back….how accountable do you want to be for allowing growth in others, being compassionate, educating them to see what needs or must be done in the context of corporate life and business, encouraging them to see the way, giving them space…etc.

Make no mistake, how you manage your mouth, your emotions, and Self has an impact to results and to others.

Suddenly I am wondering about my goal of building a large Coaching organization. Why? I am clear that I no longer am driven to build a large company, one to care for and work harder for…I am still firmly rooted in assisting humanity to grow, to be in peace, to love, to be in joy…as I reflect on this profound change in me…the things I value have changed…I value being with people, being in peace and joy, being compassionate, being still, and having enough in the material world to be comfortable and be nurtured, while I learn to bring my ego into balance in my current work in the Corporate environment, learning to balance having clothes and outer appearance based in materialism to ‘fit in’ so to speak…I have a desire to do the work that I am here to do…and through that, people will receive the guidance and assistance they require to make it in this world. Beyond that, I am seeing simplicity, less stress, more connection and love.

I am watching as I transform to what my purpose is on …and it is simply to serve those who show up to be served to bring peace and joy in their life. That is my legacy.

Legacy is about what impact I have on generations to come, not from what I give them or leave them in materialism, but from how I treat them, what I say to them, who I am being around them….etc.

To contact Dr. Hawks for speaking engagements , coaching session, or simply to chat email her Darshana@Coach-Masters.com.

Originally posted 2007-08-26 16:45:00. Republished by Old Post Promoter

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“I’ve been married for 25 years to a man who was my high school sweetheart. This relationship has been very hard on me. I think we got married for the wrong reasons, yet we stayed together because we ended up having children right away. We’ve always had arguments and disagreements and it’s been one challenge after another. It seems like we really did have other dreams for what we wanted in life.

I’ve been learning about having a vision for my life and creating a plan to achieve it. I want to leave this relationship. I’m not happy. I’m tired of trying. I want to go and live my dreams before
it’s too late. Our children are both in college. But, there’s another issue which complicates things. He’s been dealing with cancer for the past 5 years. He has a negative attitude about everything, including his health. I just don’t want to spend any more of my valuable life dealing with this. Sometimes I feel like he blames me for his health issues.

My children are completely understanding of my position. They see what’s going on and while they love us both, they do want me to be happy. How do I leave someone with an illness like this without
making it look like I’m a bad person – or without feeling guilty? What do I do?

Dr. Dar says:

It sounds like you are really clear that this relationship has not been right for you from the beginning.  It also is clear that you have the support of your children to make the right choice(s) for yourself.

There are always reasons to stay; the children, the illness, etc.

I ask you to consider the following:

· What you are worried about if you do choose to leave?  Are these worries worth the cost of your happiness and life aspirations?

· Who will think you are a bad person?  Does this individual impact your life to such an extent to give up on your happiness?

· Who are you worried about disappointing?  Is this person more important than you and your happiness?

· What has you feeling guilty?  Would you have felt guilty if you had left before his illness?  What if you left when the children were young?  Is guilt what has kept you in this marriage?  If so, then maybe it is time to make a different choice, claim your personal power, and move forward with whatever happens?

· Has your husband consistently been negative attitude, even before his illness?  How about when you were seeing each other, prior to marriage?  It sounds like you were aware of the red flags early on in the relationship and married anyway per your acknowledgement regarding marrying for the wrong reasons.  If this is the case in your heart and soul, it does not sound as though you should feel guilty.  It sounds as though you are acknowledging your journey, your choice, and now need to make a different choice for yourself and for him.

· I’d also like you to consider one critical point.  Consider that staying the marriage may not be helping your husband heal or become well.  Not that you are making him ill; if there is no peace, joy, or harmony in the marriage now, then how can someone who is ill focus on getting well when the marriage is such a drain on you as well as him?

Consider that you making the right choice for yourself, your health, and your well-being ultimately will be the right choice for everyone involved as long as you stay strong, assured of your choice, and focus on seeing that the right choice for you will end up being the right choice for all those who are directly or indirectly impacted, even if they do not see it or acknowledge it immediately. “

Originally posted 2009-03-13 17:28:14. Republished by Old Post Promoter

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Onnline dating sites help do away with having to look for a prospect in the local bar. Just sign up and start going through the profiles on display (I call it window shopping and oooh is it loads of fun) and find someone whom you connect with. The good thing about this is you can do all this from the privacy and safety of your home. You may find that dream date anytime – as you work at the office, travel to work and even when you sleep – the person of your dreams could be checking out your profile. This is what makes dating sites convenient, safe and comfortable.

Meeting people online has many advantages one of which is there are no pressures. These websites allow you to get to know a person deeply before making a firm commitment. It is you who decide how much should be disclosed – there is no pressure at all. There is also no need to meet someone and spend a whole day with him or her face to face. Get busy and spend a great deal of time getting to know and understand each other in the beginning and have a great time. If you believe in building trust first and then taking a relationship further, then these websites are just right for you.

You meet someone at the party and then go home with him/her – yes it is romantic, but is it safe? Online dating sites remove the risk of going home with someone we barely know.

I want you to approach online dating as a fun activity and a risk free way to meet lots of people on the way to finding the love of your life. By the way, online dating puts the control in your hands! Go forth and have fun screening and sorting while you find prospects.

Originally posted 2009-03-10 13:59:59. Republished by Old Post Promoter

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Anyone can get married, but what sort of marriage do you want to have? Anyone can have children, what will be the outcome of those kids? There are many people who are alive today. What sort of life are they living?  We’ve seen many people, celebrity couples included with all their looks, talents, fame, and money get married and divorce after a few years. The question isn’t about how awesome the wedding day was or how lovely the bridemaids looked.

It’s not just about doing something or having something. The question is, “Is it made to last?” Or will it be one of those things that crumble with time, pressure, or circumstances? You only get out of something what you put into it. No skyscraper suddenly dropped on the scene. Take a building for example, the greater and stronger you want the structure to be, the deeper you need to dig before you lay a foundation for building. The higher the building, the stronger the foundation has to be.

Do you want your marriage to last? Do you want your children to turn out right and be worthy contributors to the world they live in? Do you want to live a life that overcomes challenges? Then you need the necessary information and knowledge that will help you reinforce the relationships of your life.

Why do most marriages fail?
Most things in life fail because people fail to plan. You know what they say,  “If you fail to plan, you have planned to fail.”  A lot of people plan for many things. They plan their careers, they draw out plans for a business. Oh, and let’s not forget, they definitely plan their weddings. But I’ve noticed that many couples never make a plan to strengthen and ensure that their relationship lasts.

But what is a plan without a purpose?  The reason we make plans is because we want to achieve a certain purpose or goal, isn’t it? People make business plan because they want to achieve certain goals. Before you can make a good plan for your marriage to last, you need to know the things that you want to achieve in getting marriage. What’s the purpose for this marriage? Does your marriage have a purpose at all?  These questions are very important things to examine if you want to make sure that you’re building your marriage to last. Remember if you fail to plan, you have planned to fail.

The 8 steps to taking that first step to save your marriage:

1. Acknowledge the reasons for your problems – This means accepting why you are having issues, so often this is not done and the problems just keep building and building.
2. Be rational, reasonable and calm – When you loose your temper in an argument, you tend to say and do things that you didn’t really mean just to be spiteful.
3. Use space to your advantage – Sometimes having a little space can make things much easier to deal with. Especially if you are both emotional.
4. Pick your battles  – It is a tough thing to do but sometimes when both parties can’t come to a conclusion, allowing each of you to have your own approach may be the best option.
5. Find a Middle Ground – Negotiate to find an area where you can both agree and be happy with your decisions.
6. Work as a team – You got married for a reason, to support each other and help each other through thick or thin.
7. Take it slowly – Don’t rush right back to where you used to be after a major argument, take things slowly and work back up to where you used to be.
8. Be patient – As with everything patience is the key and will ultimately lead to a better more happy relationship.

By following these 8 steps,  you can usually work through most problems in a logical manner.

For a different source of info and advice please visit Save Your Marriage

Originally posted 2009-03-25 17:16:56. Republished by Old Post Promoter

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Whoa.  This is like putting the steam engine behind all the carriages; pushing the carriages instead of pulling them.  Sound familiar?  Those of you who deeply desire marriage must take inventory; here are a few questions to get you provoked:

1. Are you really ready for marriage?  What makes you think you are?  Have you had an assessment with a Relationship Expert who can help you be fully ready?
2. Have you been formally educated on how to create a sustainable marriage or did you learn the normal way, through parents, role models, television, etc.?  If not, you should do so now.
3. Are you clear about your expectations, needs, and wants?
4. Are you in a relationship now that matches all your requirements? Do you know what your requirements are, clearly?  If not, you need to do some work to identify what they are…hire an expert to help you do this quickly and effectively.
5. What if you get married and one of your requirements is broken/changes as a normal course of life?  What happens then?  For example:  if your requirement is that your partner works full time to provide at least 75% financial security and they lose their job and cannot find a new one, and you are married when this happens…what will you do?
6. Are you wanting to get married to escape something else?
7. Do you want your marriage to last more than 3 years?  Did you know on average most marriages end by or before the 3 year mark?
8. What is your relationship like with your partner’s family and friends?  Or what do you want it to  look like?
9. Do you know how finances will be managed, maintained, grown, discussed, etc. in your relationship?  How frequently?
10. Do you know the purpose of your relationship/marriage?  How about your vision statement?  How about your core values?

If you are dissatisfied with any of your answers or had to put some significant thought into these questions, then you have some preparation to do before jumping into a marriage.  I am here to educate you and get you ready quicker than you can the traditional way through experience.

Visit us again, we are in the process of developing a Relationship Readiness Quiz that you can take online for free…so check to see if it is posted!

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Originally posted 2009-02-25 16:50:50. Republished by Old Post Promoter

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