refractive thoughts

Switching gears

2009-04-18T18:01:25-04:00

Over the past week, actually two weeks now, I've dropped back into neglecting this space, and wished to put an end to this posting fallowness.

Over the past year, fiction claimed me, and so much of my free time is spent in creating stories that I forget to write on actual things of interest.

And so I'll fashion this post as a summary of miscellaneous things that grabbed my attention over the last week or so.

First on the list is Susan Boyle, with her astounding performance on Britain's Got Talent. Over the last couple of days, a second song has surfaced, CryMe A River. Both are stunning and astounding performances, and the story grasped my heart and attention as it has millions of others around the world.
Such a voice, such an a heretofore hidden treasure, and thank goodness a confluence of programming and personal courage served to place her before a public that puts a premium on the human voice in song.

Of recent note, criticism has come my way for having the sheer audacity to write in British English. Folks, this is my preference, I find it more eloquent, more colourful, and of greater interest both in reading and in writing. I do not care what another's preference is, and make no attempt to challenge that preference.

Yet the person involved told me I should learn when to use a 'z' and an 's', and that he would continue to use the 'correct' form of English. Does anyone else see the irony in that statement, or is it just me?

Yesterday I challenged myself to write a fiction story element wherein mothers and daughter discuss masturbation in the post the candour of my mothers. It turned out to be great fun to write, and I was almost saddened to finish the story and post to the blog. If it triggers even one parent to take this candid approach with their child, I will fill take great pleasure in that result.

Earlier in the week, I visited my endo for my semi-annual check in and bloodwork. I anticipate my cholesterol has increased as I have wandered away from my controls for various reasons, though I expect hormonal levels to be constant.

I was pleased to see my car made the trip uneventfully, this after $500 of repairs the week before.

I am pleased the US is thinking of relaxing barriers to interaction with Cuba. This dumb prohibition on diplomatic relations is silly.

I am not pleased the economy still puts yet more people out of work, and hope we understand and act with empathy and compassion with those so disadvantaged.

Allison Iraheta is my favourite on American Idol this year, though I believe Adam Lambert will win.

Best wishes to Robyn Moore in her divorce from Mel Gibson. Community property state, Mel, and she earned that half a billion across thirty years.

The real solution to the Somali piracy issue is to give the people of that nation hope of a better life. In the meantime, maritime law should be adjusted to allow better self-protection of ships carrying non-flammable cargo. For the oils, well... perhaps escort ships will need to be used.

I need to check to see if I have Reiki share tomorrow.

That chocolate bunny was good.

Does anyone know what actually happened with Amazon dot com and gay and lesbian literature?

If you haven't played on BlogHer chatter, you should give it a try.

Finally, stop in and say hello to Wilma and Megan.

Watching, with sadness

2009-04-06T22:44:24-04:00

As host of a feminist board, I've seen fault line issues divide women, leaving us spending our days ripping each other apart while patriarchy marches merrily onward.

Choice is an obvious fault line. Many women who otherwise fall firmly into the feminist camp just cannot bring themselves to support choice.

Work out of home parenting versus stay at home parenting is another strike slip fault, with some of us supporting the right to decide what is best in our individual situation, whilst others think we are nuts if we do not develop an independent financial base - just in case.

The third fault line is one I never expected; that of breastfeeding.

There is the obvious one, where. Some of us are adamant about where, we feel most anywhere one is when out about, though we recently saw there are exceptions after all. Who would have thought on such an inane level?

Now bottle versus breast is back, with judgements rendered each way, and it makes me crazy.

We bottle fed our daughters. Had to. 'nuff said. OK, not enough said, I wish to add there is no need for me to say 'had to', it only matters to us.

Do we find ourselves trapped in some philosophical turf war that doing something differently from me means you challenge me via your different approach? Is that what this is all about?

I recognise some act because they think they know what is right and proper and well, wish to enlighten us. Twelve years ago we attended a beer tasting for public television; a seven month preggers friend accepted a two ounce shot glass of beer, her first taste of alcohol since her awareness of pregnancy - a woman, well meaning, came over and chastised our friend for being so irresponsible.

She was too shocked to think of an appropriate response. That is usually how these things work, the witty lines come later, during replays in our mind.

Why do I write of this? Well, I have watched the debate unfold for two months now, and was recently asked by one participant to review her writings for appropriateness, so my mind is somewhat vested tonight.

I set out in search of other opinion and other conflagrations or opinion, and came across this post rendering an opinion on a recent article in The Atlantic by Hanna Rosin.

So we have two fault lines, where and how we feed our young.

I wonder if our babies know how controversial our satiating their need to eat is? Finally, Mom's blog has some words of advice on retaining your sanity when discussion surfaces.

Perhaps it was nice that our children were past this stage of life by the time I started internet play and my voyage home on gender. It spared me from having to feel guilty about how we feed each of them.

That time of year

2009-04-05T22:56:33-04:00

For most of my life, baseball rocked my world.

There were times where anger from some silly transgression on a field either 50 miles away half the time, or somewhere else within say… a radius of 2,500 miles the rest of the time, flowed through me and resulted in thrown pillows, colourfully accompanied by tossed away verbal epithets.

Are you aware that striking out with the bases loaded is something to get pissed about?

Imagine if we celebrated our failures in such inglorious ways. “You dumb fuck, why did you screw up this report?”

I imagine this is actually reality for some, be it the children who provoke the ire of parents who have no safety catch on their anger, channelling their displeasure in ways a child might never forget, or that of someone in their employ.

Looking back at ourselves, we see all manner of silly things. I have a chest full of the inane, awful, and misunderstood in my past, but hope the new chest has many with learned lessons.

I do not wish to digress from the momentous annual occurrence that is opening day, because I write of how it has evolved in my life.

The chronology goes something like this. 1969: the infamous pillow toss takes out a picture frame, cracking glass. The picture sat upon the television, and some unfortunate player on the Red Sox, already feeling badly that he could not drive in runs, now has to carry the added burden of having the universe impose my pillow toss upon him.

I think on my mountain of guilt, glance over at this player – or any player – who has universe-imposed guilt for letting down millions of fans. Imagine having to tote that around.

1972; Luis Aparicio rounds third in the biggest game of the year, the Sox versus the Tigers, and he trips.

I cannot recall throwing anything.

1975; Fisk homers in sixth game, this was after I punched one of my roomies, I kid you not. We were good friends. We fought twice. Both times, we felt awful. Yes, we were goofy.

The other time? I had a splitting headache and went to bed early, taking forever to fall asleep. I fall asleep. He shows at my door and pounds on it. I am groggy and supremely annoyed. I opened the door and swung.

He was eating a piece of cake as he stood there. Of course, my headache and sleep impaired brain did not do an evaluative inventory in the moment.

Backwards he fell, which also happened to be backwards down the stairs, sliding headfirst and on his back, cake flying, and change sliding out of his pockets, chingling along with him as he slid merrily toward the landing.

I was aghast as soon as he started down the stairs.

OMG, and WTF have I done?

The next night, they lost, in the ninth inning. Well, so much for my hope they would come back to win the World Series.

I left a class at intermission to return and see the game, saying ‘to hell with class’ and remained to watch a 3-0 lead evaporate on my watch.

1986; I was in Vermont, sixth game again, Sox ahead of Mets. We watch on a television that only gets one station that looks like it broadcasts in the midst of the worst blizzard of the century.

The score is 5-3 Sox in the tenth inning. If they win, for the first time since what seems like the Big Bang, but it was actually only since 1918, the Sox would be champions.

Two outs in the last of the tenth, no one on base. I roust my ex from sleep and shoo her out to watch this momentous event. They never get another out.

Bill Buckner.

Though nothing flew, this was the pinnacle of my sports anger, I was irate the entire overnight time, finally falling asleep somewhere around 4 or 5 am.

I vowed on that day I would never take it that seriously again, and held to that.

One lesson learned. Though the sheer joy I might of felt when the Sox finally won in 2004 was mitigated and tempered, but that was ok.

The pillow toss is one thing I wish to leave to the past. It is funny now, but only funny because I no longer do.

So watch the games, and if there is a pillow-tosser in your home, be prepared.

Thoughts on Iowa Supreme Court ruling

2009-04-03T23:29:12-04:00

The issue that will not and should not go away, not before it has worked its way through the resistance of society, eroding and eviscerating American prejudice yet one more time. Today, it reared its head in metaphorical dragon form, scaring America with its court-fired breath. Prejudice, it is time to break out the asbestos-lined suits, you are about to feel serious heat.

I speak of same sex marriage, my posting prompted by the Iowa Supreme Court ruling on the state’s ban on marriage is unconstitutional.

Accompanying the ruling, here are some views of prominent folks in the state of Iowa.

We know that the northeast is a same-sex enclave, well sort of. The laissez faire view of this neck of the woods is now spreading westward, infecting courts and people alike, taking societies that once viewed queer as the realm of the perverted, and remaking them with smiley, happy faces; ready to show their love to the good lgbt folk amongst them.

OK, so I exaggerate on the instantaneous flipping of minds towards the positive, that happens not via those who are surely about to be called out as ‘activist judges’, but via our being out and about and visible and well, somewhere akin to normal.

Writing a post like this, I can swerve off and digress in a nanosecond of blog time. In this instance, the moderate devil in my mind wishes to point out that to Rita Mae Brown, normal is ‘the average of deviancy’, or as a special education instructing friend once described for me, ‘normal is that which most people do’.

What do I make of this ruling? Well, initially, progress. Shortly thereafter, I expect a marshalling of forces to reinstate and re-codify prejudice through a state constitutional amendment. Someone in the legislature will undoubtedly file this. The Des Moines Register details how one brings a constitutional amendment into existence in the state.

We’ve seen California, a liberal state, barely revoke same sex marriage last fall, and I doubt that prohibition stands another three years; the state is primed to reverse the vote, as the trending of younger voters is to support this change.

In New Hampshire, the House of Representatives passed a same sex marriage bill, and it goes to the Senate this coming week. Those who observe legislative doings expect the bill to pass, while the governor is non-committal.

Meanwhile, Vermont has also sent a bill through its legislature, while Governor Douglas claims he will veto the bill.

Quoting the executive director of Lambda Legal, The New York Times claims the case filing that prompted the ruling in Iowa was no accident:

“We chose Iowa because Iowa has a history, particularly at the state Supreme Court level, of taking the state constitution very seriously and making independent decisions based on the state constitution,” said Kevin Cathcart, executive director of Lambda Legal, which champions equality and civil rights for gay men and lesbian women and in 2005 initiated the case that resulted in today’s ruling.

Long term, America will be brought, kicking and screaming across several decades, to the grudging realisation that us queers deserve to have our committed relationships born of love honoured legally as well.

Now I do not intend ever to marry again, 24 years was quite enough for one lifetime, but I wish this for my sisters and my brothers in the gay community.

There will be much pushback in the coming weeks and months. In those states without a marriage amendment, expect renewed calls for such measures. Long term, it matters not, because the elephant waiting to enter the room is the United States Supreme Court, which could do with this issue what it did with Loving vs Virginia in 1967, ruling that yes black and white folk could in fact marry, thank you very much. And really, looking back now at an issue which the populace also accepted as proper, did we really have such stupidity codified into statute? Yikes.

David Masci and Jessie Merriam, writing for The Pew Forum, believe Justice Kennedy has offered what some believe is a hint at future Supreme Court ruling on the issue of same sex marriage:

Finally, Kennedy wrote, gay people have a "liberty under the Due Process Clause [that] gives them the full right to engage in [intimate] conduct without intervention of the government." No matter how unpopular a group's sexual norms, he explained, the government may not "demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime." In making this claim, though, Kennedy was quick to note the limited breadth of the decision. This case, he assured, did not address the regulation of prostitution or other public sexual acts, nor did it require the government to extend marriage or civil unions to same-sex couples (see "What is the difference between civil unions, domestic partnerships and marriage?").

Just as he did in Romer, Justice Scalia dissented in Lawrence arguing once again that the majority's reassurances did not agree with their logic. Scalia asserted that by rejecting moral-based legislation, Kennedy and the other justices on the majority were paving the way for a future ruling requiring states to recognize same-sex unions.

If and when this happens, it is all over, and America can finally move onward, shedding yet another prejudice, but not until putting itself through unnecessary decades of pain filled process.

Heather Nova

2009-04-02T19:02:00-04:00

Every now and then, I stumble across a musician many know about but for whatever reason, I somehow missed hearing the name mentioned. Perhaps I was busily covering my head with sand, dutifully shutting out the world once again.

OK, so I am a few steps behind now, contrasted with say… ten years ago when my daughter would tease me for knowing many of the bands she liked. I’ve slipped steadily since.

While I do not use lastfm lastfm every day, I do occasionally, and love that I can select a type of music that appeals via a representative artist, and then listen away, shooing away what I do not like, loving what I do, experiencing countless artists I have not heard before.

One such artist was Heather Nova. When I first heard Blood of Me, it pulled my thoughts out of whatever they were lost in, and redirected my attention to tracking down information on the artist.

Over the past two months, I have accumulated twenty or so Heather Nova tracks. In terms of my musical likes, would say she ranks right behind Beth Orton as my favourite artist.

No conversion templates for TypePad? Oh, my!

2009-04-02T18:27:50-04:00

I will say it up front: people who work their arses off assisting others, creating for others, etc are not thrilled with the prospect of someone whining over their hard work.This is true of all of us, and I will try to write this such that it remains respectful of those who do their work hard to bring customers a better product.

That said, I returned to my TypePad account after months of leaving it fallow, and the changes that have occurred with templates is astounding.

There are blog-creating features that appear nice for those starting out blogging. While I have more than limited skill, I fall far short of expert.

What I find troublesome was the removal of the ability to take templates and convert them to advanced ones, where we could then edit from a basic format, saving us tome re-inventing the wheel. For instance, I could create a basic three-column blog, convert it, and then tweak away, narrowing or widening columns, changing just about every element.

Now, you create an advanced template from scratch, building all of these elements. Further, saved templates (you can have many under the Pro level of account) no longer have an edit feature on non-applied templates, necessitating the changing of a template each time there is need to refer to another template.

This is incredibly tedious, and is annoying given how wonderful it all worked in the past.

I am uncertain why TypePad made this change. I could guess, probably wrongly, as there are virtually countless reasons for stepping away from previous formatting.

Yet this is a paid site. I can whiz through changes on WordPress.com, playing with code for $15 or so a year, a figure that barely covers my monthly TypePad fee. WordPress also has limitations, and I used that service because it is well suited to my fiction blog.

I read one comment on the removal of the ability to convert, wherein one staffer asked what changes someone wished to make, as they hoped to incorporate things we are looking to do into their basic templates.

TP, for the monthly fee, I doubt those of us who pay it wish to have only basic templates, else what we end up paying for is just support, which is a strength of TP, but is it worth it to most bloggers, given we hope not to have to interact with support very often?

One of my templates has something like 25 index templates, essentially pages, and if I mess with a new template, there is no easy way for me to bring those forward into a new design. I actually have to save the old design, copy each page template – 25 - into Word, and go back to the new.

I have worked extensively on TypePad templates for three years now, and hope we see a return to template conversion soon.

I will close by mentioning that TypePad is working on this, and hopefully we will see the return of template conversion and non-applied templates soon. It is a great feature and selling point, and in an economy where every scrap of revenue counts, please do not toss away your advantages.

I missed it

2009-04-01T20:05:12-04:00

I missed it.

Missed it not as in forgot, not as in I was predisposed, not as in a bus was busily parking on top of me and I had to wait for it to move.

None of those things applies here.

I missed it out of ignorance. Benign ignorance – or is it?

Most who know me know I am somewhat a-skitter over transpolitics, too much unnecessary baggage all too often surfaces. And really, or so my story goes, I’m a feminist and dyke first, trans second – trans was my pathway here, not the destination.

All of that is true, but none of the above is relevant in this discourse. Why?

Because rights matter, lives matter. We matter.

I learned of this from someone else, non-trans. I am busily writing fiction at http://llhaesa.org/ not so much surfing the net consistently. With the loss of technodyke as a tried and true board on which to stay au courant, well, things like this slide right on by, leaving me to my blissful ignorance.

So what did I miss?

Well, there is this Transgender Day of Visibility plans erupt locally, nationwide attention-calling story, one that clarion-called the approach of the-day-I-missed.

Unlike Transgender Day of Remembrance, Crandall said, the day of visibility aims to focus on all the good things in the trans community, instead of just remembering those who were lost. "The day of remembrance is exactly what it is. It remembers people who died," she said. "This focuses on the living. People have told me they love Remembrance Day but it really focuses on the negative aspect of it. Isn't there anything that could focus on the positive aspect of being trans?"

I like this passage, a call to life affirmation instead of only remembrance. Both can co-exist happily, both should co-exist happily within each of us. Awareness is a good thing to remember, or rather it is a very good way to be (that infamous verb what haunted my high school days.)

Picking a fine day to come after me, someone wrote this to me an hour ago, probably happily unaware she would be permanently enshrined in blogosphere trans-rant:

IMO, the highest order of perversion is someone who tries to change what God has made, into something else. You will always be a man as God intended you to be when he sent you here & nothing you do to your physical body - sex change surgeries, therapy to convince yourself you're a woman, etc. - will ever change who you really are in God's eyes which is a man & not a woman.

For the record, she is pissed at me for having the audacity to stick up for the lgbt community when she thinks we all of us should be squashed like some invading spider.

I digress.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, trans visibility day. The remembrance part is kewl too, we lose to many along the way, and well, for that we can scoot over to Remembering Our Dead look, and remember.

I do not wish to see any more of us fall, but most especially children. Kidlets first and foremost, and that means trans-kidlets. No more me’s should ply our world, suffering silently.

OK, back to that affirmation stuff. Forget all the crap those of you who know me know. I deal with that. I also happen to focus on living a good life, on not taking for granted mental health and a solid work ethic, two things that combined to leave others harmed and me with PTSD.

Now…I regularly see a therapist, have for six years now, I practise Reiki, adhere tenaciously to Reiki principles, firmed up a new spirituality centred on Sue Monk Kidd's Dance of the Dissident Daughter while building a new career and profession, excelling for the most part.

What else stirred yesterday? Well, here is a non-trans person at mombian doing a better job than I did with Transgender Day of Visibility. while John Corvino Why we need the transgender day of visibility explained why we need the day.

I learn a day late, which is after all my trans-visibility anniversary. On 1 April 2002, in the midst of a total life-crash, I fell into severe shaking, prompting me to admit on the following day and for the first time out loud that this body does not cut it.

Thanks for carrying the ball, folks, and sorry that I dropped the hand off to me.

Catholic leaders lampoon their faith by attacking Reiki

2009-03-31T15:52:43-04:00

I've been silent here for months, concentrating on writing fiction, but the recent announcement Reiki denounced by US Council of Catholic Bishops leads me to break my silence.

Reiki is called out falsely here.

First of all, it is not a faith; it is non-denominational, and anyone of any religion can practise it, tailoring Reiki to their own belief, channelling energy in this way.

Secondly, it is not meant to serve as a replacement for medical services and healing. Reiki practitioners work with medical professionals to address an important element of healing, the mental and spiritual aspect.

When I attend Reiki share locally, those I interact with are quietly seeking their inner strength, or perhaps tap into it just by showing up there. I have seen extraordinary things unfold, not extraordinary in some metaphysical way, but in a very human way, facing issues, growing stronger, building a better life, learning from pain, some horrific incident, occurrence, error, or the like.

Reiki focuses toward positives, toward light, not dark, to climbing outward, building. It is life-affirming, and those who practise it are invariably respectful of various belief systems.

Religion should be about positives, focusing on good, not denouncing other manifestations of spirituality as bad.

Given this, it saddens me when I see pronunciations of one faith castigating that of another, or one faith devaluing the belief of another.

Faith is an intangible thing. None of us can prove whether what we believe in fact exists; we can only justify that it exists for us, in ways that help us through, that help us make sense of whatever weighs heavy upon us, which we seek to resolve, or at least come to some level of understanding, acceptance, co-existence, or comfort.

If the Catholic Church opposes abortion, that is its business. Though I disagree and am a choicer through and through, their stance makes sense for them.

When the Pope condemns sorcery, urges Angolans to convert, as with the Reiki condemnation, I begin to get skittish.

I know they claim to be the one true faith, but such exclusivity by they and others flies in the face of what one logically might expect from any deity. Focus forward, boys; focus forward.

The economy and women's studies

2009-02-16T19:18:00-05:00

As with virtually every entity, colleges and universities are looking to save money. Courses and programmes that are perceived to not add value to the bottom line are likely at risk of elimination.

Potente Susurro at Like A Whisper explains how Florida Atlantic University has chosen to eliminate its women's studies programme, one of the rare schools offering an advanced degree in the discipline.

Menstrual Poetry shares how womens and queer studies are at risk in Georgia.

This is an alarming trend, and reminds me of how Lillian Faderman wrote of the purging of women's professional education professors and school presidents in To Believe In Women.

In the late 1920s, new writings were beginning to portray gays as sick minded folk, and it led to purging faculty at women's schools, removing women from the presidency of such schools, all because they suspected them of being gay. What resulted were curricula no longer geared to send women into professional positions, and instead created domestic arts programmes focused on running and managing homes.

Cindy at Fringe writes that Womens studies are first on the chopping block.

I get queasy thinking we are the ones on vulnerable yet again, and think schools with only women in the student body will once again be asked to carry the day.

Early criticism

2009-02-15T19:15:00-05:00

Almost four weeks have past since Obama became president.

In that time, the right has criticised him for: his lack of wearing a suit jacket and signing the stimulus bill on Tuesday instead of Friday night through Monday.

Aren't we off to a rousing start? My gosh, I did not vote for Bush in 2000. Yet, I gave the guy a chance, and through say... March 2002, had no complaints with his performance. He lost me with Iraq, from the moment the whispers began of a plan to attack that nation.

I watch the criticism of the stimulus bill, and people wish that this bill be sliced and diced and dissected and scrutinised as if it were an energy or education bill, where we have time to ponder and evaluate.

There is no time to ponder and evaluate now; we need to act. If we err somewhere, well, we will correct the error later. What counted was size of bill and speed of passage. That three Republicans bravely defied their party to vote for this bill is a tribute to their recognition of the urgency of the problem.

Democrats reached out in a way never extended to them over the first six years of the Bush Administration, yet for a party barely holding on to any sort of relevance, the reaching out was insufficient.

So long as the right refuses to recognise they cannot get everything they wish nor block everything they do not wish for, so long as this parlays into a refusal to compromise, they will remain irrelevant in American politics.