I was watching the movie “He’s Just Not that Into You” on Sunday, and was truly entertained by the stories and advice the movie had to offer.  (Side note: Do we as women really pay attention to the “signs” that a man is interested?  I agree that if a man’s interested in you, he’ll do something about it.)

What I enjoyed the most is that they showed single people, those in relationships and married people – and how we all need to grow and learn in love.  BRAVO for that.  Who needs another movie that shows how awesome married life is and how pathetic the single life can be?  We’re all trying to figure this thing out, and need each other to help us through it all.

No one has all the answers – not even love coaches like me.  But when it comes to how singles celebrate Valentine’s Day (or don’t celebrate it) I have to take a stand.

I hate all the depressing things that go on in the singles camp on February 14th, and I can’t let you go out like that!  So here is my list of things you need to AVOID this Valentine’s Day.  If I’m out and catch you doing one of these things, I may give you the side-eye! (LOL)

1. Attend a S.A.D. Dinner to Cheer Yourself Up – I’ve heard that Valentine’s Day is also Single Awareness/Appreciation Day.  Does anyone realize that this whole idea spells out S.A.D?  Singles have active love lives, even if they aren’t half of a couple.   If you plan on having enormous fun this February 14th, none of your friends will feel sorry for you (which is what you want, right?). Idea: Rather than sitting with a bunch of bitter people who resent their lives, hang with some friends and do something you really enjoy.  Anything goes as long as you’ll have a blast doing it!

    

2. Call Your Ex-lover and Ask Them Out – If he/she wasn’t good enough before, the allure of Valentine’s Day won’t make them any better.  Sure you may want to share romantic feelings with a familiar face.  But hooking up with someone who’s not right for you will undo any progress you’ve made in your life since the break up.    Idea: Comb through your phone book for any dating friends you may share a drama-free connection with.  Invite them to a no-strings attached dinner, and offer to go Dutch.  The point is to have fun, not create a boyfriend where there is none.

    

3. Treat The Day Like Any Other Day – Denial never helped anyone, and denying the powerful focus on love this Valentine’s Day is not going to make your life any easier.  You can pretend that the rose deliveries to your co-workers and the evening plans of your friends don’t bother you.  But if the world is taking the day to celebrate the love they have, the best thing to do is to jump in with both feet and celebrate too.  Idea: Have something delivered to you at work!  If asked, tell them it’s from someone who loves you very much.

    

4. Spend the Night Alone at Home – I understand that some people really enjoy their space (introverts especially).  But Valentine’s Day – in my opinion – should be celebrated even if you’re spending it alone.  So, if you’re flying solo on the 14th, be somewhere you normally wouldn’t be and create a memory.  Idea: Treat yourself to a night in a nearby hotel and enjoy  a change of scenery.  Splurge on room service or take advantage of one of the hotel’s spa services.

    

5. Allow Yourself to Slip into A Depression – Did you know that depression is a step in the grieving process?  Even after your accept that it’s over, you can slip back into the pain of your previous relationships or the regrets of the past.  But, don’t allow yourself to go there – not on Valentine’s Day or any other day if you can help it.  Idea: Spend the day in gratitude of the love you’ve enjoyed over the years, including the moments people were there when you needed them the most.  Pull out photos and surround yourself with good memories.  Make plans for your evening – don’t leave anything to chance.  And make sure you follow through with your plans!

    

Do you have anything special planned for Valentine’s Day (whether you’re single, in a relationship or married)?  Leave a comment below.

Cecilia, an attractive woman, was at the bar of a local hotel during Happy Hour.  She was trying to get back into the dating scene after she and her fiancé ended things a year ago.

Needless to say, she was nervous about the men she’d meet, and really didn’t know if she was ready to start dating again.  Her fiancé was the perfect man, or so she thought.  She was having a hard time coming to the reality that things would never have worked out between them, and that it was time to move on.

So, she sipped her beverage and tried to make eye contact with the man standing across the room.  He didn’t look like her fiancé, but she couldn’t help but worry that she would make the same mistake of misreading the signs and falling for a man who wasn’t right for her.

So, instead of taking the risk, Cecilia just paid her bill and went home that night.  He couldn’t hurt her if they never met.

As I think about Cecilia’s situation, I know that there are many other women in this same place.  Men and women break up all the time – leaving the people in that relationship hurt, disappointed and wary of the future.

But if you want to date again and fall in love with the right person, here are some tips to help you trust your heart again.

1. Give yourself enough time to grieve the loss of your relationship.  When you’re getting over someone, you’re not just getting over the loss of the good times.  You’re also grieving the loss of any future happiness you hoped to experience.  Each person is different, as well as each relationship, so there is no set time.  But if you feel pain, anger, sadness, or unfounded hope in the man coming back – it’s too soon to start dating anyone else.  You don’t want to feel numb, but get to the point where you can accept what happened with a sense of peace.

2. Pay attention to the pulling of your heart.  It’s time to get back on the “dating” horse when you start wanting companionship (or you start envying someone else’s loving relationship).  Your heart knows what it needs.  If you want to enjoy love then it’s probably time to get your body, mind and soul ready to start meeting people.

3. Accept the risks of love. You are guaranteed to experience love but you can’t control who it comes from.  There is always a risk that the person you love will change, want something different or move on.  But that’s no reason to give up on love altogether.  Learning the warning signs and also the signs of a genuine person can hedge the risk and keep your heart safe.

Have you had to put yourself out there after a failed relationship?  What did you do to start dating again?  How did you learn to trust again?

Have you ever felt you were in a relationship but weren’t?  Usually, things are going really well until he introduces you to his “girlfriend,” leaving you wondering “If she’s your girlfriend, then who am I?”

Sometimes it’s tough to see that your friendship isn’t a real relationship because to you it feels very intimate and secure.  The connection can be so strong that your heart tells you that your “friend” is really your “man” when in reality no level of commitment has been established.

Here are a few friendships that look like a relationship but aren’t quite one yet.

1. Frequent conversations – If you talk to your guy so much that he’s the one you tell everything then you may feel like you’re in a pretty secure relationship.   Essentially, he’s your confidante – most of us only have one or two in a lifetime so it’s no wonder that you value the time you spend together.
   
    
2. Sex whenever you’d like – We often hear about men who use women for sex – the booty call and one-night stand.  However, when we as women can have our sexual needs satisfied whenever we’d like, it can build a level of security.  Knowing that he’s there to “perform” on call can make you feel like you have a steady relationship, especially if you assume that you’re the only woman in his life.
   
    
3. Treated as part of the family – It’s easy for you to feel you’re his special woman when you’re close to his relatives, especially his mother.  For example, maybe his sister always asks you to “stop by” for Thanksgiving or family dinners.  Perhaps you’ve built such a strong relationship with his mother that you feel you can call her whenever you’d like.  Family approval is very important in a relationship.  If you feel you have their blessing already, you may assume that it’s only a matter of time before he comes around.

Why do you think we get into these friendships without asking if we’re together or not?  What other situations can you think of that feel like a relationship when you haven’t really committed to one another?

Do you ever get the feeling that the only men interested in you are unemployed, unattractive or unavailable?  Although I believe a woman should appreciate all the attention she gets from the opposite sex, some men do approach you because they feel they have nothing to lose.

So, if you want to attract more eligible men, you may have to take a few steps to let him know you’re interested and he can approach you.

1. Ask yourself: What one thing would a man have to do to impress me?  If you want more eligible men to pay you attention, you’ve got to be clear on the kind of attention you want to receive.  Do you like being approached or to make eye contact?  Do you like a man who asks you what you want or do you like a man to suggest the next step?  There is no right or wrong answer, just make sure it’s the answer that truly would impress you.  Then, when you’re paying attention to the men around you, be on the lookout for the men who do things the way you like them done.
   
       
2. Spend time during the week where your kind of guy hangs out.  This may be a toughee if you don’t have an active social life.  But think about all the fun things you like to do, and spend time after work or on the weekends doing things you love to do.  Keep in mind that the goal isn’t just to meet men or be asked out on the date.  You can use this time to brush up on your flirting skills as well.
   
       
3. When you get attention from men who seem “out of your league,” go with it. It’s funny how when you see a guy who’s really cute and well put together, more than the men you normally date, and he’s looking at you with desire, you may get nervous or dismiss the attention.   But if he looks at you with interest, it’s probably genuine.  So, if you hear a little voice telling you “He must be looking at someone else,” ignore it!  You’re a rockstar!  And people can see how amazing you are.   Trust your instincts and open yourself up a tiny bit.
   
       

Abigail was a 30-something single woman who’s been in more relationships than she had fingers.  Although she tried to be the perfect woman, and lived in a city with more than enough single men, she couldn’t seem to attract the man she really wanted.  And it was starting to get on her nerves.

One after one, her single friends were getting married and settling down.   Year by year, she’d make the New Year’s Resolution to finally “fix” herself enough to meet the right guy.  And then, by April, she’d realize that she couldn’t fix herself enough to make any man want her.  Every year it was the same — Spring, Summer and Fall were spent working and with friends.  And by the holidays, she would try again to meet the right guy.

Abigail is in the life cycle that you may be in right now.  And if you’ve run out of options, here are a few things to get you started on the path to new found love.

1. When you’re doing all the right things (going out, online dating, looking great) and not meeting great guys, it’s time to go within.  Our past experiences can keep us so bottled up that we lose focus of what we want and just try to keep away from the men we don’t want.  There are thousands of men in your local area.  If you haven’t met any nice guys in a while, it’s something going on inside.  Once you realign yourself to the possibilities, you’ll connect with more men you like.
    
2. Get clear on what you want and stick with it.  We start out as teenagers with the fantasy of what love is and what we want.  Then, time teaches us that we don’t always get what we want.  So, in order to cope, we lower our expectations, decrease our standards, and basically become willing to accept anyone who wants us.  But you’ve got to get clear on what you want and ask yourself the right questions (our Meet Mr. Right Toolkit exercise #1 is a great place to start).  Then you’ll be able to recognize the right guy from the wrong one. I always start all my clients off with an exercise on what they want.
    
3. Reach for help when you feel out of your element.  If you start to feel nervous or uncomfortable in your life, that’s the best time to reach for help.  It means you’re in a great place to grow and learn, but you may need a listening ear to help you come up with the right path to take.  If you can’t trust your friends and family, I’m always here to help.  Just make sure you have someone you can trust to call when you want to run back under the covers and hide.  (I’ve seen women run from men before – it’s not pretty).
    

New love can happen anytime and you can open yourself up to love if you follow these simple steps.  If you can believe it for yourself, and do what you need to do, you’ll be amazed at what lies ahead.

Were you disappointed when your last relationship ended because you thought he was the one?  Were you sure that you were making the right choice, and were surprised when things didn’t work out?

If this isn’t the first time you misjudged someone, how can you be sure you won’t do it again?  That’s the fear that keeps many women from the love they want.  I don’t want that to happen to you.

So, I’m going to share with you the things you need to do to stop falling for the wrong men time and time again.

The first two things you can do right now, but the final one makes all the difference in your life.  So, listen closely.

Now, in order to have a man who truly loves you, you’ve got to do three specific things.  Read each one below very carefully.

First, you’ve got to let go of the past.  Every disappointment is a lesson you are free to learn and bring into your next relationship.  Gather all the wisdom that you can from those relationships and keep those lessons close to your heart.

Second, you’ve got to believe you can have what you want.  Although it didn’t work with “him”, there are still a group of men in the world who want to love you for who you are.  So, think about the man who will love you instead of the men who didn’t.

Third, you’ve got to date in a different way – a way that’s simple, fun and will help you make the right choices.  If you go about things the way you have, you’re going to get the same results.  But when you learn a new way of dating, a way that works, you’ll attract men who adore you and want to love you.

When you do all three things above, you’ll have peace, pleasure and a relationship that makes you smile.

If you’ve already decided you want to meet the right guy, learn a better way of dating.  You can do so by having a Meet the One Breakthrough Session with.

Secure yours now by visiting http://breakthrough.readytobeawife.com.

During your Meet the One Breakthrough Session, I’m going to do something I can’t do in an e-book or teleclass.

I’m going to talk with you privately, listen to your story and tell you specifically what you need to meet the right guy.

Not only will I share with you my input, but you’ll find the answers you’ve been seeking, eliminating the worrying and doubt that’s holding you back, and know with confidence what you need to do differently to attract the right man.

I’m ready to take you by the hand and walk you through my signature dating process so you can have fun dating, meet the right guy and enjoy his love for you soon. You’ll get all this during your Meet the One Breakthrough Session.

So, take the next step towards the love life you desire and secure your Meet the One Breakthrough Session today.

Go to http://breakthrough.readytobeawife.com

Although some people may disagree with me, having a relationship is like having a part-time job.  It takes lots of time and attention to keep a healthy relationship going.  And if you’re attraction skills are a bit rusty, keeping your man’s attention may be a bit of a challenge.

To help you out, here are some common mistakes women make when it comes to keep a man in pursuit.  YES, men should pursuit women and by nature they do pursuit.  But, you’ve got to be moving a certain way for him to want to chase you.

      1. You’re making excuses for him

If a man likes you and believes you like him, there’s no reason for him NOT to reach out to you.  So, if you’re trying to give him time because you feel for him, you’re only wasting valuable time. Some excuses in disguise you need to look out for are:

“He’s got so much on his plate.”

“He’s so focused on his career.” 

“He’s still trying to get over his ex.”

“He’s got so much going on with his family.”

Although these may seem like legitimate reasons to give him some slack, if he’s not giving you the attention you need, there’s no reason to believe he ever will.

      2. You give more attention than he needs

When has this ever worked?  You call, cook, assist, encourage, and listen – and then because you care for him so much, he reciprocates in all the ways you want?  Honestly, when you’re doing all this stuff for him, it only makes him want to sit back, relax and enjoy.  Think about it, when someone is giving to you, you want to fall back and receive, right?  The same goes for him. 

So, it’s always best to respond to his attention with your affection.  That means that if he’s not paying you any attention, you don’t give him your affection.  I know it’s easier said than done, but that’s the truth.

      3. You’re predictable

Did you know that men study the women they adore?  It’s the hunter in all men.  They lay in wait, watching what you do, for the right moment to act!  Now, if he’s starting to slack off in his attention to you, it’s probably because he knows the least he can get away with to get what he wants.  (This doesn’t make him a jerk.  It’s just more productive this way.)

So, if you want more of his attention, change things up a bit.  You don’t have to change who you are, just tap into another side of yourself for a while.  He’ll be intrigued by the change and hungry to learn more about you which will give you more attention.

I’ve been trying to lay off the donuts lately to get into my best body for 2012.  But when I stopped to get gas the other day, I thought to grab one just for the heck of it.  So, I went over to the pastry section to spy out the land.

When I got to the glass case that usually houses the pastries, there was only one donut left.  It wasn’t the kind I like, but even if it was, I probably wouldn’t have picked it up.  I mean, who knows how long it’s been there and how many people have picked over it? 

So I stayed on my diet and left the donut there, waiting for someone else to come and grab it.

Now, this donut got me thinking about being alone and the aura it puts on us when we’re out in the world.  When we’re lonely, we’re cut off from the world.  We don’t engage in conversations or interact with people as much.  And although we don’t say anything, people can tell we’re out of touch.  It’s something we wear unintentionally, that everyone can see.

That’s why having an active social life is key to attracting companionship.  We want the person who are comfortable around others, who knows how to handle themselves, and who won’t make us the center of their world.

So, do you have friends you can trust?  Do you go out and interact with people you know and some you don’t know? 

If you don’t, you could be making it more difficult to meet someone special.  Here are a few reasons why loneliness can delay companionship.

1. You want the other person to be your “everything”.  When you’re lonely, you can tend to put too much pressure on your significant other to be your everything.  You want to spend every moment with him unless you’re working or sleeping.  But too much time together can actually make you dislike a perfectly compatible mate (or make them take you for granted).   Time apart is crucial to keeping passion and excitement in a relationship.
    
2. You put more weight on trivial things.  When you’re feeling lonely, a smile or a wink from a handsome man can put you into overdrive.  Just because he smiled at you or even started a conversation in the elevator doesn’t mean you should form a crush.   In fact, you shouldn’t even consider a guy anything until after your first date.
    
3. You become the pursuer and not the pursued.  When you’re lonely, you will always want more time and attention than the other person.  And when you don’t get it, you may be tempted to pursue your guy instead of attracting his attention.  Some women even get suspicious if he doesn’t call soon enough or doesn’t text every day.  These women give off the “stalker, desperate, do-not-date” vibe to men.  You don’t want to give off that vibe, do you?

If you want to enjoy the sweetness, security and attention of companionship, you’ve got to regain your power as a person, not just a woman.  You’ve got to know for yourself that you’re choosing the other person, not because they’re the only one but because they’re the best one.

So, how do you rectify this so you can attract companionship?  Have a healthy social life, meet and date men you like, and soon they’ll be ringing your phone off the hook!

“No one can love you more than you love yourself.”

There has been a lot of talk about the Law of Attraction, which I love.  I’ve been taking heed lately to who I am around and how I conduct myself because I want to be surrounded by peace, joy, purpose, love, and compassion.  I want to be surrounded by delightful things all the time, even when things are not going as I planned them.

Now when it comes to love and relationships, I think there are a few practical things that many people avoid.  However, this beautiful Law is a guide we can use to gauge just how well we are treating ourselves.  I’ll explain how in this blog post.

Now, when it comes to love, we all want it, right?

I mean, I don’t know one person that can honestly say “I have enough love.  I don’t need another person to care for me.”

However, because we can only have in our lives things that are in agreement with us (hopefully you’re still following me), we also have to understand the following.  We can only receive love when we are demonstrating love to ourselves.

I know that it may sound crazy, but if you think about it, it makes perfect sense.  If the Law of Attraction is true and we attract in our lives things with which we agree, you can only attract someone who loves you if you believe you are worthy of love.  You can only attract a loving person if you first love yourself.

In fact, you can never attract a person in your life who loves you more than you love yourself.  You are the example that people use to determine how they should treat you.

You see, although you may want someone to treat you better than you treat yourself, you will push away anyone that wants to do so.

For example, have you ever doubted someone’s motives when they seemed “too” loving and attentive?  That man may not have been crazy, although you felt there was something wrong.  Inside, the red flags were flying because he was giving you more than you experience in your everyday life.  And anything other than what you experience everyday seems strange.

So, here’s what you can do to experience more love in your life. Think about the thing you want to experience more frequently.  Then, make the commitment to start showing yourself that experience right now.

If you want more understanding, take time to know yourself without judgment.  If you want more attention, pay close attention to the little nudges from your body and heart.  And if you want more love, take better care of yourself, your healthy and your emotional well being.  Once you caress yourself with love, you feel more at home with people who want to show you the same things.  Try it – it works!

Have you been showing yourself more love lately?  Have you noticed you’re around people who love you more now that you show yourself love? Please share your experiences on the blog.

I had an amazing Meet the One Breakthrough Session with a new client this week.  She’s just started exclusively dating someone and is excited about the possibly of their relationship!  WOOHOO!!

I always encourage my clients to stop overanalyzing and to enjoy the relationship.  One of the advantages of following our Date to Marry Method™ process is that your relationship will naturally progress into marriage on its own.  They’re no real work involved, just asking the right questions and having a great time!

As we were ending our session, she asked a question that I thought was really good.  I hear a number of women asking the same question and I asked her if I could use it for this week’s blog post (to which she said yes!)  Here’s the question:

“How do I keep from thinking about how it “should” be?  I know I want to be married.  Is there a timeline I should be following when I know it’s time to talk about marriage.”

Such a great question, right?

The mistake that a lot of couples make is determining when to get married by the time they’ve been together.  For example, if Ben and Jen have been together for 3 years, they may conclude that marriage is the obvious next step.

However, the time that you’ve been together is not a solid indicator that you’ll be happy in a marriage.  Marriage isn’t a magic wand; it only brings you more of the same relationship you already have.

If you really want to know if this is the time to get married, you’ve got to check the temperature of your relationship.  Think about the following questions:

1. What’s the one thing you two do the most?  Is it arguing, disagreeing or – DRAMA?  If you’re not having fun now, marriage will only make matters worse.  A lifetime is a long time to not get along with someone.
    
2. Have you been spending more or less time together?  I’ve seen many couples try to get married to fix a failing relationship.  Instead of breaking up, the two of them decide to be MORE together by tying the knot.   But relationships that are naturally progressing always lead to more time together, not less.  Either you’re moving closer together or drifting apart.
    
3. What will marriage bring you that you don’t already have now?  Marriage is an awesome opportunity for two people to share their lives together.  But if there is no real benefit for the two of you to get married, why do it?  Do you want security or the benefit of his strengths in your life?  If you can’t say for sure what would be better by being married, odds are you’re thinking of marriage to gain the approval of others.

So, when IS the right time to talk about marriage?  When you both spend so much time together and enjoy it so much that it just makes sense to share your lives together.

When you consistently make plans to do things together, you’ve already begun to share your lives together.  Marriage is just a way to say “Let’s keep living like this forever.”