Melissa is a 16 year old from Valley Stream, New York. She is currently writing a teen romance novel, she hopes will be published before she is out of high school.

Unfortunately somewhere along the line, you or someone you know has experienced a broken heart. I can personally say that this is the most melancholy and hated feeling I have ever felt in my sixteen years of living. I cannot fathom how much hurt and pain you feel after a break up. I cannot believe that someone is capable of hurting someone like this. This past summer I had my first taste of real teenage heartbreak; it was by far the worst feeling in the world.

            Instead of looking forward to the approaching school year, and enjoying my last days of summer, I was dwelling on the guy that broke my heart. Break ups can be hard and I know that most of us want to unleash our anger on the one who hurt us, but that will only prolong our healing process. I, for instance, nicknamed the person who hurt me as “Guy Who I Hate.” Although it was immature, bashing him made me feel good. I would constantly bash and talk about him to my cousin Mona. I am so grateful that I had her there for me to listen to my thoughts and help me in this. Even though it was fun bashing him, now I try not to think of him at all, which is a much healthier thing to do than calling him mean and provocative things.

Although it took me a while to get over him, I did and now I feel like I am a reenergized teenager. Being hung up on the person that broke up with you is very UNHEALTHY. Living in the past is not going to get you anywhere, but stuck in the same old circle. Whenever one of my friend’s tells me that they are friends with their ex’s, I cannot believe it, especially if it was the other person that did the breaking up. An ex boyfriend or girlfriend can be equivocal figures. When my ex boyfriend texts me, I still get this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think many teens mistake casual texts like “Hey, what’s up?” from their ex to be something much more. This fallacy can lead to “rekindled” feelings for an ex, especially if the relationship did not last for the length of time that you wanted, there can still be this longing of hope inside you for the one that broke your heart.

            I’m not saying every teen still has feelings for their ex, and should not be friends with them, but the majority of the people that I know get these “butterflies,” when they speak to the person that broke up with them. There is still going to be that longing feeling for him or her because you guys could have explored the relationship further, but did not get the chance. Instead of wasting time speaking or texting your ex, engage in activities with friends such as ice skating, bowling, jogging, or just going out for ice cream. Ex boyfriends, especially, have a way to make a girl feel wanted and expect them to easily crawl back to them. Sharing my view on why you should not be friends with an ex is very therapeutic for me because it helps to talk about hard times in your life, and helps in the healing process. If there are teens out there that are best friends with their ex’s, I applaud them for that, especially if their ex has a new significant other. However, many teens out there that start talking to their ex again, when their ex has a new significant other, believe that ignited feelings will surface, and their ex will come back to them. In reality, that is not the case, and being friends with an ex will erupt thoughts like these that will mess with your mind. “Leave the past behind and move on;” Even though it sounds hard to do, it really is that simple. It just takes time. Eventually, you will find someone new.

Heartbroken- Why it is unhealthy to be friends with your ex. is a post from: Radical Parenting

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Alyssa Rae is a 16 year old from Rochester, New York. She loves her friends, her sisters and thunderstorms.

“There’s something wrong with me. Feeling glass on my arm, seeing and feeling the skin separate, watching the drops of blood form and bead right there. Knowing I and I alone caused that is strangely beautiful. It is so comforting to be in complete control of myself, my actions, and my pain… It’s so soothing, refreshing, invigorating, to have done that to myself… I’ve brought some of the pain from inside to the outside.” June 9th, 11:22 p.m.

Teen Depression is not a small problem. About 20% of teens will go through depression before they are adults. 10-15% teens have symptoms of depression at any one time, and 5% are dealing with major depression at any one time. 8.3% of teenagers have depression for a year. 20-40% of teens will have more than one episode in a year, and 70% will have more than one before they are adults. Only 33% or less get help.

Some teens who don’t receive help turn to other resolves. Like suicide, or self inflicted pain. Suicide is the third most common death of teens. I read that and was startled. Not all teens take the ending-your-life road. Many cut or scratch. It’s a very strange relief. Pretty temporary problem delayer. For me and many others, cutting brought a slight lessening to the pain, and a sense of control. There are many forms of self harm. Including but not limited to cutting, scratching, eating disorders, hair pulling, self-hitting and burning. Those are the most common forms. I think that self harm is a different kind of pain from that is suffered from with depression. It’s more tangible and controlled. Depression causes an invisible, but terrible and uncontrolled pain. It feels like there is nothing you can do about it. When I was depressed I felt completely alone, abandoned and very hurt. I didn’t understand why bad things happened to me. I knew that I couldn’t control what other people did, and that I shouldn’t let their actions affect me personally, but it did. I hated how I was so miserable because of other people. I wanted me to be in control of me, of my pain, and ultimately my feelings. For a while I stopped eating, I could control what I looked like and my weight. Then I started cutting. I could cause my own pain, make myself bleed. It was nice that it was me making me hurt, not someone else.

Many depressed teens hide the pain and suffering. If you see someone suffering, you should help them. Getting help is a very hard step to take, but 90% of teens who receive medical or professional help are successful in their recovery. Some signs and symptoms of depression are:
- Withdrawal or disinterest in activies
- Self-isolating
- Change in appetite or eating habits
- Change in sleep patterns
- Seem more irritable or on edge, angry
- Difficulty concentrating
- Restless and agitated
- Lack of energy
- Very sensitive to criticism
- Overall sadness

Parents, family, teachers, friends; If you see a teen with some of these signs talk to them, or help them get help. The teen may be calling out for help. Getting help was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Teens with depression or other mental illnesses (such as bipolar disorder) are 12 times more likely to kill themselves than any other teen at any given point. Depressed teens can’t make it on their own. They often feel worthless and alone. Help them, reach out and show them their worth.

Suicide and self harm are not the answers. Self harm makes things worse in the long run. Tell someone you trust if you have thoughts about death, suicide or hurting yourself. Depression in teens may be more common than ever but there are also more resources than ever. A teen can receive help and recover. All they need is someone to notice.

1800-273-TALK is the national suicide prevention hotline. Call 911 in an emergency.

To read more about teen depression go to www.teendepression.org/articles5.html or helpguide.org/mental/depression_teens.htm  Those are the sites I used for my information.

Teens and Depression is a post from: Radical Parenting

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This post is from our series on Virtual students and how school has become more and more online.  See our other posts from the Virtual Student series here.

The Internet has provided so many tools for students.

1) The Google Suite

Click here to view the embedded video.

Use gmail, google reader as your RSS feeder, gchat to talk with classmates and google documents to work on group projects, study guides and submit papers.

2) Virtual Flashcards

Click here to view the embedded video.

Virtual flashcards are a great way to review.  They have ones that are premade and you can make your own.

3) Skype and iChat

Click here to view the embedded video.

Use your webcam to connect with classmates, attend teachers virtual office hours and screen share when working with partners.

4) Educational Video Sites

Click here to view the embedded video.

Missed class? Don’t understand a concept? Need homework help? Teachertube and other educational video sites are great ways to brush up on topics, get help and get ahead.

5) Reports

Click here to view the embedded video.

Here we demo how to use a number of different sites for your reports.

To get all of our video tutorials of virtual studying, including the other 50 free websites for students and teachers, see below…

Check out our Study Skills Bootcamp:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Are you looking for something to do this summer for yourself or your child that will hep you prepare for the school year? Do you need help with organization, test taking skills, speed reading or ending procrastination? The study skills webinar is for you.  We have 8 videos to guide you or your student through our study skills bootcamp and help them get ready for school or get ahead mid-year.

• 35 Topics Covered on Study Skills, Organization and ‘Aceing’ Your Way through School (Topics here)

• Eight 30-minute Videos: Re-watchable interactive videos with demos, images, activities and discussion.

• 60 Page eHandout: Full course outline, activities, challenges, self-quizzes and tips not included in the video. See Table of Contents here

• 15 Free Gifts (see here.)

More details here.

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5 Ways Students Can Use Free Websites to Virtually Study is a post from: Radical Parenting

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by Jennifer Wagner of Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology and writer of a Parenting Teen page on the Examiner.

One of the best ways for parents to connect with their teens is through the love of reading. There are many places on the Internet to find recommended books for teens. The reviews will allow you to choose books that you think you both will like.

Here is a list of 10 great websites to help you choose books for teens:

1.Teen Reads – This website has everything. It is broken down into so many sections, you can really narrow down your the area that you browse through. They have sections for Authors, Reviews, Cool & New, New in Paperback, Podcasts/Videos, Coming Soon, Features, Series, Ultimate Reading List, Book Clubs, Books into Movies, Newsletter and Search. On the Home Page, featured items from each category are shown. There are also polls, links to award winners and interviews with authors.

2. Teens Read Too – This website is on a much smaller scale. However, it is different. There are pictures of all of the books that they have reviewed. If you click on the book you will be taken to a page with a great deal more information about the book, including other reviews. They also have author interviews, monthly contests, an ask the librarian page, an ask the screenwriter page, and a page with links to homework help websites and crisis hotlines.

3. Reading Rants? Out of the Ordianry Teen Booklists! – This website which has been around since 1998 is now in blog format. Teens can now respond to the reviews in each blog post. The sidebar has a list of the top ten books for each of the past six years. The discussion format is nice, but to see reviews of many books you would have to go through the archives. The other sites are better if you are looking for a book for right now. This blog is something that is better to subscribe to and then read regularly for books for the future.

4. Readergirlz – This is a website for teens to talk about books with their friends, getting the inside scoop on the book, celebrate strong girls in books, reach out to others and inspire girls. Probably the top book website specifically for teenage girls.

5. Guys Read – A web-based literacy program for boys to encourage them to read more by recommended books that males love. A great father/son bonding site, something there is very little of.

6. Free Book Friday Teens – Every week they feature a new young adult author with an exclusive author interview podcast or written Q&A and host a drawing to win free signed copies of his/her book.

7. Teen Ink Book Reviews – Teen Ink is a national teen magazine, book series, and website devoted entirely to teenage writing, art, photos and forums. The book reviews in Teen Ink are all written by teens. However, the reviews are of regular published young adult books.

8. Harper Teen – Although this is a website from a publisher, so all the books written about are published by Harper, it is still a fun website to use. There a still a wide variety of books, and one of the benefits is that you can browse inside them. There are also many contests and other features.

9. L-B Teens – Another website from a publisher, this time Hachette. Here you can actually download some of the books for free and form reading groups.

10. Mother-Daugther Book Club – The founder of this website, Cindy Hudson, shares the same philosophy that I do. Connecting with your teens through reading can bring you closer together.The site contains reading lists, reviews, interviews, and resources.

If you liked this post, please check out others like it on Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology and NY Parenting Teens Examiner.

10 Great Book Websites for Teens [Guest Post] is a post from: Radical Parenting

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Daphne is a sixteen year old from California whose interests pertain to nearly everything, but often revolve around writing, dance, playing music, and family and friends.

    For most students, the school year is already well on its way in mid-fall. The virtuous thing for you to do would be to come straight home and hit the books. Perhaps you won’t even be able to go home until you’ve taken a detour to tend to those extracurricular activities that will prove college application viewers that you care for something outside of academics. However, autumn also marks a new season for various television programs that may compete with performing studious responsibilities. Whatever you choose, these shows may be gab-worthy topics among pop culture-conscious teens:

1. Glee

    This musical television series appeared especially promising after the pilot episode’s airing in May and the popularity of the cast’s cover of “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. Although Glee demonstrates a not-too-original story about the convergence of different high school cliques in a singing club, the impressive showmanship of a cast hailing from television to Broadway only heightens its audience appeal.

2. So You Think You Can Dance

The reality and dance competition show So You Think You Can Dance surprised audiences at the end of this summer’s season by announcing that the beginning of its seventh season would begin in the fall (meaning that while the judges were appearing on-screen for live shows twice a week, they were also flying around the country to hold auditions). So You Think You Can Dance has awarded many opportunities for dancers to shine in the national spotlight, including Emmy awards for four of the show’s choreographers.

3. House, M.D. 

    House entered its sixth season in September. Despite the main character being a misanthropic but ingenious diagnostician, House reigns as a critically acclaimed medical drama. In the opening for this season, House has made a transition from the doctor to the patient when he admits himself into a mental hospital.

4. Gossip Girl

    Gossip Girl is based on the book series about an anonymous blogger’s observations of a circle of students at an elite private academy in New York City’s Upper East Side. The scandalous entries of “Gossip Girl” and the focus on a drama-riddled teenage social circle prove to be an addictive concern for viewers who tune into it over and over.

5. Fringe

   Although seemingly reminiscent of The X-Files, Fringe encounters the sci-fi genre in a new way through characters that daily immerse themselves in fringe science, or teleportation, flesh-dissolving toxins, parallel universes, and other fantastical exploits. The cause of most of their grief is bioterrorist organization ZFT, who use Earth to experiment with fringe science. Even if Fringe is only into its second season, the new and engaging storylines for each of the episodes in the first resulted in promising ratings.

Top TV for Teens this Fall is a post from: Radical Parenting

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                Bullying is something we deal with all our lives and often on a daily basis. However, it becomes a major issue in high school. Although bullying in elementary schools can be dreadful, from my experience, they just don’t live up to what happens in a high school.  I am a grade twelve student who despises high school and no adult can seem to understand why. Maybe it’s because bullying wasn’t as intense when they were in high school due to the lack of technology. But now the technology is overwhelming to some and bullies use it as one of their tools to make fun of and mock the people around them.

When MySpace first came out it had to be my favorite thing in the world; I thought nothing was cooler. I could talk to my friends, rank them, and look at and upload photos. However, I never realized how awful it can be for some people until I was on the other side of it. Near the end of grade nine I began to be bullied and since no one is tough enough to say anything to my face they would all make fun of me through MySpace.

Eventually, since making fun of me online was so easy, they began calling me names in the hallways, throwing things at me, and actually coming up to me and yelling at me and trying to fight me.  Being bullied is something no one ever thinks they are going to experience but at one point or another everyone is bullied to some extent whether they have done something wrong, or somebody just doesn’t like them.

In my opinion, verbal bullying is the absolute worst kind of bullying because it emotionally scars you, while being hit is not likely to scar you as much. When a person bullies someone verbally they pick out each and every flaw that person has, this is very likely to hurt you more psychologically than being punched in the face. However, it all depends on the situation you are in. Also, cyber bullying is basically a form of verbal bullying that I also find it to be very mentally painful.

Adults understand the concepts of being verbally or physically bullied because they had that in their day, however they do not understand the concept of cyber bullying very well because this is very new to them. I believe technology is great thing but it is a big barrier between adults and teens in many issues like bullying. Just like we are educated on bullying our parents need to be as well so they can understand what their child is going through.

Bullying, First Hand is a post from: Radical Parenting

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This article is by Renae and Maria Elena, the writers of the Ask A Teen Column where readers can write in to ask our teens for advice, email boostforyouth@gmail.com for your question.

“How should parents have the “sex talk?” What do parents do wrong and what should we do right?”

It’s usually really uncomfortable for teens to talk to their parents about sex. I think the easiest way to make the transition from not talking about sex at all to at least approaching the subject would be to watch TV shows or movies with your teens that have sexual references. Not only sexual references but comical sexual references. If your teen sees you can laugh about that kind of thing, it’s a sign you are comfortable with sexual topics, which makes talking to you about sex easier for your teen. My mom never had the talk with me and I’m glad she didn’t but it was really awkward when she out-of-the-blue asked me one day “Have you had sex?” We had never talked about anything really personal like that before so when she just sprung the subject I instantly closed up and wouldn’t talk to her. There are a lot of kids and parents out there who think sex should not be discussed in front of the other. I do think that it should be a topic talked about but in a light sense. It is important that teens are being safe but if you want to get that point across you cant make sex seem like that big of a deal otherwise, teens will be embarrassed about it. You could even talk to your kid about an experience of yours (NOT USING TOO MUCH DETAIL) that might make them more comfortable.

~Renae is a 16-year-old from Lowell, MI. She is a creative individual who spends a lot of her time reading and learning Japanese because she would like to become a Journalist in Japan.

~ Maria Elena is a 17-year-old from Wilmington, DE. She enjoys dancing and baking and her favorite subject is Math.

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Hello Readers,

We were on CNN this week, check out the video here: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2009/11/03/dcl.blog.social.kids.cnn

Looking for Families in Buenos Aires, Montevideo and Santiago Please!

Top Articles:

The Top 10 Problems with the Internet for Youth

From online gambling to online harassment, some common concerns of youth and the Internet.

Social Networks for Teachers and Students: 5 Ways to Use Them

There are many ways social networks can enhance education, like having online debates and combining fun with school work.

Articles from Guests:

11-3-2009 Picks of the Week

What we are reading up on this week, from transforming picky eaters to what secrets girls keep and why.

Talking to Your Kids About, ahem, You Know What (S.E.X) [Guest Post]

How to have the talk with your kids!

Articles from Teens:

Is College Still the Brass Ring?

Teen writer Rachel’s special guest post on the Big Little Wolf blog discusses what she and most teens want out of college.

Apply Now, Or Wait?
Teen writer Becca’s insights on the pros and cons of early decision are featured as a guest post on college and career success coach, Bob Roth’s website.

The Sticky 16: Sweet Sixteen Party Situations

How to deal with the possible stresses that come with a high school party or dance: from run-ins with the ex, to a torn dress.

Teen Perfection Through Sexting and Bullying

A healthy reminder that teen perfection is a myth and dangerous for teen girls to try to obtain.

5 Tips to Manage Stress for Teens During Senior Year [Teen Stress Article]

Effective problem solving for managing teen stress during the crucial final year of high school.

Getting A College Acceptance Letter: Importance of Extracurricular Activities

To get into a top college, every little bit helps, especially extracurricular activities like sports or volunteerism.

We love the new: TSGQuickDishing Blog!

This Week’s Sponsor:

Dr. Tim Jordan’s Camp WeLoKi

A truly unique experience for kids and teens ages 8-17 to gain life skills to deal with everyday issues such as peer pressure, stress with school, friendship issues, respect with parents, sibling rivalry, loss/divorce, anxiety, body image and so much more. We focus on empowerment, self-discovery, personal growth, leadership and a whole lot of FUN during our Fall & Spring Weekend Retreats and

Week-Long Summer Camps.

Contact us Today:   (636) 530-1883 or  Jessie@Weloki.com

Want to sponsor us? Check out how you can!

Check us out in Spanish here!

If you like this blog…

If you have a second…

If you are just feeling generous…

Please vote for me on the Bloggers Choice Awards!

It takes two seconds to register and I am going for best parenting blog.

THANK YOU FOR READING, AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOTE!

11/6/09: Articles This Week is a post from: Radical Parenting

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Cutting has been around a long time and it seems to be a topic no one talks about, but everyone knows exists.  I get about 5 to 10 emails per week specifically about self-mutilation.  Cutting, bruising, puncturing or pulling out hair or eyelashes—these are all forms of self-mutilation.

If you have thought about cutting or are worried about someone in your life who might be, here are a few ideas to think about.  After speaking with a couple of therapists, former cutters and teen interns, here are a list of topics I wanted to mention.

What to Know About Teens and Cutting or Self-Mutilation

1) The Pain Brings Relief

There are many reasons that people self-mutilate, one is that cutters and self-mutilators often express the feeling of relief once they hurt themselves and they feel pain.  They have so much emotional pain that somehow the physical pain feels good, like a pressure gauge opening or numbing cream to the internal pain.

2) Someone Might See

Another reason that therapists point to for self mutilation is a cry for attention.  Some cutters put their marks or scars in a location on their body that might be seen by someone, and this is their way of asking for help with their internal crisis.

3) Cry for Attention

There is a cry for help and a cry for attention.  One of the many issues that teens brought up while talking about this issue is that they feel friends of girls surface cut themselves “just to get attention” and it is not really dangerous.  This may or may not be true but I think it is ESSENTIAL to point out, whether or not they are doing it as a cry for help or for attention something is wrong.  If they need attention that badly then they do need help whether the cutting brings physical relief or not.

4) Not always a suicide attempt, but accidents happen

Many teens report knowing many friends who cut themselves occasionally, but do not seem to worried about it because ‘they are not doing it seriously.’ I think that self-mutilation is a serious issue and mistakes, cuts to deep, infection and not to mention the psychological damage it can do means it is serious.

5) Control

Often times, therapists point out that cutting can be used as a way to express emotions and keep control over what they feel like are uncontrollable emotions or life surroundings.

Most importantly, everyone should take cutting seriously and confront the issue directly.  It should be brought to a school counselor, therapist or parent as soon as possible.

Teens Cutting: 5 Things to Know About Teens Who Cut Themselves is a post from: Radical Parenting

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Hello Readers,

We are working hard to get all of our countries done for our next book Parenting Is Flat: How Globalization Has Changed Familynomics and Parenting

Overview: For families and individuals to get greater insight into how digitalization is changing family structure and prepare and prevent for negative changes and encourage the positive effects globalization brings.  Many young people also need to gain a more global perspective and understand how important it is to be aware of the world around them.

We just came back from Japan, Korea and Singapore and are now headed to:

Buenos Aires, Argentina

Santiago and Valpraiso, Chile

Montevideo, Uruguay

We are so excited to see the South American perspective on parenting.  We are looking for families, students and translators in these countries.  We are looking for families to interview for the book on what it is like to grow up and parent in these countries.  We are also looking for students who we could pay to translate the interviews with families and possibly even help us with some street interviewing.

Does anyone know anyone? Please email us: manager@radicalincorporated.com

Thank you!

Vanessa and the Teen Team

Looking for Families in Buenos Aires, Montevideo and Santiago Please! is a post from: Radical Parenting

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