Rabbit Write Podcasts

Ask Rabbit: Finding a Balance in your Dating Personality

rabbit.white@rabbitwrite.com (Rabbit White) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:36:24 +0000

Answering: “How do I find a balance between being ‘Heart on the Sleeve-Guy’ and ‘The Asshole’ & on the flip-side, finding a balance between being ‘The Party Girl’ & ‘The Relationship Girl’

Also on YouTube!

Show Notes– First I’d like to apologize for being so hetero-normative in this video! I think a lot of this advice could work for more than hetero-relationships, so please excuse my girl-guy examples.

Heart on the Sleeve Guy vs. Bad Boy

Men are like anyone else, they long for a relationship and the security that comes along with it. That’s not strictly female territory. This should be acknowledged.
On the other hand there is an aspect of masculinity which has a fierce desire for independence, freedom and self-efficacy. This can work in the relationship as well, by providing stability and freedom, this should also be explored.
Be an equal opportunity asshole. You need to stay honest and speak your mind about everything. Honest about when you need space and independence. But also be honest about your feelings, all of that heart on the sleeve stuff. That same mouthiness needs to be there about everything.
Heart on the sleeve guys are passionate about really understanding how they feel, getting the full depth, breadth and awesomeness of your feelings. Don’t clam up about being assertive about your independent side. Be as committed to communicating the other aspects of masculinity as you are about the depth of your emotions.

Relationship Girl vs. PartyGirl

Relationship Girl: She is always looking for partners, everything would be better if she had her better half. She is in a search for “the one”, believes in true love/love at first sight. She treats every potential she meets as though they could be the one.
What she needs is to not dote on every potential she meets because they could be perfect but to get to understanding whether or not that person is really the one and move on if they aren’t, trusting her gut instincts. I think that what is missing in many “relationships girls” is an element of independence.
Relationship girl tends to get these intense crushes and leave it up to the object of her affection to reciprocate, or even make the first move. She needs to bring the ball into her court. She needs to be assertive about what she wants. You can tell the people you are dating what you are looking for up-front.
When you have sex with someone is up to you, but I think it helps for a woman in a hetero pairing to be in control of the sex: when you have it, how you have it, etc.
Party Girl: Is seen as fiercely independent. She has lots of relationships but not the kind that lead to marriage. Maybe she’s with the wrong kind of partner.
Party Girl needs to defend what she wants for her future . Party Girl needs to stop denying her possible future of a long term relationship.
Redefine what you want, what you are looking for in a long term relationship. Reflect and imagine what you truly want your life to look like. Define your virtues, you can have your dream partner if you find and acknowledge what you really want!

I’d love to hear from you: askrabbit@rabbitwrite.com

Ask Rabbit: How to not “just be friends” with someone you like

rabbit.white@rabbitwrite.com (Rabbit White) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 19:42:53 +0000

Also on YouTube!

Show Notes

Letting yourself settle into just friend category with someone you like is a mistake that guys stereotypically make, but women do too. The reason that going from friends to more doesn’t work isn’t always because they aren’t interested in you, but because they already have you as “friend” in their mental tab. Going for more crosses a boundary and is confusing. It is also mental-hell for the “friend” with feelings. If you’ve ever been there (and who hasn’t) you know it isn’t a place to re-visit. In this video, Ned and I discuss how to stay out of the friend zone with someone you like.

Know what you want from the relationship early on. You don’t have to be vocal about it, but be assertive.
Don’t do “friend stuff” with people you are interested in dating. Try to actually connect, ask the big questions, don’t avoid things like values, politics or religion.
It’s about taking dating seriously, but that doesn’t mean being serious all of the time. When you discuss the serious stuff it leaves you more open to be free and creative together.
Don’t be stingy with your heart, time or money. Throw yourself completely in then ask, is the other person reciprocating?
Don’t date a lot of people at once. This also means don’t let things go on too long. If you know it isn’t going anywhere, shut it down.
If you are already friends & then develop feelings just go for it. Don’t do the “but it could ruin our friendship” thing because holding it in is also going to ruin your friendship!

As always please send any questions on yr mind to askrabbit@rabbitwrite.com

Ask Rabbit: How to Create Change in your Life

rabbit.white@rabbitwrite.com (Rabbit White) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:46:13 +0000

Audio Only Above

On YouTube, too!

Show Notes:

The question at hand is: how to begin changing your life, how to create change when you are at rock bottom. I think that changing your life is often about changing patterns. With the help from the book The Courage to Heal, here is is a breakdown for creating change and breaking patterns:

Become aware of Behavior you want to change
Just becoming aware of the things you want to change is a huge step.
Examine Reasons you Developed that Behavior
Ask yourself in a quiet moment, when else do I remember feeling this way? What was going on in my life then? There may be several instances that come up, explore it.
Have compassion for what you’ve done in the past
You did the best you could in the situation you were in and your choices got you to where you are today. You can also focus on the better choices you are making now.
Find new Ways to Meet your Needs
Take your needs seriously, all of your parts are there for a reason. You can ask, what would this part rather be doing?
Get Support
Your environment is a big factor in the ability to make changes. This means getting the enablers out of your life, the people who are part of the cycle. These people may be threatened by your change because that means they also have to change. People who are living the patterns you are trying to break will continually suck you in.
Make Several Tries and Be Persistent
This is a slow process. When you begin to change you will get backlash from other parts of yourself. Just stay with it, think of it as an entire lifestyle change. Check in with yourself to see how you feel about your progress.

Bonus tips:

Name your Fears: Make a list of the things you’d have to overcome if you actually changed. It may be easy now to see why you were scared! But seeing them on paper can also be an empowering shift.
It is okay if you stumble. That is part of creating change, stick with it and forgive yourself when you slip.
Take your time. There is no race with self-work.
Make a list of how far you’ve already come in your self-work. What have you already accomplished? Where were you a month ago? 6 months ago? Give yourself credit!
After acknowledging how far you’ve come, make goals for yourself, work out ways to work towards these goals.
Celebrate those successes! Ned and I always keep a bottle of champagne on hand for our successes, no matter how big or small they may seem.

I’d love to answer any questions or help with whatever is on your mind! send your questions to askrabbit@rabbitwrite.com

Ask Rabbit Episode 2: Ex’s on Facebook

rabbit.white@rabbitwrite.com (Rabbit White) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:52:30 +0000

Ask Rabbit Episode 2: Ex’s on Facebook and should you be friends with them

Second Video Podcast [Video and Audio at bottom]

We’re back with better quality and the same Webster’s dictionary to answer your relationship questions. Be sure to watch to the end for some excellent bonus kitten footage.

Remember to send in questions to askrabbit@rabbitwrite.com

Subscribe to the Podcast or now on iTunes

Ask Rabbit Episode 1: True Love

rabbit.white@rabbitwrite.com (Rabbit White) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:45:15 +0000

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Ask Rabbit Episode 1: True Love, does it exist and how to find it!

First Video Podcast [Audio at bottom of post]

I am excited and nervous to present my attempt at video and podcasting! Please excuse the poor quality . I do promise that the next installment will be better quality simply b/c I forgot my camera had a vid recorder that is probs way better than this shoddy webcam. Also you may ignore the martini drinking… I thought it might help with the nerves but didn’t realize I’d look like a drunken great auntie.. BUT please do note the strategically placed dictionary, positioned just behind us… so that you know we’re like, smart.

I’m really excited about the prospect of doing more of these so please indulge me with any of your questions (life, relationship, sex, whatever!) or things you’d like to see covered on this segment!! feel free to ask Q’s in the comments or email me.

Send in questions to askrabbit@rabbitwrite.com

Show Notes: The book that we mention and recommend is Getting the Love you Want by Dr. Harville Hendrix. While this book is called a “guide for couples” I really think it would be just as valuable for a single person. Also with the note we ended on, I was all pumped about about an idea afterward: Ladies spend so much time on their appearances. What if instead of going to the gym everyday or spending hours getting ready or shopping or whatever what if you put that time into self-work. This is sort of what Ned was doing before I met him…I think it brings alot to a relationship when one person is already quite self aware. Just a thought.

Subscribe to the Podcast or on iTunes