Pushed to one side

The Holy Ghost?

2010-02-26T19:34:00.004Z

Provided, of course, you count the first two WGOs as Father and Son, this could well be some sort of ineffable spirit or other. Interestingly, to me anyway, I always pictured the HG as a horse. A HGG, as it were...

It occurs to me that I could be writing all new things about the current, modern and up-to-date today, but honestly I can't be arsed. It's all so fucking depressing. I mean, who cares what I think about Glum Prick and his Godwin's Law triggering rhetoric? Who cares what anyone thinks about such things? I mean, it's not like it'll matter in a couple of million years time.

I'd rather listen to newly minted Final Shemp tunes and wish I had decent speakers on which to enjoy them. Oh, and the time, energy and resources to complete things to my liking as opposed to having quarter-complete bits of crap that I almost like but can only hear faults in. Someday.

Actually, going to noise gigs I have been impressed by the sheer amount of wire people tend to have, and the number of toys they bring along. Witness.

Anyway, that's enough of the modern world for now, time to step back into 2006 to see what was preoccupying my preoccupations back then:

Hello, good evening and welcome to this very special Spring round-up (we’ll ignore the fact that it’s snowing
outside at the time of writing).
To begin with, we shed a tear for the noble Kanye West,
whose words have been falling on deaf ears. The antigangsta
rapper must be feeling that some fans are Missing
The Point, after some dickhead opened fire on a
steward outside a gig in Birmingham, shooting him in
the face three times. If only it had happened outside a
50 Cent gig (yes, we’ll never get tired of slaggin’ aul’
Fiddy), who has been advised by label boss Eminem
NOT to release an album this summer.
Good man, Marshall!
Of this decision, Fiddy said, 'My motivation
wasn’t really right. I get a little
frustrated from time to time and I got
so much material that I make, that
isn’t being heard, that I was like, "Yo,
I just wanna release an album again."
And he was like, 'Nah, you gotta wait.'
I don’t care about none of that [timing],
I just want the record to go out,
but it just makes better sense to take
our time and re-create the new album.'
Huh? Oh, right… And just for anyone else who loves the
gibberish this moron slabbers as much as I: 'A lot of the
music that comes out of the South is kind of simplified
and I think it’s kinda 'cause they just wanna have a good
time,' he says.' They don’t wanna think about what
[they] just said.... They really didn’t make sense, but
they made sense in a way and they just wanna hear
something while they’re actually partying and it works
for them. But when they don’t take the time to make it
the highest quality possible, it hurts the actual hip-hop
[genre]. People wanna make music they can get away
with as opposed to the best possible music they can
make. They’ll lower the grade of music.' The race to the
bottom is already on, Fiddy, and YOU are winning.
More necromancy this month as Alice In Chains do the
unthinkable. Over to you, Jerry Cantrell: 'There will be
some Alice in Chains shows this year — that’s a fact.' Let
it lie! Layne Stayley is dead. Form new bands, boys… Or
else fuck off and leave us alone…
Also digging up the past this month is Trent Reznor of
Nine Inch Nails, who has managed to snag goth legends
Bauhaus for his forthcoming tour. Next up, the re-introduction
of Fields of the Nephilim to polite society.
Where’s me flour? Bad news for fans of music as Wolf
Parade declare more activity is on the horizon in the
form of Spencer Krug’s solo project, Sunset Rubdown.
It’s a shit name, isn’t it? Avoid.
Avoid also Sting — he will be touring again soon.
But, on the bright side, Tool are soon to break their fiveyear
silence when they release their new album, '10,000
Days' next month. The long-winded noise-makers have
inexplicably continued to keep the loyalty of their fans
despite being lazy bastards who take part in some very
dodgy side-projects… Wow! What a
band!
Rick Rubin has not tired of dealing
with clapped-out old fucks (sorry
Johnny!) after his brush with Neil Diamond
— he’s back in the studio with
RAWK! faves, Slayer. Why? Money!
Not-at-all-funny-but-it-made-melaugh-
cos-I’m-a-bad-bastard. The
Event of the year so far is the stabbing
of former Jackson 5 drummer,
Johnny Jackson. Nobody seems to
agree on whether or not he was an actual Jackson Jackson.
Michael said, “Ow!”
And finally… The man with a name that is TOO easy to
parody, James Cunt Blunt, has become the first Brit to
climb to No. 1 in the Billboard charts since Elton John in
1997. Which just goes to show: Americans ARE stupid.
Stephen McMullin

A few moments of fevered excitement... Quivering...

2010-02-21T08:19:00.002Z

Hey-ho and away we go... I'm continuing my self-aggrandizement/debasement (depending on your sense of humour and/or point of view) with the next What's Going On? column - this one from February or March 2006... Which is four years ago now...In fact, I can't open the PDF, so this was found in an email and I see I submitted it on Feb 16, 2006... I like ellipses...

But before I go ahead with that (perhaps I should be commenting on them along the way, I dunno) I just want to point out that I am all palm-sweats and belly-trembles at the news that my longest-running man-crush, Eugene S. Robinson of Oxbow, is going to be playing at The Lab in March. This is especially exciting to me because I have recently started 'working' (volunteering, actually) there as some form of photographer. (You can see the results of my unhandiwork here, but more specifically here and here.) Yeah, I get to hang out with all the cool guys.

Well, OK, I get to be in the room while the cool guys converse among themselves and ignore me - perhaps occasionally glancing my way in a manner that suggests there's a fart in the air that is undoubtedly mine - but isn't that better than being some loser who pays to go to gigs?

Anyway, tomorrow is Godwaffle Noise Pancakes and I have to get up before midday to be there, um, before midday so I can fotograf it and then blog it. Woohoo!

I like Thomas Dimuzio (aka Mega Gord 256, seemingly) so I look forward to that jazz.

But enough, this is almost like a real blog post or something - treat your eyes and brain to some much-younger Steve and his wafflings. Take it away, Younger Steve:

Ah, another month another load of awards shows. Well, we've all seen 'em, sworn at 'em and generally called their whole existence into question. And that is all I will say on the subject.

Well, almost.

Grrrrrrrrrreat news for the world in general - Coldplay are going to fuck off, for a while at least. When accepting an award he didn't deserve at the Brits recently, Chris Martin was heard to whine, "That's it." He said, "We won't see you for a very long time."

The glee in the room was palpable and the rest of the band (whatever their bland names are) were even heard to whisper, "Great, we can form that funky jazz-techno group we've been working on." Go to it boys, and good luck.

Other over-rated wastes of space causing a stir recently include Madonna, who has been stirring up all sorts of rumours about her marriage to That Guy Who Made Lock Stock... We at Connected can exclusively reveal the truth - it was a shameless publicity stunt to get people interested in the craggy diva before she goes on tour later this year.

Pete Doherty astounded fans and critics alike by not being sent to jail for the remainder of his natural life. The Babyshambles frontman - who is currently in the running for the Stupidest Bleedin' Druggie On The Planet Award - managed to get off with little more than a slap on the wrist, despite strolling around with more drugs in and on his person than a gang of Colombian drug mules on a weekend pleasure cruise. The mind boggles.

Fans of misery and disappointment will be over-joyed to hear that Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlain are indeed resurrecting the Smashing Pumpkins. One question Billy, why?

For the answer to this one we must look at recent offerings from the pen of Billy. Zwan, bombed. Solo album, bombed in style. Book of poems, "I didn't even know he'd released one!" is the usual response... So, flog that dead horse, you crazy slap-head.

Proving that having the biggest selling British debut album of all time cuts no flap-jacks against the raging tide of hip-hop, the Arctic Monkeys were booted down to number two in the charts by nine-years-dead rapper, Notorious B.I.G. Fair play to the fat fuck for still going. If only all our dead were this productive, there'd be no need to get up for work on a Monday morning...

Speaking of dead people, rapper Busta Rhymes sees them, but he won't tell them damn cops nothin' about it. Rhymes' bodyguard was the recipient of 14 shots, fired from an AK-47 assault rifle outside the studio the artist was filming a video in. Police, aside from being irked by the lack of co-operation from the rap camp, believe it was part of an argument that spilled onto the street.*

An argument? With someone holding an AK-47? There's one for the Darwin awards, anyway...

That's all for now, it only remains for me to say - Barry Manilow's comeback. Who the fuck is buying these records?!

*There is a terribly unfunny in-joke in the next WGO regarding this particular bit of off-the-cuff ranting. Apparently I was supposed to insert 'allegedly' in there somewhere, didn't and got one of those amusing Ed. notes that I love so much inserted in the text. Marvellous! Just so you know, for when you don't read the next post, either...

The first ever What's Going On...

2010-02-17T02:50:00.003Z

From way back in January of 2006! The things I was getting het up about then... I don't even remember why I cared. Still... I do like the bit about Ian Curtis.

You could be forgiven for thinking, after the year that was in it, that Bob Dylan was the closest any human being had ever come to God.

You’d be wrong, however, as that mantle has been unashamedly grasped by none other than ex-Verve warbler, Richard Ashcroft, who said recently of the Big G, “I love the man, I feel like him.” But he’s not just blowing his own, oh no, apparently: “There’s only Richard Ashcroft and Liam Gallagher who know what it feels like. We’re the only ones who know how many people we’ve touched and how powerful that is. I feel like I’m on a one-man mission. I’m here to use my tools and my gift to take them to a higher level.”

Gallagher, when asked, said, “Who the fuck’s Richard Ashcroft?” After careful explanation, he retorted with, “Well, who the fuck’s this God character then?”

In more enlightening news, Mercury Prize-winning hip hopper, Ms Dynamite, recently strutted her stuff all over a policewoman’s face in London after being, um, asked to stop kicking a nightclub door. She was taken into custody and charged with disorderly conduct and assaulting a police officer – although now she’s no doubt regretting her decision to leave the Glock at home. Imagine the scandal? Imagine the record sales! Sigh…

The hip hop don’t stop there, no not neither. Patrick “The Paedophile Out Of Donnie Darko” Swayze is planning to follow up his 1987 Dirty Dancing hit with a rap single. He was overheard talking his way out of a mugging by saying, “Rap rhythms are an emotional undercurrent for ballads.” This melted the heart of the 12-year-old crack addict holding the knife to his balls and he was allowed to go. The single is tentatively titled, I Still Gots My Wallet, Yo.

It’s not all bad news though, for noise fans anyway. Sonic Youth are also in the studio recording their seven-hundredth and eighteenth album. They’re working in their favourite New York studio and had given some songs names, like Pink Steam, Do You Believe In Rapture, Or, and Sleepin’ Around. The as-yet untitled album is due out sometime this year.

Guitarist Lee Ranaldo said of the new material: “Some of it seems to be an extension of the last couple of records…” More of the same, eh, Lee? He goes on, “Some hearkens forward into a new territory and also back to earlier, more dissonant and atonal stuff we’ve done.” In a nutshell – more of the same.

Interestingly enough Joy Division will be reforming to record songs for a film about the band. Presumably it will also cover the death – and, it would seem, the recent resurrection – of Ian Curtis. He won’t like that…

Terror strikes the heart of Nashville as Bee Gee Barry Gibb splashes out $2.5million on Johnny Cash’s house. I hope he haunts you like no country singer has ever haunted a squeaky-voiced gimp before, Barry!

And as if that wasn’t enough tragedy and mayhem for one lifetime – Van Halen are threatening to reunite! Lead singer David Lee Roth was recently quoted as saying, “I talked to the drummer [Alex Van Halen] and the inevitable will happen…” Do you have to make it sound so sinister though?

Seriously, who’s next? Hawkwind, perhaps…

Oh, and Tom Jones got knighted alongside Arcade Fire, Arctic Monkeys, Declan O’Rourke and the Conway Sisters. Bono didn’t get one this time, but he said he doesn’t mind because he’s the Pope’s favourite.

Probably a bad idea... But, hey, bonus material!

2010-02-16T07:52:00.005Z

I don't know quite why, but it occurred to me this evening that I could squeeze an few blog posts out of recycling old stuff I wrote for Connected in the not-so-distant past. I mean, why not?

Obviously there are a great many reasons for why not, but I'm going to disregard all of them and plough on regardless. A distinct lack of readership on here emboldens me somewhat, because this is mostly so I can look back over my old babblings and pat myself on the back for being such a witty sort, wince with embarrassment over my clunky use of the English language and perhaps even learn something in the process. Who knows maybe I'll get that Harper Collins deal out of it.

So, without further ado I give you the What's Going On? column that was recently NOT published in December last year thanks to various things, not least Editor Niall's tobacco-inspired heart attack. Yipes! It could happen to any of us. Well, you. Certainly not me.

Ahem.

Here goes:

Alternative-to-the-Alternative WGO, Dec 09 (Re-re-written because the original re-write was 'too negative' and implied that Connected would disappear forever. I still have my suspicions. Censorshipses!)

“Gadder roun, young uns, tis time fer a tail grown ole in der tellin. A tail of time gone wenn dere wuz still ‘Kool’ on der Grate Earf. Wenn dere existed a tribe known by der tag of Konnekted (smart-mens still argue over spellins and such, it could’ve bin ‘Connekted’, either). A ragged bunch of viagrabonds an so-called blaggin bastards, whose sole motive on dis Grate Earf wuz to bring larfter an deelite to der moosik-lovin masses, be dey late tens, early twennies or p’raps a mite beyon collidge age… Fer five long Grate Earf-Cycles did dis tribe exist, limpin Moon-to-Moon by skins of teef an hooks of crooks, bringin to lite not twenny, but twice that an haff as much again more Maggerzeens filt wiv tellins tall an moosick deeds mitey. Larfter an slander in measures equal dey containt, wyle never once fer munny did ever dey arsk…”

If there were to be a cataclysmic event, or series of events, sometime in the next few months then I would hope that once the dust clears and the rubble settles and the new, post-Armageddon society has formed itself into primitive groups governed by stories of the Pass-Dat-Wuz – I hope they will remember us in this way. ‘Us’ being Connected Magazine. I would like to think I’ll get a kind of Beowulfian walk-on part at some stage, but I wouldn’t want to put words into the mouths of our soon-to-be-replacements on what will be left of our devastated planet…

I’m not counting on it – although stupider writings have been used to rebuild fallen civilizations in the past. The bible, anyone? (Did you know bible is actually an acronym for ‘Believe in bollox? Life eternal!’ – which kind of sums it all up…) I mean, the worst anyone could get out of a Connected-based society is the foolish idea that Bonde Do Role actually deserved a cover story, or that the world is run by alien-lizard-people or that snarky in-jokes were actually funny.

Sadly, it might not take a nuclear winter/asteroid strike/Sarah Palin pussy-fart to make a post-Connected world a reality. Perhaps it is already too late, but with carbon-trading and… Er, sorry, wrong crisis… With a generous donation from some wealthy donor (kebabs? Where?!) this magazine might live forever. On the other hand, in the real world, it will more likely take a couple of months off and then return as a bigger (more pages), bolder (more colours – nothing on the spectrum is too far out. Infra-red? Fuck yeah!), badder (everyone’s a cunt, you fucks, etc, and so on), and bi-curious (will include stuff that is not music, too). Ha! You thought this was going to be all doom’n’shit. (It was.)

I was asked if I’d insert a word for all our fallen comrades in publishing arms and, while I am sympathetic, this is not the page for sentiment. Schadenfreude is the only ‘S’ word around here (well, aside from Shit, Sucks and Steve – not always in that order).

Sigh. (Oh, another one!)

Perhaps there is time for one nugget of music news. An Xmas miracle, if you will. It seems that The Velvet Underground, or at least some of them (Lou Reed, Mo Tucker and the guy who replaced John Cale) are going to appear in a panel discussion in Noo Yoik in December. Could this be the start of something beautiful, wonderful and international? Could it be that ‘An Evening With The VU’ will become a touring show, where they get to bicker and break up every night before an audience of bloodthirsty fans?

You already know that answer to that – but perhaps someone will put a drumstick through Lou’s face for having the unmitigated Bad Taste to record a song with the fucking Killers. Transformer and Berlin were a long time ago, Lou!

Fuck Buttons, anyone?

Mwarrrrr!

2010-02-07T02:28:00.002Z

Here Be Stuff 'n Things

This is not a spammer, no.

Although sometimes it is hard to know.

Time to go.

Boldly? Oh...

Anyway, what's it matter what 'They' say?

2010-01-17T02:11:00.002Z

Just arskin'.

Bless the interweb. Or curse the dyern'd thing. Here I am, trying to do something purposeful, worthwhile and satisfying and instead I am adding a rather random, meaningless and purely procrastinatory post to this long-neglected blog.

Such is life.

Went to SFMOMA today, to take in some cult-chure. I may have seen some. Last night Liz and I watched the Classic Albums documentary on Transformer, which had plenty of Andy Warhol in it, as you might imagine, so it was amusing to see yet more AW in the gallery. It's a great little film, I recommend it. Lou is in strangely good form and there are some interesting anecdotes. The usual wankery, too, of course. Dave Stewart shouldn't be allowed to talk about anything, but for some reason people always ask him shit... Is it because he's cheap? What good are Eurythmics anyway?

Not a fan.

Mind you, what would I know?

I like noise.

Stupid, stupid minds!

2010-01-15T13:50:00.000Z

I was all fired up with enthusiasm for writing a blog post for the first time in, like, forever and stuff, but then the mood left me. I blame the lack of drugs, the distractions and the overwhelming, overawingness of everything. No, seriously.

All kinds of things have spurred me on, not least the recently launched cool-stuff blog of an artist I admire muchly and a woman I am pleased to call my friend, Emily Aoibheann - slightly overawing in itself, that.

Since becoming a San Franciscan I have managed to do a great many things - including get married, wahey!, and meet some interesting people with interesting lives and things to say for themselves. What? Huh? Interesting people? Are you insane?!

no... (He lower cases, because it is unclear whether or not this is strictly speaking true in the sense that the phrase 'nothing is certain' is true. Although he believes it might be at least halfway true. This means the majority of the world is insane, however, so if majority rules then he is outvoted. Suddenly referring to himself in the third person makes him suspect he might, in fact, be insane. Salvador Dalí referred to himself in the third person, though, so good company is kept. Syntax good out is thrown.)

Hey, but look! It appears a post is forming around this nothingness. This void. (I recently came across an album by some jolly group of Scandinavians, the lyrical content of which was described as 'death, Satanism, void' - I like the idea of void.)

But I digress, I do. I was considering elaborating on the whole interesting thing.

Last night I was at a 'salon', a fancy word for chat, with some interesting folks. It was bizarre, since I had actually heard of some of these people. Am I rubbing shoulders with famous types? Am I star-struck? I might be. Anyway, along with Liz (now known as Mrs McSaci to my Mr McSaci) was Greta Christina, whose atheist memes cheer me up, Carol Queen, a woman who is scarily involved in all things sex, Howie the ex-porn star, who is very much like The Dude only less vague, as well as Carnal Nation's Chris Hall and his legal domestic partner, whose name I shall spell Mickey since that is how it sounded, but I'm sure that's wrong... Anyway, while I don't know where to find a weblink for her she is a theatre director and playwright, which means I was the least cool person in the room. Awesome! (Oh, wait...)

I don't really have much to add to conversations about sex, sexuality, pornography and so on, because... Um... Well... Actually, put a couple of beers in me and you'll find that I have a wealth of opinions on all of the above, many of them self-contradictory and/or plagiarised, but in general I am too shy to go into such topics. So, I kept my mouth shut for the most part, save for the odd glib addendum (as is my wont). But it was interesting to hear what these people, whose coolness I hope I have sufficiently outlined, had to say. Basically porn is alright, sex is great and anyone who disagrees is a wanker. Ho ho ho.

That was a joke, see...

Oh, yeah, and recently Liz managed to talk me into doing a photoshoot with her and a rather talented photographer named David Steinberg - he took the new profile pic I will undoubtedly regret using someday, but which I rather like at the moment. No, I will not be sharing any more of the pics, but I recommend checking out his work as it is quite marvellous. WAIT! Don't click on it now - it's totally not safe for work. Unless you work in a naked-people-friendly office, of course. (Some do...)

So, yeah... Meanwhile, I'm still working away on my writing of trashy pulp fiction and will hopefully finish something someday, as well as creating anarchic noise-scapes through my Final Shemp project. I am gratified to note that I am number three in the Google search for the term 'Final Shemp', behind Bruce Campbell, for whom the thing is named. Me and Bruce, like best buds we are. Except we've never met and I'm actually just a creepy stalker type who just wishes we were best buds.

Speaking of buds, anyone know where to find free weed in SF? Sometimes I miss Amsterdam... Actually, a lot of the time I do. Sniff. Weep.

Pull yerself together, man, you're an Americayan now! Did I mention culture shock? I've got that.

I'm still listening to excessive amounts of Nordic black metal, but I wonder why Bergraven pops up on shuffle more than anyone else...

OK, enough.

Is it unfair to kick a moron?

2009-03-27T12:37:00.003Z

I only wonder because I came across some wonderful anti-abortion nonsense HERE and felt very much like kicking someone...

Who could possibly argue in the Western world that it would be possible to sexualise children any more? I mean, come on! Kids are currently sexualised long before they even have a wisp of pubic hair, putting ads for condoms on the telly is hardly going to exacerbate that.

Jon Stewart did a great stand up piece on condom advertising back in 1996, where pointed out the idiocy of advertising beer, but not condoms - what type of idiot thinks that telling them about condoms is going to encourage more sex? "Wait'll young people find out about the pleasures of sex with condoms!" Listen to it, it's funny stuff.

Anyone who's had to use condoms knows it isn't, like, fun or anything. That's why kids need to be told how important it is - otherwise why would they bother?

Education - realistic education now, none of this abstinence bullshit - is essential to helping youths not only come to terms with their sexuality, but also to know what to do with it. Who cares if kids are having sex with each other so long as they aren't having babies and spreading STDs?

Grrrrrant, etc, blah.

Axis: Bold As Love

2008-11-13T11:16:00.002Z

Just felt like postin' some Jimi words... Prez Obama should've used the line about white collar conservatives pointing plastic fingers at him. That would've been cool.

If 6 Was 9 - Jimi Hendrix

(yeah, sing a song bro...)
If the sun refused to shine
I dont mind, I dont mind
(yeah)
If the mountains ah, fell in the sea
Let it be, it aint me.
(well, all right)

Got my own world to live through and uh, ha !
And I aint gonna copy you.

Yeah (sing the song brother...)
Now if uh, six uh, huh, turned out to be nine
Oh I dont mind, I dont mind uh ( well all right... )
If all the hippies cut off all their hair
Oh I dont care, oh I dont care.
Dig.

cause Ive got my own world to live through and uh, huh
And I aint gonna copy you.

White collar conservative flashin down the street
Pointin their plastic finger at me, ha !
Theyre hopin soon my kind will drop and die but uh
Im gonna wave my freak flag high, high !
Oww !

Wave on, wave on...

Ah, ha, ha
Fall mountains, just dont fall on me
Go ahead on mister business man, you cant dress like me
Yeah !

Dont nobody know what Im talkin about
Ive got my own life to live
Im the one thats gonna die when its time for me to die
So let me live my life the way I want to
Yeah, sing on brother, play on drummer

teeheehee

2008-11-08T11:57:00.001Z

Sure, I could write something about Obamania, but everyone else is and I'm all out of ideas. So, try this:

Made me larf...

Take your hands OFF my Shemp!

2008-10-25T17:04:00.002+01:00

Here's a first, me moving stuff from MySpace to Blogger and not the other way around... Time, I feel, to sneak around less and fess up more.

Here, have some free music. It's entirely free, except I want to know what you thought of it. Especially if you think it's shit (but I want to know WHY?)

Without further ado, here's Final Shemp's Mr Spiegel:

http://www.mediafire.com/?gab7nefrvmo

People Against Everything - especially YOU!

2008-10-03T17:16:00.007+01:00

D'you want to know what my biggest problem with the internet is? It's not people planting viruses in strange places, it's not the fact that 99.9% of the internet is porn - it's people who set up groups on social networking sites like Facebook with names like: "Keep Sex Offenders Off The Internet"

There are fucking loads of them, but this is the one that annoyed me most today. Here is their charter:

1. Keep sex offenders off of networking sites, yet visible/known to the public.
2. Place restrictions on the usage of the internet by registered sex offenders.
3. Protect our children.

Er... What? How? What the fuck are you talking about?

"Too many sex offenders are on social networking websites these days, making it easier for them to choose their prey. Considering pre-teens and teens are growing up faster than ever these days, it's not a good idea to allow any sort of violent, sadistic criminal the ability to lure them into being raped, exploited or murdered."

These days there are too many wankers everywhere scaring the shit out of everyone by telling the boogeyman IS on your MySpace page. But that's not the only problem:

"Parents don't seem to really be watching their kids these days. You parents and older siblings need to start talking to your children about the dangers of the internet and MySpace, and help guide them in such a way that they don't unknowingly become another victim."

Because, of course, no children were ever raped, murdered or anything before the internet. These days, it seems, it's all going to shit. And it gets worse:

"Sex Offenders have MySpace pages... in my research, I have found that 35 out of the 45 predators I searched for on MS have MS pages. These perps include men who were convicted of indecent liberties with a minor 13-15, crimes against nature, production and distribution of child pornography, etc."

What are you doing stalking sex offenders on MySpace? Do you have a life? I presume these people are known because they were caught, yah? So they went to hat thing... Whaddya call it? Americans love 'em... Prisons, that's right! You sent them there and that fixed them didn't it? Otherwise what's the point in sending them to prison? And what the Fuck is a 'crime against nature'? I would regard Dublin's Spire to be a crime against nature, but what are you talking about?

"If you have a younger sibling or child under 18, PLEASE talk to them about the dangers of the internet. You may THINK you know everything your "tween" is doing, but kids are very, very sneaky these days and a lot of them are very naive."

Hold on a sec... Can they be BOTH sneaky and naive? But yes, it's true, there are things you can do with a PayPal account which everyone should be aware of. How many crappy CDs did you buy this week, huh? But seriously, to wrap up, keep it clean:

"Also, PLEASE watch your language on this cause. Yes, it's a very sore spot for a lot of people and we all feel very strongly about how sex offenders should burn, but please no swearing or offensive language. You can show your support with wise words instead of the f-bomb."

The F-bomb? Is that like an H-Bomb? I'm not likely to start doing that, but I can't be sure unless you tell me what the fuck it is...

"TAKE NOTE: ANY SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY OR COMMENTS MADE IMPLYING ANY SEXUAL INVOLVEMENT OR ABUSE TOWARD A CHILD WILL BE REPORTED."

Yeah, because the Sex Offenders' Club had a meeting and all decided to pop round to this community to make themselves known. Is this silly cunt expecting people to leave comments like, "Hey, shut the fuck up. I have sex with children all the time and it never done me no harm! Who are you to judge me?"

Somehow I don't see it.

I love that people leave comments like, "Yeah, the guvverment should stop child molesters, n'shit!" Statements like that... What do you think the police are for? That's 'the guvverment' doin' their thang. Doin' what they can. Do these people somehow believe that politicians and civil servants can magic away all the pederasts?

And while we're on the subject of magicking away sex offenders, can we stop pretending like there's one on every street? You're scaring parents and children and distracting attention away from real issues (like whether millions of children worldwide are eating every day. Let's start with them, huh? Then we'll tackle the rest). There are so few child abusers in the world you'd be hard pressed to fill church. There are more people who think Celine Dion has talent than there are child rapists in this world. Which is the scarier statistic?

Of course, if you're a caring Christian you probably have gay people in the 'crimes against nature' category, so that'll boost your numbers I suppose. But then, these are often the very same people who believe that women who are raped are more than a little culpable themselves. Don't believe me? Well, it's true of Ireland anyway, North and South - more North, of course, because theat's where the really pious cunts are.

I think I'll start a group called "Keep Christians Off The Internet", because them's the real trouble.

Separated at birth?

2008-09-28T15:13:00.003+01:00

In an effort to raise the level of political debate in the blogosphere I have decided to address the issue of whether or not Barack Obama looks like a seriel killer from off the telly. I've been rewatching Dexter of late (in preparation for the start of season three - woo!) and noticed that Sen. Obama bears a striking resemblance to the show's Rudy Cooper/Biney/Christian Camargo. Finding pictures where they look similar is proving difficult, and since my MacBook is dead I can't do screenshots. (Well, I could if I was interested in learning more about PC functions, but I'm not.)

So, here are the pics I'm stumping for. Getting Obama with his mouth shut or without a cheesy grin is difficult. Here's the Senator From Illinois:

And here is the Ice Truck Killer:

Freaky, no?

Monkey With A Razor

2008-09-25T15:11:00.003+01:00

This album tickled my listening lugs, and you might like it too... You might not, but that's hardly my fault, is it?

Oh, and if you can't find it in your heart to love a band called Monkey With A Razor, you are obviously lacking. Or maybe I am.

It's far from easy!

Rove-ing reporting

2008-09-21T15:12:00.001+01:00

I thought this was funny. If by some chance you don't then you're both dead and almondy. Yes, almondy!

Cosmic Rays Of Death!

2008-09-21T13:31:00.002+01:00

I've been listening to these guys for a few months now, on and orf, although I've only just discovered their MySpace page n'shit. Goes to show, the Internet has Changed Everything. Their EP, ...Of Doom!, is quite mahvellous, as you might be able to tell from the above taster video yoke ^^^

It's been a fun-filled while since I last blogged a blog up here (when the fuck was that? Meh... Who cares?), with family visits and meetings and explosions and the reintroduction of smallpox into the local canine population. I kid you a bit.

So, Maebh and Jay were here (for some reason I always want to write it 'Maebh&J', but this sort of robs Jay of his humanity, reducing him to a letter and an ampersand... Like he gives a fuck, eh? It's not like getting a wedding invite that has your name misspelled on it - twice - or anything...). They were here for a whole four days or so, during which time I had articles to write, meetings to attend and other such stuff which meant Liz ended up doing more entertaining than she should've. So, that was a shame, but there's not a heapin' whole lotta stuff I can about it now!

Speaking of things I can't do a whole lot about right now, my lovely, pretty, sexy, sleek & slinky MacBook has finally bitten the dust, cashed its chips, met its maker and royally fucked me up, since now I don't have a computer. Something of a drawback for a freelance journo... I'm using Liz's now, but how long can I do that? Probably another couple of hours, until she gets home.

If anyone can think of a cheap way for me to replace my sexy MacBook (that doesn't involve PCs) I would be greatly cheerfullated. I've already replaced the hard drive once, after it hara kiri'd days after the warranty ran out, and this one lasted, ahem, just long enough for the warranty on the new HD to run out. Am I forever doomed to be outside of the warranty zone? Someday I'd like it if I could return something to the shop and get it fixed for nothin', but alas...

I just finished reading Darkly Dreaming Dexter, by Jeff Lindsay. Yes, the Dexter of TV series fame. It's very good, worth reading, very funny. One thing I found weird was that because the book is the first in the series, and it's not terribly long, the show actually has more depth to it. I mean insofaras there are more characters, etc, more plotlines, all that jazz. Interesting.

Eh... Yeah, so, Cosmic Rays Of Death, fuckin' great - check 'em out!

Just felt I had to do this…

2008-09-10T20:45:00.002+01:00

I fucking hate the drug czar. I even hate the old drug czar.

He's a cunt too.

Stolen songs…

2008-09-10T00:15:00.002+01:00

Oxbow Down A Stair Backward

Oxbow Baby Doll live 08

Pinched from Mariexxme

Libertarianism seems more sensible every day…

2008-09-06T10:38:00.006+01:00

I find that really hard to reconcile with my semi-anarchist views, but the more I look at my semi-anarchism, the more it looks like semi-libertarianism instead… I wonder can you have Libertarians outside of America? I can't see why not. Semi-Libertarians, anyway…

Nicked from Andy Singer

You may be wondering what I'm talking about. Isn't Libertarianism just a nutty wing of Republicanism? Isn't it just free-marketeers and capitalist scumfucks coming up with brand new ways to exploit… Everything?

I blame Penn and Teller for their cracking show Bullshit! If you're not familiar with it, basically it's the magical pair doing a Harry Houdini debunking job on many of the myths of the modern world. They go gunning for psychics, mediums, common misconceptions, stupid laws — basically anything which we have been fed as truth, but which — to quote George Carlin — is All Bullshit and All Bad For Ya! They do this with their Libertarian friends at the CATO Institute and other knowledgeable types…

Anyway, the reason I bring it up is that I came across a short video of a guy called Jason Riley on the CATO website, in which he talks why immigration IS NOT AN ISSUE, at least not a negative one. Watch it, I was fascinated and, as you might have gathered, agreed entirely:

In a few years we might relocate to the States — this time it'll be Liz's turn to make an honest man of me, which will make a nice change — so I'll be able to go full Libertarian. Me and Clint Eastwood and Penn & Teller and Bill Maher, eh?

Oh, and Bob Barr's moustache.

Oh-ho-ho-ho-hahahahahahaaaaaaa…

2008-09-03T11:54:00.006+01:00

I love that she's called Sarah Palin, because it gives the whole thing a little bit more of a Monty Python edge… Anyway, here's an amusing clip of a CNN anchor actually trying to pin down a McCain aide and not having much luck:

(On a side note, how many men with stupid names does Palin have around her? So far I've counted two Tuckers, at least one Todd, a Track, a Trig and now there's a Levi. I know Levi is a real and genuine name in some places, but in America it's a brand of jeans.)

You have to wonder how these people justify this sort of thing to themselves. You're asked a DIRECT question, but instead of answering it… You… Ramble… Ramble… Waffle… On whatever subject you think they should have asked you about.

Of course, this is just a politician thing, Obama does it, Bertie does (did?) it — every lying fuck in public office does it. I call them lying fucks, of course, because only a lying fuck would have to talk around a subject that way. People with nothing to hide, whether it be the fact that they don't know the answer or something more sinister, give straight answers.

Like this:

"Will the US Prezidenshul Erection have any effect on the world beyond giving us a different untrustworthy mug on TV?"

"No."

See? It's really, really easy to do. Just try giving this kinda bullshit to Cary Grant, and you know what he'll tell ya…

Madam, you are a cock-eyed liar!

9/11 — an excuse for lots and lots of shit.

2008-08-31T16:23:00.005+01:00

Crowds harrassed at 4.20 outside the Democratic National Conference. Vaguely sniggersome.

Can the American authorities not see that what they're doing parallels the very propaganda stories they put out about Hostile or Unstable nations?

Do they just have no imagination?

It's a pickle alright…

Watched a documentary on 9/11 last night, called Truth Rising: The 9/11 chronicles, Part One, which followed this kid, Luke Rudkowski, as he went about terrorising the various presidential candidates during the primaries (he got Guiliani, Clinton, Obama, Romney, Dean, McCain and even Biden) and others involved in the 9/11 Truth Campaign.

WATCH AS THE GLOBAL ELITE AND THEIR MINIONS TREMBLE BEFORE THE POWER OF FREE SPEECH! (Or rather, watch them dismiss a group of chanting, incoherent nutters. Repeatedly.)

It's a funny thing, because before I watched it I was pretty sympathetic to the Investigate 9/11 stuff, but I'm less convinced now thanks to this movie. Weird, huh?

The problem is the way these people go about their task. For example, at one stage Rudkowski manages to get himself into a press event with Zbigniew Brzezinski (whose name is actually spelled incorrectly on the DVD cover…) and makes an arse of himself. He begins well, getting the floor and starting by quoting the Brzezinski talking about Bush maybe carrying out a false-flag terror attack to justify a war in Iraq. (This was before 9/11, of course.) Instead of stopping with his question at that point, when he had a point, he started to shout about Bilderbergers, the Trilateral Commission and various other New World Order type groups popular with conspiracy theorists. At this point, ZB just tells him to sit down and shut up, before security tosses Luke out.

Luke then talks about how he escaped the security guys (who obviously weren't that bothered, since they just let him run) and had really stuck it to ZB. Bullshit! He had the guy for a second, but totally blew it with his insane shouting and chanting slogans ("9/11 was an inside job", etc).

This makes me sad. It's obvious to anyone who stops to think for a moment that something is not right in the way the 9/11 investigation was carried out. Too many questions were left unanswered and very little makes sense. Also, the fact that rescue workers were allowed to toil away despite the high levels of toxic shit in the air that the Environmental Protection Agency seemingly lied about raises questions again.

It's horrible to see people, firemen, cops, etc, dying of nasty respiratory conditions brought on by their time breathing in air contaminated with asbestos and who knows what else, and it's unsurprising that they feel fucked over and ignored. It's even more horrible to see these people and their genuine concerns and their genuine cause hijacked by professional activists working on their own agendas.

Each time you watch these people confronted by police or whoever, you also get to see them turn incoherent and belligerent, which helps precisely no-one! What are they playing at? You're never going to get people to listen to you by chanting "9/11 was an inside job" en masse. During live TV broadcasts. Or during rallies. Or fundraisers. Or by jumping on the subway and proselytising at bored, tired, already pissed off commuters.

Of course, each time they did this it was a Success in their eyes, while to anyone else it was just annoying.

Yes, there are questions. Yes, it's all very murky. No, people will not pay any attention to you if you wave placards and chant slogans. Does it work for the anti-abortion nuts? No. But they do it anyway, because they're nuts. So, by employing the tactics of annoying nutcases, what does that tell people about your cause?

I don't know what annoys me more, the weird secrecy surrounding everything on the part of the US government (not to mention the crazy fucking war they launched off the back of it — using now well-documented lies) or the way these 9/11 truth movement people conduct themselves. Using a tragedy like 9/11 as an excuse to carry out another agenda, whether it be an insane imperial war or even something worthwhile like fucking with our capitalist scumfuck overlords, is sick and wrong.

At one point a mob is organised and they start chanting "We are ashamed!" — and they fuckin' should be.

MerzNoize!

2008-08-29T12:29:00.003+01:00

Kikuri (Merzbow and Keji Haino)~ Supersonic 08

Fucking cool, no?

No?!

Fuck you too then…

Pinched from a certain Michael Cowell, who does cool stuff…

And then there's THIS.

6D holograms? I can't actually find a picture of one… But I'm not sure the term '6-dimensional' is quite right, what with us living in three and all that. Perhaps the LHC'll have the answers…?

Stick this up yer Higg's Boson!

2008-08-27T16:14:00.001+01:00

Great, innit? I am such a nerd…

'Ear, this is kool.

2008-08-25T14:26:00.002+01:00

Emily & Ewa makin' sweet, sweet weirdness on the streets of Dubblenia, Oirlandio. I think I could probably sit thru a couple of hours of that…

I have been meaning to blog some blogs here for a while, but had other things a-brewin' and a boilin', so they didn't happen. However, I was struck by THIS little story.

Now, I don't know what your views on the Olympics are, and to be honest, I don't care. I have none — people can go watch that sort of stuff if they like, at least it keeps them out of church, but I have better things to do with my time. Like pick loose bits of paint off park benches.

This story bugged me, however, because it's about Olympic Piracy. Apparently (for those of you who can't be bothered actually reading the thing) the the Chinese have been pretty sharp when it comes to busting Olympic Pirates. That is: People who recorded bits of the Games and then posted them on YouTube.

Excuse me for a moment, but I seem to have things a little mixied oop here. The Olympics is an amateur event, yes? It is also, ostensibly, something meant to bring the people of the planet together in something approaching harmony (or at least a shared sense of not wanting to lose), right? It's shown by the public service broadcasters or state broadcasters in most countries — for free, or at least the license fee or whatever — innit? How can you possibly have piracy of this? Nobody owns the Olympics, unless it's everyone, so how? What? Huh? Eh?

So, there's another reason to hate the Olympics — it's run by money-loving fucks just like everything else…

Oh, actually, that reminds me of the Mormon polygamy pin:

I wish that was a joke, but it's not. Fucking Mormons. Fucking MORONS.

Fucking gullible wastes of space. Seriously. Mormons make other Christians look like geniuses.

Oh, and if any further evidence were needed that Mormonism was simply invented by an opportunistic con-MAN — just check out the four ladies surrounding the bloke. Euch. Makes me sick.

Sexist, racist and in the final analysis just plain fucking stupid:

"The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ is a collection of writings and teachings of the ancient prophets and followers of Jesus Christ who lived in the Americas from approximately 590 B.C. to 421 A.D. The Prophet Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon by divine inspiration from gold plates that he received from the angel Moroni."

How could there be followers of Jesus 600 years before the cunt was born?

Polysics… Or Die!!!!

2008-07-23T12:05:00.000+01:00

Rocket