So you’re a Filipino and you want to be a hit on Nico Nico Douga. Which of these choices is the right way to do it?

1. Work your way up an established hierarchy of fandom that is ruled by wannabe oligarchs who have no intention of stepping down from the only social arena they can feel LIKE A BOSS in;
2. Gain the backing of local corporations and commercial backers who have no idea how the fandom works and are only interested in making a quick buck off of your geek cred; or
3. Just post the damned video.

Go on. Guess.

Note: I’m aware that this is essentially the Pinoy version of the Chinese Backstreet Boys video from a few years ago. But if derivative work wasn’t allowed in fandom, Hatsune Miku wouldn’t be holding a leek all the time. Think about it.

Spider Jerusalem cosplay. SOMEDAY. From earthdog's photostream.

[Notes on the hiatus: I LURKED MOAR. Some other very loud 'commentators' could use a bit of it themselves. Get over it.]

Once upon a time, if you wanted to dress up as a famous character like Mickey Mouse or Ronald McDonald, you either had to be doing it at a costume party or have permission from the copyright holders.

One day, a bunch of geeks (most likely Japanese) decided that no party was necessary to wear costumes, possibly because they weren’t invited to enough parties. When they actually got out of the house to meet up, possibly at a school festival or comics convention, cosplay was born.

Cosplay, like doujinshi or fanfiction, is first and foremost an act of love. It is also an act that would embarrass normal people, which demonstrates that all cosplayers are a special kind of crazy.

It is also an act in violation of copyright. But like fanfiction and doujinshi it is tolerated. Why? Because fans who write fanfic or draw doujinshi or dress up as fictional characters are a special kind of fan: The kind who can publicly turn on his or her own chosen fandom with the passion of a jilted lover if crossed. This is due to the previously mentioned love and lack of shame.

Back in the late 90′s, Fox tried to shut down X-Files and Simpsons fan sites in an attempt to exert more control over its copyright, with predictable results. Faced with the fury of a hundred thousand paranoid fans, Fox relented. You can’t stop the signal.

Firefly reference. Still got it.

Like all niche fandoms after the wake of this act of defiance, cosplay found a home on the Internet. The Internet allows foreign (and let’s face it, fresher) memes to spread its seed around the world. Things like anime, and indie comics, and /b/ronies.

And cosplay.

Once local awareness of cosplay hit critical mass, a local convention was held. A convention that warmed the hearts of people who were longing to meet other people ‘just like us’. In this case, ‘just like us’ meant ‘people whose love for character X outweighs their sense of personal shame’, a trait I actually find admirable.

A convention that must have also subconsciously reminded Sandman fans of a certain Cereal Convention.

Cereal Convention Guest of Honor: THIS GUY!

Cosplay now had a forum. I don’t mean the particular competing forums (which are differing levels of private containing even more private circles).

I mean forum in the technical sense: an open public space. Roman society worked because each city had a forum, a place where people could meet and exchange opinions with people outside their immediate social circles. Prevented people from becoming insular and isolated. In cosplay’s case, its forum began as an abstract idea, existing entirely on the Internet, and then as a string of conventions held together by chattering about them on the Internet.

Two things happen when you have a public meeting space.

First, some people want to own that space. Claim divine right based on some hazy line of succession or on popular opinion or by strength of ideals. Approve only certain types of gatherings within that space, according to law or custom or public morals. Exercise the power to exile or excommunicate. This is the aristocratic stance. Remind you of anyone?

Second, some people build markets right next to the space. Wherever people meet, no matter what kind of people they are, there’s a market. And if there’s a market, people will cater to that market. Even if they don’t actually care about the forum itself, if there is a market, merchants will meet demand.

These are both facts. They’re happening right now. I’m not writing to complain about either. They’re the natural consequences of a large community. Even the Church makes a killing selling prayer books and unleavened bread and has overbearing self-appointed leaders telling everyone what REAL spirituality is about. (It even has kiddie-fiddlers too.)

And I don’t know if cosplay can continue its little experiment with corporate capitalism. I pointed out that cosplay is in a legally gray area, and other bloggers have written about this. If enough money is being made, the copyright holders are going to start sniffing around. And not everyone has the corporate clout to be ‘official’ cosplayers.

No, I’m just here to point out that both of these things only exist because of the people that matter. The people in the forum. The people who participate. The people who dress like fools because of love.

The cosplayers.

I salute all of you. You magnificent, freaking weirdos. The cosplay ‘state’ and the ‘cosplay’ market exist because of you, not the other way around. Some of you already realized this on your own. And when enough of you finally realize what that really means, it’ll be a real interesting day.

And I’ll be here.

Lurking moar.

We Were Not Prepared

Some of my friends decided to treat me to the 6PM viewing of Sucker Punch at Eastwood Cinema 2, with the intention of helping me get over the funk I’ve been in since last week. Instead I came out of the theater feeling like someone had taken a dump in my head the size of a birthday cake.

Ksolaris drew this comic to commemorate the occasion. This is a fairly accurate depiction of our reactions.

(From Multipleegos)

The Otaku Community Job Tree, as formulated by an Enlightened Otaku. Give thanks for this boon of wisdom!

Romeo brought a very intriguing Otaku Community chart to my attention today, which piqued my interest. Very few things about the community pique my interest these days because everyone is acting so predictably.

(Which is my way of excusing the complete lack of activity on this blog for several months. How handy.)

Apparently everyone is acting so predictably, however, that some enterprising soul has drawn up what appears to be a Con Community Job Tree a la Final Fantasy Tactics. Part of me wants to kick myself for not thinking of making one myself. The other part of me points out that anyone who draws up a chart like this inevitably reveals just as much about their own biases and inclinations as they do about the actual community in question.

Take a look at it again.

Don’t you see what I mean? No? It’s clear as day to me just by looking at the chart.

Don't be pedantic, Holmes. Just walk us through it.

Fine. Try to keep up, would you?

On this Job Tree, everyone starts out as a ‘Curious Congoer’, which I assume is the equivalent of the Squire job. The arrows leading away from that initial class, inexorably to the right, imply on one hand a form of evolution over a function of time, and an initial sorting process.

There are two endpoints to this evolutionary process, handily labeled in blue, implying good, and red, implying bad. Heaven is labeled ‘Enlightened Otaku’, and Hell is labeled ‘Community Cancer aka Crab People’. While some insight into what these designations mean can be gleaned from the terms themselves, the full picture can only be made clear by tracing the paths leading to these win/lose conditions.

The initial sorting process reveals five 1st Jobs: Capitalists, Fans, Jejemon Iskwater Hordes, Photographers, and Trolls. The person who formulated this chart immediately condemns Trolls because their arrows inexorably lead to Community Cancer. Trolls fall into Hell simply because they’re trolls.

Capitalists evolve into Entrepreneurs, who either become Otaku (presumably because they care about their product), or Conmen/Scammers, who are therefore Community Cancer.

The Jejemon Iskwater Hordes and Photographers appear to have more freedom in their evolution, but the choices they are given are false. In actuality these two classes have almost the exact same evolutionary paths, sharing the ability to become Otaku at best, Weeaboo Scum, or Perverts. Weeaboo Scum can at best only hope to be C0zZpLaYERzZsZ (which I can only assume is like being a Cosplayer, only lower-class). Otherwise, they devolve into Alodiatards, which is coincidentally the best Perverts can hope to become. Perverts who manage to widen their pervoscopes beyond just stalking Alodia at every con become Pervographers, preying on other nubile targets. It really doesn’t matter in the end, however, because Alodiatards and Pervographers are ultimately CANCER.

Photographers, however, have a shot at becoming Otaku, together with Fans, as long as they avoid becoming perverts. Here is where it gets interesting. Otaku can devolve into Weeaboo Scum (presumably if they can’t afford to buy original Nendroids or Mix-styles, or tickets to attend international cons). Otaku can also either be Cosplayers or Genuinely Into The Hobby, a very strange dichotomy that either reveals sloppiness of formulation or a mild bias against cosplayers.

Still with me? Good, because we’re about to start on COSPLAYERS.

The only advantage Cosplayers have over C0zZpLaYERzZsZ is that they have a shot at becoming Genuinely Into The Hobby. Otherwise, there are four CANCER traps awaiting them: Attention Whores, Underage/Jailbait (which made little sense to me considering we’re into CARTOONS, TOYS, COMICS, and GAMES until I reached certain conclusions about the psyche of the chart’s formulator), No Idea Who They’re Cosplaying, and Social Climbers.

Only the few who survive the gauntlet of pitfalls and traps and manage to be Genuinely Into The Hobby can be Enlightened Otaku, belonging to the ranks of the blessed.

There appears to be Enlightened Otaku saliva on these tea sets. Little do they know that these were made in China, not Japan. Weeaboos.

Based on the preceding facts, I have deduced the following:

1. The proponent of this Job Tree is at least lower-middle class and hopelessly bourgeoise, and therefore possesses the uncanny ability to condemn those beneath him in the ABCDE demographic scheme to the bowels of CANCER. This is because Jejemon have no way of redeeming themselves from the moment they are labeled Jejemon.

2. Note I referred to the creator of this chart as ‘he’. This is because the chart is undoubtedly formulated from a male perspective, because he reveals himself to be largely unable to relate to attractive cosplaying females as anything but objects. Note ‘Underage/Jailbait’. Where the other three ‘bad’ classifications can be unisex, ‘Underage/Jailbait’ is most commonly used to refer to girls who have not reached the age of majority.

3. There is, however, an escape clause for these cosplayers. Should she reveal herself to be into the same stuff he is, and is therefore Genuinely Into The Hobby, she can therefore eventually be Enlightened.

4. This is an important turning point for the prospective Worthy Cosplayer, because the chart’s author also considers himself Enlightened.

Among the benefits of being an Enlightened Otaku: Access to the Avatar State

From these deductions, we can reach a conclusion about the author and the chart itself:

Whatever its author intended this chart to be, it is actually a roadmap for potentially-worthy Girlfriends for self-proclaimed Enlightened Otaku (read: pretentious geeks) and the CANCER Jerks who may steal her along the way.

Let me demonstrate.

Boy is an Enlightened Otaku looking for love. He spies an attractive Curious Congoer/Otaku. First he checks to see if she meets the minimum required social class. This he does by visual inspection and by checking her command of the English language. If she fails, she is a Jejemon Iskwater Hordie and is therefore CANCER.

Having ascertained her economic worthiness, Enlightened Otaku notes his rivals: Rich Business Owner with Lots of Toys, Pervy Photographer, or Troll. He takes Otaku Girl aside, and after initiating her into the Otaku mysteries, tells her that Rich Business Owner With Lots of Toys is a Conman/Scammer. He accuses Photographer of being a Pervert/Pervographer, and simply calls out Troll for being a Troll. Naturally Girl should avoid these males because they are CANCER.

He then begins to talk to her incessantly about his hobby. If she is interested, she is Genuinely Into The Hobby and is a prospective Enlightened Otaku love match. More often, however, she is uninterested in his fandom and is into her own thing (making her Weeaboo Scum) or is a Cosplayer. Cosplayers can be educated into becoming Genuinely Into The Hobby. If they persist in being uninterested in Enlightened Otaku’s selected fandom, they are dismissed as being Attention Whores, Having No Idea Who They’re Cosplaying, or Social Climbers.

Underage/Jailbait is a special class. If she’s into Enlightened Otaku’s hobby, she’s ok. If she isn’t, she’s CANCER. The double standard of the Enlightened Otaku.

(The Enlightened Otaku has long since given up on winning Alodia’s heart, mostly because she’s surrounded by so many Jejemon Iskwaters, Weeaboo Scum, Photographers, Con Men, Scammers, and Perverts.)

Q.E.D.

So. Thank you, whoever is responsible for this chart, for letting us have such an intimate peek into your subconscious. Maybe if you keep at it, you’ll get that peepee touch you’ve been wanting all this time. Then maybe we’ll find out what Enlightened Otaku become when they grow up.

Why aren't they in their boxes OMG OXIDATION NOOOOO

He was loud, stocky, swaggered, and wore a shit-eating grin as he tried to overwhelm me with facts about Alan Moore comics that he owned but never read. He reminded me of a lot of other toy collectors I’d dealt with since coming back to the geek scene. He loomed me, trying to both intimidate me and impress me with the size of his toy e-peen. He reminded me of an adult schoolyard bully.

“Hey, I checked online for the lightsaber thing.” He was a toy collector. I met him through a friend, and he promised me he was so connected that he could find whatever it is I needed. “I found one where you can mix and match parts to make the lightsaber you want.”

I rolled my eyes. Discreetly. “Yes, I don’t want that. I want a Luxeon conversion kit for my lightsaber.”

“Wow. Mmm-hmm. What series is the lightsaber?” he asked, hoping to wow me with his knowledge of Master Replicas Force FX lightsabers and distract me from the fact that he had no idea what I was talking about.

“It’s an Anakin AOTC,” I replied. “It’s got the standard row of 64 LEDs, but I want to replace it with a single Luxeon in the hilt. A few of the lights on the end have gone out. A Luxeon would be less fragile and would make the lightsaber lighter.”

I waited for his internal flywheel to spin up. “Wow. Yeah. Hmm. How did that happen? Did it fall of the display case or something?”

“No, I’ve been dueling with it.”

He stared at me blankly. It apparently never occurred to him that I would actually PLAY with my lightsaber.

=====

Back in the 90s I used to collect mainstream comics like Uncanny X-Men and JLA (the Blue & Gold era). I’d started to follow the comic seriously from the Goblin Queen storyline onward, tried to follow the team post-Siege Perilous. Then Image had its big debut and #1 chromium cover die cast holographic wrap around variant covers became prevalent. I discovered that I could no longer follow my favorite storylines because all of the copies had been snatched up by hopeful speculators hoping to make a buck on them in the future. Which is a big reason why I switched to manga. It seemed immune to the speculator market.

Same thing happened to Magic: the Gathering. At first it was an underground hobbyist scene, but then price speculation on the cards meant that you couldn’t get the cards that you wanted because they were locked inside a mylar sleeve somewhere, owned by some guy who matches the description in the first paragraph. M:tG cards, like comics and lightsaber replicas, had become just another commodity, to be traded and profited from.

That’s the problem with tabletop RPGs. They’re hard to commodify, since most of the action occurs in the imagination. Sure you can make a buck selling designer dice and book after book after book of supplements and source material, but after you have one copy of a book you don’t need another. In Magic you need at least four. With comics you need three — one to read, one to lend, and one to keep for investment. And with lightsabers, since they’re numbered limited editions, the one you DO have you keep under glass, untouched.

I don’t understand this. I don’t like it. My limited ed Vertigo Tarot (in the big white pizza box) is 2000-something out of 4000, and they’re well worn and used. My iPod touch is naked — because if Apple wanted to keep it from fingerprints and smudges they would’ve built them that way. My figmas and pinky:sts are actually out of their boxes.

I play with my toys. Why is that so shocking?

I mean I get it. Part of it is profit motive. Money is a mundane but easily understandable motivation. But having gone to an all boys’ school, I know what else is really behind it. It’s the same motive that drives other guys to collect cars or guns or women. It’s the need to have the best toys in the playground — and then dangle them in front of the other kids without playing with them. It’s an extension of comparing penis sizes in the locker room. It’s a not-so-subtle way of compensating for a certain… lack.

Normally I don’t care, since I don’t run into that crowd much anymore. But every time a new toy or comic or game comes out and is immediately sold out because speculators have snatched up two dozen copies each, I curse the profit motive and I mentally kick these overcompensating douchebags in their undersized nuts. Because I play with my toys. I don’t have them just to say I have them, or to feel secure about the size of my stash.

So… does anyone know how to perform a Luxeon conversion on an Anakin AOTC Force FX?

I’ve always been a fan of the Age of Exploration (despite the fact that our country pretty much got the short end of the stick during Spanish Imperialism). Plus, hello, pirates.

One of my friends wanted to see it because it’s a part of her heritage (being part Spanish herself) so the rest of us indios decided to accompany the illustrado as she touched base with her colonial oppressor roots. Just kidding Yani.

The Galeón Andalucía is a replica of an 18th century Galleon, which may bother some people. Personally, I don’t mind a bit of air-conditioning inside the hold. The ship is crewed by Spanish sailors, which explains why my tour group was full of Povedans eager to try their luck conversing with these strapping men, as the voiceover in the video above suggests.

Imagine crossing the ocean in this thing. It must’ve rocked and heaved a lot during a storm. It seems built to last though — the entire wooden (pine? It smells like pine) structure was sturdy enough to carry all the gawking tourists snapping photos and taking videos. Apparently the ship was featured on the news the night before we went, so there was more of a crowd when we went, compared to the day before. Another friend of mine said that Hank aka Jack Sparrow was their unofficial tour guide the day before. Lucky buggers.

On the flipside, the day after I went, my wife tried to go with some friends — and discovered that the line to see the Galleon stretched all the way from the pier to the Manila Hotel. That’s… crazy.

Finally, I’m all for cultural exchange, but what I really want is a place just like the captain’s quarters:

Hoist the colors!

She really does.

And we’re back!

The Kinokuniya in San Jose is situated in a predominantly-Japanese commercial area, with a Japanese grocery, a sushi restaurant, a hair saloon, and a ramen shop right next door. Which is closed at 10:30 in the morning apparently, since when I walked in the guy behind the counter kept saying “No open! No open!”

I know there are much larger Kinokuniyas around (especially the monstrosity in Shinjuku) but still, the sheer volume of Japanese books in one place reactivated the Japanophile (read: weeaboo) in me. I ended up getting a volume of Oishinbo: Japanese Cuisine and the Azumanga Daioh Omnibus. Mental note: Need more cash next time.

On one hand, listening to Noynoy speak at the Ayala Foundation USA Gala made me realize that he is much more charismatic and engaging a speaker in person than he is on TV. On the other hand, there is something unnerving about cameramen and reporters swarming all over an Aquino on a PAL airliner headed back to Manila.

“I haven’t cried this much since Optimus Prime died in Transformers the Movie.”