Project Happily Ever After

Havasu

2013-05-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

Mike went to Lake Havasu twice in March for some much needed R&R.

The first trip was with his two besties- his dad and Patrick. I was super excited for him to get outa town with these two. He has been wanting to do a weekend fishing trip forEVER, but with kids, work, ailments, etc...life just happens...and sometimes it really gets in the way.

Since I have NO idea what they did on their trip, I will just post pictures for our family journal.

Looks like someone found Mike's camera (phone?) lying around...and had some fun. These pictures made me crack up when I found them.

I'm so glad these guys are best friends. And I'm so glad they make the time to make memories together. Life is too short not to have some fun together...minus the wife and kids.

A couple of weeks later, Mike went to Havasu with a friend from work. They left very early Saturday morning and camped there until Monday afternoon. Both Tim and Mike seemed to have a great time...except for that very first, very windy day.

I sent chili and stew for Mike and Tim to eat for dinner Saturday and Sunday night. Mike knows I get nervous about cooking food we love to eat for other people...just in case it didn't turn out...or something. So they sent pictures both nights of each of them enjoying their warm food. This might be the first trip Mike actually agreed to let me send food with him. He usually just wants to take stuff to make sandwiches. I always want to send food to make a hot meal...so after fishing all day they can have something warm and filling to eat. Maybe now he will agree to let me when he goes.

I love that Mike has a hobby he loves. I wish he was able to get out there more often, but I know as Blip gets bigger they will be out on the boat a lot together. I can't wait for that...for more than one reason. haha

Long Legs

2013-05-03T00:45:00.002-07:00

The swing/slide thingy I found...and thought would be just perfect pretty much is. Or at least it would be if my son didn't have such long legs. He is the perfect age and weight, but his long legs will definitely shorten the life span of the swing usage. Not to mention he is used to the swings at the park....he likes to go high and fast, so this little swing barely got a smile.

Since we were able to acquire the majority of the "new" stuff for the backyard for very little money, we decided maybe we should look for the next size up swing/slide thingy. Not quite a swing set, but something a little bigger. So I went back to Craigslist and found what we were thinking of. It had been posted a while (which is ow I knew it existed), so the price had come down quite a bit.

Mike called the sellers and made an appointment to go look at it/pick it up after work on Monday night. It's in great shape...and for $150, too!! The new version of what we got is $599 plus shipping, so we are happy with our great find (again).

This should last us until we are ready to get serious about a swing set...and hopefully we can buy that in several years for Blip AND his sibling(s). The backyard is officially Blip's...

We are having the additional pool fencing installed in two weeks. the turtles need to find a new home before then because I think we are having half of the patio fencing removed and hauled off. Not sure I'm ready for all that, but we aren't sure what else to do at this point.

I was remembering when we first moved in to this house...Mike and I talked about what we wanted our backyard to be some day. My vision included a swing set, a sand box, and lots of noise...kids stuff strewn about. *happy sigh* His vision- a manly man's yard...built in bbq, a few other fun items, but NO kid's toys. And a sandbox and a swing set were 100% off limits. I laughed and let it go back then. I knew he would change his mind. His smiles are usually even bigger than Blip's.

I sure do love my boys.

Lil Miss Miller

2013-05-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

My sweet friend Natalie has been pregnant for what seems like forever. We've known since 10 days after her embryo transfer that we'd welcome at least one Baby Miller into the world in 2013. Natty has waited so long for the day she would deliver a healthy baby, her own flesh and blood.

She was a lot like me in her 20's. Single, traveling the world, working to establish her successful business, looking for Mr. Right...ya know...the important stuff. After finally finding him...in the strangest of places (I might add), she became his wife. And the most amazing mother to two of his amazing children. I will even go as far to say that if you can't be raised by your own biological mother, Natty is the best one to be her back-up.

Natty has created an amazing little family...from what some would have pictured as impossible. And after a terrible loss, she was finally pregnant with a little pinch of assistance from my favorite doctor...Dr. Behera.

Knowing you are pregnant the ENTIRE time is rough. And until Natalie reached a certain point, I'm not sure she allowed herself to truly embrace her pregnancy. I don't blame her. Losing a baby the way Natty did would break anyone's soul into pieces. She is incredible, though...so she put herself back together and pushed forward. Wanting....longing to carry and deliver a baby of her very own. To add an amazing piece to the Miller family.

It was a long process to get to pregnancy, and even though I had been in her shoes (for the most part), it was gut wrenching to watch her struggle. Month after negative month. It seemed so unfair. Why someone would so easily conceive, lose that baby to a rare disorder, only to not be able to conceive? At least on her own.

I'm not sure what it is about infertility, but as much as it hurts...I am thankful for what it taught me. I'm thankful for Western Medicine...I'm thankful for a supportive husband. I'm so grateful I found an amazing doctor...and I have been able to send many, many deserving couples to her with much success.

As the end of Natty's pregnancy was inching closer and closer, it was so fun to see her happiness radiate from her body. She looked absolutely amazing her entire pregnancy. She is beautiful to begin with, so add in a gorgeous baby bump...and the rest of us can't hold a candle to her. Not one stretch mark. Beautiful olive colored skin. Dark eyes. Dark, long, beautiful hair. And what's the topper? Her innocence. Her grace. Her love for others. Her genuinely sweet and pleasing personality. She is the woman all mothers should hope their sons find in someone when they choose a mate.

I was lucky enough to be asked to be there when the time came for our Lil Miss to arrive. Natalie was with me when Blip joined the party...she took some amazing birth photos for me. Having her there with me made that special day so complete. I was honored to be asked, and then I was terrified. She...the most amazing photographer I've ever seen...asked me to be the one in charge of taking photos.

WHAT!?

At first I didn't panic.

Then I started laying in bed at night thinking about it. About how much the birth pictures she took of Blip's birth mean to me. About how I have no idea how to take good pictures....let alone amazing pictures. I absolutely LOVE photography, but I suck at it. I need more than a lesson. I need the whole school!! I started to freak out a little more each time I thought about it, so I finally called and asked her to give me a little lesson.

She laughed at me...and assured me I would be fine. She said she could edit or fix anything she needed to...just take a bunch of pictures, and we'd figure it out. Then I thought I would buy a flash for my camera so I could practice on my own. I had NO idea how expensive those suckers are! (Although now I am saving to buy one...and some lessons. And a Photoshop class, too.) I decided money was a little too tight to splurge on a camera flash...plus I had time to work on it. So I read tutorials, watched some stuff on youtube, and looked at her pictures over and over. Hoping something would seep in...and when the time came...I would be good. Not great. Just good. Just okay. That's what I was aiming for...okay.

When Erin called to tell me Natty's water broke last Saturday night/Sunday morning, I was ecstatic! And then I remembered what my duties were. Damn. I wasn't sure I actually wanted her to have the baby yet...I hadn't done enough preparing. I was supposed to have another 3 weeks! And then she called me. Her voice was warm...and a little excited. And a little nervous. All my fears were gone the second I heard her.

I got the initial call around 1am. I was getting ready to head up to bed when the phone rang. Erin and I were giddy on the phone for about 30 minutes. I decided I was going to try and sleep for a few hours before heading to the hospital. I was trying to remember all the stages and timing of my labor. I knew unless she was freakishly fast...we wouldn't have a baby for many, many hours. And I also knew that if I didn't get some sleep I would feel like death by the time Lil Miss arrived.

I took a shower and went to bed until 6am. I got up and got ready after an update saying Natty was dilated to a 4. After that...I was too excited to sleep. And I was nervous that I, the photographer, would miss the main event. I arrived at the hospital before 8am. The epidural was in and life was good.

After a few hours, she was checked and rechecked by her nurse (who also happens to be her sister Tera...who was also one of my nurses) and by her doctor. Her contractions had been consistent for nearly two hours, so her doctor was a little concerned that her body had not progressed at all. This is the moment I sat up and took notice of her doctor, Dr. Apigo.

I was impressed with her from that moment on. She explained to Natalie that she would let her labor for another hour, but if she had not progressed it would be time for a c-section. After the doctor left, Natty received a blessing, and then we were all asked to wait in the waiting room for a bit so Natty could rest. Everyone (except Deron) begrudgingly made their way down the hall, out the double doors...and to the waiting room. Not one of us wanted to miss a thing, but what the hell do we know about labor and delivery? We know to do what they ask...and what Natalie needed was what we were going to do.

A couple of hours passed (and I was so thankful for my iPad!)...and we all were dying to know what was happening back in that room. :) We got little updates from Tera and from Deron, too. We knew she progressed a teensy bit in that first hour, so the doctor let her continue to labor.

We also got a good update from the doctor a while after that. She stopped and explained that Natalie is a "pleaser". So with everyone in the room...it was a bit much to relax and let her body work. She was tense...and needed to rest and relax. With everyone out of the room, she was able to do what her body needed. And in turn, her body did exactly what it was supposed to do. She progressed quite quickly after that...although out in that waiting room "quickly" felt like about 12 lifetimes.

(This is why I was impressed. There was no rush or push for the c-section...she allowed nature some time...saving Natty from having to have a c-section. The doctor herself also spent HOURS in that delivery room. She did so much work to help Natty's body...all the work my nurses did. My doctor (the on-call guy...not my actual doctor) was in and out in 12 minutes flat. He barely took a picture with us.)

After those 12 lifetimes passed, we were invited back. We were all ladies, but I'm pretty sure we wanted to shove each other out of the way and make a run for the door...just to get there a second or two faster.

Natalie worked hard. And I have to say...witnessing Richelle give birth to Carsen and Jake were two of the best moments of my entire life. Giving birth to Blip was THE most amazing moment...and the most awesome thing I've ever done. Witnessing Natalie give birth AFTER I had delivered my own child was super special. All the things that were said to me when I was in labor now made sense...and it all seemed so much clearer and easier to understand. I understood her exhaustion. I understood her desire to be done. I understood how hard pushing really is. I understood her fear.

At one point, while she was resting in between contractions the doctor asked me to take a picture to show Natalie how great she was doing...and how much of Lil Miss we could see....how truly close she was to holding her sweet baby. I did as I was asked (whew...that picture turned out good enough for Natalie to see her progression....whew!), and Natalie studied the picture for a few seconds before she laid her tired body back on the bed.

Tears streamed down her face as she let her fears out. She sobbed, "What if I'm not a good mother?" There were a few other things she asked or said out loud, but we almost laughed...almost. If anyone has proven they are an amazing mother BEFORE having a biological child.......Natalie is that person. She has proven she can raise, nurture, discipline, teach, and love two children that she didn't get until years after they were born. Not to mention, as a mother I can say that failure is every mother's fear. And it's a feeling that doesn't go away after giving birth. It grows from that point...and you learn to tame it. At least I hope...I hope it doesn't stick around so in-your-face for too long. But it's there. And it's a valid fear.

We reassured her that she wouldn't suck at being a mother...and she pushed again. And again. She, and Tera, and the doctor worked so hard to deliver that sweet baby safely. When Natty was nearly exhausted to a point of being done, her sweet baby girl made her entrance into this world. It was 4:55pm. And she was beautiful. That tiny baby was placed on her mother's chest...and we all cried. Including Lil Miss. Hearing her sweet cry made my insides beg to be pregnant again. It was a quiet, loving cry...it was the best sound in the entire world.

Seeing the look on my friend's beautiful face as she looked over her perfectly healthy baby girl was one of the best moments of my life. It's a look I will forever carry in my heart. It was the look of complete joy, love, and contentment. Hearing her baby girl breathe, touching her, feeling her skin against her own...all the things in life that matter. Finally. It was the only word I could think of. It was finally her turn. She waited so long...finally she held her baby.

They took the baby from Natty to clean her up and weigh her. She weighed 6 pounds 5 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. Her coloring was perfect, and she had a ton of black hair. Deron and Natty decided the name they chose fit her perfectly, so it was decided officially- Nytlee (pronounced "Knightly") Ysabel Miller.

I took pictures until it was my turn to hold her. I so love that little girl. She is just perfect. Beautiful skin color, lots of dark hair...she looks like Natalie. And like Kyrstin. She is a good mix of Montez and Miller.

I am so thankful I was allowed to be a part of that special day. It's such a powerful thing...and so full of emotion. I believe giving birth is one of the most spiritual moments in a person's life. I love Natty and Deron so very much. I am thankful for their love and friendship...I am thankful they are a part of my family.

New House

2013-04-27T00:29:00.000-07:00

I blogged a few weeks ago about a new Little Tikes climbing slide apparatus we found on Craigslist for Blip. Well...I'm still currently obsessed with finding Cody some cool stuff that will be age appropriate in the near future. His baby toys are just about lame, so it's time to find a few things to add to the playroom when the baby toys are moved into boxes for the next baby.

Our wonderful sitter, Gisele, was in the hospital the first week of April. We had a friend volunteer to help with Blip, so everything worked out. Our friends, Dave and Laurie, have given us numerous boxes full of toys their little ones have grown out of. When I went to pick up the baby the day they kept him, they started naming off items they wanted us to take off their hands. Their kiddos had outgrown them, so they were ready for new homes.

We ended up with some amazing new (to us) stuff!! They gave Blip a Little Tikes playhouse...it's the perfect size for the playroom. They also gave Blip a little Cozy Coupe with a super cool steering wheel that has tons of buttons that makes different sounds. So now we can keep the truck inside and the car outside. We also ended up with their Little Tikes picnic table! I was so excited to get one of these...and now I'm so glad I hadn't gotten overly excited and ordered one. All of their stuff is like new.

And Blip LOVES all of his new stuff. He loves the playhouse. Especially the doorbell. He loves to stand inside or outside and ring it. Over and over. He also LOVES the Cozy Coupe outside. He loves to ride around in it...and even figured out how to keep his feet up so they don't drag. He isn't quite big enough for the picnic table (or the big climbing, sliding apparatus), but I'm sure he will grow into them soon enough.

SO...while all this is going on...I am still obsessing over a few little things I want for the boy. Richelle was able to score us a "Koala Climber" from a client of hers who was getting rid of it. She brought it over a few months ago...and we have climbed and slid hundreds of times, but it was still a bit too big/too much for Blip. We knew he'd grow into it, tho. It was basically brand new...always kept in doors, so the colors weren't even faded.

I wanted to hang a baby swing from the patio since Blip loves to swing so much. With the way the pool fence in currently installed there's no way to do that, so I started looking at other options. I found a climber/slide/swing combo contraption that Little Tikes made...for about $130. I'm cheap, so I refuse to pay that much. I found a few on Craigslist...and bought one for $60. It needed new buckles for the swing, but they were only about $3 from Little Tikes. I sold the Koala Climber for $50 in about 10 minutes, so really the new slide/swing thingy only cost us about $10.

I love all our new, fun stuff to do out back!!

Polyp

2013-04-26T23:51:00.000-07:00

Mike was due for his every-other-year day of fun this Spring...his colonoscopy. I called and scheduled his consultation with Dr. Amin, so Mike could get his colonoscopy over and done with...and so that Mike could talk to Dr. A about the horrid reflux he's been suffering with for months.

Dr. A and Mike discussed both things, and they decided to scope both ends at the same time to see what was goin' on. Mike was not thrilled, but hey...better than dying, right?

Mike's appointment was for April 1st. That happened to be a city holiday for us, so I was forced off and it was Mike's regular Monday "N" day. (That's what our days off our called.) That worked out great since I wouldn't have to take any time off to take him. I arranged with Regina to keep Blip again. She kept him last year while I had mine...and it worked out perfect. We live so far that she doesn't get to snuggle with my baby too often, and I want Blip to know her...so I will drop him off anytime for a play date with Aunt Regina.

Mike wasn't back much longer than he would have been for just the colonoscopy. So about 30 minutes after I was asked to wait in the waiting room, a nurse came to get me. I don't know why, but I was really nervous. I'm never nervous for my own, and I have never been nervous for anyone else's routine colonoscopies...but I was anxious while Mike was back there.

I do know I was anxious about Mike having pre-cancerous polyps again. And as soon as I was back with Mike...I asked the question. I was right to be anxious. He had another one. This time it was a "large" polyp...and according to Dr. A it was "definitely pre-cancerous".

Talk about taking the wind out of your sails. I know finding those little bastards and removing them is the whole point, but I don't want Mike to have them. Any of them. Ever. I don't want to constantly wonder...and worry. And be anxious...and hope it wasn't too fast growing or that it can't be removed during the colonoscopy.

Dr. A removed one polyp. It was 8mm...and it looked completely different from his last two polyps. The polyps removed during Mike's last colonoscopy were small and looked a lot like a chicken pock. Just a little red bump. This year the polyp was much larger and looked like a bulb.

I am so thankful it's gone. Out of there so it can't cause any torture down the road. I just have to shake my head that Mike and I procreated...and plan to do it again.

Dr. A believes with the (very small) amount of knowledge we have about Mike's family history that his family may also have Lynch Syndrome (HNPCC). Dr. A and I agreed (because Mike was still sleeping) that we would treat Mike as if he had tested positive for HNPCC. He will continue to have colonoscopies ever other year unless he needs to have one every year at some point.

My family operates under the assumption we have HNPCC, too. We have quite a bit more family history to go off of, so that's just how we operate. It's the safest way to do it. We have done so since my mom died.

Here's the crappy part. If you have HNPCC, you have a 60-80% higher chance of getting colon cancer. The average person has a 3-4% chance. So what percentage do our children get? All Dr. A said was, "Much higher." Dang it. We laughed about Dr. A being around when Blip is old enough...it's funny, but really...it's not. I don't want my kids to have to do this. Hopefully there will be some new magical way of testing by that point.

photo: http://www2.mdanderson.org/app/pe/index.cfm?pageName=opendoc&docid=2133

Mike's upper GI revealed a Hiatal Hernia. Dr. A said they were common and would most likely not require surgery. He prescribed Mike some meds to help with the discomfort and to help Mike's ulcerated esophagitis. Dr. A said that what Mike had going on should be causing him quite a bit of pain, so that was his first item on the list of things to take care of. Dr. A wants to see Mike back in a few months to go over everything and to see how Mike has heeled with the meds. He will more than likely be on meds to control this indefinitely.

We left the office and went to pick up our sweet baby boy. He had fun playing with Regina...he got to help her clean the house. I'm sure he was just happy for the change of scenery, and for her hugs and kisses. I'm so thankful for my supportive and always helpful family.

This isn't something we worry every. single. day. about, but it is something we MUST think about. We must deal with this. We must remain proactive. We must continue to reach out to others to make sure people are educated about this awful disease. I wish this wasn't something we had to advocate for, but this is so close to our hearts. It's something we are passionate about. It's something we will never blow off. Just look at the statistics...anyone not willing to do what's necessary when they KNOW they have family history will eventually pay the price. And paying with my life is not something I'm willing to do.

Pure Bred

2013-04-14T01:40:00.000-07:00

He is definitely our son.

Lil Tike

2013-04-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

For some reason I decided to start looking for some outdoors-y stuff for Blip to do. My intentions were to to find something small and used that we could keep on the patio. It didn't work out exactly like that, but pretty close. Except what we bought isn't "small" (but it isn't huge either), and it won't really be a patio fitting thing.

I started looking on craigslist Sunday night. I found a few things I liked, so I started doing some research on those products. I decided on the one I liked the best, so I sent an e-mail or two out. One of them was posted for $125, and they lived close to us. The other 3 or 4 were posted for $125 MORE than that. Yikes! I was desperate to get the good/cheap one. By the pictures it appeared to be in great shape...and the others were either the same condition or possibly worse, so definitely not worth paying double the price.

The lady who posted the add e-mailed me back quickly and said she had another buyer in line for the next night (Monday), but she said she would keep me 2nd in line if the sale fell through. I thanked her and crossed my fingers. I also e-mail the other ads and asked if they would come down on their prices to even close to this other posted ad. They all said no. One lady even upped her price from $225 to $275. (It's still posted and not sold, by the way.)

When I got home from work I checked my email while Blip and I were playing. The buyer had fallen through...and the lady wanted to know if I was still interested! I was so excited! I e-mailed her back and asked if we could come look at it right then. She agreed, so Mike borrowed our neighbor's trailer and off we went.

It was in great shape! It was a little faded because of the sun, but there were no cracks...and it looked perfect. Mike loaded it up while I paid...and then we headed home with our new jungle gym. It was raining and super windy that day, so we didn't really get to play outside much. Blip and I spent some evenings during the week outside, but he's a little too little for it still. He isn't quite climbing (thank goodness) yet, so after sliding a few times...he's done and ready to lick the rocks.

Yep. You read that right. The boy immediately either crawls for the pool...or the rocks. I prefer the rocks. And apparently so does he. He can sit right in that spot and taste the rocks...and then toss them in the grass for quite some time. He isn't interested in anything else...so I just let him be happy. Luckily, he doesn't lick ALL of them. Just a few...then tossing them is the fun part.

We are having the pool fence people come out this week or next to add more fencing around the pool. Originally we thought enclosing the patio would be the safest thing. It would close off the pool, the hot tub, and the turtle pond. (Hence wanting a smaller jungle gym for the patio...for now.) It's hard to keep Blip in the patio...especially while the weather is so beautiful. Once we're in the grass...it's game on for the pool and the pond. It's stressful...and I know he can save himself. I can't imagine if he couldn't. We'd probably have to move.

We have to completely hover over Blip in order to keep him safe, so we are just adding a fence to block off the pool from the grass. Which also helps us if we are in the garage or out front with the gate open...and the baby gets in the backyard. The pool will no longer be open access at all. I'm pretty devastated to even type this, but the pond is on its way out, too. I am heartbroken at the thought of getting rid of my turtles, but the pond is so much added stress. If the pond is gone, the danger is gone...and we can put in a sandbox. That was Mike's agreement if I decided to get rid of my turtles. I have had them for almost 15 years, so I hope Blip knows how much I love him!! :)

I am thrilled with our great find. It was a great price, and Blip will enjoy it for years to come. It's the perfect apparatus for the boy until he's ready for a real swing set. I have one more item for Blip's entertainment that we are purchasing. It will be perfect for inside or for the patio this summer. Sometimes I really do love craigslist.

50 Years

2013-04-12T00:34:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Pat and Ken's 50th wedding anniversary about a month ago. March was a busy month...too busy. The first weekend we spent at Disneyland. The next weekend Mike went to Lake Havasu for a much needed (and long awaited) fishing trip with his dad and little brother. The next weekend was the anniversary party, and David was in town, too....and that's when the puking started (definitely did not have anything to do with David). The next weekend Mike went back to Lake Havasu with a friend, and the next weekend was Easter.

The anniversary party was weekend #3...the party was on their actual anniversary. I'm struggling with what to write about the party, so I don't think I will write much of anything. My blogging has slacked off after being told I offend people with what I write, so now I'm a little gun-shy. It shouldn't matter what I write here...although it's open (at this point) for anyone to read, this is still MY blog. The place I come to journal...it used to be such a healing place for me. Now...I rarely come here. I need to move past the hurt, but I still haven't figured out how to move past the pain of what was said about my writing. Oh well...I guess I will figure it out as I go.

It was so fun to celebrate Ken and Pat and their amazing accomplishment. 50 years is a long damn time. And if you are married...you know marriage is hard, so add some additional years on to that 50 and I'm sure that's what it felt like. :) They've shared a lot over the years...five kids, 13 grandkids, jobs, cars, houses, etc. Pretty cool, if you ask me.

Pat's two sisters and their husbands flew out to help celebrate. I had never met Margie and Jim or Marybeth and Bill, so I was very excited to spend a little time with the extended family. Finally. :)

The party was mostly family and a few friends. There was a short program, dinner, and dancing. It seemed like everyone had a great time. By the end of this party I felt like I did at Sydney's wedding. DONE. Too many hours in shoes I hadn't worn in too long...my feet were killing me, my flab was being held in by Spanx and needed to be freed and in pajama pants with a big t-shirt. Instead, I wrestled with Blip all night so Mike could really enjoy the party with his family. Each time I said I needed a break, Mike took him for a few minutes, but brought him back quickly. I didn't want Mike to worry with Blip, so I didn't mind taking him back.

The party started at his nap time, so he was DONE long before I was...and LONG before the party ended. In hind sight, I should have sent him home to bed with my parents, or arranged with a friend to pick him up and take him home. It was way past his bedtime...plus no nap...and he didn't eat enough all day to sustain a happy baby. Unhappy Blip is very stressful to Mike...and I know that, so it's easier to keep both of them happy if I manage the baby and Mike enjoyed the party. And he really seemed to have a good time. That made me happy.

Easter Weekend

2013-04-02T00:50:00.000-07:00

Easter this year was fun for us. This time of year has been such an amazing time for us. Everything is so different with Blip. I feel like I don't have anything else to even talk about other than my son...my family. But that's okay. He's that cool.

And he really is.

I have no regrets in life. I do wish my opportunity to have this little person in my life had come earlier....which means I wish Mike would have come sooner, too. Maybe being in my thirties gave my enough selfish time to know that giving up my career is okay. Hard, but okay. Having a "job" to go to is okay. Coming home to the most beautiful smile each afternoon is so much better than just okay.

Regina told me once that "the days are long, but the years are short." I believe that statement may be true if I didn't work outside the home. But I do, so the days seem shorter and shorter as they fly past us...we can all be together swinging at the park...and all of a sudden a few more weeks are long gone. He says a few more words, understands just that much more, wants to walk, eat chicken, have his cousins over to play...cries when they leave him for home.

I love his smiles. I am in love with his newly learned kisses. I crave his hugs...and I can't get enough of his giggles. Holidays are just an added bonus for time with my family.

I was sick most of the week with the plague (as we refer to it at this house), but by Friday I was feeling a lot better...I was pretty sure I wasn't going to die, so I was happy by Friday. Feeling better was more than lucky since we had Richelle's three boys for the weekend while she and Anthony celebrated their anniversary. Having four kiddos and being sick...would have made for a very long weekend for Mike. It was much more fun for us to both be healthy.

Mike stayed home from work on Friday, so he accompanied us to Regina's for our Annual Easter Egg Hunt. We arrived and the cousins immediately started playing and running around. I know Blip watches them...and longs to run and play. He gets so excited to see the kids having fun together. I can't wait until my boy can have some fun with the other kiddos.

We had dinner and then the hunt began. Blip and Caryn's son were the two littlest, so they were let loose first. Connor is 2 1/2, so he "gets it" a lot more than Blip does, but we still had fun. Blip was the lucky finder of "the golden egg" this year. He got three dollars...we added it to his little cash pot he's got going.

Saturday morning Mike and the boys woke up and headed out to the lake for some fishing. Blip and I slept until about 9am, had some breakfast, played together, and then it was nap time. We had to drop Carsen off at a birthday party for the afternoon, but after we picked him up we all headed to see the Easter Bunny.

We waited in line for almost an hour, but just like Santa Clause...Blip was pretty dang happy to see the Easter Bunny. He wanted to grab the Bunny's glasses...and feel his soft (dirty, in need of a good scrubbing, used to be) white fur, but he was laughing and happy the whole time. Richelle's two little(r) boys were super cute, too. Her oldest was too cool for EB pics this year. I don't blame him...and I know for a fact I would have rather died at 13 than even be at the mall with my lame family, but being the adult gives such a different perspective on how quickly being a child is over...and real life starts way too soon.

After having Henry re-stuffed at Build-a-Bear, we all dropped Mike off at home to nap before he had to go to work. The rest of us went to dinner at NYPD. We sat on the patio and enjoyed the beautiful weather...except Jake. Jake froze. I love being a native. Nearly 80 degrees...and chilly. Love it.

The Easter Bunny paid the four boys at our house a visit while we all slept. Richelle's boys even had an egg hunt in the house that the Bunny set up for them. They have a super nice Bunny. Blip's Bunny isn't so creative, but that Bunny sure left Blip a fun-filed basket of goodies.

Sunday morning Blip woke me up at about 9:15am. I love this kid. I changed his pants, and then we woke up the other boys. We all headed downstairs together to see what the Easter Bunny left for us.

Blip got a new bike helmet, a toy phone, a Mickey straw-sippy cup, new police jammies, a stuffed lamb, a stuffed beagle, a Mickey Mouse Club House movie, and a MMCH book with sounds, a new bath toy, a police motorcycle matchbox car (freaking awesome!), and some additional animals to put on the Ark with Noah.

At some point Blip came across some of the candy the boys got...specifically two Peeps. I think they are the nastiest waste of calories ever, but Mike thought we should at least let him try them. So we did...and he seemed to like the nastiness until is disintegrated in his hands. He was covered in pink sugar by the time we pried the remnants of the two marshmallow bunnies from his hands. Bath time was in order. And so was brushing his sugar coated pink teeth. All 9 1/2 of them.

Mike was preparing for his colonoscopy all day on Sunday, so he wasn't the happiest of campers, but he wasn't too bad. The boys and I colored eggs while Blip napped. We used food coloring, water and vinegar to dye them. I love the colors they turned out. The boys were bored before they even finished, so I finished...but it wasn't all that much fun by myself. I can't wait until Blip wants to do this kinda stuff with me.

Anthony and Richelle picked up the boys shortly after we finished, so when the baby was awake and fed we walked to the park. We enjoyed each other and the beautiful weather until it was time for Mike to really start the prep.

I decided we should put the baby's new bike helmet to use, so I grabbed his new baby seat from the garage, my bike, some tools, and installed Blip's seat on my bike. I am excited to have another way to have some fun together. We didn't get to ride much that evening because it was getting dark, but we will have fun riding to the park or around the neighborhood often.

We bathed the baby and got him ready for bed. He went down like a champ...like normal. We had such a fun weekend together as a family and with Richelle's boys. Blip loves when his boys are around to watch and play with. He loves them so much...and so do I.

I know Easter is not about the Easter Bunny and the goodies, but this year it was about all we could do.

1st Molar(s)

2013-03-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

At Blip's one year appointment, Dr. Jaquemart noticed a purple bulge on the right side of Blip's mouth. She said it was a molar coming in. I guess the left side moves faster...because there was NO bump over there, but that tooth came in first. I noticed yesterday that the one on the right side finally broke through, but not the entire tooth, just the front part (like the one in the picture). He is such an easy teether. He rarely needs Tylenol...and he acts like it isn't even happening most of the time. He wears the amber teething necklace, but he didn't wear it for all those teeth in the front, so we aren't 100% sure if the necklace works, or if he's just awesome. Pretty sure he's just awesome.

Down With the Sickness

2013-03-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

**this may or may not be TMI about baby puke...complete with some pictures...just as a warning**

On Sunday (the 17th) Mike had to work off duty all day (and night), so Blip and I loaded up to spend the afternoon at Grandma and Grandpa Buvala's house. Aunts and Uncles and David were all still in town for the big 50th Anniversary, so we thought it would be fun to visit with everyone.

As we headed south on 67th Avenue toward the 101, I could hear something from the backseat that I knew was not a *good* sound. Initially I thought the baby was shaking his bottle....getting smelly formula all over the car. So I turned around to tell him not to shake the bottle (because he would have understood exactly what I meant?). Blip still sits rear facing in his car seat, so there is a mirror on the headrest of his seat (the real big person car seat), so I can see him. When I turned around...all I could see what a stream of white coming out of his mouth.

I pulled the car over in to the closest parking lot...after hearing several more of those "sounds". I jumped out and ran to the car door, flung it open only to be horrified by what I saw.

My sweet baby boy was covered COVERED in puke...so much puke it was dripping down from inside the carseat and down the seat in the Yukon to the floor. There was even puke on the car door. I stood there in shock for a few seconds...I just looked at Blip...and he looked at me with no expression on his face. He didn't make a sound, but he looked pathetic.

I shut the car door, walked to the other side of the car, climbed in, and drove home. I didn't know what else to do. There was SO much puke...there was no way to clean it up. His entire outfit was soaked...his carseat was covered in it. I hate puke.

I pulled in to the garage, carefully removed Blip from his seat, and carried him upstairs to have a bath. He just sat or laid in the bathtub while I washed him. He still had no expression on his face, and he didn't make a sound. I thought for sure he was getting the flu...or something awful. I got him dried off and put some comfy clothes on him...then I set him up in the swing to watch The Lorax while I figured out what to do with his carseat.

I got it all torn apart and washed while Blip slept off and on in the swing. He still didn't make any noise...and I was sure he was going to be sick. He had never puked like that before...and he never just sleeps off and on in the swing for a few hours at a time.

After two movies, several short naps, and no more puking, he started acting like himself again. He acted hungry, so I started with the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast). He ate a little and seemed fine the rest of the afternoon, so for dinner he ate what I ate. Teriyaki meatballs and rice with veggies. He ate a good amount of dinner, and then we played for a while before bedtime. He seemed 100% normal, so I figured the puking thing was a fluke. Maybe even car-sickness? The pictures are of him eating rice for dinner...and he even tried using a spoon!! How could he be sick!?

I didn't give him another bath, but we read books and listened to our normal music while I rocked him and he had his bottle. The very second the last drop was gone from his bottle Blip puked up every ounce of it and his dinner all over himself, me, and his rocking chair. I was in shock at first, but mostly because Blip had been almost asleep laying in my arms...and when he puked, he was laying down, so not all of it came flying out of him like it would have if he was sitting up.

I was looking at his sweet face when the puking began...and all I could see were his eyes. He looked horrified...like he was choking and couldn't get air. I flung him forward so the rest of the puke and undigested food would not get stuck and block his airway. We sat there for a minute, and then I walked him into our bathroom for another bath. He was covered, I was covered, the rocking chair was covered, his blanket was covered....what a disgusting mess. I undressed him, got myself out of my gross clothes, bathed him, took him down to the swing, and started cleaning up the mess.

I knew I was in for a LONG night. Mike finally came home from work around 2am...and we were still up. The baby was starving, but I didn't know what to feed him. I ended up giving him 2 or 3 ounces of his infant formula. He kept that down, so he finally slept, but woke in the night for another couple ounces. He kept that down, so I thought his new toddler formula was the culprit.

Two days before the puking started we had finally made it to 100% toddler formula. We took three weeks to switch from the infant formula to the toddler formula. He did great on Friday and Saturday, but by Sunday...ugh. It was the only thing that had changed, and although Blip hadn't had any issues with the toddler formula thus far...I couldn't think of anything else it could be. Mike agreed that it must have been the toddler formula, so we decided to keep him on the infant formula instead.

I got a text from Mike Monday while I was at work letting me know that he no longer believed the toddler formula was the culprit. He loaded Blip into the car and drove towards his parents house. He stopped to help his dad with a boat issue, and when he got Blip out of the car...he seemed like he didn't feel well. Mike said he was holding the baby close trying to figure out what was wrong when the entire bottle of milk came up...and all over Mike, the baby, the car, etc. Mike stripped off the baby's clothes and headed for his mom's house. He was able to clean up there and wash their puked on clothes before heading home.

So now we really had NO idea what was wrong. We didn't want to call his GI doctor quite yet...in case Blip had a bug of some variety. Neither one of us thought he was sick from a bug because he acted perfectly normal...except for the puking. We decided to give it a few days before rushing to the doctor.

Tuesday brought another call about more puke. This time Blip was in bed...and Henry was the recipient of the unwelcome liquid bath. Poor Henry. At least we can bathe. I didn't know what to do with Henry. Finally I un-stuffed him, took out his sounds, removed his heart and barcode...and washed him. I tied him inside a pillow case and then put him in the washer on the gentle cycle. He was flat...and there was a Target bag FULL of his insides. I laid him flat to dry...until we could take him to be re-stuffed.

I had to stay home most of Wednesday because Mike was home sick with a stomach bug. I worked in the afternoon, but only after Mike came downstairs and said he was fine.

On Thursday Richelle called me at work a few minutes before I would normally leave and asked if I was on my way yet. She sounded super stressed out, so I told her I could be on my way if I needed to be...and asked what was wrong. Blip had puked EVERYWHERE again. He had no extra clothes because she dressed him in the extras before leaving our house with him...not realizing those were the extra clothes. And his carseat was drenched in puke. Ugh.

I left work immediately. Luckily a co-worker carpooled home with me, so we made it pretty quickly. I grabbed the baby, his puke filled seat (so glad we bought that extra seat!), and headed home. I got Blip settled, and then I started in on cleaning the carseat. By this point I was tired of cleaning up puke...and I was getting more and more worried about what was happening.

Because of the puking we lessened the amount of formula Blip had each day. from 18-24 ounces to about 10 ounces. He is stubborn about a sippy cup, and he won't drink anything other than milk/formula from his bottle. The amount of wet diapers he was having started to get fewer and fewer. Even in the morning his diapers were barely wet...and normally they are heavy and soaking wet. His lips were chapped. The amount of solid food had been decreasing all week. He was mostly back to eating pureed baby foods, if he ate much of anything. He didn't seem miserable, but I know how quickly babies can go from okay to dehydrated, so I decided a week was long enough.

Dr. S (his GI doc) is with PCH, so I wanted to go to PCH...that way they could reach Dr. S if needed. Richelle told me about a PCH Urgent Care close to the house, so that's where I ended up. There was only one other family in the waiting room, so I was encouraged we wouldn't be there ALL night. We finally got taken back...they weighed Blip (with his clothes and shoes on?) and he was barely 24 lbs. That was discouraging. That means he's lost weight (again) since our last appointment...and that was WITH clothes and shoes on. I went from feeling a pretty mild worried to a feeling of slight panic. I know what happens to babies who don't continue to gain weight, who refuse food, who lapse into a failure to thrive issue. Blip also had a very (very) slight temperature that they took rectally. It wasn't even high enough to be considered a "fever," but it was higher than a regular temperature.

When the doctor came in she introduced herself (Dr. Geyer), and asked why we were there. I felt she needed a brief background to understand why we were there...and why we didn't think he had a bug/virus. While I was explaining to her the formula issues/reflux issues/etc, she actually rolled her eyes...and was seriously willing me to be done. I'm not sure she actually listened to anything I said. She quickly said she thought he had a virus...and that a stomach virus was going around. I told her I didn't agree, but what I thought clearly didn't matter. She quickly looked Blip over...skipping his ears completely. I didn't even realize until later that she never even checked his ears.

She looked down his throat, and then told me his mouth was too moist to be dehydrated...and that he had too much energy to be dehydrated. She again told me she thought he had a virus. Her recommendations were to give him Zofran to help with the nausea. After the meds, she wanted to see if he could keep down a bottle of formula...and then we could leave. (I really hate that we are treating the symptom...and not the actual problem. We can fix the freaking symptoms all night long, but the actual health issue will still be there. *frustrated*)

The Zofran was given, we waited 20 minutes, and then he happily drank a 6 ounce bottle of his beloved "milkies". He kept it down, so she sent us on our way, but not before trying to smooth everything over with me. She must have heard me on the phone with Mike when I was telling him how disgusted with her I was. How she didn't listen to me, care what I had to say, and brushed aside any mommy-instinct I had. It didn't work. I don't care for that doctor, and I will a) never be back to that Urgent Care and b) make sure to let Dr. S know what's going on at that specific urgent care. He's the Medical Staff Section Chief of GI at PCH, so I hope he can do something about her behavior. I'm sure I'm not the only eye roll she's given out. Or health issue she's brushed off.

So we left...and everything seemed okay. He went to bed okay...no more puking. But he has NEVER puked after EVERY bottle. It's random...and there's no knowing why or what the cause it. THAT'S the issue with treating the nausea!! Ugh.

Friday was a great day. We spent time together as a family...and although the baby didn't eat a lot, he didn't puke either, so kind of a win/win...lose. Mike left super early Saturday morning for a weekend fishing trip with a friend from work, so we woke up and had a good day. We went to Carsen's birthday party and went swimming. He ate almost an entire hotdog, some Cheetos (maybe he actually ingested 1 Cheeto? LOL), he refused all fruit, but ate a few other little things here and there. Not a ton of food, but better than the days previous. He napped the entire way home.

Once we made it home, we played for a while and then got ready for bed. Bedtime went like normal, and he was passed out long before 9pm. I checked on him before I went to bed (so around 1am?), and everything was as it should be. The next morning around 8-8:30...just like normal...I heard Blip on the monitor. He was making a whimpering sound, so I checked the monitor and everything looked okay. I sat there for another minute wondering why he was making that pathetic whimpering sound...and not trying to get out of his sling. Not even trying.

I knew something was wrong, so I jumped up and made my way to Blip's bedroom. When I opened the door I was slapped in the face with the smell of death. I gagged as I made my way over to the crib. I peered over at my sweet baby to find him covered in dry puke. It was EVERYWHERE. His blankets were still covering his body...he hadn't even tried to move. I quickly worked to get him out of the sling...also covered in puke (including chunks of undigested hotdog...an issue we need to talk to Dr. S about). I pulled down his blankets...and as I did the smell of poo hit me in the face. His bedding was all soaked in a brown liquid...and he just continued to whimper.

I wrapped him in a banket and moved him to the changing table. When I unzipped him...the dry heaving began. He was covered in liquified poo from his neck down to his enclosed toes in police car jammies. I carefully removed his legs as to not fling poo anywhere...especially on me, the furniture, Blip's face, etc. I was dry heaving...a lot. It was the nastiest thing I have ever done. Dead bodies bloated in the summer heat are the only comparison I believe come close.

I wiped up his body the best I could, and then grabbed the trash sack from the garbage can. I put EVERYTHING in that bag and tied it shut. Then we made a beeline for the bathtub. I could tell my baby did not feel well...he just laid in the tub while I washed him. No splashing. No smiles. No giggling. We finished up, I dressed him in comfy clothes, and we headed downstairs. He spent the day laying on me or in the swing.

I went upstairs to tackle the rest of the nasty that was Blip's bed, wedge, sling, etc. Ugh. The foam $200 wedge was soaked, I thought for sure the sling would be stained, and luckily my sister's talked me into buying the Ultimate Crib Sheet. I was able to unsnap it and wrap everything else up in that. It has a waterproof pad on the bottom, so nothing leaked through. Whew. I stain sticked (sprayed) everything and tossed it in the washer. I remade Blip's bed...and wondered how he would sleep flat. I took the foam wedge out back and used the hose to clean the small portion that was dirty. Luckily, it wasn't a big portion.

Blip needed a diaper change about every hour or so...and his bum must have been so sore by the end of the day. When I did have to change him, he moaned when I straightened his legs, so I know his belly must have hurt.

He didn't seem to lose his entire appetite and did seem hungry at times, so I fed him little bits throughout the day. He even took some formula, just not very much. He finally drank some purple Gatorade in his sippy...and sadly, that made me very happy. He ate quite a bit of apple sauce, but didn't want toast or anything else really.

He slept pretty crappy Sunday night. He was up often and took a long time to settle. I was so tired by about 2am that I made a pillow wall around my bed and on the floor, and brought him to sleep with me. Being propped up on my pillow, or just having his ENTIRE body touching mine was just what he needed. We both fell asleep...finally. We slept for a few hours, and on Monday he seemed mostly better. Still not 100%, but he didn't want to lay on me ALL day, and he ate a little more.

By Tuesday morning, I was not feeling 100%. I had training scheduled at the academy, so I woke up, got ready and headed out. The whole way there I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me...I didn't feel sick, per se, but I did not feel good. I made it through the training and drove myself home. I was starting to feel worse and worse as the minutes passed.

I called Mike and told him I needed him to come home and help me with the baby. He told me his squad was covering for a patrol squad and there were only five guys, so he wasn't sure he could. He said he would call my sister or my parents and try to get me some help. I changed my clothes, gathered some snacks for the baby (because I was trying to avoid feeding him dinner), and locked us in the playroom. I knew if we were locked in that room nobody could kill themselves if I didn't move fast enough.

I ended up feeding Blip some dinner, and the locking us back in the palyroom. By this time I had called Mike and begged him to come home. I told him I thought I was going to die. I also told him if this was what he had last week, I was sorry. I honestly thought he was just exhausted...I even went to work the afternoon of one of his sick days...leaving him to care for the baby. He said he was fine, but now I know he just didn't want to tell me I couldn't go to work. Ugh. I felt sooo bad.

Carlys and Raelynn got there to care for the baby, and I went to bed. By that point, I really did think I might die...I couldn't believe how sick I felt in such a short time. I had a fever, and could only sleep in-between running for the bathroom. It was awful.

I was in bed all day on Wednesday. I slept most of the day. Mike was home taking care of Blip. Gisele ended up coming over to pick up Blip so Mike could get a few things done at work. She took him to lunch with her grandkids and then to the park. She has been such a huge help to us. Always willing to sit with Blip...always understanding of our ever-changing schedules. She loves the baby...and the baby loves her right back. It's been an easy two months with the babysitting "issues" behind us. :) She has been a true blessing in our lives.

By late Wednesday, I was slowly starting to feel not dead. I slept late on Thursday...hoping the rest of the pain in my belly would go away. I was still afraid to eat or drink much of anything. Thursday night came and I felt quite a bit better...after sleeping most of the day away. I even got out of bed. I went down to the couch, fell asleep...and when I woke up...I headed back to my bed. I really needed some time with my son...and he was very clingy, so I think he needed that time with me too.

By Friday I felt like myself again, and was so thankful Mike was able to stay home and take care of the boy. I could not have done it.

Hopefully that stomach bug is gone for good now that we've all had it. I still don't know what made Blip puke so much the week prior, but I don't believe it was the same bug. Or a bug at all. I guess as long as he's done...it doesn't really matter. We started weaning him today from his infant formula to toddler formula again. Instead of switching to Enfamil, we are switching from Similac Sensitive to Similac's Go and Grow formula. Maybe sticking with the same brand will help? Who knows. I'm still nervous every time I give him a bottle...and he just started getting six ounce bottles again. So far, so good. I guess we'll wait and see how the switch goes this time.

I'm glad, for the moment, my little family is healthy and happy.

Crazy Hair

2013-03-30T23:32:00.000-07:00

I found these pictures and thought they were too cute to keep all to myself. I love that we have photo stream...all the pictures we take end up in the same pot. So stuff Mike takes with his phone, I randomly find when I got through the photo stream folder. I love it!

I'm not sure how these photos got the dates messed up, but they say they were all taken on March 11th, but Blip's hair was not this crazy long on March 11th. So they must have been transferred to the computer some other way than photo stream...I just don't know how that would actually be. Never the less...his crazy hair is (or was) super cute.

Ice Cream Cone of His Own

2013-03-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

On Friday we were able to spend some much needed time together as a family before Mike headed out of town for the weekend. As Mike was getting all of his gear ready for his trip, Blip and I made our way out to the garage to watch. I found a mini-Drumstick ice cream cone in the freezer and thought it would be a good first ice cream cone for Blip.

So I strapped him into one of our strollers that happened to be close by, and he started in on it. He started with the ice cream end, but quickly moved to the bottom of the cone...leaving the ice cream to melt.

He sat in the stroller for a while, and then I let him loose. He crawled around the filthy garage with his bare feet and his ice cream cone looking for his daddy. He seemed to really enjoy the ice cream cone...and the filthy garage floor. He was unsure how to crawl at first, but he just held his loot in his hand and went for it. The ice cream was garage floor nasty after a few times of being fisted and used to crawl. Blip was not a happy camper when I took the dirty treat away and tossed it in the garbage. There is only so much I can handle.

I love this kid...clean or dirty. I love spending time with my two boys more than anything else in this world. We always have so much fun together. We love to watch as Blip tries new things...it's so much fun to watch him learn. He makes some great faces...and never stops trying.

Slide Show

2013-03-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

March 16th was my in-law's 50th wedding anniversary, so we celebrated by having a party. Pat's sisters and their husbands flew in for the occasion, and so did David. We had a great time celebrating Ken and Pat...and I loved seeing my two boys all dressed up. (I will get to those details in the next blog.)

[This will just be MY version of how the slide show came to be. It's not meant to be offensive, or to make anyone mad....it's just my thoughts and my point of view...it's supposed to be comical.]

Mike and I started talking about their 50th about year and a half ago. I will leave the majority of the story left unsaid here, but one of the things Mike and I discussed many times was his family's pictures. So, several months ago Mike asked his dad to sneak us all of the family pictures. We knew trying to "steal" them ourselves would be pointless...we had NO idea where they were.

Ken brought us the pictures way back in September, I think. Maybe October? When we got the pictures there were hundreds of pictures in boxes, picture envelopes, and a few albums. I spent about three hours trying to go through them, but it was hard to make progress when I was struggling to determine who was who and when this or that happened. Mike and I agreed it would be his job to sort through the pictures.

I gave "gentle" reminders weekly, at first. Mike and I purchased a few "groupon" deals to have the pictures professionally scanned and preserved on disc, but in order to have the discs back in time to use the pictures for whatever type of party was to be planned by his siblings....he reallllly needed to get the pictures sorted.

When Christmas came, I started nagging daily. Then January came...and went. And I was still nagging. And our window for sending out the pictures was long gone. But still...the pictures needed to be sorted and scanned in so I could put them into a slide show for a party. We weren't even sure there would be a party, but we wanted to do something with the pictures for the anniversary regardless.

It was decided by Mike's siblings that there would be a party, so Mike and his sister spent a couple hours on a Saturday in February sorting pictures. After Kelly left, Mike said the job was almost done.

I was SHOCKED that *almost* ALL those pictures were sorted and ready!! I was so happy it was done...and all I had to do was spend the time scanning them in. I bugged Mike to finish as soon as he could so I could start getting them scanned. In true Mike fashion...he told me they were done exactly one week before the party. And then he left town for the weekend.

So that Friday night, after I put Blip to bed, I finally got to start my portion of the project. I went in and sat on the floor of the office...to figure out how the pictures were sorted, get them ready to be scanned, etc. What I found was a complete shock to my system...with one week until the party, working full-time, having the baby alone every night during the week, and having to already stay up until nearly midnight every night just to keep up...the pictures were not sorted. At all. I wasn't sure if I should be angry...or just cry.

I sent Mike a text, and he responded by saying he thought they were kind of sorted, but said he was sorry. And then said maybe he accidentally unsorted them when he moved them into the office, but there's no way what I was looking at was ever sorted. After a few more texts, I knew I was in for a long night...a long week. I started with the boxes of pictures in the office, and then I moved to the rest of the pictures in the game room. I was exhausted and couldn't see straight by about 2am, so I called it a night.

The next day Blip and I spent our morning together, but as soon as he went down for his first nap, I was back to working on the pictures. I needed a break by the time Blip's nap was over, so I was happy when he woke up. I started back up as soon as it was nap time again....and then by bedtime I was just about ready to start scanning. I bought myself a new printer at Christmas, and I had only recently had the time to set it up. Scanning was a little quicker with two scanners going at the same time, but by 2am...I was still nowhere near finished. Sunday I scanned like crazy during his nap times...and finally finished with the first round of what I started with around 1am...I think.

I came home from work on Monday and planned to work on the slide show while Mike was home to watch the baby, but we ended up having to take care of a few things, so I didn't even turn on my computer. Tuesday I had to find something to wear, so Blip and I spent a couple hours at the mall. That was not a good time...for either of us. I grabbed pants for him, but nothing for me. I worked on the slide show after bed time, but I felt like I was getting no where. I was still trying to arrange what I had into subfolders so I could quickly find pictures of each person...and I was trying to make sure I had everyone's life timeline down, too.

When I am still awake when Mike gets home from work....I know the next day will suck. I was up every. single. night. that week when Mike walked in the door from work. And every single morning when my alarm went off at 4:30am...I regretted it. But only being able to start working on projects at about 9pm does that.

By the time (late, very late) Thursday night rolled around, I had most of the slide show put together, but each night I ended up searching for this picture or that picture and then scanning more pictures in. It was a lot of work, but I was enjoying it quite a bit by this point. Other than being rushed because I married the world's biggest procrastinator, I loved finally seeing all of his baby pictures! I loved seeing all of his old family pictures! I like doing the slide show thing, so overall I was having a good time. I just needed more time...or less work getting in the way.

So...after all this stress, I was told the entire slide show needed to be no more than six minutes long. I was so confused about how I was supposed to fit 50 years of life in six minutes...less than two complete songs. I debated back and forth about what to do. I walked away from all my hard work and took a long break...I needed to clear my head and try to figure out how to cut out more than 1/2 the slide show I had been planning and working so hard on.

I called Mike and asked him if he would be mad if I did it the way I had planned...even though it would be between 13-15 minutes and not six minutes. He told me he supported whatever decision I made...and told me the time decision wasn't something I needed to worry about. We hung up, and I decided I was doing it the way I planned. Otherwise it would be incomplete...and stupid. And ALL that work would be left out. Six minutes for some slide shows may work, but not for this.

When Mike walked in the door from work on Friday night, I had the final draft ready for him to review. 13 minutes and 25 seconds later he said it was perfect. *sigh* I was so exhausted...so we headed upstairs for bed. I was so happy not to have to worry about the slide show on Saturday. We only had to worry about having a good day together, getting ready, and having fun at the party.

***

One of the things I loved most was this:

I found a picture of Mike wearing a christening gown. On the back Mike's mom wrote, "Isn't he beautiful here." On the bottom of the picture in someone else's hand writing it said, "this gown is 65 year old family heirloom."

I also found a picture of Sean in what looked like the same gown. Mike's mom confirmed it was the same gown, and she thought more than two of her kids wore it. She said the gown had been worn by many, many family members. I'm not sure why I am so sentimental, but I am...and I was thrilled. I spent the next hour or two (wayyy late into the night...like an idiot) searching for the other pictures. I already had Erin's, but didn't realize what it was until after talking with Mike's mom. I found pictures of Kelly and Patrick that night and scanned them in. I was so excited. Mike was...well...a man. He said something positive to me about it...knowing I was excited, but he definitely did not share my enthusiasm. I don't anyone was as excited about it as I was. Mike's sister Erin did comment when I posted about it, so that made my lil heart happy.

Erin said she thought Justin wore the gown, too. Or possibly had it draped over him for a picture, which is what Pat remembered about Patrick's picture. I didn't find a picture of Justin to go with this, but I sure wish I had found out all of this when Blip was tiny enough to be a part of it all. I have a lot more pictures to sort and scan, so maybe Justin's picture will will be in those when I can take the time and look more closely.

***

Here's the link to the slide show.

Disneyland with Blip

2013-03-03T23:33:00.001-07:00

We finally decided on a weekend to go to Disneyland in February…for my Christmas present from Mike.  That weekend ended up being the only weekend in February we could squeeze in something important to Mike, so we canceled our trip plans.  We moved Mike's off duty around, and we planned to go the weekend of my birthday instead.  The weekend in February we canceled…ended up being free at the very last minute.  After moving around Mike's off duty and scheduling other things we thought we'd be home for…there was no way to change it back.  I knew it was be busier the first weekend in March, but it's just the way the cookie crumbled.  

Mike took Friday off, and we planned to leave town first thing on Friday morning.  By midnight on Thursday I was so tired my eyes hurt.  My body was exhausted form a long week with too little sleep, so I decided I needed to go to bed instead of finishing packing.  I got up about 8am to finish, but we still didn't get out the door until almost noon.  Ugh.  We wanted to be there just after lunch, but now we'd be stuck in LA traffic.  It totally sucked, but we didn't let it ruin our trip.  Blip slept in the car until about Blythe, then he watched a movie on the iPad.  He was great in the car until about the last 45  minutes or so.  He had a dirty diaper…and we were stuck in traffic.  We think he was hungry too, so I made him a bottle in hopes it would hold him off for a little longer.  

We finally made it to the hotel, got checked in, and unloaded ALL of our stuff.  Traveling with me usually means a few more items than normal, but traveling with a baby means WAY more stuff than ever imagined.  Between the pack and play, the diapers, bottles, formula, wipes, clothes, extra clothes, winter clothes, a few toys, a few books, the doorway jumper, blankies, Henry…well…you get the idea.

By the time we were settled, Blip was done.  We wanted to go out to a nice dinner, but taking Blip at that point would have been awful.  For everyone.  We decided Mike would head out to find food and a few forgotten items from Target while I got us unpacked, and fed and bathed Blip.  When Mike got back, Blip was ready to go to bed.  We put him down in the living room area and then had a pizza picnic on the bed in the bedroom.  It was perfect.

We woke up, got ready and then headed down to breakfast.  After we ate, we finally headed to Disneyland.  When we arrived…I knew it was going to be super busy just by the level we had to park on.  I was already irritated we canceled our February trip, but the amount of people at both parks sealed the deal on my irritation.  We waited in line to board the tram, and then to buy tickets…and then to enter the park.  It looked like there were longer lines to get into California Adventure, but we didn't buy park hopper tickets, so it didn't matter to us.  We were wishing more people were in those lines.  It didn't affect our moods…we were happy to be there with our little family.  I was so super excited to be there with my own son.

We got the traditional (and necessary) picture just inside the gate.  Once we went through the tunnel we could see how many people were really there.  And holy crap…there were a lot of people there.  February is one of the slowest months at Disneyland.  I can't believe two days can change all of that.  It was a Saturday, so I'm sure that didn't help our cause at all.  A few of the characters were out signing autographs in the main square.  The first one we saw was Pluto.  Blip's entire body was smiling…and bouncing. He was excited. There were long lines for autographs and pictures, so we were just showing the baby the characters.  We weren't even sure what he would think of them.  We also saw Goofy, Minnie, and finally Mickey Mouse.  Mickey is his favorite.  He watches Mickey Mouse Club House occasionally, so that's how he knows those characters.  Mickey was headed away when we got to him, so we barely got a glimpse, but Blip definitely knew who Mickey was...and Pluto.  He likes Pluto.

We slowly made our way down Main Street…Blip was just taking it all in.  He had his serious face on most of the time, but occasionally he would see something that would make his beautiful blue eyes smile.  We stopped at the Silhouette shop to have Blip's done.  I had one made while I was pregnant, so I knew I wanted one made when I brought Blip.  The lady who made it for me was also the lady who made Blip's.  She's been doing that job for something like 40 years.  I can't draw a person…this woman can look at someone and cut out their face with tiny scissors…and she does it perfectly.  It's amazing…and only $9.  It's probably one of the coolest things at DL…and one of the cheapest, too. 

The next item on the to-do list was find some rides.  I wanted to take Blip on Peter Pan, but the line was ridiculously long…and almost all of the waiting was in the sun.  And it was sunny and HOT.  We were sweating it was so hot.  I voted against Peter Pan, and we opt'd for the carousel.  The line wasn't too bad, and it was worth the wait.  I was excited to see how Blip liked it, and we weren't disappointed.  He liked the horses before the music started, so when we started to move…he loved it. And I did too. The perfect first ride at Disneyland.

While we waited in line for the carousel, Blip could see the Dumbo ride.  He watched it the entire time we were in line.  We agreed to take him on that next.  I wanted to stay on the ground to take pictures, so Mike and Blip got in line.  After about 30 minutes of waiting, both of my boys were done.  Blip was in need of lunch and a nap.  Mike got out of line because they weren't even half-way.  

We started making our way back to the car, but stopped for bathroom breaks and a diaper change…and a quick stop at the wishing well.  We took a few pictures to complete my wish…and then Mike handed some quarters to Blip.

We made another wish together…pretty much the same wish all over again for me, and I'm pretty sure Blip is wishing he could have a brother.  Mike and I hope our new wish comes true soon, but we'll have to wait and see.

We also took a couple pictures at the castle.  Too bad Blip was already done...it was time for napping, not photo shoots.  He's such a good baby.  He can be done, and still be so sweet.  Until he decides to throw himself backwards...his new thing.  We avoided that fun-filled good time the entire time we were at Disneyland. Whew.

Then it was the tram (which was one of Blip's favorite things of the entire weekend), parking garage, carseat, sleeping baby.  Blip was asleep before we backed out, and he slept until we arrived at the hotel and got him out.  We thought he might stay asleep, but in such a new place with new sounds and smells…he was wide awake.  We all ate lunch and played instead of napping.

About 4:30 or 5pm we decided we should head back to the park.  We made in just in time for the parade.  We found a curb spot and parked ourselves there for about 45 minutes until it started.  And boy was it worth it!!

The first thing we saw was a row of drummers in brightly colored clothing.  He loved the drumming…and then came Pluto.  Blip was so excited…it was awesome.  Then Goofy, and finally Minnie and Mickey Mouse.  Minnie even waved to Blip and blew him kisses.  Blip seemed smitten with her.  

The other floats, music, and dancing and fun people were also a hit with the boy.  He bounced on Mike's leg the entire time we sat on the curb…like he was in a bouncer, but nope…just Blip's energy.  Mike said the baby's heart was racing, but he wasn't slowing down at all.

And, of course, he clapped at the end. (Man...I love this kid!)

The parade ended, and we headed to Toon Town so Blip could finally meet Micky Mouse.  The wait wasn't too bad, and before we knew it we were next.  I walked over to Mickey with Blip…and he was instantly in love.  He wanted to touch Mickey Mouse…mostly his nose, so he did.  Mickey was a good sport, and they even played peek-a-boo.  I can't ever be upset about character wait times now that Mickey took so much time with just my kid.  It made Blip's day…and ours.  It was as if Blip was the only kid he needed to meet yesterday…and I'm sure he met hundred of kids and made them all feel that way.  We were happy.

[MORE MICKEY PICTURES TO COME...JUST WAITING FOR THE DOWNLOAD TO COME THROUGH.]

Our stomachs were growling by the time meeting Mickey was over, so we headed to the Plaza Inn for dinner.  There was short wait, so Mike walked over and bought his boy a balloon.  Every time we walked past someone with a balloon Blip tried to grab it, so we thought he would love to have one of his own.

For dinner Blip and I shared chicken and pasta.  I knew Blip would eat the chicken, but he actually at a lot of the pasta noodles too…which was lucky because for $20 I got three bites of chicken in the entire meal.  By "bites" I mean I didn't have to cut them for Blip to eat ALL the chicken on our plate in three bites.  One bite each.  I should have complained, but I decided it wasn't worth it.  He also shared some of Mike's fried chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans.  He ate like his normal self…which is great.

We left the restaurant and thought it would be smart to find a good spot for fireworks.  There was a lady on a bench facing the castle.  She had a stroller in front of her…and she was sitting in the middle of the bench.  She was clearly saving seats, which is fine with us, but I thought I would ask if Mike could sit down and rest his back until her family got there.  She was so nice, and was happy to let Mike sit.  She had a little girl just older than Cody…and then MUCH older kids, too.

When her family arrived, she said they had enough room for us to keep a seat on the bench.  Mike and I were so thankful…and shared our seat back and forth.  About 10 minutes before fireworks were scheduled to start the baby NEEDED a diaper change. Oh man…I was a little frantic at first.  I wasn't sure with the crowds and the closed areas/designated walking areas I would make it in time, but knew he could not smell that bad and any of us enjoy the show.

I quickly headed off to find a place.  I ran into a DL employee…I asked him where the closest place to change a diaper was.  He reminded me about a place I had only read about.  It's a specific room for parents and babies…I think it's called the Baby Care Center.  It's at the end of Main Street…and has several changing tables, high chairs, teeny tiny toilets, quiet places to nurse or pump, or just a calm place to take your baby away from the craziness that can be DL.  It was super close to where we were sitting, and they weren't busy when I got there.  Other parents were changing their kiddos into jammies…which would have been smart of me to do, but maybe next time.  I changed Blip's diaper and got back to our bench just in time.  The show started a few minutes later.

The fireworks at Disneyland are unlike any other fireworks.  Disney does everything just right.  Nothing is ever half done.  Maybe that's why I love Disney so much?  I mean…if you're going to do it, you might as well DO it. Anyway…I have wanted to share those amazing fireworks with my own little family for longer than I can remember.  I absolutely love fireworks, so I can't wait for my own kids to love them with me. 

I remember my own mother loving fireworks…I don't know that I loved them enough with her while she was here.  I may have been too teenager-ish to show my true excitement.  I miss all those things…and wish so much I could go back and share the little things with her one more time.  The ooh's and ah's at Christmas lights, fireworks, and even the love she showed for each holiday…especially our birthdays.  I know how much I loved hearing about the night I was born every year on my birthday at dinner.  I always wondered how she remember all those little details, but then I had Blip.  There some things you just don't forget.

Watching the show with my two boys was such a simple thing…stupid to some, but so special to me.  I won't lie.  I cried…real tears streamed down my face.  Blip is so small he will never remember these moments, but I know I will.  I know how I longed for him, how much my heart hurt to see others there loving their kids…and me?  I felt like it would never happen.  I love going with my sisters every year, but there is just something so amazing about being at that special place with my own child.  Sharing the things I love with him…I love all the memories we make as family.  He may not remember, but I know I will never forget.

Exhaustion for all of us had set in by the time we headed for the gates.  We stopped to get a souvenir or two on the way out.  Mike picked out a Mickey Mouse stuffed animal for Blip, I chose a picture frame for me, and I found a fun new cup for Raelynn.  We drug ourselves back to the car and drove back to the hotel.  The baby went to bed quickly and quietly after changing into his jammies.  I showered and was asleep…and I don't even remember laying down.  Blip woke up at about 8:15am Arizona time, so he had quite a bit less sleep than normal.  We had breakfast, packed and hit the road.

 I left his overalls off after changing his diaper just before leaving the parking garage...he likes to take his socks off in the car now.  When I turned around to check on him...the top picture is what I saw from the front seat.  The bottom picture is what I got when I opened the backdoor.  He was OUT.

Although it was a quick trip, the weekend was truly magical.  I loved sharing my favorite place with my little family.  I can't wait to go back with them again and again.  I can't wait to go on the big rides with him.  I am excited to see what he loves most as he grows.

We made a quick stop off at the park to let Blip have some of his favorite free time...the weather is so nice and we love spending time at the park.  Mostly I love to hear the happiness that comes from my son when we're there...

Mike left to pick up my birthday dinner while I was getting the baby to bed.  By the time he got back with food, the baby was asleep, I had us both completely unpacked, the laundry started, and most of Blip's crap put away.  Everything except his clothes, so that makes tomorrow better already.  Mike surprised me with Carrabba's (my fave!), and we watched Argo.  Can't remember the last time we sat on the couch and watched a movie.  We need to do this more often.

GI Appointment

2013-02-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

We had our follow-up appointment with Dr. S this morning (02/27). I was so glad we were already seeing a GI doctor when Blip started acting "sick" last week. The short version is that over the last month we slowly transitioned Blip to whole milk. He seemed to tolerate it well...until he was on 100% milk. Towards the end of the first week he was not eating, and he was not taking a full bottle more than once a day. By Friday he woke up with a fever.

Blip's 12 month well-check was also scheduled for Friday, so that was helpful. By the time we were at the appointment, his fever was gone. I had already decided we weren't doing any vaccinations without knowing what was going on. Luckily, Dr. J agreed and said so before I could open my mouth about it.

Blip weighed in at just under 24 lbs. Mike likes to tell people that Blip is HUGE...and was weighing at least 25 lbs, if not more. I always chuckle to myself when I hear these strange things come out of his mouth...mostly because they are nearly impossible to be any kind of correct and because it's like he's telling a fishing story. He's funny...makes me smile. Length wise I knew they were off as soon as she said it out loud.

The second week of January Blip was weighed and measured at his first GI appointment with Dr. S. He was 31.5 inches long. On Firday the medical assistant said Blip was 33.5 inches long. There is just no way he grew two entire inches in 7 or 8 weeks. The way they measure him leaves quite a bit to be desired, so inaccuracy is easy. Today at Dr. S' officer they measure him with a measuring device that can't be incorrect (at least I'm not sure how it could be), and Blip was 32 inches long...barely. That's more like it.

His current jeans are for up to 31 inches long...and they weren't inches (plural) short before we switched him to the next size up last week. Mike thinks they are wrong about that too. Not sure why Mike wants our child to be considered gigantic, but it's funny to watch him get so serious about it...and then after we rationalize why he is NOT 33.5 inches tall and he's not 25, 26, or 27 lbs....he seems to chill a bit about the crazy talk.

Anywho...Blip's dirty diapers changed quite a bit over the last week, too. The color was WAY too light and the smell was beyond awful. He started having massive blowouts...and has started pooping during the night. This causes pain and discomfort for Blip and lots of broken sleep for us.

Dr. J said she thought one of his top molars was coming in. I can't feel anything, but there is a dark colored spot on his upper right gums. When he didn't seem any better with Tylenol, teething tablets, and numbing gel...I knew it wasn't his teeth bothering him. I knew before that, but that was my confirmation. Blip isn't a bad teether. He got two teeth at time, four different times...and never made a peep. His sleep never changed. His eating improved. I know molars are different, but I just didn't think that was the problem.

The only other change was the milk. We stopped milk immediately. Well....at least the 100% part. We transitioned Blip back to formula over the course of a day...and he seemed to be taking the bottles much better. He ate a little. Less than normal, but more than he had been. We were happy with that. The blow outs and they nastiness did not stop. At all. And the eating quickly went back to almost nothing. Formula intake was still up, but his solid food intake was way down. Water intake with his sippy was almost zero, too.

***I am picking this back up weeks after starting it, so forgive me if it doesn't all flow together. (03/31)***

Dr. S came in and asked how things were going. I explained the milk situation, and he agreed with what we had done. He suggested we switch Blip to a "toddler formula" or a "follow up" formula. He said there was nothing wrong with Blip being on that formula instead of milk for the foreseeable future. He didn't think there was a need to push cow's milk so soon.

So we switched him slowly. After two days of being on 100% follow up formula, Blip starting puking. We still don't know if the Target brand formula was the culprit, but we have now started switching Blip to Similac's Go and Grow. He was on Similac Sensitive since birth (from being supplemented at first and then 100%). We are only 1/3 go and grow to 2/3's sim sensitive, so it's going to be a bit before we know how it works.

The baby seems to have his appetite back, for the most part. I need him to eat, eat, eat...and gain the weight he lost back. Dr. S was not happy he didn't maintain his normal growth rate...and he said Blip hadn't gained enough weight since out last appointment. I really don't want to go back in there with a weight loss. Ugh.

Dr. S also mention feeding therapy. I told him my sister is a feeding therapist, and that she was helping me, so he agreed to hold off for a bit on that. He was pleased I was already seeking help/advice.

That was pretty much it. Or at least it's all I can remember. I forgot about needing to finish this update, so now my brain is mush.

Stylist

2013-02-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

Blip needed his second haircut within a few weeks of his first. This kid's hair grows like crazy!! Not to mention...Mike's barber does a great job on Mike's hair. On Blip's hair? Not so much...so it needed to be shaped AND trimmed. Mike chose the barber the first time, so I decided to try a kid's haircut place the second time. Birthday pictures were the next week, so this was important stuff. :)

We went to Cool Cutz for Kids by the mall. They are geared toward kiddos...with toys, movies, videos games, etc. The lady did a good job cleaning up Blip's hair, and we even bought some stuff to make spikes!

Blip was excellent, as usual. He just sat still and watched one of us, the lady cutting his hair, or the movie. We left there after paying about $30 for the cut, spike stuff, and a tip. I was not thrilled, but that was that.

I left there thinking I was not spending $15-$20 a month to cut Blip's hair. Or taking the amount of time it took...ridiculous. So I decided I would be cutting Blip's hair. How hard could it be? I used to cut Kyle's hair...I could totally cut Blip's hair.

Mike was anything, but supportive of my decision. I finally just bought the clippers when after about three weeks...Blip needed another haircut. Geez...this kid's hair grows like a weed!!

On Sunday I decided it was time. Mike was still not supportive. In fact, I will say he was anti-supportive. Down right mean to me about how awful I would do. Not sure if he just met me, but that actually makes me try harder. At this point, I was signing up for classes if I did a bad job. Now I WAS cutting the baby's hair...and I WAS going to figure out how to be good at it. Dammit. :)

I started with Blip in the high chair...and Mike telling me the guard I chose was wrong...even though it was the same one the haircut lady for $30 used. He made other excuses why I was wrong to use THAT guard. Fine. I used the guard he wanted. Not a hair on the kid's head was touched. I went down, one at a time, to the guard I chose to begin with...and that was the perfect one. *sigh*

I asked Mike to hold Blip, so I could get the back of his head easier. Mike huffed and puffed, but did as I asked. When I was all finished...Blip's hair looked awesome!! I did a great job...and even Mike couldn't pretend it wasn't done perfectly. I was so nervous because of how weird (read: rude) Mike was being about the whole thing. I'm so glad I don't suck...AND saved us $15-$30 a month!!

You're welcome, Babe. Love you.

Drivin'

2013-02-25T21:40:00.000-07:00

One of Blip's favorite gifts from his big birthday bash is definitely his 4x4 truck...all thanks to Auntie Erin & Aunt Michelle. I will admit that it is also a favorite of the two adults living here, too. It's so much fun!!

About a week after the party I was still cleaning up. The major cleaning happened the night of the party, but there were things here and there that needed...still. Mostly I need to post all the stuff for sale, so it can leave this house...never to return.

Anywho...I had Blip on lock down while he snacked and I worked on whatever house cleaning project I was working on. I bumped into the big box in the entryway one too many times...so I decided it was time.

It took me over an hour (okay....almost two) to get that stinkin' truck put together!! Luckily, I have the world's best baby...so he snacked and watched me fight with plastic pieces that didn't want to fit together. I finally won the fight...and we were off to the races.

Did I mention there is a horn..?? It's awesome.

We made a race track from around the dining room table (a total no-no, if you ask the sane, not just had her butt kicked by a toy me, but I digress...) around the island in the kitchen, down the hallway...a 3-point turn in the laundry room and back. I wish we didn't have the stupid gates!! We could make the race track bigger...and around the entire staircase/kitchen!! Oh well...I'm sure someday that will be happening and I will be begging for it to stop. :)

The next day it was my turn to be a spectator. As much fun as it is to be the power and speed behind the truck, it's a blast to watch Blip's face. And Mike's too.

Pure joy. My most favorite thing ever.

1 Year Old

2013-02-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

Here are the pictures from Blip's birthday photo shoot. Natalie did an amazing job (again...always). Even with the complete 1-year old Blip was that day. :)

(one week, three months, six months, & twelve months)

(this was just fun for size comparison...)

And for his smash cake:

The Actual Birthday

2013-02-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

When woke up on Blip's birthday, Mike brought him to me in bed with a bottle. We stayed warm and tucked in while Mike ran to Lemar's to get the birthday boy some donuts. We let Blip try several different kinds...and he seemed pretty dang happy with donuts and juice for breakfast.

I was trying my best to keep his schedule exactly what we needed it to be because his birthday pictures were scheduled for 3pm at Natalie's house. He needed to nap until we had just enough time to feed him lunch and go.

Everything worked just like we needed it to...

Until we were getting ready to walk out the door. Blip was in the high chair after finishing lunch. We left him there while we loaded the car...and I'm so glad we did! When Mike went to grab him to load him up, there had been a blow-out. And it was blown out. Mike grabbed Blip and headed for the bath...I grabbed the high chair mess and headed for the trash. Just kidding....but that's where I wanted to go with a poop covered high chair pad...and his nasty clothes. Luckily he was just in a onsie, so nothing was completely destroyed.

We made it to Natty and Deron's and started pictures. Blip was not havin' it. He did not seem happy at all...let alone cooperative for pictures. Plus after a while, he was ready for another meal and another nap. We are so blessed to have Natty. She is so patient with Blip...and me. I was stressing out, and she was super calm and told us to take our time and no big deal. We always take forever...and she seems to enjoy all of it. We love her!! And so does Blip! He kissed her and everything! We loved it!

By the time we got Blip cleaned up (bath in the sink to wash smash cake off), and chatted with Natty and Deron about this and that...we were starving. Blip was tired, but we knew we still wanted to do something to celebrate his birthday. I'm glad we did his pictures ON his birthday, but next time I won't schedule them that way. His entire day was spent in the high chair while Daddy was on a conference call for two hours, or napping, or having his pictures taken. We didn't get to do anything fun ON his birthday. Not that he knows the difference, but as he gets older...I want to remember that HIS day should be ALL about him and what he wants to do.

Mike drove...and drove. We didn't know where to go and it was getting later than we thought. A new restaurant called "Humble Pie" just opened a few miles east of us on Happy Valley. We heard it was pretty good food, so Mike that's where Mike stopped.

We were seated on the patio under a heater. Mike was directly underneath it, but I wasn't. If we would have switched immediately, we both would have been a lot happier. We finally did switch....because we were there forEVER. No joke.

It took forever to get drinks (and I ordered water!). It took a long time for our fries (appetizer) to get there. They were awesome....totally worth the wait! It took so long for our pizza to come that we were sure it was never coming. When it did finally arrive...it was burned on the bottom. I was starving, so I ate a piece. When our food was brought out, Blip's food was NOT brought out. And his is/was THE most important! The server was super nice and seemed busy, but by the time the baby's food got to our table we were over our burned pizza and our forgotten son. Mike asked to see the manager, and he sent the pizza back with the server.

When the manager came by the table, he seemed genuinely concerned as Mike went over the list. He was upset about the baby's food...and even mentioned that kids' food is supposed to come out first. He recognized that the pizza was burned and offered to have a new one brought out. We thanked him, but knew we couldn't stay that much longer. Blip was DONE.

The manager said he would comp our entire meal, but we told him that was not necessary. That wasn't why we complained. Then he offered us dessert...and since it was Blip's birthday...we agreed. We ordered a pizza cookie...and it was delish.

The manager did comp our entire meal...so it only cost us a good tip. We appreciated that he seemed to genuinely care...that goes a long way for us, so we will give them another chance.

We drove home and took a few pictures, but the baby was exhausted...and just wanted to play and crawl around for a bit before bed. I got to rock him to sleep like almost every night since he was born. I love bed time. I love smelling his skin and his clean hair after a bath...I love that he holds on to me and much as I hold on to him. I love that he knows I'm his momma...and he calms at the sound of my voice.

This past year has been full of ups and downs. There have been so many firsts...and there has been so much happiness. So much learning and growing. We have really grown as a little family. I longed for THIS my entire life. I never truly understood how hard it would be. How stressful days and weeks would become. How hard it would be to make decisions that affect my child. How hard it would be to lose part of myself...when at the same time this has all bee the most enjoyable part of my existence thus far.

This tiny little person that I longed for has changed and grown so much...and he has changed us and helped us grow more than I can put into words. I always dreamed I would have a little girl with Mike...I thought that's what I wanted. I had no idea what I really wanted and needed was this little boy. I feel so blessed to be his mother. I hope I make him proud...and make the right decisions, with Mike, as time moves forward. I hope he continues to be so happy and full of life. He is so much fun...we couldn't have asked for a better baby boy.

Hungry Caterpillar Party

2013-02-19T21:20:00.000-07:00

I started planning Blip's 1st birthday party last summer. I really only started by choosing a theme, so I could start pulling ideas together. I'm not a huge believer in birthday parties, but I am a believer that a solid 1st birthday party is a must. Now that it's over, I'm glad we did it. And I'm glad there is only ONE 1st Birthday Party. And I am super glad we don't have to have a big bash every year.

So here goes.

I chose to do The Very Hungry Caterpillar theme. I love that book...and Blip's playroom is also done in the same theme. I found a bunch a cute ideas on Pinterest and even came up with a few of my own. That's a huge deal because I am NOT an overly-crafty, girly-girl type mom. Totally not my fault, but I'm just not. I'd like to be better....if that counts? I guess this was my first attempt all by myself...with a little help from my sisters, of course.

I ordered the invitations from an Etsy shop I found. There were so many to choose from, but this was by far my favorite. After ordering the file, I found out Regina could make me just about anything my heart desired on photoshop for free. She is super creative...I am always jealous of her creativity, and her ability to make so many amazing things. And now that I'm a mom, I am super jealous of her time at home.

I asked Anthony to make me a poster for the front porch to welcome everyone. He didn't even know what the book was, so he found some images on-line to help him. I ended up dropping one of our books off, so he would have to official pictures to get ideas. I loved the sign, and I think it turned out great!

He also made me this "C" to hang on the front door.

Knowing there would be a ton of people over to celebrate Blip, I wanted the house to flow with the theme. Our families are both large, so everything we do with both families has to be super-sized to accommodate everyone. I promised Mike I wouldn't go nuts, and I don't think I did, but the party was awesome and everything looked amazing. Everything seemed to work out/turn out better than I expected.

A few months ago Target had a bunch of Hungry Caterpillar stuff that was perfect for favor bag items. They even had the perfect favor bags. I didn't buy anything the day I found all the stuff. I was still on the fence about what I wanted to do, but Richelle insisted that I immediately purchase items we deemed necessary. I say "we" like I had a hand in any of it, but really....other than paying for it, she was in charge of the favor bag beginnings. In the end, I was very happy with what ended up going in each of the bags.

We did two different bags: (1) for babies/toddlers and (1) for bigger (little) kids. The baby bags had a Hungry Caterpillar plastic plate, a Hungry Caterpillar cup, and a clothespin butterfly I made with goldfish in the wings.

The bags we did for the older kiddos had a bit more in them. Those bags had a container of homemade play-doh (that I made! I got the recipe here.) I also used her idea for the Target brand baby food containers because we already had a bunch, so saving enough wasn't too hard. I used a tag on the top made by my uber-talented sister, Regina. I love the way they turned out.

I also put a Hungry Caterpillar sketch pad, Hungry Caterpillar crayons, fruit snacks, a Hungry Caterpillar book mark, and a super cute test tube of bubble gum in the bags too.

There was some left over items, so Richelle put together something in case the older (older) kids also wanted something to take home. The favor bags were geared toward younger kiddos, so we thought offering a little something for the older cousins and older kids that came would be fun.

I found an idea for a pom pom caterpillar to decorate the banister, but I had no idea where to get the poms from. Richelle thought it would be fun to try and make our own poms, but I did not think ANY part of that was a good idea. I searched on Etsy and found a shop selling poms for (what I thought was) a good price. So I ordered six poms in two colors of green and one pom in red. When the poms got here I didn't do anything more to the package than count the poms to make sure we had what we needed. I thought it would be a piece of cake to fan them out and get my banister decorated. Luckily, Richelle thought it would be a good idea to look at them on Friday night. I'm so glad she did. Each pom took forever (or at least several minutes) to make.

It's times like this pom pom incident that I wish I was more craft-able. Or artistic. I guess paying the bill to get what I want also works, but it would be nice to have some skill that screams, "I'm a mom!"

In the entry, I also had Blip's cute chalk-board print on display. I went back and forth on ordering this gem. I thought it was pricey, so I added/deleted it from my Etsy cart at least a dozen times over a couple of weeks. I really REALLY wanted it, but kept thinking I could learn how to use Photoshop in enough time to make my own. And Although I have learned a few things by watching some tutorials, there is no way I could learn enough to make this awesomeness. I need to take a class...or 12. Luckily, I found a deal on-line for the exact same Etsy shop I found it in. I ordered it immediately...thinking that saving $10-$12 was awesome. By the time I had to have it printed 2-3 times to get it right....I was frustrated with myself. It is super cute. And it was perfect for his photos with Natalie, so it was worth it.

One of the first ideas I found was this picture of a balloon caterpillar over a doorway. I loved it, so I knew I wanted to add that in somewhere. It ended up going over the doorway into the playroom. It was super easy and super cute.

I found 3D numbers and letters at Hobby Lobby. I bought a few. I wanted to spell out the word "ONE" and spray paint the letters red. I ended up returning the letters to Hobby Lobby because I found much bigger letters at JoAnn's. I stuck the word "ONE" in the niche above the fireplace, and Richelle added the balloons.

Speaking of balloons... I wanted ROUND balloons for Blip's birthday pictures with Natty. So I found round balloons on-line at Party City. They were 36" round balloons in packs of five. So I ordered 5 packs thinking I would save two packs for pictures. The day of the party Mike rented a helium tank from Party City so we could have balloons at the party and be able to blow up balloons for pictures the next day.

Richelle and Robyn started blowing up the 36" balloons first. Two things we learned: (1) the yellow balloon didn't float, but we don't know why...it just sank and (2) 36" is a freaking gigantic balloon. They were too big. Ugh. Luckily, we had plenty of the colors we needed because of the balloons Robyn brought for the balloon caterpillar. I ended up returning four packs of the huge balloons, and we used regular balloons for Blip's pictures.

The food table was a HUGE project. Luckily, my sisters came Friday to help get everything ready while I was baking and trying to finish a hundred other tasks. I decided early on to do all the food from the book. I read about other parties that made similar foods, or foods that could be used in place of the real thing, but I wanted to stick to the book. I ordered signs for each food from a shop on Etsy. I wanted each food to have its own sign, so I had to do a custom order. Everything I found had each day of the week individually, but the Saturday food was lumped together on one sign. With my order, I got both.

We did this large stand-up cooler with dry ice to keep the Drum-Stick Mini's frozen. I was worried my idea wouldn't work, but it did!

I spent hours on Friday making cherry pies. I used Pillsbury crust, and cherry pie filling in mini cupcake pans with raw sugar sprinkled on top. I have a huge amount of respect for people who can bake pies successfully. What a pain...and I totally cheated by not making anything homemade! They turned out, so that's what counts.

I don't think we took a picture of the sausages. We served Little Smokies in three different flavors of sauce. A sweet one, a BBQ flavor, and a hot/spicy flavor. I didn't even get to try one, but heard they were good.

We didn't get pictures of every food, and some of the ones we did get pictures of...the pics aren't so great. They are better than nothing, but I learned my lesson. Hire a photographer. :) Once the party started, I was so busy greeting people, helping at the activity tables and dealing with Blip that I knew I would never get pictures taken. So I handed my camera off...and forgot to remind my sister to keep her hands from being in the way of the flash. :) Oh well...I'm glad I have pictures at all. Plus...she's my bestie. Even when I want to be mad at her...it ain't happenin'.

Beverages were on a separate table. I did water bottles with cute Birthday labels and Capri Suns for the kids. We also had a cooler of soda. Each item had a cute label my sister made. I also ordered cute stripy straws in an assortment of colors.

We made this cute centerpiece for the food table. I say "we" because it really was a group effort. Regina made the caterpillar and fruit, I printed them and cut them out, Anthony cut out the foam board (they are double sided), I spray painted the bucket, our friend Judy used her big Cricut to make the one, and Carlys arranged everything. I saw the idea on Etsy, but the only one sold was tiny. I needed this to be a big centerpiece on a big table, so we changed it up a bit, added a few pieces, and it turned out awesome. We also used it the next day in the baby's pictures.

This was my first time planning a kid's birthday party, so my sisters made sure I knew to add some activities in for the kiddos. I'm glad they did. I probably wouldn't have thought of doing that since my kid isn't old enough to care about that stuff yet. We ended up doing three different activity tables. As luck would have it, the temperature dropped considerably the weekend of the party. We planned to have the three kid-sized picnic tables, one with each activity, outside on the patio. It was way too cold and windy, so we moved the small tables inside.

We did a table with homemade play-doh (in green and red), a table with homemade sugar cookies the kids could frost, and a table to make Froot Loop necklaces. Regina made the sugar cookies, since that's her specialty. Carlys made the frosting in several different fun colors. I ordered a bunch of cookie cutters in shapes that went with the book. Those were used for the cookies and then for the play-doh table. The necklaces weren't a huge hit, but I saw a few kids having fun making some.

I wanted a way to display pictures from each month since Blip was born. I saw quite a few creative ways to do a picture display, but I actually came up with my own idea AND made the thing myself! I was happy with how cute it turned out.

I made super cute clothespin caterpillars! We strung out some rope along the banister and then hung each picture with one of the caterpillars. I also made some huge caterpillar clothespins to hold the activity table signs.

Nana made Blip's special cake. She also made him his smash cake. I love the way it turned out! I ordered all the Hungry Caterpillar pieces from a shop I found on Etsy. They were bigger than I thought they would be...each piece was perfect and added so much to the cake.

I just wanted a simple smash cake. Nothing too fancy that would be quickly destroyed. **Again...Note to self: Hire a photographer!!** Somehow the camera setting was switched, so the cake pictures are...well...better than nothing. These pictures being ruined seriously had me in tears, and I was so upset I didn't sleep that night. I'm (mostly) over the disappointment, but I wish there was a way to go back and get a redo. I tried to fix a few of my favorites, but they are still quite a bit off. Oh well...these photos are way better than no pictures at all, so that's at least happy.

My sister's best friend gave her a "Happy Birthday" banner a couple years ago for her birthday. The same super talented lady who made my wedding jewelry made her banner. (Some people are seriously too talented...while the rest of us got nothin'.) My sister volunteered to make me a banner, but I'm not sure she meant to. She agreed anyway, and I'm so glad she did! The banner she made for Blip is amazing. It took her more than seven hours to make it, but it is perfect...and we will use it EVERY year. I love it! Pictures don't do it justice.

I had no idea how to get super close up for the details and get it all in one shot. The details are amazing. That thing is many, many layers...and I love it. Hopefully you can tell by my awful pictures that this banner is truly amazing.

It took me a while to figure out what I wanted Blip to wear at his party. I love the final result, and I'm so thankful I was able to order his shirt. The shop owner was great, and really worked with me to get it here in time.

I knew I wanted this hat from about day one. When I showed it to Mike he thought it was cute, but wondered out loud if it was worth the money. I didn't order it right away, but ended up with it anyway. I love it...and think it added so much cuteness!!

I also ordered a bib for Blip to wear while he smashed his smash cake. I am a sucker for all things cute. And clearly I don't make anything myself. But I do love me some Etsy. We are trying to talk Regina into opening an Etsy shop. She is so super creative and talented.

Many people called, sent a text, e-mailed me asking what to get Blip for his birthday. My answer usually involved typing the word "NOTHING!" He already has so many toys. He truly doesn't need anything...especially with Christmas just passing. He's gotten many new things as he has needed age appropriate items, but his playroom looks like a scaled down version of a toy store with stuff we have purchased and with the many awesome hand me downs Blip was gifted. We honestly wanted to celebrate the miracle we were blessed with and his amazing first year, the gifts were very generous and thoughtful, but completely unnecessary. He did get some amazing new things, though. :)

Like this Little People Noah's Ark that Carol Ann tricked me into telling her about. She told me she had one and since her boys were done with it she would wrap it up. Perfect!!!! But nope. She fibbed...and ordered Blip this brand new one while we were on the phone. I love it!! I know Blip will love it too...especially when I make him play it with me. haha

Here are a few of the people who came to help us celebrate.

Grandma & Grandpa Buv

Michelle & Erin

3 Generations

Derek & Anthony

Robyn & Bill

My wonderful, talented, helpful, beautiful, I-would-die-without-each-of-them sisters.

Raelynn decided to join us. She completes us girls...

Aunt Chelle...his absolute favorite Aunt of all time. :)

Blaze...I wanna steal this kid & keep him for my own!

Jenna...one of the many, many cousins who came to the party.

Raelynn & her Maid of Honor...(nope...she didn't pick a sister. She chose Erin a couple of years ago and still refers to her by her title. Too funny.)

DJ & Carsen

Jim & Ken

The Godfather (say it like the movie...it's more fun!)

Blip & more of Aunt Chelle. True Love. :)

Patrick & Sarah...minus Miss Molly & Tucker

Cody & Cody...two of my favorite people in the whole world.

The Amazing Alyssa & Miss Lori. We love, love, love these two ladies! They mean the world to us.

This was taken as Nana & Grumpaw were leaving. Apparently Blip did not want to be held or have his picture taken. I think he wanted to climb the stairs with Grandpa Buv...and play with the balloons. Blip LOVED the balloons!!

*****

We had a great time celebrating our little miracle. I can't believe it's been a year since he joined our little family. I can't imagine life without him...he brings more joy to us than we knew possible. He has changed us in so many ways. We look forward to every single day with him...he gives our lives so much meaning. He is the sweetest, happiest little boy I could have ever dreamed of having. It thrills me that I get to be his mother.

Goin' to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo....

2013-02-17T23:26:00.000-07:00

The weather outside is absolutely delightful these days, so we thought we should take advantage of our beautiful afternoons before Hell arrives back in town. Today ended up being the perfect day to load up and drive out to the Wildlife World Zoo. It was always my favorite zoo growing up, but I can't even remember the last time I was there. My mom was alive for sure, so that means it was at least 17+ years ago...and I'm pretty sure another 5-10 years on top of that would be a bit more accurate. Mike's last visit was about the same time-ish.

I told Richelle where we were going, and she asked if we would take Jake. When I called her back to tell her when we'd be by to grab Jake, she said Carsen wanted to come with us too. I was so glad both boys wanted to spend the afternoon with us! Sadly, I know the truth is they wanted to spend the time at the zoo with Blip, but I pretend like it's me they still love most. No matter who they really wanted to be with, we had an amazing afternoon together. There's a huge part of me that longs for a big family, so going places with Richelle's boys (and now my own boy) makes me wish they were mine...just a little bit. It's always fun when they tag along...they are so sweet. Especially to my Blip.

Mike was worried we wouldn't have enough time before they closed at 6pm to make it worth the money and the time, but I reassured him we had the perfect amount of time. He worked off duty last night, so I let him sleep until he woke up. I usually wake him when Blip wakes from his morning nap, but he went down late, so he was later waking too. We didn't get there until about 3:30pm, so that gave us about 2.5 hours before the zoo closed. When we bought our tickets, the lady at the booth told us the Aquarium did not close until 9pm, so if we started with the zoo side, we'd have plenty of time for both. She was exactly right. We were done with everything we wanted to see at 5:55pm...as they were trying to usher people out. We walked over to the aquarium side and meandered through all four buildings before we left.

Blip was interested in quite a few of the animals, but he did have an "exciting" first today. His first scare. I'm tellin' you...this kid does not do things like "normal" kids. He doesn't cry when we leave the room. He doesn't cry when he's startled. He rarely (if ever) cries when he falls or gets "hurt" (probably because we usually start clapping and say "YAY!!!"...parents of the year, yes we are! Maybe we should be more consoling? I don't want a crybaby, though.)

Today we were standing watching some of the birds they have all over the zoo. Blip, of course, loves the movie Rio, so he loved all the bright colored, large birds. Carsen, Jake, and Mike were "talking" to the birds...and they were kinda talking back. All of a sudden one of the birds SCREAMED something. Twice. Poor Blip. He was done. Maybe he wasn't even scared. Maybe his feelings were hurt..?? It was the first time we'd witnessed Blip cry over something like that. His little lip was pathetic. We laughed about it, but felt bad that he was actually upset.

He got over it, so we moved on to the next thing...tigers. He didn't really care about those. He did like the giraffes, the fish, most of the birds, Lemurs (King Julian), the porcupines were interesting...If it moved- he liked it. If it sat still- he couldn't have cared less. Pretty much how must of us felt, I think.

We did get to witness a zebra fight. And I'm not joking. Blood and a hole ripped in a neck and everything. At first we thought all the zebras were goofing around...running around, playing, etc. Then two of the zebras broke off...and took the baby zebra (born January 30th, 2013) with them. They honestly stood protecting the baby...completely guarding the baby from the others. The other three zebras (2 on 1) continued their shenanigans. But then one zebra was getting ganged up on by the other two...so the one zebra started kicking the other two with his hind legs. Hard enough we could hear the strikes. The other two were head butting and ramming the one zebra...until he finally turned and there was a hole in his neck!! And one of the aggressors was ripping the flesh with his teeth!! It was incredible...and kinda strange, but they are wild animals, so not that hard to believe.

I asked Carsen if he wanted to stay or go. He said he wanted to stay, which seemed fine...since I wanted to watch too. Mike finally made us leave...which was fine too...because the entire time I was trying to decide if it was okay for him to watch. In the end, I decided if he can play Call of Duty (or whatever it's called), he can watch nature happen...at the zoo. With blood. Sounds totally rational.

Mike's reason for leaving the crime scene was actually pretty comical. There were some pretty shocked zoo visitors that could not believe the zebras were fighting. Um...they are wild animals. They don't have the option of calling a mediator to work out their differences. Some of the people were actually yelling at the zebras to "Stop fighting!" Really? One idiot yelled something about calling the police. Okay...Really!? Then she changed her mind and wanted the "Animal Police". That's when I knew it was time to go. These are the idiots that are sitting on a jury panel, voting, etc.

Anyway...as we were leaving the zoo, Carsen said he had the best day. Or an awesome afternoon. Something super happy and positive. We really did have a great time. I love that zoo...and how close to the animals you are. I hope we take Blip back all the time (while the weather is nice, you know) as he grows and is more and more interested in the animals. I love that Richelle's boys love to spend time with us...and I love that Mike loves my boys as much as I do.

Gated Community

2013-02-03T23:28:00.000-07:00

The time finally came to put up a gate or two around the house. I was starting to wonder if we wasted (a lot of) our money because Blip wasn't curious enough to leave the safety of the couch confines in the family room. Even after he learned to Army crawl the furthest he attempted was the fireplace (to pound on the glass), or he'd go straight for Mike's PS3. He knew it was naughty...and sometimes he even slowed his roll for 1/2 a second when he heard us say, "No." The California-stop was followed by laughter...and the quickest Army crawl Blip could do. We had to stop ourselves from laughing...and from smiling at that sweet face.

A couple months ago...I finally took a weekend and finished the play room. I moved everything out that didn't belong, cleaned everything, organized everything, hung a TV & DVD player on the wall, ordered a bean bag chair, took a load to the trash, and one to Goodwill....and the play room appeared. Finally.

The transition started Summer of 2011...right after Sydney left for Disney. Neal and Billy came and moved the office furniture upstairs...and life started to change around here. Finally. :)

Blip (finally) started crawling on his hands and knees. That's when he became curious about what else this place was good for. He would crawl out of the playroom...onto the tile...and into the entry-way. He would stop, sit on his bum and just look around at the high ceilings. Almost is awe...in the videos Mike sent me at work I swear Blip must have been thinking, "Wow!! THIS is all mine!!" haha...little does he know that it's all OURS. And he can visit for a couple decades.

It's been nice having the family room back. But really, we don't spend much time in there anyway. I don't watch a lot of TV, and I rarely even get to sit down after work. The swing is still up, but only for a little while longer. Blip has a few more pounds to go before he's over the limit. He still loves it. Not as much as he did a few months ago, but he will happily sit and swing for the longest time. It's best when he's tired, but it's too late in the afternoon for a nap. Or if we need him to be confined to something, he will happily swing and watch a movie for a little while.

He seems to like his play room. He doesn't always want to play in there, but I love having a place to keep all his toys. I make sure to pick up that room before bed each night...that way each day the room at least starts out clean, vacuumed, and organized...because by the end of the day it is none of those things. But I love his curiosity.

I debated back and forth for a long time, researched a lot of baby gates, and ended up with the only one made big enough for the opening we needed it for...and a strange shape too. Even still...it didn't work out as well as it did in my head, but I think it turned out better than it could have.

Blip found the stairs a few days before the gate went up, so he was NOT happy the next morning. He made a beeline for the stairs, according to Mike. He stood at the gate and protested. He hasn't tried to get up the stairs from the kitchen side, so I haven't had to gate that often...yet. We are going to keep a removable gate there, and one in the dining room/kitchen doorway.

We honestly do most of our play time in the play room. And other than that...we aren't home enough. Sad, huh? And there is no need to be in the family room. There is little to no TV around here anymore. I love it, but Mike isn't quite as happy. We have a lot of programming we can watch, but it's not quite the same.

I haven't had to install the gate at the top of the stairs yet, but I think I will be doing it this week. Up until now, if we are upstairs...we are in the bathroom/bedroom getting showered, dressed, etc...so Blip gets placed in the bouncy seat we keep in our bathroom. It keeps him safe and entertained. He's just about too big for it, so he will be on his own soon enough. Not to mention he should be walking in the next month or two, so there will be no more containing him after that.

I never thought I would be the mom drilling semi-permanent gates into her walls, but here I am. I can't stand the thought of Blip getting hurt because of something we did or didn't do, so the drywall repair guy can come on over in a few years and make our walls new again.

I started putting locks on the cabinets, but haven't finished yet. It's definitely time, but we've been trying to make a few decisions about several projects that need done around the house. Some of those decisions would impact the baby-proofing project...so we need to make some final decisions (and more money).

I hate the gates, but know they are important. I'm sure we will get used to them, but for now they are just a pain.

Identity Theft

2013-01-28T23:14:00.001-07:00

Everything I write lately is about my little guy, so I guess it's obvious what my focus is and what my priorities are. I waited a long, long time for this, but lately I am really missing *me*. I feel selfish even saying it, but it's true.

Hello. My name is Randi, and I love my son, but I'm still me.

I've been struggling to balance life for a while...almost a year now. It's not the first time this struggle has happened. I was lucky enough to spend my first 16-17 years of life living in the same house, going to the same schools as my siblings, going to the same Ward at church, etc. I was a Rodgers. In fact, I was Bishop Rodgers' daughter. I looked like a Rodgers...there is/was no denying that. Everyone knew my parents. Everyone. They had lived in their Maryvale home for several years before moving north to the Glendale Stake, so they knew people from all over the west valley. I was the 5th of 6 kids...there was no room for my own identity, but it was a great life...and who needed an identity? I had sisters to try and be just like, and friends to play with everyday.

At Kyle's funeral more people than not told me they weren't sure how to even address me. Kyle and I had spent so much time together...were ALWAYS together and been together for so many years that everyone just knew US as kyleandrandi or randiandkyle. There was no Kyle and Randi or even a Randi and Kyle. We were never apart. There was no reason for one to be without the other, so we kinda grew up attached...and everyone knew us together- not one or the other.

At the time, I liked hearing it. As the days (okay...months) passed, I remember being annoyed by it. As the years passed...I remember feeling the need to overcome it and find my own identity. I didn't want to be a "widow" or "Kyle's wife". I wanted to be me. Randi. I wanted to stand on my own. I wanted to win or lose (but really just win)...and it be on me. I wanted to be able to date without being "Kyle's". So...I moved to the east valley for a change of scenery....and to a place nobody knew me. Or my dad. Or my (late) husband.

I remember when I first starting spending A LOT of time with Mike...and then we started to "like" each other...and he's all I could think about. I was going to to school full time and working WAY more than full time. My boss called me in one day to find out why I had my head in the clouds and was struggling to keep up with my normal over-acheiver pace at work. I had to sit and think about it. I was new to juggling a boyfriend AND a career...and full-time school. I was used to first dates only. Guys always said they would call, but very few ever called a second time. I finally had an actual boyfriend...one I couldn't get out of my head.

Mike became my focus, but my career was still the leader of the pack...after Mike. His career was his runner up too, so it worked out perfectly. That's what we focused on- work and us...and then I did the school thing and Mike fished. And slept. (lucky)

This was the basic continuum that was our life until we hit the wall that was infertility. Then THAT became my/our focus. I had long since graduated (thank goodness), but I definitely read more during our struggle with infertility than I ever did for school. It's sad, but infertility almost becomes an obsession. It's a constant thought...or worry. Or stress. Or nightmare. And I've learned it doesn't go away...even after the birth of your first child. It's still a constant thought...as "plans" are made for the future...infertility is always there.

That didn't really hinder the focus we both had on our careers. Maybe the appointments did, but there was nothing else keeping our attention. We did the married thing on the weekends, and we did the all-out career-fest during the week. As far as I know, this worked for us...and we were both happy. It was the best of both worlds. And it let me have the independence I had learned to crave. I loved when Mike went away to get his "fix"...and he allowed me my getaways too. It just worked, for us.

When I got pregnant, my ovaries became my focus. And although Mike couldn't see them, I'm pretty sure they were his main focus too. Obviously, Blip was our MAIN focus for those 10 months, but he was still just a thought, a dream maybe. He didn't keep us up at night (at least not the way he did when he got here), he didn't require much of our attention, so we pressed on. Being on bed rest was hard for me. Missing so much work was depressing...and I missed it. I couldn't wait to get back and get back to what I enjoyed doing. But I was content to just be...as long as it meant Blip would cook properly.

Every thought I ever had changed in the moment that Blip arrived. He was immediately my first and last thought everyday. He was my #1 - #594,910...with some Mike mixed in there somewhere after a few weeks. After a few more weeks, my sisters and friends were then mixed back into my thought process. I figured I could survive as long as I had my boy, his dad, and a few of my girls.

It took me weeks to even focus on getting myself dressed everyday, to get groceries, to pay bills, etc. It literally took weeks for me to not cry at anything...really I cried at everything. I honestly never "felt" like a hormonal roller-coaster until AFTER the baby was born...and then it was constant up and down. I snapped out of it after a month or so, but it was hard.

Then I went back to work. I didn't really want to be there when I had the world's cutest baby at home, but I knew I had responsibilities, so I got up and went everyday...even when I didn't want to. I had no more paid time off, so in order to maintain the commitments we made, it was time to get back to real life.

Work has been a challenge for me since I returned 9 months ago...for more than just my baby being at home without me.
I don't carry a case load anymore because I was asked by my boss to do a pet-project for the unit. It's pretty much awful, but it's not nearly as stressful as carrying cases...and there is little to be called out for that is already MY responsibility. So I do what was asked of me, and I help out where I am needed by my co-workers. I have noticed some changes, and there are a few detectives that came to the unit while I was still out, so I have not worked a lot with them, but I have tried to brush stuff off and not be too sensitive.

Anyway...the other day I got asked by my boss to help with something right before it was time for me to leave for the day, so I took care of it. When I came back to the office with the surveillance video I picked up we were able to put a big case together with probable cause for arrest immediately. We sent units to make the arrest and bring the suspect in to be interviewed. Search warrants were going to need to be written and served...along with many other tasks that are lengthy and important to the investigation.

Well....it was a Tuesday, so I had to leave to pick up the baby. I can't even find a regular babysitter....let alone someone for random OT nights. Plus- is it really fair to Blip to be shuffled around, or be put to bed somewhere strange? And I would not have even gotten to see him if I had stayed and worked late. All for an arrest and some overtime? No....it's not fair to either of us. I'm sure my day would be worthless without him.

Maybe "fair' isn't the right word. But it seems to fit.

I know I signed up for this, but it dawned on me that day as I was driving home that I no longer have a *career* that I love, that I wake up excited to go to, that I'm good at....I have a job. I no longer dream of what assignment I will do next, how long I will get to be a motor, when I will promote, when I will go back to the street and work 3rd shift again...those things seem ridiculous to dream about at this point in my life. I may 1) never be able to chase them and 2) ...I may never want to.

That's the hardest part. I may never want to.

It's the truth. A hard truth, but a truth all the same.

I cried the whole way home. I left a good case and much needed overtime to go make copies of caterpillars for Blip's birthday party. It was the first time I truly questioned where I was and who I have become.

Caterpillars?

There were some serious tears shed.

I spent nearly a decade giving this career of mine 150%, so I definitely know what I'm missing now. It's my choice to NOT become a motor. It's my choice not to work the street for now. It's my choice to be a mother. It's my choice to choose my family over work. It's just harder than I thought it would be to lose that part of me...or at least tuck it away for a time. I know I need to be home at night...not out chasing bad guys, getting in fights, wrestling drunks, etc. I just miss it. I miss all of it.

This IS worth it...that I know. That I believe. Seeing this little boy's face light up every afternoon when I pick him up is worth giving up ALL of my career for, if needs be. This is just the first time I've really felt like I lost a part of me to become something more important to someone else.

I love my son, and I love my husband. I just miss me.

(add guilt here.)

Some days are harder than others with us working opposite schedules. There is very little time for either of us to have any of our "own" time. And I think it's important for us to have that time, so I hope we can work on our babysitter challenges...and figure something out. I also think we need a lot more time being married. That will also work itself out as we figure out the babysitter issue.

It's interesting to me that in the beginning I never wanted to leave my baby. Not for a second. I would drag him anywhere with me...and we would figure out how to figure it out. NOW...I just want a few minutes to myself. AFTER he's asleep is when that time comes...which means to get a moment alone I lose sleep.

This is what the balance is all about.

It's interesting to look back over my life and pick out how I found who I was during each phase...You'd think once you did it...it would be done and you'd know. But as life changes, and each person grows...I guess it's only normal to find one's new identity at each crossroad.

Practice Makes Perfect

2013-01-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight we celebrated our January birthdays (Regina and Billy) at my dad's house. Unfortunately, Robyn canceled...which meant Billy didn't get to be celebrated. We were all so sad, but the party must go on. We still sung to him...and his name was on the yummy cake, but we really did miss him.

Regina and Richelle were the two spoilers of the night. Regina accidentally let Blip get a little too close to the cake...and he grabbed a nice handful of frosting. I'm pretty sure he enjoyed every last lick of it, too.

After Regina blew out the candles, we put Blip in his booster and Richelle shared some of Grumpaw's homemade vanilla ice cream with him. He liked it quite a bit, but he was really happy when Regina placed his very own piece of birthday cake on his tray. We all sat back to watch...and we weren't disappointed.

We'll call it a practice run for the big 1st birthday party coming up in February. He devoured the cake...especially the yummy icing. It was all over his face, hands, and arms. We didn't let him get too carried away, and the piece of cake was tiny. His smash cake will be a lot more fun...twice. Once for his party and once for pictures with Aunt Natty.

He was exhausted by the time we headed for home. He was worn out after crawling all over with Daddy and the cousins. Blip fell asleep on the way home, and when I carried him up to his bed all I could smell was cake.