Profoundly Seth

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-14T10:02:00.000-05:00

Potty Time

2012-02-10T19:13:00.003-05:00

Right now I'm sitting on the step stool in the bathroom giving both Seth and Evany moral support as they hang out on their respective potties.

Yes, I have a three and a half year old who isn't completely potty trained yet.

It is what it is. We started just before school started and it has just been a slow process. He does a great job at school and during the day but we just cannot seem to conquer the poop. If this had happened when I was younger and only had Ava or Jace, I would have felt humiliated. Ava potty trained before she turned two and I remember feeling a little smug about it. Then Jace trained a little later, at about two and a half, but it took just a few days and he was good to go.

I think I was due a more complicated potty training journey, and I am definitely on it! I could be stressed out but instead I figure he will most likely be 100% potty trained before he goes off to school, and when has Seth ever done anything easily anyway? (Never is the answer to that, in case you were wondering).

The perk, I guess, is that Evany is now showing lots of readiness signs so they get to work on these new skills together. The reward for me will be going from having three in diapers to just one! Evany is working on a new record for sitting on the potty, I think...she just asked if she could move her potty to the living room so she could watch "'Pets." (Wonder Pets)

John's off finishing up the floor he's been installing at my aunt and uncle's house. He's finished his first week at the new job and while I think things have been crazy because the distribution center is still being built, he seems to really be enjoying himself.

Coen just had a well visit at the pediatrician and he's doing good! Long and relatively lean with a huge head. I thought he was doing great developmentally...he's sitting up on his own and beginning to crawl, rolling all over the place, and just generally strong. But apparently because he's not yet playing peek a boo or waving bye-bye the doctor was concerned that he was delayed. I didn't realize those were even six month milestones (his adjusted age). At first, I felt pretty bad about missing the memo that those things were a 7-9 month skill, but when the doctor wanted to have him evaluated for services because of it I got a little frustrated. It felt like overkill.

Early Intervention services have been a Godsend for Seth and Evany, but it took well over a month to get each one of them evaluated when they desperately needed it because of how overloaded the early intervention system gets. Unless there is a major disability involved, each child is required to have a 20% delay in more than one area before they are eligible for services. Coen meets every milestone on the 7-9 months chart except for the line "Plays Peekaboo/Waves Bye-Bye". I don't think that one empty check box when he isn't even technically classified as 7 months old yet is a red flag. There are so many kids out there who need services that I just can't call the evaluator up with a straight face and say that my doctor is concerned because my kid doesn't play peekaboo yet.

I hate disagreeing with doctors. But if life with Seth has taught me nothing else, it's that I know my kids better than anyone else. One fifteen minute appointment when you've met the baby all of one time before is not long enough to decide he is delayed. I have delayed kids! I know what that looks like. As of now Coen isn't one of them. After I discussed all of that with her, she told me to bring him back in a month, and in the meantime to really work on his peekaboo and waving skills, and that we would 'reevaluate' then.

I'm by no means an expert, and I put great faith in a doctor's knowledge, but I'm feeling a little frustrated. Our last pediatrician was so great about making everything a joint decisions and conversation. She presented the options, told me her opinion, and asked for mine. I don't really get that in this practice, and I hated walking out of the office feeling like a bad parent because I turned down services Coen doesn't need right now.

Wow, that got a little ranty, huh? We all have colds and may be going a little stir crazy, so I'll use that as my excuse. I'm off to put the kids to bed and cuddle with my supposedly developmentally delayed baby who is currently rolling/creeping/crawling his way down the hallway after his brothers and sisters.

Have a great weekend!

Our week

2012-02-06T21:32:00.001-05:00

John started his new job today! It went well and he's really excited. We all missed him today but it was really exciting to see the smile on his face after work and hear about how excited he is about this job! This time I've had with John around all day every day has been pretty great. While we were definitely feeling the money crunch before he started work, having this six weeks to just be together all the time was exactly what we needed to readjust to this crazy life of ours.

Funny how God's timing is always pretty much perfect even when it doesn't match up with your plan, isn't it? I'm terrible about trying to make everything meet my own timeline, but I'm (slowly) learning that forcing something into my own time frame never turns out as well as waiting for God's timing.

In other news this week, Coen turned 7 months old! He's pretty great. He started babbling MaMa and DaDa over the past few weeks, although he has no concept of what he's saying, of course. He's sitting up and creeping all over the floor and generally causing a ruckus. It's pretty awesome, although I wouldn't be too sad if he started sleeping a little more.

This next picture makes me happy. I love reading. I was that nerd in school who walked home from school with her nose in a book, so I absolutely love seeing my kids reading of their own volition. And the fact that Jace's popsicle has been abandoned for his book makes me feel giddy.

My kids pick at each other. A lot. I'm probably understating it, actually. It can get intense here. The older two and younger two, especially, are at one another's throats. I'm sure part of it is that they're all reasonably close in age. Seth and Evany, especially, have been sounding eerily like the seagulls in Finding Nemo lately. "Mine!" "Mine!" "Mine! "Mine!" It's lots of fun. Which is why when I happen upon then all getting along happily, I've been known to dive over a couch to find a camera to document the event.

I frequently find parenting overwhelming. The great thing is that just as frequently I find it incredibly rewarding. My heart could just burst with love for these five little hooligans.

Seth B. Update!

2012-01-30T17:14:00.001-05:00

An update about Seth on Profoundly Seth? No way.

Seth is doing really well.

He is finally back to wearing his processors every second he is awake after quite a while of the processors causing him pain. Turns out that he has been having chronic ear infections and they were affecting the way things sounded to him. So he is going in on Friday to get some longer lasting tubes put in his ears. This will be his third set. Fingers crossed that the new tubes will fix that and his ears can get back to normal!

He loves his preschool and is talking so much more now! I was walking out of the doctors office today and as I reached for the door handle he jumped in front of me and said "I got the door, Mom!" His expressive language is still delayed for a 3.5 year old, but his receptive language is right on track and he is making progress in leaps and bounds.

It's been a little disheartening to see him behind his peers, especially when it feels like we are always hearing about kids who are implanted early who never have a delay, but there are so many factors besides just his hearing loss...he could have delays due to his prematurity or something else, and he has had other developmental delays as well, so it could be that this is just part of life for him.

We know he hears very well, so the rest will come with practice and time. He learns new phrases and words every day, and he's making progress, so I've had to throw my own expectations out the window and realize that just like with everything else, Seth will do everything in his own time. (See: Not eating until he was over a year old, not crawling until 12 months, and not walking until nearly 20 months. The kid is STUBBORN).

In the meantime, I remind myself that Seth is first and foremost a kid. Not a deaf kid, not a delayed kid, not an implanted kid...a kid. A kid who happens to have cochlear implants. I'm so happy he has them, so happy to see how well he hears, but I don't want to let his implants or his level of speech define him.

Seth is a happy, funny, caring, wild, exuberant, mischievous little boy. All the rest are details. =)

Speaking of details, Seth's reactive airway disease diagnosis got officially changed to asthma today. We've been expecting that it would once he was older, and it doesn't change much, but Indiana's winter has been harder on him than I expected it to be. He's currently getting Pulmicort twice a day as a maintenance medicine to keep him from having issues and has been for months, but he's already had three bouts of bronchitis this winter and we've been having to do rescue treatments at night when his breathing gets bad. It's almost always at night that he has issues unless he is otherwise sick, but it's becoming more and more common. We're doing allergy testing when he finishes his latest course of steroids in case an allergy is contributing to everything.

Do any of you have experience with kids with asthma? I'm kind of at a loss. Ava has mild asthma, but it doesn't require much and she has an albuteral inhaler to use as needed. Normally it doesn't affect her unless she's already sick. Seth's asthma presents differently and it just seems like there must be a better way to control Seth's asthma than giving multiple Albuterol treatments every night on top of the Pulmicort but I don't know what it is. And to be honest I'm turning into a little bit of a basket case because he's always perfectly fine one minute and a breathing terribly the next and it's always at night after he's in bed and farther away from me.

So that's the update on Seth and thank you in advance for anyone who has any asthma advice for me!

These kids of mine.

2012-01-26T23:34:00.001-05:00

I love my kids. They're amazing. But as I'm sure most of you know, this phase of life is not a walk in the park. Actually, is any phase a walk in the park? I have yet to find a phase that is a walk in the park. It's all fun, but it can all be hard, too.

I sometimes get overwhelmed with having five young kids at home. Usually it's the older ones that cause problems though...fighting or name calling or otherwise being sick of one another. So sick of each other they completely lose it if I separate them. Makes total sense, right? I've been used to Ava and Jace's love/hate relationship for a while now. But now Seth and Evany have been coming into their own and they will. not. stop. picking. at. each. other. I could often mistake them for the seagulls in Finding Nemo. "Mine! Mine! Mine! MINE!"

It's adorable, as I'm sure you can imagine.

But lately, it's been like the perfect storm around here. Ava is 7 going on 17 and so emotional. If you critique anything she does at all she says we must not love her and runs to her room. Jace is just exhausted after school and he falls apart incredibly easily. The other night at church he threw a tantrum that lasted almost 30 minutes. Because I said he couldn't have candy. Seth has begun waking up in the middle of the night and turning on all the lights and watching the television, Evany has hit the terrible twos with a vengeance and is often seen throwing herself to the ground in protest of everything, and Coen is suddenly back to waking up every two hours at night. Also, they've decided they hate everything that I cook except for one thing. Yogurt. They like my yogurt. You can't live on yogurt alone, but my kids are apparently going to die trying. Ava and Jace have been known to burst into tears when I tell them what I'm making for dinner. It's really, really great for making me feel self-confident.

I am at a loss. I know this is a season of life, and I try hard to make sure I'm finding sweet moments throughout our day to remember when things get ugly. Overall, my kids are well behaved and reasonably kind and obedient. But right now, I have to say I'm fairly certain my children have formed an army to rise up against me. Is this what kids do in the winter when it's too cold to go outside? Go insane?

The upside is that if they are in cahoots against me, at least it means maybe they're bonding with each other and someday when they're older they'll sit around a table laughing as one of them recounts the story of how they used to drive me crazy. "Hey guys, remember that time Mom locked the door so she could go to the bathroom and we picked the lock just so we could bug her and steam came out of her ears? That was AWESOME!"

Working hard for the money

2012-01-22T21:31:00.003-05:00

I had this great plan to take pictures every day this year. I didn't do it. I also planned to blog every day. I'm not doing a very good job of either! This post is boring without pictures, so I'm including completely unrelated cell phone pictures from this week to make it more interesting. =) (And yes, they are almost all of Coen. I promise I love my other children just as much!)

I start back to school at the beginning of next month and this month I have been helping John with his job hunt here as much as possible, even when the most I could do was be moral support. When John moved here in December, he did it without a job. He had spent a couple of months searching for jobs here from Florida but it didn't go very well, so he ended up deciding to take one of those steps of faith we always talk about and move here before securing a job. He had been at his previous job for over 7 years, so this was pretty huge.

See the baby? John was doing laundry and cracked himself up.

It was pretty scary for both of us (And possibly stupid, which is why I didn't post about it before). We saved up enough money to get through January job searching and did a whole lot of praying, and John did a whole, whole lot of job searching. The first couple of weeks were tough. I had a hard time figuring out how to be supportive without being overbearing, and sometimes that meant we went along to pick up applications or hung out in the car while he went to interviews, just so that I could be there to be a sounding board when he got done or even just be there for moral support.

Harris and Coen at Harris' 2nd B-day Party! Harris LOVES babies!

The month was about half over when we started to get a little (a lot) stressed out, but I still felt a real peace about it all. Then one day he got a call for a job that he had had applied to quite some time before that we'd never heard back about. It was basically his dream job, and it's only ten or fifteen minutes from our place. We were both really cautiously optimistic, and he started on a series of interviews with some different people in the company.

Coco and Jo!

After his final interview on Friday the phone rang and he answered and was quiet for a very, very long time. I was sure it was bad news, and I my head started spinning with different ways to make him feel better. But finally, he smiled, got off the phone, and told me he was offered the job!

Date Night! Pretty Exciting.

I'm just so proud of him! This is the kind of job he's been dreaming of for a really long time and I think getting it really made him feel validated. I know he's happy to be here with us, but I also know how important it is for men in general to not only feel like they're providing for their family but also feel good about what they do, and I know that at this job he will be able to do both!

So proud of him.

And that's been our week.

I swear I'm going to get better about posting. Stop laughing. I'm serious.

Reflection

2012-01-18T23:57:00.000-05:00

In the past, John and I only pursued counseling when things in our marriage were in crisis.

It did not go well.

(That is an understatement)

There seems to be anecdotal evidence that supports the theory that marriage counseling is worthless, and I think that might be because generally, couples wait to go until things are so far gone that it's almost impossible to recover.

In any case, when John and I began to reconcile we both agreed that counseling was a non-negotiable. In November, we had our first first session. We were both incredibly nervous and as we drove up the lane to the building I kept saying "We're on the same team. The same team."

Because the last time we'd seen a counselor we had barely been on the same planet, much less the same team. And lots of times the last way something was is the way you expect it to be, even when all the circumstances have changed.

But it was nothing like we expected it to be. It was so much better.

Better, but still not what I expected, necessarily. Yesterday I found myself asking our counselor if we were doing something wrong because this transition has been so much easier than either of us expected it to be.

He laughed.

Probably the most useful thing we've gotten out of counseling so far is some very in depth personality profiles. John and I each took a pretty extensive test and I don't think either of us thought much of it; it was just something we had to do for our counselor. And when we saw the sheets with the DISC diagrams and all the lines and squares and skewed boxes, I totally lost track of what everything meant until we started going over the results.

The counselor, who has not known either one of us long enough to know if our profile was correct or not, began expounding on what our results said about us, and within about ten seconds John and I found ourselves staring at each other in awe.

"Is this magic? This seems like magic!" I whispered frantically.

It was very accurate for each of us, to say the least.

Later on at home, John and I were hanging out on the couch and reading the sheaf of papers that explained the diagrams in detail and throughout the first half we both kept exclaiming excitedly about what the paper said about us. "Hey, this says I'm a self starter!" "Hey! This says I'm well liked!" We were both feeling pretty good about our personality profiles. I jumped up to check on one of the kids after bedtime and when I came back, John was frowning. "I don't think I like mine anymore." He said. He had reached the second half of the report, which detailed the not so great aspects of our personalities. I shook my head. "You have to own it, though. Good and bad, right?" I responded.

Of course, that's before I read my second half. We were both a little bummed reading the negative sides of our personalities. But in the past day it has started so many conversations between us...it has added a new level of clarity to past disagreements, to the way we currently interact, and I really think that having a better understanding of ourselves and of each other is going to be invaluable in the future.

So counseling when not in crisis? I'm a fan. But counseling alone isn't a miracle cure, and the real work doesn't happen in someone's office. It's at home, in the midst of a life with kids and chaos and craziness. In fact, counseling is sometimes a nice break from that craziness.

Coen is six months old!

2012-01-15T21:40:00.002-05:00

Coen is six months old! He's actually closer to six and a half months now, but he was still recovering from his bout with RSV/Pneumonia/Bronchiolitis, so I didn't want to bug him taking pictures. He's finally feeling good again and so I can put his official six month post up!

This guy, along with his brothers and sisters, have been getting lots of extra hugs today. Tripp Roth's passing has really affected both John and I. I don't know his mom Courtney personally, but I am in awe of how what an amazing mother she has been to Tripp. My heart aches for what she is going through right now. It has been such a timely reminder for me to slow down and enjoy every second with my kids. I know what it's like to hold your baby and wish for them to take that breath that never comes, and, God willing, I never want to go through it again. But what I do want to do it make sure that I take advantage of every moment I have with these kids I am so privileged to raise.

Coen is pretty great. He's developing an entertaining sense of humor and cracks up laughing when he sees something that he thinks is funny. He's starting to get more interested in toys and has found his feet, which he thinks are very cool. He's rolling both ways and creeping about a little bit, but not crawling or sitting on his own just yet. I'm not positive of his weight, but when he was in the hospital he weighed in at almost seventeen pounds. One of Coen's favorite things to do is listen to John play the guitar. He's a little more attached than Evany was, more like Seth at his age, and it's been a little challenging because Seth is still quite attached himself. So it has been really nice to have John around to help out. Coen has started to spend a few minutes in his jumper or hanging out on a blanket, but he never lasts long until he just wants to be held again. Thank goodness for baby carriers! And thank goodness for sweet, adorable baby boys to put in them

dd

Where We're At.

2012-01-12T23:24:00.002-05:00

Things in our neck of the world have been pretty crazy. We have been in a state of adjustment here and it has been, in a word, amazing. I struggle, sometimes, with what to say and how to say it on this blog and in this process because I'm torn. I want to share because we have so many people who have been praying for us. But how to share? If I talk about everything too positively, it feels like I'm sugar coating things and I may inadvertently give the impression that this is a walk in the park. If I focus on the hard parts, then I'm being negative.

I know that there are women out there who read my blog who have gone through or are going through a divorce and I want to be sensitive to that. I know when John and I were apart I would read stories of husbands or wives coming home and wonder what I did wrong that kept John from coming back. I don't ever want anyone to read this and think that there is anything better about me or my life than them or theirs. It's just not true. Conversely, I don't want anyone to get the impression that this is too hard to be worth it, or that reconciliation isn't a viable option. It's tough to find that balance since in the end, blog posts are simply a glimpse of a slice of life.

All that being said, things are pretty great here. The transition has gone so much more smoothly than I thought it would, and I know that is totally a God thing. We have been under plenty of stress in the past month but have handled it better than I could have imagined. We are seeing a great counselor who has been really helpful and just started going to a marriage seminar at church. John got thrown into the deep end with the kids when I was in the hospital with Coen and he did great. It's been amazing having help cooking and cleaning and kid wrangling.

I did not expect things to go this well. I thought it would be harder. Probably, at some point, it will be harder. Such is life. But I did shock myself one afternoon when I came home from an afternoon lending an ear to a new friend who was going through some tough things. I walked through the door, just gutted and sad from hearing about the situation she was in, and I walked up and I hugged John for a really long time and then I pulled back and looked at him and I said "Thank you for not coming home until you were ready."

Then we both laughed because it sounded so ridiculous. I think he thought maybe I was drunk.

But I meant it.

John had to hit rock bottom on his own terms, with me completely out of the equation, and decide what he wanted from his life on his own before rebuilding our life together would ever have worked. He had to want to be with us so badly that he had to work for it, not fall back into our lives because it was easy. We had to be what he longed for and missed, not his fallback plan.

And thank God, that happened. I never knew it would when I packed up the kids and moved to Indiana, but it was the absolute best thing we had every done. John has shared a lot with me about things that happened or things he went through after we left Florida that show that us leaving was a bigger wake up call than I could even have imagined. And my living in Indiana when John began to do the work in Florida to rebuild our relationship was a blessing in disguise. I can't tell you how many times I cursed being across the country from him those four months we were discussing reconciliation. I thought it would never work being so far away from one another.

But being so far away from each other for those months was the best thing that could have happened. We had lots of time to talk with no other expectations. We discussed what life would look like at length. We had about every conversation you could have on every topic we could think could ever be an issue. And interspersed throughout, we had visits. Three in all, two in Indiana and one in Florida, and we slowly stepped back into our life. Additionally, we didn't tell the kids anything at all until we were positive we were completely and utterly committed to making it work. No trying to make it work. No giving it a shot. Committed. Period.

And it's because of those four months and all the prep work we did that this transition has gone so well.

Well, that and God.

Well, that and God and the fact that we love each other quite a lot and we're both willing to do that work.

The first night of this seminar we are attending at church was awkward. We sat at our table with all the couples and the facilitator instructed us to introduce ourselves, tell how long we'd been married, and what we most love about our partner.

I won't lie. I balked. Did we really have to tell everyone, air our dirty laundry? Wouldn't it be easier to just gloss over everything?

But when has glossing over anything helped at all? And we weren't at a dinner party; we were at a marriage seminar, after all.

So I took a deep breath, and I looked at everyone, and I told them. "I'm Ellyn. This is John. We were married for six years, and then we got divorced. Now that's a funny story, believe me! And now we're back together."

And that's the beginning, not the end. If this were a movie, we'd be riding off into the sunset right now. Instead we're just starting out. Not from scratch, but starting out all the same. And instead of the fancy moving ending we'll have a full life. Screaming kids, disagreements, money problems. Cookouts with friends, yelling too loud at the kids' basketball games, date nights here and there. Someone to come home to.

No, not just someone. My someone.

Sounds pretty amazing to me.

Coen's very own One Man Cover Band!

2012-01-05T21:49:00.000-05:00

This has become a nightly routine in our house the past couple of weeks. Coen is a big fan, and so am I!

Not a Know It All

2012-01-03T17:31:00.000-05:00

When I was pregnant with Ava I was excited to have a baby. This baby was totally abstract, of course, since I had no experience with kids. I would do all the things you did with babies. I would rock her, and dress her up in immaculate outfits, and take pictures of her eating her first bowl of rice cereal. I would know just how to parent, just like I knew just how to be a good wife (Hah!).

Every knows everything about something before they know anything about it, it seems to me. Myself included. Before I was a parent I knew everything about how to be the perfect one.

Which is totally laughable now! After Ava and Jace and Eli were born I was pregnant with Seth and I thought "This time, this time it will be easy." I figured we'd been there, done that, made mistakes, and that now I would have figured out how to do it all really well. And then Seth was born, and almost every bit of parenting knowledge I had when out the window, because he required a completely different skill set than the first two. From almost his first breath, he required a wholly different parenting style than I had ever used. I often say that Seth is my attachment parenting baby, and it wasn't by choice. Whatever the reason, Seth needed more from me than either Ava or Jace ever had. On the first day of preschool for both of them they ran into the classroom without a backward look. With Seth, there are times when I still have to convince him he'll have a nice time and no one will torture him.

Then Evany came along, and she was and is more independent than any one of them. And my parenting style shifted all over again. While each of my children have similarities, there are more differences between them than you can shake a stick at. While I know many people ascribe to one parenting philosophy for all of their kids, one type of discipline, one plan, I don't know if it's that simple. These kids are people, after all. And people are different from each other.

A friend of mine from high school commented on my facebook one day and said that he though, given that I had a bunch of little kids, I should teach parenting classes. "What's your parenting philosophy?" He asked me.

I laughed and responded. "My parenting philosophy? Don't let them die."

The fact of the matter is not one of us is going to be that perfect parent. No matter which philosophy of parenting we choose to follow, parents are going mess up. We fail our kids. In big and little ways. Whether we miss the big game or say "hang on, in a minute" one to many times because we're busy with something else, they are going to be disappointed in us someday. It's hard to be selfless enough, to give everything to your kids, and it just doesn't occur to children to expect anything less. Selfishness creeps in because that's what selfishness does.

So I know I will never be the perfect parent. My temper is too quick, my attention span too short. I hate crafts. Sometimes I forget to record the important moments. Sometimes I lose their teeth before the tooth fairy can collect them. But I can do my best to keep them safe, and healthy, and alive. I have high expectations for them, because I believe firmly that people often live up to your expectations, whether they high or low. And then, I can do one better and try to make sure that I consciously engage them more than I inadvertently disappoint them and teach them along the way. About God. About life and people and grammar and history and maybe even some math. Parenting is hard. It doesn't get easier. There seems to be an inverse correlation between less diapers to change and more attitude. It is, and always will be, both the best and hardest thing I have ever done.

And it is, I'm completely sure, something I will never, ever, know everything about. I'm also just as completely sure that it is the thing I will most enjoy learning for the rest of my days. I'm so blessed to be these kids mother...I really hope that one day, they same thing about me being their mom! (And if not, I hope they at least say that I was entertaining!)

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T20:36:00.000-05:00

We got to come home from the hospital this evening! Talk about answered prayers. We're holed up at home tonight doing lots of breathing treatments. John's cooking steaks as we speak and the kids are having their own New Year's Eve party in their room.

Pretty much perfect, if you ask me!

And here is a quick video of Evany wishing everyone a very happy new year!

See you next year, everybody!

Troublemaker

2011-12-29T19:15:00.001-05:00

As you may have seen if you happen to read my tweets or face book posts, Coen is in the hospital. The whole family has been sick this week (and to think I was so excited about doing everything as a family! That'll teach me!). Most with just colds, but John and Seth had it a bit rougher than everyone else. Then Coen suddenly decided to play catch up and got so sick we decided he should go into the ER last night. They did x-rays and some testing and found that he has both pneumonia and RSV, but sent us home after a dose of steroids and antibiotics with orders to do breathing treatments every four hours.

We headed in this morning to see the kids' pediatrician and while it seemed like he was doing better at first, as soon as they stuck that oxygen saturation sensor on his foot my heart sank. Even after two breathing treatments he was hanging out at around 75% and really struggling, so he bought himself a hospital admission pretty quickly.

So CoCo and I are camped out at the hospital while John, who is also pretty sick himself, is taking charge of the other four kids, two of whom are also sick. Talk about getting thrown into the deep end! John's handling it like a champ, though, and it's just proof that his great-Dad super powers are returning with a vengeance.

Coen is doing well as the doctors and nurses here do their best to fix him up so we can get hm back home. Of course I would still greatly appreciate some prayers for him and for John and the kids!

The Carousel at the Mall

2011-12-28T16:50:00.001-05:00

This holiday season has been pretty surreal for me. It's been a very long time since I have been able to have my cake and eat it too, if you will. We fought so hard for Seth to have surgery and then he finally got his cochlear implants and heard for the first time, and just when I thought things could get back to normal John left the family. So I had a hearing son, but no husband. Not that Seth had anything to do with John leaving, I just mean that every time things started to calm down, something else happened.

Then I proceeded to go through two and a half years on my own. By the end of it, I was content. I didn't even completely realize that I still wanted it to be different. I was used to living alone with the kids, used to being in charge of the remote, used to the solitary nights after the kids went to bed where I could do whatever I wanted to do (after homework, of course). So when John and I began to reconcile in September I knew it would be a process. Adjustments for both of us.

So it was a little scary when at the end of my vacation in Florida we sold our second vehicle, packed all of John's belongings up on top of the van, and began the trek back to Indiana. As a family.

The day after we got back in town, the kids were dying to run around and so we took them to the mall. We got an ornament made with all of our names on it and we had lunch in the food court. At some point in the time we've been away from Indiana, our mall took out the ice skating rink and replaced it with a huge carousel. Seth chose not to eat and instead stood just outside the fence blocking off the carousel and stared longingly up at it through our entire meal. He didn't beg or throw a fit or even ask to ride, he just watched then looked back and smiled at us, then went back to staring at the carousel.

He was tugging at my heartstrings in a real way, but I knew that letting all four of the bigger kids ride the carousel was a waste of money. When we had two kids we always bought for them each no matter what we were buying, even on birthdays. It was all about being fair, but I'm quickly learning that it just doesn't make sense to do that with five kids. Instead, we've been teaching them that sometimes one kid will get a special treat or a gift when the others don't. It's not an easy lesson to teach to small kids, but I think it's a worthwhile one since it's the cold hard truth that life is, in fact, not fair. Handling disappointment with grace is an important lesson, I think.

At the end of our meal Ava said "Mom, it looks like Seth would really love to ride the carousel. Can he ride it?" John and I both explained that we weren't going to pay for everyone to ride that day. Jace quickly piped up. "It's fine, mom. Seth should ride today! He's been waiting really patiently." Now before you think my kids are more well behaved than they are, let me tell you that Jace was basically saying all of this as he began to tear up. He means well, but he also hates getting left out!

I went to see how much tickets were, and since I only had a five dollar bill and the machines only gave tokens anyway, I ended up with three tokens. I walked up to Seth and asked him if he'd like to ride the carousel and the kid's eyes lit up like it were, well, Christmas, and he nodded frantically before he took off running for the entrance. I looked over my shoulder as I followed him and told Ava and Jace that I had two extra tokens if they felt like riding too. They did. Hah!

Seth immediately picked out a huge tiger to ride and Ava and Jace rode a reindeer and an ostrich. I helped Seth up and he gave me a thumbs up and the biggest grin ever. Seth is an amazing kid. He's also a challenging kid. I rarely see him unabashedly thrilled with life. So this was an exciting moment. After getting situated on the tiger, he immediately looked around. "Daddy?" He called. "Dad!" He found John, sitting at the table with Evany and Coen, and waved frantically. "Hey! Look at this!"

It was adorable. And the music started, and we began traveling in a circle, and it was everything in my life that had been missing for so long. Seth. Talking. Smiling. Laughing. Ava and Jace, grinning. And right in front of me each time the carousel completed a revolution? Evany. Coen. John. Waving at us. Smiling. Right there. Every time we came around, there he was. Always watching for us. His face broke out in a grin every time we came into view. He waved, too. "I see you, Seth! I see you, Buddy!"

I looked up at Seth and saw that the smile had never left his face, was wide enough to crack his face in two, basically, and I decided right then and there that I would move onto this carousel if that's what it took. That I would keep feeding the attendant dollars and tokens no matter what, just to keep this look on his face. Frugality be damned. He looked down at me and said "Love you, Mommy!" and flashed me a quick "I love you" ASL sign before grabbing onto the pole again.

All of it, the entire moment, all the kids and John and the carousel, it was one of the happiest moments of my entire life.

As the carousel ground slowly to a halt, I worried that Seth would throw a fit about getting off the tiger. That Jace would demand one more ride. But instead, they all happily hopped down. "Thanks, Mom! That was a pretty good surprise!" Ava said, passing me, as I helped Seth down. Seth got down, started walking, then reached back for my hand. We exited and met up with John and Coen and Evany and we all started walking out of the food court, out of the mall, and into this life we have somehow been so lucky to get another shot at.

And yes, it's cheesy that I would have a moment like this at the mall, but the mall, after all, is where I met John. It's where we worked and practically lived the entire time we dated and were engaged. So for me, the mall is a pretty special place.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T15:04:00.000-05:00

We're back home again in Indiana, enjoying family time and lots of movies, baking and candy making, and just plain old hanging out. It's pretty great.

I hope your holidays are merry and bright!

(Card lovingly made by Ava and including the McCall and Shelton kiddos. Merry Christmas!)

Pretty Great Day

2011-12-18T09:57:00.000-05:00

I graduated Summa Cum Laude from St. Petersburg College yesterday, eighteen months after going back to school after a ten year break while raising four young kids (The fifth was born in the middle of finals week and I was taking a final about six hours after he was born. Maybe I can tell him that story when he's being lazy and doesn't want to do his homework one day). I don't think I have ever worked so hard for something in my entire life. I wasn't originally planning on walking, but dedication to my schoolwork has really taken a lot of time away from the kids and I thought it could be nice for them to see that there is a reward for hard work.

Having my family there to see my graduate was pretty amazing and it meant a lot to me. I'm not yet done...I'm transferring to a new University for the upcoming semester but I've been feeling really burnt out and this little bit of recognition really helped me recharge for what's coming up!

Thank you to those of you who emailed and posted awesome facebook messages yesterday. It was a lovely day! God is so good.

Soaking up the Sunshine State

2011-12-10T14:17:00.001-05:00

Well.

We're in Florida!

I finished my associate degree this semester, and as such, I wanted to do something fun since I have been working so hard on school for the past year and a half. I mean, seriously. I was taking finals about 6 hours after Coen's C-Section. So...I figured some fun was in order. So I packed up the kids on Thursday and we drove to Florida.

Obviously I'm insane. I know.

The entire trip took about 24 hours. Where we live in Indiana to where we lived in Florida is a 19ish hour drive, and we stopped at a hotel to get some rest, so all in all, I think it was a pretty successful drive. I packed lots of snacks and we only stopped for a couple of meals and we're all still alive, so I think that's a win.

Thursday's drive went just great. We left after school was over and there was no traffic and it was all just really peaceful. But I got pretty tired around three AM and so I found a hotel and got all the kids schlepped inside and was so excited about sleeping. But of course by then Seth and Evany had totally gotten a second wind and were bouncing off the walls. The hotel was out of cribs and so I just kept putting them back in bed but they kept sliding off and running around. Problem was the beds were pretty high off the ground and neither Seth nor Evany was tall enough to get up on the bed without help. So they kept getting down then crying to get back up and Ava and I would hoist them back up on the bed and the whole thing would happen again until things finally quieted down around 4:30 AM. One of the younger kids was sleeping with me but I'd be lying if I said I could tell which one it was. Seth just got a hair cut and he and Evany's hair is about same length and texture and I was exhausted so I really have no clue and it was pitch dark.

I woke up when my phone alarm went off at 8 AM and looked around to count the kids, who were all still totally passed out. Coen was sleeping in his bassinett and I saw Ava and Jace and Seth, but I didn't see Evany. I sat up, all groggy and bleary eyed and started calling for her. I'm not sure where I'd thought she'd gone, but I was really stressed about it. I jumped out of bed and got the other kids up to help look for her, and finally we found her passed out halfway under the bed, head on a pillow. She must have gotten off the bed after everyone else passed out and been unable to climb back up, so she just grabbed a pillow and camped out. She's resourceful.

It was cold, in the thirties, basically until we got to Florida. But we stopped at a rest area in Florida to feed Coen and the kids got out to run around, and it was finally warm. It was amazing! It's amazing how fast you can forget what it feels like to be warm outside. The kids loved it.

It's crazy and surreal to be back here. We're hanging out with my mom and catching up with friends and I cannot tell you how amazing it is not to have to open another book until January. When we were coming across the causeway into town Jace looked out at the water and said "This cannot be Florida. I've never even SEEN this lake before!" Ava shook her head at him and said "Jace, really? That's the OCEAN."

What a difference 9 months makes.

Going off road

2011-12-07T22:56:00.001-05:00

I have read several blog posts the past week or so about life's plans. A script. An idea of how life will go. A picture we have in our head of what life looks like at 20, 25, 30 years old. I thought "Hey, I should write about that!" But because it was finals week, and because I'm pretty darn lazy, I posted CoCo's five month update instead. Because that's important. Remembering the little details about these kid as they grow is important and I need this blog to do it because my mind is going, going, gone. I can't remember anything anymore, it seems.

Then, on Sunday, the Pastor preached about the same topic. And I'm fairly certain he and I don't read the same blogs. So it's a very popular topic lately, I'm seeing.

And it's true. If you had told me ten years ago that at 29 I would be sitting at a McDonald's watching my five children play in the playplace while having a heart to heart with a woman who is going through a divorce, I would have laughed at you. "No way! I'm never having five kids!" And when you told me that the reason I was listening to this woman was because I could relate to her, having gone through my own divorce, I would have said "Okay, now I KNOW you're crazy. I don't even believe in divorce! I'm never getting married unless I know it's forever!"

And let's not even get started on what the past version of me would have said if you had told me that I was reconciling with the guy I divorced. In the past I was very vocal about how I would totally be done and gone if a guy ever cheated on me.

Like some people know everything about parenting before they are actually parents, it's easy to out forth black and white statements about marriage before you're married. Or after you're married and before you've gone through it. Or after you're married and you have gone through it. But if there is one thing I have learned, it's that it's imperative not to project our own experiences on someone else's situation.

It would be easy for me to say separated or divorced couples should always wait it out and that it will be worth it. But that's just not true, and telling someone that would be just as wrong as someone saying that no one should ever give anyone who cheats or leaves a second chance. Because neither one is right all the time. As much as we'd like to think it's a black and white situation, there are always shades of gray. So you will never hear me counsel someone to stay away or wait it out. Instead, probably the only and best thing I could and ever would do is simply listen, relate, and then say one simple thing. "You need to pray about this. Then probably pray about it some more."

Because my answer or your answer doesn't actually matter. What's right for me or what's right for you is only right for me and you. Everyone is different and everyone's situation is different, and none of us have a right to judge or tell anyone else what to do. But what does matter is making sure that we are, to the best of our ability, acting within God's will for us. It can be hard to figure out what that is sometimes, and His answer is different for different people. Not because one person deserves more or less than another, but because each situation, no matter how similar it seems, is so varied and intricate that the answer can't possibly be the same every time. It can be easy to judge and say "What's wrong with her? Doesn't she realize?" In fact, it can be easy to make snap judgments. "She must be doing it because he hits her and she has a victim mentality." "She must think she can't do any better!" Those just aren't things we can ever know, and it's silly to speculate about them. For every situation there are so many varied and numerous issues that lead up to something like cheating or a spouse leaving that it's impossible to offer a viable equation that spits out the right answer. There's no formula that is foolproof.

Sometimes, God is going to release someone from a marriage. Sometimes, He'll foster those connections even when you're doing your best to cut them yourself. Sometimes even when we're acting within God's will, the other person in the relationship isn't, and there's that pesky thing called free will...we've all got it.

So the answer is always different. And as our pastor said a couple of weeks ago, God will not always end a storm when we ask him to, but He'll always walk through it with us, not matter how long it lasts. And lots of times? Lots of times he won't let that storm end until we have had enough growth to prove that we won't be searching that storm out ever again. John quoted it back to our Pastor in counseling last week, and he said it really well. "I think it's true. I wanted out last year but I hadn't really changed. And God doesn't let you out of the storm until He know you won't cause the same storm all over again."

So life may not go according to plan. Our husbands might leave. Our kids might die. And on lighter notes, our kids may not be the perfect angels we always thought they'd be. We might not get the perfect job. We may end up staying at home when we always thought we'd have a big career. We might end up at work when all we want to do it be at home.

Life happens. And sometimes it's messy and confusing. My heart was breaking for the woman I was with last night and it was breaking a little for me, too, as I related my own story to her. But seeing that she felt less alone after talking to me made me feel stronger and less alone, too. One of the biggest blessings God gives us, even in sucky situations, is other people. After Eli died, people were pretty ugly at times. Many people don't understand that a full term still birth is no less a baby than a baby who dies after birth. In fact, it wasn't until Eli's memorial service when people saw photographs of Eli that it really clicked. We'd lost a baby. A visible, tangible, perfect baby. Not the idea or the plan or the hope of a baby...we'd lost a 6 pound 6 ounce baby boy with curly black hair who looked so much like his brother and sister I was sure he was about to take a breath.

But among the people that told me I could have another baby, or that there was probably something wrong with him (which there wasn't, for the record..he was perfectly healthy and it was instead my own blood clotting disorder that caused his death), there were the people who met me right where I was and were literally God with skin on to me at a time I could barely bring myself to pray. I felt so alone when Eli died. I didn't know anyone else who had gone through it. The same thing when Seth was diagnosed and John left. Life changing events can leave you feeling really isolated and without support. I just wanted to meet one person who had gone through it too.

And so when people email or call me when their husband leaves or when their baby dies or when they get the diagnosis of deafness for one of their children, I try to remember that even though it would be easy to just feel sorry for myself because I have gone through a trifecta of sad events and am therefore a good example of what not to do, I can instead feel really blessed that I can be "God with skin on" to other people who need it and feel alone.

And so, no matter how far I am from where I thought I would be today, I've got to say that this is a pretty good place to be and I think it's pretty awesome that God brought me here instead of going by my directions.

Dear Coen at Five Months

2011-12-03T20:21:00.001-05:00

Baby Co is Five Months Old!

Dear Coen

How is it possible that you are five months old today? Time sure flies when you're snuggling a cute baby. As long as I'm asking you questions, where did your hair go? I was so excited about that hair...I should have known better! You are basically the spitting image of your biggest sister and your dad. It's fun to see a darker baby after the two blond haired blue eyes ones we've had most recently!

Thank you for being healthy. No, seriously. You have yet to need a single pediatrician appointment that was for anything but a well baby check up. I don't even know how much you weigh because it's been so long since you've had to go in! I love that. So much. You're an awesome nurser, and you sleep about eight hours at night and some pretty good chunks throughout the day, although you are staying awake for longer periods as well.

Your godmother Mandy thinks you are a judgy baby, and it's true...you have a formidable scowl. But you totally redeemed yourself this month when we met up for breakfast when she was on a road trip when you smiled at her all throughout the meal. Thanks for that.

You roll both directions now, are close to getting onto your hands and knees when on your belly, and you're starting to tripod sit a little bit. I think you're pretty on track for your milestones, especially considering that you were a bit early. I'm too busy just enjoying your babyhood to really stress about where you're at...I've learned from Seth and Evany that babies do stuff when they do it, and that worrying about it doesn't help much, so you're free to develop as you see fit.

What I love the most, Coen, is seeing your personality start to shine. You're a funny guy! You love to be tickled and I'll often look up from doing homework to see your grinning from ear to ear at me, just waiting for me to look at you. Which reminds me, we need to talk about how you've seriously been distracting me from school. It's a problem. Lucky for you, you're very cute.

You have not escaped the nickname CoCo. In fact, not only Ava and Jace call you that, Seth and Evany have picked it up as well. Luckily I think you're masculine enough to pull it off!

Thanks for being so awesome!

I love you, Co.

Love, Mama

The Stockings Are Hung

2011-11-29T23:04:00.001-05:00

I love this picture. A whole lot of blessings in this picture!

We had a very productive weekend around here...the kids and I had Thanksgiving at my Aunt and Uncle's place and we got to spend time with my cousins who are off at college now.

After the kids stomped around in the woods with Logan and her boyfriend for a good chunk of the afternoon we headed to the airport to pick up John. It was a pretty exciting moment! On Friday we did Thanksgiving all over again, and later on we had a game night with my cousins when we learned after extensive testing that John is most definitely the weak link when playing Taboo. "Where do you put your dog at night?" Jordan asked, trying to get John to say the word "Crate." "A cage?" He said. "No...like that, though." Jordan responded. "Uh, Storage?!" John shouted.

No, not storage. Not so much. It was hugely entertaining, though.

And now he's back in Florida, which is not so fun, but we did have a really productive weekend. We got the Christmas Tree up as a family, John steam cleaned the carpet while Ava and I did school, we managed to go on two dates sans kids, John and Seth fixed the garbage disposal, and John and I even attended our very first counseling session.

It's a process, but I think we're going about this the right way and it feels good. Step by step, or something. We were both really happy with how our session went, although it went really fast. The kids absolutely loved having John around for five days and he was able to spend some really nice quality time with Jace, which I think they both really needed. Coen started teething recently, so it was awesome to have extra hands to help out when he was more fussy than usual.

So things are good. Viv's birthday is tomorrow and I'm really excited about having a special day with her. I can't believe she's going to be a two year old!

Things are good. We're getting there. Slowly but surely.

Winners!

2011-11-28T10:12:00.001-05:00

I meant to select the winners for the card giveaway yesterday, but we put up our Christmas Tree and got to decorating and then John took me out ice skating and to dinner without even a single kid with us, which was pretty awesome.

Which means I just got around to the giveaway this morning. But without further ado, here are the winners of 25 free cards.

Comments # 40, 10, and 62.

#40: Laura Garrison
#10: Angie Boschee
#62: Tara W

Congrats ladies! My goal is to email you today but if you see this and you haven't heard from me, feel free to email me and I will send you your code for the cards.

Have a great day!

Our 2011 Christmas Cards

2011-11-26T18:23:00.001-05:00

I normally don't post our Christmas Card until Christmas Day, but I had some requests in our last post and Seth felt like helping, so we took some pictures. Plus this way I'll just be more motivated to take more pictures of the kids before Christmas!

Remember, if you'd like to enter the giveaway for 25 free Christmas Cards from Shutterfly, make sure you comment on the post before this one! I'll be drawing a winner sometime tomorrow.

We're putting up our tree tonight and decorating tomorrow with the kids...I'm officially getting into the Christmas spirit!

Want some Christmas Cards? You're in the right place!

2011-11-25T19:55:00.001-05:00

I love Christmas Cards. Which is funny, because I could really take or leave cards for the rest of the time. But at Christmas? Love them. I really like seeing everyone's pictures and seeing how all the families and kids have grown over the year.

Like our family, for instance!

McCall Christmas Picture 2008

McCall Christmas Picture 2009

McCall Christmas Picture 2010

I just love seeing how much the kids have grown and changed each year. And this year Coen gets to be on his very first Christmas Card! So I'm sure you can imagine my excitement with Shutterfly offered to send us some Christmas Cards to check out this year.

The past couple of years my friends have made our cards, and last time I checked out the card templates on Shutterfly I was less than impressed. But things seem to have really changed and I saw a ton of cards that were really creative and unique and had room for a whole lot of pictures, which I, of course, think is the most important part.

There are hundreds of cards to choose from and several personalization choices once you choose your main design. There are a variety of the typical photo cards this year, as well as an assortment of stationery cards and folded greeting cards.

It took me quite a while to narrow down the card design I wanted for this year, and even longer to choose the perfect pictures for it, but once I ordered, my cards arrived really quickly and they look great! I can't wait to show them off.

Have you ordered your Christmas Cards yet? If not, you could get lucky! Thanks to Shutterfly and as my own personal Black Friday special, I have three sets of twenty-five cards to give away to three of you. Each winner will receive one set of twenty-five personalized cards. I like keeping things simple, so to be entered to win all you have to do is leave a comment on this post and I will use random.org to draw winners and then announce those winners in a later post. Please make sure you have a valid e-mail address so that I can reach you if you win!

UPDATED TO ADD: Shutterfly does offer shipping internationally and to Canada. I'm not sure what the shipping costs would be, however. I did just see that Shutterfly is offering free shipping for orders over $30, so if there's anything else you need that could be an option!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and is gearing up for a great holiday season!

Thankful

2011-11-25T09:04:00.001-05:00

To see the looks on these faces.

Hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful!

In other news

2011-11-23T20:48:00.001-05:00

Thank you all for such a kind reception to my news the other day! I was a little nervous about posting it all, but I should have known better. The people that read here are pretty amazing, I think.

Things are good here. It's freezing cold here, but now that we're all outfitted in boots and coats and doing well, although loading into and out of the car has gotten completely ridiculous. We've finally settled into a groove as far as school goes, and the kids are all just doing great.

Ava is home schooling with a public charter school here. I love it for her because it's mastery based, so she can jump ahead in the subjects she's strongest in and slow down to work on new or exciting things she wants to understand better in other subjects. She loves it because she feels really in control of her schooling and she doesn't have to "wait around for all the other kids." (Her words, hah!) She just finished her soccer season and will be starting basket ball in the next couple of weeks. Her crazy height is finally going to work out to her advantage! The director of the program is very excited about having her on the team and the rest of my family is really excited she's playing, too...they're all a little obsessed with basketball. She has made a bunch of friends around our complex and church and is super social, as always, although Ella is still her one and only best friend, according to her.

Jace is attending kindergarten at our local school and totally loving it. He just got his first report card and got 4's, which is like an A, I'm guessing. It's the best you can get, at least. The numbers are so different than what I'm used to! He's made friends with our next door neighbors, and one of the kids', Neil, is in his class at school and on his new basketball team so he is totally over the moon. They really like each other and he's really missed his friends in Florida, so I'm so glad to see him making friends. He also just lost his top front tooth, and so he's reached that transitional stage from little kid to big kid. It's bittersweet.

Seth is just exploding. It's amazing. He's attending a mainstream pre-school here in town four days a week and he just lights up when we pull into the parking lot everyday. He's writing his name, reciting the alphabet, and counting to ten, which are all really new developments. He's using a lot more phrases and sentences and having more real conversations instead of just imitating words. As of his last booth test, his hearing with his cochlear implants is comparable to normal natural hearing and he hasn't needed any special accommodations at school. His teachers say he is really interacting with the kids and chatting with them and he just comes barreling out of class every day, so excited to show me what he did in school. It makes my heart so happy to see him do so well.

Evany is the most adorable nearly two year old around, basically. She is just so sweet and happy all the time and she's a great joy to be around. Until recently, she wasn't talking much, and we had her evaluated for early intervention because of her prematurity and her risk factors because of Seth. She qualified for speech therapy and we were lucky enough to get the same therapist that Seth had, who I just love. Seth was pretty terrible to her, so I think she's really enjoyed having sessions with Evany, who is much less of a pill than Seth. It has been really entertaining to see Seth as we've gone through the EI process with Evany...all the same evaluators and therapists have come to see her than saw him last spring and as soon as he realized they're here to mess with Evany instead of him, he's about ten times as friendly. It blows them all away. He even loves sitting in on Evany's therapy sessions now, which cracks our therapist up.

Back to Viv, though...both her therapist and I noticed some odd behaviors from her, and we both suspected she might have Auditory Neuropathy like Seth has, which is a problem that affects the clarity of what someone hears. We had an ABR done a couple of months ago and thankfully, her hearing is normal, which was a huge relief. We followed up with a booth test, however, and she didn't perform as well. We chalked it up to toddler hood and scheduled her for a follow up test to double check. Well, she didn't do any better on that test. Thing is, she passed her ABR, which means she can hear. But on her second booth test, one of the audiologists sitting in happened to specialize in auditory processing disorders, and after we got done with the test she said that she noticed the same delay and zoning out that Evany's therapist and I had been noticing, and that she say several red flags for auditory processing disorder. She's at a pretty high risk for something like it because of her prematurity, so it's not a huge surprise. Problem is, it's not something that can really be diagnosed until she's school aged, so we're just watching, documenting, and waiting right now. She has started talking a lot more and talks about as much as Seth now, which is both exciting and a little depressing for me, but I'm so proud of her and how well she's doing.

And just a quick sidebar here to say how much I LOVE our new audiologist office. I never thought I would love a place as much as our All Children's and our old Audiologist, but this place is so different and so great. It's a tiny office and every time we go in they block all the appointments out so we're the only ones there, and they love having the other kids there and are just so sweet to them every time. Seth's issues aren't exactly typical for CI kids, and they have never even batted an eyelash or questioned anything I've said. They already feel like family and they're awesome about calling when they have an idea about something to try for Seth or Vivi.

And finally, Coen. He's amazing. I love him so much. I'm kind of head over heels for him. He's really smiley now and cooing a lot. He'll be five months old on the third of December, and I cannot believe how fast the time is flying. He's rolling over both ways and doing all the things he should be but truthfully, I'm not really worried about his milestones...I'm just trying to make the most of his babyhood because I know how fast it will go by. He sleeps about eight hours a night and is drooling up a storm, so I'm guessing teeth will be coming before long. But more than anything else, he's just precious and he totally kills me with his cuteness.

Basically, I am ridiculously blessed. Don't get me wrong. My kids throw world caliber tantrums and aren't above kicking, biting, and hitting one another. They also have a penchant for drawing on the walls. But even so, they're pretty awesome. This stage of life is pretty great, even if it is equally hard. I'm so excited about the turns our life is taking, but I'm scared, too. I've been on my own for nearly two and a half years and adjusting to life with another person again is going to be a challenge. What a great problem to have, though!

John is currently looking for a job here, and he hopes to get one soon. He'll be flying in tomorrow for Thanksgiving, so we're hoping to be able to stop by a few places in person while he's here. Our first counseling appointment is Monday, and I'm really looking forward to it. If you feel like praying, prayers for him to find a suitable job that will meet our needs quickly and for our appointment to go well on Monday, I'd really appreciate it! I kind of feel the way I feel at the beginning of each semester...excited anticipation for the work ahead, even though I know it will get harder before it gets easier.

And that's a not-so-quick and dirty recap of what's been going on here!