positively present

the abc's of self-love: c is for celebration

positively present — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 02:26:00 -0500

(♥)

“...choose to believe in
your own myth
your own glamour
your own spell
a young woman who does this
(even if she is just pretending)
has everything....”

Francesca Lia Block
How to (Un)cage a Girl

February is often dedicated to celebrating our love for others -- which is a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong -- but what about loving ourselves a little bit this month too? What about a little celebration for just being you? I say, let's do it! Let's take a day -- or, hey, why not take the rest of the month! -- and celebrate who you are. There's plenty of love to go around this month and it's the perfect time of year for embracing a little self-love.

Below are 10 ways you can get started on loving yourself today. But don't let these limit you! There are countless ways to celebrate who you are and I'd highly recommend focusing on those this month. Love is in the air -- why not direct a little of it back at yourself?

10 Ways to Celebrate Yourself

1. Give yourself a pat on the back. Go on, do it! You know you did something awesome recently. Yes, you! Take a moment and think back on the past week or so. Did you do something great at work or school? Were you extra-kind to a friend in need? Super patient with someone driving you crazy? Pat yourself on the back for a job well done. You deserve it!

2. Make a list of lovely things about you. I know this can be hard for some people, but it's important. Pull out a pen and notebook and get scribbling. There a million things that are awesome about you and I'm pretty sure you can identify at least 10-20 of them. Let your mind wander and write the truth. No one else has to see the list so don't be shy. Embrace self love!

3. Take (and remember) a compliment. You know how we always dwell on the negative things people say about us? It's hard not to, but try instead to dwell on the last compliment you received. If you find it hard to do, write it down somewhere you'll see it often to remind yourself. And keep doing that every single time you get a compliment.

4. Do something you're great at. Want to give yourself a self-love boost? Do something you're good at. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself, and fall more in love with who you are, than doing something you do well. Even if it's something small, do it. And do it as often as you can because, hey, we would all be doing the things we're good at as often as we can!

5. Throw yourself a party. Maybe isn't not the bash of the year, but you can throw yourself a little shindig and spend some quality time with the people who love you. No need to tell them isn't a party to celebrate you (though you could if you wanted to!), but take some time to literally celebrate yourself. Partying not your speed? Do something that makes you feel festive!

6. Get fancy -- for no good reason. And speaking of festive, why not dress up in some fancy clothes for no good reason! Everyone feels better about themselves when they put some effort into their appearance, but sometimes it's hard to find a good reason to get fancy. I'm hear to tell you that no good reason is necessary; every day is a good day to dress to impress (yourself).

7. Cut yourself some slack. You know how you're hard on yourself sometimes? You think you're too lazy/boring/bad/unhealthy/etc.? Take a few moments this month to cut yourself some slack. Sure, we all have bad habits we need to break (and we can do it too!), but don't be so hard on yourself. We're only human after all so give yourself a break.

8. Look in the mirror + pinpoint what you love. Unless you're a picture-perfect supermodel (and probably even if you are), this is tough. It's hard for almost anyone to look in the mirror and not see the flaws. We've been trained to do that, but try to switch your focus to the positive. Stand in front of the mirror and point out all the things you love about yourself. Instant self-love!

9. Take note of your good choices. We all love to go over and over what we did wrong to see what we could do differently. That's okay -- lessons learned and all that -- but what about spending some time on the good choices you've made. Don't let those slide by unnoticed. Focus on them; remember them. And remind yourself that you do, in fact, have a good head on your shoulders.

10. Read The ABCs of Self Love. Loving yourself can be tough and it always helps to have some tricks up your sleeve. These 26 little ideas will help you get started and will remind you of all the reasons you have to love yourself. You are awesome (even if you don't always realize it!) and you should love who you are. Trying these 26 tips will help you stay focused on what's great about you.

Want to get even more self-love goodness? There's no shortage of it in The Blog Crawl of Self-Love hosted by Molly Mahar of Stratejoy. Molly believes in the transformational power of truly adoring ourselves and so do I. Find out more about loving yourself and The ABC’s of Self Love Blog Crawl + Treasure Hunt here.

achieving a goal isn't magic: 4 tips to make it happen

positively present — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 08:07:00 -0500

"If you're wishing on the stars you gotta go out and get it
'cause if you want it bad enough you won't stop until you have it
Don't let them tell you what you can and cannot do
you've got to see it through like you always do."

Tristan Prettyman
"Always Feel This Way"

When I look back on the life I was living almost three years ago, before I started Positively Present, it seems somewhat like a dream, like it wasn't even me back then. It's tempting to to think that getting from there to here was easy—just let time pass and things change!—but it wasn't at all. I had a goal and I worked my ass off to achieve it. I gave up some of the activities I loved most, the ones that were damaging me in negative ways. I lost friends I thought I would have forever because I realized we suddenly had almost nothing in common. I found love, but only because I took the time to (literally!) write out all of the things I really wanted in a guy. I transitioned into a new job, hard as it was to leave the comfort of my old one, because I knew it was what needed to be done.

I worked hard to get where I am today, and looking back on all that work makes me realize I have a lot of hard work ahead of me to achieve the goal I've always dreamed of: becoming a full-time writer. Over the past three years I've gotten the ball rolling—starting a website, writing nearly every day, sharing my words with the world instead of just my trusty journal—but I have a long way to go before this dream of mine comes true.

I recently read an article by Rachel Hills called "She Who Tries, Wins" and it completely and utterly inspired me. She recently scored a book deal (lucky girl!), and wrote: "From an outsider’s perspective, I’m conscious that it might have looked like something that happened as if by magic." Sometimes I feel that way about my own life too—if someone didn't know me, didn't know all the hard work I've put in to get to where I am today—it might seem as if I was always this way. But clearly that's not true. And it's not going to be true going forward. Achieving goals isn't magic; it's muscle, motivation, and moxie. (And probably a little muchness too.)

Rachel knows this and I'm learning it. Below are some of the key points I took away from her article, the words that made me that, though achieving goals isn't magic, there's certainly something magical about working hard to achieve your goals.

Pull Out All the Stops

“Most of the time, getting what you want—especially if ‘what you want’ is something really juicy—means pulling out all stops.”

Like Rachel says, most of the time you have to go all in if you want to achieve success. That's what I did when it came to living a more positive life. I didn't just try to see situations positively or read up on positivity. No, I went all in. I made BIG changes. I started over in some areas of my life. I lost some people I really loved; I gave up some things I really enjoyed. It was really hard work—and still is—but it's been worth it.

And now I'm pulling out all the stops to make this dream of becoming a writer a reality. I'm putting in my notice at work this week. Terrifying? Yes. Exciting beyond belief? Yes. I'm so fortunate to have this chance to turn this dream into a reality and I will stop short of nothing to make it happen.

Whatever you're dreaming about—whatever it is that makes you so excited you can't sleep at night—go out and do it. Pull out all the stops. Because, really, that's the only way to make dreams come true.

Don't Be Afraid to Be Uncool

“I feel like it’s somewhat uncool to admit that you want juicy things, or at least that you want them in a way that would see you actively go after them.”

I've spent a lot of time being "uncool" these past few years. It's been hard at times to say no, to stop doing the things that are deemed normal. But sometimes, in order to achieve what you want, you have to go against the grain. You have to do your own thing. And, most importantly, you have to be passionate about it.

This is still something I'm struggling with—how to make living a positive life, one without all the exciting drama that comes with unhappiness—seem cool. Sometimes I find myself stumbling over my words when I try to explain it to people because I worry about how it sounds. But it's time to stop all that. It's time to admit that I want something big: to use my words to spread to the world my ideas about living a positive and present life.

That's what I want. And that's what I'm going to actively go after—cool or not.

Believe You Deserve It

“[Going after your goals] can also make you feel like an egotist: who are you to deserve to want something juicy?"

It's tough to admit that you want something big and that, in wanting it and going after it, you feel you deserve it. I'm sure that friends of mine must think, "Why does she get to go after this dream job of hers while I'm stuck plugging away at a job I don't love?" Or maybe they don't think that at all and that's all in my head, but either way it can be hard to convince yourself that you deserve to have what you've always wanted.

Too many of us believe we should be content with the way things are (which is different, mind you, than accepting what is). We see others just doing what they do, going with the flow, and we question our right to want something different.

Go ahead and want. Go ahead and believe you deserve to achieve your goals. Because you do. We all do. Don't let anyone (even that little voice in your head) convince you that you don't deserve to want something bigger and better.

Give Yourself a Chance

“She who tries doesn’t always ‘win’: chance, timing, privilege and learning the system all play their role—often a big one. But you’ve got a hell of better chance of achieving the things you dream of if you own up to your dreams and go after them, than if you just sit back and hope things will work out for the best.”

If I'm being completely honest with myself, I must say this: I might not win. I might never write a book or change lives with my messages. I might never be able respond to the question, "What do you do?" with the blissful phrase: "I'm a writer." But you know what? I'll definitely never do those things if I don't try.

Dreaming and hoping and wishing won't get me anywhere. And it won't get you anywhere either. If you want to live the life you've dreamed of living, you have to go out and do it. Now. Life's too short not to put yourself out there, not to take risks, not to, at the very least, try.

Just like three years ago when I was looking out onto to the idea of living a positive life, I'm thrilled with the idea of changing my life, making it what I want it to be, but I also realize that it's going to be a lot of work. A lot of sweat and tears are probably going to come out of me before I can officially say I'm living the life I've always wanted to live: the life of a writer. But that's okay.

I've realized that I'd rather be working my ass off for the life I want than be settling myself into the life I don't want. There's no fairy godmother in this tale (though I do have a few wonderful supporters that seem like fairy godmothers). There's no magic wand to transform what is into what I want it to be. It's gonna take a lot of hard work, but you know what? I'd rather be making moves than wasting time. I'd rather be working than waiting.

words to live by: nothing good gets away

positively present — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 01:16:00 -0500

Below is a letter that John Steinbeck — author of The Grapes of Wrath, East of Eden, and Of Mice and Men — wrote to his son Thom in 1958 in response to a letter Thom send John about a girl, Susan, with whom he'd fallen in love with at boarding school. John's letter is so inspiring and really reminds me of the important aspects of love.

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First—if you are in love—that’s a good thing—that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second—There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me viaTwitter.

conquering the past to improve the present

positively present — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 09:10:00 -0500

(♥)

The following article was written by Michele Rosenthal, author of Before the World Intruded: Conquering the Past and Creating the Future. If you enjoy her insights here, be sure to check out her book, which will be released in April 2012.

For years -- over twenty-five to be exact -- I stumbled through life and the fog in my head. Something bad had happened to me when I was thirteen and it seemed that since then my head was always in varying degrees of cloudiness. I spent a lot of time looking back to the past and forward to the future while suppressing all of the memories and emotions that threatened to engulf me. The end result: I don't remember a lot from those years and didn't exactly build a life I was very happy living.

The problem with this past and future lifestyle is that it cut me off from the present moment. Constantly looking back at the past meant the present was filled with pain, loss and confusion. I disconnected from the true experience of the day because to feel all of that emotion would be overwhelming.

Always looking ahead to the next bad thing meant I was always trying to see further down the road instead of the path in front of me. Friends, family, lovers, colleagues and even strangers I might have liked to meet found it impossible to connect with me in any meaningful way.

I was too distracted to create the life, career and relationships that would bring me pleasure and a sense of achievement. Then, one day I decided to change all that. I decided to conquer the past and create the future by overcoming what held me tied to a place of pain, grief and fear.

I sought professional help to understand where my thoughts had gotten stuck and why, plus how to change them. I developed a daily meditation practice to begin learning to stay present and be mindful. I committed myself to learning how to partner dance (something I had never done before) so that I practiced connecting both my mind and body to the moment at hand -- and having fun while doing it. The process was tough and demanding. It took a while, but with the help and support of more than one practitioner, family and some new friends, I threw off the shackles of the past.

No matter how stuck we feel, we all have the ability to move forward. If you make the commitment to conquering the past you will discover in the present:

Choices you never considered. Without focusing on what you don't want about fears and anxieties driven by the past, you can consider what you really do want in the present.

Relationships that fill you with love and happiness. Releasing the distraction of what happened long ago (or even just a couple of months ago) opens you to connections that are positive, supportive, nurturing, life-affirming and exciting in the here and now.

Experiences that make you feel exhilarated. Holding on to the past weighs you down with a ball and chain. The present moment wants to lift up and fly away like your favorite childhood red balloon.

Joy that connects you to the deepest sense of who you are. Negative connection to the past is often based in fear, which is a construct of the ego voice, which is an illusion. Vanquishing that fear opens you to a happiness that deepens your experience of your true essence.

Lifestyle changes that bring you into alignment with your purpose. Without your head swiveling backward and forward you can focus on making your life and actions create a meaningful expression of your presence today.

A sense of exciting adventure. Living fully in the present moment means not looking back at what was, or forward to what might be; it means clearly seeing the brilliant shininess of what is -- and giving yourself permission to explore it.

When I was all done conquering the past, I started making choices about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do in the present. Sure, I was forty and just finally getting started with my real life, but I didn't care about that. It felt good to be so connected to myself and others, so present in my experiences and decisions, that I felt more alive than ever before. When you take back control and connect to the present moment the whole world changes; the fog lifts and suddenly you can very clearly see.

This article was written by Michele Rosenthal, author of Before the World Intruded: Conquering the Past and Creating the Future, is a trauma survivor who struggled with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for over 25 years. Today, Michele joyfully lives 100% free of PTSD symptoms. The host of "Your Life After Trauma" on Seaview Radio, Michele is a mental health advocate, public speaker, award-winning blogger, writer, workshop/seminar leader and Post-Trauma Identity Coach. For more information please visit http://www.yourlifeaftertrauma.com and follow Michele on Facebook and Twitter.

accepting what is: 4 phrases to forget

positively present — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:04:00 -0500

(♥)

"Things are as they are.
Looking out into the universe at night
we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars,
nor between well and badly arranged constellations."

Alan Watts

Accepting what is is key to living a positive, present life. To live in the now, one must accept the now as it is. One cannot wish it is something else or create stories in his or her mind of how it should be. Many of us know this, but struggle to find ways to be accepting of ourselves and others. We wonder how we are to live life without judgments. We wonder how we are to live in a world where we often want things to be different, a world in which we are bombarded by the things we should be and say and do, without passing judgement. It's not wrong to want change, but how can you reconcile the idea of wanting change and accepting what is?

The truth is: it's difficult. Very difficult. It's a daily struggle, accepting what is. You must accept yourself, your colleagues, your partner, your friends. You must accept your job, your relationships, your situations, the weather. There is so much one must accept if he or she is to live in the present moment and it's hard to do on a moment-to-moment basis. But here's the thing: you've gotta try to bring acceptance into your life if you want to live a positive present life. And a good place to start is with the things you stay to yourself. Below are four phrases you need to forget.

4 Factious Phrases to Forget

"I wish..."

Wishing for a better tomorrow is no crime, but what does all that wishing really get you? I say, take that wish you've been thinking about and do something about it. Acceptance isn't the same as settling. To be happy, you must accept what is happening now, but take action (right now!) to make the situation better. Stop wishing and start looking at the changes you can make to make the present more positive.

"I should have..."

Let me tell you something: looking back and thinking about what you should have done doesn't do anything. It's a waste of your time -- unless you take action now. If you should have said/done something differently, go tell that person what you would have liked to have said/done. Or, better yet, just say it or do it. Don't dwell on the past; take action to make the present, and ultimately your future, exactly what you want it to be.

"If only I had..."

If only you had a better thing/situation/person in your life, then you could make all your dreams come true, right? Wrong. If you need something more in your life to make the present a positive place, go out and get it. Can't get it? Find a way to work around it. Use the energy spent on saying "if only I had..." to creatively make the most of what you've got. And remember: what you really need, you already have.

"It would be better if..."

Yes, it would be better if the sun was shining, you weren't being nagged, you were filthy rich, you had the love of your life, etc., etc. If you spend time focusing on the things that could be better, you're wasting time that could be spent on making things better. Use the present moment not to dwell on what could be improved, but to take action and start improving it. (And let things like the weather go -- you can't impact them.)

As much as I'd love to sit here and tell you that it's easy to stop saying these things, to accept what is, there's just no getting around the fact that it's not. I struggle with it every day. I want to be living a different life -- writing full time, being self employed -- but I'm not doing that yet. I have to stay present while also looking forward to the future. It's a balance between accepting what's happening now and looking forward to what's happening next. After all, if I hadn't had the desire to do something different, I wouldn't be making steps toward making the life I want to be living.

Remember: it's okay to have a dream, a wish, a hope. It's okay to want things other than what you have right now. But it's not okay not to accept what's happening all around you. Because, just as the quote above states, things are as they are. We give them the labels of right or wrong, bad or good, but the everything is what it is. We must stop saying the things that force us to deny acceptance because it is this lack of accepting what is that lead us to unhappiness. Instead, we must embrace what's happening now and take action today to make our future a place we'll be happy to accept.