“An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality;
our desires often being but precursors of the things
which we are capable of performing.” 

Samuel Smiles

Did you know that anticipating something can be a way to boost your happiness level? Yep, it's true! Apparently the act of anticipating a pleasant event can make you feel happier. Studies, such as this one referenced in The New York TImes, have shown that simply anticipating a good event—such as a vacation—can boost happiness for weeks. This is likely because, as Tali Sharot writes in her book The Optimism Bias: A Tour of the Irrationally Positive Brain, "anticipation of a pleasurable event seems to activate neural systems that are also engaged while actually experiencing the enjoyable event." While what we feel might not be exactly the same, Sharot's own studies have shown that the pleasure of anticipation can come pretty darn close to the actual experience. 

This information, of course, raises the questions: How do you anticipate an event and still stay in the present? Is it even possible to do so? While I truly believe staying in the present is an essential aspect of living a positive life, it's hard to deny that anticipating a future happy has it's benefits. There's a hopefulness, an excitement, to imagining something wonderful in the future that can, in fact, make the present even more joyful. 

Personally, I'm experiencing this anticipation right now. For my upcoming 30th birthday, my boyfriend just booked us a trip to check out Oheka Castle, one of the grand Long Island estates that inspired The Great Gatsby (my recent obsession, for those who have been following the site and Instagram these past few weeks!). I couldn't be more excited to take in the luxury and beauty that inspired F. Scott Fitzgerald's most famous character's home. An entire summer must pass, however, before I'll set foot on the Oheka grounds—which means months of anticipation, something I'm to which I'm actually looking forward. 

I'm not much for waiting—patience is not my greatest virtue—but after reading up on anticipation and giving it some thought, I've started to realize how valuable it really is in terms of creating more happiness. Yes, I could easily drive up to Oheka Castle next week and check it out, but what fun would that be? Would it be less enjoyable without the weeks of waiting? Odd as it is to say, I think it's the anticipation of it that makes it all the more exciting.  

Even though focusing on the future goes against the idea of being present, there's some merit in allowing yourself to daydream about future (pleasant!) events, to look forward to something wonderful coming your way. The trick is to know how to make the most of anticipation, to use it in a way that enhances the present. Here are some tips: 

HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF ANTICIPATION

1. Picture the event in vivid detail. In Sharot's book, she argues that one way to get the most out of anticipating an event is to picture it in vivid detail. The more details about the event you can imagine, the more joy you'll experience from your anticipation. I couldn't agree more. The more you imagine the event, the more you'll look forward to it—and the more your brain will get those cues that you're actually taking part in it before it starts. 

2. Expect good things to happen. It can be hard not to anticipate what could go wrong when you're looking forward to something (what if the concert gets canceled? what if it rains on my wedding day? what if I get sick on vacation?), but if you want to make the most of anticipation, you have to focus on all of the things that could go right. When you imagine in vivid detail what's coming up, imagine the good things. Picture everything going just the way you want it to. 

3. Save the best for (almost) last. If an event is really, really far away, don't start focusing on it so much. Wait until it gets closer to imagine all of the amazingness that's coming your way. Sometimes when it's too far away, it can be disheartening to imagine what's to come. It's alright to think about it, but save the really good anticipation—like all of those vivid details—for when the even is just around the corner. This way it won't take over too much of the present. 

4. Don't detract from the now. It's a tricky balance—looking forward to the future while staying present—but the key is to make sure that your anticipation isn't detracting from the present. If you find yourself not doing certain things or holding back in certain ways because you're focused on what's to come, it's time to redirect your attention to the now. While it's great to have excited expectations, they won't truly increase your happiness if they stand in the way of the present moment. 

"Sometimes expecting a good thing is more pleasurable than actually experiencing it," Sharot writes in The Optimism Bias, and I actually can't argue with that. (Just think of the times you've imagined some amazing event only to have the real event leave you feeling a little let down.) Perhaps its expecting too much from something (I'm talking to you, New Year's Eve!) that takes away from it. Or perhaps it's just that anticipation can be so fulfilling that an actual experience isn't as good as expecting that experience. Either way, I think Sharot's words serve as a good reminder that: (1) anticipation can be pretty awesome and (2) anticipation, if overdone, can take away from the event itself. As with most things, moderation in expectation is key. While it's fun to look forward to the future, don't let it spoil the present. 

"It takes a great deal of courage to
see the world in all its tainted glory
and still to love it."

Oscar Wilde

How Well Do You Know Yourself? : this quiz really made me think. take it!

Be More, Do Less : five excellent tips here for staying present

Flashbulb Memories : just learned about these + find them fascinating

Smile in Each Moment : a simple, yet necessary reminder

Good Hood Store : seriously loving everything in this online shop

A Guide to Practical Compassion : ZenHabits never fails to inspire!

Colorful Masking Tape Installation : I want this done to my apartment

Self Improvement v. Self Acceptance : an interesting read on Owning Pink

On Startups : a funny/sad quote that I could totally relate to

Gatsby-Inspired Pet Accessories : perfect for the Gatsby and dog obsessed

Making Friends with You : learn to be friends with yourself!

Wildlife Wednesday : very few things are cuter than this little duckling

Creative Exercises : a free download to get your creativity flowing

Saying Yes to the Unknown : it's scary, but it's good for you

3 Reasons Not to Be So Hard on Yourself : it's time to cut yourself some slack!

Check out this week's Positively Present playlist on YouTube. 

"Chasing the Sinking Sun" — Shout Out Louds
"Make It to Me" — Manchester Orchestra
"Over the Love" — Florence + the Machine
"The Lightning Strike" — Snow Patrol
"Fever" — Night Panther
"Say Something" — Sucre
"All We Have" — Ok Sweetheart
"Get Gone" — White Arrows
"Fading Listening" — Shiny Toy Guns
"Why Don't You Whisper" — Catnaps
"Drift" — Daughter
"Soldier" — Ingrid Michaelson
"Warrior" — Demi Lovato
"Your Life Your Call" — Junip
"Oh Sailor" — Mr. Little Jeans

Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald  
Therese Fowler

[Warning: There may be some Gatsby spoilers in this article. If you haven't read the book or seen the movie and don't want to know details about the plot, come back to this article later.] 

With the new movie debuting this weekend, I've re-discovered my love of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. It's such a powerful tale about how much dwelling on the past can impact not only your life but the lives of others as well. I loved the story the first time I read it in high school, but re-reading it now (at nearly 30-years-old—almost exactly the age Nick Carraway was when he spent a summer with Gatsby), the book has taken on an entirely new meaning for me.

One of the reasons I started Positively Present is because I was struggling to overcome the past. I was both tormented by it and yet oddly desperate to relive certain moments again and again. Sometimes I'd literally try to get back to the past by returning to the same locations, people, and activities. Logically, I knew the past was gone, but I couldn't stop myself from trying to relive it at times. And much more often than I liked, I found myself ruminating about what could have been had things gone differently.   

Had I possessed the charm and resourcefulness of Gatsby, perhaps I too would have gone to drastic measures to recapture what I had believed to be lost. (For those who need a refresher on the story: Gatsby has created an entire lifestyle of lavish parties and wealth in the hopes that former love, Daisy, will return once again to his life.) Maybe I too would have done whatever I could have to reclaim what had once been mine. But, not being the great (and fictional) character Gatsby, I was forced to move forward—to at least try to keeping paddling into the future even as I felt myself repeatedly being pulled back into the past. 

Right before I started Positively Present, I made the choice to focus my attention on the present. I understood it would never be easy to let the past go, but dwelling on it had clearly gotten me nowhere. I'd been borne back again and again into the past and, despite the ever-pounding waves and the relentless current, I made the choice to fight back, to choose now over then.  

It was one of the best choices I've ever made. 

Difficult as it was—and, quite honestly, still is—choosing to focus on the present transformed my life. Rather than dwelling on what I did or did not do, I was finally living. I still think about the past (who doesn't?), but I no longer dwell on it with a Gatsby-like determination to return there, either to undo or redo what had already been done. Though I still struggle to come to terms with what was, I now know that living a life focused on the past isn't really living at all. And as I re-read The Great Gatsby recently I realized that the character of Jay Gatsby is living-in-the-past personified. He spent is present creating a future based entirely on his desire to go back to the past. 

Gatsby's intense focus on the past doesn't work out so well for him in the end (poor guy), but his tale provides some valuable insights into just why dwelling on the past can wreck havoc on the present... 

DWELLING ON THE PAST WILL MAKE THE FUTURE FALL SHORT.  

“There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of [Gatsby's] dreams—not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion, adding to it all the time, decking it out with every bright feather that drifted his way. No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart.”

When we long for the past, recapping it again and again in our minds, we fail to realize that what happened in the past is not always the same as what we remember happened in the past. Odd as it might seem, what we remember isn't always what actually happened—and sometimes we remember things with a more positive, or at least more interesting, spin. 

No matter how much Gatsby loved Daisy or how great things were when they were together, it probably wasn't nearly as wonderful as the illusion he'd spent years creating in his mind. Like Gatsby, many of us store up memories, recalling times when everything was seemingly perfect. Some of us, like the ill-fated Gatsby, waste the present trying to return, in some way, back to that "perfect" time in the past. Many of us have newer, fresher experiences that dim the past and pave the way for living in the present—but sometimes memories of an imagined, better time shine so bright that they blind us to what is real. 

When it comes to recollections of Daisy—and the great love Gatsby strives desperately to relive with her—Gatsby is probably experiencing something called a flashbulb memory, or a highly detailed memory of a particularly emotional moment. As vivid as these memories are, they are often far from accurate. As Tali Sharot, author of The Optimism Bias, wrote about flashbulb memories: "flashbulb memories are not so much Polaroid photos as snapshots brushed up in Photoshop again and again. The retouched photo might resemble the original image, but it is no longer an exact representation of what was initially captured."  

Most of us probably have flashbulb memories from traumatic events—like 9/11 or an expected loss—but what about the ones that cause us to recall the past in such rosy-hued detail that we long to return to the past? Hard as it can be to admit—our minds don't tell us the truth?!—it's true: our memories are not always (or often) accurate. The way we think certain time or person or situation isn't always the way it actually was. And, as a result, attempting to return to that place in the past will rarely, if ever, result in that "perfection" we had imagined. As Gatsby learned the hard way, dwelling on a negative past event will certainly not help to create a more positive present. 

DWELLING ON THE PAST WILL MAKE YOU A REPEAT OFFENDER. 

“'Can’t repeat the past?' [Gatsby] cried incredulously. 'Why of course you can!'” 

While we I know, logically, that we can't go back to the past, we're often nagged by the idea that we can somehow re-create it in the future. Gatsby believed he could re-create past experiences he'd had with Daisy by creating a future so fabulous she couldn't resist leaving her life to spend the rest of her days with him. In some ways, he got a brief glimpse of the past in the present moments he shared with Daisy, but what he shared with her in the pages of the book would never be the same as what they'd shared in the past. Too much time had passed, too much had changed. 

Dwelling on the past—either the good or the bad—can cause us to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. If, like Gatsby, we relentlessly desire to reconnect with what was, we risk missing out on the now. Though the past itself cannot be repeated, elements of the past can. And if we are constantly in search of moments that have already come and gone, we're missing out on the moments happening right now. 

Gatsby so desperately wanted to go back to a different time and place that he focused all his attention on trying to create a life that would bring him back there. But that burning desire for what was kept Gatsby stuck in the same figurative place, focusing on the same goal with such intensity that he missed out on living his own life. Now, that's not to say that having an intense focus on a goal is a bad thing—it can be wonderfully motivating and useful in some cases—but to have a goal that revolves around recreating the past, well, that can be trouble.

It could be argued that Gatsby didn't keep repeating the same mistakes—he created a fabulous life for himself, very different from the average existence he'd had when he first met Daisy—but I'd challenge that. To me, Gatsby's actions were a direct result of wanting to go back to the past, to recreate it in the future. And, while it's not entirely clear what Gatsby did to get all of that wealth, I'm pretty sure not all of it was positive. To get back to the past, Gatsby had to get his hands dirty. Going backward can be a dirty business—one that rarely leads to a positive future, a lesson Gatsby learned the hard way. 

DWELLING ON THE PAST WILL LEAVE YOU FEELING LOST. 

“[Gatsby] talked a lot about the past, and I gathered that he wanted to recover something, some idea of himself perhaps, that had gone into loving Daisy. His life had been confused and disordered since then, but if he could once return to a certain starting place and go over it all slowly, he could find out what that thing was.”

In a recent interview with E! News, Leonardo DiCaprio, portrayer of Gatsby in this year's film, said, "I've always felt like Jay Gatsby was detached from it all. He creates this illusion of this castle and parties and all this great wealth, but he's not enjoying himself. He's not really present in that time period. He's consumed by something else." What Gatsby is consumed by is the past. He is not in the moment. He is only thinking about how he can get back to that place of happiness, that time when he was with Daisy. Of course, it's about so much more than Daisy—it's the person he was when he was with her, the way she or that time made him feel.

Gatsby, despite is clear mission to recreate that lovely time with Daisy, does seem like a lost soul. As much wealth and prosperity as he seems to have, he isn't happy. He's spent a great deal of time trying to create a world that Daisy will love in hopes that she will love him again, and in that singular mission to return to what was, he lost himself. Focusing too much on the past can do that to a person. It causes you to miss out on the now—on your own life!—when you dwell on what was. Gatsby's obsession with the past muddled up his present (and cut his future much too short). 

As narrator Nick Carraway muses in the book, "[Gatsby] must have felt that he had lost the old warm world, paid a high price for living too long with a single dream." Gatsby focused so intently on getting back to the past that, when it didn't work out as he'd planned in the present, he was even more lost than he'd been all that time he'd been working to recreating his past. And that's not surprising, based on what we know about memory and recollections of the past. 

Even if Gatsby had been able to recover the past—to reclaim Daisy, to recover a lost part of himself—it wouldn't have been the same. Time changes things, and the past is not easily revisited. Spending time dwelling on the past won't bring it back, and rumination will only create a sense of loss over and over again. If we spend too much time dwelling on what was, like Gatsby, we will repeatedly feel loss—and lost. It's tough to orient yourself in the present when you're stuck in the past, and you can't paddle yourself into the future when your boat's facing the wrong direction. 

Much as I write about the necessity of staying present in order to create a positive life, I know how difficult it can be to come to terms with the past. It becomes a part of you, as easy to take for granted as your limbs—and just as difficult to imagine life without. Your past shapes you—but it doesn't have to define you. For Gatsby, everything in his present was a direct reflection of his desire for the past. He wanted not to go back to what was, but to recreate the past again in the future—a feat that no man, no matter how rich or charming or clever, can do. 

To a lesser extent than Gatsby, many of us also long to return to some point in time—to recover a loss, to undo a mistake, to savor a moment—but, just like Gatsby's past, ours too is located in a place to which we can never return. Looking back is, at times, necessary and even helpful. But dwelling on what was to the point that we wish to recreate it again in the future is unhealthy and, if taken to the extreme, can have dire consequences. To live a positive life, it's critical to let go of what was and celebrate what is. We may, as Fitzgerald wrote, be "borne back ceaselessly into the past" in our little boats, but we have more strength than he leads us to believe. We can pick up our paddles and row, pushing forward perpetually into the present.  

"As mothers and daughters, we are connected with one another. My mother is the bones of my spine, keeping me straight and true. She is my blood, making sure it runs rich and strong. She is the beating of my heart. I cannot now imagine a life without her."

Kristin Hannah

Lessons from Dogs on Being Present : great article on being present + healing

The History of Typography : I love this little animated short video 

Relaxing Makes You More Productive : great news with summer on the way!

Julie Ann Art's Favorite Quote : reading it instantly inspired me

Don't Forget to Be Awesome Wallet : I absolutely, positively need this!

Good Mornings : a site dedicated to people saying "good morning!"

The Modern Gatsby : still so obsessed with Gatsby right now

Pizza Compass : if you love pizza, you need this app (via SwissMiss)

Taylor Swift's "The Best Day" : going to her show with my mom on Mom's Day 

Felt App : send a handwritten note from your iPad -- so cool! 

Stay Positive Playlist : rounded up some of my fav positive tunes

Here is Today : this is perfect for when you need some perspective

7 Tips for Making Other People Feel Smart + Insightful : great advice here

Hashtag Banner : I want one that says #bepositive

Check out this week's Positively Present playlist on YouTube. 

"Always Spring" — I'm From Barcelona
"Diamonds" — The Boxer Rebellion
"Can't You Tell" — Vetiver
"Joy of Nothing" — Foy Vance
"Northern Sky" — Mister and Mississippi
"Frivolous Life" — YesYou
"The Fold" — Ivan & Alyosha
"Something Good" — Atl-J
"Time to Run" — Lord Huron
"California" — Delta Spirit
"Cicada" — Liam Titcomb
"Ya Hey" — Vampire Weekend
"Centered on You" — Atlas Genius
"Put a Light On" — Generationals
"Illusions" — Shout Out Louds
"Holy Ground" — Taylor Swift

Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls  
David Sedaris

Source

"No matter how long the winter,
spring is sure to follow." 

The official first day of spring over a month ago, but after bouts of chilly days (and even some snow warnings!), it's finally starting to feel like springtime here. The flowers and trees are blooming and everything is green, green, green. This weekend I spent a good deal of time outdoors—reading lazily on my balcony, taking Barkley for her first long walk, and spending time with some of my favorite people on their sunny patio—and being outside made me really appreciate the beginning of a new season—a warmer, sunnier season. 

It was a particularly long and hard winter this year—especially due to the loss of my dear dog, Bella—and there were days when I could have sworn the cold and heartache would never end. But spring, as it always does, eventually came. The days grew longer. The sun grew warmer. And the sadness that overtook all of those long winter months began to lessen. Everything has been warming up and thawing out. After such a hard, long winter, I can't help but be overjoyed at the signs of change, the hope that comes with blooming flowers and budding trees. And though I'm always a big fan of changing seasons, this year in particular I want to fully embrace the springtime.

Spring, in all it's blooming glory, is fleeting. Where I live—just outside of Washington, DC—spring can be short-lived. Here in the middle of the east coast, one minute it's winter and the next it's summer. It can go from freezing cold to blazing hot in a matter of days. So, for me, it's important that I take advantage of this time of year while it lasts—especially this year, when the hopefulness of spring means so much. Here are some of the ways to make the most of wonderful spring weather: 

1. Take a really long walk. This is the time of year to get out of the house and enjoy the cool breeze and the warm sunshine. With all the stuff we have going on today, taking a walk can seem, well, boring—but I swear, in the springtime, it's different. Even places you've walked a hundred times before seem like new with fresh buds blooming and the warm spring sunshine shining down.

2. Eat outdoors. What's better than eating outdoors with the sun beating down and warming you surrounded by all the green blossoms? When the weather's nice, eating outdoors is such a great way to enjoy the season. By mid-summer it's something we all start to take for granted, so really appreciate now while you can still remember the chill of winter.  

3. Seek spring-ness. It's so easy to take for granted the turning of the seasons—after all, they happen four times a year!—but don't waste this chance to be truly present by embracing the newness of spring. Look for all the little details—the budding plants, the growing grass, the chirping birds—and this mindfulness will help you make the most of the season. 

4. Slip into sandals. Nothing says "Spring is here!" like slipping into a great pair of well-worn flip-flops. Sliding your toes into sandals is such a great way to kick off the season, and it's a constant reminder that summer's on the way and every month that passes for awhile will be warmer and warmer and warmer. 

5. Draw back the drapes. Unwind the blinds, push open the windows, and let that sounds, smells, and sights of spring indoors. Spending time outdoors isn't always an option, so when you can't get outside, bring the outside in. The simple act of opening the curtains can be a celebration of spring. 

6. Steal some spring shots. Taking photos of spring will not only help you remember the sun-streaked memories of season, but it will also helps you to be more present. When you're taking pictures, you're looking at everything with a new perspective, which will help you focus on making the most if your spring moments. 

7. Smell the roses. Cliche as it might sound, stopping to smell the roses (or any flower, for that matter) is such a great way to embrace spring. Even if you're not a huge flower lover, taking a quick whiff of blooming bud will help you appreciate the gifts of spring—and getting up close with a flower is a great way to notice how amazingly detailed nature can be. 

8. Spring clean your space. Spring cleaning might not sound like a whole lot of fun, but even if you don't enjoy organizing things, you'll feel great once you've gone through your stuff, sorted everything, and gotten rid of the things you don't need. For some tips on organizing, check this out: The Best Ways to Organize Your Living Space (and Your Life).

9. Turn your face to the sun. Yes, you're not supposed to look at the sun—but try closing your eyes and just tilting your face skyward for a few minutes. Doesn't it feel great to just bask in the warmth of spring? Every sunny day, try to do this for a minute or two (just don't forget to put sunscreen on first!).  

10. Nurture your mind. Embracing spring isn't just about paying attention to what's going on outside your body; it's also a chance to spring into action internally. One great way to nurture your mind is to spend time learning about the nature popping up all around you. How many trees can you name? Flowers? Learn more about the beauty you see.  

11. Visit a new place. To get an even better look at what's happening with nature, take a visit to a place you've never been before. It's inspiring to see spring blooming in other locales—and you may even notice signs of spring you've never noticed before. Going somewhere new is always a great way to stay present, too!

12. Take to the wheel. One of the best ways to take in the season can be taking the wheel and steering yourself on a nice, scenic drive. Something about the rush of the road and the swirling of wind in your hair really allows you to be into the moment and appreciate the scenes of spring flying by the window. 

13. Celebrate with a shindig. Invite a few friends over to get into the springtime season with you. Gather up some of your best buds, some seasonal fare, and head outdoors to take in the sunshine. The arrival of spring is worth celebrating, making it a great excuse to round up your friends and throw a little party.   

14. Get dirty. Spring is filled with mud and rain and dirt, but that's one of the things that makes it wonderful. Don't be afraid to get a little dirty—jump in a giant rain puddle, start a garden in your backyard, pick some wildflowers, eat a popsicle in the warm sun. Don't think about the mess—just do it and love every minute of it. 

I'm so happy spring has finally arrived. It seems like it's taken forever to get here, but that makes it all the more thrilling now that it's here. Though more often than not, I'm stuck at my computer, working and writing and creating, I plan to make a valiant effort this season to enjoy spring, to make the most of every sun-soaked, rain-splattered, flower-blooming moment.