positively present

how to turn a negative into a positive

Positively Present — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:00:00 -0400

Today's post was written by Diana Raab, author of eight books, including Healing with Words: A Writer's Cancer Journey, which came out this year. After 25 years as a medical and self-help writer, she’s directed her creative energy towards nonfiction and memoir writing and today she's written a wonderful post about how you can turn a negative in your life into a positive. As a two-time cancer survivor, Diana knows a thing or two about battling the negative and I'm pleased to say that her advice is spot-on for helping anyone transform what's negative into positive.

My father taught me to always look at the glass half full rather than half empty. This really helped shape me into an optimistic person. I am a two-time cancer survivor and the key to my survival and ongoing good health is my ability to turn a negative into a positive. Instead of allowing this situation to tear me down, I allowed it to rivet me and make me stronger.

Whether it’s cancer, a stressful job, money woes, family or social pressures, turning negatives into positives is the best way to take control of your health. Doing this can help you lead a life with less worry. For me, journaling has helped me survive difficult times. I have had a passion for journaling since the age of ten when my mother gave me a journal to help me cope with the death of my grandmother. The art of journal-keeping can help you make sense of your predicaments and it also helps to dispel the negative energy which might be harbored inside of you.

Another way to turn negatives into positives is to incorporate deep breathing and yoga into your life. Taking deep breaths using your diaphragm will help calm you down so that you can work through your problems with more vitality and focus. My cousin has a mantra which I truly believe in: “From all bad comes good.” In other words there are positive lessons to be learned from the challenging things that happen in our lives.

We are all deeply affected by those who surround us—both their aura and allure affects our own feelings and behavior. Those who are negative not only drain our energy but their negativity can easily rub off on us. That’s why it is important to surround yourself with those who think positively, especially if you have a tendency to be overwhelmed by negative thoughts. Remember that how we think and what we are thinking affects how we feel. As Louise L. Hay wrote in her book, The Power is Within You, “The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives.” A mere negative thought can trigger a memory, light up an old wound, and send a person down a negative spiral of low self-esteem.

If you find that you are overwhelmed with negative thoughts try to stop that flow by replacing each negative thought with a positive one. Another idea is to visit YouBliss. It’s all about sharing positive thoughts. Anyone can create and add content and also send stories to others. It’s a site that will cheer you up. Just yesterday I added a post that said, “Live every moment as if it were your last.” In summary, here are some tips to turn negatives into positives:

How To Turn Negatives Into Positives

Avoid ultimatums

Think through obstacles

Speak positively

Reach out to those who think positively

Focus on what you are good at

Force or encourage yourself to smile and/or laugh

Engage in activities that decrease stress

Journal positive thoughts

Practice deep breathing and yoga

Replace a negative thought with a positive one

Diana Raab, author of this post, reminds us that: "The most important thing is commit to yourself to thinking positive. Eventually, with practice, it will happen!" And I couldn't agree with her more. She is an inspiration to anyone who has ever struggled with negativity and she is a true example of how someone -- no matter how hard things get -- can truly look at the world through a positive lens. Want to learn more about the inspiration that is Diana Raab? Check her out online on her website, her blog, her Facebook page, or her Twitter page.

10 ways to communicate effectively

Positively Present — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 08:00:00 -0400

(♥)

While reading SmartCEO.com (I'm no CEO, but, hey, you never know what someday will bring!), I came across a great article on communication featuring excellent tips on how to communicate better with others. Personally, communication is something I sometimes struggle with and, therefore, it's one of my favorite topics to learn more about. I'm always striving to develop myself personally and if I know I can work on my communication, that's something I'm going to focus on. I believe communication is key to living a positive life and, for that reason, it's essential that we all work on communicating as effectively as we can. In order to help myself (and you!) communicate more effectively, I'm going to share the tips I read with you today and add a little bit of my own insight to them. Since I'm always looking for new and improved ways to do things, I'd love it if you could share in the comments section any tricks or tips for communicating effectively that you've come across. Also feel free to weigh in on the communication ideas I'll be discussing below!

10 Ways to Communicate Effectively

Pause before responding. I don't know about you, but I'm often in a rush for something and whenever I'm trying to communicate, I'm usually trying to do so quickly. As hard as it is for me to just pause sometimes, I've actually found that it works wonders when it comes to communicating more effectively with others. Sometimes just that tiny break, giving you time to think, is just what you need to really understand what someone else has said or to formulate the thoughts you really want to convey.

Be trustworthy and honest. When you're trustworthy and honest, communication becomes a lot less complicated. You don't have to think about what you're going to say wrong and you don't have to worry about uncovering a secret or a dishonest statement. If you remain open, honest, and worth of trust, you'll have a much easier time communicating with others and others will be a lot more willing to communicate with you. Words like "trustworthy" and "honest" are thrown around a lot, but they really are valuable and they are particularly important when it comes to communication.

Don't rush communication. This goes back to the point that came up in #1. When you're rushing and trying to get through your communication quickly that's when things can go wrong. Often when we're in a rush, we forget things or misplace things and the same goes for when we're rushing through any type of communication. So next time you find yourself communicating with someone else, slow down and really pay attention. Taking just a little extra time could end up making a huge difference.

Adapt your ideas to others. When we come up with an idea, we often have a set image of it in our minds and that image isn't always easily conveyed to others. If you really want your ideas to be heard, you have to work with the person you're speaking to and find a way to communicate that idea in a way s/he will understand. This means you have to take the time to get to know your audience if you really, truly want to be able to communicate with them effectively.

Stay in the moment. You know I love this one! When you devote your full attention to the person or people you are communicating with, you're more likely to have much better results. I know for a fact that's very, very true. Whenever I've gotten distracted and stopped paying attention to the person I'm communicating with, the communication as quickly gone south. If you want to communicate your thoughts effectively, you have to stay in the present moment and really be there when you're speaking and listening.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues. This is essential when it comes to effective communication. So much of what we say is actually not said, and if you want to understand what others are really thinking or saying you have to do more than just listen. You have to look and experience too. It's very easy to say something and not really feel it so it's very important that, when communicating, you look both at your own non-verbal cues and those others are sending you. There's a lot to be said for what's not really being said.

Intend to understand. This idea comes from Stephen Covey and focuses on the concept of listening to actually understand what is being said, rather than listening just to respond with what you want to say. This can be a tricky thing to do if you're anything like me, always ready to respond with your own opinion. Too often we're not really trying to understand what others are saying but instead are trying to find a way to jump from their points to our own. Next time you're communicating, do what you can to really work on understanding what others are saying.

Be patient and open-minded. Communication, even the easiest of communication, can be tough at times, which is why it's so very important to be both patient and open-minded in your interactions with others. Recognize that you might not necessarily be communicating as effectively as you'd like and remember to also be patient with yourself. No matter what the situation, there is a way to communicate -- sometimes it just takes time. Be patient and keep your mind open for new ways of sharing and understanding.

Follow up after communicating. To often we assume that whatever we've attempted to communicate was received just the way we sent it and, unfortunately, more often than not that's just not the case. If you're communicating with someone (especially if it's important!), make sure that you follow up after you've communicated. Assuming that your message was heard and understand is a big no-no in the effective communication world. No matter how obvious your message might seem, it never hurts to follow up!

Ask for feedback from others. When it's all said and done, one of the best ways you can learn to communicate more effectively (particularly with specific individuals) is to ask for feedback. Take some time to speak to those who you communicate with frequently to find out how you can improve on your communication with them. Sometimes all it takes is a few suggestions and you'll be on the road to creating a better understanding with someone else. It's not always easy to ask for feedback, but it's worth it!

Communication can be tricky at times (especially if you're in a situation where you need to communicate difficult topics or discuss hard-to-grasp ideas). There are many ways communication can be made ineffective and it's all too easy to let effective communication skills slip through the cracks. However, if you really want to make the most of your life and you want to continually strive to improve your relationships with others (and with yourself!), you must stay on top of your communicating game. Pay attention to how you communicate with others and also pay attention to how others communicate with you. You may have learned a thing or two from this post, but you can always learn more and one of the best ways to learn is by observing and then taking action. So pay attention to what's going on around you and what choices you're making when it comes to communicating with others; being more aware will help you be more proactive in your effective communication efforts. Now go on -- get out there and communicate!

How to you strive to communicate effectively with others?
What aspects of communication do you struggle with?
How do you work on those aspects?

words to live by: sound of sunshine

Positively Present — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 05:38:00 -0400

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Some days you lose, some you win

And the water's as high as the tides roll in

So I jump back in where I learned to swim

Try to keep my head above it the best I can

That's why....Here I am

Just waitin' for the storm to pass me by

And that's the sound of sunshine comin' down

Michael Franti & Spearhead
"The Sound of Sunshine"

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

want to achieve personal excellence? read this!

Positively Present — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 10:00:00 -0400

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On Positively Present, I'm often recommending books and e-books to check out because, as an avid reader, I'm always looking for new things to read and I hope to help others find great new material with these posts. I almost always give the books I review on the site a positive recommendation because, if I read a book I don't like, I'm not going to waste your time writing about it so you can read about why not to read it. Recently, I was given a copy of Celestine Chua's The Personal Excellence Book: Your Handbook to Live Your Best Life and I am in awe of all the great contact Celes has been able to gather for the 700+ page book. I've been reading Celes' blog, The Personal Excellence Blo g, for some time now (in fact, it was one of the first blogs I ever read!) and I've always been thrilled to find great, inspiring content there. Therefore, it was no big surprise when I read her book and realized that it too was filled with wonderful wisdom and inspiring advice -- but I had no idea just how much great content could be fit into one e-book!

The e-book features 120 articles grouped into nine key categories of personal growth:

Purpose & Meaning,
Awareness & Growth,
Passion & Dreams,
Goals & Success,
Cultivating Life Transforming Habits,
Emotional Mastery,
People Skills/Relationships,
Maximizing Productivity and
Inspirational Quotes.

Clearly, a lot of very important topics are covered in these sections. It might seem like a lot of heavy stuff to cover in one book, but you won't be disappointed with the quality of information Celes provides here. (Not to mention, the extensive collection of quotes, which I found incredibly inspiring.) No matter who are you are or what you're looking for in terms of personal development, I guarantee you'll find a something in this e-book that helps to make your world a better place. As Celes writes in her introduction (and I completely agree with!), "You'll find this book a critical tool in your journey of growth." If you're interested in growing your self personally and achieving the personal excellence you know you deserve, this is absolutely the e-book for you. It's a nearly 800 page volume of work that Celes has spent countless hours writing and creating and it's an amazing resource for anyone interested in cultivating personal excellence in his/her own life.

Though I can honestly say that each section of Celes' book provides valuable content, there is one article in particular that stuck with me. "Dealing with Energy Vampires," found in the People & Relationships section of the book, addresses how to deal with negative people in our lives, the people that suck the positive energy from us (sometimes on a daily basis!). Celes writes, "Negative people tend to leave others around them drained, tired and lethargic. No matter what you try to say, they always seem to find a way to counter with a negative opinion of sorts. When they face a problem, they soak themselves in the issue rather than deal with it constructively. They adopt a self-victimizing mindset, complaining about whatever happens." No matter how positive you are or how many positive people you surround yourself with, it can be difficult to complete avoid the energy vampires (a.k.a. negative people). It's something everyone is faced with and the information and suggestions Celes provides on how to deal with negative people are both timeless and extremely helpful. Her advice on this topic really stayed with me and helped me to overcome some difficult situations with the energy vampires in my own life.

In addition to gaining priceless advice from Celes' words, after reading this e-book, I found myself inspired to work on some of the things I'd been putting off. I was actually more productive than I'd been in a long time and I'd picked up quite a few tips on how to make that productive energy work even more efficiently for me. Celes' articles provide readers with such great content and it's hard to imagine anyone who would read this and not learn a great deal about how to create a truly excellent life. If you're looking for a great personal development resource (or just some inspiration!), check out Cele's The Personal Excellence Book: Your Handbook to Live Your Best Life.

27 lessons from my 27th year

Positively Present — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 06:30:00 -0400

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“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically.
We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly.
We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another.
The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present.
We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

Anais Nin

Happy birthday to me! Today I turn a ripe old age of 27 and, as much as I'm not thrilled to be inching toward thirty, I'm pretty excited to look back on the past year and reflect on what an amazing, positive experience it was. There were, as there always will be, some tough times, but over all, I'd have to say that my 27th year was pretty darn awesome. One of the reasons it was so awesome is because I learned so much about life. Every year I learn more and more and, in my opinion, that's one of the best highs life has to offer -- looking back and realizing just how far you've come because of all that you've learned. I could spend hours and hours writing about this year and all of the ups and downs it's brought, but today I've narrowed the post down to 27 lessons I learned during my 27th year. With each of these lessons listed, I've linked to a post that will show you exactly when I was learning that lesson.

This Year, I've Learned...

... when love is real, when the person is right, you really do just know.

... change, scary as it is, can be just what you need to free yourself.

... sometimes you have to let go of what you know and face the unknown.

... letting people in and opening up to them can be surprisingly rewarding.

... if you really, really want something, you have to take action.

... you are usually quite a bit braver than you think you are.

... if you screw up, you have the power to proactively make the present better.

... you always know, deep down in your heart, what you really want.

... the people you want in your life aren't always the ones you need in your life.

... it is never, ever too late to reclaim your muchness.

... whatever you focus on in your life, that's what you'll get more of.

... being positive is really hard sometimes, but it's always worth it in the end.

... you have to know what you want and go after it because no one else will.

... the support of other people is amazingly, astoundingly invaluable.

... moments you fear the most are often the least likely to be worthy of fear.

... sometimes you just have to be your own hero.

... when you love, you must not forget to love yourself.

... no matter how hard it seems, you can let go of your past.

... the future can have some huge surprises in store for you.

... living your life your way is important (even if other people don't understand it).

... you can continue to love others without liking their choices.

... everyone -- even you! -- deserves to experience happiness.

... you will learn more from other people than you ever thought possible.

... the person you were can become only a fraction of what you are.

... if you are unhappy with something in your life, you can change it.

... inspiration is everywhere, but you will only find it if you're looking.

... the present moment really is all you have; experience it wisely.

As I clicked through the posts I wrote over the past year, I reflected on how far I've come since my 26th birthday. So much has happened over the past twelve months. So much has changed, but, in many ways, so much of the good in my life has remained. The past year has taught me a great deal about myself and about the world around me. Every day I'm learning more and more about the person I am and the person I want to be. Every day I'm striving to live a life that is both positive and present. It isn't always easy, but every effort I make ends of being worth it. Thank you all for continuing to read the posts I write and for following me as I embark on another year of my life. I'm not sure how or why, but I somehow already know that this year will be an amazing one...

This post will be featured in a segment on fellow blogger Abubakar Jamil's "Life Lessons Series". This year, as you can tell from this post, I've learned a great deal about life, and I'm hoping that, by participating in Abubakar's awesome series of posts featuring life lessons from other bloggers, I'll be able to spread the word of what I've learned even further. If you have a few minutes today, stop by Abubakar's site and check out all of the great life lessons in the series.

words to live by: the best thing that's ever been mine

Positively Present — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 07:26:00 -0400

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I say, "Can you believe it?"

As we're lyin' on the couch
The moment, I can see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

But we got bills to pay
We got nothin' figured out
When it was hard to take
This is what I thought about:

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Taylor Swift
"Mine"

30 lessons i learned from love: part II

Positively Present — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 08:00:00 -0400

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."

Jean Anouilh

As you may have read in Part I of this post, I have been fortunate enough to have been given the gift of love, the gift of oneself, from one incredible, amazing guy (who, by the way, turned the big 3-0 the other day!). In the first part of this post, I wrote about how amazing it is that the simple act of love can teach us so much. Recently I have learned so much about myself (and about life) just from experiencing love.

It's become clear to me that there are so many ways we can grow and learn from the love in our lives. The lessons we can learn are countless, but I've chosen to focus two posts on some of the lessons I've learned personally and share with you how these lessons have impacted my life.

I've been so fortunate to share love with others and I can't say enough how grateful I am for the opportunities I've had to be in and share in love. Not everyone is as fortunate as I have been and I hope these two posts will make it clear that I am incredibly grateful to have love in my life. I'm thankful for it every day and I do what I can never to take it for granted. As you read these lessons, and my recent experiences with them, take some time to think about how love has impacted your life and give some thought to what your life would be like without the presence of love.

Because of Love, I Now Know...: Lessons 15-30

Love can sneak up on you like a summer storm.

You've heard it a million times I'm sure and you might be growing tired with the cliche, but it's often so true: love appears when you least expect it. That's exactly what happened to me about nine months ago. I wasn't looking for love at all, but, suddenly, out of nowhere, there was, like a summer thunderstorm. One minute the sky was dull and monotonous and, in a flash, it was alive with lightning and thunder, movement and excitement. It was unanticipated, but it was amazing, a shower of the most wonderful rain, leaving puddles that I've been joyfully splashing in ever since.

It really means something if you can do nothing and still have a great time.

So often in life we're looking for the rush, for the next event or activities to fill us with excitement. But, I've learned that, when it comes to love, you can find yourself doing absolutely nothing and realize that you're having the most amazing time. When you're spending time with someone you love, you don't need constant entertainment. You don't need to distract yourself or find ways to make something fun because, when you're near someone you love fiercely, things just become fun. There is no forcing it. There is no battle to make up things to do. Whatever you do, there you are, having a great time. That, I've learned, is a sure sign of love.

A person who can make you laugh so hard you cry is priceless.

There are so many amazing aspects of being in love, but having someone who makes you laugh so hard that you cry is one of the best features in my opinion. Something about laughing incredibly hard is so satisfying, such a great release and I've learned that there is nothing quite like having a person around that can make you laugh and laugh and laugh. A day without laughter, I've read, is a waste of a day and I couldn't agree with that more. I've been so fortunate to have found love and I'm even more fortunate to have found love with someone who can crack me up to the point that I find myself just thinking about what he said and laughing just as hard at the memory of it.

Love requires effort, but it should never seem too hard.

Like most who have been in love, I know that I love is hard work. It starts off easy and carefree until reality sets in and then there you find that there are just two people who are alike in some ways and different in others and who have to find ways to interact with and love one another in spite of their differences. Love is work. But, I've learned, the work you have to do for the one you love shouldn't be a complete drain on you, making you question or wonder if all of the stress and strain is worth it. No, the kind of work you do for love should come naturally and should be worth it. When I look back at the work I've put into my current relationship, I don't begrudge any of it for a second because I believe that any effort I've put in has been returned to me. Love will be hard, but it should never be too hard. I've discovered that, if you're hurt more than you're happy, you're not with the right one.

With true love also comes respect, trust, honesty, and forgiveness.

I've uncovered a universal truth about love: it can stand alone. There can be love without the other elements I've mentioned above. That love can be real and it can be meaningful, but it is not the kind of love you want to give your whole heart and soul to. True love, the real kind that both gets your blood pumping with excitement and has the ability to stand the test of time, comes not alone but hand-in-hand with respect, trust, honesty, and forgiveness. If you don't have those things in your relationship, then you don't have true love and you're missing out on some of the vital elements that make being in love worthwhile. Love alone can be wonderful, intoxicating, but it alone cannot stand the test of time. It's taken me quite awhile to learn this, but it's something I now know for sure.

Even on the worst days, the one you love can make you smile.

Over the past nine months, I've had some pretty tough days. I've had days when I felt like I couldn't get up and go to work because I was so unhappy, but you know what? Through it all, there was one person who could, no matter how low I felt, help me rise above whatever I was facing and encourage me to see the sun peaking its head through the clouds. There was one person who reinforced the idea of positivity and reminded me that I would get through even the toughest of times. And you know that? I did. I made it through some rough spots because he was beside me, making me smile and reminding me that, even when things were bad, there was always something good and amazing in my life: his love.

There's nothing like knowing that someone believes in you 100%.

One of the absolute greatest lessons love has taught me over the past few months is that there is nothing -- and I do mean nothing -- like having someone (who isn't a blood relative) believe in you with his whole heart and soul. I'm a pretty big believer in myself and it's always been amazing to have family and friends who believe in me, but, until recently, I had never before seen the kind of true, lasting belief in me that moved me from thinking I should believe in myself to knowing I should believe in myself. Nothing is more inspiring to be around someone who you have inspired, someone who loves you so much that they believe you could do -- and succeed in -- anything. That, my friends, is honest to goodness love, the kind of love most people only have the privilege of receiving from their mothers. That's the kind of love that will lift you up and make you a better you.

Love means focusing on others' strengths, not weaknesses.

The more you get to know someone, the easier it can be to pick on their weaknesses and forget about the strengths you loved so much in the first place. Just look around at couples you know. How many of them are bringing each other up, focusing on one another's strengths? How many of them are picking up on the negative qualities and focusing on those instead? One of the greatest things I've learned about true love is that is shrouded in positivity. When you truly love someone, you focus on what you love about them, not on what you don't. It's taken me awhile to realize that negativity is bad news, and it took me even longer to realize that there was no place for it when it came to love.

If it's really love, you will learn to let go of the past.

One of the reasons I started Positively Present was because I had a very difficult time letting go of the past. I always seemed to cling to it with an unnecessary (and unhealthy) grip and only recently have I learned that, when it's really, truly love, you will let the past go. As I talked about in Part I, you'll find that addressing your past is important, but it's never more important than the love you're experiencing in your life right now. Letting go of the past can be hard, painful even, but it's something you will do, fully and completely, when you find the one you are meant to love. Nothing, not even the past, can hold you back from experiencing true love fully and in the present moment.

You will get the love you think you deserve (aim high!).

You've heard this love-related cliche before too, I'm sure, but honest to god, it's true. If you expect to be treated badly and if you treat yourself badly, you will find someone who will treat you just the way you think you deserve to be treated. But, on the flip-side, if you believe that you should be treated with the utmost respect and decency and if you believe you deserve to be loved in a way that is pretty damn close to magical, believe me, that's the love you'll receive. Whether or not you want to buy into the whole Law of Attraction concept, I can tell you that I've learned that the love you expect to get is the love you will get. So, whether you're looking for love or you're already in a relationship, remember to aim high when it comes to the love you think you deserve.

Love is both freedom and safety, inspiration and comfort.

Though some might portray love in an either-or light, love is one of those amazing concepts that has the power to be so many different things at once. I've discovered that the right kind of love will make you feel both free and safe at the same time. It will let you loose to be the person you want to be, all by yourself, and it will hold you close so that you never feel as if you are all alone. This is one of the things I never really believed was possible when it came to love. Until now, I never knew that love could be so liberating and so comforting all at once and it's one of the most miraculous things about falling in, and being in, love with the right person.

Listen to yourself; if it feels different, if it feels right, it is.

So many times, I've been in love and had this feeling, deep in my gut, that something wasn't right. I can remember literally thinking to myself, "I have to get out of this situation." Feeling panicked and trapped is not what love is about. Love, as I mentioned in the previous point, is about setting yourself free and about feeling at home in the very same moment. If there is a voice in your head telling you something isn't right, listen to that voice. And, conversely, if there's a voice in your head telling ou that something is right, don't ignore that voice no matter how scared your little heart might be. Be open to the idea that you know yourself better than you think you do and, deep down, you will always know when love is real.

Love is gravity, bringing you home, bringing you to yourself.

I used to think that love was about someone else, about giving up a part of who you were so that you could then become part of a unit. I thought love was about going from "me" to "we." But now I know that isn't what love's about at all. In fact, real love is the opposite of that. Instead of taking a part of you, love gives a part of you back to yourself -- a part you didn't even know you were missing. With a great love, you become more like yourself; you become the very best version of you. You don't move further away from the "me," but, instead, move closer to what you somehow always knew you should be. Love should be just like gravity, bringing you closer so that you touch down on the reality of who you are.

The best person for you is the one who makes you the best you.

The world is filled with great people, some of which will be right for you at certain times in your life, but I've learned that one of the most important things to know about love is that the right person for you is the one who makes you better. Someone once told me to think not about what the other person is or does, but how that person makes me feel and act. When you look at who you become in someone else's presence, you learn a great deal about your relationship with that person. If, when you're around him or her, you become better, happier, more like yourself, then that's the person for you. If you want to know one of the greatest things I've learned about love, it's this: if someone loves you with his whole heart and soul, he will make you a better person simply by being himself.

True happiness is making someone you love happy.

Though I've recently learned so many valuable lessons because of love, one of my favorites (and one I think is of the utmost importance) is realizing that true happiness comes from making those you love happy. There are many ways to achieve happiness, but I've learned that one of the greatest types of happiness comes from taking the time to make someone else happy and that happiness is doubled if that someone else happens to be someone you love. Love can make you do crazy, wild, unthinkable things, but it also has the power to make you into one of the kindest, most generous people in the world. I am incredibly fortunate to have someone who loves me so much and who does what he can to make me happy. I'm not sure if he knows it or not, but his presence alone is enough to brighten my day and every single kind thing he does for me makes me happier and happier.

I know there's been a lot to read when it comes to these 30 lessons I've shared with you here, but I hope that what I've written goes to show you that true love is possible and that it does so much more than simply making you feel good. True love has the power to transform lives, to make people better versions of themselves, and, ultimately, to make the world a much happier place. If given the time, I could probably write 30,000 lessons I've learned from love -- it's that great of a teacher -- but, for now, I'll leave you with these 30 lessons and the knowledge that someone you know (or, at the very least, have read about on the internet) is experiencing, learning, and growing because of the love of one single person. You might think you are one person and that one person's love doesn't mean all that much, but I hope this post will help you to see that every bit of love, every drop of love you sprinkle down on the lives of others, has an impact. Love is mysterious, amazing, heartbreaking, and wonderful. It can mean so many things to so many people but, no matter who you are or what you think of love, I hope you can see that, at the very least, it is provides us with invaluable knowledge and it is this gift of lessons that we should always strive to share with one another.

There are so many things love can teach us.
What lessons have you learned from the love in your life?

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30 lessons i learned from love: part I

Positively Present — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 07:28:37 -0400

"Everything that I understand,
I understand only because I love."

Leo Tolstoy

Today someone I love, someone who I have learned so much from and who has helped me understand the world in a new way, is celebrating his thirtieth birthday. One of the people who has changed my life more than he could ever know came into the world thirty years ago today. Now, three decades later, I am sitting here thinking about how incredibly grateful I am to have him in my life and to know that someone else's existence has impacted my own in such a profound and meaningful way.

Because I am always writing about how we must create our own positive lives, it seems cliche and wrong to write about how someone else has brought so much positivity in my life, but I cannot deny the reality... He has changed me. He has changed my life. He has taught me things I never would have thought (even at my most positive) I could learn: to be open, to be honest, to be willing to let go of the past and live fully in the present moment. Over the past nine months of knowing him, my life has changed considerably. I've moved. I've changed jobs. I've changed habits. I am, in so many ways, a different person. A better person. And so much of that has to do with his positive influence on my life.

I'm not the type to willingly admit others have an such a big impact on me, but in this case it's undeniable. Like it or not, he has made (and continues to make) me better. Not different, mind you, but better. He has done what I imagine all great people should do: he has come into my life and made me more me. He hasn't changed who I was before; he's made me more of who I have always been meant to be. With his love, his encouragement, and his belief in me, the puzzle pieces of my life that always seemed to be getting lost or pushed into the wrong spaces are now fitting together perfectly, snapping into place and creating this complete and beautiful picture of who I am.

There are many people who have helped me to become the person I am today (a person, admittedly, who is still a work in progress!), but there are few that have had quite the impact he has had on my life. I feel, at times, like I was always waiting for him, like I knew he was out there and it was that knowledge tickling the recesses of my brain that hinted and suggested and prodded until I moved forward in the right direction, closer to him. I feel as if I have been moving towards him for some time, or maybe he was moving towards me, but without knowing it was coming, we crashed into each other on a night when the sky was filled with shooting stars and our hearts, tired as they were, were still brimming with hope.

Since that fateful day when our hearts collided and everything began falling into place, I have learned so much -- about him, about myself, and about love. Today, I'm going to share some of those lessons with you (and stay tuned for Part II coming soon!). These are the things I wish I'd always known and the things I am so grateful to know today. As grateful as I am for these lessons, I am even more thankful for him, the one who came into my life so unexpectedly and changed it, and me, for the better. And now, here I am, able to sit here and share with you some of the lessons I've learned...

Because of Love, I Now Know...: Lessons 1-14

You attract what you want to attract.

Some might knock the Law of Attraction, but I can't help but see some truth in the idea that we bring to us what we focus on the most. Nearly a year ago, I read a book that recommended I create a list of any and all attributes I wanted in a partner. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I came up with 146 things. After we'd been seeing each other for awhile, I dug out the list and grabbed a pink highlighter to highlight the traits he had. At the end of my highlighting, I flipped through the pages of the notebook and realized they were covered in pink. Almost every single thing was highlighted. Odd as it might sound, I do believe in some weird way, that I attracted what I really, truly wanted.

There really is a moment when you just know.

It might seem like a total cliche, but the moment I met him there was a spark. It was years ago and we were both in completely different places in our lives, but, for whatever reason, something sparked between us. Neither one of us ever forgot the other and, when I met him again for the second time, I swear my heart stopped beating for just a second. I knew something was different about him, important and essential to the very core of my being, but I didn't know then what it was. I've been in love before but, with him, it has always been different. I always thought the "you just know" line was a bullshit excuse for people who couldn't really remember why they'd fallen in love, but now I believe it with my whole heart. When you know, you know.

The right one will always, always bring up, not down.

I've had my fair share of relationships and I can't say that they all left me feeling as if I was an awesomely talented, wonderful person. In fact, some of the people I'd been with in the past made me feel as if I was worthless, pointless, useless. Some people made me feel as if I could do no right and that whatever I did would probably result in a big mess of mistakes (which may or may not have been true at the time...). Now I see that the right person, the best person, will always bring you up. No matter what you love to do, the right person for you will be supportive of it. They don't have to do it too, they don't even have to understand it sometimes, but they will always loving and respectfully support you. They will bring you up as high as they can and never will they try to push you down.

Love will inspire you, will make you believe you can do anything.

Deep down I've always had a sparkling belief that I could do anything I wanted to do. I come from a family that believes in me and, generally speaking, I've done a pretty good job of surrounding myself with people who believe in me. But nothing is quite as inspiring as love and someone who loves you and believes in you. The right kind of honest, true love will make you realize you really can do what you want to do with your life, and that you, and only you, have the ability to transform your world and turn your dreams into realities. Before I met him, I believed, but after I met him I started to take serious action. Coincidence? Perhaps. Or maybe it's the amazing power of love and it's ability to transform not only the way we see the world, but the way we see ourselves.

Your actions always affect others; choose them wisely.

I am not perfect. I have made mistakes in the past and I continue to make mistakes because I am human and that's what we humans do. There are times when I have been selfish and haven't stopped to think about the consequences of my actions. In the past, I didn't care. I thought to myself, "Hey, I gotta live my life!" and I didn't really care what might happen if someone didn't like my choices. Now I've learned that what I choose to do can have a significant impact on the people who love me and, as a result, I must consider them when I make choices. Love has a way of teaching us that what we do matters not only to us, but also (and sometimes more importantly) to those who love us.

A tight, loving hug can sometimes be the best response.

Earlier this year, I was very unhappy with my employment situation. There was one day in particular where I just sat down on floor and cried, working myself up into a pitiful state at the thought of going to work the next day. I wanted a change (which I eventually got) and I felt incredibly trapped. There wasn't much he could do or say, but he came home and sat down on the floor with me and just hugged me. As I cried into his shoulder, I realized it was one of those moments when really all I needed was a hug from someone who loved me. The work situation still sucked, but I was happy to be there with him, to feel so incredibly loved, and I knew that love would help me get to a place where I was much happier.

Your past is important, but not more important than right now.

With all of my focusing on the present, I sometimes feel as if I'm running a bit from the past, trying to pretend as if it didn't happen. But, as anyone who has tried this tactic knows, it never works for very long. The past, like it or not, can creep into the present when you least expect it (and sometimes when you do!), so I've learned that it's best to deal with it head on. It's sometimes painful and uncomfortable, but it's necessary and important if you want to move forward with your present. I've learned that, while dealing with the past is important, but nothing is ultimately more important than the life you're living right now. I used to find myself dragged back into the past, but, because of love, I've learned that the present is where I need to be and that's where I continue to stay -- living, enjoying, and being a part of every moment of my life right now.

When you give a lot of love, you get a lot of love.

Now, this statement might not always be true, but when you're dealing with real love, I believe it is. There have been times in my life where I've given love and received nothing in return. The reverse situation has also been true; I have been given love and had nothing to offer up in return. However, I've come to believe that the right kind of love makes the give and take obvious. It makes it unthinkable to even consider not giving and getting lots and lots of love. For the first time, I don't have to question whether or not what I'm giving is being given back to me. I feel it, know it, see it. When I love -- really, truly love -- I see it come back to me and I know, deep down, that I am getting exactly what I'm giving.

Gratitude is essential; even a "thank you" can express love.

Often, when things become routine, it can be hard to remember the little things, those "thank yous" can really mean so much, even if said in passing. I've learned that expressing gratitude -- and having gratitude expressed when I've done something -- can mean so much. For example, I am incredibly grateful for the delicious dinners cooked for me every night. I'm more grateful than I could ever really say because I really do hate to cook, and it's so wonderful to enjoy eating dinner. A simple "thank you" could be forgotten, but I try my best to show how grateful I am, no matter how many nights go by, because each and every one of those meals is awesome and I'm so lucky to have someone who makes the effort every night to make me happy.

You don't need grand gestures to show you care.

When you feel as if you love someone so much you could just squeeze him (or her), it can be hard to hold back on grandiose expressions of love. But this year I've learned that love doesn't have to be some excessive, expensive display. Expressions of love come in all shapes and sizes. Of course, big grand gestures are nice, but some of the most loving things I've experienced don't have to do with grandness, but instead have to do with him going out of his way to make me happy. Sometimes something small, like taking the pup for a walk when it's cold outside, can mean more than the most lavish gift in the world. If I were given the choice between a million small acts of kindness or one grand gesture, I'd take the kindness every single time. That, to me, is true love.

Love can be seen in a single look.

It might sound completely and utterly cheesy, but you really can tell love by a single look. You can look at couples and you can see how they feel about one another just by the way they look at each other. And you can really tell how someone feels about you when they look at you with that certain look of adoration in their eyes. There's no denying that look because, when you're in the midst of that loving emotion, there's no faking that feeling. You can also feel it yourself when you're giving that look to someone else. It's more than eyes and seeing; it's deeper than that. When he says to me, "I love the way you look at me," I can honestly say I know exactly how he's feeling because nothing feels as good as when he looks at me with love in his eyes.

The greatest love can make you cry with happiness.

It was somewhere in the middle of the first or second month we were together. He was on vacation and I was at home, propped up on my bed like a teenager, chatting on the phone with him for hours. Neither one of us wanted to hang up, though it was nearly 1:00am. We laughed and told each other stories for hours, and when we finally did say good night, I flopped back on my bed and thought about him. I thought about how much fun I had just talking to him and, then, much to my own surprise, I started crying through my big, cheeseball smile. I was so happy that I was crying. I'd heard of tears of joy, but I'd never before experienced them. This is when I learned that a great love really can make you cry with joy and fill your heart with an surprisingly tear-jerking happiness.

Don't be afraid to open up your heart, even if you're scared.

This has been the hardest, and yet the best, lesson for me to learn. In the past, I've opened up my heart, but it's always been hesitantly, with great care, and always holding just a little bit more in than I should. It was with him that I finally felt loved to a degree in which I could fully and completely open up my heart and let him in. To tell you the truth, this was terrifying for me. I always liked to keep other people at an arm's length and to pull someone close to me was an act I was unfamiliar with. Despite my fear, the choice to let him close to me has been surprisingly rewarding, leading me to feel things and share things I never thought I would. Love is amazing in that way; it can inspire us to let go of our fears and fall headfirst into the parts of ourselves that scare us the most.

Thoughtfulness is at the heart of every great gift.

I know, I know, love shouldn't be about gifts. And, really, it's not. But when I think of love and how it can impact the gift-giving process, it's pretty amazing to see just what thoughtfulness can do when it comes to giving a loved one a gift. There are so many great ways to give a gift and I'm a huge fan of gift giving, but there's nothing quite like a gift from someone who really loves you, who has clearly put time and effort into creating the perfect thing for you. Over the years, I've had my fair share of great gift moments, but nothing compares to the moment last December when I opened up a gift from him that had clearly taken so much effort and demonstrated so much thoughtfulness (both from him and his family, which was an extra loving bonus). Love will do that -- turn a good gift into the perfect moment.

You can change more than you realize when you're in love.

Personally, I'm of the mindset that you shouldn't have to change a great deal for someone you love. Love is about acceptance and, therefore, the person who loves you most should accept you for who you are. However, love is also about compromise, which means you do have to be open to changing some things in order to coexist in a relationship with someone you love. The thing I've found with real love is that you won't mind changing nearly as much as you might have thought when it comes to doing it for someone you care about (and someone who is also making an effort to change for you too). Love, real love, really is about compromising and meeting the other person half-way and I've learned that, much to my surprise, it's a lot easier to change when you want to do it for the sake of someone who means the world to you.

Though I'm only half-way through these thirty lessons, you can see there is a LOT to be learned from love. It's such an abstract concept at times, but it has powerfully changed me in so many concrete ways, especially over the past nine months of knowing today's birthday boy. It's taught me things I thought I might never fully understand and it's helped me to become more of the person I've always wanted to be. I am fortunate to experience a lot of love in my life, from a variety of different people and in a variety of different ways, but today I have to focus my attention on that special person who has recently come into my life and transformed it. Today I just had to tell not only him but all of you, readers, just how much love has changed me, helped me, and made me better. I'm so thankful that thirty years ago today, this amazing person came into the world and I'm even more thankful that, twenty-nine years later, we found each other. So, to him, today I must say: Happy, happy 30th birthday! You are the shooting star in my sky, lighting up the dark and filling my heart with constant inspiration. I love you.

Stay tuned...coming soon is Part II of this post,
in which I'll share with you the other 15 lessons I've learned from love!

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3 tips for staying passionate about your work

Positively Present — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 12:00:00 -0400

(♥)

Today's post was written by James and it will provide excellent motivation and inspiration for anyone who is struggling to stay passionate about what he or she does for a living. Staying passionate is key to staying happy with the work you're doing so read on for some inspiring tips from James!

How different would your career be if you could stay consistently passionate about what you do? Passion is the lifeblood of success and fulfillment. It gives us a reason to wake up in the morning. It energizes us to accomplish the tasks and overcome the challenges of the day. And it provides us with our sweetest dreams at night. Passionate people achieve their goals; they make the most out of their careers as just one aspect of making the most of their entire lives. Indeed, how different would your life be if passion were foundational to all your endeavors? It is your decision as to whether or not you ever find out the answer. Are passionate people born, or are they made? While some fortunate folks may be blessed with more natural enthusiasm than others, I believe that passion is a cultivated character quality that anyone can develop. It begins by wanting it. To say "I want to be more passionate" demonstrates that first spark of passion that will grow into a blaze with the right fuel and proper attention. There is no mystery to the process of becoming passionate. It is no secret. The keys to becoming motivated and enthusiastic about work have been well known for centuries, even millennia. What is missing in so many is not knowledge but implementation. Let's take a few moments and examine 3 foundational tips for becoming and staying passionate about your work.

3 Tips for Being Passionate About Work

It Takes a Decision to Become a Passionate Person: We each must first decide that we are going to be passionate people. Being precedes doing. A person for whom passion is part of their character will be passionate about their work, their relationships, their hobbies and every significant part of their lives. One of my mentors once told me, you make a decision and then you let that decision make you.When the decision to become passionate is made then you've also made a decision to reject being cynical, lazy, easily discouraged or other attitudes that snuff out the flames of passion. Instead you've decided to be cheerful and hopeful, embracing qualities of thought and attitude which feed the flames. An action step here would be to write out your decision to become passionate and list qualities to embrace that will help you become passionate along with a corresponding list of negative qualities to discard.

It Takes the Leadership of the Will: It is easy to feel like becoming passionate about work. It is much harder to exert the will required. Yet our will is the determiner of what we become. To be sure, good feelings will assist the will. But if negative feelings override the will you can be sure that passion will be harder to achieve. Hall of Fame running back Walter Payton was nicknamed "Sweetness" for his on-field artistry. He would train in the off-season by daily running up the dunes along Lake Michigan, the sand giving way with each arduous footfall. He was asked what he did when he didn't feel like training. His response is instructive. "Walter Payton never asks Walter Payton how he feels," said the great one. Feelings are wonderful when they assist our will to achieve, but if they threaten to hinder they must be politely refused. The beautiful reality is that when we order our internal world correctly, with the will leading and the feelings submitting they will soon return to support the pursuits of the will. Let's say you've got a list of unpleasant tasks you've been avoiding because you don't feel like the hassle. Not getting them done is holding you back. Your feelings are winning. You wake up early and launch into the worst task on the list. Your emotions are complaining but you don't listen as they whine, "This is hard, leave it until later, why don't you check your email?" You know what we mean. But as you plod through the task as an act of the will you will make progress. Before you know it your feelings will jump in with a new attitude, saying, "This feels great! Good job! We bet we can knock off this whole list by lunch and won't that be awesome!" The will and feelings working in harmony is the deeply satisfying and incredibly productive. The great musician, the company CEO, the world class athlete and the millionaire entrepreneur all need passion to reach their level of success, but for each the active participation of the will is essential. It keeps whispering, "Stay passionate, don't give in, keep a motivating vision of success clearly in mind." In those moments when passion fails, as it must from time to time, the will stands in the gap until passion returns. Irish statesman Edmund Burke spoke to this point when he said, "Never despair, but if you do, work on in despair." With that attitude a new breakthrough will come and passion will again flood your soul. The action step is to cultivate the will by fostering the proper relationship between the will and the emotions. Strengthen the will every day by doing something new that you should do but don't particularly want to. Remember that emotions make wonderful servants and horrible masters.

It Takes a Vision: Vision is a clear mental picture of a preferred future. Vision produces passion with incredible intensity. Cultivate a vision for what you want your career to be and then work each day to bring it into reality. Disney World was Walt Disney's vision. He planned it and got it rolling, but died before it was actually built. On the day the park opened someone remarked to his brother Roy Disney, "Too bad Walt isn't here to see this." Roy's response was magical; Walt did see it and that's why it's here. Vision gives you the energy to put in the hard work required to achieve your dreams and keep working hard when you feel like quitting. Your action point might be to write a "retrospective" on your career by transferring your thoughts to the future and describing the perfect career as if it has already been achieved. Limit the vision statement to one page and read it often, tweaking it as it becomes clearer and more tangible. We all must realize that to a large extent we can shape our own lives to be what we desire them to be. It takes making the choice to become a passionate person. It takes the leadership of the will. Think of Michelangelo's David, the famous marble sculpture. The raw marble was hard and not particularly attractive. But Michelangelo saw "David" in the stone before he even started. That vision gave him the passion to hone the skills and exhibit the patience required to bring it forth.

These three principles are foundational. They are not all there is to staying passionate about your work. It is important also to master things like:

Being passionate about your current career
Transforming your career to match your vision of the perfect career
Becoming an expert at what you do
Continuing to grow through training and experience
Making a difference that matters through your work

When the foundation outlined in these principals is properly laid, then building a career you are passionate about will be much easier. The path to doing it will be stunningly clear. Reject the foundation and the building will be weak and may collapse. We see the "ruins" all around us and the lament, "what might have been" is often heard. With passion that is persistent we may at first be surprised that we truly have, to a great degree, the power to create the life and career we want. As it starts to come to fruition our passion simply grows and the realization becomes rock solid that these foundational principles work. Become passionate therefore, and prosper in all that you do.

Hard is it to believe after reading this introspective post, James is not a personal development writer. In fact, James is a technology reviewer and analyst working for a leading specialist in ink cartridges like the popular HP 300XL and other supplies to the creative industries in the UK. Along with being an ink cartridge specialist, he's also pretty great at writing inspiring pieces about how to be more passionate at work!

words to live by: shouldn't it be easy?

Positively Present — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 07:21:00 -0400

(♥)

If I could I would be smoke

And I'd float myself out of here

And I'd go wherever you are

And I'd never have to be too far from here

And I'd linger in your fingers

A transparent shade of gray

And watch as you watch me

Slowly fade away

Into the night

Shouldn't it be that easy

To just be happy for awhile?

Get lost in a moment

Wasting time, trading smiles

I'm just trying to find my way

Between the glitter and the gray

Baby, I just want some time with you

And I swear this time I'll make it through

Shouldn't it be that easy

To just be happy for awhile?

Get lost in a moment

Wasting time, trading smiles

Shouldn't it be that easy

To just be happy for awhile?

"Smoke"
Tristan Prettyman