Recall a recent important conversation where you were highly emotionally involved?  Perhaps a difference of opinion with a colleague, having to give feedback to someone you work very closely with or a ‘touchy’ topic with a loved one.

We have all experienced when emotions are high, a conversation can often go off track and importantly we want to be our best to speak our truth without misunderstanding.

In the moment, it’s not easy to remember a lot of “to-do’s” to help us get the best outcome from the conversation, yet there is ONE AWESOME thing that we can all do easily that will make a huge difference to our relationships.

Many people were blessed to be a learner with the masterful world expert on non-verbal communication Michael Grinder when he was in Perth last month.  (Michael loves coming to Perth and has promised to come again in March 2018, so watch this space for news).

One of the workshops Michael ran was “To Love, Honour and Negotiate” a couples’ weekend retreat my beautiful husband Ted and I attended.  (Michael also ran a workshop “Using Non Verbals to Effectively Manage a Difficult Conversation”)

It was at the Couples’ workshop I was profoundly reminded of the ONE BIG THING.   During the workshop there was a point that I shared with the group a practice that had worked well for my husband and I in our relationship, many in the group responded with “wow that’s awesome”.   Yet some didn’t hear what I said and Michael asked me to repeat what I had said.   Yet when I repeated the same point, I didn’t repeat HOW I had said it, and those that heard the first time all said “Oh no, that’s not how you said it and it doesn’t have the same impact”.

How we communicate a message has a huge impact on how other people receive our message.

So, what was the ONE BIG THING?   When I said my point the first time, I was relaxed and breathing low when I spoke.  My message had impact.   When the spotlight was on me to repeat my message, my conscious brain kicked in and quickly engaged my body and brain in the “are we okay here? Are we safe here?” conversation!   In an instance, I started to breathe high and shallow, and my vocal tone changed and bingo!  My credibility crumbled, I lost power in the moment as I shared my thoughts.

If you are having that important conversation and have an important point to share, remember breathe out slowly first, relax your body, then speak your truth.   Your message will have a far greater impact.

More on Breathing

Breathing is the key that unlocks your ability to utilise new skills.  Why ? When we breathe high and shallow, we release chemicals that produce the “fight or flight or freeze” syndrome. This is an animalistic survival mode. Literally, our bodies are temporarily stronger. When we breathe deep and abdominally, we release chemicals of calmness. This results in our ability to be rational and human, thus allowing us to be flexible.

Our bodies are prehistoric in that we often react as if the situation is life or death. We are programmed to respond to many situations as if danger and death are present — the fight or flight or freeze chemicals are released and we become instinctive. This programming causes us to drain ourselves of energy and to impede our ability to think. We want to retrain ourselves to use our brain under pressure — this updating of the body-mind connection will be a lifelong benefit.

In addition to the high and shallow versus the deep and abdominal breathing, the inhale and exhale sections of the breathing cycle affect which chemicals are released. When we inhale, we activate the fight/flight/freeze chemicals. In contrast, during the exhale we increase our calmness. If these were the only two parts of the breathing cycle, we would constantly be alternating between fight/flight and calmness (which, to some extent, we do). But there is a third phase of the process — the pause. Think of a person who is sleeping or in a deep relaxed state such as meditation. The person inhales, exhales and then there is a lull. The lull is part of the exhale process. The longer the pause between the exhale and the next inhale, the more chemicals of calmness are released. During the survival mode, the pause is non-existent. So the next time you say to someone (including yourself), “Take a deep breath. You are going to be OK,” follow that statement with, “And now take another one, nice and slow, taking your time as you exhale!”

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Unconscious bias impacts the quality of our decision making, including how we respond to people and their ideas. We are all affected by Unconscious Bias.   As leaders, we need to increase awareness of Unconscious Bias and how it impacts our business and community.

At a recent CEDA event in Perth, Libby Lyons, Director Workplace Gender Equality shared the latest Federal Government statistics that shows that the average pay gap between men and women is $27,000 per annum!  Why? A recent Queensland University study showed blondes really do have more, they earn 7% more than other women!   Unconscious bias is one factor that contributes to women, as well as other minorities, not being fairly recognised and rewarded for their talents and ideas.

All human beings are biased. It’s a natural state of the brain that evolved from the days when we needed to be able to calculate very quickly if something was like us and thus friendly, or unlike us and possibly dangerous. In fact, the brain has far more (three to four times as much!) real estate devoted to identifying threats, than to identifying opportunities and rewards.

Unconscious biases are the automatic, mental shortcuts used to process information and make decisions quickly. At any point in time our brains are processing some 11 million bits of information and we can only consciously process about 40 bits, which makes us 99.999996% unconscious!  Cognitive filters allow the mind to unconsciously prioritise, generalise, and dismiss large volumes of input. If we weren’t able to do this, we would probably go crazy.  These shortcuts can be useful when making decisions with limited information, focus, or time, but can sometimes lead individuals astray and have unintended consequences in the workplace.

Unconscious biases are our natural people preferences.  We are hard-wired to prefer people who look similar, sound similar and have similar interests.  These preferences bypass our normal, rational and logical thinking.

Unconscious bias can prevent individuals from making the most objective decisions.  They can cause people to overlook great ideas, undermine individual potential and create a less than ideal work experience for their colleagues.

Research suggests that men and women are assessed very differently at work. Specifically, managers are significantly more likely to critique female employees for coming on too strong, and their accomplishments are more likely than men’s to be seen as the result of team, rather than individual efforts, finds new research from Stanford University’s Clayman Institute for Gender Research. Those trends appear to hold up whether the boss making the assessments is male or female.

The researchers say the differences are products of unconscious bias—hidden beliefs about women’s capabilities that can influence important workplace decisions. For instance, if bosses expect women to be more team-oriented and men to be more independent in their jobs, women may be more likely to be shunted into support roles rather than landing the core positions that lead to executive jobs, the researchers say. Many employees internalize these stereotypes over time, they add, sapping some women’s confidence that they or their female co-workers can handle more-demanding positions.

Adopting behaviours that go against expected stereotypes are usually punished through diminished assessments of capability in general. However, adopting the traditional stereotypical view of female leadership, such as collaborative leadership, can be seen as acting too softly, causing a ‘double bind’.

The topic of Unconscious Bias is one that Margo is passionate to share the most recent research and give practical ways to negate the impact using powerful influencing skills.    If you would like to book Margo for a Keynote Speaking Engagement for your next event,  then please get in touch with us at hello@margohalbert.com.au or call Margo on 0419 997 440.

The post Think Twice – Is it Bias? appeared first on Margo Halbert.

During a recent LeaderSpeak Masterclass, I was asked for leadership tips to help whilst the business was in limbo awaiting the announcement of significant organisational changes.  Here are 3 tips we discussed.  Share with us your experiences, we would love to hear from you, email margo@margohalbert.com.au.

Tip 1: Communicate often, even if there is no new news.  If there is a vacuum of leadership communication, the rumour mill starts!  Remember your communication style needs to be Credible Cat / Pilot.  The team are in your plane, you are the pilot and they are experiencing strong turbulence.  Keep your manner, controlled and confident and statements short and concise.  The main thing is keep the updates going, it gives reassurance.

Tip 2: Remember the Emotional Cycle of Change. If you or your team are stuck in the “Valley of Despair” (checking out), a key way to move out is to keep focused on your goal, your ‘why”.  Remember the “why” for people in your team can be very different from your own “why”.  Help your team to remember their personal ‘why’ or ‘goal’.  To learn more at the Emotional Cycle of Change here is a good write up https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/kelley-conner-cycle.htm or you might revisit the Simon Sinek You Tube “How Great Leaders Inspire Action” or read Viktor Frankl “Man’s Search for Meaning”.

Tip 3: Be vulnerable and share times of uncertainty in your life and how you learnt and grew from it. Often it’s only F.E.A.R! Don’t do your therapy in front of them, remember you are the pilot!   We discussed the JOHARI Window as a useful tool about self awareness and the You Tube video Brene Brown’s “The Power of Vulnerability”.

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When we have an important presentation we are more inclined to prepare and practice. Why? If we don’t our performance suffers, and it impacts our reputation.

How do you show up to your regular meetings?  What is your body language saying?   What messages are you communicating when you are not even speaking? Are these impressions congruent with your personal brand and reputation?

In unfamiliar business or social settings often we are more consciously thinking about our behaviours and what best suits our purpose, do you apply the same rigour in the business meetings you need to influence?

Whatever your natural presentation style, the approach may suit some audiences but not others.   You might find it easier speaking in a casual or conversational way. For others, a formal or matter of fact style can feel more natural.

The question to ask is, does your natural or most comfortable style influence the group?

To be great leaders, we need behavioural flexibility.   That is, knowing what behaviours will support the result we need and then using them appropriately. We must adapt our styles to suit different contexts and different groups.

First, assess the audience
.  What style of behaviours have greatest impact on the group over the longer term?   What style does the group leader most display to influence?  Determine the audience’s norms.

Second, determine the purpose of your communication.

Are you telling or seeking information?

When you want to lead a discussion or tell your audience information, it is important to appear credible and commanding. When you need to be more collaborative and seek information, it is important to appear approachable and open.

Finally, choose behaviours that are consistent with your audience and your purpose

Mannerisms that make you appear more credible can include;

• Adopting a power stance: relax your arms and shoulders, have you’re your knees slightly bent with your chest high
• Pausing to let your message sink in
• Using hand gestures with palms facing down
• Maintaining appropriate eye contact with your audience
• Holding your head still.

You can appear more approachable by adopting the following behaviours;

• Using hand gestures with open palms
• Being seated rather than standing
• Altering the tone or intonation of your voice
• Move your head up and down rather than still.

Whichever you choose, it is important to PRACTICE
.  Use a mirror or the camera on your laptop to notice the difference in how you sound or look when adopting these styles.

When you are in a meeting or giving a presentation, you might find it useful to place a sticky note somewhere visible as a reminder to adopt these behaviours.

Do you want to learn more of the secrets to being a persuasive presenter? Register for our next Presenting to Influence Workshop here.

The post Is your comfort zone holding you back? appeared first on Margo Halbert.

“Margo’s “Presenting to Influence” training was great not only because it makes you realise the areas where you can improve but also because it provides practicals tools to prepare and structure your presentations”

“The first day I felt like I had a long way to go – you said I would nail it and by day two, nail it I did!”

“One of the best courses I have ever been a part of!”

“Simply the perfect content/practical balance that allows and promotes a brilliant learning event – loved it!”

“Margo has expanded my level of knowledge and skill for presenting and in turn increased my confidence to deliver a concise and successful presentation”

“The session has made me completely change my approach to achieving my outcomes. It is now far more simple and effective”

Register for the upcoming workshop here

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