Your report card said you got a 2.8 this semester. I thought you told me that your classes were so easy!

You have had 4 unexcused tardies this semester. But Mom, jazz is too easy!

Hi all – this is a glimpse in to a few of the gazillion conversations I had with a couple of my kiddos this week.  These stand out because the sheer lack of logic. And they stand by their reason, um or excuse! The one even said he’d do better next semester because he will have harder classes. Ok, what planet am I on?

Trying to figure out why they wouldn’t just ace these classes to give themselves some margin if they came across very hard to eek out a good grade kinda classes. Didn’t I teach them to have some forethought? Pretty sure I probably overtaught this principle because I have struggled as an adult with being caught unaware and I have the therapist bills to prove it! Where oh where did I go wrong?

Part of me thinks that I am using adult logic to explain teenager behavior. Part of me thinks they might just be testing their independence muscle – if mom says so – DON’T  do it. All this adds up to learning the hard way. Bummer, for them! And a bit frustrating for me, I must admit!!

The closest I got to getting a straight up answer was – “it’s boring”. Boring?! What about determination, finishing well, blah blah blah (like dogs that is what teenagers hear you know!).

Chat soon!

About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

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Now a few weeks ago, this would have been baffling. But yesterday I attended a luncheon for a regional foster/adoption agency and heard just what I needed to get a handle on this boy’s actions. It answers exactly why this kiddo is pushing and spiraling. It seems that on the surface, he is just angry and hurt, which he is. But down inside, the rejection rules. And furthermore, the rejection leads to his feelings of not being worth anything. That includes kind words and hugs.  After all, his birth parents didn’t want him, right?!  So he must be garbage to just be thrown away. This isn’t exactly earth shattering news, I know that from dealing with 5 adopted kiddos. So that isn’t the AHA moment. This is…

He longs to be hugged and spoken to comfortingly! But the worthlessness beats it out, seemingly strangles him. Even as he tries to give in. It is a colossal internal conflict that goes on continuously. Which supports him feeling unworthy, not being able to overcome that damning voice! That enlightened me immensely. In her book Even Tough Girls Wear Tutus, Deborah Jiang Stein describes this excellently. Being born in a prison, she always viewed herself as just that – a person born in a prison. And who but someone worthless would be born in a prison. So whenever something good was going to happen, that thought would overpower her and she was not able to allow it to happen. Or if something bad did happen, like to my son, it made sense because that is what she deserved.

Didn’t you want to know this, parents of kids with attachment issues? Isn’t it an eye opener? How it has helped me tonight to not feel so impotent, to not take it personally,  and to stay consistent in parenting him with love and logic!

P.S. Guess who just came and shared what happened! Chalk one up for worthiness!

About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

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ET's Hanging with the Stars Sweepstakes

Hi all – Are you confused – I am doing the Terrific Tuesday on Wednesday. It is Wednesday right? Been out of town visiting with my mom and didn’t want to pass up on the sweepstakes/giveaways day. So this is a day late but not a dollar short!

Trip to LA with ET’s Hanging with the Star’s Sweepstakes

I am SO excited to share this FANTASTIC CONTEST with my US readers!! You can win a trip for 2 to LA, California for the ET’s Exclusive Emmy® Gala Party. Wouldn’t be great to hang out with the star and live a glamorous moment! Well you can with ET’s Hanging with the Stars Sweepstakes. Once you enter the sweepstakes, share it with your friends and family and increase your chances to win!

…for full article

About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

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You may not know this but Matt and I were unable to conceive our own babies! And some pushy, I meant loving, friends convinced us to try foster/adoption. After a year of waffling (Matt!), we went ahead with it. And the rest is, as they say, history x 5!!! Some other time, we will sit a spell and chat about the challenges of fostering or adopting. But in honor of Mother’s Day, I stand beside all those dear ones who have no mommy to give sloppy kisses or mushy cards or even just infuriate.

Please join the fight - where is the mommy-war for the motherless child?

Enjoy your kids this weekend, because they are the reason you can celebrate Mother’s Day – visit again soon!

About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

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Salt – What is a baseline for intake? Here’s a couple of hints – Ages 4 to 8 : 1900 mg or less daily; Ages 9 to 12: 2200 mg or less daily. Helpful hint – 1 tsp salt = 2300 mg. Watch those processed foods, always high in sodium.

Calcium – kids between ages 4 -8 2.5 glasses daily;  ages 11-15 need 4 glasses of milk a day. Lactose intolerant you say? Here are some substitutes – from Milk Matters:

• Tofu (with added calcium sulfate)
• Calcium-fortified orange juice
• Soy beverages with added calcium
• Calcium-fortified cereals or breads

Refined Sugar – here the options have really opened up over the years. Table sugar is no longer the only (or necessarily the best) option. Per Healthy Eating for Kids, some viable options are:

• Substitute refined sugar sweets for more wholesome, healthy treats such as fresh or dried fruits, unsweetened applesauce and granola as toppings.
• Dilute 100% fruit juices with pure water.
• There are healthy alternative sweeteners for baking – maple syrup, molasses, honey and agave nectar.
• Again, read ingredients.

It does get all rather confusing, and some smart someone somewhere has  developed an app Munch 5 a Day. This is a great way to get kids involved and have fun with technology too!

Come on back soon!

About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

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You see, for some reason we tend to think that the best way to grow up children is the way we grew up. Why is that? Let me share from that blog the part that caught my eye.

When I spent time with friends we giggled in the backseat of the station wagon and bragged about our sticker collections, which Michael Jackson song was our favorite, and how many layers of socks we could successfully roll. My daughter sits next to her girlfriends and they iMessage one another while bragging about how many people have *liked* their photos on Instagram, and debate which game in the app store is their current favorite. I guess the way we manage our friendships isn’t so different, after all, because there’s still a whole lot of giggling. Read full article

This is how I figure it: my boys love video games.  Some, they play them together, like Mario Kart, and some, they each have their own file, like Minecraft. The together ones come in competitive forms and team building forms, like combat games. On the individual games, they share tips, cheats (I know, I know), and some games you can share tools, weapons, potions, etc between games. And I haven’t even hit on the games they play online with their friends who are sitting at their houses. This is not so different than we were kids. How so, you ask? Well let me connect the dots.

As a tweener, I would sit with my friends in my room, sharing makeup, clothes, boyfriend tips, how to outsmart teachers (and parents!), working on the latest Seventeen magazine hairstyle. All while our radio is blaring out The Partridge Family. The only difference here – my kids have their Ipod blaring from the Ihome! And if my friends couldn’t come over – heaven forbid – these things were done via telephone! This would be text message, Skype, or online game sharing now! Don’t even go to the physical exercise part. We weren’t exactly doing the Presidents Fitness test in my bedroom!!

Hmm sounds like there is nothing new under the sun to me. Nice visiting~

About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

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This week I found Two Classy Chicks. It has oodles and oodles of giveaways. Bet there are lots of must haves! My gift or gifts to you! Visit soon.

About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

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See my 14+ yr old is struggling with our lessons of appropriateness on physical contact with the girlfriend. (Her mom and I are on the same page btw!) We are fairly conservative and think hand holding and arm around the shoulders is ok. Hugging is for hellos and goodbyes. Not his idea though. He is a smoocher and a hugger. And is very resistant to being asked to follow these rules. We have notched up the ante to having to tell him in front of said girl so she gets it too. That still doesn’t work. He gets pouty and goes to his room. I’m thinking – boy, this girl is going to dump you like a yesterday’s breakfast! But not yet anyway.

Well I have been ruminating on Rhona Berens comments in my Disappointment blog and the how to teach lessons keep rolling around in my head. This is her take on teaching lessons – “What are the best ways to teach this lesson? What are the best occasions for that teaching? How do we want to show respect to our kids as they’re resisting lessons and stick to the lessons nonetheless?”.  And my man and I have come up with a few things – my husband wants us to talk to him together and separate from the girl. Explaining (briefly) from mans and woman’s points of view. And reiterate the rule.

Here’s the thing – I am stuck on the show respect when he is resisting the lesson part. We are not yellers or shamers, so respect in parenting comes somewhat naturally. Frustration is our biggest threat. So I am going to throw this out to our readers – what do you think respecting our kids while they are resisting the lesson looks like?

Look forward to visiting more ~

About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

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Post children, Fridays have become for me – MyDay. I work from home so while I have more freedom than just on the weekends, I also have different work hours. Many days can start at sunup and last well past sundown. So actually my Fridays are more valuable to me than weekends used to be.  Sweats are mandatory MyDay wear. Washed face only if a quick run to Starbucks is needed and sunglasses seem out of place. Teeth brushing..well yes, I do smooch on my man and kids so that is necessary! Otherwise, I lay low trying to do only fun things that seem to get pushed to the side the rest of the week.

Most Fridays, it happens accordingly. Some not so others. So here’s to Friday – MyDay

About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

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About the author: By Julie Hellstrom

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Positive Parenting Skills website.

Share and Enjoy