POPSENSE

These Fragments I Have Shored Against My Ruins

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:27:00 +0000

It's been fun. Thank you so much.

With love,
Editors and Staff

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Feel free to leave thoughts after the jump:

MLIC: My Life Is College

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 03:05:00 +0000

After the success of certain submission-based websites, PopSense has attempted to bridge the gap between the self-centered depression of FMyLife.com and the mundanity of MyLifeIsAverage.com by catering to late teens and 20-somethings. But to be straight with you, our readers, this shit happened to us, and we seek validation as humans by complaining to complete strangers via a cultural medium that allows us to receive support for our quirks and flaws while maintaining some measured degree of anonymity.

And who doesn’t enjoy that?

Today I ordered a double cheeseburger with no onions from the McDonalds drive-thru. I got my burger and found out they still put onions on it. I ate it anyway, because I’m poor, and the onions weren’t important enough to drive back and complain about. MLIC.

This afternoon I heard a rap song on the radio that I supposedly hate, but I knew all the words. MLIC

I spent all of my three-day weekend studying for my psychology midterm. I showed up to class on Monday and found out the midterm wasn’t till the following Monday. MLIC.

Just stayed up all night discussing the meaning of life with my bros. I made about 14 references to this sociology class I took last semester, we didn't come to any larger conclusions, but we all agreed that our parents have been lying to us for a long time. MLIC.

Pretending to be gay so that chicks wouldn't find me 'threatening' has not resulted in getting any action. Yet. MLIC.

I wore flannel today. I was trying to be ironic. My roommate also wore flannel. It was 15 degrees outside and snowing. MLIC.

Ramen Noodles. MLIC.

My younger sister watched The Breakfast Club for the first time last week. She had never heard of the Brat Pack. MLIC.

I argued with my friends in the dining hall about whether Hey Arnold or the Rugrats was the best cartoon from the 90's. I said Rugrats. I ended up being wrong. MLIC

My roommate has a Wii but we decided to play Super Nintendo instead. MLIC.

Half my friends have never watched a Woody Allen movie, and the other half have never watched a Judd Apatow movie. MLIC.

Cartoon Network is now showing live-action shows. My childhood is officially dead. MLIC.

No one I know has showered in the last 3 days. MLIC.

I got drunk at 10 in the morning today because there was some sporting event happening. I never made it to the sporting event. MLIC.

Went to the dining hall for breakfast for the first time ever. I graduate next week. MLIC.

I made out with this really hot chick at a frat party and then realized the theme of the party was 'dress as the opposite gender'. I thought this was bad at first and then remembered I've always wanted to 'experiment'. MLIC.

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The Life of a Trending Topic on Twitter

noreply@blogger.com (PopSense Editors) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 03:04:00 +0000

pussnboots Britney Spears is dead

snorlax RT @pussnboots Spears is dead R.I.P I'm a slave 4 u!!

fifispots #deadbritney lolz i wish

ringtheposey @fifispots sicko! Are you trying to make me cry?? RT #deadbritney lolz i wish

lukeybaby RT @pussnboots Spears is dead R.I.P I'm a slave 4 u!! Oh no! Stop spreading lies you must!

righthandleft @lukeybaby Yoda says that it ain't for realz #deadBritney

donkeylips Yoda is mah baby daddy

lazerluvr @donkeylips Mom, is that you?!

aplusk @iamdiddy first puff daddy, then pdiddy, now he's Yodaddy. ha, i am so hilarious. FOLLOW ME PLEEEAAASSEEE #yoda

milostroke @aplusk yeah you're the man ashton kutcher! #crappyactorsincameracommercials

pipilonlon wait why is britney trending??? is she dead??

tonythetiga GRRREAAATTT I hate white chix #deadbritney

borophyl @tonythetiga I knew you didn't actually like selling cereal!

aisonette @concernedmom well thank god Teens Don't Tweet otherwise they'd think britney was dead. Anyone wish Paula Abdul died?

thebigjohnson yeah died. in my pants! booomshakalaka!!!! #paulaabdul

thelittlejohnson wait, everyone is finding their fathers today! dad, is that you? #paulaabdul

RandyDawgJackson DDOS DDOS HOLY sHiT Twitter just went down for 3 seconds, almost killed Paula Abdul in protest. What the fuck is a sotomayor?! #paulaabdul

hipsterrunoff @paulaabdul r u dead bro?

pitchforkmedia Check out our reviews: Britney's fake death 8.3, Paula's potential death 8.375, thoughts? #deadbritney #paulaabdul #yoda

iamdiddy yo i brought THE FORCE on this new track check it out tiny.url/2341423 #yoda

iamdiddy @aplusk oh yeah, and fuck you kutcher. #yoda

dikinabox yoda stole my gf. now I like star trek #yodaisadik

bellamy Does anyone else think william shatner is hot? #yodaisadik

wallpaperface wait why the fuck is yoda trending?

halo3rocks chuck norris doesn't use the force, he is the force. and luke's father. #yodaisadik

veronicafox sweet, yummy lesbians bit.ly/411341 #yodaisadik

partofahole @veronicafox thanks for the spam bitch. Screw you all and yoda, remember the game jenga?? that was amazing #yodaisadik...#Jenga!!!

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Hipster Wife Hunting: Memes in the Making

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 03:03:00 +0000

What started as a t-shirt at the Pitchfork Music Festival has now become an insta-meme in the making. From the suburbs of New Jersey, Matt is searching tirelessly in the name of hipster singles everywhere for the ideal hipster wife at HipsterWifeHunting.com. We had the privilege of an AIM conversation with the hunter himself and we even brought along some fresh potential to help him out in return.

PopSense: Hey! This is Jeff from PopSense.com, I'm here with my co-editor Stelios and a surprise guest to be announced later, ready for some questions?

Hipster Wife Hunting: Yeah, sure thing

PS: Are you hunting for a hipster wife of your own, hipsters who seem like they could make good wives in general, or are you hunting for wives who are hipsters?

HWH: Definitely the second... I'm trying to avoid making the focus about me, and I'm trying to avoid ruining any existing hipster marriages. This isn't the Hipster Homewrecker, obviously.

PS: How would you define a good hipster wife?

HWH: Well, good taste in music is certainly a priority... I wouldn't want to argue with her about what music to play for our kid. I suppose fashion sense is secondary. Also, she doesn't mind me going to shows.

PS: You mention some parenting issues, and with the widespread popularity of MILF-centric websites, would you consider hipster mom hunting?

HWH: Well, I think a lot of guys would be wary of dating single mothers, even if they were totally all about the new Dirty Projectors album. So I feel like the market there is limited.

PS: You mention Hipsterrunoff in one of your questions on the page, how much is his work an inspiration to you both for this website and in life?

HWH: Haha, well I'm not sure if I'd call it an inspiration. To me, his website represents a kind of maximum irony, to the point at which I can't tell if he's kidding or not about anything and it's kind of frustrating. If you're talking inspiration, I'd say something more like Street Boners or Look At This Fucking Hipster, but unlike those sites, our approach is one of admiration. We're not trying to mock hipster women. It's more of an appreciation of the indie female. No misogyny intended.

PS: We definitely sense the admiration/respect on the site, so that's coming through. Are you thinking of adding a 'submit' section so we can submit potential hipster wives?

HWH: Oh yeah, I definitely welcome submissions. In fact I was hoping that eventually the site could run entirely on those... the first few featured pin-ups are friends of mine, but I'd love to get submissions from people who want to be featured, as well as random photos.

PS: Yeah, that would really expand the site and make it interactive. If you make a nice clear 'submit' button, we're sure the submissions will start rolling in. In fact, we'd like to introduce you now to our surprise guest-- Foxy Fleet-- we've just emailed you her image... could you do an on-the-spot IM interview with her...if we could have the honor of your first submission?

HWH: Haha, on the spot, hmm... I could certainly try.

PS: Sounds good. Well she's right here with us, did you get the pic ok? (just so you know the sorta hipster potential you're working with)

HWH: Yeah, I got it, she definitely qualifies... the sexy librarian glasses are a must-have for any potential hipster wife.

PS: Haha, great, well she'll type now, you can take it from there, so hit her with your first question whenever you're ready (we acknowledge that 'hit' sort of implies domestic abuse, but that was mildly unintentional).

HWH: Alright, great. Would you be able to give me your top 5 albums, or is that something you'd need to think over?

PS (Foxy Fleet): Overall I'd have to think it over but on the spot I'd have to say
1) Lungs - Florence and the Machine
2) Chutes Too Narrow - The Shins
3) The Boy With the Arab Strap - Belle and Sebastian
4) The Queen is Dead - The Smiths
5) Rubber Soul- The Beatles

HWH: If you could have any band play at your wedding, what would it be?

PS (Foxy Fleet): Animal Collective because I've been trying to get my one-legged grandma to listen to them forever but she simply won't.

HWH: Aw. Good choice. Who would win in a fight between Dave Longstreth and Jeff Mangum?

PS (Foxy Fleet): Jeff Mangum, he's got that whole recluse "I'mma shank you if you make me play with my band again" thing going on.

HWH: Yeah true, he does kind of beat Dave on the insanity thing. Jeans: how tight is too tight?

PS (Foxy Fleet): Skinny jeans are played out, it's gotta be about my thighs, not his.

HWH: Very true. What's your fav song of the moment?

PS (Foxy Fleet): Biz Markie - Just a Friend. I really like shitty rap.

HWH: It seems like a lot of girls are into shitty rap, in a good way. Last one: Which decade that you didn't live in are you most nostalgic for?

PS (Foxy Fleet): Totally the 1950's. I'm so into the beat generation that popped up in the later years, On the Road, Howl, that sorta biz

HWH - Nice.

PS: Awesome, this is Jeff again, thank you SO much for humoring us on that. We really only have 2 more questions. First one -- Who are you?

HWH: Ah ha, the eternal question. My real name's Matt. I considered doing some sort of fake identity as "Hunter" but I didn't think it was worth the theatrics. I'm trapped in the Jersey suburbs where hipsters are scarce, unfortunately.

PS: Oh, New Jersey. Did/do you plan on creating an epic meme or is it meant to be kept sort of small? Also, how do you feel about being interviewed after having only 2 posts?

HWH: Well I'd like it to become popular, I think it's a funny idea and it would be great if other people thought so as well. It actually started out on a whim. I was at the Pitchfork Music Festival in Chicago this summer and there was a screen printing booth so I asked them if they could make me a t-shirt that said Hipster Wife Hunting. People seemed to be into the idea, I got a few requests for photos of/with me, so my friends decided we had to register the domain name and then it kinda went from there.

PS: Wow, yeah we remember reading on some site, possibly pitchfork, that there was one guy wearing a shirt that said that, nice to know it was you.

HWH: Haha yeah, the original. And, it's kind of crazy to be interviewed after 2 posts, but hey, I'm not complaining.

Check out all the action at HipsterWifeHunting.com

Hey Ladies? Want to increase your chance of being hunted? Why not get a taste of the hottest indie music in the blogosphere and some necessary classics?

Radiohead - These Are My Twisted Words.mp3
Animal Collective - Winters Love.mp3
The Raveonettes - Suicide.mp3
Grizzly Bear - Knife.mp3
Volcano Choir - Island, IS.mp3
David Bazan - Bless This Mess.mp3
Arcade Fire - Neon Bible.mp3
The Big Pink - Dominos.mp3
Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal.mp3

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So Where’s Waldo Now?

stelios@popsense.com (Stelios Phili) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:56:00 +0000

The most ubiquitous violent offender since Jack the Ripper, known the world over only by the alias “Waldo”, has finally been brought to justice. The prime suspect for dozens of robberies, stabbings, illegal drug transactions, and (most notoriously) assaults on family restaurants and their employees, “Waldo” was apprehended late last night at a Charlie Brown’s Steakhouse in Wayne, NJ, for sexually harassing the maitre de, causing a lewd public disturbance and attempting to bludgeon a bus boy to death “because he looked at [him] funny."

It was confirmed that “Waldo” was a perfect match with prior DNA evidence seized from restaurant crime scenes over the past decade and a half, including the infamous Applebee’s massacre of ’97 and Ruby Tuesday Bombings of ’04 and ‘06. Waldo was taken into custody early this morning. All of his personal belongings were seized by police officials for investigation. Upon examining his birth certificate, it was revealed that “Waldo” is actually an alias for his real name, Don Mauricio Spumoni. He is also known as “No Tip Don” to local gangsters and the “Diner Bandit” by the owners of the establishments which he frequents. One eyewitness account, still being investigated for accuracy, details an incident in a Friendly’s restaurant in Pompton Plains, NJ, in which Mr. Spumoni allegedly clubbed two waitresses with his cane for not complying with his incessant and violent demands for a “happy ending."

Allegations were formally brought against Mr. Spumoni early this morning, but his crimes over the years have been so perverse in their nature, and so frequent in their occurrence, that investigators have had having trouble distinguishing fact from fiction. Recently, Mr. Spumoni’s name was linked to the sordid defacement of the nativity scene at a local church, in which the heads and torsos of the three wise men, the baby Jesus, the Virgin Mary, her husband Joseph, and two goats were found skewered onto wooden canes and hastily girded with red and white striped sweaters and matching beanies.

Given the frequency and severity of the crimes committed by Mr. Spumoni, it is unclear to police investigators exactly how he was able to avoid being arrested for so long. Many cite his notorious, chameleon-like ability to flawlessly blend in with his surroundings. When asked about how Mr. Spumoni was able to elude the law for nearly two decades, resident 90’s expert Arian Murati explained that baggy, two-toned clothing—especially sweaters—was a pervasive and defining clothing style during the time that “Waldo” was starting to make a name for himself as a delinquent; this most likely contributed to Mr. Spumoni’s ability to seemingly disappear into the masses at a moment’s notice, and enabled him maintain a life of crime.

Additionally, since revered defense attorney Johnnie Cochrane is no longer with us, it should be noted that Mr. Spumoni has absolutely no chance of evading the charges being brought against him, ever, and that with all expediency, he will be incarcerated in the New Jersey State Prison for life.

At least now we know where the hell he is.

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Ladies and Gentlemen: Going to the Show

noreply@blogger.com (PopSense Editors) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:55:00 +0000

We're all guilty of overdressing to events just to be seen. Concerts are no exception. Everyone has that friend that takes forever, and likewise, that friend who goes to every concert in the same ratty Soundgarden shirt from 1994. In our years of performing and attending shows, we've seen our fair share of concert fashion, and the major thing we've noticed is the differences between the ways men and women get ready for the show. Of course there are always those people who just don't give a shit, but they're no fun. This isn't meant to be sexist or anything, it's all in the name of Popsense. Here's how two "fictional" characters, Steve and Amanda get ready for the big show.

Waking up:

Steve: "Hm, after my morning dump, I should probably grab a Hot Pocket and find the tickets for tonight. I think I left them under the cushions."

Amanda: "Ok, I've just gotten out of bed, and it looks like I had sex with a grizzly bear last night. I'm going to spend the next three hours to make sure my hair stays this way for tonight."

Mid-Afternoon:

Steve: "Alright, I found my ticket. The show starts at 8, so I've got some time on my hands. This would be a perfect time to bust out the Nintendo 64 and call some friends just to show them how fucking phenomenal I am at Mario Kart."

Amanda: "Ok, hair is looking good, but still no outfit. I should probably bring an extra shirt, because last time, some drunk asshole hit on me by burping the ABC's and threw up on me when he got to Q"

Late Afternoon:

Steve: "I'm seriously pumped for this show. I'm definitely starting a mosh pit, and if some dickhead tries to stop me, I'm knockin' his block off, just like that one time at Lollapalooza during the Bright Eyes set when I started that mud fight. They said it couldn't be done, but I did it."

Amanda: " Oh man, what if it starts snowing? I know it's July, but I'll definitely keep the Ugg boots in the car just in case. Either way, I'll bring the biggest bag I own. You never know when you'll need a power drill."

Early Evening:

Steve: "I should start getting ready. Time to throw on some pants and my wicked Soundgarden shirt from 1994. My friends are always saying only tools wear band shirts to concerts, but they don't know shit. They won't be saying that when I'm getting digits all night. Do I have time to jerk it before leaving? What am I thinking, of course I do!"

Amanda: "I'm going to take a few camera phone pictures and send them around to my best friends just to get a good second opinion. Actually, no, I hate my friends today. I know I look good right now. I'll call my ugliest friend and have her come with me, so by comparison, I'll look even better."

Waiting on Line Outside:

Steve: "Man these chicks are lookin' good tonight. I probably should have washed this shirt. Nah, they won't care. It's all about my dance moves. Just wait until they see me do the worm."

Amanda: " I hope they play my favorite song, but I also hope they don't play my second favorite song. My ex-boyfriend loved that song, so now it sucks."

They Meet Inside:

Steve: "Hey there honey, check it out, I can burp their new single"

Amanda: "Oh, that's my second favorite song."

After the Show:

Steve: "I'm totally gonna text all my friends and tell them how many ladies I'm bringing back home tonight, when in all reality, I forgot to wear deodorant and everyone was repulsed."

Amanda: "Ew, that smelly guy in the Soundgarden shirt threw up on me! I spent hours trying to look as good as I did, and now look, I'm a mess. The drummer was really cute though; I'll go talk to him out back. What was his name, Arian or something?"

-Arian Murati

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Radiohead 'Wall of Ice' EP Review + New Mp3 'Dead Air Space'

noreply@blogger.com (PopSense Editors) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:53:00 +0000

Sending the internet ablaze with their 'no more albums' rumor, it comes as no surprise that Radiohead's first release since In Rainbows is an EP. Wall of Ice, which features yesterday's self-released track, "These Are My Twisted Words," delivers a digitally melancholy yet thunderously natural performance.

The title track, "Wall of Ice," is predictable -- for Radiohead. The track's jarring 9/8 timing transitions into a programmed drum beat, similar to "These Are My Twisted Words," ultimately climaxing into the sparse (and puzzling) spoken word chorus, "Time is not a charity/Words so fast/The tale is free." Thom Yorke's dulcet, countermelodious narration offers a biting criticism to internet enemy number 1, the record label. The song (and the accompanying ASCII poem to the EP) is especially relevant, considering Capital Record's impending Radiohead reissues. However, despite this reaffirmation of their musical self-consciousness, the drum track sounds like an offbeat version of 'Pokerface' if Thom Yorke remixed it and autotuned his speaking voice atop it. Trust us when we say that this is a very, very good thing.

"These Are My Twisted Words," the originally leaked single and the second track on the EP, presents itself, ostensibly, to be a hauntingly pleasing tune. But, after listening to it, we are reminded that not all songs are intended to be heard without context. "These Are My Twisted Words," conceptually, musically, and mathematically, serves as a stepping stone of which the other tracks must severely overcome by comparison in order to understand their relative greatness.

The third track, "Berglund Räikkönen (Afterthoughts On)", a tribute song to the first casualty in the Finnish Civil War at the Battle of Asplund, is uncharacteristically subtle to say the least. Yorke's lyrics are heart-wrenchingly moving as they are pulled straight from Berglund's dying words on the battlefield-- in the original Finnish. The track's poignant lyricism is highlighted by a musicality that strives to transpose "Nude" and "Bodysnatchers," swelling with distortion spontaneously, only to be tempered by Yorke's sedating falsetto harmonies. If you thought Thom Yorke was one of the best singers of our generation in English, just imagine his unparalleled conquest of the Finnish tongue.

The closing track, named after their website, "Dead Air Space," attempts to transcend the entire Radiohead-post-album-era listening experience -- and succeeds, simply because the track is not a listening experience in and of itself, but rather, hissing white noise. The track is only 38-seconds long, intended to be an outro to the E.P. While these type of "tracks" are not meant to be judged as full-fledged songs, the quality of the noise is oddly pleasing. It is the denouement to the Wall of Ice EP, a manifestation of the foreboding glacial image, a welcome prophesy of Radiohead's future.

Radiohead - Dead Air Space.mp3
Radiohead - These Are My Twisted Words.mp3
Radiohead - Harry Patch (In Memory Of).mp3

Looks like we don't have to mourn the loss of Radiohead after all.

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Hipster Runoff's Carles talks Fashion, IamCarles.com, and Lance Armstrong

stelios@popsense.com (Stelios Phili) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:52:00 +0000

Carles is the unidentified blogger of the "blog worth blogging about," Hipsterrunoff.com. He is known for his commentary/analysis of the alternative world, everything from theorizing about Animal Collective/mob mentality to coining the next music trend — GorillaVsBearCore? Chillwave? PitchforkWaveGaze? Yesterday, he started a clothing brand, I Am Carles. There's even a coinciding merchandise website, IamCarles.com. Items for sale include the I Am Carles men's/women's shirt and the option to have your shirt personally delivered by Carles himself. An up and coming designer is taking the internets by storm, and so I decided to investigate via an IM interview.

Stelios: Hey Carles, it's Stelios.

Carles: Bro.

STLS: Do you like my guitar-branded sn?

CRLS: Yes.

STLS: Circa 8th grade, I just wanted people to know I was a "rocker." You ready for the questions?

CRLS: Sure, go ahead.

STLS: Will the I Am Carles shirt eventually come in V-Neck and/or Wolf Shirt?'

CRLS: I think we are looking into v-neck technologies. We are unsure if we would have to 'remix' our own inventory. Wolf Shirts seem like they might require additional staffing and teambuilding programs, so right now wolf shirts are not realistic.

STLS: Fair enough, I could see you taking the "low-cut" summer tee market by storm. Do you think I Am Carles could be the next Patrick Wolf?

CRLS: I am not really familiar with Patrick Wolf. I think his album was released by Nylon or something. I feel uninterested in being the next Patrick Wolf, based on the images I have seen of him. It seems like my brand would have 'massively failed' if I became the next Patrick Wolf.

STLS: You posted pictures of Tao [Lin] and Bebe [Zeva] wearing the I Am Carles shirt a while ago, foreshadowing iamcarles.com. As random/spontaneous HRO appears, do you carefully plan everything out?

CRLS: I think it is important to 'seed' memes. From what I understand, many Fortune 500 companies are trying to 'seed' products and get tons of 'viral buzz' on the twitter website livefeed.

STLS: When you hint/joke about HRO's death/the day you stop blogging, it sounds like you seeding for something else... Is HRO only a very small part of huge Keyser Soze-like plan?

CRLS: I think it is unrealistic to expect HRO to be around 'forever.' I am enjoying my time on the internet, but it seems 'unrealistic' to want to 'be a blog' forever. It seems like after another year or two of memeing, I will no longer feel 'positively reinforced' when a successful meme is created.

STLS: I think the I Am Carles brand is setting you up to last longer. Was it your intent to become/make something you've always written about — a lifestyle brand?

CRLS: I am not sure. I feel like I will have to see how the future products are 'accepted' by internet consumers. I think being a lifestyle brand would be 'pretty funny', just in terms of 'making decisions about how things look in order to make money.' Just wondering how to 'market' and 'differentiate' the iamcarles brand as an internet retailer.

STLS: One problem I was thinking about, in terms of marketing — Is buying the I Am Carles shirt an inherently inauthentic choice? There is only one true, "authentic" Carles.

CRLS: I'm not sure. I feel like after the movie 'Fight Club', people enjoy exploring themes about 'identity' and outsourcing your self-concept to imaginary constructs.

STLS: That's definitely a crucial part of the experience for the people who comment on your site, I'm always puzzled when I read them. They like to use 'scare quotes' and 'speak your lingo,' possibly to 'feel a part of something greater' and show that they 'get you.' Does this ever get annoying or is it flattering?

CRLS: I am not sure. It seems to flow naturally. We are all just trying to express how we see+experience the world.

STLS: What is it like for you to wear the I Am Carles shirt in public?

CRLS: I have been wearing an 'I Am Carles' shirt for the past several months, beta testing the public response to it. It seems like no one knows who Carles is, but they comment on the blue being 'very pretty.' They will say 'You are Carles? I am ______(their name).'

STLS: It's a great way to meet people, the introduction is basically done for you. I need to ask you a classic designer question. Who/what is your greatest inspiration as a designer?

CRLS: I am most inspired by Lance Armstrong.

STLS: His brand is incredible. What kind of person do you expect to buy the I Am Carles brand? Will they be anything like your representatives, Tao and Bebe?

CRLS: I feel like many people will buy it, but then be afraid to wear it in public. I also feel like some people will buy it and 'wear it too much', and possibly weaken my brand if they are 'inauthentic' members of their local scene.

STLS: I could see that happening. Imagine the day you get sent a picture similar to that one in your Blink 182 post, with the 'Groups of pre-altbros / maltstream teenbros' wearing the same shirt.

CRLS: Seems like that would be a sweet position to be in, where my brand is so strong that I can be 'lazy and cliched' but still make 'mad bank' somehow. Seems like that is the status that successful brands achieve. Feel like I would embrace that privilege instead of 'fighting against it.'

STLS: It seems sad, but inevitable, I suppose it would be foolish not to "sell yourself" at that point. Would you let American Apparel buy you out/sell your shirt beside the "Legalize LA" shirt?

CRLS: Seems like it would be 'lucrative.' Feels like I would let most brands 'retail the shit' out of IAmCarles. Even JCPenney.

STLS: That's a bold move. What other products will you sell?

CRLS: I can't announce them yet, but they are in the process of being manufactured.

STLS: I'm excited. I hope to one day have I Am Carles kitchenware/bandanna. Has anyone bought the personal home-delivery package yet? I fear that the person who does will be an indie publication hoping to expose you.

CRLS: No one has purchased the package yet, but several buyers have contacted IamCarles to ensure that the offer is legitimate.

STLS: I remember reading the Village Voice interview you did, and you sent them a picture of yourself in a Darth Vader-like mask. Would you greet the buyer in that?

CRLS: I don't think so. Seems like it would be chill.

STLS: When can we expect your album/what instruments do you play?

CRLS: The HIPSTER RUNOFF album is 50% complete. I expected the EP to be completed in Summer 2k9, but late 2k9/2k10 seems 'more likely' as I work on other projects. I will most likely launch a different sound project soon.

STLS: I'm excited for that too, I think some lo-fi band, like No Age, will give you a shout-out at a concert and build hype very quickly.

CRLS: I have heard that it is important to be 'anointed' as 'relevant' by Edward Droste, the lead singer of the Grizzly Bear.

STLS: Ah, such is the case of Neon Indian. I think if Ed uploaded a twitpic of himself wearing the I Am Carles shirt, it could be a great new meme. Thank you for letting me speak with you, you were as chill as I imagined.

CRLS: No problem, bro.

My post was originally published on our friend-blog, Flavorwire.com, so check 'em out!

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Jamie Foxx Sues Kidz Bop for 'Blame it on the Apple Juice' Cover

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:51:00 +0000

Jamie Foxx, who has been pretending to be a musician since his award-winning role in 'Ray' where he famously tricked audiences into seeing a movie that they thought was about Stevie Wonder, is now suing the popular kids' music label, 'Kidz Bop' as they release their 43rd edition of the cover series.

Over the last 8 years, the label has sold over 11 million CD's, but Foxx is refusing to let his latest musical masterpiece be denigrated by a bunch of, "shit eating brats."

"If the kids wanna sing my music, then let'em sing my music, but I've had enough of this government propaganda-- the apple farmers of America have and always will be a dishonest bunch of entrepreneurs and their rhetoric should not be shoved down the throats of children," comments Foxx.

"Especially when those throats could be filled with alcohol," he adds with a smile and two thumbs up.

But his isn't the only heated opinion.

"We think Jamie misunderstands our goals at Kidz Bop," suggested Cliff Chenfeld, founder of the series. "We just want kids to be able to let loose, learn about new music forms, and forcefully transfer money from their parents' wallets into the fund that I use to refill my large pool made entirely of gold and watermelon-flavored jello."

Timmy 'Big Dreamz' Samsonite, one of the Kidz Bop performers and a self-proclaimed fan of Foxx, woefully expresses that, "it's sad when those you look up to aren't the perfect heroes you imagined them to be. Ronald McDonald, Heidi Montag, now Jamie Foxx... the list just goes on and on. Kids should be able to sing and listen to wildly edited versions of popular songs, then shortly thereafter discover the real lyrics and pursue a life of crime and alcoholism."

We caught up again later with Cliff Chenfeld who asked that we please disregard anything that Samsonite told us since he has actually been with Kidz Bop for the last 11 years, is now 23 years old, and still insists on being called 'Timmy' and/or 'Big Dreamz'.

Foxx and Chenfeld will be facing off live on Judge Judy tomorrow morning, and the actor is demanding $2.5 million for pain and suffering as well as a free pass 2 days a week to take a dip in Chenfeld's jello pool.

Edited versions of Kidz Bop 43 will be released later this week, and for now the 'Blame it on the Apple Juice' cover will be swapped out for Jeremih's 'Birthday Texts'.

-Jeff Luppino-Esposito

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An Ode to Those Who Don't "Get" Twitter

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:01:00 +0000

They said that MySpace was no longer cool
I listened to the Facebook noise
I made a profile, felt like a fool
Realizing it was harder to hit on little boys.

But now they call for FB's demise
The death of quizzes, apps, and tagging
I updated my status to express surprise
And once again I find myself lagging.

Twitter they say, that's what you need,
Words and full sentences you may butcher
140 characters are enough indeed
and it lets you follow Ashton Kutcher!

No fans, no groups, and only one pic,
How could this really be better?
The tweeting madness makes me sick,
It's like trading greiere for squeezable cheddar

Ok, enough, I'll give it a try
Look, I'm "going to the store"
Wait, Diane has more followers than I?
I swear I'll kill that stupid whore!

I'll tweetdeck, tweetpic, tweetle deedle dum
I'll do tons of status snooping
You think you have followers, now I've got some
And I update even when I'm pooping!

No one can stop my epic quest
To rise above the internet littering
I'll get so meta, I'll be the best,
I'll tweet that I am twittering!

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DO NOT READ THIS POST

noreply@blogger.com (PopSense Editors) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:00:00 +0000

This is probably a gimmick. You may find yourself discovering ostensibly valuable social commentary here, but in the end, we're more than likely just doing this to get hits.

Here are some mp3's:

Volcano Choir - Island, IS.mp3
Radiohead - These Are My Twisted Words.mp3
Xx - Crystalised.mp3
Taken By Trees - Watching the Waves.mp3
The Almighty Defenders - Cone of Light.mp3
All free mp3's here.

Thank jeebus Plato didn't have the internet. He would get a 45% share of the web. Think about how many books he's sold. Think about the American Apparel advertising opportunities. Think about the metaphor of the cave.

This is a website. The internet gave birth to it. You are the baby daddy. Check back for updates! Read after the jump!

Here are the latest news stories regurgitated just in case you don't know there are other websites on the internet:

Paula Abdul Officially Off American Idol
Where the Wild Things Are Soundtrack to Feature Karen O
James Cameron's Avatar Trailer
Calvin Harris Makes a Human Synthesizer

Here are the same news stories repackaged to increase the chance of you viewing them:

Ryan Seacrest and Company Take Final Shit on Paula Abdul
Karen O Appears on Where the Wild Things Are Soundtrack, is she legally considered a giant??
Exclusive 3-D Sneak Peak Footage of James Cameron, Titanic, Rose nude scene
Calvin Harris Carves Human Beings into Keyboards and Plays Over Their Dead Bodies

Facebook profiles are used to sell yourself, your photos, your lifestyle. PopSense's Facebook page is used to sell PopSense. Twitter is used to sell you links. Social media is a marketing scam. That is why we like social media. We think the blue Twitter bird is cute.

Porn = inappropriate in public, Spontaneously leaked celebrity nude pics = interesting social commentary with equally masturbatory benefits.

Don't try spamming the comment section of this article, we can see through your one-liner with the conveniently placed link to a vaguely related article on your website. No one actually goes by the name 'Marco.' Nice try.

Please find below some carefully titled URL's, utilized to boost google search traffic, search rank. Meta tags included. They make the world go round. They tell us where Carmen San Diego is.

http://www.popsense.com/robert-patinson-nude-neon-indian-free-mp3
http://www.popsense.com/free-mp3-download-new-animal-collective-bleed
http://www.popsense.com/washed-out-memory-cassette-johnny-depp-naked
http://www.popsense.com/atlas-sound-leak-logos-bradford-cox-rapidshare
http://www.popsense.com/radiohead-wall-of-ice-ep-download-mediafire

This site doesn't run ads. Does that mean they're just doing it for the people? (NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW or home if children are within a 3 mile radius)

Print Media is Dead! Long Live Print Media!

Here is a remarkably thorough how-to guide on using Twitter and Facebook to your advantage. This is our little way of saying thanks for all the hits. Maybe this will help you get some hits one day.

Radiohead Wall of Ice EP Review + free mp3. Read here.

Is this post a meme yet?

Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson!

"a new track by radiohead! well, new as of about a week ago. yes, im sure youve all heard it by now anyway and im lame for even mentioning it at this point, but it would be irresponsible of me as a music blogger to not mention it, even if its just over a week old and already old news." [via Daily Beatz]

We are designers.

Yes, even we impress ourselves with our uncanny ability to turn on a video camera right before something viral is about to happen. We knew that monkey was going to pee in his own mouth.

Dairy Queen and Ben and Jerry's offer counterpoint to Haagen Dazs' Top 5 million songs of the decade.

Here is what html actually looks like.

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Exclusive Interview with Lead Singer Vawn Daniels of 'Cork Board'

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:01:00 +0000

POPSENSE (PS): We at PopSense don't like to hold anything back, so let's just get to the juicy stuff right away-- in our ironic correspondence via Blackberry Messaging you said you wanted to set up this interview to clear your name, so why don't you tell the people what's up?

VAWN DANIELS (VD): Yeah, thanks for making this happen because we have been, to say the very least, really f*cking pissed off about some recent incidents. As you and our fans know well by now, Cork Board never has and never will release any of its music to the public nor will we ever perform live. We have all seen our favorite bands 'sellout' and so we as a group have had this appropriate pendulum reaction to these scarring moments in our musical lives by refusing to let others hear our music. Ever. We practice about 19 hours a day in Ned's basement, refuel, and then go at it again the next day. This of course has led to a level of popularity that we wholeheartedly expected. Unfortunately this recent 'leak' of one of our recordings onto the blogosphere comes as an incredible shock to us.

PS: Do you have anything to say to your fans or to the perpetrators about this leak?

VD: To our fans we say, "shit. earmuffs." to the perpetrators we say, "when we find you, we are going to tie you up in Ned's basement and skin you with a potato peeler."

PS: Strong words from a strong man.

VD: Thanks.

PS: Now, if you don't mind, can we talk about this recording for a second? To the untrained ear it sounded essentially like a few popping noises and an occasional grunt. How do you respond to such accusations?

VD: Well at a literal level, yes, that is what it probably sounds like to you. But this was actually our original collaborative work which led to the creation of the band. See there was this blank cork board in Ned's basement and we thought-- we should make a statement out of this. So we took thumbtacks, or push pins if you will, and tacked up poignant newspaper and magazine clippings and when we were done we realized we had been recording the whole time. And then we also realized that we had been using a cork board. So we named ourselves 'cork board' and the success has pretty much just been exponential from there.

PS: Wow.

VD: I know.

PS: Is it true that no one in the band actually has any formal music training?

VD: Yes, very true. Michael, our 'blunt object beater' (Editor's Note: The blunt object beater is like the drummer but apparently gets the respect of a bassist) used to know how to play the guitar, but we spent 6 months doing an ancient form of yoga that involves stoning and strangling with guitar strings until he reverted back to a childlike state in which he never knew how to play the guitar. Interestingly enough many of our fans who have gotten through the obstacle course and into Ned's basement to hear us play have been known to recreate that very process upon themselves so that every time they listen to us it literally feels like the first time, every time.

PS: Very interesting. So what's the deal with the scar?

VD: What scar?

PS: The huge scar across your face?

VD: I don't have a huge scar across my face.

PS: So what are you guys working on now?

VD: Right now we're really excited about our silent musical.

PS: Oh. What's it about?

VD: Cork board's beginnings...

PS: Cool

VD: ...and how we actually wrote every song that U2 claims to have written at least 20 years before them.

PS: To say the very least, from a mathematical standpoint, that isn't possible.

VD: That's because you have a false perception of time.

PS: Yes, right.

VD: Anyway, Bono is probably behind our leak, and he'll pay for that one day. Soon.

PS: Ok well, I think we've talked on long enough today, can I just say thank you for coming out and speaking with us today, and especially for sticking to grammatically acceptable English throughout the entire interview, as I'm sure your fans will remember quite vividly you refused to be 'limited' by the 'rules of language' in your interview with Rolling Stone last week and instead just roared like a lion for 45 minutes without inhaling. That looked painful.

VD: It wasn't.

PS: Well, thanks for stopping by, and we'll be sure never to post the leak.

VD: I'll kill you if you do.

PS: I know.

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Already Irrelevant IV

noreply@blogger.com (JMo) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:00:00 +0000

1) Talking about how ‘relevant’ or ‘irrelevant’ something is.

The very question of relevance is inherently subjective, undeniably trite, and ultimately unanswerable from any meaningful perspective*. Unlike the cheese, the question “Is this relevant?” cannot stand alone. To ask “is this relevant?” is really to ask “to what is this relevant?” It requires something to refer to, which too often ends up being the person asking in the first place. Thus, “this is irrelevant!” degenerates into “this is irrelevant to me!”, which mistakenly degenerates into “this is irrelevant to everyone!”, which, when it comes down to it, is a roundabout way of saying “Hi, don’t talk to me, I’m a douchebag.”

In short, to ask the question “Is this relevant?” is to automatically supply the answer—“Not you, that’s for sure.”

Acceptable Alternative: Discussions revolving around how similar or dissimilar the Peanuts cast of characters is from the Hey Arnold Cast of characters.

Consider— to what degree do Charlie Brown and Arnold both fulfill the category of ‘socially awkward male protagonist who frequently incurs insults regarding the abnormal shape of his head’? Is it justified to lump Lucy and Helga into the category of ‘aggressive females that express their love through violence’? Do Linus and Gerald both satisfy the ‘loyal, levelheaded sidekick, wise behind his years, who frequently opines philosophically and/or disseminates suburban childhood lore, and/or is occasionally called on to save the school play in a fruit costume and/or deliver a poignant Christmas-themed monologue? Are Marci and Phoebe -the- quintessential stuffy Asian wing girls? Is there a Hey Arnold equivalent to Peppermint Patty as a covert representative of LGBT characters in cartoons? The debate goes on!

View the rest after the jump!

2) Girl Scouts and Girl Scout cookies

These little hags need to come to the realization that we don’t want their traditional family values, we don’t want to support charity, we don’t believe in gender equality, and we SURE as hell don’t want their damn thin-mints. The Girl Scouts are supposed to be symbols of American Pride! What the hell is American about a thin-mint?

Acceptable Alternative: Overweight Girl Scouts selling extra large cinnabuns and Laffy Taffy, preferably with the aim of raising enough money to bulldoze the local park and replace it with a giant McDonalds constructed out lard bricks and bacon grease mortar. This would have to happen annually to compensate for the summertime structural meltdown.

3) Hip, Hipness, and Hipsters

We’re as guilty as the next blog when it comes to exploiting the hipster ethos (or should we say pathos?) for laughs, hits, and various opportunities for social commentary. But no longer. Real hipness was born and died in the 40’s, and no amount of flannel, overt attempts at being ironic, or lo-fi-on-purpose music will bring it back. We get it, ‘hipsters’. You’re ‘irreverent’. Move on. Your fashionable nonchalance is just getting geriatric at this point. You all need…hip replacements. [APPLAUSE]

Hip Replacement: Keanu-Hip, Keanu-Hipness, and Keanu Reevesters. Keanu will bring back the glory days of Hipsterdom with the professionalism, unsurpassed acting ability, and rugged good looks that only he and God possess. That man is timeless, people. Timeless.

4) All social networking services

People don’t run news stories and write articles about spoons and shoelaces do they? No, of course not. Spoons and shoelaces are things that tend to just be lying around. They are things that we use in our day to day lives that are unremarkable and that we would consider, in even their most profound and interesting lights, to be merely utilitarian. We all use spoons. We all use shoelaces. We all use facebook and twitter and AIM. At this point, none of these things are new. None of these things are novel. None of these things are newsworthy. Nobody fucking cares anymore. Die in a fire, Cnet.

Acceptable Alternative: Antisocial Un-Networking services, like Lonerbook and Quitter. The former is a service that regularly sends a nasty automated email twice a week to all of your friends that mocks them on the basis of their embarrassing profile information (“you like ABBA? I’m afraid we can’t be seen in public anymore.”) and, if they were dumb enough to list their phone number on their info page, automatically orders 2 large pepperoni pizzas to be delivered to their home address at 6AM for one week straight. Quitter is utility that allows you to anonymously tell your coworkers how much you hate their guts, insult your boss’s mother, and send his wife e-flowers via an anonymous proxy twitter account to guarantee, with 100% certainty, that you will get fired.

5) Clothing

We’re going back to the Grecian ideal, people. Previous installments of the Already Irrelevant series have (pun alert) ragged on the likes of American Apparel and Urban outfitters, but this one is taking it one step further. The Greeks knew that the complete absence of clothing affords two great boons to those who adopted it as a regular practice. First, it allows the nudist to transcend all socioeconomic classifications relating to outward appearance (which is all of them), and thereby be a unique individual and not an AmAppy toolbag. This is always a good thing. Second, it makes the nudist unable to be placed within the bounds of any particular time period, which allows them to look confident and unique without looking cheap and trendy, while simultaneously allowing their appearance and persona to be consistent with their claims that they are, in fact, time travelers from the past and/or future. Win/Win.

Acceptable Alternative: Fully body tattoo tuxedos. Three piece suit tat is not acceptable, but will not be frowned upon.

* I fully realize that the inclusion of this statement makes the nature and scope of this article largely self defeating. This is a consequence I happily accept. That this article freely and openly admits its irrelevance to itself is a testament to its humility and sincerity, and demonstrates its commitment to constant cultural progressivism even at the expense of destroying itself. This article is already metairrelevant.

-Jason Moreira

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Duck, Duck, Racial Obscenity!

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:59:00 +0000

I want Julia Roberts to take me to Neverland. I don't think I'm alone.

Try walking past a playground without sensing the pangs of nostalgia in your side (is that nostalgia or just a Harry-Potter-esque swelling of my scars from getting my ass kicked by the kids who didn't think it was cool that I had choreographed a dance to R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" in 3rd grade?).

Despite these warm (?) feelings, no matter how hard we attempt to recreate the magic of childhood, some things never seem to fully translate. Especially the games.

Get some of your sober friends together to play hide and seek; watch how quickly you realize that everyone can see your fat ass standing behind that pathetic twig of a tree. Bust out your 'Candy Land' board, draw some cards, make a 'Charlie the Unicorn' joke when you get to Gum Drop Mountain, finish game. Sucks, right?

Not anymore.
I present to you: 5 Childhood Games That Used To Be Fun But Are Too Simple Now, Updated Accordingly So That They Can Be Fun Again (working title).

5. 'Guess Who?': Identity Crisis 2k9
Why it was fun: Not only did this game celebrate the Socratic method for the little philosopher in all of us, it positively encouraged us to judge people based on physical appearance. That's what I call a good time.
Why it sucks now: Way too easy. Does your person have facial hair? Is he/she wearing a hat? Bull shit, it's Bernard.
How we can fix it: Ask strictly abstract questions that have no direct correlation to physical appearance. Some popular possibilities could include, but wouldn't be limited to, "Is she a messy skank?", "Is he/she a member of the proletariat?", "Do you think he's gay??". If all else fails, you could always ask the one-question game-ender, "Would she ever let Bernard tie her up and tatoo 'dark queen of beauty' on her left ass cheek?" That's right Maria, I'm talking to you.

4. 'Duck Duck Goose': Having Friends Is Overrated
Why it was fun: Great cardio workout, also a fantastic opportunity to hit on that cute chick in class by 'goosing' her ass every single time. No one notices what you're up to you subtle dog you.
Why it sucks now: Being more than 3 feet tall/remembering to tie your shoes renders this game immediately obsolete. Once you 'goose' someone (assuming you give yourself the usual running headstart before you say 'goose') then you will be back in their place before they even get off their lazy ass.
How we can fix it: All players in the game have tasers. When you get chosen, you jump up and chase after the 'ducker' and shout racial obscenities/'your mom' jokes back and forth at one another until he/she either breaks down from emotional shame or someone lands a successful tasing. You continue to tase until the wounded player articulately shouts, "Don't tase me bro!". Now he's the goose.

3. 'Mouse Trap': Now What?
Why it was fun: Building that game took for-fucking-ever, so you never ended up actually playing it. This meant no one lost, which is always positive for communal kindergarten morale.
Why it sucks now: Still have no idea, haven't figured out how the game actually works.
How we can fix it: Try actually playing the game. Probably will discover it sucks. In which case, construct a life-size version of the game and set it up in front of Jessica Simpson's house. Film this and put it on YouTube. Achieve cultural glory.

2. The Ground Is Lava: Fear Factor 1992
Why it was fun: Extremely versatile game, could be played literally anywhere. Jump from one couch to another, bricks, piles of woodchip, you name it, and it could be the lava-free zone. Instilled a sense of fear in all of us. Molded strong, cautionary US citizens.
Why it sucks now: Your A.D.D. has calmed down and you have a memory span of more than 6 seconds. Accidentally fall off the chair, step on the ground, realize it's not lava-- somehow the stakes of the situation immediately plummet.
How we can fix it: Lots of great options with this one. Easiest/most obvious choice-- get some lava up in this piece. Second, yet equally-frightening possibility: Play the game at a frat house after a party. The ground is Gonorrhea!

1. 'Operation': Shit Just Got Real
Why it was fun: There was some sense of sick pleasure in the impending fear that at any moment you could accidentally touch the side of his organ-opening, the buzzing noise will go off, and you will vomit everywhere. This served as great prep for future assholes running pharmaceutical companies by allowing you to conceptualize the American Public as a bunch of helpless naked bodies.
Why it sucks now: The holes are definitely bigger than you remember, plus you haven't just eaten 4 bars of chocolates and drank 6 cans of coke, so you now have control over your body parts. Regardless, it also reminds you that you will inevitably disappoint your parents by never being a real doctor.
How we can fix it: My first thought is to somehow include Sock'em Boppers. Your first thought was that I would probably suggest performing these tweezer-style operations on real people. I'm trying to resolve the two but feel that the best option actually has to be combining Operation with every other game that made me really nauseous. Just imagine having to do Operation, Break the Ice, Topple, Jenga, Bop It, and that fucking game with the timer where you had to fit the shapes in the thing before it popped up and somehow I can't find the name of this shit on google. All at the same time. If this doesn't sound like a great afternoon to you, then you probably are just getting too old for this kind of thing. Sorry.

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Contemporary Cardboard Box Criticism

stelios@popsense.com (Stelios Phili) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:58:00 +0000

Brillo 5, a work of art by Gavin Turk, will be auctioned off at Christie's postwar and contemporary art sale on September 23. It is estimated that Brillo 5 will reel in $30,000. Brillo 5 is the cardboard box to your right. Christie's describes the piece of art as "an ironic and ambiguous work that is essentially a copy of a cardboard box." Be it art or be it a cardboard box, Turk's creation will no doubt pay the bills. With that in mind, we realized that boxes are exactly what we need to turn this economy around. After the jump, we present 10 of the city's most underrated (and valuable) cardboard boxes. Live well and prosper.

10. Bugle 7, $31,000
Bold, overarching statements often fall flat on their face. This is not one of them: Bugle 7 is the most underrated box of our generation. Mercilessly strapped to the edge of a bicycle, Bugle 7 effortlessly depicts the humanity of mankind. Just as the box is bound by a bungee chord, we, too, are bound by the bungee chord of mortality. This work of art is humility incarnate.

9. Bounty 28, $39,000
Box critics have always debated the merits of bountiful box display. Is the act of combing multiple boxes into a singular work of art a bold claim against individualism and — dare we say it — an endorsement of fascism? Whatever the motive of the artist, none can deny the relevancy of Bounty 28's controversy in the box art industry and in modern art as a whole.

View the rest after the jump!

8. Bestrokk 9, $43,000
Bestrokk 9 is the work of an anonymous artist who has planted similar pieces throughout all major U.S. cities. Once a prized piece of social commentary on the struggle of the working class, Bestrokk 9 has over-saturated the mainstream consciousness, as it is produced in overbearingly abundant qualities. Bestrokk 9 has since steadily declined in value throughout the last two decades.

7. Bionical 405
The most direct descendant of Brillo 5, Bionical 405 was created in reaction to the universal acclaim of Brillo 5. It is most identifiable for its depiction of the classic archetypal battle of Man Vs. Nature. Man goes into forest. Man cuts down trees with his bare hands. Man sends wood to a manufacturing plant. Man makes cardboard box. Man is victorious.

6. Burger 10, $67,000
The common box shopper often overlooks Burger 10, so here's a tip from the inside: Go to your nearest burger joint. We both know that you have nowhere to go, but you must resist your temptation to eat at the restaurant. Recite these lines verbatim, "May I take the burger to go?" It comes in a box. It's Burger 10 in the flesh. You are now very, very rich.

5. Bruce 1, $82,000
Bruce 1 is the cornerstone of virility. Its phallic structure is just as much an ode to the average man as it is a eulogy to the Greek gods. It is man who created these legends and it is man who renounced them. The most intriguing aspect of Bruce 1 is that its mythology trumps its earthy form. They say women become pregnant just by looking at it. They say men are not immune either.

4. Baloo 98, $95,000
Widely speculated to be a cardboard representation of T.S. Eliot's allegorical poem, The Wasteland, Baloo 98 is significant to both the American Literature movement and the Modern American Art movement. It's candid portrayal of a box "down on its luck" is unprecedented to this day.

3. Bodyshop 711, $190,000
Bodyshop 711's fearless geometry single-handedly ended the cubist movement in box art. Reviled by its contemporaries, Bodyshop 711 has received new-found acclaim in the last several years. We don't blame them for taking so long to catch on — true genius can take centuries to comprehend. And we have done just that.

2. Banana 6x5, $275,000
A utilitarian work of box art, Banana 6x5 is the Eastern response to American box art. It has seemingly merged artistic integrity with uninhibited practicality. Banana 6x5 provides a safe means of food storage for supermarkets worldwide.

1. Best 000, $300,000
Upon its unveiling to the public, Best 000 garnered felatory praise from every esteemed critic within the box art industry. Reprinted with permission: "Best 000 isn't just a cardboard box — it's a lifestyle." "I named my first child 'Best 000.'" Best 000 defines me as a person." "Not since Brillo 5 have we seen such an accurate display of what a cardboard box actually looks like." "If Best 000 had reproductive organs, I'd have a family of five by now."

Which is your favorite box? Do you own a cardboard box? How much do you think it's worth?

-Stelios Phili

My post was originally published on our friend-blog, Flavorwire, so check 'em out!
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The World Mourns the Loss of Radiohead.

stelios@popsense.com (Stelios Phili) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:57:00 +0000

Radiohead will not/may never release another album. Here's what the people had to say:

John and Susan Anderson: "Our wedding song was 'Creep.' Everyone thought we were crazy! Some people just don't understand. Kids these days just want that acoustic version of 'Poker Face' to play instead."

Walter Flanigan: "I lost my virginity to 'High and Dry." It felt like having sex with Thom Yorke. I'm gunna miss 'em"

Vawn Daniels: "MOST overrated band. Ever. You should check out 'Atlas Sound,' I'll send you a link to my blog."

RollingStone: "Best Alternative album of 2000, 2003, 2008, 2013, 2015. 3000.'

Chris Martin: "There's a direct correlation between Radiohead and our earlier albums. Can you imagine how multiple sounds joined together so fastidiously to create the unique sound of Coldplay? Music is fascinating."

Lonnie Friefeld: "Amnesiac was the lesser loved brother of Kid A, but I always loved it more. You're a true Radiohead fan if you can appreciate that. Oh yeah, about their departure - why attempt to improve on perfection? In Rainbows topped my best albums of 08-09 list.

Kanye West: "They had their time. Now's my time. I'm thinking about sampling 'Nude,' it'll be like when Diddy sampled 'Every Breath You Take,' but modern and better

Pitchfork: "We think we gave them some 'Best Album Ever Awards.' Our readership loves them. Hey, did you read our memorial Post?"

Stereogum: "Unreleased Radiohead Tracks. Listen Here."

PC: "Fitter, not happier :("

Steve Jobs: "'Reckoner' should have launched with the iPhone advertisment. Even Apple makes mistakes...that band could've been HUGE."

Jeremy Lancaster: "The first song I ever learned on guitar was 'No Surprises.' That's when I fell in love in music. They will inspire us for generations to come."

Roary Oxford: "You don't need to love music to love Radiohead."

Amy Shmidt: "People think I'm so weird for liking Lady GaGa and Radiohead. I put them on the same mixtape sometimes. Who says a girl can't branch out once in a while??"

Brian Howe: "You don't respect music if you don't respect Radiohead. Ladies and gentlemen, we have had a great loss today. Scratch that - you don't respect yourself if you don't respect Radiohead."

Miley Cryrus: "I listened to Hail to the Thief like 400 times before recording my debut!!! Inspiration comes from the strangest places, doesn't it? Maybe if they had been a little kinder to me they'd still be playing today."

Ray Fontana: "Saw them at in a bar back in '91. Everyone said they sucked - except me. I know greatness when I see it. I got a blowjob later that night."

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F My Texts From Last Night: The Pleasures of Self-Victimization and Falsified Reality

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:56:00 +0000

With the undeniable success of FMyLife and Texts From Last Night, and the newcomer DumbStatus joining the ranks in a series of websites playing to the carnal pleasure of other's stupidity/poor luck/drunkenness, two inevitable questions arise- when, if ever, will it end? Or more likely, where is it headed next?

From a conceptual standpoint, such entertainment is nothing new-- humans have been laughing at one another's misfortune for centuries "before the internet was created" (quotations express disbelief that such a time ever actually exited). From traveling freak shows to Jerry Springer, there has consistently been a medium for these fantastically enjoyable charades. Yet with the passing of time, so progresses two factors that could tip us off to where these trends are going next-- speed of entertainment and connection with reality.

When cross comparing cultural phenomenons between generations, a reasonable, somewhat predictable, and very annoying conclusion to draw is the factor of 'instant gratification'. Initially you had to go out to attend the freak show and you stayed for hours to look at the three-beasted women and 'colored' people they had rounded up. Next, you had to watch Maury or Jerry at a specific time when it aired on TV and you dedicated a solid half an hour to an hour for their programming and advertising. Now, you go on these sites at your leisure, get exactly what you want in seconds, and leave. With this knowledge at hand we progress under the assumption that whatever comes next must somehow be faster, more instantly gratifying, and as non-committal as possible.

While anonymity of enjoyment has been a factor since the television stage, now the ability to contribute anonymously is introduced as well via these websites (if you were on Jerry Springer, e'rybody in the trailer park knew who you was). With FMYLife we see these benefits play the strongest in serving a highly self-loathing public. We experience the results of a victim-happy culture that extends out from a need to link your roots to some form of larger oppression (poor immigrant ancestry, slavery, genocide, etc). This need now manifests itself in everyday mishaps that one can flaunt in hopes of gaining acknowledgment from thousands of internet users confirming that yes, in fact, their life does really suck.

It is through this desire to overplay the reality of the situation that we find this latest step in the 'freak' entertainment sector to be truly unique and somewhat disturbing-- it is the 'connection to reality' factor, or more accurately, the disconnection. In the freak show we gain enjoyment through distance-- I have regular operating body parts, I am not this freak, therefore I can enjoy this... yum, schadenfreude. On Jerry Springer we can do the same-- this TV didn't cost me my life savings, I'm not married to my cousin, look at those rednecks go! Yet on these new sites, two unsettling things occur-- firstly they are meant to reflect the life that we everyday people lead, and secondly they are completely exaggerated in doing so.

These are the status updates of our supposed 'friends' who we are mocking, these are the texts of those who trust us in confidence who we flaunt, and these are our own lives that we deem 'fucked'. And while they are meant to reflect reality, reality is, of course, not good enough. If they reflected reality then every post on DumbStatus would read, "sleep then work tomorrow, hates my life!" every text on TFLN would say, "what are you up to tonight?" or "laiwejf mdrunk amwlo" and every entry on FML would actually just be from My Life is Average. Yet for some reason we want to convince ourselves that these wild exaggerations reflect our daily existence on the internet, on the phone, and in everyday life.

Every time you read an FML it is a little victory for us wonderfully comfortable upper middle class folk. Linking back to the struggles of our ancestors is getting a bit tired and all this mess of hearing about people starving and dying of disease is starting to make us feel bad again. But hey, what if, while I was having sex with my wife, she yelled out 'Brian' in the middle of it, and my name is Phil?! FML! Now we've got something we can feel bad about to make us feel good.

Self-gratification through over-exaggerated self-deprecation is the new freak show.

-Jeff Luppino-Esposito

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Already Irrelevant: From Swine Flu to Judd Apatow

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:55:00 +0000

1. Swine Flu

Why: You thought you were so hip, Swine Flu, didn't you? Targeting the teen/early 20's demographic, ruining the pork market, well your little charades are over. If you had the Swine Flu before last week sometime, then it's still cool to recount it and talk about how you 'almost died,' but contracting it now is just a desperate plea for attention.

Acceptable Alternative: With retro fashion always on the rise, we give you the ripped jeans of diseases-- West Nile Virus. Long overdue for a comeback, West Nile packs the punch of classic targeting of the elderly/babies, yet, unlike Cancer and AIDS, it has never been 'too soon' to make a West Nile joke. Also, this allows nightly news shows to display their favorite frightening HD, zoomed-in clips of mosquitoes. Badass.

2. 3-D Films

Why: Comic-Con this year was dominated by upcoming 3-D features and Disney is shitting them out faster than you can say 'Disney propagates the hegemonic culture through a rigid system of traditional sexual and gender roles, capitalist lies, and white superiority.' Wearing 3-D glasses outside of the theater is an acceptable social commentary on the one-dimensional mind of the average American, but as a medium of film, 3-D is just too close to 2-D with sweet graphics.

Acceptable Alternative: 4-D Films. If it rains in the movie, I wanna get wet. It is the film design of the future and it follows an ever-reliable rule: if it happens at Busch Gardens, it should probably happen in everyday life.

3. Starting a Folk Band after College

Why: It's your fault you have a worthless liberal arts degree, no one else's-- don't punish us with your sorry attempts at harmonizing. Just because Bob Dylan sounded like a dying rat when he sang doesn't mean that anyone who can play a chord progression should be a folk singer. Also, you probably have no message of significance to deliver: that one time you went drunk camping with your frat buddies and wiped your ass with poison ivy doesn't count as 'getting in touch with nature'.

Acceptable Alternative: Dropping out of College early and starting a folk band-- now you're on to something.

4. Judd Apatow Films

Why: "Funny People" was the ultimate metaphor for Apatow's attempt at salvaging his own relevancy. Adam Sandler, among Apatow's predecessors of fallen prolific comedians, as the embodiment of Apatow, diagnosed with a life-ending disease, somehow is cured and carries on a charming love story. Judd, this won't work. You are going to die from that disease. We loved you, but the feeling's gone and we just can't get it back.

Acceptable Alternative: Seriously, 4-D Films, how f*cking cool would that be?

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If Things Were Run By: College Advisors

noreply@blogger.com (Arian Murati) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 12:00:00 +0000

Want to get anything done in an orderly and timely manner? Don’t expect it from your college advisor. Here are some scenarios that would be ruined by your favorite office-dwelling “helpers."

Sex:
“I’m sorry, you’ll have to sleep with two ugly girls and then date a 300-level girl for a semester before you can have sex with her.”

Parties:
“Fill out the green form, then stand behind the yellow line. Kegstands close at three.”
“But it’s three fifteen!”
“You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

Dinner:
“You can’t eat the ice cream before finishing the fries. You won’t graduate without fries. You’ve already dropped two helpings of fries, do you want a career or not?”

Children’s Playgrounds:
“Athletes have priority on the slide. If you wanted to use the slide, you should have continued playing basketball in high school.”

Christmas:
“You will be allowed two large gifts and an small elective gift. Failure to comply will result in termination of gifts.”

PopSense:
“Hey, I’m here for the new intern position. I want to draw the Derrick and Becky comic.”
“WE ARE NOT ACCEPTING INTERNS.”
“But I thought you were.”
“READ YOUR EMAILS!”
“You only send out like one email a month, and it usually ends up in my spam folder – how am I supposed to know when you send them?”
“Student handbook requires all potential applicants to check ALL emails, including spam, for potentially important news from advisors.”
“Yeah, but, I get hundreds of spam emails a day.”
“THIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM. I CANNOT BABY YOU THROUGH LIFE.”

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Will You Enroll in Twitter University?

stelios@popsense.com (Stelios Phili) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:41:00 +0000

Illinois' DePaul University is teaching the first course ever to focus only on Twitter. It is called, "Digital Editing: From Breaking News to Tweets." Our hope is that the course plans to curb rambling and superfluous information by teaching people to speak in sentences of 140 characters or less. Alas, "Digital Editing" is about "learning how to make sense of the clutter of the Web, particularly in situations of breaking news or major developing stories, and how to evaluate and verify the authenticity of reports by citizen journalists." Craig Kanalley, a Chicago Tribune intern and "Digital Editing" professor, runs a website based on these concepts called Breaking Tweets, which gathers eyewitness twitter responses to breaking news. In an effort to save students money, we're going to teach the course in a single tweet.

Type key words relating to important news stories in the search bar. Compile relevant tweets that react to the story. Boomshakala!

That was 131 characters.

And while we're playing Teach, here's what we think the syllabus should look like:

Do you think Twitter deserves a college course? Do you think you have the potential to 'understand' Twitter without the aid of a Tweecher? Leave your thoughts below! (140 Characters or less please.)

-Stelios Phili

My post was originally published at Flavorwire.com.
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The Revised Edition of The Seven Deadly Sins

stelios@popsense.com (Stelios Phili) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 04:19:00 +0000

1) Making Blatant Grammatical Errors.

Here at PopSense, we know our homophones, and we think everyone else should too. We want to show respect for all those Grammar Gremlins out there who cringe at the sight of a misused ‘your’ for ‘you’re’, or ‘their’ for ‘there’. The particularly squeamish can’t handle subject-verb disagreement without going into convulsions and/or projectile vomiting. It’s just common courtesy, after all.

2) Overuse of Spoonerisms.

According to Wikipedia, a spoonerism is a play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels, or morphemes are switched. All of us have been the victim of a cruel twist of the tongue at one time or another; at times they can actually be quite funny, considering they’re unexpected and often sound ridiculous (would you like a bowl of cham clowder?). Some people, however, revel in this syllable-switching to the point where English is only moderately detectable, as in the following sentence:

Sato and Plocrates qualked wickly to the Lyceum to live a gecture on phoral milosophy.
“But wait!”, you shout furiously, “I’ve never heard anyone use that many Spoonerisms at once! This is a fabricated and unnecessary sin!” To this valid accusation, we reply: Boo Tad.......

3) Quoting, Attempting to Describe, or Otherwise Regurgitating Something You Saw on TV.

Most people would agree that having one’s toenails ripped out with pliers is a pretty painful experience. But it’s nothing compared to listening to someone’s attempt to (for instance) do an impression of an impression originally done by Dave Chappell, or worse, flawlessly quote Family guy (down to the giggity) in regular conversation. It’s awkward, obnoxious, and 9 times out of 10, extremely not funny. Unless you have a penchant for blank stares and/or enjoy being by yourself, don’t commit this one.

4) Not Passing GO, But Still Collecting $200.

No GO, no $200. No compromises.

5) Enjoying, Hearing, Seeing, Talking about, Thinking about, Thinking about Thinking about, etc. The Jonas Brothers (Or the Disney Channel in General).

There’s been a lot of hubbub over the Jonas Brothers here at Popsense as well as the internet at large. Some people have an utter infatuation with them. Others are disgusted by the slow, grinding, mindless march to artistic oblivion that they symbolize and embody. For our part, we tend to side with the latter. They are the McBand. They are, in similar regard to Voldemort in the world of Harry Potter, The-Band-That-Must-Not-Be-Named for fear of revulsion. These guys were assembled on a conveyor belt somewhere in Indonesia for the sole purpose of maximizing the bottom line and preying on the bad taste of the masses. What is often overlooked, however, is the relationship between the Disney Channel and the Jonas Brothers themselves. Taking an Anglo-Saxon perspective, The Jonas Brothers are Grendel whereas Disney is Grendel’s Mother, or perhaps Cain’s Clan itself. Unleash your inner Beowulf! Resist the temptation of mediocrity!

Note: The author enjoys hyperbole.

6) Farting in Elevators.

Be creative, do it in enclosed ski lifts and bus stops. Then it’s a virtue.

7) Talking on a Bluetooth Headset in Situations Which Require Interaction With Other Humans

Maybe it’s just us, but we can’t stand it when people commit the above sin. Now don’t get us wrong, we think Bluetooth headsets are awesome. They free up your hands and look snazzy. But what they shouldn’t do is free up your ability to not be a jerk. I’m a waiter and more often than you’d think, I get a person who completely ignores my greeting and/or existence in general. At first you don’t notice…you ask yourself, who are they talking to? Are they schizophrenic? Are they using Bluetooth? Is it both? And inevitably, if the answer is Bluetooth, you come to the conclusion that they are, in fact, an inconsiderate cretin. Should you feel the urge to use a Bluetooth headset in the midst of a conversation, please take these words of advice from one of the most revered and sought after men of the last century: Vanilla Ice. “Stop”, he says, “Collaborate, and Listen”.

Deep.

Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby.mp3

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Zooey Deschanel is Katy Perry

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 03:18:00 +0000

Guest submission by Tim Myers

We live in an age in which corporations have the power to make and break the careers of whatever clean cut celebrity automaton that they see fit. These icons are packaged, marketed and, with the aid of relentless air time on local top 40 stations, sold to a public clamoring to latch on to the next big thing. In response to current trends, pop stars are branded with an often times ill-fitting image allowing, for example, Lady Gaga to refer to herself as "shock pop" even though the only thing shocking about her music is the possibility that "Just Dance" may be about date rape. While this practice has been commonplace in popular music for ages, it also seems to have infiltrated independent-minded subcultures that have risen in defiance of the mainstream. This phenomenon has particularly been evidenced by the parallel rises to fame of Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel.

Katy Perry is the perfect example of a well branded popstar. As has been demonstrated by the arrival of Pink and Avril Lavigne in the public consciousness, Top 40 music seems to move in cycles as pop music becomes exhausted with itself and an "alternative" icon or two suddenly become famous. Ironically, these alternative icons never really change the mold of future popstars and are doomed to be sandwiched between the type of cookie cutter divas that alternative icons generally rail against in KISS FM playlists and the CD collections of pre-teen girls.

With mainstream divas like Jessica Simpson having a panic attack and getting fat and Beyonce being replaced by the pseudo-feminist, vomit-inducing alter ego "Sasha Fierce", Katy Perry was suddenly in the perfect situation to grace magazine covers with taglines like "Katy Perry grabs Hollywood By the Balls" or "Katy Perry: The Girl You Don't Bring Home To Meet Your Mother Unless You Want Her To Have An Aneurysm". Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" resonated perfectly with girls determined to get in touch with their bad girl side in order to attract the attention of fraternity meatheads and/or get back at their parents and it also resonated with guys who were all too excited to see girls make out with each other. Ultimately, everyone was happy except for the parents themselves and people with souls who saw Katy Perry's music as setting back both women and the LGBT community at least 20 years.

Zooey Deschanel also has proven to be perfectly marketable, winning the adoration of a sizable target market of hipsters who watch Annie Hall obsessively and harbor the misguided notion that girls do, in fact, pour over their painstakingly crafted mixtapes. 500 Days of Summer, in which Joseph Gordon-Levitt's ceaseless need to be in a committed relationship with Zooey's "I'm so cute and quirky as I shout penis in a public park" character not only cemented Zooey's status as hipster sex symbol, but also signaled a perfectly timed paradigm shift within the indie community. The innocent romantic is now cool again. Going steady is the new drunken hookup. Websites like "Hipster Wife Hunting" show a formerly oversexed and sometimes bicurious subculture ready to become monogamous.

Really, Zooey Deschanel is just a response to former hipster sex symbol Scarlet Johansson, who has fallen out of favor due to her role in movies like The Nanny Diaries, He's Just Not That Into You, and most notably The Island in which Johansson commits the hipster cardinal sin of starring in a Michael Bay movie. In spite of a valiant effort to win back her once adoring fans with a Tom Waits cover album, Johansson was outplayed by Deschanel, whose She & Him record showed she not only has a more commanding voice, but also featured indie-cred builder M. Ward, resulting in the perfect soundtrack for flanneled folk to touch themselves at night. Ultimately, Deschanel's cutesy schmaltz provides the perfect foil to Johnasson's sex pot promiscuity.

Underneath the simultaneous rise of these two celebrities lies something suspicious. The two look like carbon copies of each other. Same pale skin, same heavy bangs, same big doe eyes. Lyrically speaking, Zooey Deschanel sounds an awful lot like Katy Perry imitating Kermit the Frog. Could Katy Perry be to Zooey Deschanel as Garth Brooks is to Chris Gaines? If true, the result could be a modern day Oedipus Rex style tragedy as hipsters nationwide gouge out their eyes upon discovering that the object of their affection is the same sexual object igniting frat parties nationwide. My friends, we may be in the middle of the great hipster swindle.

-Tim Myers

Tim is a guest writer for PopSense, so be sure to check out more of his work at Milwaukee Cool Kids!

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Minute Maid Fruit Punch: Reviews of Things That Don't Require Being Reviewed

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:59:00 +0000

There is a moment in every young person's life when they realize that they can't have it all. This loss of ultimate self-importance is pivotal to an understanding of their own place in society and the need to treat others with respect and equality. Once in a while, however, that paradigm is shattered.

Purchasing Minute Maid Fruit Punch, preferably in 20 oz. bottle form, and then proceeding to put the contents into your mouth, is one of those times.

Most of you are probably looking at your computer screen right now and wishing it could talk to you as you ask it things like, "wait, why would anyone buy anything besides Tropicana Fruit Punch with its bold unidentifiable fruit flavors and sugary kick?

Well, luckily I can read your minds and answer that very question: First of all, I used to drink Tropicana Fruit Punch from fountain stations at a variety of restaurants, mostly because they had a small seal of approval claiming that I would be receiving 100% of my required Vitamin C during this drinking process (I actually only require 50% of the average daily need, everyone in my family is a sailor, so this was doubly as good for me). However, one day I bought this same beverage in 20oz form and found that I had been lied to for years-- no significant amount of Vitamin C was listed under the Nutritional Fact section of the otherwise beautifully designed label.

Others, like this woman who received a pre-release copy of my review and then responded in video form seem to be asking that same question and proposing the use of Hawaiian Punch Pocket Powder Packets (US title) instead.

However, after doing a little research I discovered that 1. The product is not really from Hawaii, and 2. You can't drink powder, so suck on that non-Minute Maid Fruit Punch!

Minute Maid doesn't lie to you in any capacity-- the contents were created in less than one minute, and done so by a factory full of men dressed in classic french maid outfits. The pun and the product remain true to their name.

Let's close this up with a brief, brief discussion of the actual product itself despite the fact that all other foreseeable competition has been aptly shat on and that this is the victor by the never-failing process of elimination.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this review, the Minute Maid Fruit Punch drinking experience is one that kicks you in the face, then nurses your wounds, and feeds you your own blood so that you become a better human being as a result of it.

There were moments during my journey of drinking Minute Maid Fruit Punch while pacing around my house where I was convinced that real bits of fruit were visible inside of the punch. Whether or not these were real bits of fruit or just my own backwash, I haven't confirmed it yet, so I'll ask you readers to give it a try and tell me because I have a serious spitting issue and I can't check before I start drinking it because I have another undiagnosed problem of developing a sudden, uncontrollable urge to start drinking any beverage immediately upon its opening. This usually only happens with alcoholic drinks for me, but apparently incredible fruit punch is an exception.

But that's no surprise, as I said earlier, Minute Maid Fruit Punch truly is the exception to all the rules-- great taste, not powder, created by transvestites, and maybe made with real fruit-- you really can have it all.

-Jeff Luppino-Esposito

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Will Our Sick Obsession with Japanese People Ever Die?

Jeff@PopSense.com (Jeff Luppino-Esposito) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:54:00 +0000

In a world full of ever-changing, unrelated generalities that begin articles and essays, one thing remains constant: White people, especially American white people, find the Japanese at large to be remarkably entertaining.

Decades after Pearl Harbor, the devastation caused by the dropping of the atomic bomb, and countless centuries of assuming that all Asian people look the same, Americans continue to experience unabated elation upon watching Japanese people get excited or hurt.

In the last few days alone, we've been captivated yet again by two excellently Japanese videos: 'Japanese fans interview Harry Potter and Ron Weasley' and (slightly less obvious) 'Dog with eyebrows in Japan'.

The first one follows classic suit: little Japanese girls getting really worked up about something. This will inevitably make you smile for no apparent reason.

The latter is a unique case but also a strong example of the stretch we are willing to take in order to make it about this obsession: No matter how adorable that eyebrowed dog may be, the Japanese atmosphere via the laughing fans and the announcer are at least half the fun. Even here where we are presented with a freak of the natural world in dog form, the Japanophile in all of us remains easily distracted. Additionally, in both cases, there is an air of 'authenticity' that these original Japanese productions carry, a sense that cannot be recreated on the Western front.

Little American girls screaming about Harry Potter characters would immediately be deemed overactive bitches-in-training, and the dog video would automatically be seen as just another stupid American trying to peddle their latest scheme.

This concept of authenticity extends and is reified by larger-scale productions as well. FOX's recent attempt at the Japanese mega-hit 'Hole in the Wall' was a predictable failure. The original offered good-intentioned Japanese people trying to squeeze their precious bodies into the shape of a hole in an oncoming chunk of wood that would otherwise toss them into the pool of shame if they didn't make it through. The FOX remake was a complete flop-- no funny Japanese people getting hurt = no good. The same undeniably holds true for American twists on the original Iron Chef or Takeshi's Castle. Sure, dub English voices over the Japanese announcers and you've got yourself a winner, but take out the Japanese contestants and you can forget about that Emmy.

So one of the final questions in examining whether or not this malevolent love will ever die must be to ask ourselves why the Japanese, instead of some other 'Asian' people that we mistake to be Japanese on a daily basis, have captured our hearts in this sick manner? Simply put, the American mindset is, understandably, as follows:

China has the history, the emperors-- Japan has the Samurai... but Tom Cruise was the last Samurai.
Korea has South Korea which is totes pro-American-- Japan hearts Hitler.
Other small Asian nations are too small to be worth identifying-- Japan isn't included in that list.

Add that to the South Korean bitterness towards Japanese colonial rule and the Chinese hatred stemming from, at the very least, the Rape of Nanking, and you've got a bunch of confused Americans who are pretty certain that laughing at Japanese people is fair game.

So in that sense, the Japanese stand alone, they are an identifiable enemy and their forms of entertainment are just so damn funny to watch.

Will this always be the case?

From an academic standpoint, Frank Wu, author of 'Yellow: Race in American beyond Black and White', refers to the Asian as a 'perpetual foreigner'-- no matter how many generations their family has been in America, the question of 'Where are you from' when posed to an Asian-American does not seek the answer of 'New York' or 'California' but rather 'China' 'Korea' or 'Japan'.

So on all levels the answer seems to be a resounding 'no,' this will not end.
Oh yeah, and don't forget anime.
Besides, did you see those little girls in that Harry Potter video, that shit was f*cking hilarious.

-Jeff Luppino-Esposito

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The Dead Weather: Translated

noreply@blogger.com (PopSense Editors) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:00:00 +0000

You know that sinking feeling that something is just 'off' about the supergroup 'The Dead Weather'? How that burning desire to appreciate a band that combines members from all your other favorite groups (The White Stripes, Queens of the Stone Age, The Kills, The Raconteurs) is somehow extinguished by an unidentifiable disgust for everything they do?

Ever since the marketing backlash to The Dead Weather's intrusive advertising campaign (see first photo) music bloggers who previously felt compelled to cover the band are now in a tizzy. It's not so much their music, but rather a seemingly manufactured image that is so unsettling. The general sense is that The Dead Weather must somehow just be a mockery of itself and Rock and Roll as a whole, and thus arises the need to vocalize the previously unnamed feelings we are all troubled by.

So, we present, in image form, The Dead Weather: Translated

My name is Jack White, you might know me from such gimmicks as The Raconteurs or that band I started with my wife...I mean, my sister, I mean...click the ad! This is kind of a big ad, because we're kind of a big deal.

FUCK THE SURGEON GENERAL.

Don't talk to me like that, I'm the surgeon general, bitch! Wait, this pose makes me look badass, right? Okay, yeah, that's what I thought.

Why are you taking a picture of us? All four of us sleep in a twin-size bed together, we just woke up. I don't even want to be here, we just do it for the music, man!

Used our MacBook to make this picture. Yeah that's +3 edge blur right there, just like they did it in the 60's.

Dean Fertita: Why am I the only dude here? Maybe this a metaphor for the androgyny of music. Mmm, deep. Wait, is Alison hot?

When they make The Dead Weather biopic, Johnny Depp will probably play all of us.

Jack Lawrence: "Note to self: Tuesday is tinted glasses, I always forget! *face palm* shit, shit, shit...

You will never see both of my eyes, they are the windows to my soul. And I have no soul, because I sold it to the devil for rock glory. Suck on it Jimmy Page. We're The Dead Weather. And you heard right, we're kind of a big deal.

The Dead Weather - Treat Me Like Your Mother.mp3
The Dead Weather - Hang You from the Heavens.mp3
The Dead Weather - I Cut Like a Buffalo.mp3

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