Love is never hearing your lifemate say “Baby, you might want to get tested. Today.”

Photo attributed to Brandon Christopher Warren http://www.flickr.com/photos/brandoncwarren/4164759025/

Iceberg Slim, born Robert Beck, gives us a gritty look at urban life. He is considered one of the forefathers of the urban fiction genre.  He was an ex-pimp already hipped to the game and knew all the players involved. You Dig, Jive Turkey?  Not every drug dealer is a kingpin, not every pimp is rich with a huge stable of beautiful women. The characters are just regular people trying to make it however they can.

In the novel, Doom Fox by Iceberg Slim, the main character of the novel is Joe ‘Kong” Allen. He is an ex-boxer with a face only a mother could love (after she’s had a few). The novel spans thirty years of his unlucky love life starting from after  WWII to the mid 1970s. In the beginning of the novel, he falls head over heels in love with this beautiful woman he meets in a bar.  She tells him that she is new in town, down on her luck, and really needed a friend. M’Kaaaaaay. There was one itty bitty thing about her that bothered him about her. She REALLY knew her way around the bedroom. (Weird, right? It was like she was a professional or something…) Sadly, she takes his love, his money, and the engagement ring and skips town before he or her pimp…er… physical recreational services broker realized she was gone. (Yes my friends, she was a hooker…er…physical recreational service provider.)

That was just the beginning and the end. (You’ll understand once you read the book )

The real love story involves Joe and Reba, a green-eyed, auburn haired beauty who he believes is “THE ONE“. He loves her because she is beautiful and is willing to love him. Physically. He accepts that she does not have deep passionate romantic love for him. Now don’t get her wrong, Reba really loves Joe in her own way. He is a good man who takes great care of his family and she knows he loves her. However, that does not keep her from being unfaithful.  Joe is very “traditional” in the bedroom and Reba has a condition called “being hot in the pants”.  (It seems to be hereditary. Her mother is a CHRONIC sufferer.)

In addition to learning about Joe and Reba , you learn all about the other people who played significant roles in their lives. I thought this book was boss! Basically, all the characters in the novel were looking to be loved. (Mostly in a physical way but loved nonetheless.)  The language and the descriptions are real, gritty, and graphic. There is also a lot of 70s slang but I know you all got your boots on, so just be cool when you start to feel out to lunch because if you keep on keepin’ on everything will be copacetic. Ya dig? (Translation: You’ll figure out what they are saying.)

Catch you on the flipside!

What do you mean I’m in the wrong place? wait… It’s not that kind of…ohhhh!

The Pussy Trap, a novel by Ne Ne Capri, is a tale about how good sex can be wielded to get what you want, defeat your enemies, and soothe the savage beast. Well sort of.

It was your typical love story. A cold-hearted killer named KoKo meets another cold-hearted killer named Kayson, who happens to be the head of the criminal organization she is a part of. Because of her viciousness, heartlessness, and stunning beauty, Kayson plans to polish her up and train her to be his sexy assassin. (Picture My Fair Lady with a homicidal maniac as Eliza.) And he knows exactly what to do to trap her. He gives her some of that good ol’ freak nasty.  He was so skilled in x-rated pleasure, she is now willing to do anything for him…..even kill. (To a normal person that would seem outrageous but she was already a killer. So why not enjoy the extra perks? ~wink~) As he was trying to trap her with his magic tricks, he got trapped…in his heart. (And in his pants.) Will their love survive the mission, the murders, the secrets, and the lies that come with the living this kind of life?

There is so much going on in this novel, I had to backtrack a few times. Then after all of that work , it ends with a cliff hanger. (ARRRGGGHHH!!) I want to say that I loved this story. But I can’t. It wasn’t because of the sex (Which was Delicious!) or the violence (And there was A LOT of it). The reason I did not care for the story is that KoKo and Kayson were just not sympathetic characters to me. I really wanted to root for their love but they were just such terrible people. (Awww …they are becoming so close….I hope that their love…..oh wait…. one of them shot someone’s mama in the face.)

If you like the hardcore sex and cold-blooded violence, you may want to give this novel a try. There is a sequel coming out on July 27 entitled Pussy Trap 2: Kiss of Death. Personally, I’m going to pass on reading it.

 (You don’t think they heard me, do you? Oh look at the time….. I should be going.  If anyone asks my new name is Elyis Morshel. Where’s that wig?)

P.S. If you would like to try another a gritty urban book that also talks about the power of sex and, in my opinion, have more sympathetic characters, you should try Doom Fox by Iceberg Slim. He is considered one of the forefathers of urban fiction. He was also an ex-pimp. (I guess pimpin’ ain’t easy but writing seems to be.)

Enjoy!

Don't let these beautiful clothes and sweet smiles fool you. If pushed too far, they will wreck you. You've been warned.

Photo Attributed to Paradise Fashions (www.paradisefashions.com)

As a little chocolate girl raised in a Baptist church, anytime I heard the phrase  “I ain’t been saved all my life” it was usually followed by a speaking of tongues in the language of Richard Pryor or a laying of hands upside your head. Victoria Christopher Murray and ReShonda Tate Billingsley must have had that phrase in mind when they brought two of their wildest characters together. In the novel Sinners & Saints, Jasmine Larson Bush and Rachel Jackson Adams are two first ladies who are forces to be reckoned with and when these two collide, you better run for cover.

Pastors Hosea Bush of the City of Lights Church and Lester Adams of New Hope Baptist have both been nominated to run for the coveted position of president of the American Baptist Coalition. Well, it isn’t exactly coveted by the pastors themselves, they just want to leave the outcome up to God.  However, Lady Jasmine and Lady Rachel don’t believe their men truly grasp the importance of winning this race.  How else will they get the title of first lady of the ABC if their husbands don’t get their heads in the game? 

For these women, this isn’t about just winning, this is about crushing the competition, the envy of your peers, the endless brown nosing, and the power, oh the power!   MUAH HAHA HAAA!  MUAH HA HA HAAA! Ahem. Excuse me.  Shall we continue?

These women use every dirty trick in the book to make sure the other looks absolutely ridiculous. To say they were successful would be an under understatement. Some of the antics they pull are HILARIOUS and some just make you cringe. I don’t want to give any of it away, it’s just too good.

(Okay,  I’ll be nice and give you one example. Well sort of. SOMEONE  invited SOMEONE to a praise and worship service who used to strip with SOMEONE back in the day.)

While these two titans clash, there are other “saints” who have their own secret agendas. Watching and waiting, plotting and planning, and wheeling and dealing…um…scheming and uh…um…well…. nevermind. You get the picture.

This was an excellent read to me. There was drama but there was virtually no vulgar or obscene language or description. There was also the opportunity of redemption for each woman and a lesson that sometimes it is better to leave well enough alone because you never know what the other person has on you. (Which is the second reason why I can never run for office.)

Enjoy!!!

NOTE: If you can’t get enough of Lady Jasmine and Lady Rachel there are other novels they appear in. Lady Jasmine appears in the novels: Sins of the Mother, a Sin and a Shame, and Lady Jasmine  by Victoria Christopher Murray.

Lady Rachel appears in the Amen series by ReShonda Tate Billingsley.

Image attributed to cyclotourist http://www.flickr.com/photos/cyclotourist/4773216496/

In making a fantasy a reality, you can really get in over your head.

In the novel,  My Woman, His Wife,  Anna J spins a tale about lust, desire, lust, not thinking ahead, lust, obsession, lust, and lusty lust of the lusty variety.

Meet Jasmine (Jazz) and James. In the beginning of their relationship, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. But between work, children and the monotony of daily life, the passion in the bedroom has waned. James has an idea to spice up their love life: Having a threesome with another woman. (Because, as we all know, threesomes tend to work out wonderfully for couples in serious relationships.) And as I’m sure you have already guessed, James had just the person in mind. Monica.

Monica is beautiful, educated, financially independent, and oozes sex. She is James’ fantasy girl and by way of this threesome he could have Monica and Jazz without the guilt or stress of an affair. (Ingenious!) He finally wears Jazz down and she agrees.

It actually turns out to be an absolutely amazing experience for the three. Pleasure is bountiful, passion is reignited, and Jazz discovers things about herself she had never thought possible. However, once it was over, it wasn’t over. Both are hooked on Monica and they both want more of her. So to appease their desires, Jazz and James start their own secret affairs with Monica.  (Who saw this coming? Hands?)

I did forget one small detail. Monica is crazy. Not just crazy, but CRAZY with a capital EVERYTHING!

She becomes obsessed with having Jazz all to herself.  She has a plot to manipulate and blackmail those closest to Jazz to do it. I’m not going to give the plan away but I will tell you this, it is absolutely… well… crazy. (By the way, did I mention she was crazy? Just checking.)

From the first page to the last, this novel takes you on a wild erotic ride. It is spilling over with sex, humor, and drama. Sadly, the ending is a cliff hanger but it was still satisfying to me.

But if you don’t like to be left hanging, don’t worry!  The sequel entitled The Aftermath is already out.

Check out both novels, if you can take the heat.

WARNING: This novel is not recommended for those with delicate sensibilities. You will catch the vapors and will need to head to the nearest swooning couch immediately.

Photo attributed to Tigitogs http://www.flickr.com/photos/tigitogs/485771225/

Enjoy!

Hardships can inspire you to be a better person and can motivate you to live a better life.

 Or turn you into a soulless psychotic sociopathic megalomaniac.

In Love on a Two Way Street,  New York Times bestselling author J.L. King tells a story about the rise and fall of Juice (James Lamar Kennedy). In this novel, Mr. King addresses taboo subjects like sexual abuse, drug abuse, defining sexual orientation, and life on the down low. There is also a sprinkling of steamy sex scenes here and there. (In my opinion, you really cannot go wrong with steamy sex scenes.)

Despite growing up with a drug addicted mother and being sexually abused by her boyfriend, Juice worked his way up to become one of the most powerful music moguls in the business and has the woman of his dreams on his arm. His crowning achievement was the creation of the Seven Figures, an exclusive club which promised its members the power to achieve their professional goals and the freedom to satiate their most hidden desires.

You would think working your way up from the bottom would make you appreciative of the things you have and the people who love you. Not Juice. He becomes so drunk with power, he is transformed into a monster that will lie, cheat, and kill to maintain his carefully created image.  In the beginning, I really was rooting for Juice to succeed. By the end of the book, I was cheering when he finally got what was coming to him. (And I do not mean the “in my head” kind but the “startling the people around me” kind.)

The novel was interesting and a quick read. My only issue was the sheer number of characters in it. After finishing the novel, I believe that more than half of these characters could have been left out and would not have been missed.

For those who would like to give this novel a try, here are the characters you may want to keep an eye on:

Juice (James Lamar Kennedy): The cold-hearted [expletive deleted] main character
Bones  (Andre Bonner): Juice’s best friend and protector
Brianna Banks: Juice’s sexy talented fiancée
Carl Braxton: Member of the Seven Figures club
Jacob Braxton: Carl’s stepson
Mortimer Zane: Juice’s mentor/no strings attached lover

Enjoy!

I know, I know the season is over but this advice is good all year. Be safe, have fun, and use your best judgement. (Note: It is not good when you have to start any sentence with “Well officer what had happened was….” Not good at all. Sorry mom;) Of course, I’m kidding, they dropped the charges. Anyhoo.

To take a break from the coincidental series on the ethereal creatures of the night, I wanted to share with you a heart warming tale of a young lady who belives ’tis better to give than to receive. Well, she does receive but that’s neither here nor there. And she is not selfish… oh no…She gives to everybody: men, women, boyfriends, boyfriends’ best friends, girlfriend’s girlfriend, neighbors, and even strangers. (Note: In my humble opinion, when you are physically as close as you can be to another person, save for childbirth and cannibalism, you are pretty familiar. Even if you don’t know each other’s name.)

Eva, the First of Lady of Sin by Storm is a book of lust, love, lust, lost, lust, passion, lust, pain, lust, self-discovery, and did I mention lust?  Not sure. Wait a minute. Yes, yes I did. And the gift that keeps on giving….herpes.  It is also a coming of age tale. We follow Eva  as she discovers the pleasures of the flesh and all the goodness it entails for her: love, closeness, gifts, and financial security. Now I ain’t saying she a gold digger but….she does has an occasional fractured Beauty and the Beast complex. There was an instance where she was not attracted to a gentleman caller because he lived with his mom, was kind of dull, not really her physical type, and a little needy. When she finds out his living arrangements are only temporary because his mansion was almost completed. As if by MAGIC, he transforms before her eyes. Suddenly he is handsome, creative, interesting, and they had a lot in common. And was the best lover she ever had. Riiiiiiiiight.   She also discovers the devastation that the pleasures of the flesh can wrought on the selfish and unprepared: well herpes for one, heartbreak, unexpected pregnancies, and worst of all loss of financial security. (Now I ain’t saying she a gold digger but…. Naw, I’m playing, she’d give it away for free and she has over and over again. )

The interludes are very very steamy. (However, in my head, my brain keeps screaming was DID CONDOMS NOT EXIST IN 2007!?! Is no one frightened of the herpes? Not one? Are all those commercials true? You too can go mountain climbing and horseback riding and swimming and running through the flowers, even if you don’t do any of it now, you will when you need this medicine.) At the end of the book, there was a disclaimer that this book is pure fiction and urges the reader to be safe when you are giving your gifts to another and provided some website that gave more information about STDs and where to get tested.

And so my dear readers, in all seriousness, though the steamy situations in the books that I read about may sound good in theory;  it probably won’t translate well, if at all in actual practice Please remember that in the real world there are physical and emotional consequences for reckless behavior. But I know you all are smart enough to know that already.

But for those who do not know. Now you know (and knowing is half the battle ! GI JOE!!! Sorry, couldn’t help myself)

When a friend and I were vacationing in Miami, we happened upon a delightful advertisement in the back of one of those vacation guides in the hotel lobby. It was an ad for the World Erotic Art Museum (WEAM) (Note: They do have a website and because I am a decent deviant, I cannot in all good conscience link it to this page.) Google it. It’s worth it.) Since I ADORE the arts (Stop laughing. Stop it now), you know I had to go. It was going to be the event of the season.

From that experience, I was certain of four things. First, whenever I go out of town, I will be reading the vacation guides intently. Second, whenever I go to Miami, I am going there being a patron of the arts and all. (Stop laughing, I mean it). Third, it is really an actual museum. They have actual exhibits: paintings, sculptures, photographs, ceramics, glasswork, woodwork and even props from movies. (Not those kinds of movies, Pervy McGee.) Fourth, there is nothing new under the sun. No fetish or act, desire or position. In all of its splendid incarnations, the only thing that seems to change are the inventions and the hairstyles and occasionally the dress.  (Note: I’m only referring to acts among consenting adults in tandem with foodstuffs, appliances (household or otherwise) and a trained monkey. You know .To run the camera. Duh. Okay maybe not the monkey but you get the idea.) Now I know you are wondering what does all this have to do with this blog?

Fanny Hill.

Fanny Hill is the reason.  The novel, Memoirs of a  Woman of Pleasure, more famously known as Fanny Hill, by John Cleland  is one of THE BEST erotic novels I’ve ever read. And believe me, I’ve read plenty. It begins with a 15 year old  Fanny trying to find fortune in London. While waiting in the employment office, she is approached by a “refined lady” who needed a “servant”. Unbeknownst, to dear sweet Fanny she embarks on a journey of lust, passion, debauchery, and ultimately true love. Well, after she has done just about everything you can…..well with everyone. Because, after all, deep down it is a love story. Well, if you find a lady of the evening selling her sweets to the gentlemen of London and then reuniting with her first true love and lover romantic. (Hey it’s possible….love knows no boundaries but it may want to get tested. Just saying).

I LOVE the writing because it has all the dirtiness but it is done in a proper dignified manner. If your mind was a little less filthy, it could have been mistaken for one of those British novels you had to suffer through in school. (Unless you liked the British novels you had to read in school, then my bad. Personally, I didn’t care for them that much. We never really read any of the good stuff.)  This novel is so crammed with decadent ,steamy, and sometimes humorous interludes that it is busting at the seams with delicious naughtiness.  Now my fine ladies and gentlemen, if you are patrons of the arts as I am (Stop laughing. This the last time I am going to say it.), you simply must read this novel. Not to do so would be a disservice to you. (Oh and Google, the World Erotic Art Museum. Its worth it.)

As I end this blog I wanted to leave you with some EXTRA naughty  words that I found in this novel. (Well, in the way that the author uses it) Enjoy.

“hillocks”, “mount-pleasant”, “cleft”, “maiden-toy”, “capital part of man”, “steed”, “maypole”, “instrument”, “powerful summons”, “excrescence”,”pleasure -conduit”, “oversized- machine”, “the avenue”, “lodgement”, “balsamic injection”.

Good Night.

MMMMMMMM…….ART.

Well not really kittens, more like vicious blood thirsty tigresses with gore and blood dripping from their razor sharp fangs. And no they didn’t lose their mittens. With those kinds of claws they would ruin their mittens anyway.

In the book,  The Cathouse, Anna J., Brittani Williams and Laurinda Brown take us on a journey through the doors and behind the scenes of Allure, D.C.’s finest pleasure palace (a.k.a brothel). We  see through the eyes and dwell in the minds of its employees. We are witnesses to the fall of the place which is the pinnacle of hedonism and decadence.  The place where you have to be VIP just to get in the door and a VIP VIP’s to get into the Champagne room (And to answer your question yes, there is. And how!)  (Side note: if you know what song I’m referring to, you’re OLD.)(OLD!!!!)

The story revolves around four main characters.

Earl the CEO, an entrepreneur, whose profession is serving as a liaison among mortal men and the ethereal creatures who have mastered the practice of the sensual arts.

(Note: Being ethereal creatures who spend their evenings bewitching men with the sensual arts may sound like a pretty good profession.  Well,  the hours are horrible, there are no holidays off, there is no health or dental. You work in hazardous conditions in a uniform that is more about the creating an aesthetic than meeting health or safety regluations.  And after all that suffering and struggle, you have to give all the money you’ve earned to an employer who has the right to use corporal punishment if he feels your productivity  is lacking.  Uh no thank you.) Yet I digress.

Lady Dee who is mad-ager of this operation and coincidentally was Earl’s…er first employee. With her assistant Brandy, she has intentions of expanding the business by adding services for the wealthy ladies who are receiving lack luster loving from their spouses and have money to burn. Her goal is to provide the most talented, experienced, and attractive men that money could buy. Well after the tryouts. Of course. Oh, and send Kimora packing.

Kimora is the main er, employee of the year, Earl’s mistress, and the bane of Lady Dee’s existence.  She has plans of her own. Taking Lady Dee’s job is the first step to her ultimate goal of never having to worry about money again.

And Torri, the newbie, with tricks up her sleeve that will rock allure and ultimately lead to its demise.

The story is divided into three parts and each part is written by one of the authors. It is interesting seeing how the characters change and yet remain the same depending on whom is writing. And, of course, every part is chocked full of erotic scenes that will leave you breathless.  And warm all over.  And thirsty.  (Well maybe not thirsty.)

 Who stays? Who goes? Who lives? Who dies? I can’t remember. You have to read the book. But I can’t make you. Like I always say, You can’t force a horse to bake a cake out of lemonade when he has been crying about crumbled cookies in his eggs….wait what?

Wait, before you think I’m getting too smutty this is the title of the last book I’ve finished.  After five years of antici…..pation, Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez has finally followed up her first novel, The Dirty Girls Social Club, with Dirty Girls On Top.  These books are about the lives of six latinas who met in college and have promised to meet up with each other twice a year, every year, for the rest of their lives.

I must say I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t as good as the first novel (big surprise). This is more in the realm of “serious chick-lit”.  Ms. Rodriguez’ characters are highly flawed, some dealing with addictions to abusive husbands, philandering fiances, compulsive eating, and slight narcissism.  Each chapter is written from the p.o.v. of one of the characters in the book.

There’s: Rebecca: the uptight workaholic; Cuicatl: the musician/activist/free spirit; Usnavys: the no-nonsense, plus-sized, amorous girl from the streets; Lauren: still searching for who she really is; Sara: the beautiful and misguided host of a cooking show; and Elizabeth: the Afro-Columbian, poetic spirit, who is probably the most down to earth and likeable of all the characters.

Don’t get me wrong, I love it when authors let the characters develop into real people, (even if you don’t care for them).  I just wanted to prepare you for this level of “reality” the a novel.

But aside from all the heavy stuff, it’s got all the things I love about chick-lit: designer clothes and shoes,  sexy young Latin men, and plenty of laughs.

P.S. I’m also a fan of Make Him Look Good , by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez, it’s a fun spoof on the “latin pop-music fever” that was all the rage back in the early 2000′s (…did just say early 2000′s? Yikes!)

In previous posts, I tend to refer to Zane as the erotica golden standard. Especially when I want to describe the erotic nature of a novel. It is amazing to me that when I describe a book to be Zane-like, most people already know what type of book it is going to be.

Lately, Zane has been giving us an opportunity to sample other up and coming authors and their brand of sweet tasty temptation. As part of the  Eroticnoir.com anthologies, the anthology that caught my attention was Succulent: Chocolate Flava II. The title alone just seemed to catch my eye. Why? Well there is succulent (delicious), chocolate (super good,) and well more succulent chocolate. (What’s not to like? Am I right?) Now some of the stories just grabbed my…I mean touched my…what I mean to say is…is it hot in here? ~ahem~  Where am I, er were we ? Oh yes. I remember.

Sadly my friends, I am not allowed to give specific details about the goings on in the book. But I will share the main plot of my favorite story. A middle aged woman finds out that her husband is having an affair with a much younger woman who is currently carrying her husband’s child and has no where to go. Instead of kicking Miss Thang out and seeking a divorce from her hubby, she invites her husband’s young mistress to move in and share the wifely duties, including cooking and cleaning. And why not? If you are going to share the fun, you should share the work. It sounds like a good idea to me. Well Kind of. If you can forget the heart wrenching soul searing pain of knowing that your honey bunny has been unfaithful to you.  And the rage that sends you spiraling down into dark fantasies of spork torture.  (“What are you going to do with that spork !?! noooooo….” Okay maybe not spork torture. Spork torture. Sorry, It makes me giggle. Tee Hee.)

The whole book was like a box of chocolate. There are some stories you really like, filled with the centers that make your mouth water. But there some stories that may leave a bad taste in your mouth like cough syrup filled chocolates. But I do believe there is something for everyone who likes these types of treats.  No two stories are exactly alike but there is a similar thread. But that’s because there are only so many ways you can describe…well you know. (You know.)

I do want to give a word of warning to those who think they might want to try some of the activities in the book. Listen carefully. I shall say this only once.

The acts in this book are performed by fictional professionals. Trying these stunts can result in possible termination of employment, incarceration, fines and/or court costs, aversion to sunlight and/ or garlic, itching, redness, hallucinations, frivolous spending, involuntary outbursts, loss of appetite, watery eyes, muscle strain, spasms, possible allergic reactions to plastic and/or silicone, guilt, fatigue, a sense of euphoria followed by a debilitating crash, drowsiness, being disowned by your entire family, excommunication (if applicable), motion sickness, black eyes, bruised egos, withdraw, possible undeath, and um… a tummy ache. See a doctor, if advised.

Read with caution. The contents of this novel are HOT.