A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. Weight loss program.

The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, ‘If you can catch me, you can have me.’

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, ‘If you catch me you can have me’.

Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. As promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program..

‘Are you sure?’ asks the representative on the phone. ‘This is our most rigorous program.’

‘Absolutely,’ he replies, ‘I haven’t felt this good in years.’

The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, ‘If I catch you, your mine!’

He lost 63 pounds that week.

IRS Audit

The IRS sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."

"Yes," answered the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.

"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he’d try another question, in his obnoxious way…

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"

"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS ."

"To the IRS ?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "directly to The IRS …And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’

To which she replied, ‘I’m late for work.’

‘Oh yeah,’ said the cop, ‘what do you do?’

I’m a rectum stretcher,’ she responded.

The cop stammered, ‘A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet wide.’

‘And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole? ‘ he asked.

‘You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge…’

Traffic Ticket – $95.00
Court Costs – $45.00
Look on the Cop’s Face……………..PRICELESS

Longer Video Of Shark Tonic – From Discovery Channel

Part 2 – Longer Video Of Shark Tonic – From Discovery Channel

From WikiPedia – Tonic Immobility or Apparent Death

Tonic immobility is a natural state of paralysis that animals enter, in most cases when presented with a threat. Some scientists relate it to mating in certain animals like the shark.

Some sharks can be placed in a tonic immobility state by turning them upside down. The shark remains in this state of paralysis for an average of fifteen minutes before it recovers. Scientists have exploited this phenomenon to study shark behaviour. Usually when testing sharks under this "tonic" state, scientists will put a chemical plume in the water awakening the shark.

Sharks may not always respond to tonic immobility by physical inversion of the animal, as has been done with lemon and reef sharks. With tiger sharks 10 to 15 feet in length, tonic immobility may be achieved by placing hands lightly on the sides of the animal’s snout approximate to the general area surrounding its eyes. Great White sharks have been shown to be not as responsive as other species whenever tonic immobility has been attempted. Scientists believe that tonic, displayed by sharks, may be linked with defence, because female sharks seem more responsive than others. During tonic immobility, the dorsal fin(s) straighten, and both breathing and muscle contractions become more steady and relaxed.

Tonic immobility also can be somewhat effective on anole lizards, and a loose study was done with tonic immobility with the rabbit. Both were inconsistent examples of tonic immobility.

Tonic immobility has also been used to describe the paralysis which often immobilizes animals, such as rodents or birds, when they feel threatened by a predator. It can be argued that tonic immobility plays a role in survival if it helps a hunted animal to blend in with its surroundings by remaining as motionless as an inanimate object. This tonic state is common with invertebrates as well.

Inducing tonic immobility in common animals requires, in some cases, extreme treatment such as electric shock, along with other elements which produce stress.

727 Home Entrance

We salvaged this airframe, piece by piece, from its San Jose airport resting place. We carefully transported the pieces on five, big-rig trucks to the jungles of Manuel Antonio where they have been resurrected into a unique jumbo hotel suite. Our classic airplane, nestled on the edge of the National Park in our Costa Verde II area, is perched on a 50-foot pedestal. At this height, you will enjoy scenic ocean and jungle views from the hard wood deck built atop the plane’s former right wing.

The plane’s interior is Costa Rican teak paneling from the cockpit to the tail. Furnishings are hand-carved, teak furniture from Java , Indonesia . Our 727 home features two air conditioned bedrooms–one with two queen sized beds and the other with one queen sized bed, each with its own private bath, a flat screen TV, a kitchenette, dining area foyer; an ocean view terrace; a private entrance up a river rock, spiral staircase; and 360 degrees of surrounding gardens.

Enjoy an evening on the terrace while sipping a glass of wine and observing your tree top neighbors: sloths, toucans and monkeys.

Our refurbished Boeing 727 home is not the only such dwelling in the world: We were inspired by a Forbes Magazine article about a company offering hurricane-proof living via surplus Boeing 727 airframes! Of course, we were intrigued and found some new ways to introduce convenience and luxury to this very prosaic bit of aluminum scrap. We are sure that you will agree with us!

Rates:
From January 2, 2009 – April 30, 2009 $350.00 daily plus tax
From May 01, 2009 – Nov 17, 2009 $300.00 daily plus tax

Gas Powered La-Z-Boy At Oshkosh Flyin 2005 from Hafast on Vimeo.