Phat Humor

My Favorite Comedians!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 02:38:00 +0000

So, you enjoy my comedy? Well, wanna know what comedians I like the best? Not just stand up, but movie actors and stuff. Well here is my list:

Dimitri Martin - Seriously, he's hilarious!

Paul Rudd - His awkwardness just makes everything funny.

Dave Chapell - Do I need to say more?

Those are just a couple of my favorites. You should check them out!

I'm BACK

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 02:24:00 +0000

I'm back working on this site! Expect some great changes and new posts!.
Enjoy!.

Top 5 Ways to Clap

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 23:24:00 +0000

1. During an inspiring moment.

2. After watching a really lousy play so you can make the actors feel good about themselves. Then after clapping say "Oh wait, I was clapping because I just had the best dream ever about *Insert Hot Actor/Actress's name*."

3. After hearing about someone getting shot and killed.

4. In front of Hitler's Grave.

5. When someone completes a simple task.

Those are 5 ways to clap.

How Can You Define Motivation?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 23:20:00 +0000

Why am I writing about such a weird, unfunny topic you may ask? Well, lately, it seems I have no motivation to do anything.

That's right! I don't have any motivation for anything. I don't have motivation for work, this website, and hell, I'll say it...to even eat! That's a lot coming from a fat blob like myself.

However, I enjoy using this blog as a personal online diary because, well hey, I get pretty lonely and I sometimes like to rant about random stuff. Who doesn't?

Hahaha...So, is this random enough for ya? Am I just to damn awesome?

Honestly, I'm just typing random shit right now and I don't mean one word of it. So yeah, there you go, motivation!

Once Again, We've Become Too Damn Lazy!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 30 May 2009 15:11:00 +0000

We understand all of you come here to read our hilarious articles and anecdotes, but we're just too damn lazy to write them.

I understand we haven't updated in almost a month, but you can't blame that on our laziness. You see, we spent that month doing hard work. What work you ask? Well, we had to sit on our asses, eat chips and pizza, and sleep almost every hour of everyday.

So hopefully you know why we haven't updated in a while.

Weirdest Names Ever

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 02 May 2009 18:05:00 +0000

A lot of things have many weird names. Celebrity babies, animals, and cities are just naming a few. Today we'll look at NBA teams.

Some NBA teams have awesome names.

Detroit Pistons - A Piston is a compenent in pumps in engines. That's very manly.
Memphis Grizzlies - A grizzly is a freakin' bear! A bear!

That was just naming a few.

Unfortunately, some sport teams have the weirdest/gayest names in the world!

Utah Jazz - This one explains itself.
Orlando Magic - This one also explains itself.

Yup, he sure is Magic.

Boston Celtics - Back to the Celtic ages, Celt men preferred having sex with other men than women , and when they were refused they would feel insulted. How is that not gay?

So there you have it. There are way more gay NBA teams that we will explain in Part 2.

Sorry For the Lack of Updates...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 02 May 2009 03:19:00 +0000

Okay, here's the deal. We aren't really sorry, we were just really lazy and we were too slowed down by massive amount of chips and doughnuts.

So, don't worry, we're still alive and kickin'. In fact, we're gonna write a 10 part article and release it all right now to make up for us being so freakin' lazy.

Eh, actually, we'll get to that...mmm...those doughnuts look so tempting...

Confessions of a Roomaholic

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:58:00 +0000

I know somebody. This person isn't just an ordinary person. He's a roomaholic.

That's right, this person is always in his room. He never leaves his room. Not even for school. That's also right. He doesn't go to school because he is so preoccupied in his room.

He rarely gets fresh air. The only time he can even possibly receive fresh air is when he sticks his head outside a window to smoke. And even then, he is just inhaling toxic chemicals. So, yeah, no fresh air.

This person only leaves his room to eat and smoke. He set a bathroom limit to three times per day because he needs to go back to his room.

He doesn't even work. He expects everyone to do everything for him, then when he is asked to do something, he doesn't.

But wait, he just left. To go somewhere! Even for a short time, he went somewhere! Oh, how I rejoice in the fact that he went somewhere!

(If you or someone you love suffers from being a Roomaholic, then kick them out of the house.)

Luckiest Kid Ever (Video)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:25:00 +0000

Holy Shit! This kid seriously must be the luckiest kid ever. I bet he found a million $100 bills right after the show. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

How to Pose Like This (Photo)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:17:00 +0000

To whoever created this in Photoshop...we have no idea how this popped into your head, but you are brilliant.

Top 5 Ways to Chew Gum

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:09:00 +0000

1. Super loud so that you annoy anyone around you.

2. While blowing a lot of bubbles and popping them so that you can annoy anyone around you.

3. Chew it annoyingly then when someone gets irritated and yells at you to stop tell them you are trying to quit smoking because the lung cancer can come back so you need to chew nicotine gum but it's not working and that is why you are chewing loud.

4. To summarize number 3: Make someone feel guilty.

5. While going on Phat Humor.

Those are 5 ways to chew gum.

A Forum is Coming Soon!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 01:36:00 +0000

We are making a Phat Humor Forum. It is in the making right now. It will be released soon. You better join it.

Write for Phat Humor

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 01:13:00 +0000

To write for us, the most awesome, prestigious, cool, well we can go on and on but anyways...You can now write for us! Or at least try to! Just fill out the form, and make sure you set the subject as "Other." Be sure to write any experience (It's okay if you don't have any), and a sample 500 word (minimum) article on any humor topic. We're looking for more writers so c'mon, we'll practically take anyone.

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://funnyinternetz.wufoo.com/forms/m7x4z5/" title="Phat Humor Contact"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Fill out my Wufoo form!&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

We Told You There Was Gonna Be Some Major Changes!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 01:50:00 +0000

So, do you notice anything different? If not, get your eyes checked please!.
We added a brand new template to Phat Humor! Enjoy it, as it is so much better than before!

Contests Coming Soon!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Not now, maybe later! Contests are coming soon...

Some Major Changes Being Added to Phat Humor

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:14:00 +0000

As stated in the before post, we are adding major changes to Phat Humor. This post is a list of some of the things we are changing for you guys.

We are adding many things. Here are some things that are changing:

-We are adding an official Phat Humor Forum
-We are adding new writers
-We are on a campaign to get more site traffic

We are adding more things, those are just a select few.

Welcome! I'm b0nd!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 21:31:00 +0000

That silly old writer who created Phat Humor has a new sidekick! I do not refer to myself as a sidekick to a writer named, "Admin," Seriously, b0nd is such a badass name.

I'm so much better than Admin, correct? I believe so. Well anyways, I'm a new writer for Phat Humor, so you will definately see more of me!

Writer's Block

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 19:15:00 +0000

Yup, it's one of those days. We get ready to sit down at our computers or laptops, have our Carpal Tunnel Wristbands securely placed on our wrists, but we're missing one thing. Ideas!

Damn you writer's block! Damn you to hell! How do you expect us to write quality content if you show up announounced. Next time you stop by, at least give us a weeks notice. You can't expect to show up on our doorsteps ready to block our nerdy ideas from flowing out of our gigantic brains.

Dammit writer's block, you just made me go offtopic! I FU**ING hat you! Dammit, I just misspelled hate by forgetting the 'e'!

If you, the reader, haven't already noticed, I'm just babbling on and on because of writer's block! Erg, even typing those words gets me all riled up and angry!

Making BIG Changes to Phat Humor!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:38:00 +0000

In order to bring in new visitors, we have started a 2 month campaign to advertise and possibly accumulate new visitors to Phat Humor! With that said, we are pleased to inform any reader we have that we have started major site changes today! We will still update with content, but not as frequently as before. We hope to add many new things to the site! Check back for a new post containing everything we are adding to this site!

We Aren't Getting a Lot of Visitors...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:35:00 +0000

As you may have noticed, we are not getting views on this site. Now that I think about it, I believe we don't even have one reader!

No matter! We will keep going until the very end (As you may have noticed, we have no lives!) All websites didn't start off with 1000 viewers a day and we sure haven't as well. Just putting that out there.

Top 5 Best April Fools Pranks Ever

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:42:00 +0000

April Fools is a great day! It occurs on April 1st, every year. We have generated a great list of the Top 5 Best April Fools Pranks Ever!

5. The Taco Liberty Bell

1996: Taco Bell announced back in 1996 that they bought the Liberty Bell and they decided to rename it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundereds (Wow, only hundreds huh? I guess people liked the idea...) of pissed of citizens called the National Historic park in Philedelphia to express their pissyness. They were only one step away from blowing a fuse when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The real puncher is when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. He responded by saying that the Lincoln Memorial had been sold and renamed as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial (and ZING!)

4. Nixon for President

1992: National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon was again, running for President of the United States. Get this, his slogan was "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again!" With this announcement came an audio speech of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Many listeners flooded the show with expressions of outrage and shock. During the second half of the show they announced it was fake. Nixon's voice was impersonated by Rich Little.

3. Flying Penguins

2008: The BBC announced that it's filming crew for the show Miracles of Evolution had captured a video of Adélie penguins flying in the air. (They were probably like, "HOLY SHIT!") They even offer a video of the penguins. The announcer on the show explained that the penguins fly to the rainforests of South America to escape the harsh winters.

2. Bombs Away!

1915: On April 1st, 1915, in the midst of WWI (Or as we like to say it, World War FUN!), the a French plane flew over a German Camp and dropped something that appeared to be a bomb. The German soldiers immediatly scattered like little bunnies. After they realized there wasn't a boom, a soldier went to go check on the object. They found a large football with a note attacthed to it saying "April Fools!" (Damn, the French were so cool back then...now...we don't even want to go there.)

1. 15th Annual New York City April Fools Parade

2000: A News Release sent to the Media said that the 15th Annual New York City April Fools Parade was scheduled to begin at noon on 59th Street and would proceed down to Fifth Avenue. There were many floats the depicted world hoaxes, according to the report. CNN and the FOX affiliate WNYW sent news crews to cover the parade. They arrived at 59th Street but there was no sign of a parade. They then knew they were pranked (Seriously, who didn't see that coming?) This hoax was the work of proffesional pranker, Joey Skaggs . Skaggs had been issuing press releases advertising the nonexistent parade every April Fool's Day since 1986.

Source for all of these from: http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/

Top 5 Ways to Ask Out a Girl

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 17:37:00 +0000

1. With $100,000 in your hand or wallet.

2. While holding a cute puppy.

3. Without holding a fat mouse.

4. Without making out with your other girlfriend.

5. With your little brother you take care for because he is confined to a wheelchair after a serious sledding injury.

Those are 5 Ways to Ask Out a Girl.

Top 5 Ways to Explode

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 20:39:00 +0000

1. With an exclamation mark. (The irony is, I didn't use an exclamation mark at the end of that sentence!) (Well I did add an exclamation mark at the end of the first sentence in parenthesis and that was kinda funny too because the sentence that ends with the exclamation mark talks about the sentence before it not ending with an exclamation mark.)

2. Make your brain explode by a parasitic brain exploder.

3. With a bomb.

4. Without a bomb squad.

5. With a bomb strapped to your boss.

Those are the Top 5 Ways to Explode!

Top 5 Ways to Swim

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 20:33:00 +0000

1. With swimming shorts.

2. Nude.

3. With a ducky floaty.

4. With no arms.

5. With a hot bikini girls and one who is not so hot who is also kind of fat and you just wish she left but unfortunately the fat bikini girl is best friends with the hot bikini girls and you really wanna bang the hot bikini girl but the fat bikini girl is a 3rd wheel. You then ask the hot bikini girl out and fat bikini girl automatically retorts with "I can go too!" And then you say, "you know what world, you've got me cornered again."

Those are the Top 5 Ways to Swim.

3 Reasons Why High School Sucks

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 18:08:00 +0000

We all remember high school right? The best years of our lives. Well we have compiled a list of reasons why high school wasn't as great as everybody thought.

3. High School Years are the Greatest Years of your Life

Think about it. When you were in high school it was so easy to make friends and you pretty much got along with everyone. Now think about the real world. Everyone tries to screw you over to benefit themselves.

After high school, everything goes downhill. Your parents kick you out, you need a job to pay bills, and you most likely start doing drugs.

That's pretty much how you turned out right?

2. In High School, you Were All That

Yeah, you were on the football team or whatever. You were the coolest things in school. Too bad as soon as you figured out there was a 1% chance you were gonna be a pro athlete (or cheerleader), you realized after high school that nobody gave a shit about you.

That's right, after high school you were just a normal person. In fact, when you turn 40 and think "Man, I was so popular in high school, I just wanna go back to that time," you know how bad your life is and that's that.

1. The Nerds Are the Successful Ones

Remember those kids you stuffed in the lockers or beat up. Sometimes you even dunked their heads into toilets. Yeah, us nerds still feel the pain.

Too bad, 20 years later they're a successful doctor or lawyer and you work at some auto store or something.

You used to be so much better than them, now you're begging them for a job.