Really? All day long? How is that even possible?

Obviously, we can't sit around in a trance worshipping God all day... there's a million things that must be done. Can I be in an attitude of praise, and at the same time, take care of those million things?

Can I be aware that God is with me while I talk to a friend? Can I walk down the hall and feel God's presence beside me? Can I study a book, or play an instrument, while also having a part of my brain dedicated to a constant connection with God?

Even now in this very moment while I sit here with my computer I am also aware that the Spirit of God fills every inch of my being and flows in me and through me, prompting my thoughts and inspiring these very words.

I will praise you all day long!

Sometimes I am as stubborn as a mule, unwilling to go where You direct me;  unwilling to even pause, to listen for Your direction.  And You refuse to jerk me around or force me to follow You.  Instead You draw me into Your presence with an open invitation.

So right now, in this moment, I accept Your invitation, and my heart is soft for You.  I choose to come near. Forgive me for ever ignoring or avoiding You.  To be with You is more important to me than anything.

This verse brings back memories of childhood.  I've always been a climber.  Me and my brother built a tree fort in our ravine at least 100 feet in the air.  When traveling through the Smokies we stopped along side the road to climb those steep rock walls along the highway.  I remember climbing to the top of a cliff to jump into a lake on a vacation in Canada.  Climbing has continued into adult life; peak day in Wyoming with Brian and the Half Dome hike in Yosemite with Scotty.  There's something satisfying about accomplishing a climb.  But some are impossible on our own.

With my God I can scale any wall!  

David is referring to the wall of a fortress, a stronghold, a fortified city.  We all have walls to overcome.  The enemy has strongholds; certain issues that seem impossible to deal with.  And they are impossible; if it were not for God.

With my God I can scale any wall.

Lord, reveal to me the enemies strongholds in my life.  What walls are keeping me from conquering?  Help me identify and name these walls.  

With my God I can scale any wall.

The questions in verse 1 grab my attention.  Who?  Who can?  Who can be close to God?  Who can really feel His presence, and actually be in His presence?  Who?  I want it to be me!  I want to feel that intense close intimacy with God!

Then the question is answered.  I discover how?  How to make sure the "who" is me.  Psalm 15 lays it all out.  So I open myself to God's interrogation.  I'm not just reading words, but at my invitation, God probes into my life, revealing my actions and thoughts.

Am I living right?  Am I speaking truth?  Is my heart sincere?

Do I avoid gossip, honor friends, and keep promises?

After searching, confessing, and renewing my spirit I am there; in that place I longed to be, in God's presence.

He boasts about the cravings of his heart;
he blesses the greedy.   Psalm 10:3

Even in this economically depressed time, in the U.S. we still are so rich and focused on possessions.  And sadly we don’t even recognize it as unusual or wrong.  How can anyone who thoroughly embraces this life of affluence not be challenged by these words in verse 3?

In his pride the wicked man does not seek him;
in all his thoughts there is no room for God.  Psalm 10:4

But Lord, I am seeking You now, in this very moment.  Yes, but where will your mind be a half hour from now?  At lunch time?  In the middle of the afternoon?  How often do thoughts of me get crowded out by all the busy work in your brain?  Is there room for thoughts of God?  Are you seeking me more than you are seeking other things?

Your laws, Oh God, are rejected by him;  Psalm 10:5

Reject your laws?  I don’t reject your laws, do I?  You don’t reject the big ones (the ones you want to follow anyway).  But then, according to you, there are some commandments that are not so critical; not so important.  Why do you reject those and choose to disobey me?  Why do you think that I would not have a problem with that?

He says to himself, “I will always be secure.”
He swears, “I will always be happy.”   Psalm 10:6

I want you to experience happiness! But just like the wicked person, you look mainly to outside sources for your security and happiness.  Why?  Why do you not cling to me for this?

The sinners say to themselves, “God will never notice;  he covers his face and never sees.”  They sin, and think to themselves,  “God won’t hold me accountable.”   Psalm 10:11,13

I am interested in every detail of your life, I have counted all the hairs on your head, I care about you more than you can imagine.  So when you choose to sin, I notice it.  And every choice has a consequence, so don’t think there are no consequences to sin; I love you too much to ignore that.

Hmmm...  I'm not a wicked person.  But we sure do have some characteristics in common.

It’s tempting at times to settle for an easy but meaningless  God time; to rattle off requests, wishes and wants, and then be on my way.  This morning I am determined to live this verse.  And so I wait...

and continue to wait... 

silently waiting...

Waiting reveals my impatience.  My true desire is to attack my to do list, not to be here with God.  Confessing that helps me let go of impatience.

Waiting reveals the shallowness of my measly offering of time that simply fulfills a requirement.

Waiting reveals my lack of faith.  What do I really expect to happen?  Do I really sit on the edge of my seat, in expectation of what God will do?

And after much waiting, finally, I begin to sense a sincere desire for God.  I hunger to dive in deep.  I long for His love and presence.  And suddenly, that is exactly where I am.

“How long will you love what is worthless and pursue a lie?”

Sometimes I find myself “loving” worthless things, like silly addicting games or other things that suck my time away,  time that could be invested in something worthwhile.  

I love this word “pursue”.  It’s full of focused action, being intentional, moving forward toward something!  But how sad if that something is a lie.  What if my pursuits lead to some delusion, a false hope, a dead end?

How long will you love what is worthless and pursue a lie?

No longer.

Search your heart and be silent (Psalm 4:4)

Okay...

Right now.  Be silent...  search your heart...

search me, O God, and know my heart...

Fill my heart with joy (Psalm 4:7).  (Repeating a prayer over and over can be powerful)

Fill my heart with joy.

Fill my heart with JOY!

FILL MY HEART WITH JOY...

fill my heart...

fill me.

I whisper the words, "I call out to You Lord."  But my whisper lacks passion.  I speak the words; it's not enough.  I speak louder, but still it's not what is needed.  

On my feet now, shouting...  ABBA FATHER!  MY REDEEMER!  MY SUSTAINER!  MY SHIELD!  MY GOD!  MY ROCK!  MY FORTRESS!  I CALL OUT TO YOU!!!

Something breaks lose inside my spirit, and I am in His presence!

"Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention."

How many times have I given God my spare time, whatever I have left over, if any?  I will not do that to God!  I will not say, "I don;t have time".  I do have time. 

A phrase that pops off the page is "TOTAL ATTENTION".   What body language do I speak to God.  Giving total attention is more than a casual half hearted nod to God.  I turn my body towards Him, my face is lifted, my eyes are focused, my hands reach out, nothing distracts me from my Abba Father.  Total attention, but not like a military man.  A soldier stands at attention, looks straight ahead, and out of respect does not look directly at his commanding officer.  Total attention to God should be different.  It's about intimacy, connection, and a genuine relationship with a Father who loves you. 

Total attention, God, you have it right now in this moment.

Verse after verse penetrates straight through my thick skin and flesh and bones, and into my heart, causing me to examine what is there.  Does God really have my heart?  Or am I like Gomer, offering my passion to what the world has for me?   

 One verse sticks out to me (Hosea 13:6), as God speaks to me loud and clear...           

"When I fed them they were satisfied; when they were satisfied they became proud; then they forgot me."

Oh God, forgive me for forgetting you;  For avoiding you and ignoring you.  I NEED YOU AND WANT YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!

But not today, not this morning.  It's still dark outside and I sit in my chair under an afghan with the window cracked.  The quiet stillness of the morning is peaceful.  I click on the lamp and it casts light on the Bible sitting in my lap.  I have missed this, but I am back now.  God, will You give me a fresh new beginning?

Will you make a fresh new commitment to Me?  Yes, I will.  I do!  

BP  Bible and Prayer, every morning, every day.  Okay, I'm in.

Galatians 2:20...  Don't just say it.  Pray it, with all of who you are.

I have been crucified with Christ (as I whisper these words out loud, I stretch my arms wide) 

And I no longer live (I lower my head)

But Christ lives in me (I bring my hands into my chest, and raise my head)

(Taking deep breaths, I invite the life of Christ to invade me.  Then pray it all again...)

I have been crucified with Christ (arms stretched), and I no longer live (lowered head), but Christ lives in me. (hands to chest, head up, deep breaths)

I have been crucified with Christ...

Now the campers are all safely tucked into cabins, and I lay here in bed with an open window two feet from my head where gentle rain falls like music.  Thunder still rumbles, but no longer startles.  Now it’s a soothing sound that is deep and distant.   A breeze carries the fresh scent of rain, and delivers it to me as a gift from God.  The darkness is occasionally interrupted as if a camera flash were giving my mind a chance to take a picture of this peaceful moment.  Memories of life change.  God’s grace, and my gratitude.  My wife near me now, sound asleep.     What is it I feel?  Peace.  Fulfillment.  Joy.  Thankfulness.  My eyes eventually close.

The huge piles of ice formed by winter waves are all melted now.  But their effect on the beach has left sand bar like peninsulas stretched out parallel to the shoreline.  I’ve been on one of these peninsulas for a while, but now I find myself at a point of decision.  Blocking my progress is a water trench separating the peninsula I’m on from another one that stretches further south.  I would probably get wet trying to cross it, so I turn and head back the way I had come.  Then suddenly changing my mind, I turn back, and break into a sprint.  At the edge of the water trench I leap, and soar across the trench, barely clearing the water.  But the landing strip is saturated sand, so my steps sink ankle deep.  Am I concerned about wet feet?  No.  I raise my arms and pump my fists in celebration, like Rocky did at the top of those steps!

Now I’m exploring this new peninsula, and quickly discover two things.  There’s beach glass in abundance, and there’s also no foot prints anywhere.  As I pick up one piece of glass after another, I think about how close I came to turning back.  I could have missed out on all this adventure.

Lord, lead me to take adventurous steps, to places where there are no foot prints in the sand.

Take the long way this morning. 

Spend a few moments with me as you walk into work.

I turn to my left, and head to the edge of the parking lot, to the sidewalk that will take me around to the back entrance, past the park and through some trees where the sun shines through.  My senses come alive to sounds that went unnoticed just moments earlier.  The sound of crunching boots on melting ice.  Birds singing... yes, birds for the first time in weeks.  A neighbor shoveling snow.  I pray for him.  My pace slows to match the tempo of dripping melted snow as it slides off the end of an icycle and softly taps the ground. Breathe in the smell of crisp winter air.  Soak in the sunshine.  Enjoy the presence of God in these moments.

And it only cost me about 2 minutes of my day.  Taking the long way was well worth it.

Heart.

Lord, soften any hardness in my heart.  Let Your fire warm any icy coldness in me.  Melt my heart.  Let my heart be fully alive to You.

“At this my heart pounds and leaps from its place.
Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice,
to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.
He unleashes his lightning beneath the whole heaven
and sends it to the ends of the earth.
After that comes the sound of his roar;
he thunders with his majestic voice.
When his voice resounds he holds nothing back.
God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding.
He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’
and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’

Job 37:1-6

“You won’t relent until You have it all,

my heart is Yours...”

The song makes me want to create a new worship play list.  I begin randomly dragging and dropping songs, and suddnely I realize a theme takes shape.

You won;t relent until you have it all, my heart is Yours... (Jesus CUlture)

Lord, You have my heart... (Delerious)

You Have me, you have my heart... (Gungor)

You’ve stolen my heart, yes You have... (Leeland)

Here is my heart, you can have it all... (Jesus Culture)

Lord, you have made your message clear to me.  You relentlessly pursue my heart, and desire for me to give my heart fully to You.  It’s not a new concept; love the Lord your God with all your heart.  But what does it really look like to give all my heart to God consistently? It’s easy to sing about it, but to actually pull this off at times seems impossible.  So many things and people have a piece of my heart.

But in this moment right now, as I sing, I mean each word.  In this moment right now I am giving my heart fully to You!

Piece my mind back together wholly,

Wind unwind me and whisper slowly

So I can hear You now.

Peace my mind back together holy,

Wind unwind me and whisper slowly

So I can hear You now.

I can hear You now.

In the stillness my eye catches movement in the meadow below; a large herd of mule deer, easily 15, maybe even 20 of them.  Matt and I look at each other, each knowing what the other is thinking.    Our peaceful moment is over.  We’re off, racing down a trail that puts us on a course to intersect the herd.  Suddenly we are among them, wild leaping mule deer just feet in front and behind and beside us.  INCREDIBLE.  And there at the back of the herd, pushing them forward, is the biggest buck I have ever seen.

Never have I ever felt such a rush!

I am filled with joy!  What an unexpected gift from God.  While looking for a peaceful moment in the mountains, I wind up with this unexpected adventure.  Isn’t it just like our God to turn my simple plans into a snow safari.

At first the dreariness of the night hits me hard.  It's alarming how closely it reflects my mood.  Looking at the sky I can imagine black smokey death eaters descending upon me, trying to suck the life out of me.  I want to run fast, but the best I can do is a walk jog, and this further fuels my frustration.  

But at least I'm moving, and before long I begin to work out the kinks in my spirit as well as my unused muscles.  The cold air actually awakens me to something I've longed for, and the rain refreshes.  I'm running again, sort of, and feeling free in my spirit.

Thirty minutes later I slow to a walk.  Approaching my house I notice my neighbors Christmas lights, and realize the night is not all that dark after all.

It's surprising sometimes how you can be in such a good place, and then somehow get twisted and turned in a wrong direction.  Stuck in a damp dark cave.  Still desiring God, and looking, but not really connecting.  

"What are you doing here?"   (1 Kings 19:9)

What am I doing here?  I want to feel God's powerful presence again.  I want to get out of this cave and rediscover my intimate passion for God.  It's hard to see God in the storms and earth quakes and fire.  It's difficult to sense His presence when life is all crazy.

Then comes the part I've heard before, but it hits me anew.  God comes in the gentle whisper...

"What are you doing here?"  (1 Kings 19:13)

There's that same question again.  This is not where I belong; and not where I want to be.  Lately I have not been consistently listening for God's whisper.  Life has been a whirlwind, and I have allowed myself to be caught up in it.  But not now, not in this moment.  God calls me to come out of the cave, and I am moving, and I am listening.

In the dark, in the middle of the night, I kneel on the floor of our living room, and simply listen intently for the gentle whisper of God.  And he speaks.  And I am transformed.

So I wake up this morning, start the fire, flip on a lamp, and read this...

Let your light shine for all to see, so that your good deeds will bring praise to God

Father, before I can be light to the world I need Your light to burn brightly inside of me.  Fill my entire being with Your light.  Shine down Your light on me.  

Into marvelous light I'm running, out of darkness out of shame.  I lift my hands and spin around.  See the light that I have found.  The marvelous light.  Christ in me.

My light is in you!

Lord, let me be light today.  May my actions be like a flashlight in a dark room.  And may the spotlight shine on you.  

So, here I am, laid up after surgery, with no "I don't have time" excuse anymore.

I have certainly allowed the busy nature of life to keep me from writing, and in many ways, to keep me from doing the things worth writing about.  This morning I first go to facebook instead of scripture, but God gets my attention anyway, through Emma's facebook status.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12)

I immediately recognize His voice.

A slow deep breath...  Be joyful in hope

Another slow deep breath...  patient in affliction

breathe in and out... faithful in prayer

Be joyful in hope

Hope... Lord, I have much to feel hopeful about.  Surgery went well, I am going to get better, I will run again, play basketball again...

I continue to breathe in the joy of hope, and express my gratitude for so many blessings.

patient in affliction

my first thought is poor me, laid up here, afflicted from surgery, barely able to walk, sitting all day.  Poor afflicted me... all I need within hands reach, a glass of water, a granola bar, a mac book, the remote control, a wonderful wife who brings me everything I need.  Maybe I would understand afflicted better if I were in Haiti with the threat of cholera, or in Uganda with the threat of HIV.  Forgive me Lord for thinking I am afflicted...

faithful in prayer

Okay, Great Physician, I see You want to use your knife on me, to cut into me with those words.  Cut away, and pull back the skin.  

reveal...   

remove...  

repair...  

Do your surgery on me.

"You may ask me anything in my name and I will do it."  John 14:14

This verse is like water on the face.  Why?  Because we are given permission by the God of the universe to ask him anything?  No, although that is amazing.   Because Jesus makes an outrageous promise, that he will "do it"?  No, even though that is remarkable.

What shocks me is that God speaks to Candi so clearly this message of John 14:14, while at the same time I sit meditating on John 15.  And I now become very aware of John 15:7, which says...

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you."

I love it when God confirms His word to us through each other, like some secret code that makes no sense until both of our clues come together.   And the decoded message is...

Ask...

God, you obviously want us to ask.  Ask for what?  Something specific you want us to ask for?  Or is your message to us just that we ought to experience more expectation, a constant looking to the Father who gives good gifts, an attitude of relying and looking to You to meet our needs?

Ask me...

It feels kind of like Christmas;  like Candi questions our kids, "what's on your Christmas list?"  She doesn't ask that question grudgingly.   We don't get mad at them when they tell us what they want.  We eagerly make plans to bring them joy.

Ask me anything...

Sure, a deeper understanding of these passages is needed.  What does it mean to ask "in his name"?  What is the "if" in John 15:7?  What does "remain in me" look like?  Questions are there, but the fact remains, my Abba Father wants me to ask.

Ask whatever you wish...

So it doesn't take long before I’m exhausted, holding my breath, kicking and struggling to reach the deep end wall. Finally I come up for air, only to do it all again.

It feels like my whole summer has been this way. Constantly under attack by alligators, kicking and struggling to reach a goal, coming up gasping for air, and then diving right in to the next event. It’s a challenge to stay intimate with God when life is this way. In my peripheral vision I notice the miraculous hand of God at work around me, and yet I’m so focused on reaching the wall.

I could write so much about this summer. It’s been an amazing time of miracles. And yet I’ve allowed my intimacy with God to slip away at times too. For now, there’s another wall in sight, so I’m going to take another gulp of air and start swimming. But as I do, I am determined to ignore the alligators and focus fully on my Abba Father.

I come across a huge heart dug deep into the sandy beach.  It’s a good 20 feet across, the trench is about a foot deep.  Inside the heart are the initials of two people who obviously love each other.  Through the night this heart was attacked by furious wind and waves and down pours of rain, and yet it has somehow survived.  

My guess is that someone dug this big heart on the beach in order to be seen from the bluff above.  I can imagine her joy when she came to the edge of the bluff and looked down at the heart he made for her.  The joy it must have brought to know that he made such an effort to say I love you.

God has an even better view of this heart from His vantage point. 

He has an even better view of my own heart.  What does He see there?

Could I offer God some extravagant expression of love?  What if I took the time to carve out some special heart sign for Him?  How can I accomplish that?  

This question continues in my mind as I walk along.

As I lock up and turn off lights downstairs, a voice comes from Brian’s bedroom.

“Dad, do you wanna watch the storm for a while?”

I almost say no.  It’s late and I'm tired and I just want to go to bed.  But in a year or so he’ll be off to college, and I’ll have no one to watch storms with (Candi does not share our love of thunder storms).  I say yes!

We sit on the front porch where we can experience the storm without getting too wet.  Soon we realize it’s one of the best storms ever!  The lightening comes continuously, and with great intensity.  Thunder follows just a second or two behind streaks of lightening; deep low thunder claps that rattle the house we lean against.  Now the rain pours down, making a river of rapids out of Ridge Road.  The lack of wind is almost eerie, and then suddenly the trees are bending.  Rain now whips into our once sheltered spot, but we hang in there, not wanting to walk away from such an amazing sight.

To watch and witness God’s power together is something special.  It brings back other times I sat here, with Sara and Scotty, cuddled up in blankets watching a storm.  Good bonding memories.

I am so glad I decided to say yes.

I wonder how often my Abba Father calls me to experience a moment with him, and my answer is no.  It’s late, and I’m too tired.  It’s early, or I’m too busy.  How many amazing moments have I missed by saying no to God?

I want to say yes.

Usually sunshine is prefered, but sometimes a dark overcast sky closed in around you feels just right.  I actually feel thankful for it, for the isolation, the sense of being alone with God, like this beach is here just for me today.  I'm thankful for the differing colors of gray in the clouds, with varying degrees of drakness; the threat of this light rain becoming a down pour. 

Parts of my life seems like this, kind of overcast, but it's okay.  As clouds close in I cling a little closer to God.  

Walking warms me up after just a few minutes.  I actually enjoy the rain in this moment.  Looking up, I feel it on my face, and I have to sing:

Rain down Your love, pour out on me, rain down Your love on me...

I just wanna feel Your mercy, washing all over me...

So here I am the following morning at that same park, walking the beach.   Since my abdominal muscle injury 3 months ago, I have had to give up running, and settle for walking.   At first it was hard to quit running, but lately I have enjoyed my walks. 

It’s easier to focus on prayer when I walk, and it’s also easier to find beach glass.   I found more glass in the past few months than all of last year put together. 

Maybe there’s a message in here about slowing down. 

Keep in step with the Spirit     

So this morning I’m walking a lonely isolated stretch of beach, and I come across this chair…

There is something so beautiful and mysterious about the chair.  It’s well worn and somewhat tattered, and yet I get the feeling it is strong enough to survive the wind and waves out here in this lonely spot. 

Who comes to sit here?  Like this chair, is he a well worn person looking for help to weather the storms?  Is she lonely or sad as she sits by herself?

Yet this chair is not at all like a lazy boy.  This chair, like many of the others I have seen these past few days, is placed here on purpose, to create a space for community.  Whoever sits here wants to communicate and connect with the One who created this view.  I imagine conversations here; the person in the chair speaks a thought, and the Creator answers back with a gust of wind or a crashing wave, or a colorful sky full of clouds.

But this morning a strange idea comes over me; and I begin to prayerfully sing these sifted words and phrases.  Music is powerful, and takes scripture meditation to a whole new place.  Repeating words melodically seems to unlock new insights for me, and frees my spirit to connect in some deeper way with whatever it is God intends to show me.

These words and phrases, sifted from Acts chapter 1, will mean nothing if they are simply read and passed over.  But when meditated upon, musically, they come to life!

wait…   wait…  wait… 

wait for the gift

the gift

wait for the gift My Father promised

My Father promised

wait…  stop…    be still…

wait in expectation for the gift

the PROMISED gift

you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit

baptized… immersed… filled… consumed… drenched… soaked…

you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit

you will

wait for it…  wait for it…    wait for it…

you will receive

receive power…   when?

when the Holy Spirit Comes on you!

Holy Spirit come…   Holy Spirit come…

Fill me to the fullest measure til I overflow

Spirit, fall afresh on me

receive power…  receive POWER

power for what purpose?

you will be my witness

be…   be…    be…    be my witness…

power to be    power to live    power for action

you will...    you will...    you will...

you will be baptized

you will receive power

you will be my witness

wait…    

It’s Monday morning; I’m on the couch with my readers on and my Bible in my lap. Brian comes up the stairs and glances my way.

Brian: “You haven’t done that in a while.”
Me: “Yeah, I got off track over spring break, and then was sick last week.”
Brian: “Excuses.”
Me: (speechless)

Brian summed up the past few weeks for me with one word. It sure is hard to write about intimacy with God when you are not investing quality time with God. When you don't hear from me for a stretch of time, it’s either because I have nothing to say or I’m too busy to say it. These past few weeks have been a combination of both. I could give you a list of reasons, but they are only excuses.