Big news! We’re expanding the radio show — again. Recently we renamed the radio show you’re used to – YOUR LIFE AFTER TRAUMA – and have now titled it, CHANGING DIRECTION. Don’t worry, we’re still covering everything you need to know about how to move forward in your life after trauma. In addition, we’ll be broadening the content to address more topics about rebuilding your life and changing direction from trauma to triumph.

Now we’re expanding the show from once to twice a week. In an effort to bring you even more ideas for how to redefine who you are and reclaim how you live, we’ll now have two shows, each 30 minutes long on Mondays and Wednesdays, 2pm EST/11am PST.

It can be difficult for the average, everyday person to understand us at times. Trying to relate to what we’ve been through or continually supporting us through what seems to be an endless maze of emotions, trials, and battles.  Many people, on top of attempting to process their trauma, through it all, experience the loss of friend or family support at some level.  And, if we experience this, negativity is compounded. Living in a world of negativity can only result in additional struggles and a big, looming fog. So, how can we change ourselves and get rid of that gloomy fog?

On Monday of this week on Changing Direction, I will share some simple ways you can use clarity to change your brain. Then, on Wednesday, I will be chatting with Laura King . Laura is a certified hypnotist and founder of Summit Dynamics, LLC.  Laura is sought after by Olympians, leading edge CEO’s, public figures, professional athletes, prominent physicians, award-winning trainers and parents. She is dedicated to helping people in their healing journey.  To learn more about the show and see our guests, click here.

This week we continue our series “Caiden’s Hope Foundation” from Part 1

A few weeks later after gaining some weight he was released and was home. Once again it was a beautiful day.

Caiden’s Hope, Vice President Terry Call tells a similar story of her daughter Jennifer and grandson Caiden. “When we first went into the NICU we were still in shock, it was very overwhelming. From the worry, the world renowned hospital, the rules, the unknown. They were moving our grandson when we got there, from one pod to another. Later we learned that the babies were placed in the pods by how sick they were. Our sweet little grandson Caiden was in the last pod. There were always at least three of us visiting so one of us always had to take a turn waiting in the waiting room. Whoever went in first reported the details by text message. The first question was what he weighed that day since he had been born at only 3 ½ lbs. Weight was a big deal. Then we would find out what tests or procedures would be done. What was happening with him next? At the beginning we couldn’t hold him, and then only our daughter or Caiden’s dad Chris could hold him. They had to share him because his little body could only take one disturbance of holding per day. It had to be a minimum of a 30 minute commitment because moving him meant having a respiratory therapist disconnect him from the machines until he was situated, and then reconnect him. Then the same had to be done when he was put back.
Later we learned to change his diaper around all of the wires, and learned to weigh the diapers. Eventually mom got to feed him by holding a large syringe filled with formula or mom’s milk, and a tube connected to it went into his NG tube. We washed our hands so many times a day that our hands got chapped. We learned where the nurses hand repair cream was.

We often stayed at a hotel affiliated with the hospital at a discounted price of $125.00 a night. They provided a continental breakfast which helped with the cost. The hospital located 3 blocks from the hospital was within walking distance. It was the only exercise we would get, and it was rejuvenating. Lunch and dinner had to be eaten out. Very often we ate in the hospital cafeteria which wasn’t that great and was very expensive. They sold fruit and salad by the weight which was very expensive and made eating healthy very difficult.

Our sweet little grandson stayed in the NICU for 2 months so the expense was huge! As a family we had to have special training before he could go home to insure that we knew how to care for him as he still had many medical issues. Though our time in the NICU was very long and stressful, we are so grateful for the gifted doctors and nurses that fought for his life and won. We know that God has big plans for Caiden’s life.”

Caiden’s Hope Foundation was formed to assist other families facing similar “trauma” in their lives. Not physical trauma for the parents, but certainly emotional and financial trauma. Lives are turned upside down when a new healthy baby is brought into a family, but when additional care is needed; families are faced with even greater amounts of stress. Will the child be ok, how can we afford the extra expense, where will we live while the baby is hospitalized? These and so many other questions haunt their minds and in the current economic climate even more families are faced with questions they can’t answer. This is where Caiden’s Hope lends a hand. By providing a warm, clean, safe hotel for a few days, purchasing gas for a family’s car or just paying for parking at the hospital, Caiden’s Hope gives each family a sense of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Click here for “Caiden’s Hope Foundation: Part 1“

About Caiden’s Hope Foundation: Caiden’s Hope Foundation provides travel support for families with a child hospitalized in the NICU for an extended period of time.  Hospital caseworkers should contact Caiden’s Hope directly to determine if support is possible. Please visit us at our website, Caiden’s Hope Foundation, our Facebook Page, or join us on Twitter.  Additionally, please listen to the following audio clips: Caidens’s Hope Foundation Audio – 1 and Caiden’s Hope Foundation Audio  - 2  Video’s can also be seen on YouTube: Caiden’s Mother, Father, Grandmother, and Grandfather.

Where does our story begin? In the middle – right here – right now.

We are completing our first official year of activities in our effort to establish our footing in the battle for PTSD Awareness. We have made great strides in establishing our not-for-profit status and reaching out to all areas affected by PTSD, including the military, police, fire and EMS. Taking this on while working full-time jobs is a challenge but we are forging on and continuing to grow each day.

Why do we do what we do? Everyone has a personal story to tell. Our collective history goes back to many wars and the stories from our ancestors give us a foundation from which to build. Presently, we have friends and family currently in high risk occupations such as military, police, fire and EMS. One director is a volunteer firefighter who has seen first-hand how the loss of a firefighter can affect the whole department – PTSD is very real here. Our technical advisor is ex-military and our friends are currently overseas while others are serving our local communities as police and paramedics: the list is numerous and this makes this topic very personal to each one of us. These groups have the highest rate of PTSD and the strongest reactions when affected. We now fight for the mental health of those closest to us and the necessity for resources to be made readily available when called upon. We have a long road ahead of us but this is the course we have chosen to take.

No battle is fought alone and PTSD Awareness is no different. Through continuous support from incredible Volunteer Directors and Technical Advisor, generous corporations and volunteers from the community, we have had the privilege of hosting some unique events. One of the key aspects of fundraising we have recognized is “donor fatigue”. Everyone is bombarded on a regular basis with requests to support and donate to an increasing number of organizations. In order to address this concern, we have chosen a few key fundraising activities that will continue throughout the year and at regular intervals. Online auctions and para cord bracelets will be a constant fixture for Many To One.

One of our newest events has been speaking with students in a local high school about PTSD and we have been invited back to speak to them again next semester. We are taking a grassroots approach here in addressing a serious topic with our next generation of military, police, fire and EMS. This will help give them the knowledge of what to watch for and where to go for resources if needed.

We are currently exploring how we can best share the resources that are currently available nation-wide. Based on our in-house expertise, we are exploring the use of an online resource system which will be accessible to all who need it. We are becoming more and more aware of the need to share what exists in our communities as many are unaware that resources are currently available to them right now.

In order to maximize the effects of our collected donations, we have teamed up with larger organizations. Donations are redirected to their organization based on their solid track record in lobbying for PTSD Awareness and their willingness to help us tap into existing resources. As we continue grow, we will become more integrated in these activities as we encourage government and community involvement in establishing better resources for all sectors affected by PTSD. We want to ensure every dollar donated is properly utilized and is used to serve in the best way possible through our collective efforts.

Our future holds no bounds. We are continuously looking for ways to bring PTSD awareness to each household and to the offices that have the capability to make significant changes. With the support and enthusiasm of our volunteer board, advisors, other charitable organizations, corporations and many others, there is no limit to what we can accomplish. Our future is tied into the effort and success of each organization that works towards PTSD awareness. Together we will all make a difference.

About the author: Renee Mair started her career in the Not For Profit sector with Goodwill Industries in 1993.  She moved on to Aerospace and Automotive but the Not For Profit work stayed in her blood.  She joined forces with Neit Arms (now North Eastern Arms) in 2011 to start the donation drive that would soon become Many To One.  Her desire to focus on PTSD is directly related to her friends and family that are in the military, police, fire and EMS.  While working full-time, all her extra attention is given to Many To One and working with other organizations that share her desire to make PTSD Awareness known in all communities.

My name is Wayne Keller.  I’m the Executive Director of Caiden’s Hope Foundation and this is my story of how I and a small group of dedicated volunteers are trying to do our part to better the lives of families with a baby hospitalized in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

I had never known or at least don’t remember anyone I knew with a child in the NICU.  I’m sure there were friends or friends of friends who had experienced the trauma of not knowing if their child would be ok, but it didn’t affect me.  To be honest, although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone’s family, I didn’t care.  I was removed from the problem.  Then in January of 2009 it hit home.  One year later it happened to our closest friends in California.   One year later we were back in the NICU.

This is the story of my firsthand experiences and the story of Caiden’s Hope.

It was a beautiful day; my first grandson had just been born and he and I talked about our Scottish heritage, about Houston Astro baseball games and about my plans for helping him along the way. Actually I was soon to discover that I did most of the talking while he fell asleep, but holding a new life that was part of me was exhilarating and will never be forgotten.

After he was napping in his mother’s arms, we went home to take a nap ourselves and clean up after two days in the hospital waiting room.  As we checked email and took care of the chores that had been left behind, the inevitable exhaustion filled our bodies and we were ready to rest.  Then the phone rang.

My daughter-in-laws mother was on the phone asking why our grandson had been transported to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Texas Children’s Hospital.  Fear, anxiety, dread and all sorts of questions filled my mind.  As I didn’t have an answer, I immediately tried to reach my son, my daughter-in-law, a nurse, anyone that could answer the questions rapidly filling my mind with fear.  Tears streamed down my face as I thought the worse.  I took a deep breath, got myself together and quickly ran to find my wife and told her we were going back to the hospital, that something was wrong.

Reaching speeds in excess of 90 mph on a very busy Interstate Highway, we darted in and out of traffic, emergency flashers blinking and blasting the horn to let other drivers know to move out of the way.  Luckily, our son called and told us it was only a precaution. Yes, he was in the NICU and would be held there for the next 7 days, we could slow down; he was ok.

Our second grandson was born a few years later.  The phone rang at 4:30am and I could hear the tears in my son’s voice.  Our daughter-in-law was in labor two months early.  My son was breaking down when I told him to take a deep breath, take care of his family and we would be at the hospital before 9.  Again we hurried to the hospital and drove the 3 ½ hours arriving just as the clock struck 9am.  Following the doctor’s visit, she was sent home for bed rest, but it wasn’t but two days later before she was back in the hospital and our second grandson was born.  Small and frail with wires connected to beeping machines he was in an incubator while my son and hospital staff hovered over him.  We were afraid to touch anything, afraid that we might be in the way, afraid for our son and grandson, afraid of everything.

About Caiden’s Hope Foundation: Caiden’s Hope Foundation provides travel support for families with a child hospitalized in the NICU for an extended period of time.  Hospital caseworkers should contact Caiden’s Hope directly to determine if support is possible. Please visit us at our website, Caiden’s Hope Foundation, our Facebook Page, or join us on Twitter.  Additionally, please listen to the following audio clips: Caidens’s Hope Foundation Audio – 1 and Caiden’s Hope Foundation Audio  - 2  Video’s can also be seen on YouTube: Caiden’s Mother, Father, Grandmother, and Grandfather.

Abused

By: Denita Stevens

Every last drop, every ounce of moisture
Is consumed. The thirsty earth drank the last.
Dehydrated nature screaming through the cracks.
The bright sun smiles, merrily like a cure.
Each ray of light slices down on nature
Like a guillotine beheads swift and fast.
Old blooms collapse from their malnourished shafts.
Even tree trunks, once strong, are insecure.

Out of night, clouds emerge over the land;
Plump with water, sponges that hold liquid.
An unseen force, squeezes the juice of life.
Each drop of rain is a small, stroking hand.
In time of need, suppressing the wicked
Inclinations manifesting in time.

Big news! We’re expanding the radio show — again. Recently we renamed the radio show you’re used to – YOUR LIFE AFTER TRAUMA – and have now titled it, CHANGING DIRECTION. Don’t worry, we’re still covering everything you need to know about how to move forward in your life after trauma. In addition, we’ll be broadening the content to address more topics about rebuilding your life and changing direction from trauma to triumph.

Now we’re expanding the show from once to twice a week. In an effort to bring you even more ideas for how to redefine who you are and reclaim how you live, we’ll now have two shows, each 30 minutes long on Mondays and Wednesdays, 2pm EST/11am PST.

Trauma, in all of it’s many forms, has this way of just taking over so much of just “being.” If we experience a physical trauma, we can be affected emotionally. If we experience emotional trauma, we can be affected physically. It’s like a big circle and almost always, one is going to reach out to the other side of who we are, grab a different part and hang on.  Some people think that we have a choice in how we process trauma while other people don’t. I am one of those people who believes that we can heal from trauma because I’ve done it! The great news is that I also believe that you have the ability to find a direction that works for you and that improves YOUR life.   But, you have to make a definitive choice and find the strength that you have been given to do it. My goal is to help you find what works for you so that you can experience the joy of healing and change your direction. It takes work. It takes time. But, regardless of your circumstances, I know you can do it.

My guests this week will be helping you on that journey of discovery as they discuss how we can find a way to accept trauma and build a beautiful life from the experience.  This week on Changing Direction I will be chatting with Christie Aphrodite and Judy Davis. My first guest, Christie Aphrodite recovered from paralysis through nutrition and then went on to expose a sex-trafficking ring and lived to tell about it. She is an industry leading health coach and is going to share some of her secrets with us!  My second guest is a military wife and is also known as the “Direction Diva.”  Judy is going to share with us what it’s like to be a military wife as well as how to capitalize on life’s challenges and point you in a positive direction .  To learn more about the show and see our guests, click here.

Over the years through my own experience and as a psychotherapist specializing in trauma and PTSD recovery, I have found that our human journeys are both joyous and tragic. Even amidst the most beautiful of stories, if we listen carefully enough, we can hear about one another’s survival of loss and experience of unexpected pain and suffering. In the process of witnessing and holding space for the healing of both myself and others, I have come to realize one of the most important elements of the healing process and I share that now in the hopes of offering a cushion of support for others’ journeys.

I have discovered that the single most supportive element of successful and long-term trauma healing is cultivating the practice of meeting ourselves where we are with compassion—learning to welcome not only our joy, but our pain with a gentle and loving curiosity that cushions its’ presence. When we are able to observe our symptoms (anxiety, panic, grief, sleep difficulty, flashbacks, relationship conflict, etc) with wonder and kindness rather than judgment and criticism, we immediately welcome a softness that makes our already painful experience more bearable. It may be helpful to remember that symptoms are teachers. They come to us to communicate what is left unresolved within us and when met with compassion, symptoms can ebb and flow more quickly and easily than when we are resisting the process.

Two of the most common questions I often get asked in my practice are how do I know when I am not meeting myself where I am with compassion and what can I do when I realize I am struggling to be compassionate with myself? Both great questions! So I will answer them for you here…

A Few Signs That We Are Lacking Self-Compassion:
•  Are you feeling emotionally overwhelmed?
• Are you judging and criticizing yourself? For example, using phrases/thinking thoughts like “I should be passed this by now” or “This happened so long ago, I’m stupid and weak for still struggling.”
• Are you comparing your progress with your perception of others’, i.e. “He/she doesn’t still have anxiety like this!”
• Are you struggling with healthy boundary setting? For example, agreeing to do things you don’t want to do.

Ways to Cultivate a Practice of Self-Compassion:
• Breathe and allow yourself to pause during moments of struggle
• In the sacred pause, become mindful of your inner dialogue
• Reflect the inner dialogue without creating conflict, for example instead of berating yourself for experiencing symptoms of fear, grief, or pain, observe those feelings with compassion by saying “Of course I’m feeling _________, I have been through a lot and I am allowed to be present with these feelings and I am learning that they will pass”
• Learn to forgive yourself for your humanness—allow permission for you to be where you are without punishment, excuse, or justification AND forgive yourself when you aren’t able to do this as well
• Choose to take gentle care of yourself
–Put yourself on your priority list and honor that time as you might an appointment with another
–Welcome soft, comforting things into your environment—teddy bears, fuzzy socks, animals, blankets, etc
–Nurture yourself with food and drink that nourish your body, mind, and soul
–Be mindful of the people you choose to spend your time, energy, and stories with—create a support system of people who have shown you they can hold space for not just your joy, but your sadness, fear, and pain too
–Ask for what you need and begin to remember that you deserve to receive it (even if that means giving it to yourself)

The healing journey is long and complex enough, why complicate it even more by expecting ourselves to be somewhere that we haven’t yet arrived? Learning to be present in our experience with compassion has the potential to offer us relief even in the darkest of times. Let’s be our own candle in the darkness and choose to greet our symptoms with curiosity rather than resistance and allow our paths to be illuminated by the gifts of gentleness and love.

About the author: Keri Nola is a highly regarded Psychotherapist, Author of A Year on Your Path to Growth and Founder of Path To Growth, LLC, an integrative healing center based in Central Florida. She specializes in trauma recovery and dissociation, combining traditional and holistic techniques to help people access their inner wisdom and create a healthy mind, body, and spirit to live their most inspired lives.  

Keri’s real life experience paired with her extensive education and work background makes her a compassionate, balanced, and sought-after professional in the areas of personal growth and wellness. For more information, visit www.pathtogrowth.com, join Keri on Facebook at www.facebook.com/pathtogrowth and follow her on twitter@PathToGrowth

Guest Post by: Kerry “Doc” Pardue

Today we remember
A grateful Nation recalls
Our Men and Women
Who paid the price
Of freedom for us all

For those of us who
Served beside them
Every day is Memorial Day
We can’t let their memories fade
We were touched by their loss

Their lives touched ours
Changing and helping us
Becoming who we are
Grateful for what we have
Freedom at Home

For those left at home
You gave us your sons and daughters
Husbands and Wives
Fathers and Mothers
Brothers and Sisters
Friends and Lovers
Thank you for sharing them with us

We miss them all
We won’t let them be forgot
That is why each of us
Who have been in battle knows
We can never ever forget
That Every Day is Memorial Day

©Copyright May 30, 2004 by Kerry “Doc” Pardue

About the author: Kerry served 3 years active duty in the US Army as a Combat Medic with service in Vietnam and Germany.  He also was a member of the Arizona National Guard for 9 years with an Instructor position with the Arizona Military Academy. Mr. Pardue served as a police officer with the Sauk Village, Illinois Police Department for one year.  He relocated to Newport News, Virginia where he worked for the Newport News Police Department.  He served in uniform patrol for a six months, Police/Community Relations Director for 2 ½ years, Juvenile Detective for 2 ½ years, and Burglary Detective for 2 ½ years. He then took a Letter Carrier position with the US Postal Service with assignments in Newport News, Virginia, Eloy, Arizona, and Scottsdale, Arizona.  He served with the US Post Office for 10 years. Mr. Pardue then began a career with technical colleges as a College Recruiter.  He worked for the Arizona Automotive Institute with assignments in the Phoenix area, Fresno, California and as the National Trainer for the college.  He then started with Universal Technical Institute with assignments in Tennessee, and Arizona.  Finally, he worked for Remington College and retired disabled in 2004. His first book, entitled, POEMS IN THE KEYS OF LIFE:  Reflections of a combat medic, Publish America, April 2005 was awarded the Gold Medal for Poetry by the Military Writers Society of America.  He is currently writing a book about women’s service in the military. Mr. Pardue earned an Associate of Applied Science Degree in Police Science from Thomas Nelson Community College in Hampton, Virginia and then a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Criminal Justice Studies from Christopher Newport University in Newport News, Virginia. During his police career he has received a number of commendations and awards. He holds professional affiliations with the VFW, Military Order of the Purple Heart, National Association of Medics and Corpsmen, and served on the Board of Directors of the Sharon Lane Foundation. On a personal note Mr. Pardue is a 100% service-connected disabled Vietnam Veteran.  He has three adult children and eight grandchildren.  He and his family have lived in the Phoenix area since 1981.

This week we continue our series “The Hidden Legacy of World War II: A Daughter’s Journey of Discovery” from Part 1:

The VA has presented typical behavior patterns of children of combat veterans with PTSD. Secondary traumatization may be present in the children of the veterans. A child picks up on the father’s trauma and PTSD symptoms. A direct relationship has been found between the father’s symptoms and behaviors of their children. An over-identified child shares nightmares and flashbacks with their dads, who are the central focus of the child’s energy.

A rescuer or “parentified” child assumes the role of caretaker, absorbing guilt about the family problems and trying to be the fixer. An emotionally uninvolved child, on the surface, seems well adjusted and performs well in school. With that coping mechanism, the child detaches from the family drama; they usually receive little emotional support and guidance from their parents. This surface appearance of high performance is a cover for the anxiety and depression that this child internalizes; symptoms that my sister exhibited.

The generation of children raised by Vietnam veterans was well aware through the media’s lopsided presentation of the “troubled” Vietnam vet that their fathers may have returned home changed men. It took much longer for children of World War II combat veterans to recognize the toll their fathers’ war had taken on their psyches. Not until Saving Private Ryan in 1998, did the reality of our fathers’ war appear on the big screen. Until then, World War II movies were mainly filmed in black and white with bloodless deaths. Chris Kaltenbach, a columnist for the Baltimore Sun, noted that Saving Private Ryan was a World War II movie like none before. Hollywood had previously depicted the “good war” as a mythic and heroic undertaking. Saving Private Ryan was graphic. People get shot and die hard, not quickly and quietly. Men’s insides spill onto the ground as they watch, helpless. Blood is omnipresent. Visual celluloid reality finally depicted our dads’ war in all its gory mess.

At the end of the twentieth century, middle aged children of the World War II combat vets slowly began to walk out of the shadows with their stories – more than five decades after VE day. Stephen Spielberg, the son of a veteran of the Pacific Theater in World War II, by exposing blood and guts and deromanticizing our fathers’ war, had unleashed the hidden turmoil of a generation. Gradually, their children were telling their stories of the reality of living with a World War II combat vet – a tale that in some cases was a far cry from the image of the perfect Greatest Generation family.

Click here for “The Hidden Legacy of World War II: A Daughter’s Journey of Discovery” – Part 1

About the author: Carol Schultz Vento is a college professor and attorney. She received her doctorate in Political Science from Temple University and her law degree from Rutgers University. Her career has included teaching political science, public administration, urban politics, and pre-law courses at Pennsylvania and New Jersey colleges. She has also held faculty and administrative positions at The Philadelphia Center, one of the nation’s oldest off campus college internship programs.

As a lawyer, Carol was a sole practitioner and a writer of numerous legal articles for West Publishing. She also is the author of numerous articles about World War II history, in addition to a recent book, The Hidden Legacy of World War II.

Darkness

By: Sabine M. Pitcher

In the middle of the night you’re suddenly awake.
Was there a sound?
Was there a light?
You cannot say.

You feel something rise inside you.
Slowly, very slowly.
You feel trapped.
You cannot breathe.

Your eyes accustom to the dark, but nothing stops
the darkness
that takes over
your inside.

There is no way you stay in bed.
You’re restless now,
try to escape,
but you can’t run.

You hear the sounds inside your head,
the volume lowers
in the light.
But now it’s dark.

I try to tell you, you are not alone.
Please let me help,
please don’t push me
away.

You turn around, you’re shaking now.
I fight back tears.
Tonight you need
my strength.

In a few hours, daylight starts again.
Meanwhile I lead you
back to bed and hold
you tight.

I know you better than you think.
Your body talks and
within short you
fall asleep.

I still hold you when daylight breaks.
I stroke your head,
we have survived
another night.

Bio: Sabine holds a PhD in psychology. She was born and grew up in Germany and now lives in London / UK were she works in adult education. She recently started a blog supporting her work with service leavers: Military-to-Civilian Transitions.