As the storyline goes, four strangers meet and set out on an adventure with a dog to be granted things they were wishing for, but already possessed.

The Scarecrow wanted brains, but throught the movie used common sense and ingenuity to get everyone out of various situations.  The Tin Man wanted a heart but displayed sincere care and compassion to all.  The Cowardly Lion put himself in harms way when Dorothy was captured by the Wicked Witch.  And Dorothy?  Well, she just wanted to go home and she was home the entire time – she just didn’t know because of a little bump on the head.

How many times do we wish for things we already possess?  Maybe we need for someone to point them out.  Perhaps, like the four strangers making their journey to Oz, we need to be placed in situation that makes us see what we have and our true potential.

This movie teaches us all to examine ourselves – to not be so quick to look to “The Wiz” for answers, but to find The Wiz within ourselves.

This movie also teaches us the value of surrounding ourselves with positive people who are like-minded.  As different as they all were, they all had the same goal… to see The Wiz.   Dorothy was somewhat naive, but determined.  The scarecrow was flighty, yet resourceful.  The Tin Man cried and rusted alot, and the Cowardly Lion was afraid and second guessed his actions.  The fact remains that they stuck together.  Without their common bond and loyalty to each other, they may have never made it to Oz.

Lastly, I think a lesson that can be taken away from this movie is to always be yourself.  My absolute favorite scene in this movie is when the Wiz is exposed as a fraud and exclaims, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”  When we try to be someone we are not, we are inevitably eventually exposed for who we really are.

Surround yourself with good people, find the Wiz within yourself, always be yourself, and pave your own yellow brick road and follow it!

Wicked witch hat and shoes photo available from Shutterstock

As a therapist I don’t really give advice.  I like to think that I work as a guide to help people discover positive solutions and make the best decisions for themselves.  My motto is to “help people help themselves”.  Sometimes I think it would be nice if I could help me help myself.

I recently read Alice in Wonderland again, and afterwards watched the Disney version of the movie.  If you’ve never watched it, I would suggest it.  If you can move past the drug references in the movie including the hookah-smoking Caterpillar, Alice eating mushrooms and chasing the White Rabbit, and what many would describe as psychedelic trips – there are quite a few lessons to be learned.   Here are my favorites.

1) Always Remain Calm

Alice falls down the rabbit hole and has no idea where she will end up, but she remains very calm.  As you watch her descend, she never really seems to become unnerved.  She even takes a moment to take in the oddness of the things around her. When faced with this matter she adapts quickly and forges forward into the unknown and rolls with the punches.

2) Know Where You Want To Go

One of my favorite scenes in this movie is the conversation between Alice and the Cheshire Cat when Alice comes to a crossroads.   Alice asks the Cheshire Cat which way she should go and the cat responds by saying, it depends on where she wants to go.  When Alice responds that she doesn’t care where, the Cheshire Cat simply replies “then it doesn’t matter which way you go”.  This dialogue always reminds me to have a plan.  If I don’t have a destination or goal in mind, I have no directions and without directions, I get nowhere.

I think we should all have the courage to be like Alice.  Some may argue that Alice didn’t speak up enough – allowing her self to be pushed around by talking doorknobs, eating mushrooms under the directions of others, and being told what to do by the mysterious creatures of Wonderland.  I think Alice just went with the flow, allowed her curiosity to be her guide, didn’t sweat the small things, and enjoyed the ride.

We should never take life too seriously.  We should take the time to live in the moment and enjoy all experiences as they come.  The truth is we all have had and will have rabbit hole days because life happens.

Alice in Wonderland image available from Shutterstock

MEDITATE?  I almost laughed out loud.  Let’s be honest, I think my brain suffers from what I like to call “I can’t shut down syndrome”.  I’d tried meditation before and it was an epic fail.  I found myself picturing peaceful scenes only to be interrupted by my own random thoughts.  I moved on to mantras that turned into thoughts ranging from what i was going to make for dinner to is it possible to count my eyelashes!  Meditation was not for me, or so I believed.

I was aware of the research stating meditation increases positive coping skills,  helps to learn to focus on the present, reduces negative emotions, and can be beneficial if you suffer from a medical condition worsened by stress.  I was also very aware that in a time where I was dealing with a lot of stress and looking for ways to reduce my stress, meditation is free.  I decided to give this meditation thing another try.  After all, what did I have to lose?  I’d previously found it to be incredibly frustrating, but it didn’t hurt.

I started with a little research this time and foundt there were several types of meditation including:  guided, transcendental, mantra, mindfulness, Qi gong, Tai Chi, and yoga.

Guided meditation looked nice to me.  It included the word “guide” which was clearly something I needed, so I decided to give it a try.  I quickly realize there are guided mediation exercises everywhere.  Technology is amazing!  I downloaded a few and tried them out and found it to be quite fun.  I found a few that were boring and put me to sleep and I found a few that were comical and I couldn’t meditate because I was laughing.  Eventually I found a few that I liked and was soon off to meditation land.

I figured out the key to meditation was finding what worked for me.  I thought I couldn’t meditate, but there is no such thing.   If you’re interested in meditation find the method that best works for you and soon you will be off to meditation land too!

Can’t meditate photo available from Shutterstock

I have to admit, I temporarily lost my focus.  All of those postive things I live by and write about went right out the window.  Then I remembered that when the going gets tough, the tough get going.  I had to regroup because I wasn’t giving in to the option of giving up.   I decided it was time to get up and put my big girl panties on and keep it moving.  So I began my journey, thinking of ways to cope and I came up with some pretty basic solutions.

1) I stopped asking why.

I realized that asking why was not only extremely counterproductive, but it was also incredibly selfish.  After all, I wasn’t the only person in the world going through something.  I had to ask myself if things were really that bad and remind myself that they could always be worse.  I found that asking why was only prolonging my pity party and I was tired of  wearing that party hat.  Asking why wasn’t changing my situations or helping me to move forward.  So I just stopped asking why.

2) I remembered it’s only temporary.

I thought about my situations and realized that they were only temporary.  Some of them were scary, frustrating, irritating, and really sucked – but they would eventually come to an end.  I also reminded myself that every time I’ve ever been through anything, I’ve always been a little stronger when it was all said and done.

3) I prayed.

Prayer always works for me.  I believe a sense of spirituality keeps me grounded during many times where I would otherwise be insane.  It’s important to remember that prayer doesn’t always produce instant miracles.   In most instances, I’m not praying for the situation to be over, but just the strength to get through it.  I always feel a little lighter when I’m done and I like it.

The reality is that we all have had or will have those “life happens” moments that come one after another.  Sometimes one situation comes before another one ends.  We can’t always be prepared, but we can find healthy ways to cope and make it through the day.

Robert Frost stated, “in three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on”.  I couldn’t agree more.  Life is going to happen as long as we are living.  Roll with the punches and ride out the waves.

Flat tire photo available from Shutterstock

Anxiety attack?  Surely not me.  I had no precipitating event.  I was just washing dishes.  I had very little stress and in my opinion I had it all together.  Anxiety?  Really?  Not understanding why I had an anxiety attack only made me more anxious.  Now I really had anxiety, and boy did it take over my life.

My next few attacks were at work.  This was embarrassing to say the least.  I was the counselor who helped everyone else deal with their issues and my life was spinning out of control.  The next few were random places – the mall, WalMart, the grocery store.  Pretty soon I was kind of afraid to go in public out of fear of having yet another attack.

I was embarrassed about my anxiety.  I didn’t want people to know because I felt it was a sign of weakness or that I couldn’t control my life.  Although I knew I would never tell a client that and would never believe that about a client, I believed it about myself.

One day I decided I was going to fight back.  I refused to accept this fate of constant fear.  I embarked on a journey of self-exploration and several visits to physicians.  In the end, I found that my anxiety was due to a hormonal imbalance and that made a big difference.  Once I figured out the cause, it wasn’t as scary.

Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of.  Even now, my hormones get out of whack and I will have random attacks.  If you are having anxiety, don’t sit in silence and suffer.  Seek help and find a method of coping that works for you.  Talk to your doctor, find support groups, engage in counseling, take medications, find alternative therapies; the possibilities are abundant.  Discovering why you have anxiety is the first part of the battle, learning how to deal with it is the other.  When I decided to stop being anxious about being anxious, I got my life back.

Emergency photo available from Shutterstock

My parents taught me to follow the Golden Rule – to do unto others as I would have them do unto me.  This is something that followed me into my adult life.  The funny thing is that I missed a very important piece.  The rule is do unto others AS you would have them to do unto you.  The reality is that you don’t always get what you give.

My life has been filled with random frustrations because of my own unrealistic expectations.  I used to feel that if I did something for someone or put their feelings first, they should do the same for me.  I found myself sadly disappointed when this did not occur.

All of this made me check my true motives for doing things. It made me questions whether I genuinely do things because I want to or if I do things to get something in return.  The answer was simple.  I do things out of the kindness of my heart, with no motives… but I do expect to receive the same kindness in return.

So how do we change our unrealistic expectations?  I have decided to expect nothing at all.  Sounds crazy, and it’s a form of radical acceptance, but I think it just might work.  I have decided to put good energy out, to help people, to be a good listener, and to put others before me because that’s who I am.  But just because it’s who I am, doesn’t mean it’s who everyone else is.  I have accepted that if I do good deeds, I will receive good things in return because this is one of my core beliefs.  I have also accepted that the things I receive in return may not be in the form I’d expect.

Spiritual teacher Sri Chinmoy once wrote, “peace begins when expectations end.”  This is one of my new mantras.  If you have really high expectations of others and find yourself frustrated when those expectations are not met, let go of your unrealistic expectations.  What have you got to lose other than a bit of frustration?

Surprised woman photo available from Shutterstock

Take the First Step

Whatever the first step is for the task, just take it.  Sometimes the first step is the hardest step to take, especially if it’s something we don’t want to do anyway.  Don’t delay the inevitable, determine the first step needed and jump right in.

Create a List

I find when I don’t have a map, I get lost.  My “to do list” is my map.  Write down the steps necessary to complete the tasks and give yourself what I like to call “mini deadlines” along the way.  These short goals can often make a task look less overwhelming and give you a sense of accomplishment as you complete each task.

Don’t Overthink It

This is a big one for me.  I find that I don’t procrastinate because I’m lazy, but because I think about the task so much I get lost in it.    Keep it simple.  If you fidn yourself getting lost in your thoughts, step away for a little bit and give yourself time to gain a new perspective.  If necessary, ask someone else for their input to help gain some clarity.  Make a decision in a timely manner and go with that decision.  Remember no decision is set and stone and you can change plans along the way.

Start With The Hardest

If you find yourself with mulitple tasks, start with the hardest.  It’s so simple, it just might work.  For me starting with the hardest task is always the best.  When it’s done, it’s out of the way and the rest seems a little more attainable.

Once you determine why you procrastinate, you may find additional ways to stop.  Examine how procrastination may be effecting your life and start getting what you can get done completed today instead of tomorrow.

Calendar image available from Shutterstock

For those of us who procrastinate, we may often find that in doing so, we create unnecessary obstacles.  We find ourselves racing to meet deadlines, trying to find resources at the last minute, and struggling to complete tasks. Many of us hold the belief that we work better under pressure.  While this belief may be true in some cases, it often creates more stress.

When looking at the reasons for procrastination, we should consider the role fear play in our delays.  We should think about what we are afraid of and why.  For some of us the fear may be of failure, but for others it may be of success; and in some cases, it may be a combination of both.  I’ve personally experienced both.  I can recall thinking if I completed the task and failed that I would be perceived as incompetent or not ready for the job.  I can also recall thinking if I succeeded and did really well, others would expect more from me, and I wasn’t sure I wanted that pressure.

We may also procrastinate because of how we perceive the task at hand.  It is definitely hard to get started on, or become motivated for, a task we have little to no interest in.  If we can change our thinking about the task, we can often change our motivation, ultimately causing less of a delay in starting.

On a personal note, I know that when I start procrastinating, it’s because I’m overwhelmed; this is my top reason for procrastination.  I find that when I have too many tasks to complete, I start putting more and more off.  This often feels good in the moment, but creates chaos on many levels later.

There are several negative consequences of procrastinating.  Procrastination causes us to become unproductive at other tasks.  If we are spinning our wheels trying to complete a task at the last minute, it’s very likely that we’re neglecting some other area of our lives.  Procrastination can also lead to a diminished quality of work.  As stated earlier, while some of us believe we create better work under pressure, it’s logical to believe that the more time we spend on our work, the better it will be in the end.

With all of that said, why procrastinate?  If you find that you’re a procrastinator, start making small changes today.  I’ll be writing later this week about ways to stop procrastinating. If you’re interested in these types of tips, don’t put off reading this post until later…

Colleagues procrastinating photo available from Shutterstock

The Golden Rule Effect

Many of us were instructed at a very young age to “do unto others as you would have them to do unto you”.  Sometimes we may avoid telling someone no because we would want them to tell us yes.

Fear of a Missed Opportunity

This seems to be especially true in work settings.  When presented with a task from a supervisor, many often feel compelled to say yes.  We may find ourselves saying yes hoping that other opportunites will come in the future and fearful that if we say no, we may be overlooked when they do.

Fear of Conflict

Some of us avoid saying no simply because we don’t want to argue.  It may be easier to give a regretful yes, than a strong no. 

Not Wanting to Appear Rude or Insensitive

You may be faced with a situation where your friend’s babysitter cancels at the last minute or your co-worker needs help on an assignment – you don’t want to be the “bad guy”.  No one really wants to be the person to say no when someone else is in a bind.

It’s important to remember that it’s ok to say no.  As a matter of fact there are several benefits to saying no.  We may find ourselves having more energy because we are not overworked or stressed.  We may have more time to enjoy the things we like to do becuase we are not doing everything for everyone else.  At the end of the day, we may even notice that we feel more in control.

If you find yourself struggling with saying no, try the following suggestions:

Recommend an alternative

Instead of simply saying no and just walking away, offer an alternative.  For example, “I don’t have time to help you with that assignment, have you considered asking for an extension?”

Delay your response

If you are not strong enough in the moment to say “no”, simply say “let me get back to you”.  It’s important to eventually give an answer, but you don’t have to do so right away.

Be honest

If you don’t have the time, say you don’t have the time.  If you don’t really want to, just say you don’t.  It’s ok to say no.  It’s important to remember you don’t owe an explanation to anyone and sometimes the answer may just be “no”.

Prime Minister Tony Blair stated, “the art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes”.   If we don’t learn to say no to the things we don’t want to or don’t have time to do, we won’t be able to yes to things we’d like. 

Woman saying no photo available from Shutterstock

I’ve been in this slump lately.  I’ve noticed that often when I’m unmotivated, I’m usually overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed is just one reason for being unmotivated.  Not sleeping well can often be a reason for lack of motivation. Other reasons include, but are not limited to: stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, feel of failure, or just disinterest in the task at hand.

It should be noted that if you experience lack of motivation for an extended period of time with no or infrequent breaks, you may wish to talk to your physician as it could be a sign of other conditions.

Whatever your reason for your lack of motivation, there are ways to get it back. These simple solutions may get you motivated in no time. 

• Weigh the cost of not getting the task done.

When you can’t think of a reasons to get up and get moving, think of what will happen if you don’t.  When we evaluate the costs of not getting something done the answer is usually something negative. If you’re not motivated to exercise, the costs could include gaining weight or health issues.  If you’re not motivated to go to work, the cost could include getting further behind.

• Hang around inspiring, motivated people.

If I’m feeling lazy it sure doesn’t help if I’m hanging around other lazy people.  Surround yourself with other people who are motivated to do things.

• Look at the benefits and not the difficulties.

When faced with a task that seems to difficult or too daunting, it’s always beneficial to look at the benefits instead of the difficulties.  Sure, it may not be the easiest thing to accomplish, but look at what will be accomplished in the end.

• Just jump in!

Last, but not least, just get started.  The longer you put off getting it done, the more time you have to mull over all the negative thoughts and reasons you shouldn’t do it. By just jumping in, it’s a surefire way to get started on whatever “it” is.

Writer Raymond Chandler is quoted as saying, “Ability is what you are capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.”

You know your abilities. Motivate yourself to get it done, and have a positive attitude about it.  Get up and get going!

Ladder photo available from Shutterstock