Although officially a democracy, I still struggle to see the logic behind some of the laws that exist in Taiwan. Not that any democracy is perfect mind, it’s just that in particular, Taiwan seems to have some pretty messed up laws which then result in some pretty messed up court rulings.

Take for example today’s story about how a woman forgetting to log out of Facebook saw her and her lover sentenced to three months in jail.

Liao (husband) and Yang (wife) had been married for a number of years, with Liao long suspecting that Yang had been cheating on him. Having no proof and with a child caught in the middle, the marriage continued despite these suspicions.

Somewhat conveniently, Liao logged into the family computer only to discover that his wife hadn’t logged out of her Facebook account. Snooping around the account, Liao confirmed his long-held suspicions of an extramarital affair having taken place over a number of years.

Careful to document and store what he found, Liao then confronted his wife who then admitted to having an affair.

Under Taiwanese law adultery is a criminal offense and after Liao reported the case to the local Prosecutor’s Office, after investigating it they in turn filed charges against the lovers.

Both Yang and her lover, a thirty-three year old man named Hsiao, initially denied the affair, however after Liao presented what he’d found on Yang’s Facebook account, that argument was quickly shot down.

 Liao presented online conversations between Yang and Hsiao dated Jan. 9 last year, in which Yang said: “I feel immense guilt at having to sacrifice a home with [my] daughter for my happiness.”

“So admit that you’re having an extramarital affair, or give him money so he can’t sue [us] on charges of adultery,” Hsiao replied.

Yang responded, saying “Liao would not take the money, but would file suit.”

Hsiao then told Yang that she “should just deny the entire matter.”

The online conversations also showed Yang saying that: “I would not be eligible for my child’s guardianship because I am the one having the extramarital affair.”

Liao also presented an online conversation in which Yang told Hsiao that she suspected Liao knew the two had been together on New Year’s Eve in 2011.

Yang also said that she suspected Liao would hire a private investigator.

In the same conversation, she and Hsiao made contingency plans in case Liao found out about the affair.

Hsiao said that Yang should admit she liked him, but deny that they ever had any sexual contact, adding that Liao would have to provide proof to sue them for adultery.

As long as Liao had no proof that they had slept together, it would be difficult to obtain a conviction since photographs of them kissing or hugging would not be sufficient, Hsiao said.

If Liao read any of Yang’s text messages, Hsiao told her to dismiss any messages concerning sex as jokes, adding that both of them should deny the matter entirely if they were ever found out.

Why they even bothered to deny the affair given the evidence uncovered I have no idea. There’s not really any way to spin the above conversations into anything but an extramarital affair now is there…

Possibly out of revenge or otherwise to what end I’m not sure but Yang and Hsiao attempted to counter-sue Liao for Offenses Of Impairment to Use of Computers (妨害電腦使用罪).

Like the affair denial  however, the case fell apart when Prosecutors refused to take on the case, stating that because

Yang had not logged out of her Facebook page and had also requested that the Web site remember her account and password, Liao was innocent of violating the act and would not be charged.

Taking on board Liao’s supplied Facebook conversation evidence, a judge ruled

that although Hsiao and Yang were not caught red-handed, the evidence gathered from their Facebook conversations was enough to prove that their affair was real.

As a result, both Yang and Hsiao were found guilty and sentenced to ”three months in jail”.

Now as much as I’m not a fan of cheating spouses (male or female) as the next person, really Taiwan? Three months of jailtime for cheating on your partner?

That’s a boatload of facepalm right there. By all means grant the man a divorce and whatever civil formalities need to be dispensed with in such matters, but to jail people for having an affair is just silly.

If the marriage is over, which Yang and Hsiao’s appears to have been for a number of years, husband and wife should be free, either by way of mutual decision or one party initiating divorce proceedings, to end it. Instead we have instances like this where one party is worried about being charged for adultery.

And rightly so when the idiotic punishment for engaging in adultery is jail. Honestly that’s just messed up any which way you cut it.

Furthermore which half of the marriage wishes for a divorce and whether or not it’s because they’ve found someone else they’re happier with, should carry no weight in deciding who gets custody of any children involved.

Base that solely on the environment (financial and lifestyle) each parent is able to provide the child.

Somebody needs to drag Taiwan’s marriage and divorce laws into the twenty-first century. For all the modern conveniences Taiwan offers, living here still sometimes feels like the country is stuck in the middle-ages.

My first Surly seatpost clamp died on me after three or so years of service back in mid 2011.

Due to whatever reason, it developed a great big crack down the front which eventually led to seatpost slippage failure.

To their credit, Surly sent me a replacement clamp free of charge no questions asked.

I’d been using that on my bike happily until a few weeks ago when I experienced bolt failure (in that it snapped in two):

Not the easiest thing to photograph, here’s another shot from the side where you can see the bolt present in the bottom thread hold but not the top.

Seeing as the clamp itself hasn’t snapped I thought about drilling out the bolt (would have to go buy a drill and bit) but figured seeing as this was my second stainless steel clamp failure in six years, it was time to move on.

I love the look of the Surly stainless steel clamp but I can’t risk having it fail in the middle of nowhere (I’ve gotten off lucky, twice now).

I don’t know if the clamp just isn’t strong enough for the Long Haul Trucker frame but if this is a common enough issue Surly might do well to not use the clamp on their stock LHT complete setup. Or if they are going to continue using it, perhaps make it stronger if possible.

Sticking with Surly I’ve ordered a Constrictor seatpost clamp which I’m hoping does the job better. It has a bigger bolt and larger surface contact area with the seatpost so here’s hoping…

Curious as to what you can expect if Taiwan ever got into a diplomatic dispute with your country?

Just ask the Filipinos currently living here.

I’d only briefly touched on this a few days ago when I noted that the at least five Taiwanese companies has contacted the government and expressed their desire to “expel” their Filipino employees.

In the subsequent days since, things have only deteriorated.

Occurring in southern Taiwan, where most of these type of incidents seem to happen,

a Philippine worker was attacked by four Taiwanese and beaten with iron sticks and baseball bats in Tainan City on May 16.

According to the police, a 30-year-old Philippine worker was surrounded and beaten by four Taiwanese men when he was on his way to work.

The police said no one that the worker knows has any resentment against him, so the police suspected that it may have been a random attack.

Random as in the attackers might not have known the victim, but obviously they were out for a little anti-Philippine vigilante justice.

Meanwhile the Philippine government aren’t really helping, advising Filipino nationals in Taiwan to ‘eat at home and avoid the streets‘.

Some communities have held rallies saying that they do not welcome Filipinos, vendors in a market in Changhua County posted signs saying that they would not conduct business with Filipinos

Filipino workers in Taiwan who were interviewed by Manila radio stations complained that some shops refused to sell them goods and restaurants would not serve them.

They did not give their names for fear of reprisals. A Taiwanese company that employs Filipinos printed a memo advising them to avoid fishing villages.

And it’s not just Filipinos being targeted either, if you have darkish skin and look south-east Asian, you’re fair game:

“It’s not just Filipinos; all immigrants from Southeast Asia in the country would feel threatened when walking on the streets,” TransAsia Sisterhood Taiwan executive secretary Ly Vuoch-heang (李佩香), who is an immigrant from Cambodia, told a news conference in Taipei.

“I’ve not been attacked, because I’m from Cambodia, but I don’t feel comfortable when people keep asking me whether I’m from the Philippines when I’m just going to buy lunch,” she said.

From the Philippines are you? NO LUNCH FOR YOU.

Obviously not confident that things won’t spiral completely out of control, President Ma himself even went so far as to personally advise the nation not to ‘vent their anger on Philippine nationals living in Taiwan‘.

President Ma Ying-jeou posted on his Facebook page, stating that it is the Philippine government which should be responsible for the Hung Shih-cheng (洪石成) shooting incident, so the public should not vent anger against Filipinos in Taiwan.

His Facebook page, really…?

On the diplomatic front, thus far it seems to be somewhat of a stalemate. Citing the One China policy the Philippines don’t look like they’re going to budge and Taiwan, under Ma’s “no unification, no independence and no use of force” government policy, doesn’t have a strong enough foundation to seek international condemnation of the incident.

It’s situations like these that highlight the apparent futility of the importance placed on sucking up to winning diplomatic recognition from insignificant countries nobody cares about, and counting them as political allies.

Despite the Philippine President sending a personal envoy over to apologise, the hiccup (and fair enough I say) was that it was still a personal apology, with the Philippine still refusing to acknowledge Taiwan state to state.

Thus the apology was rejected and the envoy sent packing.

Describing the incident as “cold-blooded murder”, Ma is touting UN laws as evidence of Philippine wrong-doing:

(Ma) said the act of killing cannot be justified under international law, and repeated his calls for the Philippines to take responsibility as a signatory nation of the UN Convention on the Law of the Sea.

“The Philippine government vessel used automatic weapons to strafe an unarmed fishing boat. It was no longer executing official duty. It was cold-blooded murder,” he said.

As the two nations’ exclusive economic zones overlap, Taiwanese fishing boats have often been boarded and inspected by Philippine vessels in these waters, and several Taiwanese fishermen have been killed, most recently in 2006.

“As a decent and respectable member of the international community, which the Philippines believes itself to be, it should abide by the rules of international law,” Ma said.

He cited Article 73 of the UN convention and said a coastal state can employ measures including boarding, inspection, arrest and judicial proceedings in its exclusive economic zones to exercise its sovereignty.

However, opening fire and killing individuals onboard an unarmed fishing boat is unacceptable, Ma said.

Somewhat ironic considering Taiwan is not a UN member state. Something Ma’s “no independence” government policy certainly hasn’t helped.

He said the two sides were now involved in negotiations on the incident, and said his administration would work to resolve the diplomatic dispute via international law.

“We will continue to negotiate with the Philippines and hope to solve the issue in a peaceful and rational way. We will try to avoid damaging our relations with the Philippines.

Bit late for that chief. The Philippines have pretty much told Taiwan “fuck you, we only deal with China” and Ma is left shouting denials.

Oh and that investigation? Pulling a fast one when the Taiwanese investigators arrived in the Philippines, ‘no Philippine officials were present to receive the delegation‘ because ‘the Philippine presidential office has insisted that it was “not aware” that the Taiwan delegation would be visiting Manila‘.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Nevermind the fact that

Philippine Justice Secretary Leila De Lima yesterday reiterated her government’s stance that a joint Taipei-Manila investigation is “out of the question,” especially now that the Philippines’ own investigation is near completion.

That’s another “fuck you” to add to the list.

Especially when you’ve got the Philippine media describing their government’s investigation in terms of “bad guys” (Taiwan) who ‘refused to stop in their tracks‘ and the Philippine Coast Guard ‘dodging two fishing boats that tried to sink‘ their ship.

 Foreign Minister David Lin (林永樂) said, “The Kuang Ta Hsing No. 28 (廣大興28號) is a vessel of about 15 tons, and the Philippine vessel is more than six times this size; it is scarcely conceivable that such an action would have occurred in any case.”

The more than 50 bullet holes found in the Taiwanese fishing boat are strong evidence that the Philippine coast guard committed “an intentional killing.”

The US meanwhile continue to sit on their hands (honestly, what else can they do), urging

the Philippines and Taiwan work this out and come to some understanding.

Joseph Yun, U.S. acting assistant secretary of state for East Asian and Pacific affairs expressed the hope that the two sides will reach a resolution on issues such as compensation for the family, an acceptable apology and measures to avoid similar incidents in the future.

A state to state apology, compensation for the family and fisheries talks? We tried that Yun, the Philippine government rejected it.

I’ll leave you with what I believe is the most rational and reasonable sounding voice on the matter I’ve heard yet, from “veteran seafarer” Chang Chang-lung (張昌隆):

58-year-old Chang has been a fisherman since his youth.

He recalled his first encounter with a Philippine vessel in 1991, when his ship sailed to about 20 degrees north latitude, a marine area Pingtung sailors call Toudiapsuan (陶疊山) in Hoklo (commonly known as Taiwanese).

Chang said a Philippine naval vessel started approaching his ship at high speed, and he turned his ship around to get away.

“However, our boat was too slow. The Philippine vessel then started shooting at us with machine guns. All of us hid inside the boat’s cabin,” Chang said. “When we got back home, we counted more than 30 bullet holes in the boat.”

After that, Chang said he spent more than NT$3 million (US$100,370) to purchase a new fishing boat with a bigger engine.

“However, in 1997, in the same stretch of water, we were chased by Philippine naval ships and pursued by a military helicopter. Luckily we managed to escape without much damage [to the boat],” the captain said.

A third encounter came in 2001, which he described as a terrible nightmare for him and his crew.

Chang said they had just started to fish early in the morning and did not notice armed men approaching their boat in sampans. The men came aboard to search the boat.

“They had guns, so we could not put up a fight,” Chang said.

“They had a dynamite stick with them and planted it in our cabin as false evidence. We were accused of fishing illegally using dynamite, even though we have not caught anything yet,” Chang said.

His ship and crew were detained and taken to the port of Aparri, at the northern tip of Luzon Island.

Chang said they were put under house arrest for six months and the Philippine authorities demanded US$100,000 for their release.

They were only released to board a flight “to escape back to Taiwan” after paying NT$600,000 (US$19,960) in bribes to Philippine officials, through the assistance of well-connected Chinese Filipinos, Chang said.

“Along with my confiscated ship and the money spent on bribes during our six months in detention, this ‘accidental journey’ cost me about NT$5 million,” he added.

After hearing of his experience, the fishermen of Hengchun Peninsula were scared and nobody dared go into that stretch of water again, he said.

“Since then, only fishermen from Donggang [東港, another Pingtung port to the northwest of Hengchun] would go there, but they are gambling with their lives,” Chang said.

“The trouble is due to the problem of overlapping maritime jurisdictions. If the issue is not resolved, tragedies such as this will occur again,” said Chang.

Continue to push for a state to state apology by all means (start by ditching Ma’s stupid “no independence” government policy), but at least sit down and have those fisheries talks. Lest this stupid nonsense continue indefinitely without resolution (and we know it will).

Case in point?

I have no idea what the business actually is but I can’t help but giggle everytime I go past it when I visit Taichung.

I’m not sure exactly where FAG HQ is but it’s on a major Taichung City road that taxis seem to love to frequent when I take them down there.

I just love the blunt seriousness of the sign. “FAG, we’re here… that’s what we’re calling ourselves. Deal with it.”

What a statement!

Apologise, pay the family off, release the damn video footage (morons!), both of you sit down at the negotiation table until you work out who can fish where and maybe… just maybe we can all get on with our lives.

I wrote the above yesterday on the news that the Philippines had sent a “special envoy” charged with apologising to Taiwan on behalf of the Filipino government.

Case closed and the Taiwanese media can get back to reporting on the latest YouTube videos they find.

Not so.

On Tuesday evening, Minister of Foreign Affairs David Lin (林永樂) met with Manila Economic and Culture Office Managing Director Antonio Basilio — who went back to the Philippines to discuss the situation with Philippine President Benigno Aquino III on Monday morning, before returning to Taiwan on Tuesday evening — for talks to resolve the diplomatic spat over the killing of Hung Shih-cheng (洪石成).

However, the five-hour long negotiations ended with the government proposing further punitive measures against the Philippines.

What?! Taiwan rejected the apology?! So what the hell happened all night?

At a press conference held at 10am yesterday after a high-level meeting with President Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) at 7am, Jiang provided the press with four different versions of the Philippine government’s response to Taipei’s demands, along with a chart detailing the differences between each version.

Four different versions?! Oh please tell me this is not more “one China” policy bullshit from the Philippines…

The Ma administration had demanded that Manila formally apologize to Taiwan, compensate the family of the killed fisherman, uncover the truth behind the incident and begin talks with Taiwan on a fisheries agreement by midnight on Tuesday.

“At one time [Tuesday] we thought the Philippine government was ready to resolve the issue as the ministry received an informal response by fax and e-mail from Manila before Basilio’s departure [from the Philippines]. This is the first version,” Jiang said.

Sounds good…

However, during his meeting with Lin, Basilio presented a
second version, which showed that the Philippine government “was not sincere in apologizing” to Taiwan and “had tried to shirk its responsibility” over the incident, Jiang said.

In the second version, Basilio made no mention of “the Philippine government,” did not address any concrete judicial measures needed to ascertain what happened during the incident and bring those responsible to justice, and did not express the Philippine government’s willingness to compensate the victim’s family.

If they didn’t do any of the above, what exactly was in the second apology then???

If that’s all Filipino President Benigno Aquino authorised, sounds like China really tightened those vice-clamps on his nuts.

Seemingly wanting to resolve the situation, Basilio (head of the Philippine Cultural Office embassy in Taiwan), went back and wrote a third draft

that was similar to the first version.

However, the third version was rejected by the Philippine government after Basilio talked with the relevant agencies in Manila.

Gotta hand it to Basilio for trying, caught between a rock and a hard place. What’s the bet this third draft contained an official state to state apology?

After no doubt clearing what the Philippines can and can’t do with China, it appears they’ve dictated to Aquino that a state to state apology is off the table.

The third version, which Jiang said was closest to what Taipei expected, the Philippine government whould offer an apology and the Philippine Department of Justice should institute appropriate criminal and administrative charges against those responsible for the incident in accordance with the law.

Under Philippine law, the penalties for such infractions include fines, dismissal from services, imprisonment and financial restitution to the victim’s family.

Yup, spot on. For no apparent reason other than refusing to engage Taiwan on a state to state basis to appease China, the Philippine government refused to engage in the most straightforwardly obvious of diplomatic resolutions.

Tighten those clamps boys… Aquino’s got some squeal in him yet.

After consultations with the Philippine Ministry of Foreign Affairs, Philippine Department of Justice and legal advisers of the Aquino administration, Manila proposed a fourth version, which “was not much different from the second version,” Jiang said.

During the negotiations, the Philippines tried to trivialize Taiwan’s demands and responded in a flippant and most unequivocal manner, Jiang said.

If I may,

Basilio: Yo boss, I think they want a sincere apology. This “apologising with a non-apology it’s your own damn fault” doesn’t seem to be cutting it.

President Aquino: Sorry what, I wasn’t listening. I’ve got China… uh I mean my advisers on the other line. What were you saying?

Basilio: They rejected the first one, I think they’re serious about that state to state apology. No disrespect.

President Aquino: Are you fucking kidding me?! We can kiss goodbye to the Scarborough Shoal if that happens. Just run the original through an article spinner and resubmit it, they probably won’t even read it anyway. Look I’ve got to go Beijing’s on the other line again… something about lube and what size dress I wear…

For those of you wondering what the Scarborough Shoal dispute is about,

MASINLOC, Philippines — The fishermen were sailing the azure waters off the Philippine coast when Richard Caneda saw the morning sunlight glinting off a vessel “bigger than the biggest ship in the Philippine navy.”

Caneda could see a red Chinese flag. The words “Chinese Maritime Surveillance” were written on the ship’s side.

The ship came close enough that Caneda could see crew members on deck making hand gestures as though to shoo away a fly. Caneda, who had moved from the fishing boat to a tiny skiff to haul in nets left out overnight, soon saw a large gun mounted on the ship’s deck pivoting directly toward him. A helicopter whirred overhead.

The fishermen fled, leaving their nets and catch behind.

“We were scared. We were angry. We were frustrated. That is our livelihood,” Caneda, 34, a now-unemployed father of three who lives in a shantytown in Masinloc, said of the November encounter.

It happened near the reef known as Scarborough Shoal, 130 miles off the coast of the Philippines’ largest island, Luzon, and barely 200 miles from Manila, the Philippine capital.

Claimed by both China and the Philippines, the mostly underwater reef has come to represent the dangers of Chinese expansionism.

For more than a year, Chinese ships have patrolled Scarborough Shoal, chasing away Philippine fisherman and maintaining what Philippine Foreign Secretary Albert del Rosario calls “a de facto occupation.”

To give you some perspective, the Scarborough shoal is approximately 550 miles off the coast of China.

So basically you’ve got the Philippines coast guard taking out some their frustration on Taiwan (who they will happily open fire at), and now the Philippines trying to negotiate a Chinese-approved settlement. A settlement which the Philippines must not engage Taiwan at a state level or accept any official responsibility at a government level.

Lest China protest and well, with China camped out literally off the Philippines’ west coast, who knows what might happen.

The BBC’s Cindy Lau writes:

Another root cause for conflict is that the two sides are located so close to each other that their exclusive economic zones overlap. They have never negotiated a sea border, partly because the Philippines recognises China, not Taiwan.

Beijing is unhappy when other countries sign territorial deals with Taiwan, which it considers its province.

With the Taiwan Philippines spat slowly gaining international media coverage, the US (officially an ally of both countries) weighed in shortly after Taiwan’s rejection of the Philippines apology:

The United States said on Wednesday it is concerned with the increase in tensions between Taiwan and the Philippines over the killing of a fisherman from Taiwan last week and urged them to work their through their differences as quickly as possible.

“We urged the Philippines and Taiwan to take all appropriate measures to clarify disagreements and prevent recurrence of such tragic events,” State Department spokesman Patrick Ventrell said.

Tried that guys and the Filipino government rejected it. Where have you been?

Like Basilio, I imagine the US finds itself also in a bit of a hard place on this issue:

For most of the 20th century, the U.S. Navy had its largest overseas base at nearby Subic Bay in the Philippines, and the Navy used to conduct firing exercises at Scarborough Shoal.

Feeling that the Americans had worn out their welcome, Manila asked the Navy to leave in 1992. But last year, a few U.S. vessels were readmitted on a rotating basis, and Filipinos increasingly are expressing regret about the American departure.

“If the Americans were still at Subic Bay, the Chinese wouldn’t dare do this to us,” Caneda (a local fisherman ousted from Scarborough Shoal) said.

In January, the Philippines asked a United Nations tribunal to determine the status of the reef. But the process could take years, and China has indicated it will not abide by the decision.

In the meantime, the Philippines finds itself outgunned, outmaneuvered and outspent. The Chinese have run a rope across the mouth of a lagoon inside the triangular-shaped shoal, where Filipinos have fished for generations, and in recent weeks have declared a 15-mile fishing ban around the reef.

The US would naturally be fully aware of the greater Chinese political ploy behind the Philippines seeming unreasonably stubborn behaviour. Remain anything but neutral and they risk dragging themselves into what might just remain a war of words between themselves and China (who will speak through the Philippines), but you never know if it will remain just that.

Meanwhile China are playing both sides, covertly dictating Philippine foreign policy towards Taiwan and at the same time coming out and

expressing their condolences to the victim’s family and condemning the Philippines for the shooting.

As OzSoapbox reader Mike commented yesterday,

Asia in 2013 is like Europe in 1913: nationalism everywhere.

With everyone running around rabidly waving their respective country’s flags and unwilling to budge on anything – something has eventually got to give somewhere.

With Ma’s “no unification, no independence, and no use of force” election-winning policy and the global diplomatic challenges the country already faces, Taiwan is naturally an easy target.

Pissed off at the Chinese? Let off a few rounds at the Taiwanese… who cares, right?

Meanwhile with Taiwan rejecting the Filipino apology, the local shitstorm rolls on…

• “Fighter jets and a destroyer” have been deployed by Taiwan to the disputed area the shooting took place to conduct “military exercises”
• The Philippine Cultural Office embassy in Taiwan has “closed“
• The Ma government has recalled its envoy in the Philippines, “frozen” all pending and new (3000 a month) Filipino work applications and halted bilateral commerce
• The Executive Yuan issued a “red alert” has been issued to the Taiwanese public, advising them not to travel to the Philippines
• vendors in Taiwan are refusing to trade with Filipinos and companies that employ them
• The Pingtung Prosecutor’s Office have dispatched investigators to the Philippines to conduct their own investigation (just watch the video the Philippine government is sitting on guys)
• Philippine workers are “terrified” about being sent back to the Philippines, and at least five companies have contacted the Taiwanese government enquiring about “expelling” their Philippine employees


Piss off China and do what’s right by Taiwan or continue this nonsense. What’s it going to be Aquino?

Local Taiwanese media has been saturatingly dominated over the last few days following the machine-gunning of a Taiwanese fisherman aboard an unarmed fishing boat in waters between the Philippines and Taiwan.

For those who came in late, on May the 9th Taiwanese fisherman Hung Shih-cheng (洪石成) was shot dead by a Filipino “naval cannon“.

A total of 52 bullet holes were found on the Kuang Ta Hsing No. 28, Liu Chia-kai (劉嘉凱) from the Pingtung District Prosecutors’ Office, said after examining the 15-tonne vessel that is registered in Liouciou Township (琉球), Pingtung County.

Investigators found 10 holes on the port side, where the bullets penetrated parts of the boat that are quite thick. This means they may have been fired from “heavy weapons,” such as machine guns, Liu said.

Possibly hoping the issue would die down quietly, the Filipino Navy were quick to deny any involvement:

the Philippines’ naval authorities said they had not received any relevant reports on the incident.

The Philippine navy, coast guard, sea police and fisheries and water resource bureau all indicated that they had not received any notices of the attack.

“If a naval vessel was involved in such an incident, we would have received a notice immediately,” said a Philippine naval public relations officer.

“The location where the attack occurred is far from the coast, and our boat was not present at the time,” said Philippine seawater police.

Less than 24 hours later the Filipino Coast Guard claimed responsibility for the shooting, with Philippine coast guard spokesman Commander Armand Balilo stating that

the incident took place in Philippine waters and the Filipino personnel had been properly carrying out their duties to stop illegal fishing.

“If somebody died, they deserve our sympathy but not an apology”.

And with that single statement, a barrage of batshit crazy was unleashed.

Claiming that the Taiwanese fishing boat rammed the Coast Guard, Balilo contended that

the incident happened just north of the main Philippine island of Luzon in the Balintang channel, which is part of the Philippines’ territory and not claimed by any other country or Taiwan.

“This is part of Philippine waters”.

The 30-meter (100-foot) coast guard vessel initially saw two fishing vessels and tried to approach them. He said the coast guard crew fired at the smaller of the two vessels after it tried to ram the Filipino boat. The fisherman was killed as officers fired on the ship’s engine to try to put it out of action.

“They fired at the machinery to disable it. They were able to disable the vessel although they were not aware at the time that somebody had been hit,” he said.

This is naturally disputed, with the Pingtung Prosecutor’s Office claiming

Preliminary investigation indicates Taiwan fishing boat Kuang Ta Hsing No. 28 was within fishing grounds protected by the ROC government when fired upon by an official Philippine vessel, the Pingtung District Prosecutors Office said May 13.

“Initial interpretation of information from the boat’s voyage data recorder shows it was moving north, and within the limits of legal waters for fishing,” Head Prosecutor Tsai Rong-long said.

Why a fishing boat would ram a fully armed coast guard boat I have no idea (although if Taiwanese sailors are anything like Taiwanese drivers…), but it’s definitely something to take into consideration.

When weighed up against the death of an innocent fisherman though, well that’s where the problems begin.

On one side of the equation you’ve got a nation angry over the death of one of its citizens, and on the other a nation who sees themselves defending themselves from ram-happy fishing boats.

There was talk about warning shots being fired but cmon guys… 52 bullet holes (and who knows how many shots missed)? That’s a “Rambo response” by anyone’s standards.

After a bit of toing and froing between two governments Taiwan’s President Ma Ying-jeou laid the smack down with a 72 hour “ultimatum”:

“Apologise and compensate Taiwan or…”, well, nobody seems to be certain what will happen if the Philippines don’t budge.

Meanwhile getting back to that batshit crazy I was talking about, whilst Ma waited for his 72 hour dead Taiwanese

• Taiwanese protestors took to the streets to burn Filipino flags
• Other protestors  threw eggs at Taiwanese police officers guarding the Filipino embassy (Cultural Office of blahblahblah? It is what it is)
• Hackers from both countries DDOS’ed the buggery out of eachother’s respective government networks and websites
• the Taipei City Government booted Filipino teams from the upcoming annual Dragon Boat races
• Taipei, New Taipei City (Taipei County), Greater Taichung, Greater Tainan and Greater Kaohsiung have all ‘suspended exchange activities with the Philippines‘
  

• the Filipino tourism authorities and travel agents have aborted plans to exhibit at the upcoming Taipei Tourism Expo, stating “they do not expect their presence to attract Taiwanese tourists to their country”
• a China Airlines flight bound for Manilla was ‘delayed after the airline received a phone call claiming that there could be explosives on board‘ (…seriously guys?)

And members of the Legislative Yuan (Taiwanese parliament)? Holy shit guys…

Legislators from both the DPP and Kuomintang (KMT) allegedly shouted “An eye for an eye,” and “War is inevitable” in yesterday’s Legislative Yuan meeting

KMT Legislator Alex Tsai (蔡正元) posted a message on his Facebook page saying: “It’s not an incident. It’s a war. Taiwan should attack and sink all Philippines government vessels once they sail into the waters, without exception.”

KMT Legislator Lin Yu-fang (林郁方) described the Philippines as “a thug who can’t learn lessons unless he is beaten” and urged the government to present stronger measures against Manila and “do whatever it takes to seek justice.”

What the fuck guys? Good thing these law-makers don’t have a role of any significance within the Taiwanese government hey… yeah, uh about that.

Thankfully not all legislators had jumped off crazy cliff though, with at least one legislator balancing things out:

Legislative Speaker Wang Jin-pyng (王金平) said that resorting to populist measures would not lead to a solution.

“This is a diplomatic affair, not a gangster fight,” Wang said.

One particularly interesting side-issue that has arisen out of the shooting incident is that of Taiwan’s sovereignty.

Former deputy minister of foreign affairs Michael Kao (高英茂) also called for calm and for a stop to talk of an all-out war, which would destabilize the region.

However, Ma has no one to blame but himself for Aquino’s emphasis on the “one China” policy, because it was Ma who said Taiwan-China relations are “region-to-region,” not state-to-state, Kao said.

“Ma’s ultimatum was the wrong strategy, his kindness to the enemy has turned into brutality against his own people.”

Kao is referring to Philippines President Benigno Aquino’s ‘reiteration of the “one China” principle on Monday‘. Aquino, publicly speaking about the incident for the first time said

the Manila Economic and Cultural Office (MECO) will be the lead agency in charge of the issue, in accordance with the “one China” policy.

The “one China” policy is pretty much “Taiwan doesn’t exist” and as such Aquino was basically stating that the Filipino government was entertaining the idea of apologising via their Cultural Office embassy, but not state to state.

Or to put it more bluntly, the Philippines don’t officially recognise Taiwan as a country and they feel they have far bigger problems with China to contend with in their western waters.

Telling Taiwan to go fuck itself vs. getting on China’s bad side is no doubt the easier of two no-win decisions for Aquino.

And it wouldn’t be the first time Aquino has stuck it to the Taiwan either, back in 2011 he infamously deported 14 Taiwanese “fraud suspects” (all citizens of Taiwan) to China, citing the “one China” policy.

China did eventually release the suspects to Taiwan but the political statement Aquino made was abundantly clear.

Meanwhile I don’t know about “the enemy” and “brutality”, but Kao does raise a solid point in his criticism of Ma.

If you run on a platform of “no unification, no independence, and no use of force” for four pushing five years, do you even have the right to pretend to be angry when a country pretty much says “you don’t exist as a country so we’re not going to engage you (apologies or otherwise) directly”?

Last night and perhaps not surprisingly Ma’s ultimatum expired without the requested apology and compensation forthcoming from the Philippines.

Shortly after the ultimatum deadline passed however, an acceptable resolution appears to have been found:

The Philippines on Wednesday apologised to Taiwan after coastguards shot dead a Taiwanese fisherman sparking tensions that saw Taipei threaten a naval exercise near Philippine waters.

Taiwan foreign minister David Lin told reporters that “the Philippines has voiced deep regret and apology for the incident” after a closed-door meeting with Antonio Basilio, the de facto Philippine ambassador to Taipei.

The Philippine government will send a special envoy to Taiwan to convey his apologies and condolences to the family of 65-year-old fisherman Hung Shih-cheng, who was shot dead on Thursday, Basilio said.

“Chairman (Amadeo) Perez will repeat his deep regret and apology from the people of the Philippines to the people of Taiwan and the family of Mr Hung for the grief and suffering from his death,” Basilio said, adding that the Philippines would provide “financial assistance” to the victim’s family.

Perez Jr. is chairman of the Manila Economic and Cultural Office (MECO) that represents the Philippines’ interest in Taiwan.

According to Lin, the two sides agreed to jointly launch an investigation into the incident

Perhaps not the “on his knees” grovelling apology from President Aquino many in Taiwan were hoping for, but perhaps enough that the two sides can work it out and move on.

Of course this entire shitstorm could have been avoided a week ago when it first erupted, with the Philippine Presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda revealing today that

the government was willing to release a video footage of the incident taken by the Coast Guard.

“I think that should not be a problem. It will be part of the investigation,” he said.

Instead of just making that video public (or at the very least sharing with Taiwan) and sorting this all out at most within 24 hours of it taking place, we had the Philippines piss-farting around checking in with China on what exactly they can and can’t do and the Taiwanese working themselves into a frothing frenzy of nationalistic outrage.

Apologise, pay the family off, release the damn video footage (morons!), both of you sit down at the negotiation table until you work out who can fish where and maybe… just maybe we can all get on with our lives.

In contrast to this, dotted around the island you then also have the more personal places of worship. Usually built by a family for personal use or for travellers through the area to come and pay their respects, these temples are much more modest and intimate.

One such temple is that of the Earth God, located just outside Toufen Township’s Vagina Cave.

So the story goes, the farmers of the area were naturally inclined to pay homage to the Earth God, as his continued blessing ensured their livelihood.

Erected at the stream villagers living in Shan Xing Village once had to wade across to travel into Toufen, this humble little temple sits at the foothill of the dividing mountain range between Miaoli City and Toufen.

The temple overlooks a series of rice fields, with southern Toufen Township proper and its many industrial spires visible on the horizon.

On a busy day only a handful of people pass the temple, if that. Less still would stop to take notice as it’s tucked away about twenty meters from the bridge that now crosses the stream villagers used to cross.

Inside is nothing to write home about, although the temple is visibly maintained and kept clean by a local or two.

You have a padded knee-rest to kneel on and a small modest altar. Incense sits in boxes to the left with a holder placed in the center of the altar, infront of what I assume to be the Earth God’s Chinese name.

Behind that is a depiction of a dragon and to the right, a framed depiction the Earth God himself and more incense.

A nice little spot for some quiet reflection and retreat from the often hectic Taiwanese lifestyle. Peace and quiet is a rare commodity in Taiwan and it’s little spots like this that are your best bet to find it.

With civilization catching up I did feel a bit sorry for the old fellow as surely the number of villagers visiting the temple would have decreased. Long gone are the days you might stop and ask for a blessing before wading across the stream.

Nowadays I’d be surprised if too many people travelling the service road near the temple even gave it a second thought as they sped across the bridge on motorized transport.

But then it dawned on me. Perhaps those villagers had a little more hindsight than I’d initially given them credit for. If you’re an Earth God, what better location to be placed near than a cave shaped like a vagina.

Surely some nearby mountain tops might substitute for the upper areas of a woman’s anatomy commonly associated with pleasure. And situated in the serene tranquility of nowheres in particular? Make all the noise you want, not like anyone’s going to disturb you…

After thinking about it for a while (hey, I don’t tell you what to reflect on when you stop by a temple), I reckon Earthy there has a pretty sweet set up.

As some might say in celestial circles, if the mountain is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’…

Gatsby’s Perfect Hold Wax series comes in distinctive plastic cube shaped packaging. While it looks quite big in size, unfortunately when you open up the cube inside you’ve got a narrow cylinder hole that holds the wax.

Coming in at 60g a cube, Perfect Hold Wax is available in three varieties – Extra Hard (black), Short Hair Hard (red) and Medium Hair Hard (white).

I bought all three and have been using them in rotation for around two months now. Here’s my review.


Short Hair Hard (red)

I started using Perfect Hold Wax right after a haircut (relatively short) and as such I pretty much exclusively used Short Hair Hard until my hair started to grow out.

Texture wise Short Hair Hard is somewhere between a wax and cream. It’s sticky enough to sit on your finger and dissipates well into hair.

Hold wise I found Short Hair Hard to be the best of three types, with it holding up all day and keeping your hairstyle intact. It does add a slight shine to your hair but it’s not too bad. It also adds texture which I like as I’ve got pretty flat indistinguishable hair otherwise.

Your results might vary if you’ve got some sort of “extreme” hairstyle going on, but I found Short Hair Hard to be strong enough to deal with your average style that needs a bit of hold.

Short Hair Hard is definitely the best of the three cubes in my opinion (despite the name, it works well on longer hair too although you do need a considerable amount).


Extra Hard (black)

Extra Hard is supposed to be the strongest of Gatsby’s Perfect Hold Wax offerings but it’s anything but.

Texture wise Extra Hard is somewhere between a cream and wax, leaning more towards the wax side (think butter with a foam texture). No matter how much Extra Hard wax I used though, I found it just “disappeared” in my hands.

Seriously, I’d scoop a bit out with my finger, rub it over my hands and felt like they were bare when I applied the wax to my hair. As such I found myself having to use ridiculous amounts of the wax to get any results.

And even then, Extra Hard pretty much wore off after a few hours so it was a pointless exercise. It starts off by adding some texture to your hair (no hold), and then the effect disappears pretty quickly.

Dunno what Gatsby were thinking when they named this product but “Evaporating Do-nothing Wax” is far more accurate.


Medium Hair Hard (white)

I started using Medium Hair Hard as my hair got a bit long but quickly went back to Short Hair Hard.

Unique to Medium Hair Hard in the series is that it adds a lot of shine to your hair and leaves it feeling quite greasy. I’m not a fan of shiny greasy hair so this definitely wasn’t a product for me.

Texture wise Medium Hair Hard is a cream and not a wax, and it’ll easily run off your fingers if you’re not careful (think somewhere between yoghurt and dairy cream).

Hold wise it was pretty much on par with Extra Hard, in that it didn’t really do much. I found that if I used too little it just disappeared in my hair… and then if I added a bit more little by little all of a sudden bam my hair felt greasy. Sort of like a tipping point.

I could style it then but without any hold I was just left with flat greasy shiny hair.


Conclusion

If you’re going to try Gatsby’s Perfect Hold Wax I’d definitely recommend the Short Hair Hard red cube over the other two to start off with.

Due to the size and price of the Perfect Hold Wax series ($260 TWD or so a cube from memory), I’m probably going to go back to the “Moving Rubber” series when they run out.

I find even with the Short Hair Hard variety that you need to use quite a bit to get any results, which when coupled with the small amount of product you get in a cube it’s not worth it. I suspect the cubes would be cheaper if they didn’t have such elaborate “heavy-duty” packaging (cmon Gatsby, it’s hair product!).

The Moving Rubber series has more product per tub and is cheaper ($185-$220 TWD).

I was halfway through that range when these Perfect Hold Wax cubes caught my eye (I think they were a new range) so I’ll go back to the Moving Rubber series and put up a review when I’m done.

Well, that’s not entirely true. If you’re Chinese you get to keep your citizenship because Taiwan’s government doesn’t officially recognise the People’s Republic of China (PRC).

As such the end result is a hugely discriminatory process wherein everybody but the Chinese runs the risk of being denied Taiwanese citizenship and consequently rendered stateless.

Now even though I don’t agree with it, I can appreciate that such arrangements exist in many countries, where citizenship criteria can vary depending on the nationality of the person apply for it. Yeah it’s discriminatory but I’m not about to hold Taiwan to a moral standard much of the rest of the world ignores, that wouldn’t be fair.

What I do object to is why it’s in place.

Ok, so as the Taiwanese government you don’t officially recognise the PRC and thus there’s (conveniently) no issue with PRC citizens being forced to renounce their citizenship to become Taiwanese.

Then what’s all this crap about “we should treat Chinese spouses differently” in the military of late?

Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) lawmakers yesterday voiced concern about marriages between military personnel and Chinese nationals, saying such unions raised the risk of security leaks.

DPP Legislator Chiu Chih-wei (邱志偉) told a press conference that applications and reviews should be required for military officers who want to marry a Chinese citizen.

A Chinese-language media report on Friday cited Ministry of National Defense statistics as showing at least 70 members of the military working in sensitive units have Chinese spouses, including a colonel who works in the Armaments Bureau.

National security is of course very real and obviously China poses the biggest threat to Taiwan, but how do you suggest with a straight face that officers with Chinese spouses need to be screened and given non-sensitive posts?

Either you’re going to acknowledge the PRC government and the danger it poses or you’re not.

And how’s this, the Taiwanese army has a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy when it comes to the nationalities of spouses (including girlfriends and boyfriends),

The ministry said that since it abandoned a military personnel marriage regulation in 2005, military personnel no longer have to report their relationships to their units or seek approval for marriages.

In military personnel records, military staff register their spouse’s name, birth and job title, but not nationality.

But then just last year

an air force pilot surnamed Hsiao (蕭) was given a demerit and was suspended from his position for dating a Chinese reporter stationed in Taiwan without reporting the relationship to his unit.

How did that happen?

if military personnel work in sensitive units or if their work concerns confidential information, the military would check on their marital status and prevent those with Chinese spouses from obtaining confidential information.

So it’s more of a case of “don’t ask, don’t tell because we’ll just go ahead and find out for ourselves”.

As far as national security goes, personally I’d be far more concerned over things like this:

A delegation of retired military officers left yesterday for China on a week-long visit that they described as an effort to push for cross-Taiwan Strait military confidence-building.

The group, led by pro-China unification New Alliance Association Chairman Hsu Li-nung, comprises former members of the Army, Navy and Air Force.

During the visit, the delegates will conduct dialogue with high-ranking Chinese military officials, military experts and retired military personnel, he said, adding that they would pass their opinions on to the government on their return.

You guys are worried about Chinese spouses spilling your military beans when your own military officers are doing it openly? Uh… ok then.

Things then get even more silly with the recent calling for equality for Chinese spouses in relation to how many years they must wait before applying for Taiwanese citizenship.

Taiwan should show the value it places on human rights by treating Chinese spouses and students living in the nation fairly, Mainland Affairs Council Minister Wang Yu-chi (王郁琦) said yesterday.

Wang said that while Taiwan repeatedly urges China to value human rights, Taiwan needs to treat Chinese spouses and students living in Taiwan in an equitable way.

The government wants to balance the rights of foreign and Chinese spouses in Taiwan, he said during a public hearing at the legislature for two proposed bills related to the rights of Chinese spouses.

The council is seeking to amend Article 17 of the Act Governing Relations Between the People of the Taiwan Area and the Mainland Area (台灣地區與大陸地區人民關係條例) to shorten from six years to four the length of time Chinese spouses of Taiwanese nationals must wait before they can obtain Republic of China citizenship.

Oh I see, so it’s a “human rights” issue when it comes to lowering the bar for Taiwanese citizenship for Chinese foreign nationals, but when it comes to making everybody else renounce citizenship that’s just par for the course.

No need for human rights and equality there. If you renounce your citizenship and Taiwan rejects you, too bad.

Personally I’m not fussed if they reduce the waiting period for Chinese spouses but it does bring up a few interesting points.

Late last year in November, Taiwanese passport holders were granted visa-free entry into the US. This of course extends to Chinese nationals holding dual citizenship with Taiwan.

I don’t know where things will be diplomacy wise in four years, but it does provide an easy route for the Chinese to enter and exit the US as they please.

Along with the proposal to shorten the citizenship wait time for Chinese spouses, the Taiwan Solidarity Union

has proposed amending Article 21 of the same act to limit the rights of Chinese spouses to engage in politics in Taiwan, even after they become citizens.

Dual Chinese and Taiwanese passport holders are of course able to vote in Taiwanese elections, so the fear is that a lower wait requirement will mean more Chinese spouses participating in Taiwanese elections.

…and we all know who they’re going to vote for.

It does sound a bit cold war’ish but I also can’t help but wonder (5 or 10 years down the line) what lengths the Chinese government might go to further extend its influence in Taiwanese elections. Not all but most of these Chinese spouses most likely have family back in China no?

A bit of “leaning” here and there… I mean it’s not like China gives a crap about human rights now do they.

Personally as much as I love living in Taiwan I haven’t given much thought to entertaining the idea of citizenship. That seems like something I’d only go over once the family ties were in place here and I could function in Chinese.

If I stay here long enough that criteria is going to eventually be met but then the roadblock for me (as it is with so many others) is not wanting to give up my current citizenship just to apply for a Taiwanese one.

I’d be far more comfortable retaining my Australian citizenship and going from there (assuming of course there’s no problems on the Australian side of things, which if there is that’d give me something else to think about).

As it stands though, not a chance.

I know reducing the Taiwanese citizenship wait-time for Chinese spouses by 2 years is oh so important, but do you think we could spare some human rights juice working on removing the possibility of becoming stateless for non-Chinese spouses?

If you live in Taipei you’re lucky enough to have the Taipei Zoo right on your doorstep.

Although readily accessible from much of the island, due to the size of Taipei Zoo (maybe I’m just slow but I’ve never been able to see it all in one visit), a trip from another county any further out than Taoyuan and actually expecting to enjoy yourself might be pushing it.

Hardly a substitute for the real thing but as close as some might be able to get to seeing these animals up close is the wild animal exhibit at Taichung’s National Museum of Natural Science.

The atmosphere in the exhibit is dark and mood lighty, with as natural a setting as you’re going to get with stuffed animals.

Basically the exhibit is set up like a zoo, and in not using live animals the museum is able to cram a whole lot more animals into a much smaller space.

Probably not something that’s going to be all that interesting to adults (unless they’ve never seen the animals live before), little plaques are set up at each exhibit providing a zoo-like description of the animals in the exhibits (names were in Chinese and English but descriptions just Chinese from memory).

If you do bring the kids along, take note that the exhibit can be a little gory at times:

And some of the nocturnal themed exhibits kind of make the animals a little creepy:

But overall the museum provides a decent enough representation of the animals it presents and the habitats they live in.

Being surrounded by so many dead animals though (not sure if the museum uses real carcasses or fake ones), I did get those pangs of environmentalist angst at times.

In the back of my mind I couldn’t shake the nagging guilt that in another fifty years time this might be the only way future generations get to see many of the animals we take for granted today.

On a local level this black bear was of particular significance as the only native bear to Taiwan, the Formosan Black Bear (not depicted above), is and has been endangered for some time now.

Still, that aside it was a nice way to spend a few hours on a lazy weekend afternoon and passes as a reasonably interesting educational activity.

One would think the National Museum of Natural Science would be quieter during the week, but be aware that you’re probably going to run into an abundance of school groups who are of course anything but.

In short, after five years on the bike the mount just snapped, leaving my Lumotec Oval Plus light dangling perilously close to my spokes (god help me if it had happened on the way down).

The die-cast mount saw 5 years and approximately 13,000km of service before snapping.

Not to keen to replace the zinc die-cast mount (model 471H I believe) with another one that was going to abruptly fail in another five years, I set about seeing what the alternatives were.

Upon learning there were stainless steel mounts available (model 475D), I was quick to place an order. I had to buy internationally as I have no idea who sells Busch and Muller in Taiwan (Busch and Muller’s website is hopeless and in German).

About a week or so later the brackets arrived (I ordered two this time, just incase), and after a fortnight or so of riding fitting the stainless steel model I’m pretty happy with them.

Looks wise they are much more “airy” than the clunky look of the die-cast mount. They’re also shiny, which complements the overall aesthetics of my olive-green Long Haul Trucker (black, silver, green).

Mind you, I was happy with the die-cast mount too until it broke so I guess we’ll see how the stainless steel mount holds up over time. Here’s hoping.

I spotted these little gold bottles in 7-11 the other day on special (slight discount if you buy 2) and had meaning to try the weird little “essence of” energy drinks you get in Taiwan for a while now.

Figuring now was a good a time as any to try them out, I bought all three flavours available and over the last three days have been trying them out.

Branded “7Select”, 7-11′s inhouse budget brand, the energy drinks come in three “essence of” flavours: chicken, clam and ginseng.

Let me preface that I’m a big fan of energy drinks as I don’t drink warm coffee. I do drink iced but when I don’t feel like milk I’m prone to grabbing an energy drink of the shelf for that extra little pick-me-up.

Whilst I’m familiar with the lemony taste of soda based energy drinks, these 7Select drinks were something else entirely.

They come in these little 40ml “shot” bottles that are a peculiarity in themselves.

I dunno if 7-11 are really paranoid about their drinks being tainted or if it’s some whack child security policy over there, but to open a bottle first you’ve got to peel back the plastic, then pop a hardarse metal collar and only then can you pop the lid, which is pressurised.

If you don’t have fingernails it’s a task in itself!

When you do finally get the bottle open, inside you’re staring at something that strongly resembles soup stock. Here’s a rundown of the three flavours available:


Essence of Ginseng

I don’t mind the taste of ginseng, particularly in tea (great when you’re sick) or its candy form… but the 7Select energy drink version was bitter as hell.

And the aftertaste, oh my god. If I took a piece of raw ginseng root in my mouth and chewed it for a half hour the aftertaste of this drink is exactly what I’d expect it to taste like.

Liquid wise this was the easiest one to down, being more on the watery side with minimum sliminess.

As far as energy goes though, I was literally falling asleep within 30 minutes of taking the drink so big fail there.


Essence of Chicken

Out of clams, ginseng and chicken, this was the drink I imagined I’d prefer. Popping the lid on an essence of chicken bottle, what you have inside is literally chicken stock.

It smells like chicken stock, it looks like chicken stock and… it tastes like chicken stock.

I could buy 2L of the stuff for the same price down at the local supermarket.

Tastewise essence of chicken was miles ahead of the other two, however the liquid was slimy. Some of it sticks to your tongue and then the rest slowly dribbles down your throat.

Energy wise I didn’t fall asleep as I did after taking the ginseng drink, however I didn’t notice any additional energy afterwards. I’d rate the essence of chicken drink as neutral.


Essence of Clam

I’ll preface by stating that I’m not a fan of seafood and I was almost gagging at the thought of a mouthful of salty clam water.

Catching a whiff of the salty seafood smelling drink, I nonetheless gulped it down and after daring to breath again realised it wasn’t too bad. It’s definitely clam tasting but not as strong as the chicken and ginseng flavours. The salt tastes like additional flavouring, as opposed to the sea salt taste I was expecting.

Still, it’s a pretty gross drink (liquid seafood? come on!) and I don’t expect to go anywhere near it again. If possible, it was even more slimy than the chicken drink.

The aftertaste was pretty bad too.  It lingered in my mouth tasting like I’d just ate a bowlful of clams… after an hour of enduring it I had to go hit up the mouthwash.

Energy wise it didn’t seem to do anything, like the chicken drink I’d rate the clam variety as neutral.


Conclusion

At $50 TWD ($1.70 USD) a pop and a complete lack of energy, I have no idea who is buying these drinks.

For $59 TWD I can get a can of Redbull or Rockstar, so $50 for a teeny 50ml bottle seems massively overpriced.

Whereas when I think “energy” in an energy drink I take it to mean a caffeine hit with whatever else they throw in there, these drinks seem devoid of caffeine altogether. I think the energy they are talking about might be purely at a muscular level (???), whereas I prefer the alertness you get from a regular energy drink.

I tested myself with a Rockstar today just to make sure I wasn’t imagining things and yeah, definitely a difference.

I think “essence of” energy drinks should stay as soup bases, which they are obviously derived from. Definitely won’t be buying any of these again.

When I was a kid the first house we moved into was at the foot of a small hill. As I got older and began to move around on my own this hill soon became the bane of my existence.

Cycling, walking, running… there was no escaping the hill if I wanted to go somewhere.

Looking back on these early years after reading about the Taiwanese families of Shan Xing village in Toufen, I realise just how sheltered we sometimes are.

Dating back who knows how long, the twenty or so families who lived in Shan Xing village were cut off from modern civilization and lived in remote isolation.

If anyone wanted in or out of Shan Xing they had to wade across a stream. Due to the hardships of living in a Township that was literally disconnected from the rest of society, one by one the families that lived in the village began to abandon the area.

Watching his town’s population steadily dwindle, in 1981 a resident by the name of Shui Tien Ron (徐天榮) petitioned the Township’s chief to apply for funding to have a road built connecting Shan Xing to outer Toufen.

Despite the Miaoli government approving the building of the road and a subsequent restoration project for the area, the residents of Shan Xing partly had to fund the road themselves.

Shui sought donations and aid from neighbouring villages and together with money the town’s people themselves were able to scrape together and funding from the government, a road was finally built over the stream.

In memory of the hardships the townspeople suffered before the road was built, a plaque was erected at the beginning of Niao Ci Zi Road.

On it the history of the road is presented to anyone passing by who takes the time to read it. We were riding through the area and after a short burst of rain and pounding the diving mountains between Toufen and Miaoli City,  found it to be a nice spot to stop and catch a breather.

I love the little local history lessons you get that pop out when you least expect it.

No matter what you do you’re going to piss people off and if that wasn’t bad enough then you’ve got all those nutters doing things in your name too.

I get it, being god probably sucks and is no doubt lonely…

…what that has to do with “potato twists” though I have no idea:

Turns out god is a tubby toddler with wings who stuffs his face with potato chips to curb that ever panging loneliness.

Ah, the things you learn in Taiwan.

Taste wise Lonely God potato twists were alright but nothing to write home about. In evoking the all-powerful supreme being to name the product, personally I would’ve expected a bit more in that department.

Who knew a simple fastfood lunch could be so eventful?

I was quietly sitting there minding my own business and chowing down on a Quarter Pounder meal when, in one of those moments you stop to take a pause before grabbing a sip of your Coke, I noticed a boy at the table infront me doing the Taiwanese “foreigner stare”.

Typically I’d just brush this off and get on with my meal but I found my focus drawn to the boy’s tshirt. In particular, what was printed on it:

Now I’m not particularly judgemental when it comes to kids but when you’re wearing a tshirt that says that on it… staring goggle eyed with a dopey expression on yourself projects anything but.

Note to Taiwanese parents: If you can’t read English it’s probably not a good idea to dress your kids up in tshirts with English words written on them.

And if you can read English, a “sexy” tshirt on a kid… really?

On the 19th of February 2012, 18 men who had paid $800 TWD each, a couple of assistants, and an orgy organiser, surnamed Tsai, boarded a rented carriage on southbound train departing from Taipei.

A few stops later, a seventeen year old girl also boarded the carriage and over the next eighty minutes bodily fluids were exchanged.

After those who participated in the orgy were discovered discussing the event on a publicly viewable blog, police began to investigate and tracked down everyone who participated.

None of those involved in the orgy were found guilty of misconduct however the organiser, Tsai Yulin (above right), was found guilty of “attempting to profit from introducing sex to a third party” (pimpimg) and subsequently sentenced to six months prison. A sentence he’s seemingly determined to not cop quietly.

In what is clearly a simple case of “ew do that shit at home not on a train”, Tsai is protesting his sentence and trying to turn it into an issue of democracy.

At an appeal yesterday, Tsai announced that believes democracy is “about the acceptance of others”. Flanked by members of Taiwan’s Collective of Sex Workers and Supporters, the Gender/Sexuality Rights Association Taiwan and National Central University professors Josephine Ho (何春蕤) and Hsu Ya-fei (許雅斐), Tsai protested with a large banner that read

“Defend people’s rights to sexual congregation” and “refuse to submit to imagined offenses, a railcar sex party is not an offense”.

Sexual congregation? Really…?

You organised a bunga bunga party with 18 paying male customers gangbanging a 17 year old girl and you’re going to try and take the democratic moral high road?

Good grief.

Following the ruling, (Tsai) believed that Taiwan was not truly a democratic country.

I don’t know what democratic countries Tsai has in mind, but I’m pretty sure that in all of them organising sex parties between paying men and 17 year old girls is going to wind you up at the very least in jail.

If anything, six months is far too lenient.

On the specifics of the appeal, the initial judgement acknowledged that the train “wasn’t a public space” (sorry what?) but nailed Tsai because he ‘had hosted the event after estimating he could gain financially from it’.

Tsai conveniently ignores the fact that he profited from running the event.

Oh and incase anyone thought this was a once off:

In response to questions from the media as to whether Tsai had intended to host similar events on yachts or other locations to earn money, Tsai said that while he had said during a TV interview that he had entertained the thought, he did not actually mean to put such plans into action.

Riiiiiiiiiiight. Cut the crap, you got busted and that’s the only reason you stopped playing pimp.

Personally I’ve obviously got nothing against people having sex, even a bunch of guys having their way with a 17 year old. Introduce money into the equation though and things get real murky, real fast (before anyone asks, the age of consent in Taiwan is 16).

And what’s this crap about a TRA train not being a public space? The Taiwan Railway Administration is a government agency that falls under Taiwan’s Ministry of Transportation and Communication.

The trains services are open to the public and anyone can purchase tickets on them. Whether or not you rented a cabin is irrelevant.

For starters why on Earth should train staff be subject to dealing with this crap? What if someone had a communicable disease? For those unfamiliar with Taiwan’s public trains, they are cleaned by old ladies in orange shirts, whose only protection are latex gloves.

And then there’s the general public. Let’s say the cabin was hired out on a return trip after Tsai’s bunga bunga party. A little old lady sweeps around, picks up any leftover garbage (condoms?) with some tongs and then the cabin is all yours.

I don’t think so!

Public trains aren’t admittedly the pedestals of cleanliness but sex orgies is really kicking it up a notch.

You want to have sex on trains, build your own goddamn rail line and do it. Not on taxpayer-funded public transport facilities…

Somebody slap this clown back into reality already.

And on the topic of sex on trains, this one has been doing the rounds lately:

What you’re looking at there is the “money shot” from recorded footage taken by a Hong Kong tourist. Footage that shows an eighteen year old  high-school student giving a twenty one year old college student head…

…on a Khaosiung MRT subway train carriage.

Despite the woman being partially covered by the coat, bystanders suspected she was performing oral sex.

Being Taiwan of course nobody did anything except stare, however once the tourist published her recording of the incident online it went viral and gained widespread notoriety throughout Asia.

The pair met on the internet (surprise surprise) and were supposedly on a date a week or so ago on April 20th. Towards the end of the date, allegedly “out of fantasy and on the spur of the moment”, the guy asked his date to do the deed on the train and obligingly, down she went.

She was covered by nothing more than a thin jacket and he pretended to read a book.

On a packed MRT train in Taiwan? Quite obviously not Taiwan’s brightest. The running joke about the guy’s facial expressions is that the book must have been one hell of a read.

The blowjob appears to be the end of the date as afterwards the girl just got up and left without saying a word.

Meanwhile in the aftermath of the video and inevitable media exposure, the young man was furious with the footage appearing online and threatened to blindly “take legal action” against anyone distributing it. He also demanded an apology from the media outlets who covered the story.

I suppose he too thinks it’s his democratic right to get jiggy with it on a public train.

Moral of the story? Look twice at your seat before sitting down on a train in Taiwan. And for the love of god, stop having sex on public trains you dirty pervs.


Sources:  Taipei Times & the China Post

Our players in this Taiwanese romance story are Huang, a forty year old man from northern Hsinchu County and Liu, a thirty two year old woman from southern Pingtung County.

The pair met over the internet in September of 2012 and began an e-relationship. It wasn’t long after that Liu began the typical Taiwanese princess routine:

“Oh noes, I have a really big phone bill. Who will help me pay for it la? Kekekeke.”

“Never fear my dear, I’ll take care of it! Vagina vagina vagina.”

Huang stumped up $2858 TWD for Liu’s phone bill, after she informed him she was having “a hard time paying for it”.

At some point Liu disclosed to Huang that she was less than 160cm tall and under 70kg. Finding these stats acceptable and figuring it was time to collect on his phone bill paying “generosity”, Huang arranged to meet up with Liu down in Pingtung.

In November 2012, around two months after the pair met, Huang rocked up to Liu’s place with $1600 TWD worth of sex me up gifts ”famous” Hsinchu meatballs.

Upon laying eyes on Liu for the first time though, Huang found himself “greatly disappointed” because Liu looked “completely different” to what he’d imagined.

Chalking this particular e-dating experience to bad luck, Huang informed Liu she was simply too ugly for him to consider as a girlfriend, got back in his car, cast his net back into the Taiwanese dating pool and got on with life…

…yeah, right. Not in Taiwan.

Upon laying eyes on Liu and finding himself unable to contain his disgust at her appearance, Huang immediately jumped to the only logical conclusion: Liu had concocted a grand scheme for the sole purpose of scamming phone bill money out of him.

Upon returning to Hsinchu, Huang accused Liu of fraud and  filed a complaint with the Pingtung Prosecutor’s Office.

With seemingly nothing else to do the Pingtung Prosecutor’s Office launched a full investigation into the incident, resulting in Huang’s case being dismissed.

Why?

The Prosecutor’s investigation confirmed that the vitals Liu provided Huang were correct, and that the home address provided was in fact Liu’s residential address.

As for the phone bill, the investigation also revealed that after Liu found out Huang felt deceived (presumably by way of the complaint being filed), she returned the money to Huang in full.

Despite accepting Liu’s money, Huang had still pressed ahead with the complaint and demanded justice.

In light of their findings Prosecutors cleared Liu of all allegations of fraud, declaring Huang suffered nothing more than the realisation that the expectations he’d concocted were a fantasy.

No charges were filed against Huang for wasting everybody’s time and taxpayer money. He remains at large in Hsinchu, continuing the search for his dream woman over the internet.


Source: Apple Daily

As I entered the busiest McDonalds in Taiwan I inadvertently got “the stare” from most of the people queued up and half of those sitting and eating too. I’ve come to live with this so it doesn’t bother me that much anymore, but one little fella did catch my eye.

The hat, the gloves, the tie… love it. This little dude was more dressed up than most people in Taiwan on their way to work!

After I snapped the first shot, two minutes later he was then busting out dance moves:

If he keeps that up, I’m sure we can expect to see him gracing Taiwanese television screens in a few years time…

I’m not usually susceptible to in-your-face everywhere advertising (at least not consciously) but I think the big buttered roast potato Calbee use on the Jagabee packaging finally got to me.

I know I can roast sweet potato on the streets of Taiwan but it’s not quite the same.

Anyways, finally succumbing to my buttered roast potato desire I walked into a 7-11 the other day to pick up a paper cup of Jagabee Potato Sticks (Calbee’s official English name of the product).

Here’s my review.

First and foremost the thing that’s going to hit you is the price of Jagabee. At $49 TWD a cup for 40g of chips… Potato Sticks are massively expensive. I picked a cup of Jagabee up blindly with a bottle of Coke and did a double take when the register spat out nearly $100 TWD.

Once you get over how expensive Jagabee is (or you don’t, as was the case with me), it’s good news from there. True to the delicious packaging, the chips inside (a small handful) are full of light fluffy buttered potato goodness.

My only gripe is that for $49 TWD I’d expect at least twice as much chips, especially considering the going rate of $25 TWD for convenience store-bought packets of chips here (80-100g?).

As good as the Potato Sticks taste unfortunately I just can’t get over that price-point. I had a look over at Calbee’s website and Taiwan isn’t listed as an export market for them (Calbee are Japanese, I assume the reason behind the huge mark-up).

7-11 currently have a sale on offering 2 cups for $78 TWD, but that’s still a ripoff in my opinion. With all the advertising Calbee are doing I’m guessing they’re trying to break into the Taiwanese market.

Not at that price they aren’t!

Shame really. If they halved the price and got rid of the (expensive?) packaging, they might have a shot. I know that buttered potato marketing would get me every time (bastards!).

In summation: Great taste, way overpriced.

We were out exploring the backstreets of Miaoli when in the distance I heard a loud but brief rumble.

“That’s not what I think it is, is it?” I asked out loud. Cycling closer to the source (or at least where I figured it had come from), we turned a bend and found ourselves staring face to face with a strip of Taiwan’s High Speed Rail track.

Up until that point I’d only ever seen the High Speed Rail (HSR) from a distance. Here I found myself close enough to reach out and touch it.

Naturally I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to film a couple of the trains whizzing past, with the first taken from an overpass directly over the HSR track:


I found it quite amazing to see just how slow the High Speed trains appeared this close. When in operation they run at around 300km/h but when you watch the trains it really doesn’t feel like it. In that sense I suppose speed is relative to the size of the train, kind of like how aeroplanes never really look like they’re going as fast as they are.

This next video shows you just how close the backstreet in Miaoli brought us to the track, we were literally able to stand right next to it and view the HSR trains come and go:


Dunno what it was about watching the trains but I found it pretty relaxing. I guess it sort of brought out the kid in me.

A closeup view of Taiwan’s HSR trains travelling at speed, definitely not something you see everyday!