Our Little Secret

1111 (aka 1/1/2011)

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 20:59:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Happy New Year! This is going to be a much better than 2010. I won't make resolutions and set up myself up for disappointment. (But then I again, I don't usually make resolutions, so this is nothing new.)

I have many things to look forward to this year. The biggest event (that I need start working on again) is MY WEDDING!!!! I have 8 months and 12 days until I get married. WOO HOO!

I also get to meet my inlaws for the first time... I have a new house, which means new gardens... Once we are married then we will begin IMMEDIATELY on a family (Rockstar is so excited!)... I need to focus on my health (partially for the wedding dress)... I need to focus on balancing work-personal-fun in my life...

If I believe what the Chinese Zodiac says, then this should be a prosperous year. I know we will focus more on financial responsibility and maybe that's what will lead to this prosperous year. Paying for a wedding REALLY tightens the purse strings... and I think I'm doing a decent job of finding 'on-the-cheap' way of doing things. Etsy is becoming a favorite for somethings.

I was hoping to have a more insightful New Years post, but really it turned into a to do list. Wishing all my friends and family much love and health in the coming year!

How do I end 2010? Reflection.

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 13:59:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

It's that time of year where we all begin to look back. I'm not going to get hung up on 2010, but there are things to remember.

What was my number one moment? Rockstar proposing. It was not the most romantic of stories, but he is the best thing that has come into my life.

What was my lowest moment? Foreclosure on my house. I am still waking myself up in the night with a huge feeling of guilt. I am aware of the choices I made that lead to event. I also have become more focused on making smart choices, financially. January 1 is the day that the house officially goes to the bank, so in many ways New Years Day has many meanings for me. I'm hoping that blogging will be a type of therapy for me to get through these life lessons. However, I've thought about the professional route too.

2011 bring the Year of the Rabbit. I found this description online and found it VERY interesting:

A placid year, very much welcomed and needed after the ferocious year of the Tiger. We should go off to some quiet spot to lick our wounds and get some rest after all the battles of the previous year. Good taste and refinement will shine on everything and people will acknowledge that persuasion is better than force. A congenial time in which diplomacy, international relations and politics will be given a front seat again.

We will act with discretion and make reasonable concessions without too much difficulty. A time to watch out that we do not become too indulgent. The influence of the Rabbit tends to spoil those who like too much comfort and thus impair their effectiveness and sense of duty. Law and order will be lax; rules and regulations will not be rigidly enforced. No one seems very inclined to bother with these unpleasant realities. They are busy enjoying themselves, entertaining others or simply taking it easy. The scene is quiet and calm, even deteriorating to the point of somnolence.

We will all have a tendency to put off disagreeable tasks as long as possible Money can be made without too much labor. Our life style will be languid and leisurely as we allow ourselves the luxuries we have always craved for. A temperate year with unhurried pace. For once, it may seem possible for us to be carefree and happy without too many annoyances.

I also see signs of caution in there too. However, I like that this coming year will not be as mentally taxing.

Wishing a Happy New Years to you!

Merry Christmas!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 12:29:00 +0000

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Dear Diary,

This seemed to be a common theme on many FB postings Christmas Eve and Christmas night. Even thought 2010 will be ending on a semi-sad note, the New Year is coming and Christmas was wonderful!

We spent LOTS of time with friends and family... this is one thing that I believe in so much. I hate the idea of people being by themselves for the holidays and hope that I found all of my friends who might have been.

So as I bring this post to a close, I wish you all a Merry Christmas! Now that Winter Vacation has arrived I will post again in the next couple of days.

The Last Load!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 00:29:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Well today is was the final day... the final day inside my first house. I thought I was going to be okay, but as we approached the final load in the car, I could feel myself on the edge of tears. However, when Rockstar suggested doing one final walk through to make sure we got everything I sucked in the tears. When I got to the kitchen, I lost it. I couldn't believe that my choices took me down this path. I thought back to when I first lived on my own and tried to figure out how I got here.

Once I got home, I felt closer to being at ease. Rockstar is truly that... he keeps trying comforting me. During all of this I also begin to feel guilty for finding someone so forgiving. I am truly grateful to have found such a wonderful man!

A few key phrases are going through my head as I am trying settle in for the night: Keep moving forward... There are other less fortunate... live and learn... but the most important, LIFE IS GOOD!

Things that are keeping my chin up? Fiance, family, excellent friends, love, Christmas, laughter, kindness, generosity.

And let the projects begin!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 17:55:00 +0000

Dear Diary, One of the MANY joys of moving, besides the piles of boxes, are the plethora of projects that sneak up. Some are super quick and easy, while others are time and budget consuming. Let's look at the projects we have discovered and/or worked on in the first week.

1. Create a walk-in closet. The bedroom we are using as the master bedroom, has this funky little room off of it. When I saw that, I said, "OOOOOO! Walk in closet!" PLUS, it has a closet in there and that will be come the shoe closet. Every girls dream? Right? We have a good enough start for now so that we can move on to other projects.

2. Insulate the attics. We are getting some MAJOR icicles around the edge of the house and since we have a metal roof, those can be deadly. This is something that is at the top of our to do list, but won't happen until after the holidays. So for now, lots of layers and keep heat turned down.

3. Furnace repair. On our snow day today, I noticed that the living room really wasn't keeping or getting heated like it normally does. So I played with the thermostat. I decided to call a furnace repairman. He's down there right now and is replacing a Zone 1 something or other... and doing some rewiring on the 'hodge podge work' that is down there. Hoping this isn't too pricey!

4. We have 1 3/4 bathrooms. The full bathroom is a little odd...Yes, it is as narrow as it looks. You hit your ass on the toilet paper holder when you sit down. There is no room here! When the guys helped us move, there were MANY jokes made on the cramped quarters. So I decided the least I could do was take off the toilet paper holder. Well... the screws on the one side came out with NO problems. However, on the other side I had some difficulty, so out came a hammer and screwdriver.Needless to say, I got the holder off. However, that just added a little drywall work to my list. LOL

We are truly LOVING the house, but we still have some boxes at the other house. We are staying very focused on our budget. We are making sure that we are not living outside our means and that purchases right now are satisfying wants, but are needs. Stay tuned for project and more life on the farm updates!

Day 1, A Reset on Priorities, Goals & Life

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 11:29:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Well it's finally come to the day... moving day that is. Already there has been much reflection over choices from the past and I'm slowly trying to make amends with them. We have been busy moving this weekend. Andrew and I started at 7:00 am yesterday morning and then continued moving until 4:30 in the afternoon. With that done, we have only about 70% done. We were going to sell our refrigerator, but ended up keeping it (now I think it was the right choice). We also tried (and did) to sell our stove. Now we have the fridge that came with the house to sell, but if nothing else it will become the 'beer' fridge. :)

We are very excited about the potential hiding in the house. It's definitely a 100 year old house, but that is where the character comes from. We have a lot of work to do before we can get the Christmas decorations up. Our 'Honey-do' list is growing extremely fast, but that's the fun... right?

Big excitement for today: we got supplies to turn a tiny room off of our bedroom into a walk-in closet. There is also a closet inside of the room, so that will become a shoe closet. Every woman's dream, right? Pictures (before and after will come soon).

Lessons learned this weekend: we are BLESSED with truly wonderful friends who made time for us on their Saturday. We had so many people helping out, we felt their love and generosity... and it warmed our hearts. THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO HELPED!!! ... a million times over!

The Prequel!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 01:00:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Well, we are calling this the prequel...

I have slowed down on posts, just like with telling people... I didn't want to put up anything until I knew what was going to happen. So here we go!

First, the rules... my goal is to have one post a week on the life reset that is about to happen. I will have lots of changes happening in my life over the next year and I want to make sure that I share the experiences.

I have posted that we will be getting a house and I found out tonight that we will be getting the keys on Friday! I thought that we would get the keys on Sunday, which meant big move in wouldn't happen for almost another week. WELL, I have called upon the group... call them Ho-goers... call them the 'Traveling Work Crew'... or call them family! Either way, we are hoping that they will be coming out in full force to help us. The move in date has been up-ed a week!

So the house is transforming into a city of boxes. The cats are LOVING it! What I am learning is that those I / we can talk freely with don't look at us with eyes of judgment, instead they are offering to help. This is relieving when I'm already passing judgment on myself. I feel so VERY lucky to find out who our true friends are.

Please stay tuned for more details and along the way we ask for some good vibes to help us in our journey that's about to begin.

Not official... but close enough!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 09:13:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

We got a call from Mom last night letting us know what the counter offer will be for the house... and our investor will accept the terms. It will take at least 30 days for closing (really hoping for sooner) and then we get possession 12 days after. We were hoping to move in the fall, but it's a house that we will be able to buy from the investor. It doesn't look like anything fancy, but it has some wonderful farmhouse features. More details will come, but this is VERY exciting news!!!!

Thank you for the good karma vibes!!! Want to see a few pics? Click here. I will warn you that a few pics might seem a little weird, but once you get in the house it all makes sense. :)

Really? We have to have THIS talk?

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 22:45:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

So this is the second time in a month... we had POOP on the floor today. It wasn't in the bathroom, where you might have guessed. Instead, it was on the floor in the classroom. UGH!

The first time (yes, I'm including details) it was a slice summer sausage lying on the floor... a poo poo patty if you will. Today, it was a streak. I thought I smelled something, but I couldn't pinpoint where.

We had the talk last week about not peeing on the toilet seat... I used such sayings as, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle... be a sweetie and wipe the seatie." I also explained that this was a boy issue because girls just sit and aim directly into the hole.

Now, what clever saying do I have? Can't explain that it was a "shart." A shart, if you don't know, is when you think you have to fart, but oops... took a shit. The two together is a shart. We are having issues with sharting. Is there a picture book for this? I could use... Maybe I will read the book pictured and go into more details.

This for sure will create some giggles from the audience.

This is my child... well, as close as I get (for now).

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 20:20:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

I know that I am now practicing for having a family of my own... making tough decisions, worrying, and stress. On Thursday Loki had surgery for a torn ACL. When we first found out, our vet said they didn't do the surgery, but they got us estimates. $1600... $2500... $3500 (and a referral to MSU). Money is tight for us and many would first ask, "how old is he?" Well, I would normally go with that thought too, expcept he is 6 and still has MANY good days left in him. Well, I got talking with my principal one day and he said that his dog had the same surgery and told me how it worked. A couple days later, he said that he talked with his wife and she KNEW that they didn't pay that much. So he told me his old vet's location. I called and the estimate was between 800 and 1300 dollars. I made the appointment.

It was an all day thing... in Ludington. We had to be there by 8:00 am, which meant we had to leave by 6:00 am. I talked with the doctor and finally left by 9:30. I found a coffee shop downtown to begin my day of hanging out...

By 3:00 I could go back to the vet and check on Loki. He was in a kennel on a blanket (as seen in the picture above). He was still out of it but was happy to see me. We were back on the road by 3:45. The vet and a nurse helped get Loki back in the Jeep. He did try to snip when the vet took the muzzle off. He sent the muzzle home with me, just in case.

We got home by 6:00 and when Andrew I went to attempt to get Loki out of the car, I noticed that the incision was showing. The nurse who checked us out said if that happened to get him back in immediately. So of course, I FREAKED. I hit my stress point. I called vets here and there. I was able to get an appointment for our own vet at either 9:00 or 11:40. I had said 11:40 because I thought I would need Andrew to get Loki back in the Jeep. Well, as it turned out we never took him out of the Jeep. A 98 pound dog, still heavily drugged, who might bite, is not easy to get out of a vehicle. We finally decided that he was completely comfortable in the Jeep. I put some garbage bags under his blanket... and called the vet at 8:00 am the next day for that 9:00 am appointment.

Now in there was LOTS of tears, frustration, loss appetite and indecisiveness. Rockstar wasn't quite sure what to do with me.

The next morning, Loki was more with it. He was sitting up and wagging his tail. When we got the vet he was such a trooper. I thought they were going to have to knock him out and put a whole new cast on, but they just ended up adding to the top of what was there. Since this was just a cast out of gauze and on his back leg, it had just settled. We were home by 10:00 and Grandma came over to help me get him out of the car and into his new doggie quarters (aka the guest room).

Since then, he has been up and down, in and out. Well then this morning I could see about two inches of his incision. I started to panic (again). I called our vet and rambled a bit... they said the doctor was gone for the weekend. I called the 24 hour vet clinic in Traverse and the woman who answered the phone talked to the doctor. They suggested not to come in, that because of the casts location this would keep happening. They said to keep an eye on it and make sure it seemed cleaned and not swollen. They also said that they have seen this many times... We only need the cast on until next Friday, but OH MY GOODNESS!!!

This is a lot of stress... I know it's not the same as your child... but for now, this is as close as I get. Oh and the final bill for the surgery, $978.95. A much better price for the same surgery. Now we just some extra puppy prayers for a an easy recovery!

Today's lesson...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 20:04:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Well this isn't exactly today's lesson, but it was Wednesday's lesson. We are starting to work our way through our Math Workbooks. We have been working on adding doubles and most times it has some sort of image to help you count too. Well this day was doubles plus one. So the first problem would show the double, let's say 5+5=___ and then the next would should 5+6= ____ .

This young friend is new to the district and struggles academically. He was frustrated with the math and I pulled him back to my small group table to work. I ended up spending 45 minutes convincing him that 5+6 did not equal 12. When we counted four times (the first on his own), three times we got 11. Yes, we pulled out manipulatives to help us count. Here are some of the reasons I was wrong, imagine when you read this that you are an angry 8 year old who is scowling at his teacher as he says this:

"I've been doing this since Kindergarten and I KNOW it's 11."
"You used a color printer and changed it... my mom has one of those I know how it works."
"This school is so dumb... it gives us homework every night."

By the end of the day I almost wanted to just say yes, I see it now... 5+6 is 12.

The honeymoon is over folks!

Ahoy, maties!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 00:22:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

So one of the joys of being a teacher (especially lower El.) is the funny stuff that kids say...

Since today has not been the most pleasant, I still find this story to be cute. Yesterday afternoon, we were working on our math. I had already asked three times for kids to put their pencils down (seems like a small thing, but.. go with me on this)... One young man had his sleeve wrapped around his hand with his pencil sticking out and was waving his arm around. I (in a my teacher voice) said, " __________ _________ put your pencil on your name tag!" He looked at me and said (quite seriously), "I'm a pirate." (In my head, I thought, are frickin' kidding me) I said, "Well, I guess I need to send you to the office because we don't have pirates in school." He asked why and I told him, " because they are mean." He tried to continue the debate, but I just concluded this discussion (again in my teacher voice) with, "I'm not going there!"

He slowly took his hand out of his sleeve and put his pencil down. I love the things that kids think of.

Here's one more quick one from yesterday too (a truly great day for 'things kids say.' We had read a take off of The 3 Little Pigs. I had asked the kids what they knew about The 3 Little Pigs. One young man, not Pirate B, and said, "Well, they are not cabbages." LMAO! He's right! They are not...

Shit on the floor!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 20:08:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Don't you just feel like attacking things at times? OH, I TOTALLY did today. A little bluntness coming your way...

Imagine at school... blah, blah, blah (since last time I bitched about school, I got in trouble... this is all I feel comfortable to do)... and so I just tried to laugh it off, but I wanna GRRRRRRR so bad!

THEN when I came home (mom wasn't able to let the dogs out today), I found a pile of SHIT on the floor. So not how the day was supposed to end... Calgon, take that away!

Many thoughts today...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:54:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

As you have noticed, I have been blogging a lot lately. I've had so many racing thoughts that I can't do anything about, but they need to get out of my head... and you are such a good listener. Today, after my initial post where I was still coming off my high of Microbrew Festival, I've had many conflicting... emotional... not sure what else... thoughts.

Today, first and foremost, is the birthday of my cousin Tom who died in October 2009. I know now that I didn't appreciate him enough and his contribution to so many lives. I have had almost a guilty feeling about that since his death. Why is that death puts life in such perspective? We heard so many stories of how Tom was helping others. I am proud to say that I was related to him and am mad/sad that I wasn't closer to him. I looked at cellphone and saw the reminder for his birthday today which makes it seem like he is still here. I miss him and his sarcastic ways!

Also, in the district that I teach the community has a lost a cherished member. He was a Marine and just came home to thousands who will remember him. Why is this affecting me? Well, it was just too young of a life to lose (23 years old). It's the formal Millitary tribute that is reminding me of Tom. Tom's funeral was a Firefighters tribute and it was the most beautiful thing I had seen.

The final mesh of all these feelings is that I'm struggling with my own issues as I'm remembering their deaths. Should I feel guilty? No. But which is worse: loss of home or loss of life? The difference... some things we have control over and some we do not. I need to learn from all of this that it was MY choices that caused this to happen. I have not and will not blame others. BUT you can also be sure that this will NOT happen again. It's time to make better choices... be responsible for the things that are ours.

I'm not sure if there is anything else running around in my head or not... I think I have them out for today. Just one last birthday wish to my cousin Tom, a man who was taken too soon from us... his parents, his son, his sisters, and friends and family who loved him so much. My thoughts and heart are with those who are thinking of him today.

"Beer is proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy" -Benjamin Franklin

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 12:35:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Well, needless to say my mood has been quite somber this past week. I still have many thoughts on the situation, but today's post is about a little break from it all. This weekend was the Microbrew Festival in TC. We had bought tickets back in May (when they were running a special). It was a two day event and the beer was flowing!

I had some money set aside (in case we go the modification), so we allowed ourselves $100 for the weekend. We had a BLAST at festival!

Friday was much more chill... all ages allowed... tables set up under the trees... a nice breeze... and the Old State Hospital grounds as the back drop. Monkey #2 was there both nights and good vibes all around.

We had lots of laughs, which were needed to remind us of why we are together and how much we love each other. Here are highlights and lessons learned (especially from day #2):

All ages beer fest is really more a pain than what it's worth. (Walking through fences with no alcohol to get food or go to the bathroom a pain in the booty!)
When you go to put a ticket in the bucket (day #2) and they ask how many or how full would you like the glass, smile and ask what they think would be appropriate. Usually your pint is much closer to full. (day #2, only supposed to be 5 oz pours or about half-ish of your pint glass)
Magic Hat beer guys are the COOLEST! (We have been eyeing their flag since for the last year...we got brave and asked about it last night. The guy said, "Come back at the end of the night and I might be drunk enough and just give it to you." Well we went back later on... I wasn't going to get any more beer, but I told him that I would give him my one ticket for the flag... also reminded him of what he said earlier... said he could call it our early wedding present... and that Rockstar was from South Africa, so that had to count for something... Needless to say, but we walked away with the Magic Hat flag!)
You will find at least one new band to fall in love with. In the winter we found two and this weekend we found four. Yowsa! Thanks for bringing in such sweet music to celebrate the beer!

Probably the biggest trick we learned was how to get a free ticket! If you volunteer (about a 3 hour shift), then you get in the opposite day for free. That saves you about $35 a ticket. So, we'll volunteer on Friday and get in Saturday... sound like a plan? Who's in? If we are to re-examine our spending and our budgeting, then this sounds like a PERFECT plan to me!!!

Until then... CHEERS!

P.S. We want to look into brewing our own beer. But that's not going to happen for a while.

Attempting to form plans...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 09:51:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Well, it's still difficult to say... but I feel that I need to keep saying it remind myself of the consequences of choices that I made... which lead to this. Hi. I made many unwise choices (not even unwise, POOR choices) and have lost our home to foreclosure.

I had a brief moment of hope yesterday, until I realized that it was a third party scam. (Wow! How awesome of companys to do this to people!) There is some sort of plans starting to form. The good thing for us is that mom is a Realtor and has a few connections.

Plan 1: She knows an investor (possibly two) who might be willing to buy a house that we buy back from them. We have found a house that we like... (the plus) it's on a small lake (that looks like a pond), nice property, room for the animals, appears to be clean/dry... (the negatives) a manufactured house, further away from friends (which is also secretly a plus, we won't go out as much, run and get dinner as easily, etc), slightly further from our jobs (not too bad for Rockstar).

We are hoping that this one happens. So fingers crossed for today.

Plan 2: Again, through the Realtor chain... another Realtor has an investor who buys houses and rents them. He is currently buying a property right now and mom has mentioned us, hoping to rent from him if Plan 1 falls through.

I have to accept that the house will no longer be ours... that because of choices I made, I have turned our lives upside down. Rockstar is SO amazing. A lot of my guilt comes from knowing that he had nothing to do with it. BUT these are the feelings that I'm going to have to deal with. (The scary thought? This is happening to 9 million Americans... THAT is a lot of people and the banks don't seem to really be trying. I share more on that later.)

A final thought that cycled through my head yesterday... Met with Monkey #2 to do our Couch 2 5K (Week 3, Day 2). The one thing she said/asked is why it was the first she heard about it? Well, imagine telling someone... "I'm be foreclosed"... or "I'm losing the house." Asking them for money... we weren't out of money, that's a different boat... borrowing around $8000 to help cover costs, that's a lot of guilt hanging over my head (I know, if it saves your house, then it's fine.) BUT like I have said before, I REALLY thought we were safe... that we would get the loan modification... I have a job... the federal government is putting plans in place to help SAVE homes. Well, I guess the banks are not about saving homes.

So, that's enough ranting for now. It's mostly to get thoughts out of my head. However, I hope that you are sending good vibes our way... If Plan 1 could happen, then I think it would be a blessing and consider it a second chance to show that I have learned from this.

Thanks to those who are so worried about us... we really are doing okay. We are thinking logically and attacking this head on.

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:30:00 +0000

Nevermind, 3rd party scam... The only thing that can save the house is one giant lump sum.

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:09:00 +0000

Found a cloud with a silver lining... Think I saved the house. Keep those good vibes coming.

Time for reality... and admit a truth that's not easy to say out loud.

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:29:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

So the last 4 hour have SUCKED!!! I have had to face many realities in a short amount of time. Signs that we (the 30 year olds) are growing up? Taking care of our parents, divorce, babies, death... are a few spots to start... We all have things that make us stronger people... that we've had to struggle with and learned to make tough decisions. I guess that I'm experiencing my reality and share of tough decisions. I've had a mini reality, of helping my mom, but this one is ALL on me... not even Rockstar gets ownership, but unfortunately he will help solve this.

So when did this start and what am I talking about? The name of the game (and the pounding headache that I have from crying and racing thoughts) is FORECLOSURE. Wow! That even hurt to type... I was hoping that by blogging about it first, I could sort through things.

I started blogging a year ago about F-ing up... I have blogged before about HATING MONEY. All of these are coming to a conclusion it seems and NOT the way I was hoping. I have only talked with 4 people about this: Rockstar, my mom, Kiki, and another close friend who has experienced loss of property. I called Bank of America and found that my efforts to save my house were denied! I get to join the 9 million people who are also experiencing foreclosure.

It started with me trying to help my mom avoid foreclosure, it started with me living a little too frivolously, it started with Rockstar moving and taking on more expenses (not that he has ANY ownership of this). All of these things combined started the foreclosure process on my house. I have lived here 6 years and yes all houses are money pits, but I still love this house! I look at what Rockstar and I have done to this house... and have worked to make it work for us.

I have done the weekly phone calls and slowed down when I was told that the loan modification process started and a package was being put together. I was told that the process would take 30 to 90 days. I figured I would be contacted with a package... Instead I was contacted with phone calls (I didn't know at the time) and no messages were left (who just answers any 800 numbers or calls them back). (Is that the sign? A sign that the bank was giving up? Or that I should have given up?)

I called tonight since I haven't heard from them in a while... once I answered all the confirmation questions of who I am... I heard the phrase... "Your house went to sale on July 1, 2010... nobody bought the house, so it came back to us." Apparently now, they can close a case one day and two days later it goes to sale. My only choice (it seems... phone calls will be made tomorrow) is to pay off the whole house. Not that the house is worth that amount (it's worth about $20-25,000 less than when I bought it) and/or that I could come up with that amount.

So what are my choices? How do I make this up to Rockstar? How will the future look? Why can banks get away with such little attempts at contact? I have a job and I get denied? Why can't I take life more seriously? Do I post this blog post on Facebook? How do I tackle tomorrow?

This would be just a sampling of the questions RACING through my head. (OUCH!!!!!)

The advice I have received from someone close who found out yesterday that their house was also foreclosed: It's time to be humble... admitting to others that you lost your house is the most humbling experience... all things happen for a reason... we can get you through this... God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (people, places and things). The courage to change the things I can (my attitudes), and the common sense to know the difference.

So, I'm not looking for pity or the sorts. I looking for away to share with those closest what is going on. I'm looking for a way to come up with a plan of attack. I'm looking for a way to grow up and be responsible. I'm looking for a clean start on finances. I'm looking for a dose of good luck so that we get through this and can look back be grateful for what has transpired.

I guess this will not be a secret. I'm guessing it will spread through family and friends. I hope that will understand that I have started to accept that I put myself in this situation and am only look for support to move on to the next series of choices. I hope that VERY soon I will be able to write and announce our plan of attack. It is so much easier to talk about foreclosure when it's someone else, but trying to describe your own situation is quite: painful, humiliating, embarrassing, humbling, frustrating, sickening, regretful... there are so many other feelings that I can't even comprehend right now.

A sign of hope? A silver lining? I have someone close who is going to help me form a plan of attack.... a realistic plan of attack. Rockstar is with me and loves me. I am a strong person (and so is Rockstar) and we will survive this.

Shhhhh, time to quiet down...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 19:59:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Could you please tell my head to hush? I'm not sure why, but all of a sudden it feels like rush hour in my head. The morning here started out a little stressful. We signed up to get real internet and finally got our self-installation kit in the mail. Seriously, it should not be too hard, but I HATE HARDWARE!!! We ended up spending close to 3 hours on trying to get it work and still have nada. I've have to call AT&T tomorrow because as I'm trying to set it up, they keep asking me for answers to security questions that I didn't set up. I usually pick the questions about family or elementary school... and this was asking for my favorite band... and it started with 'S'. Sorry, but nope not me. Now I need to send in documentation to prove who I am??? Seriously? So that's cool and a good way to start the day. (eye roll... acoaster)

The other bit of 'fun' added in was when Rockstar showed me a text that Lenny sent him at 12:30 am last night. Something she needed 'to get off of her chest'... saying that he should call his ex and clear the air with her, that are some unresolved issues. Of course, its so serious that Lenny couldn't call on the phone to talk about this... and of course, it's so serious that when Rockstar has tried calling his ex for other things, she's never gotten back to him. OH... and because he's not the one who cheated on her! Lenny likes to be in the middle of things and create drama. That's why Rockstar didn't talk with her for about six months we moved into together. UGH! Why or why are people like this?!?

It's Sunday and I should be chillaxin'! So how am I going to get these racing thoughts out of my head? Well, talking to you was one way... I think I might go do some gardening. There are some lavender plants that I was going to dig up and create a fairy garden for my classroom. That should be lovely, shouldn't it?

Thanks diary for letting me vent! You have such good listening ears... ;)

"Fitness - if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body." ~Cher

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 16:49:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

So I wrote a while ago about about needing to change my lifestyle habits and need to get in better shape... especially for a wedding. I know that shouldn't be the motivation; that I should want to do it for myself and to feel healthier (which I do), but also to look kick ass for a wedding. This will be (really) the first time that I meet Rockstar's parents... Remember he's not from this neck of the woods.

So I had scene about this program a while go (don't know where) called Couch 2 5K (C25K). Now I have NEVER been a runner!!!! Let me clarify that.... NEVER, been a runner... not even a thought about it. However, I've read and scene the success stories and I know that running is one of the better cardio workouts for you (a little rough on the knees). The C25K takes you nicely through working you up to (hopefully) running a 5K at the end of 9 weeks. However, it's not expected that you are running 5K first time through (especially if you've never been a runner). However, they encourage you to just start up another cycle after you complete each round.

Well, my dear friend Botleft (during the wedding dress adventure) was telling us about how she signed up through her YMCA to do this Couch 2 5K. I consider her to be a sporty spice type and she said that she was able to get up to a 2.5K, so I was a little intimidated (not exactly the right feeling, but pretty close). Well, I saw the other day that my cousin, Monkey #2, started doing this. I gave her some props... Next thing I know she's asking me to join her, with a little reluctance I agreed to meet her this morning. I was set that my chest would hurt and that I wouldn't be able to do it (again, NOT a runner).

OH MY GOODNESS, I didn't die! I was sooooo (wait, scratch that... SOOOOOOO) excited! Not only did I not die, but I'm not sore. So I came home and started looking through the website (I had only known about that iTouch/Phone app, which we've had here for at least a month now). The website is very non-threatening and links to other great sources. The other one that I was excited about is a podcast that has music and then a voice comes through to work you through the different intervals of running and walking. It has a podcast for each week (since the intervals change).

So my plans are changing... On the days that I don't do the C25K (which is 3 days a week), then I will at least do my normal walking route. However, Monkey #2 and I will meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays to work on this together. Then on Saturday we'll work on our own. The podcast will be good for this day of the week and then when I'm back to school and will be forced to do this on my own. I will be heading the path around the Kaliseum that is 2 miles long. Initially when it only gets you through the 1 mile, I can just walk the rest of the 2nd mile as a cool down.

I'm definitely feel recharged about this! Thank you Monkey #2 for helping to give me the kick in the booty that I needed! Love it!

The Guests!!! Like trying to fit clowns in a clown car...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 16:18:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Ahhhhh!!! Here's the dilemma... since we are paying for the wedding ourselves (not the problem), we are semi-limited on the venues that we pick for the wedding and reception. We were REALLY considering Top of the Park for the reception. Right now, we are limited to 70 guests (PROBLEM) if we have a traditional head table. I just worked on the guest list and have 15 couples who are on the 'extra' list. I haven't even touched co-workers (for either of us) and only tried to guess on who Rockstar would want to invite. I know I missed some of the people. We have the Save the Date cards... which is what inspired this list. We will see what happens... I'm still waiting to hear back from a couple of venues.

***** As a side... I think Botleft has a sense of when to call. This is twice that she has called when I was in the middle of freak outs (and I'm not too bad, but questions with no answers floating in my head).

The Dress!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 12:41:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

I had to share the experience that I had of finding my wedding dress and finding the bridesmaids dresses. First, I was fortunate enough to be able to get all the girls together for a trip to David's Bridal. Botleft was courteous enough to host us and let us stay at her home.

I have a feeling that I might different in my approach for this wedding shopping deal... I wanted to start with the bridesmaids first (I'm going to have to learn to put myself first for this whole ordeal). The lady helping us at DB asked what I was looking for for them. I told her, "I don't care what the dresses look like, as long as they were in the color I wanted. I preferred that they were all in the same style of dress, but other than that... it was up to them." This through them off... I was asked if about style of the dress and such... I stated again, as long as it's the color that I didn't care for how it looked. I know that this isn't the typical approach to bridesmaids dresses, but I wanted my girls to have a say and be comfortable in their dresses. They very quickly were able to find a style that they agreed on. I couldn't have done a better job myself! They picked a beautiful dress made with a cotton sateen fabric AND it has pockets! It will be perfect for a beach wedding!!!

Now to my dress! I don't know how the first few dresses showed up... I know I didn't pick them out of the catalog. I don't know if the lady helping us grabbed them based on what I had described as one that I had liked or what... doesn't matter I suppose. The dressing rooms were tiny and the dresses had some POOF! The dress was HEAVY (might be the one where Sassy pulled her shoulder a bit). It was heavy, but PERFECT. It shrunk my waist (until we added a color ribbon, which shrunk it more!). I didn't have a bunch of dresses I wanted to see... I kept asking the girls to pick some out for me. (I know it's my wedding, but I value these three married women's opinions.) It was a surprise (but not) that they imagined me doing a vintage style wedding. (I agreed that if I was doing a church wedding then I probably would.) So the attendant brought over a dress that was a little bit what they imagined and a little bit what I liked. I have to admit, I fell in love with this dress too! (UGH! I'm so indecisive, this is NOT a good mix.) Then once the DB worker started to 'decorate' me (adding the veil and such), I fell in love a little more... I went on to try on MANY different dresses, but the girls admitted that my reaction wasn't the same as it was for the first one.

I had to do one last double-check to be sure it was the one, so on it went. When I came out I was 'decorated' (since we didn't do it the first time) and YES! This is it! Now here's the new dilemma... I don't know if I can 100% trash it.

So no pics for you of the dress... you will have to wait until next year to see it. I do have it online, so some people have been able to see the dress (and me in it) upon request. I can't have the groom see it! (Bad juju!) I had a wonderful experience and my girls were all able to get together... for a little bonding time! These are my ideas for a perfect wedding to happen!

Well that's no good...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 09:14:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Well... Last week I did pretty good about making smart food choices and walking everyday. Working the Film Festival did help in those choices, only because I was keeping so busy. I weighed myself on Monday last week and Friday and found that I lost 6 pounds. So must be that first day I was storing a little water weight or something.

This week, I've had my moments of weekness. Last night we had a BBQ and had friends over. I ended up getting beer for Rockstar and I, plus our Kiwi friends brought Ginger Crunch down. (PS YUMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!) I did walk yesterday, but not the first two days of the week. So I'm about to go out for a walk for today and I think, now that the humidity is gone, will do a round of pilates this afternoon.

I'm trying and want to make smarter choices, but if this is a lifestyle change then I need to work through MANY bad habits. One thing that is exciting... after my last blog post, a teacher from school put up info on Zumba coming to K-town one day a week. I have a feeling quite a few teachers will be joining in to do this... Kind of excited.

Would you trash your wedding dress?

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. R, aka the Rockin' Rooster) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:30:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

Years ago, I saw this news report on 'Trashing Your Wedding Dress' and fell in LOVE with the idea... yes even before there was a man in plan. I completely agree... why would I spend money to have it preserved and collect dust, to just look at the box and say, "oh it was so beautiful." OR why would I expect my daughter to wear the dress? (That's part of the fun... finding THE dress) Instead, why wouldn't I want to create some fantastic memories, celebrate marriage, and wear the dress more than once...

So here's what I've learned... My hairdresser is the only other person who has wanted to do this too. She gave me a lot of tips, since she was thinking about going extreme. Start with the simpler ones first and working your way to fully trashing the dress. (hmmmm, that's smart) She also suggested doing some research... so I did. I now have quite the list of things I'm considering and I want to put them down so I don't forget them. Ready? Here we go...

*****
1. Take the disc golf basket (that will be our guest book) and possibly mini discs into a field that has is surrounded by a terrific view (maybe Sleeping Bear dunes) and play disc golf in the dress in a gorgeous setting.
2. Go into a stream (Spunkys house) that is full of lush green around and represents northern Michigan.
3. Go into the Trout Fountain in Kalkaska.
(notice so far said dress is not too trashed)
4. Play Rugby... have the Blues do the lift when throwing the ball back in... maybe get into a scrum. Not sure, but I'm willing to be that the Traverse City Blues team will help me out.
(yes, I'm trying to incorporate things Rockstar and I like to do together in the trashing of the dress)
5. (and the original thought) Try to recreate the scene from "I Love Lucy" where she was stomping the grapes in a barrel. (Handkerchief and all)
*****

I'm not planning on paying a ton for my dress (I'm also practical). I will save a chunk of the dress to make a Christening gown or set of Handkerchiefs for my kids... they can use that for their wedding. I want to create memories of what will truly be a GREAT moment in my life. I want and hope friends will join me... that might mean the girls trashing their bridesmaid dresses. Good times! You know I love them!