Our Life Upstate

"Orphan" - a movie review

2009-11-09T23:00:00.003-05:00

Whew. Just in time for National Adoption month, the movie, "Orphan," has been released on DVD. "There's something wrong with Esther." That's what the movie poster tells me, anyway. Such a good line! It’s dark, mysterious, ominous. And what a good character name for a horror/thriller – Esther. Not a common name, but not a particularly strange one, either. Biblical ties. Cool. In fact, each trailer, each movie poster, each everything that has been released about this movie makes it look like this film may hit on exactly what a spooky-scary-heart racing-edge of your seat-screaming-crying-don’t turn out the lights before bed tonight-kind of movie needs. But, is that what is really important? Is that what really matters? I'm honestly not sure.

My wife was very unhappy with the advertising surrounding this movie. She went so far as to sign a petition to ask that it not be released. This, in and of itself, is quite odd for her. She is definitely the, "don't judge a book by it's cover" type. Why then would she sign a petition? Aside from looking awfully cool, the trailer did tend to focus on the adoption of an older (9-year-old) child who has some SERIOUS attachment issues to say the least. "It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own." "I don’t think Mommy likes me very much." Yes. From the trailer, this movie seems to strike right at the core of adopting a child – especially an older child. And what does it say? It's not worth the risk of the incredible toll it may take on your family. And not in the John Ritter, "Problem Child," I am going to test my limits to make sure you don’t leave me kind of way. But in the, adopting an older child will wreak havoc on your other children - your "own" children - kind of way. And, so, my wife did not want to give the filmmakers any money. But she is not around right now and she has given me her blessing to view to flick and blog about how much "damage" it might do to folks who are considering adopting an older child. Personally, my gut is telling me that the trailers are as inflammatory as it's going to get - that this is going to be nothing more than a straight up horror film with little to do with adoption aside from setting the initial premise in a modern, "Hey, this is what's popular" kind of way. So, let’s get right down to it. Let’s check out “Orphan” and see if it really is as anti-adoption (no matter what spooks, specters, and mysteries are contained within as well) as the trailer makes it seem. Let’s see if the movie will scare off those folks who are considering adopting an older child. Because, let’s face it, while we all know that it’s just a movie, we are all also convinced that movies are often based in reality. What we forget is that the reality is not necessarily ours. It is the writers', the director’s, the actors'. I have read the real-life stories of a family who brought home an older child who wound up having some really difficult issues to deal with. The real-life story is ongoing. The ending might never be completely happy. However, the real-life story is one filled with endless undying love, hope, and a future. What feeling will "Orphan" leave us with?

Two hours later, here I am. As far as a movie goes - the opening sequence was absolutely terrifying and I could not bear to watch it in the dark. After that, there were a couple of pretty touching scenes establishing such a nice, happy family, despite the hardships that they have endured. They are struggling to make it in this big ol' world and, finally, they can see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. After that - cookie cutter suspense/horror film. Worth the money to see it at the theater? Nope. Worth the rental price? Nope. In the end, so predictable, it was boring - and I scare easy. But what about the big adoption issue. Was my wife overreacting? It's a shame that the petition was signed by folks who had not yet seen the movie. In my opinion, that hurts the petition's credibility. Somehow, these outspoken folks should have been allowed to screen the movie. Then they could sign the petition confidently and, maybe, more people would listen. If there were a petition to sign now, I would sign it. My wife? Not wrong in the least. Yes, the problem with Esther was ridiculous, outlandish, and completely over-the-top. That is not the point, though. That is not revealed until the last 20 minutes. The first hour and forty minutes can really get into the head of someone considering adoption, even if they "know" it's just a movie. Honestly, I thought that I was going to come back here and write that either people were overreacting or that, at the very least, "Orphan" was a good movie, even if a little inappropriate. No, "Orphan" was a bad movie and people were not overreacting. If you ask me, people should not watch this movie. Obviously, no one should pay to see the film in any way at all. But, above that, watching it at all just risks perpetuating the garbage that the filmmakers are spewing. But, hey, to shut all of us weirdos up, there is a very clear shot of a pro-breast feeding poster. It must be on camera for a good 10 seconds, at least. Isn't that good enough for us? I'll tell you why a poster will not placate me. There have been some good movie lines that pop into my head that are spoken either right before or right after the good guy delivers the winning blow. "You're terminated!" "Hasta la vista, baby!" "Don't **** with the babysitter!" What is that winning line in this movie?

"I'm not your f**king mommy!"

My wife is one smart lady.

All That Matters

2009-11-09T05:00:00.001-05:00

Today I will get on a plane with two of my children and fly to Ethiopia. Once I arrive there I will go to an orphanage and I will pick up my youngest child. I will finally hold her, her siblings will finally hold her. She will be in our arms and a part of our family and all will be as it should . Hubby will, sadly, be missing but even that does not take away from the joy our entire family has at finally being able to hold our youngest member. It is not the picture most people have in their heads when they see a family. It is not what they picture when they envision the first moments with a new baby. Other people might not consider us a "typical" family but this is our family and we are very happy.

We are excited to have Little Sister in our family. We are over the moon excited to have her with us in just a day. We are sad that Hubby will not be there and we will miss him for the two weeks we are away from him. This is longer than the kids have ever been away from him. It is longer than I have been away from him in almost ten years. It is unbelievably scary to be getting on a plane and going to another country where I do not know anyone nor do I speak the language. And yet we are all excited.

But so many people do not get it. People say stupid things to us - they ask invasive, personal questions, they refer to Big Sister as the only child that is "ours," they just do not get it. Some people are very kind but they still do not get it. Some people tell us what a wonderful thing we are doing or they say that we are such good people. We are not particularly good people - we are just people who wanted a baby. And if you know anything about adoption you know there are people out there who think I am the devil incarnate simply for adopting - but that is a post for a different time. When I shared my freezer with you and my intentions to breastfeed Little Sister so many people said they could not believe I had worked that hard. But, any one of them would have, and several of them did, worked very hard to breastfeed their babies. They just do not get it. And I do not get what they do not get. I do not know what is so hard to understand. She is my baby and has been from the day I started out to bring her home - even though that was well over a year before she was born. She was already my baby and I was going to do anything to give her the best I could, just like I did for my other two.

But, then I wonder if that is what Jenna (from The Chronicles of Munchkinland) would have said to me a few years ago. I wonder if she would have sat there wondering how it is, I of all people, could not get it. How could a mother who was so uniquely blessed and gifted by another not get it. How could I not see what she and her family were doing for the wonderful and beautiful thing that it is. See, her family is involved in an open adoption and that is something I most definitely did not get a few years ago. I would have probably said stupid things to her. And if not to her because I would have at least had enough decency to keep my mouth shut - certainly about her. I honestly thought that open adoption was about the first mother not wanting the responsibility of being a parent but still wanted the joy. And I hope Jenna does not hate me for that. I have so much respect for her - as a person, as a writer and as a mom. As a mom to the Munchkin (the daughter she placed for adoption) and as a mom to the two boys she parents every day. She has an unbelievable relationship with the Munchkin and her family. And now I get it. I get that her relationship with the Munchkin is not about undermining the relationship the Munchkin has with her parents. It is about loving her - it is about allowing the Munchkin to continue to know and feel all the love Jenna has for her, even if Jenna is not her everyday parent. And even though I get it I am not sure I am able to do justice to it and explain it well. It is not my life. But I get that they are just as typical of a family as I am.

And I guess no one else needs to "get it." I guess it does not matter what other people think. I guess it does not matter how clouded their view seems to be. I guess all that matters is that we get it. We are comfortable with who we are and how are family dynamics work. We get it.

17 Days And Counting

2009-11-08T22:10:00.006-05:00

Big Brother's Countdown Calendar
Until Our WHOLE Family Is Finally Together

While I Am Gone

2009-11-07T17:07:00.001-05:00

I know you are just DYING to know what you can expect for me and the blog while I am gone. Right? Right - just go with me on this. You are very curious!! You know you are. I know you are. And so I will not keep you in the dark any longer. :)

So, I have set a few posts. yes, I wrote them ahead of time - some timely things. This is National Adoption Month. So, there will be some talk of that. I joined Bloggers Unite Fight For Preemies. That takes place on the 17th - so you can expect a post about premature birth and what I know, feel, etc about that. And it is also Thanksgiving this month. So, I have set a Thanksgiving carnival. I have a post set to go up on Thanksgiving day and there is a Mr Linky at the bottom. I invite you to please write your own posts about what you are thankful for and link them. When I asked on twitter if there was any interest several of you said yes. So, I expect you to play along with me - my feelings will be very hurt if you all forget about me just because I am away picking up my baby. :)

Additionally, Hubby will updating once or twice a week - his own thoughts, what he is doing, maybe some pictures of things he has seen. Who knows? I do know he is one very special surprise for you all that he will be debuting at some point. He will also be keeping you all up to date via my twitter account. Considering the time difference even if I can get on to twitter you all probably will not be around when I am. Hubby will tweet some - here and there. So, be sure to keep coming by to check on him. I mean it friends I need someone to look in on him so I am counting on you.

And lastly, I will update as much as I can from Ethiopia. I just found out that I can email posts to blogger and it will automatically post them for me. Woo Hoo!! I am super excited about that!! So, even if I cannot get onto blogger (which I have heard is a problem) I will still be able to update. So, I plan to do that as often as I can - hopefully at least once a week.

Oh and lastly, I have a giveaway going on each week. One day each week a new giveaway will go up. A baby one, a babywearing one, a cloth diapers one and a kids clothing one. So, there will still be plenty from us over the next month (that's right folks I am going to be gone just shy of a month). So, keep coming by - ya never know what (or who) you might find. Lots of fun stuff. :) If I really cannot get onto blogger I probably will not be able to see any of your blogs while I am gone but I will catch up with all of you once I am back. I will miss all of you. You are all an awesome community who I really and truly appreciate!! Thank you for your support. Oh and an fyi - comments get emailed to me so I will get all of those. And I love them - they keep me sane sometimes and brighten my day others.

Ready or Not Here We Go

2009-11-06T15:05:00.001-05:00

Am I prepared? That is the biggest question that people are asking me lately. And sometimes what I want to say is "I have no idea." I have no idea how I could possibly be prepared, I mean my bags are packed, immunizations have been given, prescriptions have been filled, emails have been sent, the necessary people have been notified of our arrival, our tickets are booked and paid for, the room at the guesthouse has been reserved, we have confirmation that the kids and I will be picked up at the airport. So, in that sense we are ready. As ready as we can be I suppose.

But I do not think that is what people really mean. I spoke to my mom last week and she was very adamant that I had not given this enough thought. She said that she believed I was putting the kids in danger. She said that I had not given enough thought to what it was going to be like to be the only parent with three children. Stating that it was going to be very difficult. To which I responded, "If Hubby died it would be very difficult on me to be the mom to three kids all by myself but I would still have to do it." At which point my mother chastised me for saying such a thing and informed me that the difference was that Hubby dying would not be my choice - and that this is. And then the argument between her and I commenced.

This is not my choice. None of this has been my choice. It was not my choice for MOWA to close for a week causing our court date to be pushed back by almost a month. It was not my choice for MP not to show TWICE causing us to not pass court. It was not my choice for the courts in Ethiopia to close for two months causing us to have to wait that long before we could FINALLY (miraculously) pass court. It is not my choice for it to take 8 weeks from passing court to embassy date. None of those things are my choice. My choice would have been for her to come home months ago.

And so Hubby and I do not discuss what happens if the internet is unbareably slow. We have heard reports that it is and other reports of people using Skype. We do not discuss the feelings we have about being apart. We do not talk about what happens if the kids or I get sick (a mommy from our agency is over there now and she is super sick - hopefully, starting to get better). We do not discuss how I am going to get through the airports by myself. We do not let ourselves get all worked up about all the things that we think. Because, we are both aware that it will be difficult but it does no good getting all worked up about that now. This is what we have to do - and so it will be fine. God will look out for us and we will be fine. Better than fine - we will be with Little Sister. A friend said to me the other day (and this is a quote - she probably told me who said it but the name escapes me) "Do not worry about the future because it may not happen, and if it does than you worried twice."

I like that. I like it a lot. And so I am thinking of all the happy things that are coming from this travel. I am looking forward to the (somewhat) quiet that will come being there. I am looking forward to the four weeks of not having to be anywhere. Of getting to just enjoy my kids. Nobody waiting for us. I am resigned to the very good possibility that the kids (all three of them) will be sharing the bed with me by the time Hubby arrives. I am comfortable with the fact that they will probably stay up later than normal and I will probably go to sleep with them. I am comfortable with the fact that we may eat at odd times and that our entire version of normal may need to be restructured. I am just simply happy to be going on this trip and to be taking my kids with me. I cannot wait. I am looking forward to every second of it - plane ride and all Okay, that might be stretching it - but my point is that every second of this trip is a once in a lifetime opportunity for my children and I and I am glad we are doing it. Even if it is not really our choice.

Where Does The Time Go?

2009-11-05T23:00:00.000-05:00

Well, it is Aloha Friday time! In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that people take it easy and look forward to the weekend (sound familiar?). So, we take it easy on Friday blog posts by sticking to just one quick question that surfers-by can answer with just a quick response themselves. This week's question is:

Has your household recovered from the time change yet?

Me: Well, I was going to say yes. I was going to say that the kids did not seem to notice it at all. And that I was guessing that was because they were up pretty late on Halloween. However, I don't actually think they are. Big Sister has been more tired at night and she has been waking up at around 8 - but for her that is 45 minutes to an hour early. Big Brother has been up at around 7:30 - which again is early for him. But since they get up so late I hardly notice that the time difference is still affecting them. I guess I should thank my lucky starts my kids are sleepers. :)

Happy Homeschoolin'

2009-11-04T21:18:00.003-05:00

It has been over a month now since we decided to homeschool Big Brother and things have a sort of pendulum to them. If you had asked me how things were going the first week or two I would have said great. If you had asked me how things were going about two weeks ago I would have said everything is a mess and I have no idea how I am going to do this. And now - well, we aren't getting much done this week.

Last week we were really getting somewhere. We had broken through the wall we were hitting. See, I have this issue, I am scared out of my mind that he will never learn to read. It is the biggest thing that worries me about homeschooling. So, last week when we started to make progress I was thrilled. Big Brother even wrote a sentence - all on his own. The first one - The cat sat. And then The cat sat on a can. Now I realize that is not all that complex of a sentence or anything but it sure did impress me. And it meant we were on the track - the track towards reading. We went and bought him a bunch of easy reader books for while we are gone. He was really excited that he was doing it - he felt confident and smart (which of course, he is).

But this week is crazy - this week is taken up with getting ready to go. We have barely found any time to sit down and do any work. We have been super busy - a combination of social things and trips to pick up random things that we need to pack, doctor appointments, oh and I have to get the oil changed in my car tomorrow. So, yeah at the moment we are not getting much school work done. I am doing my absolute best to practice his reading throughout the day. Point out words as we are reading or as we are looking at things. And encouraging him to keep trying. He knows that we are taking a little break from school work because of how busy we are this week. He understands and so I am okay with it. And so is he.

In an unrelated but still somehow part of this he has been having me make him small (four boxes of four) sudoku puzzles. And he is amazingly good at them. It is so funny. I am not sure exactly what "school" lesson it is but it certainly is excercising his brain.

And so I feel pretty good about homeschooling. I think we are fairly successful at it. Big Brother does seem to be learning. Learning more than he was in school even. I also feeling like we are still in the learning phase. Both of us - he is learning everything and I am learning how best to teach him.

Packed

2009-11-03T22:55:00.002-05:00

Well, sort of! As you can see our bags are packed. The only thing that we are missing is our paperwork. Which, ironically, is the most important thing of all. It is what we will need to bring Little Sister home.Everything else is in our bags. Everything that can be - we have a small list of things that cannot be packed until Monday morning.

But otherwise we are packed and ready to go!!! The phones are unlocked for international calling - not that we will do a lot of calling considering the $3.50 per minute charge but it is still good to have. Now, all we have to do is wait 5 more days!!!!!!

For more Wordless Wednesday see 5minutesformom, and for more Wordful Wednesday see Seven Clown Circus.

Dear Little Sister

2009-11-02T21:22:00.003-05:00

In exactly one week your brother and sister and I will be on a plane on our way to you. It will be late and we will all be tired and excited. We will be four hours from landing in the airport where you are. We will have been on the plane for a LONG time already. I am hoping that your brother and sister will be sleeping. I am guessing that even if they are, I will not be. I am guessing the combination of excitement that I am only a few hours away from seeing and holding you for the first time and the fear that if I fall asleep something will happen to them (yes, Mommy knows how silly she is) will keep me awake. But either way, we will be on our way to you.

And that is the only place in the world that I want to be. I wish I could be there right now. My arms have ached for you for months. My heart has hurt for all the time we have been apart. Each day has felt like a year and it has been so incredibly hard on us to be away from you. Your brother has been so excited for you. He has waited and waited (we all have) and now he is so happy to be on his way to meet you.

I realize baby girl that the first moment with us will not have the same impact on you that it has on us. I realize that, when we pick you up, you will be confused. I realize that you will not know what is happening. You will not know us and you will not know that your life is changing. And if you did know, that might not be a comfort to you. I realize that, to you, there will be a new person holding you, there will be another baby (one you do not recognize) who will be very impatient and whinny because I am holding you and there will be a random five-year-old boy who is getting in your face and trying to be the most important person in your life. I understand that this will be overwhelming and even frightening.

And I wish that I could make it easier. I wish that there was some way to let that day be less scary. I wish that there was some way to make it as big and wonderful for you as it is for me - for us. I wish that I could make it easy. I really do. But even though I cannot make it easier, I can care for you and hold you. I can comfort you and give you all the love I have in my heart. All the love I have been holding in my heart for months and months. And pretty soon you will be used to my hugging and kissing and loving. And you will absolutely blossom under that love - the love that all four members of your family cannot wait to give you.

Halloween Fun

2009-11-01T22:25:00.005-05:00

Just like everyone else we all went out trick or treating this Saturday night. We had so much fun. Big Sister seemed to get it from the instant we put her in her costume. She grabbed her bucket and off she went. It was so cute. Just like we have done for the last three years we went trick or treating with a friend. It was such a nice time. Big Brother and his friend (who I used to watch several years ago) had so much fun. And poor Big Sister was really enjoying herself but she was so sad that she could not keep up with Big Brother and his friend. She would cry and get so frustrated and yell after them because they were leaving her behind. The problem was that she would arbitrarily stop and just look around - and they were working on getting some serious candy. But all in all they all had a really good time. Take a look.

So, when Julia from Sweet As Punkin Pie challenged us to get a picture of ourselves this weekend do you think this is what she had in mind?

No, probably not. How about this one? I like this one - it is a good picture of Big Sister and I snuggled all up together and playing. You cannot see her face very well but she is smiling and laughing.

Packing, Packing, Packing

2009-10-31T14:56:00.005-04:00

So, I told myself that I was going to spend this weekend packing. I was going to get everything in the suitcase and be all set. I did things like buy extra shampoo and toothpaste so I could pack and not have to wait to put anything (well, aside from the pump) into the suitcase. I bought all of the food and things of that nature that I needed. I have thme still in bags sitting on the floor of the closet in my bedroom.

The problem is that before I could get packing I had to gather up all the clothes for everyone. So, I figured that I would start with the kids and then bring it all to my room where I could start packing it all up. Trying to get it in where it belongs and figuring out what things I do not need when they do not fit. The problem was getting into Little Sister's room. We went up to her room figuring I would put away what was in her room and then Hubby could put together her crib. Except it was like a never ending room. I kept pulling box after box out of there. I had put all the boxes of the kids clothes in their earlier this summer. Figuring once I knew how big Little Sister was I could put out what she would need and get out those things of Big Brother's that Big Sister can wear. And then we hit snag after snag and I have not had it in me to go in there Until today! Today I went in and I got to work - by moving the boxes to the hallway.

I finally got everything put into the proper boxes and into drawers. I did manage to gather the kids clothes. And pile them up in the hallway as well. So, I can now start getting things into our suitcase - and I am hoping to do so tonight. But I had to stop because Big Sister had to take a nap and very shortly we will have to get her up and get her ready for trick or treating. So, I suppose most of it will have to get done tomorrow. Of course, tomorrow we have church and then I need to go to GNC and get something I forgot - or well I have been meaning to do and not gotten around to yet. So, yeah, somehow I need to get us packed up this weekend so that we can do all of the things we have planned for next week. And I have absolutely no idea how that is going to get done. Especially when I sit here blogging because I feel overwhelmed instead of actually putting things in the suitcase.

I Really Should Not Watch Private Practice

2009-10-30T15:36:00.002-04:00

Way back when I saw the very first episode of Private Practice I told myself not to watch it. And I mean the VERY first one - the one that was still a part of Grey's Anatomy (which I absolutely LOVE and hate to miss for anything). As soon as I saw that Naomi's specialty was fertility I knew better than to watch the show. I really did. And I tried but it is on so conveniently after Grey's and well, last season I got sucked in.

I started to like the characters and started to watch regularly. But I still knew better. And my brain kept warning me that the fertility issue would come back to bite me later. See, I have issues with fertility - as in I am not so sure it is what is best. What shows like that neglect to tell you is that pretty much any Neo-natalogist will tell you that Artificial Reproductive Technology comes with a slew of risks. That they see it everyday. But that is not really why I should not watch. I am okay with that. I get that it is just a tv show. It has no medical responsibility to the community and really if people are going to have ANY medical procedure done they should look into the risks themselves.

The reason I should not watch the show is the way they talk about and discuss "a baby of their own." And things like that. I realize that people REALLY feel like if they do not carry and give birth to the baby they could not possibly love it. I understand that. But I hate seeing on tv all the time. I find it irresponsible to the community at large. The more they depict that attitude on tv the more likely younger people are to accept it and not question it. My friend Slee has talked about the mdeia needing to be more socially responsible and should be showing nursing moms instead of bottle feeding moms. To me this is like that - the community NEEDS to see this for what it is. They need to see more people embracing children out of love and not biology. Oh and if you are wondering what the difference is between this and the medical questions to me the difference is that when having a medical procedure of any kind you should research it. You cannot, however, research how you feel. You cannot feel a certain way because you have seen it on tv and go research that to see if you are right or wrong.

But last nights episode went beyond that for me. In case you do not watch let me tell you. There are two couples who were accidentally implanted with each other's fertilized eggs. Both women are pregnant. This was all dealt with last season and the two families agreed to carry each other's baby and switch at birth. *Sigh* Well, in last nights episode one of the babies had a complication, Addison did surgery but the baby did not make it. When the husband (who had left his wife when she was carrying the other woman's baby) found out he came to her side and they reunited. Leaving the other woman feeling alone. She left. She said she was keeping the baby. The one she was carrying but that had the other family's DNA.

Everyone was all up in arms. Talking about how she "couldn't do that." That the baby "wasn't hers." They went on and on about it. The show ended and she was gone - with the other woman's husband saying he was going to the police or a lawyer or both (I cannot remember). They were getting "their child" back. I was pretty disgusted. What makes that baby theirs? They are not caring for it. His wife will not give birth to it. Oh DNA!!! Poohy on DNA. When I read blogs, or books from first mothers they all talk about bonding with the child. And I get that - they carry the baby for all that time, they talk to the baby, they do things because it is best for the baby. But that has nothing to do with DNA (I should give credit and say that the woman who lost the baby was sad - she talked about how she had lost a baby - the baby she was carrying. She talked about how the two babies were equally hers and the other womans - and that I am more okay with - but I still think DNA is not a bonding factor).

And I came away from the show very upset. This is worse than just wanting a child by birth. This is worse than simply wanting that time of connection as well - it placed all the importance on DNA. And it was not just the upset husband or woman who had lost the other baby. The Drs on the show were saying the same thing. They were appalled that she thought she could keep "someone else's" child. And I am now left with an utterly disgusted and increasingly frustrated outlook. I have read The Primal Wound and understand the theory that a woman's body is forever changed due to the child that she carries and then gives away. That the "child who is separated from his or her biological mother will experience abandonment and loss." I have never been quite sure where I stand on this issue - and I think I may have a better opinion in 15 years - but I wonder who Nancy Verrier would consider the "biological mother" in this case? Since a lot of her theory seems to be surrounded by the fact that the "biological mother" carries that baby and bonds with the baby through that I have to wonder if in this fictional case on Private Practice the woman carrying the baby would be "biological mother."

Now, obviously, I do not think that remaining with the mother who gave birth to you is of the utmost importance. I do think (and I do know people this is true for) that a child can be raised and can flourish with a family that is neither biologically connected nor connected through the act of birth. So, I am not placing the act of pregnancy and birth as the most important thing I am just saying that I am so disgusted with how much importance people like to put on biology that they would consider these children "belonging" with the people who supplied their DNA. But I do remember reading of a case a few years ago where a woman donate eggs while she was in college (meaning she got paid A LOT of money for them) tio another couple who had twins. Five years later the egg donor found out she could no longer get pregnant and since she ahd never had children she decided she wanted the kids of the people who she donated her eggs to. She sued for joint custody ..... and she WON! How ridiculous is that?!?!

Halloween

2009-10-29T23:37:00.001-04:00

Prepared to Fail

2009-10-28T21:03:00.000-04:00

So, I am ready. I have spent the last two weeks pumping MORE (cause ya know I had extra time in my day - yeah right!). I have increased my milk supply to a point where I think I am comfortable. I think I will have enough milk for Little Sister when we arrive in Ethiopia. I have purchased a nursing system in order to help her learn to latch (and on a side note I thought a nursing system was going to be really expensive but it was less than $20 so if for whatever reason you feel you need one just know it is really cheap). I have read everything I can get my hands on and I have talked to everyone who has an experience with this.

One mom I spoke to said that she has nursed several children she adopted and each of them took to nursing fairly quickly. Time frames from one week to one month I believe - with the older babies taking longer. I spoke to one mom who said that she will refuse to give the bottle when trying to get the new baby to nurse. My local La Leche League agreed with that. They all said that when the baby gets hungry enough they will nurse.

This concept does not sit well with me. Now, I get that if I give Little Sister the bottle whenever she refuses the breast (which she is likely to do when I first offer it) she will most likely never try. But the flip side of that is that the other way she is not eating. And I cannot see myself being willing to starve her. I cannot see allowing her to be hungry all day in hopes that she will eventually take whatever I offer her. That seems unfair.

It is because of this advice that I finally bought the nursing system. Because with the nursing system (which for those of you who do not know is basically a bottle with a tube stuck in it that you position next to your breast so that as soon as the baby sucks they get something - additionally you can put the formula they are used to in it and so at least that will be similar) I can give her a little more encouragement. I can make things a little more familiar. Additionally, I think I can position it so that I can get the formula flowing into her mouth first and make her more likely to attach and give this new looking thing a try. After all, her food will be there.

But I am prepared to fail. I am prepared for the fact that she may not want anything to do with it. I am prepared for her to cry and push away and just want her bottle. And if she does? I will give her a bottle. I will fill it with breast milk and I will still feel that I am giving her the best that I can. Some people think that in being prepared for that I am causing it to happen. That I am not willing to do the work. But the thing is I think that any gains that can be made by breastfeeding will only be counteracting the fact that I had to starve her to do it (if that were the only way to accomplish it - I am not saying it will be just that I am prepared for the possibility). Little Sister needs to know that I am going to care for her. That I will meet her needs - and she needs that more than she needs to breastfeed.

So, I hope that I can see when to try. When to push a little. And when to give up. I hope that in being prepared to fail I do not walk away from it too soon. I hope that in wanting in her to do it I do not try to hard.I hope that I will know what my daughter needs most of all. I am prepared (I have worked hard to be prepared) to breastfeed her. I am equally prepared to fail. And I think I am okay with either outcome.

Autumn

2009-10-27T23:06:00.001-04:00

Ha ha!! I tricked you didn't I? You thought I was going to have pictures of leaves and tress and stuff, didn't you? Well, in our house autumn means hockey. It is the start of the hockey season. For the professionals and for Big Brother. And once everyone starts playing all we do around here is hockey. :) Big Sister can already say "hockey" and "goal." Happy Autumn! Or should I say Happy Hockey! :) And since I inadvertently hit upon this weeks You Capture theme I figured I would go ahead and link up to that too.

For more Wordless Wednesday see 5minutesformom, for more Wordful Wednesday see Seven Clown Circus and if you are like me and only mostly wordless head over to Ordinary and Awesome.

Beginnings

2009-10-26T23:00:00.008-04:00

Kim over at Dirty Diaper Laundry has challenged us all to tell where we first heard about or saw cloth diapers. And I think that topic is something kinda fun. It is something I often wonder about people. It is one of those things that everyone has their own story. We all have come to cloth for similar reasons - money, environmentally friendly, they are cute, etc. But HOW did we find our way to the fun?

Well, oddly enough I first saw cloth diapers was when I was a kid. I was 13 and my step-mom was using them on my new brother and sister. My step-mom had always been very concerned with the environment and so I guess it was logical that she decided to use cloth diapers. They were not cute or fun like they are now. They were the older, more plain, variety. They were prefolds and covers. We had a HUGE diaper pail that sat next to the changing table. I think we had a diaper service, but I am not completely sure. But they were easy enough. I never felt that they were difficult or hard to use.

The reason I say that it is odd that I was first introduced to them at 13 is that I did not use cloth diapers on Big Brother. I did not even consider it. I did not even think of it. I vaguely recall reading an article and that said (and we have all read this one at this point I think) that using cloth diapers was just as bad for the environment because of the extra water you use when washing them. And I don't know that I believed it, per say, but it was an easy thing to say as to why we did not use cloth diapers. And it is not as if anyone ever asked.

And then it was money that brought me too cloth diapers when Big Sister was a few months old. I started using exclusively prefolds mostly because they were familiar to me. I was comfortable with me. And it was only when the size (going from infant to premium) were too far off that prefolds became uncomfortable for me. And I moved on and found pockets and AIOs and that is when I became truly obsessed.

And now I just love using cloth diapers. People think I am extreme and hard core. I use cloth everywhere without a second thought. Overnight? I use them. Out for the day? I use them. On vacation? I use them. Heading to Ethiopia? Yup, I'm gonna use them. But it all started a long time ago when I was 13. That was the real beginning of cloth diapers for me.

The Mom I Want To Be

2009-10-25T15:16:00.003-04:00

I want to be the mom who knows what is best for her children and is able to give it to them. I want to be the mom who never yells at her kids. The mom who is always patient. The mom who never feels overwhelmed or tired or in need of a break. The mom who can fix the day with just a hug. The mom whose kids always get enough sleep. Whose kids always make it to practice. The mom who can bake cookies but still has kids who eat healthy. The mom who can hold her baby all day and all night just because the baby is sick. The mom who has outside interests that somehow do not take a second away from her family. The mom who is committed to her marriage and yet does not need to work on it. Who can give all her time to her kids and still have a strong relationship with her husband.

And lately I feel like I am not that mom at all. I am so much less than that mom. I am the mom who feels guilty all. the. time. I am the mom who has to get her sick baby up at 7am to take both kids to hockey practice because my husband works weekend mornings. I am the mom who feeds her kids too much junk food, worries about how chubby the baby is but does not change the family's eating habits. I am the mom who puts her baby down once the baby is asleep because I believe that time alone with my husband is important. But then feels guilty because that sick baby trusted me to keep holding her. I am the mom who loses my temper (a lot) lately because I am overly stressed.

I am the mom who cannot tell what the most important things in life are. The mom who feels that going to hockey practice, even when the baby is sick, is important because he will miss almost a month when we go to Ethiopia. The mom who gets frustrated when my five year old is bouncing on me as I hold the sleeping baby. Yes, he should know better, but I should realize that he has not gotten any attention from me the last two days because I have been holding his sister all day (and night). The mom who is overwhelmed and tired and needs a break.

I am just not the mom I want to be. Not even close. I am not sure I know how to be the mom I want to be. I try - I try as hard as I can. I try to balance it all. And I give every one of them - the kids and Hubby - all the love I have to give. And I do my best to be the mom that they need me to be - even if I cannot be the mom I want to be.

First Impressions on The Flip

2009-10-24T17:15:00.000-04:00

So, they are here!!!! Yes, the Flip Diapers have arrived! I was so excited when I saw the box from CottonBabies on Friday. I immediately opened it up and looked at all the goodies inside. There were 4 Zinnia covers, 4 Ribbit covers, 4 Moonbeam covers, 14 organic inserts, 14 stay dry inserts and 36 disposable inserts. After I looked at them and oohed and aahed at them I immediately started washing them.

The pre-washing is probably the biggest pain that I will encounter with them at all. And even that is only because of the fact that I have all the kinds and colors, etc. First the covers have to be washed - seperately from everything and each other - six times. So that is 18 loads of laundry - and I still have to wash the inserts. The inserts have to be washed 3 - 5 times. So that makes it 23 loads of laundry! Whew!! Well, I got into a routine and have everything almost all done. I still need to do one more load of the inserts. But the thing is that prepping diapers sort of comes with the territory and it is almost done now. So, it was just a days worth of work - of course, I still need to prep Little Sister's other diapers (Why didn't it occur to me to do it together? Probably because my brain is slightly fried at the moment).

Now onto the fun part - the diapers!! Let's see first we have the organic inserts. And the first thing I noticed about them was the fact that they were a big sguare, faitly similar to a prefold diaper. They get folded in on both sides and folded up or down (depending on if you have a boy or a girl) in order to fit your baby's size. For Big Sister I love this!! I think it will give her a great fit and a ton of absorbancy. For Little Sister it does make me a little nervous that she will have a HUGE bubble butt! But then I put it in the diaper at the smallest setting and it was still pretty trim looking.

Then there are the stay-dry inserts. They look somewhat like the inserts for the Bum Genius 3.0 - except they have a soft side that will be touching the baby. And let me tell you - that soft side is REALLY soft. I was shocked at how soft it was. It fits very comfortably inside the cover with actual lines to tell you where to fold it for small, medium or large sized baby. My first thought was that this one was more trim looking but once I put it in the diaper it looked pretty much the same.

And lastly, there is the disposable insert. And wow!!! this thing is trim. I mean I cannot believe this will hold anything. However, I heard on twitter that one mom even used it on her baby overnight (in a BG 3.0) and there were no leaks. So, I am pretty excited about that. I definitely plan to use the disposables first - figure I will use them on the plane and travel day. That will probably be easiest.

I love that the covers look like they will just wipe off. Similar to other PUL covers. I can just rinse them in a sink or wherever when necessary. While I realize that most people will say once they are dirty they should be washed (and, of course, they are right) the fact that they can be rinsed off and wiped with a sanitizing wipe for cleanliness means I can take less of them on the plane and not worry that we might run out if she has one too many poopy diapers.

So, there you have it - my first impressions. All in all I am excited about them. I like all of the Bum Genius products I have (the pockets, the AIOs and the fitted) so I am not surprised that these look as good as they do. I cannot wait to start using them. And do not forget to link your review and giveaway posts below. And please add any you know of - I want to enter everything I can before I leave. Hee hee. :)

Fall Fun

2009-10-23T16:00:00.000-04:00

The kids and I got out and played in the leaves today. The only problem is that it would appear our rake had been stolen. So, I had to push the leaves together with my feet so Big Brother could jump in them. Big Sister was a little more cautious. She was not so sure about why she was supposed to think sitting on the (wet) ground was super fun. She preferred to be held.

What Advice Can You Give Me?

2009-10-22T23:40:00.000-04:00

She Is So Dramatic

2009-10-21T21:46:00.006-04:00

This is what she looks like when she does not get her way! She gets really worked up. If I tell her no she gets herself all worked up, she throws herself backwards and screams. It is all very big and loud and dramatic. She has done this pretty much everywhere. She does it at home. She does it at the mall. She does it at hockey practice. And absolutely anywhere else that she feels like it. She is just so dramatic.

I am always so torn with what to do for her. She is just so upset and she gets so worked up. Her little heart is broken - but then, of course, she cannot just get whatever she wants because she screams. So, what do I do? She is strong willed and opinionated. She wants what she wants. She is very willing to let anyone and everyone know exactly what she feels and thinks. Her feelings are genuinely hurt if I walk past her and do not pick her up. She is unbelievably sad if I cannot sit with her when she wants. And she lets me know. And sometimes it is just the fact that she cannot go up and down dangerous stairs or play in the street that will start her temper tantrum.

I try to be both stern and understanding at the same time. But sometimes I cave. Sometimes I give in because I cannot take the look. The sad eyes that stare back at me with tears streaming down her face. But, of course, every time I cave and give in to that face I just reinforce that she should continue throwing these fits. I try really hard to remember that. But man does she know just how to pull on my heartstrings. Big Brother was just not this dramatic and so it was easy. And in a few months when she is old enough I will send her to her room to throw her fit but for now I am lost. For now I feel like I am fighting myself every time. Trying to decide when to pick her up and when to let her scream and cry. I mean I have to get her dressed or change her diaper - even if she throws a fit about it. I simply cannot just give in to her so she can be happy. Other times, I can give her my water bottle even though she has a perfectly good cup that would result in significantly less water all over her shirt.

When I saw that this week's mommy moments was Tantrums, Tantrums I just gad to link up. :)

Eating With John Mirasty

2009-10-20T23:30:00.001-04:00

Okay, well, we did not exactly eat with him. He was at the Denny's near our house for the filming of a commercial that will be aired locally. So, the kids and I went there for lunch because Big Brother really wanted to meet him. And then he invited them over and signed a cup for Big Brother (see the Denny's soccer cup) and even offered Big Brother a mozzarella stick. Can you tell how happy Big Brother is? (Oh and in case you cannot tell from the picture - he is one of our Syracuse Crunch players)

For more Wordless Wednesday see 5minutesformom, for more Wordful Wednesday see Seven Clown Circus and if you are like me and only mostly wordless head over to Ordinary and Awesome.

International Travel Packing List

2009-10-19T23:33:00.004-04:00

Am I forgetting anything?

Clothes -
Me -
3 pairs of jeans/khakis
1 pair of slacks
6 shirts
1 blouse
7 pair underwear
7 pair socks
bras
pair of nice shoes
pajamas
night time bra
sweatshirt

Big Brother -
3 pairs of jeans
1 pair nicer pants
6 shirts
1 nicer shirt
7 pair underwear
7 pair socks
pair of nice shes
pajamas
sweatshirt

Big Sister -
4 pairs of pants
10 shirts
2 dresses & matching tights
7 pairs of socks
nice shoes
pajamas
hair ties
bibs
diapers - enough for both girls
large wet bag
liners
wipes

Little Sister -
4 pair of pants
10 shirts
2 dresses & matching tights
7 pair socks
pajamas

Toiletries/Medicines -
Sunscreen
Staph Infection Cream
Scabies cream
Lice medication
Tylenol (kids, infant and adult)
Motrin (kids, infant and adult)
Probiotics
Triple Anitbiotic Ointment
Diaper Rash Cream
Nose Aspirator
Thermometer
Nail Clippers
Shampoo (adult and kids)
Soap (adult and kids)
Razors
Toothbrushes (one for each of us)
Toothpaste (adult and baby)
Deodorant
Contacts
Contact case
Contact Lens Solution
Pepto Bismal Pills
Hairbrush
Makeup
Rubber Gloves
Tampons and Pads
Insect Repellent

Feeding Accessories -
Pump - including wires
3 Bottles with tops
Pumping pieces
Supplemental Nursing System
Bottles w/nipples
Bottle brush
Dish Soap

Food -
Vitamins
Granola Bars
Crackers
Peanut Butter
Plastic Spoons
Raisins

Miscellaneous -
Detergent
IPod w/charger and speakers
Ethernet cable
Moby
Ring Sling
Pack N Play sheet
Queen size sheets
Mattress and Pillow Covers

Carry Ons -
Big Brother's Back Pack -
Dolls
Coloring books
Crayons
His camera
Toys

My Carryon -
Photocopy of passports
Photocopy of all adoption paperwork
Phone Numbers - Guesthouse, Agency Rep, Travel Agent
Itinerary and Guesthouse Reservations
Change of clothes for all three of us
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Contact Solution
Contact Case
Glasses
Books (for all of us Magic Treehouse series for Big Brother)
School Books
Laptop w/power cord & USB cable
Camera & batteries
Power adaptor
Blankets for plane

Diaper Bag -
Diapers
Some snacks - chips, cookies, etc
Hand pump
Small wet bag
Our Passports
Big Sister's Cup
Phone
Phone Charger
Travel Tissues

Hubby -
Carryon -
Change of clothes
Pajamas
Books
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Phone
Phone Charger
Snacks
Travel Tissues
Pepto Bismal Pills

Suitcase -
Videocamera and accessories
3 pair of jeans
1 pair of slacks
6 shirts
1 nice shirt
7 pair of underwear
7 pair of socks
Pair nice shoes
Tie
Belt
Black/brown socks
Sweatshirt
Anything I forgot
Deodorant
Razors

Donation Suitcase - (50 lb limit)
Stuffed animals
Sheets
Blankets
Rattles & other baby toys
Matchbox cars
Games (in our basement)

People Say Stupid Things

2009-10-18T22:49:00.004-04:00

I used to think that the stupidest thing people said to me in regards to Little Sister was. "You have to go there?" As if the privilege of getting to go there and pick her up is some kind of chore. As if I would somehow consider it not worth doing. Or a hardship I did not wish to endure. I used to laugh about how people who would say that and wonder if I should ask them "Do you have to go through labor?" Of course, plenty of them might just tell me that they were have scheduled c-sections and would miss my point. *sigh* But these last few days I have learned there is an even more stupid question. That people can go even further in their not understanding.

People keep asking me why the kids and I have to go so early. They seem to think that the fact that we "have to go so early" is a negative thing. They keep asking me "why can't you go later" or "why do you have to go there then." And I am so shocked by the conversation that I pretty much have no response. I mean I usually say, "because we want her." Which is followed by some other insensitive comment about how it is such a shame that I have to be there for so long. And I just do not get it. I mean I want my daughter. I want to be with her. Why doesn't anyone think that the terrible tragedy is that Hubby will not be coming with us? That he has to wait two weeks before he can come out.

That the kids and I are going to meet the newest member of our family without him. I think about that and I want to cry. I mean I think it is so important that we get to her as soon as we can. And Hubby and I have decided together that if only I can (and the kids can) be with her that is what we have to do. And I admit I am going to miss Hubby but what makes me sad is that Hubby will not be there when we meet her. It is so unfair. We will never be able to remake that moment and we will always have to live with the fact that he was not there. And that stinks!

But the point is that what amazes me is that this fact - the fact that Hubby will miss that moment - does not seem to bother anyone. What bothers them is that I am going "so early" or that I am going to be there "so long." Someone even asked me today if the kids and I had to get Little Sister as soon as we get there or if we can sleep for a little while first. Do we HAVE to get her? HAVE TO GET HER? WHAT?!?! Seriously, I cannot believe that question. I HAVE to get her as soon as possible. Because I need HER. The agency does not care when I get her - they will keep her in the orphanage until the day we leave to come home but I need her. So, I am going to get her right away. Not because I have to - but because I have to.

A Matching Set

2009-10-18T06:38:00.002-04:00

I participated in Megan's cloth diaper swap - and it was so fun. I was so excited to pick out the diaper I was sending to my partner. In truth it was my favorite part - I love giving. But, I will let my partner tell you about what she got . :) And I will tell you what I received....

Yes, that is right - a Kisaluvs Marvels OS in Zoo print (I apologize for the lame picture from their website - life is a little hectic around here this weekend). I will be honest and say that I already own one of these. BUT I was not in the least bit disappointed. I was super excited because now both girls have one!!!! Sww I am so excited about getting them matching ...... well, everything!!! I swear they are going to ve dressed alike ALL the time. :) So, now we have a matching set of these.

PLUS, I have recently found the love of fitteds. They are now our go to diaper for overnight. I don't know if Karla knew that (I have mentioned it on twitter - especiallly when I was searching for a new overnight solution) or if she just knew how cool these diapers are. Either way the diaper rocks! And so does Karla. It is absolutely the perfect diaper for us. One that we needed (I have no fitteds for Little Sister - or I didn't before this got here) and one that can match Big Sister. I am so excited (of course some of the general excitement comes from leaving in 22 days) for the girls to have a matching set of these diapers. And I promise pictures of them in them together as soon as I get back.