As our church enters into 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting I’ve decided to take a short break here on the blog. I’m not entirely sure I’ll take the entire twenty-one days away or not. I’m feeling rather of empty of words at the moment after last week’s posts and when I give myself permission for some quiet time the words always begin to flow. So I fully expect to be writing just not sharing it here for a bit while I spend the next few weeks studying and praying.

I must also report for jury duty in the morning and there are a few projects around our home I am ready to tackle if I do not get chosen for a jury. Keeping in my exercise routine was also difficult during the holidays and I need to motivate myself and find that routine again.

I am so grateful for all of you who read and comment and send encouragment. I don’t know that I can ever express how grateful I am.

I will be back very soon and hopefully with new insights God is teaching me and of course photos to share.

Southern Sky at Sunset January 4, 2012

“I’d rather not be your friend.” Words that sting whether voiced, shared through written words or given through body language.

Our spirits crushed we begin to question why. What did we do to the person to make them not like us? What is wrong with us that someone would value us as so unworthy?

At times perhaps it is the people pleasing part of our nature. Wanting everyone to like us. Yet many times it’s not. When someone you’ve tried to befriend refuses you it can cause us to question our worth.

Yes. I’ve heard these words. The pain cuts deep especially so when the words are undeserved, unwarranted. Hurtful words from someone who made faulty assumptions. Never having asked or cared to know anything I was dealing with at the time. Harsh words like swords tearing at spirit making me feel unworthy. I still struggle to forgive this person. Struggle to let go of the angry words I want to unleash. Most days I give it to God and leave it there, but on occasion I take it back. The healing takes time. But the person who hurt me this way? It’s her loss. Because I am a loyal and trustworthy friend to a fault if you allow me to be.

Every person is valuable. Every person has worth. Yet how often we forget this. How often do we judge someone on their worthiness of friendship by whether or not they meet our standards, our expectations.

What if your openness to their friendship, whether in person and perhaps even online, is the only way they hear that they have worth. You never know what they may be facing: depression, sadness, abuse, discouragement, doubt, fear, anxiety.

Yet I can’t plead innocence and say I’ve never pushed someone away either. While not with words I’ve done the same in other ways. Especially so with my body language. Remaining cordial, but not risking anything beneath surface interaction.

God gives us the choice to learn some lessons the hard way.

I met someone new recently. After our first few encounters I began to keep this new acquaintance at arms length. Her story so far from mine I was unsure how to interact with her. My human selfishness taking over thinking I would keep the relationship as just a surface one.

But God had other plans. “Remember how so and so hurt you?”

Then an opportunity came about. An opportunity to write about something of which I had no experience. This new acquaintance however did and was very open to sharing about it with me.

That gentle nudging settled on me. “Be open and ask.” So with hesitancy I asked. I am so thankful I did not ignore the nudging. If I had, I would have missed out on the wonderful blessing of a new friend with so much to teach me.

When you refuse to be someone’s friend you tell them they have no worth, no value. If you refuse to be someone’s friend you’ll never know how God could have used them or you in each others lives.

“I am enough,” I hear Him say. “I am sufficient for you. Trust this.”

Unsure what my one word for 2012 would be as November began I sensed this as I read a post from Preston. A post that doesn’t speak to my word. No, just one line God uses. Hoping for a word less challenging I tried to ignore the nudging. Then again a few days later it knocked again. Another post from Preston while not speaking directly to my word. Again just one line.

“Enough. Sufficient.”

“Okay. I’m listening now, but I’m weary. Surely there is an easier word.”

I hear silence. Not the silence of victory. The kind of silence I give my son when I refuse to argue with him any longer. The silence that brings eventual obedience from him.

As December dawns I hesitantly accept this new word. Learning to seek the graces and give thanks brought more battle than I could have imagined for 2011 so I know this new word will challenge just as much, but I also have faith that it will bring as much joy and growth.

The irony as I wrestled with this new word is not lost. Learning this, letting ‘sufficient’ settle into my spirit, I will have more rest, more peace.

Sufficient: enough, adequate, meeting the need of.

He is sufficient. He is enough. He will meet all my needs. He is enough when I do not feel good enough. He is sufficient when I’m hurt. He is sufficient when I’m weary. He gives me enough for each day.

Not only is He enough I am enough for the purpose He gives me no matter what others expect.

His grace is sufficient for me.

As the last week of 2011 began a few secondary words also surfaced to journey along with sufficient this year. At first perplexing me as to how they would go along with sufficient, but as they have sat with me for these days I understand now. Seek. Study. Strive.

In seeking Him more and studying more about Him I will know even more that He is sufficient. I need to push myself more, to strive toward goals and in doing so will also learn once again that He is sufficient.

So as the new year begins He continues what He began in 2011 because knowing He is sufficient is born out of eucharisteo.

What is your word for 2012?

Linking up with xoxo, Trina for Photo Friday

And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John “testified about Him and cried out, saying, “This was He of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me has a higher rank than I, for He existed before me.’ “

For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.

John 1:14-16

When I think of winter I always think of holly berries.

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas.

Linking up with xoxo, Trina for Photo Friday.

There are so many characters in the Christmas story. As I think through how is it possible to identify with just one?

Do we not all feel like each of them at times?

How many days do we feel like the lowly shepherds? So often unnoticed, unappreciated. As others receive praise we sit back encouraging them in their journey. Our gifts feeling unnoticed. But we shouldn’t forget how the angels chose to appear and announce Messiah’s birth to shepherds society often forgot.

And the wise men. Ancient astrologers. Mystics as far away from the Jewish faith as any could be. Yet God still chose to reveal the Messiah to them. Do you ever feel so far from God that He could never speak to you?

Have you ever considered the inn keeper who turned them away? Only giving them a cave which animals used as shelter.

Then there is Joseph. I wonder how he felt. We’re told he was an honorable man as he planned to divorce Mary quietly after learning of the pregnancy, but he obeyed when the angel visited. Did he ever become discouraged when he thought of his own plans he had for his life? How often do we make plans only for circumstances to cause a detour? Do we shift our perspective and rest in the role God gives us?

Yet Mary is the one who gives me pause to think this advent.

She questioned nothing except for how it would happen. Simple obedience in spite of knowing what people would say. How they would question her reputation. The whispers behind her back. Knowing how difficult it would be and how it would change her life.

Shouldn’t that be our prayer? For a faith so clear, so strong, that our only answer would be “may it be done to me according to your word.”

A few days ago my friend Stacey shared ”It’s taken 11 months, but I’m putting together that rejoicing is about a heavenly perspective. Not an in-the-midst perspective.”

Her word for 2011 is “Rejoicing” and after spending eleven months with my one word I immediately understood because I had come to a similar conclusion with mine a few weeks ago.

Then the next day at church our campus pastor spoke on heaven. He made the point that if heaven is our focus then we’ll be okay if things don’t turn out like we think they should here in this life.

Yet knowing in your head that your focus should not be on discouraging circumstances is often times easier than knowing it in your heart. Easier than feeling it.

Learning to live Eucharisteo is the same. Learning to focus on the world beyond circumstances happening in front of you. Seeking gifts of His grace even when there seems to be nothing for which to be thankful. Knowing in spite of feeling. Trusting although darkness threatens.

So we bend knee as hearts look up. Reminding our spirits to hold the gifts loosely returning them in thanks to Creator. Knowing He made us to feel deeply though truth reigns over. Walking this liminal space not quite of heaven no longer belonging to earth prone to stumble for we are only human. Fallen. Broken. As a child falls, knees bloodied, returning to stand once again we count and remember Grace, all the graces, teaching our hearts over once again to be still. To give ourselves grace. To rest in His presence. To know He gives us enough for this day. Learning with our heart that He is enough. Leaning into truth in spite of what circumstances may whisper.

Vision looking upward while knees posture in worship. Perspective that renders hearts to joy.

God chose my one word for 2011. Eucharisteo He speaks as I read the words of Ann Voskamp. “Learn this. Discipline yourself He tells me.” Seek. List. Count.

So I obeyed. Having no idea how difficult it would prove.

Sometimes the best decision you can make, the one you know without a doubt God has lead you to, can also bring the most pain, the most discomfort. 

Why do we think that the decisions God leads us to will be easy? Why do we think they will be pain free? 

And when He had taken some bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is My body which is given for you; do this is remembrance of Me.” (Luke 22:19 NASB) 

As Christ shared a last meal with his disciples He knew what awaited Him. For He was fully God so thus all knowing. He knew this was the path God the Father had lead Him to. To be Emmanuel? Was this not why He became fully man? To be the final sacrifice?

Yet it brought unimaginable hurt and pain.  Pain I will never know.

I still have much to learn. I stumble my way through the days. Often letting frustrations of life shift my focus back to this murky haze of earth instead of the gifts from above. My patience becomes short with those I love and I ruffle under the expectations people place on me. I often fail.

Yet there is grace.

So as 2011 comes to a close I look back over a year of Eucharisteo. A year of giving thanks. Of counting and listing and seeking gifts of grace no matter how small.

Yes. If not for grace.

A year of frustrations and hurts, yet still I count it as the best year. I choose to give thanks  for the good things, the frustrations and even the hurts because in choosing to give thanks I choose joy. And with the joy comes trusting. And the trusting brings knowledge that each day there is enough. That He gives us enough for each day.

Busy days distract my thoughts. Unfocused. A poor excuse keeping me from counting the gifts. From listing each one.

So I slow myself and think of the past week.

766. For four miles after a week and a half off. (12/12/11)

767. For waking at 3 a.m. to pray. (12/13/11)

768. For words flowing. (12/13/11)

769. For milkshakes. (12/14/11)

770. For four miles. (12/15/11)

771. For coconut cake. (12/15/11)

772. For birds not yet flown south singing outside my window. (12/16/11)

773. For quiet crickets chirping. (12/16/11)

774. For sunshine pushing clouds away. (12/17/11)

775. For seeing Elizabeth perform in A Christmas Memory at ASF. (12/17/11)

776. For the hot now sign. (12/17/11)

777. For morning moonlight steaming through the window. (12/19/11)