One Month of Healthy Living

cricket cricket....

2009-11-03T15:56:00.000-06:00

Hola chicas?
Donde estamos?

Okay that's all I can figure out in my middle school spanish
and shit...I have kids in middle school now!

I've personally realized that many of the foods I have to eat due to my gluten intolerance (well I don't HAVE to eat them but the choices that i'm limited to by my gluten intolerance) are much higher in calories...
so even when i follow a "menu" I'm still racking up extra calories because my ingredients are just higher in calories
ugh

so this week i've been mindful of not just menu honesty
but caloric intake within that menu
so sometimes instead of a sandwich (2 slices) I'm only allowed an open face (coz gluten free bread is heavy on the calories!)
We've been "skinnyswitching" in our house
I like the premise
I've been doing it with my daughter
working awesome for her...she's lost 7 lbs (her goal was to lose 8...she's a tween)

I was doing well for a while but plateaued after about 6 or 7 lbs
so i started digging a little deeper and realized that even following plan...i'm not within my caloric limits
so we'll see what happens this week.

And YOU? where are you?
:)

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T06:22:00.002-05:00

Hows everyone doing?

loving my body...priceless

2009-10-30T12:56:00.000-05:00

wearing a new pair of jeans today
they're not a size smaller
they're a 14
but i love them on me
and i love me in them

the struggle against myself is waning
:)

Full of good intentions

2009-10-29T07:41:00.002-05:00

Hello All,

I was grateful when Karen started this up again because I missed the boat on the first one. It was an intense summer with both kids at home. The intensity continues, but in a different way. I started a full-time job, which I love, but one month in, my supervisor (only other person) came down with swine flu and was out for three weeks. I didn't mind that it was busy, but it was exhausting. Then I went out of town for a few days (first time being away overnight by myself in over five years!), then the viruses struck our house (not flu, or so the little one's test said, but it sure as fuck feels like flu.) Me and the five year old stuck at home today.

That said, I was making progress with my health, and hubby's, until we started getting sick. When I started my full-time job, I was worried about fitting in exercise, but it has worked out well for me to get in four workouts at set times during the week. I'm approaching the level of fitness I had when I got pregnant with my second daughter, but unfortunately, when stress or illness sets in, I slip back. I didn't know that little Halloween packets of Skittles were a good sick food, but turns out they are. :/ It's so hard to get back on track after the momentum stops.

Goal-wise, here is where I am: I want to lose all the baby weight. For me, it's the ten pounds that went on overnight when the little one weaned. I want to run the half-marathon in February. I want to inspire hubby to take care of himself, since the weight he's put on has caused him to have to increase his blood pressure medication and be on cholesterol-lowering medication. He's a few days shy of 39. Perhaps most importantly, if I don't maintain regular physical activity, I have a harder time dealing with stressors. We're about to add a huge amount of stress (selling house) and I can, unfortunately, see our health maintenance go by the wayside.

i eat when i have to talk

2009-10-28T20:13:00.000-05:00

this comment has been a common idea in my blog posts lately
it's something i've uncovered about myself these past few months as i deconstruct the reasons for my binging
today, i talked
i even talked about "eating when i should be talking"
score: Me - 1, Food - 0

This month of Healthy Living

2009-10-27T12:19:00.001-05:00

October 27, 2009
Today (whatever number it is, its just another day in the process)
I'm glad to be here again (although I've always lurked) and I agree with the masses that having a place to share is good therapy...but only if its honest sharing and there is a comprehensive goal to sharing at the conclusion...or the first mile marker (month 1 ...or 2, or 2 thousand as it may be for some of us).

See, I'm not sure the ONLY point to a blog like this is to keep us "honest" or find camaraderie...for me anyway, maybe we can find a common pattern, maybe from that common pattern we can begin to find real life solutions.

My personal life journey has taught me that western medicine and medicinal thought does not always hold all the answers (mostly because they don't even bother to listen to the questions) so we can join as soujourners, learning as we go.

If we're just here to commiserate and gripe...then we're missing out on half of the journey, and perhaps the most imporatant part...what CAN we learn what's the feedback from our perceived failure?

I say perceived because we can't learn from it if we don't experience the failure...and if we keep experiencing it (over and over and OVER and over and over) then there's obviously a life lesson we're missing

It may not (and very well might not) be the same for all of us...but the journey and exegesis of the lessons will probably follow a similar path so rather than just join...let us BAND together through the process.

Honestly, I'm not quite sure what this means our blog has to look like (has to is the wrong choice of words but i'm just flowin here so go with me...Karen knows I have a thing for runonsentences)

Maybe this means we need to include (or attach somewhere) some statistics of our days...not just emotions but intake so we can see how they relate
we can find common triggers
we can compare symptoms
we can come up with REAL LIFE solutions
because really...
do any of us just want to continue our "do overs" each month hoping that THIS will be the month?
I don't...I want to see change...and that doesn't necessarily have to be in the size of my clothing, although it would be nice
I'm working on acceptance and recognition of my beautiful self...no matter what she looks like
I get the feeling that once this is achieved...any superfluous pieces of myself will melt away
i'm holding onto this fat for reasons other than "I eat" because even when I'm good...it doesn't want to go anywhere...

so my goal for today
"It's not about being good or bad...it's about understanding why"

Love and peace to all!

Intro to another healthy wannabe mama

2009-10-26T01:15:00.002-05:00

Wow! Posting on a blog that real people will actually read and real people who actually might have seen me buy those chocolate chip cookies at the grocery store. And if you did--next time tackle me and remove the cookies and slowly walk away. Be warned--I am a chatter so my post might be long but I will work on that.

I love the idea of healthy living because lets face it--I have been dieting longer than I think I knew how to spell the word. I am a girl, I live in America and like most I have and have had self esteem issues for most of my life. I have had great moments of healthy living and a slim body (after all I did snag a cute husband) but I know and have known for a very long time that food has been a comfort when people were not there. That is my challenge is to break that connection. Also, like most in our society and state of "bigger is better", I don't always eat poorly, I just eat to much. Finally, I like soda, I love the bubbles, the coldness, the pretend "awake" feeling I get from the sugar and all the artificial crap. There, you have my weakness and my mental reasons now on to the health reasons. I had Gestational Diabetes with both my pregnancies and controlled both with diet and exercise. After my second child I had a crazy bout with Post Partum Thyroiditis and during this wondering testing my endocrinologist made me drink that sugary crap for another glucose tolerance test and I failed. The good news---my 3 month sugars are normal so what does that mean for me--I am in a pre-diabetic phase and it means if I were continue down my current path of health and fitness that I would be blessed with Type 2 Diabetes. Or what I like to call it ---"the fast ass lazy version" of diabetes or as some refer to "lifestyle diabetes". Call it what you want--I got here by genetics (thank you daddy who is a prime exactly of the fat ass lazy version of any health related issues and he is alive thanks pills and zero work on his end)--no bitterness there. BUT also, I got here due to my health decisions. With this fact firmly slapped in my face and boldly written on my medical charts I have decided that I need to make a change. Not for me but for my two little girls who will look to me to show them the way in the world and I don't want them to face this struggle. I don't want them to take 3 invitations to join a blog on healthy living for fear that I would really post and someone might really ask me how it is going.

So, I guess the next step is to plan to take some steps. I have medication that will help aid my body with the distribution and breakdown of sugar. I need to take it and my doctor said it will actually help me lose weight since my body currently does a crappy job of handling sugar and instead of giving it to me for energy --it just saves it for later (most notable around my mid section which is great for my heart). So, first I need to get over the idea that I am my father and take this medication. I have no idea why but he took it many years ago when he was still fearful for his health and some how I feel that by taking it--I will become him. Also, my doctor just wants me to be on it for a year then see how if my body has corrected itself. Second, I fear that I will not succeed. What if I am just fat forever. Third--I have to find a new way to find comfort. Like my daughter who cried and cried when we took her paci away, I am crying about needed to restrict my diet. Note that I said restrict---cutting out the bad will only make you want it more and I need to restrict my quantities and get rid of soda all together. I don't want my daughters drinking it and the other day my 3 year old asked if she could have my coke. Ummm, no it does not exist for you.

So the short goal list:

1. take medication
2. Actually use the newly purchased YMCA membership and get my free fit assessment.
3. try to work out once a week (baby steps right?)
4. Try to blog about once a week for y'all to hold me accountable.
5. work on portions and no soda.

thank you and thank you to Karen for inviting me (hopefully you will not regret it). Good luck mamas!

Days 13 & 14: !!!

2009-10-26T00:15:00.002-05:00

Finally hit a turning point, thanks to my mom. Efforts solidifying, vision clarifying, progress determinedly being molded.

The solidifying, clarifying, and molding are all in the baby stages, but there they are.

Two major points of realization:

1. Gritting your teeth, squeezing your eyes shut and concentrating on just getting through each second, one at a time, CAN really help... even if you feel like a nutjob muttering "So hard, so hard, fuck fuck fuck," as you stumble through the bakery at HEB.

2. You CAN get through those panic-inducing cravings that claw up your insides and make time stop and simultaneously go three times as fast, and end up content and full on something else on the other side (even if it takes awhile to get there.)

If you don't struggle with food in the same way I do, this probably sounds crazy to you. Well, I feel the same way about, say, gambling addicts and alcoholics. I just don't get being addicted to those things because my brain's not wired that way. But I UNDERSTAND some people are. I know and accept it. Society knows and accepts it, though they didn't always.

I eat when I don't want to (in fact, that's most of the time.) I think about certain foods uncontrollably. I want them uncontrollably. They CONSUME me... I MUST have them... even when I'm disgusted with myself on the outside and the inside, even when I know they're harming me and could eventually kill me, even when I'm broke and nauseous and DON'T WANT ANYMORE, even when I'm thinking in my head "Don't do this!" but I'm watching myself do it as if from outside my body.

What else is that, if not addiction?

Karen

Day 12: Improvement

2009-10-23T23:25:00.002-05:00

Huh, would ya look at that.

Breakfast: bowl of Fiber One cereal and 1/2 apple.

Lunch: turkey sammich and a handful of Cheezits

Dinner: Cranberry Meatloaf and mashed 'tatoes with a Coke Zero

Late Snack: bowl of Cheerios

Dessert: teeny spoonful of ice cream followed by a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallow creme.

Nary a vegetable excepting the onion in the meatloaf and the mashed potatoes, but still a big improvement for me.

How are YOU doing?

Karen

Day 11: Fail and Win

2009-10-22T22:03:00.002-05:00

(Wow, eleven already? Definitely going to have to go longer than a month. Haven't accomplished a whole lot so far.)

Okay, so breakfast was a big fat fail. Jack in the Box (double cheesburger, large curly fries, soda) and two donuts. I can see my mom from here: disbelief, horror, anger, determination.

Lunch continued the fail theme with two more donuts.

Dinner: Cheesy Chicken & Rice Casserole, salad, orange juice. w00t.

Those donuts were so good, people. Why does junk food taste soooo good and healthy food taste so bad? Shouldn't nature have designed me the opposite way? HOW DO MY INSTINCTS EXPECT ME TO PROPAGATE WHEN MY GENETIC RECIPE IS FOR COFFEE CAKE INSTEAD OF SUCCESS?????

Day 4 - Or How to Lose 4 lbs Overnight

2009-10-22T16:25:00.002-05:00

Apparently if you throw up all your food and lose the rest out the backside, you can lose 4 lbs overnight! No, I don't recommend it.

I've been struck down by whatever is going around and haven't done anything today but sleep and use my laptop. I'm hoping (ok, that's NOT the right word) that I'll be able to go to work tomorrow.

I did find my weights the other day and actually did a few sets on my arms. And now I need to do some more. when I can actually get out of bed comfortably again.

Comments

2009-10-21T23:37:00.001-05:00

I can set you up so an email notification (with the comment in the body) gets sent to you whenever there are any comments. Let me know if you're interested. Totally helpful for me.

Day 10: Further Adventures in Mediocrity

2009-10-21T23:29:00.002-05:00

Tired all damn day today. Think I'm fighting something off maybe? Seem to have lost pronouns. Thinking it might be good to detail what I'm consuming... Should give us all more ammunition to kick me in the ass with.

Breakfast: 3/4 big bag of kettle corn
Lunch (at 5pm): bowl of tuna casserole, Ritz crackers, lemonade, 1/2 Toblerone
Dinner (at 10pm): ham sammich, apple, lemonade, rest of the kettle corn and Toblerone

Totally not a wonder why I feel like crap all the time.

Off to zzzzzzzzz

Day 9: About That...

2009-10-21T23:21:00.002-05:00

Totally forgot to post at the end of the day.

Did manage to eat a serving of vegetables (lightly salted cucumbers.)

Had a strange burst of energy when I woke up i.e. didn't feel like the walking dead. I totally can't figure out why though. Ate a meal I eat often for dinner, got to bed at the same time, woke up at the same time. It felt so freaking good not to feel drained like usual. Didn't last that long though and life took the energy back today, with interest.

Day 8: Fuck, Did I Say 'Back On Plan Tomorrow' Yesterday?

2009-10-19T22:20:00.002-05:00

Well that so did not work. Starburst, Twix, and soda. Why is it so IMPOSSIBLY HARD this time?

And once again I'm hurrying to bed without a chance to post much. But hey, I've posted every day so far, which was one of my goals. A-freaking-mazing.

Karen

Day 1 for Lani

2009-10-19T18:24:00.002-05:00

I forgot my pedometer at home this morning so not a great start to the day and then I ate a ooey, gooey grilled cheese sandwich from Chedd's for lunch BUT I came home and took a walk in this glorious weather for 30 minutes all by myself. I NEED to make time to do that more often.

Now I need to go dig out our weights and see if I can do anything about my arms.

Not a bad start after a forgetful morning. :-)

Day 7: A Quick Check-In

2009-10-19T00:45:00.002-05:00

It was hubby's birthday today so there was pie, ice cream, and Johnny Carino's to be had.

Back on plan tomorrow.

For now, running off to bed.

How are y'all doing?

Tomorrow is MY Day 1

2009-10-18T22:41:00.002-05:00

I meant to start last week and, of course, life got in the way.

Then I went and tried on pants today. WHY, WHY, WHY is it so hard for me to 1. either find pants that fit my bumpy thighs or 2. just accept how I look in pants?

Well, even though this is my 2nd trip out for new pants and I must have tried on 15 pairs between the 2 trips, I didn't buy any. BUT I did buy stop and buy a pedometer on the way home.

My goals are simple. (Well, they SOUND simple.) Walk 10,000 steps every day and lift hand weights every day to tone up my arms. How much easier could that be? 30 days. 30 days. I can do anything for 30 days, RIGHT???

We'll see.

Thanks for resurrecting this Karen. I did fairly well the first time but feel almost powerless this time.

Day 6: About Me

2009-10-18T00:15:00.002-05:00

I am a seriously unhealthy person, but it's my own damn fault, and it's totally fixable. I think.

I have unhealthy relationships with food and exercising.

In short, I eat a ton of total crap. I don't want to, but I love it (most of the time), and I can't stop myself. I dislike a lot of healthy food, such as most vegetables. I'm also way low on energy and money, and I'm a pretty bad cook. Annnd I hate exercising.

In my Month of Healthy Living, I'm trying hard not to eat the junk, to eat more healthy foods like vegetables and lean proteins, and to move more. In that order. I'm trying to post here every day. I know accountability to myself is most important but I suck at that, so if YOU guys will hold me accountable and that helps me do better, at this point I will totally go for it!

So if I stop posting here, please email me and kick my ass. Please encourage me, and bang your head in frustration with me, and celebrate with me, and chastise me, and pat my back when I'm crying.

Wanted to write more but have to get the household to bed. Another thing I suck at: time management.

wine and chocolate

2009-10-17T09:37:00.003-05:00

We have a guest from France. He showered us with wine and chocolate. I think both are on my healthy living way of life list. Fresh bread, jam, fruit with coffee and Mexican hot chocolate for breakfast.

I made a pretty good soup last night. I cooked down an organic chicken with carrots, garlic and bay leaf. I cleaned the chicken off the bone and strained the broth. I made a side soup of broth, chicken and soft carrots for the kids. I boiled sweet potatoes with the rest of the broth and added the soft garlic and a chipotle pepper. I boiled until super soft and blended it smooth. I added the chopped chicken and finely chopped kale. A fair amount of work but I have some great leftovers. I also made bread. I try to make whole wheat bread but I got 40lbs of white organic flour, so it was mostly white. I don't think yeasted white bread is so good for me but my family loves it.

Day 5: Guess What?

2009-10-17T00:44:00.002-05:00

Yes, another hard day. BETCHA DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING or maybe you did...like me.

Bah, humbug.

Finally had time to sit down and write tonight but man I needed some mindless web surfing so that's what I did. Now, off to desperately needed zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

But hey, I wanted a shaved ice sooooo bad TWICE today and each time had an orange juice popsicle. Wheeee.

Cripes, I'm cranky.

Really want to read Melissa's entry. Really want to respond to Jenny's email. Really want to take Babetta up on her offer of cyber therapy.

But most of all, want to sleep.

Keep on Keepin' On

2009-10-16T07:35:00.003-05:00

Well, I've been given some space here to elaborate on my struggle. I've wanted to start a bowel detox for the last three months. I'm so scared to actually do it. I don't know what the fear is saying to me. I do use the formula that is antiviral/antibacterial and I think it has helped me stay healthy or also helps if I think I've eaten something suspicious. Here is the link to the products I will use once I get over the fear, http://preview.tinyurl.com/boweldetox

Now my big hurtle this coming week will be a house guest from France. I know we will be eating out but I'm going to try to get in more exercise this week.

Anyone out there having some progress? What if anything are you doing differently?

I'm also trying to give up all sweets except chocolate. I love soda it seems to help with digestion but I'm working hard on giving that bad habit up. I have many other hurtles to conquer. I do love good fresh food so I feel some serious hope.

Day... Uh...4?

2009-10-15T23:21:00.000-05:00

Hard. Detecting an unfortunate theme. Off to bed.

Day 3: Nearly Had a Nervous Breakdown

2009-10-14T23:11:00.002-05:00

The end.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

PS DID have a shaved ice. It was FUCKING AWESOME.

Day 2: Today was fucking hard

2009-10-13T23:09:00.003-05:00

Fuck. So far this is turning out to be much harder than last time. I just want to surround myself with comfort food. Easy, tasty food that I didn't have to make. Trays of cinnamon rolls, boxes of donuts, bags of candy, fridge packs of soda.

I think when you struggle with the responsibilities of adulthood-- working outside of the home when you don't want to, spouse with a stressful job, bills and debt piling up-- giving in to junk food cravings is the easiest and most immediately rewarding way to say "Screw up, I'm throwing up my hands, no more being responsible right now. I'm getting what I want, right now."

That may be a psychological binging breakthrough, but I'm too tired to analyze it right now. Too bad I don't have the time, money, and energy for therapy.