OMG! I LUV UR "ART"!!!!

Wet n' Wild

2009-05-04T22:32:00.000-07:00

If you were born being shot down a water slide, you'd think it's pretty much guaranteed that your life is going to be super fun and awesome. But actually, it's all downhill from there.

Zing!!

Ok, Joke #2:

Why is this woman holding her ankles in the air, grinning her way down the Daredevil Drop? Well, what you can't see is me standing at the bottom of the slide with my boner aimed right up there.
You see, due to its enormous girth, a lucky female will sometimes have to achieve great speeds to get up onto my man-meat. It'll usually have to be at least 88mph, which is why I call my penis The Delorean.

The Case of Boner v. Eyeballs

2009-04-13T08:00:00.001-07:00

The perspective on this kind of makes my eyes want to jump out of my skull in front of a speeding minivan, but my aspiring boner is all, "Fuck you, eyes! You're not going anywhere - you can almost see the labia on the one on the right! Don't make me come up there!"

The Circle of Awesome!

2009-04-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

I was sitting around earlier, playing with my balls and wondering, "What would Fail Out Boy's Pete Wentz look like if he were a lion cub in Disney's The Lion King?"

Wow! Thanks, Internet!! LOL!!

Oh, and fuck me upside down! Here he is in all three Ds!!! Score!

Blow Me (Up)

2009-04-10T12:14:00.000-07:00

Alright, any one of us would be lying if we said we'd never tried to fuck a balloon. That's a given. Some of us get stuck on that for a long time though. Just like how some people can take a few hits of the pot, have a good time, then walk away, while others will go out and buy pot leaf posters, hockey jerseys, and decals for their GrandAm and make it their life, some people will want to marry balloons and/or inflate everything they see...

And then sometimes this happens, even though I kind of wish it didn't...

I think I'm supposed to LOL at this one, but... I don't know, man. I just can't.

Blue Man Groupies

2009-04-03T00:41:00.000-07:00

Aaaaaahahahaha!!! It's that guy! From the movie that's out!! And he's all "Hey! I'm the real Blue Man! You guys better scram!" And they don't even comprehend. 'Cuz they're Blue Men, and they only understand shooting ping pong balls out of PVC tubing! OMG, that's so genius! I just ROFLed so hard I puked!

Also, furries love the Blue Man Group:

Either My Water Broke Or I Just Blew a Load

2009-03-30T22:04:00.001-07:00

You know what the best part about furries are? Most of them don't stop there. People in fursuits? That's cool. Awesome drawings of animal people. Sweet. But that shit's just the tip of the iceberg...

Pregnant male furry fetishists...? FUCK! YEAH!

This is awesome!! There's a whole website of people who are into this... I feel like I've finally found my home. I never could have imagined anything awesomer than a pregnant raccoon man. And look, his little bundle of joy is kicking!

How did he get pregnant, you ask? You're a fuckin' idiot and your question pisses me off. That's why God invented Photoshop. Same way I can paste your mom's face on Gisele Bundchen's body. I know her milk bags don't hang like that anymore, but you can't stop me from thinking about it - and then making a picture of it and posting it all over the internets.

And now I'm thinking, how much cooler would Junior have been? Um, about this much cooler...

Slaya/Playa

2009-03-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

Oh, yeah! Go for it, you lucky sonuvabitch!!

Man, I wish I lived in medieval times with the dragons. I'd be the King of Dragon Slayers. And by 'slayer,' I mean one who makes dragon bitches cum fucking rivers all the fuck over the great virgin land.

Yeah, I'd "slay" that shit alright.

Take My Furginity

2009-03-19T06:16:00.000-07:00

Mark 10:6-8 (King James Version):

6But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

When God said all that stuff about marriage and two becoming one, He explicitly meant a man and a woman, not biped fox people. Furthermore, when God sent his only Son down to Planet Earth to die for our sins, he didn't send a fox. He sent a person: Human Jesus.

So you can throw all the promise rings at each other that you want, it doesn't matter. 'Waiting' won't get you into heaven. You don't see fursuited fox nuns walking around claiming to be married to Furry Jesus. So go ahead and have some whorish furry fun - 'cuz God doesn't give a shit about how "pure" fox people might be... Not my God.

An Ironic Laughter Filled the Room...

2009-03-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

With movies as expensive as they are and all of my credit card rates suddenly going up, I can hardly afford to go a theater these days. Sometimes I have to just give my little cousin a cigarette and a bag of oregano and he'll explain it to me...

The storytelling is a little choppy, but I can see why Heath Ledger got that Oscar.

Insane Clown Pussy

2009-03-13T00:22:00.001-07:00

"NORMAL FRIENDS: Never ask for FAYGO.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: are the reason you have no FAYGO.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

NORMAL FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

NORMAL FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: cry with you.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

NORMAL FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

NOMAL FRIENDS:ASK WHAT A FAYGO SHOWER IS
JUGGALO FRIENDS:SAY "WHAT TIME AND WHERE?IM FUCKIN AMPED NOW!!!"

NORMAL FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HERE BITCH!WHERE'S THE FAYGO????!!!"

NORMAL FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Are for life.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste shit.

NORMAL FRIENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Would ignore this.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Will send this to all there JUGGALO friends and hope to get it back!! I sent this 2 u cuz I think ur a DOWN-ASS JUGGALO FRIEND send this to all your friends and if u get 6 back you are a JUGGALO FRIEND"

I love that ICP fans exist. I love it when they talk about shit like running around with a hatchet and fucking shit up, with a fantasy in their head about being some untamable maniac loosed on the earth tearing up the night that y'all better watch out for. Because what that really amounts to is an awkward teenager with makeup smeared all over his bumpy face running through your backyard with a rusty, dull hatchet he found in his parents' garage. And that would make an awesome drawing. I'd do it myself, but I'm way too high right now and I'm all out of Faygo.

Also, J Murder Dawg Face up there at the top on the left looks like an 18th century Japanese samurai drawing. That's friggin' awesome. Especially compared to the second piece... Fuckin' sellouts.

Lycanthrob

2009-03-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

I was drinking at this Moroccan joint one night where there was a belly dancer performing. I was enjoying the show until I noticed her dark happy trail; like a gorilla's arm struggling to pull her bellybutton back into her skirt.

Immediately I thought, "Eww, gross", but then I realized I was already halfway to Bonertown on the PreCum Express. I had to confess that maybe I kind of liked it...

So you can imagine why now, my boner is fighting my right thigh for legroom like my pants were the Gaza Strip.

Wiiasted Time

2009-03-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

This is why God invented YouTube.

I watched it 20 times before I went to bed last night and 10 more times before I left the house this morning. I don't know who the other 21,500+ people who watched this are, but I hope that after I light my face on fire and throw myself over a bridge in front of a moving semi with a bomb strapped to my chest, I get to meet those people in Heaven where we can all talk about it and ROFL over it for eternity.

My Mutant Power is Pete Wentz

2009-03-06T02:00:00.000-08:00

Did you ever wonder what would happen if Wolverine had kids? Well stop. Someone figured it out.

They're a bunch of scrappy teens who spend all of their money at Hot Topic and fucking love Fall Out Boy.

And the older twins are always pissing off their younger brother. It's fucking adorable. Until he gets upset about it and runs off crying, eyeliner streaming down his little baby face, to go hide in the closet where he cuts himself.

Don't worry though - he's Wolverine's son. He'll be fine. That shit will just heal right up and nobody will be the wiser. It's just between him and his Billie Joe Armstrong poster.

LOL! TO MUCH SUGAR I GESS!! LOL!!!

2009-03-03T23:00:00.000-08:00

I found this one as a black and white page that was just part of a whole story that was at least one page too long. I then added the color and the text myself because that's what I wish this was actually about.
But it's not. It's really about something far, far worse.

DMB ROOLZ!!!!

2009-03-02T23:00:00.000-08:00

What's hotter than Dave Matthews looking over his shoulder all like, "Hey, what's up"?

How about Dave Matthews looking over his other shoulder at you, all like:

"Hey...

" ...what's up?"

Umm... how about your dick in the pussy I wish I had right now, Dave? Can that be "what's up"?

Cuz you just totally eye-fucked me and I think I kinda liked it.

Double Hemipened

2009-03-01T23:22:00.000-08:00

According to Wikipedia:

"Although a wide range of reproductive modes are used by snakes; all snakes employ internal fertilization, accomplished by means of paired, forked hemipenes, which are stored inverted in the male's tail.The hemipenes are often grooved, hooked, or spined in order to grip the walls of the female's cloaca."

That's cool. Except they forgot about the part where this happens:

Which sucks big time because I love it when that happens.

May the Dear Lord Bless You

2009-02-25T00:11:00.000-08:00

That's sort of what I was asking for... though I suddenly regret asking for it. In fact, looking at this picture now, I regret a lot of things: being born with eyes, owning a computer, dogs, staying up past my bedtime, birthdays... this list goes on...

Needs More Tits

2009-02-23T23:05:00.000-08:00

Really, if you're already shooting past the average human number of tits (two, typically) on your sword massaging she-goat, why not just go crazy? Why not 8 or 16? Or, fuck, how about 9 just going around in a circle or stacked like a pyramid? That would be awesome!

Or maybe you're only trying to match your two sets of milkers to the two different sets of horns on her head (one for ramming small animals, one for... chains..?). In which case just ignore me. Carry on.

Wait, wait. No. Fuck all that noise! I want more titties, hot dammit!!!!

The "Magic Wand" Tool: Not Actually "Magic"

2009-02-23T22:25:00.000-08:00

Whoa, what the fuck does he have in his undies?

From the looks of his giant, green, slimey gloved hand and sly little smile I'd guess he just finished fisting Robin, so it almost works out. But still, dude's got like 2 boners and 5 nuts jammed in there.

"Snikt!"

2009-02-12T12:51:00.000-08:00

That's the sound that Wolverine's claws make when they come out, right?

Wrong. That's the sound of my adamantium-hard boner springing into action.

Today you get a lesson - a new term: yaoi. According to Wikipedia, "Yaoi is a popular term for fictional media that focuses on homosexual male relationships." Basically gay fan/fantasy art.

This is awesome because whenever you're reading your comic books or watching your Akiras and thinking "Man, those dudes totally need to get it on," you just pull out your Crayolas or your Photoshop and go fuckin' crazy!

Like this:

I know, right?! Whenever I saw Wolverine and Sabertooth running around trying to chop each others' heads off, I'd be thinking "Why don't they just fuck and get it over with?" Now look at 'em go! Just lickin' each others' faces like little kitties. And what's not hot about that big blobish blond tuft floating around on Sabertooth's heinie? So much man hair...

When they do it, it's gonna smell like a steamy pet shop.

Thanks, guy-who-drew-this!

We do everything on porpoise!

2009-02-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

If Brad Pitt were a dolphin, and still went on to meet, fall in love, and have biological babies with Angelina Jolie, this is what it would look like:

Fuckin' beautiful. Just breathtaking. Look at you laying there, you gorgeous dolphin man. Half bottlenose dolphin, half bottle-cocked human, all 100% sexy!

Did you ever see the videos of dolphins playing with bubble rings?

Think about that, then think about this guy...

Now think about baseball or something and get back to work before you get yourself in trouble.

Why So Queerious?

2009-02-05T11:45:00.000-08:00

No... C'mon. That doesn't happen.

Robot Lipstick

2009-02-05T11:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah! Transformers doin' it!! Now that's hot!
I'm not sure how it works exactly. I mean, last I checked, my car didn't have a penis. And I don't think Truck Nuts really count. But then, my car doesn't transform into an ass-kickin', pussy-slammin' super awesome robot either. At least as far as I know...
But that shouldn't stop us from imagining the possibilities of hot, hetero giant robot sex! I like to think that it sounds like a GM Powertrain plant:

Is That a Gun Pointed At Me, or Are You a Transformer?

2009-02-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

Did you know that Transformers can fall in love? I bet you didn't even know that there was a difference between boy Transformers and girl Transformers. Well there is. You know how you can tell? Girl Transformers are pink.
So what we're looking at here, obviously, is the leader bad guy getting gay with the jet guy. And that's ok! I just never would've thought... It just puts a spookier twist on everything. Like how the tall bad guy in 300 was super gay. That was spooky!
Does that make me a homophobe?

Foreshortening: Still F**king Hard

2009-01-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

Awesome! Who doesn't like boobies? Nothing to complain about here!

Wait...
Her right nipple's like, twice the size of her left nipple.
Ew.
Gross.