Notsolinear: Tumbling the Small Stuff

Protective Unit JESUS ARE YOU SURE THAT’S SAFE?!

Fri, 17 May 2013 17:40:07 -0400

JESUS ARE YOU SURE THAT’S SAFE?!

Was barefoot-driving with all windows open when J. Geils Band...

Fri, 17 May 2013 17:21:00 -0400

Was barefoot-driving with all windows open when J. Geils Band came on and that’s when things got embarrassing (for Honey).

From Heathrow’s “World of Whisky” duty-free....

Thu, 16 May 2013 21:14:03 -0400

From Heathrow’s “World of Whisky” duty-free. Scottish makeover regimen.

Brain Hots hot season at the park, it started. i have dat boil...

Thu, 16 May 2013 18:12:36 -0400

Brain Hots

hot season at the park,

it started.

i have dat boil brain.

toddy hot bake.

duck shit.

slappy.

smell somma it.

bocci ball disco and the

bald man. dig

pond scummy scum.

i have dem brain hots.

"I love the smart, imaginative editors I’m writing for right now. They make me sound like..."

Wed, 15 May 2013 23:30:27 -0400

“I love the smart, imaginative editors I’m writing for right now. They make me sound like I’m smarter than I am (and that’s pretty goddamn smart, too, huh huh!). But let’s be honest. The world is filled with smart people who will quite cheerfully turn your original weird ideas into horse shit. They won’t do this because they’re evil or because they’re crass capitalist slobs or because they’re fucking morons, either. They’ll do it because you’re standing there saying, “Well? What should this be? What should I be? Who the fuck am I anyway? Do you even love me anymore?” They will show you how to turn what you have, which is strange-ish and not fully formed and maybe a little sloppy, into the average of everything that came before you. They will inadvertently point you straight at the Least Common Denominator, either because you haven’t indicated that you’re capable of more than that, or because they haven’t had a second cup of coffee yet, or because they just heard that someone got a big advance for something a little bit like what you’re doing, only way stupider.”

- Ask Polly: Jesus, My Struggling Writer Friends Never Shut Up! | The Awl

Emblazon this everywhere.

Pullulate There was a lot to worry over today. Not the least of...

Wed, 15 May 2013 19:14:06 -0400

Pullulate

There was a lot to worry over today. Not the least of which concerned the remarkable growth rate of the peonies. If the stalks do not stop this absurd upward charge, we will have to build more sky into which they can ascend and pullulate. And the worry, as worries go, is that they will loom heavy and darkly beautiful over the house, and cast a shadow and a powerful murk until the apocalypse, or at the very least mid-summer.

Love Taps Listen to me, Runt: “tapping that ass”...

Tue, 14 May 2013 17:57:51 -0400

Love Taps

Listen to me, Runt: “tapping that ass” does not mean what you think it does.

Spent the day in various states of this…

Mon, 13 May 2013 21:34:12 -0400

Spent the day in various states of this…

Tall Green I’m just saying, he left and the ground erupted...

Mon, 13 May 2013 19:21:05 -0400

Tall Green

I’m just saying, he left and the ground erupted in the tall green. You don’t find that suspicious?

Had an omelette made with Posh duck eggs. I mean, duh…

Sun, 12 May 2013 06:51:58 -0400

Had an omelette made with Posh duck eggs. I mean, duh…

The urinals in England have kept this song running through my...

Sat, 11 May 2013 14:48:00 -0400

The urinals in England have kept this song running through my head.

Windsor Hydrant Windsor Castle is well-marked with hydrant...

Fri, 10 May 2013 18:33:00 -0400

Windsor Hydrant

Windsor Castle is well-marked with hydrant signs. Some have measurements displayed as metric and some (like the one pictured here) are imperial. This one is probably one of the most photographed hydrant signs in England because it has prime real-estate at the changing-of-the-guard ceremonies.

In other Windsor news, the “Royal Standard” flag was raised on the tower, which means the Queen was “in residence” while we were there. It’s unclear, however, whether or not this means she was actually physically on the Castle grounds while we were there.

It’s also unclear whether or not she was “in residence” because she knew I’d be visiting.

Or if she likes hydrants.

There is a lot that is still unclear in all of this.

Except for this: It is quite clear that one of the songs the military band played during the ceremony was “Skyfall.” Yes, from the recent James Bond movie.

Barnstorming the Cotswolds Whirlwind tour of several towns in...

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:20:42 -0400

Barnstorming the Cotswolds

Whirlwind tour of several towns in the Cotswolds…and even though that pace seemed to run counter to that of a town built centuries ago, it was actually quite in-line with the pace of traffic in and around those villages, where people drove not like Sunday drivers, as you might expect, but like modern bridge-and-tunnel New Yorkers.

This shot doesn’t really convey that hurried pace, I suppose. But I liked the mix of old and (relatively) new. I took it in Chipping Campden.

Shakespeare Holy Land The other pilgrimage we made was to...

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:16:38 -0400

Shakespeare Holy Land

The other pilgrimage we made was to Shakespeare’s birthplace. I thought this one was quite well done and I’d recommend it for you English-lit folks. I mean, Stratford-Upon-Avon is a mess of shopping and fudge and meringues and candles and other trinkets. But the birthplace exhibit itself is pretty interesting.

Always Have the Beatles I forced C to go to Liverpool for a...

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:13:44 -0400

Always Have the Beatles

I forced C to go to Liverpool for a brief Beatles Pilgrimage. We went to The Cavern Club, which isn’t the original, but is on the same alley (Matthew Street) and has been set up to look like the original. We didn’t do the Beatle museum, but I think that’s for the best.

Liverpool is a strange city. It’s more hawkishly modern than the other cities we’ve been to, both in its structural aesthetics and in the pervading mood of boredom and disaffection. It brought to mind Baltimore: how it used to be a bustling shipping town that became somewhat obsolete, but is slowly coming back to life, led by a rebuilt and repurposed harbor area. For Baltimore, it was the Inner Harbor. For Liverpool, that area is called “Albert Dock.”

Liverpool will always have The Beatles. Just like Baltimore will always have… Edgar Allen Poe.

Ok, well look: Liverpool will always have The Beatles.

Cooperation Unlike the first part of the trip, the...

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:10:04 -0400

Cooperation

Unlike the first part of the trip, the weather’s been cloudy, wet, and cool, which to me seems just right for the setting.

Stay Left, Hug Right I think I’ve gotten the hang of it,...

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:06:25 -0400

Stay Left, Hug Right

I think I’ve gotten the hang of it, though. I’ve burned some new driving thought processes into my thirty-something-year-old brain. The main mantra is this: Stay left. Stay left. Stay left. And because there is a tendency for people who are used to left-sided steering wheels to veer towards the left line of the road in right-sided steering cars, the other mantra is this: Hug right. Hug right. Hug right.

Bridge and Train Looking at the lower part of Old Town Edinburgh...

Wed, 08 May 2013 19:47:38 -0400

Bridge and Train

Looking at the lower part of Old Town Edinburgh from Princes Street. The train station is below and it is where we arrived the city (via train) and left it (via rental car). The bridge leading into Old Town is called, simply, Bridge Road.

Do Not Foul Footpaths DO NOT ALLOW YOUR DOG TO FOUL FOOTPATHS OR...

Wed, 08 May 2013 19:41:17 -0400

Do Not Foul Footpaths

DO NOT ALLOW YOUR DOG TO FOUL FOOTPATHS OR GRASS VERGES.

Edinburgh Hydrant FIRE HYDRANT: I love when the word is the...

Wed, 08 May 2013 19:39:08 -0400

Edinburgh Hydrant

FIRE HYDRANT: I love when the word is the thing.