No Duh News

College Students Get More Drunk When Drinks Are Cheap

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 17:13:00 +0000

or Laws of Economics Apply To Bars

In yet another study to prove the obvious, the august journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research comes to this conclusion.

"It may seem intuitive that cheaper alcohol can lead to higher intoxication levels and related consequences -- such as fighting, drunk driving, sexual victimization, injury, even death -- especially among the vulnerable college student population," said Ryan J. O'Mara, a graduate research fellow at the University of Florida and corresponding author for the study, in a news release from the university.

Why does it not surprise me that they did their field work at Florida's premiere four-year theme park?

(h/t to kurosawaguy)

Ridge accuses Bush White House of political use of terror alert system

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:36:00 +0000

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We Are At Liar Alert Level "Pants On Fire"

As reported in the Boston Globe, and many, many other places, Tom Ridge confesses that terror alert levels were manipulated based on political polling for tactical partisan advantage.

In his new book, the first Homeland Security chief, Tom Ridge, accuses top aides to President George W. Bush of pressing him to raise the terror alert level to influence the 2004 presidential election.

I am shocked, shocked, that the whole Roy G. Biv color scam was just a PR ploy. But at least we finally found those weapons of mass destruction.

CIA Hired Firm for Assassin Program

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 09:04:00 +0000

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Another Tale of Outsourcing Gone Bad

When the CIA found out that IT couldn't organize assassination teams, it decided the way around that loophole was to HIRE assassination teams.

A secret CIA program to kill top al-Qaeda leaders with assassination teams was outsourced in 2004 to Blackwater USA, the private security contractor whose operations in Iraq prompted intense scrutiny, according to two former intelligence officials familiar with the events.

The North Carolina-based company was given operational responsibility for targeting terrorist commanders and was awarded millions of dollars for training and weaponry, but the program was canceled before any missions were conducted, the two officials said.

{snip}

"Outsourcing gave the agency more protection in case something went wrong," said a retired intelligence officer intimately familiar with the assassination program.

Because hiring mercenaries to do your dirty work is the American way.

(h/t to bob s)

Edwards to admit paternity of ex-mistress' child

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:01:00 +0000

or
On The Next Maury: Edwards Gets Reille

Sources say that John Edwards will fess up to fathering the child of his former mistress.

Sources have told WRAL News that they expect former U.S. Sen. John Edwards to admit that he is the father of his former mistress' 18-month-old daughter.

Edwards, a two-time Democratic presidential candidate, confessed last August to having an affair with Rielle Hunter, who served as a videographer on Edwards' 2008 campaign. He has denied fathering her daughter, saying his relationship with Hunter ended before the child was conceived.

His rather stalkerish former assistant had been taking that bullet for Team Ken Doll.

By confessing to having knocked up the former girlfriend of 80s literary star Jay McInerney, Edwards reduces the number of people fooled by his previous ridiculously transparent denials to exactly zero.

Psychologists repudiate gay-to-straight therapy

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 17:13:00 +0000

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You Can't Pound Square Pegs Into Round Holes

The American Psychological Association has determined that gay-to-straight therapy advocated by many fundamentalists just doesn't work.

The American Psychological Association has declared that mental health professionals should not tell gay clients that they can become straight through therapy or other treatments.

Instead, the APA is urging therapists to consider multiple options — that could range from celibacy to switching churches — for helping clients whose sexual orientation and religious faith conflict.

Or you could just find a religion that doesn't say that God hates you for being the way he made you.

Embattled S.C. Governor Sanford, Wife Are Splitting Up

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 16:52:00 +0000

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Charlie Crist Is Taking Notes

According to the Washington Post, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford is kicking his long-suffering and independently wealthy wife to the curb of the governor's mansion.

Since the Republican governor secretly traveled abroad in June and admitted upon his return that he had an Argentine mistress, the Sanfords have vacationed together in Florida and Europe, and both have repeatedly said they were working to repair their marriage.

But the first lady said Friday that she will move to the family's oceanfront cottage on Sullivan's Island, a lush beach enclave near Charleston nearly two hours by car from the state capitol, where her husband remains in office.

This should free up plenty of time in his busy schedule for Appalachian Trail hiking and Argentinian divorcée banging.

Detainee's Harsh Treatment Foiled No Plots

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 18:07:00 +0000

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You Can't Squeeze Intelligence From A Turnip

The Washington Post reports that torturing Abu Zubaida got no real leads and wasted a lot of time and money chasing down red herrings.

The methods succeeded in breaking him, and the stories he told of al-Qaeda terrorism plots sent CIA officers around the globe chasing leads.
In the end, though, not a single significant plot was foiled as a result of Abu Zubaida's tortured confessions, according to former senior government officials who closely followed the interrogations.

But it was just so much danged fun.

Debate Over Drugs For ADHD Reignites

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 16:49:00 +0000

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Ritalin Added To Coffee and Cigarettes As Things That Stunt Your Growth

The Washington Post reports on a study that says that kids that take tons of mood altering drugs don't end up any more normal, just shorter.

New data from a large federal study have reignited a debate over the effectiveness of long-term drug treatment of children with hyperactivity or attention-deficit disorder, and have drawn accusations that some members of the research team have sought to play down evidence that medications do little good beyond 24 months.

The study also indicated that long-term use of the drugs can stunt children's growth.

So just give them a pack of Camels and a daily latte espresso to calm them down to get the same effect.

Latest CIA Scandal Puts Focus on How Agency Polices Self

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:56:00 +0000

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James Bond Movies Were Never Like This

The Washington Post has a scoop on how far the CIA will go to curry favor with foreign sources:

As a novice CIA case officer in the Middle East, Andrew Warren quickly learned the value of sex in recruiting spies. Colleagues say that he made an early habit of taking informants to strip clubs, and that he later began arranging out-of-town visits to brothels for his best recruits.

He seems to have crossed a line when he started drugging women and then taping the encounters. They never put enough rules into the Secret Spy Employee Manual.

Red Cross Described 'Torture' at CIA Jails

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 18:54:00 +0000

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How We Should Treat AIG Traders

The Washington Post catches the Red Cross using the T-word:

Many of the details of alleged mistreatment at CIA prisons had been reported previously, but the ICRC report is the most authoritative account and the first to use the word "torture" in a legal context.

And exactly what qualifies as torture?

During interrogations, the captives were routinely beaten, doused with cold water and slammed head-first into walls. Between sessions, they were stripped of clothing, bombarded with loud music, exposed to cold temperatures, and deprived of sleep and solid food for days on end. Some detainees described being forced to stand for days, with their arms shackled above them, wearing only diapers.

Some people pay good money to get treated that way.

Also in that article is this curious quote:

The CIA declined to comment. A U.S. official familiar with the report said, "It is important to bear in mind that the report lays out claims made by the terrorists themselves."

So, we can't trust anything they say because they're terrorists. If we can't believe what they tell us, then what the fuck were we torturing them for?

Washington Senate OK's hiking energy efficiency standards

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 16:36:00 +0000

I had no idea that hiking needed to be more efficient. Does that require better shoes, or spring loaded walking sticks? From the AP via OregonLive.com:

Washington has moved closer to raising the energy efficiency standards for buildings.

Ohhh! They are increasing building energy efficiencies.

Nevermind.

GM Auditors Wary About Auto Firm's Future

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:14:00 +0000

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The Accountants Are Always The Last To Know

The Washington Post reports on the troubled car makers pre-mortem:

Auditors for General Motors today said there is "substantial doubt" that the struggling automaker will remain financially viable and able to continue operating, raising doubts about whether the company will have to declare bankruptcy or can continue to qualify for Treasury Department loans.

The auditors may be confused, but the customers seem to have already decided.

Cop Makes Arrest In Bathroom After Smelling Crack

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 19:57:00 +0000

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What Else Would You Expect To Smell?

Of course the actual CBS/AP article is referring to crack cocaine.

The Cecil County Sheriff's Office said a deputy about to take a bathroom break at a gas station smelled crack cocaine and made a quick arrest.

I knew Wawa's carried a lot of convenience items, but that is ridiculous.

(h/t to Gawker)

Slumdog Millionaire' is top dog at the Oscars

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:38:00 +0000

The post title came from the San Jose Mercury News.

Other punny headlines include:
Kansas City Star: One-time underdog ‘Slumdog Millionaire' dominates Oscars
Gulf News: Controversies still dog 'Slumdog Millionaire'
Washington Post: 'Slumdog' Is Best in Show
Rueters: Every ‘Slumdog’ has its day
Boston Globe: 'Slumdog' leads the pack
UK Telegraph: From fleapit to the red carpet
London Free Press: Oscar goes to the Dog

Not to mention a ton of "Final Answer" variations.

It's official: men see women in bikinis as 'sex objects'

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 11:35:00 +0000

or
Why The Swimsuit Issue Is So Popular

From Great Britain, the Independent reports that scientists hooked men up to brain scans and showed them pictures of women in skimpy clothes.

Scientists have demonstrated something that many women suspect and most men would admit only to themselves: pictures of scantily clad females turn women into sexual objects in the minds of men.

The article is fascinating not in the least because they picked Rosanna Davison, who had nothing to do with the study, to illustrate the effect.

(h/t to DLD)

Favre will retire from NFL

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 05:16:00 +0000

or
Deja Vu All Over Again

From Sports Illustrated:

The 39-year-old quarterback told the New York Jets on Wednesday that he was retiring after 18 seasons, ending a record-setting career in which he became one of the NFL's all-time greats.

Maybe this time it will take.

(h/t to to NDN's top tipster ScottyNuke)

Prosecutors Want Barry Jailed Over Tax Returns

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 19:57:00 +0000

0r
"H&R Block Set Me Up"

Deposed Mayor-For-Life Marion Barry just can't find time to file a 1040, according to the Washington Post.

For the second time in two years, frustrated federal prosecutors took aim at Marion Barry's chronic failure to file his tax returns and urged a judge to put him in jail.

The move by authorities is the latest act in a long-running tug of war between authorities and the D.C. Council member over his tax status. In all, prosecutors say, Barry has failed to file his returns on time in eight of the past nine years.

It seems Barry thinks the tax code has a few cracks in it.

(very belated h/t to Scotty)

Octuplets' Mother Receives Public Assistance

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 19:48:00 +0000

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Fourteen To Feed At Public Teat

Us Magazine reveals what most of us suspected.

Nadya Suleman, who gave birth to octuplets last month, is getting public assistance.

According to the Los Angeles Times, the 33-year-old Whittier, Calif., resident will receive $490 a month in food stamps. Three of her first six children are also disabled and receiving federal assistance.

That comes to about a buck a day per kid. She's the only person I know that will find the Costco-size baby food jars too small.

(h/t to DLD again)

'Dalai Lama' Twitter account suspended after exposed as fake

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 19:13:00 +0000

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Lama Lama Ding Dong

From the United Kingdom, the Telegraph reveals that the Tibetian holy man has a doppleganger. As zenlike as most tweets are, they weren't his.

The feed attracted nearly 20,000 followers within 48 hours after launching under the Tibetan spiritual leader's name on Saturday.

It claimed to be administered by the "The Office of His Holiness the Dalai Lama", and directed most inquiries from other Twitterers to the exiled monk's official website.

{snip}

But Twitter took the rare step of suspending the account after it emerged that the person behind it had no connection to the Nobel Peace Prize winner.

"The account was suspended because it violated our Terms of Use regarding impersonation," Twitter co-founder Biz Stone said.

Still no word on the legitimacy of users Mike Hunt and Ben Dover.

(h/t to DLD)

Fires cause $6.6M damage across city overnight

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 13:09:00 +0000

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Hot Time In The City

The "no duh" part of the story doesn't occur until the very last paragraph of the story in the Ottawa Citizen:

All three fires are being treated as suspicious and are being investigated by the arson unit. Ottawa Paramedics said they took a man with third-degree burns to 90 per cent of his body to hospital from a hotel in the west end Friday morning. Police were not drawing any link between the unidentified man and the fires.

No, a completely burned man in the same area as a four alarm blaze has to be a total coincidence.

(h/t to Boko999 and shrieking denizen of the Achenblog)

Treasury Overpaid for Bank Assets in Bailout, Oversight Panel Says

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:42:00 +0000

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Government Played For Sucker Again.

The Washington Post reports that federal bank bailout guys paid too much.

The investigators concluded that the Treasury under the federal bailout had invested $254 billion into companies but the preferred stock it got in return had a market value at the time of only $176 billion, or 69 percent of what the government paid, according to a congressional oversight panel report scheduled to be released today.

And that doesn't include the overdraft/ATM/service fees. Face it, the gummint got ripped off no matter what they paid or else why would the bank sell them anything. All this bailout is doing is letting the banks rip us off at wholesale prices instead of retail.

Fitness Isn’t an Overnight Sensation

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:59:00 +0000

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Eat Less, Exercise More, Repeat

The New York Times quotes a real life doctor who did a study to determine how long it takes to look good naked, or at least look better:

“To make a change in how you look, you are talking about a significant period of training,” Dr. Kraemer said. “In our studies it takes six months to a year.” And, he added, that is with regular strength-training workouts, using the appropriate weights and with a carefully designed individualized program. “That is what the reality is,” he said.

Which means I am already too late to get those six-pack abs by summer.

(h/t to Consumerist)

Daschle Apologizes for Income Tax Errors

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 18:01:00 +0000

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Betcha Wish You Had Gotten The H&R Block Guarantee Now

The Washington Post says that Tom Daschle is is at least as sorry about that tax mistake as Michael Phelps is for bogarting that bong.

Thomas A. Daschle, fighting to defend his nomination to be secretary of health and human services, released a letter early today apologizing to the top lawmakers on the Senate Finance Committee for mistakes on his personal income tax returns that resulted in $146,000 in back payments.

When your back taxes are larger than most people's W-2, you are in way too high of a tax bracket. Maybe he can hire Timothy Geithner's accountant.

Phelps Admits to 'Regrettable' Marijuana Use

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 23:12:00 +0000

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White Punk On Dope

The Washington Post tells of swimmer gold medalist Phelps apologizing for puffing a bong.

Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps acknowledged using "bad judgment" and engaging in "regrettable" behavior a day after a British tabloid published a photo in which Phelps appeared to be using marijuana.

He's got to do something to build up an appetite if he's going to eat 7,000 calories a day.

Exxon shatters profit records/Economic Signs Turn From Grim To Worse

noreply@blogger.com (yellojkt) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 13:54:00 +0000

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Good News/Bad News for Exxon Stockholders. Just Bad News For The Rest Of Us

The Washington Post says that not only is the economic handbasket hell-bound, the road is getting steeper.

The accelerating pattern of grim indicators has led up to a report scheduled for release this morning on U.S. economic performance in the final three months of last year. Many economists think the economy shrank by as much as a 6 percent annual rate -- that would be the worst quarter for the economy since 1982 -- and they see little potential for growth until later this year.

But not all the toy boats are circling the drain. As CNN reports some companies seem counter-cyclical:

Exxon Mobil made history on Friday by reporting the highest quarterly and annual profits ever for a U.S. company, boosted in large part by soaring crude prices.

Bring your pitchforks, tar, and feathers up to the refinery guard shack for the protest.

(partial h/t to the ever-alert ScottyNuke)