The Modern Curmudgeon

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Sat, 05 Sep 2015 19:37:00 +0000

Posts below are from

"My Life As A Doggerel"

A blog of limericks I wrote each day the year I turned 40.

Farewell. 12/18/10

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 05:36:00 +0000

To ashes, and once more to dust

We consecrate you, here entrust

You to unending sea

And to eternity
Swallow hard. Soldier on. As we must.

Eve of destruction, 12/8/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 01:01:00 +0000

Tomorrow I turn 41.

What to do once these limericks are done?

Will my idle hands seek

Out some evil unspeak-

able once this new freedom's begun?

Roy G. Biv, 12/7/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 00:53:00 +0000

In the night, the rain comes, the winds blow

Inundating the earth down below

But soon, sun ascends

And slowly it ends

As across the sky spreads the rainbow.

Croupier and croupier, 12/6/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 07:19:00 +0000

I mostly don't mind the poop.

Though the vomit's thrown me for a loop.

It's the hoarse, barking cough

That at night throws me off

As I fear the poor kid's caught the croup.

Tardy, 12/5/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 02:05:00 +0000

My apologies for being late

With the limericks I'm supposed to create

But please take consolation

In this explanation:

Some of them just aren't worth the wait.

This Limerick Has Been Delayed, 12/4/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:04:00 +0000

This limerick has been delayed

For almost a week now, today

I ran out of time

So now, here's the rhyme

Which I think mostly came out okay.

I've seen your true colors, 12/3/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 20:45:00 +0000

Irrespective, Nate, of what you think

And despite the bright hue of your drink

There's likely no chance

What you made in your pants

Will ever come out colored pink.

Such a waist, 12/02/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 06:49:00 +0000

In a writers' room one does a dance

With the unhealthy snacks that advance

On your willpower, waning

Till you're left explaining

Why you now wear expandable pants.

Are two jobs better than one? 12/1/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:35:00 +0000

That sick sinking feeling I've got

In my stomach's a Gordian Knot

As I pile on to

The work I've got to do

Which unfortunately's quite a lot.

Off Site, 11/30/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:33:00 +0000

If you've the need to prepare a

Script, but you've got nowhere to

Set your laptop

Then you go set up shop

At a Starbucks. Or maybe Panera.

Divide and conquer, 11/29/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 00:13:00 +0000

If only I could break in two

I'd be able to do what I do

More effectively

Come to think of it three's

What I'd like to be broken into.

Three to Five, 11/28/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 04:47:00 +0000

Where have you gone, Zachary?

I remember, before you turned three

You were smiley and smart

And you filled up my heart

But now you just seem so angry.

When in San Diego, 11/27/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 05:09:00 +0000

We could have gone to Legoland

Or swimming and played in the sand

Or gone to see Shamu

Or the park or the zoo

But we didn't. Hope you understand.

Thanksgiving, 11/26/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 23:02:00 +0000

The family fights over seating

The football, Detroit's chances fleeting

The Macy's Parade

Casseroles all displayed

And now let us give thanks by eating.

Road Trip, 11/25/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 04:31:00 +0000

When two boys are placed in the back

Of a car, going far, and you lack

The ability to

Play a DVD you

Might as well just tell them to attack.

Two Jobs Aren't Better Than One, 11/24/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:25:00 +0000

If this movie's story won't break

This job may have been a mistake

'Cause all day and all night's

More than I want to write

And there's only so much I can take.

Rock and Roil, 11/23/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 04:32:00 +0000

I wonder if I had a daughter

I'd be less hot under the collar

'Cause I swear I'll snap if

He keeps singing that riff

That begins the song "Smoke On The Water."

Zach's Fifth Birthday, 11/22/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:20:00 +0000

A rock and roll party pastiche

With a buffet of pizza and quiche

As we blast "Back in Black"

And the children attack

Us like thirty-two freaks on a leash.

Beat (Cal), 11/21/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 05:15:00 +0000

The more things change, they stay the same

Said someone (can't recall the name).

And having just watched

Stanford's victory botched

That someone may have meant Big Game.

A/B, See? 11/20/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 06:09:00 +0000

"I'm going to work" he explained

The shirt he'd put on that day

"Well you look to me

Quite like a worker bee"

"Actually, Dad, he said, "worker A."

Do Not Disturb, 11/19/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:55:00 +0000

All I want is to complete

One night of eight hours sleep

Without a kid yelling

Without a dog smelling

Without a cat biting my feet.

Swell Season, Lousy Upholstry, 11/18/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 06:58:00 +0000

On a seat at the Wiltern, I sit

Springs stabbing me through fabric's split

It's a good thing the show

Really rocks, 'cause you know

I'm getting too old for this shit.

Delizioso! 11/17/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:22:00 +0000

Nothing, it seems, is a treat.

You cook stuff for kids who don't eat.

And they hardly care

Until you prepare

Spaghetti and balls made of meat.

Sometimes, 11/16/09

noreply@blogger.com (Jon Sherman) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:21:00 +0000

Sometimes things get lost in the mail.

Sometimes you try to no avail.

Sometimes you could choke

Sometimes life's such a joke

And sometimes there's no end to its tale.