My Gilded Soap-Box

Moved to new domain - www.gilded-soapbox.com

2010-09-18T16:27:00.001+01:00

Hi all ... I've got my own domain now.

You'll find my blog now at - www.gilded-soapbox.com

I have no plans to suddenly stop babbling.... So hop over to the new address and keep reading!

www.gilded-soapbox.com

Lxx

It happens. Somewhat.

2010-09-11T23:20:00.001+01:00

Shit happens. Good things happen. Wine happens. Hell, I happened. Or I’m happening, right now, in this place. You feel me too… I’m fading, and sometime I feel nearly used up, but I’m here. Happening.

Wow, two blogs in one day. Someone should run and alert the media. I said that I would try to blog more, but this reeks of self love a little. And why not. If you can’t love yourself, who can, eh?

I’m in one of those positions where I have no one to turn to but myself. Stress of the week is finally catching me. I’ve had compliments about how well ‘I’m holding’ and ‘Oh Lynn, you are looking solid through this’. I’m not as solid as I look, and now I am franticly clutching the bottle by the neck with a white knuckled strangle hold.

He’s trying to live now.. in stead of dying. It’s touch and go, but it’s there. Now I can fold a little… I can breathe. Who do I talk to? Or fuck it, do I just fold alone with that bottle of red that is more dependable than any thing at this moment?

I fucking strongly dislike Septembers. Next year I’m take a holiday to a place far far away… Warm breezes, good food, drinks with stupid umbrellas in. I’ll change my name, wear sunglasses and look mysterious. I gotta out dance it, before it catches me.

I’ve discovered that yard work and house work don’t cut it. They look nice, but the train is still running through my head. If I just knew where to turn, I would do it.

Or maybe it’s just the bottle and the tunes. Fuck knows I’m probably shit company right now anyway.

Too self absorbed to love beyond the obvious candidates…from the soap-box

Castles made of sand…

2010-09-11T10:38:00.001+01:00

Or wishes, or fears, or just good old garden variety stress. Fear makes a pretty good foundation for a sturdy castle, and stress can keep the walls thick and strong. Wishes are the things that can only decorate a single room…There’s rarely any space to make a castle of what it needs to be made of. Sand. Truth. Life.

Life is so fluid, so fragile, so ever changing. It’s so easy to knock down, and if one can be smart enough to outrun fear, it can be picked up and recreated. A new castle can be made up the beach, further from the tide. You can change the look, add a few shells… Or you can ride close to the water, raise your face to the sun and know your castle is not safe, and that nothing is. But gosh, isn’t it beautiful the way you can see the clouds go by in the reflection of those puddles of water.

Castles made of fear have no windows… only halls long enough for pacing back and forth. Castles made of stress have no doors… no way out. Wishes are the carefully hidden safe rooms. If you can find it, perhaps you can remember for a moment that life is actually made of sand.

I’ve spent the last little while making my castles out of everything I could find… Bits of junk laying around, cobbled together by stress, occasionally finding room to create a wing supported by fear.

Now, I’m not sure where I’ll build my new castle. Just now I’m sitting in the tide, staring at the coast. The water is lapping over legs, and I’m having a cup of coffee as I consider the vista. The sand here is very nice and feels good under the fingers. I’m not in any great hurry. There’s a bit of freedom this. Close to the edge, or further up the beach…

I’m breathing now. Finally.

And if you don’t mind, I’ll just stay here a while.

Loving love, and the feeling of love and being loved, and the strength found in love…. As always, from the soap-box

Things I didn’t want to know

2010-09-07T15:22:00.001+01:00

But I found out anyway… Or rather perhaps I found out because I wanted to, and I never knew I didn’t want to know until I looked.

I’ve just reread that sentence a few times, and I was sorely tempted to hit the delete button. The urge was strong… But I’ve decided to let it stand, and carry on. As one does… as one does.

I’m living in a world of restless nights, and restless thoughts. Priorities shift at a moments notice, and my own tolerance level sinks rather alarmingly at times. I’m having to rely heavily on my Southern Upbringing to see me through this… and to give me the ability to fake it with a smile when I would rather issue a nicely timed slap.

I’m stronger than I thought I was.. So that was rather a relief to find out. Shocking really, but there it is and there you have it. Just now I am reading strength in the bouts of numbness and sheer feral defending that must be done. Part of me rings the alert bell at the numbness… But I reckon I’ll deal with that fall out when I have the time.

Right now, I don’t have the time. Peter might be dying…Surely he’s struggling to live. I’ve only got it in me at the moment to deal in that direction. If a hand reaches out to keep me from toppling over while this happens, I’ll kiss it with gratitude, and add it to the list of things I must remember later. So many things to remember later… Lists are the glue that keeps me together.

I hate Septembers.

Loving things with names who escape me ..,and as always from the soap-box (off-piste tho it may be)

Lxx

Life experience teaches one..

2010-08-28T06:57:00.004+01:00

That one should never blog after one has imbibed (what a fucking stonking word) three bottles of wine with a friend...(oh ok. Yes, he's a lover, but for matters of interest here, we shall stop with the ever obvious 'mate').

Let's begin with the Stereophonics and work our way outwards to the seven deadly sins... Or rather the 'Seven deadly Zins'. As you do, as you do.

I could also be absolutely honest here, and admit that I will most likely forget my path as I begun, and just end with a ramble that has nothing to do with the beginning...

Now, what I would like to cover today is that last bottle of wine. You know the one. The one just after 'I think I'm drunk enough, but fuck it, let's have one more'. Yes, you might have guessed it...I'm there just now. I'll probably regret this blog in the morning... at least that's what I'll tell my mum (sod you, I live in the UK).

I'm grooving, and I'm singing.. I'm happy, and I'm laughing. I'm struggling with a bit of 'Southern Baptist Guilt' as I cover it, but I think I'm coping well. What I want to know is.. when does one shut up? I mean, seriously... I have a world of questions, ready to be pelted.. .right on the tip of my tongue. The fact I can write this post with the words all spelled right means that I might be in a dangerous place.... "Do you love me? Do I love you? Do you agree that bacon sandwiches are something next to religion when it comes to magnificence? And really... if he loves me, if I love him.. it's really the bacon that speaks the loudest here. Gawd, they are lovely. Or rather, it's lovely... oh sod it.

I shall end this rather pointless rant that, I'm sure, you'll find was filled wisdom... with "There's more life in a tramps vest" or some such. But then you would think "She's sloshed and listening to the 'Sterophonics' again....

And you would be right.

Fair enough. Gonna go see if I can make some mischief now, or at least (the very least) finish off that last bottle of wine.

Love you all (not really. I'm sloshed. I love most of you.. but that's a lie too. I think I love some of you.. but mostly when sober. Sod that. I love like four of you. Yeah, that's it.. like four.)

From the soap box..

C'est moi (tis I!!!)

Winding Roads

2010-08-07T18:22:00.001+01:00

I'm fully aware that I have not blogged for a while. I've probably lost the one fan I had... ( just kidding. I'm sure I had like 5 fans... I rock!)

The thing is... One needs to feel it. Well, it wasn't lack of feeling. It was more the "I'm in a new relationship and you may all sod off". But it does sound much better when I go high brow and loftily declare "one must feel the words".

Erm. No. One must feel the perfect cigar that's been lined up with excellent midnight convos and a bit of Navan... Oh dear, I digressed. Anywho, the words come when they come, and sometimes they are best unshared. Judgement call? Fearing 'Sods law'?

Just at the moment I am doing the "in Napa Valley Being a Tourist, and crowbaring in Romance" thing... Bloody brilliant good fun, but it's the winding roads and simple moments that find and hold me. It's sitting in the floor of the St. Helena library, reading Philip Sidney... It's sitting on a random wall in San Francisco, smoking a fine cigar, and meeting the locals. It's sneaking down a corridor in a winery... For no other reason than the fact the door was unlocked. It's sitting on a porch in Sacramento, badly pouring vinho verde, while discussing the world...

Being a tourist is fun... Experiencing life is better. Doing this with someone who gets you? Bloody priceless. ( no, MasterCard did not pay me to say that)

Try it, y'all. Slow down and do something...different.

Lovin' y'all ( some of y'all anyway) from the soapbox,
L xx

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I have joined the revolution…

2010-06-05T14:22:00.001+01:00

At least I think I have. Or maybe it’s not a revolution. Perhaps it’s just ‘twitter’. I mean, I thought I was awesomely progressive when I launched my self in to ‘Facebook’, willy nilly… But could it be that I was just priming my self up for something as uber hip as ‘twitter’?

How is it that I find the most mundane utterances of my friends and family to be interesting? “Am having soup" “It’s the dogs birthday” “I slept badly” “Cold beer is lovely”. And, the funnier part, is I do it too. Here’s my last update : “Sunshine again! Oh how the gods *do* spoil us mere mortals... Just found a pastrami source in Salisbury. Good times!”…

And yes, I expect someone found it interesting. I mean, folks commented on it, so we shall bill that as a win.

Now? I have joined twitter. I shit you not, I have already ‘tweeted’ twice… read my latest “Wonders who snores the loudest.... Alan or the dog”. Now, I expect someone found that worthy… and the amazing fact is, it was fun to do.

So yes, I’m out there. I tweet.

I also drink cold beer, say badwords, drive too fast, and sing along.

I’m sure if we all work together we can cope!

Lovin' y’all from the soapbox,

Lxx

Seth Lakeman live in Sheffield

2010-04-18T21:41:00.003+01:00

This was an awesome gig... the man is a god among mere mortals with that fiddle. This is a bit of him playin' 'The Riflemen of War'. Bloody brilliant!

For the love of Angry Farmer…

2010-04-09T19:48:00.002+01:00

Yes, I did not say ‘The Angry Farmer’… Simply ‘Angry Farmer’ for that is his name. Let it be said with quiet awe… Angry Farmer is real.

His irritation was complete, his ability to box up his anger in to strictly controlled subject matter… His ready smile as he dangled the prize of ‘who wants to feed my lamb’ right on the heels of his rage of ‘I can’t believe you landed your hot air balloon in my godamn airfield…’ was an intense showing. I swear I had to look twice because I felt that we had bonded, that perhaps we had already loved and divorced in this life. It was beautiful. Even as they served champagne later and I studied the ranting farmer… my very own Angry Farmer, through the haze of a booze induced stupor… It occurred to me that I was even watching a passive aggressive artist at work.

It was love, I tell you… sweet love. My eyes followed him hungry as he paced and ranted, and then I looked on adoringly as he appeared cool and collected…

“Let’s feed the lambs” Angry Farmer said.

“Yes, let’s” I replied… following him blindly even as my tortured heart screamed “I will follow you anywhere, Angry Farmer.”

It was real, our love. For a moment we passed through each others lives… My own Angry Farmer.

I swear, I nearly called him Baby….

‘Huzzah!’ I say for the human condition…

Love,

Lynn – lovin’ Angry Farmer from her soap-box

A midnight rescue we were called upon…

2010-04-05T14:21:00.002+01:00

People make me laugh. I mean, they actually bring forth the *very* unladylike ‘guffaw’. As I often enjoy being unladylike, this is a happy state of affairs for me. I must ask though, loyal reader(s)… Don’t tell my Mimi. She’s under the misguided impression that I have tea with the Queen most days. I don’t.

Only on Tuesdays and Fridays.

I digress.

I’ve always been a people watcher. This is something of a sport for me… and surely there comes the point when you’ve talked about enough of them you get afraid to join the crowd. The ‘watcher’ becoming the ‘watchee’ takes a bit of guts, but when your own sense of humour is intact, that can be fun too.

There was a time I would do this in the local cafe (still do, fyi… That’s right, Salisbury, I am soooo looking at those white shoes you wore after Labor Day… For shame!!!). Now, thanks to the ‘tintaweb’ I can do it at will… sort of goddess-like with the press of of an ‘on button’. It’s like having a brilliant super-power. There’s none so entertaining as a virtual world full of entertaining people. Some are straight arse-hats… some are so fake that the effort is hilarious. Other’s are so down right basic about who they are that the reality of it all is interesting…. The lies, the drama, the laughter and the tears. They all serve well for the great stage of the human condition. It’s like we are all in a study for the gods while we trip along in this virtual world. And I say ‘huzzah!’… let it never change!

Years ago, at 2am, when you (and by ‘you’, read ‘me’ or take it a step further and correct the English and read ‘I’) could not sleep, there was nothing for it. Bit of TV, staring at the walls… But now! Oh sweet baby james. I can log in to a world of … well… anything.

Yes, just knowing that one can is enough to make you want to wear your knicks on the outside and name yourself 'Uber Woman’ or ‘Wonder Chic’ and run around outside making airplane noises… Oh wait. That’s probably only me. Ach well.

Every once in a while a tiny voice breaks through, and stands out. Another people watcher, just like you…Perhaps we should think of ourselves as a subculture of super hero’s. No wait, let’s be really exciting and think right outside of the virtual box.

Oh shit, we are human.

Imagine that?

Lovin’ y’all… (well most of y’all… Not even that, really. But for *sure* some of y’all)

Lx – starin’ at the gods from the soap-box

My Goodness… can you believe it?

2010-03-09T23:23:00.002+00:00

Well it’s been ages since I’ve written a thing here! Since Jan, if the dates can be believed… and I am sure they can be, as I think my pc drinks far less than I do. Call me simple, but that’s just an assumption.

Now, we can take all this silence to believe one of two things… either a whole bunch of bad has gone down, or a mighty pile of good has gone on. Or maybe we can add a third option and head for a healthy mix of both? Hmm… A mix. Mostly good, I think, but iwtih a few fun stressy bits just to keep it real.

First off, I was in Louisiana visiting the fam for most of Jan. That was awesome good fun and everyone was brilliant. It was fantastic to be home for sure. I was nearly too spoiled on good weather to make it back to the UK with any kind of grace…

Then there was the month of Feb. Oh lawds… well, to begin with I bought in to a hefty line of bullshit. Yes’m, at my age too. It would appear that you are never told old to believe a good line of bs. I mean sure, it rocked the boat for a little while, but in the end, it’s always best to discover what smells. He did. Now, he’s gone. Simple, darlin’s!

Once I wiped that mess off my hands, I got another fun project off the ground. Now, I’m a firm believer in not tipping a hand, so I will keep these cards close to my chest until the project gets exciting. But oh, my, I am bustin’ to share. I’ll be sharing soon…I am just pathetic at keeping good gossip to myself!

Now, today’s lesson, kids… Always be prepared to discover bullshit. Remember, when you do, to keep your makeup in place and your shoes on. You need to face it down, and look good while doing it. It’s important… because even if your pride takes a hit, you can look fabulous and play it off like it doesn’t sting. Fake it until it’s real… and when it’s real (and it will be shortly, I can promise you) make sure you laugh. Make it a sultry laugh… those are the best kind.

Remember to kiss and tell… or at least lie about it over a cold beer while you make fun of him among friends….

Love,

Lynn – feelin’ groovy from the soap-box.

All my bags are packed…

2010-01-04T19:13:00.002+00:00

And I’m ready to go! Yass’m… I’m on my way in a few short days. I’ll be in the land of cold beer and seafood. I’ll be having far too many fried foods, and loving it as my arteries harden… (yeah, yeah, I know – sick humour, but fuckyas, it’s my blog. If it helps, I’m listening to Josh Groban to class it up a bit.)

I’ll be leaving the land of ‘God Save the Queen’ and heading for the land of ‘Laissez les bon temps roulez’. Hmm… another corny comparison for ya – Leaving ice for sodding sunshine. That’s right, you read what you thought you read. I said ‘sodding’. That’s how we roll in Wilts….

It’s been a hell of a year, 2009, and I am for one, happy to bring in 2010 surrounded by my friends and family. This year has to be better than the last one. I’ve picked up all my pieces, and most of me can be found if you look hard enough, so it’s time folks!

You have my permission to miss me terribly and thnk of me often… Oh, and get jealous as hell all you British mates. It rocks in Louisiana this time of year. It’s cold as dammit in the UK. Kiss my ass, I’ll bring you a ‘fridge magnet.

Grinnin’ from the soap-box

Lxx

The Ghost in the Machinery….

2009-12-08T16:49:00.002+00:00

Ach. Well, I guess just when one is sure one knows a thing, your own true nature slaps you back in to focus.

I swore over and over again I was fine. I stood tall, and I took the rain. Matter of fact, not a lot can be seen different in me between then and now. But I am. I went down hard, and stayed down, it seems. I’ve ignored all, and crawled in to me…

And now? I looked out of my cave today. I saw the sun for the few short minutes it shared itself in the UK. I loved every second of it. Until today, I only shared me with the Moon…because it’s dark, and safe, and something you can do alone. When you are busy dancing as fast as you can, the Moon is your surest friend.

But today? I saw more, and I wanted more, and I became. I never realised I had tucked in to me until I woke up.

For my friends and family who some how knew it and gave me the space to deal, and the quiet acceptance to heal… I love you for it. I never saw the protective bubble I was in until I decided to leave it for a few minutes. It’s bloody brilliant out there folks.

And so I say leave, and let me go. I’ve loved and lost, and now it seems I am ready to play again. I’ll be tying up my shoes and joinin’ y’all in the playground a little more often.

You know… The Portuguese word “tanto” is a forever kind of word. There is nothing bigger than tanto…and for me, it covers a multitude of things. I’ll be dancing and laughing. See you all there.

Lynn – smiling now, a real smile… from the soap-box.

Cruising with the top down…

2009-10-27T17:24:00.002+00:00

Yea, I know you all think I am full of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I live in the UK and the weather blows.

HOWEVER, that said, I was brave. I met the world head on… I shouted at the top of my lungs “Damn the consequences!” and I drove with the top down. It was 4 glorious minutes of hair whipping in the wind and my lips turning blue. But you know? I was there… Oh yeah. I connected.

I left a little shaky … sang thru the tears and ended with a laugh. I refused all phone calls, and drove far too fast. I sad bad words that no one heard but me. I even went completely off the reservation and ate a McDonalds hamburger… that I am still paying for, heath wise.

Days of music, nights of laughter. I returned a new woman. Well, newish. Ok ok… to keep the dramatic bullshit down to a low scream… I am actually the same woman, but I came back relaxed. That’s gotta be something like an improvement, yeah?

The point is… I’m smiling. I faked it until it became real… and damn it, I’m digging this. I don’t care that it makes no sense at all.

Love,

Lynn – raising her glass from the soap-box.

Burn me up inside…nice and slow.

2009-10-07T21:57:00.002+01:00

“I think that I would miss you.. even if I never met you”. (Adrianne)

“Fuck peace… fight for your happiness” (Lynn)

This is an awesome statement. When something seem so big you can’t see past the edge of it, and you spend your days trying to make head or tails of it… that statement really seems to fit. Oh believe me, there is always an edge to it..

Just sometimes, that fookin edge is so damn hard to see. Right now… it’s like some evil bastard tied a blindfold around my eyes, spun me three times fast and set me off to find it. I know it’s out there and my arms are out wide to find it, but will I be lucky enough to bump it.

I don’t need to make sense, dammit, nothing needs to make sense. The whole world can go to hell and back, and I would still like to smile and laugh at my own stupid jokes. If you love me, you’ll laugh too, even if the joke isn’t funny… because love doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t need to. I don’t want it to. Neither should you.

I’ll take it all off. I’ll stand here naked and judged. I don’t care… I never have cared. The other opinions don’t filter… Fuck peace. Fight for more. I’ll do what it takes… and everyone who knows me, knows that. All I can do for the whole world as stand exposed and hold my hand out and hope a few of you are brave enough to take my hand and accept the fact… the ever so profound fact…

That peace is over rated.

Rip off the blind fold, get your bearings, find the edge… and jump.

Figure it out, before you fall apart.

Lynn…

Loving some serious me time on the soap-box.

Blogging on the run...

2009-09-21T11:26:00.002+01:00

Ohhh, how can one feel so modern and retro at the same time? I'll tell you...I just managed to put 'band on the run' in my head with the title of this blog.
I am feeling uniquely blesses that I can share this iPhone mobile blogging moment with Paul Mcartny and 'Wings'.

Beautiful.

L xxx
Singing on the soap box

-- Posted from my iPhone

Lovin, life, and that Jimmy Carter smile

2009-09-20T00:17:00.002+01:00

Hey, they say you should never blog when your on a bit of a booza… so I hope everyone pays attention to this as I might embarrass myself too much to ever let the wine speak again!

You know, as a piece of wisdom that we should all keep – My Mimi says ‘You spend all your life learning, and when you finally learn enough, you die’. These are some pretty true words. We spend our lives always reaching, learning even if we don’t notice that we are picking up the things we learn.

Some of us get to learn only a few things, then it’s time to go. We all know someone who had to leave before the learning was done… but you know, they are still teaching us even when they are gone.

Tonight, I am thinking on the things I have learned from one who left me years ago… but his Jimmy Carter smile teaches me still. 15 years after he is gone, and he still teaches me how to have laughter thru tears as I remember him. He teaches me that love never fades, and can continue to grow. He shows me that I can take a soul destroying loss and pick myself up from the floor and see the world eye to eye. He gives me perspective, the memory of his laughter brings me peace.

Most of all, when the world gets too much, I know I can stop just for a minute and think of that damn toothy Jimmy Carter smile just before he throws his glasses in to the fan… and the memory gives me a laugh, makes my heart beat stronger, shows the love, and reminds me that I have strength.

Love,
Lynn – having a glass of wine on her soap box

Time to slow… time to speed up… time to have a cold beer…

2009-09-06T19:15:00.002+01:00

And time to make time to reflect. It occurs to me as I move house and start yet one more new chapter in my life, that there are many things in my world that run at different speeds. There are things that I hold very close that I wish to run at ‘warp speed’… and there are few things that I wish would slow ‘the fuck’ down.

An example of what I would like to see slowing… My boy. He’s nearly 17 and he’s itching at the post to get out of the house. I mean it, there are teeth marks on the door way where he has tried to chew his way free. I can understand his need for freedom, but dammit, who will take out the trash when he’s gone? I know, I know.. it’s the little things.

No, seriously, he’s always been my baby, and now I am starting to see him struggle to be a man – and I wish this whole process would slow down.

Thank god Chot is in charge…Or I don’t know where we would be. She seems to be speeding up too, but at a nice slow pace thus far, so it’s dealable at the current time. She keeps Seth and I in line and reminds us to eat regularly.

A thing I would like to see sped up… well, I am not at liberty to go in to ‘detailus extremus’ (yall didn’t know I knew some fake ass latin did ya…) but let’s suffice it to say that Luis knows what I mean, and that’s enough for now.

Another speed demon act that would be nice… is if the ‘house unpacking fairy’ would just whiz in here and make this shit all sorted, quickly. That would be grand. While she’s at it and up, she can get me a cup coffee (sensuous .. since you was up..).

Faster meals, slower beers… longer showers, shorter distance. Longer time, slower time, faster smiles, slower goodbyes. Longer passion… longer kisses… quicker dishes, lazy sunshine.

I’m sure my neighbours will enjoy the fact that an absolute foookin nutter has moved in…

Hooty hooty hooty (had to be done, cousin dear… had to be done)

Lovin y’all from the soap-box

Lxxx

So, how is it gonna be?

2009-08-10T14:09:00.002+01:00

Well, I’ll tell you how it’s gonna be….

It’s gonna be life, and love… it will be bravery and will power. It’s gonna be the wonder of a brand new world, and the power to put that foot forward and fear nothing.

Oh, my, I can tell you how it’s gonna be. Take that beer, pull up a chair, let me tell you how it’s gonna be.

It’s gonna be nights of passion and days of laughter. It’s gonna be taking our shoes off and feeling the sand between our toes. It’s gonna be whispers of love in the dark and demands for rudeness in the light. It’s gonna be sunshine thru the trees and snuggling away from the cold. It’s cheating at Monopoly and sharing the remote. This is what it’s gonna be… I’ll tell you how it’s gonna be and more…

It’s gonna be held with two hands. It’s gonna be seen with wonder and eyes so wide. It’s gonna be a low whispered pleading that’s met with the pride of love.

If you’ll just look at me, believe me when I speak, I’ll tell you how it’s gonna be. It’s gonna be what you need, and you are gonna take what I give. I’m gonna crawl, I’m gonna walk with pride, I’m gonna sit next to you in silence… You will take all this and more, because it’s yours and that’s how it’s gonna be.

I’m a bossy wee bitch… And it’s too late, the bitch fell…

That’s how it’s gonna be.

Speaking softly from the soap-box

You’ll be famous as you are… Once again I cannot sleep…

2009-05-21T00:50:00.002+01:00

Well my lovelies, here I sit, 1:30 am and it would appear that sleep is no where in sight. Again <sigh>. I can only assume this is because I have so many lovely things rattling around in my pretty little brain.

Shhhh – lovely secret things! You will hear about it all soon enough :-).

It would appear that I am self medicating a bit this evening – having a few glasses of wine as I have a little sing-song. So I think tonight's little observation is going to be about being a little dangerous… maybe a little brave.

I adore being single – I really really do. I love not sharing the remote, and I thrive on things being exactly where I left them. I get absolutely orgasmic over the fact I don’t have wash some man’s knicks…And I don’t have to share the good wine with a git who doesn’t get it… Ha!
I am not willing to give this up easily. I have reached an age that has brought me a bit of peace – finally.

It’s a brave thing to hit this world eye to eye alone. Sure you have mates, you have family, you have love… but I know that I can hit the bottom face first, and get up alone, smiling. There is lots of power in that, people. The kung-fu is strong.

Don’t get me wrong – I love and I laugh. I don’t mind having the touch of a good man… BUT – I have found strength and peace and it’s glorious. I guess it took a little solitude and being without someone nagging the piss outta me day and night to find this little thing…

Let’s get back singing now…

Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars beneath my feet.
Remember rights that I did wrong, so here I go…

Thank you, Mr. Blunt for the sing-song this evening!

Peace be with ye – From the soap-box

My ‘Give a Shit’ was not busted, y’all.

2009-05-12T10:39:00.002+01:00

I just got busy :-). It’s not that I don’t love you, loyal reader(s)…I just had to put you on ‘ignore’ for a tiny bit while I caught up with the boring side of living <sigh>.

If it wasn’t for the God-given beauty of an antlantique (Chambord, schnapps, vodka, lemon juice), some of these recent days could have involved an ill humour, or even a mischief.

My current rant is : Why, and I do mean with a loud and long good accent..WHhhhhyyyyyy – do my ex’s feel like they get a freakin opinion about my day? Why? What is it about *me* that the ex’s of my life won’t release?

Example – My recent ex wanted to come over yesterday and collect the 50kg of dog food that he left behind. I wasn’t home. I told him so in a text message in response. Do you *know* what he said? Check this out ‘I wish you had told me you weren’t going to be home before I got on the road!’

WHAT the hell, I ask you? Why on *earth* would I give a run-down of my plans to an ex? Is there some new rule out there that says I need to tell my ex I am going to leave the house just in case he wants to come by? Or am I meant to just ‘connect’ and anticipate his needs? Ha!!

Needless to say – that text got *no* answer. None. I stared at my phone in disbelief for a moment, laughed – and carried on about my day.

Ohhhhhhh it was a day that included the purchase of a fabulous yellow summer top…. I am divine in it!!! Does that perfect ‘boob’ thang – girls, you know what I mean!

Lovin y’all from the soap-box

Lxxx

As I lay here… not quite foetal :-)

2009-04-26T17:22:00.002+01:00

I just need to start off with a ‘jeeze man’ my back is killing me. I caught myself in a fall yesterday, and thought it was no big deal… but now my lower back is feeling DIRE! I think I might need to go off to the docs tomorrow… shite! I’d go foetal with the pain if I could bend that way . . . :-)

I also gotta say – I’ve got an exciting new chapter happening in my world. I’ve had some sad closures… but I’ve got some pretty exciting beginnings going on to.

I’ll be writing more about all this soon, but just now, I need to go and deal with this awesome back pain.

You are not forgotten… just postponed!

Love,

A new hope...(Let's all have a fluffy bunny-hug)

2009-04-21T10:49:00.004+01:00

Sounds a bit like the beginning of Star Wars :-)
New World, new hope... If I could make this scroll up the screen with some theme tunes... Man move over Lucas!

First I need to share my crushing, and I do mean shattered, experience... I found out late last night that Leafy made rusks. I *adore* her rusks. Seriously, I actively steal them when she makes them. I put them in a box and I hide in the back garden to eat them. I have been told I have a problem - perhaps one of those little addictions that you hear so much about on all the best talk-shows.
I usually find a reason to spend the night at her house when I know she has them drying out.. so that I can be on hand to steal the best ones. So I am sneaky as well...

But now, she's in Wigan. And she made them -and get this shiiaat- for people I don't even know! I kid you not, total strangers to me have eaten them. They don't love her rusks like I do. I bet they don't moan when they dunk them in coffee... Sweet baby James, I think I'm a little turned on by these!
So now, I'm crushed. Rusks were made, and I have none. I am having coffee *right freaking now* and I have no rusk. Are you feeling my pain, loyal reader?

Now that we have cleared the pain out of the way... I'm heading for the New World, people. I will be dropping hints and details as time goes, so pay attention.

New Hope, New World :-)
Less rain, more smiles, new adventures to be had. The land of great seafood and great music beckons...

Lovin' Yall from the edge.... if I only had a rusk to call my own...

I’m tired – please show me something real.

2009-04-20T09:02:00.002+01:00

I am preparing to walk out the door and up the street… do I need to put my wellies on?

I am smelling suspicious amounts of bullshit in my lovely little world and I am thinking I need to go all 005.1 (I’m too short for 007) on the cause.

The thing is, I am struggling to work out why I should even care…I think today’s little chat will about life, and bullshit interjections.

Why do we have this? Is it that we need to create drama where there is none, in order to make our worlds more interesting? Will we ever learn that back-biting and bullshit never works…reality works. Honesty works. No hiding who and what you are – that works.

Bullshit is a short-term thrill, and it does not work. Yet, as a people we seem to be so often covered in the stuff.

I’m shrinking my world, people. I want real. No more purveyors of bullshit. Just because I don’t give a shit, does not mean that I don’t care… I would rather have 1 good friend that I can trust, than be surrounded by 100 half arsed attempts.

Are you on that list? Do I need to get my wellies on when you are near? If I need wellies for you… then go on home. I have enough short term thrills that are sexier than bullshit for any day of my week.

Am I upset? No. Am I sad? No.

I am real… are you?

Love,

Lxx – tired of having to scrape massive amounts of smelly bullshit out of the way every time she walks out the door.

NICO STAI on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Videos

2009-04-16T22:18:00.002+01:00

This guy is my latest discovery… If you are a fan of Indie, and we all know anyone with any good taste is, you gotta go check this out. He’s a virtual ‘unknown’, but man is he good.

Love,

L xx