tight

unyielding

exhausting

breathless

constant

Samuel Adams Boston Lager is currently residing in our kegerator. It’s the NOM NOM brew for Paul and I… as it goes well with everything and nothing.

The kegerator, aptly named ‘Lil Joe after one of Paul’s favorite bartenders, was our first wedding anniversary gift to each other.

I think paper is traditionally given for the first wedding anniversary.

We prefer beer.

The Florida Gator beer gnome guards the contents within ‘Lil Joe at all times.

Some weeks, you just need a big bottle… or in the case of this week, a keg… of Sam Adams.

this is the second time i have been given this gift… this glorious gift of TIME to “work” (meaning making a dent in my inbox, catching up on my favorite blogs, working on my book proposal… working on the ACTUAL BOOK that i am pitching)… ya know, “work.”

i set out with a smile on my face, my macbook and earphones and await the glory of the coffee that will come once i find the RIGHT SPOT to plant myself for a few hours and “work.”

arriving at whole foods, i pay for my dark chocolate skim mocha and find my spot… near an outlet to plug in my laptop.

i settle myself. snag an extra chair for my oversized, underpriced purse from target that doubles as my diaper bag and today, my laptop bag. i plug in, log on to the wifi network, take my first sip of my beverage and breathe.

the last week + has been particularly stressful and ridden with anxiety that i cannot go into detail about in this forum. needless to say, having this break, this breath of caffeinated air, this TIME ALONE with just me and my computer is priceless.

i check in with some twitter friends who i haven’t communicated with in (HOLY SHIT) 24 hours because my mom has arrived and i was busying myself snuggling with her as though i was the one nearly turning 2 years old and not my son.

and as i check in with my twitter friends, two women take seats nearby… close to my spot.

you see, i’m sitting at a bar, looking out a window… a lengthy bar that offers a plethora of seats for people to enjoy coffee, delicious food and good company.

one woman is telling the other about her latest “fuck buddy” and how her age (46) has caused him to leave her and now she is angry… like REALLY ANGRY just relaying this story to her friend.

she bangs her fist on the bar. multiple times. continuing to talk with her hands, she then explains the moment of him leaving her apartment and hits, bumps, slaps the bar repeatedly.

at first i feel badly for this woman. she’s obviously distraught and confiding in a friend. but then i notice that others around me are starting to notice her. it’s not just me acknowledging her behavior… hearing pieces of a conversation that (in my opinion) should be taking place behind closed doors, on a couch with your friend and a bottle of wine.

she hits the table again.

“i told him ‘that’s it!’” she exclaims.

and now i’m irritated. so, like any good blogger who is attempting to make headway through their inbox while also on twitter, i begin tweeting about her.

so the earphones are in and the music is blaring and i decide that my inbox and any sort of REAL THOUGHT will have to be put on hold until this woman is gone because NO ONE AROUND HER can focus on anything but her ranting.

i look for other seats… no other outlets are available. i need an outlet because my battery is low… not too terribly low, but low enough for me to not risk moving my seat.

i stay. i decide to blog about her. just to rid myself of this angst and document this experience of THE ONE DAMN TIME I GET OUT TO HAVE COFFEE AND COMPUTER TIME IN PUBLIC…

pink is blaring gloriously in my ears… “child be still…”

I’M TRYING!!!! I’M REALLY TRYING!!!!!

there’s a tap on my shoulder. i’m jarred from my writing. i turn and meet the face of an older woman who is already mid-sentence with me. obviously i cannot hear her because MY EARPHONES ARE STILL IN MY EARS, yet she is talking to me.

i mute my itunes, pull out an earphone and turn in my seat to face her.

OLDER WOMAN: (points at my laptop) “is this one of those little laptops, like the small ones?”

ME: “um… well, it’s a macbook, but i’m pretty sure there are smaller ones out there. are you shopping specifically for a mac?” like i give a fuck.

OLDER WOMAN: “i don’t know, but i know there’s a smaller one and i didn’t know if this is the smallest there is or if there are smaller or what you would recommend?”

ME: (thinking to myself… do i look like i fucking work at best buy?) “honestly, it probably all depends on what you would be using it for. i would suggest researching one that is not only the size you want but offers the programs and applications that you would use the most.”

she pats my shoulder, points over to her husband whose standing 10 or so feet away with their coffees, waiting for her and probably burning the palms of his hands while holding their coffee.

OLDER WOMAN: (points at my macbook) “i think we can get smaller than this…”

she walks away.

and then i tweet this.

lesson learned… just stay at home, lock myself in my bedroom and put in earplugs. i may live a solitary existence for the remainder of my life and never again enjoy the glorious splendor of a dark chocolate skim mocha from whole foods, but at least i’ll get some peace… til the magoo awakes.

if you saw my tweets this morning, you may have experienced the aftermath of my near-cooter-demise…

mind you, i am not currently covered in lower abdominal boils, nor are there any pinkish, tender areas of said cooter region… but HOLY CRAP YA’LL it was traumatizing, and most definitely NOT how one wants to wake up in the morning, especially a monday morning.

because, mondays suck. no matter what takes place during your day… if it’s a monday, it sucks. sorry, but it just does.

if the week began on a tuesday, tuesdays would suck. alas, it begins on a monday, thus mondays suck.

back to my cooter…

i’m lucky enough to have one of those fantastically hot husbands who gets up before i do in the morning and brings me coffee in bed. ((((swoon)))) i know, and i love every second of it, especially when he brings me a dark chocolate covered biscotti along with the coffee.

paul knows i need AT LEAST one cup of coffee running through my veins before i can begin to contemplate my day with the magoo. on special occasions, like president’s day, or mondays when paul needs to get to work early because he has a class to teach at 7:55, he’ll add not one BUT TWO shots off espresso to my coffee.

a friend of ours once told us this coffee beverage is referred to as a “hammer head,” but we prefer to be crude about it and create out own names using both the words “hammer” and “head” on an individual basis in order to create such inappropriate names.

it’s fun.

so, this morning, paul gets up with his alarm… he shaves… and then proceeds to make my “jack hammer” out in the kitchen while i continue to sleep peacefully. he places the delicious beverage on my nightstand along with a dark chocolate covered biscotti, and then wakes me up…

BY SHAKING ME VIOLENTLY BECAUSE OTHERWISE NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO WAKE ME FROM MY SLUMBER!!!

once paul sees me adjust myself from the position of fully laying down to sitting somewhat upright and sipping my coffee, he goes to the bathroom to shower and continue his morning routine.

little did he know that i would fall back to sleep while sitting up…

AND SPILL FUCKING COFFEE WITH FUCKING ESPRESSO ON MY FUCKING COOTER!!!

i mean for christ’s sake, i close my eyes for ONE SECOND and the coffee mug goes…

give me a break!!!

so my lower abdomen that houses my c-section scar, thereby giving me two bellies, is scalded through my tshirt. and then i raise the tshirt and see BELOW…

and the underpants (don’t worry, they were boy-shorts, not granny panties) were soaked…

my cooter was MAGENTA with fury.

i lept out of bed, but this of course meant that i spilled that much more of my “head jack” on the bed, wasting that much more of the lusciously caffeinated beverage and soaking our sheets.

the now 1/4 cup mug of coffee is placed on my nightstand, the dark chocolate biscotti still awaits tantalizing my taste buds, and i disrobe. i strip down, leaving my coffee-soaked tshirt and underpants on the sheets and light blanket that have been covered in the “jack hammer” that paul made for me to enjoy.

i knock on the bathroom door. paul opens it.

HIM: “hey.”

ME: “move over. i spilled the fuckin coffee and i’m soaked.”

HIM: “that sucks.”

ME: “no shit. move over.”

HIM: “are you hurt?”

ME: “well, it didn’t feel good.” (then showing him my MAGENTA pink abdomen)

HIM: “dang.”

ME: “yeah, thanks. shampoo please.”

and thus began my monday… how was yours???

i’m in jeans today. my skinny ones thankyouverymuch. and a top. not a tshirt. a button-up top.

the lovely thing about having uber short and curly hair is that you can buy this goop that basically just sticks it out all over the place for you and it looks like you had your hair styled when you really just put a bunch of guk in it.

no, i was not paid to discuss the above mentioned hair guk.

point being, i made an effort today. i did. i don’t do it all the time. and some days are better than others.

but today, i made an effort.

well, i guess it’s sort of an effort because it did not include a shower, but ya can’t have it all folks, ya just can’t.

and that’s what i’m starting to see in the blogosphere lately that is kinda getting under my skin. bloggers are wanting it all… ALL. OF. IT. i don’t even know what IT is entirely, but between some posts that i’ve read lately and some tweets that i’ve been keeping up with, i’m noticing a trend that i’m making an effort NOT to be a part of.

you see, there are conferences… and they’re great, from what i’m told. bloggers meet other bloggers… some are told by fans, “don’t be scared of me please, i don’t like stalk you or anything,” and the person behind the keyboard suddenly is in the flesh.

human.

and possibly unshowered and with hair guk in order to make themselves somewhat presentable.

i bought a ticket to an upcoming conference. one that i will not be attending.

no worries. i’m not far from nyc and plan to pop in and see some lovelies for dinner and drinks that weekend.

here’s the thing… i don’t understand social media. i don’t even fully understand the concept of blogging, PR, advertising on one’s blog, monetizing, SEO (i still do not know what that stands for). and i don’t care. i don’t blog for any of that stuff. stats. traffic. whatever.

i barely get by lately with getting a post up a week and perhaps a new bottle of the week every two or so weeks.

perhaps i’m stepping away from blogging for a bit. the online world is looking a bit caddy to me at this very moment. i’m seeing crap posts written by good writers, good people, good bloggers… to pitch something or sell something… gain something more than community and connections.

it’s getting weird. stupid shit is being said and it’s just getting weird. expectations are being placed way the fuck up in the air to a nearly unattainable level and i’m not seeing as much effort put forth when it comes to the connections and community that drew me to this medium in the first place.

some people have been doing this for years, blogging that is… and they’re FANTASTIC at it. these individuals truly change lives, make a difference, and are pleased with the work they do as writers who connect with others by sharing their words online. it’s incredible when i think about blogging like that. and apparently that’s what it once was, according to some veteran bloggers. but i’m not really liking where blogging is headed lately. and perhaps i just caught the blogging bug a little late.

kinda like how i always wanted to be a child of the 70’s and instead was one of the 80’s.

i’m no social media guru. i just write. this is my place to write and share and communicate. unshowered, but with deoderant on, hair goop… and today, eye makeup.

i made an effort… today.

i have all that i want.

do you?

Known as “the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so you can rest medicine,” Nyquil is going on week numero dos as being my personal bottle of the week.

I used to be a competitive swimmer… a pretty decent one actually. And my coach was one of those coaches who had a nickname for everyone. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t one of those lame ass coaches who tries to befriend you by giving you a stupid nickname like, “sporto” or “hoss” (if he had named me “hoss,” I would’ve junk punched him.)

Anyway, given that my name is Nicole, my swim coach named me Nyquil. That was my nickname for the many years that Mike coached me, yelled at me to kick harder, wrapped my fingers together with rubber bands in order for me to keep from spread-eagling the palms of my hands, which I instinctively did for some odd reason. (I know this makes absolutely no sense to non-swimmers, but basically keeping your fingers together and your hand as tight as possible allows you to flick up more water as you stroke, thus propelling you to swim faster.) Usually we had paddles to strap to our hands to accomplish this, but Mike liked to torture me with rubber bands wrapped around my fingers. He was that kind of coach… the kind who found your weakness, your quirks and helped you tweak them to make you a better athlete, to make you excel.

So, what does this rant have to do with Nyquil… absolutely nothing.

Except that Nyquil has been my bottle of the week and will continue to be until I am over this horrific bitch of a cold and can go back to excelling at being a mom… BWAHAHAHA!!!!

Obviously this stuff has already gone to my head.

Cheers! Nic

Comments or suggestions? Have your own “bottle of the week” to share? Shoot me an email: mybottlesup@gmail.com

like, of my eye… the left tear duct OF MY EYE.

not. even. joking.

according to my doctor, who diagnosed me yesterday with a “wicked sinus infection,” the reason our nose begins to run right after we start crying is due to our sinuses and our tear ducts all being within close proximity of each other. also, according to my doctor, since i can blow snot out of my left tear duct only, i must have a “loose duct,” whatever the hell that means. i didn’t really care. i just wanted my antibiotics and to blow my nose/eye.

my doctor also chuckled and suggested that i join the circus after i showed her how i can blow snot out of my eye, because “only a select few have such a talent.” i didn’t laugh.

a friend of mine on twitter made a reference to my cold as “the epic snot,” and she could not be more correct. i most definitely have snot of epic proportions. and yes, it is so disgusting.

jackson is sick too, which doesn’t make things any easier. being a sick parent at home with a sick child sucks big hairy donkey balls. like, BIG ONES. i feel so bad for jackson because the poor little guy can’t get comfortable, he’s getting his next set of molars, snot drips from his nose, and when he coughs so loudly, a part of my heart breaks off. it’s so sad to watch little ones be sick.

but then i’m sick on top of it… and in my opinion, sickies hit the parent worse than the child. i don’t know if this is because they have a built up killer immune system that has gone and died in a hole in adults by the time we reach are later 20’s, or what, but i feel like ass and then trying to keep up with my son makes me feel like the hole within the ass.

not. good.

both jackson and i have been to the doctor. he has a cold that i’ve been told will last him 2-3 weeks before he is entirely over it. THAT BLOWS. we have a humidifier running in his room. we traumatize him with saline drops in his nose. he has motrin for when his molars are bothering him. and we watch ice age 3 about 14 times a day so that he can be happy while watching the “BIG ELEDENTS” (elephants) his latest obsession.

you can be the one to tell jackson that they are mammoths and not elephants. i can’t crush his little magoo world any more than i already have.

paul has been so diligent and willing to help out in my exhausted state this week, taking time at lunch to come home and help occupy jackson so i can rest. he is currently enduring a tantrum (probably because jackson wants to watch “the eledents” and paul is sick of “the eledents” and holding his own) while i write this post in my comfy bed and cough up phlegm.

so there is snot on my keyboard, tissues on my nightstand, a z-pack on the sink in our bathroom, and groceries that desperately need to be purchased.

and now paul is getting sick. though he has taken airborne all week long, washed his hands constantly, and gone through multiple bottles of hand sanitizer, paul is coming down with this bitch of a cold.

so we’re taking shifts… errands… household duties… disinfecting… parenting… and still trying to take care of ourselves so that we can get well.

**********

how do you handle it when you’re sick and you have a sick toddler? how do you manage it all? do you manage it all? how much are you able to call upon your partner for help? and when on earth will i get rid of the epic snot?

it is all thanks to maggie, that i was able to do this…

***EDITED: 5:27 pm***
after spending the majority of today, watching this video repeatedly, dancing with my beautiful son and then seeing him recognize me in the video and exclaim “MOMMY!!!!!!” i asked for maggie’s permission to embed the actual video on my blog so that you readers don’t even have to click to go elsewhere to witness the awesome empowerment that takes place when people come together and SPEAK OUT!!!!

so i have this friend, emily… she’s so friggin cute that i want to just smooch her through my computer screen each time i see her pop up on my blog. her blog, last train to pooksville, is a daily read for me. i admire her photography. i think her baby, poppy, is more precious than words can convey. and i love how emily gushes about how IN LOVE she is with her husband, david. she’s rad and she graced me with this award last week.

yeah… a week ago. and i’m just getting around to it now because i haven’t really known what to do with it.

i don’t do well with awards. even if they are of the blogging kind. but alas, i will accept with much gratitude and pay it forward because there are awesome bloggers out there who i consider to be quite beautiful.

here are the rules that i must adhere to as a recipient of said award…

1. thank the person who nominated me for this award… check.
2. copy the award & place it on my blog… check.
3. link to the person who nominated me for this award… check.
4. share 7 interesting things about myself
5. nominate 7 other beautiful bloggers

**********

ah crap, 7 “interesting” things about myself…

* i have to make the bed. like, me. I HAVE to do it. no one else can. if my husband attempts, which he does when i have been out of town, i redo it. that may be the one thing that i am OCD about. not sure where it came from exactly… my dad makes the bed sometimes for my mom and she doesn’t redo it behind his back… i dunno. but I HAVE TO DO IT. (i really don’t think my husband minds.)

* i eat CONSTANTLY and all throughout the day. i am beyond being a snackaholic. i’m simply a foodaholic. if i don’t eat every 2 or so hours, i get uber cranky, fantasize about stabbing certain people and get really whiny. i love food. all of the foods. every food on the face of the planet. i will eat it all… especially nutella.

* crikey, this is only #3… uh… when i was in middle school, i had a poem published in my teacher’s anthology she was composing on student poetry. the poem i wrote was about my grandfather, who had passed away the day we moved to chicago (where i spent my middle school years), and on the day that this teacher told me that she chose my poem to publish, i promised myself that i would have my own book published by the time i was 30 years old. as it turns out, i will turn 29 in may and have slightly altered my original promise to be a published author with my book on the shelves by the time i am 35.

* i love tattoos. those of you who are familiar with my blog, my story, and the decision i have made to celebrate my once violated body know that i truly appreciate the art of tattooing and how incredible it is to permanently mark one’s body symbolically. and yes, it is addictive and i want more… constantly.

* my husband is sitting next to me now, telling me that i should make it known that i was a competitive dancer in middle school and my first year of high school. *head to desk* yup… there are pictures to prove it. none of course that i will post here, but yeah… i was a pom pom girl. the uniform was hot and i rocked it. plus, i got to wear the super cool cheerleader shoes that had the pop-out colored stars so you could represent your team colors appropriately. yeah, you’re jealous! those of you who know me now, if you didn’t know that tidbit about me already, i imagine you are laughing your ass off. enjoy.

* i know the words to nearly every single song that was recorded in the 1980’s. seriously, i do. while i may not take pride in the fact that i was once a competitive dancer, i will so own THIS FACT WITH PRIDE. my ultimate fave is heart… my go-to band… and of course “alone” being my favorite karaoke song that i will never EVER sing karaoke too out of fear of passing out on stage. aside from heart, madonna, prince, cindy lauper, billy ocean and of course, tiffany, i love me some elton john… “tiny dancer” is my all time favorite song, and i want it to be played at my funeral one day while people sway back and forth singing “hold me closer tiny daaaancer… count the headlights on the hiiiiiighwaaaay…”

* my “dream house” must include a library. i don’t care if there’s a white picket fence, a veranda or wrap-around porch of any sort (though that would be nice), it must have a library. as much as i adore writing, i love reading just as much, if not more. when i’m not sharing a book with a friend, trading books with friends, i am buying books that i don’t even have time to read simply because i know that ONE DAY i will get around to reading it. i have saved every book that i have read since high school and there are so many boxes in our attic that contain my books, anthologies, etc. that our moving crew HATED me by the time they got all of my boxes up to the 3rd story of our apartment. i like books. i want a library.

**********

so, now i get to pass this on to other beautiful bloggers… (insert evil laugh here.)

1. becky, of life out of focus constantly reminds me to focus on the beauty of my family. she is also one helluva hilarious friend to have on twitter. not a day goes by where i don’t find myself laughing out loud with this gorgeous woman.

2. firemom, of stop, drop and blog is a fantastic woman whose first name i do not even know, but she never ceases to make me laugh and offer excellent motherly advice when needed. she’s honest, true to not only her family, but to herself as a woman. definitely someone i admire.

3. kelly, of kelly without a net is a lovely mother to 3 children, her latest love only 6 weeks old. she is actually residing in annapolis, where i currently am, and though we converse nearly daily on twitter, we have yet to meet in person. she loves to knit and i LOVE that about her because i don’t have that kind of eye-hand coordination. make me mittens please?

4. mariah, of manic mariah, the original hot mama, married to tent camper of hotdads.com, this beautiful woman has numerous kids, numerous animals, and loves all unconditionally. she is one who i wish i corresponded with a little more regularly just incase the day should come where i find myself in their neck of the woods, because i know she would welcome me with open arms… and a dog to care for.

5. melissa, of pigtailpals is doing good things in this world and truly works to make a difference EVERY SINGLE DAY. she never ceases to amaze me with the size of her heart and how much love she puts into every project she takes on. this woman is a phenom.

6. holly, of artist, mother, teacher is a blogger, photographer, mother, teacher and artist in more ways than one who i am still just getting to know. but with every email or tweet that i receive from this incredibly strong woman, i find myself overwhelmed. she faces challenges with truth, acknowledges her pain, and is willing to make herself vulnerable… and she does it all with such grace.

7. jenn, of princess prose is my rock. i have “known” this fascinating woman for a while now, and i continue to glean wisdom from her. she is my stability in the blogosphere. and in the same way that heart’s “alone” is my go-to song… jenn is my go-to blogger. she is a true friend who knows me so well that i smile when she calls me out on my shit. now THAT is love.

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and……. i’m…….. spent. *phew* ok, enjoy your valentine’s wknd and don’t forget to wear a condom.