Musings From The Couch

RSD Hell Night

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 07:31:00 +0000

Tonight, every damn night lately, seems like a bad night. So much pain. Becoming overwhelmed and overloaded dealing with it so much. Ups and downs I can handle, but every night, the sun starts to sink below the horizon and the pain begins to rise.

Tonight RSD decided it wants to kill my insides. Feels like bolts of lightning and balls of fire are ping-ponging around the one part of my body it shouldn't be, my uterus. I can deal with pain anywhere else, but not there. First time in awhile it's been this intense, this bad there.

Scares me to death to feel it. I pray to every Goddess and God I know, call to the ones whose names I don't, asking them please, don't let it go there. I can't handle that, don't want this shit to be on the move again. It's been "stable" for quite a few years now and I hoped maybe it would just stay that way. Tonight could be a one off and I won't feel pain there like this for months to come, but right this minute, it's consuming me. Like the flames that greedily lick at dry leaves and trees in the forest.

I feel like there's nothing left of me to take, but that's not true. There's plenty...inside. The thought of internal always lurks in the back of my mind. How can it not in all of our minds knowing it can easily slide in there like a knife between the ribs. What an appropos comparison. I lay here typing this, legs pulled up tight, tears streaming down my cheeks wondering when it will end. I want to sleep, escape it all but can't because it hurts so bad.

I pray for exhaustion to take over, help me escape into my dreams where I never feel any pain. The one place I can run, jump,twirl till I'm dizzy without consequences. A dream that I'll never live again. Yes, it saddens me, but doesn't devastate me. Life with RSD is what it is. Doesn't mean I can't hate the hell out of it on the worst nights, like tonight. I just want it to stop.

A cold front is coming through as well and that is kicking things into high gear. I don't want peace of mind, that part of me fled long ago. I just want a few days of peace, a break from the pain. I've gone through so much and just can't take this on top of it all.

It Just Figures

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 09:32:00 +0000

Just when I want to ever get anything done or get a routine, something happens to screw me over. My internet and phone connection went bye-bye for almost a week. I won’t air my feelings about the reason and the who. It threw me off bad and I’ve been trying to get myself back into the groove of writing. I’m not making much head way, but it’s Sunday so I thought I’d start things off right by posting a quick post.

I’m experimenting with another blog poster that’s on my desktop. I kind of like this one. It has the emoticons and all kinds of nifty buttons to play with and jazz things up. Not that I know everything this blog poster can do yet since I just opened it up. It’s 4:30 am and I’m very tired. Barring catastrophies, I will be back later on and post my heart out.

Been Too Long

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 05:43:00 +0000

I’ve been away too long. I get caught up in writing and everything else ceases to exist. I try writing notes to myself, but forget where I wrote the note. I know there’s something I want to do and just end up forgetting! *sigh*

I have found a nifty thing which should remind me to keep writing….a blog editor! I don’t have to remember to write by going to my blogs, I just click the icon on my desktop to open the blog editor. This should keep me motivated since this takes away my last excuse for forgetting and not posting. How can I possibly forget when the program is staring me in the face sitting next to my internet icon. *grin*

I hardly know where to start. I guess I’ll begin with my grandson Tristan. He’ll be four months old next week on the 6th. I can’t believe how fast he’s growing! He’s going to be tall and skinny like his Uncle Kenny(my oldest son) and his mama, my oldest daughter Heather. He’s in the 50th percentile for weight and the 90th or 95th percentile for his height. The only bad thing is he has acid reflux. It’s so hard to hear him scream in pain. I’m really hoping he’ll outgrow it by about six months old like his mama did.

Speaking of…..Heather, Tristan and the baby daddy Jeff are living with us now. She finally had enough of living in a house where she was miserable due to extreme conflict with Jeff’s mom. It’s awesome having little man here and seeing him every day. Taking care of him is also a perk to having him here. The best perk of all….I can hand him off to his parents!

Ok, I’ll think about other stuff I need to write and catch everyone up on. Till tomorrow!

Technorati Tags: grandson

I Can't Believe This!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 04:07:00 +0000

I can't believe this! On an RSD board I'm a member of, I reposted something I wrote back in June because the original thread was gone. I come back tonight to find it deleted!! The reason, it says do not copy from websites. WTF????? I DID NOT copy that from any website, I wrote that myself on June 21! I sent a PM to the mod telling him so. That pisses me off. That as good as accusing me of stealing someone else's work. OMFG! That is more than upsetting to me because I would never in a million years steal anything. I'm a writer for pete sake. That is how I make my living and I'm constantly on the look out for people who have, do and will steal the articles I write that are posted online.

I'm so upset I'm shaking! I hate healthboards as it is because of what they did to me a few months ago. I blogged about it here. I now seem to have a permanent mark against me for the idiotic bullshit that twit caused me. Every time I post now it says, quite clearly for all to see, Infractions: 1/0. They won't allow us to "discuss" actions on the boards but I get publicly branded for doing nothing wrong?!? I've had it with their nitpicking shit. I'll see what he says first, but I'm seriously considering posting my true feelings about them in a big post. That'll get me banned, but at this point I don't care. Stupid SOB's accusing me of stealing someone else's work.

*takes a deep breath* That felt good. Now I need to hop over to my writing blog to post updates and my goals for August.

OY! OI!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 00:43:00 +0000

I spell it oy usually but seen it spelled oi too so I covered them both. *giggles* I'm feeling a bit, punchy I guess. Lack of sleep does the body good!

I'd like to announce the addition of a great site, Hi Eyeglasses! The site Hi Sunglasses link I added awhile back now brings you eyeglasses as well. The products are fantastic and the prices are, IMO, really good. I'm a life long glasses wearer so I know what it's all about. There are designer prescription eyeglasses on sale all year. There are eyeglasses frames and reading glasses by Chanel, Emozioni, and Oakley. Tired of shipping fees? Free shipping is available! Hi Eyeglasses is your one stop eyeglasses store. Everything you need at great prices.*

Those fur babies of mine are keeping me amused when I take a break from writing. I want to strangle Miss Shanni for jumping the fence everyday though. I'm getting so dang tired of yelling at her. She KNOWS what she is doing is wrong, but she keeps doing it anyway! ARGH!! I might start pulling my hair out but there's one problem. My hair is falling out rapidly and I'm rapidly moving toward bald now. Miss Thang will be staying in the house till she can behave. I don't care how much she cries, whines and begs, "No outside for you!"

Ok, sorry for the shortness of this entry, but it was only a short break from making moola. *grins* Now I gotta hop on it to meet my $$ goal for the week.

I'm Officially A Blog Slacker

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 02:12:00 +0000

I suppose you can crown me with the "Official Blog Slacker" award now. Sometimes real life and the pursuit of money is more important, hence the reason for lack of activity on this 'ol blog of mine. I can't say I'm sorry because I've been busting my behind at my new writing job and have a nice paycheck coming to me on Friday and an even nicer one next week. *grins* Writing for two sites to make money once a week and then again during the week takes time. I hope you understand and don't hate me.

In other news, Tristan went to the doctor last Friday for another check-up because at his appointment with said doc on the 10th, they noticed he had a bit of jaundice. I noticed it when he was here and 2 days old. He's shucked the yellow now and weighs 8 lbs 13 oz. Dang...he's growing fast now. 1 week and 4 days old he gained almost a pound! He is now 2 weeks and 2 days old, for another couple of hours anyway.

The fur babies are frustrating me, causing me to pull out what little hair hasn't fallen out, and making me roll on the floor laughing. Having them in my life is a joy and sometimes as frustrating as having two toddlers. I've already done toddlerhood 3 times over. Evidently I'm a glutton for punishment though and felt the need to inflict upon my person toddlerhood for years and years with not one, but two cats! Yeah, I'm all about the punishment. heh Connor has begun to whine at me if the door is closed. Who woulda thunk a cat could whine? Not me. He does it, and does it very well. I wish I could capture it for you. Maybe tomorrow I'll figure out how to work the video on my digital camera and post it to share His Whininess with you. Just cause I'm also all about sharing too.

Well, I need to scoot off to my writing blog which is also been sadly neglected. I have some kick butt pv updates and comparing of goals to do.

No Need To Yell!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 03:58:00 +0000

I know I've been bad, not writing here and all or there, the writing blog thing. I'm sure you can forgive me once I tell you I had a damn good reason! I was writing. Yes, actually, honest to Goddess writing and making some $$$$. You'll have to take a peek at my writing blog to hear my big announcement because it is writing related.

Anywho! My sweet Tristan and his mommy were released from ~~prison~~ the hospital on Wednesday about 5 pm. Her friend who picked her up brought her straight here. I got to hold my little man for almost four hours. *big grin* I didn't lay him down except to change his diaper once, and right before they left in order to snap a couple more pics. I'm plotting ways to get him back here to myself for a few days. My Big Brain came up with this awesome idea. Suggest how much she needs sleep and be able to chill for two days...or three...or four. I'm thinking of her well-being you know.

She's sore from her tummy being all stretched out with Tristan and a bit of discomfort from the stitches when the doc gave her an episiotomy. I'm thankful beyond belief she didn't get hemorrhoids from pushing like I did with her. I couldn't sit normally or walk for about a week and a half. She had a normal labor time, about 10 hours or so I think it was and pushed about 45 minutes. She was in so much pain. She's broken her tailbone a couple of times so what I feared would happen actually did. During the contractions, her back her real bad and pushing was a real bad ordeal. She had an epidural and was able to get some sleep finally. The worst pain was at the end when they cut the epidural meds so she could feel the contractions to push.

Oh, before I forget....I have his head and chest measurements now. Here's all his stats together. Tristan, born July 6, 2009 at 6:13 pm, Weight 8 lbs, Length 20 3/4 inches, Head 14 inches, Chest 13 inches. His head size is the same as his momma's and Aunt Serena's. His chest is the same as his Aunt Serena.

I'm gonna mosey off now. I have another article to write tonight before I go to bed.

I Am A Grandma

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:26:00 +0000

Tristan Lee Wayne was born July 6, 2009 at 6:13pm. He weighed a whopping 8 pounds and is 20 3/4 inches long. Mom and baby are both doing well and she's finally able to get some much needed sleep. He was born exactly on his due date just like his mother.

At her last doctor's appointment they did one last ultrasound and estimated his weight at 6 lbs 10 oz. Man were they off the mark! I think they meant 7 lbs 10 oz! He couldn't have gain over a pound in four days. I've had four kids so I'm very well acquainted with how babies gain weight and grow near the end.

Now, I'll have to begin another blog devoted solely to my first grandson to document his growing, all the firsts and just brag about him. He's such a gorgeous baby!

She said he didn't even whimper when they poked him to take blood for the newborn tests they routinely run. Tristan did perk up and yell when they gave him a bath and got him all clean. I hope it's not a sign he'll be a water hater.

Sorry about not posting these last few days. I've been busy writing and have a lot going on. It makes it hard to think when you're always nervous, upset and generally pissed off. I'm trying to build my article base as fast as I can and also branch out to other sites. Thanks for not yelling at me for the lack of posts.

Quick Post

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 05:12:00 +0000

Doing a quick post tonight. I am still working and need to finish up some stuff before I get too tired to think straight.

Hop on over to my Writing Blog to get the latest news on what happened yesterday, it's awesome! I had two new articles published today, Hair and Nail Growth with CRPS and Abnormal and Cradle Cap in Newborns.

All is as good as it can be here. Still wrestling with a lot of emotions, not very good ones either. It seems to get stronger everyday and I wonder if there will come a day I break.

Gotta get going, sorry it's so short. I'll make up for it tomorrow.

My Son's Birth Story

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 04:12:00 +0000

The day is finally here! I get to tell you the story of my firstborn's birth.

When I got pregnant, I was 18 and a senior in high school, kind of. There was lots of stuff going on but that's another story. How I found out I was pregnant is rather amusing.

I got my first period at 14 and from day one had been regular as clockwork. When I didn't get my period in November, I hardly dared to breathe. I was 18, but only in years. I had become a "grownup" a long time before.

I was only a few days late, so decided to wait until I was two weeks late. The 14th day arrived. I ran to the store to get a pregnancy test, then ran back home to do what many other women before me had done. Pee on a small, short stick and not all over my hand. I thought two weeks of waiting was long, but this was sheer torture. It said negative. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted it to be positive until I saw that result. I slid to the floor and cried.

I went through a whole bunch of pregnancy tests over the next month and half or so. Each one saying negative. I was so confused. I ate pickles and was solely responsible for supporting the pickle industry for three months. I couldn't smoke nor could I stand even a small whiff without getting extremely nauseous. I went to a place where they give pregnancy tests for free. I waited forever and just as I was about to grab the woman, slam her against the wall and demand an answer, she came in and told me, "You're pregnant!" I was about 3 months along.

Over the next few months I gained maybe 10 pounds, had to stand sideways and plaster my shirt to show, "Yes I really am pregnant. I'm x far along." One night we were at a friend's house and I felt something very odd. I'm sitting on the floor and it felt like I was peeing! Over the next hour or so I was in and out of the bathroom as I sprung a leak from who knows where but at least I figured out I wasn't peeing. One change of clothes and some gushing later, the friend sent me to the other friend 2 doors down. I explained what was going on to the nurse friend. She says, "Go straight to the hospital, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, do not stop for small furry animals, you're not peeing your water broke."

I languished in the hospital for the next week getting stabbed multiple times in both thighs multiple times a day to help my little baby's(sex unknown)lungs get strong. Exactly one week later on Wednesday, June 29, 1988, exactly 1 hour after eating my lunch,at exactly 12 noon, I went into labor. I whined a lot, told mommy to make the doctor get this thing out of me, told mommy I changed my mind and didn't want to do this anymore and said lots of other equally pathetic stuff while under the influence of the Best Drug In The World.(my baby daddy wasn't there)

At 5:49 pm my first offspring shot out of me with very little pushing. I heard the doc say, "It's a boy!" Then, "You have an infection." A nurse runs off with a tiny mewling baby yelling, "two, three!" Then I fell sound asleep since no one needed me to do anything. I didn't see my son for the first time until 11:30 pm. I cried when I did and was afraid to touch him. He was in the NICU on a bed under a funky looking light with wires everywhere and a needle going into the top of his bald head.

I laid my finger in his hand and his fingers slammed like a trap with the Tightest Grip Ever. I knew he'd be ok. The "two, three" was the nurse yelling how much she thought he weighed. Every one of the nurses dropped on the floor when he weighed in at 4 lbs, 12 oz. He was 6 weeks premature. He was moved into an incubator the next day, had no breathing problems at all, had not picked up my infection on the way down the chute and was a healthy little dude. I held him for the first time on Day 2, rocked and cried as I held him.

I had to leave the hospital without him because he wasn't eating as much or as vigorously as they wanted. I was at the hospital all the time holding him and feeding him. At day 5 they said he could come home, and then told me no because his umbilical stump was infected. Two days later it was all better and had fallen off. I brought my brand new baby boy, Kenneth Lee home in the early afternoon exactly a week after he was born. I was finally whole and could breathe again. Best of all, life could begin.

Happy 21st B-Day to the Best Son Ever! I hope you can manage to squeeze in a celebration today and not work too hard. I am proud of you, I love you and wish along with you that you were home right now with your wife, surrounded by friends having a kick ass party to celebrate being "legal." *grin*

Memory Lane, Serena Part Two

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 02:18:00 +0000

I grasp the windowsill and force myself to look down to the ground below. Even that small action seemed to take forever when it was only seconds since I had walked into the room. I look down and more minutes go by as my brain comprehends what it sees. My baby laying face down on the ground. 3 floors down on the ground in the dirt. 3 floors down face down on the ground in the dirt not moving.

I sucked in the breath I didn't know I had been holding and began screaming, "My baby, my baby, OMG my baby!" as I threw open the door and flew down the stairs. I am lucky I didn't fall and break my neck. It was a blur in time to me. There was only one thought in my head, it was please don't let my baby be dead, no no no no no no, oh god no!

I didn't realize how loud I was screaming, but everyone came running. When I burst into the courtyard I see her sitting up, wobbling a bit like a weeble wobble. Weird thought to have at the time, they weeble and they wobble but they don't fall down. I fell to my knees beside her wondering how badly she's broken. There are so many people now yelling at other people to get stuff, call 911, people talking to me at once. A thousand voices that sounded like the buzzing of bees.

I haven't not shed a tear yet. I remain calm and in control as my dad taught me to. I grasp the back of her neck and with someone elses help, layed her flat on the ground all without moving her neck. The only part of her that unbent were her knees. A blink later and there are the paramedics. My sweet serene child had not shed a tear but took one look at them and began to scream her bloody head off! She does not like strangers at all. I raised my voice telling her to calm down, she's ok, they won't hurt her. One of the paramedic guys looks at me and says, "Calm down, don't get upset, it'll only make her more upset." I look at him through dry eyes and inform him I am not upset, I'm trying to tone down her screaming before we all go deaf.

We literally lived across the street from the hospital so it took about a minute to get to the ER doors. My son had somehow appeared at my side as I climbed into the ambulance. Rushed into the back, her screams ringing in our ears. The hustle and bustle of ER personnel as they begin to assess the damage done to my girl.

I finally get her to calm down and stop screaming. *phew* I may never hear again but that's ok, screaming was good. It was a sound at that moment in time I cherished. Really broken kids don't scream like that. It meant she had to be ok, didn't it? Then came time for the x-rays. Hear we go again! Despite my assurances it won't hurt, no one is going to torture here, the screaming begins again. I am partly amused, mostly deaf.

That done, we can only wait for them to take a hard look at the x-rays to see how many broken bones she has. It seemed like forever to me. Then the doc walks in with this funny look on his face. I felt a sense of dread and thought, "OMG, it's worse than bad and how long will it take her to mend? Will she be rushed into emergency surgery?" The doc opens his mouth to speak and said, "She's going to be fine. There nothing wrong except for the dirt on her skin and a couple of scrapes."

I know my mouth was hanging open as my brain processed the info. There was nothing wrong? Not one broken, shattered, crushed or pulverized bone in her body? The look on his face had been one of shock! I was there with him and the whole freaking ER!

We did end up back in the ER at 10 pm that night. I realized they only took x-rays from her waist up, they never x-rayed her legs! Her right ankle swelled up like a balloon and I said, "Her ankle is broken!" I was right. Another set of x-rays later, she had broken the growth bone in her right ankle. Six weeks in a cast from mid thigh to toes and she was healed. I'm thankful it hasn't given her any trouble since then.

Memory Lane, Serena Part One

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 04:42:00 +0000

Last night I promised some memories of my kids. There are so many to choose from. What shall I tell first. Serena, my "baby" girl. I'll begin with what happened a few days after she turned three. This will be the only for tonight because it is quite a tale.

When she was three years old we lived in a 3 story apartment building. Of course we lived on the third floor. At the time we had Brent living with us too. They were in the bedroom playing with some toys and arguing, as all brothers and sisters do. I was in the livingroom doing some writing. I heard a fight break out and went to referee before someone got hurt. Dispute over the toy resolved I went back to the livingroom.

About one minute later I heard a noise I couldn't place and then a god awful racket. I knew immediately what that sound was. The fan had been knocked off the dresser. It was one of those oscillating fans and if it can't swivel it starts clacking. So, I go toward the bedroom and there is Brent standing just outside the door with the weirdest look on his face. I remember thinking, "Why does he look like that?" I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach suddenly though my mind wasn't registering that something was very wrong.

I step past him into the doorway and scanned the room. It was like time almost stopped, everything was in slow motion. I knew there was something missing and also there was something wrong with the window. In slow motion I cross the room still trying to figure out what was missing. It seemed like minutes before I got to the window. I lifted my left arm toward the window and extended it. My hand and part of my arm was outside now. How could that be? Where is the screen?

I am stopping here because it's too long to post it in one post. Come back tomorrow for the rest and no I don't enjoy torturing you.

Memories

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 01:57:00 +0000

Before I begin tonight's posting, I'd like to call attention to a new link I added to my Fav websites over there -----> on the side and down a little. *grin* It is HiSunglasses.com. There are some awesome looking shades there and if you get a minute, go check it out! It's worth the time, I promise.

Ok, on the the subject, memories. I guess every parent goes through it. You get older, your kids get older, grandbabies come. My first one, Tristan, is coming any day now. I find myself each year remembering when they were born, memories through the years, the things they did and said, the happy and omfg scary times. So, as I like to remember the memories, I wanted to share some with you.

I won't share birth stories because you'll have to wait for those. The order will be Monday, for my oldest son, Nov for oldest daughter, Feb for youngest daughter and April for youngest son. The last two will be flipped cause he was born in 91 and she in 94.

Ok, so they were awesomely cute kids! Don't believe me, take a look. This is my oldest son Kenny about a year old. Ain't he awesomely cute? *big, proud mama grin* I knew he was going to grow up and break some hearts, but I didn't know he'd become the spitting image of me!

So, here's my son all grown up, and yep, handsome as sin! He also married the love of his life Vanessa last year. I hope to meet her one day. I miss him being in Iraq but she misses him tons more than me! I think of them both everyday. I wish them many happy years, lots of anniversaries and a couple of grandkids for me. *grin*

Now to oldest daughter Heather and son Brent. Here they are, she's 4 yrs old and he was turning 3 yrs old a month later. The smiles are because they just got a new baby sister the week before. How cute are they?

Then, they went and grew up on me. I'm short, 5'2" and every one of them are taller than me. I still find myself a little disconcerted to have my children looming above me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. There she is just a week ago still carrying Tristan around.

Brent grew up to be bigger than I thought he'd be. He was such a skinny little kid. Then he hit about 16 and dang! He freaking shot up there! Not the best pic of me, but then, none are at this point. *giggles*

My "baby" girl Serena who is a gorgeous young woman. She will be a freshman in high school come August. *sigh* Just her and her brother in school now, he'll graduate next year. She was such a fat, happy baby. She's 6 months old here. We were at the causeway for some fun and water fun that day.

Now, oh my "baby" is not a baby anymore! She looks like me, like her sister, takes after me with that red hair, attitude. They both have.....all of them have LOTS of attitude!

Well, I shared memories of then and now, but wasn't that fun? I'll do actual memories tomorrow, and maybe a pic or two while I'm at it.

Cause I'm Twisted Like That

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 03:32:00 +0000

Cause I'm twisted like that, I have to direct you to a post on a blog I read regularly. She is f'ing hilarious!! This one is wayyyy good too. So, go read the Tale of Blue Thunder...I'll wait, go on.

Did you not just die laughing?! I thought so. I love when she writes those posts. I don't think I'd have enough guts to actually dye my naughty bits! Holy cow! Cutting, trimming, whatever is one thing, but to dye it another color? Ummm, not me! *shakes head vigorously*

Ok, so now on with the show. I posted an article tonight before I could change my mind. I like to do something amusing and this fit the bill. Jump on over and read Connor's Rules for Cats Who Own People. If you don't read it I'll cry. I mean, I really will. You don't wanna make me cry, cause my eyes will get all swollen and red, my nose will turn red like someone who drinks a wee bit too much and there'll be snot everywhere. You don't want to be responsible for that scene do you? Good, I thought not. I know this isn't my "writing" blog but I have the right to pimp myself all I want to.

There were no lizard hijinks today. Mainly because it rained most of the afternoon keeping the fur babies inside. Patience did find the missing tail of the lizard Connor caught. It was laying on the floor by the sliding glass door. (I'm sorry about that, sometimes a rhyme is unavoidable.) She bent over and said, "What this?" When she picked it up by the very end with her fingernails we both said, "Ewwww", then "So that's where that missing tail was." *giggles* Good thing their tails grow back.

I used up all of my wit and brain power writing today so you are doomed to be disappointed in the meager fare I offer you tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Now, if only I can remember to get over here in the afternoon!

A Cat Tail

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:16:00 +0000

The day went by too fast! I feel like every time I blink another hour or two has gone by. I hate when it does that. Here it is a bit after 1 am already and I'll be going to bed soon. Despite the swiftness of the day I got a lot accomplished.

I wrote up a funny post about CRPS and posted on one of the CRPS boards. A friend of mine there had mentioned a pamphlet on you have CRPS now what? So, to give you a good laugh too, I'm posting it here for everyone to read.

Congratulations! You have RSD/CRPS, Here's What To Expect

Congratulations on joining the RSD/CRPS community! Due to lack of education you are now one of the millions suffering in silence with a progressive, chronic pain disorder. Don't give up hope though, there is a whole new world opening up for you.

Everyone experiences the world of RSD/CRPS differently. You may or may not have any of the following. If you do have any of the symptoms, do not freak out and do not go to the doctor. They don't know anything anyway. Go online and come to the closest RSD/CRPS forum where Karen is now Mayor.

Symptoms you can expect with RSD/CRPS:

Pain: This is common. Pain is best buds with RSD/CRPS. Try to ignore them as they have fun plucking at your nerve endings. Ignoring it will make them go away.

Burning: This is another common symptom of RSD/CRPS. The little pyromaniacs running around inside are what cause the bonfires you feel. They are harder to stop, but drenching them in water puts a damper on their day.

Jerking of Limbs: This happens for some people. If you are minding your own business and an arm or leg begins jerking and flopping like a fish out of water, go with it. Ever wanted to smack or kick your significant other? This is your chance to do so! After all, you can't control all that flailing can you?

Muscle spasms: These can be quite painful and cause your body to contort into shapes not meant for our bodies to be in. Think of the career you could have in a traveling circus! If leg cramps cause you to sit bolt upright in bed in the middle of the night screaming in pain, take a moment to laugh hysterically as your partner hits the ceiling in fright. Everyone needs a good scare now and then, except us of course.

Electrical Jolts/Stabbing: This is the most beloved aspect of RSD/CRPS. Being electrocuted because of the slightest noise feels so good. If the slighest sound causes you to clap your hands over your ears, curl into a ball and blubber like a baby, it's fine. Those comfy white jackets that are all the rage can be yours too!

Hot Flashes/Sweating: The most annoying part of RSD/CRPS. Sitting on the North pole naked isn't enough to cool you down. In order to try to be comfortable, turn the house into an igloo. If your spouse dares utter a word about how cold it is, snarl at him from the extra-deep freezer you are lying in and slam the lid. He won't say anything to you again.

Other things you can expect from RSD/CRPS. All the hair on your legs and arms might fall out. Not that it's a bad thing, you won't have to shave again! All the hair on your head may also fall out but think of the trend we'll be starting.

Your skin...that which protects us turns on us too. You may begin to notice a slight drying of the skin at first. A good lotion seems to work and you're happy. Day by day you notice your skin flakes off. Lotions stop working and soon you're molting like a snake shedding its skin. Awww, who needs that skin anyway!

These joys and more can be yours as a part of this special disorder. Hurry and sign up at your local ER or doctor's office now!

Sincerely,

All of us miserable SOB's

Carried Away

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 02:38:00 +0000

I was given a not so subtle reminder today of my neglect of this blog. One of my best friends, G, has had her day thrown off track and she is suffering for it. I've been carried away writing articles. I am beginning to get a schedule for myself, a writing schedule that is, and will be switching my blogging time to earlier in the day. I don't want to be responsible for G's head exploding or anything. *waves at G and smiles* *waves at T and smiles, just in case she's reading*

It has been so hot and muggy here the past few days! Stepping outside and trying to breathe is hard. It's actually worse than trying to breathe pea soup, it's a bit like suffocating trying to draw enough air in. UGH! Highs have ranged from the low to high 90's. Today four record highs were broken. Three cities had a high of 100 or 101. That is without the heat index from humidity added in. With it added in, the temp was a balmy feels like 112 to 115 degrees! Holy cow.

You know it's too hot when my fur babies, lovers of things outdoorsy, will not go out at all. A first for sure and I can bet not a last either. I have never seen temps this high in June before. Yea global warming! *snort*

My sweet daughter Patience has now officially moved into the "OMG I am freaking bored!" stage. There's only so much drawing, reading, tv and video games one can indulge in before it begins to be repetitive. School hasn't been out for a month yet. It is going to be a verrrrry long summer.

On the baby front, we are still waiting. Tristan is about done cooking and will be making his appearance any day now. I talked to Flower two days ago and she has dropped. *big silly grin* Just like her momma, baby drops then says hello to the great big world within a week. I hope so anyway. *giggles* I still feel, quite strongly, she won't make it past the end of the month. If she makes it any further than next Sunday I'll be surprised.

Next Monday my oldest son is turning the big 2-1! Where has time gone? I miss him and wish he weren't "over there." I need to write him again and fill him in on the goings on around here. *sigh* Watch next Monday for the birth story of my firstborn. He had a bit of a rough start but grew into a fine, healthy young man who I am so proud of.

Holy Carp!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 02:39:00 +0000

Do my eyes deceive me? Has it really been *gasp* 4 days since my last entry?!? Holy carp batman! I am sooooooooooo sorry peeps. I did not forget, I swear, I've been busy hyperventilating, hating hubby, hating life, cursing my broken body and wishing this life were over.

Wow, look at that, I just updated you in one long sentence! I swear, that is the last exclamation point I will poke you in the eye with tonight, or morning if you're reading this tomorrow. Oh, I forgot about work, I have been working too. *slight grin*

You can tell from the tone tonight I sound happier, I'm not. I am trying to write, make money and distract myself. I am trying really hard to not stress myself out because my pain has been way too high. The p word turning into the big P word does NOT get articles written. If I don't write, I don't make money. I'm trying so hard and that in itself is just hard. *le sigh*

My first grandson should be born anytime now. I still feel like she'll be having him by the end of next weekend. My oldest son's birthday is on the 29th, he'll be 21. From the moment I found out I was going to be a grandma, the feeling he would be born before my son's birthday hasn't left. The time is so close and the feeling is even stronger now. I think she'll be in labor and give in about 5 1/2 hours and he'll weigh about 7 lbs but not more than 7 lbs 3 oz. No, I won't predict time because I have no feeling about that at all. My oldest son was born in the late afternoon, the next 3 were born with numbers and AM after the numbers. Nothing like delivering in the wee hours of the morning to disorient a person.

Summer is in full swing now. My "baby" girl is beginning to get bored. She has been out of school 2 weeks tomorrow and she's going all Young and Restless on me. It will only get worse from here. Just an FYI, I've never watched that particular soap opera in my life. School can't begin soon enough for all of us.

Hmmmm, what now? *drums fingers on table* I have run out of things to say. Oh holy crap. I need to go write an article and stimulate myself. *slams on the brakes* Uhhh, I swear I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Get your mind out of the gutter people. Geez

Yes, I know....

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 01:55:00 +0000

You were thinking, there she goes again, Karen is MIA! Nope, I'm here just having brain difficulties a bit more than usual. I lost my writing mojo for a few days but it's coming back. I have turned in 3 articles recently that are awaiting offers. I'm hoping to get another one done tonight. I started it, now I just have to finish it.

Speaking of writing, I started another blog. It's my writing blog, about well...writing! That is where I'm going to put my struggles, ups, downs, etc, progress and stats of my AC articles. I'll also include other things when I branch out and write for other sites too. The blog is Karen's Writing Blog. I'll include the link over there under my favorite websites as well. Done, link is now on the list.

I tried starting my writing blog at WordPress but man that site is complicated with a capital C!! I deleted it and came over here. Blogger is a site I'm comfortable with, I know how to upload new themes and play with widgets, all the good stuff.

Anywho...it's not raining every single day. We've had a couple of storms but thankfully it's remained mostly sunny once again. We have different names for Florida. Officially, it's the Sunshine State and most of the time it lives up to that name. When rainy season hits we should be named The Storm State, The Stormy State, The Rainy State, take your pick. During August and September, it should be The Hurricane State, or The Plywood State. I'm partial to the second name myself. I'm grateful we've had no hurricanes since '04 and Oct of '05. They make my pain go way up.

Shanni continues to escape the courtyard and run free. She's usually chasing lizards when she breaks out. Every time she goes, no matter the reason, she is punished. There are plenty of lizards in the courtyard for her to grab and mutilate, she doesn't need to go anywhere. Why can't she learn from Connor who is a good fur baby? *sigh* I still love her anyway, even though she drives me crazy most of the time.

The day gets closer to seeing my grandson. Her "official" due date is July 6th but as with all pregnancies, it could be any day now. I worry how she'll handle having a real live baby. This certainly won't be a doll she can just dress up and tote around saying "Look at me, I got my own baby now!" That's been her attitude for the most part since she found out she was pregnant.

Her latest thing is, "I wanna get a puppy for Tristan." *rolls eyes, sighs heavily and tries not to rip hair out* Grrrrrr. I let fly on her for that one. She has no money, no job, the daddy works here and there. I asked her, "How the hell are you doing to afford a puppy? They are very expensive. There are vet bills and heartworm meds that need to be given every month." I said a lot more than that but you get the gist. Yeah, a newborn and a puppy is a good idea when you have no money and you don't even have your own place to live. I swear she has no brains sometimes. I'm worried how the hell she'll afford to keep Tristan in diapers, never mind all the other stuff of daily living!

That's the updates for now. I'm going to go and get some work done.

Hello Good People!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 02:12:00 +0000

I didn't forget you! Last night I was on the phone with a friend till late, and have been writing too. I managed to write two more articles but haven't been able to finish them. I'm frustrated because the words won't come.

Ok, let's just move right along. Shanni and Connor were very awesome today. Shanni stayed in the courtyard and didn't jump the fence. I love it when she stays put. I've been in no shape or mood to jump up and down every 2 minutes to check on her. Connor is always good and mostly lays about on the ground. He'll move if he sees a bug or a lizard.

Sorry so short tonight. I'm pissed off and just can't write.

My Articles

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:28:00 +0000

I have achieved publication! *big grin* Sometimes I hate the wait. At long last, the awareness articles you've been waiting anxiously for!

Myasthenia Gravis Awareness, Aphasia Awareness, David Carradine-Suicide or Murder? you decide. Here are two new CRPS articles. This one is the Effects on Bone and Muscle, read what it does or can do to some. Last one, I swear! This is on the 4 most common diagnostic tests those of us with CRPS have done, Diagnostic Tests. They're really for everyone in a way because people get these tests done every day.

Now I have thoroughly flaunted the Shameless Hussy side of me, we shall move on to other topics which may or may not thrill you. I never make promises.

I am going to dive into the wide world of Squidoo! I realized tonight I have many bits of knowledge to put out there. Not only in my articles, or my blog, but in lenses. There is so much you can do with them. I love the ability to add pictures and a bazillion other things to engage the reader. I am a creativity Goddess, so it makes sense to expand my world. It's also a great way to showcase my ~~Shameless Hussy~~, the articles I write to further educate the masses on CRPS, home remedies and the other topics I am going to write. I have two home remedy articles in the queue which I hope will be out in a few days. Nothing gets done on the weekend, so we'll see what happens on Monday and after.

I've been totally lazy today and have not written an article yet. I will write two before I got to sleep. No, I won't turn them in. When I say write, that's what I mean. I will write them and the editing, touch-up part and general fiddling comes tomorrow so I don't end up making HUGE mistakes. It also helps me not to end up having my article suck so bad I create a vacuum in time and space. It makes it hard to breathe when that happens. Death usually follows. *grins* Aren't I cheery? Yeah, that's me, Miss Cheerful scattering Rainbows and Blossoms wherever I go. *the image of it makes me shrink away in horror*

Oh, I was busy wrapping the Cloak of Misery around me last night and forgot to tell you a tale. The tale of a woman who is proud of her work. She has doubts and fears but is conquering them one at a time. She feels useful for the first time in many years. She is making money writing and she has always loved to write.

This woman waited until she had some articles published, building a small, modest library which she would unveil to her father with all the flourish of a magician revealing the disappearing lady. With butterflies beating at her insides, she produced the link to her writings. She felt as nervous as a kindergartner on the first day of school. What would he think? Would he like them? Would he give her lukewarm praise just to humor her? The most important question to her was, would he finally gain some understanding about her disorder?

She waited anxiously for a letter from her father. She expected a pat on the head and braced herself for some rather patronizing words. She waited, and waited, and waited some more. The woman had made a fatal mistake. She forgot in her excitement to protect her heart and her feelings. She waits in vain it seems for even one word from him. Silly of her to have gotten her hopes up. Hasn't she learned by now he doesn't care? Maybe from this day forward she will remember this lesson. Stop hoping for something that does not exist outside of fairy tales. Too many days have gone by. Anything offered to her now will be hollow, without meaning, and nothing but an afterthought. It is not as if she asked him to read one hundred different pieces.

The moral of the story? No matter how many times you want something to be different, it never will be. You think you can't be hurt by someone, only to find out the knife still has the ability to slice you to the bone.

Nothing Like Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 03:08:00 +0000

Nothing like a bit of inspiration to get my butt in gear. I don't want to go into the details of it here. I'm still 1) really, extremely pissed and 2) images of a gory and prolonged death of someone close to me are rolling through my brain. It's not fit reading for the www. T, if you want to hear more, call me at night. G, if you do, call me during the day, around noon tomorrow, Sunday, or Tuesday when that someone is not home and can't hear the words I will speak. *evil grin*

Anyway, this inspiration which is holding a very big gun to my spine, demands I write as much as I can, as fast as I can. It won't take no for an answer and wants cash money, lots of it, like yesterday. It has me begging and shamelessly prostituting myself all over the web for people to read my ~~wonderful~~, ~~brilliant~~, average articles. Needing my huge circle of friends to click on each page of every article I have thus far written. Ok, so all 2 of my friends to do it everyday.

This is when I have the dream I'm a successful writer and have a few hundred dollars of residual income flowing in from different sites. In this dream I get a couple hundred dollars per article too. I dream big by seeing my wildly inspirational book rocket to the #1 spot on the NY Times Bestseller list and remain there for months. This nets me thousands, no millions of dollars of successful book income.

Since it is only a dream, I remain poor and have to wonder how much longer we'll have a roof over our head. Things will get worse than that what with having no car, a certain someone with no license. That leads to how the holy hell will we move a house full of STUFF and where the hell would we put it? Ya know, back to the pesky, no home, no money issue.

I'm afraid I'm going to fail. I'm afraid I can't make the money I need by writing for ten billion sites which pays next to nothing for my brilliance. I'm just upset, more afraid than I've ever been in my life, and having many other similar thoughts beating at my mind every second. It keeps me awake. It ruins my concentration. It makes me question a lot of things. The not sleeping so well thing is causing my pain to be worse than normal, along with a healthy, well a more than is healthy dose, of frustration and anger thrown in. With the higher pain level, the non-existent concentration zooms off to another galaxy to laugh at me with wicked glee. My ability to form coherent thoughts makes me drool. Everything good in me has gone on an extended vacation with no return date in site.

I needed to get some of this out. I hope I have not dragged you down to as low as I feel right now. I think I also just needed to throw a pity party for myself before trying to churn out subjects which are not what I want to be writing about. What I want to write about is not as profitable as the things I don't want to write. I think it's not...although judgment is reserved until I see what the numbers behind the dollar sign say. *free hugs to everyone who made it to the end of my babbling and depressing verbiage*

Writing and Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 02:49:00 +0000

Writing is going very well. I'm steadily adding to my big book of writing topics everyday. At this rate I will never run out of things to write about. Yea me! I have never thought I'd run out of topics anyway. There is too many things to address out there in the world. Toss in personal experiences and there's even more. I had two articles offered for today and should be published tomorrow. Stay tuned for the announcement. The surprising part is the effects on bone and muscle article is the one I turned in two days ago! In just over two months I've never had an article accepted that quickly. I'm silently counting my blessings because I know that will never happen again. *chuckles* Another writer on the site also had hers accepted within a couple of days.

Ok, let's move on to the pictures part. I came across some pictures I took a few weeks ago when I first began to play around with the camera. For your enjoyment, I am sharing them with you tonight. *grin* I played a bit pointing my camera through this vine bush in our courtyard. I love purple and every afternoon these flowers bloom on it.

Of course the day would not be complete without a picture or two of my fur babies. They are so cute and irresistible. How could you ever resist that 15 lb ball of furry cuteness? He is a BIG boy that's for sure. We're unsure if he's done growing yet or not. He's mostly Maine Coon and they don't finish growing until between the ages of 3 to 5 years old! He just turned a year old last month and in a little over half an hour he will be 1 year and 1 month old. We'll see if he grows some more or not.

Shanni girl, my boo, the Queen of the household. She's gotten a bit bitchy in her old age. *snorts* She's only 3 years old which is 29 years, 8 months old in human years. She's far from old in either realm but she acts like a nasty old lady. She is 12 lbs. and also mostly Maine Coon. She stopped growing around 2 years old. It's obvious the bit of domestic cat in her dictated her growth, yet she's on target for a female Maine Coon weight. If Connor has another year, I shiver at the thought of how big he may get. He's already HUGE! He's around the weight of a male Maine Coon now. Most sites I've read say a male can get to 18 to 20 lbs fully grown. Knowing that, he's 3 lbs off the low end right now.

I want to end this posting with a word about the Air France Flight 447 plane which crashed. My heart and thoughts go out to every one of the families who are grieving a child, husband, brother, sister, whoever they may have been to someone else, they were loved. Sending much needed strength to the loved one also to get through the days to come.

June Awareness!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 03:36:00 +0000

In honor of one of many awareness topics for June, this one, Aphasia Awareness What It Is and What You Can Do To Help, is the first awarneness topic for June. Click on it and go check it out! Aphasia is known to many people, they just never knew the "official" name for it. Support Aphasia Awareness Month.

Ok, shameless self-promoting done. *snort* You know I had to. My next awareness article should be out in the next few days, so stay tuned! Also, Don't forget, June 4th is Hug Your Cat Day.

My dad had some things for Tristan sitting in his truck for the last 3 weeks or so! I finally got it tonight. They're a few things my sister got together. I have a crib mattress, pad and sheet set, a car seat, a few toys and some stuffies. One of them is a rabbit and when you shake it, makes a noise...it's a rattle too! I love baby stuff. Oh, I also have a thick cushion to change him on too. Heather brought down a swing and a baby bath on Mother's Day for us. She has them both already. She has a ton of clothes as well. Tristan will not run out of clothes to wear for months on end! You can never have too many baby clothes. Almost forgot the other stuff my sister sent along...a song of over 100 lullabies and a kit for baby with clippers, medicine spoon, snot sucker, thermometer and other things, a couple small baby powder things and some butt rash cream. Baby Tristan is going to have a home at grandma's always!

Ok, enough of that. I turned in my CRPS bone and muscle article. I did a first draft of diagnostic tests for CRPS and will go back to writing it as soon as I'm done here. Probably not going to get it turned in tonight, but I'll have it turned in tomorrow. I am still learning so much and getting ideas for things to do every day. I am going to set goals for myself on paper. I find this motivates me a lot more than my vague goals that are in my head.

Gotta run now and get something done before the night is through.

I Feel Good!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 03:49:00 +0000

nanananana uh, like I knew that I would now. I think that's how it goes. *laughing at myself*

I finally got my CRPS bone and muscle article in tonight. That's why I feel good! It only took me two or three friggin days! Grrrr I was getting seriously miffed at myself for having a problem. I try not to, I really do. My brain, quite literally, is "wired" differently than other people's brains. As long as I've had CRPS now I am quite sure I have bits which have died. In case your wondering, I read an enlightening article on what CRPS does to my brain. That's how I can say what I have said with certainty. I've known for some time now my short term memory has packed his bags and trucked on down the highway for greener pastures. Isn't that a picture?

I forgot to write last night about a sad death. Yesterday, Sunday, the last Titanic survivor died at age 97. Elizabeth Gladys "Millvina" Dean, who was 2 months and 2 days old on that fateful night the Titanic hit an iceberg. Sunday, being May 31, was the day, exactly 98 years ago, they launched the Titanic in Belfast, Ireland. It somehow seems apropos. The end of an era is now truly ended. There are no more survivors to give us their memories. I'm glad there are many artifacts and the Titanic will always live on in all our hearts, as will the survivors, even if we didn't know them all by name.

Sorry this is short tonight. Instead of easing up, the pain is ramping up. Why me?! *chuckles* I'm just lucky that way, that's why! I'm so used to this CRPS crap that unless it's horrible stabbing it's just annoys the hell out of me. It ruins my concentration and makes doing anything meaningful impossible. *really big sigh* Off to rest my body which has turned on me for the night.

I Didn't Abandon You!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 02:40:00 +0000

Sorry for the 2 day abandonment. Friday night I was on the phone with T...for four hours...but we accomplished a lot. *big grin* Hope your computer is better now T. It was almost 1:30 am, I wasn't going to even try to write a blog post at that late hour, or early hour.

Last night, I was occupied with articles. Two more articles on CRPS. The first is on CRPS's effects on bone and muscle. The second is the common tests people with CRPS have done. I have edited the first one about six times already and outlined the second pretty well. I seem to be having a problem with finding my words and putting them together where they make sense. In case you're thinking, "Karen, you're writing like you usually do. I don't see anything wrong with it." You must remember writing articles is not blogging. *chuckles* I can use as many, or as few words as I want here. The articles have to be tight, concise and to the point in an orderly fashion. I will revisit the bone and muscle article as soon as I am done here. I hope it's good enough to turn in tonight. I really am trying to do an article a day but so far haven't accomplished it.

In kitty news today, King Connor caught a lizard this afternoon. He likes the corner of the courtyard near the gate. In late afternoon lizards seem to gather there. I'm pretty sure it's because the sun heats up that part for a good part of the day. He pounced on that sucker and trotted off across the courtyard with a very smug look on his furry face. I could almost here him saying, "I'm the man, oh yeah, I am THE man!" *laughing* Of course Gil went out to do the "Catch and release" thing. He almost lost a hand to Connor for that. They hate when we make them let the buggies go. I think they assume we should let them eat the darn things. Ummm...I don't think so! EWWWW! ICK! GROSS!

That's the big excitement for the day. Well, besides my non-functioning brain. I do lead a very unexciting life. *sigh*