What I See Is What You Get

Overtly Delayed Movie review: American History X

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 18:35:00 +0000

Have been planning to watch this movie for a long time, but never had the time or the attention span. All stars finally lined up on New Year’s Eve: Alone at home, nothing to do, and about a bottle of scotch in my stomach.

Maybe it’s the scotch speaking, but I hadn’t seen a movie that moved me this much. There were movies which scared me (Das Experiment and Requiem for a dream), movies which scarred me for life (countless), and movies which made me sad (Life is beautiful), but none made me feel the way Vinyard brothers did.

The neo-Nazi movement, the violence, raising middle fingers to authority- they didn’t impress me much. There are a truckload of other movies based on the same issues. It’s the relationship between brothers, and the way Derek changes when he realizes his actions have consequences on his family- made me think about the way I’ve been handling myself.

If you have a younger sibling- or any one who looks up to you- please watch this movie. Gives a new perspective to the way you behave.

It’s been a day since I watched the movie, and one question keeps bubbling up: have I been a good brother?

Happy New year, Everyone.

Loose Change

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 13:46:00 +0000

One thing I hate more than unnecessary facebook app updates- is "Happy ____" (birthday, Diwali, holi, anniversary... take your pick) updates from my social media 'friends'. Being the festive season, for the first time this year, my facebook wall has more 'Happy Diwali' posts than hide-able updates from meaningless applications.

This article from Malcolm Gladwell talks about how (in)effective social media is in bringing the revolution. These social media 'revolutions' make us feel good at doing nothing. Instead of donating money to the breast cancer fund, we are changing the color of our status messages, and feel that we've 'created awareness'. Same thing with children facing hygiene problems in Africa. Or Earthquake victims in Pakistan. In short, we are getting used to doing nothing about things that matter, and feel good in the process, just like the loose change we throw at beggars at traffic signals.

We seem to be doing the same thing with our relationships. we get notified about friends' (and parents', siblings', and in some cases, spouses') birthdays via Facebook, and wish them by writing on their walls. ditto with festivals and other holidays. Personal communication is slowly taking a backseat.

Wish Facebook introduces a 'hide posts by word' button. I'd rather go wishless instead of receiving artificial wishes from people who don't care.

Update: When I say 'People' I mean normal human beings, not out of this world cases like the people I call 'friends', especially Sriram.

Seriously, it ain't funny.

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 05:15:00 +0000

Was going through this new site- full of funny stuff. Came across this:

Dear Internet,

Please stop with the talking ads that start on their own.

Sincerely, I just had a heart attack.

NOT funny.

Somewhere down the line, ads have ceases to become 'selling' vehicles; they are 'attention grabbers' now. No one (ad agencies, to be precise) cares about how much digital ads managed to sell; it's all about 'number of impressions' an ad creates. positive or negative, no one cares.

Ads are creeping in to alll the annoying parts of our digital experience; ads in captchas, for instance. Did any one wonder what effect would it have on brands for a moment? Captchas are almost second to none in irritating people- having an ad would transfer the irritation to the brand. Bad.

No one cares. Interrupt the viewer, grab his attention, show the 'impressions' statistics to clients, earn money. User experience be damned. Other ad mediums aren't better; looks like advertising isn't about selling anymore. Brand building, brand identity, communications... You know what, planner hotshot, brand isn't something you get by following a guideline book. You establish a brand by creating great products, great customer service and following it up with great advertising.

Forgive me for getting delusional.

I'm not afraid

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 07:23:00 +0000

...and that's a bad thing. I think.

When I got out of college, started work, I used to be afraid; fear of not doing a good work, to be precise. Fear of writing bad programs. Then I understood the way IT services firms work, and I wasn't afraid anymore. And I wanted to get out.

Two years later, I found myself in the copywriter's seat. the fear reared its beautiful head again. I wanted to write great copy, and I was afraid I'd be badged 'mediocre'. I was shocked when the people around me didn't care. Being the only non-account person has its own disadvantages.

That fear's gone now. Clients we have don't like out of the box ideas, they want safe. They don't want to ask questions that surprise people and force them to notice. They want copy with lots of 'Hurry's and more than a bagload of exclamation marks. You know, the safe type.

The problem isn't the work- but the way we get used to it. And I think I'm getting used to it in the worst possible way: by doing EXACTLY what they want, and nothing else. by losing the appetite to fight for what I believe in.

I need that fear to feel alive; I need that fear to survive. If I'm not getting it at work- I need to get my fill somewhere else.

Creeps on WWW: a true story

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 07:42:00 +0000

Was getting my daily dose of Google reader, and found this article. Brought the memories of a (totally unrelated) creepy story.

There was a silent, well-spoken, well-mannered guy in my friends' office. One problem: he hardly talked to- or about- girls. Afraid of them, we thought, and decided to play a mild prank that (we thought) would loosen him up.

The plot involved creating a fake orkut account (female) and sending a friend request to Mr. shy (this was in 2007, and very few non-geeks were on facebook.) Of course, the other friends of this fake orkut girl were fake, too. Fake roommates, fake college friends, fake tour pictures etc. We could create a comprehensive online persona then. too few tools.

The friend request said something like 'you are intelligent, kind,.../....., and I like you' (crass, I know, but dudes of his class wouldn't know the difference). slowly the interaction increased, and Mr. shy started talking 'I like you' and 'I love you'.

Now we were alarmed. all we wanted to do was to increase the confidence of the guy so that he goes out and talks to other girls. You know, when guys say 'you're good' it means nothing; when a girl says it- it has the effect of an elixir. Our fake girl idea was supposed to get him out of his desk, not fall in love.

Then the communication got complicated. We asked 'how can you fall in love with someone you haven't met or talked to', but it had no effect. The man was desperate. he took our 'I like you' post too seriously, and started behaving as if the fake girl was his girlfriend.

slowly, we started to see his ugly side. "You shouldn't address me by my first name", "I'm the man", "show me some respect" and so on. Alarmed, we deleted the fake profile.

Things got uglier. Fake roommates started getting threatening messages. "all you girls are same, ready to _____ men who have money, like the girls in my office" was one of the sanest messages he posted. I swear we never saw this twisted side of him before. I think he tried hacking the fake profile, email account etc, but there was nothing to link it back to us- or any girl.

What happened next? I don't know. My friends who started this slowly reduced their interaction with him and added his number to the 'block' list. last I heard, He's still working at the same organization- as a project manager. God save the females who work under him.

What started as a genuine concern to help someone changed our view towards so-called mankind; if something appears too good to be true, it probably is.

'Might Work' idea #2: Bike rental portal

noreply@blogger.com (Nomad) — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 10:40:00 +0000

All it took was a trip to Shimla and an inability to find a proper bike rental place. You know, I'm all about discovering the place by myself; I think that's the main reason I prefer to travel by bike. On rare occasions that I don't do so, I try to get hold of a bike.

It turned out to be a big pain in the arse. AND I didn't get a bike.

Then the thought struck: there are plenty of locals with a spare bike in most of th tourist places. why can't we tap that market?

Create a portal for people to register their bikes up for hire (and mention the duration and time of the day they can rent their bikes), classify the bikes according to type, expected daily rent and location- and let prospective customers contact the owner. You can charge a small fee from the owner OR the customer.

Some questions need to be answered, though. What if the person renting the bike screws it up? What if the owner tries to act smart and claims damages for preexisting problems?What if the person who takes the bike away never shows up again? you have loads o loose ends, but none which can't be tied (I think). Difficult, yes; but if you have a right strategy, a great programmer and a smooth marketing person who can get people to sign up for the service- requires little or no investment.

Another way to go would be to start small on one of the major bike rental places, create an online presence, and then shift to other tourist spots. Sounds easy, but needs lots of capital.

OK,you can stop scoffing now. There are loads of bike fanatics who like to see India on 2 wheels. And around $60 a day (yes, that's what they charge for a trip to Leh/Ladakh, which takes at least 15 days to complete) there's serious money to be made.

Pick it up if you into bikes, and have time (and money, in case 2) to invest in.

Book Review: Incredible High

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 15:34:00 +0000

Came across a 'teaser' section of this book last week at Cafe Coffee Day. 'Nice idea for book promotion', I thought. Loads of people who'd have nothing to do while waiting for their friends to join 'em will browse through this small booklet, and if at least 10% of them brought the book...

That good a marketing idea, coupled by the snippets of crossing dangerous rivers (on royal enfields, no less) literally forced me to go out and buy the book.

175 bucks poorer (and more importantly- after losing 3 IMPORTANT hours of my SUNDAY), I found out that the promo material was the best part of the book. To tell the truth, the book was a conveniently disguised version of five point someone (or any other Indian teen-lit that followed it).

There's the protagonist, and his friends are in Kanpur, suffering from parental pressure, peer pressure, girl pressure, what not. "The world is against me, I'm a loser" plot occupies about a hundred pages. The realization that one has to something meaningful takes up the next few pages. How do these guys plant to 'get their lives back'? by travelling to Leh on bike. Genius.

But wait, they aren't driving from Kanpur. The bike leg of the journey starts from Manali (or Shimla, Don't know; I seriously stopped caring by then). Around 400-500 KMs. Oh, on the way they smoke Marijuana, confess their deepest fears, and emerge 'better' people. And the guy gets to nail the girl on the way.

'Rebels on a roadtrip'?

Gimmie a break.

'Sissies on a cryway' sounds more like it.

'Might work' idea: Gadget comparison site

noreply@blogger.com (Nomad) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 03:04:00 +0000

I have been thinking of getting a Washing machine (washing my bedsheets, curtains, and jeans takes most of my weeekend, and I need that time to something better!) for a while now, and thought of checking the price on the online version of these big offline electronic stores (ezone, unilet, croma etc) so that I can physically collect the stuff today.

Turns out there are a lot of physical shops with online presence. And it turns out searching for a washing machine on all of them takes a good part of a day.

What a waste.

So, here comes the idea: why cant we create a portal that'll help us search for any device on all these sites, and compare the prices on these stores? something on the lines of what ixigo has done for air travel. And I think you can earn money by partnering with these stores and display ads.

I don't have time or expertise to do it on my own, but I think this might help loads of people. If you are interested, please execute it and pass the link on- I need it more than anything :)

Someday

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 14:03:00 +0000

Finally gotten around to get my 6- year old laptop fixed (yes, they DO last that long, and can withstand much more abuse than you think). The best part- all that age old data in the hard drive- was intact. Good old memories. awesome.

(Warning: If you don't like philosophy and/or nostalgia, I strongly suggest you skip the rest of the page. So long, and thanks for all the fish.)

Did you have a vision of how your life would be in your late teens? Of course you did. can you remember any of it now? of course not. Thankfully, I chronicled my ambitions, of where I'd like to see myself in 2, 5, and ten years time. Not in the obvious 'journal' way, but by storing images of of what I wanted to achieve in a folder named 'wallpapers'. (Had to do it; my friends used to call me 'mad man' without those lofty ambitions. I'd have been shipped off to Arkham Asylum if they found out my future plans).

And then disaster struck. Nothing dramatic, but dangerous nonetheless. in common terms, 'Routine' happened. Get up, go to work, come back, eat, sleep, occasional movies. Collect the paycheck. repeat as necessary.

Slowly, the nomad in me went into hibernation. I'd take small detours in between to keep the inner soul pacified, but never did anything that I wanted to do. 'You need to do this to get the money; once you get enough cash in the bank, you can go back to the life you wanted' was the reason I gave myself.

How wrong I was.

In retrospect, I think I treated life the wrong way; you see, life isn't about completing a series of tasks. I think it is more about getting the most fun, doing things that you love. of course, we need to do some shitty stuff too, but only to get to the good stuff.

I think the 18-yr old me was way better than the 25 year old me. he was broke and didn't have much brains, sure, but he had balls. He listed all the good stuff he wanted to do, said "once I get out of the college, once I'm not answerable to anyone, I'll do these", and lived in hope.

The 25-year old brainiac replaced "once I'm out of the college" to "someday", and started to live in a make-believe world.

I think this 'someday' is the most dangerous word ever known to mankind; it usually is (strike that, it ALWAYS is) a fancy replacement for 'never'. if it weren't for my old laptop, I'd still be swimming in that 'someday' shit.

I think I should start by thanking the guy who repaired my old laptop. And then, maybe, make some 'someday's come true.

Tale of two business owners

noreply@blogger.com (Nomad) — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 10:38:00 +0000

Dropped my bike off at (a company authorized) service station near my office two weeks ago. I was asked to collect the bike at 4 PM, which was 2 hours before the bike was delivered. The vehicle wasn’t clean when I received it, and there was a huge cut on the seat.

Pointed this out to the delivery guy, and received evasive answers. Called the manager up- to receive more of the same evasiveness. “no sir, it was there when we received the bike”. “This cut is old, sir, we can tell. We are the experts.” “You might have missed it. It didn’t happen during servicing.”

I might have missed seeing a 6 inch long cut on the seat, possibly for months, according to them. fine, I’ll let it pass. What about the ‘un-cleanliness’ of the bike?

“We have lots of work to do, sir. It could be a mistake.”

No sorrys. I could have gladly accepted a sorry. But these guys were much too busy trying to save their faces. And they were trying to do so in the worst possible way, by calling the customer a fool. I almost lost my cool.

Fast forward to yesterday.

Bike servicing again, but this time at a highly recommended local mechanic. You know, the small shop, big smiles type.

The bike was ready at the time he mentioned. After the test ride, I said the bike doesn’t start easily, he called his employee up.

“Did you clean the spark plugs?”

“Yes.”

“Both of them?”

(Slight hesitation) “No. Not the left one.”

(non-expletive version) “do you know how difficult it is to earn a reputation in this business? If you are careless like this, whatever I have done over last few years will amount to nothing. What if this guy goes unsatisfied, and never comes back? Shall I cut the amount from your salary?”

Then he proceeded to do the stuff himself, finished it in ten minutes, and took 50 bucks off the bill, for the 'inconvenience'.

I couldn’t help comparing the two experiences. One just shrugged off the responsibility, going as far as saying ‘complain to the head office’. Other went out of his way to correct the error. I know where to get my bike serviced from now on.

As they say, common sense is not so common.

Book Review: Timepass

noreply@blogger.com (Nomad) — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 11:16:00 +0000

'scandalous', 'shocking', 'outrageous'... some words which described Protima Bedi's timepass when it hit the shelves. That might've been the reason I wasn't allowed to borrow it from the library (or buy it bookstores) then. You know, parents and their fear of teenage heads. I could have gotten it myself, but lack of cash and the non- availability of book in the next few years meant 'timepass' fell off my reading radar.

Ten years down the line, I find a used copy. I read it cover to cover. And I hate my parents for not letting me read it the first time I wanted to. Here's why.

The book feels like a honest depiction. It has the energy, the uneasiness, the uncomfortability and the happiness we humans usually encounter or feel. The way Ms Bedi embraces life gives a new meaning to the 'troubles' we crib about. The lessons she learned- and tried to explain in the book- could have saved me from a lot of despair in those angst ridden and confused times. but then it might not have mattered- as the book subtly explains, what we think isn't as important as what we do.

I still don't understand why people were scandalized. It is an account of someone living the way she wanted to live; if that scares people...

I write like...

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 04:45:00 +0000

Makin' ads posted about this site which analyzes ones writing style, and compares it to- um- someone famous. Fun for a while. One of George Parker's foul but awesome posts on facebook resembles Dan Brown (bet the old man wouldn't like that!); Facebook's privacy policy is written by Cory Doctrow. here's the coup de grace- typed in a bunch of text from adventures of Tom Sawyer, and the site said 'Mark Twain'. Awesome!

Anyway, when I analyzed an old blog post of mine, I got this:

I write like
J. D. Salinger

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Absolutely thrilled. Bit scared, too. I mean, I thought (and still think) of Salinger as my hero; but to have such an influence, as to write like him, what about my style?

Enough of my rants. what about your style? let me know!

How far has the Far Side gone?

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Wed, 05 May 2010 11:49:00 +0000

Right from my childhood days, I have a soft spot for comics (books, strips, the whole 9 yards); they have long been my source of quotable quotes- and examples. A few hours ago, I was trying to explain ‘everything is not as it looks like’ to a friend, and could recall a comic from the far side read long ago (a cow rings the bell of a house, and goes back to grazing- leaving the house owner puzzled.) tried to find it online; surely it should be somewhere. All I got were links to stories where Gary Larson sued various people for posting the comic on their website.

How sad. 90% of people I talk to have no idea what a genius Far Side is. I can’t show it to them, and Gary’s organization is losing free word of mouth publicity. Its ok to protect ones right, but suing people who have written a great review for the strip for posting an image they rightfully purchased on their site? are you out of your mind?

Contrast this with Scott Adams’ Dilbert. Dilbert has a blog, lets people come up with their own ideas, sends a comic every day to inboxes of subscribers- which they can forward to a gazillion people. Scott adams gets it: he’s trying to increase his exposure, so that more people can relate to Dilbert when they come across his books. My bet is at least one out of ten would grab a copy.

And far side? None out of ten. And I think that’s the reason it’s not found in any book store I have visited ( I own a battered, second-hand copy.)

I agree, there are reasons to see the new media with suspicion, but banning it outright and harming prospects, that too with a killer product in hand? Sacrilege.

Movies Vs Books: an opinion

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Mon, 03 May 2010 17:12:00 +0000

'Books Vs. their movie adaptations' would have been an apt title. more often than not, I have been sad/disappointed at the movie adaptation of a book. My friends go ga-ga about the movie, and I'll be like 'it was OK'. over time, I have been conferred the title of snob and art-movie lover (and consequently, commercial cinema hater). I have had enough of it, and the remaining part of the post is my defense.

Books attract me. I like the idea of getting lost in my own world, getting lost in my imagination. yes, movies provide an escape from realism too, but the magic hidden in books is something different altogether. Literature buffs say movies fall short of capturing the essence of the books, or something to that effect; I disagree. they do capture the essence of the book, but from the point of view of someone else. take Sherlock Holmes for example. Everyone who has read Holmes' stories has her/his own version of how Holmes and Watson look like, and their story progresses accordingly. Guy Ritchie's adaptation pictured Holmes differently, and many die hard Sherlock fans hated it- because it conflicted with their imagination of Sherlock Holmes.

I was forced to write this post because of 'Kick-Ass', the movie. The book was darker, and the protagonist stays the proverbial loser till the end. Movie? no, sir, the hero gets the girl, death of an important character gets a noble back story.. typical feel good fable. Chick lit, if you wish to go to the extreme end of the scale. Everyone who saw the movie said they liked it; I thought it sucked (ok, just a little bit- at the end).

I'm not a book to movie hater, you know. every time a book based movie is released, I am almost the first to see it, to see if it bucks the trend. I have been proven right a few times: Thank you for smoking, Sin City, 300, LOTR series... but the list of movies that have failed to amuse me- have been rather long.

My opinion isn't going to change for a while.

What it is now?

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Sun, 02 May 2010 15:45:00 +0000

I have been wondering what to write in this blog, and what not to. I think of writing about my experiences in the ad world, but I don't come across interesting work related stuff that often. I do come across bloopers every now and then, but the lack of a camera prevents me from posting about 'em. The question still remains- what should I write about?

I'll be looking for the answers. and will try to write every day. I guess I'll aim for consistency (the 'when') until I get the 'what' part right. be ready for more filler posts like this.

P.S: The song, title of this post, is one of my favorites; Mark Knopfler playing like only he can. worth wasting ten minutes of your life.

ICC world T20: Match fixed! :D

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Sat, 01 May 2010 17:20:00 +0000

Switched on the TV around 11 pm- and got to see this gem of a blunder:

India will defeat Afghanistan by 7 wickets tomorrow. Call those betting guys now.

Eschew Obfuscation: Take 2

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Sat, 01 May 2010 16:52:00 +0000

Value Justification. Benchmarking. Personalization. Incremental Improvement. Success Metrics. User Intent.

Makes sense? Not to me. The journey into advertising world has been a roller coaster ride. This is THE place to be one moment, and I couldn’t wait to get out the next. More in line with coke (for weaker hearted, Opium) addiction than a job, I must say.

I thought the business was all about selling, and helping people buy my client’s products or services.

Oh No. there’s more to it, I was told. It’s all about (insert your favorite buzzword(s) here). people need to build relationships with our clients. Target audience determines the message (not the tone of the message, mind you). ‘You need to build experiences, not sell products. Once the brand loyalty is built, they will purchase from our client’.

And I thought people brought the best deal available to them, or what appealed to them the most at that instant. How silly of me.

Don't fight with pigs- or Policemen

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 10:11:00 +0000

It’s a long drive, from my home to office; 20+KMs, or 45 minutes. Others might complain, but I enjoy the ride. Avoiding traffic, narrow lanes, faces of people getting irritated at the shortest of triggers… more like a joy ride in the morning.

Was doing the same thing today when a cop asked me to pull over. I was more of astonished rather than afraid, as I was going at 60kmph, and hadn’t broken any traffic rules. ‘what happened, sir?’ I asked politely.

The policeman started his tirade off. “are you playing on the road? Show your license!” he thundered. Handed my license to him- and said “I wasn’t playing, sir. You might have mistaken me for someone else.”

The guy gave a stare that could have killed me if it could. The voice was stern now: “you were changing indicators every two seconds. On the overbridge! Where there are no turns! What were you trying to do? ”

Well, the guy didn’t know that people are supposed to turn their indicators on when they shift lanes. And the traffic, which constituted mainly of buses, demanded I weave between them, change lanes- or travel at 10 kmph. Took a long time establishing the fact; he was adamant that I was at fault, and I need to pay fine for obstructing the traffic. I, on the other hand, kept smiling, which irritated him further.

Just as the cop was trying to take my bike into custody, a traffic inspector arrived. He knew that his cop was on the wrong side, and let me go with an apology of an apology.

Lessons learned: Don’t fight, or even argue, with a policeman; even if you are right. You get fined (which you would get anyway, but arguing doubles the amount), and the guy might slip the entire amount in his pocket.

Google Play: StumbleUpon alternative?

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:49:00 +0000

This morning, when I logged in to Google reader (to get my daily fix of gyaan and crap), I could see a small strip:

"No... not another buzz!" I thought, and clicked the link. and yes, my fears were confirmed.

Google is trying its own StumbleUpon.

And as almost all replicas/clones are, this one, too, is pretty inferior.

I have never been a big fan of SU, but this imitation made me go have another look at it. I couldn't find much differences, but the layout- and the whole thing- looks clean, and well- thought.

Google play doesn't (or didn't when I checked) display images in its 'played' websites.

The name is pretty crappy too. Why would I call some random site visit tool as 'Play'? something like 'find' or 'weird' (or StumbleUpon) would have been better :P

I thought this video was funny. But after the disastrous Buzz and now this awful Play, I think there might be some truth in it.

League of (extra)ordinary Gentlemen

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:07:00 +0000

I have been a big fan of cricket, and if I have nothing to do (or if the work at hand can wait), I can easily lay back down and watch any form of cricket, no matter how bad the matches are. Even the Hong Kong Vs Bermuda matches- if they are telecast live.

Few first class matches happened today caught my attention: Deodhar Trophy Final (West Zone Vs North Zone), and England Vs. Bangladesh A. The England match was stripped of its first class status; too bad, because two unknown Bangladeshis Made merry of England's ploy of forcing a declaration (and have some batting practice), by doing this:

The Deodhar Trophy Final was a relatively tight affair, and the only bright spot being Yusuf Pathan's stunning counterattack. Scoring a 50 off 18 balls is difficult enough; to do so when 5 wickets are down and 168 more to get- is simply inhuman. Wonder what happens to him in international matches.

Maybe what they said about every dog having its day is true. Like Ali Cook- who gave away 111 runs in 30 balls. He definitely can't hit the ball over 30 yard circle, but that doesn't prevent him from giving the fastest century off his own bowling. Great sport- in a wierd kind of way.

Dreams and realities: a(n unrealistic) survey

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 11:01:00 +0000

Have been listening to ‘we must get out of this damned corporate life’ cry from lots of acquaintances. Thought it might be a good idea to verify their claims.

Disclaimer first: the survey is not scientific. It makes even the unscientific ones look like excerpts from The Scientific American (or Indian). It’s conclusion is entirely biased; and you can quote the contents of this post elsewhere at your own risk.

97.86% of my acquaintances complain about the monotony of their work and deadlines.
0.01% of above folk actually have tried to find out where their interests lie.

213% of the target audience complain about tight deadlines and the late hours they put at work.
13.14% of the abovementioned actually work during work hours, instead of changing their social network status every 10 minutes, reading weird blog posts (like this) and watching useless youtube videos.

179% say their boss is a hard-arse.
Only 3% of the above have done nothing to invite their boss’s wrath.

956% say their boss doesn’t encourage their creativity, and forces her/his opinions on them.
0.3% of the above come up with a better alternative to the plan given by their boss.
0.2% of the above actually tell their boss about this plan.
99.999% of these plans get approved.

97.55% want to go to a village/secluded place and start farming or something vague.
8% of the above know about farming or that something vague they want to do.
765% want to start an alternative career- like painting, writing a novel, photography, sculpture etc.
764% of the above will start in their chosen paths once they get that imported tool (expensive paintbrush, moleskine notebooks, uber expensive DSLR, hammer made out of diamond).

Rest of the survey is an illegible mess of swearwords, doodles, and drools (I tend to doze off in face of baloney).

Conclusion: everyone wants to do something in their life, but most aren’t comfortable enough to leave the high-paying job and follow the dream. Heck, most aren’t comfortable enough to think about their dreams.

It is a sad little world.

In My Humble Opinion....

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 09:21:00 +0000

If there’s something I hate more than- well, things I generally hate, it would be abbreviations; especially the ones used in e-mails.

Don’t know why, but I feel the person who mails in abbreviations doesn’t care much for you. It feels as if he says “listen A$$#0!e, I have loads of important stuff, I don’t care what it is that you need to do. Just figure out this gibberish and get the freaking thing done.”

I may be wrong, but that’s how I feel.

My previous boss keeps sending the mails with lots of ASAPs, FYAs, and the whole bunch. I suspect he makes them up as he types the mail.

I couldn’t hold it one fine day. I barged into his room, and said, “Sir, I have asked you not to use abbreviations in the mails addressed to me... please don’t do it!”

He was a good boss, always ready to listen and provide a logical solution to the weirdest request.

“Buddy (that’s how he addressed all of us), you are in corporate jungle.. you need to learn the lingo. You work fine, but if you keep harping over trivial issues like these- it’ll be difficult.”

“No sir, I can do whatever you ask me to- except understanding this crap.”

“its simple, actually… you expand the words that sound relevant in the scenario.. see this mail from our Group leader. Tell me what does this mean..”

The mail had nothing but “FYI” and an attachment, a spreadsheet- roughly 8 MB in size. Well, if he has to read this dumbass spreadsheet- he’s truly fucked.

“Fuck You, Idiot?” I blurted out.

The bossman was silent for a while. “ok, I won’t send any abbreviations in our future communications”, he said.

As I was closing the door of his cabin, he said “it means For Your Information”.

Breaking News: Hashim Amla in Bharat Ratna Shortlist

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 03:42:00 +0000

Government announced today that Mr. Hashim Amla, the South African Cricketer,Will be considered for ‘Bharat Ratna’ awards this year.

“This honor is being bestowed upon him because of the effort he put in to stop that certain four MS Dhoni hit in the 50^th over yesterday. Everyone on the ground was booing Dhoni for hogging the strike and not letting Sachin score his 200, but Amla, single handedly, thwarted his plans. All of us can see that the effort he put in to stop that ball-was worth more than two Bharat Ratnas. When people who have done nothing for the country can be shortlisted, why not Amla, who so selflessly helped an Indian achieve a milestone?” a high ranking minister who wished to remain anonymous, said.

When the reporters pointed out that even Sachin Tendulkar has not been bestowed upon that honor, the minister replied, “we can consider his name once he is retired. What if he decides pursuing of the records is no more relevant if he gets the award? We can’t take that risk”.

One of the South African support staff, Rajgopalan Iyer, welcomed the news. “I could see how desperate he was to see a 200 scored in a one day international”, he said. When Dhoni started taking the strike, he grew restless. I had to smuggle in the special herbal tea I prepared via cold drink bottles to keep him calm”, he added. “finally justice prevailed. If not for Amla, who knows what could have happened? The crowd was getting berserk. They could have created a Massacre if Sachin hadn’t scored that run. Amla is a Savior”.

Hashim Amla was not available for comments.

Obligatory Sachin 200* post: how did it unfold

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:09:00 +0000

Any Cricket fan worth his salt would have seen stopped whatever (s)he was doing when this happened.

I cursed myself for not falling sick, then embraced the truth. Ran out of the office as soon as I could, switched my phone off (to avoid any emergency work calls, that is), and raced towards home. I wouldn't reach home for next two hours.

You see, the journey from office to home takes almost an hour. the best part of the innings would have been lost. I decided to park the bike somewhere by the roadside and watch the match on one of those display counters of electronic shops.

too bad. A cop, sensing some easy money, came knocking.

"who's bike is this? you should not park here! pay FINE!!!"

Sachin was about to reach 150; No way I could miss it.Handed my purse to him, said 'take the fine, sir. I'll move the bike as soon as the over is finished." without taking my eyes off the screen.

Think the cop was perplexed. He mumbled something about people wasting their time over nonsense issues.

I had to attend to this. How on earth would he call watching Sachin's batting as a waste of time? Sachin had scored 150 too- that helped a bit.

"Sir, Sachin Tendulkar- don't you know him?"

Yes.. I see him. cricket match at Chinnaswamy. security. Very small (think he was talking about Sachin's size)."

"Sir, Sachin batting really well today.. Looks like he will score 200! will be the 1st person to do it in the world, sir!"

There's something wierd about the number 1 and Indians. If they think they are (or anyone they know is) at no.1 position- they'd do anything to see it.

slowly I filled in the guy about Various Sachin facts. and when he heard that the record Sachin might beat is that of a Pakistani- He got all worked up. Both of us went in the store- sat in comfortable AC- and watched the match, sipping the tea ordered by the store guys.

Dhoni received a bunch of healthy swearwords for hogging the strike. I sat on that comfy sofa, feeling proud about myself. After all, I (with a generous help from Sachin, of course) had converted a grumpy old cop to a vociferous cricket fan.

Finally, the moment arrived. Sachin scored that 200th run. both of us let out a loud shout, and walked out, as Dhoni was heaving the last ball over mid off boundary.

We continued our talk about cricket over a cup of tea and a cigarette outside. "I can get you in the stadium if they post me on duty some time", he said. "thanks, sir", I replied, took the last drag off the cigarette, and pulled my bike out. "I have to reach home before the South African innings starts. what if they play like that 434 match?"

The guy smiled. "drive slow" were his parting words.

I witnessed an extraordinary event, and was part of another. Sachin was responsible for both. After all, it's not every day that a cop pulls you out for a violation, talks to you for over two hours, pays for the tea and cigarette he shares with you, and lets you off with nothing but a warning.

They say it right when they say "Commit all your crimes when Sachin is batting. They'll go unnoticed because even the God is watching."

Catch it- if you can :P

noreply@blogger.com (Kris Nayak) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 08:02:00 +0000

This is why I love cricket matches; even boring ones. Reminds me of my life (or how my life should be), most of the times.

Nothing happens for an eternity, and then, out of nowhere, something awesome happens. and you can spend the rest of the day (or night) thinking it would happen again.

Like this catch.

Maybe the fact that he weighs less than 200 grams might have helped to defy gravity.

Until that moment- it was hard to believe a T20 match was going on. Swap colored clothing with whites, and you would easily be watching a test.

Then this kid, Steven Smith, takes a ripper.

It set the tone; Dave Warner came out and did what Gayle was supposed to do.

Wish I could do something like this. at least, it would make the boring parts of my life bearable.