Movies About Girls

Advanced Demonology Podcast Lesson 6!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 19 May 2012 13:37:12 PDT

This month on the Advanced Demonology Podcast: Maximum Fruit Jams!

Just in time for your springtime bacchanals, Ken and Swilson offer up a four-hour cornucopia of fruit-themed/related tunes, hand-plucked at their ripest to keep your Okkult Rock weekend blow-out raging all night long! It's our juiciest episode yet!

Listen/download HERE!

And please remember to keep fruit evil!

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 141

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 12 May 2012 17:48:00 PDT

Tonight, MAG-lite, your bi-weekly bite-sized edition of the Movies About Girls Show. Except, tonight it's not just MAG-lite, it's MAG-lite PLUS!

What's the PLUS? Jim Ether's the plus!

That's right, Ken's old sideman returns to the studio for one-night only. And he forgets to play all his old clips. But don't worry, because the night still rang with laffs, gaffes, gags and goofs! There's Crazy News, That's Not a Real Band Name, Is It? Siobhan's all-new butcher-related comedy routine, Christine's new Swedish cowboy theme, and lots more!

Listen/Download HERE!
Tonight's goodbye song is by Nancy Baron.
Next week: Advanced Demonology!

MAG Follies Episode 6!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 05 May 2012 18:36:04 PDT

Time for laffs! Join the Giggles for Guzzlers panel-o-zanies as we present three hours of the best, worst, and weirdest of vintage comedy LPs from the 50's, 60's, 70's, and beyond!

Tonight we've got: former Satanic High Priests, Canadian shock-comics, boozy butchers, boozy Brits, cross-dressing Australians, former Gong Show hosts, and much, much more! We've even got aerobics themed comedy featuring terrible celebrity impressions!

So laugh (and cringe) along with us!
Listen/Download HERE!

Join the gang for more mirth, music, girls and gags on the Movies About Girls show every week!

Valley Girl (1983)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 03 May 2012 02:42:00 PDT

Directed by Martha Coolidge
Starring Nicolas Cage, Deborah Foreman, EG Daily
Rated R

"Is this movie in 3D?"
"No, but your face is."

In many ways, "valley girls" - affluent, material-minded, anti-intellectual young women from the San Fernando Valley, California area in late 70's and early 80's - were sociological pioneers. It wasn't actually popular to be vapid before then, and suddenly, "clueless" was cool. It didn't really last, and by the dawn of the 90's, smart girls with glasses were hip again, but the concept returned with a vengeance during the Bush presidency, and it still hasn't left us. What are reality stars like the Kardashians and the Jersey Shore kids, if not the direct descendents of valley girls? Dumb is not only back, it's a richly rewarded commodity. Seriously, walk around a mall sometime. Neon plastic sunglasses are back, and I'm pretty sure the idiot kids wearing them aren't even being ironic. Had Martha Coolidge known the horrors her film would spawn 25 years later, would she still have done it? Probably. After all, she thought she was remaking Romeo and Juliet with Valley Girl. And while that might seem absurd at first glance, let's face it: if William Shakespeare was writing screenplays in 1983, this is pretty much the kind of thing he'd come up with.

Curiously, the opening credits music is not Valley Girl by Frank and Moon Unit Zappa, but the comparatively limp fluff-pop “Girls Like Me” By Bonnie Hayes and the Wild Combo, which plays over sweeping shots of the valley in question, as well as a montage of Deborah Foreman and her pals shopping for day-glo clothes at the mall. Grumpy ol' Frank Zappa would not let the producers use "Valley Girl", and in fact sued them (unsuccessfully) for creating a film based (partly) on his satirical song.

Deborah Foreman (the perky blonde from My Chauffeur, Real Genius, April Fool's Day, Waxwork, etc) is Julie, the leader of a quirky quartet of titual valley girls (including Streets of Fire's own EG Daily as plucky Loryn) who spend most of their time at the mall, accessorizing badly (Julie's got an American flag pin and a Woody Woodpecker brooch tacked to her sweatshirt in the opening scene!) and ruining boys' days. Like her long-time boyfriend Tommy, who gets unceremoniously dumped on the mall escalator.

The big news is that there's a big party tonight at Suzi's, and all the cool guys and hot girls are gonna be there, even teen rebel Randy (Nicolas Cage), the big hunk they all peeped on at the beach earlier that day, who normally doesn't like going to the valley, because he's from Hollwood, man. But what the hell, a party's a party. Julie and Stacey (Heidi Hollicker) get ready and before they head out, they have to endure a little awkward and fairly creepy chit-chat with Julie's parents, played by former 70's T&A queen Coleen Camp and perpetual pervy character actor Frederic Forrest, who sports a pretty amazing mustache."Oh Stacey, if I was twenty years younger, honey," says dad. Ick.

By the way, Coleen Camp is only 9 years older than Deborah Foreman, so they put some goofy glasses on her to age her a little.

So, the party happens. Seems like a wash-out. Lame music, bad dancing, and the guy Julie's into, Brad, is kind of a douche. All the guys wear their collars turned up. Some guys even have double-collars! Suzi, by the way, is played by Michelle Meyrink, AKA the mousy love interest in Val Kilmer's finest hour, 1985's Real Genius. Suzi only threw this stupid party to impress a big lug named Skip, but he seems to be more interested in her sexy red-headed stepmom, Beth (Lee Purcell).

Also, Loryn makes out with Tommy. Treacherous! Still, boobs! Director Coolidge said at least three sets of boobs were required by the studio so that teenage males would see the movie. And they have a point, because otherwise Valley Girl is kind of a rom-com.

Anyway, things perk up when Randy and his buddy Fred (Cameron Dye), show up with “punky” haircuts and “punky” attitudes. They're clearly outcasts in this preppy scene, and Randy's about to bail until he locks eyes with Julie. They start chatting and things are going pretty good until drunken asshole Tommy, who's finished banging Loryn, storms downstairs and socks Randy in the mouth. Then he and his pals toss Randy and Fred out the door, like the poor punk rock trash they are.

Rubbing his swollen cheek, Randy proclaims that Julie is “Truly dazzling”.
“Yeah,” Fred reluctantly agrees, “But she's not one of ours.”

They're from the wrong side of the tracks, man!

The fellas leave in defeat. But a few miles down the road, Randy has an epiphany. Nobody's gonna tell him what girls he can hit on!

Randy sneaks back in through the bathroom window and hides in the shower, waiting for Julie to show up. Meanwhile he peeps a guy feeling up his girlfriend, a group of friends getting high, and a bunch of people peeing. Then he watches silently when Julie comes in and stares forlonly at herself in the mirror. This isn't creepy at all, Randy.

Still, she seems pretty charmed by it.

She agrees to split this lame-o scene with him. They drive around downtown and Randy impresses Julie by knowing all the sketchy characters hanging around. Then he takes to see the Plimsouls and tells her they're way better than the “techno rock” she listens to. He also tells her she's a programmed robot. Yet, they still end up making out in his car until the sun comes up. Bad boys!

Some time later, Julie goes for her dirving test. WKRP's own Les Nessman is the instructor! Sadly, she gets so distracted talking about her date that she pays no attention to the task at hand and fails miserably. Also she says "trippindicular"!

Then there's a weird 70's porno-setup scene with Skip and Suzi's stepmom – he comes over to deliver the groceries, if you know what I mean- but it doesn't go anywhere.

It as this mid-point in the film where we are subjected to the obligatory falling-in-love montage, wherein Julie and Randy stroll the strip, looking at signs for donut shops and hamburger joints while “I'll Melt With You” by Modern English plays on the soundtrack. THE WHOLE SONG.

And then the girls all get together and go through Suzi's stepmom's lingerie drawer and then dance around in their underwear.

Also, Skip drops by and has sex with Suzi. So she's happy. Good for you, Suzi.

So, all this time Julie's been conflicted, because her friends want her to go back to Tommy and her old hangouts and the mall and whatnots, and she wants to stay with Randy and hang out on street corners in Hollywood looking at hamburger stand signs. So she consults her dad, who is an old hippie, who sensibly tells her not to be a square. And so she stays with Randy and they live happily ever after.

No, that's not what happens. After lying in bed holding a creepy clown doll, she comes to her decision. She announces it to the gang the next day. She's leaving Randy for Tommy. They're pretty psyched.

Conveniently, Tommy shows up and they officially get back together. And then they live happily ever after. The end.

No, first Julie has to break up with Randy. She gives him the ol' 'It's not you it's me' speech. Randy's not having it. He knows what's really going on.
"It's your fuckin' friends," he points out, astutely. "It's your friends. Well, fuck off. Fuck off FOR SURE. LIKE, TOTALLY."

So then he gets drunk and bangs a chick named Samantha in the bathroom of that stupid club that's always got the Plimsouls on stage. When it's over, he feels strangely unsatisfied. Usually, bathroom sex fixes everything. Then he pukes in an alley. Hollywood!

There's only one thing left for Randy to do: stalk Julie relentlessly until he wears her down. Or until Tommy kills him, whichever comes first.

Either that, or he can always bumrush the prom. The junior prom. Aren't they all like 23 years old?

Anyway, Josie Cotton is the featured performer! While she sings her signature hit, Johnny Are You Queer, Randy and Fred hide behind the stage curtains and figure out the plan to get Julie back. Basically there is no plan, so they go with that. And then they say, "Time to crush...that...fly!"

Was “Crush that fly” something that people used to say back then? I don't remember it.

Anyway, there's a grand finale. It involves fake karate and kicks to the balls. And a food fight. And a happy ending. Ladies and gentlemen, the 1980's!

Without Nicolas Cage, Valley Girl would've probably been lumped in with all the b-grade 80's teen coms, ie the Fraternity Vacations, Screwballs and Losin Its, but even at this early stage in his career, it's obvious that the guy is a star. A really weird, overly intense fruitcake of a star, but a star nonetheless. He's such an iconic actor now that it's almost unsettling to see him as this young, awkward guy stomping and storming through this breezy comedy. Aside from Nic, the major appeal here is Valley Girl's time-travel qualities. It really does look like the 80's the way most people remember it: gaudy, cheap, hoplessly shallow, but with a sense of playfulness and innocence that's all but lost in today's society. EG Daily is great (as are her boobs), Deborah Foreman is the height of 80's adorableness, the soundtrack is as gleefully cheeseball as you'd hope, and it's very difficult not to get caught up in the giddy fun of it all. If you miss the 80's (why?) or want to know what they were like, Valley Girl is perfect for shamelessly wallowing in the day-glo decade.

- Ken McIntyre

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 140

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 21:33:46 PDT

Another totally tubular episode of the internet's wildest party awaits you!

Tonight, the gang takes on 1983's new-wave Romeo n' Juliet teen-com classic, Valley Girl!

Plus: The return of Mike Demonik, Heavy Metal Phil joins the cast, Hits from Hell, the top 5 bottom 5 DVDs of the week, weird news, Songs about Girls, and lots more!
Listen/download HERE!

Subscribe on I-Tunes!

Or listen anytime on Movies About Girls Radio!

More fun: Leave us a voicemail! 617-300-0669!

Check out our message board!

Join us on Facebook!

PS: Songs on tonight's show performed by:
The Briefs
Rick Mclellan
Frank Zappa
Peter's Faces
The Teddybears
Slade
Thanks for listening!

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 139: MAG-lite Plus!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 17:14:35 PDT

This week, a super-sized MAG-lite! 90 minutes of antics from your fave gang of laff makers!
Special guest: Phil, editor of Canadian metal magazine Chromium Dioxide!

Note: Canadian heavy metal queen Lee Aaron is not on tonight's show. But Canadian metal dudes definitely are.

Listen/Download HERE!

Tonight's goodbye song by Hank and Eddie Cochran.

Thanks for listening! We'll be back next week with the BIG SHOW!

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 138: MAG-lite!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 16:37:32 PDT

This week, a short-but-sweet hour-ish long podcast wherein the gang shows up, cracks wise, and then splits. It's a very special week, because Christine is back! And now she's in Texas. So, as you might imagine, there's a lot of Texas material.

Note: This is not Christine. But she's only been in Texas like a week.

Bite-sized fun!
Download/listen HERE!
Goodbye song by Tex Williams
See you next week!

House on Sorority Row (1983)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 14:58:51 PDT

Directed by Mark Rosman
Starring Kate McNeil, Eileen Davidson, Harley Jane Kozak, Jodie Draigie
Rated R
USA

"I'm a sea pig!"

The 80's didn't really start until 1984. I think Billy Idol really invented the 80's. Before that, it was still the 70's, as evidenced by the clothes and the woeful Cars rip-off band prominently featured in 1983's (relatively) bloodless slasher, House on Sorority Row. The nonsensical premise is, at least, uncomplicated: sorority girls accidentally kill their wicked house mother, then dump her in the pool so they can throw an end-of-semester blow-out party. Things go awry when her body keeps popping up in different spots around the house, and the girls involved in the accidental murder/purposeful cover-up start showing up dead, slashed, seemingly, by the deceased house mother's own metal-tipped cane.

And that's pretty much all there is to it. Of course, there's no reason to just dump the old bitch. It was an accident, a prank-gone-bad, and a call to the local yokel cops would have cleared it all up in an afternoon. Some folks (like Stacey, my wife) could not get past this leap in logic, but hey, who knows what we'd do in similar circumstances? Pools are very convenient places to dump stuff, after all.

Katie (Kate McNeil, one of the several young actresses here who managed to bridge the gap between b-queen and soap star pretty effortlessly) is the token "Final Girl". She's the only one who thinks they ought to call a cop. Sadly, she caves into peer pressure and goes along with the cover-up instead. That's not very plucky. Also, she doesn't have a gender-neutral name. She's pretty much the worst Final Girl ever. At least she wears unflattering work clothes to a drunken blow-out and spurns the advances of her dorky date.

Vicky (future soap star #2, Eileen Davidson) is the ring leader. She's the one that causes the accident in the first place and spends the rest of the movie barking orders to the rest of the girls. Kind of a one-note performance, but effective enough. Also, excellent eyebrows.

Diane (Harley Jane Kozak, soap star #3, third from the left above) is...well, another one of the girls. There's not a lot of characterization at work here. I thought she looked a lot like Marcia Stassman, AKA Mrs. Kotter on Welcome Back Kotter.

Interestingly, Stacey thought Kate was a deadringer from Mrs. Kotter. We were probably just wishing we were watching Welcome Back Kotter instead. Anyway, Harley-Jane is in it, too.

So is Jodi Draigie, who steals the show as the dim-witted blonde-bombshell Morgan. First of all, she has a tremendous look. Her facial features look like somebody was trying to construct the perfect, Dorothy Stratten-esque 80's platinum-blonde glamour queen, but gave up halfway through. For most of the film, she's wearing a crazy "sexy" dress that Melanie Griffith or somebody would have worn to the Oscars in 1982, but no college girl would ever wear, especially to a beer-bash. At one point, after getting smacked in the noggin by the attic stairs, she decides the best course of action (this is is during a raging house party, mind you) is to slip into some flimsy lingerie and take a nap. As a character, she's a completely blank slate (I think she's supposed to be the stupid one?), which is perfect, because Draigie's clearly a non-actor. She only has about three lines, but every one is spat out with an energetic awkwardness that suggests Draigie knew she was over her head, but what the fuck, she's there already, might as well make the most of it.. Draigie/Morgan is the best part of the movie. Too bad she's only in it for about five minutes total.

Oh, can't forget the band, 4 Out of 5 Doctors. Virginia power-poppers with mullets. If you're young and thinking that maybe this band just seems spectacularly lame because they're from the early 80's, I am here to tell you that, even for the early 80's, 4 out of 5 Doctors are off-the-charts, kill-the-hostages, woefully LAME.

Oh, and the killer? Well, at the beginning of the movie, there's a prologue that takes place 20 years prior. In it, the house mother is extremely pregnant and being cared for by a kooky, sinister "doctor". Clearly, something terrible and gooey is about to happen and there's some yapping about an experiment gone wrong. Very soon after, Katie ends up in the attic of the sorority house, where the house mother has been keeping some unseen kid all these years. This might seem like a spoiler, but it's not, really, because there aren't any other suspects. Not one. No red herrings in sight. So, you know, who else could it possibly be?

In summation: There's a good head-in-the-toilet gag, a flash or two of nubile 80's nudity, and gratuitous Jodi Draigie. Otherwise, House of Sorority Row is mostly tedious, with no mystery, gore, or surprises to recommend it. I actually liked the 2009 PG-rated remake better. And that had nepotism's number one poster girl/block-o-wood Rumer Willis in it, for crying out loud. When Rumer trumps the 80's, you know things are bad.

- Ken McIntyre

Advanced Demonology Podcast Episode 5

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 13:08:27 PDT

Greetings Demonologists, Earthlings, and Groovy People everywhere and welcome to the Advanced Demonology podcast! This month's lesson: In Space, Everyone Can Hear You Scream!

Join cosmic retronauts Ken and Swilson as they journey to the furthest reaches of rock n' roll to bring you the greatest, weirdest, and most far-out space jams of all time! Four plus hours of space glam, space rock, space disco, space-billy, space-funk, and lots more!

Now strap on your space helmets and let's get real, real gone for a change!

Listen/Download HERE!

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 137

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 21:16:20 PDT

Another shackled n' chained episode of the internet's wildest party awaits you!

Tonight, the gang takes on 2007's rural sex nightmare Black Snake Moan starring Christina Ricci in her underwear!

Plus: Let's Fuck up the Podcast, That's Not a Real Band Name, the top 5 bottom 5 DVDs of the week, weird news, Songs about Girls, and lots more!
Guest starring Amanda, Swilson, BJ Lisko, and Jim Ether!

Listen/download HERE!

Subscribe on I-Tunes!

Or listen anytime on Movies About Girls Radio!

More fun: Leave us a voicemail! 617-300-0669!

Check out our message board!

Join us on Facebook!

PS: Songs on tonight's show performed by:
Love Me Nots
Ted Markland
Dirtbombs
Betty Swan
Freddy and the Four Gone Conclusions
The Bystanders
Thanks for listening!

Sugar High Glitter City (2001)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 02:01:51 PDT

Directed by Jackie Strano
Starring Shar Rednour, Kiki Carr, Simone Del La Getto
Rated XXX
USA

"You want some fuckin' candy, bitch?"

Jackie Strano was the lead singer for Sappho-rawk band The Hail Marys. Along with zine-editress Shar Rednour, she was also the prime mover behind SIR video. That's Sex, Indulgence, and Rock. They made lesbian videos. Not the phony lesbians that you're used to, though -the airbrushed former cheerleader straight porn girls that purr like kittens and nibble on each other like toothless grandmothers with finger sandwiches. You might be wishing for such puffball illusions by the end of SIR production, but your not going to get it. What they're all about is the real lesbo-underground, and it's a raw world of sexual outlaws with their own brand of rough riding justice. Strap yourself in. Or on, whatever.

Sugar High Glitter City is a near-future Dystopian fantasy, more than a little redolent of 70's underground sex classic Cafe Flesh. No sex-negative rubber neckers in Glitter City, though. All the citizens here are in on the rough trade at one end or the other. The problem with this town is that sugar- not a euphemism, I'm talking about lollipops and such, is outlawed. There's no real explanation for this- I'm guessing Nazi dentists, though. At any rate, you know how it goes with humans- outlaw something, and suddenly everybody wants it.

Kit Kat bars are like vials of crack here, and desperate sugar-fixers roam the streets. Many have resorted to prostitution to support their habits, and that's where the trouble starts. Crooked vice cops take full advantage of these troubled times, two in particular. Head honchess Jackie S. herself, and her silver pantsed side-kick Stark (who looks violently insane throughout these proceedings, by the way), bang every Nutrasweety in town- dangling blow-pops in front of them and threatening jail time if they don't go along.

Their are also sugar mamas, a chocolate mafia, and sleazy Janes of every shape and size strutting their stuff in Glitter City, all looking to score in one way or the other. Although all the candy whores in town are lesbians of the lipstick variety- a little rough around the curves, maybe, but definitely het-friendly, the rest of this clit-crazy town is populated by girls who look like they work at the health food store. For squareball straights (like me, turns out), it can be pretty alarming. It's a particular mind-bender halfway through when what looks like a thick-waisted Dave Navarro - you know, cheesy mustache and chin hair, cowboy hat, leather pants- trades some sugar pills for some back seat education from a Billy Idol girl, and when she gets moving, she tears off her body-wrap to reveal a very feminine, though oddly Ron Jeremy-like figure underneath. Yikes.

There are endless variations on this theme in Sugar High. Groovy chick in the back of a van is peddling cherry pies, mowhawked skate-dyke wheels in and makes out with her, and the pie. Sugar slut parades around town in a bra made of candy hearts. All day suckers are sucked on, all day long. The whole thing is one hallucinatory gang-fuck of confection and girl on girl love. This film won a ton of awards when it was released last year, and I'm not surprised. On an obviously ultra-low budget, SIR has created a whole alternate world, part hardcore pornography, part 70's ghetto-fried blaxploitation, part Twilight Zone. If it didn't scare me half to death, I would have loved it.

- Ken McIntyre

MAG Follies Podcast Episode 5!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 19:51:07 PDT

Time for laffs! Join the Giggles for Guzzlers panel-o-zanies as we present four hours of the best, worst, and weirdest of vintage comedy LPs from the 50's, 60's, 70's, and beyond! This month, it's the first annual Cavalade of Washed Up TV Stars Special! Hear gutbusting bits from Robin Williams, Bill Cosby, The Unknown Comic, Richard Belzer, Billy Crystal, Redd Foxx, Jack Benny, George Burns and many, many more!

You'll laugh, you'll cringe, you'll...I guess laugh some more. The MAG Follies podcast - where the fun never starts! ROZ WANTS YOU TO LISTEN! (She's on it.)

Listen/download HERE!
Thanks for listening!

The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman Season 1 Ep 6 (2006)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 14:20:14 PDT

The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman
Episode title: Peyote Ugly
Directed by Adam Kassen
Starring Laura Kightlinger, Nicholle Tom
Genre: Drunk-com

“Enjoy the cape!”

Perhaps the greatest innovation in television comedy in the 00’s has been the Completely Irresponsible Protagonist. Sure, this character has cropped up before, but usually as a sidekick: Leave it to Beaver’s teenage creep Eddie Haskel is clearly the proto irresponsible asshole, followed quickly by that whiny cretin Dr. Smith from Lost in Space. And who could forget Jack Tripper’s morally dubious best-bud Larry Dallas, or the willfully anarchic evil-nerd Squiggy? But it was in the past decade that these chaos-creating imps took center stage, from the UK Office’s clueless prick David Brent to Peep Show’s perverse loafer Jeremy, Trailer Park Boys’ drunk-bull-in-a-China-Shop Ricky, the entire cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and, perhaps the most irresponsible man…er, cup…in all of TV land, Master Shake from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Granted, he’s a milkshake, so it’s not like he’s beholden to the laws of a polite human society, but even for food, he’s a total asshole.

There are several reasons why this type of character would rise in prominence at this point in civilization. For one thing, they represent mayhem, and mayhem has quite suddenly become a major part of our lives, from the oppressive threat of terrorism to a cratered economy to the sheer terror of weather-gone-wild. We used to have a handle on mayhem. Now, it pretty much runs the show. Also, the internet’s relative anonymity has allowed many of us to unloose our inner id, flaming and trolling with remarkable cruelty, saying things that no sane individual would, if they had to attach their name to their statements. In essence, Master Shake IS the internet, come to goop-spurting life, outing you for the lame-o you are, right in your stupid face. The Completely Irresponsible Protagonist is us, if we were willing to get punched in the nose every single day.

However, despite the fact that there are just as many girl-jerks on the internet as boy-jerks, television still favors the be-testicled asshole. On TV, at least, ladies are still the voice of reason, with a few very notable exceptions. Selma Blair’s Kim, from the short-lived American version of the long-running Australian series, Kath and Kim, was an amazing ly obnoxious character, a preening, over-aged mall-princess with so many different glares and withering stares she often appeared to be suffering from chronic facial tics. Sure, she was based entirely on an already established character, but even so, it’s rare to find a female lead in a sitcom that’s so gleefully repellent. Also worth noting is Nighty Night’s remarkable horror Jill Tyrell (Julia Davis, who also wrote the series). This pitch-black Brit-com (2004-2005) starred Davis as a beauty salon owner, stalker, and unrepentant sociopath who just might be the most disturbing sitcom lead of all time, ever.

And then there’s Jackie Woodman.

Laura Kightlinger was/is a mid-level stand-up comic who found fame and fortune as a sitcom writer for Roseanne and Will and Grace. She was also, briefly, a writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live (1995), and she’s acted in various TV shows and movies – from Lucky Louie to Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy – since the early 90’s. Despite her mainstream success, much like fellow SNL alumni Norm McDonald, she always seemed more cynical and with-it than her roles and writing gigs would suggest. The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman, which ran on IFC for two painfully brief seasons in 2006-2007, certainly gives this theory some credence. In it, Kightlinger plays the titular Jackie, a boozy, drug-fueled entertainment journalist for a snooty LA magazine that she despises. She aspires to be a successful screenwriter, but is usually too drunk/hungover to accomplish anything. Her best friend, Tara (Nicholle Tom) is a ditzy, sexually-impulsive blonde-mess. In essence, they are the living embodiment of Master Shake and Meatwad, a lazy psychotic and her dimwitted companion out for cheap thrills. Kightlinger has stated that the show is, mostly, based on her own life, and that the stories are “85%” true. While that is clearly bad news for Kightlinger’s liver, it brings a gruesome sort of gravity to the show; Jackie is Laura without the dough, connections, and lucky breaks.

The first season was a straightforward raunchfest, but the following season added a few dollops of poignancy here and there. For example, in one episode, Jackie has to decide who she hates more – her mom's homophobic new boyrfiend, or her snotty, dismissive, gay coworker; in another, she has a pregnancy scare, which sobers her up for five minutes. Luckily, these dramatic moments are usually offset by a bolt of shock humor: Jackie and her drug-buzzing new boyfriend beat a punk rocker to a pulp in a club men's room, Tara has sex with a premature ejaculator wearing a clown mask, Jackie and mom guzzle whiskey and play Russian roulette. Shit like that. It's like Kightlinger knows, deep down, that she's supposed to have “feelings”, but she just finds them much less interesting than moments of druggy chaos.

Jackie Woodman was just hitting its stride when IFC pulled the plug; I imagine Laura would have pushed Jackie and Tara into doing some truly unspeakable things by Season 3. Luckily, we've still got these sixteen hair-raising episodes to remember Miss Woodman by.

In Peyote Ugly, Jackie wins a $10,000 grant from a Native American charity association to shoot a short-film; she applied for the grant as “Jackie White Pigeon Woodman”, justifying her actions by explaining to Tara that her grandfather lived on a reservation. Sure, it's because he was a down-on-his-luck drunk, but still. In a rare moment of moral outrage, Tara tells Jackie she thinks this is a bad idea.
“Well, there's two schools of thought on this,” says Jackie, sucking down a morning beer.
“One, suck it. And two, we already have the money, so who gives a shit?”

So, they cash the check and go shopping. Jackie spends $9000 on a belt and a lace shawl. The counter girl calls it a cape. That's gotta be a bad sign.

Back at Jackie's, Tara needs something to clean up the bloody Mary she just spilled, so she grabs Jackie's award letter. While she sops up the tomato juice, she reads what the letter says. Turns out Jackie has to submit five edited minutes of her non-existent Native American-themed film within two weeks or she has to return the money. Yikes. What to do?

Well, Tara smokes some weed. Meanwhile, a suddenly panicked Jackie digs up her original proposal and finds out it's supposed to be some bullshit about how the white man has driven the sacred Native American peyote ritual underground. Her theoretical film would document one of these “Sacred spirit quests”. Of course, you really have to be a member of a tribe to attend one of these things, so that's gonna be tricky.
“I need you, Tara,” Jackie implores. “You have this ability to connect with, and if the situation calls for it, to fuck, the common man.”
Tara agrees.
“Great. I'll go find my camera, you go find some Indians.”

Tara decides to hit the online personals to find a Jackie's “Indians”. She comes across a fledgling Native American actor named Russell Two Clouds, who agrees to get them into a peyote ceremony if they put him in their movie. Done and done.

Two Clouds turns out to be kind of a douche, reciting Shakespeare and mugging for the camera and whatnots. At least he makes good on his word, and takes them to the ceremony.

Here's the thing, though; once you're in the circle, you gotta drink the peyote punch. Those are the rules.

After projectile-vomiting on their guests, the now stoned-to-the-tits phony documentary filmmakers stagger away.
They both have a weird psychedelic trip with lots of bright colors and groovy sounds. Tara wanders off to renew her passport (or something), while Jackie stops at an oasis cafe where a mustachioed girl serves her drinks and seats her with a turtle who talks to her in her mother's voice.

After a day of tripping balls, night falls on the desert, and the girls decide to camp there for the evening. Luckily, the tribesmen have provided them with some sleeping bags. Tara doesn't think she can sleep, though. Jackie says she has just the thing, and lipsynch's Nancy Sinatra's “Sugar Town”.

That does the trick, and the girls slip off to slumberland.

And then they wake up a few hours later, covered in cuts and scratches from falling asleep in a patch of cactus.

Cut to: later that morning. The girls are back at Jackie's, wrapped in bandages.
“I work in an office, Jackie,” Tara whines. “I can't afford to be an insane fuck-up. What am I gonna do?”
“Call in sick,” Jackie suggests.
“And then what?”
“And then we'll buy a hat.”

Sounds about right. Oh, and what about the movie? Jackie sends 'em a cracked DVD. Hey man, it's not her fault if the post office destroyed the only copy of her masterpiece.

If you're a fan of chemically-dependent lunatics, you owe it to yourself to check out The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman. Season one is out on DVD. Season two...well, it's around. Snap 'em up to see Laura Kightlinger in the role she was born to play: Evil Laura Kightlinger.

- Ken McIntyre

Movies About Girls 136: MAG-lite!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 17:36:10 PST

This week, a short-but-sweet (2) hour-ish long podcast wherein the gang shows up, cracks wise, and then splits.
Plus: Guess the Fake Band!
Plus: A visit from Bill Burke, director of Sweet Prudence and the Erotic Adventures of Bigfoot!
Also, vintage clips, Fake GGG Vs Alistair's Fake (real) GGG, Holly's Blue Velvet remix, and lots more!

Bite-sized fun!

Download/listen HERE!
Goodbye song by Locomotive
PS Check out the new MAG Wiki, MAGpedia!

Voodoun Blues (2004)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 02:00:45 PST

Voodoun Blues – a short film
Directed by Misty Mundae
Starring Katie Bardeux, Misty Mundae
Unrated
USA

This should be subtitled Misty Mundae Goes to Film School, ‘cuz that’s what it is – a 6 minute, black and white, 16MM experimental short from the underground sleaze-cinema’s once-reigning scream queen. Who else but Misty Mundae would get a whole fuckin’ DVD release for her student film? What other snuff fetish model cum superhero fetish model would be afforded such an indulgence? Who else but Spider Babe could get a sap like, well, you to actually buy it? Nobody, baby, which is why if anybody is gonna make a movie about voodoo, it ought to be Misty, because she obviously knows how to use it.

As far as Voodoun Blues itself goes, it looks EXACTLY like a young hipster’s first film. It’s got quirky stop-motion animation of a topless chick freaking out while sitting at a vanity, surrounded by voodoo-ey knick-knacks like dolls made of string and candles. It’s got a mysterious woman-in-black that cuts open the crazy girl’s hand, and it’s got Misty herself, writhing around in bed, dreaming up all this madness. Then she wakes up in a cold sweat, only to find…her hand is bleeding! Yikes! Voodoo!

The scratchy 16mm stock and the creepy goth-blooze soundtrack definitely add to the druggy, off-kilter feel of the film. The fetish-y camera gaze brings to mind Richard Kern, and the staccato weird-girl animation is pure Kenneth Anger. Misty might make sleazy junk for a living, but it’s apparent from this short that she aspires to create some kind of greasy outlaw art. Just don’t let her try and explain that to you, or it’ll completely fuck up the art-girl scheme.

The truly awesome part of this DVD-EP, you see, is Misty’s meandering explanation about Voodoun Blues, which essentially boils down to some old broad giving her the hairy eyeball in the jewelry aisle at Target. But holy crow, does she take forever to tell the story. It’s amazing, this interview, and if I had the time, I would transcribe the whole friggin’ thing for you, cuz it’s about 6 hours’ worth (Ok, 5 minutes, but it feels longer) of, “She was all fucked up like, Hepatitis-having, ready to die, eyes all like, bloody and fuckin’ nasty and caked with eye liner, and I was like, whoa!”

Classic. Anybody that’s ever endured the ‘wit and candor’ of an artschool chick cuz they heard she was easy will have fond flashbacks when they land on this. Oh, and the interview’s punchline, when Misty talks about the film’s premiere at school, is pretty great, too : “I thought they were all going to hate it, but they liked it. Turns out, they were all really easy to please.”

More bonus bits: Misty’s cohorts show off their arty stuff, too, with a couple of equally experimental (and short) films. Cameraman Joe Miller’s “Sour Milk” is an inspired bit of Zedd-style punk nihilism, and her co-star Katie Bordeux shoots for shock and awe with the bloody “Night of the Whorror Hoppers”. Oh,and there's lots of shots of Misty smoking while operating her camera, too. I still hate art, but this was kinda fun.

- Ken

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 135

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 20:24:14 PST

Another nitrous oxide-inhaling episode of the internet's wildest party awaits you!

Tonight, the gang takes on 1986's surreal small-town mayhem masterpiece, Blue Velvet!

Plus: Hits from Hell, the top 5 bottom 5 DVDs of the week, weird news, Songs about Girls, and lots more!

Listen/download HERE!

Subscribe on I-Tunes!

Or listen anytime on Movies About Girls Radio!

More fun: Leave us a voicemail! 617-300-0669!

Check out our message board!

Join us on Facebook!

PS: Songs on tonight's show performed by:
Russ Kennedy and the Little Wheels
Cher
The Banshees
Larry Hall
Frank Alamo
Roy Orbison
Thanks for listening!

Hot Springs Hotel Season 1, Episode 2

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 01:22:26 PST

Episode Name: Cheerleaders
Directed by: Ines Glenn Starring: Samantha Phillips, Robert Vitelli, Sabrina Allen
Genre: Softcore/Sitcom

“Rah rah rah, shish boom bah! Hit 'em in the head! Meet my friends!”

Having conquered the banks in the previous episode, new hotel owners Kat (Samantha Phillips) and Randy (Robert Vitelli) can get on with more important things. Like, for example, trying to beat the previous episode’s record of waiting only 1:30 before cramming in a sex scene. That’s a seriously tough ask, and one that lesser softcore sitcoms would crumble before even attempting. Let’s see how they go.
“Where the hell's my girlfriend?” says the following man.

Damn, dude. I don’t know. Losing your girlfriend is a real bummer though. Stick around - maybe we’ll find out.

Oh hey, look. There she is. About to have sex with Randy.
Eight seconds! Seriously nice work, Hot Springs Hotel. That’s getting your priorities in order. “I think my boyfriend's starting to suspect,” unnamed girlfriend says.
“Nah,” scoffs Randy.
They have the usual boring softcore-style sex, during which it becomes apparent that she has a particularly awful boob job.

Also, they’re having sex in front of a framed print of the painting ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’, which seems appropriate for two reasons:
a) as a garish ‘80s commercialised appropriation of Edward Hopper’s 1942 painting ‘Nighthawks’, it’s basically the artistic equivalent of a botched boob job.
b) appearing uncredited in a sex scene in Hot Springs Hotel probably isn’t the highlight of this girl’s life. Broken dreams indeed.
But anyway. Once that’s over and done with, it’s back to business. And this week, the hotel gets a visit from the Roadrunners’ Cheerleaders. They walk in already holding their pom poms, which seems fair. Also, every single one of them has pigtails.

They’re coached or fitness instructed or something by Kevin, who’s played by Jerry McNamara in his one and only acting role. Frankly, with his convincingly natural dialogue skills I’m surprised he didn’t get a spin-off series of his own.

Kat is pretty much immediately into him. This is the first time we’ve seen her express any interest in a guy, but to be fair there was only time for 16 minutes of plot in the last episode. It’s definitely her turn for a sex scene though, so you can bet that these two will be going at it soon.
But first, she needs to get some answers from Randy about this whole “first class health facility” and “special health meal” business. The health facility is the aerobics room, he explains. As for the meals, he goes to talk it over with Minnie (Sondra St Cyr, whose acting credits only extend as far as this show and one other film) in the kitchen.

She’s reading a book when he walks in. “I'm on chapter two,” she explains. “You know there are over forty different pots and pans? I liked bartending better.”
She received the special menu Randy provided, but notes that she’s going to have to make some substitutions.

The pause before “potatoes” cracks me up. You can actually see her trying to remember her line. Her lips even move. Terrific stuff. No time for retakes, we’ve got a softcore sitcom to produce!
Randy heads to the aerobics room, which looks more or less like a gym anyway, so I can’t quite work out Kat’s earlier problem. He’s attempting to fix one of the treadmills when cheerleader Marina (C.C. Costigan) walks up to point out it’s not plugged in.

Randy offers her a job as aerobics instructor based on this display of technical know-how. She accepts. Cheerleading doesn’t pay much, I guess, or maybe aerobics is a more prestigious position.
For some reason, Randy decides that he needs to get Kevin out of the hotel for the day, and he gets Kat to call and invite him out to shop for gym equipment. That leaves Randy alone with the girls, so he comes up with a few exercises for them.
Like ‘Jump From the Pool to Reach the Apple on a Stick’.

Like ‘Roll the Ball Between Yourself and Your Partner’.

“And hug your partner!” he says when it’s over, grabbing hold of big boobed partner Vicky (Sabrina Allen). “And feel their...heart beat.” Even the cheerleaders aren’t real convinced by that one.

Meanwhile, Kevin and Kat have finished shopping and are eating ice cream cones with a spoon, which seems like the most counterproductive thing ever.

Speaking of ice cream, Vicky’s been getting stuck into the supposed “tofu ice cream”, as well as the burgers and fries, and has a stomach ache. Randy finds her down by the pool and suggests that going back to his room might make her feel better.
She stands on the bed and performs a cheer, for some reason. “Rah rah rah, shish boom bah! Hit 'em in the head! Meet my friends!” It doesn’t rhyme or make sense, but Randy doesn’t really care.

Then they have sex. Fortunately, unlike Randy’s previous conquest, Vicky has awesome boobs. Randy even motorboats them a couple of times to show his appreciation.
Afterwards, Randy does a cheer of his own. “How does that go again? Two, four, six, eight! Who do we appreciate? Kathy!”
“Vicky!” she complains.
“Okay,” Randy shrugs.

Randy drags Vicky and the rest of the girls to the bar, where they’re joined by Minnie and Theo (Marc Revivo). They begin on the tequila, but it’s not too long before Kat and Kevin arrive back.
Luckily, Lacey (Glori Gold) meets them out by the pool before they head inside to the bar themselves. “The bar’s closed,” she says. “We’re having a private party.”
“Of course,” says Kat, getting the hint. “We’re having a private party.” So the two of them get into the pool instead.
“I just love a sports man,” Kat says.
“I just love sports fans,” replies Kevin. Then they have sex.

While that’s going on, everyone else in inside getting tanked on tequila. There’s musak and crazy camera angles and so forth. Midway into the scene, Randy asks Donna (Vickie Vogel) if she would like to be the hotel’s lifeguard. “I could do that,” she says. Then there’s more dancing and crazy camera angles.

WHOA.
Next day, it’s time for Kevin and the team to leave. Well, what’s left of the team anyway. “I don't know what it is about this place,” he says. “I came with five girls, now I'm leaving with two.” He doesn’t seem to worried though. Oh well. I guess cheerleaders are pretty easy to come by.
But wait, didn’t Randy only offer two girls jobs? Well, turns out Vicky missed the ride back. “Oops,” she says.

“Hey you were great last night,” Randy tells her. “Where'd you learn to mix a drink like that?”
“High school!” she chirps in reply. Course. He offers her a job bartending.
Hot Springs Hotel seems to get dumber by the episode, which is saying something given that this is only episode 2. Good job, Hot Springs Hotel.

- Alistair Wallis

Advanced Demonology Podcast Lesson 4

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 17:29:38 PST

This month on Advanced Demonology, Ken and Swilson turn down some very dark corners and present you with four (and a half) hours of misery, jealousy, unrequited love, violent lovers and sad dreamers. It's our anti-Valentines day ode to the unlucky and overlooked. Bonus: at least four artists on tonight's show died in their 50's. Dig it!

Listen/Download HERE!

The Ruins (2008)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 04:15:56 PST

Directed by Carter Smith
Starring the chick from Saved and some jerks
Rated R
USA

"We're not cutting his leg off with a fucking hunting knife, Jeff. "

If you raked up some leaves in your backyard and hid one of your friends underneath, and then made a movie about the leaves coming to life and chasing people, you’d probably look at the resultant footage and think, “Well, that was a dumb fucking idea.” Then you’d erase it and shoot homemade porn instead. Right? Well, Carter Smith took the idea and tossed several million dollars at it. And now it’s too late to erase.

If you’ve seen the trailer, you know the whole plot. Bunch of dumb kids on vacation in Mexico get chased by weird locals to the top of a Mayan temple, and then the leaves and vines in the temple try to kill them. And since there is nothing remotely frightening about plants, they try and liven up the proceedings with some gooey self-mutilation, which seems to be a requirement of all R-rated teen horror films since Cabin Fever. It was no fun to watch then, and guess what? Still no fun.

The only high-point of this entire tedious affair is the lead blonde, Laura Ramsey. She has very large breasts, and she bares them in the first ten minutes.

Also, she is, in fact, in her underwear for the last hour of the movie, but at that point she’s covered in open sores, which sorta ruins it. Maybe that’s why this movie is called The Ruins, because it ruins any fun you could possibly have watching it. If so, good call.

- Ken

Foul Play (1978)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 09:17:05 PST

Directed by Colin Higgins

Starring Goldie Hawn, Chevy Chase, Dudley Moore

Rated PG

USA

“ Take these. Without them, you are a walking light-bulb... waiting to be screwed.”

The arch-bishop of San Francisco (I have no idea if that’s a real thing; seems feasible enough) has a murderous twin-brother who happens to be a member of a nameless revolutionary group. Said group plans to make a statement by assassinating the pope while he’s in town visiting the opera (!). In order to achieve this goal, first he assassinates his twin brother and takes over his duties. Then he hires a trio of hitmen to pull off the job. This team consists of a guy with a giant, jagged scar ripped down the middle of his face (Return of the Living Dead’s cremator, Don Calfa), a creaky old bastard called “The Dwarf” (Marc Lawrence, who is not dwarf-y in the slightest), and an albino (William Frankfather) named Whitey Jackson (!) who, distractingly, looks just like SNL’s Jon Hader in a Col. Sanders outfit.

So, that’s the plan. Seems flawless enough. But there’s one complication. Goldie Hawn.

She plays a librarian (!) named Gloria, who picks up a hitchhiker one fateful day. He happens to be an undercover cop about to bust the pope assassination scheme wide open, but he’s being hotly pursued by the albino and his gang. He hides the photographic evidence of the plot in a cigarette pack and asks Gloria to hold it for him. She thinks he just wants to quit smoking. They agree to meet later that evening at the Nu-art Theater (which is actually in LA, but whatever) for a ‘date’, and she’s supposed to give him back the cig pack then.

The Nu-art, by the way, is managed by a smarmy, licentious Chuck McCann, who is having an affair with one his ushers, played by Russ Meyer’s Up!/Slumber Party ’57 star Janet Wood!

Anyway, when the undercover cop shows up, he’s already bleeding to death. Gloria reports the crime but the body quickly vanishes, so everybody thinks she’s just some kind of nut. I should mention at this point that Goldie Hawn looks amazing in glasses. However, she does not look like what they probably intended, i.e. “smart” Goldie. She still looks like ditzy Goldie, just a hot-nerd ditzy Goldie.

Before he croaked, the cop told Gloria to “Beware of the dwarf”. So when she hears a dwarf was looking for her at the library, she starts to get nervous. Things really get dicey for our heroine when the albino shows up and attacks her in the stacks. She escapes his clutches and runs through the streets looking for safety. She ducks into a bar and picks up a harmless looking schlub named Stanley (Dudley Moore), insisting he take her home immediately. He agrees. As you would.

Of course, she’s not out for sex, just a temporary safe haven. Unaware of this, Stanley pulls out all the ridiculous pervy-dude stops, including porno 8mm loops projecting on the wall, Bee Gees blaring away on his Quadrophonic stereo, blow-up dolls, disco lights, a drop-down bed, the whole bit. She’s pretty horrified at this display and promptly storms out.

When she gets home, scar-face is waiting for her. She stabs him with knitting needles and then the albino shows up and stabs him in the heart. Then he knocks her out and dumps the body. Long story short, rogue police detective Tony (Chevy Chase) and his partner Fergie (Brian Dennehy) are assigned to the case. Naturally they think Gloria’s insane (dwarves, albinos, missing bodies, etc), but Tony’s sweet on her, so they go along with the ruse. Eventually they figure out she’s legit, and it’s up to Tony and Goldie to get to the opera house in time to stop the sinister plot before the pope is popped. Along the way, they destroy nearly every car in SF.

Oh, also: a dwarf bible salesman (Billy Barty) shows up at Gloria’s. She thinks he’s the dwarf assassin and throws him out the window!

Foul Play is marred a bit by a syrupy Barry Manilow soundtrack, but otherwise it’s a fun and twisty ride. The plot is ridiculous, but for the most part, the cast plays it all pretty straight, making this more of an action movie with laughs than a straight comedy with action/mystery elements. Speaking of ridiculous, casting Goldie as a librarian is almost as insane as casting Chevy Chase as a functional, no-nonsense cop. So, clearly, a few leaps-of-faith are required for maximum enjoyment. Everybody’s game, though, and Foul Play is littered with great character actors, including Burgess Meredith as Gloria’s feisty landlord, Reform School Girls’ own Pat Ast as the madame of a low-rent rub n’ tug, and Marilyn Sokol as Gloria’s man-hating best bud Stella. Also – and this may be a singular thrill – I very much enjoyed peeping at all the stereo systems so prominently (and inexplicably) featured throughout the proceedings…so much 8 track!

Anyway, fun, kooky stuff, well worth a look.

- Ken

Movies About Girls Podcast 134: MAG-Lite!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 17:11:21 PST

This week, a short-but-sweet hour-ish long podcast wherein the gang shows up, cracks wise, and then splits.
Plus: Guess the Fake Band!
Plus: Fake GGG's new bit!
Also, we revisit some of our fave JO Bro clips. What's a JO Bro? Listen and find out!
PS: Is Atomic Grape Studio really purple?
Yes.

Bite-sized fun!
Download/listen HERE!
Goodbye song by The Firecrackers
See you next week!

PS Check out the new MAG Wiki, MAGpedia!

Week in Sleaze Feb 14th 2012

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 05:25:54 PST

Happy Valentines Day, MAG-fans! This year, why not give your loved one the gift of sleaze?
Here's this week's notable DVD releases, hand-picked by MAG's gang of zanies!

Boeing Boeing (1965)
American journalist Bernard Lawrence has three stewardess girlfriends, none of whom know about the others. When his rival, Robert Reed, arrives in Paris, he invades Bernard's apartment and schemes to take over his duplicitous but tantalizing life. Starring Jerry Lewis and Tony Curtis

Seriously, think about it: sexy stewardesses in 1965! Tony Curtis and Jerry Lewis! Cigarettes and hi-balls and rampant sexism! How can you lose with this one?

Gang of Roses II: Next Generation
Cassie, the last remaining member of the original Gang of Roses, is sitting in a small Mexican jail holding the writtencode to a US military safe. It s here that she meets Collette (Eurika Pratts), a young gambler looking for her next con.Kate (Rocsi Diaz) attempts to break her out, and Cassie is killed. Upon their return, Kate and Collette meet up without laws Candi (Teyana Taylor) and Mimi (Claudia Jordan). After some lengthy planning, the four women head to the Mexican town of San Juevo and prepare for the robbery, which will take place in the town church. But unbeknownst to them, they are being followed by Lee (Gabriel Casseus) and his posse of bandits, looking to ambush the women before they can make their big score.

The original Gang of Roses was one of the most inexplicable things I've ever seen: an all-hot-black-chick western, played straight, by mostly non-actresses (Little Kim! Macy Gray!). It wasn't quite as crazy as you might like, but it was still pretty fuckin' crazy. And now they've done it AGAIN, with new hot-black-chick non-actresses? Holy smokes, sign me up!

Nude Nuns with Big Guns
After sweet Sister Sarah is victimized by the brutal and corrupt clergy members in her church and nearly dies, God tells her to take revenge. Now she's packing heat and blowing away the bad guys.

It is extremely unlikely that this film will live up to its title. However, all it has to do is provide the title image, and it will still be worth the effort/dough. That's exploitation!

Swinger's Massacre (1975)
This thriller/drama follows a a suburban lawyer down a ruinous, blood-covered road. The trouble begins when he tires of life in the slow lane and suggests that he and his wife should join a swinging couple's club and do a little spouse swapping. But then he begins suspecting that the wife is having too much fun with the other swingers.

AKA the entirely porny-sounding Inside Amy, this rarely seen mid 70's swingersploitation grinderhouser features, among others, Russ Meyer udder-queen Ushi Digard! There's a good chance it's awful, and an even better chance this “DVD” is sourced from VHS, but Swinger + Massacre + 1975 is a little too tantalizing to pass up.

Yakuza Hunters: Final Death Ride Battle
A 70s-style pink film featuring a host of B-movie cult favorites including Yoshihiro Nishimura from The Machine Girl and Tsuyoshi Kazuno from Robo Geisha. Furious with Junko,who massacred her old friends called the Yakuza hunters, Asami enters into a final battle with four old friends.

Apparently one of a series of nu-Pink/splatter flicks. So if you like half-naked Japanese chicks chopping heads – and you do, we all do – you're gonna want to investigate this pronto.

That's it for this week. Seems like plenty. Check out MAG-lite this Sat for more recommendations!

- Ken

MAG Follies Podcast Episode 4

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 19:09:44 PST

Movies About Girls Radio Network Proudly Presents...The MAG Follies!
Time for laffs! Join the Giggles for Guzzlers panel-o-zanies as we present three hours of the best, worst, and weirdest of vintage comedy LPs from the 50's, 60's, 70's, and beyond! Hear gutbusting bits from the Smothers Brothers, Jimmy Lynch, Henny Youngman, Cheech and Chong, Andy Parks, Archie Campbell, Wally Cox, Terri "Cupcake" O' Mason, and many, many more!

You'll laugh, you'll cringe, you'll...I guess laugh some more. The MAG Follies podcast - where the fun never starts!

Listen/download HERE!
Thanks for listening!

Vixens of Virtue Vixens of Vice: Season 1 Special Edition (2011)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 04:11:01 PST

Directed by Rob Longo
Starring Sarah Burns, Ella Jane New, Natalie LaSpina, Tara Lee
Unrated
USA

"When you wake up you will feel very different in the morning."

Being akin to the MAG YouTube favorite, Bikini Crime Fighter (of whose videos have been tragically removed from the internet) and countless other micro-budget productions created and produced by lonely dudes who have no shame about coercing innocent women to get their Cosplay on and pretend to act in front of what often looks like a camera phone video or VHS camcorder for what seems to be no other purpose than to give the creator a chance to get close to women who otherwise would intentionally avoid them and as a bonus get to play and replay the evidence of said interactions for their entire awkward existences.

Don't get me wrong, I am not attempting to discourage or berate the creators of these videos, but you do have to admit that its a bit creepy. Sure, it sounds like a great idea in your head, but I can only imagine what the ladies think when they show up for work in an alley or abandoned warehouse, are told to throw on a colored wig, grab a cardboard tube and pretend to fight with each other. At least porn is honest about its intent.

Fortunately, this world has no shortage of those brave enough to be creepy, and the web seriesVixens of Virtue, Vixens of Vice helps support this idea, albeit with a slightly lesser percentage of creep than other such offerings. If fact, besides the ample use of cleavage, there is nothing in this series that would discourage watches from lovers of campy fun of all ages.

The series concerns itself with the sibling rivalry of the superpower enabled Sweet Sisters(blue-haired Sweet Burden, who can control gravity, Sweet Burn, who can burn things, andSweet Frost, who can freeze stuff) and their ingenious villain kin, the Bitter Sisters (Bitter Evil, the mad scientist/inventor of the bunch, Bitter Pain, the ninja master, and Bitter Pill, the chemist of the crew).

While the Sweet Sisters are content enough in just being goodie-goodies and trying to find their parents, the Bitter Sisters are all about getting rid of their sisters altogether and while their at it, take over the world.

Not only do they have an ever expanding supply of "Bitter Bots" to help in their evil plots, but they also have recently created a fem-bot style cyborg named Bitter Metal. Strong enough to resist blades and bullets, Bitter Metal is the Bitter Sisters finest hope yet to destroy their sisters.

With 10 episodes coming in a less than an hour total, Season 1 of VOV/VOV does a good job at holding your attention, even if it is only to look at boobs. The plot is pretty clumsy and disjointed, the acting varies from terrible to vicariously enjoyable, and I having a sneaking suspicious that the actors aren't always the same from episode to episode, but as time wasting trash-candy, this is well worth a watch.

Get the DVD at MVD or directly from the official website. Until then, check out the sneak peek below.

Vixens of Virtue Vixens of Vice Theme Song from Live Body on Vimeo.

- Jeremy Vaca

White Lies (1998)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:34:40 PST

Directed by Kari Scogland
Starring: Sarah Polley, Tanya Allen, Jonathon Scarfe, Lynn Redgrave
Unrated
Canada

Who would have thought that the Canadians, our kinder, gentler cousins up north, the Stepford Wives of the Western world, would have the same problems with white power goons as we do? I guess wherever you put a bunch Caucasians together, crosses will eventually get burned, and bad punk rock will fill the air. And so it goes in White Lies. Originally a made for TV movie, it tells the strange and terrible tale of Catherine Chapman (Sarah Polley- the Canadian Uma Thurman), an idealistic high school student who begins to notice a disparity in the treatment of whites and minorities in Canadian society, particularly in hiring practices. She was looked over, you see, for a job at McDonald's because she didn't speak Korean. Never mind that there are half a million jobs a Korean born woman living in Canada would lose out to her- she wants to flip her goddamn burgers, and she's willing to join a neo-nazi group to do it. By the way, Canadians call them "Nutzis".

This group is called the National Identity Movement, a shadowy activist group led by Lynn Redgrave (!). Catherine begins airing her vague grievances on their website. Eventually, they ask her to start writing for their newsletter, and she becomes a poster girl for white power, even going so far as to date the lead singer for one of those awful skinhead punk bands. It's interesting that she gets sexier as she gets more evil, going from cornsilk wallflower to red and black racist glam in one church torching. Eventually, though, saner heads prevail, and Catherine has a last minute change of heart, but not before much havoc is wreaked on the streets of Ontario as a result of her big mouth.

Belying it's TV origins, the language in White Lies is pretty subdued for a movie about nazis, but otherwise, it's a tightly wound ball of racial tension that speeds to it's climax with an escalating series of atrocities and rampant stupidity from the NIM camp and plenty of scenery chewing from Redgrave and smoldering sex appeal from Polley. The only problem with this film is the same as any movie about white power movements- it's never really explained just what 'white culture' these jackasses are trying to preserve. Country music and baseball? They can have it, man.

This DVD edition of White Lies also features a wordy but smart 'making of' featurette that, at the very least, will show you how to successfully film a giant cross burning in a rain storm. Who knows? It might come in handy someday.

- Ken