Movies About Girls

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 166

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sun, 19 May 2013 03:30:45 PDT

This week, it's a TV Shows About Girls episode!
Jeff Crazy presents us with his favorite episode of 70's jiggle-com Three's Company!

Plus: the most depressing kid's cartoon ever! Fun with placenta (?)! Crazy news! The top 5 and bottom 5 DVDs of the Week! Songs about Girls! And lots more!

Listen/download HERE!

PS Songs on tonight's show performed by:
Gilbert O'Sullivan
The Smoke
Tony Castle
Jerry Martin and the Sounds
The Gruesomes

Thanks for listening!

Drew Stories: The Alarm Clock

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Mon, 13 May 2013 15:00:33 PDT

Last night, or rather this morning around what I now suspect was 3 A.M., my old-school clock radio started playing music. Classic rock more specifically.

At first I thought it was Hallie using her smartphone. Like maybe she has insomnia and was surfing the web and stumbled upon a website or link that had unexpected audio or whatever. But as the noise brought me to consciousness and woke me from my dream, I realized she was asleep and it was my clock radio.

Although I do normally set my alarm to play radio, and yeah a specifically classic rock radio station, I hadn't set my alarm that night. Or any other night recently for that matter, and even if I had it wouldn't have been set to go off at 3 A.M. But there it was, rocking out and waking me up and stuff.

Hallie on the other hand was sound asleep as I crawled over her in an effort to turn off the alarm. She grumbled and protested as she woke up from my struggles to silence the noise, which I did by unplugging it from the wall.

I don't remember the conversation we had right then but basically she didn't believe me. She said I was dreaming. She didn't believe me in the morning either. But I totally still believe it really happened. The clock radio went off for no fucking reason. That's my story. I don't know really if it's true or not. I hope it is. I hope my alarm clock really did go off for no reason and that Hallie slept right through it and that it wasn't a dream(with classic rock).

But damn, if I put money on that, I might sound like one of those Bigfoot people. Still, I don't have a history of sleep walking or any other reports of simular strange nighttime behavior. Hmm. Or "wow" as the turtle having sex would say. It remains a mystery. But it is indeed a Drew Story.

-Drew Buzzy

MAG Down Under Variety Hour Episode 4!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 11 May 2013 01:46:11 PDT

Hiya pals! It's time for the MAG Down Under Variety Hour Episode 4! This week, join Alistair and Siobhan, with special guests BoDuley, Amanda, Cherrybomb and the ever-reliable Drew Buzzy for almost two hours of antipodean flavoured fun, games and laffs. More tremendous Talent Spectacular entries (all coincidentally named Evan)! More wonky musical numbers! More riveting Drew Stories!

Bonus: really weird Jason Mraz fan-fiction.

Listen/download HERE.

Next week, join us for Episode 166 of the Movies About Girls Show!

Advanced Demonology Podcast Episode 15

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sun, 05 May 2013 14:49:31 PDT

Groovy chicks singing about sex and Jesus and Acid.

Listen/Download HERE.

Dr. Christina of Sweden (1970)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 04 May 2013 04:09:32 PDT

Directed by Nick Philips
Starring Ushi Digard, Anna Travers
Rated X
USA

Dr. Christina is the "work" of infamous nihilist-punk grindhouse director Nick Philips, the sleazedealer behind loony fatsploitation slasher Criminally Insane, to say nothing of the self-explanatory Fraulein Leather, or the depressive psyche-horror Satan’s Black Wedding. Philips’ films are so grubby and heartless that they’re almost anti-fun, a black hole of sexless despair that suck the joy right out of your eyeballs. This one almost manages to claw its way out pf the black pit of Philipsylvania, mostly due to the inclusion of one Uschi Digard, the buxotic Swedish jawdropper known mostly for her turn as the pneumatic barnyard baller in Supervixen. I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to watch just about any piece of sewer trash if her magnificent udders and marble-mouthed accent are involved. Uschi shows up halfway through in a brief lesbian scene, making sweet, furry, freaky 70’s love with some chick on a ratty couch. And that’s the best part of the movie.

The rest involves a Swedish magazine columnist who writes under the name Dr. Christina wandering around Paris, jotting stuff in her notebook, taking a train, sightseeing, and every 20 minutes or so, stumbling into a spliced-in lesbian scene. I should note that there is no dialogue in this film, just the monotone narration of the good Doc gamely combating the squawking jazz score. Does that sound like fun to you? Fuckin’ Nick Philips, man. He’s done it to me again.

But hey, at least there’s a bonus featurette on the DVD called Sex Nurse that has some blowjobs!

- Ken McIntyre

Good Example of Embarrassing Mime

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Fri, 03 May 2013 14:00:20 PDT

I'm sure I'm not alone in my uncomfortableness with mimes. They are weird and creepy. The main conflict any person educated in the arts has with mimes comes from the fact that it's a perfectly valid form of artistic expression. Part clowning, part performance art, part breakdancing and entirely related to the human experience, miming is indeed an undeniable art from.

It's just that is sucks balls as an art form.

As this embarrassing Howard Jones promotional video clearly demonstrates.

-Drew Buzzy

Top 5: Comfortable Jumpers Worn by Sarah Lund in ‘Forbrydelsen’

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 04:23:37 PDT

Danish crime drama Forbrydelsen, also known as The Killing, is comprised of three seasons of impeccably plotted murder and mystery. Sofie Gråbøl stars as awkward and unpersonable cop Sarah Lund, and wears some of the most comfortable-looking jumpers ever seen on television. Here’s her five best.

#5

Lund starts season two in this red number. It’s not as flashy as some of her other efforts.

#4

The beginning of season three sees Lund in this angular sweater, although she doesn’t stick with it for long – possibly because it is, comparatively, rather thin looking. Denmark is cold, you know.

#3

The remainder of season three is mostly spent in blue; a recolouring of a jumper she wore in the first season.

#2

This brown sweater was seen briefly in the first season. Lund later donned a similar brown jumper in season two, but with a more familiar pattern.

#1

The original, unsurpassable, season one classic.
Alistair

Jeff Makes it Weird

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 06:26:04 PDT

Will Holly marry Jeff, divorce him and let him live in her basement? Probably not.

-Drew Buzzy

Jennifer's Body (2009)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 07:03:08 PDT

Directed by Karyn Kusama
Starring Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried
R
USA

"What's up, Vagisil?"

Despite the fact that it starred then-Hollywood It girl Megan Fox, Jennifer’s Body tanked at the box office. Why? Because the script is fucking atrocious is why. I swear, Diablo Cody is the luckiest terrible writer on the planet. "You give me such a wetty"?! Fuck.

Anyway, Jennifer’s Body stars Megan Fox as Jennifer, the hottest girl in school, who is best friends with Needy, played by Amanda Seyfried, who is the nerdiest kid in school. So that’s not right. Also, there’s nothing nerdy looking about Amanda Seyfried, she just wears glasses. They find some band on Myspace called Low Shoulder and go to see them. The band happens to be dabbling in the occult, so they kidnap Jennifer one night when the local club burns down, and they sacrifice her. This would be kinda awesome if they looked like the kind of people who might kidnap hot chicks and sacrifice them, like Marduk or something.

But they don't, they look like actors wearing mascara, which is what they are.

Anyway, turns out she’s not a virgin, so instead of dying, she becomes a vampire-demon sorta thing who can set her tongue on fire. And that’s what happens.

Bottom line? Amazingly, it’s completely skippable. You not really missing anything. I like the poster. I would rather own the poster than the DVD. It’s a shame, because Megan Fox is perfect for the role, and she's great to look at, and with a decent writer, it could have been a very funny, gory movie.

PS When she was in high school, people threw ketchup packets at Megan Fox. That’s pretty much the only interesting fact I have about her. Also, she's wicked into Jesus now.

PPS: I originally saw this in the theater. During the lesbian make-out scene, you could hear boners popping all over the place. Boings! everywhere. So there's that.

- Ken McIntyre

Terror Toons (2001)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 12:20:24 PDT

Directed by Joe Castro
Starring Lizzy Borden, Beverly Lynn, Fernando Padilla
Unrated
USA/Hell

"I don't know where I ended up, but I'm their king now."

Hanna Barbara meets demented German Expressionism in this hyperactive dayglo nightmare that makes "Itchy and Scratchy" look like...well, kid's stuff. Dig this for a show-stopping opener. Average jerk in a beanie gets sucked into the cartoon dimension. Not sure how, probably by accident. Poor bastard couldn't run into Squiddly Diddly or anyone nice like that, right? No, he runs into this gonzo blood eater Dr Carnage. The bad Doc looks like a radiated Mortiis, and acts like a meth- burning, rubbery Mengele. He straps the guy down to an operating table and experiments on him with weird, savage surgical instruments and jolts of purple electricity. Then he rips the cat's skull out through his belly button. Now, in Doc's world, this is just a harmless sight gag; but humans aren't quite as flexible as animated cells. Instead of shoving his skull back into his head, beanie boy just lies there, a bloody, dead mess. Which just goes to show that cartoons ought to just stay in their own fuckin' dimension, and leave us fleshly types alone.

Try explaining that to a porn star, though. In particular, try explaining it to the jaw-dropping bombshell Lizzy Borden, who stars, however briefly, as Candy. Candy and her sister Cindy (Lynn) are the remarkably well-adjusted children of some shlub and a hysterical drag queen, who are leaving the two girls to fend for themselves for a day or two, so they can attend what has to be a very weird wedding. Normally, since I'm ball parking Borden and Lynn's ages at 24 and 28 respectively, this should not be a problem. They should be able to take care of themselves just fine. But there's nothing normal about this film, so Candy is either supposed to actually be about 10 years old, or perhaps just retarded. If it's the former, than the basketball- sized implants - probably the most cartoonish aspect of the entire movie- certainly give away the game. At any rate, Candy receives a mysterious "Terrortoons" DVD in the mail, and retreats to her room to watch it. Meanwhile, her older (ahem!) sister Cindy and a friend call up their dopey boyfriends and invite them over for some strip-Ouija.

While the overgrown teenagers get their groove on in the living room, Candy is enthralled with the strange cartoon. Foolishly, she chooses "Terrortoons Live" on the DVD menu, and after the strange and terrible story of Doc Carnage is explained (He created crazed gorilla Max Assassin from a lab monkey he stole and experimented on, and the two run amuck throughout the cartoon universe, indiscriminately killing everything they come across, in various slapsticky ways), Max and doc burst right through the screen and into the real world. Yikes.

What follows is an hour or so of berserk, surreal chaos, as the two cartoon characters plow through the cast of bewildered teens, utilizing increasingly cartoony methods of mayhem. Giant pizza cutter? Check. Dynamite in the donut? Check. You get the idea, right?

Although "Terrortoons" does have it's limitations- Dr. Carnage and Max are played by guys in foam suits, after all, and look more "Banana Splits" than "Roger Rabbit"- but it wins big points on sheer audacity and gleefully mean spirited absurdity. I have piles of bukkake and spanking videos here, and this is still the most perverse thing I've seen in quite a while. If Walt Disney was a nihilistic, gas huffing, teenage punk rocker, this is exactly the movie he would have made.

- Ken McIntyre

Hits from Hell: Tomatoes Rot

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 09:09:36 PDT

Gong please, Stacey.

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 165

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 03:58:19 PDT

A jam-packed show this week! Tonight, we take on 1982's sex-demon saga Demon Rage, starring the frequently topless Lana Wood!

But that's not all! We also finally get around to Honey West! Plus, Crazy News, the Top 5 and Bottom 5 DVDs of the week, Songs about Girls, and lots more!

Listen/Download HERE!

PS: Songs on tonight's show performed by:

Swilson

Speedwolf

The Claire Sisters

Demon Fuzz

Get Well Soon

It's Gauze!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 12:16:18 PDT

I love how Alistair's answer just doesn't compute with Fake Gore Gore Girl.

-Drew (via Alistair)

Drew Carey Show: Season 9, Ep 22. Special guest, Maria Ford! (2004)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 16:14:57 PDT

Directed by Thomas J Thompson
Starring Drew Carey, Ryan Styles, Deidrich Bader, Maria Ford
Genre: Sitcom

"Eggs and strippers. It's why people hide in the wheel-wells of 747's just to get to this country."

While it certainly has its own singular charms, the Drew Carey Show is, classically, not much of a resource for boner TV fans. It is, after all, a show about a pudgy, bespectacled everyman in an ill-fitting suit trying to get though the day without any major incidents. Guys who brew their own beer in their basements don't usually cavort with scads of beautiful women. That being said, the show was often quite funny. Craig Ferguson as Drew's whacked-out boss was a major highlight. Also, Christa Miller, Drew's best-bud Kate, was easy on the eyes, in a low-key sorta way. That is, until she butchered her mug with plastic surgery. By the way, did you know she was Susan Saint James' niece? True story. Also, she was on the cover of the first issue of fratboy boner rag Maxim. So there's that.

Anyway, the point is, you rarely had the opportunity to ogle on the Drew Carey show. And then, out of nowhere, at the tail end of the show's 9th season, the gang hits a strip club. And who's dancing at said establishment? Why, none other than everybody's favorite go-to B-movie stripper-actress, the glamorous Maria Ford!

Ford made a series of low-budget "erotic thrillers" and horror flicks for Roger Corman back in the 1990's. Sometimes she was a cop (Angel of Destruction, 1994), and sometimes she was part of an ancient fertility cult (Burial of the Rats, 1995), but most of the time (Stripped to Kill II, 1985; Dance of the Damned, 1989; Dance With Death, 1992; Stripteaser, 1995, Hot Ticket, 1996; Showgirl Murders, 1996), she played a stripper. While these racy roles made her a cult star, she reportedly hated doing so much nudity, and by the end of the 90's, her reign as a skin-bearing b-queen abruptly ended. She claims it was by design, although many think it was because of face-altering plastic surgery she underwent in 1998. For whatever reason, Maria drifted off the sleaze-beast radar and when she did pop up in the next few years, it was generally in minor walk-on roles in kidflicks. So who knows how she ended up back on the pole in this episode of Drew Carey, but there she is!

In the episode, Drew and his pals Oswald (Deidrich Bader) and Lewis (Ryan Stiles) decide to check out the new strip club that just opened in town. In the pre-credit scene, you can see our girl Maria kicking and grinding with abandon in a too-short pink micro-miniskirt as Drew and Lewis chomp on eggs and toast. They also cut away to Oswald, who is entertaining another stripper, Raven, with his hopeless attempts at card tricks. Raven is portrayed by Sirena Irwin, a voice actress known primarily as the voice of a fish on Spongebob Squarepants.

After the commercial break, we get back to the action at the club. Crystal (Ford) is still dancing for the fellas, but Drew's feeling guilty, because he didn't tell his girlfriend Kellie (Cynthia Watros) he was going. He decides to get some advice from Crystal.
"Excuse me, I need a woman's opinion. I have a question about relationships."
"Well, if it's about your relationship with your father, I'm probably not the best person to ask."
Ouch.
Later on, Crystal gives Lewis a lapdance, and Drew keeps badgering her about his girlfriend. She suggests he lies and tells her he went bowling. Problem solved. Then she bronskies Lewis, but her hard-as-rock boobs injure his neck, and he has to go the emergency room.

The next day, Lewis visits Drew wearing a collar. He tells him he wants to sue the strip club, and to do that, he'll need Drew's testimony. To do that, Drew has to admit that he lied about bowling to Kellie. She's pretty pissed about it.

So, they all go the arbitration, and Lewis attempts to extort $4 million dollars from the club. He does not get it, but everybody gets free passes to the strip club. So everybody wins.

Well, except for Crystal.

Even when the material failed her - and it often did - Maria Ford was a compelling, captivating presence during her 90's direct-to-video run. Most obviously, she was a stunner, with a flawless face and well-toned figure. She also imbued even the most basic roles with some sense of raw authenticity. Maria Ford acted as hard as she possibly could, all the time, even with the most basic, un-challenging roles. But perhaps her most endearing trait was the almost palpable anguish she so clearly felt when she found herself portraying another woozy stripper, another hapless victim, another shameless seductress. Maria wanted to be an A-list, dramatic actress so badly that it bled all over the screen. It made you want to root for her, to be on her team, somehow. Because we're all Maria Fords in someway or another, and just like her, we often end up settling for a life a lot less glitzy and glamorous than we'd hoped for. It is this last defining characteristic, as ethereal as it is, that resonates the loudest in this episode. Ten years later, and Maria finally gets a big break - and it's as a fuckin' stripper. Life is a killer, man.

That being said, as Drew Carey episodes go, "Assault With a Lovely Weapon" isn't bad. Lotsa cleavage, a few funny jokes, and gratuitous Maria Ford. That's pretty good for 22 minutes of mainstream situation comedy. Fans who haven't seen her since the mid 1990's might be taken aback with Ford's new look - her surgery really did fundamentally change the shape of her face - but underneath, she still exudes the heartbroken screen goddess that so enthralled us way-back-when.

Now, somebody put her in a real fuckin' movie so we can have a happy ending, ok?

- Ken McIntyre

The Final Countdown...Hopefully

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 13:06:30 PDT

Clearly this is the worst cover of any song ever, but there's something else I'd like to point out here; The Final Countdown is 26 years old now....and more to the point, it was never a good song to begin with! How the hell is this song still still in our global conversation?

I've never understood why it was popular in the first place but I do know that it doesn't deserve the status that it has. One-hit wonders like Europe should go away after a while. Turn up the Radio is just as bad and pointless, but we did the right thing by forgetting about it all together.

Let's just hope these terrible Russian kids have helped put the final nail in the coffin of this entirely worthless song. Good job kids! Hits From Hell thanks you for your hard work!

Top 10 Most Spectacular ‘Honey West’ Outfits

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 04:30:19 PDT

I could probably go through the series and include pictures of more or less anything worn by Anne Francis in 1965 detective show Honey West, because, well, Anne Francis, but here’s ten that stood out. Don’t forget, we’ll be (finally) taking a look at the show on next week’s MAG, on April 20th.

#10

In episode 3 (The Abominable Snowman), Honey wears what appears to be some kind of cling-wrap/sequins combo, and tends to partner Sam’s black eye with a large steak.

#9

Honey goes under cover as a nurse in episode 18 (King of the Mountain).

#8

Honey wears a black cat suit – for night time snooping – in most episodes. Pictured here in episode 23 (Come to Me, My Litigation Baby).

#7

Under cover as a Polynesian restaurant waitress in episode 10 (A Neat Little Package), following a tussle with some crooks in a lake.

#6

Episode 7 (The Princess and the Paupers), requires Honey to go under cover briefly as a bathing beauty at a lake.

#5

Honey drops a cool grand on this designer gown from her client, Mr Antoine of Beverly Hills, in episode 11 (A Stitch in Crime).

#4

Honey, sort of under cover in an Annette-esque mesh bikini, on a boat in episode 4 (A Matter of Wife and Death). Male gaze courtesy of her partner Sam, watching from the shore. “Any problems?” he asks. “Only a Peeping Sam. Girl watch on your own time,” she replies.

#3

Under cover once again as a waitress, this time in some kind of one-armed tiger-print affair, from episode 12 (A Million Bucks in Anyone’s Language), and once again spied upon/watched by Sam from afar.

#2

It’s actually her double, Pandora Fox, who sports this outfit in episode 22 (Don’t Look Now, But That Isn’t Me, which we’ll cover on MAG this coming weekend), but either way, it’s Anne Francis. Also pictured: Alan Reed, the voice of Fred Flintstone!

#1

Honey stakes out a sauna in episode 14 (Invitation to Limbo), in a towel.

Alistair

"You're Doing it Wrong!"

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 06:27:53 PDT

-Drew Buzzy

Little Seizures

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 21:32:19 PDT

Squeaky Dave's got a band. And they rock! True story.

s/t EP by Little Seizures

The Black Sabbath Show

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 06:35:37 PDT

I forget where this comes from but it's definitely not from the 70s. They nailed it though, with the classic sound effects and canned laughter, you really want this to be real. Brilliant!

Drew Buzzy

Holly on TV!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 02:26:58 PDT

Canadian TV, that is.
Well, Canadian TV on the internet.
Close enough for rock n' roll.
Shock Stock 2013 motherfuckers!

She-Devils On Wheels (1968)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 19:10:03 PDT

Directed By Herschell Gordon Lewis
Starring Betty Connoll, Pat Poston, Christie Wagner
Unrated
USA

"When you're doing the bedtime bugaloo, you ain't in no position to fight!"

Ed Wood is often derided as the worst filmmaker in history. He's certainly the funnest to pick on, and he obviously did no one any cinematic favors. However, Ed Wood had something that some other filmmakers lack, and that's ambition. He GOT his octopus, he GOT his Bela Lugosi, and if he didn't have a star, he had his players play to their strengths. Tor Johnson, he's a ghoul. Criswell, he's a psychic. He did his best.

Herschell Gordon Lewis on the other hand, despite his filmography, is seemingly defiantly clueless. And this is rarely more evident than with She-Devils On Wheels. In Herschell's hands, an unknown like Betty Connoll is, Varla?

Released three years after Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, HGL's She-Devils On Wheels is about an all female biker gang who spend their days raising hell, terrorizing, and racing. It was produced with the usual HGL modus operandi of filming in remote Floridian locations (in this case, Medley, FL.), and using an ensemble of pseudo-actors and local cast-offs.

So, what's the plot to this mess? Well, basically, the all girl biker gang The Man-Eaters, are having a turf war (over a stretch of an abandoned airport runway) with a gang of drag racers (all guys of course) who are casually referred to as Joe Boys Group. Of course, there is other shit going down. Mainly with good girl gone bad Karen (Christie Wagner), who still feels the lure to a more righteous path. I don't know why she doesn't leave the gang, because no one in the group seems to like her. In fact, they're ready to hog tie her, and drag her behind a bike for breaking the rules and getting "hung up" on local stud, Bill.

All this is tied together with the usual tapestry of regional under-achievers, high hopes, and sweaty desperation. The thing with a lot of the exploitation scripts, is they talk big. They have a lot to back up. And you need actors with the right build to lend credibility to the menace. Does anyone actually buy scrawny, lanky, Christopher Mitchum as Ricco The Mean Machine, for example?

But Tura Satana, as Varla? Of course. And there's a reason I've brought her up twice. She-Devils is clearly such a Faster, Pussycat! knockoff, that you expect more. And that's what's wrong with this movie, and with most Herschell Gordon Lewis movies in general. They are content with the bare minimum, if even that.

Thus you get a disappointment like She-Devils on Wheels. An ensemble cast that doesn't act the part, much less look it, and shot on abandoned, overgrown locations. It's worth checking out, if only for the kitsch factor (HGL owes kitsch A LOT). Maybe one day we'll get that female biker witch coven movie I've been pining for. Until then, there's this. I guess.

HGL had the distribution to parlay his theatrical efforts into a something greater than what he accomplished. Sure, he's the Godfather of Gore. But when was the last time you listened to a commentary track and heard the director say he was inspired by a HGL filmed scene for a specific shot? Herschell Gordon Lewis: Often lauded, but rarely emulated.

-BoDuley

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 164

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 19:35:22 PDT

It's TV Shows About Girls Week on the Movies About Girls podcast, and tonight A-lister takes us on a trip back to 1965 to check out sexy private eye Honey West!

At least that was the plan. But then things went awry, and Honey got bumped to next show.

But wait! We've still got That's Not a Real Band Name, Is It?, Krazy news, the Top 5 and Bottom 5 DVDs of the Week, Songs about Girls, and lots more!

Listen/download HERE!

Advanced Demonology 14: Crime

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 19:24:17 PDT

Listen HERE.

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 163

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 11:52:39 PDT

On tonight's show, we head back to the mean streets of LA circa 1988 with the beautiful Mitzi Kapture for an adventure we like to call Angel III: The Final Chapter!

Plus: Krazy news, the Top 5 and Bottom 5 DVDs of the Week, the Boobs Report, the Made for TV Mayhem Minute, the Joke That Isn't Funny, Songs about Girls, and lots more!

Listen/download HERE!
Subscribe on I-Tunes!

PS: Songs on tonight's show performed by:
Alan O'Day
Stevie Wonder
Stevie Nicks
Toby Beau
The Angels

Thanks for listening! If you like the show, please spread the word and/or join us on Facebook!

Pink Lady & Jeff, Episode 1

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 16:05:26 PDT

Directed by: Rudy DeLuca
Starring Pink Lady, Jeff Altman, Sherman Hemsley, Bert Parks
Genre: Variety show/Insanity

"I loved the song, I just didn't realize your honorable ancestors had boogie fever."

Everybody loves a good train wreck - at least on television - and they don't come much wreck-ier than this. Pink Lady (AKA Mei and Kei) was a popular Japanese singing duo - popular in Japan, that is - who happened to catch the eyes and ears of NBC president Fred Silverman, who saw a potential goldmine in the disco-pop duo. Without nary a whiff of homework, he signed the bewildered Japanese dolls to a contract and roped in psychedelic kiddie-show kingpins Sid and Marty Krofft to produce a weekly Pink Lady-hosted variety show. There was, however, one major stumbling block to this operation: the girls didn't really know how to speak English.

In these more sober times, that devilish detail would be a deal breaker. But this was 1980, brother, and anything could happen in the 1980's. And so Sid and Marty forged on. Schlubby comedian Jeff Altman - probably most well-known, if at all, for a series of Arby's commercials in the mid 1980's - was signed on to smooth over the rough spots, and a cast of low-watt yucksters were recruited (including a pre-Ernest Jim Varney) for further distractions. Ultimately, it all proved futile, and all Pink Lady could really do was (badly) lip-synch their phonetic-English versions of hit pop and disco tunes and push Jeff into a hot tub at the end of every show. There were also a few bewildered guest stars (Lorne Greene! Larry Hagman!) and some surprise (and weird, and godawful) duets as well, including Pink Lady with Donny Osmond and Pink Lady with...erm, Greg Evigan.

Suffice to say, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

The pilot opens with a montage of Mei and Kei playing in stadiums and rolling around in limos, cut with scenes from the show. And then Jeff Altman comes out. No Pink Lady, just Jeff. He does a pretty painful monologue ("I wish my parents could be here to see me, but they're over at the studio next door, watching Merv Griffin interview his suit"), and then he introduces Pink Lady. They come out with Kimonos and sing in Japanese for a couple seconds, and then rip those off to reveal matching pink dresses underneath. And then they lip-synch to "Boogie Wonderland". Eventually, they're joined by a bunch of over-ripe, crazy-eyed dancers, who at least offer a distraction from the girls' not-even-close lip-dubbing.

Anyway, after that travesty, the girls saunter down to the lower-stage to goof around with Jeff. He goofs on them for not knowing English very well, and Mei changes the subject by telling him she thinks he's handsome. His reply: "Oh, you're just turned on by my round eyes." Ha ha, what?

Then there's a gag about how the girls have a bodyguard (a sumo wrestler busts through the wall) and then, mercifully, the bit comes to a close when Mei and Kei announce tonight's guests: Sherman Hemsley ("Chermin Humsley"), Bert Parks, and Blondie ("Blundie").
"And don't forget our bodyguard-o friend here," adds Jeff. "He might come on the show later and swallow a Dastsun."
Oof.

In the next segment, the girls dress up in spandex and dance in front of a giant boombox. Every so often, the camera zooms into one of the speakers, which opens up to reveal a hilarious skit waiting inside! In one, Jeff plays a pompadour'ed preacher trying to cure disco-obsessed Mei from hearing loss by hitting her on the head.

In another, he plays a brain-dead boxer being interviewed by a hot redhead (Anna Mathias).

And in yet another hopeless gag, the girls dress up like the Supremes and Jeff does a soul-powered Richard Nixon impression. This is in 1980, mind you.

Next, Jeffersons' star Sherman Hemsley drops by to goof around with the gang. Somehow or another this leads us to a another skit wherein Pink Lady play sailors watching a USO gig at the first all-girl army base.

Jeff plays some kind of medallion-wearing, bare-chested stud. And then Sherman Hemsley (in shorts) does an Andrews Sisters send-up. Hilarity does not ensue.

So then Bert Parks comes out. He used to host the Miss America pageant. They have a guy dressed up like him somersault onto the stage, to give the impression that he's still spry. Pink Lady act super-excited, even though they clearly have no idea who he is. Burt introduces a skit, which turns into another skit - neither of which feature Pink Lady - and then they show a Blondie video. "Shayla". Horrible song.

There's a short skit called "The Adventures of the Pink Falcon" wherein Pink Lady are jewel thieves and Jeff is a Cagney-esque gumshoe. Pretty stupid, but at least the girls wear black leather jumpsuits for it.

Next up: A Tonight Show parody. Jeff, naturally, does his Carson impression. The girls are serious marble-mouths in this segment. Who knows what they're talking about? All I can say for sure is they show a television ad Pink Lady did in Japan for some weird product - looks like a portable smoke alarm? - and then they introduce a Japanese stand-up comedian, "Shecky Nakamoto" (Richard Lee-Sung). He does his act in Japanese. It's the funniest part of the show so far.

And then Bert Parks and Sherman Hemsley come back for a long and pointless "salute to old Hollywood". There's a Kissinger joke in there. That's all I remember.

And there's a Howard Cosell meets Marilyn Monroe thing, too. Sketch comedy gobbledy-gook.

Finally, we reach our finale. Jeff comes out with Pink Lady and says, "Girls, I think we're going to make a great team."
"Don't bet on it!" Snaps Kei. Truer words may have never been spoken.

And then they lip-synch their cover of James Taylor's (by way of Carole King's) "You've Got a Friend". Or, more accurately, "You've Got a Fwend".

You figure that would be enough 'entertainment' for one evening, but nope. Suddenly, a full rock band appears out of nowhere and the ladies launch into "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow". There's even some psychedelic video effects!

They finish up with their Engrish take on "Knock On Wood". Not one word of it is understandable. Complete gibberish. Sort of adorable gibberish, but gibberish nonetheless.

Oh yeah, and then they take off their dresses and change into bikinis!

And then they dunk Jeff into the hot tub. This part, I like.

So ends the pilot. Any sane group of individuals would take a hard look at the horror they just created and close down production, but clearly the lunatics had taken over the asylum, because Pink Lady and Jeff hobbled along for another five magnificent episodes.

Stay tuned.

- Ken McIntyre