Movies About Girls

Teenage Caveman (2002)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:15:38 PST

Directed by Larry Clark
Starring Andrew Keegan, Tara Subkoff, Richard Hillman, Tiffany Limos
Unrated
USA

“I hate outside.”

Despite the fact that it's packed wall to wall with teen sex antics and hinky splatter, Teenage Caveman was produced for TV as part of an ultra low-budget series of late-night Cinemax snacks delivered by infamous B-movie mogul Sam Arkoff (who, coincidentally, croaked the same year this was released). I am unsure what other films, if any, were made for this series. I am also unsure whether this was meant to be a remake of Roger Corman's Teenage Caveman (1958), since I have not seen that particular teenflick, although I do sorta doubt it was also about a post-apocalyptic sex cult. The only thing I am sure of is that this is one seriously whacked-out piece of work, a softcore/gore mash-up so wobbly and weird that it almost passes for outsider art.

The first part of the film justifies the title. Sort of. There are, in fact, a group of teenagers living in a cave. It's after the fall of man, and a hard-scrabble group of survivors live together as a rag-wearing, expletive-spewing tribe just outside of Seattle. They learn to read by studying old issues of Penthouse Forum, and the leader of the gang is, of course, a corrupt perv who continually tells his flock they must abstain from sex while secretly banging the hottest tribe members, because god told him to. Annoyed because his tribal leader dad tries to god-rape his girlfriend Sara (Tara Subkoff, Freeway, who was actually 30 when she made this), brooding teen rebel David (Andrew Keegan, 10 Things I Hate About You), stabs his father in the eye with a crucifix, killing him. The other tribal elders tie him to a stick to die in the sun, but his loyal gang set him loose and they all split for better days and better lays. After wandering through the wasteland (actually just some shrubs) for days, they stumble upon a ruined old city (actually a painted/CGI-d backdrop of a smudged Seattle). And then a brutal storm hits (actually just a filter on a the camera lens) and then everything goes black.

The gang wakes up naked in a groovy room full of artifacts from the good ol' pre-apoc days ( Basketball! Vacuum cleaner!). Before they can figure out what the fuck is going on, a coked-up glam rocker named Neil (Richard Hillman, who may or may not be dead, according to IMDB) bursts in and serenades them with the early Misfits jam, “Where Eagles Dare”. Things get weird from there.

Long story short, Neil and a big-breasted Asian chick named Judith (hilariously wooden, fancy-named non-actor Tiffany Limos) are both genetically modified mutants. They were part of a college medical experiment a hundred or so years ago, and were granted powers of self-healing and (provisional) immortality. So, when the world ended, they were still around. They hang out in this solar-powered pop-culture emporium, snorting up their self-cooked cocaine, guzzling booze, listening to punk rock, and fucking. Luckily for the kids, Neil was on meat-safari in his SUV when he spied the kids in the storm, and brought them back for some x-rated entertainment.

Seeing as this a Larry Clark film, it is inevitable that the man who foisted Kids on the world would use this opportunity to get the cave-Kids naked. And so he does, in a ten-minute (it feels like hours), unscripted, booze-crank-sex orgy that feels as icky as you imagine it does. I think that's Larry's lasting contribution to modern cinema, bad nudity. Sure, he'll get the hot chicks naked, but at what cost? Larry Clark wants to ruin boobs for everybody. And he very nearly does with this brain-numbing “party scene”. It's like a community college production of Caligula.

Anyway, it turns out that Neil and Judith can spread their super-virus to others via sex. And they managed to fuck everybody during their coke party, except for David and Sara. Thusly, the all turn into a super-hero team ala the Justice League and build a new world free of disease and sorrow.

No. That's not what happens at all. Some of the cave-gang can't handle the process. The next morning, one of the chicks ends up writhing around in pain on Neil and Judith's bed. While Judy vigorously fingerbangs herself, the chick explodes.

So that was messy. Dave and Sara figure out pretty quick that they're dealing with a couple of lunatics, so while the other kids either transform into super-beings or bags of jelly, they do their best to A. Avoid fucking Neil and Judith and B. find a way out of this nuthouse. This proves harder said than done, and ultimately, Dave gets tricked into a quickie with Judy in the warehouse (and then it hit me: the WHOLE MOVIE is shot in the warehouse of, like, a K-Mart!) and before you know it, he's a pseudo-mortal like the other two creeps. Well, almost. He's still the hots for Sara, so instead of raping her – as his super-pals requested – he socks Neil in the mouth.

And then Neil turns into a caveman. So THAT'S what the title means!

And then they fight. And one of 'em wins. And then there's an ending so ludicrous you'd be outraged, f you hadn't already spent the last 80 minutes being outraged.

In conclusion, take 1: what the fuck just happened?

In conclusion, take 2: So, this movie was co-produced by 70's jiggle-queen Colleen Camp. Camp, Arkoff, and Larry Clark walk into a bar...and 17 drinks later, this is the movie they make. It's so cheap it sometimes looks like a public access show and some of the acting is cringe-worthy, and yet, there's something undeniably alluring about this goopy, disgusting, pervy mess. If your biggest problem with Kids is that it didn't have enough decapitations or mutant cavemen – and let's face it, it didn't – then this is the movie for you. Actually, this isn't the movie for anybody, really, but you know what I mean.

- Ken McIntyre

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 132

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 18:33:29 PST

This week, a short-but-sweet hour-ish long podcast wherein the gang shows up, cracks wise, and then splits.
Also, we revisit that time Jimmy Ether and I flipped out on menthol sticks.
And I talk a little bit about this movie:

You should see it!

Anyway, bite-sized fun!
Download/listen HERE!
Goodbye song by Bobby McClure
See you next week!

Bloodsucking Babes from Burbank (2006)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 02:28:16 PST

Directed by Kirk Bowman
Starring many hot girls in their underwear
Unrated
USA

"Sexy cannibals who will touch your heart...with their teeth!"

Awesomely sleazy low-fi splatter comedy about warring teams of hot young archeologists (!) out to win some vague prize for digging up the most compelling artifact in Burbank. Turns out there’s a mystical, magical jewelry box buried deep in the ancient hills of upper Burbank, and when the jewels inside the box are fondled by any woman, she grows plastic fangs and eats the nearest male. And that happens. A whole bunch of times.

This film has it all, really. It’s got a brain literally made out of jello. It’s got hilarious bits of junky CGI. It’s got a Pia Zadora lookalike who chews off a guy’s thumb. It’s got an incredibly hot blonde who poses in the woods in her panties, with her skin-tight jeans around her ankles, while she eats a dude’s arm. It’s got a non-nude shower scene that rivals Austin Powers for sheer, um, cheek. All the men in the film are buffoons or douchebags, and they all sorta resemble well-known character actors. There is very little nudity but an amazing amount of panty scenes, which seems much sleazier than nudity, for some reason.

None of it makes a lick of sense, but it all comes together seamlessly anyway. It’s like HG Lewis meets Russ Meyer in the bargain basement. Director Bowman is either a genius or a lunatic. I’d bank on the latter, but hope for the former. Whichever. If you’re looking for a low-budget, blood-splattered jiggle-fest that works just as well with your pants on or off, Bloodsucking Babes from Burbank is for you.

- Ken

Suburban Shootout (2006)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 03:46:28 PST

Suburban Shootout (2006)
Directed by Vito Rocco

Starring Anna Chancellor, Felicity Montagu, Amelia Bullmore, Rachel Blake

Genre: Crime-comedy
UK

“I just want you to know I just had anal sex with your boyfriend in the toilets.”

“Really? That's so cool!”

Perpetually put-upon plain-jane Joyce (Bullmore) has just moved into the fairytale suburb of Little Stempington, a picturesque, upper-middle-class paradise where crime simply does not exist. Her husband, Jeremy (Ralph Ineson), is Stempington's new chief of police, and her teenage son Bill (Tom Hiddleson) is home from his year in Africa building an orphanage. Pleasant people, pleasant town. Or is it?

It is not. There is a very good reason why there's no crime in Stempington. Turns out there's a trio of gun-toting soccer-moms who beat, shoot and terrorize anybody who even thinks of doing anything untoward in their perfect little 'burb. Worse still, they have competition – there's another rogue trio of 40-something ladies who do their best to thwart their arch-nemeses at every turn.

Joyce hasn't even unpacked her boxes before Camilla (Chancellor) and Barbara (Montagu) start having gun battles over which team Joyce is going to join. Joyce gets blackmailed into joining Camilla's crew when she unwittingly blows up the local wicker basket shop, but secretly works with Babs' team to rid Stempington of Camilla's evil cabal. Things get even more complicated when they get caught up in the estrogen-dealing trade (estrogen patches are a new underground drug sensation! Get into it!). When Camilla's tarty daughter Jewel (Ruth Wilson, doing a sort of slutty, grown-up Veruca Salt) steals their drug money, they end up being stalked, kidnapped and menaced by French gangsters.

Outrage piles on outrage, leading to a...well, the title of the show is Suburban Shootout, after all.

Frequently hair-raising but always funny, Suburban Shootout is pretty delightful stuff, deftly balancing the escalating crime story with character-driven humor. Fans of Hot Fuzz and Weeds should love it.

- Ken McIntyre

Advanced Demonology Podcast Lesson 3

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 21:07:10 PST

This month's lesson: Winter. Here at Advanced Demonology East, we are balls-deep in snow, ice, freezing temperatures and darkness. It's a bizarre, awful, terrible way to live. Swilson got smart and moved to the West Coast. I am not that bright. I don't know what my problem is. And neither did a lot of tonight's performers, as you will soon hear. This episode, we present you with songs about winter, performed by a variety of artists from genes as far ranging as 80's acid punk to 60's soul. We've also got Mexican psychedelic rock, French femme-pop, dusty country, fragile folkies, and of course, all the proto-metal and occult rock you can handle as you favorite sorcerer-slash-broadcasters take you on yet another journey into the darkest corners of rock n' roll.

All this and more in Lesson 3 of Advanced Demonology!

Download/stream/listen HERE!

Stay warm (and evil) out there!

Vampire Sisters (2004)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 02:53:34 PST

Directed Joe Ripple
Starring Darla Albornoz, Jeanie Jameson, Syn Devil, George Stover
Unrated
USA

"I feel like a hooker."
"You look like a hooker."

The name Don Dohler oughta strike fear into the hearts of Z movie-watchers everywhere, if the ultra-dismal Fiend (1980) is any indication of what the cat has up his sleeve. If you haven’t had the displeasure, you're better off- I think that ‘film’ has the ability to literally bore you to death. Luckily, the Dohler-penned Vampire Sisters- while being about as by-the-numbers, softgore schlocky as ya can get- is still about 666 times more watchable than Fiend, and, if you're in a god enough mood, you might even get a few chuckles (or boners) along the way.

The premise- hell, the whole plotline, really- is neatly summed up in the film’s title. Darla Albornoz, Jeanie Jameson, and busty goth pin-up queen Syn Devil star as the sisters in question, who run a pay-porn website together. Their highest paying customers are privy to special “Bonuses”, which means that when they get hungry, they invite said slobs over to their nondescript suburban home and suck ‘em dry. Literally. ‘Cuz they’re vampires, see? Vampires with fake wood paneling!

Although I am confused as to why the guys that are paying the most to see their dirty pictures are the ones that get offed- you think they’d wanna keep those guys around to help pay the rent- the rest of the film is a very linear affair, with dope after dope (a few chicks, too) arriving at the house, getting teased by the sexy gals, and then getting stalked, slashed, and vamped. Occasionally, there’s a hint of wit- when vet Dohler actor George Stover shows up at the girls’ house, he brings ‘em a box of Stover chocolates (zing!)- but there’s very little in the way of character development, and the only way to distinguish between one girl and the next is exactly the way you do it in porn flicks- hair color and breast size. There’s a sub-plot involving a private detective (or undercover reporter, maybe, I couldn’t really tell which) who decides to infiltrate the vampish cabal, and there’s a monster in the garage, too, but otherwise, it’s a standard blood and jiggle-fest.

But, you know, I like blood and jiggling, so this one was alright with me. Don’t expect a nightmare of depravity- or hardcore goreporn- but if yer lookin’ for a goofy, kinda sexy, old fashioned b-movie, albeit one shot on a camcorder, then you just found one.

- Ken McIntyre

Cindy and Donna (1970)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 11:18:26 PST

Directed by Robert Anderson
Starring Debbie Osborne, Nancy Ison, Alice Friedland
Rated X
U.S.A.

This forgotten little drive-in diversion first appeared in 1970, one of numerous titles churned out by the Crown International Pictures factory. It follows the usual skin & sin formula, with more emphasis on the peepshow than the plot than you’ll find in other titles like The Teacher or Pick-Up or Malibu High.

Is perhaps a tad more scandalous than the usual fare, too, with underaged protagonists, sorta-kinda incest, sorta-kinda lesbianism, and other more obviously exploitative elements, all of which helped get Cindy and Donna tagged with an early “X” by the MPAA.

Things begin with 15-year-old Cindy (Debbie Osborne) enjoying an idyllic end-of-summer walk on the beach with her boyfriend, Bob. Their stroll is accompanied by the film’s theme song, a syrupy dollop of pop in which the singer advises “Don’t be afraid to discover, Cindy / Don’t be afraid of a lover, Cindy” and the like.

In other words, the pressure on Cindy begins from the get-go. She and Bob make out a little, then Cindy goes home and is bored for a little while.

Soon her stepsister, the 17-year-old Donna (Nancy Ison) comes home. Cindy quizzes Donna about the boy with whom she’s been hanging out, Greg (Tom Koben), while Donna drinks some booze. Then their mother, Harriet, arrives.

She, too, immediately hits the bottle, a harmonica blasting away as if to mark her as “southern” or “white trash” or something. She speaks with a weird-sounding, highly affected accent, almost as though she’s trying to sound British. Or maybe trying to sound not British.

Harriet is kind of a spectacle, really. Interestingly, for the IMDB entry the obscure actress who played her (Suzy Allen) jumped on to comment on the film. “I agree that Cindy and Donna was a terrible movie,” she writes, “but the stagehands and crew said I was the best actor in the movie!”

One suspects the stagehands might have been being nice. Then again, it isn’t as though the best-actor-in-the-movie title should have been especially coveted by anyone here. Allen says a few more things about the making of the film, which sounds like it was quite fun for her. Her post is under the name “britwit” so perhaps she is British after all.

Meanwhile Dad, Ted Weeks (Max Manning) -- Cindy’s father, and Donna’s stepfather -- is driving home from work. He can’t help but eye the legs of female drivers from the cab of his truck...

...thereby rapidly alerting us to his “dirty old man” status.

He ends up stopping at a bar where he gets a drink and talks to some other dirty old men about this “unbelievable doll” they want to tell him all about.

Then comes a quick, unannounced cut to a strip club, where we are invited to ogle an oily Alice (Alice Friedland).

An unknown here (in fact, she’s uncredited), Friedland would later appear in some small roles in high profile flicks such as John Cassavetes’ The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (1976) where she played one of the “De-Lovlies.”

Her dance lingeringly lasts for three solid minutes, the lengthiness of the scene obviously vital to the plot.

We cut back to Ted, who has left the bar and ends up calling Alice from a phone booth and arranging a meeting later that night. (One of the other dirty old men has given him her number.)

Back home Cindy is still bored. She undresses and puts on a nightie. That takes a couple more minutes.

Then Dad comes home and he, too, hits the booze without hesitation. When he hugs Cindy, she asks if he’s drunk. “You gotta be a little bit drunk to get through the day” he explains.

We watch him then linger over Donna in her bra a little longer than he should, after which he has a drunken shouting match with his wife. She knows all about his “little whooahs,” but that doesn’t deter him much as soon he’s out the door and heading to his rendezvous with Alice.

We hang out with Cindy some while she takes her top off and is bored some more. Then we look in on dirty Ted with Alice who after some small talk quickly get it on.

“You’re blowing my mind, you know that!” says Ted.

Meanwhile, Donna sneaks out the window to meet Greg for a midnight frolic. Cindy sneaks out, too… easy enough since Dad is away and Mom is passed out blotto. Donna and Greg get high and engage in some dimly-lit, semi-clad groping in his car while Cindy watches, then Cindy returns to her bedroom. She rolls around by herself in the bed a little gropingly, too, then frustratingly, teen-angstingly exhales.

Back to Ted and Alice, where Alice is showing Ted some magazines. She’s a model, too, she explains. “I'm kind of a star, you know. Do you know how many men buy these things just to look at me…? It makes me feel kind of creative.”

More small talk, during which we learn she’s 17. “Same age as your daughter,” she notes pointedly, referring to Donna.

We move on to the next day. Cindy chats with her friend Karen at school about what she saw the night before. "I felt like it was really ugly and offensive," she tells Karen, going on to explain how she and Bob haven't gone that far. Karen is only slightly more worldly-seeming than Cindy, her lecturing to Cindy about love-making revealing her to be a bit naive as well.

Cut to Harriet, getting drunk at a bar. Hey, it’s five o’clock somewhere and oh by the way what the hell are YOU lookin’ at? She comes on to a couple of old dudes who play along a little then unceremoniously dump her in her car.

That night Cindy writes a letter to Bob, seemingly away at school, in which she expresses various frustrations.

A drunken harpsichord then announces the drunken arrival of Ted, also frustrated because Alice wasn’t available for a second straight night of fun. He creeps into Donna’s room and kind of shockingly joins his stepdaughter in bed while a horrified Cindy looks on.

The next day Cindy commiserates some more with Karen about her screwed-up family. Then we see Donna meet up again with Greg. She wants weed, but only has five bucks, and he gets her to agree to a favor to make up the rest.

At this point Ted and Harriet take an unexpected business trip to a convention in Las Vegas which they only tell Cindy and Donna about moments before leaving.

They leave, again weirdly accompanied by those banjos and harmonicas. We’ll look in on them again a couple of times -- finding Ted looking and acting like he’s ready to blow his mind out in a car after being forced to endure Harriet -- although they’re essentially riding out of the picture.

What’s left? Well, Cindy takes a shower. Karen comes over and they go to the beach, where Karen shows Cindy how to put on suntan lotion in order to attract the fellas.

The trick works, and soon they find themselves with a couple of horny dudes in their groovy love shack by the shore. Karen is into it, but Cindy not so much.

Eventually Cindy has her way and they leave.

Meanwhile we learn that the favor Greg had asked of Donna involves her posing for some topless photos, and the session quickly devolves into a couple of other horny dudes taking turns engaging in some semi-nude couch wrestling with their model.

Back to Karen and Cindy, who get high and wrestle some themselves.

That goes on a while, complete with freaky-deaky echoes helping to indicate their baked status. They talk about what happened over breakfast the next morning, with Karen assuring Cindy she was “marvelous” but that “you’ve no idea what it's like until you’ve tried it with a guy. I mean it’s wild! It’s the greatest.”

Cindy remains skeptical, but when Greg comes around for Donna a little later, Cindy’s trying the suntan lotion thing again.

Could it be? Is Cindy is finally no longer afraid to discover? No longer afraid of a lover? And, well, is anybody gonna face any consequences for this uninterrupted sequence of hedonism, or are lessons never gonna be learned?

While Cindy and Donna isn’t exactly what I’d call a swinging good time, it is certainly engaging enough for those with a tolerance and/or penchant for low-budget ’70s sexploitation, with crazy Ted and Harriet adding a touch of added camp value and a few groovy jams along the way.

- Triple S

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 131: MAG-lite Part 2!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 16:53:19 PST

This week, a short-but-sweet hour-ish long podcast wherein the gang shows up, cracks wise, and then splits. Also, a cast member leaves the show! Yikes!
Also, we revisit the Jimmy Ether clip where he tells us what rich people do for kicks. Hint: they do not actually do that.

Bite-sized fun!
Download/listen HERE!
Goodbye song by Virgil Henry
See you next week!

Secrets of Isis (1975-77)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 03:58:11 PST

Executive Producers: Norm Presscott and Louis Scheimer/ Filmation Studios

Starring: JoAnna Cameron, Brian Cutler, Joanna Pang (Season 1) Ronalda Douglas (Season 2)
Genre: Live action Superhero Kidshow
USA

"With this amulet, you and your descendants are endowed by the Goddess Isis with the powers of the animals and the elements. You will soar as the falcon soars, run with the speed of gazelles, and command the elements of sky and earth."

I don't know how I remember the CBS Saturday morning live-action show THE SECRETS of ISIS, but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that ISIS star JoAnna Cameron was a dead ringer for my second grade teacher Ms. Cooper, of whom I had one of my first boyhood crushes on. Now mind you, I was around seven years of age, and even though I think I knew about the mechanics of sexual intercourse by that time (after having learned it from the same place where all God-fearing Ohioan have for years...from the high school kids who sat in the back seat on my rural school bus route), there was nothing carnal about my interest in Ms. Cooper. I just hoped one day she'd turn into Isis and we'd have an adventure that involved fighting dinosaurs. Or aliens. Or Commies (this was the Reagan Era, after all). Whatever hi-jinx we would become involved in, I'd certainly be the only male second grader in her class joining her on it, and then we'd get married. After that, I'd spend my days getting into misadventures in which Ms. Cooper would have to save me from bad guys, and on our off days I'd hang out with Steve Trevor (who looked a lot like Lyle Waggoner) while Ms. Cooper and Wonder Woman would enjoy a much needed "girl's night out".

I was a pretty imaginative kid. Plus, I think my school was riddled with asbestos, which I might have ate on a dare, leading to those funny headaches I have these days.

The Secrets of Isis is your typical superhero formula kids show, with JoAnna Cameron portraying high school teacher Andrea Thomas, who after finding a magic necklace, gains the ability to transform into Isis, basically a feminine version of Captain Marvel. A full option package of superpowers came with the deal.....Isis' more than human abilities are a little difficult to define because it seems that she, well, pretty much could do anything the episode in question called for.

The general plot of the bulk of the 22 episodes of the series usually involves the kids of Andrea's class making bad decisions and then needing Isis to bail their sorry asses out of the fire. It's kinda like an Afterschool Special that at some point takes a turn for the bizarre when the flying chick in the toga shows up and starts juggling Chevys or disintegrating bank robbers....with Isis every once and a while breaking the fourth wall to tell kids to not take drugs, drink their milk, cross only at designated crosswalks,.....y'know, whatever floats yer boat.

The Secrets of Isis was the brainchild of Lou Scheimer and Filmation Associates, a mainstay in 1970s Saturday morning television, and a personal favorite of mine, and was a spin-off of sorts of their earlier live-action superhero success, SHAZAM!, based upon the lovable DC Comics property Captain Marvel. DC followed suit and launched an ISIS comic book tie-in around the same time as the show was hitting the airwaves.

One thing I've always found kinda odd is that JoAnna Cameron didn't really go on to do anything else of merit after her time on ISIS. She retired from acting around 1980 and went into the home health care industry. These days she makes occasional appearances at comic book and sci-fi conventions, signing autographs and seems to take the whole ISIS thing in stride, but I've always thought she had a fairly interesting look and had some decent acting chops. She was in an episode of the 1970s Amazing Spider-Man live-action show in a bikini, so that's worth something, I guess...

The Secrets of ISIS is an enjoyable enough time-waster, sometimes much better than many it's contemporaries in the 70s live-action kiddie show arena (I seem to remember loving Jason of Star Command as a small child, then recently picking up the BCI DVD release of it and actually becoming physically ill watching it, probably due to the massive cheese content the show contains). JoAnna Cameron provides some much needed live-action eye candy that's sorely missing from children's television programing, and holds a significant place in TV history as the first costumed superheroine to grace the idiot box in a regular ongoing series, pre-dating Lynda Carter by a few years.

Above: Cameron in B.S. I Love You (20th Century Fox, 1971)

In 2007, BCI Eclipse released the entire series on DVD, and even though it's currently out of print (as are all of BCI's titles since the company shut it's doors), it still can be found for fairly affordable prices online. Or, you can just watch it for free on Hulu, and recently made it's way to Netflix's streaming services. So, if ladies in togas, the speed of gazelles and magic necklaces are your thing, The Secrets of Isis might just fill that need to see a little leg in your Saturday morning entertainment.

- Hong Kong Cavalier

Siren (2010)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 15:10:48 PST

Directed by Andrew Hull
Starring Eoin Macken, Anna Skellern, Anthony Jabre, Tereza Srbova
Rated R
UK

“I think I figured it out. She hypnotized us!”

I haven't met too many folks that are fans of the taut, unsettling parking lot psycho flick P2,but it's one of my favorite anti-Xmas epics. Writer/director Hull wrote that one. I'm also sucker for peril-at-sea flicks. I think this is because the last thing I'd do is get on a boat and bob around in the ocean. Fuck that. It's full of sharks. I'm also a big fan of lady/monster flicks. Species! Thusly, it was inevitable that I would see Siren, a film that neatly merges both genres in one pulpy, low-budget package.

Ken (Eoin Macken – what the fuck man, Eoin?), a douchebaggy, constantly horny American neo-rapist, his gorgeous, put-upon, British girlfriend Rachel (Aussie actress Anna Skellern, from The Descent 2), and her equally British (and also sorta douchebaggy) ex-boyfriend Marco (Anthony Jabre) all meet up in Greece and rent a boat for a weekend excursion to the Greek Isles. Specifically, they're going to sail around the island where the mythical “siren” was fond of luring sailors to their deaths. What could go wrong?

Even before they get on the boat, Rachel keeps seeing a mysterious hot blonde who pops up and vanishes whenever she's alone. But Rach is pretty on the edge anyway, what with the aggro-roleplaying fuck sessions Ken's always dragging her into, so who knows?

Anyway, they're only out for a couple hours when Ken abandons his post to have punishing sex with Rachel, leaving Marco to helm the ship. Marco sees a distress signal on an island and crashes into the beach. They find a panicked sailor who freaks out and accidentally (or maybe purposely) kills himself, and that very hot blonde Rachel's been hallucinating for the past couple days.

Her name is Silka (Tereza Srbova), and she's a weirdo. However, she's good looking enough to overlook her quirks. She doesn't say much more than “Help me”, so they figure she's a stranded tourist, and make it their mission to bring her back to shore. First though, they wander around the island, get drunk, play charades, have a sing-along, allow the willowy blonde to plant seeds of conspiracy in everyone's mind, have a nude swim, and then start hallucinating wildly about massacring each other. As you do.

It was definitely a weird day. The next morning, Ken decides it's time they all got off this screwy island, but when he announces this, Silka laughs at him and turns green and tells him he's going to die. Well, we all are, someday, Silka.

She means today, though. The gang panics and makes a run for it, when they discovers lots of smashed-up boats and a pit full of corpses! Well, you don't really see either – there's no budget for corpses or shipwrecks – but we know, man. We know.

Murder and mayhem ensues until the girls are left. And so, they battle to the death...and possibly beyond. Well, first they make-out a little, and then they battle.

Ok, so you can guess the cornball “twist” ending in the first ten-minutes (after a pretty effective fake-out prologue). Also, Hull never commits to either sweat-soaked dread or sexed-up camp, and the film really needs one or the other. But I still had a pretty swell time watching Siren. It's reasonably unique, looks great, and the acting is a notch above what you'd expect. More importantly, It's got hot girls acting weird, hot girls swimming naked, and hot girls making out. And I'm a pretty simple guy.

PS director Andrew Hull had a bicycling accident and died shortly after wrapping Siren in 2010. RIP, sir. I liked the cut of your jib.

- Ken McIntyre

New Zoo Revue (1972)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 07:24:03 PST

Note: We're moving TV Shows About Girls over to MAG for double the laffs and jiggle!

Directed by Tom Belcher
Starring A hot chick in a miniskirt, a dude in a mustache, a hippo, an owl, and a frog.
Genre: Kid's stuff
USA

"Understand?"
"Nope."

I used to really hate this show as a kid. Honestly, it was one of the worst parts of growing up in the 70's. Well, besides the poverty and domestic violence. It debuted in 1972 and ran on UHF channels really early in the morning, just after Romper Room, if I remember correctly. It was clearly geared towards toddlers and pre-teens, but even so, it still seemed like everyone involved was slightly retarded. Also, the hippy platitudes and gentle life-lessons were useless to most of us – seriously, the 70's were fucked, and even us kids had more to worry about than how to deal with grumpy asshole know-it-all owls, man. However, the show had one major hook that made it all worth it: a hot chick in a mini-skirt.

New Zoo Revue was created by real-life husband and wife team Doug Momary and Emily Peden. They also starred as Doug and Emmy Jo, respectively, on the show.

They lived in some Sid and Marty Krofft-ian wooded nightmare hellscape with giant puppet people, including the aforementioned douchebag owl, a brain-dead, googly-eyed frog named Freddy, and perhaps the most repellent kid TV character ever, a melodramatic, gluttonous lady hippo with a hick accent named Henrietta. Henrietta was like that one aunt you'd dread seeing every Christmas, the one who smelled like hairspray and medicine who tried to pass off hard candy as a snack. So all the loony muppets would run around causing chaos, and then Chuck Woolery – dressed up like an elderly mailman, for some reason – would deliver some letters, and then Doug and Emmy Jo would sing a folk song. Does this sound like fun to you? New Zoo Revue was like the dentist and bullies and brussel sprouts all rolled into one half-hour block of childhood misery. And they made TWO HUNDRED EPISODES.

But like I mentioned, Emmy Jo would usually wear mini-skirts, and even at six years old, I knew that was a treat. So I watched. Also please remember, there were literally five channels back then. It was either this, the Galloping Gourmet, some bullshit about President Ford, or the Dinah Shore show. And Dinah never flashed any leg.

Anyway, a few years back, cheapo DVD company Brentwood released a six-DVD set of New Zoo Revue's first season (59 episodes!) so I thought I'd revisit the show 30-something years later to see if I'd like it any better. To be fair, I never made it past the pilot, so perhaps it got really fucking good twenty or thirty episodes deep. But I doubt it. Here's what goes down in the very first episode.

Freddy meets up with Charlie, who is experimenting in strange new food hybrids. He needs Freddy to build him a box to plant these unholy creations, but Freddy is too stupid to make a box. Charlie suggests he just start really early in the morning, because that's when brains work the best.

So, Freddy gets up at 6AM and starts running around the neighborhood pestering people about how to build a box. Naturally, his first stop is Doug's. Doug basically tells him to go to hell, so he just shows up at Charlie's with a bundle of sticks and hopes for the best. Charlie sings him a tune about using his brains, but you can tell he's super-pissed at this point.
“So start using your brains,” he says, after the song is over, “Or we have nothing more to say to each other.”
“Can I still say hello to you in the street?”
“No!”

Honestly, fuck you, owl. Freddy was doing you a favor in the first place.

So then Freddy goes over to Henrietta's place and tells her about Charlie. She thinks the solution is food. Food's not going to make Freddy any smarter, hippo.

Also, look at her. Just look. Don't you just want to punch her? By the way, I'm pretty sure Delta Burke ripped Henrietta off wholesale for her role in Designing Women. Seriously, watch 'em side by side one day – it's the same character.

Anyway, all of the hippo's non-stop chattering about sassafras and cornbread freaks Freddy out – clearly, this one has some kind of disturbing food fetish – so he bails. As there's only about twenty feet of soundstage on this show, he quickly runs into Doug and Emmy Jo. EJ's in a very modest outfit for this one – clearly, this was before they realized the show needed more skin. Still, she looks like a flipped-out Parker Posey in that get up, so...not bad!

Freddy tells them he thinks he might be an idiot, so Emmy Jo teaches him a cruel but necessary lesson. It might also be a metaphor for sex, I don't know.
Doug: “Freddy, your brain is working all the time. But that doesn't mean you're thinking all the time.”
Emmy Jo (plucking a flower and holding it out to Freddy): “Freddy, look at this flower.”
Freddy: “It's pretty.”
Emmy Jo: “Now touch it.”
Freddy (touching the flower): “Ouch! There's a thorn there!”
Emmy Jo: "See? That's your brain sending messages to your nerves, telling you what to feel. So, Freddy, what would you like to do with the flower?”
Freddy: Gosh, I guess I'd like to give it to you.”
Emmy Jo: “Why?”
Freddy: “Because you're pretty.”

A decade or so later, Brett Michaels would have a flashback to this conversation while banging triplets in the back of a tour bus, and would turn it into a chart-topping hit.

Anyway, it turns out Freddy is incapable of making a box (no big deal, so am I), so Charlie vows to never speak to him again. Emmy Jo takes the elevator up to Charlie's treehouse and sings a pretty excruciating Judee Sill rip-off folk jam about having patience for numbskulls to him.

BTW, no offence to Judee Sill, who had some amazing jams – like Crayon Angels. Love that one.

Plus, sometimes she played topless. I think she became a nun later*. Anyway, the point is, Emmy's song was terrible.

And then everybody laughs at Charlie for being a jerk. The end.

Um, so like I said, they pretty much repeated this scenario 195 more times before they were through. Plus repeats. And every episode started and ended with that hypnotic “Comin' Right at You” song. If you grew up in the 70's, it is drilled deep into your skull, and it will never go away. It'll probably be the last thing you think of before you die.

In summation: hot girl, horrible show. This pattern would repeat itself many times throughout my life – in fact it's still happening now – anybody catch that fucking train wreck Perfect Couples with Olivia Munn? – but it all started here with Emmy Jo and flippy hairdos and mini-skirts. So, thanks? Curses? Dunno.

PS: Doug and Emily are still married and run a successful (?) production company now in Las Vegas. Most of the stuff they do seems excessively weird, like this propaganda piece for the coal industry that's got talking dogs and cartoon dinosaurs singing calypso tunes and all sorts of bizarre shit. I think it's for schools? Good to know Doug's still cranking out stuff for kids that make actual kids want to strangle themselves.

THE NEW CRUSADERS from Douglas Momary on Vimeo.

New Zoo Revue Season 1 is available on Amazon for like, 7 bucks. They'd probably take buttons or old subway tokens for it, too.

PPS: Here's an outtake with lots of cussing. If I actually got to see this as a kid, it would have changed my life forever. Awesome.

* Actually, she died of an overdose. Same difference. She was amazing. RIP Judee.
- Ken McIntyre

Movies About Girls Podcast 130: MAG-lite!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 16:57:25 PST

This week, a short-but-sweet hour-ish long podcast wherein the gang shows up, cracks wise, and then splits. Also, we revisit the Puppet Lady incident. What happens when you mix puppets with foul-mouthed podcasters? Badtimes.

Bite-sized fun!
Download/listen HERE!
Goodbye song by The Du-Droppers.
See you next week!

The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 03:17:47 PST

Directed by Tom Putnam
Starring Paris Hilton, Joel Moore
Rated PG-13
USA

"I love midget mimes."

This film will live on in infamy for its hilariously meager first-weekend take at the office: a mere $25,000 after playing for three days in 111 theaters. I am proud to say I was $7.75 worth of that haul. Of course, I had a good reason for seeing it. Total Film, a magazine I write for, asked me to review it. Hey, a buck’s a buck, Jack. Interestingly, I had to drive 20 minutes to some cavernous theater on the lip of the highway to see it. This does not sound unreasonable on paper, but I live in Boston, where there are movie theaters everywhere. The Hottie and the Nottie, apparently, was not allowed within city limits. So is it as bad as it seems? Dunno. Good and bad is starting to get very fuzzy in my head. Here’s the story, at any rate:
Joel Moore – the Shaggy-esque sad-sack from Hatchet – plays Nate, an unlucky-in-love doofus who decides to track down his long lost love from first grade. Cue Paris Hilton, said lost-love, running on the beach in slow-mo as guys propose marriage and freak out. Now, there’s no doubt that Paris Hilton is a pretty girl, but she’s sorta twiggy, you know? I don’t think she’d elicit that sort of reaction in real life. I mean, she’s no Tawny Kitaen. But anyway, she has an ugly friend (Christine Lakin) who’s she’s very attached to, so Nate has to find the uggo a date before Paris will go out with him. Meanwhile, the ugly girl is slowly undergoing a makeover as the film goes on, and guess what? Yes, she’s actually just as hot as Paris after various treatments and surgeries.

Haha, this is the "ugly" girl. Hollywood is crazy.

You’ve seen this story enough times to know what happens next. It’s tried and true stuff done on a low-budget with actors that mistake opening-night gusto for passion. Well, expect for Paris, who tones it down so low she appears to be visibly napping through several scenes.

The whole thing is shabby and clunky and shallow. Paris wears too much lip gloss, and they ugly up the other chick so much with moles and dirty band-aids and face-crust that I almost gagged a few times in the first half. It was still better than Cloverfield, though. And it had a happy ending. I like happy endings.

- Ken

The Eyes of Laura Mars (1978)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 16:23:36 PST

Directed by Irvin Kershner
Starring Faye Dunaway, Tommy Lee Jones
Rated R
USA

“I'm completely out of control!”

I was nine when this much-hyped film came out in '78. I remember seeing the TV spots and correctly pegging it as 'grown-up stuff'. Well, now I'm pretty much 'grown-up', so I figured it was high-time I checked it out. Laura Mars is a “psychological thriller” about a controversial and very successful fashion photographer (Faye Dunaway, as the titular Mars) whose ultra-violent fashion mag spreads closely resemble a series of unsolved murders that occurred in NYC a couple years prior. Even worse, a new spate of murders – all models this time, and all of them friends/associates of Laura's – is underway, and Laura keeps having episodes wherein she catches POV glimpses of the murders.

Tommy Lee Jones co-stars as the detective on the case. He eventually falls in love with her, which muddies up the investigation considerably. Also, there's a good baker's dozen of potential killers/red herrings all around her, including Raul Julia as her rape-y ex-husband and various loony assistants and hangers-on, including creepout character actors Brad Dourif and Rene Auberjonois. Eventually, all the could-be killers get eye-stabbed to death, which brings us to the shock-twist ending. Of course, anyone who's ever seen a movie, ever, in their entire lives, will have already guessed the ending in the first five minutes. But hey, life's a journey, not a destination.

So, bad news first: Eyes of Laura Mars is pretty dull. Dunaway is pretty much sleep-walking through the whole thing, the surprise ending is hardly a surprise, and for an R-rated film, it's pretty tame. I mean, it's about an eyeball killer, and there's no eye-gore? Also, it mostly just looks and feels like an extra long episode of any generic cop show of the era. Jones could easily be replaced by Kojak or Ironside or Starsky and/or Hutch, and none would be the wiser.

There are, however, a few meager rewards for your time and effort: Laura's apocalyptic photo-shoots are pretty cool, there's some brief-but-tasty model nudity, Barbara Steisand's overwrought disco-dirge theme song is awesome (Babs was originally slated to play Laura, but backed out somewhere along the way), there's some random zaniness along the way (what's with the out-of-nowhere dwarf?), and there's some nicely gritty shots of pre-Disneyfied NYC. Also, John Carpenter wrote the script. That seems notable.

So, there you go. My nine-year old instincts were correct. The Eyes of Laura Mars is definitely for grown-ups. Boring grown-ups. If you're looking for primo Dunaway, stick with Bonnie and Clyde or Chinatown and leave this bloodless thriller on the shelf.

PS director Kershner followed this up with The Empire Strikes Back!

- Ken

The Last Seduction (1994)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 10:25:05 PST

Directed by John Dahl
Starring Linda Fiorentino, Bill Pullman, Peter Berg
Rated R
USA

“Hey, it's me. Your designated fuck-boy.”

Here's what I just realized about the 90's: they looked like cable TV. It didn't feel that way at the time, but looking back on it, it's pretty obvious. Premium cable, mind you, but on an off-night. Like a Tuesday at 2AM. We had computers, but all they could do, really, is generate lists of phone numbers, and ladies wore nice jeans, but they were very high-waisted, and some folks were bad, but even at their worst, they weren't, you know, 2001 Anthrax-in-the-mail bad. The Last Seduction might be the penultimate 90's-as-cable document. It's yet another neo-noir film, produced midway through a ceaseless wave of the things (Two Jakes, Bound, LA Confidential, The Grifters, Miami Blues, Red Rock West – which was also directed by Dahl – Romeo is Bleeding, The Usual Suspects, etc etc.) spurned by a sudden resurgence in interest for hard-boiled fiction from the 40's and 50's. Who knows why that happened? We were all into swing dancing for a few minutes back there, too. It was a whole retro-thing. A craze. That's what happens when you don't have the internet to distract you.

So anyway, The Last Seduction stars Linda Fiorentino as one Bridget Gregory, a scheming, goth-y femme-fatale with a wicked tongue, who rips off her boyfriend (Bill Pullman) for a hundred grand and high-tails it out of NYC. She lands in the sleepy upstate burg of Beston to hole up until the heat's off, but ends up embroiled in a torrid affair with an ambitious yokel, Mike (Peter Berg). While she enjoys having dumpster sex with our boy Mike, she knows she's gotta get rid of him at some point. Always on the hunt for an angle, she stumbles on a brilliant idea to destroy both of her man-problems in one fell swoop. It involves lots of whiskey and cigarettes.

The obligatory twisty climax is pretty fun (and ridiculous), but it takes a long while to get there. Just how long depends on how much you can take of Fiorentino's relentless scowling and bad-girl snark. I mean, she really does try her best to be the sexiest monster the 90's could possibly offer, but unfortunately, that particular decade wasn't evil enough for girls like Bridget, so it never feels like more than goofy late-night cable TV time-slot filler.

I did like her classy tea-cup boobs, though.

- Ken McIntyre

MAG Follies Episode 3

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 06:20:51 PST

Happy New Year, everyone! Make some room in your booze-sloshed schedule this weekend for a healthy dose of vintage laffs! Hear the best, worst, and weirdest clips from forgotten funnyfolk like Ronnie Gaylord and Burt Holiday, Homer and Jethro, Philo Rockwell King III, Donna Jean Young, Tubby Boots, Betty Walker, Peggy Lord, and many more!

Hell, even 70's glamour(?) gal Bea Bea Benson is on board!

What a way to start the year! Don't miss out on a minute of the fun!

Download/Listen HERE!

Advanced Demonology Lesson 2

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 13:26:37 PST

Join Ken and Swilson for an evening of occult rock insanity!

This month's lesson: Demons. And what better time than Christmas to play songs about Satan's gremlins? Christmas brings out the demons in everyone. Thusly, a night of demonic bellowing awaits you. But that's not all! We've also got long-forgotten acid-folkies, demented loner-rockers and psychedelic outsiders, groovy dollybirds and Detroit freakrockers, drug-damaged punks and mustache bandits playing flutes through giant stacks of Marshall Amps. All this and more in Lesson 2 of Advanced Demonology!

Download/stream/listen HERE!

Pets (1974)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 07:41:32 PST

Directed by Raphael Nussbaum
Starring Candice Rialson, Teri Guzman, Joan Blackman, Ed Bishop
Rated R
U.S.A.

With a notorious ad campaign suggesting a misogynist and/or S&M-themed romp through familiar sexploitation territory, Raphael Nussbaum’s Pets is in fact a more complicated -- and ultimately more intriguing -- mid-seventies grindhouse entry. Adapted from a sequence of three one-act plays by Richard Reich first performed in Greenwich Village five years before, Nussbaum’s film integrates the three similarly-themed tales into a single narrative, offering its audience an opportunity to contemplate and perhaps even challenge traditional notions regarding the relative power of the sexes.

What at first appears a fairly typical compilation of scenes alternating between sex and violence eventually turns into kinda-sorta-statement criticizing man’s treatment of woman as somehow less than human -- that is, as like the “pets” of the title. Hard to get too carried away with talk of Nussbaum’s artsy-fartsy pretensions here, though, as the many hallmarks of low budget, amateurish filmmaking -- crude editing and lighting, literally out-of-focus shots, small lapses in narrative logic, etc. -- should ultimately keep us from getting too high-falutin’ about “messages” and whatnot.

Drive-in diva Candice Rialson stars as the wayward teen Bonnie. One of the grindhouse-era’s more memorable figures -- in both senses of the word -- Rialson was said to have provided the inspiration for Bridget Fonda’s Melanie in Quentin Tarantino’s 1997 throwback Jackie Brown.

As it happened, 1974 would be a breakout year for the sleepy-eyed, adorable blonde, a year in which she’d follow Pets with starring turns in a trio of sexploitation titles (Candy Stripe Nurses, Summer School Teachers, and Mama’s Dirty Girls). Soon after she’d land bit roles on TV series and in a few mainstream features like The Eiger Sanction and Logan’s Run. She’d end up back in the B’s, however -- most notably in the notorious, talking-vagina opus Chatterbox! (1977) -- before retiring from the silver screen for good as the decade came to a close.

After a suggestive opening montage showing a bird, a tiger, then Rialson each in cages, we jump into a familiar-seeming ’70s drive-in opening with Bonnie and her abusive brother driving about the L.A. streets. Their talk suggests he’s tracked her down after she’d run away. And -- like a hard-to-tame animal -- she seems anxious to escape back into the wild once again.

Bonnie complains she’s hungry, and they stop at a burger joint, a visit that ultimately results in Bonnie’s brother offending a carful of toughs to the point they decide to teach the “jive-ass honky” a lesson.

As they beat her brother, Bonnie escapes, and the opening credits roll over the sappy title song (“Searching”) in which Bonnie is introduced to us further (“in this wicked world some folks call me evil girl / they’ve got it wrong and they don’t know”).

Bonnie spends the night on the beach, then the next day meets up with Pat (Teri Guzman), yet another wild child on the loose. The pair catch a ride with the affluent-appearing Dan Daubrey (Brett Parker) who has been out for a jog on the beach, the group sharing the space in the vehicle with Dan’s dog, Bibi.

By this point we’ve already seen other canines milling about, and indeed such visual reaffirmations of the film’s title and themes will continue throughout. As they drive, Pat surprises both Dan and Bonnie by pulling a gun and ordering Dan off the highway onto a dirt path.

They tie Dan up with the belt of his robe and shoestrings, take his wallet, then Pat gets him to give up his home address, the location of some cash that can be found there, and his keys. As Bonnie ties up Dan, Pat compares him to Bibi, saying his wife has two dogs, “the four-legged one -- that’s the one she loves and kisses -- and this schmuck.”

Pat leaves in Dan’s car (with Bibi) to go loot his home -- his wife is out getting her hair done, he’s explained -- while Bonnie watches him, gun drawn.

The pair talk, their conversation revealing Bonnie’s dissatisfaction with her young life. We cut away to follow Pat as she visits Dan’s home and robs him of cash and more, the Daubreys’ gardener oddly unconcerned thanks in part to Pat distracting him.

As Pat drives back, Bonnie and Dan continue to talk. She does a seductive dance, then reveals to him the gun is just a water pistol. We see Pat cruelly toss Bibi off a cliff after the dog bits her. She then returns and she and Bonnie leave, but then only Bonnie returns, apparently to check whether or not Dan kept his promise to lie there for a half-hour.

Soon Bonnie figures out Pat has left her, taking the car and all of the loot she hauled. Bonnie and her captive talk a little more, then she gets the idea to have a little fun.

“What do you want, lapdog?” she says to Dan. “You’re sweating, you’re hot.”

Dan tells her to untie his hands and he’ll show her what he wants, but Bonnie has another idea. “No, I’ll show you,” she says with a snarl. “Helpless. The way I’ve always been.”

The pair then make sweet, sweaty seventies love on the grass, after which Bonnie grabs her panties and shoes and skips away -- in enchanting slow motion -- to continue her adventures.

We move with Bonnie into the middle third of the film, leaving everyone else we’ve met thus far behind for good. Caught stealing an apple from a fruit stand, Bonnie’s luckily helped out of a potential jam by an artist, Geraldine Mills, who takes an interest in the beautiful runaway as a possible subject for her paintings.

The pair swiftly bond and Bonnie agrees to Gerry's proposal to work for her, posing as a model for various works while living in Gerry's spacious Malibu home.

Eventually the pair start a sexual relationship. Gerry becomes somewhat controlling of Bonnie, insisting on long hours of posing and not tolerating Bonnie’s leaving the home unattended. Bonnie sometimes calls Gerry "slave driver," and clearly becomes increasingly restless as time passes. However, at other times, Bonnie affectionately refers to Gerry as “Mommy,” a further reference to their unequal relationship.

An exhibition of Gerry’s work at a local art gallery proves successful, with the gallery’s owner, Vincent Stackman, in particular taking an interest in Gerry’s work. And in Bonnie, too.

Ed Bishop, a character actor with a lengthy and varied resume from TV and film, plays Vincent, whose unending creepiness immediately begins to challenge the ladies’ space on the screen for our attention.

Victor wants to buy Gerry’s painting, they agree to terms, and he leaves. “He’s a very wealthy young man,” explains a gallery patron to Bonnie. “But a very strange fish!”

Cut to fish frying in a pan. Gerry is making lunch for her and Bonnie, and Victor happens by unannounced, ostensibly to get his painting. He catches Gerry and Bonnie acting as a couple in the kitchen, which embarrasses Gerry. An uncomfortable meeting follows in which Gerry makes plain his interest in Bonnie.

At one point he and Bonnie discuss painting, including nudes, and Vincent lectures her about how “the great artists of the past, they never completely painted their models in the nude... [because] they believed that by revealing everything a woman lost her mystery.”

Vincent finally leaves, and his visit and interest in Bonnie has appears to stir up some conflict between the women. Bonnie is becoming more agitated and difficult to control, even earning a slap from the dominating Gerry for her insouciance. She complains to Gerry about desiring a man, and asks her why she doesn’t like men.

“I like men,” explains Gerry. “Just as I like dogs until they try to bite me.”

They make up, but are soon interrupted by an intruder breaking into Gerry’s home. Gerry pulls a gun on the man, named Ron.

Ron explains he’s hungry and was just looking for food. He’s willing to work for it, and Bonnie pleads on his behalf. “The windows really need washing,” she weirdly argues, going on about how they need “a man in this house” to fix the sink and do other chores. “We haven’t needed a man,” insists Gerry, who gives Bonnie the gun while she calls the police.

Bonnie ushers Ron into her bedroom, then tells Gerry he’s gotten away. Soon they all retire for the night, and we realize it is as though Bonnie has captured for herself a hound dog with which to play.

The next morning Gerry discovers the pair and how Bonnie has betrayed her. She swiftly decides to put down Bonnie’s “pet.”

“You killed him!” cries Bonnie in horror. “No, Bonnie -- you killed him,” she clarifies.

Soon Bonnie is on the run again, hastily leaving the house by foot. She runs along the beach where dogs seemingly roam free so as to remind us again of Bonnie’s animal-like character.

She ends up back at Vincent’s gallery and while it isn’t clear at first we soon discover she’s hiding there. Gerry comes to the gallery looking for Bonnie, but Vincent covers.

We move into the third and final act. Vincent buys clothes and jewelry for Bonnie, including a bracelet unsubtly inscribed “Vincent's Pet.”

Vincent takes Bonnie to his secluded “house on a hill” where she first meets Lila, Vincent’s cat. He then takes her to his basement to see “where Lila and her friends” live. We hear animal noises, look for a moment upon Bonnie’s alarmed expression, then leave the scene.

Soon Vincent invites Gerry to his house, too, luring her with the bait of his knowledge of Bonnie’s whereabouts. Lots of awkward discussion follows between the pair. Gerry thinks he's trying to seduce her, but Vincent insists “I don’t seduce women… I make them my pets!”

He further outlines to her his warped view of the sexes. “You see, I sometimes see in my mind’s eye a zoo. Not with the usual animals, no. In my zoo there would be only women!” Gerry predictably reacts with disgust, but Vincent has it all worked out.

“They’d adore it! I assure you,” he insists. “Imagine it... they’d have no responsibilities, they'd be well taken care of, they'd be fed regularly, splashing about in the water, playing in the sun, being mated regularly….” He goes on, his vision seeming to make little literal sense but in a figurative way alluding to a not uncommon chauvinistic worldview.

Having had enough, Gerry tries to leave but he keeps her with a promise to show her Bonnie -- whom, he explains, he has “tamed.” Gerry assumes he’s slept with her, but his answer is unclear (“Would you blame me if I have?”). He explains it was Bonnie’s idea that he bring Gerry there, and soon he produces the young beauty.

The three share a drink. “She should be behind bars,” says Bonnie of Gerry, referring to the latter’s shooting of Ron the intruder.

More suggestive talk follows, then Bonnie leaves the two. Vincent then resumes his mad-philosopher-type talk to Gerry, declaring he’s going to “possess” her.

“You can’t possess me!” Gerry objects. “I’m a woman, not an animal.” “Women treat men like animals, don’t they?” he responds before launching into an anti-women’s lib rant about women trying to “take over the world… giving us orders.”

“I’ll show you what you’re made for!” he says. “Possession by a man!” At last he takes her downstairs to see Lila and her friends, too -- a collection of animals ranging from rodents to a tiger, all female, and all in cages... including Bonnie!

Gerry is horrified, but when she says how she wants to rescue Bonnie from her captivity Vincent has a ready response.

“To make her your pet, again?” he asks pointedly.

Will Vincent succeed in taming Gerry, too, to add to his bizarre collection? The finale provides some resolution -- and a surprise twist -- if not a coherent conclusion to the argument about sexual politics the story has introduced.

There are several reasons to satisfy one’s curiosity and give Pets a look. Despite the film’s many technical flaws, the performances by Bishop, Blackman, and Rialson are all above grindhouse standards, with Rialson’s unique ability to switch back and forth between vulnerable and vengeful suiting her well in this particular role.

And while there might ultimately be as much affirming of male dominance going on here as there is questioning of it, Pets does nonetheless recognize that there’s at least an issue to be debated when it comes to the ongoing battle of the sexes. Not to mention offer a few suggestions of how humans might in fact be more like animals than we care to admit.

- Triple S

Hard Ticket to Hawaii/Picasso Trigger (1987/1989)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 07:41:23 PST

Directed by Andy Sidaris
Starring: Dona Speir, Hope Marie Carlton, Harold Diamond, snakes, model airplanes, razorblade frisbees, and tits-lots of tits.
Malibu Bay Films

Andy Sidaris (RIP) was just as obsessive and accomplished a film maker as Russ Meyer, with (sadly) none of the hipster accolades or high brow literary dissection, but that might all change with his comprehensive 12 volume DVD series. Sidaris had a lurid but imminently marketable vision of a bleach blonde Shangri-La, with bikini-stretching government agents and their muscle-tearing Kung-Fu sex toys taking on the most vague forms of machine gun evil imaginable in lush landscapes of extravagant beauty, and this 80's born Sidarisian wonderland found a happy home in the blurry-eyed world of late night cable television. Still does, in fact. Click on anything form USA to Cinemax at 2 AM, and the next popped top is most likely Andy's doing. What makes his films so watchable, even after many repeated viewings, is their complete lack of pretense, their campy absurdity played as straight as humanly possible, and of course, the chicks. His unwavering faith in "Bullets, Bombs, and Babes" became such an exact science, that the DVD booklets come with a handy guide for how many of the three B's are included in each chapter. And of course, at least one and sometimes all three come rolling in without fail, every time.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii is his first film in this gonzo series. Try and keep up with me on this. Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton), two chesty blondes that couldn't possible exist in any other time than the cocaine and silicone fueled 80's, are government agents. I'm guessing the US government, but God knows what division hired and trained these two. They're working undercover as cargo plane pilots, secretly ferreting out dope smugglers and the like. Right off the bat, they're up to their bra-stuffing tits in trouble, as not only is a contaminated snake running amuck, thanks to their inept handling of clearly marked snake boxes, but they discover a sinister cabal of diamond smugglers and dope dealers on the far side of the island. I'm not sure how much you have to worry about diamond thieves that attempt to move their stolen ice by model plane, but they do have plenty of machine guns. But before we get ahead of ourselves, I must explain the snake. See, he's been shot up with some kind of cancer, and if bitten, his victims will be infected as well. That particularly nasty fact doesn't even matter much, since the serpent is so berserk, he just tears his prey up into bloody shreds, as a couple of hapless honeymooners soon find out. Anyway, Seth Romero (Rodrigo Obregon), the drug dealer whose as mean as the contaminated snake is on to our bubbly supergirls, thanks to an entirely unconvincing transvestite bartender/spy, so they call for back-up, and some old pals show up, including a pony-tailed Kung Fu guy (Harold Diamond) and a weapons expert (Ron Moss) who rigs up the most implausible looking incendiary devices you've ever seen. Like a skateboard bomb, for example, or a razor-tipped frisbee. Between showers and skinny dipping and drunken revelry, the unlikely team of undercover Feds concoct a scheme to bring down the bad guys- it involves motorcycles and bazookas, with a surprise appearance by that goddamned snake-and it all ends in a flurry of explosions and kicking. Of course, the good guys win, and the girls live to blunder and jiggle another day.

Despite the over-reaching tongue-in-cheek plot contrivances and the gratuitous nature of...well, everything, "Hard Ticket" is a seriously well-crafted film, aided greatly by the amazingly lush location and Hope Carlton's Playboy bunny charm. I wanted to kick the pony-tailed guy's teeth in the second he showed up on the island, but that was probably part of the plan as well. The DVD has a host of extras, including Andy and gravity defying miracle of nature Julie Strain clowning around in an impromptu intro, a complete set of trailers, a still gallery, and some handy b-movie making tips from Sidaris. The whole thing is a blast, both literally and figuratively speaking, from start to Finish.

Picasso Trigger is Hard Ticket's high concept follow-up, featuring many of the same players including lethally blonde agents Donna and Taryn and their Kung Fu fighting pal. First, though, their is intrigue in Paris to ponder as vaguely sinister arch-criminal Salazar decides to turn his back on his evil ways and give back to the city that he's taken so much from, donating a priceless painting of a big blue fish- The Trigger, naturally, to some swanky museum. But wouldn't you know, as soon as he strolls out, his new life as an honest citizen sprawled out in front of him, he's assassinated by some dirty sniper. Or is he? Well no, he isn't. Saddam himself must of have picked up some pointers from this film, as Salazar has merely dispatched an unlucky look-a-like to take the bullet for him so that he concentrate on his life's work without interference. His life's work being revenge on the g-string wearing secret agents that killed his brother- you know, the diamond/drug guy from Hard Ticket to Hawaii.

And so, the team gets back together, amidst much crazy talk of snuff films and a few sub-Vegas vaudeville T&A acts, to take on the Picasso Trigger and his swarthy henchmen. PT contains much of Hard Ticket's plot elements- including the Mcguver-esque weaponry. This time out, you get missile launching crutches and a boomerang bomb. The latter you could think about for days- if it's got a bomb attached to it, why the Hell would you want it to fly back? The model airplane hijinks are back too, as a payload bearing craft blows up Taryn and Donna's rather boss cigarette boat. It all ends in a climactic showdown at Salazar's remote hide-out, and in lieu of no cancerous snake, a well-placed surfboard helps out the cause. Explosions and a hot tub after-party ensue.

Being a sequel- or at least a semi-sequel- Picasso Trigger is more formulaic than its anything can happen predecessor, but Sidaris wisely upped the ante on the cheap thrills quotient by littering the film with no less than 7 Playmates, and all of them find the time to get at least half-naked somewhere in the mix. All in all, it's another righteous display of 80's excess, as loud and as implausible as the decade it was made in. The DVD contains much of the same extras as "Hard Ticket", with the addition of some sexy Julie Strain out-takes from some of her films further along in the series. The best part of it all is watching Andy himself living it up with Strain at his side, flashing freely and declaring her love for the T&A auteur as his long-time muse and business partner, wife Arlene, looks on, bemused at the whole silly affair. He's obviously a man that lives the dream and for that- not to mention all the tits and bazookas- Sidaris deserves a rousing round of applause.

Or just buy his movies, either way.

PS: Andy passed away in 2007. I was honored to speak with him a couple times, and I am happy to say that he was a prince of a fellow. He will be missed. Bazookas are just no fun without him.

- Ken

Movies About Girls Podcast Episode 129

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 21:50:50 PST

Another pill-popping episode of the internet's wildest party awaits you!

Tonight, the gang takes on 1967's's anti-showbiz camp classic Valley of the Dolls, starring Barbara Parkins, Sharon Tate, and Patty Duke!

Plus: Hits from Hell, the top 5 bottom 5 DVDs of the week, weird news, Songs about Girls, and lots more!

Listen/download HERE!

Subscribe on I-Tunes!

Or listen anytime on Movies About Girls Radio!

More fun: Leave us a voicemail! 617-300-0669!

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PS: Songs on tonight's show performed by:
Rufus Thomas
Margot Guryan
The Eels
Mae West
Kay Martin
Paddy Roberts
Thanks for listening! Next show: Advanced Demonology, Lesson 2 on Xmas!

Biscuit Roller Boogie

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 14:21:31 PST

From some screwy German TV show circa '78.
Happy Friday, MAGnation!
Stay tuned for a new episode of the MAG podcast tomorrow!

Movies About Girls Podcast 128: MAG-lite!

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 16:55:53 PST

This week, a short-but-sweet hour-ish long podcast wherein the gang shows up, cracks wise, and then splits. Also, Gore Gore Girl shows up 55 minutes late for an hour long show.

Bite-sized fun!
Download/listen HERE!
These girls have nothing to do with the show. I just like the photo.
Goodbye song by The Answers.

Week in Sleaze: Dec 6th, 2011

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 06:43:18 PST

Happy Tuesday, girl watchers and comedy fans!
In light of our recent tragedy (the computer crashed mere moments before we finished episode 128 of the Movies About Girls show), here's our top 5 DVD picks of the week.

Tucker and Dale VS Evil
Tucker and Dale are two best friends on vacation at their dilapidated mountain house, who are mistaken for murderous backwoods hillbillies by a group of obnoxious, preppy college kids. When one of the students gets separated from her friends, the boys try to lend a hand, but as the misunderstanding grows, so does the body count.

A fun twist/send-up of the homicidal redneck genre, T&DVE (as we call it in the go-go world of showbiz) is a fast and funny flick with a generous amount of gore sprinkled on top. Plus, it's got Miss Tasty herself, Katrina Bowden, in various states of undress. Va-va-voom homina homina arooga.

Portlandia Season 1
Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein send up the righteous, artistically inclined and 100% organic residents of Portland, Ore., in this sketch-based comedy series. Typical targets include artisanal light bulbs, feminist bookstores and indie rock.

Portland (left coast versh) is apparently some sort of Shangri-la for 90's slacker-types, still chock full of coffee shops and used record/book stores and vegan restaurants, and Portlandia spoofs it all pretty brilliantly. I would have preferred a running story-line instead of one-off sketches - by it's nature, sketch comedy is pretty hit or miss - but Portlandia is still thoroughly entertaining, even if it's often more amusing than funny.

Horror Express (1972) DVD/Blu-ray combo pack
The 70s horror classic returns like you ve never seen it before! Screen legends Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing star as rival turn-of-the-century anthropologists transporting a frozen missing link aboard the Trans-Siberian Express. But when the prehistoric creature thaws and escapes, it unleashes a brain-scarfing spree that turns its victims into the eye-bleeding undead. Can the crafty colleagues stop this two million year old monster, hordes of zombie passengers and a psychotic Cossack officer (Telly Savalas) before terror goes off the rails? Silvia Tortosa (WHEN THE SCREAMING STOPS) co-stars in this all-time fright favorite from director Eugenio Martín and the blacklisted Hollywood screenwriters of PSYCHOMANIA, now featuring explosive new Extras and a stunning HD transfer from vault elements recently unearthed in a Mongolian film depot!

Holy smokes, what a great movie! It's already pretty nuts with the caveman running around chewing people up, but midway through Telly shows up and does....well, he does Kojak. It's amazing. Get this!

Hollywood Man (1976)
With killer cops, sicko snipers, biker trash and a bevy of beautiful, willing women on his trail, Rafe Stocker is going to make a movie whether he lives - or dies trying in this 1970s action classic! Starring William Stroud and Mary Woronov.

From the man who brought us Cleopatra Jones, Angels from Hell, and Race with the Devil comes this low-budget, long-forgotten piece o' mid-70's exploito junk. And who among us can resist? It's got sicko snipers, Mary Woronov, and biker trash! That sounds like the guest-list at my wedding!

Don't Open Til Christmas (1984)
It's Christmastime in London, and Santa Claus impersonators of all shapes and sizes are on the run from the deadly rampage of an unknown killer who's targeting St. Nick in department stores, on street corners and at parties. Scotland Yard's Inspector Harris (Edmund Purdom) has the unsavory task of tracking down this vicious maniac, who relishes impaling, disfiguring and castrating his jolly victims.

Have you ever seen Pieces? It's fucking amazing. A guy hides a chainsaw behind his back in an elevator and then he chops a lady's arm off with it. If Don't Open is one-tenth as crazy as Pieces, it'll be worth it. Plus, Christmas and murder...they just go together like peanut butter and jelly, don't they?

That's it. Buy 'em, watch 'em, rinse, repeat.

PS: Our new bi-weekly, free-form, economically-paced radio show/podcast MAG-lite starts this Saturday, Dec 10th, starting at 6PM EST. Listen live on Loudcaster!

- Ken

Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974)

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 14:14:05 PST

Directed by John Hough
Starring Peter Fonda, Susan George, Adam Roarke
Rated
USA

“What did I tell you? All you gotta be is willing to take it to the max.”

Based on an obscure novel called The Chase by Richard Unekis, Dirty Mary Crazy Larry is about the birth of the muscle car and the ruckus it raised. Beginning in the mid 60's, car manufacturers began wedging V8 engines into smaller cars. The result were screaming hell-machines that could easily outrun police cars. Subsequently, for a certain breed of thrill-seeking youths, racing cops to the county line became a popular pastime, and Hollywood noticed. From Vanishing Point to Smoky and the Bandit with dozens of films before, after, and between, muscle cars were all over the cinematic map, blowin' the doors off the fuzz from coast to coast. Crazy Larry takes the standard car chase formula, tosses in a counter-culture anti-hero and a toothy British beauty, and wraps it all up in a devastating finale that was sure to cause major word-of-mouth buzz. Although it was directed by a Brit (John Hough, who was clearly on a roll, having just bashed out Legend of Hell House and the incredible Twins of Evil), Dirty Mary Crazy Larry was a quintessentially American tale, perfectly capturing the twilight days of the all-American road warrior before the gas crisis crippled V8 outlaws like Larry for good.

Over the credits, a downer-folk tune called Time (Is Such a Funny Thing) by Marjorie McCoy. Sounds like trouble from the get-go.

Deke and Larry are a couple of Nascar-wannabes-slash-thieves. Larry (Peter Fonda) is the cool-as-ice driver. Deke (Adam Roarke, RIP) is the tightly-wound mechanic. When the film opens, Larry has just spent a night of what we can only assume was unbridled passion with local floozy Mary (Susan George). He sneaks out while she's still asleep and gets picked up by Deke. She spots him as he drives off. Something tells me that won't be the last Larry sees of 'ol dirty Mary.

The boys have got a heist to get to. They drive into town in awkward silence, and then split up.

Deke home-invades some lady, yanks her right from her shower and tells her to call her husband George (Roddy McDowell) and demand the money, or he's gonna ice her and her kid. George runs a grocery store, and it's armored truck day. Larry's waiting outside of the store waiting for Deke to call and give him the heads-up. When he gets it, Larry saunters right into George's office to fetch the cash from the safe. But George doesn't want to open the safe. Who's this fucker think he's dealing with?

Larry calls Deke back up and gives him the go-ahead to lay some muscle on the broad and her kid.
What can Roddy do? He gives Larry the dough. Larry splits, but runs into a slight problem when he gets outside – Mary found him, and she's got the keys to his car.

He's not in the mood to argue, so he just lets her tag along. He picks up Deke, who left mom and the kid tied up and squirming on the couch. He's not all that happy to see Mary either. I think that's probably a familiar pattern in her life.

And so, off they go, flush with cash, on a wild new adventure.

One problem. As they zoom down the highway, they turn on their police scanner and find out the cops are on them. And not just any cops, either. They've got Capt. Franklin (Vic Morrow, RIP) on their trail. And he's kind of a bad-ass. A rogue. He even refuses to wear a badge or a gun! Larry and Deke are listening to their scanner, so they know the noose is tightening on 'em. Luckily, Larry's not the type to worry.
“Ok, so we're off to a bad start,” he says. “You know what a bad start means with a guy like me? Not a goddamn thing.”
He's making pretty good time, too, until Mary goes bananas and bites Larry, which causes him to lose contol of the Chevy and crash into a barn. Larry tells Mary if she ever does something like that again, he's gonna braid her tits. Ouch!

The gang puts their petty squabbles on hold to fix the car, and once the wheels are back in operation, they do the sensible thing and ditch Mary. However, a few miles down the road, they realize she absconded with their map. And they need it. No GPS in '74. Larry says he's gonna “break every bone in her crotch”, so they speed back to the general store where they left her. She's still there, sucking on a popsicle. They pick her up. The gang's back together!

And then the chase really begins. Larry's got to shake a cop car and a helicopter, so he jumps over a bridge! They barely make it and Mary yells at him for making a “Flash maneuver”. But that's his specialty, baby!

Of course, things are starting to get a little sticky for our heroes, so they decide to get rid of the Charger and get some new wheels.Luckily they have a sweet stashed at a dusty swap meet. All they have to do is figure out how to get in and out with a million yokels milling about. Mary almost blows the deal when she steals a gizmo from a crusty redneck, but they manage to peel out of there, taking a cop's car door with them.

The cops set up a roadblock, which is what you do in these situations. Also, Capn' Franklin figured out that the fellas have a scanner in their car. And he's got a message for 'em. He calls them clowns and insults Larry's driving, figuring it'll make him angry enough to respond on the two-way radio. And he is, but Deke convinces him to keep his mouth shut. For the moment. And then Deke comes up with a clever way to buy them some time: he gets Mary to pretend she's a police dispatcher. Zing!

So then they run a bunch more cop cars off the road and they finally get to the stretch of the highway where they know the law can't catch them. It is at this point when Larry decides to get on the two-way and confront Franklin.

As Bugs Bunny would say, surely you realize, this means war.

So then they smash into a pick-up truck and almost kill a guy, but what the hell, that's racin'. They pull over to fix their car and Franklin gets on the radio to remind Mary she's on parole. One of the goons back at the swap meet tipped off the cops. Naturally, this does not sit well with Larry, so he knocks her down.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, grumpy ol' Deke get chivalrous. Turns out he's not a bad guy after all, just an ex-drunk looking for a break.

He gives Mary a little pep talk, and then Larry and Deke shakes hands, and they haul ass out of there. Hey, maybe these crazy kids are gonna make it after all!

Maybe. But then again, maybe not. I will say this much: if you like nihilistic 70's endings, they don't get much more nihilistic then this.

Peter Fonda was so cool at this point that line between actor and character is completely erased. In fact, the only reason we know this all didn't really happen is because Fonda's still around. Although with all his recent right-wing ranting, it's clear that the Easy Rider guy is long-gone. Anyway, there are some really interesting stylistic flourishes here and there - most people don't even notice that there's no music in the entire film, until you point it out - the rampant vehicular abuse is particularly punishing, the ending is amazing, Susan George is alternately alluring and annoying, and the whole affair moves with all the urgency you'd expect on a heist-gone-wrong. It's a classic piece of American drive-in cinema. It practically defines that era and style of film making. Even if you were born too late to have ever set wheels in one of those outdoor shrines to sex, speed, and savagery, you'll feel like you did after watching this movie.

- Ken McIntyre

MAG Follies episode 2

Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com (Moviesaboutgirls@gmail.com) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 06:05:38 PST

Hey gang, happy Thanksgiving! Time to stuff your face with comedy!

Join Ken, Bo, and Stacey as we play clips from the best, worst and weirdest of stand-up comics from the 50's, 60's, and 70's. Plus commentary and antics! Ever wonder what tickled grandpa's ribs? Besides grandma? Find out now!

Listen/Download HERE!

And be sure to check out Giggles for Guzzlers for lots of retro-comedy fun and frolic!