Morta Di Fame

If You Shit You Don't See Rainbows And Other Lessons From Laguna Beach

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 01:22:00 +0000

Lesson #1: Work equals no whales.

It was our first morning in Laguna Beach.

"Is that a whale?" Jon asked.

"It is!" I screamed.

"Oh, Chris is going to be so mad, "Arica said, "Everyone that visits us sees a whale. We have been here a year and Chris hasn't seen one whale!"

Lesson #2: Paella Party

That night Arica and Chris' neighbors visited for Chris' famous paella. While slaving away I said to Chris, "This isn't a good dish to make when you have guests. You're stuck in the kitchen and you can't hang out with them."

"That is why I make it," he said as he pushed me out.

The Dutch doctor and the French actress arrived while I was inhaling cheese.

"Here try this," the actress said handing me a glass of red wine, "It goes good with that cheese."
How did she know what cheese I was eating?

"I like white wine with creamy cheese," I said.

"Well I am french," she said.

To ameliorate the mutual bitchiness the Dutch doctor handed me a 400 year old bottle of wine hand selected from his wine cellar.

"Why don't you open this?"

"Don't mind if I do. Wax on or wax off?"

"The corkscrew will go right through it."

It went through it all right. I destroyed the cork.

I looked over at Chris who was cleaning the calamari.

"This isn't working," I said.

Chris got one look at the wine bottle and gave me the biggest eye roll, "Just stop! Give it to him."

The Dutch doctor's surgeon hands saved the bottle.

"Let's go look at the wine cellar!" Arica said.

A tour of the wine cellar turned into a tour of the entire house and we ended up in the gym looking at a machine that "does the work for you." After the actress turned it became clear that it was a giant vibrator.

I threw a leg on machine, in a lunge position to test it out.

"No sit on it!" Arica ordered. She was bouncing on a work-out ball.

So I sat right in the middle of it and had an all over body (and brain) orgasm.

"Ha-ave - you-ooh - guy-ays - fu-ucked - on-on- thi-is- thi-ing ye-et?" was all I could muster.

Lesson #3 Medical Marijuana

Since moving to California Arica got her medical marijuana card for her "insomnia" and aside from buying huge quantities of pot she gets all sorts of baked goods. On her father's recent trip she offered him a piece of pot fudge. The 3 inch square had 30 servings in it and the math in her head worked out to giving her Dad half the square.

After they had to carry him to the bedroom, he called out, "This is the cheesiest way to die!"

After hearing the story I went rifling through the refrigerator and found it.

Chris begged me not to do it.

I broke off chunks and handed them around the table.

"Arica doesn't get any," Chris said and popped a chunk.

"No thanks," said the Dutch doctor politely.

"I don't do pot," said the french actress with a pruney face, "my sister was a drug addict."

"So what? My brother was a dick, it doesn't stop me from being a dick," Jon said.

Lesson #4: Don't drink Scotch then fall asleep on the couch

Out came the Scotch and down went Jon and out came Arica's butt on my boyfriend's face.

"Hold on. Do it again. I have to get my camera," I said.

Arica's leg muscles gave out and she sat on Jon's face.

"Is he dead?" she asked

"No he is just asleep," I said.

The neighbors disappeared.

Next morning we woke up and Jon said "A rainbow!"

It stretched across the sky.

"Chris, Chris, come look, it's a huge rainbow!" Arica said.

Lesson #5: If you take shits, you don't see rainbows.

SEO, Monetization and Blog Birthday Invitation! (Chocolate Stout Cake and $2 Beers)

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 08:12:00 +0000

I know I have been missing, but I am not done on Morta Di Fame. I am not sure you are aware but I bought a blog! I know that sounds totally insane, and it's been a crazy but an amazing learning experience. It's called Greenpointers.com and it's doing really well. I live in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and the blog covers all happenings there. I have been super duper obsessed with SEO and monetization, reading a ton of books on blogging and how to make a living at it, because if I could blog full time (which I am already doing - plus my regular job), I would. That's the dream and I am slowly getting there.
Since I took over the website, we have taken on a huge number of local advertisers, who I am honored to personally know because they are small business owners and my neighbors. The website traffic is unbelievable. In one year it has grown from 4,000 unique visitors per month and around 14,000 page views to over 12,000 unique visitors per month and over 30,000 page views! Plus, I know my audience and meet them in real life. They aren't just numbers in google analytics.
It's been a year, and I want to continue sharing my food shoveling and crazy Sicilian family stories with you. I might not post every single day, but I am excited to be back! I still get tons of emails from readers and comments here, and permission to use food images, which gives me a giggle, because apparently I was pretty good at optimizing my images for search but I didn't event know it! Enough of the boring stuff. Party time!
When Morta Di Fame turned one year old, we had a rice ball and Nonna filled blog birthday in my little basement apartment in Queens. Next week, Greenpointers.com is also having a "one year since I took over birthday," at my favorite bar in the world - The Diamond. Plus Ovenly, a bakery that makes me drool just think about is baking us a cake! A Chocolate Stout Cake with Caramel Buttercream Frosting. If you are in the area, please come, I would love to meet you! Here is the video invitation.
Greenpointers.com Blawg Birthday
Friday September, 28, 2012 @ 9pm
The Diamond
(43 Franklin St)
$2 Beer from 9-10pm & (FREE) Cake!

RSVP on Facebook

PTA COOKBOOK: MILFORD PA 1970

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Sun, 13 May 2012 17:02:00 +0000

The best gifts are the ones when you hand them over to the giftee you want to retract your arm so you can keep it for yourself. That is the case with this sweet Milford, PA PTA Cookbook from 1970 that I am giving to my Mom. I found it in a cool Antique Bookstore in Hawley, PA, near my parents house in the Poconos! They have had the house since I'm 2 years old and Milford, PA was the halfway point. We would always stop at the Milford Diner and I would get a hot dog that was sliced down the middle with ketchup.

My Mom, Marcy was the ultimate PTA Cookbook Editor. I still refer to my PS49 cookbook and my church book book (both spiral bound) for old family recipes. I love that each recipes lists the person's name, like Mrs. DeSanto or Mrs. Rose.

This cookbook in particular is so awesomely designed. The art deco cover rules! Inside the chapters pages are made with a sharpie marker, and all the recipes inside are typed with a typewriter. I love the gourmet page that lists tacos, ragu and curry as gourmet food. Those Milford ladies were ahead of their time! Meanwhile, the good foodie stuff is in the Game section, with recipes for venison, moose and rabbit.

RECIPE: FIDDLEHEAD FERN & ASPARAGUS RAVIOLI

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 13:25:00 +0000

Originally posted on Greenpointers.com
Do you get anxiety when you go into Bedford Cheese Shop? The amount of amazing cheese to chose from is extremely intimidating. My friend Tony gave me sound advice:you know everything is good, so just take whatever they give you.

To ease into it I dilly dally near the front where all the jams and condiments live and once I have enough courage I just go for whatever says goat or sheep.

While pointing and drooling I saw a list of different types of ravioli from Pastosa. For the record, it’s not my favorite pasta because of all that runny ricotta, but the Asparagus Prosciutto and Mascarpone flavor won me over. When I got home, I stuck it in the freezer, figuring in a pinch I could just boil and butter them up.

Last weekend at the market I found gorgeous asparagus. I always go for the skinniest ones with the smallest tips (keep it clean!) I think they have the most flavor.

While buying cocktail umbrellas (you will see why next week) at The Brooklyn Kitchen, I spotted fiddlehead ferns! I grabbed a handful and rushed home to make this simple sauce to go with my ravioli.

This sauce was so easy and fast.

Fiddlehead Fern & Asparagus Ravioli

(Optionally) Cut a few slices of bacon into little cubes and fry until crisp. Remove and leave some of the fat.

Add some butter to the pan and sautee about a half a sliced onion or shallot, along with some peperoncino (hot chili flakes) and fresh sage. Salt and Pepper.

Add a bunch of asparagus tips and the fiddlehead ferns and sautee until cooked, but still crisp. Salt and Pepper.

The ravioli take 8-10 minutes to cook in a big boiling pot of salted water. After you drain them, melt a little butter on them, then add the sauce.

Top with grated pecorino romano or parmesian cheese and don’t forget that bacon you set aside!

I really like the Pastosa ravioli and am excited to try more flavors. They were huge and firm and they didn’t fall apart. The cheese wasn’t watery and the prosciutto gave the filling a nice sweet flavor. The ferns were funny, they are very earthy or grassy, with the texture and slight goo of okra, but very delicious parts that get caramelized in the pan are delicious.

RICE BALL CLASS & SUPPER AT PAULIE GEE'S

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 14:40:00 +0000

I am teaching this class at Paulie Gee's! April 23, 2012 at 7pm. Come and make rice balls, then sit down to a rice ball supper. Includes wine and fun! More info here.

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:00:00 +0000

As posted originally for Greenpointers.com:

When I was lucky enough to attend the Paulie Gee Christmas party and have dinner with the man himself, I was able to use the skills I learned in my interviewing class to find out how he made his delicious red pasta sauce. (note: this is not the sauce he uses on his pizza.)

“Oh man! This is so good. How do you make this?”
“It’s raw.”
“Are these San Marzano tomatoes?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Paulie, Come on. I need to know what kind of tomatoes these are.”
“It’s a secret.”
“You have to tell me!”

(My interview method is called: The Whiny Interrogation.)

As I rolled my eyes and grumbled and complained, he explained the simple recipe. It was the easiest sauce I’ve ever made, and maybe one of the most delicious in its simplicity.

The key here is vidalia onions, the ones that look squashed. They are so sweet and mild you can eat them raw. (Paulie can’t.)

Sautee one chopped vidalia onion with a few cloves of garlic (Paulie doesn’t use garlic, I did.) in olive oil. (I added red chili flakes, too.) Transfer to a bowl. Over that add a generous amount of fresh basil leaves, which steam from the heat and release a lot of flavor. Then add your tomatoes – I used 2 cans of San Marzano whole tomatoes, which I find to be superior to other canned tomatoes found in the grocery store. I used a food mill to crush them and remove the seeds.

Leave the bowl covered on the counter overnight, and depending on whether you want the onion and basil in there, you can put it all through the food mill again before you make your pasta.

What I love about making this sauce is all the other dishes besides pasta I can make with it.

One of the most simple dishes I make is cauliflower stewed in tomato sauce. In a pot, saute garlic and olive oil and red pepper flakes. Add enough sauce to cover the bottom of the pot, then add pieces of cauliflower. Season with salt and pepper. Add some tomato sauce over the cauliflower and some water to the bottom of the pot. Cover and let it steam for 10 minutes or until the cauliflower is tender. At the end, add some grated Parmesan cheese. This can be eaten on its own or, if cooked down a lot, can be used atop pasta.

Another great way to use the sauce is to stew greens with beans. I love white beans with escarole and chick peas with spinach. I like to make this even more oniony, so I saute more onions with garlic and, of course, red pepper flakes. Then I add a can of beans. Once those cook down for a few minutes add your green. Season with salt and pepper. This is one of my accidentally vegan dishes. After I cook it, I say, “and it’s vegan, too!” I’m not vegan, but I have friends who are.

The next day I love to poach an egg in tomato sauce. This is so easy. In a small pot, pour in some sauce and let it heat up a bit. Crack an egg in, season the yolk with salt and pepper and cover. Lower the heat and after 5 minutes you have a warm delicious saucy egg that is great topped with cheese and served with Italian bread. You can poke it to see how runny or firm it is.

And if you do happen to use the food mill to remove the tomato seeds and the onions bits, you can use that to top pizza or bruschetta! There are five ways to use the sauce right there!

COCKTAILS AND CEVICHE ACTION: CALYER

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 23:01:00 +0000

Originally posted for Greenpointers.com:

Calyer, one of Greenpoint’s newest and most exciting restaurants, invited Greenpointers over for dinner. It was a cold and rainy evening, which meant taxi service, which meant I could wear my impracticably high heeled “date night” boots. (The only hobbling I can do in them is from a car to a chair.) Boots on, date on!

When we arrived I immediately began confusing the wait staff, “We have reservations. A table for 8, please.” (I meant 8pm.) The place was pretty full and the hostess looked worried but was a doll.
After sorting that out, Virginia, the lovely manager gave us a corner table from which we could see the whole restaurant and sit beside each other, which I call “french style.”
The interiors are done in that Brooklyn, this-place-has-been-here-forever but not contrived style. The low ceilings give the place a cozy, sailboat cabin feel. Cocktails please!

We ordered a Siren Song (Pisco, St. Germain, Cava, Bergamot) & La Bebida De Los Dioses(Herradura Antiguo Tequila, Lime, Maple, Syrup, Chili & Xocolatl Mole Bitters). Both were mixed and balanced beautifully.

If the cocktails sound inventive, with a spicy spanish twist, wait for the plates, which are served tapas style, perfect for my over-ordering tendencies.

It’s fun to dine at a place like Calyer with a taste hound like Jon, because there is always a hint of a surprising flavor that is hard to put your tongue on. Was it tarragon in the amuse bouche of Squash Jelly with Sunflower Seeds? It’s even better when the wait staff is patient and knowledgeable and eager to run back into the kitchen to find out from the chef: allepo pepper, cinnamon and star anise. Ah!

Aside from delicious plates, it was great chatting with our waitress Cara, who is part-Sicilian (which means she is admittedly half crazy like me) and has an awesome blog called Write By Hand dedicated to hand fonts. What makes Calyer a Greenpoint restaurant is that it embodies what Greenpoint is, a great place filled with great and creative people.

Calyer has the kind of menu from which you want to order every plate, and since they are meant for sharing, you can. What follows is a description of some of those delightful, unexpected and exceptional dishes.

Scallop Ceviche (Corn Nuts, Aji Amarillo, Crispy Corn)
Yeah we said corn nuts! Don’t even get us started on these salty-brain massages. The scallops were fresh and sweet and the dish was well-balanced with heat from the aji pepper, and tang from the red onions and lime. This dish went perfectly with our cocktails.

Duck Confit Terrine (Quail Egg, Yellow Plantains, Dandelion Greens)
“Why is this duck square?” Layers of juicy duck leg between layers of plantains was topped with a perfectly runny quail egg that made up for the dryness of the plantain. Jon talked about this dish all weekend. I think he might be falling in love with duck. Home run duck!

Chicharones (White Bean Puree, Brussels Sprouts Leaves, Anchovy Vinaigrette)
When this dish arrived I wanted to ask for a side of antacid. Giant pieces of deep fried pork skin in what reminded me of a citrusy rock shrimp batter. I didn’t get any of the anchovy flavor. Deep fried anything is my motto, but maybe better for a late night bar snack and not smack in the middle of dinner.

Grilled Mackerel (Sunchoke Puree, Sunchokes, Citrus Salad)
Perfectly cooked fish with subtle char flavor. Sunchokes plus sunchokes equals earthy crunchy awesomeness. The citrus salad gave the dish a fresh kick. We killed it.

Brussels Sprouts (Chicken Sausage, Garlic, Culantro)
My favorite dish of the night, hands down. I have a thing for cruciferous veggies but it was the chicken sausage that stole my heart. Chicken sausage is an idea I don’t normally like, but this sweet and spicy, softly caramelized chorizo flavored chicken with pimentón, or Spanish Paprika, made me rabid (in a good way). It reminded me of the chicken and rice my Puerto Rican Godmother makes, and what do you know? The chef, Gabriel Moya, is Puerto Rican. The culantro here is not the same as cilantro and it was an unexpectedly fragrant garnish for this dish.

During the meal we enjoyed deliciously recommended white wine, the Javier Sanz Rueda and a red, the Primitivo Quines “Cono 4.” Then desserts cocktails (of course!)

‘Little Fox’ Toddy (Old Overholt Rye, Snap Liquer, Cinnamon, Whisky Barrel Ages Bitters & Butter – ding, ding, ding! – A winning cocktail. It’s warm, it’s buttery, it’s spicy and it’s whiskey-ey. Did I mention the pat of butter that melts into the glass?

Northside (Whipper Snapper Whisky, Aperol, Antica Formula, Old Time Aromatic Biiters) – We don’t remember this being memorable, probably because the toddy stole the show. I had to swat Jon hands from grabbing my butter cocktail. Mine!

We had two choices for dessert, so we went with both obviously.

Deconstructed Apple Pie
Self-explanatory: apples, pie crust, spiced walnuts. This would make a perfect apple pie but I wasn’t thrilled about eating the doughy pie chunks on their own. There wasn’t a crumb left.

Lemon Curd (Almond Crust, Pickled Kiwi & Kumquats, Kefir)
Lemon desserts are not what I normally order but this has become a new addition to my crave list. The sweet smooth of the lemon curd was well matched with the sour fruits and creamy kefir, all on a chunky almond crust. Outstanding.

We loved Calyer and talked about all the fun flavors we discovered well after our meal. The food, aside from delicious and inventive, was gorgeously plated and fun to photograph. The atmosphere was friendly and cozy. A perfect date place with great cocktails. I hope to return for brunch when that dreamy chicken sausage takes sandwich form!

Calyer
92 Calyer St.
347-889-6323

NERDING OUT: BARLEY WINES AT BROUWERIJ LANE

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Originally posted for Greenpointers.com:
Greenpoint’s favorite beer store had a barley wine tasting. What a perfectly snowy weekend to drink strong beer by a wood burning stove. Learning and drinking are two activities I enjoy and combining them is even more fun, although retention can be a challenge. To be honest, I don’t know shit about beer.
Good thing Erik and Frances, the beer geniuses who work at Brouwerij Lane, and my man Jon, who is a home brewer, were there to school me. I was so sorry when I asked, “Do you think there are more wine makers or beer makers?” After an in-depth discussion (I wasn’t even listening) the final answer was, “Who cares, beer is better anyway!” I was bound to learn something from this bunch of beer nerds.
We were served a flight of 5 barley wines (totaling 40 oz!) on a laminated guide detailing each brew. If you don’t know what Barley Wines are, I can tell you one thing: they are knock you on your butt strong. It is a type of beer that is “brewed to match the strength of wine,” about 12% or more alcohol, according to our handy placemat. They are nice and sweet and very easy to drink. It was wise that we shared the 40 oz. flight.
We tasted the following:
Pretty Things Finest Regards, The Bruery Cuir, Firestone Walker XV, Avery Hog Heaven, and BFM & Terrapin Spike & Jeromes.
Between each flight we drank a lot of water, because the barley wine leaves such a lasting flavor in your mouth. The flavors and colors between each varied very much. This is my first session of really trying to understand the flavors happening in my mouth, instead of just mindlessly chugging.
“Coconuts!” I kept getting the taste of coconuts and I liked it. Frances didn’t believe until he sipped and agreed. Erik explained that Barley wines are aged in oak barrels, which accounts for what is more likely vanilla rather than a pina colada flavor, like the Cuir which is aged in bourbon barrels. Or the XV, which is blended with Stout so it was chocolatey, too.
Ever drink with a beer snob and they are like, “this is really hoppy” or “this is really malty” and you are like “what is this guy talking about”? I better learn if I want to hang with this crowd.
According to Jon, hops are a flower, which contribute bitterness to balance the sweetness in beer. They give flavor and aroma to a beer which can range from fresh cut grass to pine needles to citrus to herbal earthiness. How lovely! A good example from the barley wines we tasted was the Hog Heaven, in which you could smell the pungent hops before even tasting it, which were piney and citrusy.
Jon explains that malt is the sugar that ferments in beer to make alcohol and carbonation, but some sugar remains and that residual sugar is what gives beer it’s sweet flavor and “mouth feel,” which is how thick or watery the beer is in your mouth. Malt flavors can be a basic sweetness or can taste roasted, or like coffee or chocolate or caramel. Our Finest Regards was very malty and the best example of a traditional English Barley Wine and our favorite of the flight.

Sign up for Brouwerij Lane’s mailing list to find out about other beer nerd events, like Kelso Night with Kelso of Brookyn’s Kelly Taylor this coming Thursday 1/26.

Brouwerij Lane
78 Greenpoint Ave

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 15:00:00 +0000

As posted originally on Greenpointers.com:

I thought I’d dropped the ball. For a while Good Yoga was serving vegetarian dinners, but when I inquired, chef Moti was gone. Moti! Where are you?
Then I got an invitation to “Moti’s Last Supper” and I was so on it.
Going to Good Yoga is like going to a cozy (and more calm) extension of your own home and Flannery and Ray welcome you in like family. But like all supper clubs, the strangers sitting at the table aren’t family and at first there is some social fumbling. That is what red wine is for.
Moti, with his man bun on his head, was busy working the kitchen. I tried my best to get some answers. Moti, who are you? Where are you from? Why are you leaving us? But, Moti was very focused on his preparation and canceling out the background noise that was my voice.
It was presumptive for me to assume he was Indian, even though he looks Indian (in a yoga way.) Rather he is Kurdish, from Israel, but has an Indian spiritual grandmother, with whom he spent time with in India and where he learned some of his cooking. Moti is going back to India and everyone is sad to see him go. How long will he stay? However long he needs to, he explained.
I could have pushed and prodded (I am really good at that) but I left Moti to do his thing, for the last time, and remain a mystery to me. You can learn a lot about a person from what they do rather than what they say. In this case his actions resulted in delicious carefully prepared and wholesome food in my mouth.
Moti makes an art out of preparing vegetables, which is true vegetarian cooking at it’s finest. I don’t want fake meat and deep fried starch. I love vegetable and they don’t need to be masked with heavy sauces or cooked down until oblivion. Moti lets vegetables be vegetables, the best that they can be.

First Course: Cauliflower Couscous, Fennel Pesto, Olive Oil Drenched Scallions, Roasted Red Peppers and Eggplants.
I’ll just say one thing: CAULIFLOWER COUSCOUS! It was the texture of couscous and had that delicious raw cauliflower flavor. Bringing out the delicate flavor of couscous is difficult, especially when it’s on the same plate with pesto and roasted peppers, but it was all there and that plate was happy together.

Second Course: Spinach Salad, Raw Green Peas, Beets, Kohlrabi with Pistachio Ginger Dressing
A fresh and perfectly dressed salad with chunky raw vegetable crunch. See body, sometimes I do give you nutritional delicious food. (Just don’t get used to it!)

Third Course: Beet Steaks, Fried Onion, Fried Egg, Spicy Feta, Yaprach (stuffed onion with scallion and celery)
Don’t tell me you can’t fill up on vegetables. The stuffed onion is a traditional Kurdish dish, Moti learned from his other grandmother. It was such a grandma food that makes you full and warm. I could have eaten ten. The beet steaks cooked enough to not be raw but still have a fresh crunch and they had a good sour bite to them.

Dessert: Pear Drunk with Red Wine and Pomegranate Sauce and Whipped Cream
There is nothing better than fruit for dessert with a generous amount of whipped cream. To me the fruit is an aside, in this case, a delicious warm, sweet and sour aside.

Moti you will be missed!

Good Yoga
73 Calyer St

Brooklyn Staycation #1

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 17:00:00 +0000

As posted originally in Greenpointers:

We live in the best borough in the world! Instead of spending money on a plane ticket, we decided to take a much needed staycation in Brooklyn. Hotel Williamsburg was generous to sponsor Greenpointers for a two night stay, while we toured the area.
We were tempted to lock ourselves in the hotel room and listen to records all weekend. The gigantic plush king size bed was a main attraction and we found ourselves making giant Xs and saying, “I miss you, where are you?” The window from the bedroom into the bathroom made urinating very interesting and the view of McCarren Park’s red tailed hawk pair was a score!
We had an intinerary, not a very ambitious one. The beauty of the staycation is you don’t have to fit it all in because there is always next weekend.

Friday night we took the East River Ferry over to Dumbo for a nostalgic ride on Jane’s Carousel. There isn’t a better view of Brooklyn than from the ferry and there isn’t a better spot for an old timey carousel than under the Brooklyn Bridge, which is housed in a modern glass building. And $2 per ride makes this a great budget attraction.
While waiting for Vinegar Hill Houseto open (not a great budget attraction) we visited Shibui Japanese Antiques, a great place to see amazingly crafted wood furniture and objects dating back thousand of years. A walk around Vinegar Hill, the neighborhood, is like going back in time to an old quaint fishing village with old cobblestone streets and that “are you sure we are in NYC?” vibe.
Dinner at Vinegar Hill House is always a pleaser. The cheese plate with salami and quail egg is always amazing, but the stand-out dish was theBucatini with Chorizo Ragú and Seared Octopus. Just get it, you will drool.
We rode our bikes home on the scenic bike path through the Brooklyn Navy Yard and down Kent Ave into Williamsburg, stopping at the former Monster Island building to take a look at the new graffiti and the well cared for feral cat population.
We intended to dance the night away at the Brooklyn Soul Club party at Kinfolk Studios, but once we hit that bed… we fell right to sleep.
Waking up in a hotel that is a walk from your home makes packing, or non-packing easy. I wished I remembered my toothbrush until I had a cocktail and the Ricotta Pancakes for brunch atFive Leaves. (Quick comparison: it’s hard to compare the food between Five Leaves and Vinegar Hill House, both have exquisite menus and make me proud I live in Brooklyn, but the service at Five Leaves far exceeds that of Vinegar Hill House. Everyone is a regular and I think that sets apart many Greenpoint establishments.)
Into a taxi and off to massages at Body By Brooklyn in Cobble Hill. The spa had all the unspoken rules that make you feel like you’re doing everything wrong, but the saunas and hot tubs were relaxing, it wasn’t huge and packed with kids like Spa Castle, and our massages were perfection.
What do you do after a massage? Nap in a giant bed and not feel like you’re missing out on crossing things off your vacation check-list.
For dinner we met the parental units at Paulie Gee’s for some amazing pizza. The Greenpointer (not because of the name) is a pizza I crave and it always delivers. And no matter where you hail from, down the street or Japan, Paulie will chat with you like a regular and remember you the next time you come in.
Last day we woke up early for a stroll in McCarren Park, then breakfast burritos at Urban Rustic and just in time to make a noon showing of Princess Bride at Nighthawk Cinemas, a full service movie theatre, where the running joke is they should hire little people as waiters. But the satisfaction of an afternoon cocktail while watching Fred Savage on the big screen, eases your pity for the crouching service.
For lunch we hit up Nights & Weekends because I was craving the Croque Signora, the perfect inter-cultural marriage in sandwich form between a Cuban and a Croque Monsieur: pulled pork shoulder, speck, gruyére, mustard & pickles on a perfect brioche bun topped with a fried egg. This is well balanced and perfect to share with the blood orange salad.
We had already “checked out” of our sweet hotel room and would spend the evening at home, but traveling there didn’t involve a long car ride or torturous wait at the airport. It was Super Bowl Sunday and we planned on making mac n’ cheese, but fancy, so we headed to the Brooklyn Kitchen. If you’re in Brooklyn, and a cooking obsessed human (or dog, it’s pet friendly), then don’t miss out on this locavore meca. I know the prices can be “holy…!” but the quality of the meats from The Meat Hook is amazing, and it’s fun to look around at all the cool gadgets and vintage cookware.
A perfect end to a perfect staycation was sitting on the couch, truly relaxed from zero travel, with a mound of mac n’ cheese and glass of champagne, courtesy of the Hotel Williamsburg, and thinking that if our wallets wouldn’t burst into tears, we could do this every weekend. Brooklyn rules!

Homemade Pasta Class at EAT

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 17:00:00 +0000

Originally posted for Greenpointers.com:

Don’t let my Nonna read this. Shame on me for having to attend a pasta class. But boxed pasta is so damn easy! So is going out to eat.

When I got the email from EAT, it mentioned that Nick, the pasta teacher, has been cooking since he was in kindergarten. That seems dangerous, but at least he has a lot of experience.

The class began perfectly: with a cocktail, a really earthy beet cocktail served really strong by Jordon, the owner of Eat.

We got right into it. Well Jon did. He was made to mill the potatoes then hand mix the gnocchi batter. No fancy restaurant machinery is necessary to make gnocchi at home.

Boil about 1.5 lbs. of potatoes in cold water salted water, then let them cool. Reserve the starchy water, which can be used to incorporate into the gnocchi batter if it’s too dry. Mill the potatoes in a food mill or use a potato masher. Then by hand mix the potatoes with about 2c. of flour. You want a mushy, not too dry, chunky consistency.

Then roll the batter out and pinch pieces off pieces with a butter knife. It’s good to let them sit at room temperature for a few hours if possible, so they don’t turn into blobs when you boil them.

Nick was very specific about pasta boiling. You want pasta to boil in ALOT of very salty water. He even tasted the water for salt content. If it doesn’t have enough water, then it doesn’t have enough room to release the starch, and it will be impossible to ever achieve the transcendental al dente pasta status. And stir. After you add the pasta, stir it once so it doesn’t stick.

Boil the gnocchi for about 6 minutes as the “floating rule” doesn’t always apply.

Now it’s time for creamy sauce. After you drain your pasta (remember to save some of the water!) add it back to the hot pot. Then add danish bleu cheese, grated grana padano cheese, butter and some of that reserved pasta water if needed.

That is it! What you have is the most delicious and creamy homemade gnocchi in town.

To top it all off, this amazing meal was followed by honey buckwheat cake.

Nick is leaving Brooklyn to live on a farm in Pennsylvania Dutch country and once per week he is going to serve sandwiches that are going to blow the amish people’s socks off at the Eastern Market there. Road trip!

Check out Eat’s website for more classes. And Eat will be participating in this Saturday’sGreenpointers Gallery Tour.

Eat
124 Meserole Ave

CHUTNEY CLASS

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 23:43:00 +0000

Come one, come all and learn how to make 3 kinds of delicious chutney to take home! It's going to be a lot of fun. March 14, 2012 @ 7pm at Good Yoga in Greenpoint. Click here for more info or email greenpointers (at) gmail.com to sign up!

DIM SUM SUPER STAR: YOU HAD ME AT TUNA TARTARE

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 23:36:00 +0000

Originally post for Greenpointers.com:

At a recent Yummy Eats Dim Sum dinner with wine pairings by Wine By Design NYC, the food was the real super star. The food paparazzi were in full force and when Chef Joseph Yoon brought out each gorgeously plated dish, anxious hands held back until every iphone in the room recorded the food glory. That is what you get when you have an underground supper club filled with foodies and food bloggers. Food photo frenzy!

The food didn’t only look great but it tasted exquisite. And Lauren Johnson, our genius sommelier perfectly paired wine with each dish.

Don’t tell, but we drank 25 gallons of wine! And I actually learned a few thing. Normally I just gulp gulp gulp, but Lauren is a not-preachy-so-I-actually-listen teacher and gives great insight. She loves wine and it shows.

Like the first pouring, a Cava, which is comparable to Champagne, but has bigger bubbles (interesting!) has been drunk by the Spanish Royal family for generations. And “drunk” is a non-standard usage, but correct past participle of the verb to drink.

The cava was perfect with the first dish, the dish why I was there, my favorite dish ever: Tuna Tartare on Wonton Crisps. The fish was so fresh, so flavorful, with great texture and it wasn’t overly seasoned with ginger or soy sauce. The soft raw tuna on the crispy wonton was the perfect texture mix-up for my mouth. And it kept coming and I kept eating it!

Why did Joseph Yoon, Dim Sum Super Star, get into cooking? For the ladies of course. He had me at Tuna Tartare.

Next we had deep “double” fried Crispy Scallion Pancakes, executed perfectly with a ginger oil that Joseph prepares a few hours in advance with fresh grated ginger in canola oil.

The next pouring was a naturally effervescent Portuguese Vino Verde, which to me tasted earthy and fresh like a wine salad, and when you hold it up to a piece of white paper it has a gorgeous green hue. The dishes we paired them with were really fun, too.

Someone kept asking, “Does this have fish in it?” More for me, but did you read the menu?

Time for the most spectacular looking dish: Tempura Anchovy w/Wasabi-Sriracha Sauce. If you are scared of eating entire little fish bodies, fry them (or let Joseph do it) because anything fried is delicious. They were so flakey, not oily and not too salty.

Next was Lobster & Pancetta Wontons. I know your brain can’t handle this, but just hold on. They were everything you could ask from a wonton, crunchy on the outside, warm and soft on the inside, but oozing with creamy lobster and bacon!

The third pairing was a Pinot Noir. Such a great go-to wine, silky and smooth.

In my family, the only time there is complete silence is when we have a stunningly delicious dish in front of us and our mouths are too full to actually speak. I had a similar moment with Skirt Steak-Steamed Spinach & Quail Egg Wonton. Ooey gooey mini egg goodness and falling off the bone meat in a crunchy shell, but not for long because these were one biters for me. For once I couldn’t speak.

Braised Beef Short Rib Steam Buns time! The buns are so interesting to me, because they are so light, and combined with fresh greens it’s paradoxically like eating a salad sandwich with a lot of moist perfectly seasoned juicy beef. Best buns I have ever had.

Get this: Korean Pear w/Five-Spice Pork. I have to say this is my first dessert-time meat and I was really into it.

It went with the last pairing was with a “Grand Terroir” which when compared to the Pinot Noir in terms of colors was so light and bright. The wine was in a screwtop and Lauren explained: “This wine is meant to be drunk young!” which was followed by a heated discussion on screwtops vs. corks. With a wine not meant to be aged screwtops are the way to go.

For the kicker, we ended the evening with Maple Ice Cream w/Chocolate Bacon followed by a Late Bottle Vintage Port, which is made from grapes literally rotting (with fungus) off the vine, so you get a deep and rich almost raisin taste.

Thanks Yummy Eats and Wine By Design for a truly memorable (despite the gallons of wine in my brain) meal.

Try Yummy Eats’ Chocolate 5 Spice Bacon, which is on the menu for the Greenpointers Gallery Tour After Party 3/10/12 at 9pm at TBD (224 Franklin St.)

I Can Retire: I've Made it on Fox

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 02:18:00 +0000

Did you all know I am a ladies arm wrestling champion? I made this video documenting my victory.

Recently, my favorite bar in Greenpoint, The Diamond Bar hosted a Ladies vs. Wimpy Guys (under 145lb) and it made it onto Fox TV (my favorite station) at 2am.
Watch the newest video here.

YOU LOVE YOU

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 00:19:00 +0000

Getting ready for Valentine's Day I have a lot in the works. I am planning a big Love Bird's Market at the Lutheran Church of the Messiah on 2/11/12 for Greenpointers. Lots of fun gifts, food and music.

I am going to sell these postcards, because before you can love anyone, you need to know how to love yourself.

Oh the cream pie!

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 03:13:00 +0000

Growing up we always got a Chocolate Cream Pie from Days Bakery, an old fashioned German bakery in Honesdale, Pennsylvania. There was a major gap in my cream pie eating until M.Wells came along and the lovely pastry chef reignited my passion. Coconut Cream Pie, Banana Cream Pie, Maple Cream Pie. If it has a creamy pudding topped with heavy whipped cream frosting on a pastry crust it's as good as gone.
While up at Lake Hopatcong, we were trying to figure out dessert for New Year's Eve. Eureka! Coconut Cream Pie! I picked the easiest recipe I could find. It isn't the quickest because this pie isn't baked so it has to solidify in the fridge for about 4 hours before you can smother it in more cream. All we had to do all day was look at birds, so no rush.
I like recipes that call for you to add everything and mix. My banana bread recipe is the same. And it was the first time I ever have made a homemade pudding! Super duper easy and the boxed kind we had in the pantry was from 1988. I only eat expired food from the 90s. I have class!
I think we could have let it solidify a bit longer than we did on the stovetop because it didn't do much more solidifying in the fridge. It was more like a spoon pie, but it didn't matter, it was delicious. I may try some corn starch next time.
The recipe calls for frozen whipped topping, but make the real thing! (Just some heavy cream, sugar and a little vanilla.) Next time, I'll add some coconut flavor to the pudding as well, because other than the toasted coconut flakes, it wasn't very coconut flavored, but it's so creamy and perfect and addictive it didn't matter that much.
I also might try to make my own pie crust. I know! The frozen ones are pretty good though and so easy. Just make sure you bake it and let it cool before you add the pudding. We forgot until it was time to pour in the pudding, but it didn't really matter.
Stay tuned: next cream pie will be Banana Cream Pie! I am loving the cream pies.

Coconut Cream Pie, adapted from Carol H. recipe at All Recipes.com

Filling:
3 cups half-and-half
2 eggs
3/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup flaked coconut, toasted
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon coconut extract

1 (9 inch) pie shell, baked
Topping:
1 containter heavy cream
1/4 C. sugar or less (I prefer no sugar in my whipped cream.)
1 teaspoon vanilla

Start by pre-baking then cooling your pie shell.

In a medium saucepan, combine half-and-half, eggs, sugar, flour and salt. Bring to a boil over low heat, stirring constantly until pudding-like in texture. Remove from heat, and stir in 3/4 cup of the coconut and the vanilla extract.

Pour into pre-baked pie shell and chill 2 to 4 hours, or until firm.

To make your topping beat heavy cream, sugar and vanilla until desired consistency. Top pie with whipped cream, then sprinkle the rest 1/4C of toasted coconut on top.

To toast coconut, spread it in an ungreased pan and bake in a 350 degree F (175 degrees C) oven for 5 to 7 minutes, or until golden brown, stirring occasionally.

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 15:58:00 +0000

And I thought Rainbow Cookies were hard! This is a Mondrian Cake made by Caitlin Freeman of Blue Bottle Coffee for Moma SF.

Caitlin Freeman of Blue Bottle Coffee from Post & Grant on Vimeo.

Expired

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 23:47:00 +0000

Warning: Eating expired food may cause death.

Photos: Jon Pywell & Jen Galatioto

Rainbow Cookies

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 14:42:00 +0000

From Greenpointers, Recipe: Rainbow Cookies

I've had this recipe for Rainbow Cookies on my fridge since last year and decided to make it. Working my first job as a counter girl at an Italian bakery in Queens and accepting collect calls from the grumpy bakery owner's son, who was in jail for idiotic low-level racketeering, gave me have a distaste for Italian pastries, with the exception of a few things: Pignoli Cookies, Rainbow Cookies & Cannolis (but only the cannolis that the nuns from the San Carlo monastery on Erice, a medieval mountain town in Sicily make. God is in them.) The rest of the Italian pastries can burn in hell.

Rainbow Cookies are pretty pricey per pound and if you're going to buy them around Brooklyn I would recommend Fortunata Brother's on Manhattan & Devoe.

Making the rainbow cookies seemed pretty pricey, too. It didn't help that I had to buy 3 half sheet pans at $15 a pop from The Brooklyn Kitchen, plus 4 tubes of Almond Paste at $8 a pop! I definitely came home grumpy.

"I should have just bought them at the bakery," I said as I laid the ingredients on the counter. But the process and the end result were worth it, plus we got between 150-200 cookies out of it.

I cut the recipe out of New York Magazine from the chef of Torrisi Italian Specialties, a great Italian restaurants down on Mulberry, the walls lined with Manhattan Special: my favorite drink, espresso soda.

If you plan on making rainbow cookies, make sure you have an entire day off plus a partner with good hand-eye coordination. I am lacking in that area and Jon, who is mechanically inclined proved, to have amazing cake layering and chocolate spreading skills. Had I tried to take this endeavor solo, I assure you these cookies would not be so pretty.

When it comes down to it, "it's a lot of work, Jane," as Nonna, my Sicilian Grandma would say. There are many steps: beating the egg whites for stiff glossy peaks, splitting one batter into three for coloring, baking three cakes separately until just underdone so they stay moist, cooling the cakes then layering them using orange marmalade as glue, letting them set then spreading warm chocolate on the top and bottom. Start as early in the morning as you can.

While getting closer and closer to chocolatey soft almond cookie goodness, I was giddy. I remember saying, "this sure as hell beats last minute christmas shopping." In fact, making these cookies is what the holidays are all about: slowing down, spending time with someone you love, making something you love, then giving to people you love." These cookies put a truer smile on faces than anything you can unwrap and rip a price tag off of.

Torrisi Rainbow Cookies Recipe from New York Magazine

12 large eggs, separated

2 2/3 cups sugar

24 oz. almond paste

8 sticks butter, softened

5 2/3 cups all-purpose flour

2 tsp. salt

2 tsp. red food coloring

2 tsp. green food coloring

16 oz. orange preserves, heated and strained

8 oz. bittersweet chocolate, chopped

Preheat oven to 350. Beat egg whites in electric mixer until they just hold stiff peaks. Add ½ cup sugar, beating until whites hold stiff, slightly glossy peaks, then refrigerate. Beat together almond paste and remaining sugar in mixer. Add butter gradually and beat until mixture is fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add yolks and beat until well combined. Reduce speed to low and add flour and salt and mix until just combined. Fold in egg whites. Divide batter equally among 3 bowls; wearing gloves,(1) whisk red food coloring into one and green into another, leaving the third batch plain. Spread each batter separately and evenly, about ¼-inch thick, onto 3 half-sheet pans, each greased and lined with parchment paper. Bake until just barely set, about 7 minutes. (2) When layers are cool, spread half the preserves onto the green layer. Invert plain layer over it and discard paper. Spread on remaining preserves, and invert red layer over it; discard paper. Wrap with plastic and top with a weighted baking pan. Refrigerate for several hours. Remove plastic and bring to room temperature. Melt chocolate in a double boiler, and (3) spread thinly on top layer. Chill in freezer briefly until firm. Cover with wax paper, place another baking sheet on top, then invert cake onto sheet pan and remove paper. Quickly spread with remaining chocolate and return to freezer until firm. Trim edges, slice, and serve.

On Miguel

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 00:19:00 +0000

From Space for a Small Owl, Jon's blog: On Miguel.

Marofoto.tumblr.com

THE DISORGANIZED LEADING THE DISORGANIZED: TIP #1 - JOCK STRAP AS CHEESE STRAINER

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 17:18:00 +0000

One of my biggest hurdles in life is that during embryonic development the organization gene turned up missing. I apply the same theory of sports aptitude to organizational aptitude: you can be born with it like a natural athlete or can practice the shit out of it, which is what I am attempting. There is a much that high school sports can teach us, aside from how to use a jock strap as a cheese strainer.
It feels like the shit hits the fan everyday and everything is scattered everywhere. Where do I start? I run around my apartment in hopeless despair and only make the situation worse.
I start by picking up all the underthings my cat traipsed around the apartment in his jaws but I don't finish because I see that I left that bottle of unmentionable prescription meds out so I run to hide it away in a cabinet (even I can't look at it) but I don't get to close the door before I notice I left my vibrator on the nightstand in the bedroom. I open that drawer and scream at the chaos of batteries and used tissues inside then notice it could use a cleaning so I run it into the bathroom and look under the sink for the gallon of bleach but I see that the cat left me a smelly gift in the litter box. I scoop that up but forget to flush because I notice an even more special gift in the corner where I dropped my toothbrush. On and on. What began as an attempt to straighten up, leaves my home looking like a perverted horror house. Think back to a more innocent time.
I played basketball in high school and when I stood at the foul line, all eyes on me, I took a deep breath and focused just on that one shot. I forgot about all that happened in the game before and everything that was ahead. I dribbled once, bent my knees and took my shot, and didn't forget to follow through with my arms. It kept me right there, not rushing ahead and I made more shots that way.
Applying this to organizing my life helps. Task at hand: burn old photos from vacations with ex-boyfriend. Follow-through: finish them off until the are charred bits that disintegrate into thin air. You don't need scraps of paper soaked in lighter fluid near the candles of the shrine to your new boyfriend, do you? Done. Move on.
You can only do one thing at a time. So when you feel scatterbrained and like there is so much to do, breathe and think to yourself I can only do one thing at a time. Do this one task, finish it, then move on. Getting anxious about everything you have to afterwards is only going to make what you're doing less fun and you won't do the best job. Organize in the moment. One miserable task at a time!

It's All Your Fault You Evil Guinea

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 01:00:00 +0000

Food anxiety is an affliction resulting from the unrealistic perception you may not have enough food to feed everyone. Making a pound of pasta for two people is a manifestation of this. It also happens when you are worried you might make your guests ill, like when you serve raw oysters or undercooked meat. The sound of vomiting or groans of diarrhea only make this feeling worse.

Severe stomach pain and the words, "I think I'm having a heart attack," rush Jon and I the hospital where sonogram results revealed an evil bunny had taken residence in his gall bladder.
I began to feel extreme food guilt. Was it the Grilled Cheese with Bacon and Avocado? The Bolognese Sauce?
"Nonna's last lasagna might be my last lasagna!" Jon said.
Gall bladder stones develop over time and I had only been force feeding him high fat foods for little over a month. Isn't that how it works when you fall in love? You feed the person and yourself until you are both overweight and unattractive to each other and then you join a gym?

A few people noted that avocados, notoriously high in fat can trigger gall bladder attacks and we'd had avocado for breakfast as part of a meal for the record that I did not prepare.
None the less, leaning over his gurney I had that big eyed "I'm sorry I did this to you," look on my face.
"It's all your fault you evil guinea," Jon said and we both broke into hysterical laughter that made his pain and my guilt worse.
This, along with, "You're still handsome even though you're in a wheelchair," and, "I don't even know where my organs are," and, "Your teeth can fall out, your organs can't" are among the demented comments we made while nervously waiting his fate.
Well that fat party is over. It's quinoa and bean sprouts from now on (well or him at least.) And he wasn't even allowed to keep the evil bunny. Food can hurt.

THE EVER-ELUSIVE ORGANIZED LIFE, ENTROPY & DRY ERASE MARKERS

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 02:34:00 +0000

Becoming close to organized is a lofty goal; not a complete disaster area is more what I'm going for. It's hard. The propensity to be neat is learned and genetic. If you're OCD, God bless you. If you were taught how to properly scrub a floor and bleach fumes smell like roses to you, then you're probably 100% Sicilian.

I am not and didn't get the clean gene. My Mom says she rather had spent time with us than clean so she had a cleaning lady, Linda who is like family. I can respect that but it doesn't help me now!

I followed suit and have a lovely cleaning person when I can afford it, and it sure helps with the nitty gritty, but organizing my life would mean she would have to climb inside my brain and do some major tweaking. And I'm just not ready for that.

It's basic physics. The Law of Entropy states that the universe naturally moves from a state of order to disorder. This can be demonstrated when I hang up all my clothes. The time it takes to organize my closet compared to the time it takes me to throw everything on the floor again when I get dressed makes cleaning seem like a waste of time. My clothes want to be in a heap on the floor; the universe tells me so.

That said, the brain feels calmer and works more effectively when things are organized. And when you have a million things to do plus a trillion loose ends to tie, lists help. It's just scary when you write: "find old list" on your new list.

By now I would be in a mental institution if it wasn't for google tasks.

Despite this handy tool, I have the tendency to write things on random pieces of paper then throw the papers on my desk. The desk I took so long to organize is once again a disaster. Then when a guest comes over, I just take everything on the desk and throw it into a bin. Looks clean, but it's an illusion. I do this when my laptop looks like a patchwork quilt of icons. I make a "Desktop" folder and dump everything in there. It's bliss, but just a cover up.

The new solution: dry erase markers on my mirror. That way I can makes lists (like in google tasks): Greenpointers, Ugly Art Room, Morta Di Fame, Polo & Life. They are all in one place and right in front of me, easy to read and fun to cross off. When I think of something I don't have to open the laptop. It looks cool, too. Don't pay attention to the evil dragon in the corner.

Is that an electronic cigarette in your pocket?

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 21:22:00 +0000

Brain tells hand to reach into coat pocket. Hand retrieves what feels like pen. Hands lifts pen-like object to lips. Brain tells mouth to suck. Inhale. Brain is happy. Exhale. Brain is happy. Repeat.
I am addicted and love every minute of it! There are obvious reasons why electronic cigarettes rule: matchless, blue neon light, no stinky clothes. Plus, you can smoke in ridiculous places, like nursing homes, playgrounds and AA meetings.
I know my rules of electronic cigarette etiquette, though. While relaxing on a comfortable rocking chair at my lady doctor's office, I reached into my pocket for a fix. Just as I was about to inhale the sweet smokeless vapor, I noticed a huge pregnant woman with painfully swollen ankles standing nearby. There was no place for her to sit, so in consideration of her condition, I put down my electronic cigarette and continued rocking.
I was never a smoker, unless you count the time in junior high school when on a field trip to release tadpoles into a pond I begged my young substitute teacher for a smoke. I was twelve; she caved. Either I was a really persuasive pre-teen or she was completely disturbed. It was Newports in the schoolyard until high school when we had to go across the street to smoke and that was a drag.
If you're wondering, electronic cigarettes are not like real cigarettes. Real cigarettes are obviously more unhealthy and self-destructive and therefore much more satisfying. They are like Diet Coke, once you get accustomed to that putrid artificial cancer causing sweetener you don't want real sugar. Or like using a vibrator; not like the real thing, but they always deliver.

GIVE THE GIFT OF FOOD COMA TO HUNGRY PEOPLE

noreply@blogger.com (Morta Di Fame) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 15:16:00 +0000

Instead of skull raping your credit card (even more), make a donation to my church's soup kitchen, where I spend one hour per week not cursing and thinking perverted thoughts (well that's a lie!). I just donated $100 to the Greenpoint Church Soup Kitchen because hungry people need to experience food comas, too. Please donate and share. Read a letter from the Pastor Ann at Greenpointers.