Every Friday I answer a reader’s question.  If you have a question, you can contact me.

First, I’ll take a moment to brag. 

My parents love me more than my two brothers!  They recently revealed that I will be receiving a larger portion of the family inheritance than either of my brothers.  Here is the split: Biggest Brother 33%.  Bigger Brother 33%.  Me- Little Brother 34%.  Ahh.  Joseph, now I know how good it felt to be the favorite.  Some in my family, including my parents, have insinuated that I am receiving 34% simply because the lawyer put our names alphabetically. 

Ok, now to the question.  A reader writes:

“I used to think I would leave more money to a child who was disabled, or perhaps a missionary, or in some kind of lower budget situation, maybe widowed with kids, whatever. Since I have children, I am afraid I’d have to leave money equally to my kids regardless of their situations.

Should You Leave Money in Your Will for Your Children?

A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children, but a sinner’s wealth is stored up for the righteous. (Proverbs 13:22 NIV)

The Bible does support the idea that it is honorable to leave an inheritance for your children.  Still, the question remains, what if your children are financially independent?  Should they still get money from your will?  Here are two common responses:

Leave the kids the money – Because your kids are faithful with money, they should get the money, and they should be entrusted to use it responsibly.  Since they are good stewards, they can give the money away if they wish.

Leave the money to a church, missions, or a charity – Because your kids are faithful with money, they have no need for the money, so it should be given to charity.

Kids and Wills: A Guide For Distributing Your Wealth

1. Have Open Dialogue

   When talking wills and inheritance, open communication is essential.  If you prefer to end up with a dysfunctional family as described in the Grisham book, The Testament, then you should mislead your kids and give them the impression they will actually be getting an inheritance.  If, however, you love your kids, talk to them.  This is especially true if they are good money managers.  Ask them for their thoughts and input.  You don’t want your kids to think they are being punished for handling their money well. 

2. Not An “Either”, “Or” Discussion

   The choice does not need to be all family or all charity.  You could divide your inheritance between charity and family. Perhaps 1/2 goes to the kids and 1/2 goes to a charity.  Again, this will be important to discuss with your kids.  You do not necessarily need input, but share why these charities are important so that when the will is read, your kids can feel proud about your decisions, not envious about receiving a limited share. As your kids become more financially secure, you could revisit the discussion and adjust the allocations to family and charity. 

3. Divide the Estate Equally Among Siblings

   An inheritance is a loving gesture.  If one sibling receives a lager share of the inheritance, what you are communicating (intentionally or not) is a preference.  Leave your kids a legacy of love, not a reason for jealousy and arguing.  Regardless of how well your kids handle money, I think money given to children should be split equally, unless there has been a prior discussion where one sibling would prefer for the others to receive their share.   

I’m interested in your thoughts …

 What if junior is a bad money manager?  Should you consider cutting him or her out of the will?  Should the estate be divided equally among siblings?

Do you really think that the only reason I am getting a larger inheritance is alphabetical?

More Great Articles:

1. Christians, Is Money Really Neutral and Amoral?
2. Could The Money Lover Please Stand Up
3. 101 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Money Relationship
4. Send Money or Transfer Money With These Fast Free Ways

1. Christians, Is Money Really Neutral and Amoral?
2. Could The Money Lover Please Stand Up
3. 101 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Money Relationship
4. Send Money or Transfer Money With These Fast Free Ways

I’ve never spent much time trying to understand my FICO score.  I guess I’ve always just accepted Dave Ramsey’s sentiment that FICO is evil.  However, the truth is that your credit score does matter, and I believe it will become more important in the future. 

Bad Advice: Borrow Money To Improve Your FICO Score

This is the type of advice that people like Dave Ramsey hate.  And, rightfully so.  There are so many people who suggest making bad financial decisions just to increase your score.

One of the worst pieces of financial advice I have ever received was when I was told to get a credit card, buy something, and take several months to pay off the balance.  I was told this would help me build credit.  This, my friends, is a bad idea.  Don’t financially cripple yourself just for the sake of a credit score. 

Nevertheless, FICO does matter.

Why Is Your FICO Score Important?

The FICO score is increasingly becoming a gauge of personal responsibility in all areas of life, not just finances.  Crazy, I know.  But that is a fact.

Thus, to completely ignore your credit score is like a teacher giving you list of things to prepare for on an upcoming test, and you ignore the paper because you don’t want to play by the teacher’s rules.

FICO, like so many other things, helps those who play by the rules and hurts those who don’t.

Dave Ramsey frequently says the FICO score is an I love debt score.  However, I only have a house loan, and yet a banker told me I have a ‘good FICO score’.  You do not need to have debt to have a good credit score.

It is more accurate to say that it is a measurement of your interaction with debt related products.  If you use such products responsibly, then your score increases.  If you use those products irresponsibly, your score goes down.

Here is a good article that explains how your FICO score is calculated.

Sorry Dave Ramsey, I think FICO matters. 

FICO Score and Insurance: Case and Point

A common criticism on Dave Ramsey’s stance of the credit score is the fact that the FICO score is becoming a major factor in your auto insurance and home owner’s insurance premiums.  This is the insurance credit rating or insurance bureau score.  Your score is different than your FICO score, but you would improve your insurance credit rating the same way as your FICO score. 

Insurance companies can and do use your credit rating for two factors:

1. Rating – obviously your rating is the biggest factor for your premiums.
2. Underwriting – after evaluating your credit score, a company can decide if they want to underwrite your policy.

Dave Ramsey’s advice?  If an insurance company uses a credit score then get a new insurance company and thereby ‘stick it to the man’.  However, as this becomes increasingly a more common way to evaluate premiums, finding another company becomes more difficult.  In addition, anytime you limit your options (like using insurance companies that don’t rate base on FICO), you increase the chances that you will pay more in premiums.  However crazy it is, however unfair it is, however stupid it is, it is a fact – FICO score matters.  And, I believe it will matter more and more in the future. 

FICO Score and the Mortgage: Dave Says Manual Underwrite

Dave Ramsey does acknowledge that many people will want to get a mortgage or refinance a mortgage.  He suggests finding a company that will manually underwrite.  This means they evaluate your financial actions manually.  This is opposed to the increasingly common way of looking only at your credit score.

Once again, the fact is that when you narrow your market, you are less likely to find a good deal.  In addition, hunting for a company that does the manual underwriting can be a hassle.

Is There A Responsible Way to Build Your Credit?

Here’s the kicker.  I think most people could improve their financial situation and their credit score at the same time.  Do simple things like make your payments and reduce your debt payments.  Thus, when you pay off credit card debt your credit score increases.  Those are good for your finances and good for your credit score. 

Here are some ways to improve your financial situation and your credit score:

1. Be clear about your credit intentions.  I would never build credit just to borrow money (except for a house).  Maintain a good credit score simply so that you have access to perks like low insurance premiums and even the best credit cards.
2. Build credit by interacting with debt, not using debt.  Pay off your credit card in full every month.
3. Never spend more money just to build your credit. 
4. Always make your payments. 

For many people, being responsible with their money will actually result in an increased credit score. 

As a final reminder: I would never do anything financially detrimental or costly in order to improve my credit score.  The FICO score should always be an added benefit, never the motive for making a financial decision.  In other words, don’t obsess about the FICO score. 

If you are interested in learning more about your own FICO score, Save 30% on all myFICO credit products with coupon code myFICOis9 (affiliate link).

Personally, I’ve never cared to know what my FICO score is – I don’t know, in fact.  However, I do use credit cards and and pay them off in full, so I’m assuming that I have a reasonable credit score.  Before buying a house, you will want to be sure that you have a good FICO score to help you get a lower interest rate.

What are you thoughts on Dave Ramsey and his stance on the FICO score?  Do you pay any attention to your FICO score?

More Great Articles:

1. A Guide For Getting Out Of Credit Card Debt
2. Dave Ramsey Debt Snowball: Paying Off Debt Spreadsheet
3. Dave Ramsey Review: Should Christians Build Wealth Like Crazy?
4. Review of Dave Ramsey: Three Things I Like About Ramsey

1. A Guide For Getting Out Of Credit Card Debt
2. Dave Ramsey Debt Snowball: Paying Off Debt Spreadsheet
3. Dave Ramsey Review: Should Christians Build Wealth Like Crazy?
4. Review of Dave Ramsey: Three Things I Like About Ramsey

I have an unpopular theory about money.  I know it’s unpopular because I’ve seen the exact opposite point made about a half dozen times just this week.  For those of you who say money is neutral, amoral, or just a tool, I’ll just say I love you, but I’m not sure that I completely agree.  So here’s my stab at challenging our conventional thinking.  (If I generate some thought-provoking discussion, I’ll consider this post a success.)

Money, so we are told, is amoral. It is a neither a negative nor a positive force. It simply is.

For a long time, I agreed with this assessment that money is completely neutral, neither good nor bad.  My thinking went something like this – money can be used for good.  Money can be used for bad.  Money must be neutral, and it only depends on whose hand it falls into if money is good or bad.

However, I now have the highly unpopular opinion that money is not neutral.  I believe that the Bible describes money as something more – something with a great deal of influence.  I know this idea is unpopular because almost every time I read a Christian book or post about money, people say it is amoral.  Dave Ramsey is one of the common proponents of this teaching. 

Once I read Money Sex & Power: The Challenge of the Disciplined Life, my perspective of money began to change.  I highly (very highly) recommend this book to any Christian who wants to challenge his or her view of money.

I’ve discussed more about that book and the topic money – good or bad.  The basic point is that, for Christians, money is an idol we must be converted from in order to be converted to him.  When we are fully committed to Christ, we master the power of money and put it in service to the Kingdom of God. 

What a Rock Teaches About A True Amoral Item

So I thought it would be beneficial to compare money to other undisputed amoral item – a rock.

Why didn’t Jesus teach about rocks as much as he taught about money? A rock can be taken and bashed against a vehicle and cause irreparable damage. A stone (just ask Goliath) can be flung into the air causing the death of another human being. The rock can be responsible for taking one of the things most precious to God – a life.

And yet, Jesus never talked about the dangers of a rock.  A rock in the hands of a bad person can be bad, but a rock in the hands of a good person can be used to craft a children’s home or any other wonderful building. 

But, Jesus did talk a lot about money.  I believe this is because money has the innate ability to be something more. 

The Bible Says Money Can Be A Master

Money is often in competition with discipleship. It often becomes a sort of idol or god people follow. In fact, in the deeply disappointing story commonly know as the rich young ruler, a man does in fact choose to follow money instead of Jesus.

What is it about money that would make that happen?

None us might have the vocabulary to properly explain it, but in our guts, we all know it’s true. There’s just something about money. Greed. Power. Accumulation. Wealth.  Even if you can’t articulate it, you know there is something different about a rock and money.

• Our God has always been an unapologetically jealous God (Exodus 34:14). He refuses to be second on any list. And money, so it seems, from the pages of history, interrupts that order. Money has too often become the master.
• Why, I wonder, would Jesus say, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. (Matthew 6:24 NIV)” if he considered money to be neutral?
• The depth of the disciples’ commitment to Jesus was attested by the words of Peter – Master we left everything to follow you.  Peter showed that nothing is competing for his allegiance.
• In Matthew, Jesus’ third temptation was to bow down to Satan in order to receive all of the kingdoms of this world. Jesus, however, felt like he must worship and serve God only. There is a parallel relationship between bowing down and getting money. The money is the temptation. Worshipping Satan is the vehicle to attain the money. (Mt. 4:8-11). In fact, it seems as though if Jesus cannot be convinced to turn down a money temptation, then he cannot be turned. So Satan leaves him.
• Matthew 6:19-24 – where your treasure is, so also is your heart. Money and God cannot be served at the same time.
• Matthew 19:16-25 – money was the stumbling block that disallowed this man to follow.

Money at the Site of the Accident: An Analogy

Imagine you are a police officer investigating a 5th accident in 6 months at a specific intersection without traffic lights.  Do you think you are going to request a traffic light to be placed at the intersection?  I think you would.  It is not a coincidence that so many people have had accidents at this intersection.  This is a dangerous intersection. 

When you look through the pages of history, I think you will find that money is an intersection where people often face spiritual destruction.  How, I wonder, does something amoral cause so much damage? 

I think it is time that as Christians we put up some flashing orange lights around money.  Time to say that there is something dangerous about this intersection, and if you don’t proceed with caution, you might be the next casualty.

Money Cannot Be Neutral

As a result, it seems as though money can never truly be a neutral, passive, or amoral thing. It must be slave or master. It is never simply in the middle. Christians are those who proclaim the Lordship of Jesus Christ (Rom. 10:9). Thus, the line has been drawn. The allegiance has been determined. With only one throne available, money must be relegated to servant.

Money is slave when it is used in ways unnatural to its nature.  To give is to use money in an unnatural way.  When we give, we show our mastership over, not our slavery to money.

Bible Says Money Must Be Removed As Master and Positioned As Servant

As our lives are daily put in service to Jesus Christ and his kingdom, our money also must be put in service to Jesus Christ and his kingdom.

But, you thought money was something negative? That’s the beauty of our God.  He can take anything and use it for his glory. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Just like God took us despised and rejected, hideous creatures and gave us new life, new meaning, and new purpose. We now take that which Satan loves to master, and we restrict it to a place of servitude. Our money is now used for the purposes and glory of God.  This is most clearly done through the act of giving. 

When you take out your checkbook, your credit card, or a dollar bill, you are entering into an epic spiritual battle. Sure, no one is going to get popcorn and watch you, but in that moment, you are deciding if money is your master or slave.

Alright … let me have it.  What have I missed?  Why does everyone else say money is neutral?  Is there any possibility that money is something more?

More Great Articles:

1. Could The Money Lover Please Stand Up
2. Dealing With Challenging Bible Verses About Money
3. Send Money or Transfer Money With These Fast Free Ways
4. Dave Ramsey Review: Should Christians Build Wealth Like Crazy?

1. Could The Money Lover Please Stand Up
2. Dealing With Challenging Bible Verses About Money
3. Send Money or Transfer Money With These Fast Free Ways
4. Dave Ramsey Review: Should Christians Build Wealth Like Crazy?

Whatever it was, I’m glad you are now convinced – credit card debt is bad.

Credit card debt will easily destroy your plans for any kind of a sensible financial future.  So, good for you.  Let’s get rid of the credit card debt so you can get out of debt.

Get Out of Credit Card Debt: The 8 Steps

1.  Remember that things will probably get worse before they get better.

Many credit card users float payments.  This means you typically spend next month’s dollars by using the credit card today.  Basically, your cash flow is upside down and backwards.  You must stop this habit.  The first month will be the hardest.  In fact, when you first get rolling, it will seem like you are trying to fit two month’s worth of expenses into one billing cycle.  Basically, you are.  You will be paying this month’s expenses (in cash) and last month’s expenses (that you charged).

On the front end, you will feel like the work is not worth the reward.  I encourage you to really work at this for the first couple of months because your gratification will be delayed.

Remember when the Israelites left Exodus?  Things got worse before they got better.  The Israelites, in fact, wanted to go back to Egypt.  After just a few weeks, you will want to go back to the old way because it was easier.  Please don’t.  Do what is right, not what’s easy.

2.  Get organized.

Typically, if you have credit card debt, it is because you are not naturally an organized person.  That’s not bad, but you will need to organize your finances before conquering your debt mountain. 

Here is exactly what you need to know:

• Which credit card accounts are active?
• How much do you own on each card?
• What is the interest rate?
• When is the next payment due?
• What is the minimum payment?

Here’s a free debt snowball spreadsheet to help you get organized.

3.  Get motivated.

Only a small fraction of personal finances has anything to do with math (pun intended).

The larger factor is attitude and discipline.  Do you have the attitude necessary to get out of debt?

You need to commit to become debt free.  You need to be willing to sacrifice and willing to make changes.

Your greatest asset during this time will be your financial focus and motivation.

4.  Don’t take on any more credit card debt.

If your bath water was running out of your tub because you didn’t have the plug in, would you turn up the water, or would you plug the tub?  Most likely, you would put the plug in. 

Your credit card payments are the leak in your personal finances.  By not making any new purchases, you are actually starting to make progress in the right direction.

Three things you can do with your old credit cards:

1. Destroy them: completely remove the temptation to charge on your credit card.  Cancel your card.
2. Freeze them: it’s going to take a few hours to defrost, so at least you won’t use it before you have a lot of time to think things over
3. Hide them: Have a friend take the card and hide it somewhere safe.

5.  Find money by making a budget.

The best place to find money is in your regular pay.  If you do not keep a written budget, there is money to be found in your own paycheck.  Here’s a step by step guide on how to make a budget.  If you’re a first time budgeter, here is a sneak peak into our budgeting process.

If you cannot find money in your budget, then you probably need to increase your income.  This means getting a second job.  Here are a few good part time jobs. 

6.  Get current on credit cards.

Make the necessary payments to get and stay current.

Tread Water on the balance of all but one card

This is where financial focus is essential.

Be content not to make any progress on all but one of your balances.  Then attack that balance like crazy.

7.  Start paying off credit card debt.

So which card should you focus on paying off first?

There is a lot of debate on the topic.  Here are three frequent methods. You decide which works best for you.

1. Pay off the balance with the highest interest rate first.  This approach makes the most mathematical sense, but we’ve already concluded that personal finance is about a lot more than math.
2. Pay off the lowest balance first.  As you pay off this small balance you have a psychological win.  Then you take that money you were paying on the first balance and apply it to your next smallest balance.  This method is frequently referred to as the debt snowball and is endorsed by Dave Ramsey.
3. Pay off the debt you hate the most first.  Perhaps there were circumstance around why you got a particular debt.  You hate the fact you got the debt and hate even more how you got the debt.  You will get the biggest emotional payoff if you get rid of this debt first.

I think there is a lot of value in the debt snowball, but to help you make the best decision, here are more ways to get out of debt. 

8.  Keep going.

There will be setbacks along the way.  But, don’t let them discourage you.  There are many people who are also getting out of credit card debt, and they are a testimony to both how difficult it is and how rewarding it is.  The process might be years, but when it is finished, it will be worth the effort.

What did you do to get out of credit card debt?  What suggestions do you have?

More Great Articles:

1. Dave Ramsey Debt Snowball: Paying Off Debt Spreadsheet
2. Credit Card Advantages Over Cash
3. Does Spending Cash Really Save Money When Compared to Using a Credit Card?
4. Getting Out of Debt: One Simple First Step

1. Dave Ramsey Debt Snowball: Paying Off Debt Spreadsheet
2. Credit Card Advantages Over Cash
3. Does Spending Cash Really Save Money When Compared to Using a Credit Card?
4. Getting Out of Debt: One Simple First Step

There’s one bank I love (ING Direct), and one bank I hate (Bank South Pacific).  Today I’m going to tell you a little about both, well, sort of …

ING Direct $25 Sign Up Bonus When You Open A New Account – The Good Bank

I have been a happy ING Direct customer since 2004 – long before I was a personal finance blogger. I have been using this product for just over five years, so I want to share reasons why I use and really like ING Direct.

But, I don’t want to make you endure another ING Direct pitch if your not interested so I put together an ING Direct Handbook (44).   The handbook talks about all the great benefits and features of the ING Direct Savings and ING Checking accounts.  I wanted to share this information with you so …

You decide. Are you interested in a new bank account?  Do you want to view a PDF that describes all the benefits and features of ING Direct?  If so, get the PDF now – ING Direct Handbook (44).

By the way, the PDF also tells you how to get $25 when you sign up for an ING Direct Bank account.

If you don’t want to hear about ING Direct, good, because it’s over now .

BSP – The Bad Bank

Subtitle: I bet your bank is not so bad.

It’s therapeutic.

One of the reasons I blog is because it is therapeutic.  It certainly is cheaper than paying outrageous counseling bills.

As a signatory on our church account in Alotau, Papua New Guinea, I was asked to visit Bank South Pacific to get the end of the year balance for 2009.

Going to the bank here is about as fun as rolling up the windows on a hot day and taking a nap in a parked car.  I wanted to find some way out of the task, so I puzzled and I puzzled.

I first thought about checking through our old bank statements, but realized that it has been months since we had received a statement.

Of course, internet banking would have been a great idea, but our bank account doesn’t have an internet baking feature.

The phone, of course.  How could I be so dull?

Me – “Can I get the church balance?”

Bank phone rep – “Yes, of course.  You just need to come into the bank and ask the teller.”

My fate was sealed.  I had to make a trip to the bank.

Trip #1:

There were only six people in line in front of me.  This, my friends, was a lucky day.  It is not unusual to have 10-20 people in line.  I waited for 20 minutes and the line had not moved.  It seemed as if Silas Marner had decided to take his stash of coins the same day as me.  The guy at the teller had a back pack full of coins (literally).  No coin counting machine.  I waited another 20 minutes, and since the line had not advanced by a single person, I gave up and left – after 40 minutes of standing in the exact same spot.

Trip #2:

Trip 2 was much more successful.  After only a 15 minute wait, I was face to face with the teller.  She was quickly able to give us the church account balance, and then I remembered …

“Excuse me.  I don’t think we’ve been receiving our bank statement lately.”

Teller: “Just a minute.  Let me look into it.”

She returns some five minutes later with a stack of envelopes.  She politely hands them to me and smiles as if to say goodbye.

“Are these our statements?”

“Yes”

I take the stack of envelopes and slowly count them one by one.  The total: 10.

“Are you still mailing statements to customers?”

“Yes.”

“Why do you have 10 months worth of statements here then?”

“We haven’t had time to post them yet.”

“You … have not … in 10 months … had time to drop these envelopes in the mail box?”

“Yes.  Sir, if you prefer to get your statements any sooner, all we can advise is that you come into the branch and pick them up.”

With that, I walked out the door dumbstruck.

I was once told a little perspective goes a long way.  Hopefully the next time you have to wait in line for 5 minutes at the bank, you’ll think of me.  Hopefully the next time you bemoan the fact that your bank is so inefficient, you’ll think of me.

Does anyone else have a bank that is worse than this?

More Great Articles:

1. Send Money or Transfer Money With These Fast Free Ways
2. 10 Reasons to Change Banks
3. Changes and Improvements to ING Direct Electric Orange
4. ING Direct: Open an Electric Orange Checking Account and Get $25

1. Send Money or Transfer Money With These Fast Free Ways
2. 10 Reasons to Change Banks
3. Changes and Improvements to ING Direct Electric Orange
4. ING Direct: Open an Electric Orange Checking Account and Get $25

I just wanted to take a moment today and thank you, my readers, for being such a fantastic group of people.  I’ve loved my introduction to the blogging world, and the experience has been a blessing because of my interaction with so many of you.  Thank you.

I pray that God will continue to watch over you and bless you in your activities this week.

Voting Time

Money Help For Christians was nominated as one of five finalists in the ‘Best Religious Finance Blog’ category.  I’m extremely thankful to be included on that list with some other fantastic blogs. 

If you want to take time to do some voting head over to the Plutus Awards.  Here’s a list of all the blog that were nominated in the Best Religious Finance Blog category. 

Some Great Articles I’ve Recently Read

My Strategy for Giving Away Millions by Bob at Christian Personal Finance.

Can You Trust Personal Finance Bloggers? by Mike, The Oblivious Investor.

Ryan (aka Patrick) at Cash Money Life shares How We Manage Our Money on a Daily Basis.

Jason at Frugal Dad offers us 9 Ways To Save Money On Car Insurance.

Joe at Personal Finance By the Book asks When Does Saving Turn To Hoarding?

Carnivals I’ve Participated In

Carnival of Personal Finance #246

Carnival of Personal Finance #245  "Dollar Doodles" edition

Festival of Frugality #218

Carnival of Money Stories 2

Best of Money Carnival

No related posts.

Each Friday, I answer a reader’s question.  If you want to submit a question, you can contact me today. 

Using the survey, a reader asked, “How should my finances look before getting engaged?”

In a previous series, I outlined 5 essential financial choices for young people.  In that series, I was hoping to teach young people how to put themselves in a good financial position so they could capitalize on that in the future.  One of my suggestions was to marry someone who has a clue about money.

If you are a 12 year old asking the question, I’d say you should be debt free and have the money saved to pay for a wedding.  If, however, you are a 23 year old who is dating a person you really want to marry, my answer would be different. 

I’ll answer the question assuming you’re actually old enough that marriage is years away, not decades.

My answer is simple.  Your finances are what they are.  I would not delay an engagement for reasons of debt.  More important than getting out of debt before marriage is having a detailed game plan and a unified heart.

Here’s why:  You’ll both make the same amount of money married or unmarried.  You will both have the same amount of debt combined.  The key question is: are you in agreement about what you should do about your finances once married?  If so, you can get married now and clean up the finances as long as you are willing to have an affordable wedding.

5 Critical Financial Steps For Engaged Couples

1. Premarital counseling is a must.  Take time to sit down with a counselor or church leader who can help you as a couple identify your strengths and your weaknesses. 
2. A realistic financial plan is a necessity.  Based on your income and your amount of debt, how long will it take you to get out of debt?  Do you both agree that the plan is realistic?  Are you both willing to make the necessary sacrifices?  Are you both willing to accept responsibility for the debt?
3. Create a mock budget.  Talk can be cheap.  If you’ve agreed on a financial plan, now it is time to take your actual income today and spend it on paper.  I suggest you do it separately, and then bring your lists together and see how easily you an get those numbers on one budget you make together. 
4. Clearly disclose everything about your finances.  This is critical.  Some couples fear that the other person would not have married them if they knew how much debt they had.  However, if you cannot be completely open and honest with this person, they cannot be your marriage partner because marriage involves full disclosure in everything.
5. Keep everything separate until you are married.  Don’t buy a house while you are engaged.  Don’t start paying on each other’s debt.  Engagement is a step above dating, but it is not a full commitment to each other.  Once are legally married, then combine your finances.  However, you don’t want to complicate things by combining finances before marriage.

Any other tips for things couples should do to help financially prepare for marriage?

More Great Articles:

1. How to Afford to be a Stay at Home Wife or Mom
2. Car Loan Payment or Pay Cash For A Car?
3. 101 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Money Relationship
4. Six Habits of the Financially Fit

1. How to Afford to be a Stay at Home Wife or Mom
2. Car Loan Payment or Pay Cash For A Car?
3. 101 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Money Relationship
4. Six Habits of the Financially Fit

Missionaries live with their feet firmly planted on two plots of ground.

Most people don’t realize how much missionaries become attached to the countries where they work.  In fact, missionaries change and begin to share the values and worldview of their host country.  The host country starts to feel normal, and sometimes even more normal than their home country.

Nevertheless, no matter how long a missionary has been on the field, there will be items and products from home that they dearly miss.  For this reason a missionary care package is a great idea.

For example, I miss Dr. Pepper as it cannot be purchased anywhere in the country.  We were in Australia a year ago and I saw a Dr. Pepper at a specialty candy store.  I decided that on our way out of the mall I would grab a can.  Unfortunately, by the time I got back, the store had already sold their last can of Dr. Pepper and didn’t expect another shipment for a week – after I was going to be gone.

A wonderful way to bless a missionary is to send a care package.

Must Know Facts Before Sending Care Packages To Missionaries

Things you need to consider before sending anything to a missionary:

1. What are the customs requirements?  Every country adapts their own policies when it comes to what they will and will not allow into the country.  For sure, don’t send any perishable food items.  First, they aren’t likely to get past customs.  Second, they aren’t likely to be in good shape when they arrive.
2. How often to packages get through?  Some countries have horrible deliverability rates.  In my opinion, there is no reason to send a package to a country where only 50% of the packages arrive.  In our case, the packages often eventually arrive, though sometimes contents are missing.  Last year someone at the post office or customs took the M&M’s out of a package we received.
3. What is the shipping time? You probably have no idea how long it can take to ship some packages overseas.  For the last three years, we have received packages as late as 6 months after they were sent (Airmail).  In fact, last Christmas one of our Christmas packages didn’t arrive until after we left in April for furlough.  When we got back in September, our Christmas package was waiting for us.
4. What is the postage going to cost? You will have a heart attack right there in the post office if you’ve never sent a package overseas.  Get online (www.usps.com) and estimate the shipping cost.  Consider using a flat rate shipping box.  You fit as much as you can into a specific box, and you pay one rate regardless of weight.
5. Are there likely to be any duty charges for the missionary?  Many countries will charge the package recipient a duty charge.  In PNG, for example, we pay 35% for electronic items.  Needless to say, we discourage people from sending electronic items. 
6. What do you miss?  If you’re going to go to the effort and pay the money to send a package, then just confirm that the items are ones that the missionary would enjoy.  Most missionaries I know have no issues with saying what they miss.
7. How do you complete the customs declaration forms? In light of duty and other government restrictions, it is important how you fill out the form.  Always check “gift” and use words like ‘used’.  In addition, be honest, but vague.  For example, rather than listing the titles of 5 DVD’s, write 5 used DVD’s.

11 Missionary Care Package Items To Consider

1. A good (used) book – Here’s a guide on how to find the best price on books.  A friend once sent me a newly released John Grisham book.  Before I moved, I mentioned in passing that I like Grisham.  It meant a lot to me that he remembered that fact and sent a book.  Since we have no local library, reading options can be sparse.
2. Sermon recordings – Depending on the missionary’s destination, they may have access to online sermons, but many missionaries do not have the web speed necessary to download sermons and such.  Once a month, download some of your favorite sermons from church and send them to your missionaries.
3. Music – While missionaries adapt to their new cultures, I think most missionaries still have a deep affinity for the style of music from their home country.  (Legally) burn a CD and send that to a missionary.
4. DVD’s -  If I have to watch another movie with Mandarin subtitles, I’m going to go crazy.  Our hometown doesn’t have a movie rental place, and you can never get a movie with a decent image or without English subtitles. 
5. Magazines – Someone sends our kids children’s magazines packed full of games and activities.  While some magazines won’t ship overseas, you can subscribe and then personally send them overseas (every couple of months to save on the shipping).
6. Koolaid and Candy – delicious and unavailable in many places.
7. Clippings from church bulletins, newspapers, or magazines.
8. Buy from Amazon – While many online retailers don’t ship overseas, I’ve found that Amazon has an amazing number of countries that they ship to.  Be prepared to pay an arm and a leg.  Amazon charges $11.95 shipping and handling to send a book to PNG.  However, they often have delivery time guarantees and I’ve never had a package make it in that time frame.  If it doesn’t arrive on time, Amazon refunds the shipping.
9. Toiletry items – You need to be careful with this one because liquid stuff can easily be halted at customs and liquid stuff is also heavier.  However, my wife wears contacts, and we can’t buy contact solution here, so it must be sent in from overseas.  Just little items that are unavailable overseas are much appreciated.
10. A letter from the heart.
11. Games, toys, books, and puzzles for missionary kids.

As you can tell, some of these items require your time, but not much money.  For less than $5, you can probably download (legally) some sermons online and send them to a missionary.  Perhaps you make a habit of collecting bulletin articles for a month and sending those.

You can bless a missionary even if you don’t have much disposable income. 

Tips For Writing Letters To Missionaries

Since many people want to include a letter in their care package, I thought I’d give a few missionary letter writing tips.  Writing a missionary can be hard because you have so little interaction with him or her, so it is hard to know what to say.  Hopefully, this short list will get your creative juices flowing:

• Tell them about what is going on in your local area.  What’s the big news?  What buildings are being built?  How many new families are there at church?
• Tell them about your activities and hobbies.  Let them know what you enjoy doing with your time.
• Tell an interesting story about something that recently happened in your life.
• Share encouraging things that are happening at church.
• Ask if there is anything you can pray for on their behalf.
• Ask if there is anything they need.

BIG FAT DISCLAIMER: I always write in a personal way where I share my preferences and experiences.  Please don’t in any way interpret this post as my asking you to send me something. 

I am encouraging you to consider sending a care package to ANOTHER missionary – not THIS missionary.

More Great Articles:

1. Short Term Mission Trips: Worth The Cost?
2. Short Term Missions Handbook – 50% Off
3. Impact of the Declining Dollar on Missionaries

1. Short Term Mission Trips: Worth The Cost?
2. Short Term Missions Handbook – 50% Off
3. Impact of the Declining Dollar on Missionaries

Most churches are currently rallying the troops and recruiting for upcoming summer mission trips. 

As a full time missionary, a person who went on a few short term mission trips, one who has hosted short term mission trips, and one who just released a book on short term missions (Short Term Missions Handbook), I want to address an important question associated with short term mission trips – cost effectiveness.

Churches are becoming more involved in supporting and organizing short term mission trips.  Affluence and ease of travel has opened the door for so many frequent trips overseas and back.

Questions Every Church Must Answer Before Organizing A Short Term Mission Trip

1. What is the purpose, function, and goal of this trip?
2. Can this effort be supported in addition to our ongoing missionary efforts?
3. Is this trip being planned in coordination with a local missionary?
4. Participant requirements: What criteria should be used to select the team?

Response #1 – If the church does not have a clear focus of the purpose of the mission trip, then it will be hard to be effective.  Also, is the goal of the trip practical for a trip that lasts only several days?  For example, if your goal is to develop fully mature Christians in a 9 day trip, that goal is likely unattainable.  If, on the other hand, your goal is to encourage Christians and make new contacts for the missionaries, you goal is achievable.

Response #2 – Hey, I’m biased here, but I think the first priority with mission funds should be a missionary who is on the field full time.  Jesus was an incarnational missionary, so that is a better model.  If you must choose between funding long term missionaries and short term missionaries, I think the short term mission efforts would not be worth the cost.

Response #3 – Planning a short term mission trip to an area without a local missionary is very, very hard to sustain.  You might do some good in your short time, but there is not a good chance that the good will last in the long term.  New Christians need constant nurturing and mentoring.

Response #4 – If the wrong people go on the trip, the possibility of problems increases.  As the possibly of problems increases, so does the likelihood that that trip will be a waste.  I was on the field once when a boy (accompanied by his father) was sent home due to inappropriate behavior.  There was the initial cost of the trip plus several hundred dollars to reschedule the flights.  Have clear requirements with a high standard.

Is Short Term Missions A Good Use Of Church Money?

This is the million dollar question.  In fact, it might be a several million dollar question.

9 Benefits of Short term Missions

Scott Kirby (in Equipped For Adventure) gives the following nine benefits of short term missions:

1. Globally focused prayer
2. Giving – [participants increased giving]
3. Vocation Missionaries [participants more likely to become missionaries]
4. Revival
5. Discipleship
6. Changed Life and Changed Attitudes
7. Friendship
8. Encouragement and Help
9. Because Jesus told us to

An Interesting Insider Observation:

I’m just going to throw this out without much discussion.

It is most often the missionaries who ask the question – is it worth it?  The sending churches and individuals often say ‘yes’, and ones I’ve most often heard say ‘no’ are the missionaries.  Interesting. 

Hmmm.  I wonder why?

Short Term Mission Participants Give More

In Equipped For Adventure, Scott Kirby writes:

“Short-term participants on the average doubled their missions giving as a result of their short-term experience.  James Cecil’s doctoral study found that 70 percent of the short-term volunteers surveyed increased their mission giving as a result of the volunteer experience.”

I would say that observation is very true based on my experiences.

So, why would anyone oppose short term missions?

Again, Kirby offers the following reasons:

1. Short-termers develop distorted, limited views of missions
2. Short-termers neglect follow-up
3. Short-termers are insensitive to the culture and actually can do harm
4. Short-termers distract career missionaries
5. Their motivations for coming are often wrong
6. Short-term missions is a way to avoid long-term commitment
7. Bad short-term experiences can do more harm than good
8. Short-term missions is not cost-effective

Are Short Term Mission Trips Worth It? My Take

Probably, yes, but for all the wrong reasons.  I believe the greatest impact on most of the short mission trips I’ve seen has been on the short term missionary, not the receiving church.  In other words, expect that you will be more impacted than those in the foreign land.  People are usually changed by one of two factors.  Either you’ll see poverty like you never imagined and/or you’ll see a different form of Christian joy.  Most short term missionaries return transformed.

Notice, I’m not saying that there will not be any good done in the country you are visiting, but the greatest impact will be on you.  If  a missionary experience makes you more sensitive to the need for the gospel around the world, then the trip, in my opinion, is a success and ultimately was worth it.

At the end of the day, we must realize that God’s economics is different than our own.  In Mark 14 a woman poured an excessive amount of oil on Jesus.  Those around Jesus called her action “a waste”.  However, Jesus said if it was done to honor him, it was not a waste.  At the end if the day, it is really hard to know if something is of value or a waste to the kingdom of God. 

If you are planning a short term mission trip or know someone who is, please check out the Short Term Missions Handbook.  In addition, we are offering the book free to any church leaders who subscribe to the church leader mailing list by March 12th, 2010.

What are your thoughts on the topic?  Are short term missions worth the cost?

More Great Articles:

1. 11 Missionary Care Package Ideas
2. Short Term Missions Handbook – 50% Off
3. Upcoming eBook Weekly Roundup
4. Impact of the Declining Dollar on Missionaries

1. 11 Missionary Care Package Ideas
2. Short Term Missions Handbook – 50% Off
3. Upcoming eBook Weekly Roundup
4. Impact of the Declining Dollar on Missionaries

The extra tuition costs and fees involved in sending children to a Christian elementary, high school, or college are a serious consideration for most families.  In fact, more than being a serious consideration, the ‘Christian school’ decision is often one that causes a lot of conflict in families.  Some families may have made the arrangements to save money for the cost of school, while others will be forced to consider student loans.

Since we all have varying debt tolerance, it is important to make this decision carefully and prayerfully.

How To Decide If You Can Afford A Christian School

I think the decision to send children to a Christian school is much like the decision to be a stay at home wife.  It’s not just something you decide if you can afford, but you decide to sacrifice so that you can afford it – if it’s important to you.

Listen To Each Other’s Story

Here’s the deal.  The husband and wife probably have very different experiences with Christian schools.

Perhaps the wife was raised attending a Christian elementary school, but the husband was part of the public school system.

Here’s how the conversation typically goes:

Wife – “I just really want Nebuchadnezzar to go to the best school possible.  It is important to me that he is in a classroom with other Christians, is learning Christian values, and has a Christian teacher.”

Husband – “You’re just trying to shelter Nebuchadnezzar.  Look, I went to a public school and I turned out alright, didn’t I?”

Tip to the wife – always answer yes to that question.

Husband – “It is a waste of money paying for a Christian education when he can get a good education in the public system.”

Questions the Couple Should Ask When Considering a Christian Private School

• Why do you feel so strongly Nebuchadnezzar should go to a Christian school / public school?  If you don’t get good feedback, then ask it this way: On a scale of 1 – 10, how strongly do you feel that he should go to Christian / public school.
• What is your greatest fear if he does not go to a Christian school?  What is your greatest fear if he does not go to a public school?
• Can we afford a Christian private school? Is there any free space in your budget categories allocations?

Ask: Can We Afford a Christian School?

You must listen to each other’s story because you will now know the level of commitment / opposition each of you will give to the decision.  It will be nearly impossible to answer if you can afford it until you both decide that you want to afford it.  Work to get your marriage on the same financial page so that you both support your financial decisions.  Here are some tips for improving your marriage and money relationship. 

Private Christian School Guidelines To Consider

• Tuition payments to a private Christian school are not a substitute for a free-will gift.  Giving should happen without alternative benefits and motivations.  Proceed with caution if you think the way you can afford a Christian school is by using your giving money to pay tuition.
• Borrowing money to pay for (especially a pre-college) Christian education is a poor financial decision.  If you are thinking about borrowing money to pay for Nebuchadnezzar’s elementary education, you will probably do it for high school and college too.  Before you know it, you will be drowning in debt.  Proceed with caution if you think the way you can afford a Christian school is by borrowing money.
• Large gifts from family members can complicate your relationship with them.  If grandparents want to help pay for a Christian education, I suggest you proceed with caution.  If you have any doubt that the grandparents might use this as leverage in the future, then I would find a different way to fund a Christian education.
• Is the tuition cost sustainable long term?  Often times people will do something drastic (part time job or sell things on ebay) to pay for a year of Christian education.  If the payments are not sustainable for the long term, you will need to evaluate other alternatives. 
• Are the tuition payments reasonable according to your salary?  You get to be the judge on “reasonable”.  Honestly, it comes down to the question – how much are you willing to sacrifice in order for your child to attend a Christian school?  Don’t forget about other siblings too, as you may be setting a dangerous precedent.

If you cannot afford it based on these guidelines – fear not.  You still have on more step to consider.

Ask: What Can I Do To Make Private Christian Schooling More Affordable?

• Contact the school and explain your situation.  Many Christian schools have benefactors or scholarships depending on your situation.  Call the school and openly and honestly explain your situation.  Don’t be demanding or aggressive.  Simply explain your situation and ask if there is anything they can do to help.
• Consider working for the school. I grew up in a town with a Christian high school. (I attended the school, as did my two older brothers.  Dad was the school president, so there wasn’t much discussion in the matter ).  I have a cousin who moved to work for the school specifically so his kids could attend the Christian high school.  By moving, he saved boarding expenses and also received a significant tuition deduction.  I know many people who have taken jobs at a Christian school just for the tuition discount.  Depending on your church affiliation, many schools offer “sister school discounts”.  As such, since my dad worked for school A, I received a tuition discount to school B.
• Look into other occupations that might offer discounts.  Some Christian schools offer discounts to missionaries or ministers (a nice perk for the minister’s salary package).  While I’m not suggesting joining one of those ‘professions’ for the discount, it would be valuable information to know if you are already working in a ministry-related field.  Some schools are known to be quite flexible on their definition of “minister”.

More Great Articles:

1. Roth IRA For Your Kids’ College Savings | A Hybrid Approach
2. What Makes This a ‘Christian’ Blog?
3. Should a Christian Declare Bankruptcy?
4. Be Careful when you see the name “Christian”

1. Roth IRA For Your Kids’ College Savings | A Hybrid Approach
2. What Makes This a ‘Christian’ Blog?
3. Should a Christian Declare Bankruptcy?
4. Be Careful when you see the name “Christian”