Unity in work effort can be a glue that binds a marriage and family together.  When there is unity about your working commitments, you’ll hear phrases like:

• Thanks for all your hard work supporting our family.
• Thank you, mommy or daddy, for everything you do to put a roof over our head.
• Honey, come and sit down and relax after a hard day at work.  Can I get you anything?

Interestingly, we willingly invest hours of our energy in succeeding at our jobs, but we refuse to invest moments of energy in determining if our work is helping or hindering our true values.

Despite our infatuation with work, many people in North America struggle to honestly answer the question why are you working?

Typically, we can explain why we started working, but we often struggle to justify those reasons in light of our current situation.  Our working goals and motivations start are honest enough, but it seems like somewhere we often lose our way.

3 Destructive Ways to Approach Work

1.  We think we sign over free will when we accept a job.

I’m amazed by the number of people who can’t do one thing or the other because ‘their boss is making them’ do something.  That’s interesting terminology in a free country such as America.  When we agree to work for a company, we give our bosses permission to dictate certain elements of our schedule, but ultimately we always retain control.  We have the right to work somewhere else. The right to say no. The right to negotiate for better hours.

Yes, there are times when we need to acquiesce to our company’s needs, but there must also be times when we give priority to our other life needs.

Honestly, I’m amazed by the number of people who make tremendous personal sacrifices to do exactly what the boss or manager asks without even offering a challenge to the request.  Sometimes a simple alteration to the request is all that is needed.  For example, I actually have plans tonight, but I’d be happy to come in early to finish up that project if that works well.  The answer may be that the project needs to be done this evening, but at least you’ve make an effort to compromise the request.

Remember that with work you are volunteering your time and skills, and ultimately you make the final decision about what you can and cannot do.

2.  We forget that we only have a limited number of ‘yes’ answers to give in our lifetime.

When I say ‘yes’ to an overtime shift at work, I’m simultaneously saying ‘no’ to someone else.  That might be my wife or my children.  That might be my church.  That might be my personal health.

Perhaps there was a time when you and your spouse mutually decided to say yes to extra work projects in an effort to bless your family in a certain way.  However, now you’ve ended up in a position where your drive to succeed in work is your strongest drive.  You’ll always say yes to your boss’s request, even if that means saying no to family.

You’ve drifted away from  your more important life commitments because you’ve said yes to the wrong requests.

3.  We forget that work was made for man – not man for work.

God blesses us with the opportunity to work and create just as He is the Creator.  Work serves an important function in our psychology and our development as nations.  However, if we allow work to lord over us, then work is no longer the blessing God intended.  Perhaps we need to re-evaluate our priorities to be sure work is a tool we use in our lives, not a counterfeit god that rules over our lives and decision making.

The Family Work Challenge

Work commitments and work loads are an increasing cause of conflict with families. I double dog dare you to sit down with your spouse and ask this question – what do you think about my work load and my work schedule?  Are there any changes you’d like to see me make that would allow me to be a great blessing to our home, our church, our family …?

Now, I triple dog dare you to do one more thing. Practice non-judgmental listening.  (Non-judgmental listening means not saying things like, “but”, “however”, or “yeah, right!”).

There’s only one way to be sure you’re walking in the right direction – look at your destination and look at the map.

Are your work efforts focused in the right direction, or is work leading you down a completely different pathway?

To leave a comment or easily share the article with your Facebook or Twitter friends click here -> Why Are You Working? 3 Destructive Ways to Approach Work

Want to simplify your living and give more? Get a copy of my book:

Transforming Your Financial Diet: 7 Steps to Simple Living and Generous Giving. To get your copy click here.

My wife and I just celebrated 13 years of marriage.

While we clearly don’t know everything there is about marriage, I’m convinced that we’ve learned at least one important thing about marriage for every year we’ve been married.  We’re also certain that many of you are much more qualified to write this post.  However, since it’s my blog, I guess I have the opportunity to share my thoughts.

13 Tips for a Successful Marriage

1.  Avoid debt.

Anytime you invite debt into your home, you invite an extra layer of stress.  Debt is a mistake magnifier.  Look, I’m not a perfect husband and have made some dumb money mistakes costing us hundreds of dollars.  Each time, my wife has forgiven me.  I think it’s partly because we don’t live near any financial cliffs where a misstep will cause the whole foundation to crumble.

Avoiding debt is also a dream launcher.  We’ve been able to pursue some amazing opportunities because we weren’t petrified about the financial implications.

2.  Experiences are more important than stuff.

This could just be a personal preference, but we’ve always made an effort to ‘do things’ instead of ‘collect things’.  As such, we’ve been able to take some very memorable family trips and experience so many fantastic things.  One day our memories will fade away just like all our things will fade away, but our experiences have brought us closer together in ways that I’m sure stuff couldn’t.

3.  Embrace changes instead of fighting them.

We’ve moved more times that the average couple celebrating 13 years of marriage.  Soon we’ll  have lived in 4 different states and two different countries in the last 13 years.

Each time we’ve moved, we’ve done our best to embrace changes.

As an example, when we moved to PNG and couldn’t have turkey for Christmas, we bought shrimp and went to the beach.  This year, we decided to try and go sledding every time it snowed.  Why fight something you can’t change?  Why complain about something when you could use that energy to find the beauty in your current situation?

4.  Give the benefit of the doubt.

Someone recently said that, when it comes to texting, you lose so much context that it’s hard to determine the tone of a text.  Are they saying this good thing, or are they saying that bad thing?  The encouragement was to always give the benefit of the doubt and assume the text had a positive message.

I think this applies well to marriage.  If you find yourself wondering why your spouse did something, give them the benefit of the doubt as long as the benefit of the doubt is a legitimate option.

5.  Have realistic expectations of your spouse.

I don’t expect my wife to be perfect (even though she’s closer than most).  I married a woman who is in need of the grace of God.  I’m such a man as well.  Don’t expect your spouse to be something impossible – perfect.  Don’t expect them to always know what your feeling.  Don’t expect them to have the perfect response to every situation.  Don’t expect them to do everything in the best way possible.

Happiness if often proportionately related to the level of expectation and the actual experience of an event.

6. Never criticize each other in public.

You’ll be tempted to talk about all your spouse’s weaknesses when the guys are together or the girls are together.  Don’t.  Honor your wife.  Honor your husband.  Commit to only saying things that lift them up and not tear them down.

7.  Don’t keep your spouse closer than God.

This is something I’ve been struggling with over the last few years.  While I deeply love my wife and I plan to continue to do so, I do want to be sure that I don’t love my wife more than I love God.  I’m very dependent on my wife to complete me in ways that I know only God can fully satisfy and complete me.  Your spouse is a partner in your faith journey, but must never become your full source of hope, joy, and happiness.

8.  Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

In our home, we’ve done our best (with lots of failures) to keep our primary covenant to God.  We’ve been blessed each and every time we’ve decided to do what God wants over and above our own wants.  We’ve also found that the times we did what we want, there was less joy and satisfaction.

9.  Avoid parasites.

A parasite is anything that you start doing that has the potential to increasingly consume more of your time, attention, and effort.  There is no universal list since your personality dictates what parasites can impact your marriage.  It could be television, iPhone, pornography, friendships, Faceboook, Twitter, or more.  Flee from anything – no matter how small – that starts to demand more.

10.  Don’t put a TV in the bedroom.

Hey, what can I say.  Someone gave us this advice, and we’ve been blessed by it.  I turn into a vegetable anytime there is a TV in a room.  That’s the biggest reason why we don’t have cable TV in our home – ME.  Interestingly, technology has challenged this old fashioned rule as the iPhone and Kindle sit on my nightstand.  I actually just finished up a 30 day challenge where I didn’t watch anything in bed on my device.  The point is this – where there is a distraction, we’ll opt for it.  When there’s no distraction, you’re more likely to connect with each other on many different levels.

11.  Pray every night before going to bed.

My wife encouraged us to do this when we first got married. (Yes, I’m a blessed man.)  Each night before going to bed, we hand everything over to God.  He ultimately is in control, and so we find our peace and rest in him.

12.  Accept emotional storms as a normal part of a healthy marriage. 

It’s normal to feel distant from each other from time to time.  We’ve definitely had times when we’ve felt like we’re not connecting.  Our relationship is mature enough now that we talk openly about it when we both recognize it, but that doesn’t fix it.  Sometimes we just confess to each other that we don’t know why we’re feeling the distance, but we know that the phase will pass.

Marriage is not always ice cream and pie.  You do have to eat your veggies sometimes.

13.  Treat life as an adventure.

We’ve had some amazing experiences as husband and wife, and even now as a family.  Don’t let people convince you that you need to put life on hold because you have kids.  Don’t let people convince you to always take the predictable path.  Life is a tremendous blessing from God. So I think we embrace it and walk into unknown places knowing that in it we’ll be surprised once again that God is there and that God is faithful.

Do you have any successful marriage tips to share?

To leave a comment or easily share the article with your Facebook or Twitter friends click here -> 13 Successful Marriage Habits: A Cheat Sheet for Married Couples

Want to simplify your living and give more? Get a copy of my book:

Transforming Your Financial Diet: 7 Steps to Simple Living and Generous Giving. To get your copy click here.

As you know, I write all of the content on this blog.

In 2012, I tried an experiment called the MH4C Writers Challenge.  I invited my readers to submit articles related of finances.  I took my 10 favorite articles and let you vote for your favorites.  I thought it was a lot of fun because I was able to give out $435 worth of prizes, expose you to some great writing, and I was able to take a month off writing.

To be honest, sometimes I just feel the need to take break from the demands of coming up with new articles each and every week.  Since there will be a lot going on this summer, I decided that I’ll step back and let you guys do some writing.

So …

Announcing the 2013 MH4C Writers Challenge

Feature your article on this web site and get paid for doing it.

Write an article, submit it, and you’ll get paid – as long as your article is one of the top 10 article submissions I receive.

Articles must be submitted by June 1st, 2013. You’ll be notified by June 7th if I’ll be including your article in the challenge. (It must be one of my top ten favorite articles.) If I don’t include your article, you are welcome to submit it to another website as a guest post.

I’ll be publishing articles on the following dates: June 18, 20, 25, 27; July 2, 3, 9, 11, 16, 18.

(During those dates, I’ll be enjoying time with my family in Canada as well as taking a 13 year anniversary trip with my wife to Bali, Indonesia.)

Benefits of Participating:

1. You have an opportunity to promote your writing to an audience of over 4,700 readers. (The reader count posted on this blog doesn’t include over 500 readers from a different mailing list.)
2. You have an opportunity to get links and traffic back to a different blog or website.
3. You have the opportunity to get paid.

Here’s the Criteria:

1. You must be the original author, and all content must be 100% unique (i.e. not already posted somewhere on the internet).
2. The article should be between 500 – 800 words.
3. The article must be a topic related to personal finance. It can be any personal finance topic.
4. You are welcome to link to your own material and your own blog if you have one (not required). You can have a link in the intro byline to your blog and to a twitter account. In the article, you can have two links back to relevant articles on your website.
5. Remember, this is a Christian blog so any material that doesn’t jive with Christian standards will not be included.

Note: I won’t be doing any editing.  This means if you don’t meet the criteria, I won’t be able to include your post.  To see the top 10 articles from last year, you can check out this post.  

Please include the following at the top of your article:

• If you don’t have a blog, write:  The following entry is by _________ (include your name).  You can include a two sentence bio. (You don’t have to.)
• If you do have a blog, write: The following entry is by _________ (include your name).  You can include a two sentence bio. (You don’t have to.)  Visit _______ (your name)’s blog (hyperlink the word blog to your blog, or you can also follow her/him on Twitter (hyperlink Twitter to your twitter page).

To submit an article, send it to mhforc at gmail dot com. In the subject line, please write “Article Submission”.

Awards:

I’ll judge the popularity of each article based on the highest number of Facebook Likes + Twitter Retweets + Google Plus counts.  Those stats are displayed at the top of every post.

Yes, you are more than welcome to shamelessly promote your article to your friends and ask them to Like it and Retweet it!  I know that in the end this turns into a marketing contest more than a writing contest, but it’s fun to see what folks do to get likes and tweets for their posts.

• Articles 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 will each get $40.00.
• Articles 3 and 4 will get $50.00.
• Article 2 will get $60.
• The most popular article will get $100.

Winning articles will be announced on the blog on July 25th, and all payments will be sent via Amazon Payments by August 1st.

If you have any questions, or if I’m overlooking anything, please ask in the comment section below.

To leave a comment or easily share the article with your Facebook or Twitter friends click here -> Announcing 2013 MH4C Writers Challenge: Get Paid to Write an Article

Want to simplify your living and give more? Get a copy of my book:

Transforming Your Financial Diet: 7 Steps to Simple Living and Generous Giving. To get your copy click here.

One thing most Christians have down pat is the knowledge that the Old Testament and the New Testament are to be read and interpreted differently because they fall under different dispensations.

Specifically in regards to finances, I think we may need to learn to read and interpret passages during the ministry of Jesus differently than passages during the establishment of the New Testament church.

Finances and Jesus’ Ministry

Jesus had a very temporary view of his ministry.  By the middle of the gospel of Mark, Jesus is clearly communicating that he has his eyes set on Jerusalem where he must go to suffer and die.  His call to would-be disciples is influenced by the temporariness of his earthy ministry.

Those who wish to follow him (Luke 9:57-62) must be willing to uproot their lives.  A change of geography.  A separation from family.  A departure from your current business.  To follow this itinerant preacher and stay in your context of living is impossible.  Still, in Luke 10:5-12 these itinerant teachers of the gospel are to stay in the homes of established, localized people.  Not all were called to give up homes and work, but certainly those who followed him on the way to Jerusalem must.

The key question is – how much of his teaching about money did Jesus intend to be applied to the generations of Christian who would follow Jesus?

Finances and the Early Church

Initially, the early church adopted a very temporary view of ministry and possessions.  Clearly, the early church did some very radical things with their finances.

All the believers were together and had everything in common (Acts 2:44).

Remember for a moment the context of this statement.  In Acts 2:8-11 we are reminded that a large part of the audience are displaced or temporary residents in Jerusalem.  These are men and women from all over the empire who came for Passover and Pentecost.  Sharing everything they have in common is a very natural response to this displaced audience.  Also, it’s a very natural response to a short term second coming expectation of Jesus.

³² All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. ³³ With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. ³⁴ There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales ³⁵ and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need.³⁶ Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means Son of Encouragement), ³⁷ sold a field he owned and brought the money and put it at the apostles’ feet.  Acts 4:32–37 (NIV84)

Again, we see early Christians making some very radical financial decisions like selling houses and bringing money to the apostles.  This practice is very much consistent with a mindset of an imminent return of Christ.  Why keep houses and property when he’ll be coming around the mountain at any moment?  Furthermore, the need is great because all these dispora Jews who have come to town are sticking around for this great return.  The longer they wait, the more financially desperate their situation becomes.  As people of the land, they are dependent on fields and crops for survival, but hunkering down in a city away from home makes it nearly impossible for them to support themselves.  In response, some Christians divest themselves of property to help provide the necessary resources to the displaced residents of Jerusalem.

In 2 Thess. 3:6-15 some scholars assume that the issue Paul is addressing is a subset of Christians in Thessalonica who are refusing to work because of their belief that Christ is coming quickly, and thus, work is not a noble thing to do in light of the imminent return of Christ.

Finances and the Maturing Church

By the way, I don’t really like the term ‘maturing church’, but couldn’t come up with anything better.

As the church ‘matured’, we see a different approach to finances compared to both Jesus’ ministry and even the early years of the church.  Is this movement because of a lack of faithfulness or a maturing understanding of what it means to manage money, homes, and business in light of the delayed return of Christ?

As we’ve already seen in 2 Thessalonians, Paul tells this restless group of idle Christians to “settle down and earn the bread they eat” (2 Thess. 3:12b).  In fact, in the Pauline letters there is never (that I can think of) a call to give up everything, sell everything, or adopt an itinerant lifestyle.  Those early practices of the first chapters of Acts seem to have faded away.  And no one is calling for the return to those days.  In fact, the opposite seems to be true; work hard in your current job (Col. 3:23, 1 Thes. 5:21) and grow where you’re planted (1 Cor. 7:17, Rom. 12:13).  The church is becoming a permanent fixture by this time, and people realize the timing of the coming of Christ may be longer than first anticipated.  And seemingly, it impacts how they handle their finances.  2 Cor. 8-9 speaks of rich generosity, but there is no call to sell everything.

In fact, it is possible (this idea comes from Larry Osborne in the book Accidental Pharisees) that the church is realizing that the deep famine in Jerusalem could be because of the way the early church divested themselves of their property?  Did the maturing church realize that sell property and share everything mindset was not sustainable and would cause a lot of financial need?  Was the move away from radical generosity a God honoring move or another sign that the further we get from Jesus the less we live what he taught?

Did this maturing church walk away from the teaching of Christ?  Did they see his teachings as specific teachings for a unique time or dispensation in history?

Is the call for the church today to practice rich generosity, but to avoid radical generosity?  Are some called to radical generosity and divesting of property, while others are called to more reserved giving for the sustenance of the church?

Don’t expect me to have full answers here.  What I love about the blog is the ability to present ideas for the formation of healthy thinking.  This is not a article that I’ve perfected without faulty logic.  Instead, these are some things I’ve been thinking around.  I could be wrong here.

Here are the questions of which the answers allude me:

1. Are Jesus’ teachings about money normative for Christians today or specific instructions for a unique time in history?
2. Was a false understanding about the ‘quick’ return of Jesus an unhealthy foundation for their Acts of generosity?  Did they get it right or get it wrong?
3. Is there a distinct shift as the church grows to an established lifestyle (homes and jobs) with a more focus on rich generosity, but not on radical generosity?

The implications of some of these questions are huge, so hopefully some of your comments will be able to shed light on the discussion.

To leave a comment or easily share the article with your Facebook or Twitter friends click here -> The Crucial Difference Between Jesus’ Financial Teachings and the Rest of the New Testament

Want to simplify your living and give more? Get a copy of my book:

Transforming Your Financial Diet: 7 Steps to Simple Living and Generous Giving. To get your copy click here.

For the last few months, my wife and I have been trying an experiment to see how the change would impact our bottom line with grocery shopping.

Grocery Shopping Before the Strategy Change

Step #1: My wife would make a menu and a grocery list.

Step #2: My wife would make a weekly shopping trip to Walmart/Sam’s.  Walmart is the cheapest place for groceries because of price matching.

The problem is that Wal-mart is 5 miles from our house, and Wal-mart is SO MASSIVE that it’s not a fun place to do grocery shopping. Less than a mile away from home is a Safeway grocery store.  Shopping there is always a more pleasant experience.  They even offer to help take the groceries to the car.

We started brainstorming and trying to figure out if there was a way we could shop at Safeway and still do it for less or not much more than Wal-mart.

The Grocery Shopping Strategy Change

Step #1:  I spent about an hour writing down the price of the items we usually buy at Wal-mart and Sam’s. (As a full-time blogger, I have the luxury to do these sorts of experiments.) It was actually a very enlightening experience that I’d recommend if you’ve never done it before.  Prior to making this list, we’d get our weekly grocery ads on Wednesday and say, “Is $1 a pound for tomatoes a good deal?” Typically, neither of us would know.  However, by having our very own price sheet, we can check and confirm if it is indeed a good deal. I also take the list with me when I go grocery shopping.

Step #2: We altered the order of menu and grocery list creating.  Instead of making the list first, I’d go to the grocery store and buy items on sale by category.  As an example, if they have apples and oranges on sale this week, we’d eat apples and oranges as our fruits for the week. The next week they may put grapes and pears on sale.  As another example, we typically keep cracker type snacks on hand. After switching our shopping style, we’d buy cracker snacks based on what was on sale for the week.  Since I made a Wal-mart price comparison list, I knew that these items were in fact cheaper than Wal-mart – even the off name brand.

Another possibility that doesn’t work as well for us is to make the menu after you’ve discovered the weekly sale items.  If chicken is on sale, you might include a chicken meal on the menu instead of a beef menu. In our case, my wife is very organized and likes to have a monthly menu ready at the start of each month. By the way, I think people underestimate how much money a menu saves. If you are tired after a hard day of work, you might decided just to go out and get food.  However, if you have a menu, you don’t have to use any energy to figure out what to eat.

Step #3: Reduce our Wal-mart/Sam’s shopping to once a month. This saves both gas and time. Typically, we buy staple items at these two stores, so we actually just have a recurring list of what we need to buy when we end up at Walmart.  The fact is that there are just some items at Walmart that are much cheaper than anywhere else.

Miscellaneous Comments About Grocery Shopping

Coupons: We’re not really into coupons, but we do look through the coupons to see if there is a coupon for something we plan to buy. If we could get more organized with coupons, I’m sure we’d use them more.

Stocking up: When an item is significantly on sale, we go ahead and stock up (non-perishable).

Other promotions: Our local grocery store has extra promotions that make it less expensive.  As an example, they’ve had several times when you get 30 cents off per gallon of gas when you spend $50 or more in a single transaction.  With a minivan, that can be worth $4.50 on a tank of gas.

In the end, we’re saving money on groceries and spending less time grocery shopping, but it did take a few changes to our regular shopping habits.

Conclusion:

You don’t always have to seek out big extravagant plans for saving money around your home.  Sometimes it’s just a small change, but over a long period of time it can make a significant difference.

What do you do to help reduce the cost of your groceries?

To leave a comment or easily share the article with your Facebook or Twitter friends click here -> How a Change in Your Grocery Shopping Strategy Can Save Time and Money

Want to simplify your living and give more? Get a copy of my book:

Transforming Your Financial Diet: 7 Steps to Simple Living and Generous Giving. To get your copy click here.

Write a book about happiness, and you’ll find it difficult to keep those books in stock.

Why?

Americans want to be happy, but generally they aren’t.  As such, we seek for solutions to our lack of happiness.  We hunt for some sense of meaning.  We hope for a new invention or discovery to usher us into the state of happiness.

The Declaration of Independence gives us permission to pursue happiness, but despite hundreds of years of pursuing it, too many people are coming up empty.

Why?

Why aren’t we happy?

1.  Happiness is a byproduct of a meaningful life.

If we seek happiness, we’ll probably never find it.  However, if we seek something else, the Kingdom of God, as an example, happiness can be an unexpected discovery.  Happiness is only found not by searching for it, but by searching for purpose and meaning.  Once we’ve discovered God’s purpose for our life, we find that happiness unexpectedly finds us.

2.  We expect too much from happiness.

Happiness is not something God promises.  God promises deeper things like hope and joy.  Happiness is not the absence of hurt, pain, struggle, and suffering.  We demand too much of happiness when we expect that it can only come when our lives are absent of negative event.  In fact, happiness is not found apart from those things, but in the midst of them.

3.  Happiness is tied too closely to affluence.

Americans who visit PNG are surprised to recognize that even though people in PNG have so little (materially speaking), they are so happy.  That reveals more about us than them.  We’re surprised that people can be happy without owning much.  It means that we think there is a close relationship between happiness and affluence.

4.  Happiness is closely associated with getting instead of giving.

Jesus says that blessings come from giving.  However, we gripe, claw, fight, and argue to get what we want. (That’s what James says).  When we hold tightly to all we have and fight viciously for our rights, it destroy community.  In community there can be happiness, but in a competitive selfish society, happiness is harder to find.

5.  Failure to achieve happiness is viewed as a personal failure.

With so many opportunities and options, we think that if we’re not happy it’s because we’ve done something wrong.  Perhaps we made a wrong choice and if we make a right choice we’ll finally be happy.  Happiness is then a construct we can create for ourselves by making a series of better choices.  We take on a humanistic burden that assumes we alone are responsible for creating our happiness.

Perhaps if we made better choices we’d find happiness.  Those better choices may involve buying a different type of car.  On the advertisements folks who drive that brand new car are always smiling.  We buy things believing that happiness is a byproduct of that purchase.

6.  Our God-shaped hole remains empty.

St. Augustine said that our hearts are restless until they rest in God.  If happiness is a byproduct of a meaningful life (see #1), then we’ll only feel the fullness of happiness when we’re at peace with our Creator and his creation.  Pursuits of other life fillers will never address the deep hunger inside.

What say you?  What aren’t we happy?

To leave a comment or easily share the article with your Facebook or Twitter friends click here -> The American Happiness Crisis: 6 Reasons Why We Aren’t Happy

Want to simplify your living and give more? Get a copy of my book:

Transforming Your Financial Diet: 7 Steps to Simple Living and Generous Giving. To get your copy click here.

The early stages of marriages focus on leaving and cleaving.

Leaving is the process whereby you put space between other bonds, relationships, commitments, and obligations.  Cleaving is the process whereby you connect to your spouse in a deeper level.  Cleaving can’t happen until the leaving has occurred.

A vital part of the cleaving process is combining bank accounts after marriage.  God declares husband and wife as one entity.  Newly married couples should seek to be united in all aspects, including their finances.  If you decide not to combine your finances, there will likely be a part of financial intimacy that is missing in your relationship.

5 Reasons to Combine Your Bank Accounts

1.  It builds trust and total openness.

If I can’t trust you with my money, is there a strong hope for us to become fully one?  Lack of trust is a relational parasite that will only grow larger.  If you do not trust your spouse, even in one part of your relationship, you’ll find that lack of trust growing and overflowing into other areas of your marriage.  Is there a risk to combining accounts? Absolutely. Intimacy comes from the ways we are willing to take risks with our spouse.

2.  It makes life simpler.

Households receive bills.  Who should pay the bill?  If a household shares all the accounts, then the answer is simple – the household account pays for all the household expenses.  However, if you don’t share your finances, then every purchase will bring up the question again – who should pay for this?  Why?  Why not?  That deep level of constant inquisitiveness would introduce a lot of undue work and stress to a household. This also opens the door for bitterness as one person in the marriage might feel like they’re paying for more than their fair share.

3.  It honors the valuable contribution of each spouse.

My wife is a stay at home mother, teacher, chef, and activity coordinator – a proficient domestic engineer who doesn’t get paid for her work.  I believe it would be disrespectful to my wife to expect that somehow she’d be obligated to a smaller part of the household resources because she does not work outside the home.  In fact, if she was forced to buy ‘her own things’ with ‘her own money’, that would create a wedge in our home because she’d feel the need to go out and find work for pay.  Again, that would be adding unnecessary pressure and stress.  Some contributions to the household are financial, but all provide a valuable contribution to the home.  By combining finances and adopting an attitude of what’s mine is yours, the household needs take precedence over individual needs.

4.  Joint goals and movement in the same direction is encouraged.

In marriage it should be the goal of both partners to always move in the same direction.  Amazingly, many of our life goals are tied to our finances.  If your goals are moving you in different directions, eventually your lives will start moving in different directions and separate accounts will help fund your differences.  However, when you combine resources, if one spouse wants to move forward, the other must be on board.

5.  In the unfortunate case of death, finances are simplified.

A few months ago, I was talking with a widow who is trying to straighten out her financial house after the sudden death of her husband.  Some accounts and financial transactions did not list her name. and she’s finding it difficult to wade through all the technicalities while she should be grieving.  If their finances were combined, she’d have less work trying to manage all the various accounts.

Are there ever reasons to keep finances separate?

While joint financial management is best, sometimes there are cases where it is better to keep separate accounts.  There may be a situation where a person has previously violated financial trust.  As a result, you might agree on a set time frame where the responsible spouse is the sole person in control of the funds.  This is reasonable as long as there is a clear understanding that the ultimate goal is to build trust in order to join accounts once again.

If a particular issue is so intense, creating separate accounts (formally or informally) may be the wisest course of action.  I know of a couple who faced a lot of disagreements about how they should be using their giving money.  Ultimately, they decided to split the amount they agreed so each could be in control of where half of that money goes.

Similarly, there should be areas of freedom in a budget.  You or your spouse might receive funds for areas that only interest you.  If you have a fund for a hobby that you’ve both agreed to, then it’s fine to have sole discretion over those funds.  Again, this is only in cases where you both mutually agreed to separate some funds for your individual delegation.

Obviously, there are probably other unique situations where combining finances doesn’t make sense, but probably for 90% of couples, they will be blessed by combining finances.

Have you combined your finances?  What do you think are reasons either to or not to combine finances?

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I don’t claim to be a financial guru with the answer to every question about financial topics.  Instead, I’m a guy who reads and processes information.  This week, I had someone ask about college saving plans.  Today, I don’t want to talk about the best way to save for college, but instead I want to tell you why we do what we do with college savings.  If the facts that support our decision are similar to yours, then it might be wise for you to move forward with a similar plan.  If not, don’t.

Why College Savings?

Ever since our kids were first born, we committed to saving $100 per month for each of the kids for a future college savings.  We feel like education has played a valuable role in our lives, and we want to give our kids the possibility to have some help with their higher education.  That said, we do intend to encourage our kids to work through college and to contribute some of their own money.  We don’t expect $100 per month to cover everything, but we think it’s a loving start.  We may do a matching plan where we put in two dollars for every one they put in.  The details are fuzzy, as our kids are currently only 7,5, and 3, but eventually we’ll hash out our final plan.

How We Save for College: Coverdell ESA & Roth IRA

Remember, we’re in the unique situation where our kids are all dual citizens (Canadian and American), so we can’t know for sure that our kids will even end up in a school in the States.  We save through a Coverdell ESA and a Roth IRA.  I’ll explain the Roth IRA element in a moment, but first let’s compare the Coverdell ESA to a 529 College Savings Plan.

Coverdell ESA vs 529 College Savings Plan

1.  Depending on your investment background, there is less research involved in deciding to go the Coverdell ESA route.  

When you decide to do a 529 Plan, you’re just starting your decision making journey.  You now need to figure out which state has the best plan for your needs.  When you get a Coverdell ESA, you can invest in any stocks, ETFs, or mutual funds that you wish.  For some people, the idea of choosing stocks, ETFs, or mutual funds is more daunting than picking a 529 plan.  Honestly, I was lazy (or tired as a new dad), and I wanted a simple, yet effective approach.  The Coverdell ESA stood out to me as such an option.

2.  Tax impact between 529 Plans and ESA are comparable.

Neither plan offers a tax deduction on your federal return, while some 529s have a State deduction.  Both allow your investments to grow tax free and will not be taxed if used for eligible educational expenses. (ESA has a broader group of eligible educational expenses.)

3.  ESA funds can be used for elementary and secondary school expenses.

When our kids were born, we had very little idea of what the future had in store for them.  I went to a private Christian high school, and we weren’t willing to rule out the possibility that our kids might some day end up in a private elementary or secondary school.  With an ESA, the funds we’ve saved could be used towards those expenses.  However, 529 Plan funds can only be used for eligible post-secondary school expenses.

Depending on your state, you may even be able to use ESA Coverdell funds to buy school books and school supplies for home schooling students.

4.  You can invest more money in a 529 Plan.

The maximum annual contribution limit for a Coverdell ESA is $2,000 per year.  Most 529 Plans have a lifetime limit of at least $300,000.  In our case, we knew that we wouldn’t be interested in contributing more than $2,000 per year.  However, if you’re a higher income earner and wish to contribute a larger amount, there is an advantage to the 529 Plan.

5.  To contribute to a Coverdell ESA, your adjusted gross income must be less than $220,000 (filing jointly) or $110,000 (individual).  

Let’s just say that we’ve never had to worry about the income threshold.

6.  Coverdell ESA offers flexible investment options.

This was probably the biggest positive factor for us.  With a 529, you can only change your investments or 529 plan once every 12 months.  Moreover, you must choose ‘a plan’.  A Coverdell ESA allows you to make as many changes in the investment portfolio as you wish.  Since I’ve had my fair share of experience with investing, I felt like I wanted more control over what we specifically invested in.  If you’re a faith-based investor, then an ESA is clearly going to be a better option for you.

7. What if my kid doesn’t go to college? 

Coverdell ESA funds must be distributed or rolled over by 30.  If you have a Coverdell ESA fund for one of your children, then those funds must be used within 30 days of his or her birthday or rolled over to another child.  Depending on what you anticipate your kids doing in the future, this may or may not be a significant concern.  If you end up withdrawing the funds for non-eligible education expenses, the child will pay taxes on the gains (just like any other investment) and a 10% penalty.  The same happens with a 529 plan.  If you don’t use the expenses for qualified education expenses, then the earnings will be taxed as normal income, and you’ll pay a 10% penalty.

8.  Impact on Financial Aid

While there are some minor nuances to this statement, it seems fair to say that funds in a Coverdell ESA and a 529 are reported as an asset.  However, if the funds have been contributed by a grandparent in either an ESA or 529, they don’t count as an asset for financial aid purposes.

9.  Eligible Expenses

We’ve touched on this before.  The Coverdell has a much larger list of eligible expenses – elementary, secondary, and college expenses are eligible.  This includes tuition, room and board, supplies, computers, transportation, and tutoring.  The 529 Plan inclusion list is less generous.  As an example, a computer is not eligible unless it is specifically listed as a requirement for a class.

Why We’re Using a Roth IRA as a College Savings Vehicle for our Third Child

I’m not sure what the chances are that one of our kids doesn’t go to school in the States, doesn’t go to school, or gets a full tuition scholarship.  However, in our case, it’s probably better than most (perhaps for the first two reasons more so than the third).  The fact that funds in an eligible retirement savings account do not impact financial aid may be a positive factor also for this approach.  You can withdraw up to what you’ve contributed to a Roth IRA tax free without paying any penalties or taxes.

Basically, we’ve decided to diversify our college savings (I call it a hybrid approach) with our youngest. If one of the other two doesn’t use their funds on qualified education expenses, we can roll it over to the third and just keep the money in my Roth IRA if we wish.  However, if we need funds for the third, we’ll pull the appropriate amount out of my Roth IRA not to exceed my total contributions.

Essentially, instead of opening up a third ESA, we contribute an extra $100 per month to my Roth IRA.

You can read more about that strategy here.

Conclusion:

I honestly don’t think one or the other offers a ‘bad’ option.  It mostly depends on your circumstances and what you envision the future looking like.  In our case, the flexibility (of investment types and qualifying education types) of the Coverdell ESA appeals, and that’s why we continue to invest our funds there.

The biggest factor is probably just getting started.  I’d hate to see a person delay making a choice for a long time because that ultimately will be more detrimental than picking the ‘wrong’ college savings option.

I bet you knew this was coming … You could even do both.  In fact, that is the advice in this Forbes article.

Do you have any additional thoughts or advice to give to families considering the best way to save for college education?

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This post is not Craig’s top 10 favorite money quotes of all time.  Instead, I grabbed some books off my bookshelf or fired up the Kindle and looked for statements that I’ve highlighted.  My goal is to challenge your thinking and introduce you to a few good Christian authors.  I hope that one of these quotes will resonate with you and provide you with some food for thought today.

But pleasure, money, power, and safety are all, as far as they go, good things. The badness consists in pursuing them by the wrong method, or in the wrong way, or too much.  I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little.

C.S. Lewis. Mere Christianity

 

Proportionate to what? Proportionate to the accumulated wealth of one’s family? Proportionate to one’s income and the demands upon it, which vary from family to family? Proportionate to one’s sense of security and the degree of anxiety with which one lives? Proportionate to the keenness of our awareness of those who suffer? Proportionate to our sense of justice and of God’s ownership of all wealth? Proportionate to our sense of stewardship for those who follow after us? And so on, and so forth. The answer of course, is in proportion to all of these things.

Elizabeth O’Connor as quoted in Richard Foster and James Bryan Smith, Devotional Classics

 

Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.  Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

Agur, Proverbs 30:8b-9

 

Modest living means that, even within our most limited means, we recognize our obligation to our hungry and needy world neighbors, and those of our world who still have not heard the Gospel.  There is no financial state in which the responsibility of giving is lifted from us.

Maxine Hancock, Living on Less and Liking it More

 

In God’s economy, money isn’t just added or subtracted; it multiplies and divides in all kinds of bizarre ways.  Grace triumphs over calculation. Love counts more than numbers.

Mark Powley, Consumer Detox: Less Stuff, More Life

 

In examining a particular activity or purchase, we can ask: What is driving us? For what purpose are we doing this activity, or getting that item? If you’re like me, most of the time the questions do not even occur to you. … Happiness does not lie in the next acquisition.

Arthur Simon, How Much is Enough

 

Nevertheless, in light of the larger patterns of Jesus is teaching which we will observe, we dare not underestimate the potential deceitfulness of wealth to keep people out of the kingdom.

Craig Blomberg, Neither Poverty nor Riches

 

Most people spend their lives trying to make their heart’s fondest dreams come true. Isn’t that what life is all about, “the pursuit of happiness”? We search endlessly for ways to acquire the things we desire, and we are willing to sacrifice much to achieve them. We never imagine that getting our heart’s deepest desires might be the worst thing that can ever happen to us.

Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope that Matters 

 

Sometimes I feel like when I make decisions that are remotely biblical, people who call themselves Christians are the first to criticize and say I’m crazy, that I’m taking the Bible too literally, or that I’m not thinking about my family’s well-being.

Francis Chan, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God

 

The point is not simply to meet a temporary need or change a startling statistic; the point is to exalt the glory of Christ as we express the gospel of Christ through the radical generosity of our lives.

David Platt, Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream

Do you have a favorite quote you’d like to share in the comments?  Does one of these quotes stand out to you?

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Want to simplify your living and give more? Get a copy of my book:

Transforming Your Financial Diet: 7 Steps to Simple Living and Generous Giving. To get your copy click here.

Last week I offered a challenge to continue giving while you’re trying to get out of debt.

Today I want to talk about how this doesn’t mean that you need to automatically resign yourself to a longer journey out of debt.

I guess it might be possible to have your cake and eat it, too.

I’ve been reading the book Decisions: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work, so I’d like to use a one of the concepts from that book to help us get out of debt more quickly and continue giving.

Avoid Narrow Framing

One form of narrow framing is when we try reduce all our decisions to either/or decisions.  Our decision is narrowly framed when we try to determine if we should do this or that.  When we’ve reduced our decisions to one thing or the other, we’re in danger of putting blinders on and missing a better solution.

In my response and in the comments to giving while in debt, there was a clear concensus that we should do both – give and get out of debt.

However, we’re still in danger of proceeding with a narrow frame.  Here’s how the new question is narrowly framed, even for a person who has decided to keep on giving while in debt:

Should I stop/cut giving or continue giving and choose a slower pathway out of debt?

To that question, I’d say to choose a slower pathway to get out of debt.

But, why does that have to be the choice?  What if we could exclude the determinism in the question – a slower pathway out of debt.

Why not say, should I stop/cut giving to get out of debt faster, or should I continue giving and get out of debt faster?

See the difference?

Yes, you can do both.

Creativity is Unleashed by Necessity

“Neccessity is the mother of all invention.”  - Plato

When we feel enough pain or discomfort, we find the energy necessary to solve a problem.  When we don’t even notice the problem and when it’s not uncomfortable enough, we don’t solve problems.

If we say, “I should continue to give and take a slower journey out of debt,” we’ve just given ourselves permission to excuse action.  We’ve just closed the door to our creativity.

However, what if we say, “I must continue to give.”  Now, how do I get out of debt at a faster pace? The necessity of our situation will unleash some creativity and will open all the doors necessary.  Decide today that you’re going to give and get out of debt faster.  After you’ve resolved to do that, unleash your creativity to figure out how to do both.

3 Boring Options to Continue Giving and Get Out of Debt Faster

Nothing on this list is meant to blow you away with deep insights.  Instead, I hope your creativity will be triggered, and you’ll see that there are options available to you.

1. Sell something – I believe we’re living in one of the best times of history to sell products.  You can use Ebay, Craigslist, Amazon Seller Central, or even a garage sale.  If you don’t need it, get rid of it.
2. Work more – This could include trying to pick up some extra hours or trying to pursue some type of part time or freelance work.
3. Spend less – What is not an absolutely necessary item you’re buying?  Is there a cheaper substitute?  Could you cut the cable or phone services for a limited time?

Don’t give yourself permission to narrowly frame your situation and convince yourself that your two options are giving or getting out of debt more quickly.

Do both.

Make your cake, and then eat it.

To leave a comment or easily share the article with your Facebook or Twitter friends click here -> No Excuses! How to Continue Giving and Get Out of Debt Faster

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Transforming Your Financial Diet: 7 Steps to Simple Living and Generous Giving. To get your copy click here.