As millions and millions of America’s prepare their income tax returns, tons of identity theft criminals are also getting busy looking for loopholes and carelessness so that they can gain information that helps them steal an unsuspecting victims identity. It’s important to protect yourself, especially at this time of year.

Check out the below tips to keep your important information safe. These tips (see below) are from Thomas Oscherwitz, chief privacy officer for ID Analytics, Inc. and former U.S. Senate Legislative expert on identity fraud, offering the following precautions to safeguard their identity and assets this tax season.

1. Monitor your mailbox. Keep a lookout for official tax forms, like 1099’s and W-2’s. Missing or lost documents could be a sign of identity theft and should be investigated immediately.

2. Protect your sensitive tax documents. During tax time, many of the forms consumers handle have sensitive information of immense value to identity thieves. Keep your tax documents in a safe, secure place that is out of public view.

3. Beware of scams. Tax time is a prime time for fraudsters to target consumers with phony emails asking for their personal information. Remember that the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) does not initiate communication with taxpayers through email.

4. Track IRS communications carefully. If you receive an unusual notification from the IRS, such as a report of wages from an employer you do not know, be alert to possible identity theft.

5. Review your personal information for misuse. For the 97.5 million Americans expected to file electronically this year, take a few minutes to visit www.MyIDScore.com while online to check your risk of identity theft. MyIDScore.com is a free online service that gives consumers immediate insight into whether their personal identifiable information is being used fraudulently to obtain assets, goods or services.

6. Examine your credit report. Tax season is also a good time to get your free annual credit report from www.annualcreditreport.com. The report is provided by the three national credit bureaus and you can request your report from each bureau once a year.

7. Check your annual income statement from the Social Security Administration. A fraudster can steal your SSN and use it to get a job. The fraudster’s employer would then report the fraudster’s wages under your SSN to the IRS. Check for any discrepancies between the income reported and the wages you received. In addition, be aware that the IRS may then think you have not reported all of your income on your tax return.

8. Pay attention to duplicate returns. If someone steals your identity, they could file a tax return first using your SSN. Then when you file your return, the IRS will think you have already received a refund or that or you have filed a second copy or duplicate return. This confusion will cause delays in receiving your refund.

9. Contact the IRS if you are victim. The IRS now has a toll-free number to assist identity theft victims. They will mark affected accounts to resolve identity theft issues more quickly. The phone number for the IRS Identity Protection Specialized Unit is 1(800) 908-4490.

10. Prepare for next year. Begin planning ahead for 2011 by creating a file to organize receipts, official forms and documents on an ongoing basis for peace-of-mind and easy access to reference your important information in the future.

© kcain for Moms of Hue, 2010. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: identity theft, tax tips

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Today is National Women and Girl’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Day and I am rocking my red pumps to raise awareness about a problem that still is prevalent in the U.S.  Currently the media focuses primarily on the International HIV/AIDS epidemic and it is very easy to forget that here in the United States AIDS is still an issue. This cause is near and dear to me because I spent well over a decade of my life dedicated to fighting HIV/AIDS both professionally and on a volunteer basis. In my last full time position  I was the Georgia State HIV/AIDS Director, managing a staff of 35 and $170 million dollar budget focused on Prevention and Care for people at risk and impacted by HIV/AIDS in Georgia. I continue to volunteer my time as a member of the blogger advisory council for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS foundation and fully support Join The Movement an effort to decrease the number of pediatric HIV/AIDS infections by half between 2009 and 2013.

Did you know that every 35 minutes a woman tests positive for HIV in the United States?
1 in 4 Americans living with HIV in the US are women and account for more than 93,900 cumulative deaths from AIDS.
Black women suffer disproportionately from this disease and acquire HIV at a rate 15 times greater than white women.
HIV/AIDS is the leading cause of death for African American women aged 25 to 34 (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 2009. HIV/AIDS Surveillance Report, 2007. Vol. 19, Table 1.)

These numbers are astounding and clearly HIV/AIDS is still alive and well in the USA.  This disease is preventable. By knowing our status and utilizing safer sex practices we can keep ourselves from being at risk. Even if we are married we can help spread the word about how preventable this disease is and the necessity for testing. Share these facts and figures with your friends, your teens, your co-workers. Although there are wonderful medications available now to provide longevity for those infected, we can stop the spread of this disease by taking simple steps. Use condoms, dental dams and for IV drug users, don’t share needles.

Rocking my red pumps today is a no brainer for me. I want to see a world where no more of our children of hue are born with this disease, where no more of our mothers, grandmothers and daughters are at risk for HIV/AIDS.

© rjross for Moms of Hue, 2010. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
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Welcome to Sweet Tea Tuesdays, today we’re discussing friendships.

I solicited the help of two lovely ladies: my nearly lifelong friend, Stephanie and more recent friend, fellow Moms of Hue writer and blogger, Barbara. These two women were gracious enough to help me fill in the blanks on some of the ways and reasons friendships work-and work well, against perceived odds. We invite you to think about your own relationships and share in the comments section.

Stephanie and I met in the pre-pubescent tribe forming years, and while we knew each other, lived in close proximity and were not only schoolmates, but also classmates, we weren’t friends. Fast forward over a decade and we’re neighbors and our husbands are not only both involved in the entertainment business but they’re collaborating on projects yet, we are not friends. Another decade passes and what do you know, we’re both at a point of transition and end up 3,000 miles from “Start” and are still neighbors, and of course, we are now friends. I’d call this kismet, but that’s just me, as you’ll soon read.

For all intents and purposes, Stephanie and I were destined to be friends: we’re both women of color, we’re sisters, daughters, aunts, imagined albeit faithful concubines of R&B singer Maxwell and professional teeth-sucking side eye shootin’ I got your actin’ up in public even if you aren’t my child mothers. Yet, we share a dissimilarity that has historically reduced friendships, marriages, families, empires and nations to ruins: religion.

As long as I’ve known her, Stephanie has been a devout witness of Jehovah, and as long as I could form a cogent argument for or against it, I’ve been committed to the belief that the existence of G-d is the greatest unknown. I think this belief system means I lack faith, but for argument’s sake today, we’ll call it- and me an agnostic.

How do we do it? I shot Stephanie a few questions about our friendship-none of which alluded to my writing about her faith or my lack thereof. This is what she had to say when I asked what she looked for in a “trusted friend”? “Honesty, respect and a listening ear. I need to know that I can be myself and say anything and know that I will be given honest advice or no advice ,[and]at the right time”. You see that? Aretha was on to something: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Our friendship works because we have a mutual respect for ourselves and each other. I look at our bond and commitment to sustaining it as a microcosmic utopia, “Yes, we can all just get along.” Truly, it’s no easy feat to build and maintain a trusted friendship on such polar belief systems, as Barbara conceded when asked about Tonya, her dear extroverted, childless by choice, risk-taking friend.

Tonya felt her friendship with Barbara “…gives us room to be ourselves and do our own thing… as well as brings another perspective into the mix since we tend to disagree more than agree”. Barbara agrees, and adds, “I think that we work as “best” friends because of the history that we have. We built our relationship on solid principals that we both share, to the point that we are more like family than just friends. While I do believe that two people can share the same space and a friendship without sharing the same views, I don’t have the tolerance that it takes to listen to differing views on a regular basis. So, I wouldn’t choose a new dear friend who had a differing view on a regular basis. We would have to have had that solid foundation first. Like my friend stated, its all a part of growing as people.”

In closing, I returned to my friend Stephanie and asked how she could be a better friend, of course I was met with a quick retort, “Am I not the bomb already?” Followed by an admission that she could be better at calling and e-mailing. Admittedly,after reading her responses, I was reminded that my own post-traumatic pragmatism, has a place and time, and will be especially conscious of when and where I offer my “voice of reason”. While we’re working on that, how will you be a better friend? Have you considered the ways your intimate relationships shape the whole? Do your current relationships challenge you to modify your perspective? How so? How will you create your microcosmic utopia?

Next Tuesday, we’re showing our age. You’ve heard it before, and I bet you’ve even said it a few times: “Kids nowadays. Just what is it with our young people?” You might be surprised to find out. I’ll see you then, and of course do bring a friend.

© T. Allen-Mercado for Moms of Hue, 2010. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: faith, friendships

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When I invited my oldest brother Marc to live with us, it was not just because my mother was worried about her grandchildren not having a father figure-even though she never said as much. He didn’t have a job, and I was a single mom raising two boys under the age of five on my own. He landed in the United States a year before after his twelve year European chapter ended in divorce. He had no kids, and a 12×18 color picture of the beloved sail boat he had to sell when he moved stateside. Stateside could have meant Virginia, where we grew up, and where he has a zillion connections. Instead it meant Maine, where they have a zillion sailboats and two boys who call you Uncle-Daddy and say; I love you Uncle Rabbit Will You Play Airplane With Me Now Silly Head after they give you the bump, and lunge into their footy pajamas because you want them to explore their own “gravitational pull”.

That room off of the playroom in the damp basement apartment that was going to be my writing studio, my office, was just not being used. I prefer to write on my laptop near the boys, and the heat. But my brother likes the cold, and loved the idea of living rent free in exchange for playing with his nephews a few hours a week. Well, that isn’t exactly how I presented the idea, but that was the gist of it. He was eating through his savings faster than he hoped, and wasn’t ready to give up on the Maine dream yet. He was also growing very attached to those to boys, and said yes faster than he could toss Marcel into the air.

The boys were thrilled. From day one they were told that this was Uncle’s apartment, and not just a cold room downstairs.  Uncle had to agree when and if the boys could come down, as he had his own life too.  “Can I can come down now Uncle?” was practiced with animated repetition. From the onset, that we had things pretty well figured out, considering the lack of sibling co-parent models we had to follow. Clear limits and expectations were discussed for all of us. He’d have his life, I’d maintain some of my single mommy autonomy which I love, and we’d have a lot of shared time in the middle.

Alone he was just a single guy living in an apartment. In the basement, he became transformed into a super hero. What we offer, is relationship. He is living with his biological family, two nephews, and a sister, who need him, share meals with him, are entertained by him, cherish him, engage him, and redefine him. Being the Uncle who can teach you how to swing a pizza dough in the air, who can be the rough-house filling of a Sammy-Uncle-Marcel sandwich, and be the most important man in your life, is an obligation that makes you feel herculean just for walking up the basement stairs. Or at least that’s how it looks to me.(...)
Read the rest of The Rumpus Room: Co-Parenting with My Brother (560 words)

© mamac for Moms of Hue, 2010. | Permalink | 14 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: co-parenting, parenting boys, raising children, single moms, transracial adoption

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My friend and fellow Moms of Hue author Traci Lee launched her new resource for African-American young women called BabyGirlz Magazine. I was honored to be able to interview her about her motivation to create the site and her plans for the future.  Our conversation follows.

Moms of Hue (MOH): Tell me about Traci. Who are you and what moves you?

Traci Lee: What moves me is having a voice. I love to speak on matters of importance. Sometimes I talk too much, but if I can touch one person, I am satisfied. Motherhood moves me. I love being my son’s mother. I still look at him, 12 years later in amazement that he came from me. I am also a person that looks at things from a metaphorical standpoint. For instance, when a person puts their blinker on to switch lanes and the driver behind them is driving at a normal pace he/she will speed up to prevent it. Similarly, in life, when people realize you are trying to move toward a greater goal, they will try to prevent that from happening – to the point that we may not even be aware of their behind-the-scenes actions. So, when I am prepared to make BIG moves, I feel passionate about keeping that to myself because not everyone is going to be happy for me as I begin the journey.

MOH: I understand. Sometimes people become so angry when they realize that you have the potential to shine. It’s sad. I have learned that there are very few people with whom you can share things.  So What inspired you to create BabyGirlz Magazine?

Traci: This has been my wish since 2003. One day, while in my Psychology class the instructor asked us to “freewrite”, meaning to basically write off the top of our heads whatever is on the mind. At the time, I felt it was meaningless, and had already made up my mind that I would not comply with the assignment. I mean what for? Well, I began looking around and upon seeing everyone else in class writing, I decided to just jot anything down. I began writing about how I thought “the assignment was stupid” and “what could I possibly have to write about off the top of my head?” and how “people are always expecting the impossible”. The weirdest thing happened. I found myself writing about my childhood and how I didn’t ever really feel I fit in any one place. How oftentimes, I felt like an outsider in my own family. How I wished my mother had left my stepfather long before she did. Before long, I was out my seat and in the hallway crying. Long-buried memories had come to the surface. Memories that I didn’t realize had such an impact on the person I’d become. It made me realize that there was a huge void where guidance should have been when I was growing up and it made me think about all the girls that were in that same position may be in need of that from someone – anyone. BabyGirlz originally began as my own therapy, in the form of a journal. It soon built out to an entire area of life that I felt I could have been mentored in growing up. I decided to offer myself up as a mentor to any young woman in need.

MOH: I never fit in either. I was a geek! Still am. I also felt very isolated as a child- like no one was there to help or to guide me. I had issues with my mother too and much like you writing allowed me to realize a lot of them. It’s funny how that happens.

So, what challenges facing African-American girls do you believe need to be addressed the most?

Traci: Most challenging I would say is the hurdle some of us face with realizing who we are and what we are capable of achieving. The need to be accepted is so great with us sometimes, that we ignore ourselves, all in an effort to please others. We become lost in the process, and silenced because of it. The person with no voice, has no path. As African-American women, we carry a lot, in youth, adolescence, and in adulthood, and it leaves us trying to repair our self-esteem a lot. It leaves us making patterns of entering unhealthy relationships – intimate or otherwise.

MOH: So true. Voice is so important. The lack of voice is really what inspired Moms of Hue. You speak a lot about metamorphosis and butterflies on BabyGirlz. Why the butterfly?

Traci: I’ve always loved butterflies. I am heavily into symbolism and what I’ve read about butterflies is that they represent metamorphosis. I relate metamorphosis to that point in life where we reach self-actualization. That place where we have the ultimate happiness. The butterfly goes through many stages before they make it to the point where they can take flight. So, like the butterfly, so does the young girl on her path to becoming a woman. I thought the butterfly would symbolize that perfectly.

MOH: There seems to be a lot of tension between African-American men and women. As a mom of an African-American boy what do you want him to learn in terms of his interaction with girls of color?

Traci: I talk frequently, with my son about girls. Fortunately, for me, he is not at the point where he likes them (or so he says), so the conversations haven’t been that lengthy. I’ll be honest and say that when I do discuss ‘relationships’ with him, I emphasize how important respect is – both giving and receiving. I try to teach him how to identify those who respect him and those who don’t. I think that type of dialog is transferable and can be utilized in all his dealings. I tell him to choose the people in his circle carefully. It’s the best I can do at this point in time because I want him to know that the same rules apply, across the board.

MOH: Any plans for starting a resource for young boys?

Traci: Oh yes! I am already thinking about it. I would like to engage in something that focuses, primarily, on education. Definitely education. I feel that there is much that goes on behind the scenes in the public school system that many parents are unaware of and our boys fall by the wayside because of it. If you are not a parent who is invested in your child’s academic career, it will surely be missed – and too late to come back from. I would also like to incorporate something that gets them thinking in terms of what they want to be when they grow up, how to identify their strengths, and get away from thinking that they need to be athletes or rappers to “make it”. I could go on forever, but that’s for another time/place. But yes, my brain is working overtime!

MOH: I was actually going to say that from previous conversations that you and I have had I know you are very passionate about education. Obviously that is the case. So. any plans to enter into that realm apart from the education section on BabyGirlz?

Traci: Oh yes. I want to get to a point where I can find people who are a part of the magazine to act as advocates for young women in areas of ill-treatment, effective communication with counselors/teachers, as well as how to complete their own education plan, and how to use all their qualities to find the degree program that works best for them. I plan to really expand on the education part of it because I feel it is the one thing no one can take from you. Also, when you are educated, you are controlling the way you think – and not the other way around. Better decisions are made, better lives are made, and happiness is a given.

© kbrooke for Moms of Hue, 2010. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: children, children of color, Education, feminism, Parenting, parenting young adults, self-esteem, single moms, sisterhood, The importance of the Voice of Hue, voice

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Tiara is a former New York City free bird who leaped into Mid-Atlantic domestication with her wonderful southern husband, super-hero two year old son and most recently, the mystery child brewing in her belly.  She re-discovered her passion for writing after starting her blog, Then Came Isaiah about the ups, downs and all-arounds her life has taken since the birth of her son in 2007.  As a recovering Type-A personality, Tiara has been struggling to find her happiness along the way rather than finding her happiness at her destination.  This enlightenment came to her in the form of a refrigerator magnet and subsequently became the byline to her blog.

Tiara and Family

Born in Queens, NY, Tiara is the youngest of three and only daughter to her amazingly strong single mother and former NYPD Police Inspector father.  Her brothers, ten and twelve years her senior, taught her to punch like a boy, always expect the best and to have an unnatural fondness for the eighties glam artist, Prince.

Pre-Mommy, Tiara attained her Bachelor’s degree in English from Binghamton University, Juris Doctorate from Howard University School of Law and became a practicing member of the New York State Bar.  She has also studied feminism at the University of Dakar in Senegal, West Africa.  Aside from mom, wife and blogger, her definitions include full-time attorney, poet and aspiring novelist.

© kbrooke for Moms of Hue, 2010. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
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About eight months after my son was born and prior to entering law practice full time, I went back to work temporarily in a trial court.  As a part of an attempt to conquer the court’s enormous backlog, I set up shop along with three other women attorneys in a large conference room. We had case files taller than us, and in order to ease the monotony, the ladies and I would talk.  We were all married and three out of four of us were also moms.  As you can imagine, we discussed everything – from politics to potty training.

One afternoon, one of the women, “Susan,” came into work visibly upset.  Susan shut herself in her office for what seemed like the entire morning before finally coming into the conference room and silently taking a seat at her computer.  Her business suit was wrinkled, her skin was colorless and she was wearing flip flops.  After a few attempts to find out what was wrong, she finally relented and told us her husband, “Paul,” had been having an affair.  New to the group, I thought this was a recent development, but Susan had been separated for almost a year.  When she found out, she had confronted him about it, and he turned around and walked out, leaving her with three beautiful little girls under ten years old.  Paul left her without so much as an “I’m sorry” or an attempt to make their marriage work.  This particular morning was the first morning Susan had woken up without her girls.  Paul had them for a few days, and she had found out that her girls had met the other woman.  As Susan talked and the tears poured down her face, all I could do was listen.  Susan came from a conservative, Roman Catholic family.  Her parents were still married, and she had been with her husband since she was in college.  He was a successful business man and together they provided their children with a very comfortable life.  She felt like a failure, like she had failed God, her husband and most importantly, her young girls.  She turned to me from beneath her tears and smiled a little, “You turned out okay, Tiara.” She began. “How did your mom do it?”

Feeling a little like a case study on the children of broken homes, I hesitated before answering.  Susan knew I was raised by a single parent.  My parents were married seventeen years and split up when I was six and my brothers were teenagers.  As the custodial parent, my mother naturally carried the brunt of our rearing.  Hers was the wallet we went to first, she was the one that held us after our nightmares, and she was the one who saved every good grade, drawing, or Elmer’s glue masterpiece we ever made.  I am sure my mom had her tearful days, but I can only remember her strength.  Not only did she make sure we went to the best schools and were always well-dressed and well-fed, she also put herself through both undergraduate and graduate school.  I knew it was hard, but she did it.  She did it because her love for my brothers and me meant she had no other choice.

My answer to Susan was filled with preachy declarations of love for my single mom and the strength that I had acquired from observing her.  Because of her, I had learned nothing was insurmountable.

WE can handle anything put in front of us, I told Susan. WE do not need anyone’s help.

While I stomped around on my invisible soap box, leading a figurative chant of “I am woman, hear me roar,” I began to wonder, just what were the vestiges of single parent rearing?  Neither I nor my brothers turned into that stereotypical statistic.  We all turned into productive, well-educated and adjusted adults.  Yet, there had to be some vestiges… some fodder for eager therapists.  As I raise my two year old son and gear up to raise the new person entering my life in a few months, the answer becomes clear.

I never learned to be married.

While I consider myself to be happily married, the evidence of my inexperience is splattered all over my marriage.  I happily do it all.  I work, make dinner, clean the house, tuck the baby in at night, manage the finances, plan the vacations… all while ignoring my husband’s futile requests to help.  I can hear my husband’s voice saying, “You need any help, baby?” like it is my own thoughts.  Likewise, I can hear my own voice saying, “Nope.”  He, also raised by a single mom, does not try too hard, not because he is a caveman but mostly because he is used to this brand of super woman too.  Between the two of us, we have had to make a conscious decision to be more careful with our marriage and learn to balance out the load; he will help more because he matters, and I will actually let him because I do too.

Nonetheless, it leaves me to wonder, if I have a girl and her life leads her down the path to some form of domestic partnership, how will I raise her with the strength my mother gave me but the trust to allow herself to learn to depend on someone else… sometimes?  How will I raise my son not to sit back and allow his wife to do it all?  As I look back on my own childhood, I wonder, how could my mother have prepared me to be an effective member of a partnership and not just an incredible matriarch?

© Tiara for Moms of Hue, 2010. | Permalink | 15 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: marriage, Parenting, single moms

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