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I am reaching out right now to all my friends, family and loyal followers of what I write. . . . → Click Here To Read More: Needing prayer please]]> It has come to my attention by a close friend that I may need to rewrite some of what I wrote below. My husband is the love of my life and in no way do I want to shed him in a bad light. If I have done that I am truly sorry. I will put *** by the part where I have rewritten this post so you know where to start if you are looking for the update. Thank you.

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I am reaching out right now to all my friends, family and loyal followers of what I write. If you believe in praying, my husband and I need prayer. Mari will have been gone for four years on July 16^th. In the beginning, I was very angry at God for allowing our little girl to die. I yelled at him, “How could you do this to me?” I was heartbroken that my little angel died so suddenly over E. coli. How could He allow this to happen?

Then time went by and my anger lessened but I still didn’t understand. I had started writing what happened to her while she was still alive. Then on October 23 (I believe) I started to write what would be my very first post on this site. I have since continued to write through my grief journey. I have shared with all of you exactly how I feel as the days, months and years continued to move along.

As time went on I wanted to also write a book about my daughter’s life. I have told you about it and I am in the process of doing it. However, I have put it on hold for a little while because I felt God calling me to learn the craft of fiction writing. I need to learn this so I can implement the elements of fiction in Mari’s book. I feel from the bottom of my heart that her story is meant to be for more than just friends and family and the first draft of the book I was being told over and over again it was just that. So I need to make it more engaging. I will take her hospital story and turn it into a full length book. 

So in this journey, I have become a part of several different writing websites. I finally found ACFW, Amercian Christian Fiction Writers. This has truly been a God send and the people on there have been such a blessing in my life. Not only has my craft in fiction writing improved immensely but I have started to form some friends that I am ever so grateful for.

Through this journey I have finally started to call myself a writer. I can see that God has allowed all the tragedies to happen in my life for a reason. I am able to take every single experience and use that in my writing to help make my characters all that much better as I understand grief and hard aches. I can finally see the blessings that have come from Mari’s death. It is hard to believe but it has happened.

However, I have come to the reason I am asking for prayer. *** My husband is having a very hard time right now with everything that is happening in our lives. The death of our daughter hit him hard, as I am sure everyone understands. We both have had our anger issues with God as a result. It is just hard when neither of us understand what God is doing and keeps putting more on us. It doesn’t make sense in our human self.

Almost a year ago we took guardianship of our niece and nephew and we have been the happiest we have been since Mari died. It has truly been wonderful and a blessing. But about two to three month ago I started to have severe pain in my left hip joint. That pain can now occur at anytime and anywhere in my left leg and also in my right leg. My left foot is starting to go numb in places. The other day in the doctor’s office I lost complete strength in my left leg from my knee down. The doctor asked me to either push on his hand when he put his hand on top of my foot and the bottom of my foot and I was unable to do it. They had to get a wheel chair for me to leave again.

I have been on crutches for the last month now and I have missed a lot of work as a result. Now the doctors are suspecting that it might be MS. We just don’t understand how more and more keeps being laid in our lives. This evening he yelled out something like, “God how can you do this to us? I mean, enough is enough. My daughter dying wasn’t enough that now you have to put us through this.” That’s not exactly what he said but it’s pretty close. I understand his anger and frustration. We may not understand how we can continue to go through one thing after another but God does. We may not understand His reasoning’s but I am sure they are good ones. Please pray for us. We both need to completely turn this over to Him. This is not easy. This man, my husband, is the complete love of my life. He has to do everything right now with the kids and around the house and it is truly taking a toll on him. I was in tears this evening due to having another pain attack and how this has become so hard on the two of us and especially Keith with having to do everything.

Please just pray that we can both turn this over to God and that we can get our anger out and then completely lean on Him as we know He is in control of everything. We just have to trust that. It’s not easy but I know that through our Heavenly Father it can be done.

For obvious reasons, Jesus dying on the cross is number one as we need to do all we can as mothers to make sure our children spend an eternity in heaven. . . . → Click Here To Read More: What does it mean to nurture?]]> When God created women, He knew well beforehand that they would become mothers. I have no doubt in my mind He had a long list of what a mother’s qualities and characteristics not only would be but needed to be. Those included loving and show unconditional love, compassionate, friendly, unselfish, kind, patience, teaching their children right and wrong as well as God and how Jesus died on the cross.

For obvious reasons, Jesus dying on the cross is number one as we need to do all we can as mothers to make sure our children spend an eternity in heaven. The child will make the ultimate decision but we must at least show them the way. The one is giving unconditional love. We must always love our children no matter what they might do because they are our gifts given to us for a short time from God.

After those two, I have no doubt He decided the next most important quality a mom needed to have was the ability to nurture her children. So what does nurture mean exactly? Well I went to dictionary.com and here is what they had:

verb (used with object)
1. to feed and protect: to nurture one’s offspring.
2. to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.
3. to bring up; train; educate.
noun
4. rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.
5. development: the nurture of young artists.
6. something that nourishes; nourishment; food.

Nurturing encompasses so much. We, as mothers, must do all the other qualities I named before. It is to raise our children in a loving way. We are to always be there for them, even if we don’t agree with what they are doing but simply tell them we love them. We are to make sure they are fed properly and given not only enough clothes but appropriate clothes to wear. We need to make sure our children are educated so that one day they can grow up and be responsible adult in both their finances as well as in the work place or being a stay-at-home mom or dad. As a mom, or dad for that matter, we need to be good role models as to how they should be once they, themselves, become moms and dads.

By doing all of this we then nurture our children. My sincerest hope is that I was able to nurture Mari the way I needed to. I feel in my heart I did the best I could. She was the pride and joy of my life for eight and half years and she continues to be even in death through her spirit.

I have to take what I learned from nurturing my beautiful little baby girl and now do this with my niece and nephew as my husband and I raise them to one day be adults. To nurture truly means to love unconditionally just like our Father in heaven did for us by sending His only Son to die on the cross for our sins.

For those of you who don’t know (which is probably most of you), I have been having severe hip pain that can go clear down into my knees and sometimes other places in my legs. I have been unable to stay at work for a full day, except for one day, since two weeks ago last Friday. I hurt at home quite often. I simply sit in my recliner all day. I don’t go out and go shopping any more. I can’t take the kids to their baseball practices . . . → Click Here To Read More: Having Pain…]]> Why do people have to be so uncaring and mean sometimes?

For those of you who don’t know (which is probably most of you), I have been having severe hip pain that can go clear down into my knees and sometimes other places in my legs. I have been unable to stay at work for a full day, except for one day, since two weeks ago last Friday. I hurt at home quite often. I simply sit in my recliner all day. I don’t go out and go shopping any more. I can’t take the kids to their baseball practices or games.

I have tried different medications. One made me deathly ill and the other one made me so sleepy that I could only take a half of one. I am now on an anti-nausea medication to take with a more powerful pain medicine.

I’m writing about this because a situation has arrived in my life where a person was unfeeling towards what is going on. I normally have to do something to back this person up but the pain got so bad on Friday I couldn’t do it. As a result, I brought up something that needed to be done for me and this person said that takes too much time to do what I needed. When it was brought up me not doing what I needed to, I told this person I was in too much pain to do it. This person replied back, “Of course.” In other words, like I am making up this pain.

Believe you me, I would not make this pain up for anything in the world. I wish it had never started to begin with. So then I asked, “Do you not have any compassion?”

This person’s response was simply this: “No.”

I asked, “What, do you think I’m making this up?”

The person said, “I have no opinion.”

I just don’t get how someone cannot care whatsoever. If I could change this I would. My doctor is even going to sign for me to get a handicapped parking permit due to the pain. I am on crutches. At home I try to just use the cane or walk without it but half the time I have to have the cane and when the pain is really bad at home I have to use the crutches. This stinks. I am only 38 years old.

Please pray for my situation is you believe in prayer. I appreciate it.

I will tell you writing fiction is so different than writing a college paper. A year ago when I started this journey, let’s just say, I was a little green behind the ears. I was so naïve to the proper rules and etiquette of fiction.   Like the dreaded passive verbs (was/were/had) and ‘ly’ words. These are a big no-no in fiction (who would a thunk).

I can remember growing up reading romance novels (starting about . . . → Click Here To Read More: Writing Fiction]]> I’ve been writing my first fictional book ever. It has been quite the experience.

I will tell you writing fiction is so different than writing a college paper. A year ago when I started this journey, let’s just say, I was a little green behind the ears. I was so naïve to the proper rules and etiquette of fiction.   Like the dreaded passive verbs (was/were/had) and ‘ly’ words. These are a big no-no in fiction (who would a thunk).

I can remember growing up reading romance novels (starting about junior high/high school). I love them. I eventually converted over to adult romances. I can remember thinking, “Oh I would love to be able to write this kind of book.” But I had no real draw to write.

English had never been my forte. To be honest, when I graduated high school and took the entrance exam for the community college, I couldn’t even test into English 101. I had to start in English 097, three below. It sucked but it was what it was.

I actually didn’t finish that first semester because I decided to go from the Army reserves to active duty. Then six years later I was able to test right into English 101. Not really sure what happen (I somehow got magically smarter) but it was kewl.

I think I’m getting just a little off track here (you should try talking to me in real life). Back to why I’m talking about right fiction. I just finished the first draft of my book on Saturday night. Right now the book’s title is Unchoiced Blessings. I took the word I came up with, unchoices, and used it in the title. Just like Mari’s death was an unchoiced blessing, so is the same for the main character in my book.

Her name is Catalina Russo. She is a strong woman, more than she even realizes at this point. I have been able to put a little bit of me into her.

I plan to eventually get this book published and then I want to use part of the proceeds to go to the foundation I will start in Mari’s name. I want to start a scholarship program for individuals who want to get a degree to teach child who have autism. I want the program to grow big enough to where I can give a full ride scholarship for four years. I know to begin with it will be small but through God all things are possible.

This book will be able to do that for me.

Now you might be asking, “But what happened to Mari’s book?” Don’t worry. I’m still in the process of writing her book. However, I had to put it on hold. God took me in another direction. He told me I needed to learn the fiction process of writing first so I could implement this into her book. Her book will become more alive as a result. I’m going to go back to college to earn a degree in creative writing for both fiction and non-fiction. I want her book to be able to be used a tool to help others out there. I want people to see that good things can come out of tragedy. That an everyday person, me, not a celebrity, can make it through terrible tragedy and still be okay.

I have big hopes and dreams for her book. I know through God all things are possible. We just have to pray and believe.

I look at Mari’s death in a whole new light. It’ll be four years on July 16 (Really, four years already!). Through my grief journey I’ve been able to find something that brings me pure happiness. I’ve been able to meet new and encouraging people . . . → Click Here To Read More: Happiness]]> I’m sometimes amazed at the power of God. He put writing into my life and has blessed me as a result. Something that started out as a way to deal with my grief and share those feelings with my friends and family so they knew where I was at has turned into so much more.

I look at Mari’s death in a whole new light. It’ll be four years on July 16 (Really, four years already!). Through my grief journey I’ve been able to find something that brings me pure happiness. I’ve been able to meet new and encouraging people along my journey. I’ve been encouraged along this road and I’m a better person as a result.

It’s funny how our brains truly can’t comprehend the bigger picture but we know God does. He knows why He does what He does. Mari’s death was devastating to so many of us. It completely blindsided us. The road became unbearable at times.

Yet, there was a small minuscule light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t see it with my bare eye. I would need a microscope to see it but it was there. That light was and still is Jesus. He was guiding me, bring me through, the death of my daughter. As time passed the light slowly but surely got bigger.

At first, I could see the light growing only because the grief was so deep, so acute. It felt like my heart had been torn open. I know it may not make sense but my heart physically hurt at times. I would put my hand over my heart and just hold it there because it actually hurt. I hurt for my daughter so much.

That first year the light could finally be seen at the end of the tunnel. However, it was a small pin drop. I had to squint to see it.

Now the light fully encompasses my body. I’m at a place where I can finally see the good things that have come out of Mari going to heaven.

Yes, I miss her terribly and would give anything to have her back. Yet, if she were still here I wouldn’t be able to touch the lives that I do. So her death became a blessing in my life like I could have never expected.

I thank the Lord for the gift He has given me in my writing. I thank all the people who follow Mari’s site.

I think back to how I began writing. It was to keep my friends and family abreast of what was happening to my little baby girl. I started a Care Page. Those first fifteen days of writing were while she was a live and the last day, the day she . . . → Click Here To Read More: Joy]]> Joy can mean so much to so many different people. For me I felt pure joy last night. I spent the day determined to write write write in the fictional book I am writing. I actually wrote 8,472 words and finished the first draft of my novel. Talk about exciting.

I think back to how I began writing. It was to keep my friends and family abreast of what was happening to my little baby girl. I started a Care Page. Those first fifteen days of writing were while she was a live and the last day, the day she died, was written within a few days of her passing. It took me three days to write with tears pouring out of my eyes. I can remember my husband Keith telling me to stop and come back later to finish it. I told him no. The memories were still fresh in my mind. It was important for me to remember as much as I could. Memories fade slowly but surely after time. I needed to get them all written down before I forgot something.

At the time my writing did not bring me pure joy and happiness. It brought about heartache, sadness and despair. I was able to use my writing as a tool. It helped me in a time in my life when most other things couldn’t. My writing helped me with my grief. I was able to hash out so much through it.

As a result, my writing has slowly transformed. I started my first ever attempt at something completely 100% fiction. It all came from my lil’ ol’ head. Amazing. I never in a million years thought I could do something like this.

Now my writing brings me pure joy. God has given me a gift. I keep being told by those who are critiquing my work that I am writing about a hard subject. For me it is not as hard. I can tap into those emotions of losing Mari and use them in my writing. I can show the reader feelings they may never understand.

So for me, I have found joy in writing. I have found something that makes me happy. And the kewl part is I get to share it with you.

The sudden darkness hit her like an overwhelming force of nature and seemed to envelope her all at once. Suddenly off in the distance, a small speck of light appeared. It drew her in as if calling her by name saying, “Ariella, follow the light. It will guide you on your new path.” So she did. As she went, she soared through the . . . → Click Here To Read More: The Unexpected Journey – Revised]]> I wrote this short story a couple of years ago. I have been told it would make a good children’s story. What do you think? I would love to hear any and all comments. Thank you.

The sudden darkness hit her like an overwhelming force of nature and seemed to envelope her all at once. Suddenly off in the distance, a small speck of light appeared. It drew her in as if calling her by name saying, “Ariella, follow the light. It will guide you on your new path.” So she did. As she went, she soared through the air like a majestic eagle.

The light grew bright and more vivid as she drew near. It started to reveal what looked like a giant white door with solid gold trim. Her approach to the door was quite uncertain. Her uncertainty was written upon her Snow White face. Somewhere deep within her the bravery appeared. She said, “No matter what’s behind that door, I will be ok.”

Her delicate hand shook as she lifted her arm. She put it on the golden door handle and turned it ever so gently, so hesitantly, unsure what the outcome would reveal until it could no longer rotate. She was as timid as a church mouse peeking his nose through a hole in the wall as she slowly pushed the overpowering door before her. At first, she knew the door would be impossible to budge but soon found out, with much relief, that it was as light as a feather. Even though the door could be easily opened, she did it with slow uncertainty. Then in a flash, the door flung open, like a hurricane type wind had taken over; although there was no evidence even a breeze had been present.

The brightness that came crashing through the open door took her by surprise. At first she covered her eyes by the overwhelming brightness. Something within her, maybe curiosity or plain flat fear, had her peeking through her fingers like a child who wanted to have a quick peek at what mommy and daddy were surprising her with.

At first, she could see nothing, as all was too bright. She slowly removed her hand and her eyes started to adjust to what lie before her. As far as her memory would allow, she had never seen a sight as beautiful and awe inspiring as this.

The path before her was made of gold brick pavers with sterling silver grout. Every building she saw was made of bronze, silver, and gold and all the trees filled with an abundance of fruit. It seemed as though there was a plethora of everything a person could ever need or want. In other words, this place looked perfect.

What she noticed next were the people. At first it seemed odd yet pleasantly surprising. Everyone was happy. No anger. No sadness. No frustration. No fear. Just utter contentment. She’d never seen this before. It somehow warmed her and made her feel at home. Yet through all of this, something felt off, like something was missing.

Then off in the distance she noticed a figure that seemed to be floating her way. At first, she could not tell who or what it was, but as it got closer, the figure appeared to be a woman. She didn’t have wings but seemed to be soaring through the air. Ariella took a moment to look around and saw that everyone seemed to be floating or flying around her. Some had wings while others did not. She also noticed there were no children. Not one single child was present. She thought this seemed strange but disregarded it for now.

When Ariella looked back towards the woman, she now stood in front of her. She didn’t know how she knew this woman but somehow she did. The woman started to speak, “Ariella, I am so happy to finally be able to meet you for the first time. I have been watching over you since the day you were conceived. I know you don’t know me as we have never met but I am your Great-Granny, your mother’s grandmother. You may call me Granny. I have loved you since the day God blessed your Mommy and Daddy with giving you life. I am here now to welcome you to Heaven.”

To Ariella’s surprise, she fell into her Granny’s arms. She relief washed over her. Suddenly, sadness grabbed her. It became written upon her face and her body became tense. Granny stepped back as she could feel the change within her.

“Ariella, what’s wrong? I can see and feel your sadness.”

“Granny, where am I at? Where are my Mommy and Daddy? Why aren’t they here with me? I miss them so much.”

“Sweetheart, you died down on Earth and have now become alive and reborn up in heaven. You live here now with your Heavenly Father.”

In a raised voice, “What do you mean I died?” And then it hit Ariella like a ton of bricks. She became suddenly ill from a mysterious illness. She remembered her Mommy and Daddy being there by her side the entire time.

Then in a sudden flash she saw her Mommy holding her tight as she sobbingly cried and her Daddy with his arm around her as well. Her Mommy whispered in her ear, “Mommy and Daddy will be ok. It’s ok to leave. We will miss you so much. Know that we love you but it is ok to go. We will be reunited someday soon.”

Her Mommy continued to hold her until she took her final breathe. Her next memory is seeing the light bringing her to the door of heaven. Her sudden realization that she would never see her Mommy and Daddy again brought about a deep sense of loss and despair and was written upon her face.

Granny took one look at her and understood Ariella’s realization and said, “Sweetheart, don’t be sad. You will be only temporarily separated from your Mommy and Daddy. In what will seem like only an instant in heaven, you will one day be reunited again as this is not forever but only as a short separation here in eternity.”

With that, Ariella gave Granny a great big hug. Pure relief wash over her, “Thank you.”

Suddenly Granny knew what would help her to feel better and said, “Ariella, I want to take you some place special. I go there at least once a day if not more often. It’s a place that brings me utter joy and happiness and I know it will do the same thing for you as well.” Ariella the excitement rushed through her veins as she anxiously followed her Granny.

As they started to proceed forward, Ariella realized for the first time she no longer walked but soared about a foot above the ground. She then realized not a single sole in heaven walked. Those with wings flew and those without soared like she was doing.

She stopped and asked Granny, “Why am I not walking? Why is everyone soaring through the air?”

“Sweetheart, no one walks once they come to heaven. Those with wings are God’s angels who have been here watching over us since the beginning of time. All of those without wings have died down on Earth and have been reborn again up here in heaven with their new heavenly body. Would you like to see what you look like now that you are in heaven?”

Ariella was unsure if she did but her curiosity got the better of her. “Yes I would.”

So with the snap of Granny’s fingers, a full length mirror appeared in front of Ariella. Her appearance shocked her.

Excitedly squealing, “Granny, is this really me?”

“Yes, sweetie it is. You no longer are eight years old but are now all grown up. You’ve probably noticed there are no children up here in Heaven. When a child dies on Earth, they are reborn in the adult body they would have grown into. You no longer have autism but are now perfect up here in heaven. There is no more disease or disabilities. Everyone is perfect in their heavenly body.” Ariella stood amazed and grateful to God for allowing her this new heavenly body. She wished she could thank Him in person.

In an instant, a man with a divine glow appeared before her. Somehow he did not frighten her and she became instantly at peace. The man started to speak. “Welcome Ariella. I am Jesus. I wanted to tell you how very proud I am of you. I have loved you since the beginning of time as you are one of my cherished children. I love you my child and I have always wanted the best for you.

“I am sorry that your time on Earth may have seemed short. Just know you filled your purpose there. One day soon you will be reunited with your Mommy and Daddy. For now, I still have much planned for them and they are not done with their purpose yet. Know they will always love you and miss you very much while the three of you are apart. Thank you for loving me and welcome to your new eternal heavenly home.” He reached out and gave Ariella a hug and a kiss on her forehead. Then, just as quickly as he had appeared, he disappeared as well.

“Wasn’t that the neatest experience you’ve ever had being able to meet our Lord and Savior?” said Granny.

“Oh my, yes it was. I never truly understood who Jesus was because of my autism. I am so thankful he understands not everyone can get to know Him while on Earth but allows us to get to know Him up here in heaven.

“Granny, will you please take me to that special place you were talking about now?”

“Well, since you said ‘please’,” with a small mischievous twinkle in her eye.

They quickly soared through the air to a place that somehow had Ariella’s name above it. It seemed to be so empty yet completely full at the same time. There were no other angels or spirits around her. Just what looked like big fluffy clouds that were flat in the front.

“Ariella, what is your greatest hope, your greatest desire?”

“Well, to be with my Mommy and Daddy again,”

And just like that, what looked like a movie started to play in front of her on those clouds. Her Mommy and Daddy sat at home before her holding each other. This was the very night Ariella passed away. Mommy sobbed while Daddy had stunned shock written upon his face.

“Granny, what is this?” asked Ariella as it sadden her to see her parents this way.

“This is your special place where you can come and watch over your Mommy and Daddy. You can come here as often as you want to. I have one too. We all have one up here in heaven to look in on our own loved ones we left behind on Earth.

“Think of this as being a way to guide, protect, and watch over your loved ones from far away. Not that we can change their course in life as only God can do that. However, it is a way to send them encouragement and let them know we are somehow watching over them until you are all reunited again.”

Ariella rushed over to Granny and gave her a hug. “Thank you Granny. This is better than I ever could have imagined.”

“Sweetheart, you are more than welcome, but I am not the one to thank. It is our Heavenly Father who has done this for us. Know that I am here for you if you ever need me.” Then in an instant, Granny too had gone. She now stood all alone in her own special place.

She looked back at her parents and then floated over to the clouds. To Ariella’s amazement it’s like she could touch them for real. She decided to spread her arms out and put them around her Mommy and Daddy to send them a big hug. She also whispered to them these special words:

“Mommy and Daddy, I love you both so much. I know that you miss me and wish I was still there with you. I wish that too. Just know I am in heaven and have my own special place. I am going to watch over you constantly sending you my love. In those sad moments just look up to heaven as I am here taking care of you until we can be reunited again. I will love you always. Your Baby Girl.”

With all of that said, Ariella released her heavenly hug and stepped back. What she immediately noticed was her Mommy had quit crying and they appeared suddenly at peace.

“Honey did you just feel that? It was like Ariella just gave me a hug. It’s like she’s watching over us,” said Mommy.

 “Yeah, I can’t believe you felt that too. It was simply unbelievable.

“Baby Girl, we just know you’re up there watching over us. Know how much we love you and miss you.”

Ariella lifted her head and said, “Father in Heaven, thank you so much for everything.” For the first time in her life, she knew God heard her. She went on watching her parents, taking care of them until they could be reunited again.

The End

With today technology age and the Smart Phone, there are so many kewl things you can do. Well, I have the iPhone 4. I started with the 3g. I love my phone other than the keyboard is a touch screen instead of an actually keyboard. I mess up texting more times than I can count because I can’t actually touch the screen.

Back to the reason I bring up my phone. As they say, “There’s an app for that.” Yes, there is an app that is . . . → Click Here To Read More: You just never know…]]> Well, I took a pregnancy test today. Now, before you get excited, it was negative.

With today technology age and the Smart Phone, there are so many kewl things you can do. Well, I have the iPhone 4. I started with the 3g. I love my phone other than the keyboard is a touch screen instead of an actually keyboard. I mess up texting more times than I can count because I can’t actually touch the screen.

Back to the reason I bring up my phone. As they say, “There’s an app for that.” Yes, there is an app that is called “iPeriod” to help women keep track of their time of the month. I won’t go into details for those men out there how are simply not interested. However, the best part of this app is keep account of every single one since I started using the app back May 29, 2009. It averages out your period to give you an anticipated day your next one will come.

Well, I have never been one of those women that when twenty-eight days comes along and I have missed one that I know I am pregnant or something is wrong. Mine has always fluctuated.

I figured this past weekend it was going to start so I brought lots of “stuff” with me to the women’s retreat to be prepared. Well, it never came. By Monday night I decided to check the app. It said I was 4 or 5 days late at that time. Checking my past history, I have gone anywhere from 26 days all the way to 35 days in between. Well, today I have 37 days in between. I decided to buy a pregnancy test to see if it could possibly be.

Keith and I have infertility issues. The likelihood of me getting pregnant is like me being able to walk up to the White House and asking to see the President and the Security Guard says, “Sure, go on in.” In other words, slim to none.

I know it only takes one. From a medical stand point it just can’t happen. However, God granted us Mariana. We had the same issues as we have now, only they have gotten worse since then. But I know if God wanted us to have a baby he would make it happen. I am thankful for the two kids we are now raising that He has put in our lives. They are two very special kids and they just pull at your heart strings. It is interesting how things work out.