However, with the best of intentions, you may end up with a partner who rather than building you up, drains your energy. This type of person is, what I call, the Needy Toxic Person. With such a person, you might hope that if you meet your partner’s needs, and keep him or her happy, he or she will want to be with you in a long-term relationship. However, with such a person, you may end up getting used, as opposed to getting filled up and building the loving relationship you want to have.

The Needy Toxic Person has a bottomless number of needs. They have problems with their boss, their coworkers, their parents, their health, and are generally worked up about some aspect of their life most of the time. They get easily worked up, frustrated or irritated with aspects of their life, and they look for a comforting friend to listen to them and offer helpful advice.

Such a person will value you and want to partner up with you if you are kind and nurturing. If you are a good listener, they will begin to turn to you for comfort and support. This may be positive in terms of looking at a longer term relationship. However, the issue is, Is this relationship good for you in the long term?

The Needy Toxic Person is a user, and will exploit your for your kindness and support. But what tends to happen is that while such a person is good at taking, they don’t usually want to give back. And so what often happens, for example, is that you may be talking on the phone, listening to your partner, and offering helpful suggestions. But then, when it comes time for them to show an interest in you, and listen to you, they will say something like, “I’ve got to go now. But it was great talking to you!”

Ultimately, not very satisfying. There is usually the hope with such a partner that they will start valuing you, and in time, start giving back to you. However, outside of the fact that they will value your company because of the caring you offer, they will not be interested in your well-being. They will be interested in you to the extent that you meet their needs and make them happy. But should you start asking for equal time or expect your partner to provide support to you, such a partner may choose to move on, stating that the love is gone.

In the end, such a person will be a waste of your time. Although you will have fun in the beginning, such a person is not reliable, and will usually move on when you start speaking up or wanting more for yourself.

How can you avoid getting involved with a Needy Toxic Partner? You need to start valuing yourself. You are worthy of having a partner who is for you, who builds you up, who cares about how you feel and your happiness. You deserve a partner who wants a win/win relationship.

If you have a tendency to accept less than what you really want, you need to focus on building your own self-confidence. Your partner will treat you according to how you feel about yourself. This means, if you want your partner to truly value you, you need to work on valuing yourself.

How to do this? By learning to become proud to be you, and recognizing the wonderful person you are. If you want to improve the quality of your romantic relationships, and find a partner who cares about you, I recommend that you read my new book, Transform Your Life Now by Andrea J. Moses. You can learn more about this book on www.getyourlifeunstuck.com. What you will discover by reading this book will change your ability to be strong and self-confident. From a place of self-pride, you will be able to create a loving relationship with a partner who truly cares about you.

Until Next Time,

Andrea J. Moses, M.S.W.
Relationship Coach
www.getyourlifeunstuck.com

So what can you do to truly move your relationship forward into one which will last?

1. Remain Confident In Yourself

Your partner will be attracted to you because he or she finds you attractive, special, and fun to be with. When you initially meet, they will be so intrigued with you, they will want to know everything about you. This will cause you to feel important and special. The intensity of the first weeks and months is truly intoxicating. It is only natural to expect that this wonderful intensity will last.

This is not realistic. What you need to understand here is that when the initial intensity reduces, it doesn’t mean that your partner has lost interest in you – only that other aspects of their life which they have put on hold need attention. If you misinterpret what is happening, you may mistakenly believe your partner has lost interest. In suddenly feel desperate at the thought of losing your partner, you may become needy, clingy, or too demanding.

Being strongly emotional in this way can destroy the relationship because you now will have changed from a relaxed, fun-to-be-with confident person into somewhat of a problem. Instead of being the person that your partner goes to for fun, you will become a problem that they will want to avoid. This will translate into your relationship being suddenly ended.

How to avoid this very common challenge? Remain confident in yourself. Understand that for a relationship to transform from an intense romance to a lasting, solid relationship, you will be a part of your partner’s life but not 100% of it. Your partner will want to have a balanced life with focus on career, family, health and fitness, personal life goals. You should want the same for yourself as well.

And so, when your partner wants to focus on other aspects of their life, stay confident in the fact that they still find you special and value your company. They simply have other aspects of their life that are important as well. If you hold onto your own belief in yourself, you will be able to avoid putting too much pressure on your partner causing an early termination of your relationship. Rather, you will remain an important person in your partner’s life. As such, they will want to keep you in their life.

2. Be Interested In Your Partner’s Life Goals

To create a relationship which lasts, you need to be seen as a valuable addition to your partner’s life.
This means that you need to be interested in aspects of your partner’s life which are independent of your relationship – career, health and fitness, family, and personal goals.

Intense romantic relationships are fun in the short term. But like a wonderful vacation, at some point, you need to come back to real life. To create a relationship which lasts, you need to become the person your partner wants to come home to. This means that you must be the person your partner wants to talk to about aspects of their lives which are important to them and which might not be going as well as they would like. You must be the person who will listen, be empathic, and offer helpful advice. If you do so, you will become indispensible in your partner’s life.

3. Build Your Own Self-Confidence

Creating a lasting relationship requires self-confidence and the capacity to be a true support to your partner. This is certainly easier said than done when you lack confidence in yourself. The tendency to become needy or demanding is only human when you fear that you are losing the love of a partner who has provided you with so much fun and support.

How can you build your own self-confidence? By building up your own self-esteem and self-worth. If you are like a great many people, you will secretly believe that you aren’t good enough. You will believe this because of events which will have happened earlier in your life which will have caused you to doubt your own worth. What you must discover is that you have everything you need to become self-confident, and to enjoy a lasting, loving relationship, along with all good things in your life.

To build up your self-confidence and come to know how wonderful you truly are, an excellent resource is the book, Transform Your Life Now by Andrea J. Moses. You can learn more about it on www.getyourlifeunstuck.com.

The bottom line is this: You deserve to have love and happiness in your life. But what you must understand is that only you can make this happen. To transform your romance into a lasting relationship, you must develop the confidence to become the person whom your partner wants to come home to. If you are having difficulty transforming your romances into a lasting relationship, developing your own self-confidence will be the key to your success.

Until Next Time,

Andrea J. Moses, M.S.W.
Relationship Coach
www.getyourlifeunstuck.com

1. What effect do you want to have on the world? Your existence is going to have an effect on the world so it’s important to think about what effect you want that to be. Do you want to create a beautiful family, cure a disease, or help others in need? If your answers are unclear, I recommend you ask yourself this question every day until your answers become clearer.

2. Why are you spending your time worrying? Worrying is essentially fear and anxiety about a hypothetical event. This event may or may not happen and you have little, if any, control over the result. Worrying about hypothetical events ruins your happiness and distracts you from doing what is truly in your best interest. To stop worrying, I encourage you to instead think about what you are grateful for and do not stop until you are no longer worried.

3. Is that really going to keep you safe? The short answer is that life is unpredictable so you never can really keep yourself safe. The best way to cope with this fact is to develop the courage to go for what you truly want while having the faith that you will be able to do whatever you need to do when the time arises.

4. Are your thoughts helping you or hurting you? Your level of happiness at any given moment is determined by your thoughts. If you create a miserable story you will suffer in pain. If you create a positive story which focuses on gratitude you will feel joy. I start every morning by telling myself that today I will choose joy, balance and peace. I suggest you always choose the thoughts that will help you live the life you want.

I hope that after you ask yourself these questions, you’ve learned a little more about yourself. I’d love to hear how asking yourself questions affects you so feel free to send me an email or comment on my blog.

Until Next Time,

Dateologist Tracey L. Steinberg, Esq.
Life Coach and Dating Expert
www.TraceySteinberg.com

If you don’t have a lot of time or if you aren’t very familiar with your Someone Special, I recommend candles, background music, flowers, chocolates, and/or a beautiful card in which you express your affection and appreciation for them. The reason these traditions have lasted throughout the generations is because people have always appreciated these types of romantic gestures.

If you really want to romance your Special Someone, I recommend that you spend some time thinking about what really gets your Someone Special excited and what makes their eyes light up. Everyone has a different definition of what they find romantic. The best way to show someone how special they are to you is by demonstrating that you know, better than anyone else in the world, what makes them unique. Perhaps they have a favorite chocolate dessert or they love watching their favorite team play. Choosing to do something that makes them uniquely happy will be more meaningful to them and will be much more romantic.

Until Next Time,

Dateologist Tracey L. Steinberg, Esq.
Life Coach and Dating Expert
www.TraceySteinberg.com

By consistently focusing on your gratitude for your body, you’ll grow to appreciate your body more and feel more confident about yourself. Feeling gratitude for your body will not only help you feel better about your appearance and yourself in general but it is also very attractive to the sexy strangers you see on the beach. My male and female clients both consistently tell me that the most attractive trait in the opposite gender is confidence. By focusing on what you appreciate about your body, you will not only feel better about yourself but you’ll also be more attractive to sexy strangers as well!

Until Next Time,

Dateologist Tracey L. Steinberg, Esq.
Life Coach and Dating Expert
www.TraceySteinberg.com

Pre-Trip Planning

Make sure you pack for seasonal weather. Include something for inclement weather just in case, but don’t overload your suitcases. Most airlines allow two checked bags, each weighing less than 50 pounds, before you incur extra fees. Keep the total weight down by not over-packing. You will probably have access to laundry facilities at some point during your vacation. Taking a few hours early one morning won’t crimp plans a whole lot.

Make sure someone has your itinerary. Include the name, address and contact numbers for your accommodations and modes of travel. Create a check-in schedule.

Don’t take any personal documents or information that you won’t need for that trip: Keep extra credit cards at home. Remove any receipts, bank account information or checks and your regular cell phone. Instead, purchase a low-cost replacement just for the trip. Include important phone numbers only in the contact list. If it’s lost or stolen, report it, but you won’t lose your primary cell phone.

Remember to make copies of your passport, visa, social security card and driver’s license. Leave one full copy set with your home contact person. Pack one copy each in each bag you take, except the social security card, including your carry-on items. Keep the original set on your person along with one extra copy.

Carry very little cash with you. Allow for snacks and small incidentals only. Instead, use recognized traveler’s checks, which work like cash but are replaceable if lost or stolen. Cash isn’t. If you need more cash during your vacation, you can cash a traveler’s check at almost any bank.

Upon Arrival

Let your contact person know when you depart and when you arrive at your destination. Send word back during your stay that you are well.

When you arrive at your destination, secure the original passport and visa and a copy of the social security card in the hotel or ship safe: Do not count on the security of any in-room safe. Even if you set your own code, they’re easily cracked.

If you won’t need your driver’s license or SS card for ID while shopping or dining, place the original license in the safe, too, and carry a copy. If you need the original with you, then place a copy of it in the safe. Ensure you receive two copies of an itemized receipt for items you place in their safe and include a copy of it in the safe as well.

During Your Stay

Enjoy. Relax and have a great time. But above all: Be safe. Don’t go anywhere alone, especially after dark or with someone you just met. It’s far better to protect your belongings, health and even your life to enjoy the next dream vacation you want.

Until Next Time,

Holly Miller

This post is by Holly Miller from Coupon Croc. Visit us and save on all of your vacation essentials, including clothing, sunglasses, and even sunblock with Debenhams discount codes.

1. Bring some delicious food, a bottle of wine, and a blanket for a picnic.
2. Go to the beach, build a sand castle and play volleyball in the sand.
3. Watch outdoor concerts, movies or plays under the stars.
4. Learn about wines at the wineries.
5. Go kayaking or canoeing on a lake.
6. Go to the zoo and enjoy the animals.
7. Go to street fairs and festivals or a parade together.
8. Take a day trip somewhere and travel by bikes.
9. Go hiking and then camping overnight.
10. Enjoy the magnificent views from a hot air balloon ride.

Whether you use one of these ideas or you come up with something else to do on your exciting date, enjoy!

Until Next Time,

Tracey L. Steinberg, Esq.
Life Coach and Dating Expert
www.LifeCoachTracey.com

Being single is one thing, but being a super single is a whole other. To be considered for this elite group you must fully understand what singlehood is all about.

It starts with the core believe that life is about having fun. You don’t need a man or woman on your arm to get out there and live life as it was intended. Being a super single means you understand this and embrace it. You’re not afraid to join clubs, go to outings and have fun with your life.

It also means that you are not weighed down by the label of “single”, because being single is great! You have freedom to do what you want to do, meet who you want to meet, and have fun with every second of your singlehood.

If you have ever looked at being single as a bad thing, then it is time for you to join the elite group of “Super Singles” and start living life large. Get out there and try new things, have fun being solo and discovering your own passions. You don’t need a mate to live life like a rock star, you just need an adventures spirit and the drive to get out there and go!

Until Next time,

Kim Ward
www.chickgab.com

When we are seeking relationship advice – or a sounding board – we need to choose that listening ear with care. We need to protect our relationship from unhelpful or toxic influences, just as we would protect a treasured plant from inhospitable conditions in our garden.

In this day of instant information and advice, I hope these guidelines will help you select trustworthy advisors.

When we need to talk

We all have times when we need to talk about a concern or issue in our partnership or dating relationship. Perhaps we are upset about something that has happened, frustrated with a recurrent problem or unable to let go of a resentment. At such times, it can be helpful to talk it out with someone. And it is in our best interests to choose that “someone” consciously and wisely.

I confess that I was horrified to learn about an Internet site designed to help people decide whether or not to leave their marriage. Individuals post their marital problems and then ask for others’ advice on whether or not they should leave. Anyone can weigh in with their opinion. Yikes! I liken this to someone with a health issue, who solicits advice from anyone and everyone — regardless of their medical knowledge and experience.

Consider the risk

I believe there is a real danger in exposing your precious primary relationship to the opinions and judgments of others, without discrimination. I believe we need to be responsible for who we permit to influence us.

This is doubly important when we are upset or struggling with a relationship challenge. At such a time, we are emotionally vulnerable – perhaps confused – and we are additionally susceptible to the influence of others.

If we receive wise counsel at such a time, we can experience a breakthrough in our own personal and relational growth. If we receive poor counsel, we may get stuck or side-tracked in a way that isn’t at all helpful to our relationship – and may actually harm it.

What to look for

When in need of positive support, here are some guidelines of what to look for in a confidant:

1) Someone who sees you as a responsible choice-maker, NOT a victim of your circumstances.
2) Someone who is supportive of you as an individual AND is also supportive of your relationship.
3) Someone who will listen with loving kindness, yet also give honest feedback when asked.
4) Some who accepts and respects you — and your decisions.
5) Someone who conducts themselves in relationships in a way that you respect and admire.
6) Someone who will celebrate your relationship success.

Watch for these red flags

When you are looking for constructive relationship support, I suggest you avoid the following:

1) Someone who can’t keep a confidence. The last thing you need is to have the privacy of your relationship compromised or gossiped about.
2) Someone who will blame or judge your partner – or will collude with you in blaming your partner. Blaming will not solve the problem or help you connect with your own power. It is a tempting side-track that never leads to problem resolution. Blaming will keep you angry and stuck.
3) Someone who has an “axe to grind” or is chronically negative – about men, women, relationships, etc. Such an individual has a negative agenda and may be looking for proof of their perceptions. They won’t be able to hear you objectively or listen with an open mind.
4) Someone who thinks they know what you need/want/should do – better than you do. This individual will want to tell you what to do, rather than listen for what YOU want.
5) Someone who isn’t supportive of your relationship succeeding. This person may look for an opportunity to say “I told you so”, rather than help you constructively resolve the situation.
6) Someone who doesn’t respect your relationship values.

Choose the best

So be discriminating about who you confide in — and who you don’t. Nourish yourself and your relationship by choosing your relationship confidants wisely. Protect your partnership from toxic opinions or advice — and feed it with the best of influences.

Until Next Time,

Shirley Vollett

Shirley Vollett, BSW PCC is a Life and Relationship Coach, with over 20 years of combined experience in counselling and coaching. She loves to empower single and divorced individuals, who are frustrated or discouraged in their relationship quest. Shirley helps them avoid past relationship mistakes and create a game plan for attracting the “right” person for them. www.shirley.vollett.com

AWESOME COMPLIMENTS - If you receive a compliment take it at face value. So, if a co-worker tells you they love the way you dress, add “stylish” to your list and if your friends are still talking about the party you hosted, add “good at entertaining” to your list of traits. Lingering on compliments, instead of dismissing them, helps reinforce strengths you may not even know you had and helps you become more aware of the ways other people appreciate you.

YOUR SKILLZZZZ - Think back to a time when you were fully engaged in what you were doing and loving every moment of it. My guess is that you were probably doing something you excel at. Perhaps you were taking pictures at a friend’s party or fixing your broken ipad. Choosing to spend time doing the things that you love makes you feel good and reminds you of your successes and strengths.

YOUR HOTNESS - Take a good look in the mirror and find 3 parts of your body you like. Then take a few moments and think about how grateful you are for all your body has done for you. Perhaps your gorgeous legs helps you catch the train or your awesome singing voice helps you win the karaoke contest. From here on out, I urge you to define your appearance by your favorite features and to feel grateful for all they do for you.

Until Next Time,

Tracey L. Steinberg, Esq.
Life Coach and Dating Expert
www.LifeCoachTracey.com