Oh what a week.

I took a ride on an emotional rollercoaster  and when it stopped…only learned that I…well… have more to learn.

Sometimes I think this whole dance between men and women is nothing more than just that…a dance.

Twirl around…masquerade…switch partners…curtsey…get close…pull away…

Dance all night until the sun comes up…

Sit this one out because you no longer want to…

Dance.

There are some people you get with that your rhythm is perfection…no toe stepping…no awkwardness-

Just smooth moves…intertwined…you just intuitively know the next step…you can feel what the person is going to do next…

Then there are those people you get with and there is struggle…you hold that person’s hand and laugh off the awkwardness…you step on their feet and apologize over and over…but you still try…because the chemistry is enough to want to stand close enough to feel them…

Then there are those people that you know as soon as your essences collide that it is the most unnatural moving…contrived…not enjoyable…’when is this song ever going to end so I can get the hell out of here’ type of experience.

At the end of it…it is still just a dance. Where you , the other person in the equation, has full choice and power over your experience.

I think no matter what, it comes down to this one thing…

Keep dancing.

This is what life is about. Failing and seeing parts of yourself you need to clean up…seeing parts in another you need to find compassion for…since most likely the reason it bothers you is that you have the same parts…just in your blind spot.

Dance…no matter what happens in your life or how screwed up things become in this society…once the music stops? We will stop existing…I truly believe that.

A life without music and without the touch of another…without those awkward toe stepping moments…without that sensual, perfect,  in-sync rhythm with each other…life without these experiences is no life at all.

Don’t just sit on the sidelines…get in there…because the longer you sit…the more difficult it becomes to hold out your hand to a stranger and take that step to the center of your heart…

Hope you dance…

The TEN things I LOVE on this FRIDAY!

1. That I am back to writing my Ten List.

2. The pug that I am watching for a friend- I call him Puglet…he snorts and snores…and has to sleep practically on top of my head.

3. Fall approaching…ever since I was little…October is my favorite month of the year. I used to make my Mom buy me sketch pads and charcoal pencils…and I would sit outside with the leaves dancing all around me and want sooooo badly to draw….in my mind they were vast works of art…on the paper they were just stick people:).

4. Minor chords…I think my soul was made from minor chords…and my heart from drums…my throat, the base…and the thoughts in my head, all the strings…and somewhere…there are some horns…;)

5. Failing and realizing for one of the first times that I have full control to make it a beautiful letdown.

6. An afternoon snack of hot tea and cookies…followed by a nap.

7. Being gentle…with myself.

8. When a stranger makes my day and I just want to believe that an Angel sat on their shoulder… whispering in their ear just how much I needed it…

9. Second chances.

10.  LIFE.

Happy Friday!!

Someone asked me today at lunch how to get over an offense…when someone comes a long and just knocks the wind out of your sails…of course, my answers back were sarcastic- did get me thinking though… and so I have compiled this list:

1. Buy a bottle of red wine and chocolate chip cookies for dinner…breakfast too.

2. Give yourself permission to carry on like a crazy personwhen you’re alone  in your car, saying exactly what it is you think and feel…out loud.

3. Shake your head back and forth and repeat the word, “unbelievable” over and over again.

4. Skip all vegetables, protein or anything that does not consist of carbs or alcohol.

5. Drive by a couple holding hands or jogging together and scream “LOVE BITES” out the window…

6. Delete their number from your phone…then put it back in…then delete it again…then put it back in…then delete it again…

7. Find a friend who has had some form of injury or recent surgery and tell them you are in pain and could use one of those little “pills”…proceed to sleep it off for two days.

8. Shake your head back and forth…repeat…

9. Rearrange all your furniture until your bedroom doesn’t resemble the scene of the crime(s).

10.  Count up every last penny you spent on that person and then buy yourself a sexy pair of shoes of equal value.

11.  For every single thing that person did or said to make you feel less than what you are? Do something for yourself that reminds you of your value.

12.  Sit outside and play the “Bless you” game. For every single person you lay eyes on say- “ Bless you” in your mind to them. After about the 5^th one you feel better.

13.  Write a song about it. Even if you don’t know how…just write some concoction of words and emotions and then sing it to the top of your lungs in the shower.

14.  Give yourself permission to use profanities. Lots and lots of them.

15.  Find a mustard seed size of gratitude…for the fact that if you are hurt? That means your heart is still thriving in a world where most are living from their head.

I have always been aware and responsible with the power of words and the energy and emotion that set them in motion.

I want to write and express from a better place than I find myself in this moment.

I won’t be gone long…and I apologize to my readers for any disappointment in taking this time during my 365 day challenge.

Now watch me, after I post this, be back on fire tomorrow…who knows. I just know I need some time within…

Thank you, always; for your beautiful contribution to my life in the form of your presence… comments…thoughts…I do not take them for granted.

Until then…

There is a “thing” in Native American beliefs called “coyote medicine”. It is when you learn lessons through being a fool…misadventure…when what you thought was one thing, turns around to be another.

It is silly. It is shadow and laughter all in one. It sucks.

But in the end…you learn if you let yourself.

Coyote medicine is mirror medicine. When you are in the middle of it, there is nowhere you can look without seeing yourself and all your faults.

Most of the times, the people you find that you open to the most are the ones who end up with coyote medicine under the disguise of lover…friend…trusted confidant.

Coyote got me again.

Just when I think I recognize its medicine…it tricks me into opening again.

Only to shove a spoonful of its bitter remedies down my throat.

Feels like a good kick in the gut…and all the while…on your way down to the ground…you hear its silly laughter…

Not mocking you…just reminding you that you cannot take anyone…anything…not even life itself and certainly not yourself…seriously.

I am going to catch my breath down here on the ground…I have learned over the years not to fight it…only makes it worse.

Just stay open…willing to learn it…and up on your feet you go again…

Until next time.

I had a guy friend tell me today that I understand men more than they understand themselves.

I seriously doubt that…but I couldn’t help but take it as a compliment. It matters to me that I have succeeded in at least half way accomplishing what most women will never even have the desire to accomplish in life…

Accept men for who they are…

Without the smoke and mirrors- without the projected fantasy.

I did the hard work. I do the hard work. I am not going to sell myself short on that.

I took the time. I took experiences that could have been devastating and I chose to extract beauty from each one of them.

I stopped fighting and looked around with eyes, mind and heart wide open. I exchanged angst and blame for the possibility to learn and understand.

I wonder how much misery, how many divorces…affairs…two people living under the same roof like roommates…what is it going to take for one of the sexes to finally say, “Enough…I want to know you…REALLY know you…dropping all judgment…I am ready to see and accept you for what you are.”

It goes both ways, but we could stay in this same stuck place for centuries to come…one of us…male or female, has got to wave the white flag.

When I hear girls and all of their anger and even worse, indifference about men it saddens me. It really does.

When I hear men put a blanket, stereotypical statement out there about women it saddens me.

Part of me feels this has been my life’s “purpose”. When I look back and see what I have gone through, experiences…it all has led up to me graduating from the boot camp of the masculine mind.

I am not perfect. I am still 100% woman. I am still confused. I still get disappointed…frustrated…heartbroken.

But it just doesn’t shake or shatter me like it used to. It doesn’t conjure up a fiery anger in me.

I don’t point out anymore…I ask.

Why?

Then I listen; without interruption or buts.

I just listen.

Men want to talk.

Men want to be understood.

Men want to be accepted.

Men have learned to play the game just as much as women have. They are a product of that game. Women too.

I look around me and I see people unwilling to put down the game. Not even aware of the game. People who play house with each other-relationships that have no depth in their communication- women who act and choose to be blissfully unaware of their man’s unauthenticated motions in almost all things because he is just trying to keep peace and please her.  

Men who knowingly lie day in and day out. Lose their voice. Lose their opinions. Walk around like little pressure cookers…ready to explode at any minute. Yet, this is what they choose every day; to play a game.

I will not have it- in my life, or in my relationships. Some moments I think it is a curse.

All I have to do in those moments is take one look at the zombies walking around me and I realize I am blessed.

I challenge every man and every woman reading this post to set out tomorrow with the intention of opening to the opposite sex. Like a favorite subject you love to study…dive in. Learn every little thing you can. Be excited to discover and excavate things you have never seen in your lifetime…

Instead of thinking men are douchebags…maybe take an unemotional step back and look at where society has helped produce douchebag behavior. Doesn’t give an excuse…or mean you have to accept things you despise. Just means you don’t judge anymore…understanding and unconditional love can change ANYTHING. I know this to be true. IT has the power to transmute like alchemy…

Maybe that is what we all need on this planet… a little alchemy…a shift…taking elements that are present in all of our genders and relationships and forming them into something entirely different and magnificent.

Challenge:)

Times when I just want to go into my cave and recharge.

I am having a time like that today, already.

People’s stories exhaust me.

I don’t say that with a lack of compassion or with lack of humility.

I know I have my stories too.

It is just that sometimes, especially when you care for the person, you want to do a little dance and say, “Look at me! Look at me! Without your projections…stop throwing your fear on me…stop trying to control me or get on top! Just look at me and SEE ME!”.

All this other stuff that gets in the way of us truly connecting with one another…it is draining at times.

Everyone thinks they have the answers…especially those who are trying to walk a certain path or evolve in this life.

But sometimes I just want to say “ Get over it! You know NOTHING. I know NOTHING.”…

So, later today I am going to take some time to breathe…recharge…sit back in a space where no one can ask anything of me. Just nurture a little bit so I can come out of my cave tomorrow with a smile on my face and song in my heart:).

Anyone out there know how I am feeling right now? Sometimes you just need a break.

And just like  a commercial break, I will return after these messages:)

Day 16…

I have no idea what to write about.

Not in the mood to write at all.

Rare…I always have something going through my head.

I am going to let it be short and sweet…

And see if anyone is even really following the 365 days~

If you are, leave me a comment…about anything,..I will use my day 16 to comment back to you:).

Oh the beginnings of a new connection…

I love to watch it. It is almost cinematic to me. Like I could grab some popcorn and just observe people for hours.

Even the “older” connections entertain me too.

It is fascinating.

Like, to see a couple who first meets and they just dive right into each other. No holds barred.

You know, like a 150,000 pounds of pressure per foot:).

They stay down there and just devour each other…then they realize they have to come up for air…

And on the way up, one of them gets the bends…

All over.

Then you have the couple that is newly together…on consistent basis. He might have left a toothbrush at her place…they are in a groove.

One night,  they are sitting on the couch watching a movie…he is doing his best “fake” cuddle…all that’s going through his mind is how he wants to take a sh^* in his own bathroom and watch Sportscenter… I know that is crass…but true.

Today, I was at the grocery store and witnessed a married couple; right at the prosciutto/bacon section. She was going 90 to nothing over something about renovations to their house and what the workers had done.

I looked at him…he looked at me, like a kidnap victim would.

As if to silently say, “Help me please! I have been abducted…save me…”.

I half expected to bend over and see an illegible handwritten note on a package of bacon.

I stood there for a minute and thought to myself,” How can she be that out of tune with him that she is oblivious to the fact that he is not even present or in the slightest bit interested in the conversation?”

How could he, a grown man, not just say, “Hey, can we change the subject?” Or better yet…just change the subject??

Grocery stores are the absolute best way to observe the dance between couples. You see all kinds…the new ones on a date picking out what they are going cook that night.

You see the ones who live together and are on their weekly grocery list run.

You see the married woman dazing at the bananas like she is in a trance…all because she has worked hard all day and is now at the store and will soon be at home cooking for a husband and kids…only to start it all over again in the morning.

You see the single guy…always has cart, never one of those carry baskets. Even if he only has three things in the whole cart… beer, chips, hotdogs…always a cart.

You see the single girl…she has a carry basket…filled so high she can hardly carry it with one arm…but she refuses to get a cart. Why is that?

Try it the next time you go to the store. Pick up some cookies and just observe everyone around you. It is a petri dish of knowledge and entertainment.

Thank goodness for guy friends.

Really.

Most of the time I don’t even have to specifically ask for their advice.

In fact, most the time I just have to throw out a hypothetical situation and off they go…

Giving me the exact answer I was seeking.

Women tend to make things too difficult.

Read too much into words or actions. I am guilty of this as well.

Sometimes it takes hearing from a guy that most times…it is simply just this…

A + B= C

Not, A by the square root of B equals C divided by D…

It’s not that complicated.

We need each other. I am realizing this more and more in life. Where some people believe the differences between men and women are like some cruel joke…I believe it is actual perfection.

It really is a shame how we take our differences and use them against each other instead of taking them and using them to enhance the other.

Sometimes it is nice for men to have the eyes of a woman looking into a situation…

It is the difference between looking with natural eyes at something and then looking through binoculars at that same ‘something’.

Women have the ability to see 3D…or see right through…x-ray vision. And just like that, a man has a superhuman power…just from a woman’s perspective into something.

Sometimes women need to see something with no emotion attached. No complex web being cast over it…no expectations or prejudgments. That is when men give women the ability to see the basic structure of something…not being distracted by the rest.

I wonder what it would be like if a little gratitude and appreciation were given to each of the sexes…instead of underlined distaining of each other…if we would then begin to work it out together. This thing called life. Bringing out the best in each other; being teammates instead of enemies.

Just a thought today.

How can you appreciate the opposite sex today? Point out and acknowledge something cool about their abilities that you don’t necessarily possess in yourself?

Can you show a little respect or gratitude for the differences you see? And instead of pointing them out with cynicism, actually see them like little super human powers they’ve been given…just like you?

Can’t I be your Wonder Woman today and you be my Super Man? We have different strengths…different weaknesses…but we are in it together? Fighting for the good of all mankind?:)